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Nov. 22, 2019 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
10:28
Maybe It's You ft. Michael Blaustein
# wale tiana taylor stand up comedy audience reception charlamagne charlotte closer comedy performance demon bit kevin durant michael blaustein patreon episode physical comedy social justice social justice lawyers

Michael Blaustein joins Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh to recount meeting Kevin Durant, whose ankle injury delays his court return. The trio revisits Blaustein's failed comedy bit transforming into a demon, leading to a chaotic physical rehearsal involving T-Rex butt movements and specific vocalizations. They debate the act's dominance implications, jokingly suggesting a kiss could constitute aggression or a "rape off," before teasing a Patreon episode for full content while mocking social justice lawyers ruining the file. Ultimately, the segment highlights the absurdity of live performance failures and the hosts' unfiltered comedic chemistry. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Retrospect on the Dragon Act 00:05:27
Guys, we have a guest today for the Patreon.
Our friend Michael Blaustein is in the building here.
Blau, one of our first friends in comedy.
One of our first comedy.
You've heard many stories, and then he'll get to what I said.
Thank you for coming.
You've heard many stories about Blaustein from this podcast.
Now, before we get to that, I want to finish this KD situation with Cass.
Okay.
What's the situation?
We just hung out.
Did you say hi to him?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shake hands, introduce myself.
Did you kiss his fucking neck?
No, it wasn't much talking about.
About music.
We just talked about Mellow because I guess he was just about to play.
Oh, shit.
It's a little bit of that.
What music is KD into?
I mean, he was there to see Wale and Tiana Taylor was there too.
And it was good music.
It was good.
Wait a minute Tiana Taylor was there?
Yeah, yeah, she was there too.
How's she looking?
Fine.
Oh, I'm thinking of Tiana Trump.
No, no.
That's totally different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Tiana Taylor was there.
Tian Tele was there.
Okay.
Did a few songs together.
It was cool.
Charlamagne was there.
Charlotte pulled up.
Okay.
It was a good time.
Wax was there.
It was good.
You spoke to KD, though.
You dapped him up.
How'd the ankle look?
Was he walking gingerly?
He's looking fine, man.
I told him, you know, get heel up safe.
Want to see Hoop again, even though, you know, I'm a Nick fan.
But as a basketball fan, it would be cool to see, you know, we can't wait to see you get back to Corey's.
Like, yeah, cool.
Thanks.
That was it.
It was cool.
I know Mandy has better stories, but I'm not.
Cut that.
I'm not cutting that, bro.
You should have winked at him, bro.
Oh, God.
You should have been like, yo, we got mutuals.
I'd have been ballsy, yo.
No.
But he probably likes that.
I was caught off guard.
Like, if I knew, if I knew I was running into him, I'd have more things to ask.
But, you know, I'll tell you stuff off there, though.
Let's go.
Oh, come on.
Trust me.
What?
What happened?
Why you even say that on the podcast then, man?
Did you guys do that kiss that the guy did to Beyonce where you like get a little bit of her lips?
Remember the guy from power?
Yeah.
You said a little bit.
Yo, would you go for a moment?
Grammy, bro.
Would you go for a mouth kiss just to throw someone off?
You meet them first time, mouth kiss just to throw them off.
Just to establish, you know, dominance?
Yes.
You'll do anything.
Boom, right there in their fucking mouth.
And then hold them close.
Hold them tight.
You hold them fucking tight.
Would you do it?
Always, anytime we can establish dominance, absolutely.
Really?
Right in the mouth.
Yo, it's good, bro.
Kiss me, bro.
Don't know.
Don't see that.
Kiss me.
You can't ask for it.
That's not dominant.
That's not the dominance of you, bro.
Now you got a dump.
Now you got to dominate for it, bro.
You got to dominate that.
Yeah, yeah, bro.
Real talk.
You guys got to have a rape off.
You know, before he walks up, he's going to grab his son and sit him back down with it.
Sit him right back down.
Joyce healed.
There's one fucking alpha male in this room.
God damn it.
What is the word you use to stop your dog?
Heel.
Not a deodend.
No, no.
You mixing up heel and yield.
Yield is for cars.
Healed is the guy who should stay for a while.
Buddy healed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sounds like something you say to a dog.
Buddy healed.
Buddy.
Okay.
So we got Blau in the building.
Blau, you're in New York.
I don't know for how long, but I saw you Instagramming that you're on the subway.
So you didn't text me.
You didn't say that you're in town.
I didn't know where you were, man.
I thought you were dropping in somewhere weird.
So I didn't, you know.
I don't know where you're at these days, dude.
You're all over the fucking place.
You know?
She's successful, dog.
Yeah, this is your fault.
You're not wrong when you write.
That's fair, bro.
Okay, so I say you got to come by.
Come talk to us.
We had your podcast co-host, Trevor Wallace, on last week, last week.
Yeah.
How was that?
Trevor was very fun.
I mean, these guys missed it because they weren't in town Sunday.
But I wanted to get you on.
It's been a while.
We've told a lot of stories about you on the podcast.
Is there anything that you'd like to clarify?
Everything's wrong.
No, everything's wrong.
I feel like everything's skewed to where they want it to be.
What was inaccurate about the story about your bombing?
Remember when you were bombing?
Right, That's probably pretty accurate.
Honestly, bro, in retrospect, in retrospect.
In retrospect, the dragon act out.
Can you do the demon act out on camera?
No.
Come on, no, no, no.
My favorite part is not only would he, not only, just tell me the line with the lady.
I know this.
I know what it is.
I know this isn't.
Tell me what you want.
This is my favorite part.
You got a crouch mask.
You could get all the way down, right?
And Blau always had these like models, Nikes.
Like, they weren't cool.
They weren't the coolest shit, but they look almost like the coolest shit.
So you get real.
You get a real dick sporting goods on that shit.
Whoever Katie shot.
Look.
So you got Mad Lowe.
This is my favorite part, right?
He would say that line, but he would create a tail for the monster.
Yeah.
Tell me what.
But the tail would be killed.
The Voice and the Tail 00:03:14
You got a clear cross all the way to the floor.
I was so impressed.
The idea of the joke.
The idea of the joke was what was the premise.
It was about him hooking up with a girl, and then she like transformed from being this sweet, whatever, dainty girl.
And then in the bedroom, she's like a demon.
It stemmed from the idea, like I hooked up with this like emo chick with like crazy tattoos.
And she, during the date, everything was fine.
And then when we started to fuck, she got insane.
In the joke, you played up the like the change horse, the juxtaposition.
Like she was super sweet and soft.
And then in the shit, then she became.
Tell me what you want.
It's a little deeper, bro.
It's a little deeper, bro.
You only know what you're doing.
Andrew, Andrew Hands is a good job.
Andrew, the fucking bad.
Andrew, come on, dude.
Andrew has such an ability.
I just want to say this.
You have such a good ability.
Nah, it's not low enough.
No, it's not low enough, bro.
You got low.
You got to do this, bro.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Get here, get here, get here, get here.
Come on, Blau.
Just do it right here.
Yeah, right in that corner.
Just cut the line on it.
Oh, God, hit it.
You got to do this.
You got to do this, right?
First of all, my pants were way looser when I was doing it.
You know what I mean?
So you got to get low like this.
And then the thing is, you got to put the arm because you got to let them know.
You got to let them know they got a little baby.
You got to do this.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
Like a dragon.
Like a dragon.
Like a T-Rex.
You feel like a T-Rex dragon combo.
So it's this, right?
And you got to slip it back.
You got to get low.
And then you got to do the tail, like you said before.
And then the thing is, you have to move the huh?
Where would the mic be?
His mic is here.
Okay.
He's in a target like this.
It's in the baby arm.
You got to get low.
And the thing, the trick is, Andrew Schultz and everyone else, you got to move your butt with the tail.
Like this.
Right?
You got to do this.
Just stay on him.
Go on.
You got to do this, right?
You got to move your butt.
And then what?
And then what?
Back and forth like this, right?
And then you know, you do the voice.
How you doing?
Yeah, you do the voice.
It's not, you know, you went this far.
Just finish it.
You gotta do the voice, man.
And then, well, first, you gotta start.
You can't just say the punch first.
You gotta go, yeah.
There you go.
Do the act down, y'all.
Do the act down.
We don't need the director's commentary until after.
You watch the movie, then you're gonna do it.
Then you don't need the director's commentary all the time.
I need the movie first.
Shut up.
This is art, bro.
You gotta go.
Shoot your hand and do the bit.
Finishing the Bit Bomb 00:01:41
Although I am.
Okay.
You gotta go, yeah.
Right, right?
And you gotta go, you gotta go, tell me what you watch.
Sorry, bro.
I'm sweating, bro.
When I tell you, I used to love watching this bit bomb, bro.
I'm telling you, bro.
It was so funny.
Now, do you.
Usually the bit would work.
It would kill.
I'm not saying it wouldn't kill.
It wouldn't usually work.
Did I get that right?
I'll tell you more time.
Way more often it would kill.
Way more often.
Every once in a while.
You did it, bro.
And he'd be sweaty and out of breath.
Dude, do you remember?
And it was because if a crowd didn't laugh at that joke, they just didn't like Blau.
Right.
Because his act is a lot of act outs, a lot of voices, whatever.
So they already weren't fucking with him.
Yeah, yeah.
And this is his closer.
So it's like, I got to get you now.
So he'd been bombing.
And then he goes into that act out and bombs even harder.
And then my favorite part was this.
My favorite part was this.
When he finished it and he'd be all out of breath and nobody making no sound, he'd just go like this.
He goes, all right.
Thank you.
Good night.
No.
Don't try to shoot at me like that.
Motherfucker, dude, two deep breaths.
He had to catch his breath to say goodnight, bro.
That's how out of breath he was.
Couldn't even say goodnight.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.
Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice lawyer.
Then you're just gonna ruin the file.
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