Austin and Wake Wilder dissect the Louvre heist where six thieves stole 102 million euros in artifacts using angle grinders, debating whether breaking down jewels for sale is feasible given tight security at stores like Jared. They analyze Trump's pardon of fraudster George Santos as a political signal to Republicans, mock Zohran Mamdani's reaction, and discuss Michelangelo's David, speculating on why Roman statues feature small penises due to cultural standards or the artist's orientation. Ultimately, the episode blends chaotic pop culture commentary with serious security failures, suggesting modern institutions struggle against both digital harassment and physical theft. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Roman Statues and Barbaric Penises00:14:33
Do you know why Roman statues are notorious for having small penises?
Because the Romans.
Because large penises are seen as barbaric.
No, because most people, that's what a penis looks like.
Hold on.
When it's flaccid.
You know what?
I'm going to go.
I'm going to be sick and tired of this idea.
I'm going to defeat.
People are hanging big.
Ladies and gentlemen, happy Monday.
Your week is just getting started.
And we're in the middle of last week right now on the Fear Ann podcast where we have a man only episode.
I'm going to say something to you.
What?
I've never seen anyone tie a bandana more poorly than you.
I was looking at that.
Move your mic.
Move your mic.
I was looking at that.
Why is it upside down, bro?
What the hell happened?
It looks like a big bandana.
Pull up the bandana real quick.
No, no, don't try to find it.
No, no, no, no.
Just pull up like the way it's supposed to.
What is wrong with you?
God damn it.
I'm just trying to celebrate Halloween and all you Scrooges didn't show up in any fucking costumes.
I didn't know I was supposed to be.
I didn't know I was supposed to be.
It's fucking Halloween.
No, it's not.
Well, by the time this episode comes out on Monday, we won't have any time left.
It'll be November by the next time the episode comes in.
Oh, shit.
Sure, that is true.
That's not even true.
It'll be the 28th next episode.
Yes, and the week of the episode after that would be.
So there's another episode in between now and the 28th will be this episode.
Like right now, if you're watching, it's October 28th, 2025.
It's the 22nd.
No, today is the 28th.
The episode will drop on the 28th.
Austin is right.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
This is the only thing.
So we have because the next episode is inside.
It's not a matter of opinion.
It's the first time that we do that.
That's what I'm saying.
I showed up in costume.
I'm locked in.
I think.
I'm a cowboy, if anybody's wondering.
Yeah, you're a cowboy.
I was wondering.
I look fucking disheveled because I took my bandana.
Yeah, no, the bandana really tied the whole thing together.
Sure, I think.
Hold on, I'm just kidding.
Have you never worn a bandana?
You don't have.
What are you doing?
Have you never worn a bandana?
What am I a fucking bank robber?
No, I've never worn a bandana.
I mean, it's fine, but you can like, you can crump, you, you fold the top a little bit, and then the rest is supposed to.
By the way, ladies and gentlemen, we have a guest this week.
We have Wake Wilder.
Wow.
What is it?
Judy Cinderella has no Halloween spirit.
No, she died in a self-munching accident.
Yeah, she did it.
She broke her neck trying to eat her own.
She's like, munch is so much more violent than self-confidence.
She broke her neck trying to eat her own pussy.
It was horrific.
Yeah, you can say that because you're gay.
We would never.
No.
Wait, should we bleep that out?
No.
No, Austin.
I just want to make sure.
Austin's also drinking Chick-fil-A, but he's a gay man.
So he's not.
It's Halloween.
I'm in costume as a homophobe.
Oh, no.
I like that.
See?
I like that.
You will not be spared.
You are going to prison as well under this new administration.
Oh, under the what administration?
Stephen Miller.
Oh, yeah, Zora Mumdani.
Zora Mumdani's New York rain.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, yeah.
Well, you know what?
I'm just trying to enjoy Halloween.
You know, getting the spirit.
Halloween.
Halloween, because right after that, guess what it is?
Christmas.
Right after Thanksgiving.
There's a second thing.
Right after everybody knows that the Christmas season starts November 1st.
No.
No, isn't there specifically after Thanksgiving that Christmas season starts?
Well, no.
We are listening to Christmas music on Thanksgiving.
That is even debatable.
Mariah Carey.
We're so just starving for joy.
Mariah.
You know what?
Yeah.
Mariah Carey.
We can start to laugh.
Mariah Carey.
Mariah Carey is the queen of Christmas, and she said she's taken over for Jesus, right?
She is more similar qualities.
Are you saying that Jesus was the queen of Christmas?
Yes.
He was the king of Christmas.
And now Mariah Carey, people, when you think of Christmas, you think of Mariah Carey more than you think of Jesus, unfortunately.
I think.
I'm going to go out there and say that.
Is that the case?
Do you think of Mariah Carey when you think of Christmas as opposed to Jesus?
I don't think of either.
I'll be honest.
Well, I think of Santa Claus.
Oh, fuck.
I forgot about him.
The real thing of Christmas.
Okay.
Well, outside of the channel.
Let that Muslim man correct you about your Christian holiday.
Other than Santa Claus, I still believe in, by the way.
Yeah, he's a Turkish man.
Is he really?
Don't do this.
Everything is Turkish.
He's Turkish.
Santa Claus is Turkish.
To be fair, we just don't know.
Saint Nicolas is from an area that is inside of the Turkish borders.
Okay, are we like going like Ottoman?
What's the pre-Ottoman?
Saint Nicolas.
I'm going to be honest with you.
The Americans fucking nailed that.
Nailed the Santa Claus.
Ours is the fucking coolest.
I mean, we really fucking nailed it.
You want a bunch of Nicolas, who like beats the shit out of me.
Yeah, they got like the racist ones.
Yeah, they have Cedar Klaus with his blackface helpers.
Wait, there's a racist Santa Claus?
Yes.
I don't know all of the gay helpers.
I'm so detached.
You haven't seen Blackface Santa?
Yeah, no.
All I know is that the dude is in the Arctic Circle, which raises some questions.
I was in Amsterdam one year, and I was like, oh my God, was it my friend Kirk?
And I said, Kirk, look, it's, oh, my God, how cute is that?
That's Santa Claus.
And then out come his blackface helpers.
I said, what the fuck is going on?
Turns out, oh, it's Cinder Klaus.
He's Sinter Klaus.
And evidently there is a race.
It has a racist past there.
Yes, yes.
Look it up.
Pull it up.
It's a Blackface Santa Amsterdam, and you'll see.
It's not like.
His search bar is cooked.
Yeah, it's not even like Blackface.
It's not even Santa.
It's like something else.
Jarvis, render that image.
No.
Oh, that is crazy.
Maybe we should show them.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
My holiday spirit is diminished.
Bro, they don't look half the queen.
No half measures for hell.
I'll be honest.
Except for that one guy in the bottom where he was like, ah.
I'm like, look at Leah.
The thing is that they look so happy to be in Blackface.
Some kind of clan meeting more than it looks like.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
They all look like jesters.
Yeah, they're all working for the Trump administration now.
Isn't that wild?
So anyway.
Austin, let's not jump past Halloween, though.
What Halloween plans do you have?
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
How many parties are you going to be attending on?
Well, every single one that I can get my hands on.
I'm going to a gay party in San Diego.
And then I'm going to be partying all through the weekend.
I'm like, how many fucking costumes do I need?
You know what I mean?
You know what?
I've reached the age.
I'm just, I'm rinsing one.
I've also reached that age, but I can't.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm gay.
Because I'm gay.
Okay, so this is a standard that has been.
Gay Halloween standards are much higher.
They will judge me.
They'll be like, he wore that costume last party.
I wasn't really thinking about fucking you, but same costume.
Hold on.
No, actually, good question.
Would that take sex off the table for someone?
Would they be like, this is inappropriate?
Shot.
Oh, no.
Okay.
No, this is the shot.
Gay Halloween is about making anything slutty.
Like, for example, Christian one year decided that he would be Somebody would be Bo Peep, and him and a couple of his twings would be slutty sheep.
Slutty sheep.
Yes.
Well, Bo Peep didn't show up.
So he and none of the other sheeps did.
So you're omitting a little from that.
He was just a slutty sheep.
An indistinguishable.
A wayward slutty sheep.
Yeah, but he didn't really know.
Nobody's a stray sheep.
But his costume was just white Calvin Klein underwear.
Oh.
And I was like, that's not a sheep, Christian.
You're just a whole ears?
No.
You need no fluff of any kind.
And he was like, that's not a costume, baby.
That's a way of life.
Yeah.
So anyway.
But I'm obviously, for those of you wondering, I'm a cowboy.
Well, the other thing we have to talk about, the news.
Oh, big news, ladies and gentlemen.
Big, big news.
And I'm campaigning here.
I don't think anybody else is.
But I have been nominated.
No, I'll tell you about it in a second.
I have been nominated as Gamer of the Year on Grinder.
Okay.
Grinder's Gamer of the Year.
Thank you so much.
They noticed that I was playing Flight Simulator.
Which you don't gain.
Yeah.
What the fuck game have you played?
I watched you play Murder Midnight Club in the whole time.
Hold up.
Hold on.
It was a hashtag ad, and you sang the show tune the whole time.
Let me tell you, I would play games without being paid.
Okay.
Okay.
Name one game you've played in the last 100 streams that you did not get sponsored for that wasn't Flight Simulator.
Well, I played Call of Duty.
Technically, I wasn't sponsored to play it.
I was sponsored to do Alien, Alien.
That's still sponsored.
That was paid.
That's a paid product placement.
You know what?
I don't get paid to play Flight Simulator.
You should put him to shame.
That's why I said you should play a game top to bottom on stream starting tomorrow.
Hold on.
Can we?
You know what I mean?
In the interest of winning gamer.
Let's get back to it.
Let's get it.
Wait, what?
You suggested that you're gamer of the year.
Let's get back to this.
No, in order for you to be honest.
Who the fuck are you to determine?
This is a metric.
I will straggl.
I will sink my queer audience on the grinder advocates.
You've lost all respect for them.
You don't even show your armpits anymore.
Look at you, you fucking look at you straggling with your sleeves.
Hurtful.
That's hurtful.
That's hurtful.
Give me the show to get it.
Draw blood.
Draw blood, King.
Let's go.
Look.
I'll tell you this.
Gamer of the year.
Yeah.
I'm campaigning right now.
Sure.
Who are you going up against?
Yeah, I'm curious.
I didn't look.
Okay.
I just looked for your army.
Okay, so you haven't even scoped your competition and you're pre-spiking the ball in the middle.
No, I'm not saying I'm going to win.
I need your vote.
We need to campaign.
So this is how you vote.
Okay.
You have to download Grindr.
Okay.
Okay.
And you have to have Grindr.
I already have it.
Yeah, we're on it already.
So I expect all of you to download Grindr.
And when you open it, you got to use it a little bit.
And then eventually it'll give you a notification.
You have to have a gay sack so that you can vote for me.
Very least over-the-pants action.
It's like the Turkish military.
You have to bother.
It doesn't count.
So I had to use the app for a while to use it.
And then eventually it gave it to me.
And then it reroutes you to a Google Doc.
And then that's Cray Vote on a Google Doc.
Just link the Google Doc.
I fucking lost the link.
Fucking.
I got so excited to vote for myself that I lost the link.
He got to make a Grinder account.
No, I can't let him do that.
Make a Grinder account?
Christian?
I'm just kidding.
He's legacy.
Oh, he's legacy.
You think he has one?
Wait, I should have him log into it.
I want to see what those messages look like.
Just out of care.
Anyway, Gamer of the Year.
I've never won anything.
Well, actually, we won an award together.
Name your price.
Yeah.
But that doesn't count.
It does count.
I've never won anything like this, a gamer award.
I've never won a gamer award.
Ludwig won the fucking award last year, and he's not even gay.
But at least he gave it.
Wait, wait, he won Grinder's game?
Yes.
That's crazy.
That's how they nominated him.
No, I am also nominating myself for Gamer of the Year.
No, you're not.
If Ludwig can win it, suck his cock right now.
Suck it.
Get on Grinder.
Make it a cat here.
Wake, you got a cock.
Yeah, I got one.
Whip it out so fucking suck.
Come on.
This is for Gamer of the Year, Will.
Jesus Christ.
They're Gamer of the Year, right?
This is what happened last year.
He really did win.
He did.
So, Wake.
Was there no outrage?
No.
Okay, so the gays do not care about Gamer of the Year as I went.
Yes, they do.
I'm sure there's some gays that'll vote for me.
I went and hit up every person that I knew that had Grinder and I told them to vote for me.
Right.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you so much.
It felt really good.
Except for Christian, apparently.
Oh, no.
Well, I'll tell him he's got to download it.
But no funny business.
Because he didn't have it.
No funny business.
All right.
Christian, no funny business.
All right.
So I'm Gamer of the Year.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
We don't know that yet.
Thank you.
Well, no, I've been nominated.
I depend on the Fear Anders.
I want you to vote.
Can I ask how many nominees if Will is nominated?
I don't know.
I will be conflicted in supporting you.
Are you going to download Grinder for me?
If Will is nominated, I might download Grinder.
Wake, are you going to download Grindr for me?
Yeah, sure.
And download it.
Thank you.
I mean, is it significant that you win this award?
I think it would be good for me for your self-esteem.
I think it would be good for me.
It's a big lift.
I really do.
More gaming sponsorships for sure.
Did you actually do what?
Like, you did it.
You did Trump hands.
Like, in preparation of a thought.
I don't know, but I didn't really believe this.
No, I didn't know.
Like, you're metamorphosizing Steven Seagal towards the tail end of his career, just slowly becoming a new person.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Some people say I sound like him.
Yeah, you have a Trumpism for sure.
Certainly.
Anyways, continue.
Gamer of the Year.
Gamer of the Year.
Austin Show.
Well, don't congratulate me yet.
I've only been nominated.
I'll be also.
It's prestigious.
Yes.
I'll be campaigning for a streamer award this year as well.
Yes.
Because I want, I don't know yet.
Okay.
We'll wait to see for the categories, but I will be.
Do you have one that you're sniffing here?
Like that you like believe League of Their Own.
Okay.
Because that's the only one I can sort of create.
The League of People Who Don't Stream?
No, League of Problems.
Metamorphosing Into Steven Seagal00:12:52
Yeah.
Yeah, he's on his own.
Hear me out.
I think I am sort of unique in the way that everybody knows me, but I don't stream.
Right.
I think that's a league of its own, yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Somehow people are like, Austin Show, I like the.
How the fuck are you still here?
That's what I get.
Gamer of the year.
I think Gamer of the Year would help you win League of Your Own.
I agree.
Yeah.
League of Your Own.
Award season.
That's right.
You got it.
You know, it's like winning a Golden Globe leading into the Oscars.
I think, yeah, League of Their Own.
That's how it works.
I'll be honest.
I have.
The Streamer Awards is deeply interconnected with the Grinder Awards.
I will tell you this.
One thing I find unique about myself, League of Their Own, for those of you who are thinking about who you're going to vote for.
Yeah.
I am an openly gay man that has been called less than his straight friend.
Like, I've been on camera in a room with a straight friend who was just called the F-Slur.
Yeah.
So, you know, I certainly think that that is unique.
That puts you in League of Your Own, you think?
Yeah, I do.
I do think that that qualifies me.
Anyway, Wake, you're a straight guy.
Yeah.
Famously.
Famously a straight guy.
You get a lot of gay attention.
I mean, you know.
How does that feel?
Flattering.
What do you mean?
Well, actually, not really.
And I'll tell you what, this is what any degree of male attention will teach you is how cheap and undeserved it is.
Yes.
It's just a bunch of people lining up at a buffet.
I do need to.
Just food under a heat lamp.
I do need this kind of thing.
I didn't need to cut in here.
It still feels good.
It still feels good.
It doesn't feel good to you.
No, it doesn't.
It's not the same as a woman's attention.
A woman giving me a mindful compliment about something I put time or effort into resonates beyond, like, you know, just kind of like.
Okay.
Well, that's because you're attracted to women.
No, it's.
You're not attracted to women?
It's not because of that.
I know exactly what he's talking about.
Okay, so tell me, describe, because women compliment me and it bounces off.
I'm like, oh, thanks, babe.
The simplest way to describe it.
We as men are so horny that it doesn't take much to go, oh, exactly.
Whereas like a woman, I feel like it requires a lot more for them to like to deliver a thoughtful comment.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's Unga Boonga Britain.
Yeah, you're right.
I used to want when I modeled, I would have this backlog of DMs that I would be sent because it was small enough where I'd see them all and it was really funny to me.
Right.
And when I say, it's like, okay, the behaviors of straight men and gay men are still defined by one operative word, and that is men.
It is just the same shit every woman I know has gone through.
It's just the most untethered, insatiably horny, borderline, incoherent shots in the dark.
Just like I had one guy just be like, okay, wait, actually go all the way into this, but it was a lot, okay?
I've heard it all.
Yeah, no, I'm sure.
He's probably been on the other end of the message.
Yeah, it was him, an anonymous account.
I will say, I've been so horny, I can't even speak straight.
One of my favorite DMs I have.
This is the boys' episode.
We know we've been in the same boat.
But I will say, it still feels great.
It's very flattering.
I still like it.
I still appreciate it.
I think any compliment feels good.
Do you know what I mean?
It's nice to feel affirmed for something that you, you know, might be putting effort into, would like to know is recognized for what it is.
Okay, follow-up question.
If nobody's got me, the gay's got me.
And that's, that's, you know, it has not gone unnoticed.
What feels better then?
A nice compliment from a straight man or a compliment from a gay man?
Okay, I'd like to take the lead on this.
I don't think the origin of the compliment is as significant as the specificity of the compliment.
Someone who's really paying attention to something that, like, I don't, if someone's like, wow, you're tall or something, it's like, that's not really a compliment.
It's like an observation at a certain point.
You know what I mean?
But if it's something I've put effort into, you know, if someone is, if someone comes up to me and calls me hot, it's like, okay, thank you.
You know what I mean?
Don't get me wrong.
It's nice to know, I guess, on some level.
But it doesn't really matter.
Wake, I am paying attention to you, but unfortunately, I have two bad sides now.
So I have to just look straight.
Austin, you look beautiful.
I've been finding, because the camera used to look good from this angle, and I've been like, holy shit.
And then.
Can I also offer a point of constructive criticism before you see the episode?
Yes.
I think that the bandana is going to create a silhouette you're unhappy with.
You're trying to sell it.
Oh, no.
Give me the bandit.
Do we have to re-record?
Give me the bandana.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
I'll be honest, I kind of look like shit.
I look frazzled.
I should drop a shade.
No, you look great.
You look great.
Just keep it up.
Wait, wait, did it, did it make it look like I didn't have a wonderful thing.
Look at what Will's doing.
Yeah, look at what Will's doing.
You see that?
There you go.
What?
Just craning your neck forward like a turtle.
What are you doing?
It's like you're feeding a baby bird for the first time ever.
I don't know how, but It's better.
Now you're significantly better.
It's significantly better.
The other one was just like hiding your jawline and making it look like you had.
You had it on like a bib at Red Lobster.
It looked like you had what is it called?
Goiter?
Yeah.
And you were just hiding it.
Yeah.
Austin, you had some topics you wanted to talk about.
Oh, no, no.
We were just talking about them.
I like your experience.
One thing I want to talk about, because we didn't actually have the time to do so, because this the last episode we recorded was before TwitchCon was TwitchCon.
I wanted to see how your experiences were at TwitchCon in general because I was afar.
Well, where do I start?
Well, I had a good time, as I always do.
But what do we want to talk about about TwitchCon specifically?
I don't know.
I'm getting nervous.
Who you saw that you haven't seen in a while?
Oh, yeah.
Normal human things, Austin.
Okay.
What the fuck?
I went to TwitchCon.
I attended.
And I got my ticket.
Why is this turning into like a like?
We're not trying to extract information out of you.
Oh, okay.
Well, I don't know anything.
So, no, I went to TwitchCon.
I got there on.
Go.
Oh.
Yeah, too late.
Boom.
Yours wasn't loaded.
Have you ever operated a gun?
Is this real?
That would be crazy.
Yeah, if you just shot and killed me.
Anyway.
A lot of people will be stoked.
Okay.
Are these real?
No.
Okay.
Okay.
So I went to TwitchCon.
I had a Wednesday, which is why I missed crazy that you missed a podcast.
So you could be at TwitchCon a day earlier.
No, I had to rehearse.
Two days earlier.
I had a show that I had to rehearse on the night before or the morning before.
So I went to TwitchCon.
I had a show on Saturday.
I was in between two queens.
I got to meet one of my favorite drag queens, Trixie Mattel.
Yeah.
Got to hang out and chat with her.
She's fabulous.
It was an awesome experience.
I went to several parties and I ended up at the gay bar every night, which was fun.
It's one of my favorite things to do at TwitchCon: get through all the parties and then go to the gay bar.
Which a lot of the gay were there.
For the first time in our long friendship, I saw Austin completely disheveled at the point.
Wait, oh, wait, no, do tell.
He got in the elevator looking like 10 pounds of shit in a five-pound bag.
Well, tell them what preceded that.
I just remember you were stroking a Subway bag.
Well, no, I came down the elevator.
Well, okay, so I was thinking, you know, it was about three o'clock in the morning and I was like, well, I'm just going to order some food.
So I ordered some Subway, which is not BDS, is it?
I don't think so.
Well, if it is, I do apologize for that.
If it is, I didn't eat it.
You wanted to throw it out.
A generic sandwich shop.
I ordered food from.
Okay.
Anyways, so I ordered food from a generic sandwich shop and I was like three o'clock in the morning.
I'm not going to see anybody down there.
Right.
So I came down the elevator and saw everybody down there.
And so I snuck out and I grabbed the Subway sandwich and then there was fucking Will.
Yep.
And I had to like try to sneak past him, but I got caught.
Wait, why was your pussy ass back in your hotel room before 3 a.m.?
What?
Yeah, there's no these.
No, no, no.
Who are you?
I thought I could just sneak that by, okay, without you calling them.
Yeah.
Who are you, Mr. 10 p.m.?
Yeah.
So anyway, but I went to bed every night at 10 p.m.
And I was just a fucking mess.
Belligerent.
I looked just, I looked like shit.
You told me straight up.
You're like, Austin, you look like shit.
That's the only time I've not seen your hair up.
Yeah.
It was like the life actually drained out of you so hard that it was it doesn't look good down, does it?
I've never seen your hair down.
Yeah, because it looks like shit.
Oh my god.
I just realized it was like it was deactivated.
It was like seeing your teacher in elementary school just belligerently drunk.
Yeah.
And how that can leave a scarring impression.
Yeah.
So, um, and there was this poor girl on the elevator.
She was in the elevator with us.
And as I was leaving the elevator, Will was like making fun of me as we were going up the elevator.
And then as I leave the elevator, the doors are shutting and he turns to this girl and says, I've never met that man in my life.
Yeah.
But anyway, you pity this woman for bearing witness to you.
Okay.
I do.
I feel sorry for you.
I was pretty stoked for you, though, that you got to let your hair down.
Oh, literally.
Not in public.
I cannot believe in all the years I've known you.
I don't think I've ever seen you.
I didn't know it went down.
It does.
Yeah.
It does, unfortunately.
How long does it take to keep it like this?
How long does it take to what?
Quaff it.
How much work does it take to keep it up?
Yeah, quaff it.
Just like 10 minutes.
I use a lot of thickening sprays.
Wake, how was your TwitchCon?
My TwitchCon?
You know, eventful, I guess.
Well, I mean, it was an eventful TwitchCon in general.
There was a lot of discourse.
A lot of things were said about TwitchCon.
So all, I mean, as an individual who likes to make himself available to friends and to be present, I'd say that because of that, it was kind of fucking insane.
But I had fun.
You know, it was in a show.
It was my first time being on the main stage, which, you know, was electric.
I lost the competition, actually, pretty significantly.
It was almost humiliating, actually.
What was the competition on?
I would love to explain it to you again, but the show was so convoluted, I forgot.
It was like a code.
So that's why you fucking lost, Wake.
It was like he was geographic.
Okay, so it was like a geo-guesser thing with like code names in it and then some kind of you had to crack an ancient codex and then go and open a bunch of locks.
I don't, it was bizarre.
I understand why you lost the race or whatever the competition.
Yeah, it was tough.
It was tough.
I did do well on code names, though.
It was good.
Yeah.
Triumphant moment.
Got to hang out with my boy Rob CD and Zoyle.
They were on both of them.
It's like, God, Zoyle is fucking huge.
God, he's tough.
I love being around Zoyle.
He just makes me feel like I'm normal.
Yeah.
Awesome.
I was on an airplane with Zoyle.
Oh, wow.
How was that?
I mean, I watched him go into an airplane bathroom and then come out of it.
And that was the most incredible thing.
No, it was, we flew Southwest, bro.
There's no first class.
No, there ain't no first class in Southwest.
No, it's not.
Was he at least like first pick so he could sit in the front?
No, he sat.
I was in the front row.
He was on the plane first and still sat behind me.
I don't know.
He picked the middle.
He chose a worse seat.
I don't get it.
And you know what?
He like slept sound.
He looked like a big old baby.
I guess at that size, you're just kind of used to being squinched up.
Well, that's what I say.
It's like, like, Hassan, like, you and I are the upper end of normal tall, where it's like, you're not going.
When I look at Zoyle, it's like, you got to be like in the NBA or something, or this is just an inconvenience.
Yeah.
Like, the world isn't made for you.
I think post 6'5, like, once you get into the 6'6 territory, it's a burden more than a blessing, I think, unless you can make something of it with your height.
Stalking Culture in Streaming00:06:44
Yeah.
Well, I'd just be haunted by not being an NBA player.
Could you imagine being seven feet tall and like working in accounting?
Yeah.
Like, what?
Yeah.
You gotta, you have like a one in five chance statistically to be in the NBA.
That's true.
Yeah.
It's, it's, it, it sucks.
But as far as SwitchCon goes, I have a, I have a take.
Yeah.
A lot of people, a lot of people obviously by now have litigated and re-litigated the, the um, the assault that Emeru withstood, and much has been said about the lackluster security, which I agree with.
I also agree with I can go into that if you want as someone who has uh, you know, headlined these events and as someone who actually very publicly said he wasn't going in an effort to make sure that there wasn't like any psychos uh, that would put myself or others in harm's way um, and i've gotten the best security at Twitch Cons.
Uh, in spite of all of that, I think there was something a little bit different that is left unaddressed in the discourse, and I think that's just like the culture surrounding streaming has changed and I do feel like uh clip culture and the constant like forced interactions that people are are creating, first with their friends, but with like uh, but the, but the culture that is like uh, that it has created,
has made it like normal to kind of behave weirdly around other people in an effort to get like viral tick tocks out of it, and I think that has made everything a little bit more, at least from afar.
When I was watching from afar, it made things feel less sincere and less communal as opposed to previous Twitch cons that I had attended, where there was a sense of community there.
Oh yeah, uh.
I mean I think there's two issues at play.
I think the first issue at play is, like twitch streamers and streamers have a new level of celebrity.
Yeah, that is compounding every year and Twitch needs to adapt to the fact that, like we're not or were I won't include myself in that category there is a category of elk, of streamer that is like a mainline celebrity now and you have to protect them like a mainline celebrity yeah.
The second is, talk to any woman on the internet.
Yeah, the amount of harassment and stalking and obsession that they face is so beyond what you would glean from any kind of outward examination of it that, like we need to adapt.
I mean not just our security, but like our lawmaking, our policing and even our culture as well.
Well like because, like female streamers are not just being, like you know, assaulted like Emmy, but like you look overseas and women are being killed and like it's happened in our country and I think I don't know how much violence and stalking and threatening and assault needs to happen before we take notice of the fact that the internet is a breeding ground for really predatory behavior against women.
Oh yeah absolutely, and I always stress that like, what you see is not even the tip of the iceberg, like it's just such a tiny fraction.
What you end up seeing is is uh, nothing in comparison to the, the unimaginable amount of of cyber stalking, cyber harassment that leads to real life Life stalking and real life harassment.
And this doesn't just pertain to the likes of Emeru, who is the largest female content creator on the platform.
But like, if you're a woman and you got 10 fans, you got one stalker.
Yeah.
Like, it's crazy.
Yeah.
And we're saying this from like all of our conversations with our female colleagues in general.
So like, I think there is a culture that certainly feeds into that as well.
And there is this attitude of entitlement.
Emiru's frustration with TwitchCon is kind of like a microcosm of all of these women's frustration with the total lack of empathy or action to help them.
I'm not going to name the creator, but there was one creator I knew on Twitch, and she was going through the level of stalking that she was enduring.
And it was like nothing I had ever seen in my life.
Like just pages and pages and pages of manifestos and death threats.
And I like, this was years ago.
And I kind of like posed to her, like, what is law enforcement doing about this situation?
And she's like, well, they keep telling me there's nothing really they can do until there's like a credible this or something that.
Yeah.
And there, there needs to be some kind of like waking up to the fact that like we need a new way to categorize, enforce, and protect perhaps a new agency to prosecute.
Well, even beyond, I think what we're realizing is that the rate at which technology is augmenting not just like, you know, the internet itself and the ways that we consume media, but also in turn, the kind of perspectives that it manufactures for us, right?
The speed with which that occurs is significantly and exponentially with each passing year greater than the speed of lawmaking.
Yeah.
It's just so profoundly sluggish.
So I mean, even with AI, like AI, every time there's a new release of like Sora or whatever, there is a new tool that some sickos can utilize.
And I saw it, like I saw it with last night's or tonight's debate earlier before I shot this podcast.
I was watching the Nero Murrow debate in which like Andrew Cuomo's team released an AI slot video where they showed like a black dude wearing a kefia that kind of looked like Andrew Zelba stealing and shoplifting and be like, I'm a criminal and I love Zora Mamnati.
And then they quickly subsequently deleted it.
But like, that's crazy.
But like that kind of stuff is so unacceptable.
And the fact that like our lawmakers are leaning into that in races that they want to win seemingly, and the culture surrounding it is like not even remotely interested in punishing it or saying, what are you fucking doing?
Like, this is crazy.
That I fear is becoming increasingly normalized.
By the way, before we move off it, you know, the we made the right person famous meme.
I, for a person, I already have a tremendous amount of respect for in Emmy, the fact that she came out, finished the meet and greet, I believe, and then also did her show the next day is like crazy.
Normalizing Twink Obsession00:03:10
Yeah.
Blisteringly composed.
Dude, that is digging deep.
Like I'm the king of digging deep.
And I looked at that and I was like, yo, you're, that's wild.
And that is, I don't know, that's a level of professionalism and composure that is just like.
Yeah, and it was very clear, too.
It's like, because she was like, I don't want to do it, but like all these other people that I care about have spent a lot of time and effort to come to this thing and they're, they're expecting to be on station.
So I'm just going to do it.
It's mad props to Emeru for sure.
To find in an otherwise bleak and dismal sea of self-interest, someone considering the effort and experiences of others is something to like really spotlight and cherish in my eyes.
So I think like one great additional point, 100%.
It's not just like grid.
It's like legitimate conscientiousness, which is woefully, you know, decaying.
But it really does bring a lot of interesting questions up, man.
Like when you talk about how the concept of like content creation is shifting towards being like flagrantly problematic or antagonistic to the ends of producing clippable content, it's like we now also have to consider that the legitimacy with which these clips are even posted or presented is something that we have no control over.
And that's even in the absence of AI augmentation.
So not to get like too dense.
I don't really know the tone of the show.
All the clips I see are just Austin talking about like twinks and what that's really.
Okay, hold on.
Can I address this?
I only said I have literally had no teeth.
Hold on.
I have literally had three, maybe two to three, maybe four or five total twink clips in the history of this podcast that have gone popular.
I could name them.
One was with Tana Mojo, where I said I like twinks.
You probably are younger and telling.
Wait, just give me a second.
Tana Mojo, where I like twinks.
The one where he said I was shipping twinks across the country, which by the way was not true, false.
Economy or whatever is what he said.
I was flying them out economy.
He said I was flying twinks out economy.
Number two.
Number three, it was when the street twinks, that was number three.
Street twinks.
Okay, so that was like the three twink clips that have ever gone viral, but there are other clips.
Yeah, there are a lot of other clips.
You just don't go as viral.
I didn't post them.
But Austin, isn't this a prescient tie-in to my last point of, wow, look at how certain clips can be decontextualized, how they can lead a conversation.
Wait, I love twinks.
What are you wrong?
Austin, prove them wrong.
What topics did you bring outside of twinks or flights?
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I didn't, I never just talk about twinks or flights.
All right, so that's the Louvre.
We're going to talk about the Louvre.
Losing Hope When Vikings Win00:04:50
Okay, I had a Reddit topic we were going to talk about.
Before we move on, finish your talk.
While you load this, I do need to talk about something controversial in my world.
Marsh, please bring up the Jets, kid.
Oh, we all seen it by now.
Jets, kid.
So this week, I was sent the same clip over a hundred times by my family, my friends, my peers, people that I had met at a coffee shop one time, and actually by a member of the Jets.
And this is the clip.
Are they actively on the Jets?
Actively on the Jets.
Y'all see them, get your thoughts on the game.
I hate this team.
I was born into this, and I'm not going to ever...
I'm always a Jets fan, but like, I just, I hate this team.
How badly did they lose?
Well, they lost to the Carolina Panthers, which is one of the worst team football.
But it's just fascinating to see like something that I've talked about.
Are they 0-7?
Yes.
Being born into a fan base, like a child coal miner wavering in the pits of a Pennsylvania moment.
Look.
As they preload cigarettes into his mouth to prepare his body for the beach, the dust.
It's three more hours.
I was also born into a franchise that's never won anything substantial, the Minnesota Vikings.
And I know what it's like to be a kid that age where you have such an idealistic view of the world.
You think that anything is possible.
It's for the first time, your life is a majority consumed with hope.
And you slowly over time, that hope gets destroyed by your favorite football team.
And you face a lot of realities at a very young age that maybe you will never win.
And he's starting to come to that reality.
And I, you know, it took me many years, but I'd certainly have those moments like in 2009 when Brett Favre threw an interception over the middle of his body in 2014 when Blair Walsh missed a 27-yard field goal in the playoffs versus the Seattle Seahawks.
You know, the list goes on and on when they're going to be able to do that.
Oh, in the playoffs.
Yeah, must be nice.
Well, when the Eagles beat us 38-7 in the NFC Championship, I've made this argument before.
I think it's tougher to be a Vikings fan because we've never, because we make it to the big game and then we lose.
You would like to be a 1-7 right now?
No, but you have no hope.
So at least you're not emotionally invested, right?
I mean, come on, you have no emotional investment.
The Vikings get my hopes up every year and then we have something to watch, Austin.
Yeah, this is why I said, as soon as I saw this clip, at first, I was like, that's young Will Neff.
Yeah.
And it teaches you a lot about resilience.
And I think we need to immediately radicalize all the Jets fans to becoming socialists.
So they also, because they're used to taking a lifetime of L's.
Well, so that's fine.
Like, they already have that resilience, that built-in base.
To that kid, if you see this, I'd like to send you something.
You want a gaming PC?
Because you're done watching the Jets this year.
If you reach out to the Fear Ed Pod, I'd be happy to send something to Long Island or New Jersey or New York, where you are.
How do you know that he's not Philadelphia?
He'd be an Eagles fan.
See, but there's no set like to switch to a winning team just is like, there's no, that's no fun.
You know what I mean?
No, you can't respect him.
You got to stick with your team through.
You got to leave with the girl you came with.
I will sit and watch the Minnesota Vikings every single game, regardless of their record or even if they're not going to make the playoffs.
Right.
Sit there as because I will sit there in pain and I will suffer because when they win one day, it'll feel that much better than I was there during the low time.
That's insane.
Yeah.
Well, you don't know, no.
This is the soul of fandom because it's not about the experience of winning.
It's about the hope that one day you could.
Yes.
Winning will never be that cool.
It's going to the point of maybe winning that's exciting.
I genuinely believe that when the Vikings win a Super Bowl one year, I will break down in tears.
I get chills.
I believe that.
I get chills thinking about it.
Multiply him.
He wants to keep edging it forever.
You know what I mean?
There'll be one grandiose climax.
Part of me does think like when they do win, I mean, like, what's left in my life?
That's insane.
That's crazy.
No, The Jets fan, and I don't even feel that way.
Well, no, I'm just like, you know, what is left to root for in my life if the Vikings wins.
If they win and win another one, I think I can, I can, I think that's it for me.
I suppose, but it's like I've reached.
He's just going to kill himself at that point.
Let's go.
At that point, I have reached Valhalla.
The Louvre Heist Context00:12:50
He really did it.
And they can take me.
You know what I mean?
They can take me.
He gets shruck down.
All right.
Let's talk about the Louvre.
No, actually, I don't want to talk about that.
I want to give a shout out to President Trump, the most pro-LGBTQ presidency in history.
He has pardoned George Santos.
Marsh, pull it up.
Wow.
That's right.
Just Google George Santos.
I had to sound like I was prepared.
He did do that.
So he gave a criminal fraudster who did charity fraud, who had a pretty solid open and shut case, George Santos.
That's right.
That's now been released.
So, what the fuck was the reason for this?
Other than the fact that Trump is obviously gay and pro-LGBTQ.
And for those that are watching and need a tone indicator, slash Jay, obviously, he is not a fucking pro-LGBTQ president.
Okay.
He's horrific on a number of issues, specifically against trans people.
Slash Jay.
Not serious.
I love gay people.
But anyway.
I love him.
For Trump.
We'll have to bleep that out.
Yeah, he had a statement that he revealed.
He had a statement that he released after George Santos' release.
But what I thought was really funny is George Santos, one, first criminal to have been on the Connor Eats Pants Fortnite Fridays that hasn't been released.
Was he first or was Joe Exotic first?
No, Joe Exotic is the one that hasn't been released.
So that's why I said that.
Was he on Fortnite Fridays from prison?
Yes.
It's fucking insane.
Yeah.
Connor's killing it.
Really?
Truly.
He is.
He is.
He beat the most even-kill investigative journalists on the internet.
Unbelievable.
At a time when legacy media has really dropped the ball and democracy is dying in the darkness.
Connor Eats Pants, wearing a Will Smith Fortnite skin, asks the hard-hitting.
I mean, he did.
He literally had Gavin Newsome.
He was like, this Israel stuff.
Can I say something?
People pushed the governor on the issue of Israel more than CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS ever had.
While playing as OJ Simpson.
Yeah.
I'm so incredibly proud of Connor because, I mean, he is absolutely killing it.
And I couldn't be more proud and happy for him.
He's put together a fantastic show and he's able to galvanize his audience on Twitter to get these high-profile people.
And it's incredible what he's doing.
And he deserves.
He could do the same.
Well, look, I've got a lot of stuff cooking.
I had a great day yesterday.
A lot of meetings.
A lot of new ideas.
We'll talk about that later.
Anyway, we're talking about Connor.
Actually, that is part of it.
Neither price.
Naval Price.
No, no, no.
I got a new show.
In the Tub.
Can't talk about it, though.
Actually, In the Tub is definitely making a comeback.
But anyway, couldn't be more proud.
Connor's incredible.
Connor's incredible.
But anyway, I did find it really funny because he got released.
And then immediately, his first tweet, I think, was something along the lines of like, Zorhan Mamdani is bringing about lawlessness and criminality to the beautiful city that I once called home.
I will be immediately leaving New York City.
And everyone was like, oh, Zoron's not even mayor yet.
And he's already getting the criminals out.
Anyway, so can do you think, would you could we ask him to be a guest on this podcast?
Would we get hate for that or Zoron?
Santos.
Will we get hate for that?
Yeah, for sure.
Really?
But to me, he's just a fucking meme.
Yeah, no, we could do it.
I think it's fine.
I mean, it's up to democracy, so we'll vote on it.
But I'm fine with that.
I'm going to wait to see what the people say and then I'll vote.
Because I'm a man of the people.
Oh, my God.
True.
Truly, truly political.
But Zoron, yes.
I think he wrote.
Yes.
But you know, interesting.
But Hassan, what was the point of him being pardoned?
Like, why did he pardon him?
He doesn't give a fuck.
No, he.
Trump just said he's a Republican.
That's literally what he said.
No, I'm not even kidding.
Trump's statement after releasing George Santos from prison was, he's a lifelong Republican voter, so I did it.
And you just don't give a fuck.
He knows nobody gives a fuck.
Nobody gives a fuck about George Santos in general, but like, I think people are fatigued by the minimal amount of attention that they're paying to whatever the fuck Trump is doing on any given day.
And he's doing a lot.
So I think people are just like, what?
It's like, it's hard.
It's hard to get angry anymore.
It's hard when everything you're doing is chaotic and crazy when you're just like, ah, fuck it, George Santos, whatever.
You're free because you're a Republican.
Yeah.
What precedent does that set for America?
We have no precedent.
Pardon precedents.
We have no institution.
Pardon precedents in and of themselves can be kind of murky, right?
Because at the end of the day, what do they really have to offer by way of explanation?
They can just kind of hand wave it.
Yeah.
You just be like, whatever.
No, but that's why I think it's like he's just straight up signaling.
If you do a crime and you're Republican, I will release it.
Yeah, I got you, dog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Also, it's just a little Mussolini hours.
It's also just an opportunity to like dunk on the libs, you know?
Yeah.
Like, it's always, oh, they're so mad that we're strong and unified.
Yeah.
I mean, God.
Speaking of crimes, though, I do think it's important to talk about Le Louvre.
The Louvre.
Because I personally really appreciate old school.
Jewel heists.
Yeah.
Old school crimes like this.
I was talking about how I was trying to encourage a group of engineers we know to steal a bunch of doubloons.
That's true.
Not even stealing, though.
Technically under international waters, like it's not.
Is it considered stealing?
I don't know.
I think that that is maybe the coolest way to get rich.
Is stealing?
Doubloons.
Oh, doubloons.
Well, I mean, yeah.
Or just like jewelry.
Jewel thief.
Yeah.
Italian job.
You look good, man.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You look good.
Yes.
Museum heists have changed.
Why the Louvre robbery is a worrying escalation?
Says CNN style.
Now, I actually did a little bit of a deep dive into this, and I don't think this is that museum heists have changed at all.
I think that museums are remarkably insecure.
And I was shocked.
They did it pretty slapdick.
Yeah.
Just to give people context, if you didn't hear, some of the crown jewels were stolen from the Louvre this last week.
Oh, that's sick.
I think it was a team of six robbers pulled up outside with a like furniture moving piece of like car with like a ramp on it.
Yeah.
Pulled up under the window, climbed the lamp, used a night?
No, during the day.
No, during the day.
Used a angle grinder to cut a hole in the window.
Use the same angle grinder.
Did the truck block the view of the window?
No, it was on the first floor and the window was on the second floor.
Oh, shit.
Use the same angle grinder to threaten the cards and then to saw open the displays, grabbed a bunch of the crown jewels, including one of the king's crowns, which they dropped on the way out and damaged.
Into the gutter.
Made their way down.
Escape vehicle pulled up.
They tried to set the original car on fire, failed, and sped away in an escape.
Did they get away?
Yes.
Now, does...
How the fuck do you sell the king's jewels?
So, how do you get away?
There are two different ways that crimes of this magnitude or this style are committed.
One, you either have a pre-established buyer ahead of time, especially if it's a high-profile piece that just wants the thing intact, you know, like an oil baron or something.
So, like, somebody in the Middle East.
Yeah, like, or Russia or any number of different places.
So, like, so you have, you have that.
But the other way that they could do it is that the total worth of the stolen artifacts, I think, is around 102 million euros.
So it's a significant number.
It also happens to be like XQC's kick contract.
Just so people understand.
I was going to say, that's kind of shockingly affordable.
Yeah.
So it's very retainable.
So what they could do is technically take these priceless gems and like break them down.
And I think there's like something about like the way gems are cut after a certain period where there's like a way to figure out exactly what artifact it belongs to.
But these are so old that there is no way.
So you could just like break it down.
But the loss for history is so significant that like people are hoping, including the police, that straight up said, look, the money is not the problem here.
The problem is like this is a major loss for history.
Please do not break the jewels.
But $102 million.
Why didn't they just go to Jared?
Like he went to Jared's?
Yeah.
Like, why don't they just go to Jared?
Do you think the average jewelry has, like, jeweler has $102 million?
Maybe you could hit a few of them.
No, no, there's...
No, no, no.
This is a very good question.
But the other reason is, and I'll fill you both in.
First, they don't have that much product on them.
Second, the security at a Jared is probably tighter than it is at the Louvre.
No, infinitely tighter.
Not even a question.
Jewel heists do happen, but the security for jewelry stores is far greater than what we found out was the security for museums.
Do you think that the mystique was the deterrent?
Like they were like, of course you can't rob the Louvre.
There's a couple different automatic deterrents there.
High-profile pieces have been stolen in the past, like the Mona Lisa was stolen at some point.
They fucking stole the Mona Lisa?
They got it back.
They got it back.
Why do they get it back?
Because you couldn't fence the fucking Mona Lisa.
So they actually caught it.
I think he's just like, the robber had it in his trunk of his car or something.
He sat in a Ford Ranger.
Yeah, because like, because that is the reason why the idea of a jewel thief in France driving a Ford Ranger.
And like a Kia Sorrento just fucking a fucking Mopad.
Yeah, like a Mini Cooper or something, like something European, like a Peugeot, a Peugeot.
But yeah, so that's, that's the deterrent factor in and of itself is that like it's very difficult to fence these items.
And then there's like a massive manhunt that takes place and stuff as well.
There are known jewelry thief groups, by the way, which I thought was really interesting.
Like there's known elements, known criminal elements already that people know.
So it is exactly like the movies in that regard.
But overall, I'm going to give you some facts.
The area that they broke into is the area of the Louvre that has the most priceless gems.
And also, I believe it might be the same place that the Mona Lisa is in, the section of Mona Lisa is in.
And now they have the Mona Lisa behind six inches of bulletproof glass.
Yeah.
Okay.
So they reinforced Mona, but they didn't have an opportunity.
Here's the thing.
Exactly.
You think they would have reinforced Lisa?
They did not have reinforced glass.
And get this.
75% or no, 35% of all of the priceless artifacts in the Louvre are never under constant surveillance.
75%?
No, no, no, 35% are not under constant surveillance.
So only...
Airbnbs are under more surveillance than that.
Yes.
Yes.
It's crazy.
So I have one story that I want to tell you guys about where it was actually boss mode of a country, allegedly a country executing a jewelry theft, but it wasn't actually a theft.
Actually, a extraction of their own priceless artifacts that were stolen from them initially.
It was China.
And then I have another question for you guys.
When I heard the story, I was a little confused because I was under the suspicion that they just usually have dupes up there.
And everyone told me I was stupid.
Did you, do you think that that's dumb?
Like, did you, did you know that, like, when you go to the museum, the thing that you're looking at is definitely the genuine thing?
Real David vs Florentine Statue00:07:37
I when I went to Italy, um, I realized that David, I went and saw the statue of David in Florence, right?
And David, they had a fake David out front, but they did have the real David in there.
That, yeah, they admit to that.
They will tell you, yeah, I think when it's not the real display, is not no, the one that they have out front is never the real David.
The real David is always in a real, I know, yeah, because of this is a very nerdy thing, micro fractures in his ankles.
So, the way that David was built, he's enormously thin for a pro, like a statue of that type, and his entire profile is very thin.
And it's because they source a large dainty.
Well, no, they sourced a large block of marble and they had to drag it from where they had it in Italy initially.
And it took them years to drag this piece of marble.
The original artist commissioned to do it wasn't Michelangelo.
It was another artist who didn't have the skill and he started chipping away at the block and made it much too thin.
So they brought in Michelangelo to fix it.
So David is like very petite and thin and could topple over at any moment.
And this was the first thing you wanted to see in Italy, yeah?
With David, it's very petite and thin.
I mean, look, I did have a point on that.
Do you know why?
Do you know why Roman statues are notorious for having small penises?
Because the Roman penis.
Because large penises are seen as barbaric.
No, because most people, that's what a penis looks like.
Hold on.
When it's flaccid.
You know what?
I'm going to go ahead and get tired of this idea.
I'm going to defeat.
People are hanging big cock.
Like, a lot of us are, a lot of the statues were growers.
Okay.
Okay.
And I don't appreciate this notion that like penises out there.
And I've been advocating for this for a long time, Wake.
Did you feel more comfortable?
Look, I have a fine.
We've been through this.
My penis is fine.
Yeah.
In fact, sometimes I look at it.
I'm like, wow.
Look at that.
That's a nice penis.
Who put that there?
Sometimes the lighting is hitting perfect.
Yeah, it looks distinguished.
It looks beautiful.
No, but I standing tall.
Justin, did someone tell you about the penis thing, or did you just come to that conclusion on your own to make yourself feel better?
I've seen a lot of penises out.
I mean, I trust you when it comes to it.
Okay.
I'm sorry to put you out like that.
Was that inappropriate?
No.
I feel like as a straight man, I feel like I feel comfortable saying that to a straight man.
This is a Twitch Himbo's trio.
Yeah, this is like Twitch Himbo is talking about.
There was literally a post about R3.
Yeah, that's true.
Wait, mine?
No, you were excluded.
Oh, I was excluded.
That's so strange.
Look, look.
I'll be honest.
Fine.
Fine.
You guys have bigger, flaccid penises than me.
And maybe you have to wait.
No.
Awesome.
Don't say that.
Whatever.
Fine.
But I'm the smallest penises to take off.
It's the motion of the ocean.
I have a five.
My penis is over six and a half inches.
All right.
Okay.
We totally believe you.
Can we bleed that out?
Because I don't know if that's appropriate.
It is greater than that.
It's less than seven.
Depends on the wind and the temperature of the room.
So, anyway, Jewel Thieves.
Wait, hold on.
I'm not done with the penis element yet.
So, just so we're clear, David is like, he's like cum gutter abs.
He's hot.
So, the thing that the only element of David that they were like, this has to be relatable to everyone was the penis.
They make this tausted god, and they're like, but his cock must be modest.
Yeah.
Look, look, look at this.
Now, I'll be honest, mine is bigger than that.
But hey, dude, let's go.
That's a priceless historical artifact.
And the entire time you're thinking, I got a bigger dick.
There it is.
I mean, look, I got a bigger one than that.
Look, relatively speaking, what's frustrating about this is the entire body is like the penis is the only thing that's not to scale.
Well, you know what I mean?
I don't think it doesn't.
I think it suits the body fine.
Anyway, Michelangelo was a gay man, so he saw a lot of penises in his mouth.
And that's how you know it's accurate.
Because he saw a lot of penises.
Austin, it's literally what I said.
I'm pretty sure it's because like the big penises were seen as like barbaric and it was indicative of like being a non-esceter.
It wasn't, yeah, it was not aesthetic at the time.
Well, I think all big penis.
Maybe you should say, oh, it's still not big.
Wait, you think that you think that big penises just like all of a sudden they became popular?
Yes.
Really?
Because women gained agency.
Oh, man.
What a sentence here, Marsh.
What does that mean?
Well, Michelangelo's sexual orientation has never been definitively proven.
There is strong evidence that he was gay.
Why by his passionate poetry, drawings, and his close relationship with young men.
That is AI.
Yeah, but he was definitely why penises on statues are small.
Yeah, can we get well?
It's because it's oh, let's just say why they're of uh they have a specific shape to them.
Yeah, that's not small to some cultural or social standards.
I mean, look, we do know uh that it's it's more accurate, and that's why we don't even need to look at it.
Do you think that it has to do with maybe like a reverence for growing?
Let's see, kind of like a David.
Small penises, because I imagine it's something, something, something.
It's more accurate, representative of the human body.
Oh, certainly some comfort less just been holding.
Wait, hold on.
To the contemporary eye, their bodies are ideal, except for one ahem seminal detail.
They may have small to very small penises compared to the average of humanity.
They're even doing penis propaganda in the article.
Historian.
Hold on.
Can we see Hercules' cock real quick?
Thank you.
Like, that's probably, that probably grows to a solid six inches.
Is that your guesstimate?
I'm telling you, I've seen, I'm telling you, like, you're a prospector doing a for those of you who have been out.
Look, look, rewind to the ancient Greek world of around 400 BC, which is when Austin would have thrived.
The small penis.
You'll find his large erect penises were not considered desirable, nor were they a sign of power or strength.
Well, I say it all the time.
It couldn't possibly be part of like a meta-build.
Like, for procreation, that's just legitimate inconvenience.
You know what I mean?
Okay, first of all, I don't ascribe to this.
I really don't.
Those are two separate art historians that are quoted in the article, Austin.
Yeah, well, let's see their penis, and I'm sure that it'll match.
I'm sure it'll match up to what the statue looks like.
That's crazy.
You know?
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, my Lord.
Shut up.
No, we didn't talk about it that much, but that'll be all for this week's non-paywalled episode, folks.
Thank you so much for watching.
And of course, we have a paywalled episode behind at patreon.com/slash fear.
And thank you so much for your support.
Happy Halloween.
Is that where we talk more about cocks or less?
Oh, yeah.
We'll talk way more about Cox Behind the Paywall.
You already know what it is.
Behind the Paywall one sec.
There's a vlog of Hassan and I, right?
Medieval Hook Suspension Torture00:01:06
Marsh.
Oh, wait, what do I want to shout out?
Yeah, wait.
Oh, what's up, guys?
What do people find?
That does not.
Oh, God.
This is not James Austin Show, a champion of all bodies.
I'll show you my penis.
Like, I've had this dream.
Next Twitch con.
Uh-oh.
I know what he's going to say.
Stadium full of people.
Glitch theater, right?
Yeah.
They have no idea what's about to happen.
Oh, no.
Light comes up.
It's me, shirtless, leather pants, and a very skilled piercer.
And they put piercings in my back and suspend me from hooks.
You ever heard of a hook suspension?
Okay.
I feel like that's a medieval torture method.
Suspended from hooks, going into shock, and I have to paint suggestions from the audience as a bit threshold sprays lemon juice on my back to Further go into intense bouts of