Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh defend their edgy New York comedy shows against safe-space trends, arguing that independent creators must reject network nepotism to restore the city's unapologetic roots. They critique corporate failures like the Knicks' management and Frozen 2's character demotions while debating whether racial slurs serve as accountability tools or merely buttons for white supremacists. Ultimately, the hosts assert that true comedy requires ignoring performative outrage, even as they announce upcoming tours across North America and India. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Why The Episode Was Late00:05:22
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
Yo, we're sorry it's late.
We're going to tell you why in a second, but this episode has been brought to you by Morgan and Morgan.
You know, the asshole Army law agency, all right, making sure you get all the money you deserve.
You ever get into an accident, any type of situation like that.
They're going to take care of you, and they don't get paid unless you win.
So you have absolutely nothing to lose, okay?
You get hit by a dump truck, all right?
And you need to sue the dump truck company or sued a city or whoever pays for the dump trucks.
Morgan and Morgan, maybe there's another Morgan out there, but those motherfuckers are going to get you that money and you will receive it and then you will pay them.
You understand me?
Zero cost.
So you just got to go to for the people, that's F-O-R, thepeople.com forward slash flagrant for a free case review.
That's right.
They're going to review your case for free as well.
That's Morgan and Morgan.
They support the flagrancy.
We're going to support them.
Now, you need to talk to them still about the city, though.
Yes.
The city.
Oh, yeah, about my shit.
Now, so let's start the show here.
Here's the thing.
We understand this episode is late.
We're sorry.
We recorded an episode yesterday.
We could not release it.
We could not release this episode.
It just got too crazy.
We were talking about retards playing Steel the Bacon.
Akash was fucking a chair doggy style.
I bought a car.
Akash bought a fucking car.
Akash bought an $80,000 car so his girl would divorce him before they even got married.
That was the goal.
Okay.
Shit got absurd during this fucking episode.
We tried to get through an ad read.
We tried to get through an ad read for 25 minutes.
How many minutes?
Exactly.
30 minutes straight.
We tried to get through this ad read.
30 straight minutes.
We gave it our all.
Could not do it.
Could not do it.
Oh, boy.
It was we sat there and we go, because before the episode, we said, you know what?
We're just going to go completely wild, say whatever the fuck we want.
And if we have to cut some shit out, we're going to cut some shit out.
And Andrew was in a mood.
I don't know if any of us foresaw that when we said I ate something.
It was something I ate.
Fuck, what was it?
What did he eat?
I said, I ate chili.
I ate turkey chili.
I ate turkey chili.
I ate Eden's family right in front of him.
Okay, minced up to perfection.
And I ate that turkey chili.
And I knew once I ate that turkey chili, I had a large.
Usually I make sure it's a nice small turkey chili, but I had a large.
And I scooped it out of the fucking corners of that bowl.
That's a go-cup.
And I knew after that that it was going to get real silly.
It was going to get real fucking silly.
Boy, did it.
Oh, boy.
We really sat here for an hour after the episode.
Yeah.
And we said, is there any way we can salvage?
What can we do?
And I think it was the 30 minutes on the ad read that took it over.
That's when it was done.
But listen, here's the thing.
I don't want to get it twisted.
We don't really edit shit on this podcast.
There's very, little we have ever said.
Yo, we should make a bunch of people.
Maybe a person's name.
Yeah.
Like a beep a name.
Oh my God.
I completely forgot about that.
We started talking to this girl that Alex was talking to.
Save that for Patreon, please.
This girl has CTE, right?
Okay, severe CTE.
This girl, we call her up.
She's like, I mean, she's basically saying that, you know, they had to not talk anymore because she was going to kill Alex.
She was going to junior say the boy.
She was going to junior say him.
Joe Van Belster, the boy.
I don't know who these people are.
Hey, listen.
It doesn't matter.
They're not alive anyway.
Neither of their family members are friends.
Listen, guys.
The point is, the point is, it got too fucking crazy.
We said this.
We finally came to this conclusion.
We said, we'll release the episode, probably the majority of it, as a Patreon episode.
Yeah.
Even then.
Even then, I am concerned.
It is.
It is wild.
Just the ad read.
Yo.
Yo, just the ad read.
Gets.
I don't even know if we could release that.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think we should.
I'm getting high thinking about it.
I'm scoring.
There might be a Thanksgiving miracle.
There might be a Thanksgiving miracle for you guys.
It is.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
Just whatever.
It doesn't matter.
Point is we had to come back in the studio.
It's Tuesday morning.
Legitimately, less than 12 hours later, we had to be back in the studio to record.
We agree.
We said we got to get back in here.
Eden waddled up to the studio this morning with his fucking, with the luggage.
I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
Point is.
Point is, we're here.
We're recording.
We had to give it to you.
We had to give you something.
Again, we had to give it to you.
It was too much.
It was too much.
It really was.
It was too much.
We are the last people to say it was too much.
This shit.
It was too much.
It's crazy.
You got to know when it's too much.
Crazy.
Legitimately, what the fuck was going on yesterday?
When It Got Too Crazy00:15:10
20-minute retard story.
It's a 20-minute retard, sir.
Sound effects and everything.
Fantastic story.
Sound effects and everything.
That's a fantastic story.
I commend the story.
Alex walks out of the episode and then we force him to stay.
That's where I fucked up.
If you walked out, the story would have ended.
But the fact that you ended up staying is like, oh, we could stretch this out.
The only other time you left the studio was Franks and Beans.
Bro.
Oh, yeah.
Something about retard story.
If you're getting this guy moving.
God bless a retard story.
Yeah.
Anyway, point is, we had to come back because we love y'all.
Maybe it's about how poorly they walked that makes it happen.
Let's not go.
So we're back.
Let's start it up.
Let's start it up nice and warm.
Flagrant thought of the week.
I had a flagrant thought of the week.
Deontay Wilder's never hit his girl.
Oh, facts.
That's a gentleman.
Like, when you really think about it, like, say what you want about, like, you know, boxers and football players beating up their girlfriends and stuff like that.
We know with 100% certainty that Deontay Wall has never hit his girl.
Unless a lot of bitches be disappearing around the man.
Bro.
There's a lot of missing people's report.
She'd be dead.
Yeah.
Like 100% game over or like welts, bruises, something.
Or 48.
So I go, he's never hit his girl.
And then I have this thought where it's like, if he did, she would have no clue.
Like, he hits you with the men in black shit.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, he could hit his girl.
And then when she wakes up, he could be like, damn, you fell.
But it's not.
Here's the problem.
It's not when she wakes up.
It's if.
If she wakes up, if she wakes up, he could be like, you got to stop drinking.
Like, he could make up whatever scenario that he wants for his girl.
And there's no way that she would know otherwise.
Son, he got to be the calmest guy on earth.
Bro.
It's like the incredible Hulk just walking around.
There's literally one other human on the planet that is trying to start a fight with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just one.
One.
Tyson Fury.
Yeah.
That's it.
None of the other heavyweights even call him out.
Right.
They're like, we should do it.
It would be a great fight.
That's a heavyweights way of going.
I'll get knocked out for a million dollars.
Right?
Tyson Fury is the only guy talking shit to him.
Dude, it is rare air.
I don't even see the MMA guys talking shit.
No, that's a good shit.
Even the heavyweight MMA guys are like, if I get hit with that, no glove.
If you get hit with that, no glove.
Like that fucking mascot.
Son, that's how tough Mexicans are, bro.
That motherfucker was back to work the next day.
Bro, that Mexican mascot.
First of all, the mascot's already Mexican.
You could throw anybody inside it, but you still chose a Mexican.
Put a Haitian in there, put a Jamaican in there.
It doesn't really matter who you put in there, but they're like, no, we're going to keep this time square.
We employ our own.
Son, punches the Mexican mascot in its face, breaks, shatters his jaw.
Does anything happen to Deontay Wilder's hand?
Nothing.
Nothing.
He lets out the Bruce Lee, woo!
Literally kills a man and then celebrates.
And you know it's Mexican ESPN because everyone watching was like, I'm the lit coming on!
Big Island!
So wild.
Son!
My man right here.
Son.
Oh, this fucking idiot mascot, dude.
And the guy said, punch him in his face.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no.
This is just too nuts.
Too nuts.
Anyway, that's my flagrant thought of the week.
Akash, flagrant thought.
Given the time of year, I think Thanksgiving.
Oh, we can't make it about Thanksgiving.
We're going to have a Thanksgiving talk after.
Oh, okay.
Well, this could lead into a mask.
All right, fine, go, go.
It proves white people's racism not that bad.
Elaborate.
I don't know about you.
It's my favorite day of the year.
You guys love Thanksgiving.
Eden, I know you don't.
It's rough for you guys.
Sorry.
Alex, you love it?
Yeah, I do.
I love it.
I love Thanksgiving.
My whole family gets together.
Have fun.
Watch football.
I love football.
Okay.
And I am literally celebrating a day.
Do the Redskins ever play on Thanksgiving?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a little much, right?
Isn't that a little much?
And what's worse is they be losing most of the time.
First Thanksgiving day I ever saw.
I would say that's consistent.
I would say that the Redskins losing on Thanksgiving.
That might be the most consistently true thing in America.
You know what's crazy is we'll pardon turkeys every year.
We won't pardon the Redskins every year.
Ain't that something?
Here's a casino, Chief Lightfoot.
Feet were pretty heavy when we were chasing you.
Yeah, but go on.
Because they're finally not shackled as we move you from state to state.
Hey fucking horrible joke that I am not gonna say.
Anyway, go on.
God, God, God, God, good guy.
My favorite day of the year is Thanksgiving.
And I am literally celebrating a day.
White people killed an entire race of people that they thought was me.
Now.
Yeah.
That's solid.
Like, you got to be pretty nice at racism at the very least.
Yeah.
That I don't even give a fuck.
Like, I'm not giving this up.
I'm not sitting out Thanksgiving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not sitting out an entire month of pumpkin flavored shit.
Yeah.
Suck my dinner.
Fuck that.
Son, you wiling.
Yo, but here's the thing.
I'll be judging white people's racism.
That's all right.
This is what annoys me about Thanksgiving.
When people go, we're celebrating a day where white people took out an entire race of people.
We're not celebrating that.
They were dining.
We're celebrating.
We were celebrating the day before.
Just to come before the storm.
And maybe if you knew how to cook a fucking turkey, you wouldn't get taken out.
I think that dinner ain't slap.
I think the Native Americans built up that dinner and the white people are like, all right, we ain't gonna kill these motherfuckers.
They come through the cranberry sauce.
You know what I mean?
Nah, but they put y'all on a corn though and y'all be loving some corn.
Sam, corn is killing us.
That's their ultimate payback.
That's the long-term payback of Native Americans.
Because corn is out here giving us diabetes.
It's out here giving us cancer.
Played that shit too slow.
That's all they did.
They did a slow game.
Chief Slowfoot.
Chief Longview.
Chief Longview.
Chief Missing Toe.
Yo, but for real, why can't we celebrate the Thanksgiving?
Everybody was on the same side.
Oh, these people are fucking losers, man.
They're losers.
You know how friendless you got to be to sit out Thanksgiving?
You got no fucking family.
That's what it is.
You are native.
Hey.
That's why they take on a struggle because they know it's like to have nobody left.
I'm trans native.
Shout out to my natives, bro.
I'll be in Tempe, Arizona soon.
I know that's where y'all are still at.
No, but for real.
For real.
The fucking dinner was positive.
We all loved the dinner.
That's what we're celebrating when we were getting along.
Everybody was having fun.
Yo, real talk, though, that's how I know Minnesota sucks because white people put the Native Americans there as punishment.
What?
Like, there's a bunch of Native American reservations in Minnesota, Oklahoma.
That's what we put.
Ethiopians, too.
Son, we be putting the Ethiopians and Somalis.
All them Africans will be fucked up.
Yeah, you can come in.
Just go.
Just go up north.
I'm going to tell you my joke about that.
Nah.
Is Americans put the women in a place where their outfits finally make sense?
It's like, oh, you want to be covered head to toe?
We're going to give you some weather where you need to be covered head to toe.
Enjoy Minnesota.
That's actually generous, man.
You put them up in Texas.
They dying.
They dead.
And it's black, son.
Black be absorbing the sun the most.
Oh, I thought we were talking about blacks.
I was like, what?
No, if you wear black, that's the hottest color.
Yeah, you're taking it all in.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got to wear white like them Saudis.
Yo.
Saudis know what's up.
Yo.
Saudis be looking like some ghosts.
Don't they be looking like some ghosts?
Yeah, they're like Casper, but not so friendly.
It's not Casper, it's Akbar.
Akbar, the not-so-friendly ghosts.
Let somebody name that, please.
Watch out, Deerani.
Here we go.
Would you like to let the regime change?
Dram can have some missiles.
Anyway, back to these natives, yo.
All these people, this is what annoys me.
All these people are like, we stole the land of the Native Americans.
Give it back.
Ain't nobody stopping you from giving it back.
That's real rap.
Do you own some land?
Give it back.
Right?
Like, it's a premise, yo.
That's a premise.
But isn't it easy?
Bro, that's a premise, though.
Hey, Give it back.
Right?
Hey, hey, Elizabeth Warren, you worried about the Native Americans?
Give it back.
You got some cousins to probably use a house, right?
Hey, hey, Bernie Sanders.
Give it back.
Hey, all these rich ass politicians, they talk about reparations.
Repair.
Reparate.
Ain't nobody stopping you from reparating.
Why we, why does, why you try to make everybody reparate?
The change starts with you.
Yo, be the change you want to see in the world.
That's what I was trying to say.
Gandhi, yo.
Yo, Gandhi said that?
I think so.
I thought it was Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure it was Gandhi.
Heal the world.
Make it a, yo, heal the world.
I don't know though.
I don't know what that is.
Make it a better place.
Hit it.
Hit it, fellas.
For you and for boys to sit on the thing.
Yeah.
Was that how it goes?
I think that was it.
Oh, sick.
Okay.
That shit slaps.
Point is: give the land back.
Get your land back.
If you got land, give it back.
Right?
It's so simple.
I have, I own an apartment.
You know who's not getting it?
Right?
Chief, have no roof.
It's not getting my apartment.
Okay?
Nobody getting my apartment unless they buy it.
It's so weird.
Right?
Just give it back.
That's a great point, man.
Fuck, that's so funny.
Maybe I, maybe, all right, maybe I'm it, dude.
All right, fine.
I'm gonna put it on stage.
But there got to be something.
So good.
It's so simple to me.
Give it back.
Give it back.
Like, if I'm Native American, I'm going right to all these super liberal cucks that are talking about we need to give the land back.
We'll be like, yo, we here for the land.
Can I have your loft, please?
Yeah, yeah, we're here.
That daddy pays for it?
What about daddy just gives me the money and I, and you go live on his land?
You do?
And you give me your land.
This land is your land.
This land is my land.
It's our land.
Is that Michael Jackson?
Who's that?
No, his was never, never land.
As in you never, never going home, motherfucker.
The same.
Okay.
So we, I think we're all in agreement here that these people are going to start tweeting the whole thing about Columbus wasn't even involved in Thanksgiving, right?
That was pilgrims.
I was gone by then.
Those are pilgrims.
Son.
How do you lose a war to a god?
That's dude that's fucking saved.
High socks and buckles on his shoes.
Yo, you might have deserved to lose that one.
Really?
Like, come on, baby.
Walk around with bibs, yo.
You lost to the Quaker guy.
The Quakers.
Son, you lost to oatmeal, man.
Son.
What the fuck, yo?
Son, what the fuck?
How you win a war and you only got oatmeal as nutrition?
Yo.
Yo, son.
Where are you getting your energy from?
I take your moccasins over his buckle-ass shoes.
You know how agile you can be in a moccasin, son?
You in and out.
You know, bunions on your toes.
No blisters.
Jeremiah's all blistered up.
Jeremy Sam?
Yo, you can't beat no motherfucking name Ezekiel, a white Ezekiel you couldn't take out?
Making bread all day.
Yo.
You out here light on your feet because you eat in that maze.
This guy beats you.
Son.
This guy.
Son.
One hand holding the Bible.
Come on.
Sam.
This is, yo, yo, yo, we might need to have the discussion.
We might need to have a discussion.
Everybody talks about white people are colonizers.
Why don't we talk about how easy it is to colonize you motherfuckers, bro?
How about a little pushback?
Ain't nobody pushing back?
Literally, ain't nobody pushing back.
Like, literally, white people just walk around the world and we just, and we did like Thanos.
And there was a point in the history where white people were Thanos, son.
Oh, my God.
Like, you know how Thanos snap and then half the people disappear?
That's what white people did to Native Americans, right?
It was, it was.
Got you, got you.
I'm taking that.
That is so good.
But think about that.
Like, nobody says that shit.
How completely fucking retarded the rest of the world was that they couldn't push back at all.
Nothing.
Nobody you're saying there wasn't one spot we went to that we could then we were like it ain't worth it There wasn't one that is wild crazy That is wild Eventually you probably start believing that like you deserve to You know what I'm saying like like if what's the Usain both real talk if you conquer every country and you start to think you're superior I get it I mean agree with it.
I don't agree.
But I get it.
But you got I get how you got from thought A to thought B. Son, you think Napoleon Bonaparte didn't start to believe that he was that motherfucker after a while?
Yeah.
The Romans.
Shit.
Muhammad.
Muhammad's walking around bodying motherfuckers.
Of course he's starting to realize, yo, I might be that dude.
The Honor of Teaching00:09:40
God might be on my side.
Facts.
I don't want to agree too hard about that.
And then we start.
What's weird is I'm cool with the white people's shit.
And then we people like, how could these minorities change their religion and go to this other thing?
Who don't want to be on the winning team?
Like, you out there praying to your God, right?
Every day, like, please stop letting them colonize us.
And nothing's happened.
You start going, I think I'm talking to the wrong guy.
I think I might be talking to the wrong.
Let me see what this Jesus guy up to, bro.
He seemed to be bodying everybody.
Buckle shoes?
Yo, son.
Son, buckle shoes?
Your wife's got a bonnet?
This bitch just taking out Native Americans one fucking hiccup at a time.
Yo, in retrospect, that shit is embarrassing.
Son.
Son, please.
You came on the Mayflower, dog.
That gay ass ship took y'all out.
Bro, that shit is named after a fucking botanical.
Son, stop it.
Son.
It's shocking, bro.
It's shocking that y'all had no defense, nothing.
The best defense was the Zulu Warriors.
They just put their face white so that we wouldn't notice.
They'd be like, yo, if we paint, like, if we painted our face white, they will think that we are them.
And then not gonna nice us.
All I'm saying is, we need to revisit history.
We need to revisit history.
This is a fantastic bit.
There's something upset at how good it is.
And I could never do it, obviously, because I'm not white.
Son, you don't think so good.
You don't think Mansa Musa, when he was bodying everybody in Africa, you don't think that he was like, yo, weird as shit.
Like, nobody could fuck with us?
Not nobody.
Who Manson Musa?
He was like the richest guy in the world.
Back in the day.
Back in the day.
And way before white people.
But that motherfucker owned all of North Africa, right?
Like, it was insane.
You don't think that he was like, yo, this is for me to take?
Yeah.
Like, you're going to start believing that.
Jeff Bezos, you don't think Jeff Bezos, a little bit right now, is going, the world's for me to take.
100% he's doing that.
That's it.
Him and Elon Musk are doing this together.
That's it.
Just competing.
See, he's going to take it.
Google?
Google.
Whoever the fuck is Google?
Whoever that is.
They're taking this shit over and they feel entitled to it because they keep winning.
Yo, who owns Google, son?
That's the brilliance of Google is they don't be showing their faces like that.
No.
So someone owns Google dead ass and we don't know who that guy is.
Look it up, Ben.
Does anybody own Google?
Oh, shit.
The CEO is one of our costs.
Yeah, for sure.
What's up?
We out here.
Best CEOs.
You all make the best CEOs.
Real talk, yo.
We really do.
And you know what it is?
It's the Indians from India that make the best CEOs.
This guy was breaking it down for me that there's something about the caste system.
Obviously, I don't know enough about the caste system.
You know, a million times more.
But he was like, there's something about the caste system, how it's organized chaos.
Right?
Everybody lives within their cast and you could fluctuate in like value and importance, but you still exist within your caste.
So you could be very wealthy, but in a poor, not a poor cast, a lower caste.
The idea was like assembly line, essentially.
This was the idea behind it.
It's like, look, we all just do what we do.
There's no better, there's no worse.
It got corrupted, obviously, but the idea is you do this, you do this, I do this.
It's an assembly line.
And what is the assembly line, right?
Like, what does the assembly line lean into?
Efficiency.
Efficiency in corporate environments.
Right?
So, hey, I understand my role, but I also understand how to manage the people whose role it is to just clean up the Google.
The guy who's head of cleaning at Google, he might make $400,000 a year.
He might make a million dollars a year.
He's good at it, yeah.
You know what, but he's still the cleaner at cool.
He's not the engineer.
But the CEO, the Indian guy who understands that, understands his importance, understands his value, but also understands that engineer's value.
And they did some study about how because of this ability to exist within chaos and thrive within chaos, when they enter the business, like the capitalist business space, they have like this huge competitive advantage over people who are just living in America.
Because mostly when you live in America, you exist within your financial realm.
You're not forced to accept that people are poor and that's what they are, right?
We have this mentality of, well, everybody will be a millionaire.
Yeah.
Right.
Where in India, it's like, no, some people are going to stay there.
Yeah.
And I think the idea again there wouldn't be like, oh, this role is less than.
Where here you look at that the role is less than.
Yeah, don't.
It's like, no, that's what you do.
That's what the fuck it is.
If you do it well, you'll get paid, but that's what you do.
Yes.
Don't try to do other things.
And there's honor in that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Be great at that.
Yes.
Do that all the time.
You'll get great at it and we'll just run better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, there is an astonishing amount of Indian CEOs.
Yeah.
And especially like the tech world.
Obviously, you guys gravitate to that, but it's not just tech, right?
There's like, it's just like this weird number.
There was some article I was reading about it.
A lot of these bank CEOs that I like, I always see just Indian CEOs.
Thrive in the position.
That's not for everybody.
We don't even celebrate it.
Like before that used to be a big deal.
Like people would be like, my brown friends are like, yo, he's got a CEO at Citibank or whatever.
And now I don't even hear it anymore because it's just like, yeah, it just keeps happening.
It doesn't, does it carry the.
It's like the 12th Obama.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, oh, we got another.
All right, cool.
Does it carry the same respect as doctor?
Or no, still?
Having that medical degree.
Because that's so many millions of dollars in such a company everybody knows, then that's like rock star shit.
Okay.
That's like rock star shit.
Okay.
A doctor is like a rock star, but not like that.
That's like.
What about like respect within the household?
There's not as much honor in the profession.
Honor is, I guess what I mean.
There's not as much honor in the profession.
But doctor is healing people.
And like you make money and you're safe and you provide for your family and you provide for the community and you heal.
And like, I think that's where a lot of the doctor reverence comes from.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's kind of cool.
Right?
That like it's like America is super, and don't get me wrong.
I love America, but our focus is definitely financial gain.
Right.
Right.
So when you make a lot of money, we look at you and we're like, great.
Yeah.
Right.
We don't, we don't really sit back and like value positions like we should.
There was a time where like if you were an airplane pilot, you were a fucking rock star.
Yeah.
Right.
If you were a, maybe if you were like a doctor, if you were one of these people in the community helping out, that we put you on a pedestal.
And now it's simply strictly financial.
Financial.
Doesn't matter how you get that money.
Yeah.
You could sell alcohol to teenagers.
You could sell vapes.
He's the CEO of that company that gives all these kids cancer.
Yep.
How much is he worth?
50 million.
Oh.
Numbers don't lie.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
It is kind of a shit.
The game kind of just throws out there.
I went to the sumo wrestling thing with my girl.
Oh, yeah.
What was that?
We just wanted to do it.
It was like sumo sushi.
It's like some contrived shit, but they like do like kind of sumo wrestling.
It's all choreographed, but they make it look kind of real.
Seems like a good date night thing.
But yeah, it was a fun little date night shit.
But it was interesting.
The way the guy was talking about it is you're like a superstar in Japan.
Yeah.
And there's so much respect and like honor for the position.
Yeah.
And it's just rare in America that we don't have that anymore, that you're not just respected because you are.
Yeah.
Because you chose a path.
That's a great point.
It is.
What have you done?
Yeah.
In the path.
Yeah.
That's why teachers don't get respect.
You should.
You fucking.
They don't make money.
And they should make more money, but like, we're just like, oh, you're a teacher.
That's rough.
We feel bad.
Yeah.
I legit feel bad for teachers.
I'm like, fuck, man.
Kids don't respect you.
Nobody gives a shit about you.
That's tough.
How do you know money?
How would you upgrade the respect of a teacher?
The only way you can do it here right now is pay them more, I think.
And then we would value them.
I think even if they got paid like 85, 90, 100,000 a year, which isn't crazy money, but good money, I think we might look at it then maybe as like, oh, I would like to be a teacher.
You make good money and you help people.
Yeah.
I think maybe.
Teacher would be.
Pay them more and make it harder to become one.
So just pay them more, but then say, hey, not everybody gets to be a fucking teacher.
So I had a bit about this a long time ago that it wasn't great.
So I just forgot about it.
But I really think you should make the highest jobs.
Doctor, teacher, and I forget what the other one was, police officer.
And when you pay them more, you make it harder to become one.
Yeah.
Right.
Because more people want to do it.
Son, if you pay teachers $100,000 a year and they get the summer off, everybody's going to want to be a fucking teacher.
Yo.
And then you'll get the best of the best.
And then you get the best teachers.
Police officers.
We got a lot of dumbass police officers.
You pay police officers $200,000 a year, whatever, whatever.
A lot of people are going to be like, oh, I'll be a police officer.
Maybe if you pay police officers more, you actually need less because you'll get like the elite Navy SEAL type motherfuckers.
Badass dudes, maybe like that really understand de-escalating situations.
Like little Batman.
You just have like six Batman per city.
That's what I hate.
Right?
Sick ass belts.
Remember the belts?
I said if we paid police officers like we paid NBA players, we wouldn't even need.
LeBron is Batman.
We'd be good.
Like, you're, what are you going to do?
LeBron is a rich guy who could probably beat the shit out of everybody.
Big Target.
Super smart.
Big Target.
He'll have his little bulletproof shit on.
This Black Panther shit.
Yeah, he can afford all his.
Yo, that's Black Panther, dog.
Dude.
Keeping everything safe.
Real talk.
Yo, think about how much money we could save with superheroes.
Like, superheroes, like, nobody talks about this like that.
Police Officers As Batman00:10:15
Nobody made it about H.
No, but think about it.
Like, everybody goes, Batman, save Gotham.
It's like, yeah, because you didn't have to pay fucking police anymore.
And save Gotham millions of dollars.
Millions of dollars.
There's no more crime.
You slashed that police budget.
You slashed the fire budget.
You slash all the fucking public costs.
Nobody's committing crime anymore.
It's safe, right?
Nobody's getting beat up going to the hospital, right?
Now the trains run good, I think.
Right?
It's just like...
How Batman fixed the MDA.
I know people, you know, getting in train altercations or something.
Everybody's good because they're like, oh, shit.
Nobody's breaking into the jewelry stores.
Nobody's doing this because Batman's around the corner at any point in time.
It's like Batman is a rapist for bad guys.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Really wasn't sure where that was going at first.
But you know how women are like, oh my God, I'm so scared to walk around there because there could be a rapist.
And Batman is a rapist.
They could be a Batman.
Batman could be all these.
I'm not going to go there.
We're going to be walking down this alley for sure.
Batman could pop out of nowhere.
So you need that boogeyman.
Yo.
I would love some superheroes.
Son, superheroes save money.
But you know who hates superheroes?
Now I get it.
Remember how the cops would always have mad beef with Batman?
Oh, yeah.
They'd be like, oh, why is he coming in?
Why is this vigilante justice?
You guys taking our job.
He's the Mexican.
He's Batman.
It's the Mexican stealing the jobs.
Build a wall to keep out Batman.
Son, we just need a super Mexican.
Oh, my God.
Super Mario.
He was Italian.
What?
He was Italian.
Ain't no Italian, bro.
Super Mario.
He was Italian.
What?
His brother's name was Luigi.
That's the Italian name.
I can see where you're going, though, because he's handy and he's a little fat and he got the mustache.
That motherfucker Mexican shit.
And that don't not sound Mexican?
But his brother's name, Luigi.
Luigi.
That's like a fucking Aztec name, probably.
Look at that Mexican, bro.
Yo, he don't not look Mexican, G.
He got the good eyes, though.
He goes, Yes, me, Mario.
I guess that is kind of Italian, Sonny.
He is Italian.
Fuck.
He's Italian.
This whole time, I thought he was Mexican.
Really?
I just thought he was Mexican, bro.
I thought that's how he snuck into America through the fucking plumbing.
Luigi looked dumb Italian.
Luigi looked like me.
That is me.
Look at that.
They did call you the yellow version of him.
No, they call me Waluigi.
Oh, okay.
Which one is that?
That's me, they say.
That's you.
Son, what is his nose made out of?
That's disrespectful.
Eden.
Dude, Waluigi.
Yeah, when you got your stash.
So when I had my stash, I was Waluigi, bro.
I almost went as that for Halloween, son.
But I'm too old to even know who that motherfucker is.
Yeah, I didn't know which one.
So I guess in the Mario series, they went with Wario.
That was like the Bizarro version of Mario.
And this is Waluigi.
Waluigi.
So it's like.
The bad guy version of Luigi.
Bizarro version of Luigi.
Are they good guys or bad guys?
I think they're bad guys.
So these are like the bad guy version of Mario and Luigi.
I would think this one looks more Mexican.
Son, Eden, that's you, bro.
What the fuck are we talking about?
Damn, son.
Oh, shit.
Oh, he got that body, though.
That's what's up.
Lick his abs with your dick.
It's happening again, son.
We might be getting silly.
What was that?
I said, no.
No, no, now in the episode, remember, it was like, damn, I'm about to get my dick suck by you.
I said this to someone.
I said this to some.
What was it?
What was it happening?
We were in an Uber going somewhere.
But you said it that exactly.
I was like, somebody said something, and I was reacting.
I was like, damn, I'm about to get my dick suck by you.
Oh, fuck.
It's just such a spin.
Anyway, so we figured out colonization.
We figured out Thanksgiving.
We figured out Batman.
What else do we need?
Figured out Mario.
We figured out Mario.
Can we think of other games that we played that were definitely Mexican?
Sonic.
Sonic was fast.
Gee, how many fast Mexicans do you know?
Sonic black, dog.
Yo, Sonic was black.
Sonic Jamaican, son.
With the dreads and shit.
Yo, he had dreads.
Love gold, bro.
That ring.
Sonic was black this whole day.
He had some ill-ass shoes on.
Son, he did.
He has some fly-ass fucking Jordans.
He did have that.
Yo, Sonic was black.
Jump hella high.
Yo, right?
Bro, Sonic Ben black.
And his bitch was pretty good, too.
What?
He had a cute bitch.
Who is this bitch?
I think not Knuckles.
The pink bitch.
Right there, Eden.
I'm not proud of this.
I'm sorry.
She was all right.
Yo, Sonic, okay.
Had an Asian girl.
That is black.
Think about it, bro.
Yo, Sonic, man.
Wow, Sonic was black.
What other cartoons do we have?
Video game characters?
Games, yeah.
Son, I don't know.
Kirby, son?
That's who the first one Eden goes to.
I mean, you would.
Look up, just popular video game characters.
I just don't understand how that thought didn't occur to you.
Why did you first go to Kirby?
I don't know.
Jesus, Eden.
You fuck.
Oh, Laura Croft Tomb Raider.
That's a feminist bitch.
You get to get the fuck out of here.
I don't need this bitch at all in my life.
What a use.
What a fucking waste of skills.
Tomb Raiding.
Yo, you have karate.
You know how to use guns.
You could be out there protecting women, but you'd rather fucking Indiana Jones it.
Stupid ass.
What a fucking dumb bitch.
Right?
You fucking twat.
Like all the things you could be doing to help women.
How are you this feminist icon?
We're just searching for, you're just stealing artifacts from other poor people.
Oh, boy.
Right?
Laura Croft.
Look at them fucking knockers, though.
Yo, something I said about Elon Musk's Tesla truck?
They were the PS1 Laura Croft Tomb Raider titties.
That's our Tesla truck, Akash.
Yeah, you're right about it.
Oh, fuck.
Y'all don't know about this yet.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so that was the car that Akash bought during the podcast.
We all own Teslas in here, except Eden.
He can't buy one because he doesn't have internet because he's from fucking Nicaragua.
You know?
You know.
Tesla boys.
Yo, we Tesla boys out here.
Tesla gang, you gotta throw it up like that.
Tesla gang?
Tesla gang?
With the lowercase T. You know, big dick, little dick.
What?
Okay.
Okay, let's get out of this cartoon wormhole that we're in right here.
Should I pay some Bietes?
Yes, do that.
Okay.
Oh, are you looking it up?
I had a quick little flagrant question.
Oh, son, yes, flagrant thoughts.
So I was watching Troy the other day, and Alex be testing his sexuality on a regular basis.
Brad Pitt look fine as fuck.
Brad Pitt be looking good.
I didn't even go there.
You don't want to lick his nipple from underneath?
I mean, I didn't.
You want to come up on it like that and just lick that titty?
Like a little baby.
It's kind of crazy how we kept, we didn't include him in the.
I said I didn't want to use him because I didn't want to be hacky.
That's a pretty motherfucker.
That guy gorgeous, man.
Yeah.
But I was just thinking, I was like, you my Achilles heels.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Before we do the bills, we got to talk about Charlemagne.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, hold on, but finish your flagrant thought.
Nah, he was wild.
But it's just a real quick one.
So the Trojan army was a super strong army, and then the Trojan condoms come out.
Is that what you think about fucking Brad Pitt with?
Nah, it was like the dumbest name for condoms because the Trojan army, they got penetrated, and then all the little men came out the fucking horse and impregnated the city.
That's a good point.
I'm like, that's the stupidest name for a fucking condom.
You're implying that the condom would break.
But maybe they're thinking, maybe they're thinking that you use Trojan condoms to get inside spaces that don't want you inside.
So it's like, yo, if you use our condoms, you would get in all the bitches that don't want you in.
That too.
But then and impregnate him?
Well, that part sucks.
Because I think their logo is a horse, too.
Oh, that's cool.
That's the steepest fucking name.
That is a stupid name.
It would imply that they would break.
Have you ever broken a condom?
Sure have.
Sure.
You haven't even used it.
I haven't in my life.
That motherfucker is.
Wow, never.
Just for shits and giggles.
I ever told you when I broke the condom the first time?
No.
And I was like, I was so ignorant to this shit.
I was like, damn, this thing kicking in.
It was funny than like fire and ice joints.
You know, you're supposed to feel multiple things.
So I start fucking, and then the condom breaks, but I think it's the fire.
And I'm like, damn, this means fire.
This kind of feels like pussy.
They figured out condoms.
Nah, I remember.
I was using actually one of those things, the ultra thin joints.
Speaking of fire, that's playing with fire.
Ultra thin.
You got to go ultra thin, bro.
Nah, but the magnum thins is the ones to go for.
Breaking The Condom For The First Time00:15:38
Because those they're thin, but they still.
This guy has a stereo.
He has a stereo on Magnum's button.
They're the same side.
It's the same side.
They say Martha.
He's just paying money to impress the guy at the deli.
They aren't, though, but cool.
They the same when you pull out the rapper.
I know.
Son, it feels different.
It feels different because you think that's a wiffle ball bet.
That's what that is.
What the fuck?
Gang.
Gang gang.
So that you get eight inches of length, four inches of circumference.
Now pull up a regular condom.
Hold on.
Who just swallowed that?
Is that you?
No, no, no.
He pulled up cold.
All right, let's see.
Let's see.
Gulp.
Here you go.
But does it give the inches of circumference?
Yeah, what's it?
There you go.
Man, come on.
It's in centimeters.
You keep saying there you go, and none of them say magnum.
Can I fucking read on that?
Where does it say magnum, you dumb fuck?
You need magnum?
That's what we're talking about, son.
All right, I'm going to put a stop to this right now and pay some bills.
And we're going to try to do it.
We are going to try to do it.
Guys, we're going to try.
We're going to give it our best.
That's what we're going to do.
We're going to give it our best.
Just read it.
Yo, I'll get it.
I'll get through it.
I'll get through it.
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Yo, kill that, kill that, kill that, kill that.
Gang, Okay.
Um, shall we talk about Charlotte?
Yeah.
Charlotte was wilding, bro.
We gotta talk.
I gotta talk to Charlotte this week on this one.
This was hilarious.
My man was creating moments.
Viral moments.
What about?
Was that all you?
What the fuck?
So stop.
So Charlotte is interviewing Serge Ibaka, right?
And he asked him, it's like Serge's cooking show, or maybe Charlotte's on the cooking show.
And he asks, let's not move on from your meat, implying the meat that is that they're cooking.
He goes, let's talk about you in them gray sweatpants, alluding to a picture of Serge Abac in some sweatpants where his dick had a big imprint.
And Serge tries to kind of like move on, not really acknowledge it.
And then Charlotte doubled down and he goes, What did he say?
The imprint?
Is that all you or was that?
What about was that all you?
Is that all you?
So, what I'm shocked by the fact that Charlamagne is surprised that a seven-foot African man has a large cock.
That seems like the most reasonable thing.
Seven-foot African man, large cock, right?
Isn't it news if he didn't have a large cock?
Yeah.
That'd be embarrassing.
Like, how big do you think his cock is?
I think that that magnum condom fits him like one of those jackets that dogs wear.
You know, you can see the belly of it.
Yo, his condoms fit like belly shirts, real talk.
Like, the shit don't roll.
Crop top.
You got crop top condoms.
Crop top condoms, son.
Maybe that's why basketball players get these girls pregnant all the time.
They just fall off inside because they're only coming off, like, they're only coming down halfway.
Do you think?
It's possible.
It's possible.
Holy shit.
Yo, when J.R. Smith offered that girl the pipe, he was not lying.
Is that his dang-a-lang dong ding?
Dong?
That's the pipe, yo.
I think you can't tell in this one because it's too dark.
That was J.R. Smith and the other one, though.
Yeah.
Dude, J.R. Smith, the other one, has.
I mean, that is unbelievable what he is storing in there.
I thought that was the light.
Bro.
He said, whoa.
Son, that is a weapon of deadly force, dude.
My goodness.
The thing I was so just disappointed with, Charlotte, though.
He tried to cop, please.
What he said?
He was like, oh, I'll take the L on this one, but my niece, you know, Sim, that girl he always has around him and shit.
Yeah.
She said, oh, the ladies would really want to know this, so please ask for me.
And he's like, oh, that's because I'm like, come on.
So you can't be copping, please.
All this dick talk got me in bananas.
Yo.
This is brilliant from Charlemagne, actually.
Yo, it's a viral moment.
Get it.
Own it.
Nah, he knows what he's doing.
Not just that.
When the Woke Warriors come after you and call you homophobic because you said some shit 12 years ago.
Yeah.
I was trying to fuck Sergeant Bako on his own show.
I was trying to at least look at his dick.
How I hate gay people.
I'm trying to suck off Serge.
Can't none of y'all handle dick like this.
Yo, my man is getting out ahead of it, man.
Emphasis on that time, Serge.
I'm sure you're not going to be a little bit more.
Nah, you should call Charlotte.
Oh, see, I didn't miss that part.
She worked in the radio sky sign.
Yeah.
She was like, what?
You're going to do what with Serge?
I love that show.
You be on there cooking?
There are a lot of women man crushed one day.
I guess I'm doing something good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's crazy because I don't even know about orgo tastes.
And you foolish.
This guy is so good.
Let me tell you how good this guy is.
That's how you get all of the women, by the way.
Just play clueless.
No, no, exactly.
I never heard that before.
You dating superstars?
So let's not move on from your meat.
Let's talk about you in those gray sweatpants.
So I got someone out there that want to know.
What are they about?
Was that all you?
This is a wild question for me to be asking.
Yo, showers, bro.
But we're gorillas.
Wick context is so much better.
I didn't know he said that.
Yeah, I thought he just came out of New York.
Yo, he looks at him dirty, yo.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Anyway, dude, that is fucking hilarious.
God, J.R. Smith got a fucking unit, huh?
That motherfucker got a unit.
Dude, Pylon.
He got that Randy what?
That Randy Johnson, the big unit.
Holy shit.
As he's called that pitcher back in the day.
Was it because he had a big gang?
I don't know, actually.
Didn't Randy Johnson look like he had that surgery that people who chew a lot of tobacco have where they take a play part of your face?
I thought he looked like methane.
He looked like an ostrich.
Like his head started up.
Like he's chasing Kevin Hart in a story of his.
Some man do look hella like an ostrich.
Oh, God.
Anyway, guys, real quick, I want to talk to you about the New York shows that we had this weekend.
Akot Singh, thank you so much for being there, being a part of it.
It's been a very long journey for me to get here and headline these two shows, Town Hall, New York City.
We got over 3,000 people out on a Friday night, man.
And I'm so glad you were there.
Mark Gagnon killed it as well.
Alex Media Eden shooting it.
It was a very important thing for me because, first of all, thank you guys so much for coming out.
Everybody who came out, everybody who spread the word.
I appreciate y'all so much, man.
And it was very important for me because I felt like New York comedy, you know, in a lot of ways, in all the ways, it made me.
And it had been like a reflection of the people here, you know, like the people here in New York being very blunt, you know, straightforward, tell it to your face, unapologetic.
And that's what the comedy has always been.
That's what the scene has always been, right?
And these are the comics I've always gravitated to, you know, the comics that thrived in New York, you know, the Geraldos, the Patrices, Bill Burrs, the Attels, you know, all the legends that kind of came up through here.
And they were products of this environment.
And then the New York comedy scene got very soft.
It just got fucking soft.
You know, I felt like I felt like it was chasing success and fame and not funny.
And it was pandering.
And, you know, it was going after claps and not laughs.
And this weekend in New York City, we killed that notion, right?
Because we basically ended that notion.
We ended that really tough, dark time in New York comedy because this was the people saying that we prefer flagrancy.
This is the people saying we prefer edgy comedy.
This is the people saying that we prefer the comedy that came out of New York, the roots of New York.
We prefer what this scene was all about, right?
I mean, this had no comedy festival supporting it.
It had no television network supporting it.
It had no, I don't know what else even, you know, industry supporting it.
This was literally just word of mouth podcasts, social media, all of us building up and building around something that we had grown up loving and finally got to see again.
And it's a type of comedy that I think is reptilian in its reaction, right?
It's like people, the reason why the audiences can be so diverse, but all get on board with the same cause is because it's hitting us at our core.
It's not who we want to be.
It's who we are deep down inside.
And sometimes we want to act like we aren't that person when we laugh at something we shouldn't.
When we find a meme on the internet, something hilarious, but we're like, I can't believe I'm laughing at that.
It's because it's hitting you in your core.
And we've built up these audiences with this kind of reptilian reaction.
And for me to do it at home, right?
For me to like have all these people justify what we've known and support what we've known.
For me, it's like, okay, this is the moment where we shut down that safe space bullshit comedy.
That's no longer.
That dark time in New York's comedy history is done.
And now we are back to the flagrancy.
We are back to the roots.
We're back to fuck you, suck my dick.
We're back to New York.
We're back to funny because we think it's funny, not doing whatever is going to get the audience to clap.
And I just cannot wait.
I cannot wait to restore New York as the greatest comedy city in the world because it's always been the greatest comedy city in the world.
And we had some fucking dark times.
And that's fine.
Everything is cyclical.
But I promise you, I promise you that we are going to restore it to its greatness.
We are building back the empire.
The New York comedy comeback begins now.
And over the next few months, I'm going to be introducing you and exposing you to a lot of other great comics that have this spirit in them that are in New York City.
And if you like them, you fuck with them.
Go support their live shows.
Go out there, enjoy it, see them at the great clubs that we have in the city, New York Comedy Club, Comedy Cellar, obviously, Stand Up New York, the Strip.
I'm going to tell you these guys' names.
I'm going to bring them on the podcast.
Obviously, the Akash things, obviously, the Mark Gagnons.
But there's plenty of other comics in the city that are just absolutely hilarious as well that you guys need to see and need to know.
And the comeback begins.
And I promise you, I will restore New York as the greatest comedy city in the world as it has always been.
And I'm so excited for the future of it.
I mean, seeing that happen in that fucking room, all brought together by the people, all decisions of the people.
This is not manifested by a multi-million dollar advertising campaign.
This is manifested by group techs one at a time, tagging people on clips, putting things out there in the ether.
And what it was was a message for me, why it was so important to me.
It was a message to all the New York City comics to go, hey, lean into the flagrancy.
There is opportunity there.
Lean into the comedy that you always love.
Lean into the comedy that's inside you, right?
Because there is a career in it.
Everybody went soft and everybody went pander because they thought that was the only way to make it.
And I'm trying to show you that that's not.
I'm actually trying to show you there's more of a career in this.
If you have it in you and it's natural and it's part of you, lean the fuck into it because the people will support it.
And if you do it true, and there is, I promise you there's justice.
People have helped me.
You know, the Rogans, the Charlemagne of the world have put me on, and I want to do that for you guys.
If you are true to comedy, comics will help you.
What is it called?
A tale as old as time or whatever it is.
Comedy's our religion.
I'm a religious guy, too.
So I don't say that to disrespect my own religion, but comedy, God gave me comedy in my mind.
That's my other, that's like, that's religious to me.
It's sacred to me.
If you hold comedy sacred, I respect you for that.
And I'll help you with that.
We will work together, whatever.
Let's work toward this.
Because we both honor this.
Yes.
And I said this on, I said this to you already, but I'm going to say it again.
There are only a handful of people on the earth insane enough with a delusional enough level of confidence to think I can take on an entire industry.
But for most of them, it's delusional because they don't work that hard.
You're the only person I know hard enough who works hard enough to actually do it.
And it's been really honestly inspiring to watch it happen.
I put out YouTube clips because I was like, oh, shit, Andrew's doing this.
Let's do this.
And the ripple effect is happening.
Not just me.
Not just me, though.
I hear young people explode.
Told you this in the car.
Young comics call it the Schultz model.
Good.
It's like, bro, you did that shit.
And I was really fucking proud.
And I also mentioned this to you earlier, but watching you run the intro for a show that wasn't a show you were filming to put out.
You're not putting this intro out in a clip.
I watched this motherfucker show up to the venue four hours early to run this intro no shit at least a hundred times.
It is one minute that has nothing to do with jokes.
It's the minute before he walks on stage.
And he treated it with that much care and whatever.
And I was like, this is, I feel like I'm learning right now.
Like, that's why God put me here.
And us, like, you watch this and you see how it's.
Giving Creators Control00:09:12
So when you're ready, you take this.
Because I was like, oh, my special.
I envisioned my special.
I'm going to do some real epic shit.
Every show is a special.
Every show is the opportunity.
Listen, I want to bring Showtime back.
Proud of you, man.
Real talk.
I'm proud of you.
I've really been talking.
As my brother, proud of you.
I love you.
I love you.
I saw this guy 10, 11 years.
We've been working at this and like watching him just fucking do it.
It's really inspiring to see.
It's for us.
It's for all of us.
And be inspired and then run with it.
And I love that these young comics are inspired and doing it.
If I can do that, I think you affect the generations below you.
You know, I think that obviously you can affect your friends and your loved ones that are like next to you.
The generations above you, they usually resent change.
Some people are smart enough and aware enough to acknowledge change and then change with things.
And those people are the ones that stay in business.
Yeah.
Adapt or die.
They get it.
Adapt or die.
Some people, very few people above you do it.
Your peers, some of them, if they don't have an ego, will adapt and they'll get on board and they'll show love.
The ones with an ego will usually just have resentment or jealousy.
And that those things are really just placeholders for them not wanting to make changes, them investing so much in one side of the business that just they're pot committed essentially to like their career.
Right.
And but I'm okay with that.
I don't need to, I, you know, there was probably a time where like I really wanted that validation approval, but no, I am so grateful that I can inspire who's below me, the next generation and my friends around me and lift us all up and then change comedy through that.
Cause that's how you really make change.
You're not going to change above you.
You can change to the sides, but the truest form of change happens below as it grows in.
And that's what happened with us.
We got influenced by our own.
We love, if we grew up in this generation, we might like some soft ass comedy.
You're right.
But we grew up watching the realness.
Patrice, Burr, Geraldo, Geraldo, Chappelle.
Like, these are the guys we saw.
These are, when I was a kid, the first specials I watched are Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Raw.
Like, that's the shit.
So that's what influenced us.
You're influencing the next generation.
And I had another thought.
I lost it, but it's all good.
Don't like this.
Man, it was a dope spoken weekend.
It was just a dope weekend, and I'm stoked.
Oh, yo, this is what I'm going to say about not needing validation because we both wanted industry validation.
Of course.
You got a little bit.
I really feel like I got next to nothing unless you vouched.
But when you get the, I'm seeing this, when your clips are getting validation from the people already, the only reason we wanted the industry was to get to the people.
Correct.
You have proven we don't need the industry to get to the people.
And so now you can get validated on your own.
And so you look at them like, oh, you guys think you matter.
Right.
You don't, you're not in the way anymore.
You have no power over any of this.
If there's one thing that I hope that I have.
It's like looking at a hot girl who in high school who got fat and had kids.
And now you're just looking at her like, you still think I care?
Yeah.
And it's like, I'll fuck.
But it's going to be on my terms.
Yeah.
Oh, that's perfect.
And then that's, and that's the transition that I hope to make, right?
It's like the long, long-term goal.
And I rarely talk about these types of things, but is to turn the comedy market and other markets as well into a creator-driven marketplace.
In other words, we have the power, right?
And we can do our own things and we live independently.
But you know what?
We can also work with you in the industry.
But guess what?
When we work with the industry, it's going to be on our terms because we have the control and we have the power of our own careers because we don't need y'all.
Y'all can't hold anything over us like you used to be able to.
You can't say to me, well, I'm going to need you to say the joke this way if you want to be on late night.
Who the fuck wants to be on late night?
You need me on late night.
Your late night is going to get 1 million views.
My YouTube channel is going to get 4 million that week.
So you need me.
So we're going to do it based on how I want to do it.
And that's what I wanted to transition.
That's why I want to transition to business.
I want comics and creators to have the control to not only do their own shit, right?
But also do deals with these networks, but in a way more favorable situation.
So that's the ripple effect.
That's where I see us going.
Yeah, we don't not need them at all.
We don't need you, but we'll work with you.
Yo, business is business, baby.
Let's do business, but we're not going to do any more of these deals where we get bodied.
We're not going to be the ones creating because what happens now when you take the middlemen out, it's all a creator's market and the best creators will thrive.
Right?
The middlemen and the closed circuit thing is it's similar to like Bollywood in a way.
Like there's a bunch of nepotism in Bollywood, right?
Or cronyism in Bollywood.
Nepotism and cronyism mean you basically hire your kids, your family.
All family.
Right.
Legacies run Bollywood.
Legacies, right?
And then cronyism is you hire your close friends, essentially.
But so you're not necessarily getting the best actors.
You're getting the actors that are part of the family.
Right.
And that was the old Hollywood model, which was, and why motherfuckers were sucking dick to get in movies, because it was like, well, that's the only way you can get in movies.
You got to suck dick.
Simple as that.
Like Harvey Weinstein could get all these bitches to suck his dick because they needed to be in movies and that was the only way in.
Now, if you're Issa Ray, Issa Ray don't got to suck nobody's dick.
She made her own YouTube show.
That shit popped off and then they came to her and she's like, all right, we'll do this.
This is going to be my terms.
And then this next, now I got a record label, my terms.
So it's like, if we put the power into creatives, right?
We can influence the markets in whatever way we want.
And they have to work for us.
And that is the best system.
If we're working for them, it's trash.
It's just not going to be as good.
I don't know.
We're going to say names.
I don't know if you remember.
Can I say one more thing?
Game of Thrones, last two seasons, trash, right?
Yeah.
Who didn't create them?
The creator.
Simple as that.
Stop.
Know your role.
Like, we need to bring some India back into Hollywood.
Your role is not to create execs.
Your role is to do what we tell you.
And as long as you do what we tell you, we're going to create great work.
And the second you start creating, which is not your skill set, the work will suffer.
Your skill set is not creating.
It's organization and execution, right?
Get motherfuckers there on time.
Access to funds so that we can get other things.
Like that is what you're excellent at.
Just be a lead at that.
Let our ideas flow and you fund those ideas.
And that perfect connection right there, that connectivity creates the first five seasons of Game of Thrones.
The last two seasons?
That's what happens when you create.
Simple as that.
Simple as that.
Shots fired.
I don't know.
But you know what I'm saying, right?
Anyway, so I'm excited.
I'm just very excited for this landscape and the new things that we can have coming on.
And instead of having like one fucking famous person that's independent, having hundreds and thousands of comics that are independent enough where they don't need and they don't have to do shitty projects that they don't want to do.
Like they don't have to do at midnight.
That sad show that comics would have to go on.
Holy shit, that was so bad.
It's just like Tom Batter, at midnight or Comedy Central as an entire network.
They're both really sad.
I mean, it's fucking.
It's fucking sad.
The whole building is sad.
It's just sad.
It's like these, and these poor comics are so funny.
And then they make you go on.
Like, I even watched the show with David Spade.
You know what I mean?
And it's just like, these comics are so much funnier than what they get to be.
I know them.
I see them.
They're hilarious.
And then they're on the show talking about Kylie Jenner.
Who gives a fuck?
Who cares?
You don't care.
Why?
Like, why are you forcing comics to talk about things they don't care about?
Just let comics talk about things they do, which is their jokes.
Just let them put their jokes out.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, who gives it?
And if they want to talk about Kylie, let them do that joke.
Yeah.
But stop force them to talk about shit no one gives a fuck about.
Yeah.
I don't know.
What do I know, right, guys?
You just talked about the town hall.
Yeah, what do I know about the business?
You know, doesn't matter.
Point is, some interesting changes are happening.
I'm very excited for the future.
And I keep telling you guys we got some good announcements to make.
And I promise those announcements will be made at the right time.
But gosh, I'm just so stoked you were there for those shows, man.
It was dope.
It was the way it meant to be.
We started a journey a long time ago.
A long time ago.
People don't realize how long we've been doing this together.
10 years now?
Yeah, at least.
Just you and I.
Yeah.
We've been each doing comedy longer than that, but just you and I, at least 10 years ago.
Yeah.
And to like have these moments and create this podcast and like do these shows is just fucking.
And the whole thing has flipped.
When I moved here, it was probably 11 years ago now.
It was the beginning of it was there's always been woke or whatever comedy.
It used to be called alternate or alternative comedy, alt comedy.
And when I came here, that was the beginning of somehow that comedy becoming mainstream comedy.
Ten Years Of Comedy Together00:07:49
Correct.
It wasn't alternative anymore.
It was mainstream.
Industry decided it was mainstream.
People, I knew, I was from, I grew up in Texas.
I knew fucking America.
Even though I'm brown, I know America.
And I'm like, they don't give a fuck about this, do they?
You live here long enough, you're like, I don't know, maybe.
Live in a bubble.
People live in a bubble.
Now, and views from Assist and all was the beginning of that, but like, it's showing people, oh, alternative comedy is alternative.
The reptilian.
The funny, the, yeah, the lizard brain funny, the funny that comes from your fucking gut and you laugh at.
And I'm sorry if it's fucked up.
I don't, but I have to, what am I going to fucked up?
I'm going to be happy.
Humans are fucked up.
Am I going to not be happy?
You want me to not be happy?
Yeah.
That's your way of solving things is take away my happiness?
This is the beginning of the end of that.
Yeah.
So people have watched the full cycle.
We're going.
That's what it is.
You know what I mean?
I think there's a reason why we're fucked up, dude.
It's like there's a reason why your girlfriend likes you to choke her in bed.
We're fucked up human beings.
Like your girl will say, choke me in bed.
And that's because somewhere deep down baked into her fucking DNA from millions of years ago, having a strong male that could fucking control her would provide her with children that would also be strong and they could survive.
It is fucked up, the shit that's baked into our DNA.
So you think laughing at jokes is fucked up?
Look at whatever you do in bed is 10 times more.
Slap me.
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
Our little man of American jokes?
You threaten me with a good time, man.
You talking about slap me.
I've been waiting for that.
All right.
What else we got, man?
Yo.
What happened with Ramsey and Duvall?
Oh, my God.
This was so funny.
So Jalen Ramsey, Jalen Ramsey, the cornerback for the now LA Rams and past quarterback for the very vocal, boisterous, outspoken cornerback for the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Now the LA Rams.
Got his ass torched by Lamar Jackson, of course.
Five TD passes.
This guy's going to be MVP.
Oh, dude, Lamar Jackson is unbelievable.
It's unreal.
Not all five were on Jalen, but he's still, from what I read, he got torched.
I didn't see the game, but from what I read.
And he gave up two first-round draft picks to stop this kind of shit from happening.
Yeah, 100%.
That's a big price to pay, and it didn't work.
Yeah, and it's not like, it's not like there are elite wide receivers on.
No, I don't know that they have any.
His tight end is his favorite target, and I don't even know the tight end's name.
So we have a situation where Duvall, who's a huge Jacksonville Jaguar fan, goes and he says when people think the grass is greener on the other side, and then it turns out it's not.
And he calls himself like the petty godfather or something to that extent.
And he's talking about Jalen Ramsey.
Jalen Ramsey, the outspoken cornerback, who said he also had a tweet said, Lamar Jackson throwing all over Ramsey.
I mean, the Rams.
So Lamar, sorry, Jalen Ramsey, who called out literally every single quarterback in the NFL and called them pretty much all trash a few years ago in Rolling Stone or ESPN or something like that, right?
Who every week calls out his team for sucking, the Jaguars, who was acting like a crybaby for the last few seasons when the Jaguars weren't good, who will never bite his tongue whatsoever about an opponent, about his own team, about football in general, about what he can do or his ability, unfollows Duvall because of the commentary.
I mean, if that isn't the most bitch-ass shit.
Come on, yo.
Unfollowed.
Come on, yo.
Unfollow.
That's embarrassing, dog.
Son, what happened to this big tough guy?
I'm going to talk that shit.
I'm going to do all this.
Marcus Peters is a real one.
Oh, Marcus Ramsettes.
I don't think he's a great cornerback, but he's talking that shit to Ramsey.
Oh, yeah.
He's talking all that fucking shit.
Marcus Peters got traded once they traded for Jalen Ramsey.
They got rid of Marcus.
You know, Ramsey kept that helmet on.
You ain't taking that helmet off.
Marcus Peters talking all that shit without the helmet on to a guy wearing a fucking helmet.
Yeah, Ramsey said something to Marcus Peters too first because Marcus Peters is hugging a Rams assistant or play.
I don't know.
Because Marcus Peters used to play on the Rams.
He probably is old D coordinator or something.
And then Jalen Ramsey walks over and says something, and then Peters is not.
He's like, we're not doing this.
And then Jalen Ramsey's fake, trying to go back out there.
Look at this fake.
You are literally a football player.
You get paid to tackle and run through the greatest athletes in the world today.
And you are being held back by your 50-year-old coach with two arms around you, barely leaning into him.
Like, stop it.
For a living, you tackle people and get by people and move around people.
You know what's funny, though, is this guy when he got in the locker room, took off his helmet, got on Twitter, and unfollowed Duvall.
Yo, all I'm saying is some real bitchness of Jalen Ramsey coming out, bro.
Oh, yeah.
There's some real bitchness, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Bajassness.
That's one word, bitchness.
There's some real bitchness.
And maybe it is that these most vocal guys have the most bitchness in them.
And that's why they need to get it out.
That makes sense.
Because not everybody built for this.
No, I'm not built for it.
That's why my shit talked me.
Yo, Andrew said something to me recently.
He said, you're small enough that before somebody beats your ass, they'll like give you an extra second to reconsider.
For you to reconsider what you said.
Yeah, for me to be like, you know what?
Akash gets in a lot of almost fights because he'll talk shit, but he's so tiny that the guy that isn't going to beat him up looks at him and he's like, are you sure?
And then Akash usually goes, nah, you got it.
Yeah, but it's usually joking.
That's the story.
I was telling this story.
We were barking outside of the Village Lantern like 10 years ago.
And then this black guy, I tried to get to walk into the show.
And then he says something, and I say something back, but nothing like super shit talky.
He just like took it mad personally or something.
And he had like a Kelly Kapowski shirt on.
I was like, you're acting very thuggish with a Kelly Kapowski shirt on or something like that.
And he turned around and got my face and looked me in my eyes.
And then we had a little stand on for like two, three seconds.
And I looked him dead in his eyes and I go, you got that.
Yo, Jalen Ramsey, why couldn't you say you got that?
Yo, why can't you just say you got it?
He got it.
Yo, there's no bitch assness in it.
You got that.
That's understanding what you got.
I just got it.
I knew my role in this.
He knew his role.
There's beauty in that.
No bitch assness.
I looked at him and I real, and I looked at this motherfucking man thick and I was like, oh, he ready.
He ready.
He going to eat me.
Oh, I got to say real quick.
Real quick, then we're going to get, we'll get back to this, but I just want to shout out real quick.
I want to shout out the Gas Digital Network and Skank Fest, Lewis Gomez, Rachel, and just everybody that's been putting on those podcasts, Ralph, Big J, all the people over there, and Skank Fest, which is this amazing festival, which I consider the New York Comedy Festival is Skank Fest.
Shouting Out Skank Fest00:02:16
I don't consider the New York Comedy Festival the New York Comedy Festival because it's not at all.
It's complete horseshit.
It's just a bunch of shows, but there's no camaraderie.
There's no feeling.
Comics aren't really supporting it, right?
But they have been holding down New York in its darkest time.
They've been flagrant and offensive in New York's comedy's darkest time.
And they've really kept the spirit of that New York comedy alive.
And without them, I don't know where we would really be.
So that's a huge shout out to Christine, Lewis, Rachel, all the Gas Digital guys.
They got a bunch of great podcasts over at the Gas Digital Network.
So check them out.
But their hard work is going to pay off because we're going to take it to a new level.
I'm telling you, this next year, we are going to take to a new level.
The New York comedy comeback begins.
All right, boom.
What you want to talk about?
Cosby.
Yo, Cosby out here wilding, bro.
Yo, my man said when he has his next parole hearing in like eight years, he will not show any remorse.
He doesn't expect to show any remorse.
Basically, because he's like, I didn't do anything, but that's just wild to say.
I don't show any remorse.
He calls his jail cell his penthouse.
I mean.
Yo, still funny?
That's likable, right?
That's a great perspective.
O.J. Simpson, Bill Cosby.
Fun.
Son, if Bill Cosby's eyes were looking right, he'd get parole, I think.
Yo, what if his vision comes back?
Son.
What if somebody fucked the vision into him?
You think anybody's made a run at Cosby?
Because from what I understand about prisoners, they hate rapists.
They also probably love Cosby.
You think he's going through all the stuff?
He's probably the father they never had.
Facts.
Right?
But do you think?
Like, he's like, these idiots haven't seen my specials.
And he'll just do a new special.
He's doing himself.
Once a month, this guy's probably got 10 hours of jokes.
Once a month, he just does a special for everybody.
100%.
Oh, his crowd work probably on point, yo.
Oh, no, he's doing it.
Son, think about all the shit he talked about, the black people sagging.
You think he's sagging in prison right now?
Yo, that's where sagging started.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, or do you think they were like, no, man, you're right.
Cosby Doing New Specials00:09:09
It did start at home.
I just think, I just think he's a wild motherfucker.
He has to do 10 years.
No, no, no.
His next parole hearing is 10 years from now.
Oh, he's going to be locked up forever.
Yeah.
He's going to die in that thing, man.
It's a miracle he's lived this long.
Is it?
I mean, I didn't think he'd make it past blindness and then prison.
Son, have you seen the video of him getting walked into the courtroom?
That shit is.
Keep going, keep going.
Ain't going.
Say anything.
Flash, flash, flash.
Camera, camera, camera.
And then you just hear, hey, hey, hey.
Have you seen this video?
Yeah.
This is the greatest video of all time.
Play it, play it, play it.
With a girl who was buck-ass niggas.
Yo, no, no, maybe.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
No, What the fuck, yo?
Eden, I just.
What about this guy, man?
God damn.
You're getting worse at your job, bro.
Son.
Oh, God.
All right.
Man, here we go.
I'm sending it to you now, Eden.
All right, anything else we want to talk about?
Any other sports stories you want to talk about?
What else we got?
Oh, Richard Jefferson and the Knicks.
What's going on there?
Dude, it was so funny, man.
It was so funny.
Richard Jefferson said that he would rather retire.
He said he would rather retire than play.
He's like, that's when I knew it was time to retire when the Knicks reached out to me.
He said, I would rather call games for the Nets than play for the Knicks.
He was trashing.
Now, this is how stupid the Knicks are.
Disrespectful, yeah.
Yo, he disrespect the fuck out of the Knicks.
I don't even know if we can play it because I don't want to get messed up on like Twitter.
Yeah, it's on Twitter, but will the sound get caught up on anything else?
All right, just play that shit then.
Fuck it.
Akash, can you send me a different video?
Because that one's YouTube and I can't play.
Well, I just want to anybody that questions my loyalty to the person.
Ninja's chasing.
Anybody that questions my loyalty to the Nets, I wouldn't have to do that.
Fuck this place, dude.
This got to be the worst studio, bro.
They don't really care.
Me, I was the one person that said, Knicks, no, I'll retire.
That's why I retired.
They were the one team that offered me a job that I decided to retire.
That's so funny.
Wow, how about that?
It's true.
Listen.
I just knew it was time.
When the Knicks were looking for me in the paper now, I knew my time because we was over.
My time was coming in.
I was like, I'd rather retire.
I'd rather retire than go through that.
Then go through that.
That is great.
Oh, man.
That's great.
I just want people to understand.
That's what a laughingstock the Knicks are around the league.
Now, we're getting most, you know, most like Knicks fans and people are hearing stuff that isn't within the league.
But within the league, the Knicks are a complete joke.
The whole organization is a joke.
Everybody involved is a complete and utter joke to the point that players only play there if they have to.
If they have to.
None of these guys that are on the Knicks are on the Knicks because they want to be.
They're on the Knicks because those are the only teams that were offering them that kind of money.
Yeah.
What's the bum that we have?
The lefty?
Son, I don't even know your roster.
He was on the Lakers.
Son, who cares?
Julius Randle.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anybody want Julius Randle?
Bobby Portis.
Anybody want Bobby Portis?
Who else?
They really want him.
I mean, they're not giving him real money.
They're not giving any of these pieces real money.
So this is how stupid the Knicks are.
This story dies in three hours if you just leave it alone.
It dies in three hours.
Yeah.
Nobody gives a fuck because it's Richard Jefferson.
Nobody gives a fuck about Richard Jefferson.
Right?
He looks like a Brontosaurus.
Nobody gives a fuck about him.
Nobody cares about Richard Jefferson and what he has to say.
That's done in three hours.
The fucking Franks and Beans Knicks released this tweet.
For clarification purposes, it is not true that the New York Knicks offered Richard Jefferson a contract in either summer of 2018, 2019.
Now it's a story.
Yeah, you're such losers, man.
Fucking idiots are so insecure that they created a fucking story.
They made a story.
He made a fucking story.
Now we go back and go, well, what are they talking about?
Now we look at the tweet.
It's like you don't have to respond to everything.
That's something I learned from Charlemagne.
You don't have to respond to everything.
Charlemagne gave Lake Stanfield donkey today, right?
Because Lake was just acting like an idiot, right?
And Lake tried to drop a rap and like come back at Charlemagne in a rap.
And I was like, are we going to go back at this guy?
What's the deal?
He goes, ain't nobody listening to that.
I'm not giving him nothing.
He's going to sit in that L. That's great.
Because by going back at it, you give buzz to the song.
Yeah.
And that song was bombing so hard that Lakeev Stanfield was promoting it on Twitter with paid ads and Instagram with paid ads.
That's sad, dude.
Right?
I like the two.
That's sad to see Lakee.
Oh, no, he was great.
He was great in Atlanta.
But we're not talking about like promoting a date, right?
We're not doing that.
We're talking about promoting a diss track against one of the most famous people in hip-hop.
Usually, if people care about you, that will get listened to.
Yeah.
So few listens.
Whatever.
Point is, Knicks, you fucking retards.
You don't respond to everything that they say.
Steve Mills, you're retarded.
What's the other guy?
Chris something?
Perry?
Chris Perry?
Mike.
Perry.
Something Perry.
Scott Perry.
Scott Perry.
You're retarded.
Okay?
James Dolan, you're retarded.
Oh, he's the king of the retards.
Fisdale, you're retarded for even taking the job.
Yeah.
Everybody's retarded on this team.
That's it.
There's nothing more to say.
You're retarded.
You're retarded.
And if you want to hear more about retards, tune in on Friday.
Okay.
Yo, you know how you got to get Dolan.
Oh, my God.
Here we go.
So this is Bill Cosby leaving court.
Oh, my God.
Nobody was calling for it.
Son, that shit slap.
You know, I didn't see that.
Yo, funny is funny, bro.
Funny is funny.
You think that's what he would say when he'd walk in the room and then passed out women?
How is this not a meme?
I don't know.
Yo, this is way better than Kawhi's.
Hey, hey, hey.
Son, that's how the Knicks front office walks into every meeting.
Oh, man, it's too good.
Oh, fuck.
We're at like 120.
So, fantastic.
Anyway, Zati's Zat.
Patrick Beverly said he'd be the best drug dealer.
Yo, Patrick Beverly, a real ass motherfucker.
He said I would be the best drug dealer ever.
How?
How can you prove that?
Yeah.
First of all, you way too loud and excitable to be a good drug dealer.
The great drug dealers, we don't even know who the fuck they are.
We don't know what they look like.
Stringer Bell.
Stringer Bell, right?
Quiet.
Quiet.
You won't be on the corner like, ain't nobody else can sell drugs.
You'd be talking too much shit and you end up in jail.
He would be locked up so goddamn fast after Patrick Beverly.
I feel like he would, dog.
Yeah, how are you going to make it?
Did he give you any reasoning?
I don't know.
I just saw that one line.
I thought it was good.
Yeah, you texted me that line.
I thought it was great, but I thought there was like a story behind it.
It's just him.
It probably is.
There really probably is a story behind it, but I didn't look into it.
I respect it.
In the least.
I thought at one time I could be the best drug dealer.
What was your goal with it?
How are you going to become the best drug dealer?
Oh, I didn't have a plan at all.
I just was like.
You're like, I could do this.
This seems like it will work.
Yeah, like I could do this.
There's a future in this.
How do you become the best drug dealer?
I mean, I guess you need to get as close to the source of the drugs as you can.
Like, I thought I was just going to write everything on paper and then show the person and then burn the paper after.
So it's like, oh, you can't ever trace me because I don't carry a cell phone and shit like that.
I'm sorry.
That sounds weird.
That's insane.
How are people going to track you down with paper?
No, no, no.
I would burn the paper right after.
After they read the message.
So I don't speak out loud and I never communicate on the phone, so I would be untraceable.
So your genius way of becoming the next supporters and shit.
How To Become A Drug Dealer00:02:53
Right.
Was to have fucking carrier pigeons deliver your messages.
Like I said, guys, it wasn't that thought out.
It wasn't that thought out.
At a certain point in time, you need to scale up.
That's the thing.
How do you scale up?
Let's think about it right now.
How could we become the best drug dealers?
You just write on paper, I'm going to fucking murder you and show them.
You know?
Why would you write it?
Because you never know when they're recording.
You never know when they're going to be able to do that.
Why wouldn't you just murder them?
But now you've got to send a threat.
And they do what you want.
No, no threats.
You don't threat.
You don't threaten.
Nope.
Michael Corleone just acted in the Godfather.
That's the thing about threatening is it shows you're a pussy.
You just do.
Anytime you threaten and don't do, you send a message that you're not willing to do.
No, but you give them like a, what's it called?
Like you got to scare them.
You're going to be like, yo, if you don't do this, then you know what's going to happen to you.
Well, you got to at least beat the shit out of them once.
I'm watching the next time they kill him.
I'm watching, I'm on the last season, the most recent season.
Fire.
Jamie and Duchesne sit down and Duchesne has his girl and then Duchesne lets his girl go.
I'm like, oh, you lost.
You lost, huh?
That's it.
Have you finished it yet?
No, I haven't finished it, but I just finished that episode and it's like, oh, that seems like a big fuck up.
Yeah.
I want to start this new show, Snowfall.
Well, it's not new, but people have been saying it.
Yeah, people have been saying it's pretty good.
It's so tough, man, because there's a lot of great shows that are on TV now, probably, that nobody will watch in history because they're on TV.
Snowfall might be one of those shows.
But I think eventually everything's going to hit a streaming service.
And then we'll recapture it.
But here's the problem.
They might get canceled before we could fall in love.
No, but a lot of people started watching Breaking Bad after it was done.
Not like it was about to finish.
We got 10 million at the finale.
I caught on after season four.
So yeah, I saw all of season five live, and then I told a bunch of people about it.
Then it got bigger and bigger.
May time not perfect.
So they put all the seasons on streaming services right before their last season.
Well, last two seasons.
I think the last two.
Probably last two.
Because I remember you and your ex were both big fans.
And I was like, I'll give it a chance, man, whatever.
I kept hearing Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad.
And I was like, all right, whatever.
Let's see.
And it just got better and better every fucking day.
But here's the thing.
What if they canceled Breaking Bad before this shit ever hit the streaming?
So we just got three seasons.
We're like, yeah.
And it didn't do great ratings at first.
It was whack at first.
Streaming saved it.
So that's what I'm saying.
There might be shows that never hit Netflix on streaming because now Netflix is just putting their own shit.
They're like, I'm not trying to blow up Snowfall, and then I don't have any whatever with it.
No, it's on FX, I believe.
I think honestly, a better move might be just keep getting letting other people make great shows.
You put it on your shit.
I'll keep subscribing.
And then whatever.
I'll catch that show when the new season comes out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I need to watch this Mandalorian shit.
It's just fire.
Frozen Two Demotes The Redhead00:04:07
Alex says it's whack, Eden says it's hot.
So not seeing it.
It's mad predictable.
Like, it's visually beautiful, but the storyline is trash.
What's trash about it?
It's just mad predictable.
Like, you can see everything that's about to happen.
I've never seen Eden get sensitive before.
Because I don't think he watches it.
No, I did.
It's corny.
But you like Corny's shit.
You like Frozen 2, dog.
You want to watch Frozen 2.
You want to watch Frozen.
I love Corny Bros.
How the fuck do you have a Frozen 2?
I never even saw Frozen 1.
I never saw Frozen 1?
I thought them bitches froze.
The song alone makes you want to see that shit.
Let it go.
Let it go.
I don't know it.
That's what Cosby was singing these days.
Let your consciousness slowly go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
No.
No, the Frozen One.
You never saw it?
No, bro.
Bro, the point of that whole movie is that nobody likes redheads.
The star of the movie isn't the blonde bitch.
Oh, yeah.
It's the frozen bitch, right?
No, the frozen bitch is the blonde bitch.
And all these kids dress up as her for Halloween.
They do, like, everybody wants to.
She's the evil one.
She's a cunt.
Why is she the evil one?
Because she's a cunt.
She has these frozen powers.
Wait, are you sure about this?
Son, I'm telling you.
And they don't even make that bitch the fucking.
Look, the redhead to the left.
She's the star.
She's the star, though.
She's not even the front page of Frozen 2.
Which one is Elsa?
No, one in the middle.
So what happens with Elsa?
Elsa is a cunt.
She has superpowers, right?
Yeah.
As she turns into like her, what is it called?
Adolescence?
Puberty?
Puberty, I guess she starts to be able to freeze shit.
You know, a bitch angry with cold hands.
Right?
Right?
I don't need a blanket ass bitch.
Yeah, right?
Give this bitch a blanket and the movies.
I keep telling you, I'm damn vegan, son.
Real talk.
Real talk.
So she goes, so she goes up to a mountain to be by herself so she don't freeze the whole town up or some shit.
She just upset.
That seems nice.
That's a nice thing to do.
That's a generous thing to do.
I don't even know if I'm telling this right.
Point is, her sister loves her and her sister goes to save her.
Her sister's a redhead, so nobody likes her.
Meaning the kids that watch the movie, the kids who are watching the movie, are seeing the evil sister who is killing everybody and freezing everybody and making the town horrible.
And they're going, I want to be that for Halloween because she doesn't have red hair.
Because she got the special powers.
Special powers to be a cunt.
She's a cunt.
I want the special powers over the non-special ass bitch.
That's a cunt.
She's a super fucking cunt.
A raging cunt.
I hated her in the movie.
I thought she sucked.
You finished this?
It's good to see that two of us or you see?
Yeah.
You had me out on that ledge.
Like, I'm the only motherfucker who watched that shit.
I mean, I'm watching this shit.
You know details if you see that shit yesterday.
I don't even remember this movie.
You'd be spending too much time on TikTok to be watching these little kid movies.
Son.
Why do you think I got to see these movies?
You got to relate to them.
We have to have something to talk about.
Son, that would be a nice skill for a molester to do is to learn how to relate to you.
Jesus.
Come on, son.
I'm just saying at least you can have a good conversation with Garbage.
Let it go.
Anyway, so now they got motherfucking Frozen 2 coming out where they demoted the redhead bitch to her natural position, which is side chick, not main chick.
And they brought Frozen out front, which is what the people always wanted in the first place.
Nah, the redhead just needs a few tats so she can step her shit up.
Oh, so she can be Portland.
Yeah, because you know how them red-headed bitches they usually pale and they if they get tats takes them to another colorful tats too.
Yeah, you know that's a specific white girl taste.
And he's creating a white bitch out like it's Madden in his head.
Creative bitches.
Alexander creative bitches.
Yeah, man.
How do you make a second one of these films?
Justifying Actions With Suspensions00:03:10
I don't know.
We're about to see right now.
It's better than fucking Mandalorian.
It said all kinds of box office records, apparently.
What?
Frozen 2.
See?
Wait, man, it's out already?
It's out.
Yo, I think I read that.
No, it's not out now.
It is.
You seen it?
I think it did.
If you went to the movie theater to see that, then you're a fucking weirdo, bro.
Nah.
Yeah.
Oh, it just came out.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think it did huge numbers.
Anyway, what else we got, man, before we wrap this up?
Kanye got an opera.
The Lakers keep winning.
Mason Rudolph might have said the N-word.
Oh, yeah.
Let's talk about that.
You really think Mason Rudolph.
Nope.
Even like woke black football fans I follow on Twitter are like, nah.
Because there's no reason you're going to let a guy hold you back if he actually said that and you're a black dude and a quarterback called you that on the field.
Or that your teammates would continue to support you at all.
They'd be like, yo, kill this motherfucker.
Who cares?
Son, all the times you've been tackled by a black guy and it never came out.
And it takes one time he motherfucker rips your helmet off for you to say that word.
You know how many N-words, if you didn't like black people, you know how many N-words you would fucking say the first time that you got blindsided?
Son, yeah.
Like, you'd be saying an N-word non-stop if you didn't like black people.
It's.
Black people tackling your ass every you got sacked.
How many times that game?
You wave to that and you would just punch him in the face.
You wouldn't bother with the helmet ripping off, you just beat the shit out of this guy.
Nothing's stopping you this bullshit.
You know you don't want your suspension, so you jump into that same.
You think Marquise Pouncey gonna have his back man get out of here.
Marquise Pouncy, yo come on son, stop it.
Just turning suspension.
Nah that's, that's corny, but it's an easy go-to.
It's like if I claim racism then I don't look like a bad guy.
Even though I don't get the suspension, it justifies the action to the people and you know, even though I will have this suspension, it saves my character and justifies the action to the people because you can do anything you want after someone says the n-word, which I think is is absurd the idea that we give this one word so much power that can justify any behavior that comes after it.
Say again, I mean, but isn't it absurd?
Like whooping, but that's about it, but like even then, like it's it's.
It's just like absurd that we empower this word.
It just holds down black people like that's what I don't understand.
Like by blifting this word up, you're just hurting you.
No, so I agree with you there.
But it is cool to have the crutch every time you want to beat a motherfucker up.
You can't just like pull that card.
Of course that's like a good.
Like I I yeah no no, I understand what you're saying, but like, wouldn't you rather not have that power over you?
Like what do you think?
I don't let the word affect me that much, you don't.
But like I mean we want to talk about like white.
You know what white supremacists love, that they have a button they can push at any point in time that you have to fight them if they say it.
New pair of Jordans walk right out, full locker.
Someone calls you in word, you gotta fuck the Jordans up.
They have so much control of you.
You gave them a button and you know what's crazy.
They invented the button.
Have you ever been calling Medward like that?
Like the straight-up ER?
Stealing The Giannis Era00:06:09
Uh, no, I actually don't believe so.
Yo, the best way to react to Ember is like, when somebody goes like that, you go, you think I'd let you affect me?
That's not how I feel.
Just start laughing.
Oh, wait a minute.
You thought that I was going to let you have some power over me?
You're adorable.
You're adorable.
What is that?
That act out in Eddie Murphy when the black guy is talking the Italian after he calls him.
Oh, little white man.
You must have just seen Rocky.
Right?
Like, you are so adorable to think I would let you have any power.
You think you're going to let me risk my freedom?
You're going to decide that?
Oh, yeah, I think the only time I reacted bad to racism was probably the Sweden situation.
And it was just the way he said pussy.
He's like, pussy.
Shit got under my skin, son.
He said it pussy, bro.
He said it.
He said it away like, nah, son.
You want to talk about Luca?
I know that was something.
You said he stole the Giannis era.
Oh, I mean, it's an interesting question.
Van posted on Twitter, but I thought it was interesting.
Is Luca going to steal the Giannis era?
As LeBron goes away, Jonas was going to take over and then run the league.
And Luca is better than Jonas, in my opinion, in terms of he's more well-rounded.
He's better passer.
I think he's a more dynamic.
He's a better offensive player for sure.
Giannis defensively can be such a fucking force.
Fair enough.
He's a force.
But will Luca at bare minimum?
He takes a little shine away from the Jonas era.
Yeah.
There is a world where he's only 20 years old.
It's the Luca era, not the Jonas era.
And we start looking at Jonas kind of like we looked at Dominique Wilkins, an athletic freak, very exciting to watch, but can't get over the hump.
If he doesn't learn to shoot, that's a problem in the playoffs.
That will most likely keep you from winning championships.
Luca won't have that problem.
You can work around a weak defender.
The Warriors did it with Steph.
Yes.
You can build around that.
You cannot build around, just play eight feet off of him.
You can't.
That's all you got to do.
It affects the game too much.
Yeah.
So that's the thing.
And I think he will because he's willing to shoot and he seems like he's got good form.
I think his shot will get better.
But if it doesn't, it might be the Luca era.
And it's also crazy that he's a fucking on my basketball team that I root for.
I mean, you're very lucky.
Yeah.
You're incredible.
Dirk was great, but like Dirk wasn't.
He didn't watch Durkin like jump out of your fucking seat.
And like there was one playoff series.
There was one playoff series where I did.
Not because it was so exhilarating the moves, but when he literally put the Mavs on his back and won that champion.
It's fucking believable.
I have there are few, like, there are few playoff experiences that I've seen that are like that.
Yeah.
I mean, one man.
I'm really lucky to have seen that too.
And that's why I didn't complain when the Mavs are bad.
I'm like, yeah, they're bad, but I know if you get to see a championship for your favorite team and you're old enough to understand what it means, do not, you enjoy that, and that's it.
Gratitude.
I saw the Cowboys my first, my second year watching football.
They won the Super Bowl, then they won it again, then they won again.
So I was like, oh, this is just what the Cowboys are.
Yeah, you're spoiled.
I didn't get it.
I was eight years old, whatever the fuck, 9-10.
If they get one now, I'm going to still root for him and whatever, but I'm not going to act like I deserve another.
I'm so fucking lucky.
I'm good.
Mavs, I'm good.
And then again, Luca is crazy.
To have an exciting, like, the league wants to see this guy on your team is crazy.
Yeah.
And you're going to get tons more games that you can see.
So I can finally watch him because I could never watch him before.
That's right.
You'd probably get two games a year that will be like nationally televised or something like that.
Son, I might split league passes with Kaz just so I can watch him sometimes.
Yeah.
Like more often.
I don't have shows or whatever.
It's crazy.
But yeah, this could be his.
I thought he'd be good.
I didn't think he'd be this good.
It's being able to shoot.
Yeah.
Everybody thought he wasn't going to be able to shoot.
So when I listened to Dallas Radio, they say there are still some really bad misses.
This one guy that seems to know a good amount about basketball said he kind of reminds me of younger LeBron in that like he has a better shot, but sometimes LeBron would just put up these bricks and you'd just be like, Jesus.
Right.
Luca will still do that, but he's a better shooter than we thought.
And he's getting better.
He's 50% from the field and then he's 36 or something from three or something like that.
Take that.
36 from the three with contested setbacks.
Yeah.
You will take.
We're not talking about you're wide open in the corner like you fucking bums.
We're talking about your shooting off the dribble.
Yep.
35%.
35% from three, 50% field goal, 80% from the line.
And it's the EFG, which I think is effective field goal percentage, meaning if you remove the shots that are like end of the shot, I think it's remove the shots, end of the shot clock.
I think it's like, what is his true field goal percentage?
Can you go up to 20 or can you go down a little bit, Eden?
Right there.
Where is it?
I just want to see what he was last year, three-point percentage.
Oh, he went 30.
He was 33% and then 35%.
So yeah, he got better.
I mean, dude, this kid is the truth, man.
Giannis better watch out.
And Giannis will put in the work.
The question is, there are certain people that are just not built to shoot well.
Ben Simmons is not built to shoot well.
It doesn't matter how much work you put in.
Like, Giannis Pod can put all the work in, but his body might not be built and constructed in a way that is going to give him touch.
He might not be a great shooter.
He could be okay.
If he can get good enough that you got to guard him, then it's a problem.
That's all he has to be, serviceable.
Yeah, get to like the Charles Oakley range where Oakley could hit his little 15-foot jumper, 18-foot jumper.
The problem with Giannis is you want the ball in his hand to affect the game.
And will Giannis be able to shoot off the dribble?
Can he do what LeBron did is what I want to know.
I don't think so.
If he can shoot like LeBron developed his shot?
I don't think so.
Because I think LeBron always had flow to his shot.
Giannis has a hiccup.
You notice like he pulls and he stops and then he shoots.
Adding Shows In Philly00:05:27
A little bit, yeah.
LeBron was never a great shooter until recently.
He's really kind of developed some touch, but he had flow.
He doesn't have the best form.
His elbow's all out, but there's flow.
And if you look at Luca, there's flow.
Yeah.
Jonas is, there's the hitch.
Yeah.
And when you have a hitch, it's very hard.
You look at Steph, it is flow.
Perfect flow.
All the great shooters, flow.
If Giannis doesn't handle that hitch, I don't know what to tell you, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
It could be bad news.
I would love to see him do it, but I would also love for Luca to be the best player in the league.
So whatever.
We'll see.
Yo, we should talk about some dates coming up, by the way.
Yes.
Make sure y'all come out.
We're going to be in Seattle.
Neptune Theater.
First show sold out.
A few tickets left for the second show.
Then we're going to Salt Lake City.
First show sold out.
A few tickets left for the second show.
Then I'm going to be in L.A. Shadow Band show with Tony Hinchcliffe, Andrew Santino, Tim Dillon, Comedy Store.
One night, one show only.
Go check that out.
Then I'm going up to Vancouver.
We got a pop-up show on the 12th.
That's sold out.
We have the 13th at the Vogue Theater.
That's sold out.
Thank y'all so much for coming out.
Vancouver, we didn't realize it was such a big market.
We thought doing that massive theater was going to be enough, but shit, I guess we need more.
We got Edmonton the night after.
Come check us out in Edmonton.
We also just added Minneapolis to the tour.
We got New Orleans on the tour.
We got, I think, oh, we added a show in Philly.
My bad, we got Philly coming up.
We added a show in Philly that Sunday because the Philly shows are selling out.
Just go to theandrewschultz.com, check out all the shows.
I'm coming to your city.
Akash, what you got, baby?
Yo, Big Dancy Energy Tour going international December 20th and 21st.
We are at the Habitat Comedy Club in Mumbai.
Then when we get back January 9th, we're at Hilarities in Cleveland.
January 14th, Stress Factory, New Brunswick, New Jersey.
Sheltie probably going to come through.
I don't agree.
Brown people got to come through.
It's fucking Jersey.
This is our second India.
15th, January 15th, Ray Helium Comedy Club in Philly.
Me and Donna should probably come through.
We're going to see, but I'm going to be there for sure.
128, January 28th, I'm at Tacoma Comedy Club in Tacoma, Washington.
January 29th, Punchline in Sacramento, California.
February 6th, I'm at Zaney's in Nashville, Tennessee.
And then February 8th, this date just added the Laughing Skull Comedy Club in Atlanta.
All dates.
All ticks will be available online.
Congrats on Laughing Skull, man.
Thank you, Doug.
An amazing club.
I'm excited.
Apparently, I've never played it, but it's like this really cool.
Have you played it?
No.
Yeah.
But it's like, it's just like a really cool and very well-run club and very respected club in Atlanta.
I'm excited to do it.
I think we're going to have to do a 5 p.m. show to kind of prove we can move tickets.
So buy these tickets, fellas.
Let me know what you're doing.
Don't get them tickets, rock it.
And then the next time you're out there, selling out the whole thing.
But Atlanta's an interesting place.
I did a club down there.
It was one of my worst experiences in stand-up comedy.
The club is actually shaped really well and really nice.
It's the punchline.
And it looks like a perfect comedy club, and it's amazing.
It just happens to be part of a diner.
In the back of a diner.
That's why I was told don't do the skull if you can over punchline.
Yeah.
But once you're in the club, it looks like a fucking amazing comedy club.
They just don't create any like separation from the diner entrance.
Like I would have people come in the back entrance so you don't even know it's part of the diner.
Yeah.
But they were serving pancakes during laugh with Idis, yo.
Son, during my show, this was one of the low times in my comedy career.
During my show, a woman in the front row turns around and yells to the waiter, Can I have some syrup?
Oh, man.
I was like, bro, I need to step things up.
I need to do something.
Yo.
Because this is not the look right here.
My name was on a billboard outside with a breakfast special.
So it was Andrew Schultz will be appearing.
Two eggs scrambled with fucking home fries and bacon.
I was like, things need to change.
Things need to fucking change out here.
And so, yeah, the Laughing Skull is apparently, from everything I've heard, it's just a really cool club.
So go check out Akash in that club, man.
Excited.
And then I'll be there with you on the 14th.
In where?
New Brunswick.
In New Brunswick.
I'm coming out.
As long as I'm in the city and we're not anywhere.
What day is it?
January 14th.
You know what day of the week it is?
Is it a Wednesday or Wednesday?
Wednesday.
And you're going to be filming.
Edis filming?
Yeah.
Okay, we're out there.
We're doing it.
I'm in.
I'm popping in.
I'm doing a few minutes if Akash will let me.
Hell yeah.
All right.
So pull up to that show.
Go get tickets to that show.
We're going to keep it flagrant.
Assholes.
Get your asses out there.
All right.
Keep it tight.
We love y'all.
We appreciate y'all.
And for those of you that Are you going to be there with us for the Patreon episode?