Will Neff, Hassan, and Austin dissect Caleb Heron's "con man" past involving private jets and the InSync scandal while debating class dynamics after Will defended coach travel. They critique Democrats for prioritizing culture wars over rent and hospitals, noting Will's skepticism of Trump's charisma despite agreeing he is asexual bi-romantic. The group highlights Kansas City tenant unions successfully blocking an ICE detention center, proving working-class unity across political lines, before joking about gay hugs, kung fu porn, and Robert Kraft's post-Super Bowl conduct to illustrate broader cultural shifts. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Chiefs Jersey Social Interaction00:01:26
He really thought he stuck that shit.
That's why when you guys started talking about hugs, I was like sitting here like, okay.
My compliment is en route.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wonder if my hug was good.
I fucking nailed that hug.
Yeah, the whole podcast has on patting himself in the back.
Like, I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago.
So we're wearing the Chiefs jersey in that picture?
Yeah, it's my, this is me, unfortunately.
You just can't.
He's a front runner.
He's a bandwagon.
I was doing... Drag him for it.
He's a Vikings fan.
This makes me sick.
Diehard Vikings fan.
You can drag me.
Why are you rolling?
Why are you wearing that?
Oh, we're rolling.
Well, it was for the Super Bowl Taylor Swift.
I was at a Taylor Swift themed party, and I had no choice but to wear the Chiefs jersey.
Oh, that's a good one.
I'm so sorry.
You're a Vikings fan?
I'm a Minnesota Vikings fan.
Diehard.
Oh, I would never do it.
Well, it's not a Green Day Packers jersey.
I would just never betray my team like that.
But it didn't feel like a betrayal because the last time we played them in the Super Bowl was like in the 60s and 70s.
Completely fair.
You know what I mean?
Can I ask you a question?
Yes, sir.
I know you guys, the Chiefs, won quite a bit, but does it feel nice to get rid of all the bandwagon fans now that you've lost a little bit?
No, it's horrible.
I liked the bandwagon fans.
I thought it was awesome that people liked us, actually.
My whole life, we were horrible.
Taylor Swift Themed Party00:11:45
So when people were excited about us, I was like, I don't care if you're fake.
I'm happy to have you.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast, where we have one of the most anticipated guests in Fear Ann history, Caleb Heron.
Yes!
Thank you so much for joining us.
It's such a pleasure to have you.
And we heard Hassan told you nothing about our podcast.
Well, no, no, that's not true.
Here, I could have done, I've gotten two lacks.
I could have done any amount of research.
I told him the name of the podcast.
Yes.
That's all you need.
The reason that you guys were bringing this up is because I walked in here and said I could have never in a million years imagined that there would be four of us.
Yeah, right.
And that's true.
Sometimes five.
Yeah, but we have another guest or guest co-host as well.
Now, how do you guys know each other?
Well, Hassan was, he was really a struggling artist when he first entered the Twitch platform.
And I said, you know what?
His Twitch contacts said, you need to come to a guy that can help elevate your platform.
So he came to me and I helped him.
I helped him out.
And his eyes is entirely made up of it.
And Caleb, this man worked so hard and he got to where he's at.
And I've been riding his fucking coattails ever since.
Okay, that part is true.
That last part is true.
The last part.
Will and I have a mutual best friend, a best friend that he grew up with, became my best friend in college, who is a real-life con man, which is really cool.
Yeah.
Like, he actually is.
I wonder if he has ever seen you calling him a con man.
I mean, it's true.
But anyway, he like runs like a private jet charter service sometimes.
I don't want to like dox himself.
But like, I suspect that he is like an actual real-life con man.
Did you guys ever watch that?
The, was it in Syncs manager, the documentary about him?
No.
Like, it was InSync or Backstreet Boys.
He was a, he was a talent manager.
And he's like.
We've talked about it on the pot.
His side business was that he like ran blimps.
Oh.
He like, I mean, he was like, he was like.
He had a curly mustache.
Oh, he may as well have.
He was a big fat guy.
He was like stealing money from the children and running blimps.
Oh my God.
He was kicking.
Oh, I remember this.
What if you covered this?
Yeah, we did.
We covered it on the pod.
What if he was like, he's like a true believer?
Like, he was just like, the in sync stuff is great.
It's fine.
You know, that's not my passion.
My passion is blimps.
He wanted to bring it up.
He wanted to, like, he's like, ever since, ever since the disaster, I won't even say it.
I won't even say it.
I'm not going to invoke its name.
Yeah, I'm not going to bring it up.
But ever since then, like, the luxurious method of travel has been eradicated.
He wanted to bring it up.
Pro-blimp.
Do you think that makes me naturally predisposed to evil?
I mean, it's a scheming ass thing.
It's like, yeah, you're right.
And the transit line is a lot of fun.
I've always wanted to ride a blimp and tie a woman to train tracks.
I've never had a desire to fly in a blimp, really.
It's too slow.
I don't want to go up in pretty much anything.
Really?
When people do like small planes and helicopters, I'm like, I've seen the writing on the walls with that stuff.
I mean, but you do like to fly, and he's been very excited to talk to you about Caleb.
You have no idea how finally I am seen on this podcast because they make fun of me because I also share your passion for Delta Airlines.
Thank you.
I am a frequent flyer.
I love companies.
Yes.
Me too.
And so does he, especially.
He won't tell anybody.
Yeah, but he loves companies.
He loves companies.
He loves his company.
He loves companies guy.
He's a big investor.
Fortune 500 company manager.
Big company man.
I don't like all companies, just Raytheon, Logan, North.
I go out there.
I go on stream.
I start talking about how evil they are.
Stock prices go down for a little bit.
Boom.
Buy and simple man.
I like a quality missile.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you share passion with me with Delta Airlines.
And also, I found something that I wanted to talk about and I wanted to confront them on it.
Okay.
Here we go.
They gave me shit three years ago.
There was a clip that went, you know, semi-viral in the community.
And it was them confronting me on the fact that I flew Boys Out in coach.
And I was talking.
I was.
Don't get in on it.
I have a lot of people.
I have a lot to say about this.
He's going to drag you down with you.
Don't do it, Caleb.
I have a lot to say about it.
Please, please, let's jump in.
It depends on where you are in the relationship.
Okay.
If it is a first-time hookup meetup situation, coach is appropriate.
Sure.
Is my opinion.
Okay, but it's always street twinks.
No, street twinks.
It's always street teaser then.
This is not.
You're cheap.
You're cheap as fuck.
You're cycling the street twinks out at the time.
Not anymore.
Street twinks.
That's crazy.
That's a crazy teacher.
A lot of likes.
It's your turn.
Why are you behaving like this in front of Caleb?
I like this.
This is the first time.
He's putting on air.
He's putting on air.
It's the first time we've had a gay man on the podcast other than me.
Is that true?
It's true.
He was moving.
Well, we had a drag queen on.
They don't let you just massacre.
But I was like, I've never, you know.
We were having this conversation last night, or I don't know, maybe last week.
And he went, you know, we had Aiden, but he's bisexual.
That doesn't count.
Well, no, I mean, it's different than a gay guy.
Exactly.
They're a beautiful party.
And I do love that instead of choosing to bond on that first, it was Delta.
Delta's.
Well, it's just in order.
I'm a Delta Airlines Diamond Medallion member before I'm anything.
That's right.
Before I'm an American, a Christian, a gay man.
Yes.
But what's crazy, Caleb, is that they did this to me.
And for years, I have been coined as the, I've gotten messages of people like I'm a fucking airline.
Yeah.
Being like, I'll fly a coach.
Oh, that must be so hard on you.
My locks.
Oh, it's not Tom.
My locks are too buttery.
My shit's too juicy.
Bad.
That bitches keep DMing me.
Yeah, there's too many baddies in my DMs that want to get flown out.
He's trying to flex on you.
How do I fuck everybody?
Have you noticed that?
He's trying to flex on you.
Oh, there's no.
Actually, there was a guy.
I was just thinking about this the other day.
Like a couple months ago, there's a guy in my neighborhood who he's like 67 years old.
Pretty old.
Out of my window for sure.
He messaged me every day for weeks.
Hello.
And I didn't want to block him because that feels mean, but I also didn't want to respond due to not wanting to fuck him at all.
And then one day he messaged me, Ola.
Oh, and then he never messaged me again.
And I can't stop thinking about him.
I mean, the Ola Hail Mary is crazy.
Because you got to think he woke up that day and was like, oh my God, he's Mexican.
That's why it's not working.
And then it didn't work.
And he was like, well, I'm fucking out of ideas.
He thought the language bad.
That's why you were not responding.
Why are you thinking about maybe just throwing it out there to see what happens?
I'm just interested in the mentality of being like, oh my God, Miho.
Like him being like, oh, he's Mexican.
That's why he doesn't want to fuck you.
You know, DS me out.
Sometimes I do this where I'll get messages every once in a while.
Have you ever gotten the pay pigs?
No.
Okay.
Well, sometimes.
Or at least I don't know.
People will message and say, take my money, take my money, take my money.
And I just think it'd be a lot of fun.
You've noticed the trust that he's placing on you.
Wait, wait, wait.
Austin's placing on you.
Wait, Austin.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is because you're actually looking a little fucked up now.
He's like, hey, guess what?
Hotties are DMing me all the time.
They want to be flown out in an economically sound fashion.
And on top of that, I got people throwing it.
If you're not looking, you're getting pay pigs.
I promise you.
It's a crime.
What is their thing?
I forget their thing.
They like to be financially dominated.
This isn't a flex, though, because Austin famously had the world's cheapest pay pig.
No, no, cheap for him.
His boyfriend was cleaning the pay pig out.
Wait, what?
Okay, so just for a frame of reference, a pay pig is someone whose erotic fetish is that you financially dominate them by making them give you money.
Yeah, he wants to be dominated.
He's like, not saying she, because usually he's a he.
Please.
You know, sir.
And then you'll be like, shut up, bitch.
I need money for one necklace.
Yeah, it makes me uncomfortable.
Correct.
They like it.
So Austin very famously had the world's cheapest pay pig.
He was like, negotiate.
He would negotiate.
And you negotiated this dynamic.
So I meet this guy and I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to fucking try it out to see what this is, what all the hype is about.
So I go, I go, okay.
I go, all right, you know, all right, how about 50 bucks?
And he's like, he's like, sir, sir, I only have five.
Well, then don't message me.
That's what I said.
So I found this guy who's broke as shit.
And I'm like, if you're a pay pig, you better be financially secure.
There's nothing wrong with being broke, but you can't force Horny off of giving me your money if you're broke.
Exactly.
I have some Olive Garden cost.
No, but then we found out, but then we found out he was actually dumping money on his book.
Oh, yeah, my boyfriend said that I stole his pay pig.
And then we found out he was actually giving him money.
Like he was giving him a disgusting, evil, gay empire are you in your family?
That you're scamming the scam.
Scam poor damn.
Yeah, you've got, what is street twinks?
Is that what we're running with?
No, no.
He keeps messaging me.
And I'm not, Caleb, I've hung it up.
I'm not dominating anymore.
I'm not doing it.
He tried once.
It failed.
He's hungry.
If you're listening right now, I'm closing the operation down.
There's no more financial.
You and your boyfriend Peter Thiel putting these twinks out of fucking house and home, running these gay scams.
Leave these kids alone.
No, no, no.
There's no scam.
They like it.
He is a schemer.
He is a scammer and a schemer.
This is true.
Oh, shit.
I've lost Caleb immediately.
No, I'm glad you're gay because I actually, when I came in here, I caulked the pride flag and I was like, there better be some real allyship going on in this room.
No, no, I'm a foe.
I'm an enemy.
Of the queer community?
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay, famous.
Make sure we have that.
I just want to make sure we have that.
I like to famously say that over and over again.
Yeah.
And as of late, people have actually started believing it, unfortunately.
Hey, Austin.
Hey, Will Neff.
I heard you've been thinking about selling your jingles.
Of course, I have been.
Well, have you heard about Shopify?
You know what?
I have, but I need you to tell me more about it.
I can tell you right now that millions of businesses, millions, wow, around the world, they use Shopify to sell their products online.
Oh, and Will, I understand you have some products that you like to sell online.
That's correct.
I sell hot sauce.
Hot sauce.
Hot sauce.
How do you do it?
Well, I use Shopify.
Selling things online is pretty intimidating.
Yes, it is.
Especially when you're doing jingles.
100%.
That's why they have a 24-hour help section that you can access to streamline your process.
Incredibly helpful.
I know it is.
Because I'm lost without help.
What would a Spotify jingle sound like?
Well, it's time to turn those what-ifs into Cha-Ching.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/slash fear.
Go to shopify.com/slash fear.
That's shopify.com/slash fear.
Cha-Ching!
Moving Right in 2024 Elections00:13:12
You didn't scat it all.
All right.
Shopify.
Now that's what I'm talking about.
But it's always like, it's never gay people that believe it.
Here's the problem with the internet.
It's never the affected group that's really going after you.
It's the kind of like weaponized, mobilize their allies that are like, I don't think people would like this.
And it's like, well, I don't need to speak with you.
You aren't even a part of this.
Right, right.
Get out of here.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, this is the new thing that happened.
We went on.
I've had it.
Are you familiar with this podcast?
I've had it with a lot of people.
I like those ladies.
Yes, me too.
I disagree with them a little bit, but I like them.
Yeah, they're fantastic.
And they used to be a lot more lived up back in the day.
When we first had them on this podcast on FearN like a couple years prior, they definitely were more like, oh, you know, I'm curious about this left thing, but I'm like a Hillary, you know, Kamala Harris voter.
Now they're like, now they're, you know, taking Hakeem Jeffries to task and all this stuff.
So we had this, we were having a conversation on the podcast and it was super viral on Twitter.
That's what I was telling you about when I was talking about, oh, you're in trouble.
Yeah.
And you were like, oh, if you're, I'm going to have to disavow you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said, if you're in trouble on Twitter, I'm unfollowing you.
Yeah.
You need to unfollow me.
As one does.
So what happened is like, she asked me, you know, matchup 2028, Gavin Newsom versus JD Vance.
Like, are you voting for Gavin Newsom?
And I was like, no.
The fuck no.
Yeah.
I was like, I'm voting third party.
At that point, it's like it's a lost cause.
It's outside of my control.
You know what I mean?
Right.
And they clicked, they clipped one part of it to just like say, me, no, I'm voting third party.
And they've been like demanding fealty non-stop.
And in the process of demanding fealty for Gavin Newsom, three years out from this fucking hypothetical election, when he's not even running, right?
They've been talking about it.
He's running, but like, he's not.
He's running, but he's not officially running because there's no primaries.
Right.
Well, we don't even have to have those anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
That's a thing of the past.
It worked out really well last time.
So they were like, let's revamp that.
Basically, what everyone's been saying is like, you just want like every Mexican to die.
You want trans people to be assassinated.
Like, you love ICE.
You love Donald Trump.
You love all this.
And I'm just like, that's true about you.
Yeah.
So now I'm like, yeah, this is what I like.
Yeah.
The three years out from election telling me, I also don't want to vote for Gavin Newsom.
He just declared like fucking Ronald Reagan Day in California.
I am in black history.
This motherfucker wants to be a Republican so bad.
Let him.
He can't have my fucking vote.
I don't like this guy.
I think his haircut sucks.
Trickled down economics worked, man.
Fuck this guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, so you're in trouble about this.
So yeah, a lot of the liberal, it's not really, I would say it's not like real trouble because like you, you're out there.
You, you talk to people.
You travel the country.
I'm sure you've probably also noticed that people are coming around to our worldview a little bit more.
Yeah.
I would say, and in very unique places, like Barbaras and Deborah's are out there, you know, telling ICE agents to fuck off.
It's like 65-year-old white ladies and stuff in the suburbs.
And there's a lot of discontent for the Democratic Party in general.
And I think that's because they realize like, oh, these guys are controlled opposition.
They're not doing shit.
Like, we want someone who does shit.
Right.
And so it's not a real, it's not real anger and resentment.
It's just a bunch of like DNC, DNC adjacent content creators who just like really want to get the bag from the Democratic Party.
So they're like trying to hold on to this like grip of influence that they have over the consulting class.
But it's popping on Twitter.
Yeah.
Also, the thing you were saying about Barbaros and Deborah's hating ICE and coming around, what I kind of want people to understand, not you guys, but people who might not know is this is actually a return to form for the middle of the country.
Yes.
There's a book called Heartland by Sarah Smarsh, being poor, growing up poor in the richest country on earth, I think is the tagline.
But it's a very good book and it's about Kansas.
But like that's when I grew up in Missouri, I grew up in like a very working class like rural area.
Everyone fucking hated rich people and cops.
Only in the last like 10, 15 years has there been this weird like, we love the police, like the president is awesome and should be a billionaire.
Like this is a very, I think a momentary psychosis we're experiencing.
And the return to form is actually that working people fucking hate ICE and billionaires.
Like that actually is a thing that did exist before like 2008 in places like Missouri.
And it was a purple, like a bellwether state.
I just think momentary psychosis and we'll step out of it soon.
I'm really hopeful.
It's political polarization.
It's the way that the media works now.
Like there is, there was always, there was always interests that were totally separate in the country.
Like a Democrat in the North had different interests than a Democrat in the South.
Sometimes maybe not so great.
But now, if you are living in a rural area, things that you vote for are basically aligned with like a right-winger in Orange County at this point.
Right.
Like in the suburbs or even in the city.
And that's...
Well, they have the exact same needs in those two.
No, but that's what it is.
No, it's their media diet is the same basically.
And they have it's this grand design where both parties are fighting over culture war narratives.
So it's easier to bracket yourself on one side over the instead of the other.
And that's why I try to return to this labor-focused approach and class-focused approach in politics, which the Democrats do not represent at all right now.
And they are very actively trying not to represent right now.
Yeah, I mean, I can't talk about a lot of places, but I know Missouri very well.
And it just is like shocking to me that Republicans continue to win in places like this.
Like Republicans since 2002 have controlled the House and the Senate that entire time in Missouri and most of the time the governorship.
I think maybe there was a Democrat for one term.
And Missouri is doing very badly.
Rural hospitals are closing.
Family farms are being shut down because they're giving huge subsidies to corporate farms.
Like things that you would think would really mobilize people to vote against Republicans.
And in Missouri, like progressive ballot initiatives will win by 14 and 15 points on the same ballot as Trump winning by 23 points.
Does the left just need to like bring Jesus over or something like that?
I don't think it could hurt.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't think it could hurt.
I'm just like, you know, maybe a little, maybe we'll, you know, we could bring him over to our side.
I think it's a candidate issue that they continue to try and, in places like Missouri, they continue to try and run not quite Gavin Newsome types, but like centrist moderates to try and win the middle instead of running someone.
I mean, this, you know, I'm not saying anything we don't know, but running someone really fucking interested.
Run a leftist bartender and fucking like someone that can talk to people.
And it's, it has, if the issues are winning by 14 points and then there's a 37 point swing in the candidates, then you have a fucking candidate problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You, we just saw this.
We saw this with uh Texas.
There was a special election in Texas, a union organizer won a like Trump plus 35 district.
It's pretty crazy, but it happens.
And the reason why he won is because he was a labor-focused candidate.
Like he was focusing on the real bread and the kitchen table issues, as Democrats like to call it.
But like it was a class first, it was a class first campaign and he won.
So I think there's an opportunity there.
The Democrats have completely left those territories.
They've decided like we should waste no money here.
Like there's no reason to even have a infrastructure here to try and win elections.
And if we do, we'll just put like Amy McGraths over and over again, you know, like a person who just goes on and is like, I am, you know, I am going to be marginally less racist than the Republican candidate in a racism election.
Right.
And then everyone's like, okay, well, I prefer the racism one.
So I prefer what they're doing.
Yeah.
I used to be California before I met him, and it's taken a few election cycles, but it's so annoying to hear people, him get criticized for just like not saying he'd vote for Gavin Newsom or saying he wouldn't vote for Gavin Newsom when they're just like, oh, guys, we need to move to the middle.
We need to be in the middle.
And it's like, no, motherfucker, you're moving to the right.
Right.
Is what you're doing.
And it's been this thing after election after election.
It's like 2016, Trump was running on Build the Wall.
And then in 2024, we're building the wall now.
And we have a tougher immigration plan and things like that.
And it's been really frustrating to see.
So it's, you know, for me personally, my, I've seen this sort of political evolution in my own family.
And like people like, I don't understand where, you know, Newsom's political instincts are when you have people, my mom is like in her 60s, my dad's in his late 60s, and you have, these are like the core of your, you know, voter base.
And you see them now shifting to this sort of, you know, to what, you know, the left is saying about and being sick with the establishment and everything like that.
Yeah, I think someone like a Gavin Newsom is so entrenched in like doing business as usual and the narrative around someone like Hassan or anybody who will advocate for policies like Hassan is that that is impossible.
That is a pipe dream.
And you need to like, you need to ascribe to this way of doing politics because it will beat that way of doing politics.
And if you ascribe to anything more progressive than that, you're signing on for failure.
And that narrative is like so strong.
And you look at it when he won't, it's so bizarre that how much heat he received for not saying a fealty pledge for a candidate that's not even a candidate yet.
You know what I mean?
Like it's it's so bizarre, but you can see that kind of like infrastructure working to be like, don't ascribe to that type.
It's a you're you're signing up for death.
You lose.
It's not, it's not a good sign.
It's you're not very confident in your candidate if you're doing this three years out.
You're like, harm reduction, harm reduction.
You have to, you have to vote for whoever we decide is the best candidate.
But one of the things that a lot of people don't understand that you just brought up that I think is also important is that they think like, oh, we have to get a left candidate because people like myself won't vote.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying you have to get a left candidate because there are plenty of people who don't vote who you have already decided are right-wing or right-wing voters or the moderates or whatever that will go out and vote for a left candidate.
It's not just people like myself.
It's not the activist base of the party that are, you know, reliable Democrat voters or have been reliable Democrat voters over and over again, but are now feeling like they're not, they don't have a place in this party.
It's actually just the largest chunk of non-voters that would be motivated to go out.
Wasn't Trump able to speak to these people?
Like, there's so many people that were able to, that got off the couch or whatever to vote for Trump because, you know, for whatever reason.
A lot of these people were Bernie voters beforehand.
And then they went over, they went on that Bernie to Trump pipeline.
I know several.
That is such a crazy pipeline.
But it's because they, you know, Bernie, like, like, unfortunately, it was like the anti-establishment, you know, appeal to the anger that rightfully people feel about their position in life in this country.
And yeah, Bernie was successful at it for, I believe, the right reasons.
Obviously, Trump's a racist and transphobe, et cetera, et cetera.
Well, he wasn't in 2016.
He was woke.
Was he?
Yes.
Trump literally said Caitlin Jenner could piss in whichever bathroom she wants as long as she pisses in Trump Tower.
Which is a bar, by the way.
That is a bar, unfortunately.
We have to contend with how awesome he sometimes accidentally is.
But that was 2016, Trump.
And even in like, by 2024, he was like, you guys really love when I talk about trans people.
It's strange.
I don't understand it.
I can talk about tax cuts.
You go, oh, yeah, sure.
I talk about trans people.
You go crazy.
He added that onto his arsenal later on because in such a short period of time, in a relatively short period of time over the course of this last decade, like Republicans have really decided this is the number one thing that they can attack because they never stopped their relentless focus on singling out trans people, attacking trans people over and over again, even though they're like a tiny minuscule percentage of American society.
And I think there is a real opportunity now to turn around and say, hey, you banned the 49 transgender athletes from NCAA with executive decree.
Good job, boys.
Do you feel better?
Do you feel like your rent is your rent cheaper now?
You can always feel like you can buy groceries now.
You can always tell when Trump's heart isn't in the bigotry because it's like that with the trans people.
He's like, you guys love it.
I don't know why.
And there was a clip I loved of him, unfortunately, where he was talking about Pete Buttigieg.
And he was like, he rides his bike with his husband to work every day, which in fairness seems like a loving relationship.
Cash App Request Theory00:02:59
He couldn't even do the homophobia for the base.
He had to be like, they seem happy.
He was yearning.
He was yearning.
Dude, he wants it back.
We got to talk about it.
I really should.
And I think I've seen you also have a similar theory as well.
I am a firm and committed believer that Donald Trump is asexual bi-romantic.
Sure.
And that if he had the, if given the opportunity, if things, if he was like accepted by like polite society, elite liberals in New York when he was growing up as a slum lord, he would have just become a Broadway music producer.
He would have been a Broadway musical producer and he would have maybe even entertained that stuff.
That's what I think.
Wow.
Hey, Will Neff.
Yeah.
What is the pettiest thing you've ever asked somebody money for?
Oh, the pettiest thing I've ever asked someone money for?
Clogging my toilet.
Really?
Really?
Who did it?
You.
I remember that.
No, I remember that.
I remember that.
It was after an evening I had eaten a very large bean burrito.
Yes.
Right.
And Jerry.
And Jerry Queen Blizzard.
And it was just, it was.
You said, Will, watch this and you dump the burrito.
Yes.
Yes.
It was a weapon of mass destruction.
And you sent me a Cash App request.
For a Rotorouter.
Yes, for a Rotorouter.
It was $700.
And I paid you via Cash App, which is my favorite app to send and receive money.
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How do you feel about this theory?
I think...
Because you say Trump is gay.
Trump is culturally.
There's no doubt about it.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Culturally, the guy is one of the gayest people.
Power Dynamics and Selfishness00:13:12
He's gayer than I am.
Like, he is like so gay.
Yeah.
It really is crazy.
There's like, there's like people are taking videos like once a week outside the White House of they can hear from the streets him blaring Phantom of the Opera.
Like he's a huge Android Weber fan.
That's a homosexual president.
Yeah.
Phantom of the opera.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think the yeah, I think the problem with him really is and has been that he is just so goddamn charismatic and the left can't seem to find anyone that can doesn't the left can't find someone to carry charisma in a fucking bucket.
And he just has it by the pound, dude.
He's an interesting guy to listen to and he can talk to anybody.
Even though he's like kind of lost his sauce, especially in comparison to like 2016, if you ever look back at his commentary in 2016 versus now, like he's definitely lost the sauce a little bit.
Oh, his fastball is, yeah.
Yeah, it's nowhere near as good as it used to be, but he can, he is still objectively better than the average, the average Democrat at like not coming across like a fucking robot that got all of their talking points from a, you know, from a think tank moments prior to going on that, on that stage.
Also, I know we moved past it a little bit, but the idea that you were talking about about like people being like, well, that'll never, when they're talking about leftist candidates and they're like trying to force compliance with their centrist like candidate of choice eight years ahead of the fucking election or whatever, Gavin Newsom being the one right now, they always be like, oh, well, we couldn't.
We couldn't possibly win.
And it's like, if you talk to any organizer worth their salt, and I'm certainly not talking about me, I'm talking about organizers I like actually admire and respect, mostly tenant organizers.
The belief in a better future and the hope that we actually can have a better world is the most core principle.
Like, I can't keep talking to these fucking centrists that are like, well, that'll just never happen.
It's like, then why talk to you at all?
Yeah.
Why would I ever talk to you about the world?
What are you doing this for?
Right.
That's what I always ask them.
It's like, I've talked, because I've had the opportunity to talk to some of these Democrats and I say, what are we even doing this for if we're just going to continue to capitulate to right-wing positions?
Right.
What's the point?
What's the fuck?
What the fuck is the point?
Why not lose with some fucking class and style?
Like, let's lose and like say what we mean.
Yeah, exactly.
If that's truly what's going to happen, let's lose and be like, but they don't want that.
That's the whole point.
Like, they actually don't want that.
And their goal overall is to like manage this current predicament and hope that they never actually like win enough power that they have to do something.
Because then if they do things that they promised, then they disrupt the, I mean, they harm their corporate benefactors and their bottom line and they can't do that.
Right.
They don't want to upset the corporate donors.
They don't want to upset their billionaire friends.
They don't want upset their own pipeline to like very well-paid lobbyists.
Yeah.
That if they ever actually had to make good on the things, they're like, that's why they keep holding abortion over everybody's heads.
Yeah.
Because they're like, oh, well, abortion, abortion, abortion.
It's like, that's the only thing you have for us.
Yeah.
Eventually, working people's lives are going to have to get better.
Yeah.
Joe Biden won.
Okay, but did anything get better?
Like, it's going to have to get better for people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's precisely the reason why Trump is a far worse version of himself now than he was in 2016.
Yeah.
I think there's also other sides of this that don't touch on the material, I guess, but accountability, like actually punishing previous administrations.
I think any Democrat that runs on a message like that will probably also be able to win big too.
Do you think so?
I think there's an appetite for a lot of the barbers and the Deborahs for sure.
Dude, that want.
Really, Hassan, you really think that if someone, I don't know if I agree, you really think that someone...
I think that's one part of the message.
I kind of think avoiding that part is maybe the way.
Because I think like being like, we're going to prosecute Trump.
You're like a vulgar Marxist.
Like you're a class first.
You're like, no, fuck any of this other shit.
Like, you know, if we punish them, we punish them.
But the reality is get into the bread and butter, only talk about improving people's material conditions.
I think so.
I agree.
That's what I base my strategies around.
Now, by the way, if I got elected, would there be punishment on the other end?
Maybe.
Yeah.
But why campaign on every single thing I'm going to do?
I just want to talk about like rent, hospitals, farms.
Would you ever run?
No, fuck no.
Someone like me should not be in office.
Why not?
Because I am a fucking attention-hungry comedian.
The fact that people want me to run is the problem.
I'm like, no, guys, I'm not the guy.
Go elect an organizer.
I feel this way too, because I feel I share the same feeling about myself in terms of.
Do you feel like people are asking you to run?
No, no, nobody asked me to run.
Me neither.
No, me neither.
I won't do it either.
He wants me to run.
He wants to run.
But the thing is, is I do find myself dreaming of the attention and the power.
Yeah, which is exactly why you should be nowhere now.
Yeah, but I feel like I would serve the people well.
Wanting to run is...
No, I don't know that you would.
You don't think so?
No, the fact that you want to is disqualifying.
We need to go find organizers who have no desire to be in office and beg for them.
Beg and force them to.
Like George Washington.
The best organizers I know would rather die than run for office, and that's the exact reason they should be our candidates.
You know what?
I like that.
But I mean, you know, I'm not going to run.
You would scare me as a politician.
No, you can't even run.
We have a running game that he is like Uday.
I do like a little bit of the, like, they make fun of me because I like it.
You are Uday Hussein.
You are Uday Hussein.
If you had a crumb of power, you would only hire the sexiest Twink staffers you possibly could.
First of all, and you would make them carry specifically.
No, you like Twinks.
Yeah.
Good to know.
You and your husband like to take advantage of Twinks.
No, that's not true.
No, I'm telling you, he would make them carry his bags everywhere because we got a taste of this when we were in China.
We paid a lot of money when we were out in China to go all around the country.
And there were people that were handling everything that we were doing, the logistics and stuff.
And I turned over to Austin and I saw this twinkle in his eye where this spark where he was like, this is good.
I like that stuff that I do kind of enjoy when other people carry my bag.
He's like, this is good.
I liked, we had like private chauffeurs, really nice hotel rooms.
And like, I just was like, it was like all put together.
And I was like, this is a life I could live.
And so I said, should I arrive at immense power, I would sort of, I would do this.
You're a manipulator, dude.
I can tell.
But even the way a few seconds ago, you go, you look at me with like very sweet eyes and you go, they make fun of me.
It's like, you have a very evil kind of undercurrent about you.
No, no, no, no.
I would certainly deliver for the people.
Yes, I used to be an ally.
I used to call myself an ally.
Austin has made me reconsider that.
Like, I know a very different side of gays now because there's a book called Bad Gays.
Have you read it?
No.
It's about evil gays throughout history.
I want you to take.
No, I don't know for sure.
Not yet.
I think you have a power about you.
Who's on that list?
Caligula?
Alexander the Great?
Who was the first one I read about it?
It was some, I forget who the first one was, but I've only read like one chapter.
Alexander the Great's got to be on there, right?
I would think.
Yeah.
He's pretty evil gay.
I mean, most of those, most of the Ottoman Empire pod dish shots were Caligula was pretty.
They were fucking.
Yeah.
No, but you got, yeah, this is here.
Here's some gay theory.
Here's some gay history theory.
They're comparing me to the most evil gay man in history.
I did this to you, and it's not a good man in the podcast.
And now I'm comparing you.
I'm falling apart.
I'm Uday Hussein.
I'm an evil gay dick.
In our defense, you did spend a sizable chunk of the beginning of the podcast talking about how you and your boyfriend are scamming the same guy.
Who's broke?
Who's broke?
That's nothing.
We're getting him twice.
I want to be clear.
It's not a scam because the guy.
Because he liked it.
No.
Yeah.
And I didn't get more than 50 or 100 bucks out of it.
I was there.
50 to 100 bucks.
I mean, come on.
I was going to his mother's chemotherapy session.
I told him, you know, I said we don't do refunds, but, you know, I think you said, sir, I only have $20.
You said, sell some food stamps.
I don't know what the fuck you need to do, but don't come to me with excuses.
But no, look, I will never go into power.
I'll probably never run.
No, he wants to.
He wants to.
You do.
You do want to.
There's a glimmer.
I would be a great politician.
You would be a fantastic person.
But I'm not.
You'd be a sociopath.
No, I would not be.
He'd be an incredible politician.
Jury's out on Huckleberry of a Public Service.
I think at the end of the day, I do have a good heart underneath all this.
Material conditions for Twinks would become way better in our country.
Oh, if I were to be president.
You'd have state-mandated douches and all showers.
Actually, I'm back on your side.
You guys are being a little homophobic.
You guys are being a little homophobic.
The state-mandated douches was a little too far.
You guys got comfortable and you pushed it a little too far.
Thank you.
That's what I'm talking about.
Here's the problem, though, on the inverse is like strict caloric restrictions on it has to be bottom-friendly diet.
I tell him this, and then he makes it seem as if I'm starving my boyfriend.
Yeah.
Like, I'm not.
And my boyfriend is more rollic than you.
He's a good life.
He's more rollic than you.
He's more rollic than you.
Okay.
He's stronger.
That's okay.
He's taller.
He's taller than him.
Okay.
Well, slightly.
More handsome, more athletic.
Well, you know what?
I'm going to want to see a photograph of the boyfriend.
Also, very funny.
We love it.
Do I know this guy?
No, I don't think so.
He's funny.
He can't be that funny.
He's getting, you know, he's just.
Well, he's young.
You don't know him.
He doesn't have his driver's license.
It's a learner's permit.
It's a learner's permit.
He can drive with me.
Yes.
He's a 24-24 man.
24?
He's a grown man.
He's 24 years old.
Yeah, no, it's great.
We've been dating for two years.
I don't want to take you off the stand.
I'm so sorry that you ended up on Trot.
No, no, no.
We love that.
We love cooking.
One of the things that I do is I created this narrative around him being a...
Selfish top.
Oh.
Oh my God.
I got to tell you about this.
He created a discourse?
No, he created this discourse and I can't escape it and it's all over the place.
I'm a bottom's rights advocate.
And I talk about how Austin is not a good top.
Like he's a selfish top.
I was like, have you ever fucked a guy?
No.
He has not.
Then I would lay off.
Thank you.
Because he has called me, he has called me a selfish top so often.
And first of all, first of all, I love to please.
I'm eager to please.
That's like my number one thing.
And I mean it genuinely.
I will say you're not giving a convincing performance.
See?
I hate to go back and forth, but it was not a convincing performance.
I love to please.
No.
No.
If my partner's not receiving pleasure, I'm not receiving pleasure.
Again, it wasn't super convincing.
It wasn't 100% convincing.
Didn't you feel?
Dude, I need your advice.
How do I dispel these selfish tops?
See, he's trying to figure out.
He's trying to figure out how to cook people.
He's like, come on, tell me.
No, that's a secret.
But how can I be more?
How do I get out of being a selfish top?
Are you one?
No.
Eating ass is my favorite thing to do.
That's beautiful.
And again, it wasn't super convincing.
But he is.
He loves eating.
I love to eat after.
It's my favorite thing on the planet.
Really?
Yes.
Does that look like the time?
Well, that just actually, the way you got so passionate right there circled into a new kind of territory for me where I'm like, I actually believe you.
And now I'm a little like, why?
Like, it's like, you don't enjoy that?
Well, I'll do anything that needs to be done.
I'm a team player, but you like impassionately being like, I would do, I wish I had an ass in my mouth right now.
That's how I have to dispose of it.
That's how you're trying to dispel the rumors.
I have to dispel the rumors because I am such a passionate rumor.
He's an ass eater.
He's an ass eater.
I love it.
I would describe myself as a dedicated team player who thrives in a fast-paced environment.
Okay.
Sexually.
Got it.
Whatever it takes.
I want the team to win.
No ego.
I'm just ready to win.
Real blue collar loves me.
Jim Raggedy.
Dinner table issues.
Here's play on the page.
Asses eaten.
Come producer.
He's a balance check.
It's the production of calm.
We're seizing the means.
But I'm the same way, though.
And I've tried to, I've tried to, the only way I can dispel the rumors of being a selfish top is talking about my sex life openly and honestly.
And I've had people that don't like their asses eaten.
And so I get in there and I improvise and I do other things to please them.
Okay.
So we're going to put a pin in that.
Okay.
Caleb.
We will get back to that.
Don't worry.
We will cover that aesthetically in the page.
Austin, my jaw is killing me.
Why is that, Will?
Because I'm eating all my vitamins and minerals.
Oh my gosh.
That is one of the worst things you could do.
Everybody knows that contributes to chronic jaw pain.
What?
Yes.
Is there an easier way to get all my vitamins and minerals?
Of course there is, Will.
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I want to put the focus on you quickly because over the last year, over the last year, you have quickly become my favorite social media creator that whenever I scroll over one of your videos, I know I'm going to laugh.
What is your comedic background?
Where did you, where did you become so damn funny?
Hassan, right when we start talking about me, don't check your Apple Watch for me, okay?
Okay.
It felt bad when they started to buy it on.
I thought it was going to be fun.
No, I'm going to get so cooked on this.
This is what people get mad at me over all the time.
I did it because I got a notification because I ordered coffee because I thought you were getting me a cold brew.
Oh, is that what you meant by that?
Well, let's ask the audience.
Okay, let's ask the audience if you thought I should bring a cold brew.
Okay, wow.
Because maybe we'll find out on Valentine's.
I texted, I texted, it's at 9 a.m. on a Saturday, by the way.
I said, on Valentine's Day.
I texted Hassan.
I said, you want a coffee?
He said, I'm supposed to ask you that.
He didn't.
I said, got to wake up pretty early to best me, brother.
Then he sent me a selfie of himself at the gym and said, but ye, I recommend Kofax Cold Brew if you like that.
I said, let's discuss their breakfast burritos.
He said, they're fire.
I won't be partaking, though.
In what part of that message did you think I was supposed to bring you a cold brew?
I was just trying to subtly say, I would like a cold brew.
That's crazy.
The thing about Hassan that you have to understand, you have to ask him multiple times.
Sometimes he won't.
Yeah, I was texting him in person.
It's like trying to become Jewish.
You have to go to the rabbi multiple times.
You have to beg.
Yeah, no, I mean, he doesn't speak back sometimes.
Yeah.
And I've learned this over our relationship.
Yes, and I stayed here last night.
And often I don't stay here.
Oh.
But last night, I totally, I was not meaning to sidestep you.
No, no, no.
I just got excited to drive.
Let me get back to you in a second.
Last night, let's talk friendship.
Yeah, you were about to say, I'm bad, right?
Last night, first of all, I'm in Vancouver.
I'm at UBC.
I'm giving a talk about American foreign policy.
You're at one of your champagne socialists.
Yeah, one of my champagne socialists events.
I'm unbelievably low.
Yeah.
And they're giving me so much.
They're throwing money at the stage.
And Adrenochrome.
Yeah.
So Austin texts me, like a couple days prior to this text message, he's like floating the idea, I think, of staying here.
Because normally he doesn't like to stay here.
He stays at a hotel.
But he was like, oh, hotels are so expensive.
He's like, oh, hotels are so expensive in LA.
He's out of budget this weekend.
It's all Star Western, but it's all Star Wars.
So Keith sends me a text message when I'm in Vancouver, like, hey, can I, you know, stay at your place?
Can I stay with you?
I was like, oh, well, I'm in Vancouver.
Then.
He said, well, that's crazy.
Sounds like the house is over.
No, he didn't.
He missed it because I didn't know if anyone was here.
My mom was here, but I didn't realize.
But in any case, he was like, oh, so can I stay with you the next night?
I'm like, sure, of course.
I come back.
Austin comes in.
Austin goes upstairs to do whatever the fuck he's doing.
Okay.
I yell at him.
I'm like, Austin, come down.
He comes down.
I say, hey, let's watch a movie.
That's sweet.
Thank you.
Isn't that sweet?
I said, hey, we watch a movie together.
And he said.
You're sweet, but unfortunately, I had plans.
Yeah.
And he said, no, I'm going to dinner with my gays.
Yeah.
I mean, but I had planned this because normally when I go.
When I go when I go to his house, the conversation is me talking to myself, asking questions that don't get responses.
Are you one of these gay guys that only hangs out with other gay guys?
Yes.
Dude, humiliating.
Humiliating revelation that I'm going to dinner with my gays was a big town.
No, no.
Oh, no.
Name a lesbian.
My neighbors.
No, she doesn't.
Oh, my God.
He doesn't know.
No, it's true.
I have two neighborhood lesbians and their name escapes you right now, but they will keep back to me.
He has openly talked about how he knows lesbians.
Let me explain something.
My best friend is straight.
I have straight friends.
I have gay friends.
But I grew up straight until I was until I became until I chose to be gay.
Yeah.
Conversion therapy.
You watched that episode of Arthur where they're getting married.
My Portland life is white picket fence, suburb, you know, very like, you know, nice.
My LA life is where I get to experience the homosexuality I never did growing up.
So I am, I waste no time at straight establishments.
Yeah.
I waste no time.
Many times I don't really hang out with that many straight people.
Yeah.
And I'm like just fully living the gay life that I was deprived of.
And he's always trying to take that from me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With his movies.
It's so funny because he's in friendship.
You do have a charisma about you that makes me want to really like you.
Like I'm very drawn to you.
But then the second I give you a chance to defend yourself against an accusation, you do blow it in like record time.
You're like, you're like, do I know a lesbian?
No, but I grew up in a neighborhood that was so idyllic and beautiful that when I come to LA, it's just like you don't really nail it when I give you the shot.
I know.
I need to work on it.
But anyway, I don't have only gay friends.
I mean, look, I have them.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He despises.
He has female friends.
You know, I have varied friends.
But anyway, back to you, Caleb.
We want to go.
Thank God.
I don't want to get away from this.
To answer your question, I moved, I did improv in college when I was.
Where did you do improv?
Missouri State Go Bears.
Okay.
And then I moved to Chicago.
Were you a second city guy?
Well, more I.O. and like some of the alt, but I did a fellowship at Second City at one point.
I was a second city guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't take their classes, but I did their Bob Curry fellowship when I was there.
Cool.
I was mostly like IO, the shithole, hideout, like doing like the alt and stuff.
And then I moved out here for a bit and I live in New York.
But most of my comedy training was just at the theaters in Chicago.
Chicago Housing and Healthcare00:04:37
That's awesome.
Yeah.
That's cool.
No, I'm a.
And that's why you like my videos.
Yeah.
I'm an improv guy and a former stand-up guy.
And whenever I watch him, I'm like, God, he is so quick.
He must have some kind of comedic training because you're so on the ball.
I think one of the funniest clips I've ever seen, I don't know the name of your one co-host, but she clocks herself with like a pot of greed card.
Oh, Drew, Trew, yeah, yeah.
I was on Drew's podcast.
And then the eating all the pies clip is maybe one of the funniest things.
Yeah, there's just some things you say that will never escape you.
It's one of like six stories with my fans that they really have latched onto.
The eating all the pies is a big one.
Yeah, I know.
You just say shit and you're like, you don't imagine when you're saying, because I run my mouth all the time.
I mean, look how I've treated you.
You've been nothing but lovely to me.
No, no.
But I run my mouth and then you don't imagine that you're about to say something that will like foundationally change the way you interact with strangers for the rest of your life.
Yes.
And the pies thing is one of them.
That I'm like, until the day I die, I'm certain that people will be like, not, the pies aren't safe.
Look who just walked in.
Like perfect strangers talking to me this way.
Like I become like I'm a fucking clown.
Yeah.
But you just don't know.
But that, thank you.
That's very, very serious.
That's so nice.
Yeah.
Chicago.
Shout out to Chicago Improv for real.
I love Chicago.
I also wanted to talk about the, well, you mentioned the warehouse in Kansas City.
Let's go.
Let's get into it.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Kansas City, you're talking about how there's radical politics out there.
There's people out there of working class background that are trying to do their very best to fight back against this administration in what centrist liberals would consider woke ways.
Right.
And there has been a massive success so far.
On top of the success in Minneapolis, Minnesota, with ICE finally pulling out of that separate occupation, there's a warehouse that was supposed to be allotted to ICE as a detention center.
Yeah.
And there were a lot of initiatives.
You want to go in and talk about that?
We bullied these fucking losers.
Yeah.
We bullied these fucking losers and now they're not building an ice detection.
For now, we have to stay vigilant.
I mean, you can't, you can never, you claim your victories when you get them, but we have to like stay on top of it.
But yeah, they, the Kansas City City Council passed a moratorium on any sale of property in the city to the government to be used for detention centers.
And so that's- Can you tell us what the timeline on that looked like?
Like when they announced their plans to turn versus like when your the actions were taken, like what did that pipeline look like?
Not even an announcement, by the way.
That's the insidious thing is these people are like, this brokerage that was helping make this sale happen.
And I'm not going to mention any names because of not wanting to get sued, but the brokerage that was trying to make this happen, they're like big, like in the community people that are like, oh, we're at the children's hospital.
Anything's safe that they can be like, we love the community.
They announced no plans.
It comes out that they're privately brokering a deal to turn a warehouse that was supposed to be zoned for business purposes and warehousing.
They're going to turn it into an ICE concentration camp.
And this building is massive.
There's no reason in any world where a building of that size should be housing human beings.
Yeah.
Regardless of your politics, which is why I think the community got so pissed off.
It's like, wait, you're telling me we're not going to get a fucking huge factory with jobs in there?
We're going to what house people that are being detained because they may or may not have had their papers on them at the moment.
So anyway, the people who actually have the jobs in America right now.
Right, by the way.
So I started commenting on their Instagram and then they turned their comments off and then a bunch of us started calling.
My city councilman, Jonathan Duncan in Kansas City, is a fucking awesome.
He's a lefty like tenants guy.
But yeah, we all started bullying them.
And then the company put out a statement, of course, like claiming like we were actually never going to do that sale.
Like we were never working with the whatever.
We were just guys voting it out.
The rumors are untrue.
And then they had the nerve in their statement to be like, our families have had threats.
It's like, oh, are we worried about family safety now, boys?
Like really crazy shit.
But it's funny, like, Hassan, when you were talking about like, oh, what would be considered like woke, you know?
The idea that the tenant union is woke is so funny to me because we organize trump voters.
There are plenty of chump voters that come into the tenant union and are like, I don't do pronouns, but I don't want to lose my house.
And we're like, welcome.
Like, that's fine.
We'll figure it out together.
You know what I mean?
Don't worry.
You're not in trouble.
That's a lie that you've been told about us.
You know what I mean?
It's like a very, very...
I'm not calling anyone they, them.
That's too confusing.
I'm not calling anyone anything.
Yeah, but I think, yeah, the idea that these are woke ideas that can't win is just silly.
It's like, no, people, people actually aren't as tied to these like big party ideas as they're being made out to be.
They just, things make sense to people when you make them make sense.
Yeah, you know what racist people need?
Football Jerseys and Woke Backlash00:15:10
Housing.
You know what they need?
Healthcare.
Just run on housing and healthcare.
That's when people talk about like affordability as this like big grand idea.
It's like, yeah, you know what's not affordable?
It's not fucking TVs at Best Buy.
It's healthcare.
It's education and it's housing.
If you ran on those three core principles, a lot of people who would otherwise slot themselves into the other category because they're like, well, these guys are not giving me anything, but at least these guys are saying trans people are weird.
And I also think that way are going to turn around and vote for you instead.
They're going to vote for you.
Speaking of affordability, I famously have a conservative family and I've finally made some inroads.
No.
Finally.
With some of them.
But the framing is very different.
I talk about it through the lens of football because they understand two things in football are happening.
Let's go.
One, the price of hot dogs.
Yeah.
The price of hot dogs is astronomical.
And I point to that there's actually a legal precedent that some food within a stadium that is owned by the state needs to be made affordable, right?
Because then you've created a monopoly and there's a previous legal case that was decided where they need to make food items.
And the second is fanatics jerseys.
I don't know if you know anything about Fanatics jerseys, but Fanatics jerseys is the perfect way to sell the insidious nature of capitalism because right now, every sport, F1, baseball, football, everything, all the rights to their jerseys are owned by one company, Fanatics.
And they are so shitty that some of the players had to lobby to stop using Fanatics jersey in gameplay because they would fall apart.
And fans all fucking hate them.
And right now, fake jerseys are of a higher quality than the official ones that cost like $300.
So sports fans understand now monopolizing in capitalism because of jerseys.
If you know any diehard sports fan, you can communicate, you can communicate to them through jerseys, be like, you know, Fnatics?
They're like, yeah, like that's the issue.
That's monopolizing.
I saw a post that's like complimentary to what you're saying that went viral the other day of like an old like Mets like concession stand that was stocked with like a variety of different treats because Americans love treats.
Oh, yeah.
So you can convince Americans on on the basis of access to treats and also the jerseys.
They had jerseys for every single player.
And that was so fascinating for a lot of people because they were like, what the fuck nowadays, apparently due to Fanatics is like just-in-time manufacturing and also like their endless need to make sure that they're only selling jerseys that are that people want to buy.
They only do like three or four players and then some maybe legendary players as well.
But back in the day, they used to sell players' jerseys of every single player.
Yep.
So you could just go in person.
And this goes even further.
Right now, in the United States, there is only one NFL team owned by the people, which is Green Bay motherfucking Packers.
And you know the only team that doesn't use Fanatics jerseys?
The Green Bay motherfucking Packers, because Packers jerseys are still made.
They're still made where?
I kind of want to.
And Jordan Love is fine.
And Jordan Love is fine.
Their jerseys are still made right in the state at the Reebok factory.
In Wisconsin.
Yes.
Oh, Todd.
I didn't know that.
Briefly speaking, are you a football fan?
Yeah.
Kansas City Chiefs.
Yeah.
Okay.
Question.
Can you set your politics aside?
If you need Harrison Bucker to make a kick.
If they're winning you the championship, the Super Bowl.
A Republican?
Yeah.
Well, for sure.
I don't have politics.
Fuck with that.
But I will say when Harrison Bucker does anything other than make a field goal, I go, this is what you fucking get.
When he misses the field goal, I go, you stupid bitch.
You should have been focused on kicking field goals and not fucking talking about women going to college or whatever the fuck you were doing.
Okay, because as a Vikings fan, I'm like, I don't give a fuck what you are as long as you get at that fucking trophy.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
You know what I mean?
And by the way, this is a unifying message.
Yes.
I don't care.
By the way, people don't care.
Travis Kelsey was like doing like vaccine commercials and everyone was like, as long as he produces on the field.
As long as he's still catching and running, that's our quarterback was.
I'm a Jets fan.
I would have John Wayne Gacy play quarterbacks.
Which would be awesome.
No, he was like, he was about to revert to Islam.
I'm not even kidding.
Robert Saleh was the coach, and I thought we needed the spiritual juice.
First Muslim head coach.
Yeah, there was a period where I needed my Jetson to feel Allah's light.
And you didn't get a really fair shake over there, Robert Saleh.
No, he didn't.
It wasn't fair what happened to him.
He had one flag on his jersey, and I think Woody Johnson took him out for nefarious reasons.
And well, you know, Woke is back, though, because we saw what happened to Robert Kraft.
What happened to Robert Kraft?
I didn't see it.
I mean, the Patriots lost.
Woke is back.
He went to Israel.
He hung out with Benjamin Netanyahu right before the Super Bowl.
He threw a football.
He gave a football to Benjamin Anyow so he could throw one.
And then guess what happened?
They got annihilated.
In his defense, though, we've all had lunch with BB.
The guy throws a great lunch.
I don't love what he's doing governmentally, but he throws a great lunch.
Well, Hassan not even willing to joke about it.
I would never go to lunch.
Hassan not even willing to joke about it.
It's a bunch.
It's a bit.
Yeah, he cannot.
He cannot be transferred.
He's not homophobe at all.
As soon as lunch with BB is off the table, yeah.
There's certain people that I don't entertain that for.
He's one of them.
But the other thing I was going to say, though, the other thing I was going to say is you brought up something really great.
Like football and like these sorts of cultural forces are uniting.
I don't partake in it.
But even though I don't personally care about football, I grew up in Turkey.
I still like the fanfare around NFL weekend and all this stuff, the halftime show, the commercial.
That's Bonnie.
And what's really interesting to me is that conservatives have basically negatively polarized themselves away from normal things that people enjoy.
And they're becoming more and more repulsive every single day.
And one of those things is the halftime Super Bowl show.
And did you see Paul Brothers?
The Paul Brothers split on the halftime show where Jake was like, you should turn off your TV, and his brother was like, I can't follow you.
Brother, you're going to have to go your own way on this one.
Yeah, Jake claimed his Twitter was hacked.
Yeah.
He's like, I don't know what happened.
Didn't Logan, though, originally have like a pretty abrasive note of watching it originally and then saw the tide turning on social media and then like jumped on the band.
That's what happened when they got bonny.
Yeah, I met the right car.
I was talking about carpet.
He's like, no.
So they have the same opinion.
One was just wise enough to grift over the spot.
I think if you're looking at the Paul Brothers to have a consistent, morally clear message about the world, you've already got a problem.
Yeah.
I also have a theory about the split, and it's very pessimistic.
I think they're setting up for a boxing match between each other because I think after Jay got his bell rung, he doesn't want to fight any real fighters anymore.
So how do you bill another, you know, $5 million purse fight at your brother?
So Logan's going to grift to the left.
It's fighting.
That's actually awesome.
That is their returning the form.
That is the most Ohio thing you can do is beat the shit.
Brother fight.
Fratricide.
That's actually fucking.
That's actually completely awesome, and I love that.
Yeah.
I hope that's what they're doing.
I really hope that's what they're doing.
That's awesome.
First ever.
I mean, this is double knockout.
They just punch each other at the same time.
Everyone celebrates.
Rocky style.
Yeah, but no, woke is back.
Woke is back, but in a new way, by the way, can I just say 2.0?
We need a new woke.
Woke, there's some people who still trying to do 2015 woke.
Honey, it didn't work.
We need a new woke.
Oh, oh, God, Will.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Will.
I can't stop going to the bathroom.
It just keeps flowing out of me like lava.
Oh, my God.
I think I need to go see a doctor.
Oh, wow, Dustin, stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/slash fear to find an instantly book.
But before I do that, we need to talk a little bit more about my ailments and what Zock Doc is.
Will, Zock Doc.
I got a jingle for Zock Doc, too, that I was thinking about.
Ready?
Yeah.
Z-O-C.
D-O-C.
Get the coverage for you and me.
Zock Doc.
What?
Yes.
Off the dome.
Off the dome.
Oh, my God.
Z-O-C.
D-O-C.
Get the coverage for you and me.
I like how quick it is, which is exactly the same process that you'll have at Zock Doc.
You can skip all the lines.
You can skip all the BS that is typically associated with seeing a doctor.
Get a doctor in your network.
That's right.
Top rated today.
Oh, yeah.
So stop putting off those comments and go to zocdoc.com slash shear and find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
You know, Z-O-C.
D-O-C.
Find a doctor for you and me, Zach Doc.
I saw two straight men come out of a bathroom stall.
Hello.
Together.
They were doing cocaine.
What are you calling them?
No, they were kissing.
I didn't know if they were.
I was very confused because I went down to his bathroom was in a basement.
I was at a sushi restaurant.
It wasn't even like at a gay bar or anything.
This was definitely, it was an accepting of all sexualities establishment, right?
I could tell by the sushi.
Yeah, so we were down.
It was an inclusive Japanese restaurant.
We were down in the basement and there was a bathroom and I'm waiting and I'm like, I hear two voices in there.
But they're having a very, you know, no, there's, I don't hear a dick being sucked.
I don't hear anything.
Why they were doing drugs.
I don't know, though.
And then they come out of the restroom and I'm like, oh my God, woke is back because they felt so comfortable in their sexuality.
They were doing drugs.
They were definitely straight men.
Okay, I want to say I was giving you the benefit of the doubt with the story and imagining that it would circle back to a point.
There was no point.
Woke is back.
I saw two guys.
Just an example of woke behind is two dudes in West Hollywood doing Coke.
Doing Coke in a sushi restaurant.
Do you hate two Asians?
You know what I'm saying?
Going down being like, no, no, no.
They just closed the big deal for UTA.
They want to celebrate a little bit.
I think that gay guy was listening to us, Jim Coke.
Woke is back.
Baby, Woke is back.
Common by a landslide.
I don't think that they were doing Coke.
I think they were peeing together.
Because I went in there, a urinal and a toilet.
Yeah.
So I think they went in and they're like, we can be in here together.
Can I tell you?
You're getting mired down in the details of something that ultimately could not have anything to do with Woke Bee.
You're like, no, no, no.
There's a toilet and a urinal.
It's like, right.
So we're so far off the track of woke.
We were talking about like Jake Paul having to like apologize after coming out and being like, yeah, secure their masculinity using the restroom together.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I'll tell you a little bit about my politics.
When I go into a sushi restaurant, I want to see two men in the bathroom.
Kissing together.
That's my America.
Just a few weeks ago, they would have called each other right there.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, get out of here.
That was a gay guy.
That being the case that we're making for Woke is back.
It's so funny.
Woke is back.
The boys are peeing together.
It's true.
We haven't seen this since 2013.
It's true.
I didn't know straight men, y'all did that.
I didn't know you did Coke in the bathroom together.
I thought that was a...
What?
What?
That's like one of the only things they do.
Really?
Yeah.
Coke in the bathroom together?
Yeah.
See, I didn't, I didn't.
That's a staple of American culture.
I don't really hang out in straight spaces very much, so I just assume that everything is.
You want to run and you don't understand why straight guys are doing bathrooms.
I could blend in.
Oh, you straighten up.
Yes, I could blend in.
You probably would not have even known that he's gay.
Who wouldn't know?
You probably would not have known.
Did you know I was gay when I walked when you walked in?
Honey, I knew you were gay.
I knew you were gay before I ever even met.
I knew you were gay from miles and miles away.
Did you just sense that there is a homosexual?
Driving over there, I said, there's going to be a little gay guy in your house.
Sense a gay presence.
What about it makes me because some people can't clock me as well?
The way you hugged me.
Really?
You gave me a gay guy hug.
Thank you.
What's a gay guy?
There's just a little bit of a linger.
Straight guy, here's what happens.
When you hug a straight, I'm a big hugger.
I hug everybody out, strangers.
You give a straight guy a hug, it's not out of fear usually, or malice yeah, but there is, after about 1.5 seconds, their body tenses in a way.
That's like we should probably let go wait.
What about me?
Did I?
You two, you tense yeah, you tense buddy, you tense, and it wasn't mean, it was just, yeah, I have not.
I have noticed straight guys do this.
When they hug, they hug, and then when it's time to go, they go.
Yeah well, I sometimes do that too, but me too.
And the reason I hugged you the way that I did is I wanted to send a signal.
Yeah, and you did.
You were safe.
He lingered in a very homosexual way.
If you want to pee in a bathroom with me, we will not be doing good, I can blend in and I will give the.
You know, i'll do the straight guy thing.
Oh, i've got.
Yeah, i'll go in with one of these, no problems exactly.
I like to make them feel safe yeah, but uh, that's what i'm saying.
I'll do it like i'm not gonna.
Yeah, you're not gonna be gay, but you gave me a gay guy hug exactly, and I did that to send a signal.
I did.
I didn't tense out, I double pumped because I remembered in the back of my mind.
Oh, in the back of my mind, I remembered you talking about giving hugs.
Yeah, and that's why?
Because I came in with the dab.
Yeah, you noticed that I know, and I went straight in for the hug.
And you went in for the hug and I was like oh, he's a hugger, yeah.
And then and then in my mind I was thinking, everyone always makes fun of me for giving the most autistic hugs, so I have to make this hug good.
So I I that wasn't a tense hug Hasan, I love you from the bottom of my heart.
You seem like a great guy.
I love your work.
We hug I you.
First of all, you tried the dab, which was beautiful, and it in some times it would have been respectful to join you where your culture is.
Yeah, I decided to go ahead and give you the hug.
Let you know who I am.
You did here's what happened.
I almost and it may have been subconscious you tensed a little bit like we should let go because i'm straight.
And then you hugged me tighter, which was very progressive.
And then I and then you out loud said, while we're hi, remember this.
You out loud said, you out loud said yeah, like you were giving yourself over to a longer hug, and I thought well, how nice is that?
How nice is that that's?
It wasn't about you being gay, this dude trying to try to go against the autism allegations no, I think it was about.
I think it was about you being gay for sure.
Yeah, he really was proud of this.
Morning Porn and Progressive Hugs00:03:35
He really thought he stuck that shit.
Why?
When you guys started talking about hugs, I was like sitting here like okay, my compliment is in root.
Yeah yeah, I wonder if my hug was good.
I nailed that hug.
Yeah, the whole podcast has on patting himself in the back, like I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago.
Oh no, a normal guy alert.
I, I killed that hug earlier.
Oh, you've ruined me.
I'm gonna be thinking about.
It was beautiful, hasan's.
Not a criticism, i'm just saying you wonder how I know that this guy was a flaming homo.
Yeah, it was the hug he isn't in and I can tell you from experience he's not a good hugger.
No no, that's not true.
It was a great hug for you.
He is okay.
For us it's a side hug.
Sometimes you get like half-ass dab.
Oh yeah, you know, sometimes you don't even get a hello.
Yeah, like I sat down this morning and I walked right past him and he didn't even say good morning well, you're staying in his house for free and refused to watch a movie with him.
I think he's gonna be a little cold in the morning.
He wouldn't do that anyway if I watched him.
No, If we watched the movie, if you watched the movie, I would have also invited you to the gym.
Speaking of movies, I think we're watching something behind the paywall.
Oh, yeah.
That you're very excited about.
We're doing porn.
We're talking about the movie.
Okay, I woke up two days ago.
Well, listen, you need to understand.
I woke up two mornings ago, bleary-eyed.
I opened my phone to a text message from Hassan.
He goes, I finally found it.
It is a kung fu porno where there, and I saw a clip of it while I'm in bed, and my girlfriend is like, What are you looking at?
And I was like, Hassan sent me this.
It's like 9 a.m.
Yeah, it's worth it.
When you see it, you'll understand why.
Here's what you send me this.
Can I tell you a feeling I'm having right now?
It's not looking good for the left that you guys are our guy.
We're trying to.
Texting me at 9 a.m. a kung fu porno.
It's like, we are fucked.
We are completely locked if this is where things are headed.
I mean, sometimes you have to enjoy the finer things.
The little things.
No, I'm happy for you guys.
I'm just kidding.
I want you guys to watch porn together.
Yeah.
You guys can pee in a bathroom together.
We can watch our kung fu.
Welcome back, baby.
Caleb, thank you.
Yeah, thank you so much.
By far, one of our funniest guests.
Can you please tell everybody what you have coming up, where they can find you, everything.
Oh, God, what do I have?
Do you know I've got some movies coming out this year?
Check my Instagram out.
I would just like turn on notifications for my stories because I don't post on grid.
When Caleb says things on Instagram, follow if you'd like.
My podcast So True comes out every Thursday.
You'll know maybe half the guests, and then the other ones, hopefully, you'll just fall in love with.
And that's all.
Thank y'all for having me.
Thank you, Caleb.
Caleb Herron, everybody.
And we're going to continue this conversation, including porn reviews behind the paywall on patreon.com/slash fear.
And thank you for your contributions, and we'll see you behind the paywall.
Take care, y'all.
Peace.
Why are they playing the...
Why are we telling him this?
I really, I don't.
It's pure reactionary.
Look at what you've done.
It's reactionary performance.
Caleb had a good performance.
Don't call it performance art, dude.
Come on.
Don't call it performance art.
It's not.
Why do you guys know all this?
Are you guys?
Jenny's listening.
He's online.
This is my job all the time.
But does it have to be to this level?
Didn't you kind of make it?
I mean, can we relax it a little bit?
No, I don't.
I don't.
I'm not in as deep as he is.
There's an infertile 20-year-old Nazi that you have to know his skincare routine.