Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh debate the weight of inherited surnames like "Famuyide" against the fluidity of gender identity, joking about claiming female status for free club entry in San Francisco. They pivot to a somber reflection on a trans suicide before mocking cursive writing as a gay indicator, ultimately promoting a Patreon story about a trans friend while challenging social justice warriors to own their legacies rather than flee them. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Switching Last Names vs Gender00:02:59
Real talk, I don't know if I'm switching my last name.
Never.
You gotta put a lot of work.
What would it take for you to switch your last name?
Bro, I assume you switch my gender.
So wait, wait, wait.
I think the statue of women.
At least that way I feel like that's of a bitch when I change my last name.
Son, yo, you'd be more of a bitch if you switch your last name than if you actually became a bitch.
Straight up.
Okay.
Straight up.
What if you found out that...
Now, Singh is such a common last name.
But let's say you had a really specific last name.
Schultz, very common last name.
Let's say you had a really specific last name, right?
Famuide.
Famuyide.
Famuyide.
Now, what if you found out that Famuyide came from a long line of like animal fuckers?
Right?
Like, specifically animal fuckers, right?
But they found out that they were Indians and they actually fucked cows.
And we know.
Wow.
Wow.
So they actually fuck cows.
And you found out that everybody in your lineage fucked cows and it was known throughout India.
It was known everywhere.
And here you are, an Indian comic, a comic of the Indian people.
You still want to be the comic of those people, but every time your name is on a bit of a bunch of people.
You can't run from your legacy, yo.
Cow fuckers, bro.
You can't run from your legacy.
So what do you do?
What do you do?
You just got to own it.
You know what I mean?
Own it.
That sounds like a pretty good bit.
Real talk.
Yeah, yeah.
The meaning.
It would be like my N-word.
I'm just changing what it means.
Yo.
But what if they also found out that, like, you know how you inject flavor into like meat?
Yeah.
Like, what if they found out that's what you guys were doing the whole time?
Like, you were just.
Then I think you're welcome.
Everybody.
Dude, the cats.
The hamburgers by the Famuyides.
Yeah.
Delicious.
That's better than Kobe beef.
You're welcome, bro.
It's Kobe beef.
Okay.
So there's no situation that you would change your last name.
You think that's why Kobe beef is so good?
Oh, Japanese are coming in it?
No, Kobe.
Kobe comes in the beef.
Yo.
Dude, maybe.
No, what if that's like, it was Bukaki?
I mean, he probably got.
I would have been known to force this.
But him.
But him.
You're all in, guys.
And the fact that it's Bukaki, that's why there's so many other different types of sperm there.
Dude, I think we're on to something.
I think we're on to something.
Okay.
So go.
What?
So what would make you change the last name?
Son, I don't think anything, man.
Nothing could make you change the last name.
Nothing, but it's a line.
Like, you know, you just gave me a pretty crazy hypothetical, and I was still like, you just got to own that.
The Kobe Beef Mystery00:02:21
That's who you are.
Wow.
That's who you are, yo.
That's who you came from.
That's who I came from.
I can't outrun that.
I can only own it and change it if I need to.
So that's what you would do.
You would work on changing the legacy.
Yeah.
Okay, what would make you change your gender?
It's Tuesday.
Son, dude.
If there's a club that lets me in before 11 for free, you know what I mean?
Son, his cheapness overrides his masculinity.
Yo, that's how Indian Akash is.
It's ladies' night.
Well, shit, we going.
We pull it up.
Ladies drink for free.
Yes, we do.
Son, we should be able to do that.
That's what makes me change genders Thursdays.
We should be able to pull up to the ladies' night, tell, say our gender is female.
I identify as female.
The fuck, you going to deny that?
Identify as frugal.
It would have been funny if I didn't stumble on that.
But real talk, maybe we can.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's a great point.
If these bitches can identify as, or these dudes can identify as female and then compete against women, why can't we identify as female and then get into the club?
You know what I mean?
And try it.
Hey, asshole, somebody try that shit.
Let me know how that goes.
Please.
Go on the winter.
And do it in a liberal ass.
Do it like in Oregon.
One of these other ugly bitch cities.
Let's go.
San Francisco.
Pull it off there.
Oh, my God.
That is the wave.
Yeah.
Can I identify?
Can I be like, yo, I'm a minority.
I identify as gay.
I'm just only attracted to women.
Can I do that?
You can do whatever you want.
That's pretty much it.
You can literally identify as whatever you want.
He, she, or they.
New York kind of seems like the city you can get away with that shit in.
Any other, anywhere else, anywhere else, they'll just be like.
Not down south.
Not there.
But you could go to a Williamsburg bar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
One of them free pizza bars.
Like his ladies' name?
She's fine.
Identify as a woman tonight.
Matter of fact, they wouldn't even have a ladies' night, probably.
They'd be like, that's not inclusive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have a people's night.
You mean a bar, you fucking idiots?
Is that what you got to do?
The cheese beat you too.
I was like, I think.
Dude.
Oh, fuck.
Identifying as Gay on Air00:02:32
That girl passed away.
Who?
Like, Transylvanian?
Yeah, the tease.
The tease that Deja Paul was talking about.
Which one?
Did you see the bonus cut after the Netflix special?
When he's talking about this trans girl that she, you know, knew and met and said stories with and told jokes with.
Oh, like the friend of this Transylvanian.
Yeah.
And eventually they just became close.
And then.
Yeah, I think she killed herself.
Wow.
Yeah.
She killed herself?
Yeah.
Why?
Well.
Not Dave.
It wasn't Dave's fault.
I'm sure it wasn't Dave.
Clearly, it wasn't Dave's fault.
Hold on.
Why did she kill herself?
Yo, I don't know.
We got to get to the bottom of that.
Ask her.
Nah, but maybe she left a note in some manly-ass handwriting.
Come on.
I mean, she's sad scribbly, yo.
Dude, handwriting would be a thing, bro.
You know who left that note.
That's why there's no female serial killers because that handwriting would be so fucking gorgeous.
That's bubbly.
Those bubble letters.
Why do women write so bubbly?
Yo, because they got nothing else to do, bro.
They're not in a rush.
It looks so small.
We got shit to do, bro.
We got work.
We got things to pick up, put down.
You know what I mean?
Women got all day to write straight, perfectly on the line.
Put hearts on their eyes.
Yeah, I don't got time to dot my eyes and cross my T's.
Calligraphy.
A woman definitely can't write.
Can y'all write in calligraphy?
Fuck no.
Not calligraphy.
Script.
Calligraphy.
Cursive?
Cursive?
Yeah.
Yeah, yo.
Ready?
Let's see if you can write script.
Ready?
Yeah.
All right, ready?
Yeah.
All right.
Write a script G.
Oh, shit.
Lowercase is right, man.
Lowercase or uppercase.
Uppercase, motherfucker.
That lowercase, mad easy.
Hold on.
I want to see the first one.
No, no, show me the first one you did, son.
The lowercase is easy.
Shit, you did both?
Lowercase.
I didn't know how to do a fucking G. Trans, dude.
So you might be gay.
So I know you joke around about that in the beginning of the podcast, but you just wrote a script, uppercase G. You definitely like killed the bit, too.
Like, this is lowercase, mad easy, but if you do an uppercase script G without any hesitation, that's way gayer than if I saw a guy sucking your dick.
Hey, you can see both anytime you want.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
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