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April 2, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:08:37
#126 | Tits are funny, huh?
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Time Text
Tits are funny things.
Aren't they?
I can see, sometimes I look at tits, you know, like in a online, I don't mean porn, I mean like, well, I was actually just looking in the news about this Playboy model who was getting $300,000, who was paid $300,000 and had her rent paid by this doctor that was just a perv.
And he cut her off, so she killed him.
She cut him off from Earth, threw him in a trunk.
But I'm looking at a picture of her, and I can see her tits.
She's got a low slung thing, and I'm thinking, tits are funny.
Aren't they kind of weird?
I was never a tit guy.
When I was in high school, we were, it was a weird high school.
It was kind of snobby, and they warped my sense of beauty.
I was sort of taught by these dumb, cunty, mean girls to shy away from big breasts because they're tacky.
And we like high fashion stuff.
We were in the middle class burbs of suburban slash rural Ottawa.
So I don't know where they got off being so fancy pants.
But yeah, it took me a long time to appreciate tits.
I was actually talking to my landscaper upstate, the guy who did my lawn and everything, when I was away.
And he said, we live near Albert Hammond from The Strokes, and everyone in The Strokes, the band, all their girlfriends are nines.
So I go, how's Albert doing?
Because he did Albert's lawn too, down the street.
Everyone bought there because David Cross bought there, by the way.
And he said, yeah, I don't know.
And I go, I bet his fucking new wife is scorching hot.
And he goes, yeah, I don't know, man.
She has no tits.
Again, it's very weird in upstate New York because you have these guys in camo who have chicken farms and snowplow in the winter and they all have that New York accent.
So they're rednecks who hate New York.
They would never go to Manhattan in a million years.
Many of them have never been to Manhattan.
Many of them have never been south of, I don't know, Westchester.
Um, but they still got that accent.
Yeah, I fucking grown Christmas trees now.
People coming by.
You know, it's, it doesn't sound like a lot of money.
They give you a hundred bucks for a big tree or something like that.
But, uh, you know, you don't do nothing.
You just plant the trees and you go fuck off.
And they fucking raise themselves.
So it takes a long time.
It takes about 15 years to get your money back.
But, uh, I don't know.
I think it's a good investment.
You know, it's not like these other things where they, the fucking deer eat them.
You know, I tried to do berries one year.
That was a shit show.
Anyway, he says, uh, he goes, yeah, she doesn't have any tits.
And I go, I don't get tits.
And I quoted Jim Goad, who's also not a tit guy.
He's an ass man like me.
And Jim had said, what am I supposed to do with these things?
You want me to suck them?
You want me to lick your tits?
I mean, I'm sure they have more nerve endings than other parts of your body, but don't put it all in lowercase, dude.
If you're gonna do a case, do uppercase.
Ryan is putting together a video for Miles wherein he names five kick-ass female athletes.
I'm sorry about the mess on the desk there, too.
I'll put those back, the Sean Penn thing.
Yeah, why are there dolls all over my desk?
Dollies.
Miles has no respect for your style.
I think he hates you, obviously.
I know you guys are politically... I think he hates you, obviously.
God, you're a retard.
You know what Ryan said today, people at home?
I went down by his apartment.
Which is disgusting.
There's period-laden panties everywhere, and there's like... And that's just my stuff.
Enough laundry to fill two contractor bags.
And then just the kitchen is just piled to the ceiling with recyclables, even though he can just take them downstairs.
They don't even have a recycling day.
They have a recycling dumpster.
I'm depressed.
It looks like someone... It looks like a drug addict's apartment.
It's filthy, but anyway.
One thing that annoys me in it is he's got these two closets that are just empty.
There's a couple of broken down cardboard boxes, but he has a suit.
This retard, by the way, went to court because he got a ticket for going through a red light and he decided to spend, how long was it?
Two days in court you had to do?
Yeah, two separate days spanning a period of like a month.
So the guy decides, fuck that.
He becomes Aaron Brockovich and says, no way, I'm going to the Supreme Court with this one.
So he goes to court twice.
I know I'm on a tangent and tangent and a tangent.
Don't worry, I'll get back to the tits.
He goes to court twice.
And eventually the judge goes, look, dude, it's your word against the cop's.
So the cop's going to come here and he's going to say you went through the light.
What do we do after that?
I'm going to go with the cop over you.
And so Ryan goes, okay.
And it's just going to pay the normal fine he would have paid.
I think you ended up paying more money now?
No, no, a little less.
I plead it down because if I were to test, I could, I could cross examine the police officer like a fucking court movie.
But I actually liked, I wanted to fight it so that way I had another reason to wear my suit.
I like wearing my suit.
Having a reason to do it.
Oh good, okay.
That's a great reason, Ryan.
Wasting the court's time with a stupid ticket.
I like being...
Not incarcerated, but part of the system.
I like going in government buildings and doing things.
That's how I was raised.
Where like every now and then my mom dragged me to some government thing.
Do you know how retarded you sound right now?
Yeah, I just I like the institution of America.
Oh my god, you're giving me heebie-jeebies.
I like the DMV even.
Hearing your logic is like seeing millipedes breed.
It makes me nauseous.
It's an experience.
It's gross.
When you open your mouth, it's gross.
It's like someone's talking with their mouth full, but your mouth is full of shit.
So anyway, back to his idiocy.
He has his suit hanging on his windowsill.
And you go, okay, Gavin, thanks for the story about the dumb guy.
That was good.
I'm going to get on with my day.
I'm not done.
Oh no.
So I say to him, I go, dude, why the fuck do you have your suit hanging on your windowsill?
You can just stick it in your closet.
And he said, and I quote, Oh, uh, I did that, uh, pre closet.
Now.
Say, hypothetically, he had closets put in.
That's still a stupid excuse.
Then go pick up your suit and put it in the second the closets are done.
But the closets are embedded into the wall.
They were born here.
This building was built with those closets in it.
There's no such thing as his apartment pre-closet.
So why would you say that?
Why not just accept that you did something dumb and go, yeah, that is stupid.
I'm a retard.
I don't know.
No, no, no, that was pre-closet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I hung that there, closets weren't invented yet.
So this is, I hung that there in the year 1436.
Columbus actually came here and hanged it up for me on my stone window sill back when this was just Indians up here and this was a tree.
This was a tree house when I hung that up.
That is kind of dumb.
Pre-closet?
What was the other thing you said?
I started to write them down and then I realized everything that comes out of his mouth is writable, downable.
It was something... I mean, you are a notepad.
Oh, here it is.
Oh, the way that... I need a basket.
So I go, dude, this guy spends $100 a day to commute back to his town in upstate New York, even though he has an apartment much closer to the studio.
Very close to the studio, in fact.
But he wants to see his lady.
So he spends $100 a day.
He's $700 in debt.
He doesn't have that kind of money.
I just did the math, yeah.
Oh, see, why do you keep coming up with excuses that make it worse?
I don't know.
Oh, the reason I was spending $100 a day is because I hadn't done the math before.
Oh, okay, that makes it better.
No, it's something notable to say that I just figured out how much I was in debt every day.
Yeah, that's even worse.
That's even more stupid.
You should number the names, dude, not just have their names.
Savannah, I believe.
That's not Savannah, but that weightlifter is like number, uh, three?
Any hizzle.
Sorry, we're describing a video.
Uh, I go, you're wasting all this money.
You could have just taken a bike on the train, by the way, and you would have saved your $50 in Uber.
That cuts it in half.
And, uh, he goes, yeah, yeah, I should do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get a bike.
Yeah.
And I go, and he goes, that could be good for, you know, going to get going to get stuff.
And I go, yeah, going to get groceries.
And he goes, Oh, I've got groceries.
I need a basket.
He talks like a weird American Indian that just did a bump of Coke.
Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could get some groceries.
No, I said get some groceries.
And he goes, Oh, I need a basket.
First of all, I can't put in my backpack.
First of all, What kind of... You know what you can put in a basket?
Nothing.
Maybe a towel?
You can't put a six-pack in, it's gonna bounce around and get all fizzy.
Nothing fits in a basket.
Your kid's stuffed animal can go in a basket.
Maybe a baseball glove.
Baskets are fucking useless, obviously.
You're going over bumps.
Right?
But you go, yeah, I have to get a basket for my groceries.
Are you in some fucking French novel?
No, you don't.
And then I said, get a backpack.
And you go, then his eyes get all big.
He goes, whoa, you crazy?
What?
Eggs in there?
Milk?
Yeah.
And then he goes, what if I fall?
What if I fall on my eggs?
I mean, this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.
Like sub Mr. Magoo.
It was tons of grocery, like two trips from the Uber up to my apartment.
And there was no way that would fit in my thing.
You could easily get a week's worth of groceries in a backpack.
A normal-sized backpack.
I disagree.
And you put the eggs on the top.
And the basket is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
Anyway, this... I just had to tell people the kind of suffering I endure on a daily basis.
But we're done with that now.
It's because I said that your brother might hate you, obviously.
Is that why?
And then I went in a time machine and wrote down everything dumb you said today?
No.
No, but that's why we, the tangent happened.
So to finish that tangent, that's why there's the strong pen doll that he took out of the box.
He made me unbox it on his live stream.
Chris pen.
Chris pen on, uh, you stop pointing that gun at my dad.
Uh, it was Miles McGinnis's live stream and he'd, uh, thank you anyway.
Stop talking.
Okay.
Um, uh, so The landscaping guy goes, uh, no, you don't suck them or nothing like that.
You don't play with them.
And I was thinking, oh, this guy's a tit fucker.
Is that what's going on?
I didn't know men our age still do that.
That's a very sort of a, you know, when you're first dating kind of a thing, you don't really do that, you know, in a longterm relationship.
Nope, it's not that either.
He goes, you just look at him.
You know, I'm a big guy.
I can't be with someone with no tits.
And so I get a, you know, a big girl, and then when I'm fucking her, they're bouncing around.
I mean, that's a visual thing.
And the penny dropped.
I was, I just went, oh!
Now this is about four years ago.
So I was 44.
And I probably, you know, started getting involved in the tit community in 84.
Right?
When I was 14.
So it took me 30 years to figure out tits.
Three decades of careful research.
And I finally figured out tits.
By the way, that, um, that little node I did, that weird sort of, uh, fluctuation in my voice was an homage to Gary Coleman on Arsenio Hall when Arsenio said, and this is on the wonderful DVDs, TV carnage, Derek Beckles, Uh, fuck, I remembered a story I have to tell you about Derek Beckles.
Something happened to me and him recently.
Recently?
No, no, not recently, sorry.
A long, long time ago.
Anyway, Derek Beckles does these things called TV Carnage.
And they are compilations of terrible TV.
We did a website together which is why my email has street carnage in it because it was street boners and TV carnage.
And he compiles the worst of television and one of them was this Gary Coleman thing where he's talking to Arsenio and Arsenio is doing this thing.
That we all do where you pretend the person in front of you isn't handicapped or somehow a loser.
Like when they'd have Liberace on talk shows and they'd go, so Liberace have you found a lady yet?
And he's like, I haven't found the right one.
Or when they have, you know, Rachel Dolezal on Melissa Harris Perry, and they're talking about what it was like to be black girls, or Laverne Cox, that tranny, was also on some show, and they're talking about being young girls and stuff, and you're watching it going, yeah, um, that person you're talking to had a penis when it was a little girl, so she doesn't understand that.
And Arsenio was talking to Gary Coleman, who clearly doesn't get laid, he's a dwarf.
Dwarfs don't get laid.
So you don't go up to Beetlejuice and say, hey, Beetlejuice, how we doing with the ladies?
You're lying.
That's like when you call a little kid a real lady killer.
You know?
And so Arsenio was pretending that Gary was normal.
And he said, so, Gary, how you doing now?
You got a girl?
What's going on with you?
You got a lady in your life?
And Arsenio says, well, it's kind of hard to say because there's More than one.
Which is what a little kid says.
Like if you ask a six-year-old, in fact I asked my son if he has a girlfriend he said no but there's a kid in his class named Gavin and Gavin has like 20 girlfriends which is more than all the girls in his class.
So he must be girlfriends with every single girl in his class and then feed off of maybe two more separate classes.
It's a lot of chicks in your life.
Oh you found it.
Yeah, that's him.
And then the other thing he says is, he says, Arsenio goes, so, are you, do you, now don't play it, I'll see if I can remember it.
He says, so, you must, you must get down with the girls a lot, right?
With different strokes, you got that fame, you must have a lot of chicks coming by.
And then Gary Coleman does this really awkward fake laugh where he's like, and he goes, Arsenio!
I only started doing it and getting good at it, if you will, when I was about 14.
And I just love that.
Wow.
Getting good at it, if you will.
Yeah, I will.
I'll take the bait.
When did you get good at sex, Gary Coleman?
I like the top comment, though.
It says, it kind of explains this.
Gary tried so hard to fit into the savage, fake, soulless industry, but cannot survive.
The truth is, he wasn't a celeb.
And, you know, pretty much is that he's just kind of like a nerd.
He's like, I got to sound cool.
Thanks, Ryan.
See if you can find the clip.
I love you.
Boy, how was Married with Children fun?
Oh, that show was absolutely, probably one of the best things I've ever done.
I really enjoyed it.
Yeah, you doing alright?
Oh, I'm doing just fine.
Happy?
Oh, man, I got a whole list of things I could tell you what I've done since the last time you embarrassed me on this show.
We had fun though, man.
Oh, we had fun.
We had a lot of fun.
Now, where should we start tonight?
First of all, are you dating?
Of course.
Okay, uh...
Of course.
I got the look now.
See, this is what the ladies want.
They want this tough dude look, so...
I figured I'd try it.
He's saying they want the tough dude look and he's wearing a motorcycle jacket, a Cosby looking dress shirt, and he has Dr. Martens on, which look really funny on dwarves.
You kind of have to be a big person to pull off Dr. Martens and they have to be pretty darn old.
But he has brand new ones on so he looks like a little toy.
That was a good move though.
Not really.
He says, I'm wearing the urban combat boots.
Um, the Bloods and the Crips are in the audience that night and they had just declared a truce.
And so fucking Arsenio, I mean, Gary comes out with his homage to urban combat.
Oh, wow.
Well I was saying because he like so Arsenio kind of emasculates him by grabbing his little foot and puts it up like let's see this little fucking midget foot and then uh Gary just like leans back yeah you go ahead and you touch my foot and he like leans back yeah yeah you you would be one of the few people stupid enough to think that Gary Coleman isn't being completely humiliated on this show he is but look this is yeah yeah just shut up please and go to the clip see if you can find the clip he's like that's right yeah you're talking too much this episode
You're the guy who thinks you buy groceries in a basket with a little fucking French bread fin.
You just took over.
See?
That's what I was talking about.
but it's cool, you know?
It's cool.
What's your girl's name, man?
- Well, now I can't give away names because there's more than one.
- See, that's what I was talking about.
What are you, the Fonz?
- You are Mackin.
How old are you now?
- Well, I don't like to admit, but I am gonna have a birthday soon.
I'll be 26.
Oh, okay.
Now, what kind of women do you like?
Um, smart, intelligent, employed, driving, living somewhere, women.
I like women who got their own thing going on.
I'm with that.
Okay, now you, because you don't want people borrowing money.
Is that what that is?
Well, you know, I don't mind paying, buying roses, taking care of a woman, but I want reciprocation.
I want a little something when I want something.
Can you just pause it?
He did get married.
And she murdered him.
Oh yeah, that's right.
The cause of death is that he fell down the fucking stairs about a month after they were married?
I'm not looking to be married.
I like being single.
Can you just pause it?
He did get married.
And she murdered him.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
The cause of death is that he fell down the fucking stairs about a month after they were married.
No.
She married him because he probably gets residual checks.
He probably makes about 350 grand a year just from SAG.
He got his SAG card and his FAG card on one day.
And, uh...
That's a quote from Windy City Heat, that's nothing to do with what we're talking about.
But yeah, I think he was murdered.
In fact, after taking down the SPLC, which I would appreciate some credit for, we've only begun, and by the way, breaking news, I think this is going to go real deep.
I used to just think, oh, they have too much power and they're in big tech and they're getting people censored from Facebook and all this other stuff, social media, and then they're getting involved in the banks.
But now that I'm digging, I think it goes way deeper.
I think it's a gigantic money laundering scheme.
I think the Attorney General of Alabama is going to get involved and people are going to jail.
I thought I would just get a big settlement and do them some serious damage.
I think when I'm done with my suit, The SPLC will be smoldering ashes.
I won't get any credit for it, which is fine, I guess.
It's a little annoying, actually, but whatever.
That's not really what I care about.
But they will be smoldering ashes, and no one will mention their name ever again.
You're welcome, by the way.
Anyway, after I'm done that, I'm going to go after Gary Coleman's fucking ex-wife.
She's this hot young blonde.
Actually, she's not very hot.
She's a 6.5, redhead, blonde, whatever, different hairdo every month, white trash.
And she dated him for his money, I'm convinced.
And I think she murdered him.
I think it's a cold case.
Get on that cold case.
911 tape right here.
All right, let's hear it.
Just pause.
That's a murderer.
I had nothing to do with this.
this big bang.
I went downstairs, blood everywhere.
I don't know if he's okay.
The time?
12:50 in the afternoon, a week ago Wednesday.
His head is bloody.
There's blood all over the floor.
I don't know what happened.
I really don't know what happened.
I just heard this bang and I went down there and he's on the floor.
Send someone quick because I don't even know if he's like gonna be alive because there's a lot of blood on the floor.
Just pause.
That's a murderer.
I can't believe this isn't like a week on her.
That's what you say when your wife's hit her head.
I had nothing to do with this.
When you call 911 you go, "Hi, my wife hit her head.
I I didn't kill her by the way.
So get that out of your head.
That's no, no, no, no, no.
That did not happen.
But anyway, my wife fell down the stairs and hurry up, but she's probably dead.
How suspicious is that?
Why did you say, I don't know anything about this in the 9-1-1 call?
Is it because you know that those are recorded in their public record and you want to, that that's going to show up in court, you fucking evil bitch.
Whoa!
because of an inversion to blood.
Stop!
- Can you go to where he is and help him?
- He's lethargic, I can't really help him.
I just can't be here with the blood.
I'm sorry, I can't do it.
- Whoa, I haven't, stop! - I didn't know he was a blood.
- I'm actually a crip, so I cannot deal with this.
But when you send the EMT, make sure they're all Bloods.
Send a red ambulance with red bandanas.
Play a little Wayne on the ride.
Is Snoop a Blood or a Crip?
He's a Crip.
Okay, so no Snoop Dogg.
Make sure they're not playing any Snoop.
First of all, that's not what lethargic means.
Lethargic means slow, right?
I thought it was like, yeah, tired, slow.
Relating to or characterized by laziness or lack of energy.
Yeah, you tend to have a lack of energy when you're bleeding to death unconscious on the floor.
Get off your ass!
On your feet, soldier!
What's your problem?
Get off your ass, you lazy unconscious person who I just murdered.
I think your lethargy is being caused by your lack of blood.
Lethargy, but yeah.
I find when I murder people, they're really lugubrious after.
They tend to be somewhat torpid after I murder them.
And I can't go near them.
I don't, I'm sorry.
I don't do blood.
When my wife was bleeding to death, I was like, ew, gross.
Get her out of here.
Ew, I'm getting blood all, ew!
When the EMT showed up, they picked her up and they got blood.
I was like, ew!
You got blood all over your fucking EMT scrubs.
I stobbed my wife.
She wasn't very lugubrious after that.
I was like, what?
No, she would be lugubrious after that.
Lugubrious also means lethargic and slow.
I meant loquacious.
Loquacious?
That's what I meant, yes.
What does loquacious mean?
Like loud and like a black woman.
Are you saying that because it sounds like a black name?
No.
It means long-winded, wordy, verbose, profuse, prolific, talkative, gushing, rambling.
Sort of.
Yeah.
Do you know what lascivious means?
Lassivious.
No, I like that though.
Sexy.
Oh.
Lustful.
That's fun.
I like, um, it's no pokretudinous though.
That's my favorite word.
That means like buxom, big tits, big ass.
Anyway, go back to that 9-1-1 tape.
I can't do anything.
Where is he at now?
On the floor in the kitchen.
I've just been kind of sick and you know, I don't want to be traumatized right now.
Is he conscious?
I don't know.
He was like bubbling at the mouth.
I'm gagging.
What?
I can't believe I've never heard this before.
I based my theory on all the ancillary evidence of the stairs and everything.
This 911 call is the most damning thing I've ever heard.
I'm sick.
I don't want to be traumatized.
I'm gagging, she says.
Folks at home, we are not lying.
You can look this up yourself.
This isn't some prank where we had someone Let's do a fake 9-1-1 call.
This is the actual 9-1-1 call she made after her fucking new husband was bubbling at the mouth.
And her takeaway is, I can't deal.
It's really gross.
I'm feeling sick and I don't want to be traumatized right now.
Holy shit.
He's literally head traumatized right now.
Holy shit, yeah.
Doesn't it sound like it should be part of a We Caught This Bitch Lifetime series?
Totally!
Shannon Price is her name.
There's more.
Can you tell him to try and put pressure on the back of his head?
No, we can't.
It's, like, all bloody, and I'm not trying to do... He's not with it.
I just don't want him to die.
I'm freaking out, like, really bad.
Don't move!
Stay there, okay?
You had to put this on your head. - The wall. - Keep pressure on this, okay?
Hold this. - The wall. - He's bloody like all freaking over. - You hear him in the background?
Yeah, it sounded like a little kid.
Wait, I thought that's how he died.
Well, he's dying.
He got back up and then the lady was like put pressure on his head.
She's like stay down and she can't believe it.
She'd worked so hard.
She probably fed him a bunch of whiskey too.
She said, let's party.
I feel like partying today.
And he goes, what?
It's the day.
I only started drinking and getting good at drinking, if you will.
Um, when I turned 21.
Well I'm not one to discuss drinkage upon swallowing liquids of alcoholic natures.
I can't tell you how many whiskies I had because there was more than one.
Yeah, check this out.
Court rules against Gary Coleman's ex finds she abused and cheated on him.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is called female privilege.
I happen to think, here's another controversial subject.
Jennifer Chiba.
Who dat?
She was Elliot Smith's ex.
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
And this is just conjecture, don't sue me, but I happen to believe that she killed Elliot Smith.
Huh.
What's this?
A musician, a friend of Elliot Smith's, speaks out about Jennifer Chiba.
Wow, we're really getting to the gossip here!
This is life and death.
Oh my god, look at this!
Who is Jennifer Chiba is on a site called Justice for Elliott Smith.
A musician friend of Elliott Smith speaks about Jennifer Chiba's behavior.
She came from a history of volatile relationships.
Now here's what I remember from that time.
Elliott Smith by the way is like a Uh, folky pop singer that was very popular with the hipster indie kids.
He had that logo, right?
I had met him a couple times.
I think he was molested by his dad and he was a real pill head, a drug addict, very depressed.
And Jennifer Chiba's a star fucker.
She went from Elliott Smith to the drummer from the Pixies.
And a lot of people who knew Elliott closely thought Jennifer murdered him.
There was things like, and this just rumor, I don't, I don't take this as fact, but there was stories I heard like his suicide note spelt his name wrong.
Which is weird that a girlfriend wouldn't be able to spell her own boyfriend's name wrong.
There was also rumors that she had been writing down baby names and he had ripped it up saying, we're not having kids.
I'm not gonna have kids with you.
She moved all this stuff away instantly before the family got a chance to go through it, I heard.
There was a bunch of stuff like that.
One of the main problems when investigating Alex Smith's case is the small amount of people willing to speak to me, and the even slimmer number of people willing to go on record.
I think we're experiencing a thing called, um... I think we're experiencing a thing called female privilege.
Like, we just saw Jussie Smollett experiencing black privilege.
Right?
Where you get all the charges dropped.
I know what you're saying.
You're saying, oh, but the judicial system is much harder on African Americans.
Yeah, I guess.
I'm told.
It's also like, um...
Well, these are weird guys.
Both of them.
So it's like, who's looking out for them?
What are you talking about?
Elliot Smith and Gary Coleman, they both have, socially, they seem like they're on a similar scale.
Below average.
Okay, what's your point?
So, who's their circle of people that are like, hey, this chick killed him.
I think that's true of Gary Coleman.
That's not true of Elliot Smith.
Gary Coleman was not popular.
He was a loser.
That was the laughingstock.
People made fun of him all the time.
When he was in movies, he played himself, and it was a joke.
Elliot Smith was one of the most popular indie musicians of all time.
But that doesn't mean that people are- Shut up!
Shut up!
Just stop!
No, no, no, really.
In his close circle, looking after him, like, what's up with Elliot?
Dude, there's a website called Justice for Elliot Smith.
That's fans, though.
Yeah, that's what you're saying.
You're saying there's no fans around.
No, it's not fans.
Like, family members.
Like, I know this bitch.
She killed him.
I know my Gary.
That's my little Gary.
That's my Elliot.
No, just stop.
Please stop.
And also Kurt Cobain.
Jennifer Chiba has a long history of volatile relationships and excess partying, the musician told me.
And he even suggested to me...
That Chiba may have been drunk or high on October 21st.
But if it was the case, how could the police have missed that?
Why didn't they test her if she looked drunk or high?
But did she?
Was it negligence or laziness?
Or is Chiba a really good actress?
There was a solid rumor Chiba waited some time before calling 9-1-1.
Did she do that to affect her high?
Dissipate a bit?
At this point, any spec.
So that's just all conjecture.
But the other thing, on justiceforelliottsmith.com, we have, who is Jennifer Chiba?
And there's a whole thing here.
Chiba sued Martha Greenwald, the administrator of Smith's estate, for a breach of oral contract.
She alleged that she had entered into an oral agreement with Elliot to live together, cohabitate, and combine their efforts and earnings, share equally any and all property.
So she sued for his money from his estate.
Huh.
Interesting.
her complaint twice.
Hmm.
However, Split, California Appalachian Court ruled that Chiba has acted as an unlicensed agent so is therefore not entitled to any payments of the estate.
Interesting.
Hmm.
Hmm.
So anyway, that's a tangent and just a theory I have.
But I just remembered, amongst our circle of friends, Jennifer was part of the people I would hang out with.
I would see her at parties all the time and I was really sketched out by her.
I remember I told Andy Capper, the editor of Vice UK at the time, he ran out of the party and had nightmares for days because he was convinced that everyone was hanging out with a murderer.
And it was just, the female privilege I'm talking about is, it was just so unthinkable that a woman would murder a man.
That everyone just went, meh, ignored it.
Now, conversely, if a man was rumored to possibly be racist, or in my case, like Trump, I'm immediately banned from the scene.
So you can murder Elliott Smith and people ignore it, but if you like Donald Trump, you're exed and you can't hang out with us anymore.
All right, so to go back to this woman, what's her name again?
Gary Komen's wife.
Shannon Price.
Shannon Price.
Shannon Price clearly got away and again you can't sue me because this is conjecture.
Allegedly.
Allegedly or it appears that she got away with murder.
That's the Shannon Price you pay.
In 2005, Coleman signed a will naming Gray as his executor.
That's the head of his corporation, I guess.
But Coleman married Price in 2007 and then signed a handwritten codicil to the will, that's an amendment, in favor of Price that same year.
Interesting in the will, Coleman wrote that, and this is a quote from his will, I have made this change of free will and was not coerced in any way.
This I have done because of my personal selfishness and weakness, and I love her with all of my heart.
And then the article says, and this is Forbes, odd language.
But that marked only the... I'm sounding like that guy who does Nightline.
You know that guy with the white hair who's like, odd language.
Was Jennifer the love of Chris's life?
Or was Chris scared about what might be happening next?
You know, the way he does those stories, those true crime things, it sounds like it's a bedtime story and he's reading to you, you know, right before you go to sleep.
Would she be the one who had murdered Roy?
Or was Roy going to take it all back?
We'll find out.
We'll find back.
We'll find out after the break.
Odd language, but that marked only the beginnings of the oddities surrounding Coleman's estate.
Under Utah law, this will codicil became ineffective because Coleman and Price divorced in 2008.
They even appeared on a telecast of Divorce Court together.
So that should have ended the case, right?
Of course not.
Price filed to enforce the codicil by arguing that they were still married, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
All right, this is the last thing you have to look up.
You don't want to listen to the rest of this?
Yeah, but we also have to find out when they got married, when they got divorced, and when he was murdered.
Married, divorced, murdered.
Chilling.
You know what I think she did?
Here's my guess.
She got a buzz on him, right?
It's easy to knock someone out when they're drunk.
She said, what's that sound downstairs?
- Sit down. - What's wrong?
- Look at the floor, sit down. - Oh, sit down. - Hmm, chilling. - You know what I think she did?
Here's my guess.
She got a buzz on him, right?
It's easy to knock someone out when they're drunk.
She said, "What's that sound downstairs?" And he goes, "I don't know what sound "you're talking about, if you will." And then she pushed him as hard as she could And he's a light little guy, right?
He probably weighs 90 pounds.
And so she shoved him so hard that he actually didn't touch the top four steps.
He was catapulted.
Then he finally hits a step, maybe five down.
Wham!
Slams his head, knocked unconscious.
She goes down.
She drags him down the stairs.
Right, to the cement floors in an unfinished basement.
And then she grabs him by the ears and goes, Wham!
Wham!
Four times, as hard as she possibly can.
Why four?
I don't know.
Oh.
Because she figured that would do it.
And then she went upstairs, called 911, washed her hands and everything.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
In the 9-1-1 tape, she said she had blood on her.
Yes, she did.
How'd you get blood on you?
I don't know.
If someone falls down the stairs, why does that make you bloody?
She didn't want to get close to him.
She didn't want to get close to him.
She hates blood.
Wow!
Oh, shut up.
Media!
Where were you?
Is it because he's a small little black man you don't care about him?
That's true.
He's not sexy enough for you?
Would George Clooney get forgotten the way poor Gary has?
When the coroner, when the uh, what are the people that, the autopsy people, what are they called?
Coroner?
That sounds right, yeah.
When the coroner was asked why they didn't do a second autopsy, they said, well, let's just say a second autopsy wasn't exactly necessary.
Let's just say according to, but not limited to.
Yeah, it got cremated very soon, and a second autopsy was prevented because of how quickly it was... Wow.
Yep.
It sucks.
He didn't really have that much money, though.
No!
Look at the house!
They showed, like, the phone call, and they showed, like, the outside of the house.
It's like, my house is better than that.
The one upstate.
It looks like shit.
She said she wanted to cremate him quickly to keep some of the ashes in a locket to wear around her neck.
Nothing to do with hiding any crimes.
Yeah, I bet everyone knows this who knows them, but they just go, oh well, it's, uh, we don't have enough evidence.
This is a shitty house, dude.
It seems like it's pretty easy to kill someone at the end of the day, doesn't it?
If you're a woman.
You just fucking kill them, and then you cremate the body because you want to wear jewelry, and boom, you're done.
I think my uncle was actually murdered.
Really?
Yep.
Absolutely.
By whom?
His, uh, trophy wife.
So, she was all of a sudden, she went back to school to take, uh... Murder?
Yeah, to take murder.
Basically, she was autopsying bodies and shit like that.
I remember talking to her.
She's Colombian.
She had an ex-convict.
Her ex was a convict.
and then conveniently they're like they're still getting along and he shows up after my uncle's dead this guy with tattoos all over the place he just got out of prison he's a creep and she yeah she does something in the field of uh bodies like autopsy bodies and she was like oh yeah i remember her telling me she can't get the smell off of her hands it's like really sick and how disgusted she was by it but oddly enough she had my uncle cremated right after No autopsy.
What would be her motive to kill him?
Well he had money and she was a trophy wife so she probably wanted more of it.
You get all the money when you're married?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But here's the thing is that the ex was back in her life.
That convict guy was back in her life.
Oh, so he killed her.
He killed him, maybe.
He killed him, sorry, yeah, yeah.
And the thing was that he, it was like a drug thing, like painkillers, like because he had gotten, like as if he accidentally overdosed on that, it's just, I don't know.
That's a good way to do it if you're gonna murder someone.
Right.
All right, while you were blethering on there, I researched, they met in 2007, they got married months later.
Within months, boom.
She was an extra, right?
They married.
She probably found out that he has no money, and he has a small house, and she just went, what the fuck have I done?
I thought actors had money.
What the hell's going on?
He was on a major sitcom, and he has no money?
Oh, she's fucking weird looking.
Oh my gosh!
She's, she's a horror show.
It looks like she's a horror show.
Dude, it's a, it's a monster.
No.
What's the, the, the video where they get the fish.
Oh my God.
Jay.
What is that thing?
It's a fucking horror show, dude.
Okay.
So they meet in 2007, married several months later.
They're divorced by 2008, August, 2008.
Almost a year.
Almost made it a year.
And then, uh, He had filed for bankruptcy.
He was into trains.
So when did he die?
I don't know.
She looks like Pennywise though.
On 2010.
He had had a concussion.
But he got, I think he had brain swelling.
And he died.
He looks like a black Bobo.
So 2010.
So wait a minute, they divorced in 08.
What is she doing hanging around two years later?
Oh.
Wait, what?
Wait a minute, this is the most clear-cut case I've ever seen.
So, they get divorced, she doesn't get any money, but she had him sign that thing in the will that said, on my own volition, I'm not being coerced, I want her to be the head of my estate.
Remember that?
So, it's 08.
She's broke, she can't get a break in film.
So by 2010, her and her meth-head boyfriend, I'm making all this up by the way, her and her meth-head boyfriend go, we gotta get that Coleman money, that Different Strokes money.
So they went, they killed him together.
No, no, she killed him alone.
She killed him alone, but it was her and her boyfriend's plan.
And then, uh, yeah, then that's why she's in Forbes fighting for his estate.
Same with Jennifer Chiba fighting for Elliott Smith's estate.
Don't you think that's kind of a weird thing to be focused on after you date someone?
Like you're with, she was with Gary Coleman for about a year and she's obsessed with getting his estate.
That doesn't sound very romantic.
Fuck she took a picture next to him while he was like comatose and shit.
Oh my god.
Look at that What an animal that's while he was dying.
He died in the hospital.
Yeah.
Oh the front page of the globe It was murder.
Mm-hmm.
So I'm not the only one.
No, no, no, no, no All right.
So let's sorry that was it and there's another thing that reading her body language in this thing Gary Coleman Shannon price Yeah, some of it is problematic Problematic?
And I mean, I've had a lot of speculations out there.
I've had a lot of people sit there and say, yeah, she pushed him.
And that, you know, people are so cruel.
They don't even know.
I was upstairs.
He was downstairs.
Just pause.
Yeah.
After you pushed him.
How'd you get blood on you then?
Right.
It was from when you were treating him?
I thought you can't treat him.
I thought he's too quote unquote lethargic.
Right.
He's too tired.
It's just.
I was upstairs, he was downstairs, defiant.
It's like a petulant child throwing back stones at people who are trying to ask her questions.
Right there, that petulant look.
Oh, is this the body language woman?
Yeah, it's just one of them.
Dude, we gotta get her on the show.
She's awesome.
I tried to reach out to her.
For a different thing, and I sent her money, I gave her a donation, and she didn't... She was like, no thanks, but no thanks.
She doesn't want to be public.
She doesn't want to do anything.
I gotcha.
She sucks.
But thank you for responding to me.
Yep, there's a lot of that.
That's it?
Go back to that body language thing.
Okay.
With the raising of the lip and the smile line into a snare.
How am I going to push him?
Okay, that's a problematic statement.
How am I going to push him?
Typically you would take it back into the past.
How would I have pushed him?
How am I going to push him?
Brings it into the present.
Or brings it into the future.
And that can indicate deception.
you know that affected me more than anything because the scrutiny that just people come up with the scrutiny that just people come up with again just the word just is a qualifying statement to qualify what she's trying to say and it means i think she's just white trash and you're over she does not have the language at her disposal basically Just like, yeah, a British woman, well-read.
Why would a person do that?
Well, they're basically retarded.
I think she's Australian, but go ahead.
Alright, let's finish the funniness with Arsenio Hall.
Ah.
This is getting too heavy.
Yes.
Oh man, Jay, let's pull it in Jude!
There's that.
Jude.
He calls him Jude.
He calls his friend Jay Jude?
He gets so excited he calls him Jay and Jude at the same time.
It becomes biblical.
Oh I get it.
Let's pull this in, Judas!
Why have thou betrayed me, Jude?
Abraham!
Bethlehem!
Is it not a whale, Jude?
I'm reading the Bible, you know what's weird?
God talked about, the Bible says he created all the creatures.
They just name a whale, and they said, and all the other creatures.
They're like, he created the great whale, and all the other creatures.
Right in Genesis, it's like, the only thing that you named is a whale, and then everything else.
Yeah, but see, the one thing that stopped me from being married?
Kids.
I don't want kids.
I don't like kids.
Okay, go ahead.
Skip ahead.
I want to hear sex.
This is when he says he never liked kids.
I never got along with kids.
Did you save money?
I mean, did you invest well?
Nope.
I'm trying to.
That's my goal.
One of my goals.
I want to be a businessman.
I want to be a businessman.
By the way, he lost half a million dollars on a Gary Coleman-themed arcade.
I'm paid, aren't you?
Because you was making like a billionaire episode or something, right?
How much money were you making?
Oh, well, it's around $70,000 then, but I don't... $70,000 a episode?
Yeah, well, I mean, that was then, you know.
Don't brag too much.
But that's... No, man, I'm proud of you.
$70,000 for saying, what you talking about, Willis?
That's some good money.
I'm proud of you, boy.
Yeah, but you invested well, right?
Well, I invested... You want to hear the sex?
I'm looking to...
I mean, being around her every day?
Well, I can certainly admit that now, but I didn't know what it was then.
But yeah, I think I did.
You knew what it was.
Come on now.
I was only 9 to 18 or 16.
I had those years up.
So, yeah, 18, yeah.
But when you was, like, in the 16 area, you knew when you had to say, cut, excuse me for a minute.
Now, R.C., now, wait a minute.
Now, I didn't get a chance to Mac because AIDS came out in 82.
So all the women kind of ran and hid while they kind of sorted this thing out.
So I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period of time.
I didn't really start dating good and being good at it, if you will, until about three years ago.
That's my line.
That's her line.
I only started doing it and getting good at it, if you will.
He's talking about fucking.
Did he just fucking spawn a cardigan tied around his neck?
His first few lays were pretty bad, and then he started to get into the groove.
Well, I have, if you will, I... Can we hear that again?
Yeah, so I really didn't have a girlfriend that whole period of time.
I didn't really start dating Is this a fucking like a tax audit?
I love the idea of someone sitting and saying, I didn't start getting good at sex until about three years ago.
That's when I really came into my own.
That's when I became a good fucker.
Okay.
We're running out of time here.
That was bad.
That was worse than what you portrayed it to be.
Yeah, it's just, I feel so bad for the guy, and not the least of my concerns is that he was murdered.
Mark Norman, who's just as good at ladies as Gary Coleman was, you know how he's always bragging about how he's good with ladies?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I've only gotten started dating, and there's the whole age thing, good at it, if you will, with the ladies.
Mark Norman doing Gary Coleman.
Two months ago, if you will.
Insiders, I know a lot of comedians, and a lot of them are fucking disgusting shitbags.
A lot of them will fuck a girl when she's asleep.
Passed out.
I believe that's called rape.
A lot of them are opportunist scumbags and pussies who were scared of ruining their career and they're just shitty people.
You know what I mean?
Mark Norman gets rave reviews.
Everyone loves him.
Quality dude.
He'll go to the mat for you.
He's a good man.
Good quality guy.
Alright.
He seems like it.
I was saving this until we have a show again.
And I will revisit it when we have a show, but I cannot wait anymore.
I discovered this amazing show in Britain called Undatables.
And it's based on a dating service, like an eHarmony whatever thing, for retards.
And the severely handicapped, the severely autistic, there's some weird crossover too.
Where you have someone with Down Syndrome On a date with someone who's very autistic.
That's when you start wondering about tubes tied and stuff.
It's an uncomfortable topic, but I'm willing to go there.
If you had kids who had Downs, you would want their tubes tied, right?
Because they can't look after a kid.
But then I was told that males with Down syndrome are not fertile.
That means if you see a female with Downs who's pregnant, she was raped.
Are they capable of consensual sex?
You know what I mean?
Is someone with an IQ that low capable of consensual intercourse?
Legally, I think not.
And I think you looked this up, Pat Dixon and Bonnie McFarlane's fight on Compound Media.
Remember that?
He asked you to come in and you provided some information that said, technically they can't conceive.
Like, legally.
I remember you came with your laptop.
No, biologically.
Oh, biologically they can't conceive?
I thought it was legally.
No, a male with Down syndrome does not have fertile sperm.
Ah.
God thought of that.
But a female can conceive.
But a female, I think, can conceive.
Right.
But they're not eligible to give consent, therefore they can't legally Are they eligible to give consent?
I don't know.
And I think there's degrees of downs.
There's like full on simpleton and then there's just, you have the weird eyes and you're, you can like live alone.
But anyway, there's this awesome guy on the show who I want to have.
You know, liberals treat blacks as pets.
Remember they dumped them as pets because they pissed the rug when they voted against gay marriage and they said, Negroes, that's not what I trained you to do.
You're not my pet anymore.
If liberals can have pets, I want a pet.
I want this guy Daniel to be just in my life.
I'll take care of him.
I'll look after him.
He has severe autism to the point where he doesn't know what's going on and he has invented a new way of talking.
And the reason I'm bringing him up on this audio podcast, you can look him up yourself, just Google undatables as one word.
I think it's on channel four.
Undatables Daniel.
One of the most fascinating things about him is he makes music and it's kind of punk and it's really fucking good.
It's like Daniel Johnson meets Jonathan Richmond meets the Sex Pistols meets, I don't know, uh, uh, who are those guys that blur?
But play some of his stuff.
I love the way he talks.
Oh, this is an interview with him.
...disability if you like, a learning disability perhaps, but what the show is so popular and many people find it really heartwarming... Is that a green screen or like?
Yes.
...rather than the undatables.
Have you met many friends on the show?
I think I do know all about Richard on the TV, and so is Shane, and so is Ray, and everything.
I still didn't... I know what I met for Alex.
Alex from Series 4, when I used to met him on Casino Night in Brighton Marina, when I did... Right, he's delightful.
Yeah, there's this one scene where he's with this special girl, and...
He goes, will you be girlfriend?
One, date.
Two, second date.
Three, we go third date.
And then she goes, where do you want this to go?
Where do you expect it?
And then he pauses and he goes, we could go to Eastbourne.
Eastbourne is like a seaside town in the south of London.
It's kind of blue collar, working class.
You ride the little mats down, you get an ice cream cone.
It's sort of frozen in amber.
It hasn't changed since the 50s.
And, you know, you go down the beach and it's those hard pebble beaches that British people can tolerate for some bizarre reason.
But she obviously meant sex and he doesn't go there.
He goes to a seaside resort where we can get ice cream.
Where do you want to go with this at beach?
Here's a song.
Is that a song?
Well, play it.
It's a wonderful city.
I'm in for a fright.
Just if you look at the shops right now.
It's a wonderful city.
It's a wonderful city.
No matter how do you try.
Just so cool.
It's a wonderful city I've never seen a Neapolitan shirt before I'm sorry.
That's not bad.
Good for him.
Wait, keep going.
Is that it?
Yeah.
It's more of a visual thing.
It's a wonderful city, I'm in fur bright.
Just if you look at the shops right now, it's a wonderful city.
It's a wonderful city.
No matter how do you try, just so cool.
It's a wonderful city.
I know, it's a good job.
That's why I was so quiet the whole time, because I wanted you to hear it all.
He's got an odd attraction to him.
You know, Picasso said it took him a lifetime to learn how to paint like a child, and I think this is what Jonathan Richman is trying to get, but he's obviously not autistic.
Right.
His album is called, look it up, it's called The Songs of Gigs.
Clearly named by Daniel himself.
And Brighton, he's singing about Brighton.
Brighton's another, Eastbourne I think is in Brighton, but it's another, all along the coast, the southern coast, they have all these little, you know, towns.
I remember I was with G. Vaucher from the punk band Crass, and we were at Eastbourne, I believe.
No, it was one that's, it's another coastal one, but it's east.
Eastern.
It's the eastern coast of London.
I mean of Britain.
And it's where all the sort of bricklayers go.
Uh.
Uh.
Holiday.
What's it called again?
Coastal beaches.
Fucking hell.
Anyway.
Coastal beaches, isn't it?
So there's two birds, right?
And they're fucking Muslims.
And they're wearing burqas, right?
Do you know?
And I'm fucking looking and I'm thinking, how bloody ridiculous is this?
They're in the water.
With burqas on, right?
Getting soaked.
I don't know how it works.
I mean, you bring an extra one and you put the wet one in the bag when you're done and then you put on your dry burqa.
I mean, for fuck's sakes, what are you doing?
Is there not a clue that your religion is bollocks when you're in there fully dressed in the fucking water?
So I says, I look over at G and she's obviously very left wing, right?
Very PC.
She's an hippie at the end of the day, right?
An anarchist, but still.
And I love her to death.
Don't get me wrong.
I love the whole band.
I'm not sure they love me back these days, but at any rate, I said, look at that.
Expecting a, you know, can you believe this shit?
And she goes, oh, it's lovely, innit?
It's beautiful.
You know, they didn't have this when I was a girl.
When I used to come here as a kid, you didn't have this.
But now there's so much beautiful variety, you know, it's so multicultural.
I think I said, gee, they're in fucking bin bags.
They're in the water in bin bags.
They're fucking cooking.
That's the other thing.
My mum pointed that out.
She used to work with Somali immigrants, refugees, and my mum says, Oi, if it's so liberating, right?
If it's all about preserving a woman, because the argument is that you're not sexualizing them, right?
And you're, you know, you're putting them on a pedestal and you're saying, I don't want geezers looking up your skirt or checking out your buns.
So I put you in this bin bag where you're safe, right?
That's the argument, right?
Got it, got it, good.
And then me mum says, wait a minute, then why isn't it sort of flowing cotton?
Like, why isn't it white cotton?
Some really thin cotton, you know, that's really breezy?
Because they're in the Middle East, for fuck's sake.
It's 150 degrees out.
You know?
50 degrees Celsius, as we say in Britain.
So you've got them in black polyester and when I say bin bag, I'm not exaggerating.
Polyester is plastic, right?
You wear a polyester shirt, you wear a 70s shirt and you reek to high heaven because you're sweating so much because it's plastic.
That's why people don't wear polyester no more.
Because it's fucking unbearable and that's just a shirt.
What about a full body suit?
And now you're in the water.
You're in the fucking water, in a bin bag, in a plastic bag, and that's beautiful?
How is that fucking beautiful?
I don't think it is!
I think it's going back in time, 500 years!
Half a bloody century you're going back in time!
I'm sorry.
Alright, play me a little bit more, Daniel, because... It's a wonderful city!
He just... He's so positive!
That's what I'm saying, yeah.
Even when he gets dumped, he goes, Amber, dump me.
It feels... strange.
Oh, what is this?
The compilation of him?
It's him mucking about.
Okay, skip ahead the song.
We've already heard the song.
You've already heard the song.
Oh, you want a different one?
I want him talking.
Oh, you've got one in.
No, not that interview.
Get him on the show on Datables.
I think it's towards the end.
One thing I learned watching this show is when you are mentally handicapped, dating is rough.
What is he?
Is he downsy or is he autistic?
No, severely autistic.
Oh, okay.
Like beyond Asperger's.
Open the door.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Sorry.
I really want a girlfriend.
Girlfriend?
To make me happy.
Happy?
I think you would be a good boyfriend.
Yeah, I'll be a good boyfriend.
As well as finding communication hard, Daniel's autism means he can often forget to show much interest in other people.
It's reading people's emotions, body language, it's just not in his vocabulary.
He's a good boyfriend, you know, he's totally, that's it, you don't... Mum, I don't want to hear her talk.
Oh mum.
I think the hardest part of having a handicapped kid isn't the day-to-day.
I think, I mean, there's obviously severe autism.
Like, there was this dude, we went to Jamaica once.
This kid was about your size.
So, like, normal kid size.
And, uh, like a little tiny 10 year old.
No, he was probably about 16.
And, um, he was like as handicapped as you can get.
You know Triumph the Insult Dog?
Yes.
That guy apparently his son is that level of like trash the living room handicapped where they need they don't just need 24 hour care.
They need 24 hour care givers.
He actually ghost writ the line to poop on.
Robert Smeagol, that's his name.
His son is alarmingly handicapped, but that's obviously very rare.
Usually they're just sort of like slow.
And I think the real problem with them is not the day to day.
They can figure out how to eat and go to the bathroom and wipe their asses and everything.
The problem is when you die, what happens?
And you know, these homes, these assisted living homes, they can be about a hundred grand a year.
So these people tend to die young.
Down syndrome kids tend to die before they're 40.
What?
Yeah.
No way.
Yeah, they all die young.
Wow.
Yeah, I know.
I've never seen an old Down syndrome person.
No, you don't see a lot of white-haired Downs folks.
That's a great point.
But with autism, it's not the same.
There's nothing physical decaying you.
Right.
Right?
Right.
Find me more Daniels.
So I think the parents' real nightmare is, I have to accrue A good five million dollars before I die.
And even then, how long is that gonna last?
A hundred thousand?
Ten years is a million?
You have to file your taxes, you have to like, do shit.
So say he's thirty-five when you die, it's a million dollars every ten years.
Thirty-five, forty-five, fifty-five, sixty-five.
You need at least three million bucks.
And don't they have to actually like function?
And know how the world works?
Also?
No, I'm saying you're in an assisted living home, dumbass.
Jesus Christ, I'm probably gonna have to pay for you.
Yeah, true.
No, you know, people are trying to do that for young Bobo.
What do you think I was just doing there?
I was obviously working out the cost of the assisted living home.
I thought it was damages, like they just go around knocking things around and being retarded.
So you think that hundred grand a year was for broken plates?
Yeah, if they just walk around knocking shit over.
Holy shit, you are handicapped.
You should be on this show.
You're undateable.
Yeah, well, you know.
Play some of this.
Shut up.
You go to the beach?
Yeah, I used to be chilling into the seaside.
I like going to the arcades and ice creams, having fish and chips on the beach.
Well, sorry.
It feels a bit icy on my teeth.
Well, all I'm going to say is cheers.
Cheers.
Well, I'm gonna say, cheers.
Cheers.
He kind of reminds me of my real life brother.
No, poor Kyle.
Alright.
Kyle is super duper nice.
Oh, she's not into him?
Let's hear her.
She's not into it?
Let's hear her.
Oh, she does like him.
Oh, he's nice.
Well, it never works out for him in the end.
- 'Cause he's nice. - Oh, she does like him. - Oh, he's nice. - Well, it never works out for him in the end.
- Oh.
- Poor bastard. - Yeah, speaking of your lazy thinking that you just said, where you, we gotta wrap this up too, we're going way too late.
Where you said you thought that was just damages, 100 grand a year in various bric-a-brac that gets broke.
Or in health things, you know.
Just stop.
I tuned out for like one second, I missed the whole thing.
Then don't interject if you weren't listening.
But anyway, it reminded me, I was at this pub the other night, and this guy, we're talking about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and talking about how dimwitted she is, and how she doesn't know anything about the economy.
She recently said that the reason that they have two term limits, a two term limit on presidents, is because they feared FDR, and they didn't want him to have too many terms.
A, FDR had about four terms, I believe, or maybe five.
B, they came up with the term limits in 47.
He died in 45.
So we were laughing at Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez and then some guy goes, well, but how do you feel about her?
And the other guy was another Trump guy.
He goes, I'm scared of her.
I'm scared.
And this young millennial goes, well, hold on.
You're not scared of a 29 year old woman.
You're scared of her ideas.
And I just took him aside and I said, dude, Of course he means her ideas.
You think he's scared of a young girl, what, coming out from underneath his bed in the middle of the night and going ooga booga?
Like, that's the kind of thing that sounds reasonable?
Oh, you're not scared of her, personally.
You're scared of her ideas.
You're scared of her effectiveness.
But if you don't lazy think, and you take one step back, you go, yeah, duh.
No one's scared of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the human being.
What's she gonna do, stab me?
No one's scared of being stabbed by this politician.
Clearly, the guy fucking meant her effectiveness, her mass appeal, and how that combines with her terrible ideas.
And I had to sit there making like a peace sign with my fingers and say, on this little piggy, you're talking about her being attractive and a young woman and being a bartender who pretends she grew up in the Bronx.
And then on this little piggy, and I touched my other finger, you're talking about her effectiveness, her appeal, and how dangerous that is because of her ideas, because she's a socialist and she wants big government and she wants to take more tax dollars in a heavily taxed place like New York.
And then I melded the two fingers together, I go, they're the same thing.
And then he started getting kind of aggro, like I was patronizing him, which I guess I was.
But when you lazy think like that, it's inevitable.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, let's not take things for granted anymore.
Let's not just nod our heads, like Daniel on The Undateables, just because something sounds right and we can tell by the timing.
I feel like we're becoming robots, where you watch a sitcom and you hear the... You can tell it's time to laugh by the cadence of the setup.
But instead of saying, wait a minute, was that actually funny?
Why am I laughing?
Or with politics, where it sounds reasonable.
Hate has no home here.
Or equal opportunity for everyone.
Or we're a nation of immigrants.
Or we need to combat climate change.
Or we won't have an Earth.
We need to care about the Earth.
All that stuff sounds great to me!
Stop hate!
Yeah!
Fascism!
I'm anti-fascism!
I'm pro-choice!
Yeah!
I'm pro-life!
Sure!
It all sounds good!
We've got to be a little more dubious.
The fact that everyone ran with that Covington Catholic schoolboy thing, where we assume that young men like to vandalize Aboriginal ceremonies, or the fact that we believed that MAGA guys with ski masks are running around with bleach, pouring them on random gay black celebrities, and then adorning them with a noose.
The fact that these things have legs show that we're mentally obese.
We're incurious.
We're not trying anymore.
We have to start trying.
Gary Coleman was likely killed.
Elliot Smith looks like he was killed too.
The guilty profess their innocence, that's how it all comes around.
On her phone call, the 10-9-1-1.
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, no.
No one asked you.
No one asked for Ryan's final two cents.
I was doing a great goodbye there, and you jumped in front of me on stage and went, that's right folks, and I'm Ryan Katsu Rivera, signing off.
Thanks for coming everyone.
I really thought that was in my head, that you were going to be like, dude.
I didn't know you could do that.
I've told you to shut up about 15 times this episode.
I thought that was going to win you over.
Yeah, if someone tells you to shut up, the best thing to do is win them over with more talking.
With good talking, though.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
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