Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh deconstruct the definition of homosexuality, debating if oral sex frequency dictates identity or if self-pleasure counts. They joke about a "statute of limitations" on acts while calculating hypothetical payouts ranging from $1 million to $10 billion for anonymous encounters. The duo contrasts white performative allyship with genuine intent, noting the visual ambiguity between genders during specific acts, before speculating on pedophile preferences regarding young bodies and promoting their Patreon. Ultimately, the segment satirizes rigid sexual categorizations through absurd financial and biological hypotheticals. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Flagrant Question of the Week00:08:52
Let's go flagrant thought of the week Kaz.
Okay, yeah, Flagrant Thought of the Week.
We were just talking about it before we went on the air.
Tank was on lip service with Angela Yee.
And I don't know how this discussion got to where it was, but it ended up with him saying if you suck two dicks, you're not gay.
So my flagrant thought of the wee is more like a flagrant question of the week.
Like, what's the statue of limitations, I guess?
Or how many dicks make you gay?
It's a Tootsie Pop.
If two dicks don't make you gay.
My question is, how many dicks has Tank sucked?
That he's like, you can suck dicks plural and not be gay.
Listen.
I think.
Yo, how many dicks can you suck before you're gay?
Before I'm gay?
At least eight.
It's a good number.
It's a nice round number.
No, no, that's funny.
That's like, that's a funny way of looking at it.
It's like the cum erodes your straightness.
Like you're so confident in your heterosexuality, you could be sucking these dicks down like slim gyms.
Be like, nothing gonna make me gay.
But eventually.
I'm so heterosexual.
They're gonna put seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah.
Synchoient.
Like seafood.
I think I like it.
It's like shrimp.
The first time you eat a shrimp, you're like, what the fuck is this?
And then all of a sudden.
Odd texture, a little slimy.
I don't like putting this shit in my mouth.
That's nick.
So that's the thing about suck.
Okay.
We would assume, let's say this.
Let's give one dick.
You can suck one dick before knowing certainly that you're gay.
Whose dick do you suck?
You have a bit about this, don't you?
No, I used to have a thing about like, how do you know that you don't like it because you haven't tried it?
Right?
Like tomatoes or radishes or any of these types of things.
Like, how do you know that you don't like dick if you truly haven't tried it, right?
I mean, I've never.
The bit that I had was like...
I know I'm not going to want to eat it.
Well, you don't know.
Maybe you do.
I think I'm good.
You don't know what type of shit.
Context clues, the smell.
Do you know how many horrible smelling foods we eat?
Like what?
Sushi?
Brussels sprouts last night.
Shit was rocking.
Yeah, Russell Sprouts.
Sushi be smelling like a lot of stuff.
Cauliflower smell like butt.
Cauliflowers smell like butt.
Chillins look disgusting.
I've never ate chitlins before, but I assume they're delicious.
All I'm saying is there are certain things that like look absolutely awful, but we still do it.
Now, if you're interested in doing it, you already know the answer to that question.
Yeah.
But we're not talking about interest.
We're just talking about it as a physical activity.
Got to test the gay.
Okay.
You go, you suck the dick.
Okay.
You're like, nah, do not like that.
Just like I thought.
Not gay.
Nah.
But like, I have a dick.
I have a dick.
And I've had women suck my dick.
I'm not sure if you're the rest of your life.
Say what?
You're bi for the rest of your life.
And we don't even really accept bi with dudes.
We're like, nah, dad, I don't think there's anything.
Okay, so if you just do it one time, never again, I'll let you say you're bi for the rest of your life.
What about this?
Suck your own dick.
Nah.
Suck your own dick.
Are you gay?
You already jerk off.
Suck your own dick, are you gay?
Nah, that was a rumor.
Suck your own dick or you're gay.
Go.
Wait, what?
Suck your own dick.
If you suck your own dick, are you gay or are you just jerking off with your mouth?
It's a hell of a question.
I'm serious.
Hell of a question.
I mean, we just.
Bro, because if you jerk off another dude, if you jerk off another dude, that's what I'm trying to get at.
If you jerk off another dude, that's gay, but if you jerk your cell phone all the time, you're straight.
So if you suck your own dick, is that gay?
It's not gay.
It's odd.
It's an odd choice.
It's something to do with your mouth.
Honestly, I emotionally agree with you, Alex.
Logically, he's right.
Now, real quick.
Real quick question.
It's like, if I'm sucking free, I'm just talking straight logic.
If you're sucking your own dick, right?
Do you swallow the nut or do you pull out and bust on your chest?
Oh, God.
That's too much.
That's too much, bro.
Do you?
You're nasty.
Do you?
Those are the options.
Yo, you're sucking your dick.
You could do no cleanup, gobble, gobble, right?
Or you pull out and then you just beat it right down on your chest.
Maybe you put a little towel over yourself.
Like a lobster.
Like you're eating at the boil.
It's going to be a messy one.
Oh, I got the spicy this time.
So that's the tricky thing.
We see the act of sucking dick as gay or women do it.
So no matter who does the dick sucking, be it you or if you do something else, it's automatically gay in our minds.
I think it's automatically gay.
Now, here's a question: jerk off a dude.
If you do that, is it gay?
Yes.
Yes.
Jokingly jerk off a dude.
Yes.
That's still still gay.
Not even if you're like, ah, he's crazy.
Yo, this is so crazy.
Here's my question.
If you're white, is it gay?
Because that's how you guys have fun sometimes.
That's true.
If you're black and like you share socks with your friend, you're gay.
Yeah, that's facts.
If our knuckles are a thousand.
You're gonna wear my socks, bro.
Pause, bro.
If our knuckles touch, that's gay.
That get flies.
Okay.
So jerk off white, white standard of what is gay, what's not gay.
Jerk off, jokingly jerk off.
Here we go.
Have you done this before?
No, that's Mad gay.
No, but I'm just saying, white.
I can totally see frat boys doing that shit.
I can totally see, like, we had a couple of comic books.
Oh, frat boys do gay shit all the time.
Son Lewis and Big J. Ogerson straight up made out.
There's a video of it.
They made out with each other, tongued each other down at a photo shoot.
Oh.
Did they do that shit just so people can't call them homophobic?
And is that gay?
Like, if you just want to get ahead of the PC police.
Oh, my God.
You just gotta make out with a dude or jerk off a dude.
Nah, you can't just jerk off a dude.
Okay, you're just sucking dick.
Sucking a dick for money.
Is that gay?
Yes.
Gay for pay.
I'm sorry.
You're gay.
No, the act is gay, but are you gay?
Yes.
Yes.
$100 million to suck dick.
Yes.
Yeah, I wouldn't be able to live.
What do you mean you wouldn't be able to live with yourself?
Because it's still very...
Damn.
Hold on.
This is my favorite thing.
Look at the standards.
I would never be able to live with myself.
$10 billion.
Stop it.
I'm not playing this game.
I'm not justifying.
All of a sudden, you can live.
All of a sudden, when it gets to the billions, you can live with yourself.
All of a sudden, we find a way.
People ask that question.
It's like, who's out here giving out $10 billion blowjobs anyway?
No, we're not saying it's worth it.
What we're saying is there could be somebody.
I mean, if I was like one of these guys.
This guy looking at it from the buyer's point of view.
I'm like, you know, like, why would you?
I'm saying that blowjobs.
What would I want you to be gay?
So why is I yell this?
You know, none of these billionaires got a sense of humor because the first thing I'd do if I was a multi-billionaire is I would test someone's gangster.
I'm like, yo, remember that game we was playing back in the day?
What would you do for a billion dollars?
Fucking, let's see.
Let's see what you would do.
Drop that chip.
You got to bring it out in cash, though, so he can really see what it's about.
Yeah, I mean, 10 million cash, bro.
Brief paces of cash?
It's a different thing, bro.
That's life-changing money.
Facts, bro.
One dick, yo.
Just not looking at it.
10 billion taxes.
That's free.
Shot in the mouth.
You already know.
Oh, that's my favorite thing.
Yo, that's my favorite thing.
One shot in the middle.
When you do this game with people, and then they go tax-free?
You know, they already agreed in their head.
They just trying to see exactly how much money they got to walk away.
So when somebody asked them how to get that money, it's like, listen, man.
You don't even tax it, bro.
Tax-free.
What am I supposed to say?
Nope.
I get it.
Point is, you would do it.
Everybody has a number for dick.
Everybody has a number for dick.
You just have a high number.
So you're a heteros.
Akash.
Your number.
Bro, I wouldn't accept money for some I already love.
That's a good way to play it, bro.
Yeah.
Good way to play it.
Life-Changing Money Facts00:05:01
Why desecrate a beautiful thing like this?
Bring money into it.
You know what I mean?
It cheapens it.
It's beautiful.
Once once.
All right, fair enough.
Have you guys ever tried to suck your own dick?
Yeah.
No.
I don't trust my own flexibility enough.
I can't even touch my fucking ankles.
This is as far down as I can get.
No, I'm talking about when you were a kid.
What?
When you're a kid.
Why am I saying that?
Why everything under age?
Everything underage, bro.
That's a good setup, though, because he's like, so you like sucking young dicks?
Yeah, that's a good ass.
Of course.
He's not stupid, son.
He's not stupid.
So you stop sucking dick once you turn 18.
Isn't that interesting?
Isn't that interesting?
You like that veal.
I'm trying to get it.
Veal.
Yo, you think pedophiles like veal?
You think like everything that they fuck with gotta be young?
Nah, I don't know if they like eating, but I bet they like jerk off the videos of the veal, like being fed, you know what I mean?
Tied up.
That's like their move.
That shit probably on the black web somewhere.
Son, that'd be so funny if they only ate baby foods as well.
Like baby.
Kerberts.
They eat baby carrots.
They eat like Cornish game hens, you know, like the little chickens.
Do you know what I mean?
Like.
I love a good hen.
That's a tender.
They choose chiclets.
Say what?
Eggs.
But eggs aren't even born yet.
Yeah.
They own it.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, what else we got?
What else we got?
Let's hop off these dicks.
What's worse?
Eating ass or eating a girl out on a period, but she's plugged up.
Dog, I eat ass all the time.
Hold on.
I got one.
Hold on.
This is good that you brought this up.
Is eating a girl's ass different from eating a guy's ass?
Very different.
Have you seen a guy's ass?
No, no.
They're awful.
Stop, stop.
Stop top.
Everything is boarded up.
All it is is the ass comes out through the glory hole, right?
It's the ass and some cheeks comes out and the cheeks are waxed.
It's completely waxed.
Everything, you don't know.
It's a girl's ass or a guy's ass.
Or a girl's ass or a guy's.
There's literally no way to tell.
That's like saying Megan Out with a girl versus Megan Out with a dude eyes closed.
Like, that's the same.
Like, you gotta see the face.
No, no, no, no, but you don't even know, right?
Would you rather do that or suck the dick?
Now, here's one little thing.
One little difference is this.
One little difference is this.
That's interesting.
Hold on, hold on.
Now, look.
Wait, could it be?
Just question.
Just a question.
So, so just the butt cheeks are sticking out through this hole, right?
Wait for it.
But when you're done eating the ass, right?
All of a sudden, he hops up and sticks his ball sack alcohol as well.
So the ball sack just hangs out like a turkey neck.
So it's just ass cheeks.
It's ass cheeks.
Bullshack angle now to prove that you actually hit a dude's ass.
But I've been telling you it was a dude's ass.
So it's not, it's not gay because when you did it, you didn't know it was a dude's ass.
Saul's like the end of a play.
Just shoot out.
Gobble.
Gobble.
Oh, my God.
Yo, that's the only thing about hating the dude's ass.
It's like making out with a tranny at a club.
That's not gay because you didn't know that it was a tranny.
You really thought it was a girl.
It's about intent.
You know what the thing is.
If it's eating the ass and it could be a girl or a guy, or is it just definitively a guy?
What?
What are you talking about right now?
Oh, gosh.
You are fucking wild, son.
Sounded like he was trying to work something out of his head.
He was like, because if it's a 50-50, I'm eating the ass.
There's no question.
It's no question.
He's like, guys, one time this situation has been a little bit more.
Yeah, you got a good point.
A dick is always a goddamn.
A dick is a god's dick.
You don't know.
So look.
Is it 50%?
Serious!
$1 million!
You got two asses!
You gotta choose the ass.
If it's the dude's ass at the end, then balls pluck plop just fuck out afterwards.
Would you do it?
1 million.
Where you don't know?
You don't know what you're after.
Yeah.
It could be a woman's ass.
It could be a woman.
One is a woman.
One is a man.
You have to choose whatever.
They're both immaculately clean.
They look exactly the same, right?
Asian girl's ass, Asian dude's ass.
They look no different from each other.
For $10 million, I'm going to be honest.
For $10 million, Lego.
Hold on.
$150,000.
No chance.
No chance.
No, it could be a girl's ass.
It could be a girl's ass.
It could be a girl's ass.
That's too big a risk.
Risk now worth rewarding.
It's not it.
That's not it.
Choosing Between Asses00:01:33
Just don't ask me that.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, Alex Media.
Alex Midia.
Oh, fuck.
Half a million dollars.
It's 50-50.
Yes?
Because for some reason.
How are you gay if it's the dude?
When the balls come out.
For some reason, it's not like eating ass is not as bad as sucking a dick.
I don't know what.
Because girls and guys have the same ass.
It's no ass at the end of the day.
And if you don't, it's kissing a hand.
You know what I think it is?
It's the act of penetration.
Like, if you're sucking a dick, like that dick is getting put in your mouth.
If you're getting fucked, you're getting fucked.
I mean, dicks are just inherently like.
So, Kaz, what's your number?
Son, you ain't staying out.
You ain't staying out of this.
Yo, yeah.
My number?
Yeah.
Ass cheeks.
Minimum.
I could roll the dice of 1.5.
1.5 mil?
I'm a cheap hoe.
I don't care.
I was thinking 2.5, and I was like, nah, that's not quite enough.
But 2.5, I mean, you bring me 2.5 million.
Yeah.
Come on.
What are you talking about?
He's like, just right in front of your face right now.
What are you really talking about?
Put the balls on my forehead.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrantru.
Join the illest community on earth.
Unless you're a social justice lawyer, then you're just going to ruin the fun.