Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, and guests dissect Netflix roasts, contrasting Kevin Hart's resilience with Tony Hinchcliffe's animosity toward Chelsea Handler. They analyze the Jeffrey Epstein case, noting the absurdity of only one conviction amidst a ring involving powerful men who escaped or died by suicide. The conversation shifts to the New York Knicks' unexpected success, conspiracy theories about Mayor Eileen Wang, and UFC fights where Strickland defeated Hamza via piston jabs. Finally, they debate Hantavirus transmission risks and critique AI-generated UFO files before joking about turning the virus outbreak into a reality show. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, WAV2VEC2_ASR_BASE_960H, sat-12l-sm, script v26.04.01, and large-v3-turbo
Time
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Getting Off The Internet00:14:35
What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrance.
Your boy Schultz, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, Miles Media in the building.
How are you guys?
These roasts are getting brutal, bro.
I'm getting soft.
I'm getting soft.
Some of these jokes, I was like, ouch.
Get off the internet, bro.
Get off the internet, Alex.
The internet will have you feeling that things are worse than they are.
Bruh.
When they talked about.
Well, we get to get into it later.
Yeah.
But fuck.
It was.
You ain't feeling none of the jokes were a little rough?
We'll get into it.
We'll get into it, man.
We flew back from California a couple days with both kids.
Oh, nice.
I don't know how Epstein did it, man.
I'll be honest with you.
Traveling with kids is so fucking brutal, bro.
He had to have a different plane, right?
There's no way you're taking one of your planes.
Nah, those kids were Delta.
They had to.
They had to.
It is crazy that they haven't devised a system, a place to put the kids.
Yeah.
Like, because they did it with the animals.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, I'm not saying, and I'm very grateful for my kids.
Don't get me wrong.
Of course.
Of course.
But five hours on the screen.
But you see, Epstein died.
Spirit's no longer here.
Oh.
At least with spirit, they get to watch violence.
Yeah.
You know, like, because my kid's not on a screen, but he can watch two baby mamas beat the shit out of each other.
But, like, we were just sitting there.
My wife's just like, we're not doing any screens.
And I was like, what?
Yeah.
And she's like, yeah, we're not doing any screens.
And my wife is in a seat, in Front of us, and I'm behind with Shiloh.
That's kind of fucked up with her, yo.
Yo, but she's breastfeeding the baby and everything like that, and I'm back, and like I tried to do no screens, and like I threw on that Coco Melons, bro.
On your screen.
So on my screen, I put the Coco Melons.
I didn't even have my volume on.
I don't think I blink for 30 minutes straight.
That shit should be illegal.
That's terrorism.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bro, it's so many flashing lights.
Mm hmm.
And I'm literally like glued.
My daughter is glued to the screen.
My daughter's getting jump scared.
Like, there's so much stimulus.
My daughter keeps going like this.
Like, she goes, and then she'll look at me and she'll be like, and this is her first time.
Imagine your first time trying any drug is fentanyl or heroin.
There was no gateway, no screen to Coco Melon.
Yep.
I think we got to show Coco Melon.
So wonderful.
So, on Mother's Day, the one rule your wife actually not to do, you broke.
And all my no, no, no, I broke it.
I broke the fuck out.
No, because they weren't watching it, you were watching it, and they chose to sky watch it.
I put on a shot thinking I was gonna scroll my phone and talk to y'all.
I didn't even open my phone, I was so locked into Coco Melons, dude.
There's a moment.
Oh, that is, yeah, it is.
Oh, it's non stop, and this is just the intro.
You already locked in, and this is no volume, so that way it feels like how you guys were watching it.
Also, for the record, guess how many views this has.
Random guess.
What, in a billion?
Eight billion.
What?
Eight billion views.
This has more views than people on the planet.
What?
Yeah, Al.
You get addicted to it.
You got to understand.
My daughter's never seen an iPad, never seen a screen.
And then I put on the most.
Spent in all the musicals.
Yes, son.
That's crazy.
You should have seen it.
A billion?
The flight attendant came around.
She was like, Oh, at first, I had no headphones on for her.
I was like, We're just going to watch the screen because I thought that might be too stimulating.
I put the headphones on and no bullshit.
The second I put the headphones on, she watches and I'm watching her and I just see her slowly smile.
Like this slow ear to ear Cheshire cat smile creeps across her face.
And I'm watching my kid become addicted to something in real time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Woo!
Yeah, dude.
You gonna feel bad about that?
Feel bad.
I could be a dad now.
You just need Coco now.
All these people complaining about how hard it is to raise kids when you got screens.
I don't wanna hear none of that.
No, no problem.
I tried to put on the first episode of Sesame Street.
Emma downloaded it onto the iPad.
That's good.
The first ever episode of Sesame Street.
It's probably trash.
The way Shiloh couldn't give a fuck after watching Coco Melon.
It was like smoking a cigarette after you inject heroin straight into your fucking head.
Zero.
Didn't even understand it logically.
Like she was like, why is he in the garbage?
Like there was no.
She was like, why is this entertaining or fun?
And this transformed television.
This one show transformed television.
Yep.
I mean, you've seen little kids react to Cocomelon, right?
You've seen the videos?
No.
I'll try to find one.
There's videos of like little kids hearing the theme song and they go crazy.
Look at this little kid sleeping.
Cocomelon!
Oh!
No!
Give me that!
No, this show is bad, bro.
You can't do it.
Wow.
You can't do it.
They get so fired up.
But you also can't.
Alien is freaks.
You also can't fly for five hours with two kids.
You can't do that.
Yeah.
That's an impossible task.
I don't know how people did that.
The fact that she asked you to do that is.
That was mean.
That's mean to everybody else on a plane.
Yo, come on.
Here's the other thing.
Like, I didn't even think about no one else on a plane.
Like, they didn't even enter my brain.
All I, like, it did, like, oh, it could be uncomfortable for them.
I don't care.
Is that mean?
Is that selfish?
Yes.
No, you get locked in.
You get locked in.
I think you've just become so focused.
Yeah, micro focused on just like making sure your kid's okay.
I don't want to snitch on you, but he did something so funny.
We were trying to figure out routing from Flights because we were like in Denver.
He was like, Maybe I go back to New York, I go to LA.
And I was like, Well, you know, if you go to New York, we can get some stuff done, then you go to LA.
And he was like, Yeah, but I could go straight to LA.
And I was like, Yeah, it's just time away from the family, though.
And he goes, Yeah, but it's a flight without the kids.
I was like, Bro.
He's scheduling his geographical travel to not fly outside.
Can I tell you something?
Can I tell you something?
I ain't shit.
Can I tell you something?
Emma brought it up to me.
She goes, Why don't you just go right from Denver to LA and then we'll just Come to Santa Barbara earlier because it was her dad's 80th birthday.
She never said yes faster.
I was about to, and I had to be like, I had to stop it because I couldn't let her know how excited I was.
And I was like, I don't know if that makes sense.
Like, I should probably just fly back and then we all go back.
And she's like, it doesn't even make any sense.
I would just go straight to LA.
You could do your meetings or whatever.
And I was like, all right, man, I guess.
Fine.
If you insist, I'll avoid that five hours.
I'm going to be in the Delta One lounge with who, though?
You know, who will I be with?
I'll be totally alone, bro.
No wonder you drove to the airport with us because you felt bad that she had to do that flight all by us.
I went to LA.
Yo, why are you coming with us to pick her up from the airport?
Like, if she flew alone, she could take an Uber.
It's not even like he had a car.
He got dropped off of the airport on his feet, like GDA.
He was just walking around.
I was grabbing all the bags quick, throwing them in the back of the car.
I was doing everything I possibly could, man.
We got into the car, both kids asleep immediately.
I was like, yo, this was hard for y'all to travel with the kids.
What's so difficult about this?
It is my least.
Favorite part of parenting.
I truly love being a dad except travel.
You need another vacation once you land.
Like, you land from vacation with the kids, and any relaxation that you got for the week away is evaporated on that flight.
Because there's nothing on the flight.
My daughter grabbed the scoop of ice cream with her whole hands.
You know how they bring the scoop of ice cream?
I was like, She wants some ice cream?
She's like, Yes.
I was like, Hold on, I'm just going to get the spoon.
I went to unwrap the spoon that's in the napkin.
She just went boom, boom, slammed that shit right in her face.
Chocolate sauce everywhere.
Fucking whipped cream everywhere.
She's like, Coco now, Coco now.
He turned her into a savage, bro.
I don't even believe those stories.
And people are like, oh, like the travelers went west and like five of their kids died.
No, no, no.
They killed them.
They killed the kids.
They killed the kids.
100%.
Oh, Johnny got Ricketts back in Oregon.
Typhoonic fever or whatever it is.
Now you left that motherfucker.
He's just wagging, dude.
Because they didn't have iPads.
Think about that.
You had to travel from like what, Denver to Oregon without iPads?
There are people called travelers.
They're gypsies.
And their choice in life.
It is to only travel with the kids.
And what do they do with their kids?
Send them around to go do scams in Paris.
And they drug them.
I think that's why they drug them.
That's the only way to travel with the kids.
Makes so much sense now.
Son, there is no way.
I used to feel, I used to think that those people were evil with the drug kids on the slip.
They're evil.
They're trying to get by, yeah.
They're travelers.
They're traveling every day.
They live in a Winnebago.
They're homeless.
They're fucking cars.
That's a good point.
They're evil.
They got me for 500 one time.
No, 500?
500.
You was walking around with $500.
I don't want to tell a story.
No, you have to tell it.
Which also, there's gypsy problems.
I kept this with a Detuck for like four years.
Tell me, tell me.
Shout out to the Roma, bro.
I love the Roma.
After they fucked over at this.
Tell me a story.
All right, so I'm traveling to Philly.
I'm at an American gypsy.
You got an American gypsy.
You dumb motherfucker.
They send their beauty in here.
This is the beauty.
We've got gypsies here.
I never met a gypsy in my life.
So, what did you think it was?
You're a Traveled dude, you've been around the world.
Big kid dude came to me, he's like, Yo, I'm charging.
And so he comes over to me, he's like, Yo, we ran out of gas, we have to go on this long trip.
We're seeing family.
The kids are like sick in the car.
He brings me over, the kids look sick in the car.
And I'm like, Yo, what do you need, bro?
He's like, Yo, don't worry, I'm gonna pay you back.
I promise.
He starts taking off his jewelry and shit like that.
You could hold this, you get the money.
Yep, bro, 500 slater, I'm in that room.
And I drove away with a Fake Rolex.
I'm a heck.
Wait, you kept the watch?
You kept the watch.
Fuck out of here.
I'll give my money back.
But yeah, they got me.
I never met a gypsy before in my life.
And usually our homeless, they never use kids.
Yeah.
So that was my first time.
Yeah.
And I felt bad for the gypsy.
The fact you kept the watch makes me feel no sympathy for you at all.
He was insisting.
That's the scam.
He was insisting.
A guy needed help and you were like, I'll help you.
But all of a sudden, do you know how gypsies are known for bare knuckle fighting?
Did you guys know that this is part of their history and lore?
The Irish gypsies.
But I know this is like the Gypsy King, like is part of this or not?
Of course, yeah.
A lot of these fighters come from that lineage.
But like the actual ones, there's this documentary called Knuckle where it goes into like what the actual street fights were about.
And there's like rules to this shit.
There's like a dirty one you could have where everything goes eye gouging, biting.
I watched a fight where a dude bit the dude's nose off, tip of his nose, bit that shit right off.
There was a dude that said, there was a dude that said, I'm fuck, I wish I knew his name.
He goes, after I bite someone's flesh off, I don't spit it out.
Because then he could sew it back on.
Damn.
I swallow it.
So he remembers the fight he had with me.
Anyway, what year is this, roughly?
I don't know.
Look up the documentary Knuckle.
I think it just came out recently, but it looks fucking amazing.
I was watching like a million Instagram clips about it.
Oh my God, it's so brutal.
This one right here, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's all literally Hatfield's and McCoy's.
It's all familial.
What is that called?
Blood feuds?
Yes.
I wouldn't say blood feud where you have to kill somebody.
Squash something in the ring.
So it's like if you guys have beef, you fight it out, and then that's where it is.
Allegedly.
It's like a duel or some shit.
Yeah.
I actually think that like Tyson Fury's dad got locked up for years because of something that happened in one of these fights.
Because Tyson Fury's dad was a gypsy, bare knuckle guy.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to say is they're so angry because they're traveling with kids.
Like, this is why these guys got a fight, is because their life is traveling with kids and they have like seven kids.
Yeah.
In one Winnipeg.
Yeah.
You got to get that out.
Yeah.
You got to get it out the system.
I'm so mad.
I reminded myself of that story and I'm still pissed the fuck off.
Shut out.
It's okay.
It is tough when we get got as New Yorkers because we're used to scams.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like every moment you leave your house is a scam.
But they hit me with the new one.
I never saw that.
We're not used to that.
Yeah.
And the kids look sick in the back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like American scams are always like business oriented.
You know what I mean?
It's like, hey, I just need a dollar for this thing.
I'm trying to start something.
It's always vaguely entrepreneurial.
Whereas over there, gypsies will just be like, my family's dying.
Just say what you want to say.
It was.
It's a black kid dancing in the fucking subway.
I know, I know.
He's dancing around and shit, entrepreneurial.
That's not a scam, bro.
That's not a scam.
Entrepreneurs are like, yo, I'm doing this for my basketball team.
Yeah, I respect that.
That's a business.
I respect the basketball team.
But I respect that more than a pole dancer.
There was something happening when New York got gay.
It don't matter how nice you are pole dancing.
Like, why are we giving respect to that?
These guys are pole dancing on the subway.
They're doing flips and shit.
Come on, you got to get what you're pole dancing.
These hoes are doing.
The best hoes are doing flips too.
How do they not pause that?
Yeah.
How do they not pause that?
They're not taking their clothes off.
They're not taking their clothes off.
That's the difference.
They take their jackets off a lot.
I held them one time.
One time.
They give you their hat.
Take your hat back.
My first day in New York, I'm on the train with my suitcase and one of the guys is dancing and he goes, Hey man, can I get some water?
And I'm holding a water bottle.
I was like, uh, sure.
And he takes it, puts his lips on it, closes it, gives it back to me, and then leaves.
And I was just like, damn.
And that guy's been holding a pole on the subway all day.
That's maybe one of the more German-fested human beings.
Pole Dancing On Subway00:02:11
Yeah.
And I felt like an asshole.
Hey, hey, hey.
Why?
He's on public transit.
He's holding the pole.
I'm sure they're pure L after.
You know?
Let me just.
Come on.
Yeah, I'll give it a benefit of that.
This is coming from a guy who doesn't wash his hands.
I was just taking a shit.
I don't wash my hands.
You are the most.
I rode the subway my whole life.
That's why I didn't get COVID like you seven times.
Okay.
Oh, no, no.
New Yorkers didn't get COVID.
You do got weak ass.
No, you didn't get COVID.
I got it twice.
I got it twice.
But you, because you didn't build up your immunity.
You were here not taking the subway.
We've been taking the subway our entire lives.
I actually do think there's something to this.
There's nothing that hasn't been in my mouth.
Oh, my God.
I've been on the subway my whole life holding on to the pole.
Yeah.
There.
My little baby dropped his apple on the sidewalk, picked it up, ate it.
And I was like, oh.
That's okay, bro.
That's okay.
There's doo doo on that sidewalk.
Yeah, I know.
There's doo doo on it.
But now he's going to be built a little differently.
Your kid will be built different 100%.
That's why I'm not worried about hantavirus or whatever.
A little bit?
I'm not.
It spreads from rat poop.
Say again?
Rat poop is what?
Nah, but this new one is human to human.
Yeah.
So you got fucked.
But now we're fucked both ways because we got rats and humans.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's some fucking like weird Dutchman that was using a rat as a vibrator or something like that.
You know, they're into some freaky shit over there.
You know the Dutch, those rat fuckers.
They're rat fuckers.
100% rat fuckers.
I don't want people to die, but I wouldn't mind another pandemic.
Yo.
I'm really, I'm really mad.
But we're not shutting it down again.
Nah, because we shut down with sun.
That's the, wait, that's the part I want.
It's not a shutdown and no one's dying.
How's it a pandemic?
What do you want?
We got to keep it open.
It's just people get sick.
We gotta keep it over you.
I like his version better.
I like everything.
We can't shut it down again, bro.
I got two kids.
We need to get their energy out.
I don't think we talked enough about the moms and dads that had kids in the house during the whole pandemic.
God bless them.
That's where you got 8 billion views.
Probably.
Low key?
Probably.
Look at where those views came from.
That's true.
What a spike was, right?
That spike happened in 2020.
Exactly.
Also, all of our shows, very quickly Salt Lake City.
Keeping Pandemics Open00:06:31
This coming weekend, thank you guys so much.
All shows are sold out.
I love you, Salt Lake.
June 5th and 6th, we're going to be at Virginia Beach.
June 5th and 6th.
So go grab tickets for that.
And then this summer, we're going to be at Great Outdoors Fest in Halifax, Nova Scotia, August 8th.
Theandrewschultz.com for all those tickets.
Thank you guys so much.
Everybody came out to the Netflix Joke Fest that Jelly Roll and I did.
That shit was crazy.
The Greek Theater.
That might be the most beautiful venue.
I mean, obviously, outside of my emotional connection to Madison Square Garden, but just.
Pure carved out of a forest, like unbelievable, awesome.
And thank you so much, everybody came out and saw us rock out.
And that was a pretty fucking awesome night.
So we really appreciate you, Mark.
What's up, people?
I'm going to be coming to a bunch of cities at the end of the year.
I'm going to Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, California, San Diego, and Detroit.
You can find that all at markagnonlive.com.
I can't wait to see you guys there.
Thank you.
And guys, I have my tennis event this Saturday, May 16th.
Just head over to Theallloveclub.com.
Theallloveclub.com.
Get your ticket there.
There's like about five or 10 tickets left for this Saturday, but we have two more this summer.
So, yeah, if I don't see you this Saturday, I'll see you at the other dates.
Base.
Bro, do you do this thing when you travel on the plane?
Yes.
And your girl breastfeeds?
Do you screen?
Do you pull a screen that way people can't look?
Can I be honest with you, man?
Yeah.
Once you have kids, your wife's tits is for the streets, bro.
They really are, dude.
They really are.
I know it's Sounds crazy, but it's like you're not as protective over there as you are.
I want to all due respect to yourself.
That's crazy.
That's their decision.
It's not ours.
Their decision is for the stream.
You just gave your wife tits up for the stream.
I didn't.
That's crazy.
But that baby got to eat.
That baby got to eat, man.
But y'all don't cover?
The baby cover.
Sometimes you do a cover.
Sometimes the shirt kind of hangs.
And then sometimes I will set a pick and I'll try to cover a little bit.
Yeah, but protect your tits.
That's your tits.
And then she'll be like, what are you doing?
And I'm like, well, yeah, just in case.
She's like, it's fine.
Nah.
You gotta also just like the baby pulls off, and then he sucked the titty into an Aladdin shoe.
Oh!
And it's just like flat and curled at the ends.
Jesus Christ.
And then you dap them up.
You're like, yeah, boy, get that milk.
Get that milk, Leek.
Bro, I heard a story of a girl that popped it out to feed her baby, and then.
Someone else sucked on it?
No, no.
I seen that on the subway.
I seen that.
A girl popped her titty out.
Dude popped right off of the fucking pole and just started sucking on her titty.
No, she got up to go to the bathroom, gave the baby to her husband, forgot to pull her shirt up.
And just titty out.
Walked through the whole thing.
That's what I'm saying.
They stopped being as protective.
I remember I posted a carousel when it was a few days after Lincoln was born.
Yeah, he was wild for that.
I didn't even realize one of the pictures had my wife's titty out.
And my wife doesn't even like being on the internet.
And I was like, oh shit, I think the titty.
And my wife was like, ah, it's fine.
Wow.
Yeah.
They don't care.
It's a very different, like, it stops becoming a sexualized part of the body.
To y'all?
That's a good point.
But isn't that what's going on?
I bite off the flesh and I swallow it.
No, there's a thing where it just becomes a tool.
It becomes a tool for sustaining life.
Exactly.
Now, to you guys, you might still sexualize it.
But there's the thing.
It's like women didn't even know that we liked feet, all of us, every guy.
Until, like, some asshole made a big deal of it on the internet.
Well, you?
I'm not me.
You're one of the foremost spokespeople.
Yeah, you are.
For paddling feet?
Yeah.
I think you're known more for a foot lover than a paddle.
That's probably it.
Yo, but, like, I should have never said nothing.
Foot lover?
Yo, foot lover is mad disrespect.
No, but, like, you got girls in the Havillanas, but they're curling their toes now, so we can't see it.
You know what I mean?
Stop burkaing your feet up.
If you're wearing the Havillanas, You know what I mean?
It's a luau.
I don't know.
That's a Brazilian thing, isn't it?
Shit.
I thought it was Hawaiian.
No, no, no, luau's Hawaiian.
But the Javianas are Brazilian, aren't they?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, my point is that, like, we fuck up and we let the world know about our sexual proclivities when it just was like another part.
Like, if you're into shins, nobody even knows.
You're right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The more you talk about it, the more it hides.
Exactly.
It's like a cat.
You got to let it come to you.
That was a little.
I think that makes sense.
If you chase a cat, it runs away.
You know what I mean?
So, you got to say nothing about the feet, keep it in the tuck, and then keep it in the tuck.
This is what happens when you grow up in New York.
This is a big issue, I think.
Why?
Because New York is not a sandal wearing place.
New Yorkers are not known for wearing sandals.
Mostly you don't wear sandals.
And then when you're walking on the street, like people judge me for wearing sandals on the regular basis in the summertime.
Yeah, you're disgusting.
But, like, why is wearing sandals on the sidewalk disgusting?
It's like, it's like.
You see New York streets?
Like, it's too close to the garbage.
No, no, you're making a good point.
Because it's so for me, it's like seeing a foot is like a Muslim dude seeing hair.
Yeah.
And they're like, he doesn't get to see it all the time, exactly.
And then he does, he's like, Oh, that's super attractive.
Thickest hair ever, yeah.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
That's a great point.
It's your forbidden fruit.
You should see, like, you ever seen an Eskimo look at a foot?
Yo, they must love being.
Oh, my God, bro.
I'm gonna look this up.
Oh, my God.
I think that's why they like narwhal because it's similar texture.
It's chewy.
You gotta dip it in soy sauce or whatever.
It's like a kid seeing Coco Mountain, bro.
Yes.
Oh, look, they wake up.
Now, I'm gonna look at foot fetters by geography.
I bet you could find a map of it.
Yeah, if you come from a barefoot place, there's no way.
Uh oh.
What do we got?
My whole theory's gone out the window.
What do we got?
States with the most foot fetishists.
Yep.
Okay.
New York.
It's all Andrew.
Chicago.
But these are two industrialized cities, so you're not going to really see feet that much.
Narwhal Texture Mystery00:13:24
Actually, maybe this goes to my theory.
So you got New York and Chicago, you're never going to see feet.
Yes.
Florida, Texas, Los Angeles.
You're going to see, I think, a lot of.
I think in Texas.
I don't think in Texas you do.
I think those are booted.
Yeah, those might be boot people.
That's a good point.
Florida is peculiar to me.
But what I would say is that the majority of people in Florida have moved there from New York.
That's a good point.
Right?
So it's like you're taking your fetish to a place where it's readily available.
Same as LA.
Same as LA.
Yeah.
Also, everybody in LA is in their car.
It's not really like a pedestrian place.
So you're not really seeing people walk around.
That's true.
That's true.
Yeah, that's a stupid ass theory, but it's true.
I mean, there might be something to it.
All right.
You want to talk about this, Rose?
Yes.
Let's talk about the Rose.
Al, you're sensitive, you feel a little uncomfortable about it.
I think it was a little harsh.
Okay.
Really?
What was harsh for you?
Cheryl Underwood's husband.
Oh, God.
So Cheryl Underwood is a legend, comedian.
It's been around forever.
And I guess her husband had committed suicide.
Yeah.
And like there was a lot of jokes going in.
Yeah.
But I saw her talk about an interview.
I think it was after.
I think it came out like today.
And she was like, that was her husband.
She was in the military.
And he was also in the military.
She was getting deployed or something.
This was like 30 years ago.
Oh, and they were married, and this is like the 90s, I think.
Oh, okay.
Something like that.
All right, I changed it.
I thought it was recent.
I'm like, God, you thought it just happened.
And a bunch of them called her.
Like Shane called before, according to him.
I think he said it in the row.
Yeah, Shane said he did.
Like he reached out to her and was like, Hey, is it cool if I said it?
She was like, Yeah, of course.
Yeah, but then what?
She's going to be a pussy and be like, No, it bothers me.
You know how God's going to be.
You're right.
It is a tough position to put her in.
Yeah.
I can see her just being like, I'd rather not.
It's really delicate.
Like I'm still reeling from it.
And then I think every comic would be like, All right, I get it.
Yeah, I don't think anybody would, but there is also a part of you that's on the roast.
You're like, all right, everything's freaking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't want to be the one pussy on the roast that gives people, like, oh, you can't say this?
I guess.
But in that regard, she was totally fine with it, according to this interview.
Yeah, but yeah, 30 years, that's nothing.
Okay.
I wasn't saying that.
I was in no middle ground at all.
I was like, this went too far.
I was like, if one of my college hoes died right now, I was like, what else was hurting you?
What else was hurting you?
No, that was the main one, but I feel like, This one was just, and I know that's the nature of a roast.
It's just like, hey, say the most brutal thing you could think of, and maybe I'm just getting soft.
I thought it was rough.
But isn't that part of it?
But I love it.
Yeah.
But if that comedy flies and everybody's okay with that, why can't that comedy just be the standard?
Mark had a great point about this.
So, first off, I love roasts.
I genuinely love them.
I love all the Comedy Central roasts.
I love the Netflix roasts.
I just enjoy just rapid fire, clever jokes.
They're biting.
They're steaks.
It's live.
It's like the whole thing.
Perfect.
I think I would buy people more in New York.
You don't even see that all the time.
It's just awesome.
It's like the best.
But I do think, for the general public, having an environment for super dark, roasty, borderline aggressive comedy is nice when it exists within a specific forum.
Because you're primed for it.
You're basically telling everybody, hey, the worst jokes possible are going to be said.
So don't be surprised when they're said.
And prepare yourself for this.
Like if you click play, know that's what you're going to see.
Yeah.
Like if I'm at work in my office job at 8 a.m. and someone says one of these jokes to me, I would even be like, Oh, that's a little much for work.
You know what I mean?
If I meet someone for the first time.
Because you're not primed for this is going to be the craziest shit.
You're primed for this is corporate America and we're all going to, like, you know, put on a corporate face and a corporate accent and do our thing.
And that's funny.
Me, I like to ruffle feathers.
I'm like, oh, it's much better to say it in the place where it's unexpected than you.
I would enjoy that.
But I also recognize that I wouldn't say that joke in that environment.
You know what I mean?
If I'm meeting, like, my wife's parents for the first time, I wouldn't say some of these jokes.
If I'm hanging with my buddies, I might say some of them more.
You know what I mean?
If I'm at a comedy club, I might say most of them.
And then when you're at a roast, it is the exact environment to say all the worst possible things.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Is the point of it?
It's like you don't need, like, you shouldn't expect violence in everyday society, but at the UFC, you need violence.
Like, it requires it necessitates preparing you.
They're like, yo, someone's going to elbow someone in the face when they're passed out on the ground.
Yeah.
And there's probably, there could be blood and people might pass out.
Like, they might get knocked out cold.
Now, that doesn't mean that some people don't watch UFC and be like, this is too brutal for me.
Yeah.
It might be brutal.
Or, you know, ferocity is the same thing.
But at least it's like there's a framework put in place and an expectation for you going into it.
And I think sometimes when the clips hit the internet, Someone's scrolling and they have not subscribed to a roast.
Right?
So then they're looking at cat videos or whatever, and then this crazy joke comes out and they're like, yo, I didn't sign up for this.
I signed up for Mark Zuckerberg's Instagram.
Yeah.
So then they're caught off guard.
But I find it hard to believe that people that were like, I'm pressing play on this roast and I know it's going to be absolutely savage.
I find it hard to believe that those people would be like super offended.
Yeah.
I don't think anything.
Or, I didn't hear anything that was like offensive.
I just was like, oof, they really went there.
They went there.
And I like that shit.
Oh, there were some great jokes.
I also think there's a difference with like something.
I think you can be sensitive to something and still think it's funny.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'll hear jokes, even just like at a club or whatever, where I'm like, oof, like that's like something for me personally where I'm like, oh, that's a little close.
But I still think it's so funny that I'm like, I don't care.
Because the funniness outweighs the sensitivity.
And the more sensitive something is, the funnier something has to be, which is why I like jokes that push the line of sensitivity.
Yeah.
Because it necessitates that it's that much funnier.
Yeah, I saw a bunch of clips and I watched some of it and I just thought the jokes were great.
And it was like everybody was going in, you know, it was gloves off.
I think the only time I'm like, oh shit, is when like anybody's kids get brought up.
And maybe it's because I'm a dad or whatever it is, or you just think about the kids as like, you know, they're just like young and kind of defenseless.
And it's not the person's life, it's somebody else's life.
Like even with the Tom, Brady Rose is like, I ain't saying shit about his kids, bro.
Like, I don't.
Because they didn't sign up to be in this environment.
Exactly.
But neither did his ex wife.
And we definitely made jokes about her ass.
Public figure.
That's also the other rule.
It's like, if your spouse is a public figure, then she's free game.
Who was it who called Kevin's wife a ladyboy?
No, Dave's wife.
Oh, Dave.
Naeem Lin.
Naeem Lin is a hilarious comedian.
Like one of Kev's boys.
He's in the Plastic Cup Boys.
But also, like, a hilarious stand up.
Yeah, he's like, uh, what did he say about Dave?
He's like, uh, oh, he went in.
He said, I don't know why he did that.
He said, uh, Dave wasn't even there.
He said, uh, Kevin hates you.
He goes, uh, Kevin hates you more than the transgender community hates you.
And then he goes, uh, I don't know why you hate transgender so much when your wife is a Filipino lady boy.
Yo, I was like, whoa, even Shane went up like that was interesting.
I'm sure he'll be totally okay with that.
Yeah.
Went hard, but I thought all the comics did great.
Tony killed, Tony crushed, bro.
Shane killed, Shane did great.
Uh, I mean, I thought Cheryl Underwood did great.
Yo, Shane bringing Chelsea up as he got his job sucked.
He goes, Uh, she was at a dinner with Epstein, and it wasn't even a big dinner, just a few people there, like Prince Andrew and uh Woody Allen.
You could look it up, there's articles, yeah, there's articles.
But anyway, give it up for Chelsea.
No joke.
It's just a fact about her life.
Unreal.
Yeah.
She's a Zionist.
Not that it's good or bad.
Yeah.
Speaking of dead babies.
I know.
Yeah.
That was great.
But yeah, Jeff did great.
And then the person that impressed me the most that I was so charmed by was Lizzo.
Oh, Lizzo was so good.
Lizzo was fantastic.
I didn't get up to it yet.
Yeah.
Oh, it's awesome.
She just had fun.
Like, you could tell, like, she was enjoying it, not just trying to do well.
And there's a version of, like, I just want to crush.
And then there's a version of, like, this is silly and naughty and, like, I'm in it.
Yeah.
And that energy, I think, always wins.
Yeah.
You know, like, so, yeah.
Yeah.
Even if, like, you might bumble a line, it doesn't matter because people are like, Oh, they're having fun and they're stoked to be in this moment.
And signing up to it, she knew she was going to get cooked.
I didn't even see her there.
She came out.
Yeah, I like that she was announced.
I think she was a guest.
Yeah.
She did that on purpose.
But then some people, I think, went after her.
Okay.
So they still had jokes for her.
Got it, got it, got it.
Okay.
What's the process for the roast?
Like, are all their jokes written by other people?
No, you get like a group of guys that will write jokes.
Okay.
So, like, the celebs usually have like a team of guys and they got like amazing fucking writers there.
Like, Mike Lawrence is fantastic, Dan St. Germain, another guy.
And like, and then everybody kind of just has like a team of guys and you work with them and you put together the set.
And essentially, that's what it is.
Got it.
Okay.
And it's like its own skill.
Like, roast jokes are, it's not like that doesn't translate to stand up, but it is a very specific type of thing.
And yeah, these guys are fucking amazing at it.
I also wonder if Netflix.
Contracts, writers, just in general.
Yeah.
So, like, Mike Lawrence was probably like maybe the, I'm assuming he was like the head writer.
So, he's there to make sure everybody has jokes.
And then he's also there to make sure that people's jokes aren't crossing over that much without telling other people.
Right.
So, like, I remember when we were doing Brady, he came in the room and I was like, hey, just tell me what any other people have without telling me anybody else's jokes.
Right.
Or I think you were even like, I'm going to do this joke.
And he was like, oh, yeah, no one's touching that.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So, it's like, because that's the other thing.
It's like, There's only so many short black jokes you can make about Kevin.
So you got to make sure each person's short black joke is different than the other.
There's only so many jokes about his movies sucking.
So you got to make sure they're different enough where the audience doesn't hear the same joke over and over again.
And that's the other reason why there's a dais.
Not only do you need people to tell jokes, you need people that are punching bags as well.
Ah, got it, got it.
Because it's just if every person only talks about Kevin, two hours in, you're like, all right, we heard it all.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But that's what makes going last in the roast or later in the roast so stressful because it's like everybody heard it.
You're sitting there and then other jokes are getting picked off.
You're kind of like crossing stuff out.
Like, all right, that joke got done.
Like, this one kind of got done.
And then you got to like make a choice.
Like, all right, is this one close enough?
Yeah, but I figure the head writer is picking those off before the thing is done.
Yeah, but like the topic has been broached.
So by like an hour and a half in, it's like, all right, we get it at Kevin's short.
Got it.
And whatever.
And like, I remember there was a time in Brady where like I noticed Dana in the audience.
And, like, I had a riff about him that I didn't have in the set, but I was like, oh, nobody's gonna hit him, or maybe they won't hit him because he's like an unannounced guest just in the crowd, but people are aware of him.
And those things can, you know what I mean?
It's like fresh meat, essentially.
So, being able to pull from those different things, I think, is valuable.
Yeah.
But there were some fucking bangers, dude.
There were some really.
Yeah.
Pete Davidson did great.
Yo, Pete did really good, man.
He was good.
Yeah, Pete did really good.
And also, think about Pete.
He knows if he's sitting there, he's going to relive his dad's death 10 times.
You know what I mean?
Like you're putting yourself in a line of fire.
And so that was cool to see.
Also, I saw a little thing from TMZ.
This is like, it's kind of like a nothing story, but like, Connie was apparently there.
No.
Yeah.
So I saw a video of someone like, like recording Connie from the corner.
And he doesn't really react, but like, he's there for all the jokes, which is kind of wild.
Get out of here.
Yeah.
That was to your point where, yeah, apparently he was in the crowd.
And that was to your point with like the Pete joke where Pete said to Tony, like, I've had a better gay Nazi.
Like, I've been in a beef with a better gay Nazi.
I'm not afraid of you.
I think that was because he knew Connie was there.
Oh, that's funny.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man, fuck.
Tony had a bit where he said, Chelsea Handler is aging like a vegetable in Lizzo's fridge.
Son.
One of my favorites from Tony was Regina Hall's here.
She starred in a movie, One Battle After Another, or as Lizzo calls it, Stairs.
Yeah, That's a lot of good ones.
One of the cool things that was happening at the Netflix's Joke Fest was a lot of the comedians were trying their jokes out during that week.
So I didn't get to go to the roast.
And wasn't watching it live because I was on a plane, but I'd heard a lot of them and then re watched it.
And I was like, oh, some of these made it, some of them got changed along the way.
Switching To Base Body Works00:04:31
Yes.
It was a really cool process if you got to go to that week before, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like Tony was on Me and Jelly Show, and Tony tried some of the roast chokes out and like prep them.
And then Big J was great.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out Big J.
And then it was cool to see Cat pull up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of speculation on whether like the beef is actually squashed.
What you dig?
I think if it is, it's really cool.
And I think, like, Kev extending the olive branch is really cool.
Kev also did a really funny thing because, like, everybody made fun of him for being a bad actor.
Like, they're like, your movies suck and you suck at acting.
And then he squashed the beef with Cat.
And then when he does his thing at the end, it's like, all of y'all said I was this horrible actor.
Well, you believe me when I said that I squashed my beef with Cat.
That was some of the best acting you've ever seen.
So it was like a fun.
That's good.
Yeah.
Fun setup.
But, like, Yeah, cool for cat to just show up.
Yeah.
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
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Public Service Announcement00:14:41
Now let's get back to the show.
How'd The Rock do?
It was fun to watch the set.
It was fun.
Like he just is The Rock.
Like it wasn't so much like he had like a bunch of like super tight jokes.
He's just the he just walks in and everyone's like, Oh, The Rock.
He's also good at performing in front of an arena of people.
Exactly.
So he's like holding attention in the arena.
Yeah.
And then it was just going in about Kevin, his wife.
Just basically being like, call me.
It was very funny.
Okay.
But I liked it.
I just love roasts.
No, they're great.
They're great.
And it is a great opportunity, like, it is a great opportunity to see somebody celebrated and humbled.
Yeah.
And I think it's easier for humans to celebrate somebody while humbling them at the same time.
You know, like, if somebody gets a lot of success, like, maybe human instinct is just to start tearing them down.
So, in the process of celebrating you, we are going to tear you down.
It's probably like why dudes give birthday punches to their friends.
It's like, I can't just be nice to you all day.
Let me beat the shit out of you and then I can be nice to you.
So, it's like we're already doing this at like eight years old or whenever we start birthday punches.
Yeah.
But it seemed like there was some real animosity on that station.
That was one thing.
They weren't doing that great of acting.
I don't think Tony likes Chelsea Hammer that much.
And Chelsea was like shaking when she was like, there's a difference between Judaism and Zionism.
To Shane.
Yeah.
Is there a little party that wishes you did it?
I had some FOMO.
I'll be honest with you.
I did have a little bit of FOMO.
Because they asked you.
I just, this is what the agents basically reach out and they're just like, you know, hey, we heard it's going to happen.
Like, are you down?
And I talked to like Netflix about some other whatever.
And I just had to make a decision between like developing a new hour of material to go tour or doing the roast.
Because I know I wouldn't be able to do either.
I'd be like, I'm just going to lock myself in the fucking clubs and be working on my 10 minute thing.
It becomes the whole month.
Yeah, or yeah, as long.
Two months.
Two months, maybe.
If you really want to do it in like Excel.
Yeah.
You know, but in retrospect, there's also versions like, all right, maybe I should have just done it and just had some fun jokes and just had.
Yeah, you should have done it.
I know.
I have a little phone, but I'm also glad that I focus on stand up and I'm able to get back on the road.
And like that's, but yeah, that's it.
When you see it, you're like, oh man, that looks so much fun.
Fucking idiot.
I should have just fucking done it.
Stupid.
Well, it's nice to do it.
It's the three months preparing where you're in fight camp.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Like putting everything else off, not traveling with your kids.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got to travel with my kids and shit.
You got the benefit of that.
It was good.
Yeah.
But no, it was, I don't know.
It was just cool to see.
They need Tiger to do it.
Tiger Woods got to be the next one.
Yeah.
There was, he doesn't seem like he got a sense of humor.
Perfect.
But that's even better.
I like it when it's celebs, I think, a little more.
That's what I liked about the Comedy Central ones is like I enjoy seeing people kind of out of their element.
Yes.
Like when Beaver did it, like Charlie's vulnerability of it.
Yeah.
You know, like a comedian is not to say that this wasn't awesome, but they're a little bit better at maybe like taking jokes about themselves.
Like Kevin might be one of the best ever.
At taking jokes.
Yeah.
Like, he'll tell you stories about going through it at the cellar.
I mean, stories of him and Patrice.
Patrice used to throw a phone book at him while he was on stage.
Yeah.
He's like, read this.
This is better than you act.
So, like, Kev is probably historically maybe one of the best ever.
Rich Voss is another one who's like amazing at roasting, but he's a great person to get into a roast with.
Yeah.
Like, he doesn't get sensitive.
He gets like jazzed up by it.
I mean, all those, all the like OG cellar guys.
Yeah.
Bobby Kelly, Jim Norton.
Like, Literally, my goats, like the people I would just look and watch at the back table and be like, This is Keith Robinson, Ledge.
So, yeah, so that was, but yeah, when you see a celebrity that's not used to getting teased, there's something about it.
It kind of adds some stakes to it.
You're like, Oh shit, they're angry.
Like when Tom Brady walked up to Jeff Ross and goes, Don't talk about my fucking kids.
Yeah.
At the roast.
That was real.
Oh, really?
No, it wasn't, Don't talk about my kids.
He actually said, Don't talk about Bob Craft.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And that was real?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, it's just kind of crazy because there's something else at play, like, Brady doesn't need to do it, you know what I mean?
Yeah, apparently, I think Jeff was talking to Rogan about it, and he was like, Brady wanted to do it because that's he loves roasts.
Oh, apparently, Brady, like, when he's like in the locker room, like a couple hours before a game, like, kind of like decompressing or like trying to escape a little bit, he'll like, or maybe after game, whatever, but like, he'll just watch roasts, like old comedy central roasts.
That's crazy, and he was like, I like these kinds of jokes, and he wanted to do that, like, for comedies, like, I wanted.
I want to relive this era of stand up.
They also paid him $20 million.
That helps.
But for Tom Brady, I mean, that's what is that?
He said a funny thing.
He's like, people are like, I can't believe that you let people talk about your ex wife like that or something like that.
And he's like, You can't believe I did this.
It's like my ex wife cheated on me with a fucking jujitsu instructor.
He goes, I don't know a man on this planet that wouldn't take $20 million for people to make fun of her for that.
But the ex wife is fair game, but your former boss is off limits.
Boss never cheated on him.
Well, he did let him get traded to Tampa, but, you know, he, I think he, damn, you're right about that.
He walks up to him and says, yo, talk about that Brazilian bitch.
He's not this guy over here, Bob Craft.
Bob Craft took me to Israel, bro.
I mean, it's kind of like how you guys are with the Knicks, you know?
Like people shit on him.
You guys get all this shit.
Yo, Mark, don't get fucked up.
Yo, yo, don't get fucked up.
You haven't been fucked up in the middle of a podcast before?
See how sensitive.
I'm just saying.
Like, have you ever?
There's a weird feeling in New York right now.
What?
That it's like a jinx is coming?
Why?
Why?
Why do you even got to say that?
I'm asking.
I'm asking if that's what you're going to say.
New York is one of the most arrogant.
Chill out.
Chill out.
I'm asking.
I'm asking.
Motherfuckers on the planet.
That's part of our charm.
But we ain't used to things going this well with the mix.
And it's creating an interesting feeling.
Like even at the cellar last night, there was a couple of comics came up to me and they're like, hey, man, how about those?
And I was like, don't even talk about it.
He's like, I was talking to Mike Cannon.
He goes, hey, man, how about those?
I was like, let's not even talk about it.
He's like, you're right.
I don't want to talk about it either.
It's like, yeah.
It's like Voldemort.
It's like, don't even mention it.
Things are going all right, bro.
Low key, I haven't been watching.
I'm hesitant.
Oh, that might be it.
I'm hesitant to buy a ticket.
I'm like, I ain't go to a single game this season.
Maybe that's why.
Just say they're expensive.
Say they're expensive, bro.
That's too expensive.
It's expensive studios.
That's why I'm not buying a board size seat.
That's why I don't want to jinx them.
But the dead ass, I ain't go to a single game, but like, yo, we've never been better.
Son, I was.
Following the game.
I'm bad luck.
New Yorkers are so annoying.
You tell them you believe in God.
They're like, oh, you're a religious moron.
Yeah.
And then you tell them you like wore a Knicks jersey on the wrong day.
And they're like, dude, you can't do that.
It's part of a special spell.
It makes no sense.
You guys don't believe.
You believe in demons.
Shut the fuck up.
Bro, there's a whole book dedicated to it.
I believe in demons too.
And whatever demons have been putting pressure on my Knicks for the last six, seven, four years, please alleviate some of that shit this year.
Demons.
It is, son, the energy.
I've never felt this.
People don't even want to talk about it in the group chat.
Like, I have my group chats for basketball games go crazy.
And there's just like third quarter, we're up by 40.
Someone would be like, looking good.
Someone put a broom emoji.
I think Jamil put the broom emoji in the group chat.
Nobody even responds.
The second the game was over, like, yeah, we got that sweep.
So I posted one video that a guy made.
It was like a song about it, about us sweeping Philly.
And even after that, I was like, I ruined it, dude.
Like, I was.
Oh, you posted it before the game?
After.
It was even after.
I'm like, we still got another city.
When is the next game?
This, the, what's it called, series is 2 2.
So we got to wait for them to settle that.
So we got a little time to fuck shit up.
Yeah, they got to start partying and shit.
Yo, everybody just don't go to Miami and get on the yacht.
Don't make the mistake that the fuck.
You saw the interview with Jalen?
They were like, How do you feel the fact that they built this team around you to win a championship and it's working?
And his response was cool.
He was like, Look, right now I'm focused on this.
I'll answer that question years from now when it's all said and done.
Or something like that.
He seemed like he was very locked in.
New York, New York.
This is a public service announcement.
If you see any of these motherfuckers at the club, snitch, I don't even want you guys at Carbone, Terese.
I don't want you at Fort Charles.
I don't even want you eating red meat for the next month.
If you see any Knicks out of the house, you gotta call 311.
What's the emergency hotline?
Is it 311?
You call 311 and you report them immediately.
You guys gotta be in your houses in Westchester, Jersey, or Connecticut, wherever the fuck they stay.
No fucking hoes.
No hoes.
No fucking hoes.
And New York hoes, by the way, New York hoes.
Help.
Yeah.
Stay away.
Stay away.
Keep that pussy closed for one month.
Exactly.
This is blood sport.
We need these motherfuckers filled with testosterone for the next month.
Do not drain these guys, please, New York hoes.
Yeah.
I would say Cleveland, Detroit hoes, but I'm not worried about y'all.
We're not fucking with y'all anyway, so you try your best.
Do whatever you do to come up.
We are not worried about either Cleveland or Detroit O's draining New York balls.
You try your hardest.
Do what we've been to Detroit and Cleveland.
Okay?
We're coming back home to the wives.
That away game is just that.
There's no concern over here for our New York Knicks about getting caught up some shit in Cleveland or Detroit.
Yeah, that is pretty good.
Shit.
Or OKC.
Who do you think's going to the finals on the West?
I don't even know who's in it.
OKC or maybe San Antonio?
Probably OKC, most likely.
Yeah, so we have a clear path in terms of hoes to the.
I don't even want to say the words.
But if it's LA versus New York, they could throw some serious distraction at the boys.
You got to watch out for OG.
Say again?
OG.
Oh, yeah, with the hammy?
Yeah.
Wait, what?
And the hoes.
Wait, what do you mean?
He brings the hoes out.
Yeah, we can't have all that.
You got to chill out.
Chill out.
Yeah, are we even allowed to look at that?
At the odds right now, or is this?
Look at the West.
Yeah, look at the West.
What is the Cow she have the West at?
Who's coming out of the West?
San Antonio or Oklahoma?
74 on San Antonio or on Oklahoma, sorry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, most likely he's going to be OkC, but we got, I mean, nothing.
We'll see.
We can see what happens.
Yep, yep.
Best team will win.
Yeah, made a best team win.
Yep.
Now y'all are making the superstition.
Yeah.
I don't think you know what this means, bro.
I really don't.
Honestly, I know.
If the Knicks win, we will make Mamdani a citizen.
I think he's a citizen.
Nah.
Double citizen.
We're going to make him a double citizen.
Keith's a citizen.
He's going to get what he gets to be, whatever he wants in the United States.
He could use his African accent.
If he wins, he could use his African accent for the rest of the week.
A If he wins, I mean, the Soviets are good at sports.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm just saying, the Soviets, they had a great run.
Fucking Tommy.
Yes, this guy.
I'm hoping you got the right on, too.
There's something about a little Soviet, you know what I mean, hammer and sickle vibes that makes a good sports team.
That's all I'm saying.
Maybe we could use a little more of that.
Think about it all the women in burqas, the men are going to be smashing a little more testosterone, right?
You would think that the Middle East would be better at sports if that was the case, right?
I don't even know if they got athletes.
Is there a sport that they're good at over there?
Well, when they go somewhere else, then they get really good.
For example, they go to France.
You know what I mean?
But who from the Middle East went to France?
From like Northern Africa.
Northern Africa.
Yeah, of course.
I mean, Zinedine Zidane, Kareem Benzo.
But that's Africa.
I'm talking about the Middle East.
I mean, Mosallah goes to England?
Mosallah is from Egypt.
Yeah.
That's the Middle East.
It's Africa.
My boy, my boy.
That's the Middle East.
My boy, my boy.
You don't consider Egypt the Middle East?
No.
I mean, if I'm being honest with you, I do, but not for this nigga.
It's Africa.
It's Africa.
It's Africa Let me find out what the best athletes are in the Middle East or even sports.
They're probably good at like darts or something.
Nah, darts is a drinking man's game.
Yeah, you got to drink to do that one.
That's a good point.
Why would you think they'd be good at that?
Yeah, why was that?
I don't know.
I just figured it'd be like kind of an obscure sport where you're like hitting a small target from a long distance away.
You think that they'd be good at that for some reason?
Some of them.
They had a good run in the early 2000s, you know?
They had a good run a little bit.
Which country in specific do you think would be so good at that?
I mean, you know.
Mark, do you have any.
Some of the Saudi boys were pretty good.
You think that's back in the day, those were big targets, though.
Like, I mean, sort of, you can't even miss it.
Darts Is A Drinking Game00:04:05
No, you can miss it, honestly, dude.
You could miss it.
I don't think you could, which would be so embarrassing.
I wanted to loop around, bro, dude, going straight down the middle and slicing between them, like that dude in the wingsuit.
Like, you just go right between them, everybody's confused.
Like, oh, somebody saved it.
Then you see it slowly.
That would be nuts.
Like, you're doing tricks on it.
Yeah, I don't know.
It doesn't seem like there's a.
Soccer is what they say, but I can't think of the best Emirati or Saudi soccer player or Omani.
Yeah, I don't think they got it, man.
Yeah, I don't think they got it.
Anyway, shout out to Knicks, man.
And we got your back.
We're here, and the whole city is coming together.
So, whatever you guys need, we got you.
But we also are going to call 311 if we see you out at the clubs or see you getting after hoes.
And I think that that's like our responsibility as a city to do.
Yeah, yeah.
Given that our tax dollars are going to pay for these arenas to be built, etc.
Yeah.
You know, we've been supporting you guys all year.
But no snitch rule doesn't apply now.
Yeah.
I don't even think it's snitching, bro.
It's not.
Nah, it's snitching.
It's a civic duty.
I think it's a civic duty.
Yeah.
But if you see something, say something.
If you see something, say something.
Nut off and shit like that, and you snitching on them.
Yeah, come on.
I mean, like, you could get your nut off next month, bro.
Yeah.
Imagine the nuts you're going to get off with a championship.
Yep.
Imagine a caliber.
Okay.
You're thinking about the type of nuts a dude's going to get off.
Can I think about the size of the thing about how much hypothetically, if someone wins the championship, someone think of the pussy, they're gonna be drowning.
Think about how big those nuts will be everywhere they want, anywhere on this podcast.
I think, man, I mean, it's easy for me to say as a married man, yeah, you know, but like, I think Martha Stewart got to open up for the boys.
Why Martha Stewart?
That was.
Did you mean to say Martha's too?
Nah.
That's interesting, man.
That's so bad.
I knew he was thinking of someone, and it wasn't with you.
Yeah, man.
Who was I thinking of, man?
No, you said.
I think Margaret Thatcher needs to open up for the boys, man.
I think Margaret Thatcher needs to give it up for the boys.
Did I get that one wrong again, too?
I think, I hope you got it wrong.
I don't think it was Margaret Thatcher.
Someone.
Someone's got to open it up.
Knowing that we know.
Honestly.
Mark's grandmother.
Joe, with all due respect.
Come on, bro.
I mean, for a Knicks championship, that's a two for one.
Yeah.
She won us the war.
This is the next one.
This is the next war.
And this is almost like a more unlikely scenario.
But if they threw in a Spitfire, if you get.
If you get.
If you had her just spinning like a little chicken on the rotisserie.
That's right.
Come on, man.
With all due respect.
British intelligence?
Let's not talk about foreign spies.
Oh, let's not talk about foreign spies infiltrating our.
Can we do feelings, no facts?
Yes.
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
Here's something that anyone who's ever hired anyone will tell you the difference between a good hire and a nightmare hire usually isn't the resume, it's whether the person actually wants the job.
You can have two candidates with identical experience, same school, same title, same years of experience, and one of them is going to be a home run and the other one is going to be a disaster.
And the only thing separating them is that one of them.
Is genuinely excited about the role.
They've done their homework.
They ask real questions.
They seem like they actually fit.
The other one is just looking for a job, not your job.
Big difference.
Hiring Qualified Candidates First00:03:14
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That's zipRecruiter.comslash flagrant.
Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.
All right, guys, listen up.
We are actually doing something meaningful for once, all right?
It's called the Life Paddle Classic.
And huge shout out to NeuroGum because they are supporting it.
We are getting everybody together for paddle good vibes, a little competition, and most importantly, raising money for families going through IVF.
And this is the important part 100% of the proceeds are going directly to BabyQuest.
That's the IVF charity that I've been working with.
They're an absolutely phenomenal organization.
They're helping families who are struggling with the insane costs of IVF.
And we're gonna help them, okay?
We're trying to help take care of some of that burden off of people.
Now, if you can't pull up to the event, you can still support it by grabbing the Andrew Schultz and Neuro Dad Bundle, okay?
You get the energy and focus gum and the sleep and recharge gum.
So you got the energy for the day, and then you got some sleep when you're ready to get that rest.
And every dollar that you guys support is gonna go to the cause.
And I mean that sincerely.
This is something obviously very near and dear to my hearts and many different people who've gone through this process.
So any support that you guys.
Can give is absolutely amazing.
So, whether you play paddle, you just want to help people that are trying to become parents, this is a really good one to get behind.
The Life Paddle Classic, June 4th, Paddle House in Dumbo, Brooklyn.
Come hang, man.
Come compete, support the cause.
Let's just do something great together.
I really, really appreciate you if, yeah, if you're just indulging in this in any way.
So, you can go to the link below, you get the Andrew Schultz and Nero Dad Bundle, and help us raise money for families going through IVF.
Remember, every single dollar goes directly to Baby Quest.
There are limited quantities available, so do not wait.
Go to neurogum.comslash pagesslash Schultz and be part of something that actually changes lives, hopefully creates many, many, many lives.
And we'll be continuing to do more with Baby Quest.
And a huge shout out to Paddle House for hosting it.
It's an absolutely amazing place to go play paddle.
You guys should do that outside of this charity event.
But definitely come hang out at the charity event, have some fucking drinks, have some food, choose some neurogum, and just hang.
So June 4th, that's where we're going to be.
We'll see you there.
Okay, let's just go to feelings on facts and just rip through these as fast as possible, okay?
Punitive Measures For Treason00:12:37
There's a Chinese spy that's the mayor in a town in California.
Did you hear about this?
Arcadia.
Mm hmm.
Mm hmm.
I've been trying to tell y'all.
Yo, can we give out a little credit?
Come on, man.
Give out a little credit on this podcast right now, today.
Everybody listening, everybody watching, Alex Media has said that there is a Chinese spy network that has been operating in the United States for the last decade that he's been on this podcast.
He's been called racist for this.
Yep.
He's been called hateful for this.
I don't know if I'll ask, but they said you were a bigot.
He's been called a bigot.
Yeah.
They got tunnels all throughout Chinatown.
It's not just the Jews, bro.
Where did Al start his company?
Hey, I'm switching sides.
I told China.
No, they got that motherfucker out of here.
Al was probably the one who snitched.
No, I think Al's setting up WTF around the world.
Oh, a spy.
In the Chinese spy.
You do have them in California.
I do.
And you have them in New York.
I do.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
But I'm switching sides.
Okay.
I'm that gymnast.
I'm taking a bag.
The skier?
Yeah.
Oh, the skier?
Whatever.
I saw Eileen Gu last week.
Really?
She definitely listened to the pod.
Let me tell you that.
Yeah.
Yo, shout out to you.
Get the bag, baby.
She definitely listened to the pod.
Woo.
You felt this.
Or she knew that her homegirl was about to get outed as a spy in L.A.
Oh, she was paying.
As the mayor.
So she was worried about the.
The wall's closing in a little bit.
The Great Wall.
The Great Wall's closing in.
Son, so what happens to this mayor?
She gets killed, right?
No, that's, I don't think.
Isn't that treason?
Yeah, treason.
The punishment for treason is death.
Yeah.
But what do you have to do to be treasonous?
You have to be a Chinese spy.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
No, that's not treason.
If you get caught being a spy in a different country, is that treason?
No, if you're an American citizen, which I assume she is because she's mayor of Arcadia, and then she's handing off secrets to the Chinese, you obviously have to kill her in the most Chinese way possible.
I think we got to run her over with a tank in the middle of a square.
First, bind her feet up, though.
Bind her feet up so she can't move.
Let me get a peep at him.
And then we run her over with a tank in a square.
Damn.
Guys, this is not like I'm just trying to be a constitutionalist.
I'm America first.
The felony charges come with a potential sentence of up to 10 years in prison.
10 years for being a snitch?
Not enough.
They live mad long, bro.
That's exactly.
It's not even a dent.
10 years.
That's another thing.
Your sentence should be dependent on how long you live in America.
Proportional taxing.
Exactly.
So, like, Asians got to spend way longer.
Yeah.
Black people, not that long.
Yeah.
Reduce it a little bit.
That's progressive policy right there.
Yeah.
Well, because it's about equity, not equality.
Yeah.
I like that.
You know what I mean?
I like that.
Mamdani's American.
Clock it.
Clock it.
Stop.
It's about equity, not equality.
So, if Asians average between 200 and 300 years of life, Then a life sentence to them should be at least like five times the average.
Yeah.
So this person right here, you're saying you can't just kill someone for treason?
I thought that is the punishment.
I don't know if that's bad.
I think she's going up on treason charges.
I don't know if she's a citizen.
I can't even find a definitive answer.
How the fuck is she mayor if she's not a citizen?
Do you have to be a citizen?
Yeah, I don't think so.
I don't know.
What fucking country do we live in?
No, you don't even have to be from here to be in public office.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He's a citizen.
No, he's not.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is not a.
Citizen?
Of course he's a citizen.
He don't sound like one.
Well, Al can overdo that.
What makes him a citizen, Al?
What makes him my mom?
Well, yeah, she's a citizen.
My mom got accent, yeah, but she got it after the fact.
What do you mean?
She, my mom got her Scottish accent, no, no, no, citizenship like mad late.
She got a citizen, yeah, but so did Arnold.
He got a citizenship late.
Uh, check the papers, he got it in 1983.
Yeah, yeah, 1983.
He's a citizen, Al.
And look at Eileen Wang or whatever her name is.
Why are they all named Eileen, Eileen and Esther?
So When Chinese people move here, they take a biblical first name.
You go, Peter is a good one.
Mark, Lucas, you'll find a lot of like biblical first name and then Chinese as fuck last name.
Yeah.
Esther, huge.
Just so many Chinese people name Esther or Asians name Esther.
I think it's a smart move.
It's like you're moving to a host country.
You want to make sure that your kids are like not teased or whatever for your Chinese name.
Yes.
I don't think Eileen's a biblical name.
Eileen back, so you could suck this dick.
This thing is the best, bro.
Come on, bro.
Yo, Michael, get back in, bud.
Michael, get in, bud.
Bring your grandma.
Bring your grandma while I'm leaning back.
Bring your grandma until I do a smash.
Let me just do the rest of the story.
This is stupid.
This is dumb, dude.
Yo, the long play on that.
Damn.
Woo, that was fire.
He knew that was for you too, because I ain't gonna know no biblical name.
Still got it.
Still got it, baby.
Still got it.
Young Schultze, still got it.
Can we do some feelings?
No facts?
You gotta take a drugstore.
So, hold on.
So, what's gonna happen to this little Chinese finger trap in Los Angeles?
Did she get locked up?
Like, we gotta have some sort of punitive measure taking place here.
Yeah.
She might get 10 years.
It's not treason.
And that's all I got.
Can we revoke the citizenship?
I don't know if she's even a citizen, bro.
Guys, what the fuck?
Do we have a country?
Yeah, like.
Do we even have a country?
You can be an elected official and you're not even a citizen of the United States of America.
What the fuck is the point?
So is she a citizen?
Nothing on this says she's a citizen.
Can we look up Arcadia and see what's Asian or Chinese about it that we should have known?
Let's find out.
Yeah.
I don't even know really where Arcadia is.
It's like Los Angeles, but it's like outskirts.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Have you been there?
No, I looked at it on a map today.
I zoomed out and looked at it.
Arcadia, California is a city in Los Angeles County, United States, located 13 miles northeast of downtown Los Angeles in the San Gabriel Valley.
At the base of the San Gabriel Mountains, it contains a series of adjacent parks consistent with the Santa Anita Park Racetrack.
Let's go through demographics.
Yeah.
Okay.
It looks like 18% white.
1.5% black.
64% Asian.
13% his.
No, no, we can't.
This is America.
You can't just bomb a place in America.
Nope, no.
Stop, stop, stop.
People gotta know who you are.
No, you can't attack.
People gotta know who you are.
You can't do violence.
People gotta know.
Stop it.
They gotta know who you are.
It's funny Al's rules about what he wants bleeped.
Because his actual rule on that is he doesn't want the violence thing.
Yeah, it's violence.
But nobody got a bomb, even.
Like, nobody listening to this is gonna hear your idea and then execute it.
They're like, oh yeah, we should bomb it.
And what if they do?
Boom.
Exactly.
Now what happens?
Boom.
That's exactly what happens.
Okay.
The top private employers in the city are Atlas Assembly, Fish in a Bucket.
That's ramp.
Nordstrom, Macy's, and Cheesecake Factory.
Also, Din Tai Fung.
Din Tai Fung.
Son, how the fuck did we elect a Chinese fish head spy as mayor of a city in Los Angeles?
How is that even humanly possible?
They took over the whole city.
Yeah.
All sleeper cells.
So you think it extends beyond just her?
Oh, yeah.
So you think there are other people in the administration that are also Chinese spies?
Yes.
Like, why would it just be her?
Yes, exactly.
I think we need to do some serious betting.
Yes.
Why is nobody talking about this?
Like, this isn't a big fucking deal.
Yeah, it's a little sketchy.
Oof.
I'm going through some of their last mayors.
So, Eileen Wang, Sharon Kwan, Michael Chow, Paul Chang, Sho Tay, Sho Tay again.
The baseball player?
No.
Sho Tay Otani, exactly.
And then Roger Chandler.
Yo, guys.
Funny timing because Trump's in China right now speaking to Xi Jinping.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You think they waited for this?
I think so.
Funny timing.
Now, did Trump bring it up to them?
Now, by waited, who is who waited?
Is this, ooh, this is interesting.
Is this the Trump administration going, hey, what the fuck is going on over here?
We want a bargaining chip to get something out of you.
We know that you're trying to like interfere with our democracy.
So, give us a little something, we won't make a big stink of this.
Or is this democratic opposition trying to sabotage his trip with China?
Oh, no, no.
I think it's the first because he's going over there a little bit weak because of how shit is going with Iran right now.
He kept signaling, like, oh, we're going to have this shit figured out.
And now it's not.
So now China got a little pressure, like, yo, you fucking up this.
You fucking up this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So now he's going over with that's a little leverage point right there.
It's like, oh, world, you got spies over here?
Word.
Mm hmm.
I mean, yo, shout out China, bro.
That was impressive.
I keep telling you.
Tell the game, recognize game a little bit.
I keep telling you.
It's like, this is how audacious it is.
Like, if you were a spy, like, if we sent a spy over somewhere, I don't think you'd make them the mayor of the city.
You'd make them, like, the mayor's best friend or something.
But it's a tough sell everywhere else.
Like, there's no America town in China.
Probably not.
We need one.
Yo, it is crazy that, like, do your civil duty.
If there was an American that had moved to another country and became.
A politician, 1000% that other country would assume they were a spy for America.
Right?
Like, there's not even a question because they already assumed that we're influencing their elections even without being over there.
So, if we were, they'd be like, 100% they have loyalty to us.
But if we question it at all, it's racism.
Right?
Yeah.
There is a good, like, but if another country, if an American moved there and became an elected official, I would think that they would be retarded to not assume that they had loyalty to America and that they were working on our behalf.
Yeah.
I wouldn't go, oh, that's racism to assume that they're an individual operating under their own auspices.
No, I'd be like, yeah, they.
Makes sense.
If they weren't working for us, I'd be like, the fuck are they over there for?
Yeah.
Boris Johnson.
You mad at this little skia bitch for taking their money?
I'm not mad at nobody.
I'm just curious.
I'm just.
What did Tucker say?
I was asking questions.
Boris Johnson, born in New York City, had U.S. citizenship, and then became Prime Minister of the UK and denounced his citizenship.
Got him.
Got him.
Daniel Naboa.
No, but he denounced his citizenship, though.
Yeah, but you got to do what you got to do to lead the nation.
Oh, okay.
Born in Miami, holds Ecuadorian U.S. citizenship, became President of Ecuador in 2023.
That I understand.
Pope Leo.
US born from Chicago became the Pope and now is the president of the Vatican.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, but don't you?
He's kind of getting sunned, though.
Trump is kind of sunning his head.
Trump knows the Bible better.
Boris Johnson Citizenship00:14:27
That's what the dude said on whatchamacallit.
He's like, yeah, obviously the Pope doesn't know what's in the Bible.
Trump knows what's in the Bible.
No, he did not say that.
He said, like, based off of the rhetoric going on, obviously Trump must know more about Christianity than the Pope.
Sarcastically, Or dead fucking serious.
He's being serious.
Yo, what is going on?
Yo, that's a hard job to just cap for that motherfucker.
Yeah, I know, right?
Yo, just let it go, man.
He's fucking up everything.
Just call it what it is.
Like, you don't have to fucking cap for this dude.
Like, I see that guy, Scott Jennings.
He's losing hair.
Do you know that guy who was on CNN?
Is his job to just be like, everything Trump is doing is right?
You can tell he is stressed.
He's cursing at little teenagers they got out there arguing with him.
Every new CNN guy is younger than the last one.
Yeah.
Right?
He's like a 14 year old putting his finger in his face and get your fucking hand out of my face.
Like, he's stressed.
He's trying because there's no way.
Like, how open is straight?
Anyway, are you going to go to Arcadia for any shows coming up?
I got to perform in Arcadia.
Yeah.
I'm going there for Chinese New Year.
What was that Chinese New Year celebration?
Do you think they leaned in or do you think they made it quiet because they're like, yo, we were already running this shit?
No, they probably wouldn't.
Also, what's in Arcadia that's advantageous to the Chinese government?
Is there a research lab there?
They say it has one of the best public transit systems in California.
All right, we're in.
It's known for its light rail and its buses.
Fire.
They're good at fucking making railroads, man.
I would give it up to them in that regard.
Historically speaking, they made some good railroads.
Some of the best, too.
Any rare metals and shit?
Any rare metals?
Yeah.
They got to have some stuff over there.
They have a great healthcare system 22 acre Arcadia Hospital.
It's the official hospital of the Asian country.
All right, stop dick sucking China, man.
I know.
God damn it.
I'm just saying what's going on right now.
They're good nurses, too, apparently.
No, I checked the hospitals.
They probably got all the shit on there.
They got some deals going on over there.
And they have some famous people that have moved out of there.
Like Erica Wu, a table tennis champion.
Obviously.
That's pretty good.
Mark Twan, member of the South Korean boy band, GOT7.
Jet Li, international film star, resided in Arcadia with his wife, former Miss China.
Yo, he was asking to come on a pod.
We got to talk to him about this.
Yo.
We got to reach out to him and see what's going on.
I'm with that.
I'll press him.
How would you press the guy who's like a martial artist?
I'm going to throw miles in front of me.
That's all shit.
Okay, can we do more feelings or facts?
Yes.
Okay, haunted virus.
Fake.
Alex?
Real.
Fucking idiot.
I don't think it's real.
People died already.
No, they didn't.
Yes, they did.
Three people died.
They're on a boat.
Let me tell you something.
Three people died.
Let me tell you something.
Nobody's getting off that boat.
150 people got off the boat already.
This is why we got pandemics.
This is why we got pandemics.
Guys, if there's a deadly virus on the boat, they stay on the boat.
It's not like they can't eat on the boat.
It's not like they can't live.
Quarantine until everybody dies, and then we don't have a pandemic.
This is the headline from CNN.
All passengers evacuated from cruise ship hit by Alta.
Why would you evacuate the people with the virus?
China got to be looking at this like these motherfuckers are about to do it again.
These dumb motherfuckers are about to do it again.
And you know where that's at?
Spain.
You know where I just came from?
Oh, come on, Al.
Yeah, patient number one, baby.
Come on, Al.
Patient zero, whatever.
Patient number one.
You're not either.
You're not either.
Nah, I'm not either.
I'm going to die.
I'm already dying.
They are patient number one.
Yeah, but if I brought it here.
You just a side bitch.
You didn't even get the first herpes.
You got some other bitches' herpes.
No, you got to keep them on the boat in perpetuity.
And if they make it, they make it.
And God bless them.
If they don't, it'd be like that.
Just leave them on the boat?
Also, it's the Canary Islands owned by Spain.
It's Africa.
Shut up, bro.
No, no, I think he's making a good point, which is like, would they unload them to Europe?
No.
But will they unload them to Africa?
Yeah.
Yeah, but Canary Islands is where all the Spanish people go to fucking, that's their Miami.
But they gotta stop it.
They gotta stop it.
They gotta stop it.
You're not allowed to go.
I'm being dead serious, guys.
Like, why are we being so loosey goosey with this?
If it's a deadly virus, you keep them on the boat.
We see what happens.
It's not like we shouldn't give them food.
Give them food, give them doctors, whatever.
But you just also don't dock it.
If we're doing this hypothetical, don't put it at a dock.
Oh, yeah.
Give it out.
You out there.
Buy a stuff.
Give it out and then bring the food out.
And back.
Like, yeah, yeah.
The way the Dutch guy got it is hilarious.
I told you how he got it.
Fucking a rat.
He was a rat fucker.
You'll listen.
Apparently, he went to a trash dump on his vacation.
And then?
And they fucked it.
But he went to the trash dump first.
Okay.
That was like a part of his sightseeing.
Why?
That part is not explained.
From what I understand, it is a landfill and it says the world's most southern landfill because it's at the bottom of the continent.
And he checked it out because it was in Argentina.
It's in Shwaii.
Yeah, yeah.
And he was like, on my vacation, my wife, we're going to go look at garbage.
I blame y'all.
Y'all, white people, always just got to look at shit.
That part is kind of like, y'all be doing this shit.
Like, come on, bro.
That is on us.
You're right.
I don't even know what to say.
I'm embarrassed.
Yeah.
Because I want to know what the trash dump looks like.
Like a little party is like, yo, I'm curious.
I wish I wasn't.
Because it's so far south.
I'm curious.
Because you're like, there's no way they have trash this far south.
I also need to see what like an Argentinian trash dump looks like.
Yeah, what does it mean?
Y'all got a problem.
Yeah.
Y'all got a problem.
It's just got like Nazi memorabilia in it.
No, no, the trash dump has a bunch of birds that come and pick up.
Food off of it.
It's a birding site.
Oh, God, with the white people and the birds, man.
Fucking weird.
Look how cool this is.
Whoa.
That's fire.
Isn't that sick?
Do you want to see?
No.
You don't even want to.
You're not even curious a little bit.
No, not at all.
Guys, not at all.
We need to do better.
We need to do better.
But you just leave him on the boat.
All right, what else we got?
Feelings, no facts.
Okay.
UFO file has been dropped by Trump officially.
Desperation.
Yeah, that's desperation, man.
That's how you know he's fucking up.
I don't know.
I mean, yeah, people have not been super stoked about this file release.
Because it's nothing.
It's just like black and white target practice.
You could create it with AI.
Like, nah.
This is the Epstein binders.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whole lot of nothing.
Yeah.
Whole lot of nothing.
Whole lot of nothing.
Though I would like to talk to a UFO guy because I want to understand why they are so convinced it's real.
Like, I spoke to that Bob Lazar dude, and like, he convinced me that what he believed, he convinced me.
That he wasn't lying.
Now, that doesn't mean that it is true what he was working on was UFO technology, but like, I don't believe that he was a liar that was just trying to like grift and make money.
Yeah.
If anything, I believe that he didn't really want to share it because he had received so much backlash throughout his entire life.
Yeah.
I didn't like Trump's tweet, it's a little.
That's how I knew it was bullshit.
What?
It's because Trump goes, As from my promise to you, the Department of War has released the first tranche of UFO UAP files to the public for view.
People can decide for themselves what the hell is going on.
Have fun and enjoy.
That's when I was like, All right.
The second you're signing off, I was like, Have fun.
I'm like, All right.
You know, ain't nothing in there, bro.
Release the second truncheon of Epstein files with all your homies.
Release that.
Release the unredacted Epstein files.
That's what we want to see.
We don't want to see UFOs.
But what about this?
You're not convinced when you look at this?
What is that, dude?
It's a plane, bro.
All right.
What about this one?
Oh, that's a little weird.
It's limp.
All right.
Well, what about this one?
This one's even crazier.
Look at this.
There's AI.
Oh, aliens.
Anyway, go on.
All right.
They found allegedly a suicide note from Epstein.
You got to read this suicide note.
Read the suicide note and tell me.
Let me pull it up.
Let me pull it up.
You read the suicide note and tell me that Trump didn't write it himself.
I defy you to read the suicide note and tell me that this isn't exactly Trump's way of speaking.
So it says this They investigated me for a month, found nothing.
So 15 year old charges resulted.
It's a treat to be able to choose when you say goodbye.
What you want me to do, bust out crying?
No fun, underlined, not worth it.
This is what.
But I heard there were other emails where he said similar.
Yeah, but you don't think that they went through the emails and were like, hey, grab a few things he says regularly and then we'll write some bullshit ass note that justifies that he killed himself.
This administration, they do stupid shit.
They don't like that.
That sounds like that.
That's stupid.
No, but that sounds like the logical thing.
He wrote it in his own voice.
Read it.
I mean, I'm so like, we don't have to do Trump accents anymore, but like, read it in his voice.
Do you have the actual writing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is the actual note.
No one can read that chicken scratch.
Let me see if I can find the actual words that he says.
It's all broken up in this article.
I know.
They don't understand how to do media.
So I got it right here.
Oh, God.
I can't believe I'm going to do a fucking Trump accent.
I'm not going to do a Trump accent, but I'll do the tonation of it.
They investigated me for months, found nothing.
It is a treat to be able to choose one's time to say goodbye.
What you want me to do?
Bust out crying?
No fun, not worth it.
Kill himself.
Thank you for attention to this matter.
Thank you for attention.
It's just that's a Trump tweet right there.
So they just find some stuff in the emails, like make it look like it.
Now people have pointed this where they're like, this is an actual Epstein letter that he wrote to someone.
And they're like, look at all the T's, look at how he writes.
Yeah, but you could use AI to recreate all this shit.
But then they look at his writing here and they're like, This doesn't look like his writing at all.
Yeah, because it's not.
It's Kash Patel and his fucking eye trying to stay on the line.
Guys, this is such fucking.
I can't believe we're even.
I understand why we're entertaining this, but like, I can't believe anybody believes that.
Yeah, no.
Like, what the whole thing is, not the whole thing, but a big part of what this is hinging on is that he actually killed himself.
Right?
Like, they're going, nothing.
There's no foul play here, even though there's tons of foul play.
But look, there's proof right here.
He has this thing where he says goodbye.
And it helps the powers that be to be like, yeah, he's gone.
He killed himself.
You know, there's proof that he did.
They're saying get over it.
We're not getting over it, bro.
Someone got to get arrested.
I will say, I do think it's possible that Epstein wrote it.
It just doesn't read to me like a suicide note.
Like, he doesn't say goodbye to anyone.
He doesn't say, like, to my friends, to my family.
I love, like, nothing like that.
He's just like, jail sucks.
There was another note purportedly attributed to Epstein that was also found that basically is just like him recounting his time in prison.
He's like, was in a shower, locked for an hour, bugs crawling across my hands, no fun, not worth it.
It is a, it's, I mean, it's not funny, but it is that so far, the only person that's been arrested.
In the entire Epstein case in the United States of America, is a woman.
Like, it's kind of, it's so absurd that it's funny.
Like, it's horrible.
Like, let me just point out that this is absolutely horrible, but there's a pedophile ring that they're obviously like keeping under wraps.
The most powerful men in this country are abusing children in a systematic manner, and you know who's going to pay for it?
The one woman involved is the only one locked up.
It's insane, right?
It is.
It's like, I'm shocked at all the feminist blogs on talking about this nonstop.
Like, it's a tough film to do.
Yeah, I know.
It's like, because you also got to be like, no, don't say free it, but like, how is this the only person arrested?
The girl?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, in fairness, Epstein did get arrested.
Yeah.
But then he broke out.
Yeah.
But then he went on the run.
Technically, the only person, because was Gillane convicted?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, the only person convicted in the entire operation.
Yes.
Abroad.
And here is a woman.
Like, how is that an insane stat?
Yeah.
As someone who does not like to enable people who talk about how sexist the world is, we've reached a rock and a hard place or something like that.
Like, this seems blatantly sexist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not one person convicted besides the woman involved.
Is this what happens when you have a girl, man?
Yeah, it sauses you up, bro.
It does, but that is crazy.
No, it is nuts.
It's not, she should be convicted, yeah, absolutely.
But there must have been somebody else we could convict, too.
Yeah, all the other dudes are also better at offering themselves, you know what I mean.
Jonathan Brunel offs himself.
Oh, that's true.
What, yeah, women aren't as good as that suicide, that suicide, yeah.
That is a good point.
It's because they can't make up their minds.
It's like, what am I gonna eat?
Which one is it?
I don't know what to eat.
They've been ruminating back and forth.
Do I want to live?
Do I want to die?
Do I want to hang?
Do I want to shoot myself?
Do I want to, you know, it's like.
They can't make up their fucking mind.
So you end up in jail, locked up.
You're just locked up, walking around the yard.
Yeah.
Apparently, she's having a great time, according to people on the inside.
What are they saying?
They're saying that she's like in a very nice prison.
People are taking care of her.
She gets to play with puppies.
Yeah.
She's doing like therapy with dogs, trying to reintegrate back into society.
So she's learned her life.
She's locked inside of the dog.
So, yeah, justice won't be served.
That shit is crazy.
Yeah, they really gonna get away with this.
Hamza Fight Vibes00:09:38
They really gonna get away with this.
They need to lock up Malfa, too.
That's another one.
Yeah, I did that so poorly.
I did that so poorly.
It was so bad.
I almost bit him in the mouth.
Oh, that would have been so bad.
I was trying to tie it together and then got me on.
I leaned okay.
More feelings, no facts.
Yes, Strickland beats uh, Hamza.
What a fight.
Crazy.
Also, the fight before that, Joshua Van versus the mayor of Arcadia, was unbelievable, dude.
The fight, those two fights were fantastic.
And uh, the but the Joshua van, I think his name is Taro or something.
Tyro was unbelievable.
I didn't see him, but then Strickland beating Hamsat Ted Zoro Tyro, Tyro, yeah, was incredible.
Like, there was a lot of talking, like real talking leading up to this one, right?
And then they were like really cordial with one another afterwards.
Like, put the belt around them.
Uh, Strickland goes and apologizes, yeah, you know, like uh.
Strickland's a fascinating character.
Like, I mean, this fight was just growing.
Wow, Strickland put on some size.
So, Strickland's big, dude.
But, like, he looks even bigger.
And Hamza couldn't, I mean, Hamza kept him down, I think it was the first round.
But he couldn't really do any damage or anything.
And then Strickland in the second round blocks a takedown.
And then Hamza gives up what's called pulls guard.
So, he essentially goes on his back, like almost walks him.
I don't know if I've ever seen Hamza do that.
In MMA, like not a single fight where he just rolls on his back.
And in that moment, you're going, What the fuck is happening over here?
Does he lack confidence?
Is he tired?
Like, what's going on?
Then Hamza kind of comes back in the fourth.
So it was up to the fifth round.
Like, it was an awesome fight.
These guys are warriors.
And yeah, but Hamza wasn't trying to take him down the whole fight.
I think Strickland created a scenario where Hamza realized, I'm going to gas myself out trying to take you down, and I'm not going to be effective.
After I take you down.
So, Strickland does this fucking amazing thing where he makes you, when he's at his best, he makes you fight his fight.
He blocks leg kicks really well.
And eventually you stop throwing the kicks because you're like, it hurts when we're going shin on shin.
And his competitive advantage is when you guys are standing up and you are punching each other.
And he found a way where he's like, I don't need to take this to the ground.
What I need you to do is think you can't be effective on the ground.
I don't need to exchange kicks with you.
What I need you to do is not want to kick me anymore.
So he punishes you for doing the things you're good at and then forces you to fight him the way that he's good.
Oh, okay.
And then he has just this amazing piston jab.
And it was just awesome.
The fight was fucking awesome.
Is it good for the weight class to see Strickland?
I think it's always good to have an American fighter be a belt holder.
Especially like a wild boy.
I know people will hate certain things that he said, et cetera.
Like, I mean, bro, his nose is completely busted up, like broken and just fucking massive and swollen.
And he looks at himself and he sees himself in like a reflection of something.
He was like, oh my God, I look like I work for APAC.
So, like, there's going to be things that he says that wrap people up.
But you have to understand, like, this is fight sports where these guys go out there and they try to kill each other.
You know what I mean?
Like, they say insane shit to people.
Like, this is.
You want to talk about like the roast being insane stuff?
These guys are saying insane stuff before they go out there and potentially lose their life or take someone's life.
And that's not hyperbole.
That happens sometimes in this sport.
So I'm not saying that like everything they say is okay, but it is a very, when you're fighting somebody for your life, you will speak very differently about them and to them than you will outside of that.
And it's going to elicit all these emotions.
It's going to seem like I'm justifying the things he said, whatever.
I don't care what you want to say.
What I'm saying is, Until you're in that scenario, you don't know how you would really act.
And the reality is, when these fights do get hyped up in that way, there's more interest and these guys make more money.
Now, you could start to be critical of that and be like, well, is it worth making the money?
It's like, all right, well, you're not putting your life on the line every time you go on the fucking ring.
And the market decides we are more invested when the guys fucking hate each other.
Yeah.
When the guys are super pleasant and like, let's shake hands and let's hug and kiss before a fight, we don't care as much.
Yeah.
That's honestly the only thing I heard about this was the shit.
The buildup.
Yeah.
And the buildup was crazy.
People have criticized like the grapplers and they're like, oh, these grapplers, like they make the fights boring.
Yeah.
It is.
It is for a casual fan.
It is boring.
It is.
It's like, I understand if you're a grappler and you've dedicated your life to that, that's super interesting to you because it's incredibly technical and like, Each tiny move is setting up another move, and that's great.
And the point is to win.
The point is to win, and they win.
But what the casual fan likes is carnage and fisticuffs and kicks.
They really kind of want a kickboxing match that can also go to the ground.
That's kind of what the casual fan really appreciates.
So, like, having someone who's going to go out there and swing is what they want.
And the people that have done that at the highest level are the people that probably have made the most money.
Like, you know, Connor just knocking people out is really fun to watch.
The heavyweights just going and bang and knocking people out, fun to watch.
The guys kind of wrestling or the guys, you know, grappling, they're just not going to be as big stars.
Yeah.
That bare knuckle fighting shit that you was watching when they're biting people's doves off.
Like, can that ever be sanctioned?
Well, I think they do it bare knuckles.
So the BKFC is the bare knuckle league?
Yeah, but with the biting, like all this shit.
So everything goes.
I don't think so.
Why is there just.
We can't do that.
It should just be one fight league where anything goes.
I mean, they have these like.
You're describing Rome right now.
No, it's not even Rome.
There is one.
There are these underground fights.
Fuck, I'm forgetting the name.
You guys have probably seen it where, like, the guys they fight in, like, a parking lot or, like, an alley or something like that.
And these guys that organize it, all the organizers wear masks and they have their, like, I think they might even have their, like, voices fucked up or whatever.
And they're like, it's like an illegal fight ring and they just pay guys who are willing to do it.
You can gouge eyes.
Like, you literally see guys pushing each other's eyeballs into their heads.
Damn.
And you see it.
I don't know how it's available on YouTube, but I watch it on fucking social media.
Get the fuck out of here.
That's wild.
So that does exist, and that's the most gnarly version of it.
Maybe I'm getting too soft.
That sounds horrible.
It's hard to watch, but I watch.
Fuck that.
Just follow it with some Coco Melly.
Yeah.
Wash it down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, any closing thoughts?
Anything you want to say about Coco Melon or the roast or the Knicks or Hantavirus?
Just good vibes for the Knicks, guys.
Just good vibes.
Good vibes.
Good vibes.
All we want is good vibes for the Knicks.
Okay?
Congratulations to Sean on that amazing victory.
Hantavirus.
You got to keep them on the ship, man.
I really, really, really feel strongly about that.
I do.
And film it.
Turn to a reality show.
Honestly.
Streaming on Bravo.
Right?
I'd watch that.
Right?
Yeah.
We should do a traitor's with just Chinese people.
Pick out which mayor, which mayor, or which Olympic skier, whatever.
Like, you got to pick out which ones are actually loyal to the United States of America and which ones are working for China.
I like this idea.
Yeah, that's good.
This is a that's honestly pretty good.
And they're all in a boat.
Let's not get too crazy.
One person has a haunted virus.
You're adding a lot of elements to this, right?
It's layered, super layered.
It is layered.
Yeah, it is layered.
And then UFO files.
Hopefully, we get the you know, proof that there's aliens.
Yeah.
And then the roast.
I hope we do more.
Yeah, the roasts are fantastic.
Congratulations, everybody who crushed on the roast.
You gave me unbelievable FOMO and keep killing it.
Yeah, I think we just need more roast.
I also like the idea of like every other year, because they didn't do one last year.
You know what I mean?
Like spacing them out is kind of nice too, because it feels like an event.
If it's too regular, I feel like you kind of get used to it.
Also, like roast jokes kind of start to sound similar, you know?
So just like spacing out a little bit so we forget, we miss it, and then fucking bang.
And now you got two years to get, you know, Tiger to do it or somebody else to do it.