Fear& hosts dissect chaotic banter ranging from viral monkey bullying to right-wing political parallels, while recounting severe dental trauma involving fake cavities and painful root canals in Utah. They debate the "Girly Pop" community's co-option of figure skater Alyssa Liu by Republicans and review bombing wars between Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad fans. The episode culminates in a five-day train trip bet to Portland, Oregon, contrasting corporate profit motives during cartel violence with personal consumer frustrations over custom curtains and food delivery failures. Ultimately, the segment highlights how mundane grievances intertwine with broader cultural and political anxieties. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Punch The Monkey00:14:52
All right, we're moving on to the next topic.
Punch the monkey.
Wait.
No, Jump!
Punch the monkeys!
I love him!
I heard about this.
Oh, I've been making fun of Punch the Monkey.
Kill yourself for the second time this episode.
What are you talking about?
You've been making fun of Punch the Monkey?
So funny.
No!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Fear Amp Podcast.
And for the first time in the year 2026 of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
It feels so good.
It's Jesus.
I'm back.
I was sitting here.
I was looking at my rings because my dad made me that one.
And then that one I bought myself.
And then Will got me that one.
Then Pokemon got me that one.
And then this one I got by myself.
But then I was sitting here and I was like, I'm not wearing anything that Ludwig gave me.
Oh, my God.
So then I felt bad.
Did he not give you one?
No, I think he did.
I just don't have, I'm just not wearing it today.
That's okay.
But I didn't notice until right now.
Yeah.
But that sounded like I was pandering.
I'm like, oh, no.
Yeah.
No, this is the year of the trad wife.
If you guys don't know, I've changed a lot.
I'm a grifter now.
Oh.
Grifter and a trad wife.
Welcome.
Welcome to the party.
I'm really excited.
That was one thing I'm actually.
He's not gay.
What?
What?
It changed?
No, Woke is back.
I'm getting.
She's going through the back.
Wait, if Woke is back, why am I a grifter?
Oh, no, no.
You got to grift to the woke, I think.
Oh, I didn't know you could do that.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I mean, Hassan's been doing it for years.
So successfully.
God.
You know, I've never understood that.
People are like, Hassan is a grifter to the left.
But like, why would anybody grift to socialism?
Yeah.
The worst group of people.
They're all people going back.
You're a tribe wife.
Yes.
I'm a trad wife.
I met two people serendipitously, two separate people in Utah, just random, okay, that I met.
I make small talk with strangers often.
As you do.
Two separate people were talking about how Charlie Kirk is still alive.
Oh.
And they were like dead ass.
Wait.
Well, he got killed in Utah.
But they weren't there.
Well, hold on.
What do they think he's doing?
I don't know.
I didn't get that far in the conversation because I was nervous I wouldn't be able to play ball and they'd notice I was in the wrong room.
Where do you go in a conversation after that?
Well, one was at a gas station.
So there's only so much I could do.
Were you pumping your gas and a stranger came up and buying gum.
Oh, but there was a line.
And in the line, the person was on your shoulder.
Charlie Kirk's alive.
Charlie Kirk's alive.
No.
What led into that?
I turned around and I was like, long line, huh?
Got me.
I think I said long line, huh?
Or something.
I think I dropped my gun.
I did something where I said something like, oh, yeah, anyway.
And they were like, they're like, you were asking.
I dropped my gum and he just went, Charlie Kirk is alive.
No.
I could pick up on your signals.
We made small talk.
He was like, where are you going?
And I was like, oh, I'm like... Charlie Kirk's funeral.
No, I was like, oh, I'm on a road trip because this was on my way back.
Okay.
I was like, oh, I'm on a road trip.
Or I wasn't on the road trip yet.
I'm deluding my story.
This was the day before.
Anyway, but I was getting ready for the road trip.
So I was filling up gas and getting gum.
All the things, you know, because I don't, I don't, you guys know this.
I don't stop when the pets are in the car because then they could get stolen.
That's why I have to pee on the side of the road.
Everybody knows that.
Yeah.
Pee on the side.
Pee on the side of the road.
So during a road trip.
She literally shit herself.
What do you think?
That was an accident.
I forgot you shit yourself.
But I take a sheep with me.
Oh, the sheep.
That's where you could.
It's like.
Oh, is that the cup?
No, it's a funnel.
It's a wiener.
That's the thing that makes a penis out of your vagina.
Yeah.
I have it right here.
As a matter of fact.
Wait, what?
Oh, that one is not as good, I don't think.
No.
But I take it with me on road trips because I don't want, because I fear if I go into a gas station, someone will steal my two cats and my dog because they're so cute.
What about carjackers on the side of the road?
Well, I'm just standing next to them.
I'm stealing that car.
What do you mean?
Oh, come on.
It's a 2023.
I upgraded.
I like your Subaru.
Thank you.
It does.
It's filled with way too much clay.
It smells weird.
Well, I think it trade her car for a month.
Trade my car for a month.
He doesn't even.
If you like her car so much.
Trade my car for a month.
That'd be fun.
Yeah.
Wait, I don't know how to use a Tesla.
Let me be clear.
Let me be clear.
What?
Cutie, your car is wonderful and it's very suitable for a lot of people.
But I'll stop you there.
What?
Do you want to make me cry?
No, no.
I love you.
No, no.
No, tell me about my car.
Tell me about it.
I love it so much.
You don't want to look like a lesbian.
Is that right?
I've been traded for two months.
No, your car is beautiful.
It's a wonderful car.
It's fabulous.
A lot of cars.
I just think my car is better.
Right.
But that's better for me.
No, they really like that.
A Tesla?
I don't have a Tesla.
I would never have a Tesla.
I thought you did have a Tesla.
I didn't like Tesla before it was cool.
Are we pretending like he's never had a Tesla?
Not had a Tesla.
No, no, you think it will have a Tesla.
I have a Tesla.
Okay.
I have a BMW X5M.
You also have Twitter Television.
You told me that's better than a Subaru Forrester.
100%.
I have all-weather wheels.
I have tires.
All-leather wheels.
All-weather.
All-weather.
All weather.
Anyway, it's not a big deal.
We still haven't even gotten to it.
Sorry.
This is my bad.
So I was prepping for the road trip.
So that's why I was in line and we were talking.
And he was like, he's like, oh, you listen to anything good on your drives, audiobooks.
And I go, oh, just podcasts.
And then you opened it up.
And then he goes, oh, what kind?
And I said, the yard, because I just didn't know what else to say.
I was like, the yard.
It's like, it's like, I described it the weirdest description.
I said it's like Seinfeld, but a podcast.
Because just like some friends.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
I was nervous.
We're Seinfeld and we're Sonny.
I'll take that.
Okay.
So I was like, it's Seinfeld, but a podcast.
And they were like, he was like, oh, okay.
And I was like, what have you been listening to?
Candace Owens.
Well, he didn't say, but he was like, oh, just some crazy stuff.
And I was like, oh, okay.
Patriot.
And this is where I get interested.
Because if someone says crazy stuff, I'm like, ooh, tell me.
Yeah, tell me more.
You know, what is it?
Of course.
Like, and then he was like, oh, well, you know, Charlie Kirk's still alive.
And I was like, I didn't.
I didn't know you.
You just took that on the chin.
What was I supposed to say?
He jumped a gun.
He didn't even tell you the podcast.
Obviously, he told you what the podcast was.
I'm with you.
I'm the same thing.
If somebody told me Charlie Kirk was alive, I'm so non-confrontational.
I'd be like, you know what?
That's interesting.
I'm going to look into this.
You want me to argue it?
No, I would want to explore.
Okay.
Yeah, I would say something along the lines of more.
Why would you possibly believe that?
Oh, I would egg it on.
I would be like, I dare say I agree.
I was scared.
No, you shouldn't.
I was scared.
I wouldn't know how to equip myself.
You should have literally been like, I agree with you 100%.
Tell me more about it.
Let's agree.
You should have taken it one step further and say, I think he's alive and he's trans.
Okay.
Good idea.
What?
Oh, man.
You're thinking overtime.
No, I'm telling you.
Look at my mind.
Like, the thing is, Kitty is like, all these people.
I knew it.
These rights.
Candace Owens said Israel kidnapped him, cut his dick off, and made him a liberal.
That's right.
So these right-wingers, at some point, like they will spiral into this psychosis where eventually everything is trans.
Oh, yeah.
It's called trans investigation.
Yeah.
So they'll be.
Yeah, I did learn about this last year.
Transvestigated him.
They said I was awesome.
Woman.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I said, I don't want to be mean, but you'd be the ugliest girl.
Yeah.
I don't know.
You don't know.
You don't know.
He's got cute eyes.
I know.
Look at that one guy, princess.
Thank you.
From Shrek.
Oh, I'll be honest.
I have been compared.
Yeah, that's you.
Can I be honest?
On your best day.
That's you going to Prague.
I have been compared to her.
It's a hard woman.
She's beautiful.
Yeah, of course, every woman is in her own way.
That's my type.
I said guy princess.
That was offensive.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it like that.
That's fine.
She just has a chisel.
Appropriately.
She's stepsister.
Well, she's like uglier than the ugly stepsisters.
She has a jaw.
Yeah.
Like Cillian Murphy.
Which would look good on Margot Robbie, but not on a girl.
Anyway, the guy said, so the guy said Charlie Kirk is alive and you did not investigate.
I said, I said, oh, wow.
And then it was time for me to pay.
And then I paid and I said, nice meeting you.
And I left.
Wow.
Amazing.
In his mind, he was like, okay, who's the second person that died?
Well, the second person I fear.
Oh.
Second person.
Second person was just like, I was talking.
Let's just say, I'm going to keep it elusive because I don't, because, you know, I've got some, I've got some questionable family, maybe is what some will say.
Yeah.
And but this person was not my family, but I was talking luckily.
It wasn't just Candace Owens thought.
I was playing Smash Night, listening to Joe Rogue.
I was talking to a child.
Oh, no.
And the child ratted on their parents.
Oh.
So, because I was like, what are the kids listening to these days?
Because I was trying to bond over.
I was like, kids must love Pink Pony Club.
It's a freaking pony.
Absolutely.
And they love KSI's song.
No, every word, ban for ban.
Incredible.
Actually, love Alex Warren and love Imagine Dragons.
I was like, okay, this is interesting.
Oh, and love Shabuzi.
You know what?
My nieces love Shabuzzy.
I think this is very, this is like a very quiet take, I think, white taste in general.
The child I was talking to was not white.
Now what?
Now what?
Okay, well, Utah is white territory across the board.
Oh, so you're saying they're whitewashed?
You're off.
I mean, Utah is the whitest place on the planet.
Yes, it's so white.
I've been there.
Guys, what about Idaho?
Well, it's close.
It's adjacent.
What about like Norway?
There's a lot of Utah immigrants in Idaho.
Yeah, just BYU, Idaho.
That's right.
Norway is pretty white.
Norway.
But I was talking to the child, and I was like, child, what do you listen to?
Like, I was just trying to bog make small talk.
And they were like, Shabuzi.
And I was like, that's awesome.
I was like, what do your parents listen to?
And they were like, something about Charlie Kirk.
And I go, what?
Well, I said, what about Charlie Kirk?
It's Candace Owens.
And they said, well, he's alive.
And I said, uh-oh.
Does she think he's alive?
No.
She doesn't.
Which is, this is like there's like the Candace Owens route, which is now, I think, break the brains of most middle-aged people, including like a lot of like white liberal ladies are now like super fans of Candace Owens.
And because of her true crime pivot and stuff.
Oh, she has true crime now?
So she basically tackles the Charlie Kirk issue as like both a scorned lover and also from a true crime perspective.
Okay.
And also gossip.
I love a gossip.
Wait, she might be able to get me.
She is entertaining.
We are very close.
She gossiped.
In a different timeline.
You're a big fan of her.
A different timeline.
I still have time.
Get me started.
Pump it in my veins.
I'm a clandestine operator.
Like, I'm one of the fans.
Like, clandestine.
We see chats.
She doesn't notice me, but it's fine.
Okay.
And she blocked me many years ago, but I hope she'll unblock me when she sees the video.
Anyway, so She thinks she was the first to market to be like Charlie Kirk was killed by Israel.
And that was basically like an atom bomb.
Okay.
Because everyone was like, oh my God, that makes the most sense of all time.
It didn't, but it's fine.
People believed it.
Okay.
You know, just kind of go along with it to make small talk with people.
That's me.
Yeah.
And also because I'm fascinated.
And also I like lying.
So.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's me.
Yeah.
So I'll be like, yeah, yeah.
What else?
Who else do you think played a role in it?
But then she pivoted to from Israel to like France because she has an ongoing legal battle with the prime minister of France because she falsely claimed that Emmanuel Macron's wife is actually a trans woman.
And then they sued Candace Owens for defamation.
So then she like ties it back to things that are going on in her life.
So then she was like, oh, it's like they're actually the French Foreign Legion.
So that's one side of the conspiracy.
The other side of the conspiracy is that Charlie Burke is alive.
And that, I don't even know where you get that seat.
I mean, I could have asked the guy to come on the pod.
I just didn't know we're open to that.
You should just grab a crazy motherfucker.
Oh, yeah.
2026.
It's a new year.
And I've really wanted to go to more events where I got to buy tickets.
Guess what's in town in May?
What?
The Netflix's laughing comedy festival.
Oh, my God.
You mean Netflix is a joke?
Netflix is a joke.
Last time I went to 28 different shows.
That's damn.
But I already missed the original sales and now I don't know what to do.
Oh, my God.
Well, cutie, do I have the solution for you?
Uh-huh.
Number one rated ticket app, SeatGeek, with over 28 million downloads.
Wow.
Okay.
It's an amazing place to go find a seat at one of those comedy shows.
Yes.
Okay.
I'll have to do that, Austin.
Yeah.
And no lack of events listed on SeatGeek.
There's over 70,000.
In fact, in addition to comedy shows, you got concerts, sports, festivals, and more.
That's awesome.
I can go to, maybe I'll go see John Millennium and then afterwards go to a Lakers game.
Yeah.
Like a twofer.
And then, and then, and then go to Anthony Jeselnick.
Oh.
I can watch people pee on each other.
I don't think they have tickets for that.
Oh, sorry.
So what are you waiting for?
Take out your phone, open the SeatGeek app, and add code Fear10 to your account to make sure you get 10% off your next set of tickets.
That's code Fear10 for 10% off.
Any tickets on SeatGeek?
Well, I've always wanted for us to be friendly.
And maybe, you know, because you don't travel, this would be a good option for us to rent out like an Applebee's.
Oh, my God.
And just welcome local American.
I went there for Valentine's Day one time.
Hardworking Americans in.
So sad.
We'll pay for your triple dippers if you sit down and talk to us for 10 minutes.
Gay Shit And Exes00:14:24
Can I tell you, I'm not a big Applebee's fan?
I'm a big, I'm a Chili's.
I'm a Chili's.
Yeah, I think that is the litmus test if you're a normal human.
Chili's has the good.
I don't like Applebee's.
I prefer Chili's.
I do felt like you were faking that.
I only had Applebee's as an option growing up, but Applebee's has been running this commercial recently and I've really locked into it.
And it's the burger dippers.
Cheese.
The burgers.
I'm craving it.
You saw it on Twitter.
I see it on Twitter.
I want to see it.
It's so delicious.
Marsh?
It looks so good.
For the Patreon, go ahead and lock in a delivery order of chilies.
Get the triple dippers with the mozzarella sticks and the burger.
No, not chilies.
No, we got to try this Applebee's burger.
It's the one dipped in the cheese.
Marsh Lock in two orders.
But you don't talk about us the words.
Triple Dippers.
Yes, it is.
Dipped in the cheese, but it's two burgers.
It's going to remind me of my ex-boyfriend.
I know exactly what you're talking about because I see it.
He loved Applebee's.
Really?
Oh, no, it is.
I can't believe that that wasn't red flag enough.
No, it was bad.
We've been there all the time.
It's one of the most disgusting American inventions, and I love it.
Yeah, no, it's amazing.
That's why I think the U.S. has the best food in the world.
I really do.
That's my way.
I feel so bad for anyone doing Ramadan right now when they're listening to our podcast driving to work.
Well, if you're listening after hours, yeah, we've already fucking Applebee's.
Dude, dude.
No, no.
Oh, my.
The mind that invented this madness, dude.
Oh, and dip the fucking baby.
Give me some of those Buffalo Crispers, too.
So I'll order two of those?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Wait, does Applebee's even deliver?
I don't know.
We're going to find out.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time.
Can you hit me with a girly pop real quick?
Girly pop.
What if I don't have one?
Girly pop.
Don't worry.
I brought one in the middle of you rejoining.
Thank God.
So cutie.
I brought cookies for the Patreon.
That's all I got.
In honor of you coming back.
A rare segment.
I prepped what I think is the nerd community's version of a girly pop nation beef.
Oh.
Oh, I thought it was going to be Alyssa.
Alyssa Lee.
I came up.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Lou, how do you say it?
Lou.
Every time I hear it, it's said different.
Okay, Lou.
March is Wagen.
That's why.
Okay, Alyssa Liu is who everyone is obsessed with right now.
Yeah, I got a lot to say about that.
Thank God you're back because I had no fucking idea what was going on in Girly Pop.
Oh, it's bad.
We're obsessed.
She did skating to Pink Panthers, and so now we're obsessed with her.
She's dope.
She also won the gold medal.
And she has a smiley that she gave herself.
Yeah, she's dope.
It's that the Republicans have decided that she's like a MAGA champion now and they're lying about things that she's never said where they're like, yeah, we need to like make this nation a white state.
Alyssa Liu.
And it's like, she's woke.
What the fuck's wrong with you guys?
So the way they're like trying to take her.
Yeah, they're trying to make her into like a conservative patriotic icon.
Oh.
Because of her interesting backstory.
But we don't need to get into that while March is pulling this up.
I can actually talk about it if you want.
He's not pulling anything up.
Will's talking about girly pop.
I haven't even introduced myself.
I've been waiting for you to pull up.
Kind of hard.
Started rambling.
We were filling.
I thought you said something to Mark.
No, no.
I know, I just got distracted.
No, no, no.
There's nothing visual I'm pulling up.
I can tell most of it.
I've rehearsed.
Okay.
So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, have you been following the new season of Game of Thrones Knights of the Seven Kingdoms?
No.
I haven't watched it yet.
It's so fucking good.
I've seen it.
Okay.
You don't seem like you'd ever see it.
Before you get in here, can I just say finally, appreciation and representation for us talls.
Because for far too long.
Oh my god, kill yourself.
For far too long.
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Tall guys.
Tall guys are never the main character.
Look at the dumbass NBA, idiot.
Tall guys, no, in TV shows and in movies, tall guys are always like, oh, you're the dumb brute.
Like, you're the side character.
Ooh, you just.
What about those two tennis people that made out was awesome?
No, but none of them are as tall.
None of them are seen as tall.
His main character in this show is Duncan the Tall.
No.
That's literally what they call him.
Sir Duncan the Tall.
And he's an ohfish brute.
I know, but like he's a level of brute.
The poor, oppressed, tall people.
Yes, I'm sick and tired of it.
Always like average height people who are the main character and tall guys oftentimes are just get tired of women wanting me for my body.
Dude, shut up.
It made me feel so seen.
Oh my god.
When Baratheon, when Baratheon, the king, or like the family of the you know, king in the Game of Thrones series, turns around to Sir Duncan the Tall and goes, stand brave, stand tall.
I was like, There's a young boy.
There's a young boy who's NBA.
Do you really think you're impressed?
He's acting.
He's acting like a NBA prospect out there right now.
And he saw that moment and he thought to himself, you know what?
I don't have to be on this anymore.
You walk into a room and pussies flutter.
They don't.
Ew.
Oh, God.
Jesus.
That was like gave me a visual.
That was wild.
Isn't that what pussies do?
They flutter.
No, I don't think so.
Yeah, when they queeve.
I've never seen a pussy really do anything, so I don't really know what.
No.
Anyway, back to what I was saying.
Thank you for your message about tall representation.
Thank God we covered that.
So, new season of Game of Thrones, Knights of the Seven Kingdom.
The last episode is one of the highest rated episodes of television ever.
Clocking in at a 9.9 and approaching a 10 on IMDb.
Worth it, by the way.
Worth it.
Now, here comes the drama.
Oh, I love the drama.
Me too.
Listen to this.
Do you guys know the only episode of TV on IMDb to be rated?
Breaking Bad.
Correct.
Katie Cinderella.
No, I know everything.
It's Ozzy Maddie.
I'm the smartest girl in the world.
It's Ozzy Mandius from Breaking Bad.
So, as Night of the Seven Kingdom was nearing a 10 overall, the fandom of Breaking Bad linked together and started reviewboxing.
Oh my God.
Review bombing.
Okay, that's a little mean.
Knight of the Seven Kingdom and dropped back down from a 10 to a 9.9 because they wanted Breaking Bad to have the only 10 episodes.
However, they made a grave mistake.
They self-identified in the comments on IMDb.
This one's for Breaking Bad.
Breaking Bad on top.
Fuck this show.
So the fandom of Game of Thrones got together and went and review bombed Ozzy Mandius.
And now on IMDb, there are no 10-rated episodes.
Mutually assured destruction between fandoms.
Oh my gosh.
And the throne is vacant.
So are the girly pops involved in this at all?
No, but I said.
We just like dramatic.
No, at the beginning, I literally said this is the nerdy version.
It's a good cross-population.
I did the jingle and everything.
I think he said it was an version of a girly poppy.
I know.
I introduce it.
No, I know, but you said do the jingle, and it wasn't a girly pop nation.
You've ruined the are you hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth?
No, this seems funny.
No, you ruined it.
You ruined it.
Next time you cue the girly pops on camp.
Be serious.
I was so excited.
I thought he was pulling up a slideshow and everything.
Yeah.
I thought you were going to talk about something girls care about.
Yeah, really.
You realize when I send the signal and I send it to the sky, the girly pops all around the world.
Our pussies flutter.
We say, what are we talking about this week?
I hope it's juicy drama.
Their pussies flutter.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
In Will's defense, the girly pops are very much into Game of Thrones.
And drama!
Yeah!
But yeah, but that's just sort of a, that's just, that's just.
I'm feeling stereotyped.
Yeah, I agree.
That's what I was thinking.
That's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
I think women.
We can move on.
Yeah.
I'm proud of you just don't ask for the fucking song again.
Okay, don't put up the bat signal if there's not a crime.
Yeah.
All right, we're moving on to the next topic.
Pull up Punch the Monkey.
Wait, not to pop it.
You pull a punch of monkeys.
I love him.
I heard about this.
Oh, I've been making fun of Punch the Monkey.
Kill yourself for the second time this episode.
What are you talking about?
You've been making fun of Punch the Monkey?
So funny.
No!
Cutie, you're the healthiest person I know.
Thank you.
I wonder why you're so healthy.
Austin, you love a tenant.
You know what, guys?
I have really good news.
In 2026, I got two new therapists.
Wow.
And you know how I found him?
How did you find him?
I found him on Zock Doc.
I found him on Zock Doc.
I found him on ZocDoc, which is an app.
It's a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love, which is really nice.
Going to a doctor that you don't love would be detrimental probably to someone's health.
And I think all of us, all of us should probably stop putting off those doctor appointments.
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Stop.
You're just dying.
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Austin.
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Austin, I am so at odds with you right now.
Dude, can I be honest with you?
There is a rumor out there that Andrew Tate offered to buy Punch the Monkey.
Yeah, I hope that's the one.
And it was the first time I was like, maybe we were wrong about this guy.
Yeah.
What?
No.
That's why he's trying to help him.
Yeah.
No.
That's why he's trying to.
I'm fine.
Same punch.
Let's see it.
What happened?
No, I'm not watching it.
Wait, wait.
Austin, do you guys know what he does?
I heard about this through the grapevine.
I saw a cutie tweet it and I was like, dude, dude, what a motherfucker.
Wait, how are you so oblivious to me?
I'll be honest.
Cutie drawer all the time.
You didn't see this has been fucking the most marvelous story.
There was a bunch of gay shit going on.
Yeah, I did with the gay.
Don't call it that.
Yeah.
No, there was pretty accurate.
There's a lot of gay shit on my timeline.
I saw a cutie tweet about it and I said, oh, some monkey's getting his ass kicked by.
No, we got to get this monkey a gloss.
Right?
Yeah.
Okay, so let's see what happened because I haven't seen the video.
Okay, let me.
Can I give you a lead in?
Yeah.
Punch is a monkey.
Punch Keen.
His name is Punch.
Yes.
Gotta ask him for it.
Come on.
Hey.
This monkey was born into captivity and his mother abandoned him.
God.
And he was given a plushie toy.
Bad vibes.
Just stand in for a second.
And he drags the plushie toy everywhere.
And no one will hang out with him.
In the enclosure, beat the shit out of him.
Can I be honest with you?
No.
I'm going to be honest.
Don't be honest.
I don't want your honesty.
I think.
Hold on.
Because I want to see what the internet does to him.
Think, hold on, first of all, I don't endorse bullying unless, but I look at some of these people that have rose to power, like Steven Miller.
And I said, if he would have been punched a few times when he was a kid, he's an orphan monkey!
Maybe not a fucking.
What are we talking about?
I think this monkey is the next, like, Hitler.
This monkey would have grown up to be a right-wing incel.
And maybe this is like that.
I like where you went with that.
It was bold.
It was bold.
We need to bring back bullying so that we don't raise Nazis.
Okay.
So, punching the six-month-old baby macaque.
Okay.
And basically, he's abandoned by his mother, as well as said, and he brings his cute plushy toy around.
However, a lot of people have misunderstood the dynamic of macaques, which are, you know, territorial and there's a hierarchy.
And the reason why they're beating the shit out of this monkey is not because they're like, fuck you.
It's because he's an orphan.
No, they're beating him up because they need to establish the hierarchy.
He's just a natural part of them.
Fuck those monkeys.
That's how I feel.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm ready to go.
John Wick on those monkeys.
No, I am ready to go full aroma, jump in the enclosure, and kill some apes.
I'll be honest with you, this monkey is vulnerable and susceptible to falling down the right-wing pipeline.
So I think he needs, I think he needs to get an ass kicking because then look in 20 or 30 years, he could be in Steve.
I do really hate to say this, but like, I was bullied a lot and now I'm kind of good, you know?
Macaque Hierarchy Chaos00:10:33
See?
So he, that's what I'm saying.
Okay, I'm reversing to do this.
She won't pee on road trips for fear that her cats are stolen.
Yeah, but that's reactional.
Now, I also won't do sinus things.
We could call it to love and send support to punch the monkey.
Isn't it funny to just think that he has bad vibes?
No, he's got great vibes.
Look at him.
Everybody left.
It's so sad.
Oh my God, it's so sad.
This is the saddest thing ever.
I want to say that I am just joking.
In my mind, in my mind, you hate him.
In my head, Cannon, Punch knows that he's a bad person.
Oh, my God.
Punch knows that he's fucking viral.
So he'll just walk up to the other monkeys and he'll be like, yo, fuck you.
No, you're.
He says like a slur.
Why does your brains are both shattered?
Wait, show the one where he gets his fucking shit.
No, don't show that one.
He gets swung over.
Oh, my God.
I can't even watch that.
Oh, my God.
No, no.
Oh, my God.
Now.
Dude, you have an issue.
No, no, hold on.
I called an animal expert on this.
Look, and he goes to his plush.
Did you just call Maya?
Maya.
Yeah, Maya had a comment on this, and she said that.
Did you actually call her or you just sing her clip?
I just saw her.
What did Maya say?
Okay.
Maya told me personally when I read this.
That she said that, like, basically, if the monkeys wanted to hurt the monkey, they would have hurt him harder.
So I think this is like a, this is a normal, is a normal.
We are human beings and we think anthropomorphize.
Yes.
Can I say something brave and bold?
When it comes to Punch the Monkey, I think that sometimes animal experts are a lot like, we'll say globe experts who used to think it was flat.
The expert opinion of Maya could be proven wrong in the future.
And Punch the Monkey is a national treasure.
I don't know what Twitter is because I've been on his side this whole time.
But unfortunately, I'm going to have to say, in my defense, we have to agree with Maya.
I've been hurt before.
Her name is Mudang.
What the fuck did Mudang do?
A pygmy hippo that took the internet by storm.
Mudang was cute.
Mudang used to get a little aggressive, but in a cute way with all the zookeepers.
Oh, Mudang.
And then she voted for Trump.
She came out as a Republican.
Wait, what?
She did?
That's right.
They asked Mudang.
They asked Mudang who is going to win the 2024 election.
And Mudang was like, Trump.
Okay, well, maybe she didn't vote.
She's just good on Polymarket.
She's predicted.
I heard Mudang was fucked at him.
Voted third party.
I think she voted for third party.
No, she voted for Donald Trump.
Mudang's a Trump supporter.
I've been heard before.
We're going to find out that Punch maybe has some bad vibes.
I told you.
Fascist.
Yeah, you're going to find out that you're going to just get in some weird, weird circles.
Punch is on Terrogram.
Order of nine angles.
That's what I'm saying.
Punch the monkey.
I have never felt so strongly a maternal instinct to protect another living thing.
Look, I think if I was around Punch the Monkey, I would probably throw some hands at the other side.
Fuck up carrying.
The plushie shows such an unbelievable capacity for love and desire to be loved.
And I want to give that monkey the love it deserves.
I just don't think you're considering the ramifications of a right-wing monkey growing up.
Yeah, we shouldn't be coddling this monkey.
What if he's saying slurs?
Yeah, I hate you, buddy.
In monkey language.
That's right.
He could be calling intolerant.
I give you the pass.
You can kill the other monkeys.
Because that's what I want to do, but I can't get on an airplane.
There's a reason for it.
In the animal kingdom, there's a reason for this hierarchy to win.
Yeah.
Let's establish something.
I am the most empathetic.
We're going to discuss this.
Oh, here we go.
I am the most perceptive.
I am the most empathetic.
And now I have the hardware to prove.
Okay, folks, he's talking about the stream that I put together called Testing Streamers Gator, where I challenged these two men on who had the best Gator.
Okay.
And at the end, we determined and crowned Will Neff, the victor.
Oh, Japan.
Okay.
Thank you.
He won the Gator.
I'm on my way.
Testing Streamers Gator stream, and he defeated me.
Now, Cutie, there were some ramifications that came of this.
I challenged Hassan Piker to a bet.
I said, motherfucker, I will kick your ass, embarrass you in front of thousands of viewers.
And if I do, you have to go on a Fear and tour.
Okay.
And if I don't, or if you win, I have to get a tattoo of Piker Broadcasting Service on my ass.
But I defeated him.
Do we know by what margin you defeated him?
By three points.
No, two points.
Will beat me by three points.
You beat me by two points.
And only because the first round I like really got cooked.
No, I beat you by six points.
You got how much?
23.
You got 20.
How many people were there?
15 points.
You got 20.
That's five points.
Two got 20.
No, he got 20.
You got 20.
I got 23.
No, I didn't get 17.
I got 18.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So anyway, but the whole idea was that we were going to do a tour.
Now, we need to establish what we're doing here.
Right.
And it should be established by the winner.
Well, hold on.
Yeah, because the winner also had.
He wasn't in the bet.
No, but he got in the bet before the game started where he said we're going to a Jets game instead, which I'm fine with.
Well, that's fine.
I said we could also tour.
Will, you, well, because you, you wanted to.
I've been trying to get a show in Portland, Oregon, which is drivable, cutie.
You could drive.
We pulled that drive up.
18 hours.
Oh.
I feel like we could break it up into a couple spots.
Don't worry.
I've had ideas.
I planned out this situation because I knew this exact conversation.
So what's going to happen?
I'll tell you what's going to happen.
We're going to make everybody happy.
Okay.
Oh, because we're doing a Starlight Express stream.
We're taking the train from Los Angeles to Portland.
The longest and most scenic American train ride.
How long is it?
It is two days, baby.
I like it.
We're doing a stream.
And then when we get to Portland, we're doing a show.
We're coming back.
And when we come back, we'll do another show in Los Angeles.
Two shows.
So that's like a five-day.
I fucking love that.
Five-day enterprise.
What does it look like?
And it's going to be your first Fieran trip you go on.
What does the inside of the train look like?
Of course, great.
Look out your first cabinet.
No, it's gorgeous.
It's beautiful.
It's considered the most scenic train ride.
Look at how pretty that is.
Oh, my God.
Well, you know, look, it's beds on it, right?
Right, yeah.
And if we plan in advance, we can buy a whole cabin.
Oh, okay.
So we can just be loud and crazy.
Because I want to be able to desktop live streams.
Right, exactly.
Yeah, totally.
We can get started.
We can totally make that happen.
We can buy a whole cabin and we can sprawl out.
Yeah, but what if people know we're on it and they know Hassan's on it and they bomb it?
Well, this has happened to me in Kaiser.
Yeah.
I think we'll be okay.
Yeah.
Can I be in the cabin a few away from Hassan?
Don't worry.
We'll take a separate train.
We won't tell people in advance, so it'd be almost impossible.
Yeah.
See, the thing about trains is even if you're in another cabin, it's still connected.
Kitty, you and I can take a separate train.
Really?
I'll be on a separate train.
See, you heard my fear.
Now, you know, it's kind of a bad thing.
No, I don't know.
I'll be right back.
People try to find him.
It's a fabulous idea.
That's a fun idea.
Can Swift come?
Yes.
Of course.
Dogs are allowed.
Yeah.
Can you guys stay at my house?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
We'll do a special.
I'm so fucking excited.
His house is so cool because it's all black and white.
Yes.
You guys can finally see it.
Oh, my God.
I'd be so excited.
This is so exciting.
Oh, my.
Wait, but didn't you have all that drama about a dog coming to your house once?
You guys are.
Oh, you're bringing your dog.
But my dog's good with cats.
Yeah, my dog is coming.
His dog is not good with cats.
My dog is great with cats.
You know what?
I'll tell you this.
We had like a whole bit about that.
I remember that.
I know.
You know what?
I am going to allow your animals into my home.
Wow.
So Kaya can come to your house.
She can come, but she has to stay on the main floor.
That's fine.
Because I'm going to give you a hardwood floor room.
That's where the cats are in.
Dog, she's potty trained better than you.
Are you kidding me?
She is potty trained better than you.
Okay.
It'll be order that Applebees and Chili's.
I'm going to drop kick you through the drywall.
Anyway.
That would be really cool to see.
But anyway, congratulations, Will, on your Gaydar victory.
The stream was fantastic.
Thank you.
It was wonderful.
I'm in my defense.
Can I get a screenshot of each guy and guess?
I'm too woke.
You don't have to order.
Oh, you're too woke.
I'm too wonderful.
I'm too woke.
I just like, can I just see it?
Because I haven't.
You're too woke.
I'm just, I'm too woke.
And what happened is, you know, you can never tell and you mustn't tell.
Don't ask, don't tell.
As a matter of fact.
That was that.
I was throwing people.
I was throwing people off on purpose.
Also, everyone's a little gay.
So maybe.
That's true.
That's very good.
Can I say the opposite end of that spectrum?
Right.
You can never tell who's gay, but I think it's also a great indication that the gay community has such a vibrant culture that they have put together over the decades and banding together, particularly in Los Angeles, that I was able to identify many of the people that grew up in the same environment I did here in West Hollywood.
I'm going to take this.
The guy you had the best read on was the actor guy.
I'm going to say, most of the time you can tell.
We clocked it almost every time.
Did you?
Almost every time.
Besides Hassan, doesn't it?
We were two points in yeah, he sucked we had two points between us Will was ahead of us My favorite thing in the world has been those have you seen those like trip that new trivia channel?
Root Canal Scams00:11:17
No, I'm obsessed.
Maybe we can do it on the Patreon I suppose Okay, well we do it all night me and Ludwig Wow, I tell you what do I love spending money?
Yeah, and you owe me money.
What you owe me so much money Probably like $400 $400,000 $400 probably $400,000 Well, however could I pay you cutie?
I was thinking cash app is what I have on my phone and you probably have it on your phone.
I of course I have it.
Yeah.
And a lot of people like you could pay me, but you know what else you could do and a lot of people don't know?
What?
That one of the coolest things about Cash App is you can design your own debit card.
Oh my God.
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Us now.
Well, yeah, now that you're back, you're back to your state of California.
But I have something to say too.
Oh, you go.
Okay.
Well, Marsh is, are you ready to pull anything up, Marsh?
Okay, okay.
How was Utah?
It was, it was, um, not as relaxing as I expected.
I got double rigged.
I got sick.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Oh, also, did you see how fucked my face?
We didn't even talk about my face.
You know the laser?
The last episode here, my face was swollen.
Yeah.
I have permanent scars now.
What the fuck?
See the polyps?
Oh, cutie.
We're super.
No, you can see them.
No, I can't see shit.
Oh, you can see them.
They just look like freckles.
Let me see.
No, I have these deep pits now that I never had.
What the fuck?
They're all over.
Yeah.
They're like, oh, we'll come in and we'll see what we can do.
And I'm like, see what we can do.
He'd be like, that's my face.
I know.
You know what I mean?
I didn't even know.
I'm just like, no, but it's bad.
It's really bad.
Like, I've never had, I never, luckily, I've had acne my whole life.
I've never had scars or pits, and now I have spit.
Like, they're all over my cheeks.
To be honest, it's not that bad.
Yeah, but it really sucks for me.
You can't tell.
I'm really sad.
You can't tell, though.
Hopefully they'll fix it.
You had every virus, I think, on planet.
Yeah, so I got sick for about two weeks.
Yeah.
And then I was good for like three days.
And I was like, this is awesome.
And then I got, I had to get an emergency root canal.
And then when they did that review, how did you know you needed a root canal?
Oh, it was crazy.
She calls me and I told her.
Yeah.
I think you have a root canal.
MD.
It was like, I was getting this like pain that would radiate all the way down my neck.
And I was like, what is happening?
I've never had pain like that in my life, which is crazy because I've had other root canals.
So I don't know.
And I go to the dentist.
The first dentist is like, oh, yeah, like tooth number 10 is cracked or whatever.
And I was like, really?
Okay.
Yeah.
Why the fuck are you cracking?
I have bad, I have really bad teeth to begin with.
And so I have a big filling back there.
And so he's like, oh, it's cracked.
Come in tomorrow.
We'll replace it.
Remember, this is when I called you.
Yeah, yeah, I remember that.
It's like, come in tomorrow, we'll replace it.
I'm like, okay, the neck, like I leave him, and I'm like, okay, so I'm going to get it replaced tomorrow.
My friend calls me and she's like, hey, my uncle can fit you in.
And I was like, oh, well, I already found someone.
I'm going to get it replaced tomorrow.
And she was like, well, go get a second opinion because I already like pulled some strings to get my uncle.
And I was like, okay, great.
You know, what a homie.
Yeah.
She's great.
So I go.
You should get some nitrous from him.
I know, honestly.
So I go to him.
I'm just on the trade.
And he's, he can't find anything.
Oh, oh.
He's like, because they do the tappy tap.
And then they do the cold test.
And then they do like bite down.
He couldn't find the tooth.
Like, oh, you were getting scammed.
Yeah.
Wow.
He was like, he was like, I can't find anything.
You could have a bruised like dental bed.
Apparently that can happen.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
And so I was like, well, I shouldn't go get that tooth like pulled.
Like, I'm confused.
And then luckily, I had an appointment with an endodontist, which those guys specialize in root canals.
Like, the pain was so bad, I couldn't drive.
Like, I don't know what to do.
So this was our third doctor.
So third doctor.
So the next day, because I didn't have one until Tuesday.
This started on a Saturday, the pain.
So then on Tuesday, I was like, well, let me go to the wisdom or the root canal specialist.
And so I go to the root canal specialist and he tappy-tappy.
He's like, huh, it's not any of those teeth.
Like weird.
He's like, definitely tooth number 10.
That was a scam.
Like that guy was scamming you.
Like, yeah.
He was like, definitely that tooth is fine.
But then he was like, I have an idea.
And he hit a tooth up here and I shot up.
Like so much pain.
Like I was like, oh my God.
Like I literally shot up and he was like, that's your tooth.
That's one that needs a root canal.
And apparently teeth can like do different, like even though all the pain was down here, it was a tooth all the way up here.
Was it a cavity?
Yeah.
So I have super, super bad teeth.
And like genetically?
Like my parents, I hate this because people always get a little weird when I talk about it.
Like I was a kid.
I did not know.
Like no one, no one taught me to brush my teeth.
Like that sounds crazy, but like I just wasn't raised and no one you have.
No one paid attention.
No one like I didn't floss my teeth or whatever.
I didn't do that until like junior high when I had the wherewithal of like, you know, and by then I had already had enough damage.
I lost like, I had all my adult teeth by like 10 or something.
And so by then I think I had done too much damage.
So then I was getting a lot of cavities.
I have a lot of big fillings and then those got bigger fillings.
And then I had a dentist scam me when I was 18 because I was getting off of insurance because I was leaving the job.
And they were like, you have 18 cavities.
And I was like, oh, and then looking back, I was able to like hunt my original x-ray.
Looking back, I showed it to my dentist now because I trust my dentist now.
And he's like, you didn't need any of those.
Oh.
Yeah.
So 18 cavities.
18 cavities.
Because dentists are just scamming you.
No, it's an insurance scam.
It's a very common one that mostly affects poor people.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's like, dude, they do it.
They do it to children.
In Florida, this was a huge problem.
Oh, it's fucked up.
They would literally pull babies, like baby teeth at a time, like fucking 10 at a time and shit.
It was crazy.
Yeah.
I used, dude, when I first moved to LA, a dentist tried to do it to me.
And it was crazy because like, I think my dentist growing up had a teeth fetish because whenever I would get in the chair, she'd be like, oh, your teeth are so fucking perfect.
And she would like just like really gas them up.
And I was, I was like, oh.
So this guy was like, oh, you got all kinds of, you've never had brazen.
You got all kinds of problems.
And I was like, I'm going to get a second opinion.
And I went to another person.
I should have done that.
And he was like, there's not one thing wrong with your teeth.
He was lying.
I didn't even know there's a bunch of teeth polar out there.
Yeah.
So my problem was, is once you get really havoc.
They'll report fake cavities and lunch.
And once you get fillings, what can happen is if you get any bacteria underneath that filling, then it starts eating away at the root.
And so that's why I've had four root canals now.
Oh.
So two of them, I mean, one of them is definitely just like, that one was like a real bad tooth since I was a kid.
Like that one was fucked.
Like, I think I got that big filling when I was like 13.
Like it was bad.
Those things are painful as shit, right?
But they're crazy.
Yeah.
Root canals are absurd.
So I got one.
And what people don't know about root canals, you have to get them redone.
What?
Yeah.
So you have to get them redone every once in a while.
I've never heard this.
Yeah.
So, um, does it grow back?
No, what happens is they didn't get all the like the meat out because essentially, if you don't know what a root canal is, they cut, they cut your tooth, they cut your tooth so they can see the pulp is what it's called.
Yeah, and then they fish out your pulp.
Oh, that's fine.
And it's crazy because that's your nerve.
And so when they fish that out, it's like the craziest pain you've ever felt in your life.
And so, yeah, but you feel it.
Oh, you feel it.
You like it?
Don't they?
People go under for root canals now?
Sometimes, yeah.
I'd go under for root canals.
Well, you know me.
I won't do it.
Yeah.
And so they fish it out and then they put why they clean it out and then they put wires down there in your roots and then they you get a cap and yada yada and then your tooth's fine.
But the problem is sometimes some meat is left there and then your teeth still that will get infected.
Your teeth look fantastic.
Yeah.
Well, all back here is fillings.
Like these teeth are crazy, crazy.
Nobody sees those.
Yeah.
It's fine.
And then you just can't chew any tin foil.
Yeah.
I just really struggle.
So you have to get it done every you have to get them redone every so often.
Yeah.
Like every 10 years.
I think the life is usually like 10.
And what you should do, if you ever, if you can, if you have the ability to find an endodontist with a gentle wave machine, it's like the new tech.
It uses sound waves to really clean out the roots.
And so then there's like less likely a chance for reinfection.
So these two root canals over here got retreated like seven years ago.
No, seven years.
That's so dramatic.
Four, four years ago.
And then, so this one got redone, but when he was doing it, there was still pain over here.
And so he did an x-ray and there was some infection.
And so he redid this one.
So I had a root canal on Tuesday, started antibiotics, and then had the second root canal on Friday.
And then, and then got off antibiotics on Monday, finally got my stomach back normal, and then got sick with what I have now.
Oh my God.
Because antibiotics lower your immune system.
If you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all.
Yeah, but it's, yeah.
But it's lunar new year just happened.
So I still have, you know, I still have a chance.
My new, my year just started.
Yeah, new year, new year.
Yeah.
Year of the flaming horse.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's right.
All right.
Well, there, since you've had a bunch of uh medical incidents that Austin would like to do white hat care in over, I have the best white hat care story of all time.
Hey, guys.
Let me tell you about Harry's.
It's a dependable razor that you can shave your nether region with or your face.
Whatever, really.
That's right.
Very different.
Will is shaving like a bald baby.
That's right.
All over his body.
I use it on him.
I want my nether region to be aerodynamic.
Yeah.
The blade is good because it's got three angles.
Yeah.
And we use the foaming shave gel when I shave his body.
Harry's has been making the same razors for over a hundred years.
Wow.
It's the heaviest razor handle ever.
And it's made for metal.
Never plastic.
It's not plastic.
Don't say it's plastic.
It's designed to fit comfortably in your hand.
Heavier handle means more control and a luxurious feel.
It's very important for me when I'm shaving Will from the neck down.
And let me tell you something about Harry's.
Razor Handles And Hotels00:15:05
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Yeah.
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Okay.
I'm ready for it.
I know what it is.
Good intro.
Hopefully, they don't rip it apart like my girly popping.
No, he will not rip it apart because he already knows what I'm going to talk about.
Oh, brilliant.
One of the best of all time.
The day is today.
Oh.
February 22nd, 2026.
Mexico is on fire.
Yes.
The head of the largest cartel in Mexico.
There's an operation for the Mexican army and the Federales.
C. For those of you, that's the federal agents of Mexico.
And for those of you, he's saying yes when he's saying C.
Yeah.
Gracias.
They try to do an extraction operation on, I believe his name is Micho.
No se puede.
The head of the largest cartel.
Did I say that right?
The operation goes south.
They open fire.
They kill the head of the largest cartel in Mexico.
And if you don't know Mexico, what?
These cartels are basically like fiefdoms.
Yeah.
Like they run in.
Wait, who killed them?
We did?
The Mexican Federalist.
Oh, okay.
The Mexican federal agents did.
Oh, I'm surprised it wasn't freaking America's ass.
Okay, cool.
Then at least it wasn't us.
Cartels themselves are not kindly to that sort of thing.
I mean, this guy has literally been on the record.
He's like assassinated, you know, tried to assassinate police chiefs.
There's a phone conversation that he's had with a cop where he's like literally berating him.
And the cop is like, I'm so sorry, sir.
Like, he's like, back off, get your boys to back off from our boys.
Like, otherwise, we're going to come and kill your family.
We're going to kill your dogs.
All this stuff.
And the cop is like so apologetic.
Like, the level of power and influence these cartels have is insane.
Yeah.
However, as you guys know, Mexico has a lot of tourists.
And a lot of tourists are now stuck.
The Guadalajara airport is in a state of chaos.
Flights are canceled.
People can't leave their homes.
People can't leave their hotels.
Marge, I'm going to send you this tweet.
Oh, my gosh, this is terrifying.
We've now set the scene.
Okay, the scene.
I think I sent it to him.
Oh, you did?
Okay.
Amidst the panic of Mexican cartel violence and retribution that's taking up all the streets.
They're lighting cars on fire.
You know, the Mexican army is trying to fight back.
There's one man in Weston Puerto Vallarta.
Weston Hotel.
A Weston hotel.
Under the Marriott umbrella.
Yes.
Weston Puerto Vallerto won't honor late checkout with streets closed.
I saw this and I thought, Austin, are you in Puerto Vallarta?
What the fuck is going on?
Because this man writes in the subreddit for R/Marriott.
I am platinum elite.
Over 1,000 lifetime Marriott nights.
Puerto Vallerda is on fire due to the cartel setting cars and buses on fire all over the city.
The airport is closed and Ubers and taxis are not running.
I asked for a 4 p.m. checkout, which I'm entitled to based on availability.
They won't extend past 2 p.m. and said we would have to use the hospitality suite.
We are supposed to be leaving for Bucerios this afternoon, but that isn't looking very good.
Worst bonvoy property I have ever experienced.
I don't think anyone will be checking in today, so there's no reason not to at least extend us to 4 p.m.
Now, here's the deal: okay, I understand Where this man's coming from.
It pisses me off as a loyal ambassador to Marriott when the hotel will not honor the 4 p.m. checkout.
I check in at 11.
Or excuse me, I check in at four, check-ins at four, checkouts at 11.
I paid for four fucking days in the hotel, not three and a half.
This is bullshit.
That's a really good point.
You have availability in the goddamn hotel, right?
Now, I will question the Platinum Elite is not, I don't know why you're flexing that status.
It's not exactly, it's not, there's a few people.
No, I'm ambassador.
It's a very, so is Marsh, actually, as another fellow Marriott Ambassador.
Bonvoy Marriott.
Concerning a stay in New Orleans during the Katrina disaster, I was denying the late checkout.
It's so funny to like the streets are on fire.
He took a photo of like literally clouds of smoke from random buses on fire.
And he was like, I gotta go tell the boys at R slash Marriott about this one.
Here's the deal.
Okay.
I actually think that, if anything, because the streets are on fire, you should probably honor the 4 p.m. late checkout.
I don't even disagree with you going to go.
I don't even disagree.
I don't disagree with the situation, like with his plight.
It's just really funny to try to talk about it from the angle of bad customer service.
I mean, he's not wrong.
I mean, but at the end of the day.
It's crazy to do that.
At the end of the day, I think that really what this message is sending is capitalism never stops trying to turn a profit, even in the midst of a natural, or not even a natural, but a disaster.
Capitalism doesn't stop churning.
And I want to make a point here.
Oh, no, they were surge pricing.
Like all the other, I saw other complaints as well, not on the R slash Marriott.
Yes.
Except for this one Weston.
The other properties were fine, probably.
I will say this.
And I noticed, I saw this comment.
I saw it in your Discord because I was commenting on this live as it was happening.
And somebody said...
Everyone is like locked in.
They're like, where will the, will the cartels be purged?
Like, what's about to happen?
Is Claudia Sheibaum safe?
And Austin is like, well, the hotel hospitality situation is pretty sucked up.
So I almost had to, I almost got deployed to Mexico to deal with this humanitarian crisis.
That would have been bad.
They paratroop you to the fucking western part of Aarta in a helicopter.
White hat camera.
So here's the thing.
What I noticed, I saw it in your Discord.
Somebody in the chat said, I said, it's ridiculous that I check in at 4 p.m., but I have to check out at 11 a.m.
I'm paying for half days.
And somebody responded in your chat.
They're like, Austin, they need time to clean the rooms.
And you know what I said to him?
I said, look, Chatter, you are sitting there allowing these corporations who they know they are using their employees as shields, as shields to their profit maxing motives.
Who set the expectation that those rooms need to be cleaned today?
It's the capitalists who are trying to churn a profit.
Right?
This is very base.
Just devil's advocate.
Maybe they were just trying to push down on how many people were in the hotel because the staff was having a really hard time getting past the flaming streets.
Their family members are innocent.
I don't believe that.
I'm with you.
Like, just like the alternative is it's bedloom and they don't have the proper staffing.
Okay.
Just saying that could be a name.
I mean, actually, you know what?
I didn't even consider that particular perspective.
I actually didn't even consider that.
That's a very, you enlightened me to the perspective.
You know what?
This is out of fucking line.
Let the record, then let him stay in the room.
I don't need to clean it.
That's what I was saying.
Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
That's the one.
That's what I was really trying to do.
But chat, chat.
For those of you at home, there are going to be some people in there that are completely, they perhaps reside in a state of in the union, Nebraska in particular.
I'm not actually serious.
Okay.
No, no, no.
They didn't write this.
I wasn't in Puerto Vallarta earlier, right?
I want to be very clear.
Obviously, this is insanity.
Okay.
This is insanity.
I would never go to a Reddit thread to type about this.
I would call Zero and talk to the fucking manager directly and deal with it that way.
Tell him.
It's a good point.
Not Platinum Elite.
I'm an ambassador.
It's a little embarrassing.
If you're a Platinum Elite, you have he got he acquired lifetime platinum by being an ambassador for an extended period of time and he has not been paying up recently.
He's just trying to cash in on that lifetime platinum elite.
Okay, that's good.
I had to call Austin for a white hat, Karen.
You did?
I had to call him because I ended up not doing anything about it.
What?
I know.
What happened?
This is how the capitalists keep going.
I know.
When I was in Utah, when I was in Utah, I got my curtains redone.
Yes.
And I was really excited.
Well, I got curtain.
We had no curtains.
I got curtains, like custom every window done.
Family?
No, my home in LA.
Like when I was in Utah, I was away.
I was like home in Utah.
Yeah, so to come back, I was, yeah.
So then I come back and I walk into my house in LA and I'm stunlocked instantly.
And I know this is a crazy thing to like be upset about, but the curtains are like three shades darker than I picked out.
No, that's a big deal.
That's a huge straight man receiving.
Yeah, it looked like curtains are fucking expensive.
Yeah, yeah.
They were like really expensive.
The point of the curtain is to like block out the sun.
Isn't that better?
The sun.
So I picked out like a nice light.
What's the point of the curtain?
It's to look good.
And block out the sun.
Simultaneous.
So I thought like, oh, free more blocking.
Then they gave me extra blocking.
Essentially, I picked out a very light linen and I got a burlap.
Yeah, it's a big mistake.
Which is just different.
Oh, okay.
So you were like, you were like a very light brown, like a very light tan.
And it came in like dark.
Burlap sack.
Like Oogie Boogie.
Was it a quality of lesser material too or same quality?
Same quality.
Just wrong color.
Okay, so you call in and you say, hey, you guys put up the wrong color.
Yeah.
So I send an email and I say, hey, I'm confused.
I just got back.
I'm super disappointed.
This is not the color I picked out.
Right.
And then they reply and they say, oh, I think it still looks great.
That's crazy.
They didn't even deny it.
They said, well, because a lot of times what they'll say is like, oh, sometimes it looks different in the room.
Well, they did.
They were like, they were like, well, wait for the sun.
Like, you know, because I got in at night and they're like, wait for the sun.
Like, you'll get used to it.
Like, if it's too dark, maybe we can, like, unfortunately, these were custom made.
So maybe we could paint your house lighter and it would lighten up the room.
Dead ass.
They said that.
And I was like, okay.
And so then I replied and I said, okay, well, painting my house is not an acceptable answer here.
When here is, here is my email from October with a picture of the shade that I picked out.
And here is another example of the shade I picked out again here multiple times.
This is October 2025, right?
And they replied, they were like, well, I thought you were going with the sample that I showed you in person in 2024.
And I said, well, that doesn't make sense because I picked one out in 2025 and I sent you a picture of it.
And it's like from what you sent me.
And I literally cropped it.
And there's like, so what are you talking about?
They're like, well, there's like nothing we can do.
Like we can all, we can replace them and I'll cover half of the cost to replace them and you can cover the other half.
And then he's she, I was thinking maybe this is like a mom and pop business and they can't afford it.
And then she showed me the profit margin.
It was like 400% that they marked up.
And I was like, cutie, they are paying her everything.
Curtains, drapes, or like my aunt at one point got some curtains or drapes.
I'm not shitting you or probably like $100,000.
Yeah.
And that's not even.
Yeah.
Yeah, Hazan, I guess.
Because they were like 50 feet tall or 40 feet tall for some grand like ballroom type.
The son doesn't get it because he's got big.
The son doesn't get it.
He's got grommet curtains.
Like, what are we supposed to do?
Why are you guys dogging on my card?
They stopped the light.
We're coming in.
Yeah, well, they stopped the light.
They surely do.
Thank God, they're jacky.
Get my taste.
I didn't realize it was like that.
Filthy communist.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
I thought, you know, great, sweet, extra coverage on the lights.
Yeah.
No, I had to.
No, that's okay.
So.
And so she was like, well, it looks different on every screen.
And then I literally showed Austin.
I was like, here's a screenshot of theirs of what they used.
And here's a screenshot of what I chose.
How different was it?
Oh, drastic.
Like, insane.
It was like the difference between that blue and that green, my green.
They fucked up.
They did fuck up and they were panicking.
And so...
To be panicking, they were very cool as a cucumber actually.
They were panicking.
Because even admitting it was a different color, you've given, like, if she goes to small claims court, that's not insane.
I could have.
But you, did you, how did it resolve?
What did you do?
So I just, I just let, I just said.
You paid him?
No.
I said, you know what?
Because I had a bunch of other projects with them too.
Like, they were going to redo my bathroom.
Like, I had thousands of dollars worth of project I was going to do with them.
And I said, you know what?
Let's end our relationship here.
Like, thanks for the free curtains.
No, I didn't get a refund.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I just didn't know what to say.
And I'm in this, I'm in this peace era of my life.
You should have had all your other stuff discounted.
Because think about that.
I just said we're never going to work together again.
And you know what?
And they'll never make money from me and they will kick themselves.
But you use that as leverage to get more.
Yeah, but they probably gave you like old, tattered, burnt-end curtains.
They're like, ah, this bitch is a pushover.
No, no.
Don't lean into it.
No, I'm reading a self-help book.
No, you feel by being better.
I couldn't do it.
I should have just given my email to Austin, which he did tell me.
He was like, send me what you're going to send.
And then I just gave it up.
The fucking dream is about getting one off on the corporation.
Ending Relationships00:01:44
Yes.
I bent over and I took it.
Okay.
No, no.
I think sometimes you got to take it.
If you feel comfortable, then that's good.
I don't like that.
Okay, that's not good.
It's not good.
We need to do something about it.
It's too late.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
If you don't want to go to the company, perhaps we.
We're not going to replace them.
They were too expensive.
Maybe insurance fraud.
Maybe it's too loud.
No.
But I'll get used to them.
Can I see the photo?
Where's I wonder?
I pulled, I showed, I was showing stream that day I showed you, right?
I'll send you a car.
Or did I send you a picture?
You sent me a car.
You had another story.
I had so many stories.
Well, we have Patreon.
I don't have a, I don't have the picture.
Okay.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, cutie's home.
Cutie's home.
Money more behind the panel.
That's right.
You won't believe it.
Applebee's and Chili's, triple dippies.
You didn't order it?
What the frick, Mark?
I ordered it, but we're going to tell you that anyway.
Roll the tape.
Will did say it's fine not to order it.
But then you got me back in.
You're right.
I did get you back in.
And then I looked at the delivery time.
Is it 80 minutes?
Because the closest one is like in Inglewood.
And so I'm out again.
Sorry.
When will you stop disappointing me?
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be trying the new Applebee's burger behind the paywall.