#124 | Can I get some credit for shutting down the SPLC please
Before getting to our turgid mail bag (which is positively bursting at the seams) I want to take a moment to look closely at the imminent demise of the SPLC. My complaint is the reason that organization is falling apart. After going through it, they entire staff realized they were being led by the blind and promptly began firing everyone or forcing them to leave. Founder Morris Dees is out. President Richard Cohen is out. Head of legal Rhonda Brownstein is out. Uh, you’re welcome.
Can I get some credit for shutting down the SPLC, please?
I'm seeing all these articles about their imminent demise, and they're leaving out the imminent Jeevis.
Gavin!
I gotta work on that a little.
That wasn't quite as witty as it could be.
But it's hard to rhyme things with imminent demise, which is why you don't hear it in a lot of rap songs.
But for fuck's sakes, man!
Here's what happened.
They decided they were the arbiters of what is just and what is moral.
They attacked me.
They attacked Proud Boys.
They got Proud Boys fired.
36 of them fired.
They got all with this phony hate group designation.
They got people facing a year in prison.
Big J's facing a year in prison.
So I say, fuck that, and I fight back.
Now, I know others have fought back in the past.
There was Glenn Allen, who used to be a white nationalist, but isn't anymore.
And they found out that he was and they had him removed from the bar.
That's pretty shitty, but it's not like a kind of smoking gun I have.
And then there was Majid Nawaz, who sued them because they said he was a radical extremist anti-Muslim, but he's actually a Muslim who was against radical extremists.
So he got 3.7 million for that, but they could tell he wanted to settle.
And he was suing from Britain, which is like, it's like being sued from La La Land.
They don't have free speech there, so you just can't win when you get sued from Britain, so you just sort of say yes.
There's also my buddy Craig Nelson is suing them he He started this group.
He noticed that white men commit suicide more than any other group So it's crazy like 60% more than anyone else So he set up a boxing club to deal with that a fight club kind of thing where men can get their frustrations out and I cannot say enough about boxing and how healthy it is for you and Mentally fuck fighting just mentally anyway.
He set up this club.
I probably got it here somewhere What's it called now it is called his name's Craig Nelson and The The implication was that he was opening a whites-only club in Lexington, which wasn't true.
Anyone could join.
But it was directed toward white guys.
But anyone can join.
And I can't find the fucking name of it.
All right, here it is.
The Robinson Jeffers Boxing Club.
13-week residency program for men in distress and designed to address the particular challenges unique to white males in modern America.
White males are 30% of the population, but 70% of the nation suicides.
Moreover, I believe we were out of the gate days, maybe weeks ahead of Proud Boys.
Sure.
I'm sure Craig wants to take some credit.
Craig and I are strangely competitive for some reason.
The Center of Immigration Studies is suing him under the RICO Act.
That's how Giuliani got the mob shut down.
But the RICO Act is almost impossible to sue for.
So, the problem with Glenn's case is—he actually was a white nationalist—the problem with Craig's case is it was directed towards white males.
It was not a whites-only club, but that has stigma on it.
The problem with Majid's case is it was from Britain.
And the problem with the Center of Immigration Studies is it's Rico.
Now I'm not shitting on any of these people.
They're all great people.
And they're all right.
But my case is a guy who has some money, so I'm not willing to settle.
That's clear.
I'm also a funny man.
So it's a war on humor.
So they know I'm going to go all the way on this.
And I made it clear that I'm looking for discovery.
And what's discovery?
I want to see your emails.
Now that opens a whole Pandora's box because these guys are brutally corrupt.
Explain to me, riddle me this, why does a non-profit have any money in the Cayman Islands?
Now we know they have over half a billion here in America, that's curious enough, but why do you need money in the Cayman Islands?
And they say, oh, it's only $132 million.
Yeah, how do I know?
Do you promise?
Stamped your heart?
Crossed your heart?
Stamped no erasies?
So they're clearly concerned about that getting out and all their nefarious dealings.
Um, and I think what they're trying to do is just reboot the SPLC.
So when all of this shit comes out that I am exposing, oh, and one other thing too, by the way, if you go to defendgavin.com, please do, you'll see there's about 5,000 donors there.
So this isn't just Majid Nawaz.
This isn't one person who's annoyed with them.
This is a movement of people saying, all right, enough is enough.
Gavin was clearly joking around.
Fuck you.
And so, that's not something that you can just write away.
But when I say write away, I mean W-R-I-T-E.
Write off, I should have said.
After I filed, they said, this is so stupid.
What a loser.
Hey, I think you can kind of tell.
Richard Cohen said this.
He goes, you can kind of tell that we're doing our job right when you see the caliber of our enemies.
I mean, two weeks later, he quits.
Morris Dease.
Helps delay the case, I assume.
He's the top brass there.
They delayed the case 60 days.
60 days?
Why do you need it delayed if it's so frivolous?
Then, boom, he's fired.
And their legal... the head of their legal department... What's her name?
Braunstein?
Where do I have her?
It's not there.
Uh-oh.
What's her name?
I'm not doing a very good job, am I?
Head of the legal team.
Brown, Brownstein?
Look her up.
She left.
She quit.
And they pull in Michelle Obama's chief of staff.
What's her name?
Rhonda Brownstein.
Rhonda Brownstein.
Rhonda Brownstein, the head of the legal team over there.
She quits.
She's gone.
And they've hired Michelle Obama's chief of staff.
And her name is Tina Chen.
Sounds like she's hot, right?
She's not.
She looks like that Korean dude who played Kim Jong-un in the interview with James Franco and that other guy, Seth Rogen.
She is, wow.
She looks so much like a dude.
Asians rarely look like dudes.
And Asian men can look like women very easily.
Yeah.
We're just androgynous.
Is that why you have facial hair?
Just to make it clear?
Yep.
Maybe you're... You know what's not crazy, Ryan?
Maybe you're a factor.
What do you mean?
Me specifically?
Yeah.
Like they go, if anyone looks me up or checks out my show, they see it's, it's Ryan.
It's like Gavin and the Gavin and Ryan show.
Me and the Japanese Puerto Rican.
Well, I was in the contract to maintain ethnicity.
Furthermore, in this contract known as M.E.
because it's repeated so many times that we just go M.E.
That joke sucked.
I thought it was just a statement.
Well, that's a contract joke.
I mean, you haven't seen a lot of contracts, but if there's something long like Proud Boys of America, they just go PBA and furthermore.
Anyway, so this is great, and it's in the New Yorker.
It's funny, too, how all these people, all these mainstream lefty sources, were using the SPLC as a credible source and saying, yes, they're listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.
And then the Southern Poverty Law Center starts collapsing, and A, they leave me out of it, which pisses me off.
B, they don't mention the crowdfunding Uh, Paige, which also pisses me off.
But C, they're just like, yep, they're fucked.
I mean, I don't give a shit.
But these were your guys!
It's like when everyone found out Rob Halford was gay, the metal community was rocked to its foundations.
Because they had been listening to FREEWHEEL BURNING!
This is sort of like metalheads going, Judas Priest are a bunch of homos, and uh, they suck and no one's ever listening to them again.
Like, you gotta stand by your boys!
MSM, Mainstream Media.
Remember in Heavy Metal Parking Lot where that girl, she did know Rob Halford was gay and she goes, Glenn Tipton, whatever the other guy's name was, you rock, Rob Halford don't know about you.
Everyone had their gaydar busted in the 70s.
We saw Liberace and we thought, I hope he finds a nice lady, because he's really good at, he's a really good penis.
Or we saw the YMCA, the village people, and they're singing about how it's a great place to go and meet guys and you can work out.
I'm like, good, get in shape, guys.
Get in shape, guy with a leather S&M fucking chest plate on.
I hope you work out a lot.
And there was Paul Land.
Paul Land, hi!
Rip Taylor with his confetti and his big mustache.
A fucking band who called themselves Queen.
Queen!
And the guy, the singer, with his little mustache, prants around on stage barefoot in leotards, and his goal with the band?
I want to bring opera to the masses.
That's my goal with Queen.
And we went, good, I hope you do that, and meet some hot chicks, Freddie.
Because you have some great jams, and I hope when you're bringing opera to the masses in your bare feet, you get some serious poontang.
Fuck.
Anyway, they're all imploding.
So I think what they're going to do with my case is say, yes, Gavin's right.
It was a shit show.
We were wrong.
We were half-assed about what we deemed hate.
But all those guys are gone now.
Richard Cohen, Morris Dees, even our head of the legal team is gone.
And we brought in the semi-androgynous Tina Tchen.
And she's got a stellar reputation, and she fixed us!
Well, I'm sorry, SPLC.
That's not the way it works.
If you sell toys to kids with lead paint, and the kids get contaminated, and you say, no, we don't use that paint anymore, the kids still got contaminated.
You still did the damage.
You're still culpable.
Monetarily culpable, SPLC.
So this will be fun.
I talked to James O'Keefe about deposition and he goes, I hope you're ready for those.
They're pretty grueling, man.
They're 12 hours.
I thought, I couldn't imagine anything I'd like to do more than a deposition.
Like when Richard Cohen was asked about my case, this is the guy who has since Quit.
Morris Dees was fired.
Richard Cohen quit.
Ran home with his tail between his legs.
And by the way, when you're at that level of corporate business, quit and fired are the same.
They sit there and they go, well, what do you want to do?
Do you want us to say you were fired?
Maybe that'll help with whatever insurance you have.
Or should we say you quit?
It's irrelevant.
The only time quit and fired is different is at Arby's.
As soon as you go higher than fast food, then they're meaningless terms.
So he was either fired and said he quit, or quit and said he was fired.
But I remember when Richard Cohen said the case, he said that whole, like, called me a shithead, basically.
But his examples of how I'm evil are, were three cases.
One, he said Cory Booker is some kind of a Sambo.
I did say that.
Oh, I thought you said he said that.
No, I said that.
So your oof was hearing my words.
Oh, no, that's coming.
I thought I said oof for a non-comedian to say that?
Right.
Well, if I was in a deposition and they asked me about that, I'd say, are you familiar with Cory Booker?
No.
Well, yes, I know who he is.
He's a New Jersey governor or something.
Where did he grow up?
I don't know.
What did his parents do?
I don't know.
Who's T-Bone?
I don't know.
OK, so you don't know about Cory Booker.
So you just know about the rude word Sambo.
And it was a rude word.
I've also heard him described as a wigger, which is very rude.
It's a colorful term, which is what you're... It's swear words.
It's like cunt.
Yeah.
Sambo is cunt.
Now, Ann Coulter and I have argued about this, and she says, because I'm a Canadian, I don't get the slavery angle, and I don't get that bad words when they're describing visible minorities are very different, especially blacks.
And I'm open to that possibility.
But anyway, I said a bad word.
But my point was, he grew up in a completely white neighborhood, the nicest area in New Jersey.
His parents were both successful black IBM executives.
He didn't grow up around any black people.
There's nothing black about his life experience at all.
And he's well aware of that, and he's very self-conscious about that.
Because although Obama and him, and who else is like this?
Melissa Harris Perry, she was adopted by whites and she grew up in Ohio, you know, listening to country music.
But then she has her fucking braids and she's... All her Instagram, I remember a couple years ago, was all like chitlins and grits and black people in every photo.
That's not her life.
She's as black as Rachel Dolezal.
In fact, Rachel Dolezal had her on her show and they talked about their hair.
That was one of the weirdest things.
Rachel Dolezal, they were talking about their weave and their frizzy hair and stuff.
Rachel has her hair permed to become black and frizzy.
By the way, Black and Frizzy's playing at the... it's a duet.
It's a duo.
You know who else Melissa Harris Perry had on her show was that tranny who was on the cover of the magazine Laverne Cox.
Who's very sexy, very beautiful.
I'd love to make love to her.
And they talked about being young black girls and sneaking how Stella got her groove back or something, the DVD from the local library, and running and taking it home.
And I'm watching the interview going, Melissa, A, you were white, so no one gave a shit.
Your white parents are going to go, what the fuck are you watching?
You watching a movie about black people you black person we adopted how dare you I Can tell you having kids who are non-white I pushed the American Indian stuff on them all the time and they don't they don't seem very excited about going to powwows and Learning how to fancy dance and all that stuff.
So it's a tough sell sometimes if they're not surrounded with it They'll probably get into it later.
I mean that that pride stuff comes later.
I The identity of I didn't care about any of that stuff then I was like, hey, you know Japanese people are better To it at least it's also New York State They're they're Midwestern Indians and there's not a lot going on the zero of her tribe of their tribe up here But also like when they do a powwow in New York, it's an amalgam of tribes because there's so few up here anyway Kaepernick, too, though, by the way.
He was raised by white parents, too, no?
Yep, Colin Kaepernick's another one.
And then there's people who had a black dad that was never around, but they just are part of the black experience, like Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey.
Or then you have Jordan Peele, who is exactly like Cory Booker.
But Jordan Peele isn't annoying.
Like his movies are very black, but he's a black guy.
I don't have no problem with Jordan Peele.
Well, sometimes Get Out kind of bothered me, but that's a whole other podcast.
But Cory Booker is very self-conscious about that because blacks don't like it.
Beto's getting this with the Hispanic vote.
They don't like that he's pretending to be Hispanic.
That's not cool.
And I agree with them.
So in order, and I've talked about this before, in order to cover up the fact that he's just basically a white dude with black skin, I mean, what's black about you if you grew up as a millionaire black guy in an all white neighborhood and went to all white schools and didn't know any black people growing up?
I'm genuinely asking that.
Isn't that kind of, I mean, it's an interesting question.
Well, I've experienced racism.
Have you?
Like, maybe someone yelled the N-word from their truck when you were camping in Northern Ontario once?
I don't know.
Without dice or any of the accoutrements that come with black culture.
You know?
You don't even know the food.
Anyway, because he was self-conscious about that, he invented a gangster buddy named T-Bone!
And that, to me, is a great example of what a phony he is.
That's why I said that horrible Sambo thing.
And when I worked at CRTV, they were pretty freaked out about it because there's a lot of Southerners at CRTV, and apparently in the South, that's heavy shit to say that word.
Up in Canada, not so much.
Not so much of a big deal, the word Sambo.
Anyways, that was one of Richard Cohen's beefs with me.
Before he quit his job, so he's laughing.
This is like, I'm trying to gloat here, but the media won't gloat along with me.
Maybe because I'm such an arrogant dick that they go, I don't want to gloat with that fucker.
They think the gloating's covered.
Yeah, yeah.
They're probably right.
But, um, uh, yeah, Richard Cohen sitting there laughing.
He thinks he can fuck with this SPLC.
What a loser.
Two weeks later, I quit.
It's hard here.
This is, we're having some troubles.
Yeah, you're having some troubles.
You know the troubles are too.
The troubles are it's a horrible place to work and it's steeped in racism and sexism.
The black people there get treated like shit and they are our thing of suing.
They are all Banding together.
I think they wrote a big letter that about a hundred people signed talking about how all the top brass there are white.
All the money makers are white.
And every time a black person has power at the SPLC, it's some tokenistic position that doesn't really pay, or maybe pays 30 grand a year.
The ones making the big bucks?
All white.
Isn't it funny, too, that they were shitting on Proud Boys, who are, I would say, disproportionately black.
Meaning, blacks are 14% of the population.
In many cities, they're more than... Proud Boys were more than 14% black.
And so you have this all-white group criticizing blacks.
In fact, there was an Australian documentary called SRS, I think.
It was a division of NBC Australia.
And they did a feature on Proud Boys.
And then they went and talked to the Southern Poverty Law Center.
And they said, yeah, they're racist and they're white nationalists, blah, blah, blah.
And then the guy interviewing him goes, but a lot of the guys on it were black.
There are a lot of black proud boys with the ones I met in New York.
And then he says his defense to that allegation was, A, there's not that many of them, and B, that doesn't mean you're not racist, which is the stupidest thing.
That is peak clown world.
This concept of multi-racial white supremacy is the dumbest, the mainstream thought I think has ever been since flat earth.
I would put it up there with Flat Earth.
That black people are part of the KKK in your mind?
What an idiotic thing, what an embarrassing thing to say.
And by the way, when you say things that ridiculous, it's not like people go, oh, that's a wake-up call.
They just go, yeah, fuck off, I'm not listening to you anymore.
I think it was Daily Beast that talked about multiracial white supremacy soon after their viewership plummeted and they had to fire dozens of employees.
That's the thing about the firings that went on at BuzzFeed and Vice and Daily Beast and all those dumb Huffington Post Vox sites.
It happened right after they became these social justice warriors who said stupid shit like that.
And then they said we got to unionize because we're not making enough money.
You're not making enough money because you're just puking out bullshit.
You're talking about black people who join white nationalist clubs.
You know how idiotic you sound?
And that's what the SPLC was doing.
But I don't believe I think the real reason that they're all quitting in droves goes deeper than just the fact that they're hypocrites and that they got us wrong and they got people fired for no reason.
I think the big reason they're firing is deep-seated corruption, financial corruption, and their determination to take over big tech.
Just when I filed suit, they're using my face as the logo for this, but it was called Change the Terms.
And it was a campaign to make it much stricter on the internet as far as censoring people.
Excuse me, that's disgusting.
And that's when I filed suit.
So I think a lot of my support was other people saying, I don't want to be part of this big tech censorship.
But a lot of their fear Wasn't that related?
I think a lot of their fear is we're stealing money and we've gone from a noble group that was fighting the KKK many years ago to a wildly corrupt racket that is stealing money by lying and hiding said money.
And my money is on the Attorney General starting to investigate them and opening up their books.
And that is why Morris Deas and Richard Cohen and Rhonda Brownstein are gone.
I bet they're all hiding their money right now, burying it in big chests in the backyard, because this is going to be big.
And the mainstream press is writing about it.
I don't see my goddamn name anywhere.
How about just... even sometimes they'll mention other people, like the Family Research Council and Majid Nawaz.
And I don't get a goddamn shout-out.
Okay, so sorry.
This is whole things.
I wanted to catch up with the mail today, but I can't stop blabbing about this So so Richard Cohen's first allegation was that I called Cory Booker Sambo and I said a kind of Sambo and I think got a good point to He said that I said Richard Spencer Sounds kind of reasonable when you first meet him What the fuck's the matter with that?
Everyone sounds, Louis Farrakhan sounds reasonable.
I bet Jeffrey Dahmer, the cannibal, sounded pretty reasonable.
The reason why you would say that is because somebody is, you would consider them unreasonable.
Yeah, good point.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you don't say that Oprah seems reasonable when you first meet her.
Wow, yeah.
Yeah, Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood seems really nice when you first meet him.
Then the real Mr. Rogers comes out.
And it's true, Richard Spencer's well-educated and rational about a lot of stuff.
And then he says he wants a homeland just for white people.
And you go, and I've had him on my show and debated him on this, and I say, that is mental.
What are you talking about?
Do you mean like cruise ships?
What about couples that are black and white married?
What about me?
Does my wife have to leave?
Do my kids have to leave?
What insane scenario are you talking about?
And he won't answer me, by the way.
He just says, well, we've done far more challenging things in our country's past, like the Civil War or something.
That's crazy talk.
It's ridiculous.
But Professor Griff, who Talib Starks has had on his show.
Professor Griff of Public Enemy, the rap band, feels the exact same way.
But blacks.
He wants seven states.
Actually, Griff's theory is kind of more plausible than Richard Spencer's, but equally insane.
So, Professor Griff wants seven states, like maybe Florida and the surrounding states, to be designated for black people, and others can't live there.
And then again, even with Professor Griff, you say, wait a minute, what about a black and white couple?
What about a mulatto?
What about someone who's one-eighth, an octoroon?
Can he come?
What about someone who grew up in an all-black neighborhood, is white, but is sort of like Cory Booker in reverse, and they have white skin, but they identify with black culture, and they don't feel comfortable around white people?
Can that guy come?
So you're going to have this whole paperwork bureaucracy.
Just leave people alone.
If a bunch of black people like an area, it'll work itself out.
They can stay there.
No one's going to ban them.
So that was a dumb criticism.
And Marcus Garvey felt the same way.
Remember Marcus Garvey?
No, you don't.
You don't know anything.
I've heard the name.
Marcus Garvey, a Garveyist is someone who wants blacks to go back to Africa.
So it's kind of like the KKK and radical black people have the same mentality.
And he was very popular.
You know, the reggae band Burning Spear have an album dedicated to him.
It's very cool.
Hold on.
It's very cool in this sort of Black Lives Matter, radical Black Panther community to be a Garveyist, which I find amusing because that's the same as David Duke.
And it's also absurd.
It was actually tried, right?
A bunch of black radicals in the 60s, was it the 60s?
They left America and they formed a country in Africa called Liberia.
Which quickly turned to shit.
Alright, so...
I have no problem with that other thing.
I've made it very clear that I disagree with Richard Spencer when it comes to white nationalism, and so does everyone sane.
I mean, this is my problem.
Which this brings me to the other allegation, where I said, Cohen said that I said, this whole idea of white nationalism and white supremacy is a crock, such people don't exist.
Now, he does the liberal thing where he finds you some dude in a Klansman uniform and says, oh really?
What's this?
Yeah, okay.
Here's another statement.
Voodoo doesn't exist.
It's not a thing in America.
Oh, really?
What's this?
And then you show me some witch doctor who like slid a goat's throat and cursed someone in the Haitian community in New Orleans.
And New Orleans is full of voodoo shops, right?
You can buy all kinds of fucking dumb chicken bones to cast a spell on someone.
It's amazing.
You know what I did to my buddy once?
He was, I won't say his name, but I worked with him at Vice and he's superstitious and believes in all that stupid hocus pocus.
So he goes, can you get me a monkey paw when you're down there in New Orleans?
Now it's not a literal monkey paw.
It's a piece of plastic.
But it's supposed to have powers.
So I was busy and I was running around getting wasted and trying to get laid.
And then I went, oh yeah, I said I'd get him one of those stupid things.
So I jump into some voodoo shop and I say, I need a monkey pawn.
There's a big jar of them.
There's like 500 of them.
So I pull one out and I pay five bucks for it or something.
And then I give it to him when I get back to Montreal.
And he goes, um, all right, so what's the deal?
And I go, huh?
And he goes, well, like, what's the ceremony?
What am I supposed to do with it?
So I made up something.
I said, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So what you want to do, what they told me you have to do is you have to, uh, Put it in water that's as hot as you can possibly handle.
Obviously you don't want to burn your fucking hand off, but get the water as hot as you, you personally can handle.
So I wouldn't boil it.
I would just get it from the tap, but hand burning hot.
And then you hold that and you hold it in your hand until your hand cools down.
And then you make a wish.
So he burnt the shit out of his hand until it looked like a lobster claw and held it.
And he wished that Vice would start making serious money.
Vice got bought soon after that by an eccentric millionaire and his girlfriend and his mother both got breast cancer.
Oh my Lord.
So he went, his first reaction of course is that fucking monkey bar.
Why did I do it?
Right.
Why did I give my loved ones cancer just to make money?
God damn it!
So in Costa Rica on vacation, he walks to the edge of a cliff and he hurls it off the cliff edge and it's dashed against the rocks.
This thing, by the way, is like the size of an earring.
It's like about as tall as a quarter and a half.
No, maybe just a quarter.
Oy vey.
He took it so seriously that he took it to Costa Rica to ceremoniously do away with it?
Correct.
Holy turkeys.
He did stuff like that all the time.
And you thought about that on the fly.
You were just like, uh, let me see, you gotta burn this, alright.
Totally and utterly meaningless.
In other words, it doesn't exist.
Yes, there was Charlottesville.
Yes, some teenager drew a swastika on a poster of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
As I've said a million times, and I keep sending people these articles, there is no surge in right-wing violence.
And what was the other one in the New York Post?
That was by David Harsiani.
Jonathan Tobin.
No, there's no Trump-fueled surge in anti-Semitism.
And all you have to do to check this is look around.
Like, when was the last time someone was talking about goddamn Negroes coming in here?
Fucking doing their shit, listening to their rap music.
No thanks.
Oh great, I just googled, I just clicked on my computer and it says, Judge Rules Omar Khadr's war crime sentence has expired.
This is how we treat a terrorist who tried to murder the Canadian and American military men who were trying to save him after he tried to kill them.
He knocked out one guy's eye And Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada, rewarded him with 10 million dollars for the inconvenience of being arrested.
Amazing.
Why do I check the goddamn news?
That was a big mistake.
So yeah, those were Richard Cohen's three attacks, and I stand by them all.
Cory Booker's a white dude.
White supremacy is not a thing.
Now obviously when you say such people don't exist, Finding one person does not refute it.
When I say voodoo doesn't exist and you find me a scene in New Orleans where they have plastic monkey paws, you're not disproving what I said.
It's implied when you say something doesn't exist.
It's implied of any consequence.
You know?
Yeah.
Like skateboarding dogs aren't a thing.
Yes.
I realize there's probably three and they were on.
That's incredible.
That doesn't mean that dog skateboarders are a thing.
Or if you started a company that was marketed towards skateboarding dogs, you'd make any money at all.
But there's little booties.
They're skate shoes for dogs.
They're available to three dogs.
All right, so that's me getting it off my skin.
I think someone sent me this, they sent me that list before doing an interview saying, we're going to be attacking you with all of these things and you're going to have to defend yourself.
And the reason I brought that up too is to say, when James O'Keefe was talking about a 12 hour deposition and how harrowing it is, I thought, yes, please bring it on.
Like what you would do with something like that is you'd say, what's the context?
And then they'd have to spread back and you'd say, no, no, give me more context until they'd have to give you like the 10 minutes that came from and the 10 minutes would be totally reasonable.
Or it would be a joke.
So yes, bring on the deposition, please.
I can't wait.
And it'll be a great story too.
Good content.
What are you doing?
I hope you're not asking me.
Who else am I asking?
I know, I'm just afraid to answer the question.
What are you doing?
I'm coloring a picture of Buzz Lightyear.
He made a great speech at college.
No, he did not.
My youngest kid is six.
If I asked him to color a picture of Buzz Lightyear, he'd say, why?
Because he's too old.
To be coloring a picture of Buzz Lightyear.
Have you noticed my background is Buzz Lightyear as well?
So you're a Buzz Lightyear fan?
Just all of a sudden, ever since you attribute my stupidity to that of the Buzz Lightyear quote, that's the epitome of my... Yeah, I'm embracing it.
Don't embrace it.
Don't embrace that.
Alright, so...
Let's try to get into this mailbag, shall we?
Oh man, okay.
I have 950 billion messages.
An amazing amount.
It's an inbox ruiner.
You know Tucker, maybe I shouldn't speak out of turn, but Tucker Carlson doesn't have email anymore.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
It's true, I spend the first third of my day going through all this shit.
I just ignore it and I don't care.
Like I'll look at some of them that catch my eye, the subject catches my eye, and I just can't find myself to give a fuck.
Well, we'll go through some of those too, but I'll make them super quick.
All right.
So that is the story in the SPLC.
If anyone brings it up in a bar, please say, yeah, that was Gavin McInnes is doing.
He's the one who shut them down.
And the fun part about this is I haven't even begun.
Like, they delayed it 60 days.
We're still in those 60 days.
So we haven't brought the hammer down.
We only have the first half of the complaint.
We don't have the Attorney General investigating them.
The Attorney General of Alabama is likely going to bring down the hammer on them.
That's a criminal investigation.
You can quit.
You can be fired.
You're still going to be criminally liable.
And you know what's going to happen, by the way?
They're going to deteriorate.
They're going to be exposed.
They're going to try to come back.
As a hodgepodge sort of bric-a-brac rickety rack jalopy version of themselves with much less money after paying out all these people and Tina Chen's gonna be running it and all these other people with good reputations and they'll fire everyone in the past and people go to jail.
And they'll be exposed.
And they'll have to, you know, pay all kinds of fines.
And I won't get credit for it.
And that'll be the end of that.
And they'll move on to the Anti-Defamation League or some other stupid racket.
Oh well.
You can't do it for the notoriety, folks.
You have to do it because you're doing what's right.
Okay.
So.
Best cry ever guy died.
Yes.
Now, this was a guy, a black guy from the show Intervention, and he would not been there for his, uh, do you have his cry?
Wait, is there another part to it?
Uh, there's the part before where he's like, I still love you!
Oh yeah, that whole family was really hamming it up that episode.
Even the sons and stuff.
It just seems so insincere, because I've known people with junky or alcoholic dads, and they're just totally flippant about it.
Their attitude is, yeah, that guy's a dick, he's a loser.
It's like you said about your mom.
You go, yeah, I don't care about my mom.
I love you more than my mom And I don't care if you die right now So thank you for letting us know that That's very, very... My wife, she cares when people that are famous die.
Like she bawled her eyes out when Prince died.
I was very sad when Stephen Brody Stevens died.
This whole weekend I was watching his stuff.
Really?
Yeah.
When I read it I was like, oh no, oh no.
I said that out loud.
He hanged himself because he was depressed, like all comedians, and they get up on stage and they tell you why you're wrong and why life sucks.
He was different.
Well, he was very positive.
He was very weird, yeah.
Yes!
Positive energy!
Why do you do that?
Yeah.
But anyway, he was switched on to Lexapro and that fucked him up.
I blame the Lexapro.
No.
No?
Well, maybe.
He was trying to do the right thing and just fix it.
Gavin, just wondering what your thoughts are.
This is from Louis.
Louis O'Neal.
What are your thoughts on the voting system on one's IQ so that higher intellect people have more power to vote?
No, I'm not into that.
I don't like stupid as an insult.
Most of my best friends are stupid.
Now, there's... I was thinking about this today.
There's boobs, like Justin Trudeau, who's basically Jeff Spicoli.
I might like Justin Trudeau.
My fucking brother went camping with him, and he was the dummy of the group, who was worried about their carbon footprint when they started a small fire for their campsite.
That's all true.
It's Trudeau.
But running a country and deciding if young men die in wars?
No, thank you.
So, I don't know if I... No, I don't think high IQ people should vote or be exclusively allowed to vote.
Also, us dummies are in the same country as you.
We should have some say.
No, there's a million reasons why that's a dumb idea.
It's sort of like when people say, hey, you need a license to drive a car.
Shouldn't you have a license to have kids?
Yeah, who's going to be monitoring that?
The government?
No, thank you.
Just nosy people?
Jaden Lawrence, the last podcast was the worst one!
Holy turkeys.
But it's a clickbait subject header.
He's reeling us in.
Oh, he did the same thing that we did.
Yes.
Hilarious.
Not because of your content, which was very interesting and eye-opening as it usually is.
See, us fans can be clickbaity as well.
But because of that dumb cunt's accent.
Good lord, I could not stand it.
Made me want to walk into traffic.
That elitist drawl and how she kept saying McGannis.
Now that gentleman is, this is an old letter.
He's talking about Jill Abramson, the executive editor of the New York Times.
Who says in the Rubicon of Truth is Always Stranger Than Fiction, McGinnis started a white nationalist gang and was recently arrested in New York City for trying to fuck a dead Dog that was in the middle of the road, which is false.
It was alive.
Okay.
It was dead to me because we're never speaking again.
Cause you came and I don't love it.
That'd be funny if back in your one night stand days, if just as she's leaving, she goes, you go, Hey, Hey, you're dead to me.
For no reason actually one time dude there was this chick in Montreal that I was not interested in I thought she was boring and I don't know how our first kiss happened, but I was walking her home.
I think and we kissed for some stupid reason and I remember I said she lived with a baby, because her friend had a baby, and I go, what's it like living with a baby?
We were probably 24 or 5 at the time.
And she goes, oh my god, it's so cool because you come home and the baby looks at you and you're like, you know me!
And I just thought, this bitch has got to get the fuck out of my life.
So, as we're walking, we make out for some reason, and it's the craziest thing ever, dude.
Fireworks!
What?
It was like being on MDMA.
I'm such a retard, I thought you meant fireworks started going off by coincidence.
You're so exhausting.
But it was that good, though?
It was insane!
It was like doing a bump of coke.
It was the weirdest thing.
I've never experienced it, really.
And so we go back and we fuck.
And I don't think she was experiencing it the same way I was, but I think a lot of women, when you're seducing them, are like, wow, this guy seems really into it.
And that's what they pick up.
Yeah.
At least I'm not going to be, you know, thrown to the curb after.
Like, at least this guy It's kind of hard to explain because we're talking about something that you'd have to be a woman to understand.
But I remember women have said this to me in the past, like one of the reasons I took you home is because you just seem so into it.
That I thought you'd probably do a good job.
They want to be loved and appreciated.
Right, like to say do a good job is misleading because it implies like a woman really wants you to rub one out.
I knew you'd pay attention to my tits, lick my nipples and stuff, and you know, pay attention to my butthole.
A lot of guys don't pay attention to that.
So I took you home because I knew I'd get the full treatment.
They're not like that.
Like a guy watching his car get cleaned?
Exactly.
Hey, get the mat, under the mat there.
Exactly.
What they mean is love.
Way to leave your phone on during a podcast.
That was a mistake.
Real professional.
Is it your girlfriend calling again?
No, it's Altoona, Pennsylvania.
I think it's a bill collector.
There are so many I can't even know.
But yeah, go ahead.
And now you threw off the whole rhythm of the whole thing.
Oh, anyway, so we horse around.
It's awesome.
And As she's, I leave in the morning, early in the morning, and I'm by the door and she reaches up as though to touch me.
And she goes, Kevin, Kevin.
And I turned to her and she says, please don't tell anyone that this happened.
And I was like, goodbye, my sweet angel.
She actually had a boyfriend in town, a local drummer.
And we all used to go to this bar called La Biff Tech in Montreal on St.
Laurent Street.
So he decided he was going to come kill me.
This has been happening to me my entire life.
Fuck the SPLC.
Since I was a kid, there's always like that dude who was going to kill me.
Ashley McClymont, Pat O'Connor.
Since grade school, Barry Pablo.
So this guy was- but he didn't have the courage, so he came to the bar and I was sitting there and he had his- I was at a table and he was at the bar, but we were right next to each other.
So I guess he thinks, I'll get some liquid courage and then I'll kick his fucking ass.
So he, uh- wait a minute, what is this letter here?
Attorneys at Law?
Uh-oh.
That's never a good sign.
I thought that was a good thing.
Paid.
What is this?
Holy crap, that's a lot of money.
Is that good?
I don't know.
Or bad news.
Is that good news or bad news?
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just my SPLC bill.
Oh, I see.
It's the lawyers saying you've paid this much so far.
- Oh, okay. - That's a lot of thousands. - Sheesh.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh boy.
That's tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars.
I think that's the other reason the SPLC cowered is because they realized that I'm not looking to spend $14,000 and get a $10,000 payout.
This is not a minute to win it.
Anyway, so he gets super wasted and he drinks a whole pitcher of beer, which is a lot.
Sure is.
I'd reckon it's the size of the pitchers there.
It's probably about four pints, five pints.
And he finally drinks the whole thing by himself.
And then without even turning around, he just goes, yeah, McInnes is a fucking asshole!
Yells that at the bar and we're all sitting at the table going, okay.
Is that it?
It's my name.
And then I think he stormed out of the bar after that.
Dude, just punch me in the face for fuck's sake.
I fucked your girlfriend.
Have some dignity.
Grow some balls and smash a bottle on my head for crying out loud.
All right, this is from Chachar Chehan.
That's a funny name.
Hey immigrants, I understand you're gonna have a funny last name.
Name your kids John.
You know what I mean?
Like Talib.
I was saying this to Talib Starks.
Why did his dad name him Talib?
I think it's because it must be a bummer if you're black and you were part of the cool Muslim movement.
You know what I mean?
Like Muhammad Ali and what's the basketball player?
Kyrie Irving?
No, no, the old school 70s guy.
Oh God, why can't you help me once?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, yes.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and then even later on like Talib Kweli.
They have great prices there, by the way.
And Mos Def.
Isn't he Muslim?
So right up until the September 11th, before we knew what Islam was, wait, what?
Did you ever drink there?
Where?
At the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Yeah, they don't serve alcohol.
Right.
And it was also the Nation of Islam.
I mean, before we knew that they hate Jews and that they think that white people were created in a lab by an alien, a really ugly looking alien, by the way, created white people just to mess with blacks.
That's what the Nation of Islam believes.
So before we knew all that ridiculous hocus pocus, they looked really cool with little bow ties and Malcolm X and everything.
It makes you stand out.
You're different.
It's like it's something cool.
So it must suck To be a Talib now, now that we totally know Islam and we know that the Prophet's first wife was nine years old and all this other stuff and the gays being thrown off the buildings and all that shit.
You must go, damn it.
Why can't I be the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Muslim?
Anyway, so if I was named Cheyenne and I emigrated here, I'd name my kid Mike.
Hi G-Dog, the problem with that cunt, oh yeah, Merchant of Homos, he's talking again, that's two letters about Jill Abramson, is she said you hired female writers so you can fuck them.
Here's the problem, people never had a business, don't under, people that, and by the way, it's people who, if you're talking about people, say who, not that.
Here's the problem, people who never had a business don't understand how it works.
I assume you'd pay your writers at least 45k a year along with taxes, insurance, everything else, you're looking around 60k.
What are you doing?!
That was a mistake.
Um... Why in hell a business owner...
By the way, the grammar here is... I'm gonna assume it's a second language here.
His only goal is to generate equity.
Will spend $60K to fuck someone?
You just pay a prostitute $500.
Also, when you're a successful business owner, ladies tend to be attracted to you so you don't need to hire a fucking employee to pay them $60K to your cash flow.
Just so you can boner.
The left that hate business don't understand how it works.
Because it never opened a business.
Well, business business.
Dude, your English sucks.
I hope you weren't born here.
But that's a very good point.
Even if you were to hire your brother, There's resentment from the other people in the office.
That's one thing this guy didn't mention is, say you were to hire a super hot chick just so you could boner, I don't know why you would do that, A. B, your other business partners are going to hate you for draining the bank account on this whim that you're going to get laid.
I think a lot of lefties who've never run a business, they just assume that you have infinite money.
And you don't.
Even when you're General Motors, you don't have... it's not like a big Lord of the Rings pile of gold that you can just go in and grab a bunch of gold coins.
There's a budget.
Everything is accounted for.
So, for Jill Abramson to say that we hired women just to sleep with them, and she bases this on the fact that Shane Smith ended up marrying a girl who works there, is just such a flimsy, stupid premise that shows she knows nothing about business.
Thank you for that letter, Shachar.
Here's Lee S. University of Missouri cop was fired over a Flavor Flav blackface photo.
Police officer, At University of Missouri.
Wait a minute, is he a police officer or a student?
Maybe he's like a guard, you know?
No, you're not a police officer there.
Yeah, the MU Police Department.
Officer Marcus Collins of the MU... Are we giving these campus police too much credit?
That kind of trivializes real cops, does it not?
A little bit.
Yeah, you fight, you have to... What are you worried about students doing?
Being late?
Like garage cops?
Yeah, all you're dealing with is rape.
You're not gonna get shot.
Anyway, yeah, Flavor Flav.
We should do a whole podcast on blackface.
I just found recently Billy Crystal.
He used to do Sammy Davis Jr.
and he would of course be in blackface.
And he somehow skipped, like Jimmy Fallon got in trouble for it, Jimmy Kimmel got in trouble for it.
All these people are being discovered.
Joni Mitchell used to dress up as a black guy, a black pimp.
She had a name for him.
And she'd dress like him at parties and stuff.
I think she was sick of being recognized because she was famous.
People have been doing this forever, and yes, it's often disrespectful.
Sometimes, believe it or not, it's irreverent, and sometimes it has nothing to do with America.
All over Europe, they have blackface traditions, like Black Pete, which is Santa's helper in, I think, Amsterdam.
Or the Black and White Minstrel Show was the most popular show in Britain when I was a kid.
It was not malicious.
All right, what else?
Don't send me news pieces.
I have access to the news.
Art Nouveau was the name of the character that Joni Mitchell... Oh, his name was Art Nouveau.
Yeah.
You hear that?
The blackface pimp.
The hippies in the 70s considered blackface Art Nouveau.
Brian McDonald.
Hey Gavin, we're the same age.
Whatever happened to the code never being a tattletale?
When we were kids, ratting out to a grown-up was considered the lamest, weakest thing you could do.
It was like the kid's version of Omerta, right?
Now, tattletailing is the single organizing principle of the left.
It's like every kid you hated has made it a positive value instead of being the shameful act it should be.
Excellent point, Brian.
Yeah, and you know what I've noticed too is military guys ratting out their fellow military guys for being proud boys.
This one guy was wearing the black and white Fred Perry, and they were sitting having beers, and he said something like, venerate the housewife, and he said, you're starting to sound like a proud boy, and he says, I am.
And then that night, or maybe the next day, the guy that he said that to went and reported him to his superior officer.
Now the thing that sketches me out about that is, aren't you supposed to go to war with these guys?
Like, aren't you supposed to jump on a landmine for this person?
But you rat him out for being the member of an SPLC hate group?
Isn't that fucked up?
Here's the rules with tattling.
This is the rules for all things, actually.
You ready?
You never jeopardize a man's family, Relationship, no, family, home, or job.
So, here's family.
Family includes relationship.
So say you're, this is a very meek, minor one, but it still works.
Say you smoke a lot, and your girlfriend doesn't know you smoke, and your buddy says something to your girlfriend that rats you out for smoking, and she's pissed.
You just jeopardized that guy's relationship.
That's fucked up.
That guy should never speak to you again.
That's an X as far as I'm concerned.
What about the job?
Same thing, you know, rats somehow make some inappropriate comment around your boss or fucks with your job and then your boss finds out and then you could have gotten fired.
That's fucked up.
That's an X. Never speak to him again.
Now the home one, that goes back more to the 1500s.
That's an antiquated thing.
I just like saying things in threesome, holding on to it.
But here's an example of how it could be relevant in 2019.
You're having a party at your house, your apartment.
And the super comes by to say it's too loud, and your buddy tells the super to go fuck himself.
Oof.
Now, he's jeopardizing your home.
Right.
And that's an ex.
And those are all forms, the tattletailing is in there.
Alright, Timothy Ryan Fernandez.
Watched it with Owen last night, blah blah blah, and he plans for another show.
Um, fuck off.
Yes.
This other guy sent me this message twice because he's so convinced it's awesome.
And it's a picture of Obama, you've probably seen it before, sitting on a couch very close to a guy with a mustache.
He then lists a bunch of reasons why he thinks it's proof Obama's gay.
I've heard a lot of these, yeah.
Yeah, I don't care.
All right.
I grew up on Long Island.
I know your friend Leslie.
She didn't hang out with us too much.
Anyway, the thing about all those betas from back in those days is they're all clones of her.
Insanely sanctimonious left-wingers.
Physically weak, never been in a fight.
Blah, blah, blah.
All right?
That's not interesting.
This is from Billy Leishman.
Love the show.
Couldn't help but overhear that you're Scotch-Irish.
I myself am also that.
So I guess my question for you is, has anyone ever made fun of your name by calling you Grabbin' My Penis?
Mm, I saw that one, yeah.
That's really funny.
Michael Shane.
Coming from a military family, my dad was really touch and feel.
No, was really touch, and I feel like people growing up around me lack that experience.
I think he means tough.
So now there's a bunch of pussies entering their mid-twenties.
I got in a fight the other day with some asshole over a road rage, and immediately everyone pulled out their phones and called the cops.
Yeah, that really is starting to piss me off.
This constantly calling the goddamn cops.
These guys went to the police academy, okay?
A cardboard person jumped out with a gun.
They shot at that person.
A cardboard person jumped out and didn't have a gun.
They didn't shoot that person.
And if they did, they lost points and they would do it again.
And practice and practice, figuring out the bad guys to shoot.
And you call them because you're on your rascal, like Mary Mobility.
You gotta look up Mary Mobility.
And someone walking their dog wouldn't get out of the way?
Like some of these cops must get calls where they go, what's the problem here?
Like the cop in my neighborhood who was told that someone drove by her house Her friend's house, and she was worried that it made her friend feel unsafe.
It's a long story.
I won't bother filling you all in on, but... The cop goes, well, I don't understand what the crime is here.
Like, you have to name a crime.
They're at the point now where they just call the cops when they're inconvenienced, and something didn't go their way.
You need a cri- Call the cops?
I don't even think cops should be called for fights.
When my dad was a young man, When I was a little kid, he'd come home with a broken nose all the time.
And it would be because someone wouldn't pick up their dog's shit, or just a dumb brawl, or someone said something rude about my mother while he was in a...
Why are you coloring Buzz Lightyear?
There's a million colored pictures of him on the internet.
What are you going to do with that?
I have ADHD, I took an Adderall.
I'm multitasking.
And I listen so much better when my hands are doing something.
I know, but you could have found me Mary Mobility or something.
I'm not hiring you to color in Toy Story characters.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
This is the problem with not having a dad.
You don't have any shame.
I shouldn't be ashamed of this.
I'm a proud boy.
But not a proud boy.
I'm a proud male, is what I mean.
Anyway, that's a good point.
The real problem here with this next generation is the lack of dads.
And I was just on Reddit Cringe and I saw these two guys.
One of them was having trouble waking up from his nap in the middle of the day.
And then the other one was so fat that while his cat appeared to be being murdered in the other room, you could hear it going, he couldn't really get it together to go look into it.
Because he was just too fat.
You know these fatties today where their cheekbones are sort of protruding and making them have a different face than their face?
There's fat guys that have their face and then the rest of them is fat.
Then there's fat guys where the fat is coming up the cheeks and it's changing their whole shape.
Like tectonic plates clashing just like pushing more features where there are none usually.
Syrian Wilcox, you can now buy a pooch selfie stick that has a squeaky tennis ball built in so you can get the perfect pup selfie every time.
Thank you for that.
What this reader is showing us, listener, is it's a phone with a tennis ball stuck on the top.
So when you pull out your phone to get a selfie, the dog is fixated on the tennis ball and you get a really good dog selfie.
Saw this car driving home yesterday and it said, my kid has paws.
How is that?
Saying it's a dog mom.
Gosh.
I'm a 32 year old married woman with a dream of soon becoming a stay at home mom.
Amanda, your time is running out.
Until I get a baby inside me, I'm stuck in the workforce and often have problems with other women out there.
It's tricky directing, delegating, confronting women at work because they're so damn emotional.
I love the way you deal with confrontation, how you confidently take on leadership roles and call out all the bullshit.
I admire this about you and want So Badly to be more like that.
What advice can you give me that would help navigate the workforce with other women?
It might be helpful to note that I work in a preschool.
Here's my advice, Amanda.
Lie.
Do not tell women like it is.
Do not explain to them that they're incompetent, that they fucked up.
You're going to get in trouble and you're going to be accused of being hard to work with.
So I think the advice for a lot of women in the workforce is the same with millennials, and that is kiss their ass, tell them they're wonderful, don't be mean to them, and You constantly sort of become a mommy and hug them and say, you did a great job.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's what I've learned.
I've worked with millennials since there were millennials.
And when you say things like, hey man, if you could stay this weekend, we'd pay you double what we usually pay you.
Not interested.
Money's not an incentive to them.
But love is.
They need hugs.
They need to feel like they're part of a family.
And that is remarkably annoying.
Why don't you just use the paint bucket?
That's whack.
Why?
It's not fun.
Then the whole thing's done in like two minutes.
I never understood chores where they didn't have to be done.
There's so many things that should be done, like repairs and stuff.
I don't understand why you would purpose, like, it's like a sand sculpture or something that you just throw away into the wind when you're done.
It's just, uh, but it's, you know, it's your, your passing time with, uh... Can you believe what I have to work with, folks?
And this guy can take abuse.
You know, my dad always said, and this doesn't apply to you, Amanda, Amanda, you have to kiss their ass and get out of the workforce.
You need to find a man fast.
Come on, Amanda.
Get a man, Amanda.
Here's what you have to do.
What do you need?
A man.
Duh.
Um, I might, ladies, if you're listening out there, you may want to try marriage rape.
There's a friend of mine did this.
She kept talking about marriage with her boyfriend.
And then he said, yeah, I would probably have to use the ring that my grandmother had.
It's like a family tradition.
I mean, a lot to my mother.
She goes, Oh, cool.
Let me see it.
So he goes and gets it.
And the next time they meet, he has it.
She grabs it.
They've been dating now for like a year and she goes, Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Yes, I do.
Oh.
And the next thing you knew, they were on their way to marriage.
I guess that's how that works.
Especially in New York, where men will just have options forever.
I'm 48.
I could probably get a hot 25-year-old.
And I look like Donald Sutherland with AIDS.
So the only way you can get a man is just to make him say shit or get off the pot.
Because if you keep giving the milk away for free, no one's going to buy the cow.
And don't be tough on women.
Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say.
My dad said, you know, I'm not pleasant to work with.
I'm very congenial in a social setting.
And he is quite a charmer when I bring him to parties and stuff.
But as far as work goes, he's a dick.
And I'm like that too.
I think work is where you have to get the job done.
You want to have fun?
Let's go out for beers after.
But work should not be fun.
It's like digging a hole.
You have a job to do.
There's no tickling.
There's no giggling.
You can make some, you know, insulting quips to help alleviate the tension sometime, but for the most part, it should be hard.
You should not be coloring Buzz Lightyear.
Don't you have anything important to do?
Well, I was lining up the footage before, so I did all that.
I lined up the audio to the video, but now I'd have to listen, so nothing that wouldn't obstruct the thing.
Well, you haven't helped.
You got Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but it was late.
And then, yeah, I got the Art... Joni Mitchell's alter ego.
Art Nouveau.
All right, Jeff Williams.
This is exciting.
I pulled this one up, too.
Ready for this one?
The issue I am presenting to you is a case of my client who did not will fortune to any next of kin.
I am now faced with who to pass the fortune to.
It involves a time deposit of US $9.3 million?
Holy turkeys.
Oh my god.
The circumstances surrounding the death of the depositor with no known nominated successors made it difficult to locate anyone who is directly related to the deceased.
The strategy is to use my position as his attorney to present you, meaning me, as next of kin and beneficiary of the time deposit for capitalization to your account and sharing amongst us.
I expect your response and shall provide further details.
I shouldn't be reading this out loud.
Is this Nigerian scams?
No, dude.
I am about to get 9.3 million.
Sheesh.
Wow.
And that's from a fan?
That is from the attorney of the deceased.
It's pretty amazing that you are falling for this.
It makes me worried.
No, it's spam folder stuff.
So, it's JeffWilliams101 at Yandex.com.
I looked up Yandex.com.
It appears to be a search engine.
Have you ever heard of that?
Yandex?
Nope.
Dex.
Hmm.
It's probably Eastern European.
Sounds legit.
All right.
Matt Mullen.
Beginning of the current podcast made me think of this.
My brother-in-law's a very wealthy guy.
When he's in town, he invites his cousins and friends to meet him at the bar.
When you walk in, he asks what you're drinking and gets it for you.
Everybody usually starts out with a light beer.
Or, sorry, starts out light with a beer.
He won't accept money.
He says, buy me the next round.
Once everybody arrives and gets their first drink, he closes his tab immediately and tells the bartender that everyone's buying his drinks for the night.
And he suddenly switches from beer to top-shelf liquor.
Oh, fuck.
He never spends more than 40 bucks.
It's a good, smart trick I'm going to start doing.
Good, smart?
What a fucking asshole.
What are you talking about?
Well, that's fair.
Is it?
Yeah.
I'll tell you what though, this weekend my brother was in town and I violated all the downer rules.
Almost all of them.
Went more than 15 hours.
Saturday was...
Unbelievable AIDS.
Saturday was four hours of walking around.
The rest was just crying and moaning in bed.
And the worst part was, we went to White Horse Tavern in the West Village, and I sat down at a table with a bunch of people.
Some coming, some going.
And guess what the bill was?
$500.
There was about 37 Budweisers included in that.
Frick.
I had just sat here preaching on this microphone, To young people and saying, don't sit in a big group.
And then I sat in a $500 pile of shit.
Do as I say, not as I do.
And of course it was the woman who didn't pay her share.
I only had a few wines.
So I ended up, and I was drinking nothing but bud.
I must've paid 150 bucks for those fucking Budweiser's.
Frick.
All right.
This is from Bogtan Punchkov.
I'm a Ukrainian student who's going to intern in Ottawa this summer.
Could you do an episode about do's and don'ts of Ottawa?
No.
Next.
What's this one now?
Oh, this is a news story.
You know what?
I'm going to start recording episodes of this show soon.
He's talking about Ali, Ozrael Avi, Avi Yemeni, of Australia, who's a Jewish guy, friend of mine, who does videos, and he was interviewed by Jim Jefferies.
And Jim Jefferies tried to frame him and make him look like he hates Muslims.
And the way Jim did this was he said he hates Muslims and he drew Muhammad.
And he said that he doesn't trust them and a whole bunch of anti-Muslim rhetoric, Jim Jeffries said, but Avi was recording it.
Now, this is on TR News.
You can find Avi Yamini at O-Z-R-A-E-L-I, like Israeli, but from Oz, so it's Ozraeli, Ozraeli Avi.
And you can see him, it's his pinned tweet.
And I'm worried it's not going to get that much views.
It ought to.
It only has about 9,000 views, but the comedy show Um, the Daily Show tried to do that, do that to me and duped me.
That's what you have to understand when you see these, these, um, when you see these, you know, gotcha shows, they're fake.
The person doing it has been duped into saying the evil things.
A lot of Bruno was like that, too.
Not Bruno, but the most recent Sacha Baron Cohen thing.
He had Dick Cheney sign a water bottle that was used to torture someone, to waterboard someone.
That was Dick Cheney dealing with a war vet.
You don't know if the guy has mental problems, PTSD, so you're nice to him.
Or the other ones that Sacha Baron Cohen got was teaching little kids how to use guns.
Yeah, that was sort of what he did, but you neglected to mention the part where it was for an Israeli school that had been shot up recently.
So people don't know what Israel is like, and they are on the side of caution and say, okay, I guess Little kids are getting shot.
Yeah, they should be armed.
So that was another scam.
You're taking advantage of people who are trying to be nice to someone when they don't know their backstory.
And they're not fucking with people, they're doing the opposite.
And you're taking advantage of their kindness.
That's why I don't like a lot of prank calls, especially to pizza joints and stuff, where some zit-faced teenager is trying to make some money for himself.
And you're like, yeah, you shower and I'll show her.
Louise Sheehan.
I work in a workshop.
That sounds kind of worrying.
What is it?
All female carpenters?
No, thanks.
I work in a workshop with three other girls and we listen to your podcast sometimes at work.
You gave some solid advice on your recent one, but please don't encourage guys to show off their bulges.
Us four straight women came to the consensus that bulges are one, weird, two, look like squash sausages, three, distracting and not in a sexual way, and four, makes us feel uncomfortable when there is one on full display.
Men are great for the most part, but unfortunately your genitals ain't attractive, covered or non-covered, so please no bulge.
Sorry, Luis, you're wrong.
Look, we don't have a lot.
You have tits.
You have butts.
You have your fucking eyelashes.
You have a different outfit on every day.
We don't have a lot of places to shine.
We can get a fancy watch.
We can have a pocket square.
We can have a kooky tie.
We can have funny socks.
And then as far as showing off stuff, we can show off our arms in the summer and our gorgeous legs.
But as far as sexual things, all we have is balls.
And if you, if you, if we were living in a more sexually liberated time where men weren't seen as disgusting pariahs, you would like a crotch shot.
Not dick pics.
I'm not that stupid.
But back when I grew up in the 70s, women really appreciated men.
Like look up that picture of Burt Reynolds in Playboy.
His big hairy chest.
Not you, Ryan.
I mean in general.
He's got his big hairy chest.
He's holding a football.
Women were like, yeah, man, big hairy man is going to fuck me.
Not like some homo with a six pack.
In fact, Men were so sexualized, everyone was sexualized back in the 70s and 80s, but it was so intense that, and this is kind of gross, but as a young man, like as a kid, we thought we were sexy.
So we'd be like 10 and we'd have cut off t-shirts with like a coral choker, long feathered blonde hair, Tube socks and in every picture I look at my me and my friends when we were 10 We look like fucking we're in Motley Crue or something like a bunch of whores.
Yeah, like the way we're standing We're just like yeah, you like that.
I'm so fucking hot right now It was weird.
I know what you mean.
Yeah Yeah, like in like the basketball shorts super short like even that show.
What is it that camp show?
It's that comedy thing with Jeanine Graffalo, Paul Rudd.
Wet Hot American Summer.
Yeah, like even that, like the style, it's true to that whole like, look at me.
And even that movie too, everyone is super sexy.
Right.
Sex, like that's a little too much, but the pendulum swung too far the other way, and now there's no sex.
Mormons.
They're Mormons.
Okay, we're running out of time here, right?
How long have we been chatting for?
An hour fifteen.
Oh good, perfect.
Still barely took a chip out of the goddamn mail.
My name's Adam Scarmazino, and I play in a punk rock thrash band called Cosmic Kahuna from Melbourne, Australia.
We do pretty well, we toured Europe, Australia with hard-ons, celibate rifles.
If you were familiar with punk, you would know that those, I'm talking now by myself, those are the two, the biggest hardcore band in Australia I would say is the hard-ons, and the biggest punk band was the celibate rifles, as far as, you know, going back to the 80s.
And then he goes, because I was talking about those three bands that got banned in Austin, He says the the level at which bands are getting banned in Australia has truly reached mega clown world proportions.
It would be funny if it wasn't completely ruining the live music scene.
It started with silly comic book slasher type death metal bands like Hortopsy having their shows cancelled because they have a scary name and violent lyrics that incite violence against women.
This happening, of course, after the show was sold out and thousands of dollars were spent on promo, and ignoring the fact that plenty of women bought tickets.
Then, it extended to gig flyers, album art, etc.
Some punk band was banned because they had a swastika on one of their EPs from 1978.
Which was just part of a collage of gnarly images, like Sid Vicious used to wear.
I'm talking by myself now, right?
And all the bikers would wear swastikas back in the 70s, like there was a Bronx gang called the Chingalings.
I think they still have a swastika on their logo.
Back then, in the 70s and early 80s, a swastika just meant, fuck you.
I'm bad.
It didn't mean I deny the Holocaust.
Okay, back to the letter.
But the biggest, most insane, ridiculous kicker of all was the hard-ons, which I think they're Asian, being called out and chastised for being racist for touring with pub rock legends Rose Tattoo because Angry Anderson criticized Islam a few years ago.
Fun little side note, folks, Angry Anderson was the guy from, uh, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, who gets his feathers shot off by Mad Max.
Right?
I don't know.
I found this article, though.
You wanna hear that kid's band, Cosmic Kahuna?
Sure.
Okay, we're good.
It's called Stay in the Garage.
Yeah, Angry Anderson is the singer of Rose Tattoo, and he was the bald guy in Mad Max who had that mask over his head that had the long hair.
Such a cool costume.
God, that movie was cool.
You know, when we were in high school, we used to rent them all, all three, and stay up all night watching them.
First one is kind of plotless.
It goes on forever.
Anyway.
So, Angry Anderson criticized Islam.
So you can't tour with them now?
If the singer said something?
This is like that NASCAR guy who got in trouble because his father used the n-word in the 80s.
Yeah, the Hardons are three dudes and one of them's Asian.
But they're racist because they toured with a band whose singer said a rude thing a long time ago.
Anyway, back to the letter.
So where we're at now is young white lefty cunts in their 20s and 30s calling a band made up of a Korean and Sri Lankan immigrants white supremacists.
I'm pals with Hard On's bassist Ray On, who has told me crazy stories about having to deal with actual Nazis at shows in the 80s.
But now he's a Nazi and naturally finds the whole thing pretty upsetting.
I won't even get into diversity quotas and false rape accusations, otherwise this letter will go on forever.
Yeah, that's another thing, by the way.
Now it's me talking.
When I was a young punker in the 80s, fucking Nazis were everywhere.
Nazis made up Nazis.
I'm talking about Nazi Nazis, with swastikas tattooed on their fucking bodies.
And they would beat the shit out of us.
And they had, they were Nazi skinheads with 14-hole Dr. Martens and red suspenders and weapons.
They were homeless.
They had no families.
They had nothing to lose.
And they would come to shows and they'd stand on the edge of the pit and punch people in the head.
They'd come to our homes and hit us with baseball bats.
I sound like I'm reading this from something.
But yeah, it was harsh.
I remember one time we were at a, we were at a party and about 10 skinheads came in with baseball bats, smashed the shit out of everyone, including Aiden Gert, who hasn't quite been the same since, and girls running up the stairs, smashing them.
Then they went out the back and the car had circled the block and they went through the another property and then boom, they were on the, uh, back in the car and they're off.
Anyway.
One thing I can never wrap my head around is when I tell my friends and colleagues that all this censorship is exactly the same as Tipper Gore in the 80s with the PMRC cultural conservatives and all that.
You simply can't compute it all and just give me a blank stare and say something about white privilege.
Everything Tipper Gore was saying in the 80s is being parroted by the majority of the punks in Melbourne today.
Tipper Gore is basically Sid Vicious of 2019.
And then he just has to throw this in.
P.S.
Budweiser is not the king of beers.
It's for fags.
American beer is like having sex in a canoe fucking close to water, which by the way is our joke Australian person Find some Victoria bitter or Melbourne bitter blah blah blah.
Don't tell me how to drink beer Greg Johnson Dude, you were so lucky lucky to be happily married I just reentered the online dating world and Jesus Christ the amount of trannies and deceptive land whales is overwhelming I think it's even worse for me as I'm in Minneapolis and this town is essentially the Portland of the Midwest Nope.
I'm losing hope.
Looks like it's back to approaching random sluts at the Mall of America.
Also, I have a smack head friend who's nearly similar to your gay sunglasses.
Guy, you're right about smack.
It turns people into quasi-homos.
That was from Greg.
Yeah, I couldn't imagine dating now.
What about you, Ryan?
Nope.
Have you ever been on a dating app?
No.
Well, we did something for my friend's show where we pretended to be women to catfish guys and...
Then we had them call in thinking I was a paraplegic Asian.
So I look like a normal girl, but my body's not functional.
And they called in and I would be like, all right, so you want to meet up?
And they're like, yeah, I'll meet up with you.
And they would agree to do anything with this paraplegic girl.
Gross.
Yeah.
So besides that, no.
What do you think, every time I ask someone this, they sort of go, meh.
What do you think about a guy, a six foot tall guy, dating, falling in love with a midget?
Creepy.
Now, isn't that fucked up to tell that midget she can't love?
No.
It's just like, be reasonable.
Love has boundaries.
I think it's the gross.
You think it's the gross?
I think it's the gross.
I think the difference in age, difference in size.
Age?
I never said age.
No, I know, but I'm saying, I'm listening.
Oh, I see.
Difference in age, difference in size, skin color.
Just kidding.
So she can date like a five foot tall guy like you?
I think, wait, you said like six foot something, right?
And then like a four foot something.
What about a 5'11 guy and a midget girl?
They're both in high school.
She has blonde hair.
I saw this on that midget show.
Like Little People something.
Oh, she's a midget.
Actual midget?
Yeah.
Yeah, she's fine.
She can do whatever she wants.
What did you think I meant?
Like just a very small, short girl.
Okay.
But a midget, yeah, of course.
But isn't it kind of weird that he's attracted to something that resembles a child so much?
Maybe he just likes her for who she is.
And she just so happens to be tiny.
Yeah, but, okay.
It would be weird if you fell in love with a woman who had a swastika tattooed on her face.
Okay, yeah, sure.
That would be very distracting.
Yes.
Well, isn't it distracting that your girlfriend has a kid's body?
I'm sure a lot of the time it is, actually, yes.
Like I saw this couple on the L train once, and she was short, like shorter than you, if you can imagine that.
That's not very nice, but go ahead.
Like 4'11".
It's way shorter than me.
It's about you.
You without shoes on.
I'm 5'0".
Yeah, 5'0".
That's not true.
So she's short, and okay, whatever, people are short.
Her boyfriend was about 6'1".
Alright.
Now, she also had on a baseball shirt that had like the number 11 on it, green sleeves, and then she had on short shorts, like denim shorts that were kind of frayed, but they were very short, and then tube socks, and white chucks, and this is the worst part, pigtails.
Oof.
Basically, she looked exactly like a little kid.
That's a little baby girl, yeah.
Isn't that fucked up?
Of course.
Now, I want her to have a loving relationship, and they're both consenting adults, but like... Something's not right.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Because it seems like it's like a cosplay of a child.
Exactly.
Right.
And at the very least, it should distract you.
Like I think it's cool someone can fall in love with a guy who's missing an arm, but he looks like an adult.
I see what you're saying there.
All right.
Hey Gavin, you're subdued delivery of my zingers blah blah.
I have a band and we're really good.
I want you to hear this song.
Let's play the song.
Tell me if you and Gavin like it.
Sucks.
That's even flow.
Arian McCurdy!
Is that not Evenflow?
What?
That's Evenflow by Pearl Jam.
I don't know.
Gavin, what are your thoughts on my 600-pound life?
It is my favorite show.
Thank you for asking.
These people complain about their mean parents, thus the need to add several hundred pounds at the age of 15.
How life was so hard for them because their grandparents died, blah blah blah.
Would love your rant.
Thank you, Ari McCurdy.
Interesting letter.
Yes, there was one recently we watched, a guy named Aaron in Texas, who was up to, I believe, 740!
And he was, he eventually did very well.
I think he got down to 400.
So he lost three me's.
Um, but the thing about this guy was his dad was a military dude.
And he said, yeah, my dad was really strict.
And that's one of the reasons I, I would eat was to alleviate the stress.
And that sounds good in a movie, but I was talking to my wife about this.
You could say this about so much shit.
Like, my friend died when I was 13.
He was raped and murdered by this other kid at a neighboring school.
I couldn't make a whole intervention about that.
Wait, what?
Yeah, Trevor Coles.
Holy moly.
It was 1983 or 4.
Sheesh.
Uh, I could write a whole thing about that and say, I was never the same since.
And my dad was strict.
Here's a new theory I have.
You know, my uncles were kind of useless pieces of shit.
And one of them died.
He drank himself to death.
And his father, my grandfather, Johnny McInnes, was really hard on him.
But maybe when you're like a useless pussy of a kid, your dad seems strict because he's trying to save you.
Now, my grandfather did punch Alan in the face, like the way you would punch a man today.
And that's when he was a boy.
That does seem harsh.
But maybe these tyrannical fathers we keep hearing about are sensing an intense pussy of a son and trying to right the shift by being particularly strict.
And then these pussies who were going to be pussies whether their father was strict or not, It was the dad who was mean.
mean because I know lots of children of military parents who are kicking ass and taking names and have incredible discipline so I think that the strict cop every time I look over at this clown Ryan he's adding another layer of stars to his colored in Buzz Lightyear It looks very good.
Like, it's funny we're talking about how millennials are infants and they can't grow up, and he's sitting there trying different hues of galaxy behind Mr. Lightyear.
It's certainly an improvement from this.
That's stark.
It's cartoony.
You know, I've been talking to people who work on My 600-lb Life.
I've managed to track down the production company.
I really want to get Dr. Now, but he'd have to be making fun of his own show.
Right.
And that's not going to happen.
He could probably be light about it.
Well, someone had a very interesting idea.
Let's just take his shit out of context.
So I'll say, I'll be sitting in a chair that'll be like the chair that's in the show.
And I'll say, uh, yeah, I was, I was 183.
I was trying to get down to 179, but I just was retaining water.
And then we cut to him going, why are you, what are you talking about?
Why are you lying to me?
Oh, from the show?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That'll work.
Like Elizabeth, what's her name?
Stuckley did to Alexandria Cortez.
Faked an interview.
Oh, that was fun.
And it's like they can't get mad because it's like built, they know that it's, you know, fake.
Clyde always wants to point out that shampoo is an ugly word.
Thanks for sending me that fucking message there, dickweed.
Joseph Schulich, my son, said the coolest thing the other day.
He's six years old and he goes, Dad, Dad, Dad, you shouldn't call your interviews a show because a show is like gumball.
And then my other son goes, Johnny, Gumball's a cartoon.
And then Johnny goes, it's the exact same thing, Nimrod!
It's the exact same thing, Nimrod.
He calls us Nimrod and his other one is Pinhead.
Like, he's really good at... Those are classics.
He'll kick your ass.
Those are classics.
He makes his older brother cry.
He'll punch him.
Oh, shit.
Um, this is from Joseph Shulick.
Gavin, a few months ago you mentioned a trick used to get women in the mood to dill some fiddle and it went something like saying, I'm calling the cops.
These weapons are clearly illegal and slapping their breasts and or ass cheeks.
Last night with the cards stacked against me, it worked like a charm.
I've had an eight-month dry spell with women, which is sad considering I'm 20, and somehow found myself in bed with a dying piece.
Her boyfriend just died and she wasn't reciprocating with attempts to round third base and head home.
It was a very difficult situation.
My mick charm and neck-sucking was enough, so I threw the Hail Mary, grabbed the phone, and used your trick.
Needless to say, my wee-wee is still sore.
Oh, okay, so you're... This is weird.
It's how to pick up chicks when they're nude in bed.
I didn't know that was a thing.
I thought we were pretty much good to go once everyone's naked and in bed.
I don't remember giving that tip, but I like it.
I think, here's a secret, gentlemen, to getting laid.
Channel Bill Murray from Stripes in that scene where he's putting the spatula under her butt and he's pretending that, I think he turns on the boiler at one part.
You're gonna dig that up?
Okay, this is how you get laid.
I don't hear it.
Turn it up.
He's not gentle.
Are they hearing this on the show?
Because I'm not.
- Live and clear.
- Okay.
- You know what your problem is, baby?
- No, I don't.
- The problem is that you're armed.
You're heavily armed.
I have a lot of trouble.
These girls are armed.
- Takes her belt off.
- Get out of here, come on.
- You know what the rest of your problem is?
- He's clearly very horny, but not threatening.
- You've never had anybody give you the answer you might not trick me.
So just pause it for a second.
This is, he's a fucking scientist when it comes to getting laid.
So you have to show aggression because it turns women on.
But the last thing you want to do is scare them.
So you're aggressively funny.
It has to be clear that you really, really want to bone her, bone her.
But also if she really, really is against it, then you're just going to walk away and there's no genuine threat there.
But there still has to be an air of threat.
Brad, it's hard to explain.
He's basically tickling her.
And now he's rubbing her with a rolling pin.
She's laughing her head off.
He's got her blood flowing.
Now he's got an ice cream scooper.
Kind of hurting her a little bit.
And Bill Murray's hideous.
Okay, kiss her, you fool.
All right.
We're running out of time here.
We've got to close this up soon.
- You're incredibly head over heels in love with me.
- No! - You're helplessly, hopelessly, deeply in love with me, aren't you?
- Yes. - I knew it.
I had that feeling.
- Okay, kiss her, you fool.
- Even before I-- - All right.
We're running out of time here.
We gotta close this up soon.
Remember to tell everyone that I shut down the SPLC.
Eric Loopersbleck sent us this video from the killers and it's called "Land of the Free." - It's just the old man in me.
And it's about how much America sucks, and how we're so mean to immigrants, and how we have so many people incarcerated.
Oh, what's this one?
We've got more people locked up than the rest of the world.
Yes, that's true and it sucks and we're against the prison system and especially what welfare has done to the black family in sending innocent, not innocent, but mildly guilty men to prison.
We hate the prison industrial complex in this world, I mean in America.
But just for the record, we have more locked up in America because China kills theirs.
Venezuela kills theirs.
The Middle East kills theirs.
So, I hate the prison system, but you're doing it wrong, the killers.
Anyway, that's an annoying song.
Thank you, Eric.
William Control.
Now remember, this was the guy... I'm going to do a whole video on bands that have been shut down.
Okay?
I think it's jealous.
Jealous dorks who aren't good enough to play an instrument, who wish they were in a band, they just, out of vindictiveness, they want to shut down these bands.
So one of them was William Control, and he said his life was shut down.
And then I got an email from a guy named Mitch Weiss, and he said, hey man, love your podcast, About this William Control guy, his accusations are legit.
My ex-girlfriend's twin sister was fucked by this dude when she was 15 to 16.
No joke.
Years later, I found out that this guy was also grooming her sister.
That was my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend at the time, and had been for years.
What?
First of all, I knew this story was bullshit when I heard grooming.
How do you groom a girl for years?
You mean court her for years?
What are you talking about?
I think that's what that means, yeah.
You just stay in their life, just kind of like throw something at them.
Yeah, that's not grooming.
That's hoping.
What is grooming?
No, grooming is like what the Pakistani gangs do in Britain.
What is the difference there like what is the you need some sort of inherent power that you're lording over her The fact that you want a boner one day.
Yeah, I'm grooming Eva Mendes right now.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Let's see if she breaks I know this dude.
This is just one dude's word.
Anyway, I thought whatever I sent it to the guy and He says to the guy, cool story bro, funny, I've been sober for 19 years and can remember every girl I fucked.
And she wasn't 15, she was almost my age.
And then, he contacts her.
And he says, hey there, I have a question for you.
You ever dated a guy named Mitch Vice?
And she goes, no.
And he goes, this guy is claiming that he dated a girl with a twin sister and I was grooming her and stuff.
And she goes, holy shit, people are still trying to go after you about that bullshit.
That was 10 years ago.
Yeah, that was definitely not me.
So then he says, yeah, this is just another example of me being framed.
And then the dude Mitch Weiss contacts me and goes, hey man, hitting you up since William reached out to me and set the record straight on some shit.
Consider my ass converted.
Women are fucking crazy, bro.
Yeah, Mitch.
Thanks, man.
We, we have a court of law.
Ladies, if someone molests you, go to the cops.
Don't destroy his career based on a rumor.
I mean, it's one thing if you want to replace the Magna Carta because you have a much better judicial system.
All right, I'm all ears.
What do you got?
But they don't.
They have a much worse judicial system and they just shut down these people's lives on a whim for nothing.
Isn't that fucked up?
How many guys do we know?
How many Cale Hartmans?
How many William Controls?
How many bands have been shut down because of some rumor that some guy said something?
You'd rather have it go to the court.
Yeah, well, Cale would love them to take him to court.
And also, Charles Johnson pointed out, he said, we sometimes we call this communism and we say this is like, this is like Eastern Europe, but no, Eastern Europe is worse.
I mean, sorry, better.
Because they send you on a gulag, and then you come back and your record is expunged.
Here, these rumors stick with you forever.
Kale will always be known as the rape guy.
He never got a trial, he never got a gulag, he never got his say.
That's just who he'll be for the rest of his life.
Trial free.
And people go, well, you know, that's the free market.
No.
If the mob is roasting people, Then that's just as bad as the government doing it because you're still unemployed.
You're still fucking fired.
All right, I gotta go.
I've been ignoring a lot of calls.
I gotta get on with my life.
That includes a lawsuit against the Southern Poverty Law Center for, among other things, extreme corruption.
I fought back after they lied about me And said I was a bigot and said my super fun fraternal men's club was a hate group and they got at least 36 members fired.
I fought back after that.
They laughed in my face, then begged for a 60 day, um, uh, delay.
