Gianmarco Soresi and hosts Ben and Will dissect his CNN critique of Whitney Cummings, family political memorabilia, and the passing of LDS leaders while debating cult definitions. They analyze method acting ethics regarding Christy Brown, Gary Oldman's dwarfism portrayal, and Andrew Cuomo's controversial Hamas remarks. The conversation shifts to Gianmarco's traumatic Turkish bathhouse beating, Rose Bowl festival panic attacks involving Lorazepam, and his new comedy special "Thief of Joy," ultimately highlighting the intersection of personal trauma, political polarization, and the evolving landscape of modern comedy. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome Back, Everybody00:03:38
Is that good?
Those are all the right notes.
Keep going.
I'm telling you, those are A's.
And you're a tenner.
Welcome back, everybody, to the Fear Amp Podcast.
We have a very special guest today.
Her name is Caroline Kwan.
She's an Austin show.
Yeah.
Caroline Kwan filling in for Austin's show.
And we also have an incredible talent.
Yes.
Young comic.
Yes.
Very young.
Young.
So young.
So young.
Yeah.
You might have seen him all over your TikTok or your Twitter or at the Zorom Mamdani rally where he was emceeing Gian.
Oh my God.
I was about to say Gian Carlo.
You're about to say Carlo.
Oh, I was about to say Gian.
Gian Marco.
Gian Carlo is what I was going to say.
Gian Marco.
Sorence.
Sorence.
So you really came into it with such confidence.
You got to do it again.
I'm sorry.
What's your name?
Hi.
You watched it.
I fucked it up.
I fucked it up and I am having a brain fart.
You do it.
You do it.
You do the intro.
You're ridiculous.
Gian Marco, Soresi.
Gian Marco.
Thanks.
Thank you.
A real fan of my work.
I could tell.
That was such a fun.
Okay, I've said your name, I think, a hundred times today, both before you showed up and also after.
So I don't know how what just happened.
I just had like a brain fart.
No worries.
It happens.
He's getting old.
I normally, well, I am getting old, but also I normally don't do the intro Austin show.
I think he knows your name.
He's been telling me it's Ben.
Oh, yeah.
For weeks.
This guy, this fucking guy, Ben.
Well, it's because I'm a vicious anti-Semite.
That's why.
And that's why he couldn't pronounce my traditionally Jewish name.
All right, here we go.
Yeah.
Well, I am also a vicious Italiophobe.
Oh, you didn't know.
There's so few, really.
Yeah.
I'm honored.
Yeah.
Well, tonight wasn't a great night for Italians in general, Italians in New York in particular.
John Marco was in here visiting.
What are you doing in LA right now?
I did some show called Comics Unleashed, which is on the CBS, I think.
And then, or NBC.
I don't know.
One of the three letters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was one of those trips that had things and then they fell apart.
And then this, and then I stayed and now I'm doing a rabbit so I could do this.
And tomorrow I do CNN's.
Have I got news for you?
Oh, wow.
We're the same as CNN, they say.
Yeah, you have been doing a lot of big media appearances.
Yeah, honestly, the Jake Tapper one was the one where I was like, okay, am I flying too close to the sun?
There's just like, there's a, it's like being like, oh, yeah, shit talking in this atmosphere is different than saying it next to Jake looking like we're talking about war crimes.
Yeah.
And this is the one.
These are the ones he's comfortable critiquing.
It's a little harder to meme.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Also, you can drop a really good joke and there's just silence.
Absolutely.
And it just feels like you're going to the principal to talk about some comedian you don't like.
Yeah.
So it's a little cattletailing.
What you're referencing is you were on Jake Tapper for the Riyodd Comedy Festival and commentary on like other comics that had participated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, it was just like critiquing and I'd already said a lot and that was the last squeeze.
And then my girlfriend was like, I think you've said your piece on this.
Silence After a Good Joke00:05:36
I think this is everyone.
I mean, everyone's like.
Well, according to Whitney Cummings, we're all racist.
According to Whitney Cummings, who also said, if you were celebrating Charlie Cook's death, you're a member of the Taliban.
Yes.
That's the same Whitney Cummings within the span of a week.
She's really been saying a lot of things.
She's been saying a lot of things for a while.
It contains multitudes.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, I think Whitney Cummings, by that definition, is anti-Taliban, but pro-Al-Qaeda.
Like, I don't know.
She's taking a unique approach to Middle Eastern conflict.
Yeah.
So I was just like, I was just talking shit.
And then, and then all the news outlets, it becomes newsy.
And I'm like, I don't want to, I'm trying to find my balance.
Even like opening up the Zoron rally, it was like, you know, my mind, I was like, okay, he hasn't, he's not in office yet.
I support this.
He can't be president.
He won't ever, he won't ever really commit a war crime.
So I won't like, I think of my grandpa.
You're retroactively trying to clean your slate.
I remember my, you know, I got my picture of Zoran and it reminded me of my grandfather, his picture of Clinton that he got, you know, he was a governor.
And then one day you're like, why is there a frame picture of a warm criminal pedophile in the kitchen?
And it's like.
What's up with the my best friend's family had a picture of George Bush in their kitchen?
Because it's the, it's, that's the closest to fame, you know?
It is fame.
Like you just, you want to be reminded of that when you're a fan of his saxophone playing, not his.
If you never engage in entertainment or fame, I think people who never do, it's different.
It's a different experience.
You met the most famous person in the world.
We took a picture with you.
Is it a frame picture of George W. Bush or is it a frame picture of like the relatives with George W. Bush?
No, it's him.
Oh, just him.
It's just him.
And I'm assuming.
Yeah.
Oh, just him.
Oh, that's crazy.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, no, my parents was just like a religious figure.
It was like just the portrait of the George Bush in the kitchen where I'm like, okay, I would have Kate Blanchett, but I guess.
It's like they framed him up like the Ayatollah.
You know what I'm saying?
That's wild.
Burn incense next to him.
Yeah, that's cool.
I like that.
I sang for him in high school.
Stop it.
Wait, stop.
What did you say?
No, it was like Christmas, like Carol, like Chorus.
It was me.
Not just me, solo.
I would have never done a solo.
But, you know, Rascal Flats sang.
It was like the DC thing the high schools went to.
Wow.
And then I remember he coming around and you could see like.
So you opened for Rascal Flats.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they quit after that.
They were like, this performance, we can't follow it up.
George W. Bush is embarrassed by it.
Carol of the Bells.
Yes.
Was it?
I think they did.
They did.
They do Life as a Highway.
Yes.
Yes.
They definitely did that.
Okay.
They didn't do Christmas songs though.
Cutie, who's the most high-profile political figure that you've been around?
Oh, politics in my household.
Well, that's confusing.
Joseph Smith?
I would say, no, my dad.
So if you guys didn't know, Russell M. Nielsen passed away.
Shout out.
He's in the telestial kingdom right now.
Oh.
Actually, he's in the celestial.
My bad.
My bad.
Sorry I misspoke.
That's the president of the Latter-day System.
Prophet.
I gather when I met her up there, but no.
Thank you.
I am wearing a bit of, my shorts are a little short, so I'm surprised you would think that.
I'm being a bit of a slut today, but she is a harlot.
That's why she's no longer a Mormon.
They kicked me out.
However, we apparently I called my dad.
I was like, how are you doing?
You know, I got to check on him because his prophet died.
That's a big deal.
And he's like, that's fine.
Remember when we met him?
And I was like, no.
Oh.
So I met him.
And Dallin H. Oaks one time, apparently.
That's another prophet.
In the Mormon community, these are big.
These are, yeah, people are freaking out right now.
They are taking their garments off and they're freaking out.
The 15 Mormons still watching the podcast are going nutty.
They're really holding out.
Yeah, kind of cool.
Kind of cool.
I was also, I listened to Gordon B. Hinkley's funeral on the radio, so it feels like I was there.
Was he another major?
Oh, he was the alien.
Who the fuck are these people?
They're aimless prophets about it.
My girlfriend grew up in a Chabad community, so it's like a subsect of Hasidism.
And so she has these people too.
Got a dollar from the Rebbe, and he was the head Rebbe, and he didn't have any kids, so it was like, There's no more Rebbe.
Oh, but she remembers the day she got the dollar from the yes.
I always ask her, I'm like, So, who's making the rules?
And it's not clear, okay?
Mormonism.
I do think, like, Mormonism and Judaism are especially like Orthodox versions of Judaism are somewhat similar, not in the sense that they have like similar rules or whatever, right?
But in the fact that they have like strange rules in particular, yeah, cults.
It's the word.
Well, what I wouldn't say that my that's that's how my girlfriend describes uh-huh, uh, Chabad.
So, you're telling me when we said she was former, that was yeah, yeah, I got that sense.
Um, cultists can be a good thing, too.
I didn't, I didn't actually.
I've never felt more at home, sure.
So, that's what that's their goal.
Just based on just based on vibes alone from everyone you've met, if we all formed a cult, whose would you join?
Oh, oh, gosh, that's tough.
Yeah, I know, right?
Um, you know what we're doing.
I kind of look like a cult leader right now.
I kind of doubt that.
I got a rogue Dartanian.
Yeah, uh, I'm leaning it's over here.
Okay, it's over here.
Okay, I feel like I've got a lot more mystery than you.
A five, six, seven.
Yeah, no, I understand.
I understand to be a musical theater cult for sure.
She's trying too hard, but I don't know if a musical theater.
Whose Cult Would You Join00:14:30
I don't want like a musical theater person in charge.
That's gonna get brutal.
Yeah, wait, what if we like shared co-leads?
Oh, if we said who would I co-co-star a cult in co-starter.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
I'm a Broadway baby.
Don't you dare.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Favorite musical go?
Um, Mama Mia.
Oh, that's your favorite musical?
That's tough.
Yeah, uh, Roger and Hemmerstein Cinderella.
Roger.
Really?
Mama Mia and Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella.
Yeah.
Those are two.
Okay, you have an attitude about it.
Yeah.
How do you feel about Carousel?
How do you feel about Clanbakes?
I love Clan Bakes.
I love Carousel.
See?
Yeah.
Face idiot.
I didn't say anything.
Why did you look at them?
They're the cults you hate.
He's also remarkable in the sense that he has absolutely taken over the mantle of the gayest straight guy from us.
Yeah.
High school musical.
Yeah, I worry.
I think there was a little bit of a pushback this week.
There was some.
Was there?
Yeah, just a little.
It was a post in like an Ariana Grande pose.
And I was just doing the pose and someone said, suck a dick or cut the shit out.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
That's what I said to the FaZe boys, unironically.
I said the same thing to those boys.
Did you say that to him?
Was that you?
Did you see his stand account?
Was it a profile with the ponytail?
Oh, no, no.
Thankfully.
No, no, it's the black and white.
What's the album where she's like got her legs tucked?
My everything?
It's my sub.
Yeah.
It was really hard to do.
Yeah.
He looked amazing.
I was, yeah, it was the gayest thing I've ever seen.
But it's not gay.
It's Ariana Grande.
There was one degree where I was like, there were some pictures.
Sure.
This one is not your culture.
It's Ariana Grundy.
No, that's.
It's pop culture.
Can we, if, if Marsh was in the room right now, I would demand he pull this up, but unfortunately, he isn't currently.
Oh, do you want me to do it?
I'm so good when I play products.
No, no, it's fine.
I'm so good.
Yeah, she's good.
Yeah, okay.
All right, play producer.
I'm so good at it.
I saw it as an athletic thing.
It was challenging.
Right.
Thank you.
I do a lot of yoga for a long, long, long time.
Yeah, this is this is not disproving the allegations.
But how is that?
Again, I think the definition, I'm just trying to move the Overton window of what that you I want to prove that sitting has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.
Yes.
Yeah.
I suffer from a lot of the same accusations about being the gayest straight guy.
And I always point to professional wrestling, as there are most flamboyant thing you can do really well, does i'm feminine it's?
It's a feminine flamboyance yes, but wrestling is a masculine flamboyance and some of them are feminine, so it's all peacocking.
Yeah, one of the most common.
There's male peacocks.
There's male peacock.
One of the most commonly said things when people find out that we're dating is, I thought Will Nef was gay, and then they're still like, no, he is gay, she must be his beard.
Yeah yeah well, he has, for the longest time, been an advocate for uh, heterosexual gay marriage between us as life partners.
Yes, they don't have sex with one another, but instead, I think, a lot of people I have no, I have no, I like the idea of unions based on other things there's, there's the pose.
Uh-huh.
Okay, we have the Amazon link up.
No one expects it.
Is that the pose?
That's the pose?
Yeah, that's the pose.
That is a difficult.
Um, it's on your twitter.
Uh yeah, if you search my name it's, it's everything.
How long did it take you to get in that pose?
I literally, I was just.
I was doing a photo shoot before a taping in Montreal, not Ben, and I was like Giancarlo John Marco actually no no no, it's Giancaro, he doesn't know.
Respectfully, I mean this with my whole heart.
I don't know how the fuck this is.
Okay, you did it right at the beginning.
We've lost.
We've lost two hosts and we've gained two producers.
Oh my god, what is happening?
Um, this is what happens when our producer is on a call to China.
Yeah yeah uh-huh yeah we're we're um, we're escaping, we're seeking political asylum in China.
Yeah, that's going on.
That sounds.
I, i'm trying to.
You know how you know people.
Will they go like if something feels authoritarian, they go like, what are we China?
I'm doing it now.
When things work well yeah, when a train runs on time, i'm like, what are we China?
Oh, pretty good.
Now what shoes are you wearing there?
Um, I was doing a taping, so I didn't like, do the outfit for the pose, right?
Um so, it's, it's just probably regular nikes.
You kind of hit that.
I did, I did, you really did.
Now that we see it back to back, I really did kind of hit that.
Yeah, and it's the, it's the facial expression for me, that's.
Yeah, really hit that.
Yeah listen, I went to school for acting.
You know, someone says so, gay Jason.
Oh, that's a new term for that too.
The other term that was used that you mentioned was okay stragget.
Oh yeah, someone was I just remember way back and this was, this was earlier where just a couple people were annoyed by my behavior.
Someone said, like we need to put a stop to this straggler, and and that was the first I learned of that word and then some people said, you shouldn't say that word.
You're incredible.
I've heard it quite a bit in my community.
I do feel though, that the hate also comes from being a theater kid, because it's a lot.
It is a lot, it's a lot.
Yes, I cannot deny that.
That's a lot.
It's there.
There are definitely i'm not gonna say like, theater kids are oppressed, but there's definitely not enough oppressed, not enough.
I think there's some attitudes out there by some people, what's your dream role?
This isn't gonna help anything, but it's Marvin And Falsettos, and he leaves his wife for his male best friend.
That is such a miserable.
But if we're going beyond that, Bobby and Company, another possibly gay character, and then Guido in nine, a very straight Italian man.
And that is one of the top three.
My husband makes movies.
He makes them.
This is why I said we should have a movie.
We should not have brought Garrett.
We should not have brought Gary.
I sang that song for one of my recitals.
Oh, are you still doing stuff?
No, well, we so we pursued a comedy route.
I was like theater route.
We met almost a decade ago and then went through the trials and tribulations of Los Angeles.
He started doing content right at the turn of COVID.
And then I started a couple years ago.
And once I started doing it, I was like, you know what?
I'm kind of over.
I'm back in voice lessons.
And I took a decade off.
So I'm getting back.
You're getting back.
Because it's rough out there.
Our friends who are in the industry are still like.
Oh, I'm not like going to do the non-union touring production of Elf the Musical.
I'm going, hey, I can sell tickets.
And now you have to hear me sing a song.
Yes.
You're like, I'm somebody now.
Yeah.
But I don't want to be the bad comedian in the play, in the movie, in the musical.
I don't want to like, I have a high bar.
I would question my, I would really doubt that.
We recently saw Glenn Gary Glenn Ross, which had a bunch of amazing comedians in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the New Yorker.
Bob Oden curve.
I had some complaints about production.
Really?
No, wait, I think you, okay.
I can't.
I can't.
Here's the one that bothered me most: was Kieran Colton, who has the most powerful, the fact that he didn't get a haircut for this piece and had kind of his faux hawk.
I did not buy him as some guy who's getting the leads.
He looked like the guy who, when he walked off stage, he put his hands up like this, and his assistant put 20 bracelets on each arm.
That's not, if you can't get the haircut, if you're too famous, and I get it, to get the haircut to make the piece work, maybe you don't want to do the Broadway play.
The haircut totally took you out.
There was something to me that really indicated you a lack of committal.
And this was like the, you did, you got this award.
Let's get, let's get this one an agency move.
Yeah.
And, and I just think it could have been more.
Great actor.
Succession's one of my favorites.
Here's what I think about Kieran.
I do love Kieran.
I think he kind of plays the same character.
And I sometimes hate that accusation.
But Kieran has talked about how he has no process or anything.
He's like, I just do it.
And I think he's really good.
But I also think that with Glenn Gary Glenn Ross, especially when I compare him to Al Pacino, and it's like, I hate to do that.
I saw with Pacino.
You saw that production?
No, I saw the film.
I saw the revival that he, I think Pacino did it, but a different part.
I'm pretty sure I saw Lee Schreiber as Pacino's part.
He's just got, he's just like a little gritty.
He's just, I mean.
Speaking of process, what would your process be like to prepare for?
I mean, right now I'm just trying to act well as myself.
I'm not, I used to want to be, I wanted to be like Daniel Day-Lewis.
Right.
And I did return to an Assam film.
Yeah.
But I did, I was in an acting company and you had to pick a real life person and then inhabit that person for like, you know, but you're supposed to, you're supposed to bring it out in public.
That was the thing.
Yeah.
And I was such.
Yeah, I should have.
I was such a fan of Daniel Day Lewis.
Oh.
I picked, no, not him.
Oh.
I picked a character that he played, a real person, Christy Brown.
Do you know who Christy Brown is?
My left foot.
Oh, my God.
Did you do Daniel Day Lewis?
I didn't even dame Christy Lewis.
I did.
I did the same technique.
And by the way, before I was a comedian, there was nothing funny about it.
I wasn't doing anything in mockery.
I was studying people who had cerebral palsy.
I practiced with my left foot.
I had my girlfriend like in character.
Wow.
She was an act of chewing.
Oh, no, I didn't film this.
I was like, oh my God, there's a video of me doing this.
He doesn't know what my left foot is.
No, no, no.
My left foot.
My left foot trailer.
I mean, he could only operate his left foot.
Right.
Did you choose not to pay Abraham Lincoln because he almost died from not having modern medication?
I think this was before.
This was before Lincoln had come out.
Yeah, yeah.
This a long time ago when it was okay.
Oh, okay.
So is this so?
By today's standards, is it ableist?
Oh, yeah.
And there's not even an excuse of like, well, there's a flashback where he is.
He astounded audiences in my beautiful laundry.
A room with a few of them.
Oh, they're just blazing at the unbearable likeness.
Damn, they're really selling this.
You know why they're doing this?
They're being like, this guy isn't disabled, actually.
Okay, just wait.
So explain it again.
When do you see how disabled he looks?
You had to pick somebody that you are that I wanted to portray and then do Meisner exercises as that as that physical adjustment.
This is Christy Brown, my son.
Jesus.
A story of remarkable ingenuity becomes a triumph of the human spirit.
On my left foot, the true story of Christy Brown.
Oh my gosh.
Go on, make your mark.
Born into a second body.
He is really good.
Okay, so first, for the rumor, this is that they say he did it for six months straight.
He lost a lot of weight.
He broke his bottom two ribs.
He wouldn't drop for the thing.
But like, there's a scene in the beginning where he takes a record out of a, all with his left foot and like puts it on the thing.
And he did it so well he could do it, you know, for real.
Like Christy Brown did.
So I studied it for, you know, maybe, maybe two weeks.
And I would practice at home just like, oh, it was very physically, you know, exhausting to do that.
You just put a record on a player with your foot.
I wouldn't do that, but it was just like I would practice just, I mean, everything, everything.
At one point, my girlfriend, who again, the Tense actor too, like, I was like, give me a shower.
No.
Because I was Daniel Day Lewis.
I was fucking like, it was you.
You were committed.
No.
I was committed.
I was committed.
Not committed.
I mean, did she give you the shower?
Yeah.
Wow, because she also understood.
Wait, wait.
So you straight up for two weeks did that.
Not for like the full.
So I did it for like a couple hours a day because I had to go to class still and we had a show we were working on.
But then you're supposed to take your character in public.
The whole thing is like, are you connected enough that you do it for real?
And so we got a wheelchair off of Craigslist.
And it wasn't like, it wasn't, it was a little too small.
Oh, that's so terrible.
But we, we, we went out to, we went out to a meal and she fed me for the meal.
And then, and then, by the way, when I did the exercise in class, the teacher cried and stood up and said, no one thought it was a bad idea, even slightly.
Yeah.
That's how different things were viewed.
She stood up, applauded.
She never stood up and said, if you keep working like this, there's no way you can't succeed.
And that's how it worked.
And I don't know, three months later, the mood shifted culturally.
And it was like, wait, like right after?
No, it was probably like four years later.
I'm trying to think what was the first one where people were like, wait, what the fuck is this?
Yeah, there's always something like that when people go back and forth.
Bradley Cooper playing Elephant Man where he just went.
But they do that in productions on Cuba Gooding Jr. in radio, I think was a good line of demarcation.
I think that's a good idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe people just hated Bradley Cooper.
But people always do this with like Robert Downey Jr.
They're like, well, he did Blackfaith.
And you're like, yeah, but he did it.
He did it.
He did it well and right.
And it was like it was a different thing.
No, no, that's not even.
No, that's criticizing black face.
It is, but it's a lot of blackface within the criticism of it.
That's fair.
What about Dustin Hoffman and Rainman?
Has that done anyway?
No, it doesn't have a guy in trouble for other things.
Yep, that's true.
Yeah, people who looked past his Rainman performance, his celebrated Rainman performance.
Are you still with the girlfriend?
No.
Wow.
No.
Yeah, poor lady.
Yeah, but she was a test actor, too.
I mean, we were at a time where what I did was it was like, wow.
It was brilliant.
She respected the work.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Respected the work for sure.
So that's what I wanted to be.
That was, I mean, Daniel Day-Lewis is the guy.
Criticizing Blackface in Film00:03:32
He just came out, what was it, yesterday?
And he was defending.
Method acting became such an abused term.
I did one of these as Gary Ullman and Twinkle Toes.
Oh, you mean a character with...
Oh, have you never seen Gary Ullman and Twinkle?
No, no, I have his name in Twinkletoes.
Let's go up Gary Ollman and Twinkle Toes.
I know what you're discussing.
This is what this is.
This is the opposite.
This is another method, Gary Old.
Maybe Gary Ullman shouldn't have.
This is...
Listen, I mean, it's the same as.
You've never seen this trailer?
No, I've never seen this trailer.
That's it.
Yeah, go ahead and play this trailer.
Oh, my God.
Tiptoes.
Go ahead and play this trailer.
You have to play the sound as well.
I've got to get going right this second.
Wildlife.
This is more dated than that.
Yeah, although there was one small problem.
I'm wrong.
No.
No way.
No way.
Yes.
No way.
Do you know what I was thinking?
His knees are in his shoes?
No way.
You're kidding me.
Or bring them together.
I thought you were also referencing the other Gary Oldman one where he's like not Blackfinger.
Direct whatever that is.
Oh my God.
Do you think for the whole shoot he wouldn't get off his knees?
I don't know, but I think he was method about this role.
I mean, he did the work.
That is, he's wearing knee pads.
I mean, the walk couldn't look natural.
Peter Dinglage wanted.
Is that what he said exactly?
Yeah, I think he said just about the opposite of it.
Peter Tinglis said, Tiptoes is actually the ideal scenario.
It's exactly what I want.
No, no.
I think he was.
Oh, we have a producer back.
There was big drama back in the day.
Well, there was drama with the Snow White and Seven Dwarves.
Yeah.
Like that people.
I don't know.
These conversations are evolving.
What's the little proper term?
The PC?
I don't know.
Like, little people?
Little people.
Okay, yeah.
Little people, like, they always get like little people roles or something, and they should be like cast, not typecasts, like little people, like gnomes or whatever.
And then that was like a major burden to the economy of little people actors.
Yeah, even other very famous little people, like Hornswoggle from the WWE, if you know who he is, basically came after Peter Dinglage and was like, shut up.
We want these roles.
Yeah, yeah.
He very publicly said that.
So yeah, I think, well, Peter Dinklage is probably the most visible little actor, and he has been able to play roles outside of really serious.
It would be funny if Disney's response was to have Gary Oldman play all seven.
They're like, you know what?
Never mind.
We're going to bring Gary Oldman in.
No, because that's what happened in CGI, I'm pretty sure, for like the Willie Walker or something, right?
But it was complicated, but I can understand what it's like where if you never look at little people for other roles, then they never have the opportunity.
And Peter Dinglage, I think, has certainly Trailblazed playing roles that are not dependent on him being a little person, like to his credit.
He was saying he wanted more of that type for other actors, not just him.
He didn't want to be the only person.
Yeah, and then Hollywood responded by being like, bet, no more, no more little people being hired ever.
Bringing Gary Oldman In00:07:11
I guess.
So I guess it's Hollywood.
You can't look to Hollywood for any kind of like non-story.
I remember when Keenan said on Saturday Night Live, where he was like, I'm not going to play black women anymore.
He said, I'm done with that.
And I think it's like that kind of, it's like, you know, you could respond and go, like, so you're not going to have any black women characters on the screen.
It's like, no, the goal is you hire some black women on the show.
But it can backfire.
Yeah.
And now they don't have any right now.
Yeah.
And then, what's his name?
Tyler Perry's over here.
Like, couldn't be me.
Uh-huh.
Well, Tyler Perry's got some.
I mean, I'm excited for Medea Ghost to Space.
I think it's going to be.
You see that strip club video?
He like, there was some video that, you know, because all the rumors are that he's gay.
And there was some video of like him like at a strip club, you know, just like, it just looks very clean of like, hey, look, look at it.
Yeah.
I'm like, eat a pussy or cut the shit out.
Oh, shit.
You know, well, I, for one, am glad men like you are out here showing what people are saying, though.
They're saying people like Harry Styles and or me that you're leaning into it to cultivate a fan base and maybe you're playing with the possibility of maybe you are.
But at the same time, people think Taylor Swift is gay.
And like people are going to put on their own.
Excuse me.
Don't sorry.
Actually, we're not allowed to talk about Taylor Swift on this podcast.
I think that's the one clip I saw most recently.
I'm a gay.
Let's not open it.
You're a Galician?
No.
No, but look.
But all I'm saying is that no one, I don't think anyone could really accuse Taylor Swift of gay baiting in the same, in a similar sense.
Right.
But I'm worried everything I say, you disagree with me.
So actually, we won't bring up the Pride Parade and what was that, 2016, I think.
Yeah.
We won't bring up the paper.
Also, no, I have new evidence for the Gaylord Kenazi.
No, I'm just not going to be able to do it.
Have you guys seen?
No, no, no.
With peace and love.
Shut the fuck up.
God damn it.
I just really want to.
Shut up.
All right.
Okay.
He really wants to shit.
Look at this man.
Look at this.
What's the queer famous person that she was that recently came out?
No, not Carl Claus.
That recently came out and was like, oh, Taylor Swift basically goes on GoFundMe and just like maxes out.
Ruby Rose, yeah.
And that's strange that they're just like sitting on a couch together on the iPad and they have iPad time.
They had iPad time together.
And she can oversee what Taylor Swift is like maxing out on GoFundMe campaigns.
No, that part's fine.
She's a billionaire.
She's very nice.
That's great.
But also maybe gay because who sits close enough?
I have iPad time with everybody.
Yeah.
Honestly, if your phone's out right now, I'm looking at it.
Do you hate this man?
You can't stop me.
Are you secretly?
You know what?
It's just me.
I'm the one who's advancing these conspiracies.
Can you imagine if when Zoron goes like billionaire shouldn't exist, if Coma said, what about Taylor Swift?
I mean, that would have been a good idea.
That's a ball.
That would have been a good idea.
He does not have a prepared answer for that.
No.
You're right.
Then I'm going to have to disavow him.
They're going to be coming into my fucking stream being like, dude, disavow your boy Zorhan Mamdani for saying Taylor Swift shouldn't exist.
And yes, the answer is yes.
Answer is yes.
Yeah.
Wait, no, she should exist just with less money.
I didn't say that.
I think she was a powerful woman.
She deserves all that.
We were saying yes to condemning Zorhan Mamdani, to be clear.
Yes, we are condemning.
We are not condoning.
We are condemning.
Zorhan Mamdani saying Taylor Swift should not exist.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, he shouldn't freaking say that.
That's freaking out.
I know I'm conflating a lot of things in my head, but thinking of the 9-11 thing, I just thought about a 9-11, but it's Taylor Swift's private chat is the cause of it.
I just seeing that visual in my head.
I'm not saying anything about it.
It's just you had a vision.
I think, no, I just, I was the song singing as he is commandeering Taylor Swift's private channel.
Sometimes we have inside thoughts, you guys.
Okay.
Will's going to kill you.
That's an inside thought.
No.
I'm going to be killed.
No, Will has nothing to do with Samaria.
Then that's the 9-11 you'd say America deserved.
Just to change the narrative on this.
Okay, speaking of which, okay.
John Marco's talking about the fact that the New York mayoral debate just took place.
We just watched it live.
And in the debate, Andrew Cuomo brought your boy's name up twice.
Yeah.
Twice.
Twice.
There's no way you not bring it up.
Yeah.
Him bringing up a second time was definitely like, oh shit, I can't think of the next talking boy.
And he brought my name up next to Hamas.
Like the things that Zorhan Mamdani must condemn was Hamas.
Hassan Piker.
And the third thing.
When white people started, they lean in.
They go, that felt good.
Yeah.
That felt foreign.
If he didn't list a third, that's actually going to drive me nuts.
No, the third was Hassan Pike.
It was Hamas, Hassan, Hassan.
That was his dream.
It was Hamas, Hassan Piker, and like globalized Intifada, I think.
Here, we have a clip of it, of our reaction to it in the moment.
Mr. Sleebo, we will get to you.
First, I'm going to ask a question of Mr. Cuomo.
While you are a strong supporter of Israel, you have also been slow to develop a relationship with the city's Muslim community.
Thank you, Universal Power User, for this one.
Yeah, well, first, I think the assemblyman created the perception himself.
Why wouldn't he condemn Hamas?
Why wouldn't he condemn Hassan Piker?
Why didn't he take it?
Amazing.
For him to say he's still an analogy.
That's awesome.
That's wild, dude.
I still can't even believe it.
I forgot how close it was to Hamas.
Yeah.
It really seems like these things are, you know, did Hassan do October 7?
I don't know.
Maybe 9-11, he might have done it.
Like, that's the word association that he was going off of, which I think is really funny.
I think it probably worked.
Yeah.
There was a tweet I retweeted.
It was almost like Zoran was like leading at 52% now in the debate.
And someone was like, well, this is all before he refused to condemn Hassan Piker.
Which is so, which is so dumb.
I'm imagining like an aunt furiously Googling like Hassan Piker and not even being able to figure out how to spell it and then arriving at like my progress pic or something on the internet.
Asking Mom for Advice00:09:53
Well, as I was saying earlier, my kind of getting a temp on like middle-aged liberals is I always just ask my mom, like, what do you think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
She's an avid New York Times reader in those comments.
What channels are she having on?
Like, my mom has MSNBC on all day.
She is CNN, but huge.
Like, she probably sends me three New York Times articles a day.
She'll send if he's in any of them, and I'll just be like, What'd you think?
Did she like my Ross Dalthad performance?
She said that you did a good job.
She said the comments seemed to also be.
Yeah, they were daggering him.
But that's how I get my reading things, you know, what's going on with the wine moms.
Sure, sure.
That's good.
That's worse.
Yeah.
There's worse, to be honest.
She listened to The Daily?
She said, she goes, I'm not into that podcast stuff.
Oh, my mom's also the type of person who elites.
Well, she's no, no, I listen to the daily.
Oh, I listen to the daily.
Do you enjoy the daily?
No, she likes to kind of.
We have colours.
I just don't know if you do.
I do the daily.
Do you remember the thing you said about Taylor Swift?
I didn't say anything bad.
I'm a big, I'm neutral.
I'm very neutral.
You don't even like Carousel the way I like Carousel.
I love Carousel.
I'll sing the whole goddamn show.
Right now, let's do it.
My boy, Bill.
You want to do it?
I don't know it that well.
Okay, how about in my own little, no, no.
Keep the conversation.
What's your favorite musical?
He doesn't like anything.
You don't know anything?
No, my mom wanted me to be gay.
I am the living, breathing proof that you can maybe not be gay.
How did they get conflated?
You cannot make someone gay.
I'm living, breathing proof of it because she made me watch all the musicals.
Okay.
What is it?
The sound of the sound of music.
Don't pretend like you don't know the sound of the music.
It just had its 50th anniversary.
I have been live for sounding the hills are alive.
Okay, keep going.
Mom, the first board I watched.
Fandom of the horrors are Chicago.
Chicago.
Yeah, favorite horror.
Andrew Lloyd Weber is great.
Well, Donald Trump is a little bit more.
He is great.
Yeah, he has great hits.
Woke killed it, but he was a good guy.
Lived in the Trump Towers.
Anyway, I never watched Cats.
That's bad.
I mean, some of these are real basic, unfortunately.
There's like more one.
There's like more fucked up ones.
I was going to be like, let me tell you, Sweeney Todd's musical.
Sweeney Todd is a good one, for example.
It's like it was in Spring Awakening.
That's why Will like that.
What was the one with the poor guy who steals bread?
Yeah, Lei Middle.
Aladdin.
No, Les Miz.
Oh, Les Miss.
Is that not Aladdin in front of the red?
You know what?
Very fair.
Yeah.
Very fair.
Oh, yeah.
And the Le Musical.
He is the poor guy who steals the bread.
Aladdin is rich.
He's supposed to be Veljean.
Couldn't you see his Veljan?
Yeah.
John Veljean.
Could I picture?
He couldn't hit a note.
I think it was in front of him.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
You can't see one day more.
One day more.
Hit one day more.
Oh, no.
I feel like you got to play it.
I feel like pressure.
I have too much pressure.
How's that song?
One day more.
That's it.
You ended a little week.
Okay, but honestly.
But I can do opera voice.
I've done it before.
Remember, I just wanted to say that.
I hate when he does it.
Hey!
Hey!
Can I tell you something, and you're not going to believe it?
That you hit that note with that space, with no training.
You have a talent.
Oh, thank you.
And I think you're pursuing the wrong thing.
I have never heard you do that before.
What was that?
That was an F sharp?
I bet that's an F sharp.
What do you think?
I don't know any of that stuff.
I'm like a peasant that grew up in a barn, and then I just discovered that I can make this noise with my mouth.
That was an A flat, I think.
Hold up.
That was a B flat.
That was a B flat.
That's extremely high.
That was way too much.
Wait, make Hasan do a scale.
I can't hit a B flat.
Yeah.
Can Asan do a scale?
What?
It'll be fun.
What is it for me?
A scale.
Specifically.
You have to sing the note that he plays.
I can't.
I don't know how to do that.
You just match it.
Like, oh, yeah, like that, yeah.
Oh my god, wow, wow, that work.
I don't know.
If only he had found this out sooner in life, no, I was in a choir when I was like, when I was uh super young, and we were supposed to go to China, and my parents wouldn't let me go to China on the trip, and that's when I quit the choir because I was like, This is bullshit!
Like, I wanted to go to China.
What songs are you singing?
Were you singing like I don't remember Christini songs?
No, no, this is I'm in Turkey at this point.
Oh, in Turkey, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, old Danny Boyd explicitly.
Um, I want to hit it, I want to hear him sing Pavarotti.
Why don't you start with something a little more reasonable?
Yeah, the greatest singer to ever live just to start off there to see is that good?
Those are those are all the right notes.
Keep going, I'm telling you, those are A's, and you're a tennis.
You're a tenor.
We take out a little bit of like the pushing, and let's not chop them down just yet.
I don't welcome a musical theater, it's not easy.
I have no dog in this fight.
I have no dog in this fight.
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Okay, wow, that was something that was truly that's a thing.
But I also think, like, people can do impressions sometimes, and you can do some they can manipulate.
Like, I can't do impressions, and I don't think I was a great person.
She has a good Britney Spears.
Do it, do it, yeah, yeah.
My Trump, no, do your Britney Spears.
Dear Britney Spears, no, come on, come on, please.
I've never seen that.
She did Billy Spears.
Do Obama, do Obama.
No, do Obama.
Do Obama, yes.
Do Obama.
America.
Wow, wow.
Wow.
Please, can you sing?
Do your Christy Brown.
My Trump is America.
Wow.
Do you see the new artist?
She's doing the work.
We got to take her on tour.
Thank you.
I can't.
Will does really good impressions.
Yes, you.
Oh, please.
Come on.
I don't.
Yes, you do.
I don't want to do rations.
Come on.
I hate that.
Fine.
I'll sing Selene.
I'll do my Seleni on impression.
Okay, she just only wanted to do that.
Yeah.
She's like, she doesn't want to do Britney too.
Do Britney.
I was trying to encourage you.
I'll do Goldbloom, which I don't do anymore.
Okay.
If you do one.
I feel like you naturally have a Gold Bloom.
I worked on it.
And then it bled into my you hear it in my regular thing now.
I feel like you could do a John Mulaney.
I did for a little, but if I do it too much, it literally bleeds in.
Like I steal musicality kind of.
It just so I don't listen to it too much.
So you go first.
All right.
What do you want?
What?
What's the menu?
The menu?
Pretty much everyone, Marco.
Can I tell you why this is so absurd?
Because he eats, breathes, sleeps impressions all day long.
But all my impressions are like characters I made up.
They're all like, Shut them back.
You do do Christopher Walken.
Christopher Walken's the most basic.
Come on.
Good night, moon.
Good night, spoon.
Good night, cow, jumping over the moon.
Very good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right, let's hear your gold bloom.
What's what's a green eggs and ham?
I was good.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them.
As Sam I am.
I will not eat them.
In a box, I will not eat them with a fox.
So good.
That's why I didn't want to do it.
He's blown.
No, you did.
No.
I don't know who Goldbloom is.
Jeff Goldblum.
What?
Jeff Goldblum.
Oh, yes, I do now.
Jurassic Park.
I know, I know him.
He finds a way.
I know him.
Finds a way.
Yeah, you got there.
Okay.
Now I see it.
Now you know.
You've got potential, kid.
Thank you.
Thank you.
He's such a handsome person.
I was just about to say that as well.
Yeah, he like, he aged like fine wine.
You know who else I think is like hot in his age?
And I sometimes look at him and I'm like, you know, I hope I age like that.
Mark Maron.
I think Mark Maron is like misescape baiting.
I don't know who he is.
I think Mark Maron's like really hot.
No, he's a good looking.
Yeah, I get it.
No, I think it's good.
You see that you could age in that way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he looks good for his age.
Like he has aged well into his life.
But I think Jon Stewart still looks good.
Oh, but do you see young Jon Stewart?
I just saw it.
When you see the young John Stewart, you're like, you're like, oh, you were talented, but you were like, you look at young Seth, Seth Meyers, young Jimmy Fallon, you're like, oh, you were all hot too.
Yeah.
young Jon Stewart was incredibly attractive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, there's the one, I'm thinking of the one black and white picture where he's like sitting on a couch.
Aging Like Mark Maron00:07:30
I saw it recently.
I was like, damn, this motherfucker.
I think that was the one maybe potentially.
Where I was like, oh, I get why he made it in Hollywood.
Like, I understand.
Hold on, hold on.
Okay, keep it in your pants.
What the hell?
She's good.
Hottest guy in that age bracket, though.
It's Mads Michelson.
Oh, yeah.
That's true.
That's cool.
That's not even a question.
He's the hottest older guy.
Did you see that picture that was going around the other day?
It was apparently an old anti-smoking PSA, and it was all pictures of animals with cigarettes.
Yeah, they look so cool.
They look so cool.
Well, I mean, Joe Camel famously was very cool.
Yeah.
I used to make my own pair collect the Camel cigarette boxes so I could get the merch.
Yeah, I was like, why would you give animals cigarettes because they look when I was in Istanbul?
I don't really smoke, but like when I was in Istanbul and we were outside and everyone's smoking a pack throughout the dinner.
I know.
It was really romantic.
It was very special.
It was so cool.
I smoked so much in Europe.
Oh, you did.
You ripped some lung darts.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I did.
I did.
And I didn't have a pack either because I was really.
You'll ask for a cigarette, though, and they'll just give you their pack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I went to Armenia, I was like, I would ask for one cigarette.
You went to Armenia?
I've been there a few times.
The fuck?
Why?
I've also been to Turkey as well.
Why Armenia?
To just smoke cigarettes over there.
Wait, no, that makes no sense.
Give me the real reason why you went to Armenia.
I've got some friends over there.
Oh.
I'm not getting real Turkish with it for no reason.
I'm just like, it's just a random place to be like that.
I loved it.
I loved Istanbul so much.
It was one of the best stuffs.
I did the full Turkish baths with like two guys.
Like it hurt.
I'm going to say it.
I did not like Turkey.
I did not like Istanbul.
Why?
I got food poisoned and then I got the absolute shit beat out of me with a piece of spruce.
They beat the food poisoning out of you.
No.
Oh, you mean at the Turkish bath?
Yes.
Yeah.
You enjoyed that.
Yeah.
It felt like I did something.
And maybe I was at the wrong Turkish bath, but I was surrounded by rather portly men.
And I feel like...
And hairy with yes, and I feel like they didn't want me there.
With calloused hands, and they're supposed to be a little bit more than that.
They looked at me like I shouldn't be there.
And I feel like the guy who was giving me the spruce gave me a little extra.
Oh?
I feel like he really.
Yeah.
Because there were a few times I was like, ah.
Well, that would certainly be a job you'd take if you enjoyed it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you gotta.
If you go to the Turkish bathhouse, yeah, he's gonna fuck you up.
Or if you go to a Turkish barber, he is going to also fuck you up.
Yeah.
Yeah, apparently they burn you and they put their wiener on you.
There's a word for them putting their wiener on you.
Diamond.
What are you talking about?
It means to lean.
No, you're just your dick.
Yes, you're dick for what purpose?
I don't know why this is a...
Where do you want him to put it?
In his pants?
But like, is this like before the trim, during the trim?
Is it to keep you like from moving?
You're like, I think it's move.
I think it's a.
I don't know what it is, but it's just a pecking order thing.
Yeah, it's a, it's a.
Wait, is this a real thing?
To establish.
So you're like a meme in Turkey that you like avoid the barber trying to put his dick on.
I believe the Turkish word is the word for a parrot resting, right?
No, diamak means like to lean, like to really lean into it.
Can I say, maybe this is something about like to me, I'm like, if that was offered and it was extra, I go, please, I'm here.
When in Turkey, put a cock on my shoulder.
You got to get all the curves.
You're going to get a suck the dick or get out of here for that one for sure.
Well, it's not suck the dick.
It's just rest the dick.
No, I know, but if it's a female, just put your shoulder on your face.
No, no, sir.
No, just males.
Okay.
Just males.
I've never had a female barber in Turkey, so I don't know.
Maybe they do put their pussy on you.
That would have been a formative experience.
Cultural differences, really.
Cultural differences.
But yeah, no, they do the full service.
They like light your shit up.
They fucking...
There's one Turkish barber that goes extra crazy on TikTok where he will literally like massage your entire upper body.
He'll like take your shirt off.
March, you got to pull this up.
I have a real pleasure watching Indian shave videos.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
It's like they'll be like 10 rupee shave and they also beat the ever-loving shit out of you.
Yeah.
It's just part of the experience.
I don't know why.
Who decided this?
Who was the first psycho barber that was like, I'm going to fucking lather you?
I think that's the male thing.
It's just like it's very intimate.
Yeah.
And then you're like, I got to hit you.
I got to hit you.
I got to put my dick on your shoulder to make sure this is not sexual.
Oh, no, the guy with the mustache.
The guy with the mustache, not that one.
The guy with the mustache, the second row.
Second row.
Yeah.
Second row.
He looks like that.
With the Turkish.
Yeah, that's the guy.
That's the guy.
The dude has a Turkish flag on.
It's like an ASMR video.
I love it.
I love it.
Let's see if he goes all the way, though.
Sometimes he doesn't.
But sometimes people literally take your t-shirt off and lather your entire body.
See, that move does not seem.
Oh my God.
I don't know if any of that's necessary.
When people get facials, too.
You've got like a facial shit.
It feels like he's about to spit in your mouth.
Facials feel like they're painful.
Like, I think it makes the blood flow.
It's going to be like punching him in the face.
No.
What's that called?
Boxing.
Assault.
That's a nice night.
What?
It's a BDSM joke.
I get freaky over here.
Some thoughts are inside thoughts.
Finally, you get it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I've done this.
I've done this Ardos.
That's a rough one.
Oh, it makes it.
I've been told, don't do that.
You want some nose hairs.
Yeah.
Is that a tattoo along his hairline?
I believe so.
What remained of his hairline in the past, probably?
Pull up a nice Indian shave, too.
Yeah, who gets a tattoo of like my hairline was once here.
Right.
A placeholder.
I mean, it makes sense.
If you're like just losing it at first, you can maybe like tattoo it in a little bit, but then after a while, it's just going to completely go away.
They have a lot where people do the polka dots all over their head.
You've never seen that?
Yeah, go down to the shampooing one.
I think that's yeah, this is kind of the vibe.
I love these number two.
Go number two.
So short, but not too short, hopefully.
Very nice.
I tell you what, my man's actually quite good, you know.
Come on, floor brush.
Whoa, that's intense.
That's strong.
You must be good at fingering birds, mate.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Oh, God.
What's that?
Oh, no.
What's he put in on his?
Oh, it smells.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nice.
No.
Intense.
I don't like it at all.
Okay, that's enough.
That's enough.
No, not my ears.
Don't wear my ears.
Oh, God.
What are you doing that for?
You've done a fantastic job.
It sounds like heaven on me.
This is so nice.
It really does.
I feel like you either get the worst headache after that or no headaches ever.
Oh, God.
That's enough.
That's enough.
Revenge on the British00:14:16
You nearly broke my finger, mate.
Finish, finish, finish.
Yeah, he's just taking revenge for what the British did to India, bro.
Yeah.
Fuck my shit up and really did it.
Anyway, what else is happening in everybody else's weeks today, huh?
We've had a long week.
Cutie.
This is where I talk about my week.
Yeah.
We do it every week.
Yeah.
Isn't that awesome?
Well, we'll see.
So I haven't done much.
But I really appreciate you guys giving me the floor.
We went to Chapel.
She always makes it about her, you know?
I mean, she did say that.
It's just like crazy.
It just feels like she always does this.
She's not even, she doesn't really go here.
She doesn't even go on this podcast.
How was Chapel Rone?
It was good.
It was very overwhelming.
It was my first festival.
Oh, wow.
That's a big undertaking.
I heard you somehow went to a music festival without knowing it was a music festival.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
You thought it was one concert?
Yeah.
No, well, it was one concert.
But she sold the tickets as the Rose Bowl.
And then you walk past the Rose Bowl Stadium and it's on the golf course behind it.
Oh, yeah, it was a surprise.
In her own words, this is my worst nightmare.
Yeah.
Also, getting into the Rose Bowl, those tunnels are long.
No, it wasn't.
What tunnel?
What?
What?
Going into the Rose Bowl.
Maybe they went outside of that.
No, we never went in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who else was performing at the festival?
Trixie.
Nice.
Another drag queen?
Mattel.
What Trixie?
Trixie Mattel?
Yeah.
What does she do?
Does she sing?
She dances.
Really?
I didn't know that.
Like on her own.
Do you know what drag queens do?
No, I just, I maybe, maybe my mind's narrow about like a musical show, but it was like she did like no, she was like Chapel's opener.
That's very cool.
And she sinked.
She, yeah, she did.
Yeah, that's what I was at.
Where's the drag queen sing?
Oh, oh, oh.
I saw a video.
I saw a video of Chao Barone.
Uh-huh.
She said, fuck ice.
Fuck ice.
Were you there when she did that?
Yeah, and we said, fuck ice.
So I have a question for you.
And everyone went crazy.
What the fuck is that ET thing that she's holding?
That's her little doll.
She just has it.
She's quirky.
Oh, okay.
That's her little guy.
Can you pull that up?
So it was Chapel Rose.
I like ice.
She's incredibly talented.
I would do anything for her.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, go to a music festival.
Yeah.
Well, that's because, for the record, my history with music festivals was the country music festival at Mandalay Bay.
Oh, wow.
And so that's why I don't want to go to music festivals.
Hold on, hold on.
To be clear, she didn't go.
But I was supposed to go.
She was supposed to go.
I had tickets and I was sitting in my hotel.
Yeah, that's scary.
And then we were like, oh, let's head over.
Let's head over.
And then you were like, someone's shooting.
Like Steven Patton shooting at the country.
Oh, my God.
That was the one where.
So I decided I couldn't go to music festivals every year.
You were supposed to go?
Yeah, we had tickets and everything.
And why didn't you go?
We were just lollygagging.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it was a good lollygag.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But everyone knew we were going because I was down there for a conference.
Everyone, it was my co-worker.
She was like a 40-year-old, awesome lady, and she wanted someone to go with.
And I was like, I will go with you.
But then I'm late to everything.
Were you going to go later that night?
She wanted, well, she wanted, she was going to go without me because I was being like, I don't know.
I don't know.
But then we ended up just like, I think I fell asleep in her hotel.
And you went, see?
And then the next morning we woke up and our phones were flooded.
Everyone thought I was dead because I wasn't replying.
Yes, yes, yes.
Because I didn't go.
Yeah.
Dan Bilzerian would have saved you.
Have you ever seen that video of Dan Bilzerian also at the Corner Music Festival where he's like, give me a gun right now?
And it's really funny.
All the law enforcement people are like, dude, what the fuck are you doing?
Oh, I didn't see that.
It was weird, though.
And then the conference center that we were at is what got turned into the morgue.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
So I don't really like festivals.
I think you earned your trauma on that one.
Yeah.
What the fuck is that thing?
It looks like a gremlin.
Is it talk?
No.
No.
But she did put it on a t-shirt.
She said she hit it from like New York show.
Pause.
It looks like a gremlin.
Is it a gremlin?
It's a little guy.
It's a little guy, like a little gremlin.
I think it's a little dragon baby.
Pull up, gremlin.
What's the story behind this thing?
How does she interrupt?
She didn't really tell a story.
She just held it and expected us to understand.
It looks like a gremlin.
It does look like a gremlin.
Yeah, she could have put it down.
Her name is Shigella.
Shigella.
Shigella.
Let me put this gremlin down real quick and make a serious comment about ICE and Donald Trump.
I'll pick it up right after that.
Okay.
It's also the name of a bacteria.
No, first of all, Shigella had to be there.
Okay.
Because ICE is after Shigella.
Shigella is an undocumented migrant.
We can tell by the name.
Yeah.
We don't know where Shigella's from.
Yeah, Shigella's just been on tour with her.
Literally an illegal alien.
And Shigella was in a few of the graphics.
She did great.
But then as soon as we left, I went to the ER and got a CT scan.
It was awesome.
She did tell me she wasn't going to.
I got a text saying.
Wait, why'd you get a CT scan?
After this concert?
Yeah.
Wait, why did you?
You never know when you're going to have a heart attack.
Are you a hypocrite?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's one of my pastimes, unfortunately.
Happy OCD Awareness Month, everybody.
It's also one of her current times.
And to the four people I've hit with my car.
You're okay?
They let you out?
Well, I'm not here.
Sure.
So maybe you said, I've got a couple of things.
Respectfully, this would not be my priority if my heart was going out.
I wouldn't be like, let me show up on Thursday.
That's crazy.
I take offense to that.
That's crazy.
Your ass better be.
That's crazy.
You think that's crazy.
Your ass better be honest.
I've been very communicative about my feelings.
You went to the music festival, Chat.
Oh, you went to the emergency room.
The emergency room was a blast.
If you've never been at three in the morning, it's a great time in LA.
This guy.
You're being facetious?
No.
This guy's there and he walks in.
He's like, I need a CT of my jaw because I think I broke it.
And the doctor's like, how'd you break it?
In LA, for some reason, none of the hospitals are made for people.
And so you're just behind sheets.
There's no rooms.
There's just like in like a closet and shit.
That is a COVID protocol that they just kept in place.
I'm pretty sure.
It's just weird.
Emergency rooms.
Where I'm from, you get a room or a bed, but not here.
You just get a sheet.
Probably triaged you and they were like, oh, she's fine.
Yeah, they just kept it as like.
No, everyone had a sheet.
Everybody.
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
No, you mean like when you go into the major ER area and like there's, yeah, there's like little sheets between.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's not COVID overflow.
This is normal.
Some of you have facilities.
Yeah, I just don't.
That's not what I'm used to.
Yeah.
What kind of special Washington go there sometimes?
Did they ask you, did they say, like, if you were so worried, why did you go to the Chaperone concert before coming here?
I said, well, if I was going to die, I had to see Chapel.
Okay.
And Schmeagel.
I would have been in the middle.
And Schmigl.
Well, so this guy, he's like, I need a CT of my face.
And they're like, what happened?
He's like, I got punched by Homeland Security.
And then I'm like, well, Chapel just said, fuck ice.
So I was like, oh, fuck ice.
And he was like, thanks.
And I was like, you're welcome.
And then anyway, they were like, oh, that sucks.
Like, do you want any pain meds?
And he's like, no, I used to be an addict.
I don't want any pain meds.
And he's like, okay, would you do a big Tylenol?
And he goes, will it make me autistic?
And behind my sheet, I went, and then he was like, who is that laughing at?
Like, the wizard?
He's like, the crowd is warm at three of the people.
Pay attention to the woman behind the curtain.
Yeah.
Wait, so what was Ludwig doing?
He was asleep in the chair next to me.
Oh, he's snoozing.
He's sleepy.
Yeah.
He said, I think he wanted to go to the next day.
And I said, I can't make it.
No, you'll die.
I thought I was going to die.
I wasn't doing well.
You can ask her.
We were at Chapel and I was like, why did you think you were going to die this time?
Because I've been having heart palpitations and pain for about three weeks.
Yeah.
It shouldn't last that long.
But like, I feel like if you're alive after three weeks, that's kind of what I was telling myself.
So then I went, I went.
Well, the problem is, is I know my brain.
And so I went to an urgent care three days prior and I got an EKG.
And I was like, as long as EKG is fine, I'll be able to talk myself out of it.
And then I go and the guy's like, well, you know, an EKG couldn't roll out an aortic dissection.
And I was like, why would you say that to me?
You've known that you're like a hypochondriac?
Yeah, I did.
Like, I was very.
They're farming you.
The doctor was like, this is a good one.
Well, it could be.
Because I've been told I have like, have you ever heard of tuberculosis?
Right.
Like, where's the laugher from the other night?
These jokes are falling flat.
And I was like, where's I was like, I've had costochondritis in the past, which is inflammation of your sternum that feels like a heart attack.
And so I was like, I've had that before.
And he was like, well, I don't know.
Let's do a chest x-ray.
And I was like, okay.
Oh, he puts you through the full ringer.
So it was as we were walking.
Yeah, and then he called me back.
And then she turns to me.
She's like, why wouldn't you just tell me that I should get a CT scan?
I was like, well, first of all, this is urgent care doctor.
This is not your normal, you know, these people.
They suggest all sorts of things, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then I couldn't get out of my head.
I took a lorazepam and everything.
Oh my God, but we have to, real quick, we're walking in and we're walking in and this lovely girl walks past sobbing her eyes out.
And so I go, girl code.
And I look at Caroline because I have social anxiety.
So Caroline goes over to talk to her.
And, but like, I was at the signal.
So I feel like I helped.
Yeah, I know.
And so then Caroline goes over and she's like, are you okay?
And she's like, I'm crying.
And she's like, crying and hyperventilating a lot.
And then I was like, do you need a Lorazepam?
Because I have one because I knew I was anxious.
Well, first I was like, do you have a, he's like, do you have an anxiety disorder?
She's like, oh, yeah, yes.
Do you take anything normally?
And she said, yes.
She said Atavan, which is Lorazepam.
So I was like, oh, do you need one?
And she's like, she's like, yes, please.
And the cops are like, you're prescribing things to people at the hospital.
No, no, no, this is at chapel.
This is at Chapel Room.
At the hospital.
Yeah.
Let's back up a second.
Sorry, we're at Chapel now.
It's like when you let the teenager take care of the children for the it was walking in, she gets the call.
I already know her anxiety is starting to spiral because the CT can scan.
This gesture you made was very close to the side.
And then this girl walks by and she's having a panic attack.
So then I'm sitting down.
Wait, you guys pre-gamed the chapel room with the CT scan?
No, no.
No, the CT scan was later.
No, the urgent care doctor for three days prior called as we were walking in.
This is the after party.
But then other girly who was having panic attacks.
So then we were dealing with her.
Walks past.
And then I'm like, I'm like, there's a bunch of cops right there.
And I'm like, can I give her one?
And they just like kind of look away.
You ask the cops for.
Well, I just wasn't sure.
I didn't want to break the rules.
I don't like breaking rules.
Okay.
They were chill.
They were chill.
And so then she took one.
And then Caroline was, and Caroline was like, do you want to hang out with us?
If the cops arrested every white woman giving Larazapan to another white woman, it'd be chaos.
They might as well put up the games right then and there and make it a prison.
There's a future Andrew Coma wants for New York.
Yeah, they would need infinite funding.
So then Caroline was like, you can join us.
Like, that's fine.
And when Caroline had walked away at some point to get a water for the panic attack, and girl starts telling me that she's just in a fight with her friends.
Okay.
And so I'm like, uh-oh, this is more lore than I anticipated.
Like, I thought she was just upset and lost and having a panic attack because there's a lot of people here.
Turns out she's fighting.
And then she lost her keys and her phone.
And then her friends were like, there was a whole drama thing.
And she was saying on Airbnb.
So I said to her, I was like, look, you came all the way here.
You got an Airbnb.
Don't go back.
Like, here, go to chapel.
How many times are you going to get to see her?
You know?
Yeah.
Then I kind of invited her along with us.
But then she says, oh, I'm going to, I'm coming back tomorrow with my best friend to see Chapel as well.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
Wait, what if her vibes were bad?
And that's why her friends hated her.
That's what I started going through my head.
I was like, I feel like you guys are a perfect angel and demon on the shoulder.
Like the vibes that you brought.
I felt really bad for her, though.
I was like, she's sad in here.
And as she's crying, as she's crying, she goes, and I'm about to turn 33.
And saying in a way of like, I go, I'm 33.
And I think she immediately went, oh, you look like 20.
I was like, she looks 33.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, no, no, no, it's okay.
This is not me being like, I look old, but she was just really going through it.
You're okay on that.
Because this sounds like a lot.
If I saw a guy, if I was going into, I mean, I saw Lady Gaga recently, so there, but if I saw someone crying, I'd be like, hey, you okay?
Yeah.
You should go.
Come on.
You came all this time.
Good for you.
It's beautiful.
That's a lot of weight that you took on.
It's my fault.
I signed her up for it.
You medicated her.
You convinced her.
She insulted your age.
She called, she called, she was like, I'm almost you.
I'm almost you.
And I don't want to challenge me with dread.
I need medication to deal with it.
But then she, you know what she said over and over and she goes, why are you helping me?
That's what she kept saying.
And that made me really sad.
That made me sad that she was like, why are you not going to be able to do that?
We've lost our sense of community in the United States of America.
I go, that's very sweet.
And that's a beautiful note to.
Oh, she goes, but you're so old.
She's like, oh my God.
Don't you have a family to go back home to?
Okay, you have a plane to catch.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway, to wrap it up, then though, she starts having.
We walk in and we see that we walk past Rose Bull.
See, it's a festival.
I'm like, oh, shit.
I don't want to hang out with Girly Pop anymore because I'm too overwhelmed.
I can't entertain.
And I was getting that read from Cutie.
So I did turn to her and I was like, hey, this isn't me trying to get rid of you.
I'm just so you know, I got to deal with what's going on.
And she was like, this is just like my bitch friends.
You're leaving me too.
Caroline goes to go pee.
And so I'm standing with a stranger.
And she goes, man, tonight's been crazy.
I took Adavan from some random girl.
And I go, what the fuck?
I'm like, yeah.
Uh-oh.
I was like, are you okay?
Too Overwhelmed to Entertain00:01:45
I was like, what is going on?
These two 60-year-old women approached me and gave me drugs.
I was like, these two old ladies.
I don't even know why they're at chapel.
She left, but I upgraded her ticket for free.
Anyway, we were nice.
Moral story is, you know, help strangers.
Help strangers.
Yeah.
Unless their vibes are bad, in which case it's appropriate to pull the vibes are good.
Because he has a flight to catch.
She has quite a flight to catch.
What would you like to promote before we let you go?
Oh, watch my comedy special, Thief of Joy.
Candace Owens loved one of the jokes.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Made a Holocaust joke.
The rest are good.
And then my podcast, The Downside, listen to The Downside.
And then I'm on tour.
Go see.
Awesome.
Thanks, man.
Thanks for coming.
And we'll see you on the other side at patreon.com/slash fear and peace.
Caroline, you know the song.
Come on.
Girly pop.
This is the song.
Girly pop.
And then pop it, pop it.
Pop it.
I don't have the pop.
He's out my shawl.
How does he do the pop?
I don't even know.
No, he didn't.
Mine's like a butthole.
He did have it.
Wait, this is a segment.
Yeah.
Before the segment, Austin sings every time.
Austin sings.
And he has.
And he wears the hat back there.
He also has, yeah, he has his hat.
He doesn't wear it.
And then he also has cutie TV, which is a segment where cutie.