Jennifer Welch and Cutie Cinderella dissect Mormon burial customs, the ethics of performing in Saudi Arabia, and Oklahoma's proposed Charlie Kirk statues. They contrast jazz funerals with extreme embalming while debating whether young progressives are becoming political mercenaries. The hosts also reveal Cutie's suspicion of a brain tumor, her husband's ketamine therapy for trauma, and how psilocybin aided her career launch. Ultimately, the episode blends personal health struggles with sharp cultural critiques, highlighting the chaotic intersection of faith, politics, and mental wellness. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Ladies and Gentlemen Wait00:01:33
I could skip, I could fake COVID and skip this wedding.
The text message is in front of my face right now.
No, no, but Bob!
I hope you've been defending me.
Have you been defending me?
Has she been defending me, Blonde?
She's been defending the truth.
We are, we've been rolling.
Wait, that's crazy.
No, that's a bad intro.
Without Austin, we're lost.
Ladies and gentlemen, wait for him to sit down.
We'll cut the first part of my picture.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Fear Ramp Podcast.
Today we have a very special episode for you because Austin is not here.
Wait.
That's right.
There's another reason it's special.
Yes.
And instead of Austin, we have someone who you already know.
You have seen all over your timelines, up and down, one of the leaders of the radical wine mom brigades, all the way from Oklahoma from the I've Had It podcast.
Jennifer Welch, everybody.
Yay!
Thank you for having me.
I did the Twitch earlier.
There was a special live Twitcher.
Oh, you were on the stream?
Welcome Back Without Austin00:15:54
Yes.
Oh, wow.
Well, since Cutie was taking her sweet ass time to get here, I was like, well, might as well keep doing the pod.
Keep doing the broadcast.
My gas was on zero and I didn't stop to fill it.
So I did try.
I know.
I feel like that's really tough for you.
You're the type of person who getting close to empty on a gas meter, I feel like could really stress you out.
Yeah, because you never know when you're going to start being followed.
Yeah.
No.
Okay.
You never know.
That was your first thought.
Yeah.
You never know.
So like you're anticipating I need to have a lot of gas so I can ride them out.
Yeah.
How often do you think about being followed?
Oh, every day.
Every day.
I feel like if you ever put pen to paper, you could be the next Stephen King.
Because you're just drafting horror movies in your mind all day.
Or just an autobiography was pretty horrific, too.
Wow.
Thank you.
Thank you for the lovely introduction.
This is Cutie Cinderella.
She's Mormon.
I am ex-Mormon.
Ex-Mormon.
I didn't get raptured.
Oh, my gosh.
So when we did, when we were on tour for our podcast, we went to Salt Lake City and we had a VIP meeting greet and everybody that came through, Pumps and I would say, are you a Mormon?
They all said ex-Mormon.
One was an ex-Mormon emergency room nurse.
Wow.
And she said that the kids would come in from BYU and they would have STDs in the creases like here in the armpit and behind because they were fucking creases.
And then to avoid having vaginal sex.
It's called ATMing.
What?
What is ATM?
Like swiping a debit card?
Did you get ATM?
No, I didn't get ATT.
Did you get ATM?
Oh, yeah.
No one.
Oh, no.
Come on.
No, no one ATM.
No one elbow kid.
No, she didn't ATM.
She's a harlot.
She did a real deal.
Said if we went to first base, second base, she would say, we ATM.
Did you ATM?
No, I never ATM.
No, I know.
She was a harlot.
Okay, what?
That was not Harley.
She was a hussy.
I love her.
Just elbowing.
Some people like doing butt crack ATMing.
Okay, that's like you're halfway in at that point.
Yeah, I know.
God is.
Joseph Smith is not looking fondly at that.
Okay.
I'm just saying.
He's looking up.
Shout out to Anthony.
Shout out Anthony.
When he was in Miami, ATMing was also a sex act, but it was very different.
Wait, what was it?
I don't even know.
Oh, ask the mouth.
I was like, Mark took off his head.
Oh, no.
Okay, good start.
Good start.
We got a strong start here.
Okay, so you already brought it up, but obviously this past week, we were supposed to wait for something as many of us, evangelical Christians, Protestants, God-fearing Christians, knew that the rapture was supposed to happen.
And yet, for some weird reason, it didn't happen.
I was disappointed.
Can I tell you?
Marsh and I got raptured.
Uh-huh.
We got raptured.
We were in San Francisco.
Uh-huh.
I think you were just 31st floor.
I think you were on L.
No, 31st floor of a hotel.
Uh-huh.
And a magnitude five earthquake hit San Francisco.
Oh, God.
The biggest one in years.
Like right where we were at.
And so I'm laying in a bed.
I may or may not have been on a lot of drugs.
Oh, that's a good thing.
May or may not have been.
And all of a sudden, the building was like this.
And I was like, oh, oh, it was terrifying.
How long did it last?
Like seven seconds.
Jeez.
That's enough.
And then it's like the ominous voice.
Like, do you, do you know what I mean?
When like everything is moving, so there's this like deep, guttural voice that you hear.
It always freaks me out where it's like, yeah, like the building moves.
I've never called it a voice.
It just sounds like it's like a noise that you would not expect in your day-to-day experience.
It was, it was very scary.
You did something else in San Francisco.
What I wanted to reward your newfound interest in football.
I love football.
And so I bought you a signed George Kittle jersey.
I love George Kittle.
I knew you would.
And you want to know the significance.
Is this when I find out he's like a pedophile?
No.
Do you want to know the significance between behind George Kittle jersey?
Yes.
Okay.
I may or may not have been on drugs when I placed a bid in a silent auction and wrote my bid on the George Kittle jersey, which was next to the Kelsey jersey.
Travis Kelsey?
Yes.
So I wore a lot of people.
You almost got me a Travis Kelsey jersey.
You're the proud owner of a George Kittle jersey.
Who does he even play for?
San Francisco 42.
Oh my God.
Wow.
I'm thrilled.
Okay.
All right.
I was told it was the thought that counts.
Not for me.
Speaking of the thought that counts, Will, your birthday present, aside from the shh comic in Turkish, the Batman comic, which finally came in.
There you go.
Goodness.
Yeah.
His birthday was last week.
Happy birthday.
But he hates birthdays.
Thank you for wrapping it.
So he was really sad.
I wrapped it really tight.
But now he's a little happier because he likes presents.
I think I'm also a manic depressive.
And I think for me.
Well, not you think you are.
Give me that.
Give it, get it, but over.
Sometimes I just need to.
Yes.
I think there's.
Oh, it's flexing on.
Yeah.
Son of a flexing off.
No.
She's panicking.
There's a.
Oh, those are drugs.
Never mind.
What?
Those are drugs I gave you for your last birthday.
Thank you.
And they're still there, Austin Show.
In the meantime, Will, I got you.
Oh.
Oh, that's nice.
Wait, is that mine?
No, no.
Thank you.
I got this.
Now, I actually did get this for him.
This is a present.
I just brought it.
I have any questions.
In case you don't know, that is Morgan from Dark Stalkers, but it's also Taco Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, Baja Blast.
These are my two favorite things.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I got it for you.
How did this happen?
Is that custom?
Just believe there's some dangerous on it.
What's the story behind this?
I just knew that you'd fuck with it, so I got it for you.
How did you get it?
Where?
Don't worry about it.
You got it at anime.
I have so many questions.
I did not get it.
I've really made a lot of progress with this.
Thank you so much.
There you go.
Okay, I'm excited to see what this is.
It's from Japan.
So that's how you know it's good, but that's the reason why it took a long time to get here.
Okay.
Yeah.
I hear you.
Do you want to have a hand?
I'm in a room full of liberals.
No one has a knife.
I had one in the.
No, you don't.
Don't try and act.
I was opening my house.
No, that's a Charmy Kitty.
Hello, Kitty.
He has a laboo boo.
Okay.
And he has a bear.
Okay.
And Austin doesn't get one because we're homophobic.
Put it down.
Spit on it.
Otherwise, it's fighting.
Yeah, in Turkish culture.
I actually know.
I've known you for so long.
I know the Turkish custom.
Yeah.
When you're not supposed to ever hand a knife to another person or else you fight.
That's awesome.
I'm going to start handing you a knife.
How'd you guys spend your rapture?
Not swaying in a high-rise, I assume.
Oh, um, well, I got raptured, but the vibes were like, not it.
So I came back.
Oh, you came back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't really like heights.
So I just came on back.
True heaven is up there.
You know, it was nice.
There you go.
Okay.
In honor of our gift-giving collaborative.
Is that revolver ocelot?
Wow.
You really are hitting on all the nerd cylinders right now.
Are we?
So are we doing the collaborative thing?
Yes.
I don't know.
We're doing a collaboration stream where we're going to be playing Metal Gear Solid 3.
That is.
But this is Will's favorite character from his not favorite sequence in the franchise because...
I mean, I love this game, but this is, yeah, this is kind of his mid-years.
Yeah, not his best.
No.
I think three is probably his best.
Young Ocelot.
This is a character.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're going to move on.
No more guests.
No more guests.
Rapture.
What?
Did you get raptured?
No, I didn't get raptured.
You know, when I was in eighth grade, I was a Brink Bobcat cheerleader in Moore, Oklahoma.
And I went to school with all these Bible thumpers.
My mother was an apologetic atheist, raised me as such.
And all of my friends said, tonight, Nostradamus predicted that the rapture is coming.
And I'm going to be doing a toe touch.
And I'm going to have my pom-poms.
And they're just going to drop to the ground and blah, blah, blah.
They had a plan.
No, they had the whole plan.
Of course.
Nostradamus was pretty good.
The bobcats went through.
We won the football game.
Jesus never came.
At least you guys won, though.
Jesus used up all the juice on that scoreboard.
He made sure the bobcats won so he didn't have enough power left for the rapture.
That's probably what happened.
That's probably what happened.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I got acquainted with evangelical Christianity very quickly when I found out that there was a concept called Rapture Talk where people were actually discussing what they would do.
And I saw people that were selling their cars.
I saw someone that was selling their house on Facebook Marketplace.
Wow.
What are they going to do with the money?
Well, I don't even fully understand that either.
True.
Maybe you leave it to your relatives to help you.
Yeah, a lot of people were doing that.
But isn't that kind of a diss where you're like, you're going to hell.
So here, you can have my well, there was this guy on like the Am I Overreacting Reddit that I, that's what I read in my spare time.
I need new hobbies.
I know that's the thing.
But he was like, I don't know what to do because my aunt gave me 40K because she's getting raptured tomorrow.
And she gave me 40K in cash and said that I'll need it to survive down here.
He's like, I don't want to give it back when the rapture happens.
Like, what do I do?
And I'm like, you just literally tell your aunt that you knew that I was a devil worshiper.
I wasn't going to get raptured.
The fuck do you think was going on?
You know, I think you can just pull the classic rapture technique, which is...
He pretends to get raptured.
He should have eaten.
He becomes clothes.
Yes.
Oh my God.
He comes back.
It's his clothes gently laid.
Yes.
You just send a really snarky text to your aunt who left you 40K.
Like, I'll see you in heaven.
Do Mormons have a rapture?
They have a second coming where Jesus comes back and he resurrects you from the grave.
Oh, a zombie rapture.
Yeah.
So that's why Mormons don't Mormons don't get cremated because you have to be able to be resurrected from the grave.
Yeah, and it was actually really when my mom died.
There's some weird, there's some weird Mormon shit.
Like, I remember they do this thing where you have to be buried in your temple clothes.
That way, when you get...
Panties?
No, it's so, yes, the panties, but also you, you have to wear these all white garbs.
They're really ugly.
Like, they're really fucking.
Like, my mom did not die in.
No, no, God, no.
She did not die in style.
Oh, these are the magic garbs that if someone cuts them, you're those are the underwear.
But that's the garment, right?
That's not even temple clothes.
No.
Search temple clothes.
Oh, that girl.
Actually, Mormon temple clothes.
See with the green cloth to represent Eve?
Yep, right there.
Uh-huh.
Wait, oh, let's watch the TikTok.
Let's watch the TikTok.
She is exposing.
She's going to get excommunicated.
Is the Mormon temple clothing explained in 60 seconds?
When you go through the Mormon temple, wait, this is actually really helpful for you.
Oh, no.
She's going to explain it.
Let's watch.
Okay.
And tokens of how to get into heaven.
Yes.
You begin the ceremony dressed entirely in white.
Throughout this ceremony, you learn about Adam and Eve, and you also make promises and covenants with God.
Mormons believe that this is basically as important as baptism.
These are known as the robes of the priest.
You just did.
I didn't make it this far.
Fig leaf apron isn't a paper.
Okay, pause.
The garment given to Adam and Eve.
Fig leaf apron.
Way more sheen than I expected.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
It's like plastic.
It's a little ton on a ton damage.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like a little peacock feather.
They charge 60 bucks for it.
You gotta pay him.
They feel like a standardized Eve, like green.
So this is where temple clothes are standardized.
Yeah, so you do get, you get buried in your temple clothes.
This is the most disappointed I've ever been with Mormons.
That's crazy.
No, this is like, I heard about what they did with Adolf Hitler, and this is more disappointing.
When you go through the temple to get your endowments, you also learn secret handshakes to get you into heaven.
Do you know what they are?
I do know them.
Can you show us that?
I love that idea that Saint Peter is a you guys don't deserve it.
And you go up there and you're like, St. Peter, he's like, you lived a pious life.
Bring it in.
I don't even want to kind of show you.
No.
No, okay.
Get your handshakes.
I went through hell to learn those handshakes.
He cracked the code.
He cracked the code.
She's afraid of showing.
I won't do the handshakes.
Oh, my God.
She's clasping herself.
I know.
I cannot know.
Because what if I show you?
And then first, imagine Mormon Jesus is real.
And then I don't get a go because I showed you the fucking handshake.
I'm going to keep it a book.
He's not going to take you.
Yeah.
Your Jesus is real.
You're already fucking.
I'm going to the, I'm going to at least the telestral kingdom because I haven't denied God.
No husbands.
No, that's.
You can go telestrial, no husbands.
Gay husband.
Also, not a Mormon.
Gay husband and not a Mormon.
Well, yeah, so you get.
Also, you gave your niece soda.
Thou shalt not imbibe hot beverages.
Dude, that is part of the book.
It wasn't hot.
Heavenly Father.
No, hot beverages refers to any beverage with caffeine as Heavenly Father dictates.
However, that's words of wisdom not in the Bible.
Words of wisdom was brought to you by Gordon B. King.
That was later.
I'm really into Mormonism because of Under the Banner of Heaven, which you watch it?
Yes!
It's incredible.
What's under the banner of heaven?
Hey, cutie.
What?
Guess what?
What?
I'm going to a Patriots game this weekend at where?
Gillette Stadium.
Wow.
I'm here, too.
What?
I would like to also go to the Patriot game at Gillette Stadium.
Anyway, I'm buying tickets right now.
Wow.
I'm choosing because I have tomorrow available to hang out by myself and not with him.
I would like to make that very clear.
And so what I did is I went on my Seat Geek app right here.
Wow.
And I'm checking.
And guess who's playing tomorrow?
Who?
Jerry freaking Seinfeld.
Seinfeld.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Jerry.
I've been bopping in Scott and he's losing it.
But maybe I don't want to see Jerry.
Look who else.
No, you don't want to see Jerry.
Le Miserab.
I could see Le Miserab.
Oh my gosh.
Freaking Tate McRae.
Cutie.
It was so hard for me to get my dang Patriots tickets.
And you're making this look so easy.
It is so freaking easy because I'm on SeatGeek.
Wow.
What was I waiting for?
I need to take out my phone.
I need to open the SeatGeek app and I need to add code Fear 10 to my account to make sure that I get 10% off my next set of tickets.
That's code Fear 10 for 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek.
For us.
Hey, cutie, we're going to Le Miz.
Yeah.
SeatGeek Code Fear Ten00:15:16
It's a true story about a murder that happened that is related to the Mormon church.
I did an ad for it.
What?
You did an ad?
You did one?
What does that mean?
What?
Many years ago, it came out on Hulu, right?
Yeah, you did an ad?
Yeah, I did.
I watched it.
I watched the trailer for it on my stream.
They gave you so much money for it.
That show was so good.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
You're getting that money and not me.
It's also crazy that this is a better ad that we're doing for free than probably the half-assed read you did.
No, I didn't even have to do a read.
I just had to react to the one minute and 30-second ad.
It was probably the most money I've made in one minute and 30 seconds of my life.
Wow.
What the hell?
Yeah.
Shouts out, Mormons.
Yeah, it's so good.
That is so good.
Okay, now I got to watch that.
No, it's really good.
Download it for your.
But I don't know what it is.
There'll have to be a Mormon in the comments that corrects me because there's always one.
There's always one that's like, cutie, I don't remember right.
Yeah, I don't remember right.
Okay.
I was brainwashed.
You forget stuff.
Anyway, when my mom died, they like, they do all the family in a room, right?
And we had to put a veil over her face so then when she sees God, she can't look directly at him or something like that when she gets resurrected.
Oh, are they embalmed?
Did they do the embalmed?
Yeah, they do.
Okay.
And I, I have a thing with dead bodies.
Yeah, most people do.
No.
That's okay.
Where I don't like to look at it.
If someone in my life has died, I don't want to have my last burned image.
So unique.
And so I had refused to look at my mother until then.
And then the freaking Mormons, I'm like, this is the last nail in the coffin, quite literally.
I haven't been, I have left the church at this point in a few years.
And they're like, okay, the daughters have to come put the veil on.
And so I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Like, so you're just like not looking and you're trying to get out of the way.
So now my sister, my sister's like, we're sobbing, right?
And I'm like sobbing and I'm trying to put this veil on.
And I have to like look at my, and I was like, fuck yourselves.
And so I just want to say to the Mormons, fuck yourselves for making me put that veil on my dead mom.
I'm not sure.
But if she gets resurrected, then she will look kind of good.
So is it still holding place until the second coming?
Or technically And then you come back.
I don't really understand the planet.
Yeah.
Yeah, you go to your planet with your first husband.
What is it called?
Like clay bob or that's only if you go to the celestial kingdom.
Yeah.
Wait.
And you need, and depending on who you believe, which Latter-day Saint you're into, depending on how many wives you have.
I don't know.
I think, I don't know if my mom would go to Celestial because technically her second marriage wasn't in the temple.
So she's a little hoe for that.
I actually goofed at a wedding with a corpse.
What does that goofed?
I goofed.
You said at a wedding.
No, sorry, not a wedding.
A funeral.
Okay.
What does goofing mean?
I goofed.
I made it.
I made a uh-oh.
I bumbled it.
What did you?
Explain what you're saying, right?
I had a lot of people die in my life.
Yeah.
I was used to the dead body.
I was in there dapping them up St. Peter's style.
That's crazy.
And it was one of my dad's friends.
Okay.
And so I was, you know, I was kind of like very familiar with it.
And a younger person who was like 14, 15 came up to me and was like, is the dead body in that room?
I'm like, yeah.
He's like, can I go see it?
And I was like, go say whatever.
Like, go make your peace.
Yeah.
Go make your peace.
You can talk to him.
Whatever.
Apparently, the kid had never seen a dead body before.
And it like traumatized him.
Yeah.
And he started like crying and like ran out.
And his parents were like, no, we weren't going to let him see the body.
And I had like tacitly given him permission because I thought.
I mean, he's 15.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I ruined this kid.
That's how I goofed it.
Okay.
When you said you goofed, I thought you like dabbed it up and then the corpse fell or something.
No.
I thought you like moved the body.
Have you guys?
Okay, there's like phenomenal traditions all around the world, but like, one of my favorites is like when they, when they prop them up, jazz funeral.
Yeah.
I've been saying this forever.
I want a jazz funeral.
Look it up.
No, I'm not looking at it.
You've never seen a jazz funeral?
Oh, you're about to get it.
Oh, mind blown.
You should get used to it because when I die, you're one of the paw bears.
No, I'm not.
That is the most evil thing you're doing.
You have to literally move his arm.
You want to have a brass band playing duck tickets.
Do you want to be buried or cremated?
I don't really care.
Frozen.
I do.
Me too.
I want that too.
I want to be frozen.
You want to know why?
Because even if there's a chance that I could be thawed out in like the distant future, just to see it for a second, just to see faster than like.
That's right.
Dude, that's literally the same thing.
Android sex machines.
All of it.
I just want to experience it for a second.
Hey, you fixed your zit on your face.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
We're going to talk about that.
Austin's not here.
I'm looking up crazy funeral.
He had a big ass zit on his face.
Just the first one.
I'm not looking.
Yeah, that's fine.
Because I don't know if it's jazz music.
So this is morbid.
I reject this negative energy.
So New Orleans has a very unique way of doing funerals where they'll have the pallbearers carry a corpse through a street and they'll play jazz music here.
Get to the middle of it.
Get to when they're really riffing on it.
Oh, yeah.
I think there's a death.
Yeah, there's a concept called extreme embalming where they will put deceased individuals in lifelike and sometimes bizarre positions to celebrate their personality or hobbies.
We'll do one last stream for Hassan.
One last.
Could we just turn the camera on his mummified corpse?
Ew.
Yeah, I mean, embalming was a big socialist practice.
Real shit.
If I played enough 30-day fiancé, I think you'd have pretty good viewership.
30-day fiancé?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
Like on your mummification stream.
If you were just mummified with the right reality TV playing in the background.
What we got to do.
Yeah, this is my fault for being updated, but yeah, extreme embalming is.
I mean, embalming is a is a practice that, like virtually all uh social estates did.
They got Lennon yeah um, Ho Chi Min was embalmed but like, I think, Mao as well, if i'm not mistaken.
So, frozen problem, is it got buried?
I don't know, don't talk to me about it's supposed to be uh, cremated cremated.
Why is that?
I just I I think it's clean, it's over.
Where do they dust?
You, You know, I don't really, I don't really know if I want them to divide me up or just go like, put me in the ocean.
Cut you up.
You know, you had a really cool answer.
We had Neil deGrasse Tyson on the pod.
Yeah.
And I asked him what he wanted.
And he said he wants to be asking people that.
Because I'm sick.
Okay.
I like that.
That's a good question to ask.
Yeah, right.
So he said he wants to be buried with nothing like completely naked in the earth.
No embalming, nothing happening.
He wants the worms to just come eat him.
Oh, and then the cycle of life just grow out of that because that's just the way it's supposed to be.
Sure.
No burning, no, no, it wrapped in a bag, nothing, just buried in the ground and let the earth do its thing.
And then he's just a part of the cycle of life.
Right, exactly.
I thought that was pretty cool.
But I don't think I want that, even though I won't know it.
Yeah.
I don't like the thought of that.
Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna have like a tree that is over your body.
It's gonna be you, and then a dog's gonna come and like piss on it.
Yeah.
You know, what if you're stuck as a tree and you can feel everything?
You're like, oh, you're like trying to communicate with people.
You're like, what the fuck?
Think about that.
Thank you, cutie.
What if you?
So asleep.
Do you, if your foot goes asleep and you cut off circulation, does your blood pull and then you get blood clots?
Yeah, very red.
You get gangrene and you die.
I heard that's how Elvis died.
No, he died on the toilet.
I knew that one.
Yeah, he was sitting and his legs went to sleep.
Wait, actually, let's talk.
I want to hear.
Let's talk about Austin not being here.
Okay.
So, yes.
So I have a big cystic acne on the side of my face.
Yeah, it's ugly as hell.
And everyone was talking about it.
And then a second one grew.
And I've had it for like a year and a half.
It's crazy.
And Austin finally was like, we got to go and get a shot.
And it's a diluted cortisone shot.
And it's supposed to like eat away at the cells, basically.
My aunt was a big proponent of this method.
Okay.
Well, I got it.
I got the double shot.
You can still kind of, there's still a bump there.
It didn't like fully take.
So I don't know.
It's way better.
But it's a lot better now.
It's a sticker right here.
Oh, that's just another zip.
There's an acne patch.
Okay.
But I went in, I got it done.
If March is actually doing his job, it's probably available to Patreon subscribers.
Literally about to say it will be posted on the Patreon.
Dude, bitch.
Austin has not uploaded it yet, but it will.
But Austin Show is not here.
And the reason for why Austin Show is not here is because he is, he didn't die from a self-suck incident.
He's at a wedding.
He is at a wedding.
And it turns out that there's more to the story because he really wanted to be here with you.
Yeah.
So Austin and I are girlfriends and we text and FaceTime and talk on the phone.
I'm so sorry.
You guys, FaceTime?
I really enjoy.
Yeah, sometimes.
And he's exhausted.
I was like, I'm going to be in LA.
And he's like, you got to come on the pod.
I said, for sure, I'm down.
We agree on this time and date.
And then the next day, he's like, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I have a wedding.
I have to call them and beg them to move it.
I've got a live.
I've got to come up with this.
Maybe I should just be honest.
And he's like commentating what he's doing.
And then it's like, he's giving me constant updates about all of the way he's going to try to manipulate you guys to get the date changed.
Yeah.
And then for 35 minutes, walked him through ordering a shake.
Yeah, he tried to get me in on a scheme as well, where he was like, Hey, can you just like tell the people in the group that we should move the podcast?
And I was like, I don't really care if we move it, but why don't you do it?
Like, why don't you just ask everybody?
And he's like, Well, they're not responding to me.
And I was like, Go lobby them to do this.
He did lobby.
So then he says, I hate it.
I don't think they're going to move it, but maybe I'm going to lie and say I can't go to the wedding because I have COVID.
So I'll see you.
Oh my God.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
The fear and audience.
Did you hear?
Oh, my God.
What Austin Show tried to play as a trick the twofer.
The two time.
That is fucking insane.
Let me tell you.
COVID victim back to back.
I can't believe it.
Hassan.
What are the chances that in two back-to-back weeks, he missed two weddings back-to-back with COVID?
My brother, who I am the best man of, got married two weeks ago now.
And Austin, leading up to the wedding, personally got himself and his boyfriend invited to the wedding.
He was not on the guest list.
He was not on the guest list at all.
It was not up for consideration.
Not in a mean way.
You sound mean.
I'm being mean.
Well, okay.
He petitioned, lobbied.
No, not to me.
He's never hung out.
He's never hung out.
Yeah.
He lobbied to be a part of the wedding.
Okay.
He did.
And he got it.
Okay.
And a plus one.
A month.
Yeah.
And a plus one.
And the conversation started because Murat was like, Cutie, do you want to make my cake?
And I was like, Of course I'll make your wedding cake.
Yeah.
Like, and then Austin's in the room and he, and well, Murat's like, if you make my cake, do you want to come to the wedding?
I was like, I don't really care.
Like, you don't need to have a seat for me.
Like, like, whatever.
I drop off cakes all the time.
We don't really know each other.
I'm more Hassan's, you know, like, I like Murat, but like, I don't need a spot.
And then Austin's like, oh, so Cutie's going to the wedding.
He got himself invited one month prior to the wedding, forgot the bride's name publicly when we asked on the podcast.
To be fair, that was kind of my fault because I set his ass up because I knew he was bragging about hanging out with the bride.
And we were like, yeah.
And what was her?
What was her name that he was like?
Yeah, we put him on the spot.
He couldn't, he fucked up.
He was apologized.
Yeah, he apologized profusely.
And then I love this man.
It seems like he got cold feet leading one day prior to the wedding, as a matter of fact, one day prior to the wedding.
And he was in panic mode.
Lo and behold, somebody got COVID.
Coronavirus strikes again.
Yes.
Somebody got COVID.
So he pulled out of the wedding.
What are the COVID rules?
No one knows anymore.
Yeah.
You can get it.
I think I was the same.
Yeah.
It's just like you're not supposed to see people, but I don't.
Well, he never had it.
His boyfriend had it.
He never had it.
I just did back-to-back weeks in this two-year-old.
I mean, is there somebody testing for COVID?
Yeah.
Well, I do as well.
I do when I go on to get out of stuff.
I always test before I go to a film set just because I never want to endanger a bunch of people.
If I miss a week, whatever.
But there are a lot of people where that's really.
Yeah, I test before I go to like big things as well.
But Austin didn't have COVID.
His boyfriend did.
And he tested and he just did not have COVID at all.
He just didn't show up to the wedding.
So it was familiar, this whole excuse, which is why he wanted to use it.
He's used this excuse to avoid one wedding that he invited himself to already.
Anyway, and he has a picture of a COVID test that's positive.
So it would have worked.
And I think he was going to use it again.
I honestly might have him send me that picture.
That's a good.
This man is a COVID demon.
He's just using, he's using COVID to get out of things that he doesn't want to do.
But instead, he went to the wedding.
Anybody here use COVID to get out of anything they didn't want to do?
I'm keeping it in my back pocket for a reason.
I have it, but I've just used generalized sickness.
But here's the problem.
Like for 20 years, I had kids that I could use.
And it was the most helpful thing about children.
Two decades long.
I don't have a babysitter.
My kid's sick.
My kid has a basketball game.
Now I've got one in law school, one is a freshman at USC.
And I am so fucked on this that I now, now I just tell people, I can't come.
I really just want to stay at home with my dogs.
Using COVID as an Excuse00:13:04
You get to a point where you just don't give a fuck and you just deliver the honesty.
And then the people are kind of like, I could have lied and told you I was sick, but I just, I love you.
I just simply don't want to participate.
Noah is very empowering.
Noah's very empowering.
And you're like, I can't do that.
Do that.
Me and my friend, me and my friend Ray, we were both having a day off where we weren't working.
And like, we don't hang out very often.
So I was like, oh, Ray, do you want to come over and like, you know, do errands together?
And she was like, ooh, I'm kind of having a laundry day.
If you want to come to my house.
And then both of us were like, we're both having like an at-home chore day.
And so then we didn't hang out, even though we were doing the same thing, but separately, because sometimes you just don't want to leave your house.
I feel that.
Yeah.
I feel that, Queen.
I never leave my house.
Well, we know.
Even to do the podcast.
We know.
Yeah.
Well, in any case, we didn't get raptured.
We're still here.
What other stories do you guys have for this week?
Well, I wanted to talk about something.
I wanted people's take on, I mean, there's a huge event coming down.
That's that's right.
Huge event.
Everybody's excited.
And of course, I'm talking about the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
So excited.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
I'm going to keep it at Buck 50.
This is probably the most like this is this is the thing that has shook me to my very core.
Yes.
Wait, why?
Bill Burr is doing comedy in Riyadh.
Yeah.
Bill Boer is still doing comedy?
Just kidding.
Sorry.
How dare you?
That's Bill Bohr.
We found something he's a fan of.
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, Riyadh.
Yeah, Riyadh, exactly.
The kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which, you know, did 9-11.
So there's that.
What?
Did you know that?
I did.
Yeah.
You watched the whole dark management.
You're not from 9-11.
I mean, wait.
Good one.
Yeah, you fucked up the delivery because you don't watch enough Bill Burr.
You don't have to watch enough Bill Burr.
I'm just kidding.
Bill Burr, you're very funny.
Yeah.
So here's what took place.
Bill Cosby?
No.
No.
I've got bad news.
Wait, wait.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
That's not real.
That can't be real.
No, no, it's Tim Heidegger that posted it.
There's no shot.
That can't be real.
Tim Heidegger shouts out the office hour, shouts out the friend of the show, Tim Heidegger.
We're going to have him on the show.
Can you fuck the real poster without Cosby?
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
That is.
I almost called you racist.
And QD never gets to do that because she's the racist.
I'm not racist.
Oh, my kids get, you guys, I am so sometimes so incredibly white about this.
Like, I'll see somebody across, and my eyesight's not very good far away.
And Roman and I, my youngest son, will be somewhere.
I'll be like, oh, is that your friend such and such that maybe is Asian or maybe mixed?
And Roman will look at me and he will be like, you are terrible.
That is terrible, mother.
And I'm like, I have that moment with my parents too sometimes.
It is what it is, you know?
Yeah.
As long as you're good-natured about it.
You know, Schultz.
Have you talked to Schultz about going to Argentina?
I have not talked to him.
Do you think Pete Davidson's going?
Yes.
Which is extra crazy.
I'm going.
Because you want to know why it's crazy that Pete Davis is going?
Wait, why can't I go?
Because Saudi Arabia killed his dad on 9-11.
His dad died on 9-11.
And now he's going to be a little bit more of a drink.
I'm going to start a series of questions about this.
Yeah.
Saudi Arabia, women can't drive, correct?
I think they're like doing a woke thing now, but it's up in the air.
But the very fact of wow.
They're doing like a...
I'm too afraid to say bad things about them.
They can drive since 2018.
No, no, no.
I know for a fact that MBS, Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince, who killed Jamal Khashikju, a Washington Post journalist, and was beefing with my boss, Jeff Bezos, and used Israeli spyware Pegasus to actually leak, like hack Jeff Bezos' phone and show that he was actually cheating on his wife.
That's not what I meant.
What did she say?
Oh, I missed it.
What did she say?
You're so good with names because of protest.
No, no, not your pronunciation.
You have everyone memorized.
I didn't say that.
And then he said it's because he's Turkish.
No, I just, because you memorize everyone's first and last names.
That's impressive.
She's like, wow.
Say that again.
Say that foreign name from the Arabs.
You can't wait until they deport you.
Oh, my God.
You're not beating the racism allegations.
That's crazy.
That one's on the head because people say that on Twitter, but he's from New Jersey.
Are there any women?
Which honestly, I don't think America really claims New Jersey anyway.
There's got to be some.
But what I was going to say is Whitney, actually.
I don't think they like women very much.
I think Whitney was on the list.
Well, what I was going to say is, so they have been like doing this, what they call the charm offensive.
And as part of that, they were like, oh, we're modernizing, right?
Oh, there we go.
So they, as a part of this like modernization initiative, they actually did say like women could legally drive, but they actually didn't follow through on it until recently.
So I think they can drive now, but I take it back.
Sorry, Whitney.
I thought you were on the list.
They're doing this whole sports washing thing.
I actually was offered a contract to host tennis events for them.
See, I got my heart broken.
Y'all are heartbroken about Bill Burr.
I got my heart broken because Rafa, Rafael Nadal, Valmos, one of my favorite tennis.
Oh, yeah.
He has like a tennis, or I think he's in the works of putting a tennis academy over there.
Yeah, no, they just dropped the bag.
Saudi mummy, the money, they dropped so much, the golf, the tennis, all of it.
And now they're doing comedy.
Esports as well.
I did have once an offer from Saudi Arabia to buy the streamer awards.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
What the hell?
I will not say the number, but it would have changed my life.
Yeah, no.
So that's the thing.
Like, early on in my career, when I was at the Young Turks and I was a very small influencer, they, I don't even remember what the number was, but it was a life-changing amount of money that they offered for me to fly to Saudi Arabia and do like a tourism ad for KSA.
This was like, I think like back in around 2018.
But it was also around that time when I was like very critical of Saudi Arabia.
So I was already like, if I, are they going to kill me?
Like, what's going on?
I just didn't do it.
Nah, they wouldn't kill you.
They just hang you upside down by your ankles.
Yeah, maybe.
But the thing is, Saudi Arabia, not great.
not great for domestic policies obviously but even like my my uh criticism of saudi arabia extends far beyond that because of their participation of american imperialism in the region uh big ally to israel uh you know a pretty big participant in what israel is doing in the region and um and they're they're pretty shameless about it but they have so much money that it seems a lot of comedy legends yeah they're getting disneyland Marsh,
look up and if you can see how much they're getting paid.
That will not come.
That will not come.
They will never.
I would assume it's over $2 million per.
If they offered you $100 million, would you go, Will?
$100.
$100 million.
Private plane there.
Listen.
Five-star hotel.
Listen.
You're there 24 hours and then you're PJ'd right back here.
I would have to fix the water and Flint with that money to feel good about it.
Okay.
Here's a chance.
I'm not going to sit here and lie to you.
$100 million.
Don't buy the Jets.
The only Gulf nation that I would like be able.
The only Gulf nation that I would probably visit if I was, you know, was really feeling it would be Cutter, but that's it.
And that's maybe.
To be fair, I have also turned down money from them.
So like, I think for the sake of the joke, yes, I would take it.
But I don't know, man.
It's pretty bad.
They did a genocide in Yemen.
I feel like I don't know if I could get around that.
Are you kidding Disneyland?
I don't think so.
Do you think the comedians that said yes, giving them the benefit of the doubt?
Do you think that some of them just don't understand the scope of what or like the implication of what they're doing?
I just think that they're.
Do you think they all understand?
Fuck Dispatch did an article basically taking quotes from most of them actually was getting roasted by Stavros, but their responses and they wrote their quotes about like why they're doing it.
If you want to find it, I think it's Dispatcher.
Do you think any of them will back out?
Well, there was one person who was fired from it, from what I understand.
Who?
Tim Dylan.
The reason why he was fired from it, from what I understand, and I would, I want to fact check this actually before I reveal this, but apparently he was invited to go, as one does, and he was getting a fat bag from it.
But he made a joke about Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, he did.
Okay, it's on the Independent.
Tim Dylan says he was fired from Riyadh Comedy Festival over a joke that he made about Saudi Arabia.
He claims he was paid $375,000 to appear at the festival.
So now we have a number as well, which is a lot lower than that.
That is not worth your soul.
He wouldn't have been one of the headliners.
With peace and love, peace and love.
He's not one of the headliners.
Still, the reason why he got fired is because he said, you think the slaves look up at the big buildings in Riyadh and go and are proud of their work with a tear falling down their eyes.
And Saudi Arabia caught wind of this joke and was like, no, you're not.
You're not.
But that tells you everything you need to know about why they all should not do it.
Yeah.
Because this is not a play.
I mean, comedy should not be censored.
I mean, even I think, you know, I don't like the punching down, and I think the best comedians don't punch down.
But yeah, I think that's just a total sellout.
And it's a heartbreaker if you.
Wait, did you talk to your dear friend Andrew?
No, I did not.
I have not hit him up about this, but I should.
I should hit him up and ask him what the deal is.
If anything, just call him an El Bozo and see how he feels about that.
Yeah.
I don't care about any of the comics that are going except for Bill Burrow.
And Pete Davidson.
Well, I don't care about Peepy Davidson.
Really?
Why?
Who cares?
I don't care about Pete Davidson at all.
Do you like him?
I'm neutral on him.
I don't like, oh my God, I love Pete Davidson.
I mean, I seen him on Saturday Night Live.
I was mystified.
I guess he gets a lot of women.
And then I heard he had a rather large penis.
But like me liking him or disliking him, I just don't have a feeling.
Either way.
Do you know what I mean?
I'm totally neutral.
I get it.
I understand.
She's not.
Bill Burr, I really love.
I do, too.
He makes very good political arguments, bullying conservatives for being pussies.
And he does it very well, which is, I think, what Democrats need to do more.
So that's kind of a heartbreaker for him to have the political positions that he's doing.
Forever, people will hold this over his head.
Like they're going to be like, oh, yeah, I remember when we went to Saudi Arabia.
Like it's just such an L. Maybe he's doing it and then retiring.
I would be sad.
I'd be doubly sad then.
Because then it's just, he's not going to do good.
He's not going to do any comedy.
That's like if LeBron played his final game against Saudi Arabia.
Oh my God.
Wow.
Because, yeah, I mean, Saudi Arabia is like, like, I would say my number one op in the region is Israel.
And then number two, I would say, is Saudi Arabia.
Obviously, if you want me to give you the devil's advocate argument, it's America is an incredibly bloodthirsty nation as well.
And these guys are American.
Who are they to say that they, you know, they do, they do tours in Afghanistan and whatnot.
What do you think those endeavors look like for the Afghan population?
So I guess the devil's advocate argument is like everything is bloody.
It's all blood money.
Wow.
What an optimistic way of looking at things.
I'm just saying.
That's just what it is.
QT, do you have a QT TV this week?
No, I'm falling apart.
The week we have a TV star.
No.
This is so bad for her.
What is a QT TV?
She watches reality TV and then we dissect it.
And the week we have.
I knew this was going to happen.
I was hoping no one would ask her home way.
Are you okay?
I'm fucking.
I'm sorry.
You were an hour late and you don't have a QT TV.
Dissecting Reality TV Stars00:04:07
I know.
What are you doing?
Did you make us some confections?
No.
Like, it's not.
I thought I'd cosplay as a song this week.
Oh.
I'm coming with absolutely nothing.
That's hurtful.
That's what I thought.
That's hurtful.
Did you have anything you wanted to talk about?
Let me think.
I really don't.
What are you talking for?
Oh, I am.
Are you allowed to say?
Yeah.
Oh, because this will be out on Monday morning.
This comes out Monday.
So I am, I was invited along with Pumps, with the co-host, to be the moderator.
I know, Pumps.
I'm the moderator for Kamala Harris's book tour.
San, shut the fuck up.
Quit smirking over there.
Fucking asshole.
I'm not.
Do you see that?
Are you jealous?
Is he jealous?
Oh, I'm so jealous.
Green with the moderator of her LA show.
And I listen, I'm excited about it.
When you live in a deeply, deeply red state, you're more tolerant of centrist Democrats, even though I've become way, way, way further left.
Yeah.
But you're more tolerant because you know that.
Well, you've all been, we've been at those dinner parties where you just got to kind of stick to your guns, but in a way that no one's going to put their drink down.
Yeah.
I don't know if I agree with that take is kind of what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I, I, I, it's, I'm excited.
I'm excited to see the interview.
Yeah.
I think it's going to be great.
And then I went to see my son.
He's a freshman at USC.
I went to, they had the whole stud.
Yeah.
They had the whole, listen to how great, like, this is how I, why NOMAGA people hate colleges.
Okay.
So here's, we go to USC.
It's crowded.
I love the diversity.
And then my son is like the houseboy for these girls at USC that have, it's called the Peach House.
And it's like five sorority girls that live there.
They're seniors.
So he had to audition for it.
So he's the freshman houseboy.
These girls, and I went and met them.
They're all drop dead gorgeous.
He washes their cars, goes and gets them coffee.
He has to do chores for them.
And I'm like, I love this feminism.
I told those girls, I said, you work that boy over.
I loved it that these were any of them fans.
I was speaking up.
Were any of them?
You're too old, old man.
What was your question?
Were any of the girls your fans?
Yeah.
That's good.
That's good.
They want it.
Roman said, we had already left campus and Roman said, Mom, will you please come back and come to the Peach House?
The girls want to meet you.
That's good stock.
And I was very excited about that because, I mean, you know, you hear about like Southern California, some of them being kind of MAGA.
And I was so happy that he went to school in California because I didn't want him to be around.
We're around MAGA all the time.
No, college campuses are no matter where you go.
I feel like even in Oklahoma.
No, Oklahoma State is a dump truck.
Wait, really?
Where my husband went?
They had a big Charlie Kirk revival.
Oh, and then now.
Revival.
They revived him.
Lay hands on him.
They buried him back.
They, no, it's crazy.
And then there's a state legislator that is proposing a bill that they are, and this will pass.
Oh, no, this is Ryan Waters.
He actually got fired.
No, he resigned.
Oh, he resigned because no, but there's a state legislator that passed a bill that he wants a Charlie Kirk statue on every single university or college in the state of Oklahoma.
And I guarantee you, well, I guarantee you.
And what a smart spending is.
We have taxpayers.
We like that a lot.
Finally.
We like that.
I just don't know if they're going to be big enough.
It's going to be, we are very appreciative and we think it's good.
You're going to get him fucking deported.
Yeah.
I like that.
Laura Lumer, I am such a fan of your work.
Will you just put a big black box over me during all of this?
I don't know.
She's worried.
I'm terrified.
I live in a terrifying.
You're going to get deported.
Yeah.
I do.
I do think I might get deported.
Glad Awards Smart Spending00:07:20
No, I've never.
How the fuck are they going to deport you to Mormon land?
Yeah, back to the road.
They're going to send me back to Idaho.
Back to the celestial kingdom.
First of all, you are the easiest person to evade law enforcement.
You can just live in any area that is densely populated with a million other people that look like you.
They would have to arrest a million blonde Mormon women to get to you.
So you're saying that I don't look unique and special?
Here you do.
I disagree.
In LA, you do.
Look unique and special.
Thank you.
In Australia.
Thank you guys.
I went and saw Cynthia Rivo perform live.
That's what I was going to tell you guys.
Can I tell you that I was not a fan of her?
I was not.
No, no, no.
The fucking comfort circle.
I did this.
Because all I saw of her was this thing.
Yeah.
I don't know who this is.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't know.
I still don't know who that is.
Pour it out.
But all I had seen of her was the finger hold.
And I was like, that's weird.
I don't like that.
And then I went and I hosted at the Glad Awards.
And she was a speaker at the Glad Awards.
God, she's a good person.
And she performed at the Glad Awards.
And I became a true believer.
Yeah.
True believer.
Fantastic.
Now I know who that is.
Okay.
They did a live taping.
It's called One Wonderful Night.
And it was in, it was at the Dolby Theater.
And it was.
Was it Wicked?
Yes.
And it was Ariana Grande and Cynthia Rivo performing their songs.
Yeah.
It was crazy.
It was so crazy.
But it's weird because I've never gone to a live taping.
Did you try to find gravity?
Have I like saying it or like tried jumping off a building?
I was just doing a funny little thing.
What?
Did you, did they sing it?
Yeah, they sang it.
Of course they sing it.
It's a song.
He was doing a double entendre.
I don't get it.
A pun.
Do you want me to jump off a billion?
Oh, please.
No.
Hey, why don't you try defying gravity?
Anyway, did you ask them to be on the pod?
No, I didn't get to talk to them.
Who do you think I am?
I'm the fucking Chuzz.
Do you know what Chuzz means?
No.
A chopped hoe.
It's chopped.
Do you know what a hus means?
Hussy.
Yeah.
Hoes.
So Chop, I'm the ugly hoe that no one wants to talk to.
Well, aren't you a Gruz?
I'm a grandma, hoe.
Yeah.
Wow.
So how would you be a chopped grandma, huh?
Gruz is what it's called.
Bombing target.
This is what like 20-year-olds that don't watch me are saying.
They do watch you.
Don't pretend like you don't try to fit in with them.
You're so stupid.
No.
What are you pandering to right now?
They don't.
They don't.
What do you think your average age is?
He's probably 26 now.
He's older.
They say my oldest son watches you.
My youngest one watches Dean Withers.
Okay.
Four years apart.
So he watches Dean Withers stream.
Who's Dean Withers?
He's a 20-year-old.
He looks like he could play the next Spider-Man.
Yeah, Liberal Spider-Man, I call him.
Liberal Spider-Man.
Yeah, I call him Liberal Spider-Man.
Yeah.
Liberal Spider-Man.
He's been having a tough time recently.
His reaction was interesting.
Yeah.
He does look like Timothy.
But he's only 20.
Yeah.
You know, that's so young.
I think it got real for him.
I think it got real.
We had him on our podcast before that all happened and we had discussed that and him debating him.
And he was really impassioned about it.
And that was, and then I just think about like 20 having two boys.
It's still so young.
And so I think it was probably.
I was a stupid idiot, but it was rad big.
But I'll tell you what, this kid, he was raised like Republican Christian, and he's gotten more and more and more and more left.
And so even like the Zoomers, that's like, that's their guy.
I keep trying to get him to read some literature.
I think he'll get there.
Big day.
No, because like I want him.
No, I want him to develop like a well-defined worldview because I feel like...
You want a comic.
You need to mentor.
Get him to read.
I've been trying.
I've been trying, but the thing is, like, you need to have, he doesn't have to be a commie or anything.
It's just that, like, if you stick the just contest of that sort and you don't have a well-defined ideology or a future vision, like a vision for a better tomorrow that you are advocating for, you inevitably become like a, like a mercenary almost, where you're just, you're just there for the contest.
You're just there for the back and forth and your opinions become more malleable.
It's just not good.
I've seen it happen before.
So I'm just trying to make sure he avoids that trap.
Okay.
I think that's great because I think he has a ton of potential.
I agree.
I do.
I think that, and I think he has a really young audience, like teenagers.
Yeah.
But he also is the internet is so vicious that he's like, I know.
He gets actually spiritually damaged when stuff like that happens, I think.
Man, I remember my first spiritual damage on the internet.
Oh, yeah.
Well, feels like decades ago now.
Yeah.
This was a live show that I went to.
Sure.
And I've never been to a live taping before.
And have you guys ever been to one?
Yes.
You have?
I have not.
So interesting.
I have.
Really?
Yeah.
What?
A TV show.
What?
Simpsons.
What?
Yeah.
Well, it was a live reading.
I went to a table read.
Oh, a table read.
Yeah.
Well, this was, it's going to be on TV somewhere or Paramount.
I don't want to admit this, but I had a whole bag of boom chick-a-pop on my drive here.
What is a boob chick-a-pop?
It's like the, it's like girl popcorn.
Yep.
Girl popcorn?
Just because it has sugar on it?
No, because it's marketed toward women.
You're a woman.
What's about that woman?
What is that?
How is that woman?
I think the coloring and stuff.
It's just, it's, it's popcorn.
You guys are those people.
I don't see gender.
No, because men just buy stinky old bags of popcorn.
Women appreciate a forecast.
I think I like it, don't you?
Yes.
No, you're.
Okay.
Anyway.
Maybe that's what he's eating while he's at home recovering from COVID.
No, last time he was eating cock.
That's what he was doing.
Also true.
So they do this thing, which I don't know, this is like breaking the fourth wall, where before you go, they record you all clapping.
Yeah.
So they have to have takes of you clapping.
And they usually have like a fluffer.
Yeah, they had a fluffer the whole time.
The whole time will come out and be like, how are we doing?
Come on.
Yeah.
So we had to do, we had to do like 20 takes of clapping because the lighting changes after every song.
So we had a warm clap, excited clap, laugh and then clap, and then like surprise.
And we had to do it so many times.
So anyway, I hope you guys see me in the background.
But Cynthia Rebo, she sang wicked three times because I needed extra camera angles.
It was awesome.
That's crazy.
That's such a pleasure.
Flu.
Wow.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
And it was like the most advanced like rigging system for that.
And she was like zooming.
Like she looked like a dementor.
Show this kid.
Yeah.
I did not know that.
I loved musical theater.
I was in it since I was a kid, but I never got the lead.
Well, I know.
So I gave up my dreams.
Ketamine Therapy Experiences00:05:55
But I wish.
Excuse me.
I think you would be a fantastic actor.
Excuse me.
Britney Spears.
Yeah, that was awful.
Wait, the Britney was pretty good.
That was, you were leading.
I was the only one that showed up for the audition.
I'm not leading, though.
I think you could be a fantastic actress.
I don't.
I do.
You want to know why?
Why?
Because you can summon emotions at the drop of a hat.
And that's like what makes a great actor.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, then I'd be a great actor.
So you could just like internalize, like if you were in a murder movie, you could just internalize your fear about like running out of gas.
You know?
Yeah.
Oh, and then you famously don't fly.
Yeah, right.
So I'd be an LA only based actor.
I mean, that's a lot of them.
That's true.
Well, call me if you know.
You worry about stuff.
I do.
I have anxiety problems.
Yeah.
It's bad.
Right now, I think I have a brain tumor because I've been having ice pick headaches.
See, my husband's kind of a hypochondriac too.
Really?
Yeah.
We went through this whole thing where he like, he's, he thought he had an ear problem and then he ends up getting this ear surgery.
And I'm just kind of ignoring ignoring him, ignoring him because I'm kind of like Nurse Ratchet.
And so I go to the doctor to pick him up.
He's had this ear surgery.
And the doctor goes, Josh is kind of out of it.
And the doctor said, I hope his ear is the way he wants it.
Like it was a neglected surgery.
Oh.
Yeah.
And so then now he's had all these headaches, tension headaches, which somehow he's managed to find out that Botox can treat.
So now he's getting Grotox and we just evolve.
He's had cat scans.
I bet he looks great.
He's had CAT scans.
And I just completely ignored it.
Is that how you manage it?
Is you just tune it out?
Completely ignoring.
See, because I'm always trying to help her in my own way.
And my own way of helping is a hypochondriac codependent.
Well, what I say is let's do some drugs.
Because that's how I get my brain.
Right.
Because the aftermath of drugs is certainly not anxiety inducing.
We've thought about tracking her like with a dart, like a livestock.
But I, no, I truly believe, though, that there are like, there are a lot of benefits with like psychedelics in those months afterward where you can organize your thoughts.
So my husband does ketamine therapy.
Yeah.
So he's a recovering opioid addict.
Sure.
And he was on SSRIs for years and years and years and could never quite sustain sobriety.
I mean, he'd get like a couple of years and he'd relapse.
And then he started doing ketamine therapy, which bizarrely is legal in Oklahoma.
Yeah.
Total game changer.
I mean, completely rewired his brain, the way he processes trauma because he had, of course, like a really fucked up childhood.
And it completely rewired his pathways and the way that he comprehended his abuse growing up.
I used to be scared shitless of ketamine.
And then a mentor of mine.
Hassan.
No.
No.
He is not a mentor.
No.
I'm laughing because go on, go on.
I'm serious.
A mentor of mine, who I think is one of the best performers that I've ever had the pleasure of being around, would do ketamine on set, like in a therapeutic way.
And he was sharp and electric.
And I was like, there's got to be something.
When my husband does it, he like has on headphones and he has a nurse and he's completely tripping.
Yeah.
Like he said, he constructs a room in his brain and then he puts myself and our two sons in it.
And that's his safe place.
And then he goes out of that room and he goes into rooms like where he has trauma with parents or other family members.
He's in the K-hole.
And then when he feels the trauma that's too painful, then he, in his mind, he goes back to us and it's this bright light room that he is an IV drip.
IV drips.
Crazy.
Kitty, let's get you rigged up.
Wait, didn't you try it?
No, I did.
No, it was a different, it was like a EMDR.
It's a sentence like a similar visualization where you do that whole thing.
I had some fucked up experiences with it.
I mean, if it's safe enough for horses.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Ketamine therapy.
I've heard of a lot of people doing ketamine therapy with like tremendous childhood trauma.
You know what I'm saying?
I think psilocybin is optimal, but I think it's only Oregon that it's legal.
Is it legal?
No, no, it's decriminalized almost everywhere now.
Not in Oklahoma, but I think out of all of them, that's the one that's the best.
Can I tell you, I had, I had a theory for a while because psilocybin is like what saved my life.
Like I'll say that on the record.
Basically, I was struggling so much with my manic depression that I like couldn't organize my thoughts.
And I always just had this crushing sense of like your life has passed you by.
You'll never find happiness.
And a friend reached out to me and was like, have you ever tried psilocybin?
A woman I had not talked to for years.
And I was like, mushrooms?
What the fuck?
Like, that's literally how I viewed it.
She was like, you have to look into it.
So I did all this research and there was all this medical research about how it like could reset your brain and all these medical studies about how they were using psilocybin on terminal cancer patients to see how it affected their outlook.
And so I finally did psilocybin and it truly like allowed me to become a professional in my life and start working and really started my career, which is crazy to say.
But I really thought that this next decade would be like an absolute, just a like a utopia of people fine-tuning how to use these drugs to help people.
Because obviously we have these like hammers and we're dealing with, you know, felt.
And we're, so I thought that they were really going to lock in.
And now I'm more and more worried as things become more and more conservative and more and more.
Rehab industry is a multi-billion dollar industry and it has about a seven to ten percent success rate, which is they're treating a lot of this stuff the wrong way.
Psilocybin Career Utopia00:06:11
It's like the old AA method, which is abstinence only.
Austin Show is calling me right now.
Oh my God, answer.
Hello, Austin Show.
You're on the FearN pod.
Hello, it's Austin from the Fear Ann podcast.
Austin, We have you live here.
Hassan has been wanting to talk to you about something.
I'm going to hand him the phone.
Okay.
Pass him the phone.
Austin, I found out that you wanted to get out of the wedding that you're currently at.
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
Using a technique that you might have fucking fine-tuned for my brother's wedding.
No, I did not.
I was going.
Look, here's the deal.
Okay, no, no.
Here's the truth.
Christian had COVID.
That was real and authentic.
I did think about using his COVID test for this one.
I could skip, I could fake COVID and skip this wedding.
The text message is in front of my face right now.
No, no, but Bob!
Jen, I hope you've been defending me.
Have you been defending me?
Has she been defending me, please?
She's been defending the truth.
Austin, let me.
So, wait, wait, wait, hold on.
How close are you with this person whose wedding you're attending right now?
He's a really good friend of mine, which is why I didn't skip the wedding.
Oh, as opposed to my brother, who's fucking wedding you invited yours off to?
No, look, here's the deal.
I want to make everybody know that's watching right now.
I took your brother out to a fantastic dinner.
I even donated to the wedding fund an undisclosed amount that I won't be sharing publicly because I think that's important.
I think that's important.
Come on, see how much have you been defending me this episode?
Honestly, I feel like I have.
No.
Thank you so much.
No, you don't.
I would say defense is silent sometimes.
The best defense.
You're absolutely right because they'll dig their own grave.
Exactly.
Austin, it's Jennifer, and I totally threw you under the bus.
And I love you.
But watching Hassan get riled up has been totally worth it.
I'll make it up to you.
It was so good.
To see you get that triggered was just delicious.
No, I'll be honest.
I do it every single week.
So I forgive you.
You can do no wrong in my eyes.
You know, I love you.
Look, I love you.
I miss you all.
And I hope you have a fabulous episode.
Why did you call?
I called because I knew that you guys were filming at this point.
I just wanted to do the last one.
I knew you guys have probably what?
March, you got two minutes left?
Yeah, we're at time.
We're at time.
Wow.
Wow.
I called.
I knew I had to get the last word.
That's crazy.
You're just a psychopath.
I was timing it.
I knew it was happening.
I fucking love you, Austin.
Enjoy your wedding bud.
Yeah.
Before I go, Hassan and I have filmed some bonus content for the Patreon Fear Anders.
Hasn't sent it to me yet.
So we're going to be uploading that to the Patreon.
You haven't sent it yet to March.
Hasn't sent it to me.
I've been trying to upload it.
Google Drive's a pain in the ass.
I've been walking out.
And also this week, we have a video of Austin's show feeding my black widow spider.
Yes, that's right.
And also next week, I will have a picture of Austin's show with Kamala Harris because he's coming.
Yes.
I'm eating Kamala Harris.
All right.
Bye, Austin.
Take care of him.
Take care.
Is that real?
He's going?
He's coming.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
He's coming with a boyfriend.
And he's going to sit with my husband and son.
Oh, this is so cool.
And I got them the VIP meet and greet.
You are going to look like the new Atomic Family 2022.
That would be so great.
All right.
We're at time for our normal episode.
Do it our outrold, man.
All right, everybody.
Thank you so much for coming on.
What would you like to promote before we let you go?
I've had a podcast.
Yes.
I've had a podcast.
Oh, we still have to stick with it.
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
We have been repping.
I've had it.
Oh, yeah.
It's been wonderful seeing your explosive growth.
I am very proud of you guys.
You guys are killing it.
Yes.
Everyone is always like, oh my God, have you seen these ladies?
I'm like, you were our first big fan.
Yeah, I've been a day one ride or die.
I've had.
I never forget my son ran downstairs.
He was like, Hassan Piger has you on his stream.
And I'm like, who is that?
Well, in any case, everybody, we are now moving on to the Patreon episode of the Paywalled Proportion.
You can go to patreon.com/slash fear and to subscribe for that and a lot of other extra juicy content from this week.
And we'll see you behind the paywall.
Peace.
And it's become a very different type of thing.
I know another way you can become a U.S. citizen.
Well, I am a U.S. citizen still.
Brother, another way.
You think gay marriage is going to save us?
I'm going to go for you too.
We're going to take away your citizenship as well.
They're both gay.
At least I'd be clapping them big, hairy cheeks in Turkey.
They're going to be like, oh, Bergafell, we're rewriting it.
No more gay marriage.
They would hear it all over Istanbul.
Yeah.
Istanbul me.
So I don't even know.
I don't even know if I can go to Turkey.
So we'll see.
We'll just stay in there.
I'm going to China.
November.
We've changed a date a hundred times.
We've moved it once.
We've moved it once.
We've moved it one time.
Firstly, secondly, there is a very real possibility we don't come back.
Really?
She got excited.
Why is your voice getting higher?
Chinese citizens.
Oh, my God.
Time to learn Chinese.
That's crazy that you literally got excited at the prospect of your podcast calls and your best friends.
He'll never appreciate it.
Your best friends of the whole wide world leaving.