Fear & hosts dissect family dynamics and the Try Guys cheating scandal, critiquing Ned Fulmer's response to his leaked dating profile while debating GLAAD Awards fashion choices involving Austin's $5,000 Gucci suit. After a sponsored read for Mando deodorant, they analyze Will's embroidered lemon suit and controversial underwear comments before Austin interviews former National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes regarding the Iran deal. The episode concludes with frustration over Michaela's divorce mystery and jokes about Michelle Obama, blending personal anecdotes with political history. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Heavenly Father Calls00:08:11
Did you go with rubber dub dub?
Thanks for the grub.
Yay, God, let's eat.
No.
That feels like a Ludwig.
But he did, like, dear God, which is not what that's our.
That's right.
He turned out heavenly father.
Yeah.
You call him heavenly father.
There's a very certain like way you have to open and end.
Do you ever call him heavenly daddy?
You're so fucking American with the Yeti.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Soda and the Yeti and the Miller high life with the Miller high life hat.
You are like.
If you don't let him do a proper intro, he's going to kill us.
He's going to kill us.
There's one thing he cares about.
He's like a Midwestern mom.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode.
Your favorite family is back.
The fear and podcast.
Loki, I hope we're not their favorite family.
I hope their family is their favorite family.
I feel like we have a tremendous amount of dysfunction.
And a lot of people in America have family dysfunction.
And this is like...
Yeah, but their favorite should still be their family.
Well, no, no, but some people, some people think.
No, make the argument.
Why should we be their favorite?
Because we're better than their family.
I'm just going to say it.
Wow.
Classic family dynamic.
Gay dad that's never around.
Hey, I'm around.
He's always around.
Dysfunctional mom.
No, I'm a gay dad.
I don't think I'm the mom.
Sex icon.
You don't think you're the mom?
I think I'm the aunt.
Okay.
Okay.
Hassan is the mom.
His mom isn't an international terrorist.
Are you saying that I'm not a personal one book?
I thought you were just a local terrorist personally.
Domestic.
Domestic.
Oh, okay.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the family is back.
That's right.
And we have been having such a fabulous week.
I, in particular, have been having a fabulous week because I decided to move from Hassan's house to Will's.
That's correct.
Fun.
I've been staying at Will's the last two nights.
That's correct.
And it's been a fabulous experience.
It's been a great experience.
Oh, boy.
Now Hassan's going to fight for you.
No.
You're not?
Not even a little bit.
You usually get FOMO, though.
Yeah.
No.
I was surprised by the amount of night terrors Austin has.
You don't know about him?
I'm learning for the first time.
We've just been hearing him scream in the night.
Oh.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
You just randomly.
Christian would have told you.
No, he was.
I don't think that's.
Well, you also found out you snore for the first time.
Yeah.
You didn't know you snored?
No, I found out for the first time ever, and it was dead.
Wait, that's so scary, Austin.
No, because sleep apnea.
I know I've heard about this, and I was thinking about getting a sleep test.
Yeah, I've actually been thinking about why you snore.
Why is that?
Well, have you seen all the data about frequent flyer flying, destroying your sleep?
Don't say that.
That's his only thing he loves.
That's like telling me that Noah Khan makes me want to kill myself.
Yeah, there's a lot of new evidence that's come out that it like ages your face terribly because it's so dry.
He's being evil.
I'm not.
Don't listen to that.
There's data.
Oh, that's true.
It's the radiation.
My uncle did fly every day and he died.
That's true.
No, it's flight radiation.
Fly-related radiation poisoning will live.
And it dries your skin.
It also destroys your circadian rhythm.
But he's fine.
I don't think he's fine.
I think he's snoring.
It's like the first step to having aging skin.
Radiation exposure from 20 years.
Wait, hold on.
What does that say?
It's really a risk of 225 different cancers.
After 20 years.
I've been flying for at least 10 consistently.
Yeah, you got another five in you.
Well, I think he flies more than any of that frequent flyer.
Yeah, you got another 10 in you.
No, you fly the same as a pilot.
They always fly.
My uncle died in his 50s.
Of what?
Remember?
You were there.
I was at.
I wasn't there when he no.
Well, I was there.
Oh, yeah, you were there.
Oh, when you got the call.
Yes.
Yeah, that was unlucky.
We were there.
Yeah, you were there.
And by the way, don't worry about the bill.
I took care of it.
I just want to.
I think I offered to pay.
No, but we took care of it.
I just want to let you know.
I was a little distraught.
I did offer to pay.
No, no, you didn't.
And I just want to let you know.
Oh my God, I feel bad.
No, no, no.
Oh, my God.
I didn't.
No.
That burden was released from you.
I just want to let you know.
I didn't pay you.
No.
How much was it?
No, I know.
It was like $150.
Don't worry about it, though.
Don't worry.
No, please don't.
Please don't pay.
No, every time your family members dies, you get one free day.
Yeah, of course.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wait, did I go backwards?
You got a punch card like a Subway.
If you get 10, you get the last one free.
But do I get post?
Like, do I get, does it start now or do I get post?
Well, I mean, start it now.
I'll buy you dinner for your dad.
Yeah, also, she has such a, bro, she has such a big family.
This is a trash.
I do have such a big family.
Mormons.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's got like 40 cousins that probably did it for life.
They lived for days.
Well, they're all Mormons, so they're like fine.
They live forever.
They live forever.
They don't drink.
They don't smoke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They meditate every day.
You still got that pimple patch on.
I got you.
Still hoping against hope.
Yeah, I do.
You know, I was with my family, and they, you know, we have to say prayer before dinner.
And for some reason, my sister-in-law picked Ludwig to say prayer.
Oh, how did that go?
She thought it was funny.
I feel like a funny prayer is not really very kosher in a Mormon house.
It's usually not.
So I was surprised by it.
And if you don't know.
Did he go with rubber dub dub?
Thanks for the grub.
Yay, God, let's eat.
No.
That feels like a Ludwig.
But he did, like, dear God, which is not what.
That's all.
That's heavenly father.
Yeah.
That's dear.
You call him heavenly father.
There's a very certain like way you have to open and end.
Do you ever call him heavenly daddy?
Me?
Me, I have.
No, I've got a whole new take on religion.
Okay.
I've got a whole new perspective on religion.
Would you.
Okay, Martin Luther.
What's up?
Fill me in.
Give us your whole religion.
Well, look at this thing.
I think everybody's got religion wrong.
Okay.
Jesus died on the cross, nailed to it viciously.
Right.
Blood, everything, the whole shebang.
Yeah.
Gory.
I'm nervous.
He's watching right now.
Well, he's not going to forgive that.
You know what I mean?
That was gay as hell.
No, I'm sure.
He knows, but I think he agrees to.
This is not a Christian thing.
That seems more.
No.
Yeah, you can just give him the horns.
Oh, the horns.
Let me let me talk.
Save it.
Yeah, let me do this just so you know.
Is that right?
Are you doing it right?
Of course.
No, you make a cross.
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Yeah, you're out there.
Anyway, regardless.
All right.
I believe that we got it all wrong.
Jesus died a horrific death.
He suffered a lot.
Right.
So that we could fucking have a good time.
Yeah, he suffered for our sins.
Yes, exactly.
So what the fuck are we all stressed about?
You know what I mean?
That's what we'll look at.
I mean, from that perspective, the prospect of eternal damnation.
Damnation, schmam nation.
He died for us.
You don't believe that.
He died for us.
I know deep down you're terrified of hell.
No, no, no.
Well, yes, of course.
Yeah.
But just like that, a new schism has opened.
No, no, no.
Here's the deal.
Like, this is what's up.
This is what kills me.
Okay, Catholics.
And I can say I have the past because I'm Catholic.
No, not anymore.
Well, it used to be.
I'm saying, no, after your blasphemy.
Well, anyway, I'm sure I'll just go to confessional.
I still have a cold.
So Catholics do this thing called Lent.
And I just don't understand.
Jesus gave up so much.
It's like a cheap thing.
It's like, so Jesus dies on the cross, goes through the desert for whatever days, and we're giving up carbs.
And that's our like, it's just like, just fucking don't do anything at that point.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
The Cheating Schism00:07:24
That was my friend.
Good.
I like that.
I like that you're being a contrarian.
Thank you.
I like that.
Thank you so much.
I'm doing my best.
You know, but sometimes it's important for us not to give in to things.
You're real.
You're a modern addiction.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I have the funniest update.
And I don't know if you guys are into this at all.
I'm into it.
I'm getting into it.
It's kind of a pseudo-girly population.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm ready.
You guys, I told you.
Unless it's you bashing the New York Jets again.
No, I became weirdly protective of the New York Jets.
They're great.
All right.
Keep going.
Ever since that one boy said he wanted to kill himself because he was a fan of them.
I liked that energy.
Well, we got, we got bushy.
Yeah.
I identified with the suicidal ideation of a fandom.
That's awesome.
Okay.
You guys, I told you about like the try guys cheating scandal forever ago, right?
I have so many updates.
This is like, it's been a weird.
Who cheated on whom?
Okay, so the try guys were four guys.
Okay.
In case you don't remember, here's, you know, I think we covered this two days ago.
Yeah, your co-workers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My bosses.
Yeah.
And I, I've, I filmed with them with Will.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
I used to love, like, like when people talk about being into YouTube, I was never into YouTube growing up like at all.
The only time I looked forward to uploads was the Try Guys.
Isn't that funny?
Now you know, it was the Mormons.
Yeah, it was.
It was the Mormons.
I can tell you, three of them are very nice people.
Yeah.
I'm scared.
Three.
I'm a, you know, maybe you can cheat on your wife and be nice.
Who knows?
I don't know.
But so there's four guys.
So there's Eugene.
He is incredible in my opinion.
Hopefully.
Yeah.
He's the hot, like gay one.
He's a fucking icon.
He's incredible.
Keith.
He's like the fucking guy.
He's the goofy tall one.
Okay.
Okay.
Ned and Ned.
He's the wife guy obsessed with his wife.
Formerly.
Was, yeah.
Okay.
And then Zach.
He lost his thing.
Yeah, he did lose his thing.
Zach.
He's just the guy now.
Okay.
Zach was also the funny guy, but like Keith's goofy.
Oh, okay.
I like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
So they would do content where they would try things, yada, yada, yada.
And essentially, whenever Ned could, he'd bring up his goddamn wife.
Like to the point that it was like annoying.
Like we're making cakes as a challenge.
And he'd be like, I made my wife's favorite strawberry cake.
And it was like, shut up.
Yeah.
Obsessed with his wife.
Okay.
They have a kid.
They even do a cookbook, which is funny because like they don't know how to fucking cook.
Anyway, I hate when people do cookbooks.
They don't know how to cook.
I feel like you're gatekeeping a little bit.
Cooking?
That's why I make a cookbook is to let other people cook.
But if you don't know how to fucking cook it, I don't need a cookbook.
Because I'm tired.
Well, what if?
What the fuck?
It's on my list.
It's been on my list.
This cookbook sounds great.
But what if, what if I just wanted to make, we'll call it Austin Show's My Shitty Little Cookbook.
Yeah.
It's just a shit.
And it's a bottom-friendly diet.
Shitty little diet.
Bottom-friendly diet.
Come on, that was.
Way, shitty little cookbook.
And it's a bottom-friendly diet.
Fucking rice.
Brown rice.
Yeah.
Just two covers in one page in the middle.
It says rice.
Brown rice.
Not too much, though, because then it's not.
Too much fiber.
No, but you just have to eat fiber consistently so that you get it.
Blow it out.
He knows what he's talking.
I do.
I'm a professional.
We don't know.
As long as your cookbook is true to you, you can have a cookbook.
Okay, you guys?
You can make a bunch of sandwiches with chips on it.
It was true to his wife.
Maybe it was.
Maybe I just didn't know his wife enough.
Maybe it was.
Maybe I'm being a hat.
Someone who knows his wife.
She was fabulous.
And she can cook.
She's the nicest human.
Okay, so who cheated on who?
Okay, so he cheated on her.
Ned, the wife guy, cheats on her.
Oh, God.
Okay.
In what way?
How did he, like, how did he cheat on her?
I think sexually.
Yeah, sexually and publicly.
He got, okay.
Do you want me to fill this blank?
Yeah, that's fine.
He got caught in kind of like a compromised position with his producer.
Missionary or no, no, like grinding at a nightclub.
Yes.
With his producer at a nightclub, which was a double niche niche because he was cheating, but also he was that person's superior at try guys.
Yeah.
Which was it was a it was a double niche, which is why we keep telling you you can't be with Marsh.
Yeah, well, we keep keeping it.
I've been trying to fuck Marsh the entire time.
Now I'm having sex with him.
Now that I really now Austin's job.
I didn't know who's topping who.
Reverse.
That's another version.
Anyway, all right.
Okay.
Anyway, so yeah, so public cheat, and they have to address it.
They kick Ned off the try guys.
Eugene's mad because Eugene was going to leave the try guys.
It's also a little bit better for Brandy, though, because like Try Guys, and it's like try three, you know what I mean?
I feel like I suppose.
But also, like, he tried cheating on his wife.
They didn't give him credit for that.
Dude, that would have been awesome if they went right into a video.
They should have, yeah.
We tried cheating.
And then all three of them, the other three are like, can't do it.
Can't do it.
Can't do it.
He's like, look, I'll do it.
And Eugene's like, I'm gay.
Yeah.
But can I just say something?
Yeah.
If you're going to cheat, don't cheat.
But why the fuck are all these people cheating in public?
I don't know.
I think the thrill of it.
I guess, but like, Jesus Christ, you're famous.
What do you do?
Destructive behavior.
Like, don't cheat.
First of all, don't cheat.
I've noticed something.
Austin always gives advice to cheaters on how to better cheat.
Whenever cheating comes up, he's like, guys.
Hypothetically, Austin.
I'm going to say don't cheat, but like, look, I'm fucking cheating.
I've never, no, don't cheat.
Don't do it.
But, however, don't do it in a Google Docs.
Don't do it in public.
Like, come the fuck on attack.
Yeah, fucking sneak in and out of hotel rooms.
All right.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
So.
Wife's not home for the weekend.
Why are you giving advice to people on how to cheat?
I'm just saying there's a very clear blueprint on how to cheat, and that's not it.
And I'm saying, don't fucking do it.
All his icons from the 50s and 60s.
Now, Frank Sinatra, that's a guy who could fuck around his wife.
You just said if you wanted to murder somebody, why do you think they call him the rat pack?
Yeah, like if you wanted to kill somebody, cutie, I'd probably be like, cutie, don't do it in public.
Well, yeah, but the thing is, is murder is illegal and cheating isn't.
That's the advice you give.
Yeah, Cutie Cinderella.
If Cutie Cinderella approaches you and says, Austin, I need to assassinate someone.
I say, cutie.
I say, look, cutie, if you're going to do it and I can't stop you, just don't get, just don't do it in public.
I'm the Uber murderer.
I already told you guys how I'm doing it.
Exactly.
See, there you go.
That's clever.
He's not.
Why?
Because it's so traceable.
Yeah, but they don't know which numbers are flying all over the place.
They don't know.
Cutie, be the Uber murderer.
Let me be it.
The Uber Eats murderer.
I'm the Uber Eats Murderer.
They say, oh, did she eat him up again?
And I'm watching the news and I'm like, that was me.
That was me.
That was me.
Yep, that's it.
Okay.
Anyway.
All right.
So he cheats on his wife.
Don't cheat on your wife.
Okay.
And then.
But if you're going to do it, the try guys kick him off.
They kick him off the trying.
They say, no more trying for you.
And then Eugene leaves anyway.
And then respectfully.
Anyway.
Yeah.
Love Keith and Zach, though.
They did their best with what they could.
Public Ex-Wife Drama00:02:01
So then it's very, very public.
Everyone's mad because he's the wife guy.
If he wasn't the wife guy, I don't know if we'd care that much.
People cheat all the time and we're just like bastard.
But like, he's the wife guy.
Like, get like projection 101, you know?
Yeah.
So then they have to do like a public statement about him leaving.
He leaves.
He goes silent off social media forever until he came back like a few months ago with a podcast.
Oh, called The Cheater.
Rocked Bottom.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
On the sound you make while water is drip, drip, dripping down your booty cheeks.
Wow.
Yes, that's right.
I tell you what, Hassan, I have been using my new tushy bidet.
And I love it because it brings luxurious comfort.
I'm going to be honest, I can talk for hours about how much I love using my bidet.
Real.
Growing up in Turkey, there's a bidet in every bathroom.
Coming to America, no bidets, unless you get a tushy bidet and you actually wipe that clean.
Become Turkish today.
No, but seriously, I don't understand why people in the Western world still haven't gotten on the bidet test.
Dirty butts.
Zorhan Mamdani is the mayor of New York City.
We've actually had a conversation about this.
We're putting a bidet in every single toilet and you can get one and feel like you're in Mamdanistan, really.
That's right.
Now if you're in Portland, Oregon.
That's right.
And now, let me tell you something else.
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They got prebiotics and probiotics so that you can throw that into your regimen to make sure that your movements are nice and pristine.
So even the bidet doesn't need to even work as hard.
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That's 10% off your first bidet order at hello tushi.com with promo code fear.
Oh, you haven't heard about this?
Yeah, and the first episode is with his ex-wife.
Western Bidet Resistance00:15:44
I'm not going to lie.
This is a hard watch.
It's a hard watch.
I pull it up.
The way he brings his ex-wife on.
It's a hard watch.
Oh, I need to see it.
Because she reads him to filth.
Yeah.
And he's just like, he just sits there.
And it got 1.3 million views.
That's why he did it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Come on, pull it up.
No, we can't watch the whole episode.
No, no, I want to see like bits and pieces.
Oh, no.
Oh, he's just putting it.
Fairfoot was asleep.
Oh, my God.
God.
Yeah.
Ned.
All right.
All right.
Get to like a highlighted moment.
Is there...
Yeah, where's the, oh, it doesn't have the bar graph.
That's funny.
Or the, yeah.
We're together.
We're born in the same place.
And so we get in the car and we're driving there.
And there's my binary.
It's a refreshing place to be.
It's so great.
What?
I've been hurting this person that I love this whole time.
You didn't realize until then.
Well, you know, but then there's other things you tell yourself to kind of sort of compartmentalize.
Okay.
Hold on.
First of all, you're cheating in public.
I'm going to be honest.
I feel like that's how you would respond.
No.
You think that's a hard response?
You know.
He would do that try guys cheating episode.
I would never cheat.
I would never cheat.
Christian, I would never cheat on you in public.
Awesome.
You're kind of in a relationship where that would be hard to do.
To cheat, yeah.
Yeah, it would be hard.
In my defense, it would be very difficult to cheat in my relationship.
Considering there's not, you know what I mean?
It'd be weird.
Yeah, yeah.
It'd be very strange.
You'd have to try hard.
Yeah, very much.
Try hard.
Right?
But anyway, you know.
You'd have to try, guys.
First of all, I want to make a statement here.
No.
What a piece of shit for doing that to his.
Wow.
Wow.
Okay.
Great piece of shit.
Five months late, but brave.
It's not even five months late.
It's five years later.
I don't want people to misconstrue the fact that I'm telling him he was a bad cheater.
Like, all cheaters are bad.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
You're a shitty person regardless.
I'm just saying you're bad at it.
There's bad murderers, right?
There's bad serial killers.
You know what I mean?
They're all bad, right?
I'm digging myself into a hole.
You know what I mean?
They're all bad, right?
Just like, you know, I don't know.
Martha Stewart cheated on her husband and she's an icon.
So I don't care.
Just because when women cheat, it's cool.
Just kidding.
Okay.
So that was that, right?
That's the last we really heard of Ned until recently.
This guy found a Snapchat memory.
He found a Snapchat memory and posted it on TikTok and it got like 7 million views.
And it's Ned cheating with a different woman.
No.
Yeah.
A different fucking woman.
And the problem with this is it was at a club.
I don't know why the try guys are clubbing so much, like, is my first question.
Like, they're not really like a club.
Not the pull in Austin, but like, why is he always cheating at the club?
Yeah.
It's so weird.
Now, finally, somebody gets it.
Cheat in a hotel room.
At that point, you're like begging to be caught, right?
Yeah.
So, so, like, someone records on their Snapchat.
She's like snuggling on him, right?
And the problem is, is in the background, you can see the other try guys far away in the club.
And so people are mad at the other try guys being like, they knew, they knew, they knew.
And then Keith had to post something and was like, we didn't know.
Yes, we were far away.
Like, we like, we did not know he was grinding on some girl, you know?
So, and I believe him.
So, whatever.
But as a part of this resurgence, Ned Fulmer's Feldco dating profile got hacked.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
And if you don't know.
I feel bad about this, though, because it is like a level of doxing.
But the way that Ned handled it, I think is what is crazy because then the reason that we are allowed to talk about it is in an attempt to reclaim his agency after his dating profile had been leaked, he self-posted and critiqued all of the photos on his dating portfolio or profile and well, to mixed reviews, I would say.
Yeah.
I think I'm going to take a controversial position on this.
Ned is a very strong man, a much stronger man than I, because I would have killed myself at that point.
That's crazy.
So he said, apparently somebody docks my Feldco profile, saves me $30 a month.
I truly give zero fucks and invite you to roast it, especially BB Rexa.
And then he linked photographs.
So I guess, you know, here's the first one.
For the record, if Feldco, this is for the curious.
So often, like, dommies looking for subs or subbies looking for subscribers.
Yes.
Dom leading Switch looking for a bratty sub.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, he put the ENFJ.
And then if you scroll up, it's interesting because he gives context on the photos that we didn't need.
Is he gay?
No.
Oh.
Can you zoom in?
I can't read.
He said, like the dog, bio could be better.
He says, I'm single, live alone in a gorgeous home in Silver Lake.
Maybe you'll be lucky enough to see it someday, Winky Face.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I see that.
I'm like, I'm trying to fuck this guy.
It says, it says, nice fit, mask is fun, great view was a photo shoot with Ariel for our dating profiles at a school fundraiser.
But nobody needs to know that, which is really weird because Ariel's his ex.
Love this one.
I tried kite surfing in Greece this summer.
Little goofy shows something extreme.
He gives it a six out of 10.
Hulk costume Halloween 2022 when I was in treatment, stress, anxiety, depression, had my weight down to 155, which is way too low.
170 is better, but my abs look defined and I'm painted green.
Not the four-hour, four-year-old picture.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Hot tub, Mountain Man.
I don't know.
Probably should delete this one, but the sunset was nice.
Not the Austin Powers chest here.
Yeah.
Girl, baby, very good.
This one's nuts and way too cost me from the Airs tour, but the beard was strong and whatever.
I'm a single dad on a dating app out here living my life.
2024.
Kids?
Wedding ring.
He's wearing a wedding ring.
But hey.
He had kids.
It's Felco.
Half the people are Paul.
Tell me that.
Follow me.
She's got more divorce dad on Hinge or whatever.
I don't care.
I hope this gave you a laugh.
I want to know who the Ned writers are like right now.
Can we look at the replies a little bit?
Like, is there anyone there?
I don't think there's anyone nice.
Keep going, Ned.
Like, who were the people that liked the post that were like, no, you, Hassan, you have to understand Ned is not sufficiently right-wing enough to have that type of audience.
True.
Oh, my God.
You're so right.
Why didn't he pivot?
Yeah, if he would have been a right-winger and he would have pivoted and grifted to the right, he would have a fucking huge opportunity to.
They're so stupid.
Yeah, they love cheating men.
As long as it's at the expense of women, Republicans will go.
That's true.
How did this make you feel?
How do you even resolve this topic?
I don't know.
He just, he posted, there's a power in not giving a fuck.
Do I wish my kinky dating profile had not been leaked?
Yes, of course.
Given it was, am I grateful I can now just be myself?
Yes, absolutely.
Wasn't he just being himself anyway before the profile leaked, though?
So it kind of feels like he is giving a fuck.
Well, look, I think at this point, this guy is just, it's too far gone.
He clearly has no idea how to manage a crisis.
What would you do in that situation?
First of all, you don't fucking cheat to begin with.
And if you're going to do it.
In private.
I think you're supposed to do it in public, is what I gather.
First of all, this is what you do.
You go to your wife and you say, wife, can I cheat?
No, you don't ask her for permission.
You just say, look, if you're going to cheat, end the marriage.
If you're not.
You say, can we spice things up?
And if she says no, say.
Cheating is never the answer.
Communication is key.
All right.
Don't cheat at all.
And by the way, I just want to make everybody clear.
I am firmly against cheating.
Firmly.
Here at the Fear Ann podcast, I and my fellow co-hosts are firmly against cheating.
And we do not take our advice to those who cheat poorly as a.
What?
We don't take our advice to cheat.
We told them not to cheat.
Don't cheat.
But I'm just saying, don't do it.
But like, how fucking stupid to do it?
Especially in public.
Yeah, right.
Especially in public.
Right.
Yeah.
So I guess, I mean, I guess my takeaway is how would you handle your kinky sub-dommy mommy looking for a bratty sub dating profile be leaked?
Yeah.
Pivot right wing.
Pivot to the right.
You would pivot right wing?
Okay.
That's how I do it too.
Yeah, I'd pivot to the right.
Good to know.
Yeah, because the right wing is that's that's what they do.
They cheat on their wives and then they personally, I would get a job in like finance or something.
I would, yeah, I'd probably become a commercial airline pilot.
Yeah, I'm like, that that is my shock here is like, I fear that sometimes some people don't know when to walk away from like content creation.
Not everyone needs to be a content creator.
Real.
And I think sometimes when you like cut your losses.
You got to cut your losses, especially when it gets to this level or even just cut your losses longer.
Like, I know it's been a few years since he cheated, but like he came back like two years later.
Yeah.
And it's kind of like, brother, like, you need to, like, he's a smart guy.
Reinvent yourself.
He's an Ivy League educated.
Yeah, he's very smart.
I think we're measuring.
He's smart enough to cheat in private, though.
I think we're measuring intelligence off of one category.
I think there's levels of intelligence.
Usually a pretty good indicator.
Yeah, me too.
I think so.
Okay.
Clearly fucking not.
Yeah, did you get any of Ivy Leagues?
No, I didn't, but I would have handled that a lot better.
I wouldn't have cheated.
There you go.
Boom.
Turns out.
You are in an open relationship.
I'm not in an open relationship.
He's in a communicative, open relationship.
No, no, I'm not in a relationship.
He's an option.
What was the last thing we talked about before we turned on the camera?
It's not open.
It's just gay.
It's not open.
It's the very last game.
You have to give permission.
Open would mean you could be with anyone, right?
Fuck one guest if he came on the podcast.
Oh.
Okay, we're trying to get Harry Styles.
First of all, Harry Styles, if you see him.
Harry Styles is a straight man, and I would never have somebody.
I wasn't going to mention who it was.
Harry Styles, if you want to come on the podcast, we can talk about it.
I said if I had to get Harry Styles on the podcast, I'd sleep with him.
We all have to do something for Harry Styles.
If you want to come on the podcast, Harry Styles, and I know you really want to, you have to fuck off.
No, that's not, though.
That is not the barrier to entry.
Sorry, Harry Styles.
It shouldn't be a requirement.
I'm open to it.
Right?
That's what I'm trying to say.
That's not women are.
No, we get it, Austin.
But for the record, I keep my relationship very private, and it's not open.
Okay, it's not open.
So for those of you who are trying to sleep with me, unless you're Harry Styles.
Yeah, it's not a problem.
We'll consider it.
Not allowed.
Not allowed.
Yeah, right.
So you're not looking for a breakfast.
You can follow me on Instagram, Harry Styles.
I'm not looking for a breakfast.
You're going to quit eating the goddamn popcorn?
QT, Cinderella, like the princess.
No more popcorn for you.
Instagram.
You have eaten enough today.
That's really mean.
Well, actually, hold on.
Yeah, that's not nice.
Hold on, Helen, Caleb.
No, I'm telling Caleb that you're fat shaming me.
No, I'm not fat shaming you at all.
You're not fat.
You look great.
Caleb, I hope you see this.
You look fantastic.
You look fantastic.
Who else has a topic they'd like to talk about?
We haven't bombed Iran yet.
Okay.
Which is good.
Right.
And yeah.
I don't want to bomb anyone.
I don't want to buy them Iran.
I don't think that's how it works.
I think it should.
I think if American Idol, we could vote from our phones.
I think we should be able to do that about bombings.
Oh, my God.
I think we would bomb every country.
Oh, Americans like that.
Americans like just for the thrill of it.
Man, I'm not a good American.
You know, it's like they say, and I ran.
I ran so far away.
Wow, that was beautiful.
What the hell are you talking about?
Could you get away?
Oh.
This is a song.
That's right.
That's right.
Well, I'm listening to music.
Next week, Will and I are hosting the Glad Awards.
Yeah.
I'm so excited.
That's right.
We are interviewing gays.
And speaking of gays, the cast of Heated Rivalry will be there.
And Austin guy.
Yeah.
We're going to ask him to be on.
Yes.
Can you ask them for like anything at all?
Like a lock of hair?
I'm trying.
What?
I don't know.
Ask him for a lock of hair before they try to podcast.
Many people are.
For what you guys think I am to Taylor Swift, I am to Heated Rivalry.
I'm like obsessed with them.
Have you seen it?
Yes.
I saw it.
And I've consumed all of you.
What did you think of the sex scenes?
Wait.
Oh, my God.
Are you a yaoi girl?
Yaoi?
Fijoshi.
What does that mean?
Right?
Fujoshi, right?
What is yaoi?
Are you into boy love?
Oh.
Oh.
Do you like boy on?
I'm just into love.
Oh, she's a yao.
They had a very convincing love story.
We just got fucking woked.
Oh, my God.
I'm woke.
I did it.
You did it.
The term is Fajoshi, I think.
Fajoshi.
Okay.
Did you like you like you just like love?
I just like love and they did so good.
You watched the last episode.
You're freaking kicking your feet.
Right.
Did you watch it?
No.
I'm like, this is me.
I did.
Wow.
Oh, dude.
Let's just go.
Oh, my God.
Will.
I think I'm sick.
Oh, my God.
Will, we need to get you to a doctor.
We gotta call the doctor.
Doctor!
Will, what are you doing?
What are you doing, Will?
He's got open mouth.
No, we gotta get Egyptian.
It's an ancient disease.
Oh, my God.
Will, no!
Quit attacking us!
You need to go see a doctor!
But I can't!
I live in the United States!
No!
With the help of Zock Doc, we can help you find a doctor that's in network.
Hold it down a sex!
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Oh my goodness.
That's you in your episode?
Cancelling The Awards00:12:27
Yeah, that's me, episode six.
Wow.
And it was, did you.
So that I take it, you enjoyed it.
I had a bad take the first two episodes.
What was your bad take?
Because I don't like heavy sex.
I don't give a fuck for Bridgerton's sex scenes.
I watch Bridgerton because nothing else is on.
Number one.
And number two, I like the design.
Like, I love the outfits and I love the pretty.
Yeah.
And the lilacs outside on the house.
So pretty.
Anyway, so that's why I watched Bridgerton.
I think the sex is lame.
And so season or episode one and two, it is.
It's like bad.
It's funny.
You're like, sex is lame in general.
Well, no, if I'm going to watch like sex scenes, I'm going to fucking, you know, I'm going to watch like sex.
I don't know what I'm going to watch.
Watch that statement.
Yeah.
What would you watch?
I know what you mean.
I call it the filter.
I think the real, the, the reason why the first two episodes is heavy on the sex is so that they just like kind of get you ready for, you know, sex happening later down sporadically in the different episodes.
But like the first two episodes are very.
My dad loves hockey, so I was like, let's watch this together.
And I didn't.
Just kidding.
I started watching it with my dad.
Yeah, it's homosexuality.
It's not, there's not as much hockey as you would think.
No, based on everyone talking about it.
No.
They're playing with different things if they're not.
So my first take was it was just like you like that somewhat.
Such a fucking idiot.
My first take was episode one and two was like, it was just not enough.
I didn't feel connected yet.
Because they also, if you watch it, they did like jumps.
It was like all of a sudden a year later and then a year later and I'm like, where are we?
Yeah, right.
Like, I couldn't understand.
But then you get in episode three and then you meet the guy, the other guy, and then he said, and then he comes out public.
And then you episode three is my favorite.
And he's just being himself.
And then the other guy's always himself.
And then he's like, so, and he goes to his dad and he tries.
And oh my God, he's so good.
Walton didn't watch it because he thought the gay sex was too what was the term you used gauche gauche.
I don't even know what that word means.
Wait, what?
I don't know if that's worth it.
Was it like boring?
I love ghost.
I mean, she left.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I don't.
Taylor Swift's song.
You keep quoting Taylor Swift lately.
Do you know that?
Wait, really?
You said clandestine last week.
And she owns all words.
That's a clandestine operator.
That's Candace Owens.
Yeah, I call myself a clandestine operator as a fan of Candace Owens.
I thought you were quoting a Taylor Swift song.
Clandestine meeting.
So listen, Hassan has tried to spread this rumor about me that I was fucking with him because I said the gay sex is.
You're so embarrassed about your take about heated rivalry.
You're worried you're going to get excommunicated by the gay.
So wait, what kind of sex did you want?
No, no, I'm fine with the sex in the scene.
In fact, I thought it could be, I thought there could have been more nudity.
Oh, okay.
Oh, I do.
We did not really.
We only saw one penis.
Oh.
I think we need to release more penises into the media.
Yeah.
I don't know why we're shit.
Is it a penis flaccid?
No.
Heart.
And it was a tech.
It was just a text, though.
Oh.
I do believe that we should have seen more people.
We need to free the penis and vaginas in media.
I don't think.
Why are we hiding them?
We all have them.
Because there's one point where the boys are in the shower and one of them's like jerking off to the other one.
Oh, my goodness.
Like, and this is when they're just like flirting.
And he like turns and he's like stroking it and then you don't get to see the penis.
And I was like, I was kind of curious.
Anybody else?
I mean, yeah, I mean, I think.
You were curious.
You wanted to see it.
Of course I did.
Austin didn't watch the show because he thought the gay sex was too tight.
No, no, no, no.
You have to get to episode six.
Yeah.
I mean, I. How long has it been since we had this conversation?
You've yet to watch Heated Rivalry.
I am busy.
I understand your take from one and two, but once you get to episode six, you couldn't make it to episode three.
You got to go to the Cloud Awards.
I will tell you this.
By next episode, I will have watched all of Heated Rivalry because I finally have a weekend to myself.
Oh, man.
You have to be ready to go.
I'm going to be at the Glad Awards.
Yes.
And I'm going to be at the Glad Awards.
And we're going to have chat announcement here.
Jinx Monsoon is on the podcast next week.
Yes.
So after this episode, we will have Jinx Monsoon after this episode.
She'll be on the pod next week.
And we're going to have her on.
And then she and I and Will will all be going to the Glad Awards.
And Austin got a fantastic outfit for the Glad Awards.
Oh, yeah.
Do you have a picture?
Well, I don't really have a...
Maybe I do.
I'll look at it.
Let me look for it.
But I went into Gucci.
All right.
Here is what my outfit looks like.
I'm scared to look at you free scrolling.
I'm going to send it to you.
But I don't really have like a good picture of me.
You have to give me in the outfit.
So I'm going to just send you one without my face in it.
Okay.
Let me save the photos.
Oh my God.
I look at it.
Austin, I have another question for you about the Glad Awards.
Yes, go ahead.
Is it true that you told the Glad Awards that I could not attend the Glad Awards?
Yes, I did.
That's awesome.
I told the Glad Awards, I said, Hassan Piker is not allowed at the Glad Awards because I cannot allow him to steal my thunder.
You would steal his thunder.
You did what?
I said, Hassan would steal his thunder.
That event is for Willness.
This is safe space.
And I cannot allow.
What time is the Glad Awards?
Oh, no, I'm not telling you the time.
You're not allowed to.
Wait, Kaigo?
Yeah, you could go.
Wait, so I'm not a threat?
No, it's not that you guys.
I wouldn't make it about me.
No, I know.
It's not about, it's not that you guys are a threat, aren't a threat, okay?
It's just you guys, he doesn't know how to elevate me like you guys.
I could elevate you.
Yeah, yeah.
It's being filmed on Wednesday.
You're a succubus.
No, yeah.
Thursday.
Thursday.
That was our problem.
Okay.
Yeah.
We've been having Wednesday, Thursday problems.
You're not going.
You need a ticket and they're all sold out.
I'm going to.
They're all gone, Hassan.
I'm going to the fucking Glad Awards.
No, you are not.
Marge and I are going to the Glad Awards.
You are not going to be able to do that.
I guess you could say it's become a heated rivalry.
No.
I don't want to see you guys in that.
I'm just letting you know that I am refusing to interview you on the red carpet.
You will get no press from me.
I'll get interviewed.
Well, you know what, Marsh, maybe we can maybe we can rip our live stream on our own.
Okay, Marsh, I sent it to you.
It's not tailored yet.
The outfit's not tailored yet.
So you have to give me, you know, you have to give me some.
I'm going to go ahead and ask the Glad Awards if I can do a red carpet.
Maybe Will might want to.
You're dastard.
Okay, so here's the outfit.
You have to give me a listen.
Listen, don't do that.
Buy me an outfit and I'm yours.
Easy.
Easy.
Okay.
Look, you have to give me some grace here because it's not tailored.
Uh-huh.
It looks beautiful.
Wait, I'm confused.
Is there no jacket?
No, I'm going.
I'm having a custom silk tank top made underneath it of the same color.
Okay, and I'm going to wear that.
That helps me because I think respectfully.
That looks like a little shirt.
It's a little like, have you seen, like you need like a guys, leave him alone?
Okay.
I spent five grand on that piece of shit.
It's okay.
I just feel like the Glad Awards is the one time that you can be a little girl.
Now we have a budget for me.
No, you guys are going to give him a complex.
No, it's good.
Sorry.
Austin, it looks fabulous.
I think you should be shirtless underneath.
You're going to look so handsome.
Look what you did.
No, it's good.
No, it's good.
It's good on it.
Now we're a family.
I need you two to take ownership.
You traumatized our little gay boy.
You don't think I'm going to look good?
You're going to look fabulous.
Tell me you're going to look fabulous.
Tell him.
You're going to look fabulous.
Thank you.
And you.
You're going to look really good.
It didn't seem convincing.
Yeah, well, you're going to look good.
It's just, it's just.
I just wanted more from you.
You want more?
I spent five grand.
I want like a matching top hat or something.
I know.
I know.
Oh, fucking top hat!
What is he?
Fucking Willie Walker.
Wear heels or something.
Like, do something a little out of the book.
Heels!
The GLAD Awards!
Actually, I fuck with the heels idea.
Yeah, QD is right.
The top hat.
I'm more gay than you.
Okay, hold on.
I'm going to call my stylist right now.
No, no, no.
I'm calling my stylist right now.
I don't know if I trust him.
He's going to panic.
He's going to pay.
No, I'm going to call him a hypothesis.
This is a disaster.
I'm going to call my stylist.
No, hold on.
Just give me a second, real quick.
This is how he cancels on the Glad Awards, and then I see.
Nick, you're on the Fear End podcast.
I've got a question.
Hi.
Hi, Nick.
Question.
What if we added heels to the outfit?
To your outfit?
Yes.
The one you're going to wear to the Glad Awards?
Yes.
No.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Not this time around.
Not this time around.
But if you want to be in some cha-cha heels, I'll put them on you next time.
Nick, I have a question.
Hi, my name is Cutie Cinrella.
It's Cutie Cinrella.
It's not my real name.
I was born that way, but it's the second.
It's a new, it's a different one that I got later in life.
But my question is: don't you think, don't you think, well, like, nice, and respectfully, because I know you help him a lot.
Don't you think he's missing some pizzazz?
Yes, but we have to be gentle with giving Austin some pizzazz.
If we overload him with too much pizzazz, he might combust.
Yeah.
Nick, this is Will Napoleon, friends.
I see the vision.
I love the outfit.
I am a full supporter of it.
It's fabulous.
Thank you.
I know you're a Gucci boy.
Thank you.
Okay, thank you, Nick.
Thank you, Nick.
Good job.
Bye.
So, you have a fear of pizzazz?
I have no fear of pizzazz.
Look at fucking Frankie Grande's ass.
Kind of feels like Nick knows you best.
You couldn't wear that.
Look, and he made it seem like you're in the middle of the sent back here.
He did.
I'm never gay enough.
Like, look at this.
Look what you're doing to him.
I can't believe it.
Look what you're doing.
I'm never gay.
I'm going to use the bathroom.
I want you to wear a suit jacket and be shirtless underneath.
You work out too much to not be shirtless.
And we could do fake nipple piercings and the nipple piercings are like a chain around your neck.
Wouldn't that be so cool?
What are you doing?
A scene from the fucking cell?
You have a nipple piercing necklace.
Okay, you pissed off Siri.
Go ahead.
Number one, calm down.
You're overloading.
But don't you think that would be crazy?
You guys?
No, you guys are becoming helicopter parents.
Let our little gay son fly at his own speed.
I just have no dog in this fight.
I just like to fuck with Austin.
I know.
And it's sick.
You're a bad older brother.
I just, I just funny.
I just, that would be really cool, my outfit.
I mean, heels.
Imagine he's a fan.
He had to do a panic pitch.
Like, jacket, no top, fake nisbel piercings into a chain.
So cool.
Anyway, if anyone wants to hire me, I'm available.
I don't know anything about fashing now.
Fake ones, fake ones.
Fake ones.
I can make it.
You're going to look so good.
I'm so excited for you.
Oh, my God.
But like, imagine even like an assless.
Imagine assless.
Okay, asshole chefs.
Yes.
Guys, I smell like Mount Fuji right now, and it feels good.
But Austin owns Mount Fuji.
I know.
I smell like one of his many products.
But that product is made by Mando.
And Mando makes incredible products.
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We're talking whole body deodorant, okay?
We're talking about pits, balls, thighs, folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, and feet, baby.
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Some men mask their BO with scents.
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Zesty Bestie Underwear00:03:58
I don't know.
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I've got an idea.
Okay.
Well, I don't even have an idea.
All right.
I need to, I need to come.
Well, I already have a little bit of a complex because some guy came up to me and said, does Hassan make fun of you for how you dress?
I'll kill him.
Who is it?
Oh, you.
And I was wearing this outfit that I'm wearing right now.
But that's a great outfit.
Yeah, but and I think, I don't know.
He came up and I was like, well, and I just covered it and I was like, I'm not insecure at all.
And good thing.
Good thing that that didn't sit with you.
Yeah, no, it didn't sit with me at all.
And but yeah, it was just, you know, a little bit of a complex.
So, you know, look, I think I'm going to look great.
I'm very confident.
I think you're going to look fake.
You're going to look great.
What are you going to wear, Will?
Oh.
Oh, no.
Well.
You know who I think of whose suit I think of all the time?
Is Zesty Bestie from the Stream Awards.
Did you see it?
Oh, my God, Gorgina.
Hand embroidered, like, because he goes by Zesty.
Zesty Besty.
Blue suit, hand embroidered, like lemon in fucking lemon zest.
Oh my God, incredible.
I think about it all the time.
Zesty doesn't even know that, but if you knew.
Oh.
Ready with your zesty.
Oh, Zesty Bestie.
So cute.
Oh, my God.
Best suit ever.
I think about it all the time.
Look at that.
Oh, wow.
Isn't that so?
It's incredible.
That's so cute.
Isn't it so cute?
I love that.
Handmade.
He made it.
It's so cute.
You know what it's like?
Just some.
I love that.
I love some.
Yeah.
That's your number one.
Yeah.
No, but it's a number one.
You're going to get mad because you do like high fashion.
Yeah, I dress incredibly.
Yeah, I want.
I like.
I'm beyond your taste.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm like gaga meat dress.
What do you want?
What do you know?
But I was trying to have him.
Are you okay?
I'm not offended by that.
Am I supposed to be?
No, no, no.
Pause.
I perceive it too.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Wait, why?
Oh, no, no, nothing.
It's just Iran attacking?
No.
Are we attacking Iran?
It's actually, we don't even need to delete this part.
Larry Ellison bought is going to be the new boss of CNN.
And I have a bunch of.
Oh, he bought CNN?
I have a bunch of reporters reaching out being like, dude.
Oh, isn't he buying Warner Brothers too?
Yeah.
He's buying everything.
He's going to own basically all the media properties in the fucking country.
I thought you just hated Zesty Bestie.
No, no, no.
I just, I.
Yeah.
In that moment, I was thinking, like, I'm going to get so much fucking awful news coverage.
Don't worry, Hassan.
Let's.
Marsh, how much did we make on the Patreon last month?
Let's make a counter offer.
What do you think?
Let's buy CNN.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got a couple, 10 billion to spare.
Yeah.
I like Zesty Bestie's outfit.
That was cool.
Yeah, but I know what you're saying.
You're like fitted for it.
You don't like the way I dress.
No, no, I do.
You don't have to lie.
No, no, no.
I'm saying I go for memorable in like, I gotta go for kitschy.
The more words you add, you can just say you don't like it.
No, I do like it.
Wait, but just because she's high fashion.
Did you like my Mao Zedong fit that I got in China?
Yeah, I remember that one.
See, that was memorable.
Yeah, I remember that one.
But I remember your red suit, too.
See?
And you, I remember your clear shirt.
Oh, yeah.
The one that I smell.
No, no, this was a different one.
The smelly shirt, I do remember it too.
I had like encapsulated my nipples, and I didn't realize that until I got on stage.
Oh, this is my first red carpet in a while where I'm very skinny, though, which I'm excited for.
Kitschy Mao Fit00:02:57
Will, you have never been fat too.
I know.
I know, but now I'm just like, you have never been fat.
Did you see that?
My clip of you closing the doors.
Caroline's clip.
Yeah, it was me reacting.
Will walks in.
There's this clip.
Caroline's just like, will you close the door, darling?
You know, chart whatever.
And then Will walks in in his panties.
And you can see my house.
He closes the door and it's like, I just.
But the thing is, you knew that people could see it.
No, I literally was like so far back and I did like sure.
No.
Just like, just like all the comments were glazing him.
They're like, he's so ripped.
He's whatever.
This is just.
He got a million views.
I got to ask you a question.
I wasn't even my clip.
I want to know something.
I've seen a couple of pictures of your you and your underwear that you've posted.
I've seen a couple of pictures of your you and your underwear.
I've seen a couple pictures of you and your underwear.
This is available for public view.
So you want to know how much it weighs?
No.
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
What's happening?
No, no, no.
I could care less about how much it weighs.
Stop.
I don't want to know anything about your pants.
Why are you gesturing?
You're asking about it.
I don't want to know about it.
No one brought up his band.
What are you asking about?
I'm curious.
If you don't want to know the weight, is it going to be?
I don't care about the weight or the girth or the length.
You were gesturing.
Okay.
Or the length.
Were you aware that your member was on display for everybody else?
Shut the fuck up.
You took that mirror photo shirtless and had no idea that your junk was.
I should have rubbed it.
Oh, my God.
No.
Put it on my tombstone.
I should have rubbed it.
Every time I take a picture of my in my underwear, I'm always conscious of the way my idea.
I should have rubbed it, gave it a little kickstart.
You know what I mean?
Is there a female version of this?
Maybe nipples.
Hard nips.
Oh, you guys do that.
No, no, it was really in for a while, having hard nipples.
To the point that I believe one of the Jenner sisters, I believe it was Kylie.
Maybe I'm making this up.
If I am funny rumor, Kylie, you're welcome.
Got Botox in her nipples.
No!
Yeah.
It was a rumor I heard.
I don't know if it's real.
If I'm making up a funny ripple, I'm saying that's funny.
But yeah, then it made her like perma hard.
So then it like because nipples are an accessory, though.
It's easy to get hard, though.
Your nipples.
It is.
I mean, I won't do it right now, but it's just one little.
Well, that's not the same for girls.
Oh, really?
No.
Is that really not the same?
You guys take a second?
How did Jennifer Anniston get him so rock solid?
She could just have like bigger nipples.
Because if you have bigger nipples.
They put ice on them, bad boys.
No, they weren't doing that during Friends.
She probably just has like, you know, I always remember of Super Bad, the episode.
Bald National Security00:10:10
She had the room cold.
Jonah Hill and McLovin are in a gas station and he goes, she got baby toes for nipples.
Oh.
And I was thinking, so like a little tiny, like a big, like some people have tiny nipple and some people have big one.
Right.
And they can have not pepperoni areolas.
They can have like small areols.
Do you remember what topic we're on right now?
Nipples.
Will quit talking about that.
Why do nipples make you so uncomfortable?
Just let us roll.
All right, fun.
Damn.
I have something to talk about.
The fear and west coast train tour.
He hasn't forgot.
Oh, so that's a topic.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, well, actually, I'm just going to roll.
Hey, so talk to me about what you did today.
I interviewed Ben Rhodes.
I interviewed Nita Allum in North Carolina 4.
And then right after that, I interviewed the Barack Obama National Security Advisor, Ben Rhodes, who played a formative role in the Iran denuclearization agreement, also known as the JCPOA, and also played a role in the Cuba Normalization Talks.
I'm trying to get him to come with me.
I'm a whole day.
I'm trying to get him to come to the Cuba trip with us.
I did a React stream.
Yeah.
You're a different man in the AM than you are in the PM.
Yeah, I'm, well, you know, I melt.
I started my day at six.
I had a big podcast beforehand, before I did the stream stream.
With these two content critics, Chris Kunzler and Overzell.
Like a political one?
Yeah.
That guy does politics.
Now, Austin, did you have anything you wanted to talk about today?
Of course I did.
Okay.
And I wanted to.
Austin met Ben Rhodes.
Oh, it was really funny.
Apparently he was like walking out and Austin shook his hand.
Go ahead, Austin.
What did you do?
Well, I didn't know who the guy was, to be honest with you.
I was like, oh, Hassan's talking to somebody.
He was bald, wasn't he?
Yes.
Okay.
Which is nothing.
No problem.
Right?
I don't have any issues.
No one thought you did until that moment.
Ben Rhodes, I had no idea who he was, but I was like, okay, Hassan, he must be of somewhat.
National Security Advisor to Barack Obama, former president.
Right.
Former president.
Wait, so he still does it?
No, he used to, former, former president.
Well, I know, but former presidents get security forever their rest lives.
No, no.
Wait, what?
That was awesome.
No, cutie.
See, I didn't even know that it was funny.
I'm just joining in.
Okay.
National Security Advisor is a White House position.
Right.
Okay.
Mr. Obama, would you like your daily briefing?
No, I've been retired for many years now.
I would still take a briefing, right?
What the National Security Advisor does is like they play a role in like doing foreign policy.
So, did you ask him about aliens?
No.
No, I didn't.
Security.
What do you mean?
I mean, honestly, because I. If he's on security, he's better be watching the aliens.
No, I think.
And Obama just did an interview where he said aliens are real.
And then he had to backtrack and he had to be like, yeah, they're probably real.
That was a really good Obama.
That was your best impression.
Oh, they're probably real.
He lost it.
No.
It was one shiny moment.
So close.
So anyway, I meet the bald guy.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
What?
Again, national security.
He's not going to fucking see this.
He's a podcast.
He has a family.
He loves it.
He might see it.
Well, look, I'd like to issue a very public apology.
I don't have anything against bald people.
In fact, I suffer from the same condition you do.
I'm just not quite as far along in the process.
He just full fucking hat of hair.
So full fucking hair.
NSA guy, national security advisor for Barack Obama.
Had no idea until Hassan said something.
So he, as he was leaving, he couldn't find the door.
So I said, it is hidden.
I'm going to help you.
And then as I was leaving, I shook his hand.
I said, thank you for your service.
And is that weird?
I said, thank you for your service to this nation.
And I just wanted to thank him because I felt bad he was bald.
He told me he's like, I don't know what he was doing, but he seemed serious.
Wait, what?
I think that's nice.
I thanked him for his service to this nation.
And I told him I was an American citizen and I was on the fear and I was a podcast.
It feels like you overshared a little bit.
I just wanted to let him know.
I'm in a homosexual relationship.
Did he think he was going to like...
I told him I was an American citizen.
I just wanted to know that.
I live in Portland, Oregon, but I spent quite a good deal of time here in Los Angeles.
But yeah, it was great.
I thought you'd like to know.
It was nice to meet him.
And I also told him, I said, you know what?
Don't worry about all this.
He did not.
They make great toupes now.
They actually call them installments.
I want to tell hair systems.
I want to tell this to bald people out there.
I want to say, you know what?
I think bald people are some of the freest people on the planet.
Yeah.
Because I think once you finally let go of your hair, you are, you just look that way forever.
And you just, you know, you just kind of take it all at once.
And it's just kind of, that's it.
You know what I mean?
You don't have to worry about, I feel like you've done a pump-up speech for bald people.
I'm pretty sure they'd fucking kill themselves right now.
If you had to pump up a bald man, you're like, I mean, it's as bad as it's going to get.
You gave up.
I mean, look, can't get any lower.
You know what?
I don't think there's, and this isn't, I mean, this being there's no shame to bald people, but I love watching the TikTok like hair system installment.
I love them.
Oh, like where they put the hair back.
Yeah.
And I'm just saying, like, yeah, the toupes nowadays are so good.
If you're bald and you don't want to be, you don't have to be bald.
You know what I say?
They're really good.
You know what I say?
I'm saying that as someone like, I have small boobs.
I don't have to have small boobs.
You don't.
Yes, I do.
It's a B. Don't look.
I think it's an she has a booty.
I think it's an A. She's booty looking.
No, it's a B, Austin.
They're B's.
Is A smaller than B?
Yeah.
Oh.
Thank you.
You're trying to give me a C?
I was trying to give you an A.
Well, C did you.
He was trying to give you a passing gram.
Yeah, he was.
Yeah, he didn't realize.
I give him an S. You know, I'm saying.
I think, I think, this is my hot take.
If women were the ones more likely to go bald, all of us bitches would be wearing wigs.
It's true.
You know what my girlfriend is?
Because beauty standards.
My grandmother used to say that every woman should have a wig in her wardrobe.
I do have one now.
Wow.
Cool.
And you know what my grandfather used to say?
What's that?
He hated wigs.
No, he used to my grandfather.
Slurs.
My grandfather hated.
Wow, this is such a bad joke.
No, his grandfather is woke.
My grandfather was very woke, but he was also born in 1923.
Right.
So my grandmother used to have fake eyelashes, you know, wig, you know, and my grandfather.
We may have to cut this.
My grandfather used to say to his pals.
Oh, no.
Locker room talk.
It was bad.
Locker room.
He used to say, you know what?
Every night I don't know whether to get in bed or get in the drawer.
Wait, I don't get it.
Because she had a wig and eyelashes and...
Get in the drawer, like hide from her?
No, get in the drawer because that's all of her stuff with.
Oh, like have sex with her stuff?
No.
Wait, I don't get it.
Wait, have I gotten dumber?
Wiggin hand called the soul.
No, no, no.
Like, no, no.
Get it?
Getting in bed.
Like, basically, my grandfather had, my grandmother had, you know, a lot of accessories, earrings, prosthetics, you know, eyelashes, eyebrows.
So he wanted to hide like he didn't recognize her?
No, she would take them off and put them somewhere.
And he's like, oh, more of my wife is in the drawer than it is in the back.
Oh, which is obviously.
So it was to have sex with him.
No, I don't think my grandparents had sex at a certain point.
They definitely did.
Old people get real horny.
Oh.
Cutie.
I'm on Reddit.
For the love of God.
They do.
Ladies and gentlemen, and just like that, time flies when you're having a good time with Fear Ann Podcast.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're off to the Patreon where we're going to talk for another hour.
That's right.
And I brought another ADHD toy for them.
Oh, yes.
ADHD toy.
Oh, it's sticking out already.
Unboxing builds for you.
Oh my god.
Wait, it comes alive in water?
That's right.
Oh, wow.
His eyes light up.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
That's it.
Marshalls.
Why is she telling us about it?
I think it's so dumb.
Okay.
Me too.
I like it.
I like it.
I want to know more about what the fuck happened, Michael.
She's not going to tell you because it's between Cody and her.
Okay, let me let me say something.
When two people get a divorce, it's because something didn't work out.
Right.
Right?
And in this case, something didn't work out between them.
And that's it.
But why am I supposed to give a shit?
I've been a follower of Michaela's since she had 35,000 followers and she was doing makeup hauls outside of a New Jersey Target.
And I need to know why she and Cody are no longer in a relationship.
I will fucking kill myself if you don't tell me.
Marsh, are you still doxing Cody?
Yeah, we're going to dox Cody.
So cutie, what is the.
Their girly pop take is that she's insane for being like, everybody sit down.
Yeah, that was pretty cool.
Take it in.
Like, I don't know if there's any relationship.
Speak for yourself.
I think Michelle and Obama is the only time I'd be like, yeah, I'm Michelle Obama.