Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, Joe Santagato, and Danny LoPriore dissect viral Vine careers, NYC police horse cruelty, and the absurdity of undercover drug encounters. They debate NBA dynamics, contrasting Kyrie Irving's ego with Kawhi Leonard's leadership while analyzing the Celtics' success without LeBron James. The conversation darkens with Holocaust anecdotes and a #MeToo revelation before concluding on Blue Chew's efficacy for male performance, blending chaotic comedy with serious social commentary. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Full Sack Supplement Promo00:06:47
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No Easy Buckets.
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Let's get the show started.
Now, we have some illustrious guests here.
I'm very excited that we're sitting down with you because what's happened recently in my life is a lot of synergy.
And synergy for me is like when people are moving in similar directions, you start to hear people's names, even if you aren't directly talking to them.
Other people that you're speaking to are like, yo, you got to check out these guys, et cetera.
So I've had multiple people tell me that we've got to talk to you guys.
Now, we spoke a while back on Instagram.
We were texting a little bit.
And then all of a sudden, Kaz's like, yo, we got to get these two guys on.
They're hilarious.
And I'm talking to KFC.
He's like, man, we just had these guys on.
We had a great, I think it was KFC that you guys were doing.
We did a porcelain breakfast.
No, no, it was Marcel Breakfast.
They said you were fucking hilarious.
You guys are wild.
So without further ado, we have Joe Santogato and Danny La Piori.
La Priori.
Sounds good.
Okay.
App Priori is sexier, though.
It is a private.
That sounds delicious.
You order that shit.
It's a meal.
A priori.
Thank you so much.
So now, I've been doing like a little research into you guys.
And obviously you have the podcast, right?
But you're an old school internet guy.
You're like early adopter YouTube.
Is that right?
I mean, no one's ever said that.
I would say he's kind of like Mount Rushmore-ish of YouTube.
Yeah, he is.
As I look into it, I'm just saying.
Yes, he is.
He won't say it, but he is.
And same with you, too.
Like, with vinegar, for sure.
Yeah, bro.
And it's just you.
I still see this.
Let me suck you your titties like every fucking week.
Dude, we'll be walking around sometimes and people just be like, yo, let me suck your titties.
He's like, thank you, man.
It's a classic vibe.
I was just like.
What does this break it down for us?
All right.
Like, I guess in like 2015, maybe Vine came out.
So, I was like, yo, let me hop on this platform before celebrities hop on it and take over.
So, like, Vine was an app where normal people could kind of be famous.
Yes.
So, it was cool.
For anybody listening right now, for anybody listening right now, TikTok is kind of like the latest iteration of Vine.
Yes, for sure.
Of where, like, high school kids overnight have become like a shit saying that.
Web celebrities.
And that was a six-second.
It was six-second loops.
And I was older too.
Like, kids were on there.
I'm 30.
So, like, it was like, yo, like I got to try and find a way.
I can't do shit like, yo, like, when your dad forgets to like bring home spaghetti.
You know what I mean?
I can't do fucking content like that.
I'm fucking 30.
You know what I mean?
Yo, in school when you poop your pants.
I haven't been to school in like 15 years.
So I was just like, you know what I mean?
So I was like, yo, I got to do something.
Then I just started singing about tits.
I went down a rabbit hole years ago.
Yeah.
And this is the first time I met you in person.
Years ago, I watched like 10 of these in a row.
It was so goddamn funny.
Yeah, man.
And thank you.
But like, it was like when this started happening, it just took off.
Oh, yeah.
Can you play it?
What are we playing this on?
I love how it says Danny Lopiori.
Let me suck your titties, baby.
Historical.
Historical disasters.
So, and if you're going to search for stuff, search on like Twitter or Instagram so it doesn't get flagged.
You know what I mean?
Even if he's right here?
Say what?
Even if he's right here.
Yeah, I won't say that.
We don't know if it's his video.
Is it your video, though?
Maybe it's someone else's video.
Oh, it's not on my page.
That's his face.
I'm sure it will be on my video.
I won't flag it.
I won't flag it.
I'll go clear up my guy.
People that stole it from you.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't know.
We're probably going to flag it.
Anyway, so just search Twitter and Instagram.
But we'll get it.
Yeah, DG version.
So what'd you say?
You were just like, I want to suck your titties.
Yeah.
The motherfucker could actually sing.
Which made it so good.
So wait, what would you do?
Like, what would I do?
So, like, all right.
So, man, this is when R. Kelly was still like, we could still talk about him.
Oh, we can talk about him.
Cool, cool, cool.
Oh, here we go.
There it is.
It's actually way better if we just sing it.
Yeah.
What is that hair?
Shortest amount of time.
Vine Fame and Sponsorships00:05:11
You know what I mean?
The night till dawn.
Man, I got things to do.
I can't just do it all day.
Not from night till morning.
That's a lot of TikTok.
Two-hour window, I will suck it.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, like, just after that, it was just everyone wanted like titty content.
Yes.
And then Vine went away, and then I was like, had to get like regular jobs.
So you were making money off Vine?
Well, yeah, because they hit you with sponsorships and shit.
It's like, that's the other thing, too.
Like, these millennial fucks, I don't mean the segue, but like, these millennial companies are so straightforward with their company names.
You should be like, fuck better.
You know what I mean?
Like, full soul.
It doesn't get any better.
But, like, you know, companies would be like, hey, we'll pay you so-and-so to like do a Vine with like our product.
So that was great.
It was really.
You quit your job, you're making great money on Vine.
Yeah.
Then Vine goes away.
You didn't quit, though.
What job?
Didn't you get fired?
Oh, yeah, I got fired.
Yeah.
Why?
Oh, because of my Vine career.
I used to teach kindergarten kids how to swim, right?
Oh, fantastic.
Fantastic.
So I get called into the office one day, and my boss is there.
They're like, hey, Danny, talk to you about something.
I ain't talking about something.
So it's not even in my head because I've worked there for like five years.
These people fucking love me.
So I'm just like, yeah, what's going on?
Like, maybe some kid's parent called and he's like, you know.
I had like the little Jewish kid, so the parents would call all the time and be like, you know, like Jeremiah's not swimming fast enough.
So like, you know, we had to get...
You know what I'm saying?
So you get a lot of parent complaints.
I'm like, all right, here we go.
My kid is so wet.
Why is he so wet after swimming class?
What is happening there?
He's soaking.
Those are those complaints.
Everything.
He can't breathe under the water.
What is going on?
What are you even teaching him?
What am I paying for?
I remember sitting down and they were like, yeah, Danny.
And he was like whispering.
And I was like, yo, like, what's going on?
Why are you whisper talking?
And he was just like, I've come across some stuff on the internet.
And I was like, oh, I was like, all right.
And he was like, yeah, all this stuff about coming and sucking on, I'm just going to say it, titty.
And they were like.
I thought for sure he would say breasts.
No, And he was like, parents have reached out to us.
And I was like, what the fuck?
And they were like, yeah, you know, it's just that we can't have you here anymore.
And I was just like, oh, all right, that's cool.
And then I just like left and I went home and I was just like, I'll show him.
I'll fucking show him.
I just started singing about tits like more and more every day.
And then they closed the app and then I had to get another job.
So they closed the app and you didn't think of trying to like transition people to Instagram right there?
No, man.
I was like, I was like hood rich in my head.
You know what I'm saying?
I was like, this is going to last forever.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, I was like, oh, damn, dude.
I was like, once you get it.
Once I got like a Yeezy connect, like I thought I made it.
I was like, I'm mad rich now.
You know what I mean?
And then they were just like, yeah, your livelihood's gone.
So then I had to get all these jobs and then I worked at a group home.
Really, driving a van and teaching, you know, helping them, like getting them to their teachers and shit.
Like, basically, because these kids were fucking crazy.
These kids would fight each other every day, like talking about worst situation kids.
And kids would get in the van to be like, yeah, I got to go here.
And be like, yo, aren't you going to let me suck your titties?
So I basically lived like a whole like, like, is it biopic?
Biopic?
Biopic.
Biopic.
Yeah.
So like, that's what it was.
I felt like the wrestler.
I felt like Nikki Rourke and the wrestler.
I was like, I'm just a fucking loser now, like trying to like sing about that.
And then I never really thought, I was never business-minded enough to be like, yo, I got to transfer this over to Instagram or like transfer this over to YouTube.
This.
Yeah, this.
Yeah.
This fucking thing I got.
This fucking title.
This fucking.
This fucking tit content.
When do I transfer it over here?
But yeah, that's how I had some internet fame.
Most businessmind people are going, listen, we got this titty.
We got a lot of tits.
We're going to touch these chicks.
We're going to find a way.
We're going to find a way.
You know what's funny, though?
Burger King was like, we got to move these fucking chicken fries.
That's how it was.
Let's get the titties, guys.
You did an ad for Burger King?
No, I didn't.
There was a real study that Burger King launched chicken fries in there for kids.
And they put like a million dollars into a TV ad, and they got nothing.
And then they put $100,000 into paying 1,000 Vine celebrities and sales like quadrupled.
Yeah, that's what they used to do.
That's when I realized TV was over and I still didn't understand how to transition, but that was my first revelation of like, this is over.
Yeah, because Vine was around for like four years.
Every Super Bowl, Budweiser would hit me up with like $12,000 campaigns.
Yeah, they'd just be like, Yeah, we want you to like just come out here and like hang out by a Budweiser can.
Burger King Chicken Fries Ad00:03:27
I'd be like, dude, I'll do that shit on.
You know?
And then I'll shove this kid's bottle in my ass.
Yeah, I was like, I'll fucking fuck the shit out of you.
Fuck these kids.
These Groove home kids.
Yeah, and then they did.
Fuck the shit out of these Group home kids.
Wait.
Who said that's cast?
I didn't.
Bro, Cassie.
I said, why are these kids?
I didn't say fuck the shit.
I didn't say all you were doing like this.
Comments are very important.
Wow.
Context is important, especially.
I did a whole campaign for fucking Jolly Rancher, and their hashtag was keep on sucking.
That was a person, brilliant.
Exactly.
And that was another bag.
And then I fucking blew all that money.
Nice.
No one can spend money faster than me.
You got Aroli on.
I do.
I do.
That is a nice watch.
That is a very nice watch.
I remember I went to Italy.
I landed in Milana and I just went right into the Versace store.
And he texted me already.
He goes, You're fucking spending already.
I was like, Yeah, I got jobs.
And then he took a picture in the robe in like eight different locations.
I'm like, What is this?
Yeah, I took pictures in a Versace robe everywhere I went in Italy the entire time.
Just imagine him walking around in the streets of Italy.
It was a weird robe.
It was 90 degrees, too.
That's actually very funny Instagram material.
You're like a good creator.
You just need.
Are you Jewish?
No, you need a Jew.
I grew up with more Jews.
You're one of them kids that you were teaching to swim to manage your finances.
You're good.
I did grow up around Jews.
There you go.
It's 94 degrees in Rome that day.
Oh, yeah.
That's me at the Kith Versace show.
Jesus Christ.
Up there.
Yo, Donatella Versace came in and she goes, You look amazing.
Really?
Yeah.
And I was like, man.
That's dope.
No, let me get some free.
You should have said, let me suck them too.
That's what I thought it was coming.
I didn't buy shit in there.
Imagine she stopped him.
She was like, aren't you the let me suck them too?
That'd be so funny.
She's like, damn.
You know, I first saw his videos.
For the first couple, I was like, is he trying to be a singer?
Because you really can't sing.
Carry a note.
Yeah, thank you.
So he's not whack.
No, no, definitely not whack.
Yo, Cassie.
My guy, bro.
My guy, bro.
Yo, but that's those are the guys who end up being funny with it.
There's this guy, I forget his fucking name.
Casey Fuel.
Casey Fry.
This kid, he dances.
Yeah, he's a good dancer.
So he's a good dancer, but he leans into the absurdity of taking dance too seriously.
He looks like this, but with a straight face.
Bro, I watch these things and I fucking cry laughing.
Yeah, he's a funny dude.
This guy is fucking good.
Having a talent and understanding funny, that's a fucking amazing thing.
I'm just saying how absurd that talent.
Look, look at this shit.
Like, oh, this is just a white.
Look at this.
His own fucking name, bro.
Look at this.
Look at that.
Nah, this one.
Where's he listening?
Hold on, hold on.
Stop.
45 million views, bro.
Bro.
That's insane.
This kid kills me, dude.
God damn it.
Yeah, because it's like, yo, if you're going to sing and like rap and shit, I can't rap about pushing bricks and shit.
Like, you know what I mean?
I grew up in the fucking suburbs.
So I sell weed.
So everybody sells weed.
You guys were friends your whole lives, or this is recent?
Pushing Bricks Rap Lyrics00:14:55
No, this is, I think you did you, I hate to say the word discover.
What?
Found?
Yeah.
Like, how'd you hear of me?
Oh, because of Vine.
He's getting like a million followers online.
So I knew who he was.
And I knew he was from New York.
And then we started talking when you got a job at some startup.
And you were like, yo, come in here.
Like, I don't know if they might want to give equity away.
I was like, all right, cool, I'll go.
And then it was just like, it never happened.
Company folded like three months later.
They're like, we got Chloe Kardashian coming in.
She's going to push all this money.
I was like, this is going to not work out.
But they kind of just stayed in touch through there.
And then like two years ago, then we started doing like the podcast together.
I was doing the podcast for a while.
You're just by yourself.
Sometimes.
I don't know how he did that.
Sometimes I'll do it by myself, but other times I would do it with just like my friends who aren't like, like that would have never been sustainable because they're not like comedians.
They're not, you know, whatever.
They're just kind of like.
So there's sometimes it's like dead air.
And I was like, all right, cool.
Next time we're going to do it.
I didn't care it is.
It's just, it's just wild to see like the internet creators kind of coming together and realizing that, you know, we actually kind of move media way more effectively than like the traditional routes.
Yeah.
I mean, yo, to be honest with you, like I'm not fucking Nostra Damas or anything, but like I knew this was going to happen.
Like it's just that everyone, and I think with comedians specifically, there was a certain amount of pride back in the day when all these like teeny bopper kids were making it big on YouTube or social media.
And they were like, dude, that's like a cheap shit.
Yeah, they were above it.
And they're like, I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to whatever.
And I remember specifically when I used to go in, because I met Arkash years ago when I used to record a podcast at a stand-up with Kate.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
So I've known Joe for four or five years.
Oh, this is crazy.
I would meet comedians all the time.
And you would be surprised how many times they're like, oh, dude, I wanted to hate you.
And I was like, I get it.
Because on the outside looking at me back in the day, I didn't, you know, I didn't.
I didn't do stand-up.
I didn't take the traditional route.
I don't understand.
Who the fuck is this kid?
You know how coal miners think that they're still going to have jobs?
Elaborate.
Right?
Like, in like 50 years from now.
Yeah, like even now from now.
Yeah.
You know, like, we're not going to really use coal that much.
You know, but they're like, I'm a coal miner and that's what I'm going to do.
And there are a lot of stand-ups.
And it's not just stand-up, but there's a lot of people that like have done it one way and they've put everything in their life into going down this one path.
A lot of comedians are like taxi drivers and like Uber's around.
And they're like, nah, but I got the medallion.
Staying out.
I've invested all this.
Yeah.
So it's like, so when they see someone else having like a lot of success, right?
When they see it's really hard for them because they don't want to change.
So they'd rather hate you than change.
And I got that.
I understood that totally.
And I was like, I agree because I hate all those kids anyway.
Like most of the people back in the day that were making content on the internet, I was like, this is ridiculous.
It's horrible.
So now it's.
You can throw your success in their face.
That's the only way they'll change.
I swear to God.
I want him.
They'll be more like that.
You want him to be like more of like kind of a piece of shit.
Yeah, well, you have to be a piece of shit, but like, you don't have to be bashful about like, like, like for me, what I'll do.
This is, I don't even know if I should share this.
Here's what I'll do.
Here's sometimes like.
Nah, because I'm going to say this as Andrew's like homie who like really is just proud of him.
There's a lot of comics who will not give him credit for like the reason they're putting up clips.
Like when someone's like, you're just doing what Andrew's doing.
I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to do exactly what Andrew's doing.
See if I can, maybe if he didn't do one thing I think I could do better than everything else, that's the playbook.
But a lot of comics will be like, hey man, you got to put your content online.
And they'll like have the conversation with me and Schultz.
And I'm like, who the fuck?
You can maybe turn to me, but I've already had this conversation with the guy who, you know what I mean?
So I like that he rubs in it a bit.
I don't rub in it, but like, I'm not.
You know what it is, though?
Arguing it.
It comes off disingenuous if you don't be honest about your success.
I don't mind.
I don't do the fake humble shit.
Fake humbles is this.
Because you're not helping nobody with that.
If you're out here being fake humble, everybody's going to continue starving.
If you're like, yo, this is the way you eat, then everybody can eat.
But if I get into an argument debate, where like even a big, like sometimes there's like a fight about it, and it's like, I don't even know why I'm fighting.
I'm trying to help you.
Like, why are we fighting?
So, like, sometimes what I'll do is I'll find out who's coming in to the club that I just played the weekend after me.
Right.
And then, like, I'll leave something in the green room that they might see.
So, like, Alex is Tussle Keys or something.
So, this, what we were just in punchline sacrificed.
Bro, just leave Alex.
That's the flex.
And the club gave me like a little like printout.
And it was like, congratulations, the four sold-out shows, blah, blah, blah.
Just a little paper.
That was cool.
Nice thing, right?
And I could have just thrown that out at the end of the weekend.
But instead, what I did is I, because I'm a psychopath, I looked who's coming in next weekend, and I realized that we've had some debates about this.
And then I took one of the framed photos.
You shouldn't.
Are you going to say what club it is?
Because people are going to look at it.
It's fine.
I was about to say, like, I was about to go Google right now.
I took one of the framed photos on the wall, right?
And it was Marlon Waynes, who was performing there.
Not one, Sean Waynes.
And then we took, we opened up the photo and we placed the four sold out shows thing over the photo.
But it's kind of the same color palette, so you might not really notice it.
Right.
Exactly.
So my goal is that someone's just sitting inside that green room looking up, thinking about, man, how do I get more people in this club?
And then they see that photo on the wall.
So yeah, that's my.
What a vice of shit.
And that's diabolical.
To add to your point, though, like, some old comedians get it.
Like, I remember David Allen Greer was at the club one night, and he was like, so what do you do?
Carolines is the club.
Yeah, yeah.
He used to work at Carolines.
Yeah, yeah, Carolines.
And David Allen Greer was there, and it was just him.
He didn't have like an entourage.
And like, we're just chopping it up and like, we're talking.
And David Allen Greer is smart as shit.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's a classically trained actor and shit.
That's spin.
Yeah, he is.
Exactly.
Thatspin of shit.
So like, we're talking a little bit.
And I was like, yeah, like, you know, like, I've been thinking about doing stand-up, but like, everyone is like such a purist or like an artiste.
And like, you know, like, this is like, you know, it's like a wrestler.
Like, if you don't do the indies, like, you're not a real wrestler.
You know what I'm saying?
And it's like, he looks at me and he goes, man, fuck that shit.
He was just like, dude, he's like, man, whatever puts people in here, you fucking do that shit.
Don't say anybody fucking else.
Oh, yeah.
But a lot, because the old people, the old people.
You enjoy.
Whatever puts people in that you enjoy.
Yeah.
Don't do some shit you don't like doing.
For sure.
But like, I've really, there are comics that are like friends of mine, ours, that don't do the comedy that's most natural to them because they're worried what their peers would think.
Right.
Or what the industry would think.
Or what the industry would think.
But like they have like really interesting skill sets that they might think that they're above.
Right.
Right.
Whereas realistically speaking, like being able to be the comedy purist was a thing of luxury.
That's because the industry was so like monopolized that they would just put you at the top if they wanted so you could do whatever type of comedy you want.
Now you actually got to bring people in.
Yeah.
Now you're competing.
So it's like, you better be funny and people better like you.
Right.
Before you had to bring people in, but the guys who got you out to the most people were the networks.
And the people didn't know anything else.
Yeah.
Like the people would have no clue.
Right.
You know, there was a time where, I mean, you know, obviously one of our favorite comics, I'm sure, all of us, you know, David Tell, right?
It's like everybody knew a tell.
I used to watch Insomniac every night.
And it's like you're like, oh my God, this is hilarious.
And then you go see him at the club.
You're like, holy shit, this guy's hilarious.
Now you don't see him on as many things.
He didn't stop being hilarious.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
You just don't see him on as many things.
So people probably aren't coming out as much as he deserves.
Any comedy purist will be like, yo, that's the fucking goat, one of the goats.
That's one of the goats.
It's also hard because we're just a little bit older.
How old are you?
I'm 27.
So you grew up with the internet being a viable entertainment option.
I didn't get cable internet until college.
So the idea that you could watch content online, I grew up glued to the TV.
Yeah, but I did and I didn't.
I feel like I'm like at that age where it's kind of like I was in that world, but not really because I didn't have like a cell phone until like high school and didn't get a laptop until I was like in college.
So like I didn't really have like access to that.
And even when it was available at first, we were like, fuck that shit.
Like, yeah, if you spend more than that.
It's more than shit.
It was too expensive.
That's good on you then because it's hard for a lot of people to adopt, adapt to like new technology in general or in the new way.
And you just apply that to the career shit.
It's like you just got to shift your whole mindset on careers.
That's the value, though, of like being in kind of our generation.
I'm 36.
You know, Akash, you're 35.
Kazu, you're 33.
32.
I'm 32.
You're 30.
So like kind of in our generation.
You're on the younger cusp of it, but we can't, we're grandfathered in through TV, but we also understand internet.
So like anybody who's industrious is going to go, oh, I see how all this is going to get there eventually.
Why don't I get there first?
Which is I'm sure what you did early on, right?
You're like, okay, people are on YouTube right now.
This is where the game is.
It's not to be played on FX, whatever fucking channel nobody's going to watch.
But there are kids that know nothing about traditional TV.
So they can't take any of the wisdom.
And there's a lot of game that comes from TV.
Oh, a bunch.
We're like the last generation of people that grew up without the internet.
So we don't really know what it's like to create content for people.
Because growing up, you thought TV was it.
You made it to fucking SNL and Mad TV.
It's like you made it.
Like if you grew up just watching a lot of internet content, you didn't need storylines, right?
Because so much of even vlogging, right, is just like thing that happened, thing that happened, thing that happened, thing that happened.
Even our vlogs put it on the road, right?
So I think what happens is if you come from like traditional TV where we're watching sitcoms and we're seeing something happen in this story arc, you start to bring that to internet content.
And then these people have, it's like you put sugar on top of something already sweet.
You know what I mean?
It's like, that's what you can get from that.
Yeah.
I mean, the point of technology was, especially in media, was to make everybody famous for at least five seconds.
Everybody.
You know what I mean?
But the thing is, you know, it depends what you're famous for.
Like you said, a lot of this internet content, they don't take any of the values from TV that had like, you know, plot, rising action, falling action, climax, resolution, all that type of shit.
Some people just like, this guy's famous for fucking singing about titties.
Wrestling still fucking exists.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not a mistake and it's not because of body slams.
It's literally just story.
It's storytelling.
That's all the fuck it is.
And I also think like one of the biggest things with that is I think you're right where you're saying that like everyone is going to get their five seconds because tweets go viral all the time.
This and that.
You go to their page, they have a thousand followers.
Like it doesn't go up.
It doesn't whatever.
So the biggest thing that our generation needed to grasp that I think I learned a little early on is that you just need to be prepared for that moment.
Because a lot of people didn't take it seriously.
And even to this day, like people ask me what I do.
Oh, we've had, we had, you know, Giannis is a good friend of ours.
He's the same guy.
He was fucking.
Dude, Giannis Poppins is like a fucking legend.
Exactly.
Same.
If you're from New York City, like everybody knew fucking Maurice Shaw.
Especially like I grew up in Astoria.
There's Mad Greeks.
Like, this dude's a legend.
Like, everyone knows Yannis.
Giannis and the History Hyenas podcast.
Yeah, love him.
Yeah, I love that show, man.
I got to go on that.
I love, yo, I love those guys.
I fucking love those dudes.
I'm Chrissy and Giannis, man.
Legendary content.
But yeah, I think that everyone needs to be like prepared.
And I learned that early on, but I think a lot of people don't take it like seriously that social media and whatever can turn into a legitimate job.
Like now, I mean, people kind of get it.
And they're like, oh, okay, people can build careers off this.
In the beginning, I was seeing what is happening.
And I'm like, all right, I'm going to do everything on all these different platforms so that when that moment comes where you get that, there's a bunch of stuff for people to see.
You know, I was just watching this interview with Russ and it was like validating the thought that I just said because that's my guy.
I fucking love that, dude.
But like, he put out like 11 albums and some shit and no one listened to him.
But he was talking about how when he finally did get on and had a, you know, his songs like do what they did, then everyone was able to go and listen to 300 songs.
But if you put out one song and it gets popping, there's nothing for them to do.
There's no other thing.
That's so weird, man, because Russ was the guy, and I never, I listened to his music a little bit, but he was the guy who inspired me to lean into digital.
So I was like, yeah, because he put out a song a week.
So I was like, well, I should be able to do a joke a week.
Yeah.
And I started that.
And that's what started.
This is what I'm talking about synergy, man.
People are finding each other, but it is interesting what you're saying about like a viral moment is meaningless unless you have a catalog.
It used to be, there used to be a time where there were so many, so few people going viral that if you did, it was like you were a person now.
The only person I could even think of that happening was Jenna Marbles because she was like the first one.
She had that video that went viral.
And then she just weekly put out videos and they were all just like crushing.
And she still gets millions of views and shit.
And she's fucking paid.
She's like hold shows on CD.
You got to be real.
I remember when I was at...
It's like viral, man.
That's the one thing I keep telling people.
It's like everybody putting out clips right now.
You're not going to make it off a clip.
But if you have 30 clips, when one goes, you'll feel that waterfall.
You'll feel that cascade going on.
And you got to be relentless too.
Like, that's how me and Russ started to know each other.
When I was editor at the source, that motherfucker would DM me his songs.
And not just me, every fucking rap blogger that Nah writes, the two dope boys, all those.
He would DM me songs to post on the website every fucking day.
And it was a different song every day.
And I thought they were all whack.
Like, I was like, I wasn't fucking with him.
I'm like, but I'd be honest with it.
But then, you know, once that first song hit, he had all, he had hundreds of fucking records, albums, mix it, everything just ready to dive into.
And, you know, granted, on top of that, he's just really fucking smart, business-wise, knew how to fucking monetize all that shit, like kind of believed in himself and didn't really sign to nobody big until he got somebody that was, you know, that's also like brand awareness in a way because doing that to all those people.
And then the one song that pops, everyone who's getting those DMs.
Now we're all like, oh, no, this is the guy.
No one has enough followers besides like, you know, the elite elite in the world that you don't see these messages that are coming in every single day.
For sure.
That's the thing, man.
That's the most annoying thing when someone doesn't respond.
Annoying Unread DMs00:04:13
It's like, I know you looking.
I look.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, like somebody is because I'm not sure what to do.
Nobody is that busy, bro.
If you look at your number of followers and they match the other person, it's like, dude, I check my shit constantly.
All the time.
Of course.
And you go into the DMs that are like the ones Instagram think you didn't want, but you do.
That's why Instagram makes you feel so thirsty.
Because it's like, put it in one thing.
Don't make me go to all.
I think I'm the primary in general.
It's the blue checks and like bitches with a lot of followers.
And then it's just bitches and dudes.
Like the dudes are the one over there.
And sometimes you go in there because every once in a while there's some chick who's like on private with tattoos.
I never screenshots.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not a girl, man.
I'm faithful.
So it's just like, I got to see what's on the market.
I got Windows shopping.
That's the reason stores got windows.
Why did you walk through them?
I can't walk through them all on IG.
I just look at these bitches to appreciate my girl.
The song's funny.
Look at all these songs.
You should look at these women.
These girls don't even got the toenails done, man.
I know that shit is fake, though.
I don't know what it is.
I'm still gonna buy it.
I was gonna ask you, you're like, you know, the DMs you get when it's like, yo, what's up?
I'm in your city.
Yeah.
Like, you should come to this bar and hang out.
Yeah, that's such a crap shit.
You know what I mean?
It's like, sometimes I just want to be like, all right, yeah.
But then I'm just like, nah.
You might be a serial killer.
Like, I feel bad not responding to those.
So sometimes I will respond.
I'll be like, oh, sorry.
You know why that happens?
It's because they don't have a place where they can see you.
Yeah.
Like when they hit me up, it's like, yo, are you doing a show?
Right.
Yeah.
That's their place to like connect, right?
So that's easy.
I'll be like, yeah, I got this or I don't have that.
But like, they just want to be in the room with you.
Yeah.
But you don't have a room.
So it's like, you want to get a beer?
Yeah, sure.
You want to go to date?
I'm really asking you how to do it.
Can I just come be right next to you?
I remember this girl, Heather, a good friend of mine, Heather.
She was like, Yo, one of my friends just wants to eat with you.
She's like, You want to come hang out?
I was like, All right, cool.
I came and hang out.
And she was with these two dudes, and it's like, oh man, they just love the podcast.
Like, they just want to just hang out with you.
I was like, because I feel like the only reason why I went is because I knew the girl.
Like, she's mad, cool.
And I was like, you know, all right.
If I know you're just going to be looking at me the whole time, there's a weird thing.
When I was first on Wilding Out, I went to go visit my mom.
She was working in New Mexico.
Yeah.
We didn't have money.
She had to go take a job in the middle of nowhere.
And so I go to her office.
And so, like, to them, I'm a big deal.
They don't even have internet.
Like, they're just like, oh, this guy's on Wilding Out.
They come, they're asking for autographs.
It was like, real, it was like stepping into a fucking time portal.
Yeah.
Autographs.
But then they're like, hey, we're eating cake.
It's so-and-so's birthday.
If you guys want to go.
And I'm like, yeah, sure, we'll go.
I'm eating cake and I can feel the whole fucking room looking at me.
And I want to be like, yo, guys, I'm just eating cake.
Like, it's fine.
And then I had to get out of there.
I was like, it's, yo, appreciate all the love, but like, this just, I can't.
I'm not.
Yeah.
I'm not comfortable.
You're getting better with that.
I'm getting better with that.
You're getting better at that.
Andrew's talking to a lot.
This is like, you just have to beat you.
Don't put pressure on yourself.
And that's what I would do.
But yeah, there's a weird pressure to like live up to their expectation.
Especially y'all because y'all comedians.
Like, y'all got to be funny.
I don't got to be like, aren't they excited to watch you?
Oh, yeah, the Knicks.
Oh, whatever.
Y'all have to fucking pull a rabbit out your hat, do a trick or something like that.
Yo, it's weird.
Like, at first, I felt that the first time around.
And then the second time around, I just didn't feel it at all.
And weirdly enough, it just works.
I don't know.
Like, I don't mind.
I'll hang out with people if they're cool.
Like, I've, I've, I've, I mean, honestly, people that not only work for us or work with us, a lot of them started listening to the podcast.
Maybe every one of them.
Yeah.
Yeah, Eden.
You know what I mean?
There are other people that are like my like concigliaris.
Like they, they listen, they start.
So there's a lot of, I think there's a lot of value you find from the people who really fuck with you.
And then there's also weirdos for sure.
Podcast Listeners Become Colleagues00:07:45
Of course.
You know, what up, Al?
Hey, what's good, Al?
Got the leave out.
We took a we took a we took a red eye to get back today.
And we were in LA and we smoked before we got on the plane.
Nice.
And I straight up left my bag at the Hudson News.
But this is how crazy it is.
This is how high I was.
I put Alex's bag in the overhead bin and didn't even realize I didn't put my own bag.
Yeah, like I was getting out the thing and I was like, wait, didn't I have ah shit?
And then the lady's like, where do you think you left it?
You think you left it at TSA?
I was like, honestly, Hudson News.
I think I left it or Cheapo Express.
I left it next to the brownie brittle.
It's on the ground, bro.
I'm going to have to describe what I packed.
That cross-country high on the plane.
How the fuck are you getting that legs?
I don't know.
Yeah, you're just probably like a bomb scare.
Literally, LAX is shut down 100% because there's just a black suitcase just in the middle of Hudson.
That is a big bread in front of the smaller.
I went to the bathroom and left my bag once.
And this one I knew I was like, oh, you're brown at an airport.
I went to the bathroom and I'm like, where the fuck are you going without your bag?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Don't play around.
Take that everywhere with you.
And I was like, oh, okay.
All right.
But you know what is also funny?
Is that like, if you're a brown guy at an airport, you can leave your bag anywhere.
No one will steal it.
Oh, ain't nobody stealing it.
No, they're taking it.
They can't.
Whatever's in here.
I'm going to listen to it first.
No, it's good.
I don't hear anything.
It's good.
So check it out.
Keeping it.
But yeah, man, it was.
No, I had a rough.
I got south of TSA four or five days.
I missed our flight.
Oh, jeez.
I mean, I was also late, but I missed.
We all went to Nashville.
We're supposed to leave on Thursday.
Great city.
Awesome city.
Great.
You got to go.
It's funny.
Nashville's ridiculous.
It might be a great white city.
I was about to say, like, you might be a lot of white boys on.
But you don't want white ones.
I'm going to get some white boys on, bro.
Go to the hood princes, though.
Yeah.
You remember Michael DeBay?
He was from Nashville.
He put a princess back in there.
They got a great hot chicken spot.
But as far as the fun, it's super white boys fun.
Yeah.
But it's great.
The whole block is literally just live bands of just white people.
Oh, shit.
They're playing Weezer.
It's like playing wiry dogs.
White people in New Orleans, right?
Yes.
That's what it's like.
That's exactly what you want your pets.
White people in New Orleans.
That's what everybody told me.
So instead of jazz, it's like, you know, it's two blocks.
If you go on the roof of some of these bars, you can see it like, yo, this is sick.
And then the next block over, it's dark.
Yeah.
It's like right next to the arena.
That's a great way of looking at it.
It's just white New Orleans.
It definitely is a white New Orleans.
And there's mad party buses.
Just driving.
I love it.
Just to go two blocks.
I don't know where they're going.
Bachelorette capital of the Midwest.
So like, you know how along the coast we go to Vegas?
Yeah.
They don't do that shit in the Midwest.
They all go to Nashville.
Yeah.
You know, when they had the NFL draft there, I'm like, oh, there's some elite white boy fun happening.
Oh, I'm like, you go to New York your entire life.
You do Chicago when you're in Texas.
This was Halloween.
So we saw Elvis punch a pirate at the bar we were at in slow motion.
He even like charged it up.
He had like back here so drunk.
It was great.
I was like, yo, this is the only place I'm going to see this.
Why were you guys in Nashville?
We just went because...
A buddy of ours plays for the Rangers.
Okay.
So we're like, yeah, we're going to go in there against the Predators.
Yeah, so we bought.
Isn't that a hilarious name for a team?
Yo, we've been talking about it the whole time.
During the M2 movies.
Like, go Predators.
Let's go, Predators.
Let's go, Predators.
Cosby's favorite team.
I've been getting into hockey.
There's a funny clip of the Predators game where this homophobic country singers singing like the national anthem.
And the guys denouncing them.
And they're supposed to be like, I guess, kind of crossover.
So he tries to say, welcome these two genre-bending blah, blah, blah.
And he said, and next, these two gender-bending singers.
Boo, get him out of here online.
Richard Southwest.
Homophobic country singers, also known as country singers.
Gender bending singers.
You know what that fucking means.
So we went out there.
How do you bend a gender?
Ask these hosts.
You can do anything nowadays.
Dude, yeah, I guess it is.
It's a little too open.
We got to tighten that up.
We got to tighten that up.
We should be on a tight end.
That's what people don't really like.
Sum it up.
It doesn't have to be shut off.
No, but it has to be three too many.
Three too many.
How many is a good number?
One.
It's men.
No, I'm sorry.
It's men and then whatever else is there.
No, but it's like, so we went there and then our buddy ended up getting a concussion, didn't even play.
But we still went to the game and we were walking around.
And it's not a real place.
Like, New Orleans isn't a real place either.
If you go on Bourbon Street, it's not real.
Two days Max.
And the difference is that you can make a right turn off Broadway and you're okay.
You could walk a couple blocks.
I remember a cop on a horse in New Orleans once.
I was fucked up.
And I was just like walking around and I went to make this ride.
He's like, yeah, I wouldn't go down there.
And I was just like, he was on a horse and I was like, I'm going to listen to this cop on a horse.
Seeing a cop on a horse?
That's what we talked about that too.
Fucking cops on horses in New York.
What the fuck are they going to do?
Yeah.
What is their job?
Just turn left.
And do you?
Just make a sharp turn.
Do they send you to like horse school or some shit?
The most hilarious thing is why about this is that cops are the most like working class people usually.
So it's like, what guy from Staten Island got a stable?
That's your sex.
That guy stole my bag.
It's like, which one?
He's like, yeah.
I've never seen them stop a crime.
I've never seen a horse make a sharp turn.
Go that way.
Just make sharp turns.
Their knees are buckle and then you gotta shoot them.
Like I'll break their ankles like fucking Jamarant.
Only exists in Central Park.
I can see it in Central Park.
It's mad grass there.
You know what I mean?
But even then, it's so hilarious that we have this like Italian dothraki horse army that is just keeping New York safe, right?
It's just a picture of my horse.
It's like crazy.
Hey, Tony, get me up over here.
Watch, watch, watch this.
I can make him do this with his front legs.
Watch those horses.
But there's still fucking, there's still mooks about it the whole time.
Hey, I'm going to go shit right near that.
I'm going to go shit near the escalator.
Watch.
Picture of that.
But I never understood that either.
Like, cops on horses.
And it's like cruel to the horse, too.
It is, bro.
And not only that, but it's New York City.
Like, horses, like, they shoot them for no fucking reason.
So if they like twist an angle, they're like, oh, yeah.
Oh, we got to put them down.
And they shoot horses.
Now we're killing these horses, man.
Slice them twice.
Switch straight into the horses and then we're killing them when they're spraying their ankles on the cobblestone.
But like horse racing is like a weapon of Jesus Christ.
Horse racing is like such an old betting thing.
Like, I wonder what millennial horse names are going to be.
Like 50 years from now.
What are they?
They're all going to have like this.
You guarantee you're going to let me suck them titties horses in 15 years.
Dummy thick coming around the corner.
And whoa for the marriage.
I always think of it.
Rear Barnes has a great horse cop joke.
Does he?
It's so good.
Because he gets into the sound of it and everything.
Undercover Cop Horse Story00:03:21
I got to check that out.
But yeah, it's like, what do you do with the person you arrest?
You get him.
You know how strong you got to be to toss somebody who's got their fucking hands binded up on a horse?
It's impossible.
It's like the you got to get him on first, man.
He starts kicking that horse like, yeah.
He's off.
Whose joke was it?
Was it Patrice?
The joke about like, what is the female cop going to do?
That sounds like Patrice.
Yeah, like, yeah.
He had this joke about like, like, he saw this girl cop.
He's like, I got to let you arrest me.
All right, give me the handcuffs.
I'll put the handcuffs in.
Patrice is a big dude, too.
Jesus means that.
That's what you're going to really do, bro.
Oh, we saw a fine-ass cop in there.
Remember that thick-ass cop in the airport, Al?
Oh, I mean, she wasn't fine, but I've never seen a cop thick and wearing like female cops are thick.
She brought her own jeans.
Wait, she was wearing jeans and like thick jeans.
She was tight.
She was a jeaned cop.
Jeaned cop.
I've never even seen it.
Was she like undercover?
The fuck?
I get from the waist down.
This girl got me here at laundry days.
You think you'd be a good undercover cop?
I think I look too much like that.
You look like a cop, yeah.
You look like the fuzz, especially the club.
I don't think I could be an undercover cop.
I'd let it spill.
I'd be like, they would not.
You look like an undercover cop right now.
You got the undercover cop's uniform.
You can just wave at the turnstile.
Like, no, no, I'm off duty.
I'm not working.
We had a great back and forth with a Coke dealer in Nashville.
So tallest, blackest dude in the club, right?
From Brooklyn.
Do you sell the Coke?
Walks up to him and offers him Coke.
So I was like, yo, he's talking to him.
It's definitely trying to sell him something.
So like, I've been sober for like a year.
So he comes up to me and he goes, he goes, what's up, man?
Got that good white.
I go, yo, man, in recovery.
You know, and it was so pleasant.
He goes, oh, good for you, man.
Yeah, he's that supportive.
That's not something comfortable.
That's what I felt like undercover cops.
Even a drug dealer is a polite one.
Good for you, Roman.
Did you buy the Coke?
I did not buy the Coke.
But undercover.
But I got met.
I got very New York because the dude was from Brooklyn, right?
I have a hood voice.
No, no, no.
I'm saying that dude was from Brooklyn.
Yes, he was.
Because when I'm in different states and someone tells me they're from New York, I feel like, I got to be in New York now.
It just changes.
And I was just like, Yankee.
I was like, no, no.
I was like, nah, man.
I'm good.
But we in Nashville, there's a lot of white girls.
You're probably making a killing right now.
And he's like, yeah, just walk away.
No, he's like, all right, man.
Go next.
Everybody has different voices for different things.
You know what I'm saying?
I definitely New York it up a little bit.
If I'm in Whole Foods, I'm like, yeah, I'm just looking for avocado.
But if I'm in Kiff, I'm like, yo, it's good.
Y'all, yo, we chilling?
All right, all right.
Just looking for avocados.
I got the Kendrick Lamar collab in here.
Yo, is there an uglier collab than a Kendrick Lamar collab?
You know, the Mikey Reacts?
Oh, man.
And I like these in Mikey Reacts, but I'll take them if y'all send them to me.
NBA Player Voice Acting00:15:09
What is it?
They just came out with this collab.
You know the React Element 55?
No, what is it?
Is this the one that ties it?
React Element 55.
I have those, though.
Those are dope.
Yeah, there they are right there.
For $411.
I mean, I'm going to get a pimp.
I don't hate those bad colleges.
I'm not going to get off.
I don't like the ones that are see-through.
Those are Kendricks.
Yeah, those are.
Oh, those are actually all right.
I never thought of Kendrick having a fashion sense.
I got a pair.
I think I might sell them, though.
They're like 500.
They're like different colors.
React Element 55 sounds like something that Bob Lazard was working on when he's like, it's a weird ass name.
Shout out to Bob, man.
I don't know.
They actually look better here in the unboxing.
Hey, right here.
They look better here in the unboxing.
I was like, I don't know about that.
That's when you know you like sneakers too much.
You watch unboxings of shoes.
Yeah, I'm a fucking loser.
Who's the easiest to be?
Yo, the leather is crispy.
It's not exactly shattered.
It's like, yo, it's like.
He's like, the material is breathable.
I was like, I know what that means.
I'd be like, he's right.
I feel so good about myself, Shadow.
You can compare shattered backboard leather to like every leather in the world.
They really actually shattered backboard leather is the nicest leather.
They broke the moment.
I've been fucking shattered backboard.
My girl Senel Purse, bro, is made on shattered backboard.
That shit is beautiful, bro.
Low-key is beautiful.
Yo, we got to go into the fanciest stores like Palenciago.
What's this?
Shadow backboard?
Yeah, yeah.
The new ones look like someone just jizzed on them, the new ones.
Yeah, it's a little shiny, right?
It looks like tar.
But the OG shattered backboards, those are the new ones, the 1.0s.
Grove.
Yo, quietly, though.
Oh, it's the one above it.
I like that.
No, no, those are.
Yeah, there they are.
Those are the ones.
I like that.
So people just compare everything to the leather on that shoe.
Yo, did you see the new Kyrie?
He's got a real nice tumble leather.
I'm like, all right, dude.
Fucking shoes, $300.
Did you guys see?
Did you guys see Kyrie's fucking hissy fit?
What's the Nets' record?
Are they three and five?
They won last night.
They beat the Pelican this night.
He had like a full-out girlfriend hissy fit.
Oh, DeAndre Jordan.
Didn't hand him the ball off, and then the white kid on the team turned it over.
Joe Harris.
Joe Harris.
He's nice.
I mean, Joe Harris is good.
You just look like him.
That's why you be saying, so can I.
So, you know what?
I'm not saying it either.
JJ Reddick, also a good player.
So good.
He can shoot it.
Gotta support the white players, bro.
See, you know what's crazy?
I was hating for a while.
We had Carl Lentz on there.
He's like, I cheer for him.
And I was like, where?
He's like, he's like, because I support minorities.
Yeah.
How can you not support the minority?
You think about it, too, like how good that white boy on the last bench of an NBA team has to be.
Like, if he came into any open gym, he would bust your ass.
Yeah, probably.
And it's like this.
I've seen it happen.
Nobody knows who he is.
Like Scalabrini.
Oh, Scalabrini.
People tried Scalabrin.
He's terrible.
He's sucked 10 ass.
No, it's the thing.
Apparently, I heard this story.
I don't know if it's true, but apparently everybody, like when he was in Boston, he's like, look, all y'all think I can't play?
I'm going to be at this court.
Anybody who thinks they can beat me, come through.
And he beat the shit out of everybody.
Everybody brushed it.
Motherfucker guarded Kobe.
You know what I mean?
Roasted.
But what I'm saying is, to have a coach even be like, yo, Brian, stick to it.
Stick Kobe.
You know what I'm saying?
Stop doing that.
I always wanted to be.
I never wanted to be a star.
I always wanted to be like the guy on the bench that gets hyped when the best players dunk.
You know, like the white kids in the columns.
Never take off that shit.
No, but you're a little jumper.
Do you see the white kids in college?
Right now is the best time to be this guy.
You could be fucking famous.
Just be that guy and the bench coming up with the fucking courtside dancing.
Swingate or some shit.
Yeah, they would have some college resuscitate people and shit.
They would do mad purchasers.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be the most important thing.
They were all to cover under one of the people, and then they just came out through their legs.
But they had to organize cheerleaders.
What's your coach doing at that time?
It's the basketball touchdown, bro.
A big dunk.
You got to go to the bottom.
I mean, Kyrie's kind of.
I saw that.
He went to China in the offseason.
I was like, yeah, he's coming back weird.
He was always weird.
He was coming back with a new dude.
He was always different.
He was posting that shit.
He's like, I found myself.
I was like, find yourself in the garden next year.
He's got that.
Big ass fucking weird tattoo.
What is the hand tattoo?
I think it's like a piercing all-seeing eye.
Like that, yeah.
He got some Illuminati shit.
Yeah, yeah.
He puts on his sneakers.
The Kyrie sixes came out yesterday.
I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's a triangle and the eye.
No, no, no.
It's like it's like this, and it's got two thumbs instead of a pinky.
Oh, yeah, it's like a double.
Yeah, yeah, it's three fingers and two thumbs.
The eye of Providence.
Oh, there it is.
No, it's on his shoulder.
Oh, I don't know.
Speaking of white players, Luca Dante fucking smoked LeBron, though.
I love white players.
I don't know if he smoked LeBron.
They both have the same.
Same numbers.
He's 20 years old.
He can't even buy a beer.
Yeah, what is that shit?
It looks like a turkey with an eye in it.
That is kind of weird.
I hate Matthew Del Vadova, though.
Why?
Because in the playoffs, when everyone's like, oh, he locked up Steph Curry.
I was like, he sucks.
He played like defense, but he's whack.
He's fucking.
I was getting so mad.
Him and J.J. Berea.
Do you think Steph is anywhere near as great as like...
Yo, let's, let's, let's...
Do you think Steph's hand is really broken?
I think it's broken.
Yeah, it's broken, but it gets fractured.
It's broken, but it's one of those things that, like, we're going to have to get a second opinion 40 times.
You know what I mean?
They said they're going to reevaluate in eight weeks.
Now, you're going to be back in eight weeks.
They'd be like, all right.
If they lose 12 straight games, they're going to be like, all right, just sit down a little bit.
Clay's done for the year.
And I think they were bums.
So they're like, all right, boom, Steph, just take it off.
I don't care if it's sprained.
I don't care what the fuck it is.
Just take it off.
You're third.
I would say 31.
You're 31.
You're brittle already.
Don't grind through this season because the only way we're going to win games is if you drop 40 a game and then your career is over.
Put his hand on the fucking table and smash his shit with a hammer and let's fucking get third overall pick or something.
Would you rather have Steph or James Harden?
Steph.
Yeah.
Nah, I'd take Harden.
I want Harden.
I'd take Harden.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd take Harden just because he gets your whole team in vouchers.
I think Harden.
Because he goes to the line like a million times a fucking game.
Nah, bro.
I can't.
Aesthetically, I don't like James' game.
I think it's kind of cheesy.
I think Harden can get you more wins, but if you want to win a championship, Steph is a better team player.
That's what I'm saying, because there's other times in games that the Warriors, like Clay will go off for 40.
And it's like, who's going on for 40 when you got Harden on your team?
No, but I mean, besides maybe Russell Westbrook, I don't know.
Even if they just look at your team, they're going to trade games.
Yeah.
Well, that's what they did yesterday.
Like, what's because you're going to be able to get it?
That's not going to last.
And, like, Harden is, all right, go get your 40, get the win, beat the Grizzlies.
Steph's going to keep the culture of your team intact.
Like, Steph's the type of guy.
Like, he's not going to have any ego whatsoever.
And when the best person on your team doesn't have an ego, you can't.
Like, when Tim Duncan was getting cursed out by Popovich, and then the other people on the team are like, well, I guess he could curse me out because Tim Duncan's one of the best ever.
So it's rare you get a player that is that good that has that small of an ego.
And James Harden, it's like, you can't tell him what the fuck to do.
They've been telling him to play defense for fucking years.
Just try on defense.
Let me shoot this one-legged three.
He's not a bad defensive guy.
Yeah, that one-legged three bullshit that I had to see all fucking summer is the same thing with the Ben Simmons threes.
They was talking all that shit.
Oh, he's going to come and shoot one-legged threes.
Ben Simmons's going to come and shoot in three.
He hasn't shot a single fucking three this year.
Ben Simmons.
He'll play two-legged D, and then you'll get to one-legged threes.
That's it.
It's ridiculous to me that in this league, the way the league is now, everybody shoots threes.
Yeah.
How tall is he?
6'8?
Who?
Ben Simmons?
He's 6'10.
6'10, right?
6'10.
And you can't shoot a fucking three-point.
Yo, someone says, scream.
Just let him shoot one.
Just attempt.
No, he won't.
Just shoot it.
You don't even attempt him.
That's what they're not taught to me.
The team's not like, hey, let's not.
Look at how lethal he would be if he could shoot.
But think about it like this.
Think about it this.
This is what infuriates me about it.
It's like, it's like when famous people are fat.
It's like, you got nothing to do.
You got all the resources.
You have nothing to do.
And you have all the...
We just talked about this on our show.
We did.
It's like all you have to do is go shoot.
And the only thing that stops me from shooting is obviously all this, but getting my own rebounds.
You don't have to.
Somebody is hired on the team to go.
And even worse, even worse, you can buy one of those fucking machines that switch the ball back.
I was playing basketball up in Toronto at the Raptors Arena, right?
And this is back when Ross was there.
Now, it wasn't on him.
It wasn't on the actual, where they play.
It was at their practice facility.
Yeah.
Still fucking.
The OVO Center.
No, this before that.
This is the whole back of the day.
I can't believe it's ingrained in the culture of raptors.
Terrence Ross.
The guy who's, I think he's on the Orlando Magic.
He's on the Magic now, yeah.
Terrence Ross comes in and he wants to shoot around.
They shut down the whole employee game that was just going on at the Raptors.
Everybody was just every bunch of like, you know, fucking accountants and shit to play for the team.
They're just playing.
They shut down the whole thing so he can shoot, just throw up threes, right?
That's how committed they are to helping you with your shot.
Just getting a rebound.
They have one guy rebounded and they have another person doing this whole netted machine where it just comes back to you no matter where you are.
John Marbury did that to me at a New York sports club once.
Well, he just cut down the whole thing.
Yeah, he cut down the whole shit.
We were running fives, having a great run.
I was playing okay.
And then like, you know, fucking Steph comes in with like one trainer and they're like, yeah, everybody has to get out.
And Steph just shot like 7,000 shots.
So you're telling me Ben Simmons can't do that?
You have nothing else to do?
Like poor Zingus, like these guys are like 7'12 and shit.
Like they're shooting fucking 44.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just like, dude.
I mean, we've talked about this on the show, but like you don't even have to do it off the dribble.
You need to be able to be in a corner and you just pull up and hit that.
Even Lonzo, right?
You see Lonzo ball change his form a little bit?
Yeah, he shot like a CYO kid.
Remember when you were throwing it?
Yeah, say what it is.
When it was too heavy, he shot like one of the Chinese kids.
That's what he shot.
Okay, they're the Chinese kids.
They fucking hand like that.
Bro, jumper shit.
They all shoot like it's a weird thing.
Bro, it's an it's, I don't know what it is.
I don't know why it is, but the Chinese kids that.
Now, listen, the Chinese kids that played with us had a normal shot.
The ones that were on their own hoop, and there was always a group of them that were on their own hoop, would have these crazy cannonball.
Exactly.
And it was over the wrong shoulder.
It was just a weird hoist.
Mike's apologetic, too, in the shots, too.
They'd be like, I'm so sorry.
That's a cultural thing.
He'd be like, okay, man, get back on D, though.
I'm like, they get up to me on defense, man.
He's a good lock.
God damn.
Like, every so often, though, you run into one of those Asian kids that's just got the craziest handle in your life.
Yo, Koreans, fucking Koreans.
Super simple.
Every single one.
They're taking over all the black lights, bro.
That's what I'm saying.
They're like a 12 black somewhere or some shit like that.
And they always got mad handle and it could break dance really well.
I'll call them.
I'll call Switch all the time, though.
I'd be like, yo, pick up, let's switch.
Switch on all screens.
Nah, bro.
That's a lot of shit.
Running over screens and fucking pick up basketball.
Give them one.
Once they hit us, like, fuck.
Oh, yeah.
I don't play defense on jumpers.
No, shout out we want to do that.
That's the shot we want.
That's the shot every time.
Or it goes up and be like, coming off.
Short?
Short.
Yeah, yeah, short.
That's the shot we want.
Because I didn't get back on D. That's what we want.
I love that.
Like, we out became like a basketball statement.
We out.
That's the outline.
I usually play like point guard or shooting guard.
If I ever grabbed a rebound, we out.
I also hate the guys that play.
Like, there's always like a coach that's like a 55-year-old dude that has construction boots on, but he's like telling you how to play and shit.
He's got mad.
Back door, back door.
He's like, oh, screw.
Come over to the screen.
We got a falling screen.
I love when people get mad.
Tough shot.
Tough shot.
You gotta gotta call out the screens.
I'm like, you suck.
That's why.
I'm like, dude, you're on your lunch break.
They're screening you because you're food.
There's a six foot five guy screening you.
You can't see that.
Yo, I'm not good, but I'm definitely better and I look like I would be.
And my favorite thing is one guy would always look at me and they'd be like, you guard him because he's the worst player.
And then if I started cooking him, they'd get so fucking mad at this guy.
You acting this guy's cover.
Especially if it was all black people.
They get so fucking mad at these dudes.
When I was a kid, though, I used to love playing against the all-black teams.
Yeah.
Because if you played well against them, they loved you.
Of course.
Because it'd be fun if you just started describing history X right now.
I wonder what the fuck with this dude in three months.
And it turns out I don't hate black people.
You know what I mean?
You know what I'm saying?
I just like.
Get rid of this tattoo.
You gotta know a good tattoo remote.
Who does not have Bridge to Racism is Guy Torrey?
Bro, I'm gonna start going on podcasts and start telling stories from movies that are really well done.
Oh, dude.
One time I was in jail.
And yeah, I curb stomped this dude.
But I was in jail and I was folding a laundry with this black junk.
I just realized I like black people ever since that moment.
I just switched to the bottom.
Dinner at this guy's place and he took his shirt off and he told me, go home, I'm not welcome.
My last name is Schultz.
I'm not even you.
I don't have it.
But yeah, but that was the best thing.
I was, bro, this is God of me.
Everybody.
I'm doubly doing that shit.
Movie, but you act dead ass like it's you.
It'd be fucking hysterical.
How'd you and your wife be?
Man, we were on this ship coming from England to America, bro, and hit an iceberg, man.
We had a crazy fucking romantic time, dude.
We got it in.
We were fucking this model team, bro.
I was beating the pussy up while that shit was sick and shit.
How you doing, Ezra?
I'm talking about it.
How'd you want me?
She was sexy as fuck.
I was actually on a game show, believe it or not.
I want a million dollars, man.
Motherfuckers try to sabotage me with the wrong answer in the back room.
I wasn't going to be one of these kids singing on the street.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, I was a cop, and this dude put my wife's head in a box.
You know how many deadly sins there are, bro?
You know how many deadly sins there are?
This dude, this dude killed a fat guy, too.
He killed a whole bunch of other kids.
It was cold the way that fat guy got.
Game Show Sabotage Attempt00:14:38
You think he enjoyed the first few bites of that food, though?
I love him.
Like, of that death, that was probably the most enjoyable one until it got crazy.
Oh, a lot of bites.
He enjoyed a lot of bites.
You think you go kill me?
That was the test of wills at 35.
He thought he was going to tire him out.
He thought he was going to tire him out.
Oh, my God.
It's like a man versus food.
That was the best episode of Man versus Food.
He's sweating over that food.
What?
It's all sweaty and shit.
He's like, my name on the wall.
I need some more water.
I want to go a free t-shirt and my picture on the wall.
Bro.
So chanting his name and shit.
Oh, my God, dude.
Bunch of.
I love how Kevin Spacey, like, he can't do anything.
Didn't he do like one thing?
He read like a poem somewhere or something.
Kevin Spacey, right?
He did a YouTube video.
Frank, whatever his name is.
This is after the whole thing.
Have you seen the seven alternate ending on YouTube?
No.
So alternate ending is seven.
You guys should all check it out.
It's fantastic.
Is it funny or?
All right, I'm going to give away.
Somebody sent it to me.
He said it's the alternate ending.
So I watch it and they do the whole scene of, you know, what's in the box?
What's in the box?
He says he killed Brad Pitt's wife, and then they go, what's in the box?
And then Morgan Freeman looks up at him and then they just play the Kirby enthusiasm.
That shit.
One of the funniest YouTube videos I've ever seen.
Because I didn't know it was fake, so I'm like watching, excited.
That shit, it's huge.
God, that's fantastic.
You know what you guys are saying about walking into the all-black school gyms?
Yes.
Like, you wanted their validation so much.
It's like, I've worked everywhere.
Yeah, dude.
St. Gabes.
St. Gabes.
We played St. Gabes.
It would bust our ass.
Yeah, like you would lose by 30, but if I had 15, 18, they'd be like, you know, like, if you suck, like, you get stopped in the handshake line, like, told you're nice by the other coach.
You know what I mean?
And I should be like, listen, son, you can really play basketball.
Everybody else gets one of those.
But I used to love when the black people in the crowd would be like, ooh, all right.
Because we'll always make more fucking noise because you never write it in buckets.
And there's always like the dad that says, nice pass.
Nice pass.
Pass code pass.
Because he knows they're about to blow the lamp.
That's all this kid can do.
You ever missed a wide open layout in a game?
Of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
I feel that shit.
That shit is.
Oh, boy.
Especially when it's a good fucking pass.
Oh, my God.
Nothing better than a great album.
Did I hate that?
You took a bad angle.
Did I hate that?
My dad used to be my coach when I was like, like, one year when I was very young.
My dad is not, you know, like one of these dads that's like supportive.
So if I miss that, if I miss that layup, it was a rat.
Oh, you heard it.
Or anytime there was like a like a like they would foul somebody on purpose, he would put me at the line if I was having a bad game because he was like, you got to make up for it.
Miss all of them.
I would miss all of them.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, real shit, though, those tendicle free throws, a lot harder than they look, bro.
Everyone's just like, nobody's at the fucking line.
It's just you by yourself.
And they're like, oh, clearly they put him on here because two easy points.
Oh, he's in that shoe.
There's no one on that side of the court.
They're like, you know what I'm saying?
I was like, miss?
All right, cool.
Thinking back to high school, it is nuts.
It's nerve-wracking.
Like some of the games, dude, I remember we played this French school.
And it wasn't even.
Even played French school, too.
What, Lisa?
No.
Where'd you go to school?
I went to Baruch College Campus High School.
So it was Baruch.
It was on 23rd.
No, no, no.
I grew up in the school.
Oh, you went to Chubaruch for high school.
Yeah.
Baruch High School.
And Baruch.
That's a high school.
A small public school.
But we played this French school named Lisée Franca.
It was like one of these private schools uptown.
But they just taught the kids French.
It wasn't like they're all about the country or nothing, but they just taught them French as well as English.
Right.
They were like, sacrifice, out there, they could have.
They could have done that song.
But we were going to play them.
It wasn't even a league game.
It literally meant nothing.
It was a scrimmage.
And we all bought full-size American flags.
Hold on.
To an away game.
To an away game.
They thought they were going to France.
Bro, we draped ourselves in the flags as we walked into the gym.
And in our layup lines, we were singing the United States National Anthem at an away game, bro.
Dude, it is.
That'd be fucked up, right?
That is fucked up.
That's what I'm saying.
You could be on Twitter right now.
Apologize if you did that job.
That culture got fired.
Post 9-11 or pre-9-11.
It's post-9-11.
We didn't fuck with the French either.
Right, post-9-11.
We can wear a flag anywhere.
Yeah, you're right.
Remember Freedom?
American flag, dude.
Yo, after 9-11, my dad was driving on the highway.
Maybe post.
Maybe post.
Maybe pre.
I think it was our senior year that 9-11 happened.
Because if it happened pre, they'd be like, what are these guys doing?
If it happened post-blit, it's fucking patriotic and shit.
Let's go.
God bless them goddamn kids.
Kids.
Yo, after 9-11, my dad was driving on the highway and there was like a bunch of cars.
Obviously, it's a highway.
And he saw an American flag on the side of the road and just stopped his car completely.
He used to be a fireman.
Stopped his car completely, got out, got the flag.
Tons of traffic now.
Get to this car.
No one said a word.
I was like, what the fuck just happened?
He should have just like one of his fucking things and just put it in the air.
Everybody would have fucking beeped the heart and waved it.
That's crazy.
Post-not level was such a weird fucking time.
Like, it's weird looking back at it now.
You just cried for no reason.
He was just so fucking scared.
I know about everything.
That was crazy for y'all.
Dude, I thought every day where he was like, all right, this is the day where troops coming down the street.
It was mad parking.
I'm in New York.
You remember that?
Mad parking.
Mad parking post 9-11, bro.
Like, nobody was in the city.
I remember it was, your boy could pick you up and you're like, fuck it, we'll just park right here.
We'll do whatever.
And everybody in a good mood.
That was another thing.
Parking Times Square.
It was parking everywhere.
And you could just say hi to people.
Everybody was cool.
Everybody would take a little moment.
Because everybody thought like any day was like the next day was going to happen.
We all thought that was like the first of like many things about to go down some Independence Day shit.
Politicians got along for a solid week.
They were united.
Yeah.
Everyone loved George Bush for a little after that second.
Julian's got a good pitch.
Walked down on the mound and was like, we're going to get him.
We're going to blow them out of their holes.
And watch this fastball.
Yo, man, Juliani.
Juliana was running with that fucking shit for years.
ESPN.
ESPN made a whole 30 for 30 about that pitch.
I remember that.
But how crazy is that?
They're like, all right, how can we flip 9-11 into some sports content?
How can we monetize?
How can we take the greatest act of terror on America and make it into sports?
George Bush, I didn't even know George Bush threw the pitch.
So you guys know how he did it at the time dude.
It was right down the fucking pipe, though.
What was a better strike?
The plane hitting the tower.
I'll tell you this.
Or the piss that George Bush.
Oh my missed.
I was like, what was a better pitch?
The plane hitting the tower or the pitch that George Bush was?
I mean, they had a couple tries.
That's true.
That's very true.
And then some tests are on the map.
My tucking strike was in that.
A bald eagle might have trailed that baseball.
It was so fucking bad.
He's like, all right, for America.
Watch the thumbs up.
He got his fucking bulletproof vest on.
Hey, man, Derejito, you're a good guy, man.
All right.
You say hello?
What's up?
Mexicans up top.
How you doing?
I'm going to burn this one in there.
All you rich whacks down here to watch me throw this hater.
You're from the mound, too.
Yeah.
Hey!
Hey, man, that was the movie.
That was a two-seamer.
He knew he kept that too.
He walked up.
He's like, you're welcome.
Goddamn rat pushed the red button.
Now let's go get nuclear air tracker.
Oh, my God.
You know, that dude voted for Bush with a fucking big white head like that.
He's like, God, yes.
You know, his dream was to be the baseball commissioner.
Yeah, he was the owner.
He's the jam of the Rangers, right?
But that was it.
That was the one that was the owner of Rangers.
I was such a president.
He was a fan for New York, though, like, at the time.
Oh, for sure.
I remember to the game at the end.
Yo, explain this to me because I was in New York at the time.
Yeah.
I have no recollection whatsoever.
Really?
On 9-10, I was at Yankee Stadium 2001.
The game got rid of it.
The game got canceled.
Yeah, I was there.
Roger Clemens was pitching.
This is how fucking stupid I am, too.
After the first plane hits, I call my dad and I go, yo, you think they'll still play tonight?
Piece of shit.
No, honestly, when I was watching it in school.
What was up then?
My boy Carlos, we found out a plane went into the tower because my boy Carlos Acevedo, shout out to Carlos.
He came to school and we heard what happened, but we didn't know exactly what happened.
They were like, there's a terror attack, whatever, like that.
And Carlos came in late, right?
He walks in late.
We're like, Carlos, Carlos, what's up, man?
He goes, yo, some crazy shit went down.
We're like, what's up?
He goes, fucking plane went into the tower, yo.
We're like, how do you know?
He goes, I seen it.
I seen that shit fly over and that shit went right into the tower.
And we're like, and you still showed up at school.
It's the ultimate snow day, bro.
Oh, yeah.
You'll be good.
That's some New York shit, though.
Damn, shit was crazy.
I want to be a teacher named Yo, Ms. Johnson.
No, no, no.
On 9-11, I was in fourth grade, and I was in a science class.
We're in fourth grade.
So, like, kids are getting called out all the time.
So, after a while, we're like, we don't know what's going on because no one's telling us, so we think it's funny.
And our teacher's like at the phone, and like, people get kicking called out.
And then he goes to teach again, the phone rings, and then he gets on the phone, and then he hangs it up, and he's like, Ryan, you got to go downstairs.
And we all start laughing, and then he just goes, There's people dying out there.
He's laughing in here, and we were like, Oh, shit, damn, I didn't know they were dying, dude.
Fourth grade, he screamed at.
I was like, Oh, fuck, because you guys had no clue.
It's like the first, even though the first plane hit, nobody knew what was going on.
I didn't know.
No, no, so thing about contextually, right?
It's like there was no Twitter, there were no cell phones, there's no in order to see the shit.
They had to roll the TV into the classroom.
That was the only way we could watch the news.
My friend's dad walked home from the city that night.
We did too.
Yeah, we had, and I had to take kids with me because you could only leave the school if you had a place to go that was accessible.
Right.
And certain places just weren't accessible, right?
You couldn't go downtown.
You couldn't go to Brooklyn because you couldn't get there.
Where were you living at the time?
I was living in the East Village.
In the East Village.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, and the school's up on 23rd, so we just walked down.
Bro, we were calling.
I remember this.
We were calling like 411 or like 311, whatever the fuck it was.
And we were like, yo, we're going to go help.
Where do we go?
Right.
And then the lady was like, What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you a Navy SEAL?
Like, what are you going to do right now?
Just Jason Born.
Carlos, we're good.
Don't worry about it.
Carlos saw everything.
He saw everything.
He knows what to do.
He was there for the jump.
It was crazy, man.
It was crazy.
Fucking play hit the tower.
It was so crazy.
I cannot be no lay.
I cannot be in a lay.
I can't be in a lay.
But the thing was, my cousin died in the second tower.
Oh, shit.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
We can bring in the movie.
He was on favorite players and stuff.
It's too much good content.
Yellow, Jesus.
Why did they run out after the first one hit?
So what happened was that's a reasonable question.
That was true.
Six months after this time Coleman Hall.
I'll tell you what happened.
They wouldn't let you evacuate.
They wouldn't let you leave.
What?
So when they got down to the bottom floor, they said, We got it under control.
Go back up.
You're kidding me.
No, she was on the 82nd floor.
That shit hit the 86th or 85th floor.
And like, her phone call is like one of the most famous ones of calling from the tower.
Oh, my God.
And when it hit, it just got mad hot in there.
And she passed out from smoke inhalation, like before it collapsed or whatever.
But when they got to the bottom, they sent them all back up.
Yeah.
Can you imagine going back to 85 floors to die?
I'd be like, that's criminal.
Again, you know how fucking far that is?
That's fucking crazy.
The craziest thing was, remember when they put out like the fireman documentary, like three days after?
And all you hear is skidors, like fucking bombs going off.
And it was people fucking jumping.
Yeah, my brother.
So my brother went to school a few blocks away.
He goes to make a phone call to my mom and my and my dad to say that he's okay.
And as he's making the phone call, the payphone, wherever the fuck they're calling from in the school, has a window where he can see the towers.
And he sees people jumping out the fucking town and hit the fuck.
I don't think I can ever get overseas at all.
No, no, no.
Here's the craziest thing about jumping out.
They didn't jump out because they, obviously, they want to, whatever.
They jumped out because it was so hot.
Yeah.
Inside, there was like, do I burn inside or go to the place that's not?
I'm jumping too, though.
Fuck that.
Hell yes.
I'm not burning to a fucking crisp in there.
But no, the thing.
I don't know if I got the balls for it.
To be honest.
I probably just like sprint through.
I can't imagine.
I don't think there's some fire like a fucking thing.
Yeah, I mean, that's the heat you never felt.
The heat wasn't.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
It's probably some show where you're not even thinking about it.
You're like, fuck, I got to get out of here.
Why would you just not go?
Like, if you already went downstairs and they're like, now go back up, you wouldn't just be like, I'm going to take my lunch.
I mean, nothing like that.
Like, who's down there?
It's like, dude, there's a hole in the building.
A plane.
I'm not going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a hole in the building.
Now, that's crazy.
Dude, if there's like a leak in an aisle in Whole Foods, I'm leaving.
Like, I don't want to fucking even be there.
If I came into this studio right now and there was a hole over here, I'm like, yeah, maybe we should take it tomorrow.
Let me try to say this.
Stadium Fire Safety Fears00:15:11
Maybe this justifies something.
If one building got hit, first of all, none of us knew a second tower was getting hit.
None of us.
But there's probably a bunch of debris and shit coming down from that tower.
So maybe they're thinking.
They didn't want a whole bunch of people on the street getting hit by shit.
So they don't know a second plane's getting hit.
That's scumbags.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's the thing.
Like, you were asking, like, the lead up to it.
So, like, then we had a service for her, but like, they didn't find her remains, which always was kind of weird to me.
I was like, we're just all chilling in a room.
But then it was like, after that, the Yankees came back and Ray Charles sang like America the Beautiful.
America the Beautiful.
And like, everybody in the country cried.
How did you know America's beautiful?
Like, how the fuck would he know?
No experience.
She's a millionaire.
He's blind America.
There they go.
That's fucking beautiful.
Black millionaire blind.
Black millionaire blind man.
That's how you got a bitch's wrist and be like, yeah, I'm a scared.
If anybody knows America's beautiful, it's that motherfucker.
That's the way black people find America beautiful.
They got to be blind.
They just got to have no clue what's happening.
No clue the racism going on.
They haven't seen any video of a black guy getting shot by the cops.
But there wasn't a lot of people.
Ray Charles after 900 days.
Dude, black people, just close your eyes a little more.
You'll enjoy it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, go on.
No, no, no.
So then the Yankees went on this run.
Yeah.
I remember that.
They were beating everybody, and it was like Mr. November, right?
Yeah, Jeter had that crazy hatch.
They had that Japanese relief pitcher, Young Young Kim, that was definitely going to kill himself if he lost the World Series.
So they came to play for the Dodgers, right?
Or the Diamondbacks.
The Diamondbacks.
He played for the Diamond Beats.
But he might have played for the Dodgers later.
He was like this lights out closer and then gave up.
I remember that.
And then there was Scott Brocious at the home run.
Jeter hit the home run.
And he literally looked like he wanted to kill himself.
And then we lost in game seven when Gonzo hit that little fucking bloop single.
I was at the game.
I was at the game where Jeter hit the winning home run.
I was there when Brocious did it.
Do you remember the fucking stadium was moving?
Scott Brocious.
Yeah.
Wait, when was the game when Jeter hit it?
It was.
It had to be like nine days later.
It was the game when Soriano hit a home run to tie it.
Yeah.
And then Jeter came up in like the 10th inning.
The one.
And they were like, struck midnight.
We have November baseball.
And then just opposite field Jeter had it in home run.
And then the fucking place went fucking ape shit.
And then we lost.
That was the one time the entire world was rooted for the Yankees.
And y'all lost.
That was it.
That was the one time I was like.
That's the one time people rooted for y'all that land.
We fucking lost in seven games.
God damn it.
I'll tell you, man.
That was crazy, though.
Like, that's why you were saying the ESPN 30 for 30 thing.
Like, sports can be healing in certain situations.
Oh, it's the best distraction.
You know what I mean?
It's weird when sports makes you cry.
Yeah.
It's the only thing I cry at.
That's realistically, it's the only thing I cry at.
Like, if there's a dude that comes back, like, when Britt Favre threw all those touchdowns after, my dad was crying like one of his children died.
He's like, he's just like one of the most beautiful girls.
I was like, dad, you had five children.
I feel like that happens all the time, too.
No, sports gets me.
Like, I can't watch Sports Center on Sunday because they always have those fucking human interest pieces.
I hate that shit.
When they got Tom Renoff on the bottom of the bottom, there is like my wife had a brain tumor.
I'm just like, oh, I'm starting to get it.
Hold on.
He's going to be.
His wife had a brain tumor.
Yeah, she had surgery.
She threw like four touchdowns.
Their tragedy is your fantasy.
You're like, yo, I'm going to get a win this week.
I'm just saying, Matthew Barry's on TV, like, well, you know, his brother was scared.
He had a surgery.
I don't want to start Madison.
Oh, man.
Time I cried during the sport was when Isaiah Thomas dropped like 50.
Oh, and then it's like a sister petard, and he was like fucking in the bench, crying on the bench.
Oh, that fucked me up, dude.
And he's and they still fucking lost, but holy shit.
Yo, sports are sad.
Sports are sad.
Yeah, fuck.
Sports are sad.
Because, like, after all that, it's just like, yeah, your sister's still not here.
What's his name?
The one that got me was Marquise Goodwin when he caught that touchdown.
And he's like, he's like, baby had just died or something.
And then he's in the end zone.
He's like, and he's like cradling the football as a baby and shit.
We got to stop talking about fresh water.
Or that one where Ray Rice knocked his wife out.
I remember that one when he dragged it.
I'm all talking about fantasy team.
I had my fantasy tail.
What did you think about it?
I was holding on to him for a couple of weeks.
I'm like, maybe, maybe he'll sink through it.
And then his video came out.
I was like, oh, yeah, it's rapid.
It's still unspeakable, bro, for real.
I played it.
I was going to stop.
I played back.
You know how crazy CTE is?
That bitch is fine.
Yeah.
NFL players all got CTE.
Son, I think I'm more CT, Matt Stafford or his wife.
Probably more damaged.
Yeah, real talk.
Oh, okay.
He's going to have to do it.
Oh, oh, this is a tame day.
It is a tame episode.
It's tame?
We talk about 9-11.
And he tells his cousin John Joe.
He's got like about 20 minutes of 9-11 jokes.
Son, you're doing act outs out this bitch.
You got to put that fucking...
What's that song?
What?
Hello, Darkness, my old friend.
Just on me.
He's like 9-11.
I'm just like, Jay's like, haha, I've been having a good time.
Cousin's dead, by the way.
Never found her.
No remains.
I thought that was weird.
It affected me.
It still does.
What's up?
Are you right?
We glossed all of that shit.
My man was like, yeah, it was weird.
We just had like a burial from no one.
Yeah, man.
We all had to go around a picture.
Yeah, we did.
She was mad weird.
She must still be out there, bro.
She was mad weird.
I think her Tupac and Cuba, guys.
That's a shit.
Her voicemail is one of the most famous voicemails.
I listen to that shit all the time.
They put it in the beginning of Zero Dark 30.
I went to the voicemail.
What?
It was in the beginning of Zero Dark 30.
Did they have authorization for that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I broke off.
I didn't pay for it.
I broke off of it.
I ain't broke off shit.
I had no 9-11 money.
No, what?
You the real McDonald.
He's the real.
I'm going to write the book.
I had a cousin.
I had no 9-11.
She was painting my back like this.
Oh, my God.
What was her voice?
So her voicemail was like, sucking some titties.
She was like, Danny to start singing about titties.
Tell him.
Did I have one dying wish?
Oh, swing away.
Swing away.
No, but that's not good.
Swing away.
What if he's swinging?
I got a friend.
Oh, swinging, bro.
What a fucking reference.
Yo, that's a deep butt.
Yo, what a dumb movie, bro.
Deep water?
Hey, don't talk about my dog M. Night like that, son.
Your dog M. Night is the biggest waste of goddamn time.
Every movie is, this is the plotline.
Hey, yo, ease up on Manoj, my God.
What's your noj, dog?
What is Minoj?
How you saying Brad?
That's what's where the M is for.
Oh, I thought, oh, you guys, I thought you were saying the N-word of Indian, dog.
I really thought that's what you call black people.
Minoj is not.
I'm not going to laugh.
You're supposed to say things right now.
I thought it was my guy in Hindi for a second.
That's what I thought.
I'm just really like, yo, it's my noose right there.
Oh, crazy awkward moment at the show in Sacramento.
Had this black albino in the front row, and I made him say the N-word, and it was uncomfortable.
I wonder why, son, but because he's black, but he's not.
You made him say it, yo.
No, it's because he's white as fuck, even though he's black.
How'd you approach him?
You're like, say it.
I was like, I was like, yeah, pretty much like that.
I was like, say the N-word.
And he was Nigerian.
So he just looks like a white guy making fun of a Nigerian.
Because he's just like, I will not say the N-word.
But he's white as fuck on his face, and he's got a blonde beard.
You walked out on that stage, you're like, Instagram about to be crazy, right?
Oh, yeah.
It's like this is going to be a little bit more.
Taking bets in the green room.
I was like, I bet you I get that albino in the front row to say the N-word.
He's got five eyes.
His condition is your virus.
That's your viral.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, so wait.
Wait, what were we just saying?
No, there was something.
Oh, Mnight Shamala.
Emnight the God.
The premise of every movie is like, hey, the least likely outcome is definitely not the outcome.
Just kidding, it is.
That sounds like a great.
Every single movie, right?
They're not really in the forest.
They're not really in the.
Yeah, they are.
You ever watch The Six Sense Now?
You're like, how the fuck did I not see this?
Dude, Jay Bargazzi has a fucking brilliant joke about this.
Oh, it's so good.
Dude, he goes, he goes, the whole movie, the wife is not talking to him the whole movie.
Yeah.
It was easier for us to believe that his wife was giving him silent treatment for two years and he was actually dead.
They're at a romantic dinner.
They're at a romantic dinner.
He's talking to her.
He's like, you know, it's just a lot of this.
She's just like.
And we all watched that movie.
Like, no, I can see this.
I can see it.
Who made the rest of the movie move?
We've all been there before, bro.
You know, Slogan Walter.
I knew M. Night had an Indian wife.
I said.
My man in it.
My man in the trenches.
His best work, bro.
His best work.
But then I watch it again, and he throws a rock through a window as a ghost.
Yeah, man.
Ghosts do that.
I know, but that's a good thing.
Patrick Swayze ghosts.
Patrick Swayze had to learn how to push that can, remember?
Yeah, yeah, he probably learned.
I didn't see any ghost training montage in the movie, though.
That's what I was saying.
So there's a flaw in the movie you're saying.
Yeah, there's a plot hole.
Yeah, I didn't know ghosts could pick up things and throw them.
That's the only thing.
I know Patrick Swayze could do it.
Yeah, man.
You never watch Ghost Hunters?
Yo, did y'all know that Dirty Dancing was about an abortion?
No, it's very clearly.
See, I found that out literally last week.
Did you ever, bro?
I saw the movie Matt.
My parents had a dance school growing up.
I saw that movie a hundred times.
I thought it was about salsa and the polkonos.
I never fucking know.
I never saw that movie.
It's Mad White.
Somebody tell me is Sophie's choice about an abortion or the Holocaust?
I've been trying to figure this out for years.
What about the Holocaust?
Sophie's choice, apparently it's about the Holocaust.
Sounds like a big abortion movie.
What was her choice?
Sophie's choice.
Oh, no, it was kind of lit.
So it's a great idea.
So she got a, what's the bitch's name?
Meryl Streep?
Who knows?
I don't know.
One of them, my bitch.
One of them.
Meryl Streep or Glenn Close or one of them, right?
She got.
That's the same bitch to me.
They're all the same.
We don't talk, all the same.
That's it.
Meryl Streep.
Glenn's Meryl Street.
Glenn Close.
Meryl Streep and then the other one that they're the same lady to me.
Anyway, so she had twins and she had to choose one.
The Nazis were like, pick one.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, that's dope.
Really?
She's like, you shouldn't pick one.
Something like that.
Who picked one?
They're dizzy in love.
Did she pick?
Well, she made the choice.
She picked the blonde-haired, blue-eyed one.
Well, they were twins.
Yeah, I think they were there.
Yo, but that's the thing.
If you have identical twins, that's the easiest choice.
Like, I feel like there's a way harder choice to make if they're totally unique and different.
But if they're the same twins.
You flip a coin.
Nah, there's always an evil twin, too.
But at that age, you don't know they were.
I don't know.
I would throw a knife down.
You would just hunger games it?
Yeah, I would let them fight it out.
Be like, yo, which one of you?
I'll do your job for you.
Here's this knife.
Whoever wins comes with me.
Oh, my God.
That's the whole movie?
Actually, no, the movie's not really about that at all.
It's just like what drives it.
It's like, that's why this Polish chick is like living in Long Island.
Yo, what's that sad Holocaust movie?
I can't remember now.
Oh, the Boy in the Striped Pajamas.
Yes, yes, yes.
What's the Holocaust comedy that you were watching?
Jacob the Liar with Robin Williams.
What the fuck is that?
It's a movie about the Holocaust.
And it's funny.
It's kind of funny until everyone dies.
What was that Italian movie with like that movie is sad as shit?
Wait, he's with his kid or some shit.
It's like Antonio Benini or whatever his name is.
Bender's.
I'm thinking of the Christmas movie.
A Christmas car?
It's an Italian movie.
No, no, you said Jacob the Fox movie.
Jacob the Liar was a movie about him being in one of the guests.
Casual Lampoons.
Mrs. Auschwitz.
Chevy Chase on the cover.
What is this?
Like, what is that shit?
The Victorian Lampoon's horrible training trip.
Oh, fuck.
Boy in the Striped Pajamas.
The worst thing, too, is like, there it is.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's Jakob.
You know, you're in the Holocaust if you got one of those hats on.
Son, if Jacob Spell with a Kants.
Jacob Spell with a K in a comedy.
I'll tell you that shit right now.
You just know off Rip.
Yeah, it's proud.
That's right.
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, though, that shit is sad.
1999 American War comedy drama.
Wow.
Boom.
I guess everything can be funny.
The weirdest thing about the Holocaust, too, besides obviously them killing everyone, but like they would.
That'd be a thing.
When the people would come and check up on them, they would give them like crayons and shit.
She'd be like, look, they're fine.
Like, everything's good.
Wait, what?
You know, they would do that.
Like, when people.
But hey, what's going on here in these concentration camps?
Like, oh, they're fine.
They want to check on the concentration camps.
They would have them act like everything was okay.
You can't look at the fact that they're fucking 20 pounds.
No, but they don't.
Yeah, but you know what it is.
But they do.
No, no, no, no, it's making it.
So it would look like they were like, yeah, we're just holding them here for now, like while our country was asking.
Yeah.
Those crayons being the thing.
Dude, let them draw.
Yeah, I can't.
I can't.
It's too much.
People think you're Jewish all the time, right?
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
I'm not saying I can't for that reason.
I just have like a horrible Holocaust joke that is only for the Patreon.
Yeah.
I thought Andrew was Jewish for like three years.
Most people assume I'm Jewish.
Sucks.
Last name's Jewish, but I'm, I guess, German.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They won't guess.
Sorry, guys.
Don't watch this.
It's like, all right, I'll see you later, then.
Oopsies.
Seems like something got to get straightened out before any conversation.
I've covered everything.
I don't know.
Really going through it.
That must be a good thing.
Wasn't there a tsunami once?
Yeah, boom.
Let's get into natural disasters.
Let's talk about that.
Tsunami.
That's terrorists.
Patrice has a great tsunami joke.
Which one is it?
Patrice, he's like, he talked about, it kind of ties into this thing he talked about later where the news kind of tells you what to care about.
And he's like, because I saw that tsunami shit and I was like, it looked like I could have lived through that.
Jewish Name Assumptions00:05:38
When he pulls his pants up, he just pulls his pants up here.
He goes, ooh, that's a high one.
That's a high one.
He makes his pants caprice.
He just pulls them up.
I wonder if you guys do other people's jokes.
Like, you guys watch Rogan at all?
Yeah.
You just did it, right?
So, like, Joe, sometimes, like, if you do a bit, he'd be like, well, don't do it if you don't know it exactly.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, you know, it's somebody else's work.
That's a good impression.
He's like, no, but, you know.
By the way, do you do DMT?
Hey, Jamie, look that up, Jamie.
He had the mouthpose and the mic and everything.
Yeah, but you know, you suffer with depression.
I just think if you exercise and eat more red meat, you'll be like, pull it up.
Jamie, pull it up.
Pull it up.
A big elk guy.
And then when he just has mics up, he's just like.
Yeah.
No, I like it.
Don't ever try to say other people's material on Joe Rogan.
It will not go with him.
I think we've done it.
I thought I was on it.
I think we referenced a few jokes.
I think it's just like that's a purist thing.
It's like, I don't want to see it fucked up.
You're not going to do it.
Don't do it at all.
Yeah, I'd be surprised.
Maybe if it's non-comics, they go do it and then they just make it look stupid.
But like, if you're a comic, usually you could deliver the bit, but that's it.
That's another thing.
It's like some of these jokes people need to know, man.
Yeah.
You know, like, especially Patrice, the guy who's dead, and like all these people who are comedy fans will never probably know who he is.
He was never famous enough to have legends amongst the casuals.
I love Patrice.
Have you seen the Caroline said he did for deaf people?
What?
You've never seen this?
No.
I'll send it to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they did like, literally, they had like a screen for like words and stuff.
He fucking kills.
This is one of those moments where I'm not going to do anything because I don't want to get Joe Ross.
Yeah.
Just I was waiting for you to say that.
I was like, I know he's going to deny you.
I played football.
When I played football, we played a New York School for the Deaf in football.
And you know how they would hike the ball?
Someone on the sideline would hit a drum.
Oh, shit.
And they would feel the vibration.
What?
What are they?
Fucking Deadpool?
Kind of.
How do you feel a drum from the sidelines?
Daredevil, yo.
It just has a senses.
It's not just one drum.
It's like a boy like they hit a bunch.
I mean, it's like we were never on the sides.
Same colours no heart counts or anything.
I was about to say, like, you can fucking, I mean, you can Troy Palomalu that shit once you hear the drums.
I'm coming.
Just looking at the fucking dude with the drums.
As soon as he comes out, you're like, bruh.
It was a total deaf team.
The whole team was deaf.
Yeah, but yeah.
No, no, no, wait.
It was the final score.
Oh, we fucking smoked it.
I wanted to know how good you guys were.
No, we smoked better deaf kids.
God damn.
Oh, yo.
Audible.
They don't.
It was one of them.
They had like three plays.
They ran like jet sweep, waggle, and like a halfback toss.
We knew we were going to win by 75 points.
You know what I'm saying?
You couldn't really talk shit to me.
Was there anybody good for him?
Clearly.
Slug my dick.
Hey, guys, we got some shows coming up, man.
Thank you guys so much for coming out in Sacramento.
That Chico show is an abomination.
We'll talk about that on another podcast.
But Sack, thank you all so much.
Next week, 14th, Wall Street Theater, Norwalk, Connecticut.
Then the 16th, Wilbur Theater, Boston.
First show sold out.
Second show got a few tickets left.
The 22nd of November, New York, Town Hall.
Both shows sold out.
Very excited about that.
Thank y'all so much for that, man.
This has been very cool.
This is not brought to you by the New York Comedy Festival because they won't book me.
So the New York Comedy Festival does not present this.
Okay.
I just want that to be very clear.
And then more shows added, man.
We just added New Orleans and Edmonton.
Edmonton, Canada.
Go get that.
That's quick.
That's in December.
Go to dandrugeels.com for all tickets, et cetera.
Do not buy the tickets on these third-party sites.
They're charging crazy prices.
My tickets are very reasonably priced because I want y'all to come out.
But I've been talking to people and find out they're spending $200 for a fucking ticket to the show, which is absurd.
Don't even Google my name and then the city because it will take you to a third-party site.
Go to the links on my website, theandrelshoves.com.
You cannot trust anything else besides that, and that will get you everything you need.
Akash.
This weekend, Thursday through Saturday, I'm at the American Comedy Company in San Diego.
November 10th, that's this Sunday.
I am in Tempe, Arizona at the improv.
Come through and check that out.
And we got the Mumbai show that we are lining up.
That's the last show of the year.
The 19th and 20th of December at Habitat Comedy Club, Akasha.sing.com for more dates and tickets.
This Friday night, Duce Palooza hits Los Angeles, Dre Sinatra, DJ Artistic, Night Train, DJ Benjamin Walker, Spin Select, and Gold Link will be in the building.
That's this Friday, November 8th, 2019.
Also, get your ticket for Duce Paloozo at the Barclay Center, December 13th, 2019.
We'll be rolling out the lineup for that immediately or very soon.
And please subscribe to Big Apple Buckets on the New York Post.
I got Chris Childs on the show this week.
We talk about him giving Kobe the two-piece, which is our logo.
Well, it used to be our logo.
Duce Palooza Event Dates00:15:21
And some other shit.
So thank you for checking out the podcast.
It's doing really good numbers as Knicks fans.
And I know the season sucks, but it's been good.
But thank you for support.
All right, let's get back to the show.
Guys, this piece of shit studio that we are at, but not for long.
Not for long.
Not for long.
This piece of shit studio, the board broke down or something.
I'm not exactly sure what happened.
But so I don't even know where we left off.
Probably somewhere between 9-11 and the Holocaust.
They weren't on the path, so it probably needed a reset.
That was a good idea.
You know what?
God stepped in.
Yeah, his body was a good idea.
God stepped in.
He was like, enough of this.
Press the red button.
Well, which God, though?
That's what started all this.
I like the way this is going.
They could look at us paying homage in a weird way, which is rent.
I thought that was, you were asking me which Hindu God, and I was like, who would be the god of podcast?
We got a podcast.
We got a decision to make.
Anyway, so I just got to let you guys know that this podcast is brought to you by Manscaped, the number one below-the-belt grooming company.
I love Manscaped.
Now, here's the thing with Manscaped.
I don't know if I've shared this with you on this podcast before, but if I'm ever depressed, the first thing I do is I shave my pubes.
And in a weird way, it's kind of like cutting.
Like, you know, when like girls cut, right?
Because they need a sense of control.
They need to like feel something or something.
Oh, that.
Oh, that cutting.
Oh.
Yeah.
What type of cutting did you do?
I don't know.
I was assuming.
No, I'm talking.
No, they cut their arms and shit like that, right?
You're talking about handbreaking.
You know all about cutting, right?
Yeah, exactly, right?
So it's like, for whatever reason, I get a sense of control.
I feel confident.
I feel empowered when I shave my balls.
And I've been feeling this my whole life.
It's like every once in a while it gets a little scrappy down there.
And it's a little bit like I'm, you know, I'm out there in the wild.
I'm trying to survive.
Like it's a little survivor.
It's a little bit too survival.
I'm a woodsman.
And if I start to feel a little down, I shave it up.
And telling you.
It's you taking back control.
I'm taking back control.
I'm bringing my sexy back.
I feel confident.
If I'm now, you know, I got a girl now, so I let that shit go.
She got to do it.
She let me.
But when I was single, it was like, I have to be prepared for this situation that could go down tonight.
And it really, I'm telling you guys, if you're struggling with confidence, shave your balls.
Step one.
Step one.
You fill those balls full of cum and then you shave them really nice.
You shave them nice.
You make them beautiful.
Anything Flagrant 2 does make your cock perfect.
It really makes your hack.
Okay.
If you were a girl listening to this right now and your boyfriend's balls and cock look disgusting, and sometimes hair grows on the shaft of the cock, even at the base of it, a little bit like a moss.
And if it grows at the base of it like a moss, you take that down, okay?
There are several different trimmers.
There's several different shaving options.
We don't even need to go into that because you know it's already taken care of.
My point is: you go to Manscaped, you go to Manscaped, you use our promo code.
It's manscaped.com.
Use our promo code Flagrant2.
Flagrant2, that's 20% off with free shipping.
Manscaped.com.
Go make your body.
No, make your mind right.
You make your mind right by shaving up your body right.
Okay?
Feel good.
Feel beautiful.
Let's get back to the combo.
That was very good.
I want us to be able to feel good.
Good feeling.
Good feeling.
This is the male engagement.
I'm happy for you.
They really are.
If there's a male effect, it's flagrant to us.
Yeah, male efficiency has been our motto.
I feel happy for you right now.
Thanks.
Throughout this entire podcast.
It's taken me a while.
I've been thinking about lasering.
I would love to laser myself.
My curiosity about lasering is: will it affect my sperm?
I don't want my cum to get fucked up, and then I have like some downsy kids with my girl because I shot lasers into my balls.
Of course, you got full sac.
Say again?
Well, now I'm just got some big downsy kid.
Oh, there you go.
Right?
So it's a little bit, that's my concern.
And I've spoken to like estheticians about it, and they've told me no.
They're like, nothing will happen to it.
Bro, how do they know?
How the fuck do they know?
It's a female esthetician.
What does she know about sperm?
Good point.
I mean, she should know a little bit.
A little bit.
She should know at least 50%.
Isn't that crazy?
You got to go to college to like rip hair out of someone's pussy.
Yeah.
I would like that.
Yeah.
I'm actually.
You should go to school.
I don't want some fucking run-of-the-mill guy.
I can get the job done.
If you like really needed me to do it, I could do it.
If you were a girl, if you were a girl, would you wax your own puss?
No.
You let somebody else wax your pussy.
The funny wax.
I might wax my own puss.
Why?
Take back power.
I'd do like the top, but I wouldn't get all of the lips.
You can't do it.
All the Zignes.
You could rip the lips.
Also, the butthole, the taint area.
That's easy, though.
You can whack a wax asshole drunk.
No, you can't.
Your own asshole?
No, no, no, not my asshole.
Oh, someone else's asshole.
Have you ever had it?
You could put one cheek on a wall and like open this one like that I could get in there.
I could do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would wax myself just for the rush.
For the rush.
For the rush.
Yeah, it's a good.
I've had it done.
You've had your butthole.
You wax that.
I had my butthole wax.
And what?
You didn't know this?
No.
I did it for a TV roll.
Not for my butt, but.
Oh, that's right.
Wait, what?
I had to do it for a TV roll.
That's right.
I was running around right for this pilot.
And some pilot called Bronx Warrens, where I played a crackhead.
I've played crackheads several times in my life.
For some reason, see the time you're on TV acting.
Your butt hole somehow gets a lot of nudity.
A lot of nudity with you.
A lot of male nudity.
Wait, you felt like, yo, I need a wax.
Well, the director did.
Gay dude, by the way, he me too'd me too.
Wow, was he in the room?
Put him on blast.
What's his name?
I forget his name, but I asked.
Speaker truth in it.
And he goes, I go, hey, man, I know we're going to shoot this scene tomorrow.
I just want to let you guys know.
I got a really hairy ass, and I just want you to be aware of what we're all getting.
You me too'd yourself, Doug.
Son, so I showed it to him, and he's looking at my ass, and then he kind of like takes his hand and puts in one of my cheeks and kind of like separates my cheek a little bit.
Wow.
This is vile, yo.
And I was just like, this is kind of like odd, you know.
And then he was like, yeah, you should probably get a wax.
To be fair, you gave him an outlet pass.
You were like, hey, man, I just want to let you know we should.
No, we have to go.
It was a wee-hill moment.
He was like, yeah, dude, I'm running.
How do you get when though?
Oscar, the show didn't even get picked up.
So you bitches are crying about nothing.
You know what I mean?
Y'all actually got to be on TV with your Me Toos.
You know what I mean?
Y'all actually got movie roles and shit.
I didn't even get a credit out of it.
Three centimeters from getting fingered by this.
Exactly.
God damn.
Think about the people that...
Got caught with the Me Too movement, right?
Right.
And the people that were on the cusp, like now were kind of post-Me Too.
Yeah.
They were probably just like, oh, thank God.
They got away with it.
Yeah, they got away with it.
No, I think the music industry is still kind of...
They kind of skated by this whole thing.
Yeah, but it's like kind of in their music.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, not even a music.
It's all about love and fucking.
Like, come on, man.
You need to tell me like these fucking label guy.
Kesha.
Kesha.
All right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did.
Did she say like MC Hammer did something?
No, the name was she was the one.
Wait, hold on.
I took a fucking verb on her.
Uncle Luke.
Uncle Luke.
Dr. Luke.
Not Uncle Luke.
That's right.
Uncle Luke is a hero of mine.
Dr. Luke is a white guy who's a producer.
Both of them probably have had some me too.
So when you think about it, Uncle Luke.
Definitely had some meek.
Uncle Luke, you knew what you were getting into, though.
Ain't it funny that the white guy's a doctor and the black guy just some uncle?
Some fucking dude hanging out.
Both will finger you unconscious.
Oh, nah, Russell Simmons.
He got me too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Russell's out of here.
I knew that my father was.
They got Lispy Ruspel.
Yeah.
I never trusted him.
Never trusted him.
No, never.
As soon as he tried to give us a fucking credit card, I was like, you're a vulture, dog.
You're a fucking vulture.
A rush card.
Yeah, uncle.
Ain't that just like an uncle to fuck you and then not do anything to help you later?
Tell us about it.
Oh, I see.
This is the point of the show when y'all start sharing and shit.
Traumatic childhood experiences.
This one time at summer camp.
You did yours, motherfucker.
We know about your cousin.
The winner cousin.
What?
Yeah, no, his traumatic childhood story as well.
Oh, I thought he got molested as well.
No, no.
He's like, I'm oppressive.
It was your cousin.
I mean, you kind of come out of life.
My cousin, my cousin.
He was your cousin.
Okay, I don't know.
She was the same age as you.
No, she was older.
Way older.
Yeah, like 15 years older.
So she could have molested you.
Yeah, she could have.
If she wanted to.
Did you think she did?
I mean.
Do you think you were cute enough to be molested?
Molesting?
Ever in my life molested?
Yeah.
I had a vice principal go to jail for like...
I've told you the story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't want to tell it quick because as soon as you said inside his fucking mind over like the Winter Soldiers principal of my high school who was like, you know, like, there's always like somebody that works at a high school.
It's like, I want to work with like the troubled kids.
You know what I mean?
Like, take them under my wing.
Yeah.
And, you know, like, he would take kids under his wing.
Wing being dick.
Yeah.
And I remember, like, thankfully, I had two older brothers.
So I was like a little more street smart to like when somebody was like trying to fuck this ass.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
So it was little boys.
Yeah, dude.
I was in high school.
Gotcha.
And like, he would be like, yeah, like, you know.
High school, you're fucking old enough.
Yeah, Dude, if you're getting pounded in high school, you have to be somewhat consensual in that situation.
100%.
I believe you.
But there's also some other kids that you take care of.
You think you could be manipulated out of your butt at 16?
Hell yeah.
He totally tricked me.
I had no clue those dudes.
There is a finger girl every fucking night.
There was a male comic whole thing at 14, some raby shit happened.
And Andrew, this is well before any, this is like 10 years ago.
And Andrew was just not.
He was like, you're 14.
You can't fucking fight.
Said, I will snuff my high school teacher, my vice principal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what happened was, is he the principal?
Yeah, you're not even the principal in charge.
You don't even got any authority.
You're gonna rape me with vice?
Yeah.
You won't rape me with vice?
You don't need to.
Honestly, real talk.
That's kind of the reason why I could see how R. Kelly got away with raping all those people.
Yeah.
Because he's like really fucking charismatic.
Like, we didn't think he was rape.
Like, we saw him on tape.
We're just like...
That's different, though.
He's also like a famous person.
And that's got power.
I don't think that has an age limit.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, he's a vice principal.
Like, that doesn't make any fucking sense.
He was just like, no.
He wasn't my type anyway.
But what I'm saying is, like, he would be very like, hey, like, listen, I'll help you with your grades and help you get back on the basketball team.
Help you get all this stuff.
If you.
No, The if never came.
That was later.
You know who else didn't come?
Me and him.
But he used to like call me at night.
Yeah.
Used to like send me like birthday cards.
And then he left our school.
Yeah.
And him leaving, there was like four of us that were like the troubled kids.
Yeah.
And we all were drinking like the night he left and went somewhere else.
We were like, yo, let me ask you a question.
You think he's gay?
And then all of us were like, dude.
Wow.
Like for years I've thought this.
I just thought I was being like over.
And then he went to another school, got caught with a kid in his car.
Doing what?
Well, sucking that thing.
Well, he had a kid.
He had the kid in his car.
Well, he's got a kid in the car.
I don't think he has much to prove that.
Sucking that thing.
He had a kid in the car who was a troubled kid.
Sir, get out of the car.
Stop.
Suck that thing.
Take the thing out of your mouth, sir.
You got your next buying song, buddy.
Suck it that thing.
Suck it in your bathroom.
Place it on the ground.
Suck that thing.
Take three steps back from the thing.
You gotta say, like, an old black woman up.
Suck that thing.
You sucking that thing in there.
Get out of there.
Get out of there.
Put the thing down, sit.
Put the keys on, Dashbo.
Let me ask you a question.
You played high school football and basketball.
And teachers are trying to fuck you.
Yeah, I was the man.
What happened?
You fell off, son.
You fellows.
Danny.
Yo, we need your high school danny picture, bro.
Walking around Italy with Versace Rose.
This real peaked up.
This motherfucker peaked in high school.
Dude, I did.
Not financially, though.
But everything else, I'll agree.
Nobody wants to fuck randomly.
Top 18 a game, getting fingered by your dean.
Yeah.
Trying to get respect from the black kids when you lost.
Yeah, man.
Yo, y'all lost good.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what happens.
Okay.
I love how we've been interrupting this molestation story.
What psychopaths are coming up?
Nobody molested me that I know of.
Is it you're trying to tell a story about how you were molested and we keep going, oh, joke opportunity, bro?
Joke opportunity.
Hold on, suck his thing.
So he climbed on top of me.
He said, ah, motherfucker said, climb.
No, but yeah, he ended up getting caught.
Is Alex dead?
Oh, no.
No, you good?
Oh, my God.
He got caught with 400 text messages that he sent to this kid.
How much?
All sexually charged.
I never got my hands on him.
I tried hard to get him.
Wow.
Oh, the text?
Yeah.
No, that's probably what he said about the music.
Couldn't get him.
They were sexually charged.
Like, he wanted to suck this little boy's thing.
So when I found out, I found out on the news.
So he said in text that he wanted to suck a thing.
Yeah, he wanted to suck a thing and be with this thing and do stuff.
How old was that thing?
That he was like 13.
13.
Yeah, he's like.
Oh, hey, is that even a developed thing necessarily?
That's a thing.
I might need a little boy thing.
Thangs are dropping off at that age.
Thangs has dropped around that age, though.
Thangs might have dropped, man.
Not with everybody.
You don't even need a manscape dad little thing.
You gotta hit the stable to that nigga.
That little talk.
So I remember I found out on the news and it came up.
They're like, former vice principal so-and-so.
I just go, knew it.
My mom was like crying.
She was like, can you believe this?
I was like, yeah, yeah.
I can definitely believe it.
Yeah, I can.
And then I looked him up on LinkedIn like three months ago.
I was like, good for you.
Doing all right.
He's got out there?
He never.
He took a plea.
Really?
Please for that?
And also, how does he have like his license?
Like, he can never like work.
Yeah, that should be able to.
You should have to put that on your LinkedIn.
You should have.
Graduated from Queens College.
Manscape and Hair Growth00:02:46
Fuck.
Tried to suck a thing.
Suck that thing.
Suck a little thing.
You hear in your resume that you sucked that thing.
Can you elaborate what that is?
So back in the day, right?
I got under special skills.
Suck that thing.
If you said you sucked that thing from 1986 to present, I would love to know.
What is sucking that thing out?
That's the closest I ever got to getting to get to get molested.
You ever been molested, Joe?
I've never been molested.
That's molested.
I wish I could conversation.
You were mad.
I was young.
Yeah, you know what it was?
I was fast.
I was quick.
See you out of weight.
So they tried you?
Did they ever try?
Slippery.
No, no one never tried to.
I never tried.
I know.
That's how I know.
I was ugly, yo.
Now, yeah, you were a little dumpy.
I was a little bit more dull.
You grew into yourself.
I did.
Yeah, yeah.
You grew into yourself.
God, Delias fucking God, Smash.
You would have fucked that little kid.
Look at the fucking.
If I was in the growth, I'd pull up.
Someone tried you, bro.
Someone tried to.
It looks like you were in 98 degrees.
Third row, second row.
98 degrees.
It's not really a good thing.
The jeans shorts and the rainbow sandals.
Let's go.
Ducked in that right here.
Shutting it down.
Son, you look straight out of Astoria.
That's not easy.
Wait, I need to see little Akash now.
All right, go to the one to Arkash.
Wait.
I can't.
I can't believe they didn't try you, Joe.
Right?
Handsome young fellow, bro.
It's fucked up.
Honestly, it's fucked up.
Now that I'm thinking about it, you guys all ruined my day.
So thank you for that.
I want to be desired.
We all want to be desired.
We all want to be desired in the eyes of getting tried.
You know what I mean?
I just want someone to say something, bro.
That's what's up.
Look at that handsome little motherfucker.
This kid had posted out the ass.
Son, real talk.
You could have molested me and nobody would have believed me.
He's lying.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah.
I love how he says, tell me I don't, though.
Oh, fuck.
These are the best pictures to have back to back.
Cause I'm like, oh, look what you're up to.
You glowed up, Akash.
Yeah, you did.
Good for you, man.
You got point.
You got point, man.
Good for you.
I'd molest you now.
Hey, man.
Honestly, out of all of us, you'd probably be the first one to get molested.
First one to get the thing.
You need to get the thing first.
A little dainty, got pretty eyes and shit.
You would suck his thing first.
I mean, if that was my thing.
If I was into that thing.
Hold on.
You have to suck a thing.
You would suck Akash.
You know, just anatomically, like, it's probably, you know.
Oh, it's still smaller.
Yo, that's my ways to take it.
You think that you got a bigger thing than Akasha or Akash got a bigger thing?
Probably.
You're right.
KD Energy and Backup Plans00:15:11
You're right about it.
You're right about it.
You got a little thing on us?
What was that?
Once you game trash, you don't know about.
How big is your thing?
Yo, you just.
How big is a baby's?
How big is your hard thing?
Can you draw it on that piece of business?
Is it baby carrots?
Draw your hard thing up.
For outline, like a turkey hand.
A turkey hand.
Draw a C, a lowercase C, flip that shit, and that's it.
That's past my hard dick.
Damn.
Yo, I forgot about that.
What was the process of elimination of the dicks throughout the room?
I mean, you know, these little dainty.
You know what I mean?
You've all got some meat on your bones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew's white.
I'm not into white guys.
Right.
Safe.
Safe.
Hey, safe.
You want to feel safe?
Yeah, I always stay brown.
So, you know, I should be first.
I'm sorry, bro.
Hey, respect.
Sorry, no.
You know, black men don't cheat.
I thought we were.
I thought we were cool.
We've covered some topics on this.
We have.
We definitely have.
Jesus Christ, we have.
Oh, man.
What were we saying before we went to the bathroom that I wanted to talk about?
We're talking about sports, I think.
I think we were.
What are we finally?
Oh, yeah, Kyrie being a little bitch.
Just crying.
You really don't like Kyrie.
We talk old and sick.
I just don't like his fucking mood, this mood swing thing.
Did we even find out what that meant?
Here's the thing that I don't understand.
Does the key not realize that, like, no job are you allowed to have mood swings?
Not even no job.
You're a point guard.
You're the quarterback of the team.
Backup backup.
You got a fucking.
Backup, backup, backup.
Backup.
He goes, his whole thing is: I'm not a perfect human.
I have these different mood swings.
I have these different things.
You're not allowed to do that when you're an accountant.
You're not allowed to do that when you're working in an advertising firm.
You're not allowed to just be at work and just not look at people and scoff at them and treat them like shit.
You're a spoiled little brat and you think that it's okay because no one will tell you no.
But the guy drives me fucking crazy.
I don't like him.
What's the nets record?
Can you look that up, Ed?
Alex straight.
They won yesterday.
I was slump, bro.
I feel like it's like with.
You might as well just go to sleep, Dan.
You anyway.
It's also like a button.
I was talking to a buddy about it, and he was like, dude, you get paid like $40 million.
Like, just fucking say hello and fucking play basketball.
Dude, it's 48 minutes.
You can't fucking smile.
It's like 48 fucking minutes, dude.
It's just some of the shit is so like in that article, and I think you brought this up on the Patreon.
They talked about they're three and four.
They have a losing record with Kyrie.
They're the eighth seed.
Somebody was talking about with Kyrie.
I think you talked about in that article, like they wanted him to take a picture for a photo shoot and he had a hat on, and they asked him to take it off, and he's like, just Photoshop it out.
And it's like, take your fucking hat off, bro.
It's so easy.
I can understand, honestly, getting frustrated on a basketball court.
In my mind, I could be like, I can find a way to be like, maybe you're so good, you don't get how people aren't.
Whatever.
Yeah, like a photo shoot.
You're wearing a baseball cap.
It's just a sport.
Are you worried about your hair?
They got hair and makeup.
What the fuck is he?
Are you going bald?
No, you got a great head of hair.
Take your fist.
That's it.
That's all you got to do.
But you're so fucking childish and bratty that edited out.
He's a brat.
That's what he is.
He's a spoiled little brat.
I didn't even see what happened on the court.
Because if you're balling, though, like, you beef sometimes.
Yeah, he's fucking leaving scoring.
I could totally listen.
If we're beefing on the court, that's just happening there, but it's like you want to say hello to the fucking beef with the other team.
Yeah.
Or go up to your teammate and tell them what he did wrong.
This doesn't work.
Yeah.
If you're that.
If you want to be the alpha dog, which he does, you got to be better.
Look at this.
Look at the play.
Hold up.
Watch.
Okay.
So he goes.
Okay.
So I think it was like a handoff.
It was a bad handoff.
Bad handoff, right?
It wasn't even a handoff.
He just threw it at Gordon's.
I'm okay.
I'm okay with him yelling at him yelling at what he's mad about.
That's fine.
Bang dunk.
And then the next play is Joe Harris fucking it up.
Or Curie, whatever.
Some white guy.
He loses the dribble.
So that's white team.
Those two white guys trying to play together.
You're going to lose it.
Watch it.
Watch it, Kyrie.
Hold on.
Kyrie comes back.
Where is he?
Where is he?
Come on, Kyrie.
You're going to go back to it.
It's a lot of extra shots.
No, no, no.
Here it is.
Fuck off.
She pushes the guy.
Harris is trying to explain to him.
He pushes his hand off of him, waves him away.
Just like you're being a little fucked up.
Like, yo, Ethan, I understand.
Like, sometimes you get into arguments on the court and, like, that's whatever.
But at the same time, like, I used to hate when LeBron and them used to just son Mario Chalmers.
I'm like, bro, that was the fucking worst.
I hated that shit.
Get that you're LeBron and you got D-Wade and Chris Bosch, but all three of them would just be like, yo, what the fuck are you doing every fucking time?
Oh shit.
You know why they do that, though?
Because they can't yell at each other.
So everybody, he's their scapegoat.
But it literally was like ganging up on this game.
And I will also accept if you're a LeBron, if you're Michael Jordan, you can single-handedly win a lot of games on your own.
Kyrie can't.
Matter of fact, the first game, he's going nut.
50 points.
Craziest thing ever.
You still lost.
Yeah, beat us, that asshole.
You guys think about Draymond, though.
Lucky shot.
Draymond?
Yeah, like all the yelling and stuff that he does.
Oh, you heard KD said this?
Are you cool with him?
KD.
KD was like, yeah, it kind of made me feel a certain way.
It played a role in me leaving.
That's fucking interesting.
And they said it.
I didn't see that.
I'm like, yo, fuck.
Draymond coming to my office.
That's what I did.
That's what happened.
That's what happened.
Bob Myers talked to him and he was like, yo, like, I think they had a podcast.
Draymond has his podcast that he had with Bob Myers.
And they're talking about how he got called into his office about, like, yo, like, it might be you your way of the highway.
It might be you with KD.
And KD already had in his mind.
He was fucking out of there.
I think fuck you, though, is doing it after.
Like, I already left, and now I'm telling you, like, you're doing that to fuck with Draymond on some level.
Because now the whole fan base is looking at him like, you son of a bitch.
Yeah, and the team's going to suck.
The GMs are looking at him like, you motherfucker.
You're due for an extension at the end of this year?
I don't know if I want to keep that, Max.
I thought they already signed it.
He signed it already.
Yeah, he signed.
They locked him in the red league.
I'd trade his ass.
Who's going to want to?
He's going to trade his ass this year.
Why not?
He's not already on full take.
He's not useful.
Say again?
He's not useful unless he's on a good team.
So I love that everybody shits on Draymond now.
I've been saying for the last fucking four years that he.
I mean, I think he's a good player, but I think he's just a guy who benefits from having the territory ever.
The fucking best score on the planet.
He's not the guy, but he's a good.
He's a good.
I think it was crazy that he's not.
He's respecting that.
Harrison Barnes.
Nah.
Nah, Harrison Barnes could have scored.
Harrison Barnes gets a lot of shit.
Give me Draymond over Harrison.
He wasn't whack, but he just sits in the corner and shoes threes.
Draymond does more.
A lot more to different players.
He could only do more.
That's what I'm saying.
You put him on the Knicks right now, do the same shit.
Dragles doing less.
You know who you try to make a move for him, maybe, is Houston.
I could see him doing well on a team like that.
The team that needs a guy on the bottom.
No wonder.
I pay good money to watch it.
Would work.
Yeah.
But the personalities.
I pay good money to watch it.
New clue.
With Dan Tony trying to coach all that.
Hardy Westbrook is never going to work anyway, just for that.
Like, there's no way.
But KD has this weird aura about him that, like, LeBron, like, you don't see people doing that to LeBron.
No.
You know what I'm saying?
KD allowed it.
KD allowed it to happen.
That's the thing.
KD's what I'm saying.
He's a male personality.
Even when he was the man, he's like, I'm the best player in the world.
I'm going to be like, yo, shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
Because first off, you can't be.
You have to be in a position to get told, shut the fuck up.
And KD put himself in too many positions to be told, shut the fuck up.
Nobody's putting, LeBron's never putting himself in that Position.
You can say whatever the fuck you want about this motherfucker.
He is the 99% of games he's ever played in his life.
He's been the best player on the fucking floor.
There's an energy that also KD.
If he's not playing LeBron, 99% of the time, he's the best player.
Right, but he doesn't have the personality to match it.
But that's what I'm saying, though.
If you're getting barked on on national TV, like, I'm going to tell you to shut the fuck up.
Like, I know what I did to LeBron.
It's not even shut the fuck up.
Are you out of your fucking line?
Like, who the fuck are you yelling at?
And on top of that, I don't, even if I think you could yell at LeBron like that, but I think LeBron has so much fucking self-belief and fucking like you, it won't affect them.
Like, I'm like, all right, yeah, but you go on national TV.
You go on first take, and you tell people, like, yeah, this is a big reason why I left this team.
Like, come on.
So, even if that did affect them like that, yeah, he's not going to let the fucking world know that.
Yeah, but you don't want the fourth best player barking on you, though.
That's probably why you, you know what I'm saying?
I just don't know why you like tell people that.
Like, if it really bothered me, I wouldn't just be like, yeah.
It is what it is, bro.
It is what it is.
That's all I would have said.
I mean, he is well-documented, a sensitive man.
Very sensy guy.
Very sensitive.
Big time sense.
I mean, you know, I get it.
I can't wait to see them play together, though.
Who?
KD and Kyrie.
Well, they're both sensitive, so exactly.
In New York, one weekend.
They're not in New York.
One weekend.
Well, they're in Brooklyn.
In the metropolitan area.
I'm not even calling him.
If KD is back to old KD, they might be so fucking good that it doesn't matter.
But if he's not, I don't think he's going to be that.
I think he's going to be very good, but like, dog, that's the worst fucking.
Because KD at his peak was just so overwhelmingly skilled.
Yeah, no, I don't deny that.
But like, I don't understand that pairing.
Those are two guys that...
I mean, KD is so dynamic, right?
Because he can play off the ball as well.
Kyrie can't play off the ball to save his life.
But KD can.
So you just let Kyrie take all the shots and then the ones he doesn't want to take, you defer to KD.
KD is not going to.
Because Kyrie's not going to be a number two.
And KD don't want to be number two.
So that's what I also wonder.
In my mind, I think Kyrie going to Brooklyn, and maybe this year will fuck everything up.
But Kyrie and KD going together, Kyrie was saying, all right, I get it.
You'll be.
But at the time, also, he was saying the shit about like, I messed up with LeBron.
I realize that now.
Yeah, he might have only said that because of that.
Then he starts going, it's my job to protect KD and make sure that something like that doesn't happen again.
And that's like when he's talking about playing injured and these types of things at the beginning of the season, remember he was talking.
So like, that's me.
I'm looking at that like he's trying to take this leadership role.
He's trying to take this protector role.
But that's why I think it works like that, though.
But I think it works, though.
Get away from that.
Yeah, but you know what that tells me?
That dude is on the court being like, I know I'm the best person on this team, so I can just do whatever I want.
He can make a mockery and tell people what to do and be upset because you guys clearly aren't as bad as me.
I don't want to play.
There's a guy sitting better that's better than you.
And I think that pairing works because they're both dominant, ball-dominant guys.
Right.
They're both ball-dominant guys.
What's the most Kyrie assist ever averaged in the year?
Four or five?
So you know what I mean?
It's not out there.
This is a no-brainer, what I'm going to say.
But the type of player that KD is, right?
He's a beta scorer, lethal scorer.
That's why it works.
But beta, I think there's a world where maybe it could work, but I think LeBron needs beta scores, right?
LeBron, it actually worked with Kyrie because Kyrie was willing to be the beta until his ego couldn't handle it anymore.
He never had to play the point.
He never had to do anything but score, which is what he wants to do.
But his ego was too fucking monumental that he had to leave LeBron.
Like, think about the type of ego that you have to be on a championship team with the greatest player, arguably, whoever played a game and go, I deserve more.
I had to play it.
To be here, the three-point shot, to win it, all.
I deserve more.
I need my own team.
He knew Braun was out.
Everybody knew after that year he was going to LA.
So I can see why.
Why?
Why not?
You're a free agent.
Last year.
They had max space.
You could have gone to L.A., done the same thing over again.
The thing that is the most blatant, most blatant observation that I've possibly seen or made rather is the fact that he couldn't win a single game without LeBron.
Like, I understand, let's say LeBron sits six games a year and you win three out of six, right?
That's good.
You got some confidence.
You'd be like, you know what?
I don't need this motherfucker.
I could do it if I built my team.
Zero games he won without LeBron.
So you know you can't do it alone.
Let me tell you another thing.
The Boston Celtics, you're injured for the entire postseason.
And they ball the Cavs with LeBron to seven.
And LeBron got to go superhuman the last five minutes to win that game.
Oh, and let me tell you something.
I seen I was in the garden.
Real quick, the next year, let's just, just so everybody just hammer at home, the next year, how far did they get?
Second round, they got fucking stomped by the Bucs.
And I'll tell you this: I've seen them at the garden this year, and I saw their Boston game when they lost by one point to the Knicks.
They look better without him, dog.
Oh, really?
They look better without him.
I don't know if the personalities with Kemba and Kyrie.
Doesn't make anybody better.
Kemba does this thing.
Always been my thing with Kyrie.
It doesn't make anybody better.
The difference between Kemba and Kyrie is that fucking Kemba will facilitate for two and a half parts of the games.
From the end of the third to the fourth, it's fucking Kemba time, and everybody fucking knows it.
And they get it to him, but they just play more.
They just seem to play better together with Kemba instead of Kyrie.
And maybe it's a small sample size, but it's obvious to see.
We have the same thing with Carmelo, though, too.
It's like, give me the ball and everybody watch me.
It's just like, I'm going to hold the ball.
I'm going to dribble it a bunch of times.
Try to get to the rack.
I won a couple games, but not any games of consequence.
I just never liked the ball stopper.
Like, especially because usually those guys aren't great at defense unless they're so fucking good.
Kyrie ain't Ding nobody.
Exactly.
Usually those guys don't play defense.
Mellow, Kyrie.
To be honest, nobody really plays defense anymore.
Not until the playoffs.
Not until the playoffs.
There's like four guys.
That's not true.
That's not true.
KD can lock the game.
The elite players are playing defense.
Kawhi is playing defense.
Paul George is playing defense.
Klay was playing defense.
Younger LeBron played defense.
Now the old.
The kids played D.
The young kids played D.
The guys who still want it.
And Kawhi's not even young.
What's Kawhi?
30?
Yeah.
You know, like, even Steph, who can't play defense, tries.
Like, he is trying to get it.
He tries hard on screens and stuff.
Yeah, he tries.
He's going for it.
But I think what you said is perfect.
It's like, he doesn't make anyone better, and he's not good enough to do it alone.
And that's the biggest problem: you have to make other people better if you could do it alone.
Like, Kawhi doesn't have to make other people better.
Kawhi's presence by himself makes his teammates better.
Kawhi's not really dishing dimes, right?
No.
Kawhi's not really doing help defense.
He's locking down his guy, right?
But he's so dominant that everybody residually gets better.
You have to.
Kyrie is not like that.
No.
Because he's incredible at one thing and one thing only.
Scoring the basketball.
And if it's scoring, that's not the biggest help.
I would almost rather a Draymond on my team than a Kyrie.
If I got a good team, give me Draymond over Kyrie.
If you have, agreed.
And if you have LeBron or you have a dominant score and then you add a Kyrie, that's when the fourth quarter gets fun, right?
Because LeBron, let's be honest.
Fireworks.
Kawhi Dominance vs Kyrie00:05:46
It's fireworks.
LeBron, you look at him in the fourth.
He doesn't really want to take the shot.
He'll do it if he has to, but he wants to draw the defense, kick it.
Make the right play.
Make the right play.
But you need guys who can make that play.
And a Kyrie is your assassin.
And he had the hired assassin, and everything was beautiful, but that ego got too much.
Just got too much.
That's the craziest thing, though, to think about it.
It's like you're making all this money.
Like, you could go anywhere you want, play anywhere you want, however you want, and it's like still a problem for you.
Yeah.
I think it is an ego thing because, I mean, take money out the window.
Like, it doesn't matter to NBA players.
I mean, it doesn't, it doesn't.
I'm saying, like, when you have so much money, like, all right, I need a new problem now.
And it's the ego thing because when they win, everyone's over at LeBron's locker telling us, like, oh, how'd you guys win this game?
And he's getting all the credit for this shit.
Even if Kyrie's hitting the fucking last shot, it's like, LeBron probably like crazy that fucking series.
So he's like, yo, I want to get mine.
Like, I want to be looked at as the hero.
And that's why he's on this fucking team with these people he can yell at so he can be that dude.
But it's going to be interesting to see because you're right in that LeBron's a facilitator.
So to get him, he had like one of the best scorers in the league to just give the ball to.
But like KD, I don't know if it's that dude, but I think that the egos work.
Kyrie and Kevin Durant.
Because Kevin Durant's just going to submit to him.
Yeah, they're going to have baby sessions.
They're both fucking weird.
To add to your point, though, about LeBron, though, is that real quick.
What was the last time that KD played with an egomaniac point card?
How did that work out?
Russ is the same thing to me.
Also, it didn't work out that well.
Russ, energy-wise, I think, is better, but there's a lot.
Yeah, I'm a Russ fan, but yeah, same issue.
He's like your boy you can't get a game.
He don't get any games.
But you are as a triple double.
We can't take him all the time.
Everyone's everywhere.
But he's the one that's the first motherfucker that got your back, and Kyrie's the one that's like, why were you talking shit?
Yeah, but that's him.
Exactly.
But that's him.
And Russ is like, I don't give a fuck who we got beefed with.
Who we got beefed with.
That's Russ.
But that's why Durant lucked out even being in Golden State.
He was surrounded by stars.
It's like, but also it's LeBron.
Yeah, when you win, everyone's there.
But when you lose, everyone's at your locker, too.
You can't sulk and be on that.
So when you lose, motherfuckers say LeBron lost.
They don't say Kyrie lost.
Right.
So that's why it's like Kyrie smoke now.
His first time.
He's going to smoke his first time.
It's like, yo, we're losing.
Why are we losing?
And it happened in Boston.
And he didn't like how the media talked to him over there.
That's why, like, I hate to keep going back to the market.
Let's go to New York.
They're much kinder media.
Yeah, no, no, no.
But that's what I'm saying.
It's like, even with Carmelo, when they brought Porzingis in, it was good to have Carmelo here because they'd be at Carmelo's locker.
They let Porzingis grow a little bit.
You need a guy like that.
Any locker room LeBron's in, everyone's worrying about him.
It's not the Lakers loss.
It's LeBron loss.
That's how it's been since he was fucking 18 years old.
Yeah.
It's a nice little shelter.
It helps.
A year at least.
He's not a max player.
He's max talent, Kyrie.
But if I got a max slot, I'm not giving it to Kyrie if I'm a GM because I don't think he wins me games.
I mean, they're out there.
Unless I got LeBron.
He's talented enough to be a max player for sure.
He's a good enough player.
If I'm building a team and I got one max slot and I don't have a LeBron, I'm not giving it to Kyrie to be my number one guy.
Listen, if the Knicks signed him, I wouldn't be butthurt about it right now.
I would have been like, oh, get him out of here.
At all.
Yeah, we'd be excited.
We'd be fake excited.
Bro, we'd be over here being like, who swings are like, no one's really asked him how he's feeling, bro.
Yeah, bro.
He's going to get that mood swing shake.
This is a problem in the black community.
They always talk about this.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not a lot of positive male figures.
Maybe he just has some counseling.
But that's the thing, though.
That's what I say to all Knicks fans.
It's like, as long as LeBron's in the league or we weren't going to win shit anyway.
No.
So we should have been tanking years ago.
The worst thing that ever happened to us was that 50-win season.
Because it gave us hope.
It gave us hope.
It gave us hope.
And then you get blocked by Roy Hibbard and the whole thing goes down.
The whole thing went to shit.
You're not winning if LeBron's here.
Just let him go.
Let him retire.
Yeah.
Build some young guys.
Let him go out west.
Well, that's the problem with the Knicks, right?
Is that there is no building, right?
This is the now city.
I want it now.
I want my championships now.
I want my food now.
I want my clubs.
Yeah, the Knicks are changing that.
I think people are kind of like, okay, we will suck.
But like, we have success here.
Suck with a plan.
Yeah, like, yo, the worst thing they could have done is gave him like a max contract to like fucking middle ten or something.
I was like, yo, that's why I was.
You thought we were going to do that the whole summer.
Let's not do this.
The most money that's getting paid is to Randall's for two years.
He's sucked this year.
Fucking, your best player is a 19-year-old rookie.
Like, there's worse times.
There's worse ways to suck.
There's like levels to sucking.
Yeah.
Like, the Knicks have been the worst.
Entertaining sucking.
Yeah.
And then, like, I can't believe Tracy McGrady and Eddie House are on the same sucker.
Exactly.
Jesus Christ.
Damn, Eddie House.
Eddie Curry.
No, it was Eddie.
Eddie House too.
Damn, it was Eddie House.
Fuck.
Fucking Anthony Hardaway.
Best lineup in league history, though.
He had been slapped around his head.
Yeah, by Skip to Milou.
Smacked him in the head.
Pray for Austin.
Pray for Austin.
Yo, we got to get Skip on the podcast.
You should get him on here.
Young guy.
Cardoza.
I would love to have him, man.
He went to Cardoza.
I remember watching him play at Fresno State.
Well, he played for Tarkania.
That's right.
Tarkanian tried to get all the Am one guys.
He gave him all scholarships.
He's not in Alamo, too, right?
Blackwood over.
He gave a few of them scholarships, and I think that Skip was the only one that went.
Yeah, he hooped out.
Rafer.
Good ball player.
He got a ring.
Yeah.
Yeah, he did.
He got a ring with Miami.
I told you I played Hospital.
I was saying you brought Ray Rice before.
I played basketball against him once.
Who Ray Rice?
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Some fucking Orchard Beach.
Blue Chew Supplement Promo00:05:13
Yeah, yeah.
He went to New Rochelle.
And then went to Washington.
Oh, he's a fucking beat the shit out of me.
He's good at that.
Any football player who plays basketball.
They had another kid, McDermott, on that team, too, that went to Providence and shit, who was a monster, too.
You know, Jeff McDermott.
Big lights come off.
Monster.
But Ray was the point guard.
When I tell you an immovable object, it wasn't a movable object.
Like, he would, you know, when someone boxes you out, you're like, holy shit.
Yeah.
Like, that's a man.
You know what I mean?
I was like, goddamn.
I was like, yo, I tried to crash a couple times on boards.
And I was like, I'm never doing it again.
I'm not following my shot anymore.
And he was mean as shit.
Really?
Yeah.
He's on lost shit.
I remember this.
I remember he looked like this and he was just like, let's go.
Let's go.
And I was just like, dude, I'm good.
Take this ball.
Like, do whatever you want.
That's probably what he said when he was picking his wife up.
Yeah, yeah.
I love how he drags her out the elevator.
Like, I don't know what happens.
She's so drunk.
I hate when she drinks in public.
Better than me.
Guys, we got to pay some bills here, man.
Pay those bills.
This goes out to this is this is the bill.
You know, we were talking about this earlier about Blue Chew.
Now, do you guys have you ever tried Blue Chew?
That was a question that Danny asked.
I have Blue Chew coming because they're a sponsor on one of our shows.
What show?
The Stank Podcast.
The Stank Podcast.
Now, what's the Stank Podcast?
It's about movies, television, music.
Okay.
So you've tried it or you haven't tried it?
It's coming.
Okay.
Have you tried it?
Maybe not yet.
Okay.
It's really good.
I think that's an undersell.
They are under.
Really good.
Alex truly believes that it makes his dick bigger.
I think he just woke up to say it does.
He just goes, it does.
And then he goes back to sleep.
He's actually laying his head on his hard dick right now.
That's how he's sleeping.
So, so the Blue Chew, it is the same shit that's in Viagra or Cialis, any of that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Only chewable, so it operates faster.
Okay.
Hard dick, chewable.
You take a pill right in front of a girl before you bang her.
It looks a little bit suspicious, right?
Exactly.
But if you're just chewing on something, could be gum.
Could be gum.
It could be, hey, I want to freshen up before we get busy.
I'm telling you, my go-to is come real fast.
I like to come real fast.
Yeah.
But I take the pill before I have that first real fast come.
Okay.
So that round two, which I cannot do without assistance, I'm ready to go.
So I really chew with round two.
Because it's not in the system yet, right?
I come real fast on the first nut.
That's just me.
That's Andrew.
Yeah.
And then when I come and do the full chew, round two, game over.
Just game.
Bro, it's hard, Dick.
I think you kind of come better.
Like, it feels like the first time I orgasmed on it, I like was audible and I haven't had like an audible orgasm.
Oh, yeah.
I was like, oh.
It was like that, like, trickled off a little.
But yeah, dude, it was fucking, it was, it was stellar.
It was stellar.
I can't wait for mine to get here, though.
Dude.
We've had international requests.
Blue Chew got to start shipping to other countries.
They really do.
They got to get their shit together in that regard because there are some even states that don't have it.
Like we have people putting fake addresses to get it sent to like P.O. boxes outside of the state that they're in.
Because I don't think they sell it in like fucking Arizona or something like that.
I think it's Arizona.
Something like that.
Anyway, it's a bad demand.
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Put him in his yogurt.
What is that blue hypnotic?
Put him in his hypnotic.
I know you're probably drinking that.
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So guys, we should wrap this up because we've been talking for a few hours.
It's been a long time.
It's been a time.
It's a beast of an episode.
This has been a wild episode.
I want them to know where they can find you guys, anything else you guys have cooking up, what's going on, all the different projects, shows you guys are doing.
Well, you could find me and him.
We have a podcast together called The Basement Yard.
Hypnotic Hennessy Hulk Mix00:02:10
So you go check that out on Instagram.
It's at the Basement Yard.
And then, yeah, you could find us.
There's a YouTube channel for that as well, youtube.com slash the Basement Yard.
And there's like other stuff around there that he's involved in certain things.
But you can check out Santa Gato Studios.
And we're building out like a bunch of other shows that we do also.
I have this one show actually that like, so he's on the sink.
That's another one with my buddy Frank.
And then, you know, I have another show called Other People's Lives, my buddy Greg.
Talk to him.
And we and we call people that have like this tool.
They're anonymous and they have these crazy stories.
And like, you know, we've talked to people that are like into weird fetishes and you try to understand like the whole science behind all that.
We've also talked to some serious people that are like survived mass shootings that have, you know, whatever.
Maybe I'll talk to this kid about his cousin because that was kind of crazy back there.
But yeah, so we've got a lot of cool stuff coming out.
And you can find me personally on Instagram at Joe Santa Gato.
This is the first time Danny's acknowledged it was crazy what happened to him.
Yesterday was wild.
Yeah, you can find me at Daniel Priori on Instagram singing about titties.
Hit a bar right quick.
Also mix in some borderline homosexual rap in there.
But as long as it's borderline.
It's borderline.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll tell you right now, not borderline.
Nordline.
I love like, yeah, you're going for it.
Addani Lilapre on Instagram and then just hanging out with him.
But yeah, we got a lot of stuff going on there.
He's very humble, but Santa Gatlo Studios, we're about to blow shit up.
About to blow shit up.
Well, I'm excited, man.
I love it.
I love new media.
I love connecting with people who are, I think, you know, pushing shit forward in new media.
And it's cool that we all get to kind of cross-pollinate each other's platforms, man.
That's it, man.
That's really how we got to do it.
And that's the way that we just keep our foot on the industry's neck, if you will.