Fear Ann hosts celebrate Hassan Piker's deportation while filming in Paris, recounting high school trauma involving friends Christine and Ashley and a midnight eviction. They debate Brittany Ray Carrera's acting, debunk COVID conspiracy theories, and analyze Taylor Swift's "Life of a Showgirl" album against Olivia Rodrigo's "Brat Summer." The episode covers French racing simulator complaints, political furloughs, cartoon mascot profanity games, and a $890 debt lawsuit, ultimately highlighting the group's chaotic dynamic and their progressive reception in France versus American factions. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Jersey Turnpike Blocked00:02:12
I'm so sorry if you're driving to work.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen.
No.
Let me do it.
Just kidding.
I got shy.
You do.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Do it.
No.
Come on, cutie.
You got it.
I'm shy.
I'm nervous.
We want you to do the intro.
Hello, guys, and gals, and they're and them's.
Welcome to this week's podcast.
Welcome to an episode of the Fear Ann podcast where we have some very big news.
Hassan Piker has been deported.
Oh, dude.
It's too close to reality.
And all of that.
When you say I self-suck myself to death, it's not going to happen.
Are we not allowed to say that?
It could happen.
It could happen.
And in the event that it did happen, which it did not as of now, but if it did, we didn't know.
I feel like we're the news reporter.
That's like pre-recording all the outcomes so we can be ahead of the this.
Just in Hassan Piker torn apart by wolves look we at the FEAR AND Podcast.
Do not support the deportation of Hassan Piker.
I don't support the deportation of anybody besides Hassan Piker.
I'd like to make that very clear, elaborate on that.
I think all of New Jersey should go with him.
I what?
You've never been to New Jersey, I know, but I've heard things.
What have you heard about New Jersey?
I've heard about Jersey Turnpike.
I think Ludwig's uh been there before and he said it was kind of stinky, you are talking out of your ass.
And um uh, Pete Davidson talks about Staten Island sometimes yeah, and that's not in New Jersey, that's New York, but it's close enough in my.
Anyways uh, Hassan Piker, ladies and gentlemen, he is in France.
So we decided uh, he had an opportunity to film um, this podcast uh in Paris.
But we said, fuck you, we're filming without you.
Yeah, that's what we said.
We took control of the podcast, marsh.
He took marsh.
So we got Gabe.
Hassan's lame ass had no one to film with.
Hormone Cycle Secrets00:02:51
Oh really, is that what?
Acting like that?
He just has no hose.
That's right.
He ain't got no hose, he's got no clout yeah well, he needed.
He's also reporting on the flotilla being blocked.
That's right, which is kind of a big story, but that's right.
No politics no, I think we should cover it.
You want to cover the flotilla?
No, I mean we.
I'll talk about my flow fallopian being blocked, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, are you on your?
I don't know what you mean too.
It's blocked.
No, that means i'm pregnant.
Huh, not necessarily it's blocked fully.
You can have an egg that's vibrating as it gets yummy actually wait, I am, my period should start any day, so it probably is slowly blocked, okay.
So I I heard from women the other day that you're you know.
I heard from women wow, cite your sources.
Well uh, peach charts okay, and a variety and a variety of other women, um okay uh, they said that you know when you're like the day that you know when your period, the day that your period's gonna strike yeah like, you know the exact, get sensitive, you get crampy, all that kind of stuff.
Like it's no surprise, like you could be like oh, sometimes it's a surprise oh really yeah, sometimes.
So look, I have this app, i'll show you.
Um um okay, opens grinder my aura ring.
So this is the one thing I really like about my aura ring.
I don't really know if I like it for anything else.
Oh, my god, i'm so stressed right now.
What the hell?
Why'd you guys make me so stressed?
Probably because I burped in your face.
Actually, it probably was so sorry, look.
So it says possible period start day and as soon as I log that, as soon as I my period it hasn't started yet, but it could have started yesterday.
Uh, technically I don't worry about being late until it's like been like seven days and i'm like oh, but my, it takes an average of my days in between periods.
So my typical cycle length is 26 days.
Variability of one or two, one less days.
Your length of cycle is 26 days.
You have like three days off and then another cycle comes.
No no no, that you don't know cycle I thought we taught you about.
This cycle is your hormone cycle.
So I go 26 days dry.
Yeah, I mean, I remember we talked 26 days dry, three days wet.
26 day dry, three days wet.
Okay okay, I didn't know what to say.
That's crazy.
Three days bloody clawy.
It's beautiful, it's natural, it's beautiful.
We're all about it.
We endorse this.
On the theory podcast, you gotta change your diaphragm every three days but um, yeah and so so.
But sometimes if you're spotting, it can just happen random, that can happen.
You can be out and about and all of a sudden you're like oh, and you bleed through your pants.
I know, it's so embarrassing, I know, I imagine yeah, it's especially in high school.
It's like traumatizing.
Yeah, I did that.
Never mind, you never did that.
Did it did what?
You never bled through your pants, I know.
I asked, did it happen to you?
Cutting Off Toxic Friends00:15:32
Oh yeah oh, why did you say I did it?
I never bled through my pants.
It happened.
But one time i'm gonna shout out, this bitch, Christine.
Shout out Christine, you're freaking bitch.
No, I wish I used her real name, like you, Christine.
Yeah, if you're out there, I know this was you and I hope you feel something when I tell this story.
She had this boyfriend that I had a big crush on.
I had a crush on him before he became her boyfriend and then she started dating him mean, so mean, I know, and but anyway, then she was like my friend and I was like okay girl code, that was messed up, but whatever.
And then they date or whatever, and then we're at the theme park.
Because it was like seventh grade or eighth grade, end of the summer.
You go to the theme park as like a class or something I don't know.
Yeah, I know i've been there, yeah.
And so we all go to the theme park.
I go to the bathroom, I come back out, I sit down.
She put a package of ketchup on my seat.
That is so up, I know.
So I sit down, it's all over my kooky and like butt crack, and so it's perfect period placement.
Like insane.
I stand up, everyone starts laughing and i'm just like okay well great, and you're mortified and i'm just like shocked, I don't know what to do and I have nothing to cover it.
And then her boyfriend gave me his sweater to tie around my waist and it was really nice of him.
Oh, he was trying to hit.
No no, he wasn't.
I think he may have been.
Oh, my god, should I call him?
Yeah, see this guy.
Yeah, that's so up.
You ever just do violence?
Did I ever do violence?
Um, I tried to get revenge in multiple ways against my bullies at multiple times.
We heard they were pretty lame.
One time I broke a windshield.
Oh allegedly actually, I think it's been enough years.
No statute of limitations.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, and you guys don't know what state I did this in?
Yeah, But if you guys don't know, allegedly, hypothetically, in case you're ever in an emergency situation, actually, if you keep a spark plug in your center console, there's porcelain in a spark plug.
And if you just, and spark plugs are only like seven bucks, you get the porcelain out of it and you just tap porcelain on glass and it shatters.
Wait, cutie.
What?
Do you have them in your car?
Yeah.
Okay.
Is it the reason just in case, like, you accidentally drive in water?
Yeah, yeah, and you need to, like, you're in a lake and you need to come and you got it.
Yeah.
I am the same way.
I'm always like, what if I drive off a bridge?
Look, pull up a video of spark porcelain breaking windshield.
It's so easy.
Hypothetically, if you ever see it.
Do you have pepper spray in your car?
Oh, yeah.
Me too.
So you broke someone's windshield with a spark plug.
Allegedly, maybe once.
So, look, what did they do to deserve that?
Up a city bus.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
Wow.
He changed.
No.
I was at the airport and my dad was dropping off my mom at the airport.
And this bus behind us just like laid on the horn.
And I hate it.
And my dad is LAX.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know exactly.
My dad is 90 years old.
Yeah.
And so we're trying to get him out of the car and he's like very elderly.
And this bus was just laying on the horn and laying on the horn.
And I was like, I'm sorry, like handicapped person.
I'm trying to get him out.
He's just laying on the horn, this city bus driver.
And I just went over to the bus and I ripped the windshield wiper off and I just put it in the window like that.
Allegedly.
And then I drove off.
Did he do anything?
Did he keep honking?
No.
He looked at me like I was a fucking psychopath.
Look, watch this.
Yes, that was a spark plug.
You just have to break it, get the porcelain off.
But you can just hit it directly.
No, no, you can just hit it directly.
Oh, you just use the porcelain.
Yeah.
We'll try this lurking.
But spark plugs cut you divide that a little bit better.
You don't need like it's chill.
Also, he's doing way too much.
You can just push it.
Small piece first and then that larger piece.
Okay.
Here we got a car window.
We're going to try the smaller piece.
Nothing.
Larger piece.
Oh, look at that.
It did work.
Wait.
Why does that work like that?
I don't know.
Can we look up why porcelain breaks windows so easily?
Allegedly.
No, I mean, we just watched a video.
Allegedly.
That's not how if we're alleging that you did it, I'm asking why.
Allegedly, I did it.
Allegedly.
Shout out, Max.
I hope you remember what you did.
What did he do to deserve that?
He cheated on me.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Break his window.
Fuck yeah.
I was feeling a little crazy.
Hardness of the material relative to the tempered glass and the structure of the glass.
Tempered glass used in automobile windows is softer on the Mohs scale than the spark plug ceramic.
Never say I'm not a chemist.
How did you learn this?
Did you hear like how to get back at my cheese?
No, she was looking at how to get out of a car that's filling with water.
I don't know how I knew it.
It just felt like common knowledge.
Also, another fun way to get back at somebody is if you take pre-packaged powdered mashed potatoes and you put it on their lawn and then the sprinklers go off.
Allegedly, I've done that before.
Another thing, allegedly, you can do is at the dollar store, that goo, there's like that goo that you put the little straw in.
Like they used to have it like the family dollar and stuff, and you blow up those weird bubbles.
You know what I'm talking about?
It was like very popular.
It was like a dollar or whatever, and you'd find it.
I don't know why.
It feels like chemicals.
Anyway, you get those bubbles, you put it on someone's windshield, and you pop them.
It will never come off.
Really?
Ever.
Allegedly.
I'll be honest, after hearing the trauma that you have experienced in high school, I think all of those things were valid, allegedly.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
Valid.
I would have done the same thing had I experienced that.
Yeah, they were pretty okay.
And then one time before my mom died, I was like telling her some of the shit I've done.
And she was like, What the fuck?
And I was like, You didn't say allegedly.
Allegedly.
I said some of this shit I did.
And she was like, She was like, When did you do that?
And I was like, I don't know when you weren't checking on where it was.
Yeah.
Like, what do you mean?
Like, I actually think that you did the right thing.
I think we need to stop taking the high road.
Some of the stuff wasn't for me.
Some of the stuff was for other people.
Okay.
And I was just trying to fit in.
Period.
So be a bad guy.
They were my ideas, though.
Right.
I won't lie.
I mean, but allegedly.
Okay, allegedly.
Yeah.
It was years ago.
I feel like you had shitty friends, though.
I had shitty friends.
They were awful.
And I didn't realize how shitty they were.
I don't know if I ever told you guys this story.
I didn't realize how shitty my like best friend was until my mom died and I'm on the phone with her.
And my mom's like a vegetable, right?
Like she's ICU.
Like they're just saying like, hey, let us know when you want to pull the plug.
And I'm on the phone with my best friend that I've known for 13 years.
No, she was like, I got to go.
I got to get on a flight.
And I was like, what?
And she was like, yeah, I'm going.
I'm going to Washington this weekend.
And I was like, she was DC.
And I was like, for what?
And she was like, oh, like, it's just a trip I've been planning.
And I was like, my mom died.
What the hell?
And yeah, she missed the funeral.
She didn't like, she wasn't there for me.
Oh, my God.
And that was your best friend.
That was my best friend.
So then I didn't talk to her for a long time.
And then I decided to forgive her.
And then I had a moment where I was like, you know what?
I don't forgive you because she like, she had like stopped.
Oh my gosh.
I don't know.
You guys didn't sign up for this.
No, we did.
We signed up for it by doing the podcast.
It's kind of a, we, we literally signed up to hear each other talk and tell stories.
Well, welcome to this.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
We're going to be.
So there's three.
It was three of us and we're like best friends.
And the problem with girls in groups of three, if you don't know, two will pair off, make fun of one.
Two will pair off, make fun of one.
Yeah.
Two will pair off, make fun of one.
Wait, girls will do this to each other.
Yes, it's so annoying.
It's like girls are bad in groups of three.
Okay.
They're bad, especially in high school.
Maybe as you're an adult, you figured it out.
But in high school, it's rough.
Like I have trauma from groups of three, so I just stay solo.
I have trauma from friends, so I don't have friends.
So I stay alone.
So, so, like, and it was some high school shit.
And then it like had solved because everyone had gone to college.
And let's name them Ashley and Brittany, right?
Ashley and Brittany, my two friends.
Actually, might as well, one of them was fucking Christine.
So we'll just keep calling her Christine.
Christine was fucking Christine.
No, no, no, no.
I'm saying like Christine the asshole who put the ketchup on my pants.
That was one of them.
Okay.
So that was one of your best friends.
Yes.
That's crazy.
I know.
That's crazy.
I know.
They were such bad friends.
And, but, I mean, it was high school.
They were young, whatever.
But neither of them came to the funeral.
Neither, whatever.
Fuck it.
So Christine and Ashley, we'll call them that.
Like, it would happen a lot.
Like, no one, no one was innocent in the pair off.
Like, even I one time, I was like, oh, I'm the favorite now.
This is exciting.
Like, yeah, fuck that person, you know?
But fast forward, we're all adults now.
And I think we're all like friends.
And it's after my mom had died.
And like, I'd had the conversation with Ashley where I was like, hey, that was mean.
And then she was like, yeah, but like my grandma was in DC and maybe, maybe she would have died.
And I'm like, your grandma's alive.
Like, what are you talking about?
Like, you could go visit her right now.
Like, her grandma did die eventually, but I was just saying in that moment, it wasn't a good excuse.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
So then, so then Ashley like stops talking to me randomly.
And I'm like, what's going on?
And so I start texting her and I'm like, hey, you want to go for a walk?
Because we'd like go on walks a lot and we'd go get Froyo and stuff like that.
And this is like in my adulthood.
And then weirdly enough, recently, Christine had moved back into town.
And like, and I hadn't really heard from Christine and we were never as close as me and Ashley.
So I was like, whatever.
And then she's not texting, not texting, not texting.
Finally, she texts me back and she's like, oh, let's all go get dinner.
And I'm like, great.
And she's like, me and Christine will come pick you up.
And I was like, oh, what the hell?
Like, so they had been hanging out.
And the whole time they're talking about like, oh, yeah, we were at so-and-so's the other week.
It did, da, da, da.
And like, meanwhile, neither of them have been inviting me or texting me and we're adults.
And I'm like, what the frick?
Isn't this after you cut that bitch off or not?
I didn't fully cut her off.
I like forgave her.
But I'm about to fully cut her off.
She knew you were pissed at her.
She knew that I was pissed.
Yeah.
But that's why that was.
But I said I forgot.
No, but I said I forgave her and I still kept trying to check in and stuff.
And I was, I thought we were friends.
And no, I did.
I forgave her and we would still hang.
You can't cut someone off.
No, I didn't fully cut her off yet.
I was mad for a little bit.
And then we became friends and we go and walk this stuff.
She was probably mad on her side of the equation.
Yeah.
But she wasn't.
I'm sorry.
Valid.
She wasn't valid.
Yeah.
I'm not saying she was.
No, I know.
I'm just saying.
I know.
I'm just.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, but I'm saying that was like a year past.
It was like a year past and we had like been friends.
You were still mad.
No, I'd forgiven her.
I didn't realize I was still mad until later.
Until like now.
Then I'm like, no, fuck that bitch.
Yeah.
So then, and I'm with it.
I'm here.
Allegedly.
I had like, I had just started streaming and then, so, and we're at like dinner and both of them are like, so I don't get it.
So people like pay you money to see your feet.
And I'm like, no.
Like they're being super condescending.
And I've had that.
Yeah.
I've had that about streaming.
And then people thought I was doing porn.
And well, oh, come on.
I don't fucking show anything.
You could.
I could.
Maybe it would be fun.
I mean, you never know.
Go check it out, y'all.
All through high school, I would, all through high school, I would buy like fake Chanel bags off of eBay for like 20 bucks.
And I loved them.
And I was like, this is my Chanel because everyone else had nice bags.
Would you tell them?
So, yeah.
So they knew it was fake because I was a poor girl.
So at this dinner, I did happen to pull up with the real fucking Chanel because like I was really good at my job.
And this was before streamer money even, but I pull up with the real Chanel and Christine is like, oh, is that another fake?
And I was like, you cunt.
Like, we're like 25 at this point.
Like, shut the fuck up.
Like, what's going on?
Like, this is crazy.
Did you throw down?
No.
No.
No, I did.
I did say.
I smell it.
I was like, it's real.
Check the stitching.
Like, I was like kind of mad.
But then I forgive them.
And I was like, like, I just get over it.
And I'm like, whatever.
And I was like, okay, I just want friends.
And it's been, they've been ignoring me forever.
I was like, do you guys want to come back to my house?
Let's watch a movie.
And like, I have edibles, which was really hard to get at the time.
And I had edibles.
I used to do so much weed.
Really?
And so they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So then they come to my house and then they grab edibles.
They put them in their purse and then they leave together.
That's insane.
They stole your, they robbed you?
Yeah.
They're like, they're like, oh, they're like, thanks so much.
They like grabbed them.
And she was like, my boyfriend will want one too.
That was the dialogue.
That they were coming over to hang out and take edibles.
So they just came over and took it.
They grabbed a fist full of edibles and left.
Yes.
This is no explanation.
They were like, oh, never mind.
I'm tired.
And then they left together.
And then those bitches hate me.
Wait, so they did their edibles.
I've never met one evil person like this in my life.
And you had a fucking childhood with them.
I think, I mean, I think, I don't know what happened.
I think that's what happens when you grow up rich is my, that's what I always depended on.
I've had one person I've had to cut off like this and it broke my heart.
Well, and so then I'm pissed, right?
And I have no friends and I'm mad and I'm sad and I took an edible.
And so then I go live on Twitch and I start bitching about it.
Oh, cutie fucking.
Dark cutie comes out and I'm not being kind.
I'm not being kind.
I'm being like, Christine has no spine and her daddy daddy bought her everything.
Like I'm being a bitch.
Did you name them, name them?
No.
Back then?
Well, actually, I think I used a name somewhat close, like rhymed with her name or something like that.
You use their social media Instead of Christine, I used a name that like rhymed with it or something like that.
And I'm just like pissed and I'm laying into it and whatever.
And they were like literally making fun of my Twitch streaming.
So I'm like, yeah, fuck you.
Whatever.
Clearly, they don't, whatever.
The next day, I go to my normal job work and I get a text from Ashley being like, hey, so we watched your stream last night.
And I was like, so you're telling me you bitches took my edibles, went home, got high, and then made fun of me while watching my stream.
Like, I'm happy I said what I said, but instead, I said, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
No, I was, I was mad.
I was like, I was so mad.
Yeah, but as I've reflected on it, fuck you guys.
Yeah, you deserve that stream.
So what did they say after that?
Was that it?
That was after you.
I can't believe you buckled.
Yeah, she just never replied.
She never replied.
Yeah.
And then I tried to keep it casual.
And one of these girls that we went to high school with was on the knot, which if you don't know what the knot is, it's like this wedding blog or whatever.
And this girl from high school that was like, she was really hot.
And then she just like graduated high school and went MIA all of a sudden appeared on the knot with this rock.
And I was like, what the fuck?
And so then I sent it to Ashley.
I was like, oh my God, look, it's, it's Alex.
Like, what the fuck?
And then she just never replied.
I was like, okay, so it's like that.
So it's a real fight.
And then we never talked again.
Well, now she's probably listening to this podcast being like, I wish I was friends with cutie.
Probably not.
Oh, you don't think she is?
I don't think she is.
I bet she subscribed to the paper.
And then I found out that she was like hanging out with my ex afterwards and like all this bullshit.
I know.
Because my ex like told me, he was like, yeah, I was like, let's fucking break her windshield.
No, it's fine.
I've only had to cut one person off like that.
One of my best friends in college, a guy bailed out of jail, a guy that I was there for so much of his life.
One of my best friend's dad killed himself.
And I was really upset about that.
Midnight Team Enemies00:05:54
And he had just had a baby and he invited me to go visit him in another city.
And I was like, yeah, man, like, I've been having really dark thoughts.
And I've been going through a really hard time.
And this was like before my streaming career took off.
So I was kind of in no man's land.
So I went to this other city to go visit him.
And I was really excited for it.
And I flew in and I was like watching TV with him.
And I thought I was going to spend the weekend with him.
And it was like something we had planned for like three months.
And he woke me up because I had fallen asleep because I had been traveling all day.
He woke me up at like midnight and was like, hey, man, I was talking to my wife who I knew from college as well.
I remember this.
And he's like, you got to go.
And I was like, I was like, what do you, what do you mean?
He's like, well, new baby.
And like, she just doesn't feel comfortable with you in the house.
And I was like, dude, what are you talking?
It's like, midnight.
What are you talking about?
Like, I'll just sleep on the couch.
Like, even if that's something, like, where am I going to go?
Yeah.
And he put my ass out at like midnight.
That's crazy.
Where did you ever spoke to him again?
And this is a guy that I like bailed out of jail, like took, took care of multiple people.
Where did you go?
I went to stay with Caroline's family.
That's insane.
Yeah, it was wild.
I feel like even if that was like, if that was a scenario, like imagine, I don't know, Ludwig invites someone over that.
I'm like, I'm uncomfortable.
I don't want someone on the couch.
Like, it's like, you find a solution.
Yeah.
I'll buy you a motel room for the night.
Trust me, this was the place was like a beautiful brownstone.
Oh, really?
It wasn't like, I'm thinking like one bedroom apartment.
No, it was a two-floor, beautiful brownstone.
The baby had its own room.
They had their own.
Yeah, fuck that baby.
I had my own bathroom.
And then the living room was like very far from where they were and where the baby was.
And he was already asleep, like out cold, not moving, quiet.
Did he have a, did he ever reach out to apologize after that?
Yeah.
Did you respond?
No.
Yeah, fuck you, Bob.
Yeah.
No, and it was one of those things where like, I can deal with being mad.
I can't deal with being hurt.
That's fair.
Are they both ugly now?
No, they're gorgeous human beings.
I hate that when they're hot.
Yeah.
Like, fuck.
I hope all our enemies are ugly.
Yeah, I hope all my enemies are ugly.
Or they mine look fine, to be honest.
My enemies are looking pretty okay.
Mine are ugly.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you only become friends with ugly people so then you cannot be friends with them and then be like, haha, you're ugly?
I mean, that's part of the calculation.
He's a genius.
He's a genius.
I'm really good friends with a lot of the people that I was friends with when I was much younger.
Like really good friends.
Yeah.
I have a lot of lifelong friends that I stick around.
It's hard, though, to keep in touch with everybody.
I'm only still close with Christine's boyfriend.
Crazy.
Really?
Isn't that funny?
The one who gave me the sweater.
He's still one of my best friends.
I give a speech at his wedding.
So, this is the guy that helped cover up your fake period or whatever.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
Yeah.
Period.
Period.
Yeah.
Oh, you met him.
You met him at my Halloween party last year.
You met his wife.
What Halloween party?
They at the Hotel Roosevelt.
Was I there?
Oh, girl.
I was wearing a Mandalorian costume.
I didn't meet anybody.
Was I there?
I was invited, I'm sure.
I mean, I think this is a good thing.
I was bad.
I think for this.
I'm going to make a trip to Michigan and spend it with my nieces.
Super excited.
That'll be fun.
Okay.
So you want to hear some tea?
Yeah.
I'm ready.
Fucking tea.
Yeah.
Hit us.
My niece is like the littler of the two is like preternaturally gifted at sports.
She's what was that word you said?
Predernaturally.
Predernaturally.
I have never heard.
See, he uses words that you don't know.
So what is that?
Like a savant.
Oh.
I say both those words are on adaptive clothes.
Predatorally gifted.
You know, like if you were to flip a bottle and it would land, like most people would take a while to practice.
If someone just came and like stuck it their first three times, they're pretty preternaturally gifted.
Predarnaturally gifted.
Okay.
I don't think I'm anything for that.
I don't think I'm beautiful.
Hosting.
I was never good at it when I first started.
Anyway, she's precocious.
When it comes to her sports.
She's precocious.
Yeah.
She's a little ball of energy.
She got cut from her soccer team.
Bullshit.
10-year-old soccer team.
I'm pissed.
That's insane.
And I think I know how to break a window.
She was too aggressive.
Allegedly.
Oh, my God.
She's too good.
I got cut.
I got cut senior year from volleyball because I had a bad attitude.
So I'm kind of like her, but less skilled.
I got cut from a soccer team one time.
I'll never forget.
I had an amazing tryout.
The coach's son kept, was on my side, and I shut him down.
Completely shut him down.
He had to move him to the other side because I played left back.
Yeah.
I shut him down.
He was playing like right wing and shut him down.
I was like, I had the fucking best tryout.
What did the teacher?
Did the coach say anything to the parents?
He's 10 and under.
Yeah, you fucking say something, though.
You say she needs to move up to the IV.
I immediately came in and I was like, well, I'm going to finance her getting into tennis.
Okay, fun.
Getting cut from a team is brutal, but she's now been playing with other teams and absolutely hanging up like two, three, four goal games.
Like hanging it up on me.
So she's she's out for blood.
Yeah.
Good.
Can I pee real quick?
Yeah, sure.
There's no Hassan.
Dad's not here.
I'm so sorry.
No, but I love these little girls and I'm so excited to spend Halloween with them.
You have to do the cool thing.
You got to get a golf cart.
Oh.
Yeah, that's the meta.
I know.
You get the golf cart and then you drive house to house.
You can trigger treat triple.
Tennis Tryout Drama00:15:42
Yeah.
Smart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you change costumes halfway through and then you can do it on the back.
Smart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, smart, smart.
What are they going to be?
Do you know?
I don't know that.
Every year, I bother.
That's the one thing.
I love Halloween.
So I bother my family for their Halloween pictures.
And every year, I'm like, who the fuck is that?
They, they, like.
About a family member.
Yeah, I'm like, what are they doing?
Who is that?
They're always being some weird, like, let me show you.
Let me show you last year's.
They're always being some weird shit.
I don't, kids these days.
I'm like.
Kids these days.
Where are they?
They'd be like the weird.
All right, I gotta pull up my first link while you're looking.
Disney monster show.
Okay, it doesn't load for some reason.
Not the people in the living room.
It's like yes, that one, that one, that one.
No, no, no.
Oh, I was like, what is that?
What is that?
Let me see.
That's like, no, that's not what they are.
So fuck is that?
That's the guy.
That's the guy from this show.
Remember that show?
Oh, dinosaurs.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
This is a weird show.
I can't find their Halloween customs, but they're always being some weird shit.
All right, so I have either the greatest sketch that I've ever seen executed, or maybe the funniest inadvertent thing I've ever seen in my life.
Before we get there, I found this picture of my mom.
Don't I look like her?
Let me see.
Look at me.
I've never seen your mom before.
Well, this is when she was 20.
I think.
Dare, your eyes are the same.
Same eyes.
I think you do look like her.
Very similar.
Nose is different.
I know.
I got my dad's nose.
Thank God.
Do you have her mouth?
Well, actually, no, I have her little, I have her cute little fairy tip.
I think she's very similar to you guys.
Well, this is when she had the weird ass 80s hair.
Yeah.
We should get you some weird ass 80s.
She doesn't look like that anymore.
Anyway, okay.
I found something this week.
Yeah, she doesn't look like that anymore.
Amazing.
Have you guys seen this?
Okay, so this is either the greatest sketch, like fake sketch I've seen, or this is the most genuine, authentic crash out.
Okay.
Is this Hoctua?
Okay, so listen, this actress in the bottom left, can you look up her name?
Brittany Ray Carrera.
Brittany Ray Carrera was apparently in the Glenn Powell show Chad Powers.
And now play it.
Just play it.
Just play it.
And you'll see what happens.
She's watching.
She's watching the scene that she's supposed to be in.
Go ahead and play it.
No.
No, this is literally my scene.
I was flying.
Noble.
And it says something about chicken tenders.
You know what I was thinking about?
It's like.
Like everything that happened to me, it's like Turnobin.
Turn off!
I think I'm waiting on Hook Tua!
You are not in the scene!
You are not in the scene!
Russ Holiday is with- Oh my god!
I love that none of her friends are gasping because I would be like, let's break a window, Legislative.
Turn off.
Did you still get paid for it, at least?
Yeah, she definitely got paid for it.
Well, I know it's crazy.
This is a sketch, or if this is genuine, either way, they pulled this off perfectly.
Oh, my God.
Wait, what if we recreate this?
I just literally, like, just realized that I fing got everybody's like, fucked him up!
Wait, we could do this.
No way than she says.
Hawk Tua!
No, you don't have to have to be all right.
Pause.
Wait, keep it playing.
I'm curious.
I want to read the, like, see, at this moment, they're going to start talking, so we're going to be able to tell if they're acting or not.
No, thank you.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm just having like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a rough.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's good.
I just thought it's funny.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's.
Someone have my phone.
Sorry.
Okay, I could see it being authentic.
Either it's a brilliant sketch or that is the most valid crash out ever.
Can we recreate it?
Sure.
I could be her.
Yeah, you could be.
We need more friends to fill the living room.
The way she says Hoctua.
Okay, I have one other thing for you guys.
Unless you want to talk about that, but I think it's kind of selfish.
No, no, no.
Have you guys heard of Albert yet?
Albera?
Albert.
No.
It's the world's favorite dog.
Okay.
Let's see.
I don't know him.
Hungry pug.
And usually I don't bring in cutesy internet shit like this, but I am in love with Albert.
This is Albert.
Albert!
All right, here you go.
So this is Albert.
Albert is friends.
Oh, my God.
Albert!
Albert!
Oh, Christine, you got it?
For Albert view tout female, the poured.
Apétibou, tout, toutous, albert sous fepe, he's so vicious.
Okay.
Oh, Albert madness has swept the internet.
Everybody loves him.
They love Albert.
Yeah.
Albert.
Okay.
That call I needed to take that I didn't know about that I thought was at 230 was at 2.
Let me just join it.
I'll be gone for 15 minutes.
We can either pause or you want to pause.
Sorry, I had a nip slip.
No, you're okay.
Okay, so evidently Haley Welch Hawk to a girl has responded to the video that we just watched saying, hey guys, I've been tagged in a lot of videos of at Brittany Ray all day saying I replaced her in Chad Powers.
I've been in contact with her and we're not and we're cool.
I thought she said we're not cool.
I wasn't aware the role had been filled prior.
Oh, it's real.
It is real.
It's real.
It was as simple as this.
I was called and asked to be in a TV series with Glenn Powell and I said yes because it's Glenn Powell.
I wasn't made aware this was happening and it was in no way malicious at all.
I actually love her content and I think she is a funny and sweet girl.
Now, wait, it's real?
Did Haley Welch just like get off?
Or have we forgotten about the rug pull?
Is it over?
I think that was probably filmed before all that happened.
Yeah.
Oh, is my guess.
I don't think she's gotten anything since then.
Okay.
I don't think.
But people are just like, I don't know.
Actually, will you search her podcast?
See if she's still doing her podcast.
No, I don't think Talk Tua exists.
Such a good name, though.
Honestly.
Talk to him.
Hey, guys, it's finally Tom that we get into four months ago.
Yeah.
But she definitely talked about the crypto.
The crypto incident.
Yeah.
But only got 112,000 views.
Talk to her.
Not to say that's plenty of views.
Has any light burned quite as bright as Hawktua shortly?
No.
Hawktua.
Maybe the Yodel boy.
I guess, no, he did Coachella.
At least he made it to Coachella.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yodel Boy.
He's been, but he's been around for years.
And he's come back and he has a country career.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah.
I mean, he was on Ellen early on before.
He's pretty good.
Yodel.
I want to learn how to Yodel so bad.
One time I spent a whole evening.
Go ahead.
Rip it off top.
Let's all try.
No, you're.
I'm so sorry if you're driving to work.
I did a whole night where I hyper-fixated on this and I was trying to learn.
You have to find your voice crack and then try to sit in it.
Like, and then you have to make it sound pretty somehow.
Sound like peanut butter, baby.
Wow.
Yeah.
All right.
Austin and I went to a jazz bar last night.
We did.
How was it?
Oh.
Yes.
Will call me out.
Drag me.
So Will invites me to this jazz bar.
Yes.
Okay.
And he says, I said, what time do I got to be there?
Seven.
He said seven o'clock.
I said, for some reason in my head, I was thinking, oh, seven o'clock.
I could be there at 8:30.
No, I could be there late.
I was thinking, I was thinking, oh, we're all meeting at a bar.
It's a social thing.
I didn't realize it was a show and things are ongoing.
So I'm at the gym.
I went to the gym with a friend of ours and we worked out and we just got to chatting and we were working out.
Next thing you know, we're working out for three and a half hours.
Right.
And it just was crazy.
I've never accidentally worked out for three and a half hours, but we were just, you know, like go to the bathroom.
No, we didn't do anything.
It was so platonic.
I promise it was platonic.
Well, no, he has this gentleman has a boyfriend as well.
It was totally platonic.
Christian wasn't there because he's sick.
Anyway, regardless.
Mad boys stay sick.
I know.
He keeps getting sick.
So I'm like, okay, I've got time.
Well, next thing you know, Will's like, I just got here at 6:59.
Will was on time.
And Will, you know, with respect, Will's always a little late.
So I thought I had a little.
No, I'm always on time.
Okay.
Well, I'm always on time.
For the pod?
Yeah.
I'm always on time.
You guys move the times around like today.
Well, that was today.
That's true.
But look, I think both of you are always a little late to the pod.
You guys are.
Literally, if I have the ability to be on time, if I have the ability to be on time, I will.
But you are a lot of movement.
Yeah.
And I'm an hour away during rush hour.
So when you guys move it up, I'm chalked.
It doesn't make me unhappy that you're.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm not mad.
I think you're.
You're late.
You're extremely punctual.
Extremely punctual.
Most of the time.
But sometimes you aren't.
And so I was thinking maybe this was one of those times that you wouldn't be punctual.
But you were.
6.59.
I got a text from Will Neff.
He says, I am at the jazz bar.
I said, Will, I'll be there in a minute.
And I said, I'm on my way.
I was not on my way.
We had a few more shows.
Are you guys going together?
Were there other people?
No, no.
So I thought the night before.
Oh, my God.
Hold on, but QD, the night before, he had invited.
You're kind of being a Christine.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
Hold on.
He had invited a bunch of people.
So I thought, oh, I'm not the only one.
There'll be a bunch of people.
I should be invited you and Jordan.
I invited two.
Oh, I thought, okay, I didn't realize it.
I thought it was like the whole table.
Oh, my God.
He was trying to do like a triple.
So seven o'clock rolls around.
They're toxic.
You've told me that.
I know.
I'm like, okay, fuck.
I need to finish this workout.
I bet Jordan was who he was working out with.
No, I was working out with another friend and he had driven me to the gym.
So I was on his time.
So I was like, hey, I really got to go.
I'm sorry.
Like, can we just get one more?
So we get the last thing.
We leave the gym at 7:30.
Okay.
I get home.
I like wash my face, change into clothes.
I'm getting texts from Will, where are you in all caps?
And I'm like sweating bonus.
No, listen.
It was nice.
It was pretty cool.
This is how it's calm review.
This is how it evolved.
This is how it evolved.
You headed this way.
I just grabbed, I just grabbed us a table and paid our cover.
I know.
That's when I was like, still at the gym.
I'll be done shortly.
Okay, no worries.
Because I told him the 7 p.m. start time wasn't firm.
Okay.
Sorry, I'm running late.
I wasn't sure how timely it was.
It's cool.
You're legitimately going to love this.
Check my story.
Are you close?
At 7:30.
30 minutes later.
I was still on my way.
And I go, okay, 7:57, Austin, LOL.
Where the fuck are you?
Also, are you hungry?
Do you want me to order you some food?
Because I didn't know if the kitchen was still going to be open.
Yes, I'm hungry.
What do they got?
I'm coming.
Don't worry.
Sorry.
I was working out with a friend.
That's 7:59.
I send him the menu.
When he said working out with a friend, you were like, he's getting his dick sucked too.
No, I wasn't getting it.
Everyone thinks that.
I go, I go.
I send him the menu.
He goes, do me good.
I trust you.
I'm 10 minutes away.
I was 20 minutes.
Dad's at 8.02.
Oh, my God.
Place an order for me for some good stuff.
And then he goes, I'm here.
Where are you at?
At 8:30.
8:21.
I was atrocious.
I was.
Okay.
And then I show up.
I'm thinking I'm going to show up to a table full of people.
No.
It was just Will and an empty chair.
Austin acts like I didn't give him a premonition of this at all.
I said, Austin, there is a jazz club owned by Herb Albert.
It's a small exclusive jazz club.
My dad's friend is performing there with his band.
He invited me personally.
I did.
I did show up.
I'm going to get a little table.
We're going to do dinner.
If you want to come, he's like, jazz.
I love jazz.
And I was like, you know, I'll cover everything because there's a cover and you got to buy food.
I tried to pay for the bill, but Will strong-armed me out of it.
No, it's, I invited you.
I went to Pill.
I said, Will, don't pay.
And he said, I insist.
I said, don't.
He loves this.
It's weird that in all of your texts, you didn't say, like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I got distracted.
I did.
Really?
Because it felt like I texted him.
I said, even when I said, where are you?
You said, yeah, I want food.
Sorry, I'm running late.
Okay.
That's what I said.
I wasn't sure how timely it was.
I did say that.
And then, but I was, I, you know, when you're late and you're like, you feel so guilty, but you're fucking like, you're just like, you're not fucking with, but like, you're trying to, because sometimes you're just like hoping that you'll tell him something.
They'll put the phone down.
They won't look at the time.
They'll forget.
I've never thought that.
You've never been like, oh, how much time?
I'm always the one that's like, sorry, I'm 30 minutes out.
I was going to leave.
To be honest, I think like 30 to 45 minutes late is whatever.
You know what I mean?
An hour and a half is.
An hour and a half is crazy.
An hour and 20 minutes is crazy.
Most events end in an hour.
No, I know.
I thought I was going to, I thought I was going to miss the whole concert.
Yes.
Anyway, to be fair, you loved it.
I loved it.
Showed up, had a fabulous time.
I got an hour of music more or less afterwards.
Child Edwards, by the way, he was incredible.
Had a fabulous dinner.
Thank you, Will.
We had a lovely time.
What did I get him?
What did you eat?
Yeah.
I got him a filet and I got him crab gnocchi and veggies.
And a vodka soda and a cappuccino to wash it all down.
Wow.
Wow.
I am.
It was such a lovely experience.
But I had fully eaten.
Yeah.
By the time he got it, was his body.
I had to order.
No, I had to order for him.
Showgirl Life Stories00:13:02
They were like, look, I don't know what it was in my head.
I thought it was like one of those things.
Like, hey, we're just all showing up to the bar to watch the game type of thing.
Right.
Okay.
And so I was just a little bit.
You didn't know it was a date.
I am normal.
I didn't know it was a one-on-one thing.
So because by the way, Vibrato Jazz Club, popping.
Oh, yeah, amazing.
Popping.
Amazing.
So, I mean, filled with so many fun people.
Okay.
I don't know.
Fan ended it.
She's being thoughtful.
I need to.
I'm eating food from this restaurant called Burgermeyer.
I'm not going to use the real name because I don't want people to geolocate me.
I have some things to clear up from the last podcast.
Oh, this guy.
I was, there's a conspiracy theory going around that I faked COVID to get at a Marat's wedding.
And I would like to set the record clear.
I did not fake COVID to get out of here.
You had COVID.
I did not.
You're setting it clear with the wrong person.
None of us care.
Yeah, we do.
But I'm never letting die with the podcast.
So if you're listening to the podcast, Hassan, which I know you are.
No, he's not.
He's not.
You don't think he even knows?
Lobro does not know your name.
You know what?
You know what?
That's so funny.
He's not going to listen to this.
Fuck you, Hassan.
You're not going to see this bitch.
Yeah, you like me.
Oh, it's signature move.
You ain't going to see this, Hassan, because you don't watch your own podcast.
I'm in your house.
Look at this.
What are you going to do about it, Hasan?
You ain't watching this shit.
He ain't watching this podcast.
Damn.
He don't even know.
Yeah, let's burn his house down.
I'm going to burn it.
And I already saw this.
Look at this, Hassan.
Yeah, you wish you had these, Hassan.
Oh, I ain't really trying to be supportive, but you are just keep going.
I tell you what.
Yeah.
Look at this, Hassan.
Look at that, huh?
You wish you had that, Hassan?
I don't know.
Anyway, regardless, I did not fake COVID for that wedding.
Now, I thought about faking COVID for the next wedding, but I did not.
I went to the wedding.
A good friend of mine who I couldn't, I just couldn't feel, I just couldn't do it to him.
So I did, I did that.
And I just want to let you know, I will be submitting proof to Gabe, who will pop up the COVID, the picture of the COPE positive COVID test, right?
Here.
We've already seen it.
We know that there was a positive COVID test.
We never thought there wasn't.
But some people in the audience don't know.
No, we've never said that Christian didn't have COVID.
Hassan is for the dots.
I don't think he did.
Hassan is a...
I think you're living in delusion.
I swear he's coming.
Maybe I'm always defensive because I'm always under attack, always under siege.
Yeah, yes.
From Hassan.
I am the victim.
You're the victim.
I agree with you.
Also, I have a bone to pick with Hassan.
Oh, yeah, let's talk.
Okay, let's go.
He's always doing that.
He's at that French racing show.
Yeah.
And Ludwig is his driver.
Fuck that.
I should have been the driver.
Yeah, what the fuck?
He didn't choose his driver.
Well, I mean, if he has to broadcast it, he should get to choose.
Well, then say fuck Squeezy.
It's Squeezy's event.
Squeezy?
Fucked up what you did.
Yeah.
I also think that there, last time I checked, there's no gay drivers.
Oh, Michael.
I just, I was just crazy.
I was joking.
I just couldn't call Ludwig.
It was Michael Reeves' dating.
Yeah, I honestly have no idea.
I love Squeezy.
I love Squeeze.
It is Squeezy's event.
It's a fantastic event.
Yeah.
I think so.
It is.
I think so.
If it's not, good job, Squeezy.
We here at the Fear Am podcast love squeezy.
What if my boyfriend doesn't come home in One Piece?
Oh, he will.
He's like really good at picking up skills fast.
Yeah, he's athletic.
He's crashed every car he's ever had.
Oh my God, really?
And every single car.
He fucking crashes Vespa, too.
Yeah, pull up.
Actually, Gabe, pull up.
Ludwig spins out F4.
There's a clip.
It's bad.
Oh, no.
There you go.
Yep, right here.
This is the practice, by the way.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Wait, that's a simulator.
Yes, but it's a $10,000 simulator.
It's like as close to correct as you can get it.
Oh!
Okay, so like that was really bad.
Is this dangerous?
Yes.
Yeah.
So is Hassan going to be in the car?
No, he was too big.
That's Hassan was supposed to drive the car.
So Hassan.
It's not funny.
Then they measured Hassan and he was too big.
That's a big ass guy.
So they got a replacement driver, which I'm not sure.
He was too porkly?
Yeah, he's too fat.
No, he's not too.
Come on.
Hassan's not too big.
No, he's not fat.
He's just a large guy.
His ass can't even go ice skating.
I mean, same dev.
Okay.
Anyway.
The driver at that point should have been me, but they assigned him by force and threat.
Yeah, they forced him.
They forced him another white boy.
Yes.
Yes.
God, I hate Caroline.
Where was she?
She's so fucking, she drives me insane.
It's just so she lost the key.
She's always interrupting.
Can you find my passport too?
She lost the key, and so there's a locksmith at their house.
And then she's calling to be like, I'm found the key.
They never called me back.
Did she even lose it?
Did she just want attention?
I think she wants attention.
She wants a shout out on the Fear Hand podcast.
And we're not giving it to you.
I'm not giving to her.
Same spot.
Fear enough.
Fuck Caroline.
Fuck Caroline.
She can't even touch her toes.
No, she can't.
I can't either.
There's 100 copies in my office for Angie if you want to.
Can you touch your toes?
Wait, can I have $100?
Thank you.
Wait, $100?
Just sitting in there.
Well, $100?
I'll give you $100.
You guys want to go shopping after this?
I can't tell you.
No, I have Life of a Showgirl.
He did not like you to actually.
Life of a Showgirl.
That's Taylor Swift.
Audi, what is it?
Oh, the movie.
Album.
Night Baby.
Wait, there's an album release party?
It's my party.
Oh, you'll cry if you want to.
It's my party.
The life of the showgirl out tonight.
Your George Kittle jersey arrived in the mail.
Thank God.
I'm so excited.
Oh my God, it is October.
Tonight.
Tonight, baby.
Have you heard all the music already?
No, it comes out at 9 p.m. tonight.
Yeah, we listen to it.
It's a live listening.
Any big predictions?
No, we won't talk about Taylor.
You know, but you seem eager and interested.
Always have been.
Now, being mean about what I'm about to say about Taylor.
Are you ready?
I have never been mean.
Okay.
And I love you.
What we're excited about is she has a track called Elizabeth Taylor.
They met when they were teenagers, both growing up in the industry being amazing, gorgeous actresses.
They both get husbands.
Yay.
Cool.
Awesome.
They become the couple that's always going out together.
Best friends, best friends, best friends.
Elizabeth Taylor's husband dies.
Oh, super sad.
Yeah, super sad.
Debbie Reynolds and her husband are like, baby girl, come stay with us.
We love you.
Just stay with us.
They're like, well, no, no, no, no.
Just like trying to support their friend.
Molecule.
No, like your friend tried to support you, but then kicked you out.
Sister wives.
So, but they didn't kick Elizabeth Taylor out.
I got it.
She's there.
She's sleeping on the couch.
If Ludwig dies, you can be a sister wife, if that's what you're asking.
That's not.
He'll make it back.
Celestial Kingdom.
No.
And so then Elizabeth Taylor is sleeping on the couch.
Debbie Reynolds is filming, and so she's off filming.
Debbie Reynolds' husband, Elizabeth Table, affair.
Affair.
Yeah.
So the bestie's no longer friends.
So what's the thought on the song being well?
It's just kind of, that's just like a fun tea story, except for then also Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie Reynolds' husband get divorced eventually, too.
So it's like a hose before bros, you dumb bitch.
Anyway, but then later they became friends again.
Do you so are they speculating that someone in her life had done a cheaty?
No, we're just interested if it's going to be like a tea song, if it's going to be like about, because she does a lot of biographical, like biographical songs.
So she gonna dish.
So she could potentially, maybe Taylor's like going to have a really fun take on it.
Or potentially, Kim Kardashian like notoriously loves Elizabeth Taylor.
Yeah, so it could be a fun little diss at Kim, which we love a good diss at Kim.
Now, can we expect after this album to be a tour?
I don't know.
She used to tour after every album.
She used to.
Okay.
Well, what?
I've told you my prediction.
Oh, he well, they already announced the Super Bowl.
I thought funny.
I know, but you thought that she was.
No, I said Vegas residency.
Oh, oh, I forgot you.
I think she's going to do a superglue.
Okay, but life of a showgirl, I think she's either going to do a brief stint at the sphere or something like that.
Okay, but like, do you think that because of the negative connotation with Vegas being that like you kind of go there at the end of your career?
Yeah, she's so like about that shit.
The sphere is popping.
Well, yeah, no, I'm going to see the Eagles this weekend at the sphere.
So I'm going, I'm taking my uncle.
We're going to Las Vegas, going to see the Eagles.
So I know the sphere is popping.
Yeah.
Maybe you can get away with that whole get away from that negative connotation by pushing.
She loves Dita Von T.
So if you saw Bejeweled in the music video, she does the famous Dita freaking martini glass.
So, so freaking gorgeous.
She does that with Tita.
She's a famous burlesque performer.
Okay.
How do you know?
Oh my God.
How did you know I did?
She's incredible.
Oh, I just can see in your eyes.
I've known you long enough when you do one of these.
Okay.
That's crazy.
I mean, that's how well I know.
Will knows me so well because we'll have somebody come up to us and I'll have no idea who I know you both this well now.
What do I not know?
What?
What do I not know?
You don't, you don't ever not know something without telling us, but there are times where you fully words will hit your eardrums and they will not register.
Yeah, I don't listen.
Yeah.
And I know when you have like dissociate.
Well, yeah, where you basically, it's like, have you ever seen Charlie Brown where the teachers are like, yeah.
Yeah, but I recover so well.
You do.
I don't.
I usually recover by saying a complete non-sequitur that's too like volatile that we can't rebuke it.
Yeah, I do a little quip about like how my pussy's leaking or something.
Exactly.
We'll be like, Cutie, what do you think?
And you'll be like, my pussy is.
And then we'll be like, whoa, we're mad.
We can't talk about that.
Yeah, it's awesome.
I know you both.
But we're also excited about a father figure because she's sampling George Michaels.
Oh, that's awesome.
Wait, that put your little hand in mine.
I'm genuinely excited about that.
I can't be your preacher, T. Austin knows that's one of my favorite songs of all time.
I love that song.
Oh, my God.
I love that.
It's a little creepy.
Love that song.
I love it.
I'm excited for that.
I'm curious how she's going to be.
So we're going to have a fun freaking night, but it is Max Martin.
And so we know it's going to be bops.
Like, we're going for bops, but I love sad girl songs.
So I'm hoping they're bops that are sad.
Little sad ballad.
If you listen to like Cruel Summer, it's actually or Cornelia Street.
They're both very sad songs, but they're kind of popular.
You're hoping for little Joji.
No.
I just want, I love Joji.
That's why I love Tortured Poets, but it had a mix.
Now you know her.
So like, is she, do you think she's experienced?
Well, not personally, but like, do you, do you think she's experienced sadness that would drive somebody sadly?
Well, I mean, she always, yeah, she has a bunch of sad shit.
She's got a lot of happy things going on in her life.
She was engaged.
Yeah, making somebody sad deep down.
But her husband right now is very sad.
The Chiefs have been getting the absolutely shit the shit kicked out of this.
The interesting thing is, I think, number one, her biggest mistake with Tortured Poets Department is she released it in the spring.
And that was the spring.
And then we had Brat Summer.
Like, that was not what we needed.
We needed Tortured to Poets in the fall.
And now we know Life of the Showgirl is supposed to be bangers.
It's supposed to be Boppy.
Like Boppy Tones.
We're not going to, like, this should have been your summer.
So I feel like she got it wrong a little bit, but like, who am I?
I don't know how much she is.
I mean, she's a diva.
She can define the clock.
She, well, she didn't last year because we had Brat Summer.
Yeah, but Brat Summer, Brat was like, that was like an avalanche.
Tortured Poets was, it should have been a fall.
It should have been a fall.
So I'm just, I'm hoping this is still a fall because like Red was a fall album.
And oh my God.
And that was perfect timing.
Brat was just, it was cover cover bangers.
Yeah.
It was the moment too.
So we just, we, we hope that it will, it'll encapsulate the season because I think that's really important when it comes to music.
But I think, I think she has a ton of sad shit to write about.
Something that she's always written about is aging out of the industry.
Like she's written about that since she was young.
Like Lucky One, it's like new to town with a made-up name and a new city chasing fortune and fame.
Like essentially about that and then like aging out and how scary it is and maybe it's better to just disappear like a Kennedy, you know?
Ooh, the which Kennedy.
Well, no.
The Kennedys with the Rose Gardens, not the Kennedys with the Rose Gardens.
There have been a lot of Kenny Grants.
Aging Out of Industry00:07:41
Yeah, not those ones.
Oh, so not like the JFK.
No, no, no.
Like disappear and get a rose garden and say, fuck it.
I made my money by.
And then even Clara Bow is a little bit more than that.
There was one Kennedy that got lobotomized.
Yeah, that Rosemary.
Oh my God.
I thought you were making fun of Rosemary.
Oh my gosh.
Brain worms.
Yeah, okay.
Wait, is that what Rosemary, what happened to her?
Lobotomized.
So it means for being a little hoe.
Yeah.
That would have been bad timing.
Yes.
And I want to let everybody know that I do not support the slots.
Do not lobotomize your sluts.
Keep your sluts organic and catastrophic.
Yeah.
Serve a useful purpose.
But Clara Bow is a really interesting song that talks about Clara Bow and how when Stevie Nicks was getting really popular, Stevie Nicks, everyone was like, oh, you're the next Clara Bow.
And then when Taylor Swift was getting really popular, everyone kept saying you're the next.
Yeah.
And so then Taylor has a song that's like, who's the next Taylor Swift?
Essentially.
Like Sabrina Carpenter is now getting like, you're the cooler Taylor Swift.
I had a game I wanted to play with you.
Okay.
Me?
Yes.
Okay.
Before the end of the stream, I saw this on someone else's TikTok.
Sure.
And I thought it was brilliant.
Ready for it.
Austin Show, you're someone who says the F word from time to time.
Are you talking about?
I am.
Okay.
I say it too.
Yeah.
Cutie and I have both been saying it to each other.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, then you guys can both play.
Okay.
This is a game called Who Can Say It.
Ooh.
Now, I'm going to leave.
I'm going to read you a list of various cartoon characters.
Okay.
And you're going to tell me, or mascots, and you're going to tell me whether they can say the word or okay.
Can you show them on the screen, Gabe, as he came out?
So we're going to start with some obvious ones.
Scar from the Lion King.
Let's see.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
For sure.
Yes.
I think he can say f ⁇ .
Yeah.
And he can say it like, he can like say it to me.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Okay.
He can call me.
He can claw me in the face.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm not into lions like that.
Next one.
Next one.
Jafar.
I. You know what?
Yes.
I think Jafar is kind of a queen.
Yes.
He is.
He's a queen.
Yeah.
I think you can say it for sure.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Next up.
Bert and Ernie.
Bert and Ernie.
Absolutely.
I think it'd be hilarious if they said it.
I think they should.
I'm sure they say it.
They say it all the time.
Okay.
With their friends.
Yeah.
And it's like a hoop.
Yeah.
All right.
Next up.
Mr. Clean.
Honestly?
Yes.
I think so.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I could see that.
You can make a case for him.
Okay.
Mr. Clean.
Look at that fucking piercing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
Mr. Clean.
Okay.
Next up.
Tony the Tiger.
Yeah.
I've actually seen some.
I've seen some Rule 34 with him saying it.
Wait, I've got.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I am so.
I would just like to make it clear.
I just said that to say that.
No.
He said that.
Wait, he has proof on his phone.
Wait, wait, you haven't seen Rule 34.
Show us the files.
What do you have?
I've seen Rule 34, but I've got to.
Of Tony the Tiger?
My friend sent me this photo of Tony the Tiger.
Look at that.
Oh, my God.
Gabe, check this out.
That's an HR issue for sure.
Yeah.
Okay, next up.
I don't look.
I don't jerk off to that kind of thing.
I just, my friend.
My friend sent me a photo because we got to freeze through.
Inside joke, inside joke in our friend group.
When somebody is like late, you send them a picture of Tony.
If they're flaky, if they're flaky, we send them like a Tony the Tiger because you're Frosted Flakes.
Like you're flanking.
And then one time he sent me Tony the Tiger with the dick on.
Okay, okay.
Okay, next up.
Yep.
The green Eminem.
EM.
There you go.
Oh.
You know what?
No.
I said no.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I think she's too much of an ally to say it.
I feel like she's one of us.
She's like, yeah, no.
Next up, the yellow Eminem.
And I've heard an interesting argument for this one.
Oh, well.
Here's the interesting argument.
What is it?
He's filled with nut.
So is the precursor to that they are gay, so they have the pass?
You're judging this.
I oh, fuck.
I feel like he's too nice to use it in like a derogatory way.
As an ally, I flinch if I hear him.
Okay.
Yeah, okay, no.
I have a few more.
We'll just breeze through them.
We'll just breeze through them.
The brawny paper towel man.
Brawny paper towel man.
Yes.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, he goes to Barracuda.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
Fucking lootly.
Okay, next up.
Oh, yeah.
The Jolly Green Giant.
The Jolly Green Giant.
Oh, my God.
No.
No.
Okay.
I can't do it.
No.
Next up.
Jessica Rabbit.
No.
No, she cannot say that.
No.
Okay, next up.
No.
Elza from Frozen.
No.
Okay, next up.
No.
Sheriff Woody from Toy Story.
Ah.
If Woody called me a f.
I there's a snake in my boot.
Number one, I would be starstruck.
Number two.
Yeah.
I don't know how I'd feel.
I mean, I think it'd be amusing, but no.
Say no.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Okay.
Last one.
Two more.
Two more.
Pepe Le Pew.
Pepe Le Pew.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
Now, he's a famous kind of Lothario.
He's always pursuing women, but there's a lot of rumors that he's my so was Brock Hudson.
Okay.
Right.
Okay.
And then the last one.
Hades from Hercules.
Oh.
Uh yes absolutely Hades looks like a drag queen.
Yes, yeah, so yes, absolutely.
That's my dream RuPaul theme is Disney villains.
That'd be amazing.
So that game was Can They Say It?
I love that game, Will.
I like it.
You should you should uh come up with like a game like that, but with real people too.
Government Shutdown Hype00:05:54
Oh, okay.
Yeah, just speculatively.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would love that.
Okay, just go through streamers.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
The problem is someone will take it seriously.
I know.
You'll be like, actually say it.
You'll be like, yeah, Ron can say it.
He'll just start saying it.
Yeah, just fire away.
Fire away.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, we are San Hassan's Piker.
Before we go to the Patreon, I want to let everybody know what we're going to be discussing over there.
Oh.
For those patrons out there, Austin Show, me, I was sued.
I'm going to tell you all about the lawsuit.
Bam, bam, bam.
In the Patreon.
So tune in to patreon.com/slash fear and to see how I was sued.
Again.
Caroline again.
It's like, how many Caroline?
No, we're not giving you a shout out.
We're not giving you a shout out.
Caroline Kwan of Twitch.
I'm so desperate.
A shout out.
Folks, five times.
I got sued in California.
In the Patreon.
We'll see you there.
Welcome back to the Fearan podcast, everybody.
We're still inside of the episode, but inside of, not inside of my house.
Or is this actually inside of my house?
You don't know.
Maybe I bought a new wing to the house.
This is the new wing of the house.
What the fuck?
No, guys.
He saved all of his energy for this podcast.
This is very selfish of you.
That's crazy.
You know what?
Let's give him the same energy you gave us.
Yeah, so I grew up in Turkey.
And people hate me on Twitter.
And it's all wrong.
You know what's crazy about that?
First of all, how dare you?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
How do you say?
Is it jekuz?
No.
Like accuse?
Yeah.
I'm just joshing you, Hassan.
I accuse you.
Yeah.
Stakus.
Okay, I don't know.
Whatever.
Why am I even answering him?
I don't know.
I don't smoke as a cigarette.
That's crazy because, like, I just did the Sweetest Hour podcast.
Tell you.
Okay.
And I was worried that I was like overpowering the conversation too much.
So I was like trying to scale it back to the best of my ability.
And I still was yapping, I thought.
I was joking.
I was joking.
Oh.
I do feel like you got extra hype, though, starting this.
So I have a question for you.
Go on.
I heard the government shut down and you love Trump.
Are these things true?
I love Trump, yes.
I am coming back into the country and I do not want to be arrested.
So I have to.
I'm a liberal.
Yeah.
She's very MAGA.
Police.
I am super liberal.
Yeah, no, I'm super MAGA.
Okay, I really have been hearing a lot about the government shutting down.
What does that mean exactly?
The government in the United States of America funds its own.
And I heard they don't want to give health care to people or something.
What's new?
So that they can give more money to Elon Musk.
Are the rumors true?
The Republicans control Congress in its entirety, both the House of Representatives and also the Senate and the White House.
So they passed a simple majority budget reconciliation that actually cut $800 million in Medicaid coverage.
That's insane.
That's crazy.
How come people vote for this, Mr. Hassan?
Well, they vote for it because the Republicans are like, they lie.
Well, yeah, I don't do politics on Pyramid.
We don't do politics on Pyramid.
No.
I know, but it's just the whole crew.
Okay, let's start over.
No, no, no.
How about I only want to hear an answer to that, and then we'll never talk politics ever again.
Okay, well basically the reason why they do that is because they vote for a bunch of different complex reasons, but a lot of it is just like on the Republican side, a lot of it is like fear.
They're very fear-based.
They're like, oh, I fear the unknown.
I fear the immigrants.
I fear Lily Pijou.
Like she's scared.
Me, I'm the immigrant.
No, no, no.
I just want to understand.
So Pokemon, the Canadian immigrant.
What does it mean for the government to be shutting down?
So the government is supposed to be self-funding itself and Congress's job as the power of the purse is to allocate.
Ah, so if the budget isn't approved or done properly, then there's no money to run the government.
But there's like bandwidth, right?
There's like additional money because the government doesn't like completely.
Like they have a reservoir.
Yeah, they have extra.
They have like, you know, some money in the couch cushions, right?
So they'll basically do what is known as this process called furlough, where they'll say like, hey, you're still working right now, but we only have like three months of budget type.
Not even three months.
Damn.
Right, because the government's so big.
Okay, so we're in the interim before shutting down.
Is that what you're talking about?
The government is already shut down, but what that means is everyone is technically currently working for free, but not really.
What I mean by that is there's payroll, right?
So like they already got their last payroll, but for the next two weeks, they're not supposed to get paid anyway.
They get paid in a two-week period.
So if the government ends the shutdown and they get together and they make concessions, there's, yeah, this most likely will.
I think the longest one was like 35 days or something recently.
But basically, if the government doesn't fund itself in the next two weeks, then people won't get their paychecks.
Hassan, I just want to know, is everything going to be okay?
No, nothing is going to be alright.
Really?
No.
Lily, is everything going to be okay?
I'd like to think so.
Okay.
Okay, you're more high energy.
Listen to me.
You should do political commentary.
You know what?
Maybe everything will be okay.
Will my eggs be cheaper?
No.
Fuck.
But that's good.
It's patriotic to pay money.
We like that now.
We love expensive eggs, yeah.
Anyways, what did you really want to talk about?
Yeah.
French Furies Factions00:10:00
We're out here in France.
I'm not in my house.
It's interesting because everyone else is in my house and they shot the episode and this is the tail end of it.
Oh, that's cute.
You sound a little like a bad.
Hello, tail end of fear.
Everyone audiences.
I am.
I love my house.
I was on fear.
I love France even more.
And we have some macarons here and we're going to do a taste test.
That's what you wanted.
That's what you wanted to do.
That's my point.
Wow.
I didn't even know.
We literally ate one on our podcast.
But since we're such good guests, we'll give you guys a brand new reaction.
You don't have to do it.
It's a blue already.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Try the blue one.
That one looks weird.
I like it.
No, but that's why.
Guys, this is a black Macau home with what looks like a peanut butter color inside.
Do you like it?
It's good, but I just don't know what flavor it is.
What flavor is this?
What about yours?
Here.
Try it.
It's good.
Can I try that?
Yeah, it tastes like black food coloring.
I don't know.
What is that flavor?
This is supposed to be blueberry and then the inside is like supposed to be tea, like Earl Grey.
Like nutty.
But that's coming from the butter, not even the colour.
Earl Gray tea or something.
That's really good.
You say it like a real French woman.
Macau.
Macau.
Je pa français.
Bon jour, bon squai.
Bonni merci.
Merci.
Merci.
Pretty good.
Merci bacou.
I've been practicing.
The best way to get a good merci, keep the R quick.
Merci.
Marci.
Ah, if you start Ring too much weird.
If you start putting too much emphasis on the R, it just sounds wrong.
I'm gonna cut that.
I'm gonna cut that.
Bonjour, bonjois, bonui.
I smoke the cigarette.
I go home, I beat my shit.
That's the only thing Ludwig taught me.
That's not English, right?
Yeah, but no, but he taught me.
Like, that's not even French.
I asked him to teach me some like French, how to do a French accent.
So I smoke Ze cigarette.
What were the terms that you were trying to teach me?
The fine shit?
How do you say fine shit?
Belle femme.
Belfemme?
Yeah.
How do I say how you doing fine shit in French?
Come on sava, belle femme.
Come zava, belle femme.
That wasn't bad.
Comon sava.
How's it?
How are you?
Please.
I'm going to hit them with that.
Oh, I'm not going to lie.
I will.
Everybody here looks good.
Oh, yeah.
There was fashion week, no?
We're in Le Mall.
There's no fashion week in Le Mall.
They do vroom vroom.
We're outside of a cathedral.
I'm just going to go fuck off.
I'm just going to go.
It's fine.
I'm with you, baby.
You should visit the cathedral.
It's right there.
You can just go in.
We can get married.
Reverence.
Do they look gay marriage here?
Do they gay marriage?
Gay married.
I went to the cathedral.
Como sava.
Catacombs.
Bellefemme.
Yeah, it was fun.
I'm going to do that to a random French person today in front of you guys.
I hope you have a lot of people.
You should.
Come on sava, belle femme.
Yeah.
Hey!
She laughs.
Riz, I'm raising up the Frenchies out here.
Look at the beret and everything.
People are...
People come up to me and talk to me in French.
And I don't know if it's because I should feel the confidence.
It's the beret.
No, I wasn't wearing the beret last time.
It's the French.
I think it's just because French people just assume that you're speaking French.
Like, you have to, right?
And it's like, relax.
You guys didn't colonize as hard as the English did.
Okay?
Calm down.
Speak for yourself.
Je bacha, Français.
No, I know.
I'm just, but still, yeah.
I don't understand.
But I don't know if it's like they're doing that in a kind way or a rude way.
Where it's like, the expectation is, like, of course you have to speak French.
It depends where you are.
Also, most people are so nice.
As long as you say, bonjour, everyone, bonjour, madame, bonjour, monsieur.
And everyone's.
Sometimes the Frenchies don't fuck with y'all.
And I say that as someone with whom they fuck with.
When I speak French, oh, they fucking with me hard.
Last night at the concert thingy, right?
When they were calling out everyone, I think there was a thing last year when when the Spanish drivers came out, the French audience booed.
Because there's a whole thing.
So Squeezy came out with them to help.
And then they asked Ludwig and Michael, do you want me to come out with you guys so they don't boo you?
And Michael and Logan's like, we don't give a shit if they boo us.
We're American.
We don't care.
We want them to boo us.
But then beforehand, I think he prepped the audience like, all right, now then these next people are from like America and we're going to show them a warm welcome because that's how the French audience do it, right?
And like, you know, hyping them up.
Did they hype them up or did they boo him?
They hyped.
It was really nice of them.
That's surprising.
That was very nice of them.
I will say, one, Ludd and Michael are the best representatives for people not to boo.
Okay.
Yeah.
I disagree.
Vehemently.
Have you seen Ludwig?
Like I have.
Hey, hey, he has hair right now.
Oh, that's true.
He doesn't look as racist.
Exactly.
He hates bald people.
I'm just going to say, no, no.
I hate bald person.
Ludwig.
And two.
Facts.
Agreed.
And two, I feel like Squeezy is really good at like hyping up a crowd.
He is Like, it makes me proud to come out to France and to meet all these creators that have like a really good fucking head on their shoulders when they don't need to.
And I look too because I feel like you know Squeezy really well too.
And for someone who has like one of the largest French audiences ever, he's like a really sweet, humble, down-to-earth guy.
Like, it almost shocks me.
We've talked extensively about that.
And ironically, on the Fearan podcast as well, last time he was on, but I, he is the reason why I fuck with the French now.
Like, I didn't used to.
I didn't like France.
I used to come out here for work, and I was like, this sucks.
But ever since I met him, my opinion has changed about France almost completely.
Because he's no, I'm serious because he's so fucking funny.
But if you spoke French and if you met everybody else, you would only feel that even more so.
But I do feel like it's really surprising to me.
Okay, you know how in our streaming industry, there's like factions.
There's the left and the right a little bit, and there's other factions.
Yeah.
In the French streaming space, it's like if you don't fuck with us and our morals and beliefs, like you're the one who's ostracized.
Like everybody kind of fucks with each other.
Yeah, everyone is defends each other.
Pretty progressive.
Yeah.
Everyone's pretty progressive.
I adore it.
A lot of the French content creators, like some of the biggest French content creators and biggest French streamers are also Muslim too.
So like there's not like a lot of racism.
In America.
There are.
It's just that Americans are.
It's Miwintarek.
No, there's a lot of, like even FaZe, like OG Phase was like all.
Did you know OG Phase, like FaZe Apex is Palestinian, for example?
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
I had no idea.
A lot of the old OG phase guys when they first started were like Middle Eastern Muslim.
Did not know at all.
Yeah.
And there are definitely a lot of...
But also, you know, I'm not like this with FaZe.
Yeah.
I am.
I mean, more so now than before.
Thanks to Jason.
It's been this.
Hey, we're phasing out.
Jason's faithful.
Jason's a sweetie.
He's pretty cool.
But what I was saying is, like, in America, people are all about their bag.
So they just don't, they don't.
They don't talk about anything.
And I would say that, like, the, from what I understand, the French streaming world, like, they don't also talk too much about politics either.
Yeah.
But if you like go kookie bean, they're not going to fuck with you.
Yeah, exactly.
It's good.
They have like one big click from what I understand, rather than having like different factions as you were describing it.
So yeah, it's it's good vibes overall.
I tried to talk to some of the people this morning.
And they were not.
They just don't speak English.
Or they're lying to me.
That's like the one thing that kind of makes me sad.
I'm surrounded by all these French creators.
Guys, let me be your live translator.
That's all you need.
Well, I don't, I mean, I didn't.
I mean, I have you.
That's true.
We just linked up.
I just know.
We're going to have a good time at the track today.
We're going to the track today.
Wait, do you think they'd let us drive the cars?
Yeah.
No.
Do you need a license?
Pokemane?
I'm going to just tell you, no.
Is it not like go-karting?
It is not like go-karting.
No.
It is so different.
You'll see.
It's intense.
Who's going to sue me?
Who's there?
Police?
The French?
Yes.
Yes.
Fine.
I will let Squeeze in trouble.
It's a very cool experience.
Looks really cool.
I'm excited.
Yeah, but we just wanted to give you guys a little quick insight into what I'm up to out here with Lily Picchu and Pokemon.
So thank you so much, guys, for you.
Bonsoir, you guys.
Bon you, Furies.
I see the name.
Furies.
Furies?
I like it.
That's cool.
I love the Furies.
Furies.
Okay, yeah.
The Furies.
I smoke the cigarette.
And I will beat my shit when I go home.
Yeah, I think those are one hand cigarette, other hand cheating.
Thank you, everybody, for coming on.
And we'll see you behind the paywall.
Except we won't be behind the paywall.
But other people will be behind the paywall.
They'll be behind the paywall.
Hell yeah.
Bye.
Behind The Paywall00:00:48
We hear you owe, you know, $890.
I'm a debt collector on a recorded line.
And I said, oh, really?
Said, I'm not going to pay it.
You felt like the cool.
You felt like being a mason in this situation?
I said, I'm not going to fucking pay it.
And they said, well, okay.
I said, what are you going to do about it?
What are you going to do?
Sue me?
And they said, and I hung up the phone.
And three weeks later, I got served with a lawsuit for $890.