This one’s a mini podcast where we announce that we fixed the glitches in the previous podcast (the tits one). We can’t announce this on social media because I’ve been banned from every platform there is. This leaves us no choice but to make announcements here - as separate podcasts. Anyway, it’s fixed. I miss you. Bye.
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| The tits podcast has been fixed. | |
| I don't normally apologize, but I would like to apologize for that. | |
| I don't know whose fault it is. | |
| Whose fault is that, Ryan? | |
| Mine in so many ways. | |
| What did you do wrong? | |
| Well, so the cord, I could give you an example. | |
| Here's some audio. | |
| Here's what happens when the cord isn't perfectly in there. | |
| It just goes to blank. | |
| Yeah, you could hear it in one channel. | |
| So what I'm hearing, let me stop that, what I'm hearing is my left, I hear it in my left headphone, but not my right. | |
| So I thought the way to fix it without having to, uh, I didn't listen to it because the waveform looked normal. | |
| Cause we're chatting over the blank, the, the, the 911 tapes, whatever the, the, the video we're playing. | |
| Um, so you can't, uh, Uh, you don't see like a dead space when you look at the waveforms. | |
| Yeah, usually just look at the waveforms, you know, because I just live the podcast so I know that content wise everything's supposed to be there. | |
| So anyway, but I had to go in there, download the video, and then line it up because you could hear it coming from my headphone when we actually started getting the audio going on. | |
| But yeah, so I had to just link the audio. | |
| It was not there because of this cord. | |
| But it looked fine, so I exported it. | |
| You know, I like to take poops on you, like Triumph the Infant's Old Dog, but I don't think that that's really your fault. | |
| If a cord went out and the waveform, when you look at it, looks okay, I'm not sure that that could be avoided unless you listen to the whole thing and it was coming through your headphones. | |
| I will say when you notice there was something glitchy on your headphones you should have gone back and checked where you heard the glitch and seen how serious the glitch was. | |
| That's true, yep. | |
| How serious is the glitch? | |
| You know what I figured? | |
| It's a Dr. Seuss book, I think. | |
| How serious is the glitch? | |
| The glitch I sitch? | |
| Something? | |
| The glitch I stitch. | |
| So in my, yeah, I just figured there's this neat little thing. | |
| So let's say if we're only recording through our left headphone, like non-stereo, you could just fill the right channel up with the left and it equals out. | |
| So I did that. | |
| Okay, let's not bore them with all the technical details. | |
| I mean, there are some women who listen to this podcast and they obviously don't want to be bothered with such things. | |
| Truth. | |
| Um, you know what we should do? | |
| We should glue Sean Penn's cigarette into his mouth. | |
| Oh, that's a good idea. | |
| Um, so yeah, this is a mini podcast. | |
| It's not a real podcast. | |
| This was just to announce that the other one's fixed. | |
| Normally I'd announce that on Twitter, but I've been banned. | |
| Or I'd announce it on Facebook, but I've been banned. | |
| Or I'd announce it on Instagram, But I've been banned. | |
| Or I would announce it on Pinterest or LinkedIn or PayPal or MySpace. | |
| Can I get on MySpace? | |
| Does MySpace still exist? | |
| It's garbage. | |
| I don't care. | |
| Beggars can't be choosers. | |
| Imagine, yeah, you make MySpace the place to be. | |
| Hey guys, I'm doing a live MySpace. | |
| It's called a MyStream. | |
| And I'm doing that Thursday. | |
| It's free for everyone with a Commodore 64. | |
| We're going to fill up your zip drive with all kinds of awesome content. | |
| You should do it. | |
| Um, just see what, and try to make that, try to announce that. | |
| All I have to add in the past 24 hours is one thing I didn't mention. | |
| Yesterday we were off at so many tangents and I was talking about that guy on the Jamaican flight who, white guy, whose son was as handicapped as you could possibly be and still be alive. | |
| Like his body was just contorted in, you know the way someone's body gets as they're having a seizure? | |
| Well, press pause on the seizure and that was him constantly frothing at the mouth. | |
| He had a bib. | |
| I don't know how conscious he was. | |
| I don't know if he understood anything. | |
| But this dad, and I think his wife was there too, but the dad was doing all the, literally the heavy lifting. | |
| And wiping his face and getting, sort of trying to fit him into a chair. | |
| He sat, he got in the chair the way an action figure would get in a chair. | |
| Imagine you had a life-size action figure with its joints glued shut. | |
| I sound like I'm making fun of this guy. | |
| I'm obviously not, asshole. | |
| Obviously. | |
| When I was watching that guy, I just thought, there's so many people whining for attention and talking about how hard their lives are, and these fat poets talking about how their skinny boyfriend says you're fat and beautiful, why can't I be both? | |
| We have so many people whining and getting so much attention, like Jussie Smollett for his invented slights. | |
| And you think, these people, no one talks about them. | |
| The people with the severely handicapped kids. | |
| They don't have a blog. | |
| They don't go on marches and demand more attention. | |
| They just really fuckin' buckle down. | |
| And that brings me to what you said where I poo-pooed you at the end. | |
| Maybe we should do a wrap-up show after we do every podcast. | |
| You said the ones, to quote KRS-One, to paraphrase KRS-One, the ones screamin' keep it real the loudest are usually the ones the most full of shit. | |
| And conversely, like the SPLC obviously is telling everyone how to live a moral life and they're they're fucking totally corrupt. | |
| Similarly, comedians are telling you that you're a loser and your life's going nowhere and then they kill themselves. | |
| Conversely, the ones screaming, keep it real, the quietest are the ones keeping it the most real. | |
| Like this guy carrying his son from the super advanced wheelchair to it wasn't just a normal wheelchair. | |
| I don't know how the fuck you check this thing. | |
| It was like a rascal. | |
| The guy dealing with that son, getting him on the seat, wiping his face, taking him to Jamaica, bring him to the beach, putting on his trunks, wiping his ass, taking him in the water, floating him around in the water. | |
| And all the while, constantly worried about what's going to happen to this guy after he dies of old age. | |
| Those are some, can we get their priority straight, please? | |
| Like the, the, we find six people who've been, six black guys have been killed by cops a year. | |
| Nine times out of ten, those guys go straight to jail. | |
| We just had an officer slap a guy in a hospital. | |
| Hispanic cop slapped a guy in a hospital. | |
| It was a suicide attempt, and the guy just nailed him in the face. | |
| That's pretty rough. | |
| Pretty rough, yes. | |
| Five years in prison, that cop's got. | |
| Oh yeah? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Holy smokes. | |
| And they're not nice to cops in prison. | |
| So, we're so focused on that, and we totally ignore the 20 black men a day who die in gang warfare. | |
| I think it's the death of math. | |
| We used to do math in high school, now it's new math and two and two can be whatever you want it to be. | |
| And now when I say, when they say, we're a nation of immigrants, this country was built by immigrants. | |
| Yeah, it was built by legal citizens. | |
| How many illegals are here right now? | |
| I don't know. | |
| How many illegals are you okay with? | |
| Uh, no number. | |
| No number? | |
| So a billion? | |
| Can a billion people come here? | |
| They can't answer that question because math isn't relevant to them. | |
| Well, of course math is relevant. | |
| If there's 50 million illegals in America, we have a serious problem on our hands. | |
| If there's 3 million illegals in America? | |
| Eh. | |
| I don't know if you should even mention it. | |
| I mean, how many illegals does Canada have? | |
| Probably not many. | |
| I don't think Canada should talk about illegal immigration. | |
| I don't think it's a big deal. | |
| I don't think they're voting in elections the way they're voting here. | |
| You get what I'm saying? | |
| It's the numbers. | |
| Anyway, that's not a very cheery subject, but yes, if you go back now on yesterday's podcast, you will see that my kooky theory, kookified theory about Gary Coleman being murdered by his wife, Shannon Price, was the least kooky theory I think I've ever kooked. | |
| The Jennifer Chiba theory is way out there. | |
| I also have been listening to more Daniel Wakeford and Songs for gigs is it called or songs of gigs? | |
| The What a Beautiful City is... | |
| Right now? | |
| But he's got some stinkers in there. | |
| No offense, Daniel, if you're listening. | |
| Your ballads are not my cup of tea. | |
| I'm not a ballad guy. | |
| You sound like the Libertines meets Art Brut, though, when you do pop rock. | |
| Like Blur almost? | |
| Yeah, Blur meets Art Brut. | |
| Art Brut are a very underrated band, by the way. | |
| Can you find Playboi Sexy Time or something? | |
| Playboi Girls. | |
| Lots of sexy Playboi Girls. | |
| He's got two albums out. | |
| He's got Art for Gigs. | |
| That's by Daniel. | |
| Daniel Wakeford. | |
| And then there's, well clearly, what, you just looked up... I thought it was Art Brut, because you're talking about them. | |
| No. | |
| The Songs of Gigs. | |
| There's so much sexy! | |
| He's right! | |
| There's so much sexy. | |
| He's right. | |
| - Playboy girls have a dance, let's have a party. | |
| - Agreed, Daniel. | |
| - Playboy girls, she's a lady. | |
| Playboy girls have a boogie. | |
| Playboy girls-- - They do have a boogie. | |
| You would like to party with them. | |
| And it's true, they have so much sexy. | |
| It's not just their lips or their tits or something. | |
| Even their heels are sexy. | |
| They have so much sexy. | |
| Very patriotic too. | |
| I gotta say, I haven't missed Vice since I left. | |
| I haven't thought about them much. | |
| But this is the first time I've missed having a record label. | |
| I wish I was still associated with Vice Records and I could get them to sign Daniel Wakeford. | |
| And we could just sort of amalgamate him into a party with a bunch of big name bands like The Streets and Block Party. | |
| Who was that other good band that we signed? | |
| The Black Lips. | |
| And you just say, Daniel, I love all your songs, but we're just going to do the hits. | |
| Like he has four super hits. | |
| Just play four songs on and off by. | |
| He's outsider art. | |
| You know who else is kind of outsider art? | |
| Andrew WK. | |
| People don't get him. | |
| Hot Rock, what was it called? | |
| Rock 97? | |
| What's the main Rock FM? | |
| The main New York rock station that everyone listens to? | |
| Hot 97 is one of them. | |
| That's rap. | |
| That's rap, fuckface. | |
| What was it called? | |
| Hard Rock FM? | |
| No. | |
| Rock FM? | |
| Kiss FM? | |
| Anyway. | |
| No, that's R&B. | |
| They didn't like Andrew because they thought he was glam. | |
| Like Hair Rock. | |
| They thought he was a glam band. | |
| What do you call those Hair Rock guys? | |
| Cinderella and all that? | |
| Yeah, Glam Rock. | |
| They thought he was Glam Rock. | |
| They didn't quite get him. | |
| And then other people thought he was a jock. | |
| No, he's kind of on the spectrum, Andrew WK. | |
| He's kind of a tough Daniel Wakeford, who I couldn't imagine ever being in a fight, despite his bloody nose. | |
| Daniel Wakeford. | |
| It's like, uh, Jeff Lynn plus one chromosome equals Daniel Winkford. | |
| Wait, who's Jeff Lynn? | |
| The lead singer of ELO, which my dad cuts his hair. | |
| Which my dad cuts his hair. | |
| Now you talk like Daniel Winkford. | |
| I'm talking like Daniel Winkford. | |
| Which my dad cuts his hair! | |
| Which one? | |
| My dad cuts his hair, yes. | |
| And two, second date, yes. | |
| Shorter Haringet! | |
| Much good times! | |
| Alright folks, so sorry, that's just a mini podcast because it's the only place I can announce my things, yes? | |
| And one, we fix mistakes, you can go back, yes, and have sexy times in UK! | |
| With England, and it's a beautiful city! | |
| Check out the Daniel Wakeford experience too, he's got a whole band going. | |
| What's that? | |
| Just ramping us up with some outro music. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| So yeah, mini podcast to explain that we fixed the problems and we'll work hard to make sure it doesn't happen again. | |
| I don't think it was really anyone's fault. | |
| When a wire dies, no one is to blame. |