Austin, Cutie, and Maya Higa navigate technical glitches and interpersonal drama, including Will Neff's absence and Maya's uncle's sudden death. They dissect celebrity gossip ranging from Lana Del Rey kissing Morgan Wallen to Haley Bieber's feud with Selena, while debating drinking habits and the implications of country musicians' backgrounds. Ultimately, the chaotic banter highlights the hosts' complex family dynamics and their tendency to project personal biases onto public figures and social media trends. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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New Seat, Old Habits00:14:53
Devil's advocate, he may not be gay.
And you know what?
You don't even believe that.
I don't even believe that.
I'm going to angle myself.
Could I see myself?
I'm sorry.
I'm just new to this seat.
We shouldn't have moved.
No, I'm just new to the seat.
Oh, my God.
Dude, start recording, I think.
Yeah, this fucking guy, dude.
Okay.
You're not eating anything phallic.
It's fine.
It's just a pokeball.
I don't want to be eating.
All right.
It's too late.
All right.
Cutie does not care about these things.
You know what I mean?
You're a consummate professional.
Are we starting?
You don't care about these things.
Are we live?
I care.
Whine about it.
We're not.
Whine about it before we start.
I hope you know we slap our faces.
At least you don't look wet today.
I haven't looked wet in months.
That's true.
Okay, maybe we won't officially start yet.
Wait, why?
What?
No.
It's like a...
We already start.
Are you literally eating away from the camera?
Marshall's actually starting, are we?
Yes, we've already started.
No, no, no.
We're not.
No, I need to...
No, no, no.
We always need to do a good idea.
Are you sure you're not autistic?
I am.
Oh.
I know that.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
To have order?
Decorum?
You literally are sitting in Will's chair and you had to do a five-minute, like, I need to make sure that I look good from this angle moment.
Well, it turns out it's a little rough.
And I may need to kick Maya out of her seat.
Yeah, now you're complaining.
I wanted that seat.
Do you want to switch cameras?
Okay, all right.
Now you're complaining that you haven't done the ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to the Fear Ann podcast.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Fear Ann podcast where we are yet again elevating and it's not good.
It's vegan, huh?
Oh.
Oh, it's not?
Oh, Jesus.
It's not good.
Yeah.
I don't know who fucks up a race crispy.
What is that?
What a waste of calories.
That is so bad.
I'll still have it.
Oh.
What?
You guys don't like it.
I'm throwing a hand of lemon.
Something's wrong with it.
I thought it's okay.
It's okay, but it's not worth the calories.
What is lemon eating?
Austin and I have eating disorders, but we talk about them casually, so it's not a detrimental.
Exactly.
And we joke about it, so it's not real serious.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast where we are yet again elevating, encouraging, and empowering women.
We found this woman from Texas, and her name is Maya Higa.
And she is here with us.
And we are so excited.
Welcome to the podcast, Maya.
Hello, everybody.
Boo.
Boo.
Hello, Maya.
How are you?
Boom.
I'm really, really excited and very, very lucky to be here.
I've been wanting to do this for a really long time.
Thank you so much.
I just haven't had the chance in the past three years, but here I am.
I've been petitioning against Maya coming on the podcast because I haven't been on this podcast a minute.
Because she is my enemy.
Why is she your enemy?
Because he's obsessed with me.
That's a dynamic you should know about.
Hassan is like ridiculously in love with me on this podcast.
It's weird.
Will they, won't they?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's pretty basic stuff.
And you know about it.
I'm in love with him and he won't know.
You would know about it if you watched our podcast, but you don't because you steal her from us.
Actually, I think it's the opposite.
You steal her from us.
Why about it was well before Fearan.
Yeah, but nobody remembers.
Don't say, was it?
Yeah, but it's kind of like BC.
Nobody remembers it.
How many years?
Yeah.
Fearan is Christ.
It's like the Old Testament.
Nobody listens to that.
I think we're Christ.
Three years more you've been doing it for longer than three years, yeah.
God, we're old.
We had fear and malding before, but nobody remembers that either.
No one remembers it.
Everybody remembers fear and started with when we took off the maulding and we ended, and cutie and I joined.
It was pretty fun.
Cutie was asked to join, and then we invited better.
I think we had better ratings.
So we might have had better ratings before I joined.
I went to the craft market today.
I got you all presents.
Oh my god, that's so sweet of you.
No, oh, you want to.
I got Austin this magnet.
Oh my God.
I love being gay.
Look, that's so cute.
It's a heart, and he'll leave it here and he won't take it.
You're so wrong about that.
I'm going to put it in my pocket.
And I got this for Hassan.
It says no fascism.
Oh, my God.
That's so sweet.
He doesn't like fascism.
This is actually really cute.
I love this.
Correct.
Where do I put this?
On your fridge.
Okay.
And then, Maya, I got you a cup of man tears.
Yay.
Whine about it.
That's so sweet.
And then, Marsh, I got you a heart that says slut, but with the Shrek logo.
That's perfect for him.
I just thought you would like it.
That's so sweet.
Well, that's so thoughtful of you.
All handmade by local artists.
That's so amazing.
Yeah, so you could say I'm thoughtful.
You're so thoughtful.
Is this because you're 45 minutes late to the podcast that you, on the way over, were like, I should probably crazy?
Because yesterday.
What time is the podcast tomorrow?
I said 6:37-ish.
And then Austin today is bored, clearly.
And he's like, Can we start at 6?
And then you're like, Yeah, 6.
I'm sorry.
I live in LA.
It's not coming.
It's not happening.
30 minutes before 6 o'clock.
I said 6.
I said 6 or 6:30.
Yeah, which is crazy.
I kind of sneakily snuckly moved out and freed out.
If you wanted it at 6 yesterday, you should have said something yesterday, Bozo.
Yeah.
I didn't see the conversations.
You were involved in that.
And I don't see why I care.
Yeah.
Why are you here at 7?
You're not even here at 6:30.
I said 6:37.
I pulled up at 6:45.
That's right in between.
She's kind of early, to be honest.
I'm actually like, Yeah, you're fucking welcome.
Maybe we should do this every week.
We lie about the time.
Yeah.
Well, yes.
Yeah.
I like that.
That's literally what she does when she says to lie about the time, though.
Right.
Austin is not the culprit here.
No, I don't lie.
Well, no.
I'm saying you.
You lie all the time.
No one replies to you.
Oh, yeah.
Nobody is so true.
Should we address the elephant in the room?
What's that?
Will Neff hates me.
Okay.
Yeah.
And why is that?
Why isn't he here?
Well, Will Neff decided he would go to New York selfishly and miss our podcast.
And also, he doesn't like you.
He told us.
Yeah.
I stand by him.
I wish in solidarity that I didn't show up to this episode.
He, yeah.
Well, we can't.
And we're like a broken family.
We cannot keep it together.
Well, I used all of my PTO, and now everyone wants to use their PTO.
Yeah, I have PTO.
Well, okay, so I didn't.
There's no garbage can.
He just threw it on the ground.
I live here.
This is my home.
I'll be honest.
I threw it in the direction of where a garbage can should be.
That's crazy.
Who should buy a garbage can?
I don't know.
Daya, get out of the car.
Not getting the Rice Krispie Trees.
Y'all are seeing.
You're going to kill my dog.
You derailed the conversation.
I was just trying to.
I derailed it.
I was in the middle of talking.
Yeah, and then you just.
I'll pick it up.
I'll pick it up.
You chose the throw.
You chose a discard plastic.
I'll pick it up.
I'll pick it up.
He's not.
He's not going to pick it up.
All right.
I'm going to pick it up.
I missed the podcast last week because I did something that's very embarrassing.
I missed a flight.
Embarrassing.
Should we talk about it?
You know, I haven't really watched Viran, but I do hear that you guys talk a lot about airport drama.
Should we get into it?
Wait, yeah.
Do you have an airport drama?
I think she's fucking around.
I think she's like egging you on because Cutie calls her after the podcast to complain about what we talked about.
They're like, oh my God, Austin came up with another airplane drink.
No, I've never complained about the people are saying that.
The people are saying all they talk about is self-sucking and Austin's airport drama.
Yeah, and y'all keep fucking showing up every week.
Yeah, okay.
Well, I have something to tell you guys.
All right.
Well, fuck it.
I got my first ever facial.
Oh, that's right.
I got a face actually.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Someone nutted on my face.
How was it?
Yeah, it was awesome.
Okay.
See, I knew you'd come back.
I've had this like cystic acne on the side of my cheek for quite a while.
I need to test it.
I told you to go to a, I told you it was cancer.
Yeah.
It's that thing on your arm, that weird thing on your arm, remember?
Yeah.
It's still there.
Yeah, go somewhere.
You have cancer.
You have cancer.
Yeah, you got to get that looked at.
That's cancer.
It's probably in your pancreas.
It's not normal.
I mean, I feel like my gains have been pretty good.
So if I can still gain muscle with cancer, if I was cancerous, I probably wouldn't have been able to.
Wait, what?
Sorry, Maya just licked her.
No, Kaya just licked the mic.
He's on the podcast.
She's always on the podcast.
This is not new.
She's not here just because you're here.
Also, you have a problem with me or something.
Like, are you like jealous?
I'm not jealous.
I'm not jealous.
Cutie likes to spend time with you.
And when I ask her to spend time with me, she doesn't respond.
It's giving me a lot of time.
I said I would go to KBBQ with you tonight.
I know, only because Maya's here.
No, she would probably go if I wasn't.
No, the problem I had, the reason I hesitated is last time after this podcast, Fear and me, Austin, and Will went to KBBQ.
My uncle died.
Well, no, it was Japanese.
Okay, but your uncle can't die twice.
I have so many uncles.
Yeah, she's got other people in her life aside.
You're right.
What if someone dies?
I don't think I'm going to have to stop going to Karma.
I'm going to be honest.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's a test.
And this is important to do.
We go to Korean BBQ.
And if another immediate family member dies of yours, then at that point, well, I guess we'd have to close the podcast now because your ass would not be here for another day.
You're like a Victorian era lord where you're like, oh, I'm mourning the immediate family member.
I was mourning.
I've gone on a he was supposed to help you fly.
That was my pilot freaking uncle.
Oh, that's true.
That was fucked up.
Oh, so you're never flying.
Yeah.
Oh, we're cooked.
Because the only way we were going to Japan is if he was flying.
But he didn't die because of a flight accident.
No.
No.
What was it?
Cancer?
No.
A heart attack.
Yeah, it's a heart attack.
I don't know.
I wasn't there at Korea Barbecue.
It was sudden.
I tried to save your uncle by not showing up at Korea Barbecue.
He died anyway.
It was a sudden thing.
It was sudden.
But it was right after it placed.
I didn't know how to handle it.
The situation.
Austin was the biggest victim of that.
No.
No, no, no.
Austin was like, it really ruined my bias.
No, no, no.
No, it was fine.
I was like, I don't think I paid.
Did I pay for my food?
No.
That would have been mad trying to pay you back.
No, you don't need to pay me back.
Austin sent you a memo request like, hey, by the way.
No, no, no.
No, but it was like, we, I was like, hey, Kitty, like, you can leave because you would just leave.
I walked outside to get the phone call.
I was hungry.
She finished the meat.
You ate.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I didn't know what to do.
What do you do?
Yeah, she was like, what do you mean if somebody started crying now?
I didn't cry.
I was just in shock.
I was like, that's crazy.
I just kept saying, that's crazy.
Yeah.
And we're just like, you know, you want more fried rice?
And it was just, it was you want more fried rice.
Yeah.
And then it's always Will.
Will's like, Will's like, give me a ride home.
And I'm like, okay.
And then on the ride home, Will's like, tell me about him.
I'm like, Will that's so willful?
Will's the mourner in chief.
I'm like, I need to open up.
Yeah, you can open up to me.
He wanted me to.
Yeah.
Will wanted me to open up.
I was not ready to open up.
I feel like you're also not a good mourner.
RP, console Austin right now.
There's 0% chance.
How old was your relative that died?
80.
Okay, he lived a fucking long-ass life, dude.
You know what I mean?
It's the best you got.
Come on, 80.
I get it.
At that point, it's like you're expecting it to happen.
No, yeah.
His life was probably, you know, not as good as it once was when he was like 60.
It was a really good life.
Well, that means he lived a great life.
He lived a long life.
That's like what everybody wants.
He was murdered.
He was, well, at that point, it's like, can you even call it murder?
He was murdered by what?
See, he's crying.
I know.
He was murdered by what?
But you can push down the stairs.
Like, what do you kill?
Oh, my God.
You have to be really good at that.
Light breathing.
I'm not a good mourner either.
I get very awkward.
Like when your relatives do it tragically.
RP mourning?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
What I did, reverse.
With cutie, I would check in on you.
Reverse.
Console.
Who died?
My grandmother.
Alzheimer's.
Oh, well.
Come on.
It was really wet.
It was really grim.
Well, I mean, come on.
Alzheimer's, she's been gone for a long time.
That's really crazy.
I had a relative.
She had her moments.
No, but I had a relative with also.
She had her moments where she would remember me and my family members.
This is why men commit more murders.
Look, I do.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Did you kill her?
No, I'm so sorry for your loss, and it must be so hard to deal with that.
You sound so disingenuous.
Well, look, she hated gay people.
This is the freedom of carpenter.
I suck for your loss.
I got this.
Let me start over.
Son, I heard about your loss, and I just want to say I'm here for you.
If you need anything, and take his phone.
What are you doing up on the phone?
We're next to one another.
I know.
Oh, sorry.
Why are you?
I thought I'd be calling you.
I don't know why.
And if you need anything, I'll be here and take as much time as you need, but not too much because we do need you on the podcast.
You're at a PTO.
I'm going on an 11-month vacation.
I'm gone for 11 weeks.
Okay.
I'm going to, yeah, like you.
That's old school, though.
Like, mourning for 11 weeks.
Yeah, I wore only black.
And traveling in that process is like very Victorian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am Victorian.
I can't see the sun.
I get burned.
That's just a vampire, I think.
You're mistaking.
You have a problem with how she mourned your uncle.
What?
Oh, you think I was going to back away from that?
Drama.
Yeah.
By week three, I was like, bitch, get the fuck back here right now.
That's crazy.
That's what I was calling like this.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
That's really mean.
He said, you don't even know his middle name.
And I was like, whoa.
Dust Mites and Goodwill Finds00:05:43
Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
You have 30 uncles.
It's like, give or take.
Did you say that for real?
No, he didn't.
Oh, my God.
No, no.
They actually.
That's crazy, bro.
I don't think one of them pressured me to come back once.
That's like, actually, like, I was really surprised.
No, we did.
But she didn't get it.
Clearly.
I was like, hey, cutie, when are you coming?
Yeah, no, she, she totally, I now I'm beginning to realize that we were too polite.
Yeah, potentially.
Maybe I should have done that.
We flew to you.
Right, I remember.
That wasn't.
Maybe I should have stayed longer.
Yeah, we know.
We flew to you and did an episode in the park.
Yeah.
Maya came from a week.
I did.
I would have stayed longer.
He just didn't want to stay longer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not happening.
It was good.
It was fun.
We know you liked it.
Your ass fucking plant.
You settled there.
I did.
I'm buying a cabin.
I feel like I heard the Airbnb owner was trying to kick you out by the end of the process.
We were like, this is supposed to be short-term, short-term rentals.
What do you not understand?
Loved me.
They're like, move in by the 11th week.
It's like, what are you owning the owning the place?
What the fuck?
Yeah, I was out there landscaping.
I feel like that episode was the forgotten episode.
Why?
Because, like, I just feel when you came back, when you came back here, that's when Cutie was back, even though you literally were there for an episode.
But it's like, that was the forgotten episode of Fear End.
You did have different vibes when you were there.
Maya, did you feel like she had different vibes when she was in Salt Lake?
Yeah, I think she was happy.
Okay, don't.
I know, but like, don't you guys make her depressed.
Maybe it's the weekly whine about it that make her depressed.
Have you thought about that?
Is this what you guys do on your fucking podcast?
You just sing?
I stopped listening.
I don't know what I don't.
How was the episode last week?
What?
Of Fear End.
Oh, it was pretty good, Austin.
I was nervous you were going to feel self-conscious.
Oh, really?
You didn't watch that episode?
No, I didn't.
Okay, it wasn't.
No.
It was just funny.
It was just, it was just, it was just kicks and gigs.
Yeah.
Most of the episode.
Well, it's, I probably would have died.
But we missed it.
I probably would have dragged the energy.
Yeah, mostly throughout the energy.
I'm always depressing and just like, look at me right now.
I'm sucking the energy out of the room.
What is happening?
San's just scrolling.
No, I'm not just going to go.
I'm not looking at the episode.
I'm looking at if it did well.
I mean, it did well.
It did fine.
It didn't do as good as the one we were all together, but you know, that's all right.
Who's counting?
Pretty good.
Wait, let me see.
So, what's this podcast about?
What's the tagline?
We don't have any topics.
Our viewers hating women.
Yeah.
Not a real problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I have.
I let them.
This is what I do.
Every week I show up.
I let them talk just aimlessly for 45 minutes.
And then I usually say, okay, Girly Pop Nation time.
And then we have a topic.
But I let them, like, you can't let them in on it.
Otherwise, they feel controlled.
So you just kind of have to let them kind of like do their work out their energy.
Yeah.
Okay.
If they don't work out their energy first, then they won't listen to Girly Pop Nation.
That's not true.
Go ahead.
I'll be honest.
I would listen to it regardless.
Austin is a suck up.
Yeah.
He's phony.
At least I think he lay my cards on the Aval.
Thank you.
Wow.
Three women and one gay man with three viewers.
Yeah, he's trying to be a woman.
Sometimes he tries to be.
I do try to be a woman.
Maya, what's going on in your world?
That's what Will would say.
Oh, you're so Maya.
What's going on in your world?
You know, the huge animal stuff, conservation stuff, whine about it, Texas.
Yeah.
Are you going to get out of there?
Texas?
She has the fucking stuff.
No, dude.
I can't go anywhere.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, we have a little sanctuary there.
I'm stuck there.
No, what have we got?
A plot in like San Diego.
I can't afford that.
The sanctuary can't afford that.
For non-profit.
Yeah, buy our sanctuary.
We got fucking money.
Buy me land in San Diego.
You do.
I don't have money like that.
What about the old LA zoo that's just a weird park now?
You could buy it.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Why did you suggest because one time I drove past it and said old LA Zoo?
And I was like, oh my gosh.
And they have little caves and stuff.
No, it's just a park now.
But I feel like you.
It's a public park.
Yeah, but like, you know, politics.
You could call someone.
Yeah.
I'm sure you know Gavin Newsom real quick, the governor.
Can you buy it for me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't have money like that.
These are actually so cute.
We should always keep these.
Yeah, I know.
I'm going to keep it right here.
Well, that's going to be we'll see.
There we go.
Austin, we know that you are not going to take it with you anyway.
Like, you, we, it's after you leave, we talk about how you leave your shit.
Look at what Will didn't take with him.
I don't know why Will didn't take that.
Yeah.
I got it for him at Goodwill.
That's nice.
I thrifted it.
I didn't know he was religious.
Come with it.
What?
The mics.
Mites.
Mites.
Like, dust mites.
They all are in your house now.
Dust mites.
I'm sorry.
I shop at Goodwill.
Are you poor shaming me?
Some of us can't afford to do it.
I love Goodwill.
I got this jacket at Goodwill.
Nice.
Thank you.
It looks great because I was wine.
Maya's in town because we're bulk recording some whine about it episodes.
Not with me.
We just literally just invite you.
Did I get invited too?
I invited myself.
And Austin is still inviting us all.
And he is not getting invited.
Am I invited?
Do you want an episode?
Oh, my God.
I mean, I do have to, I do.
I don't know when you want to fly in.
I'm here.
You're ordered to invite.
Oh, you really are?
Yeah, now you're really stuck in a corner.
I don't know.
Thursday.
Thursday, I am hosting.
I am hosting something Thursday, but I could be free, depending on the time.
Let's work it out.
Okay.
We can work together on a time.
Hickey Stories and Mom Drama00:08:30
Excellent.
Yeah.
Okay.
That'd be great.
And Hassan, you want to do it?
Maybe.
Dr. Doctors, give me the news.
I got a bad case of loving you, except I don't got a bad case of that, but Hassan has a sinus infection and he doesn't know where to find a doctor.
Where will I find a doctor, Austin?
Zock Doc!
Zach Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment.
Now, cutie.
You have to go to the doctor.
I was thinking Hassan should go to the ugly doctor.
That's true.
And you gotta hope that he's not out of network.
And that sucks.
Sometimes he goes visit the ugly doctor.
Hassan, you should go to the ugly doctor, but you should find it in network doctors.
That's right.
And you got to use it.
You got to use Zock Doc.
All right.
So, folks, stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZockDoc.zocDoc.com/slash fear to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
That's D-A-O-C.
D-O-C.com/slash fear.
ZockDocation.com slash fear.
I got a note.
Playoff.
Bad case of loving you.
Hassan, what are you going to talk about on Wine About It?
Girly Pop Nation shit?
What do you mean?
Say something Girly Pop Nation.
Okay.
It's not Girly Pop Nation no longer.
It's Girly Pope Nation.
The girlies are actually taking great consideration into the conclave after Pope Francis passed away in an unfortunate and untimely meeting with JD Vance, the vice president.
All the girls are going crazy for Pope Tagley.
He's from the Philippines.
Pinoy gang, Swaggapinos rise up.
Yep.
It's not like giving girly pop nation.
What do you mean?
There's a lot of drama.
There's a lot of drama.
Do you know what the conclave is?
It's just so much drama.
But it's like different.
You don't get it.
Yeah, it's not.
Like, we like, yeah.
We, we do, like, but, like, we don't.
Okay, let me try.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, like, it's when people say, like, oh, the Kardashians are girly pop nation.
No, they're not.
No, no.
I got one.
I'm going to get one.
Hold on.
Unless, but you know what is Girly Pop Nation when you talk about the Kardashians is a subsect about how Travis Barker used to have a massive crush on.
Did you know this?
Travis Barker used to have a disgusting, massive crush on Kim Kardashian.
In his book, he even talked about like checking out Kim, how hot she is.
And now he's married and has a baby with Courtney.
I was with Courtney.
Damn.
That's Girly Pop Nation shit.
But otherwise, like Kardashians in general.
That's normie shit.
Girly Pop Nation, what's going on with Justin Bieber?
Justin Bieber actually broke ties off with the previous the previous clothing brand he had called Drew, which is named after Justin, co-founded by Justin's friend, Ryan Good.
See, this one's kind of sad because Justin's going through a lot right now.
He's going through a lot, but that's girly popular.
That's not girly pop.
It's too depressing.
Yeah, it's kind of a weird thing to bring up.
Well, the girly pop actual drama side of it is like that Ryan Good actually came out and was like, It's probably because I left the church that he was a part of because it was getting too culty.
That's the new meta, that's the new thing that came out in the story.
What are we talking about?
No one cares.
I'm trying my best.
Okay, I'm gonna get another one.
Austin, you go, come on.
Uh, save us, save us, girly boys.
No, he's gonna talk about Frankie Valley and the four seasons.
He has nothing, he has no emotion on the girly pop side.
You are a shame to the gay men all around the planet.
He really thinks I don't know anything about girly.
Yeah, he stole it.
He is racking his brain right now.
Go ahead, find something.
Girly pop nation, nation of girlies.
Let me tell you something, girly pop nation.
I would.
I just, you know what?
I don't know anything.
I don't know anything.
I really just am brain dead.
I am probably one of the dumbest people I know.
What is happening?
No, it's not literally.
It's not fucking.
I was talking to somebody that I know today that you guys know who I'm talking about.
He was driving me to the airport.
And Jesus Christ.
Anyway, cool.
And I was like, I was like thinking about it.
He's like, you should go on Hassan's stream this week.
I was like, yeah, you know what?
I should.
And I was like, but sometimes I feel like I'm in over my head.
And I was like, wait a second.
You know why I feel like I'm in over my head?
It's because he's the son of two PhDs.
Yeah, that's crazy.
My dad's a pothead.
Yeah, my mom's dead.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
She could have had a PhD and then died.
She couldn't.
She didn't want to.
She was too busy.
Yeah.
She was being a little hoe most of the time.
That's crazy.
Wait, your mom was a hoe.
My mom was a little hoe.
Yeah, I didn't know until after.
Do you remember what she was talking about?
Wait, did all her exes show up?
Did all her flames show up to the table?
So my parents get divorced, right?
I'm just a girl.
Yeah.
And my parents get divorced.
And all of a sudden, my mom just starts, oh, there's all these boyfriends.
And I'm like, okay, Slay Queen.
And I'm like eight.
Oh, yeah.
And there's this one that always called me Sunshine.
I did not like it.
I was like, no.
And then the other one was my brother's basketball coach, which was a little drama.
Oh.
And it was also, it was also crazy because my grandpa was a little racist.
And she was, as soon as she broke up with my dad, she was only dating black men.
And my grandpa was like, not happy.
Not happy.
Oh, is your grandpa dad too?
No, but he's like in the, he's like 90 something.
So he like, no, he's happy.
You guys are terrible at talking about death.
Okay, I just called him racist.
I got one.
No, hold on.
Wait, what the freak?
I'm over here opening up about my childhood.
You're talking about how your mom is a hoe.
That's incredibly insensitive.
That's not good.
She's a dead.
She's a little hoe.
Show some respect.
She was a little hoe.
She didn't have time for a PhD.
Yeah.
Okay.
If you can be a little hoe and get your PhD, kudos, but it's really difficult.
Yeah.
So, so she has all these boyfriends, right?
And I specifically remember one time I'm in the car and she's in the front seat and she's on the phone and she doesn't know that I understand what she's saying.
And she's talking about giving a guy a hickey on his inner thigh.
That's why I knew that.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, she's talking about it.
Anyway, we get back and I distinctly remember we get to the house and my grandpa's there because they're like visiting.
And she, we're going to my brother's basketball game that night and that's the other boyfriend.
She's got two boyfriends at this time.
Yeah.
Good for her.
The best basketball game.
And we're at the basketball game.
My grandpa's there.
She goes up and like talking to her guy, you know, like hugging, kissing, whatever, being a little hoe.
And then my grandpa, we get in the car afterwards and he's so mad.
Was this the uh, was this gentle?
It because your grandfather was racist?
Yeah okay, so this was an African-american gentleman?
Yeah okay um, and so would.
Is this the gentleman that she gave a hickey to on the thigh?
I don't know.
Okay, I don't know.
I would never.
But she respectfully, I would never give a man a hickey on their thigh.
I would well wait.
Why wouldn't you?
Why wouldn't you?
I wouldn't like that.
I actually don't know if i've ever given.
I feel like the dangling would just be on your forehead.
Yeah perfect, I don't think i've ever given a hickey.
Actually oh, my god, I have.
When I was younger, in high school, I was a little hickey.
Hoe oh wow, I was so weird.
I've got.
No, I gave them.
I've never given up.
I loved giving hickeys, like a little vampire.
Yeah, it was nasty, because then I figured out later that it's like you're, when you give a hickey, you're actually sucking.
It's sucking blood vessels yeah, and when I learned that I was blood yeah, it's so gross.
Yeah, you have to suck really hard.
Well, and I was.
I was dating this guy and I don't know what it was, but he would get these massive it's like they were like they.
It looked disgusting, it looked like it looked like a tumor, almost like it was like, oh my god, I think you did it too hard, I think I did too.
He'd get these massive bumps and then, like people would be like what is that?
And he'd be like oh, I got hit by a lacrosse ball.
Did you guys ever try to fix hickeys with quarters?
Is that a real thing?
A frozen spoon?
No, I would use a quarter.
And you like scrape?
Yeah yeah, because it is like moves around the blood or something.
We should do a test where we that's a good youtube test.
Yeah, hickeys and then all the different ways to get rid of them.
Prom Dates and Dirty Talk00:10:10
Who's gonna give who a hickey?
We don't be so excited.
I have a I.
I have a Girly POP Nation story.
That actually is more fun.
I'm done.
I have a Girly POP Nation story.
That's about Cutie Cinderella.
We're having so much fun over there.
About me.
Yes, Selena Gomez oh, she loves me.
Selena Gomez took prom photos of Benny Blanco after former child star never got to go to her own, and I feel like this is very relevant to Cutie Cinderella because, even though she was invited to prom when she was a child, everybody always made fun of her and she didn't get to have the best experience.
Wait okay, number one, I wasn't invited to prom.
Did you also not go to prom?
I went with a cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber.
It was awesome.
We took him to Tempaniaki and everything.
I mean like we as in, like you and your friends, or you and your family, you and my friends.
I got him a croissage, it was.
He looked great.
So is it because you didn't have?
I got him a boutonier.
You didn't have a date?
No, long story short, I had a date.
That was a friend of a friend.
I didn't have anyone in my school to go with.
She's coming up with a lie.
You're lying like she doesn't.
He doesn't go here.
He's excited.
Okay, you couldn't find a legend.
His name was John, made up main John Uh, Joe Johnson, and he went to another school.
He actually did.
He actually did go to another school in Canada no, in Washington uh-huh, um basically, can.
He went to another school and he was like a friend of a friend I didn't have anyone to go with.
Genuinely um, it was.
I'm shocked it was.
It was boy's choice crap.
I was gonna say it was girl's choice, it was boy's choice.
No one asked me.
I asked, I asked.
Well, a friend of a friend was like, Joe wants to come.
He goes to a different school.
They don't have Prom at his school, he wants to come to our prom.
Can he go with you?
And I was like, Yeah, is that?
I don't know.
He didn't even.
He was super Mormon.
He didn't have prom at all.
No, he wasn't Mormon.
He was cool.
He was like a cool kid that went to a different school.
He was like, cool.
He had like an APAC.
Yeah.
Everybody wanted him.
6'7.
Okay, you need to.
Everybody wanted him.
Yeah, you need to moderate the lie to make him believe it.
I was starting to believe it.
He had work, so he couldn't show up until like 8 p.m.
And so I had 8 p.m.
Yeah, so I had to do kickball without him.
I had to do the dinner.
Wait, why does prom start so late?
Why is there kickball at prom?
You guys don't do day activities?
I've never had problems.
No, I never, I had a problem.
So you brought this up because you're just talking about your prom.
I do.
I'm a grove in Turkey.
We don't have prom.
I just when was there a kickball at prom?
You don't do day activities up there.
When do you get ready?
We do.
We wake up in the morning and we do our day activities.
Sometimes we do paintball.
Sometimes we do kickball.
Sometimes you do ice cream.
Paintball.
Yeah, I did paintball before homecoming.
What?
I think they just didn't want him to fuck.
That's why I'm doing it.
Yeah, I think so.
Probably.
But before the dance?
Yeah, we do.
Who fucked?
It's called a day activity.
No, I'm saying like if they get him all tired and fucks before the dance before the dance and they have to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
My only fucking after the dance.
Everyone's only fucking after the dance.
No, I understand that.
My point is they were probably trying to get them tired so they go to sleep.
Well, everybody has their own, you're in charge of your own day activity.
It's not like the lay mash shit.
No, what?
No.
Everybody did it.
Everybody did it.
If you don't do a day activity, you're weird.
I never went to prom because I didn't have a date.
You too can go to prom.
Do you go take pictures at the day since you're doing it?
No, it's a straight prom.
It's just normal prom.
Oh, gay guys can go to normal prom.
That's true.
That's true.
Also, you weren't gay back then.
You were gay.
I was in the closet.
You weren't.
You weren't outwardly gay.
I was hitting on this girl that I thought I had a crush on, but she had a boyfriend.
Oh.
Yeah.
It was very sad.
Her boyfriend was really jealous and then banned her from talking to me.
That's like, like, you were a threat.
I was a threat.
It was badass.
That's kind of cool.
I was like, I would go to, I would go to her soccer games.
I went to three proms.
She's a little hoe.
All with the same boy.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
I'm not a hoe.
Explain how that works.
She's not a hoe.
Breaking into other school proms.
No, no, no.
He was a year older than me.
So first year, I went to his prom because I was a sophomore and he was a junior.
So I went to his junior prom.
The second year, problematic age gap.
Senior and junior prom.
And then the next year, he came back from college to go to my senior prom.
That is crazy.
He was back from college.
He's a freshman in college.
That would suck.
He came back for senior prom.
Like, he's like in college at that point.
Yeah.
No, we were like, we were like a year apart.
Yeah, but when once you go to college, your brain shifts.
I remember being an age gap.
I remember being a freshman in college and having senior and high school friends.
And I always felt so old.
Yeah, I couldn't hang out with him.
Because I thought, I remember when I graduated high school, like all my junior friends, I was like, we're going to be friends forever.
And then within that summer, I was like, but can I make a compression?
What?
Please.
I was, you know, those cringe people that go to college and then come back and hang out with the teachers in high school where all the high school kids are still in class, but you're like, cool, because you're in college.
I did that with my math teacher because I thought we were friends, but it was the one that was a predator and went to go.
Oh, I was cool to you.
Do you think he was trying to throw work your way?
Yes.
Throw work.
He was very, very nice to me.
He said that I should be a model.
Oh, and we would 5'2.
And we would go to lunch together.
He would put his bike in the back of my truck and then we would drive to lunch together on school days and go get lunch.
And then after, even after I graduated, I would come back and visit him when I was a freshman in college.
And then the allegations came out.
And then he got fired.
And then he hit me up on Facebook Messenger.
And he was like, will you testify and say that I'm not weird?
And I was like, you know what?
No, I won't do that.
What the fuck?
Because now that I think about it, that was weird.
But I did not know at the time.
Wait, yeah, I mean, that's the whole point.
Also, someone got fingered at her prom.
Yeah, actually, it was my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry, wait.
My ex-boyfriend fingered her.
Crazy on the dance floor.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Your ex-boyfriend, were you currently at the.
You were dating her?
Well, I'm lying about it now.
I was not dating him at the time.
You fingered who, Maya?
After me and boyfriend broke up, there was prom and their homecoming prom.
I don't remember.
Why is the same thing?
She was fingering a big deal.
I don't understand.
Because it was public on the dance floor, and there were teachers lined up on the bleachers watching everybody dance.
And he also fingered her up or middle.
Yeah, he had to go up or dress.
What, did everybody see it?
Yeah, I mean, that's how I heard about it.
I don't know if people were.
What if she was wearing a maxi dress?
As long as I fingered anybody?
Maxie dresses are not that hard to have to go up.
It would be the dress would be grinding.
I'm saying if it was like a short dress, like a short dress.
It was a short dress, but it's still a problem.
Because you got to reach around the phone.
Did men do that on the dance floor?
Finger each other.
Normal ones.
I feel like he could have pulled it off.
I feel like it was an L on his part.
That's what I'm saying.
Well, he did.
He did pull it off.
He pulled it off, but like not in a...
But then everyone called him finger Freddy.
That's crazy.
And then you dated him afterwards.
No, I dated him before.
Really?
You guys are bullies.
Oh, yeah.
She made that up.
His name was Freddie, though.
Yeah.
Called it lying.
Damn.
I remember my, my, so I was the Mormon girl in high school, so no one really wanted to like tell me their sins because I thought I would judge them.
And my best friend, I found out she got freaking fingered.
Oh, and she didn't tell me.
And it was like a big deal when you like grow up with your girlfriends.
And then all of a sudden, someone has their first kiss.
So they have to tell everyone.
You have to say when you got fingered.
Anyway, she got fucking fingered by some doofus named Alex or some shit.
And she shows up to school and I'm outside.
School's over.
And other friend comes up to me.
She's like, did you hear that so-and-so got fingered?
And I was like, are you kidding me?
She didn't tell me.
Was the other person closer to her than you then?
Don't blash when you freaking find out.
That's when the truth falls.
No, but like, was she or no?
I'm trying to assess how bad the damage is.
Is it irreparable?
We were three best friends.
We were the three best friends.
That's always how it is.
That's why girls cannot be friends who have to be.
Three girlfriends.
It's law.
I'm learning so much.
What are the other laws around girls?
I had one girl best friend in high school, and when she got fingered, she told me that when she got figured for the first time and how many fingers it was.
You guys knew each other?
How many fingers was there?
No, three.
Three.
Yeah, she said it hurt real bad.
That's ambitious.
She was like, it was the first time.
Can you even get three fingers?
Oh, yeah.
You're going to get a penis in there.
Yeah, that's crazy.
A baby in there.
Oh, I guess it can't expand a little bit.
Also, you can put a penis in there.
Do you know how thick three fingers are?
It's not like you can cross bullet.
Yeah, that's the do you know the fraudulent nature?
Do you know the fraudulent nature of fizzing?
Like everybody says, like, everybody thinks this is how you fizz someone, but this is actually what you're doing.
Ew, That's so controversial.
I never knew.
One time.
One time they tested out their dirty talk voice on this podcast.
It was miserable.
You were here?
Yes.
I sat here and they kept saying, do it, kitty dad.
I wasn't going to fucking do it.
Yeah.
And then she did it.
I shouldn't do it.
She didn't know I did.
And it was gross.
It was.
They were like pumping each other up.
They're like, oh, yeah.
Yeah, she did it.
And you know what it's like?
You know what I'm saying?
Like himself.
I don't know.
Kitty was like, show me that dude.
That's my dirty talk.
Let me munch on that penis.
Yeah, that's how she sounded.
She called him daddy.
I didn't.
I didn't.
Sorry.
That's the worst ever.
To call somebody daddy.
No, you guys practicing your dirty talk on podcasts.
What do you mean?
It's fine.
I think it's normal and natural and beautiful.
It's fine for Austin.
Thank you.
That's right.
Gay men can dirty talk in front of women.
Why is it fine for Austin?
Because it's gross when you do it.
And it's fine for weird when you do it.
He's gay almost.
I'm the only one who can't do Dirty Talk.
I'm really upset that you did the fisting thing.
I'm never going to forget that.
That's really.
How did you find that out?
Stop.
How did you find that?
Were you in the middle?
Haley Fans and Questionable Behavior00:04:26
And you're like, she's like, no, I didn't.
I didn't.
I found that out through a very funny dude.
No, I found that out through somewhat of a funny way.
You know how like they have like dildos?
Yes, they have a fisting dildo and the fisting dildo was like that.
And I was like, oh, so that's how you're supposed to fit.
I've never done it myself.
Why are you plugging your ears?
It's not like I'm doing it.
No, I've never, I've never.
You had to.
I don't know.
You need to think about it.
Maybe.
Now, is this fisting a vagina or a butt?
No, not a butt.
That's crazy.
Really?
I feel like logistically way harder to fist an asshole.
Yeah.
Have you done it?
No.
Quit looking at me like no.
No.
I don't think he's done it because he didn't know about the Italian.
That's true.
That's true.
Fair.
Although, what if he shoved it like this?
Nah, you can't put this in an ass, dude.
No way.
I mean, there's no way.
Never done that.
And now it's everybody's.
No.
Stop.
No.
What else do you guys want to talk about?
I brought a good Girly Pop Nation story.
Why do people not like Selena Gomez?
Can you give me the money?
I feel like some people hate on her.
She's a fandom does not like Selena Gomez.
Everyone loves Selena Gomez.
I like Selena Gomez.
The only fandom that doesn't like Selena Gomez are none because Haley Bieber has no fans.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
That's what I was trying to figure out.
There's Haley Bieber fans that don't exist.
No, I mean, there's some like weird Justin.
Like, if you're still, if you still have Bieber fever, like genuinely go to the hospital.
I don't know what's going on.
You should have grown out of that.
He has a child.
He has a child.
Like, he's got to chill.
Yeah, he's got a wife.
Hey, Will, I'm kind of a nerd, and I also want to go see the game.
Oh, then you need Seat Geek.
Wow.
That's right, Austin Show.
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With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app.
Really?
That's right.
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Thank you, SeatGeek.
No, I think, I think for the record, I think I'll cover Haley and Justin and Selena bullshit at some point.
It's going to take a whole episode, so we'll have to start from ground one.
Okay.
I'll cover that at some point together.
But the thing is, is genuinely, I think Haley was just a fangirl as one is.
And then she ended.
It's like if I ended up with Orlando Bloom, like that'd be crazy.
You know what I'm saying?
Like that'd be crazy.
But she did it.
She did that shit.
And it's simultaneously impressive as it is.
It is a little insane, but it's very impressive.
But she has done herself no favors with some of the choices she's made along the way that have given people the idea that she's like obsessed with Selena.
She has done some questionable things and said some questionable things that leads to why a lot of Selena fans are like, I hate Haley.
But I personally do not believe, and I could be wrong, that Selena's ever said, fuck Haley.
Let's dunk on her.
She's like.
She has a song where she kind of like alludes to Haley being a dick wad, but like Selena's never like putting it.
She never said it's about Haley Beaver.
Yeah, exactly.
And she's never like put fuel on the fire in a direct the way, like in a confirmed way, essentially.
Compared to Haley has done some pretty confirmed stuff to Selena.
Okay.
It seems like you're a little bit like exhibiting fan behavior.
So I don't know if you're being an honest broker here, but it's okay.
Moving on.
I'm being honest.
Morgan Wallen and Lana Del Rey00:02:32
Gigi Hadid sparks buzz with Gold Ring and Bradley Cooper at 30th birthday.
Girly pops.
Is Gigi Hadid?
We don't care about Gigi.
We don't.
Okay.
Wait, why?
Elaborate.
Girls, we just don't.
It does nothing.
It's just, it's sometimes you make it in or you don't.
Wait, I got one.
I got one.
I got one.
This is a good one.
Okay.
Are you reading like the tablet?
No, no, no.
No, stop.
I just downloaded this information in my mind.
Lana Del Rey confesses a regretful kiss.
I kissed Morgan Wallen.
Yeah.
Wait, you kissed him too?
I kissed Morgan Wallen because I drove around with him in an ATV.
Wait, wait, you serious?
Yes.
Wait, you kissed Morgan Wallen?
No, Austin.
No, this is the one.
What on earth?
How would I have kissed Morgan Waller?
Lana Del Rey, I feel like you're both from Texas.
Lana Del Rey has dated some friends of the show in the past and also some enemies of the show.
Lana Del Rey has had a bunch of a string of boyfriends, so it's like not that shocking that Morgan Wallen will be literally on that list of people that she'd be into.
She dated a straight-up cop at some point.
She dated.
I dated a cop.
Really?
No.
Oh, God.
She just wanted attention.
Damn it.
Wait, do you lie for attention?
Sometimes.
So do you.
No, I don't.
I never lie.
Friend of the show, Jack Donahue, she dated, and he's like kind of rugged as well.
And then she like dated a straight-up Gator wrestler or some shit that lives in Louisiana.
She's still with him.
She's with the Gator.
But then she kissed Morgan Wallen.
When did this happen?
Oh, I don't know.
She regrets it, though.
Yeah, I would regret it too if I kissed Morgan Wallen.
He wouldn't kiss me, though.
I feel like he would, first of all.
You think so?
I think most country stars are gay.
Really?
Yeah.
Elaborate on that.
Why do you think they're gay?
What do you mean?
All of this.
I think a lot of country star, a lot of country musicians in general, one, band kids.
So already like sexually fluid.
True.
Okay.
When you're a band kid.
On top of that, you're from Nashville, Tennessee, one of the gayest places in the South.
Yes.
On top of that, there's this like hyper machismo that you put on when you feel like you aren't comfortable with yourself and you present yourself as this like beacon of masculinity, even though you can be gay and masculine at the same time.
Also very, very tight pants.
That too.
Even though it's now become full circle now, the gays are not doing that, but they're all like, they're a little out of touch.
Nashville Masculinity and Gay Secrets00:14:53
You guys like WrestleMania?
I somewhat.
So I didn't think I'd like wrestling because I'm like, oh, that's fake.
But I went.
Well, okay.
You know what I mean?
If you know, you know.
So I go.
I think everyone knows.
I don't know.
We don't know.
So anyway.
So I go to WrestleMania and I'm like, this is going to suck.
It's all Corey Agreement.
You went?
Yeah, it was like a couple years ago at the LA, at the LA, whatever the center is, is Staple Center.
And I go and I'm like, this sucks.
And then by like the third or fourth fight, I'm fucking chugging like a 30-ounce beer.
Wait, why aren't we chugging 30-ounce beers right now?
I don't know.
We should get drunk.
Do you guys only do podcasts inebriated?
No.
No.
We never have wine ever.
Oh, really?
Tea?
I feel like that's a lie.
Tea?
Tell me about that.
I feel like you're lying.
Is this exposed?
Like, do people know this?
Yeah, they know.
No, we drink grape juice every episode.
Wait, do people don't know that?
No, no.
We don't drink.
Do you feel like that's affecting your brand?
No.
No.
I think the biggest thing that's impacted our brand is doing our episodes online.
Okay, remotely.
But we do have a drunk episode, or we have cocktails for one episode.
Okay.
We're going to be asking you to do cocktails with me.
I want to do cocktail.
Pina kitten, but we can do cocktails with a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a cocktail episode.
Okay, what's your favorite cocktail?
Whiskey, scotch.
That's not a cocktail.
That's just what I like.
I don't like cocktail.
Okay, well, then we can do that.
We can just have scotch on the rocks.
That's fine.
I like me, but I'll have it on the rocks.
You guys will have it.
I'll drink it neat.
If we'll have it, what does that mean?
Cutie's biggest pick-me moment, but also real, is that she likes that shit.
It's her thing.
I didn't know that.
We've had dinner together where I've just gotten whiskey.
I just always thought.
Yeah, so what do you mean?
If you guys will have it that way.
That was weird that he said that.
It's weird.
I'll have it if you guys want to have it.
I didn't mean anything by it.
He looks scared.
He's basically insinuating that you guys can't tolerate that.
No, most people don't like it.
I'll go ban for ban.
Most people don't like it.
Your boyfriend literally had to teach himself how to fucking drink whiskey by having a little bit of honey, starting off with like a lot of honey, and then drinking.
He's got no hair on his balls.
What do you want to hear from me?
All the way until he no longer needed any honey whatsoever.
I don't know if he ever achieved that.
So my assumption is most people.
I don't look.
I don't make eye contact from down there.
You just guessed the word.
You should put googly eyes on a ball sack.
That'd be nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hassan, do you think you could take me and cutie in a fight?
2v1.
Yes.
The fuck are you talking about?
I think that the heat.
Do you think you could?
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
2v1.
2v1.
I would probably.
You guys should be.
Would destroy both of you.
Yeah.
In fact, I don't think I could.
I think I could beat you guys easier than half of Hassan.
Like, if Hassan was like in a wheelchair, I'd probably have an easier.
I'd have a harder time kicking his ass.
I think you guys are really underestimating timing here.
Yeah.
I think if you also both have penises, we can.
It's not like we line up and you knock us out.
Yeah.
You would have to literally get multiple shots off while I'm sleeping.
I'm not worried about it.
For that to be.
Cutie would go first.
You'd punch her in the face and then you wouldn't see me coming.
I would jump on your back and stick my fingers in.
Okay, Cutie's dead.
So now it's a 1v1 between you.
My fingers are in your eyes.
They're in your eyes.
While they're in your eyes, I grab you like a bat.
You're swimming in the ball.
And then what you do?
You can't see me.
You have no eyes.
I don't need to have eyesight to physically grab you while you're on top of me.
I would beat both your asses.
I'm pretty comfortable.
I'd go like this and I'd break your nose.
Yeah.
Okay.
Have you guys?
And I'd write this part of you.
I'd rip your hair off.
Ouch.
That would hurt.
Yeah.
If you started buying.
Where'd this come from?
What?
Where did this come from?
I was just wondering.
Who would you?
Are you?
I know creator clash is coming up.
Is there anybody that you would like to fight?
Lily Pichu.
I think it'd be good.
I think that's a good matchup.
I feel like she beat your ass.
I don't know.
I think Lily had a hard time watching Michael fight because it was, she was like an empath.
So I don't know.
No, he won, but she like he was great.
I think she would let you beat her up.
Oh, I don't know if I can announce this, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
Okay, I got asked to be a ringboy at Christmas.
That's cool.
That'll be cool.
I'm gonna dress up in a skimpy outfit and walk the ring.
I don't know if I'm supposed to announce this, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
Do it.
That's it.
Your body, your choice.
Exactly.
I don't know what I'm gonna wear yet, but I think I can go shirtless.
I'd assume you are shirtless.
I'm assuming you're in like undies.
Oh, I need to stuff my fringe undies.
I can't, I can't.
Gassless chaps.
I gotta, I may wear joggers.
Oh, no.
No.
No joggers.
You have to at least do shorts.
Dude, that's disgusting.
You have to wear skimpy ass.
No, no, no.
You cannot wear fucking joggers, bro.
What do you like?
That looks like you just were asked last second to be the ring side guy.
You're like, oh, no, I just won't take my shirt off.
You have to have like booty shorts.
You thought you could wear joggers?
Well, I'm going to have to stuff my pants.
That's fine.
You can literally buy stuff.
Could I like, I just want my, I want my like name your price style.
I want my pencils.
Marsh, literally Google like men's stuffed underwear.
You can buy it.
Okay.
And then you just wear that underwear and then you wear your shorts on top of it.
And it will look like a bulge.
Look at that.
Wait, nice.
Look.
Sweet.
Wait, wait.
I don't like the ball.
I don't like it.
If you wore that, everyone's going to know you're fake.
It's a fake penis.
Well, what?
As opposed to what?
They want me to be hard the whole time?
Because that's the only way it's going to look that good.
You know what I mean?
You could try to be.
You could.
I could take a pill.
That would be crazy.
That'd be weird if you were rocking a whole time.
Rocks hard.
Just fucking standing at attention.
You've got a choice.
You have to be either.
Yeah.
But, oh, you don't want to be naked in front of your friends.
Right?
Yeah.
But you have been naked in front of your friends.
I don't like it, but I have.
I only get naked in front of my friends if we're having sex.
Oh.
Okay.
Chill.
We're not having sex.
I brought this up because Ludwig is a big fan of We Spa.
Oh.
Big fan.
What is WeSpa?
It is the spa in LA that when I first was told about it, I said, what?
That no.
You show up and you...
Yeah, you get naked and you hang out.
Well, if you are with men, you get naked.
If you're girls, you get naked.
If you go in the shared area, then you're in matching clothes that the spa gives you.
Do you have to leave your phone somewhere?
Because I would be so startled.
That's crazy.
Wait, is this like a street where you can bring your phone to the in the shared area?
But in the sauna, no.
Hold on.
Oh, you're not naked.
No, you are naked in the shared area.
It's a shared area, no.
Straight people appropriating gay culture.
What?
It's Korean spa.
Shit.
But they do have one that people use for cruising.
There's a specifically for cruising.
Cruising is like when gay men look to go hook up with other guys.
Like my old boss used to go cruising at the park, and then one time someone at the freaking park got shot while cruising.
Oh my God.
What a horrible end.
And it was like a cruising part.
There was like a guy, like a homophobic guy that was there that just happened to be.
I'm not gay.
And then I don't remember the story, but it was crazy.
It was so, so the gays were shook.
So anyway, so that used to be legal.
Gay panic, gay panic defense, yeah.
You could just kill somebody.
There's still trans panic defense, too.
Yep.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, where like you.
It's not technically legal, but you can use that as a viable defense in a court of law to like either lower your charges or even completely.
And there's still sundown towns.
Yeah.
That's speaking of sundown towns.
I watched Sinners.
Oh, it looks so good.
Excellent.
It was really good.
Michael B. Jordan's the boy of the summer, I decided.
People are saying that.
He's hot.
Yeah.
He's the hot.
I mean, he's always been hot, but we kind of like forgot about him because we were like, does he have anything to do with Michael Jordan?
No, right?
They just have the same name.
No.
That's something.
That's why he threw the B in.
I think it's a fair question to ask.
I think so.
Okay.
I agree.
I agree with you, Maya.
Thank you.
I'll come to your defense.
So we'll go down together.
He's the worst person to go here.
But I brought up We Spa because I don't think we could ever go to WeSpa.
Oh, fuck no.
Yeah.
Wait, you guys, you guys are naked?
No.
Wait, but girls.
Girls do that all the time.
We've sort of no, we've never seen each other naked.
Like, girls do the thing where, like, you guys will, like, even in places in which you don't need to be naked in front of each other, girls will just, like, let's get naked together.
I know.
I don't watch too many pornos.
Yeah, what the fuck?
That seems let's get naked and hit each other with pillows.
No, no, no.
I stand by this.
I know like stuff I know.
People are going to run to my defense in the ew.
Wait, wait, hold on.
What did he say?
I didn't hear that.
He's talking about the porn that he watches.
I hate it.
Let's get naked together.
Stop.
Stop.
I'm just, he's the one who suggested it.
He has a nightly fap routine.
Ew, stop.
Are you for real?
He's got a laptop that's how rich he is.
He's got a laptop dedicated to a fab thing.
It's called the fap top.
He puts it on his lap.
Ooh, it's on.
No, I'm a chest.
You not being ashamed of that is crazy.
You don't look at your own.
Hold on.
You don't look at your own penis while you're jerking up.
I mean, I still see it.
Oh, you're so fucking tall.
That's crazy.
If the laptop is in front of me, couldn't be able to do it.
Anyway, sorry.
Sorry, Maya.
So, anyway.
Why do you have to look at your penis anyway when you're jerking off?
You don't like to look at your penis.
I'm sure Austin looks in a mirror.
I was about to say, it's been 33 years.
I've seen it plenty.
You know what I mean?
I know how to do that shit with my eyes closed.
It's fine.
I just have to look at it.
Anyway, I'll tell you, I'll take it one step further.
Because of my pinky, I've been using my left hand recently.
And that's been great.
It feels like somebody else is doing it.
Not really, but it's cool.
It's different.
Have you guys ever put your dick in something interesting?
Yes.
Yes.
Like what?
Banana.
Peel.
In it?
In the peel.
Couch.
We talked about this.
I've had sex with a pocket pussy, a Samester.
Suckmaster.
Yeah, it's like a vibrating.
Suckmaster 3000.
That's an NYX.
Yeah.
What else?
I have to think about it.
I'd like to get back to what I said, though, because I do think this is a thing.
Women will like they'll go to the, you guys will go to the bathroom together.
The bathroom, yes.
The bathroom's different, though.
We don't look at each other.
Right.
Well, you'll go to the bathroom together.
You also, like, when you go out shopping, you'll get in the dressing room together and change in front of each other.
Right?
I mean, if we have to, but you don't get naked when you change clothes.
Oh, true.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
You need your, like, when you're going to the shower.
Wait, you go, you get naked at the gym.
Are you one of those?
Yeah.
Oh, I don't get naked at the time.
Like, you just, like, do you drop trowel?
Like, no, I don't walk around, but like, I take my clothes off and put a towel on before I get into the shower.
Yeah.
Okay, that's fine.
Yeah.
You know what I think is crazy about Ludwig doing that?
Yeah.
Is this a crazy thing to say?
If people have, okay, that's so fucked up.
That's what I was going to say.
That's insane.
And so scary.
Is he naked?
Yeah.
That's so scary.
I cannot.
I didn't even think.
Oh, my God.
That is actually.
I have not done this in a while, and I probably would now.
Now that's going to be in the back of my mind.
I'm sure he didn't think about it, though, when he first, probably when he got naked.
No.
Did he think about it as it was happening?
Was he like, oh, and he still doesn't care?
Was his fan like nice dick?
Like, what was that?
No, he was just like, like your videos.
And your penis, he didn't say anything about his penis.
I feel like that's one time he was at the Wii Spa and someone talked to him about coming to model.
They were like, You need to meet me at this warehouse and model for us tomorrow.
Trafficking.
Oh my god, trafficking at the Wii Spa.
Why?
He'd be a beautiful model.
What the fuck?
That's weird.
Like a nude model.
I don't know what kind of.
Yeah, no, they were gonna traffic him.
They were not going to try to meet me at a warehouse.
He's not actually going to be the cover girl.
You don't know?
He could have been.
I do know.
He could have been.
No one is picking up Ludwig of all people at the fucking Wii Spa.
He's a good looking guy.
He is.
He's six foot almost.
You know, for the first five years of my sex life, I never had sex naked.
Wait, wait.
Wait, what?
You shouldn't have told them that.
Maya.
Wait, what are you?
A never nude?
Like Tobias Finke?
Well, so I dated a guy in high school, lost my virginity, this guy, and I dated him for five years.
And the whole time.
When you lost your virginity, what were you wearing?
I think pretty much everything.
Okay, but like, I think we just pulled pants down to like knees or something.
I mean, it's hey, like 16, bro.
Was it like a hot situation?
Because it's like in the heat of the moment, or no.
It's a choice.
I think you're just like five years for five years.
Dude, what the fuck?
So he never saw your titties.
Like, no, he did.
Well, no, yeah, he did for sure.
Yes.
Okay, so like, would you just like to say that?
I just think we never had sex like completely naked.
Like, we never like stripped and we're just like, was it always like spontaneous in a car?
Like, where was it?
Where you guys had like the time to get naked?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
I'm gonna be honest.
What me saying this out loud, it is weird as hell.
Was he always fully clothed?
Yeah.
I don't think we just never like shy.
Yeah, we just never decided to like fully take all of our clothes off.
Did you like you never broached the subject where you were like, hey, isn't it kind of awful clothes?
Neither of us had ever had sex with anyone else.
So we were just like, it just is what it is.
Sometimes it is hotter, though, to keep an article of clothing on.
Yeah, but that's deliberate.
That's why I asked, was it like a hot situation or was it like sometimes I think the underwear on is a good thing.
Anyway, sorry, this is gross.
Sorry.
No, we're talking about having sex.
I know, but I felt gross saying that, and I'd like to apologize.
I'm so sorry.
This is a gay, positive podcast.
You can be true.
Thank you so much.
I don't think it was gross.
I like to have sex with underwear on sometimes.
That's not gross.
Thank you so much.
TikTok Opinions and Love Confessions00:13:17
That's your truth.
What do you guys think about that?
I think it's fucking gross.
She's the one who broached subject matter.
They can't get mad at you.
I sent you a TikTok, Marsh.
Oh, yay.
I'm going to play this TikTok hot moment of the week.
And I just want to see what you guys think.
Okay, we're going to get his reaction on some of my sundresses that I got today.
Yeah.
Oh.
Me too.
Open.
Oh, my God.
That looks cute.
Oh, he's gay.
Naked.
Yeah.
Oh, he's gay.
Yeah.
Wait, I'm so mad that you got to that before I did.
I know.
Y'all, I was thinking it, but like, maze balls.
I don't know.
What do you like about this one?
Failennials.
A lot of things.
I wonder what.
Yeah.
Sorry.
This one was the one I wasn't sure about.
What do you think?
That dress is gorgeous.
Yeah.
Love it.
Love it.
Okay, and a winter.
What the fuck?
Love it.
This one's a short one.
Love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like off-the-shoulder dresses, if you can't tell.
Oh, love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He seems very uninterested, too, at the same time.
I'm confused.
Why do you guys think he's gay?
Well, I'm just confused.
Well, first of all, look, I'm just going out and say it.
The voice.
Well, what?
Are you telling me?
Sorry.
Thank God he said it because I didn't want to get there first.
Yeah, the voice and also like the way he's looking.
The way he's looking is very forced as well.
Even the thumbs up.
He's like, eh.
Also, amaze balls to describe boobs.
That's something I would say.
And he's also like, he kind of looks disgusted.
Yeah.
At the same time, like he's like, he's like this.
It's like this.
I know what I see when I look at this.
Okay.
I see milkmaid.
I see titties.
Okay.
And outside.
I'm sorry.
I'm just telling you what a straight- Do not want to harness.
Marge is laughing because he knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about.
Like, this is.
I don't like him either, if that helps.
No, my point is, like, the dress in and of itself, like, I can't tell if it's like fashionable or not.
I liked it when she showed the leg because I was like, ooh, that's cool.
Like, you know, feature of the dress.
But I don't know anything about like the technical details of it.
And the way he's analyzing it almost feels like he doesn't like the fucking sundress as a concept at all, where he's like, ugh, this is so blase.
Like, this is so...
Oh, my God, bitch.
You're wearing 2005 summer chic.
That's what he, he's giving out that vibe.
Ah, yeah.
He's not going, oh, titties, nice.
Okay, without closing that one, because we're going to go back to that one.
Open the next one I showed you.
This is important because maybe you guys are just, you know, maybe you're just freaking haters.
My name's Evelyn.
Oh, and I didn't think that I would be doing this today.
Oh, no.
For those of you who don't know, I posted a video recently with me and my boyfriend, and I was trying on sundresses, and I was getting his reaction to them.
No.
I thought it would be really fun.
I was feeling super confident in the dresses and I wanted to show them to him and get his reaction.
I thought it would be funny if we posted a video.
But people have opinions, and that's okay.
You're entitled to your opinion.
I welcome your opinions.
But when it's constant and everyone's just repeating themselves, saying that the closet is glass.
Boyfriend's gay.
Does your boyfriend have a boyfriend?
Like, that's just not necessary.
And then you go and you say, oh, like, your boyfriend's going to try on your dresses after you're done with them.
No.
No, pause it.
Pause it.
Like, that's, that's not.
No.
He did not fuck with those dresses at all.
Like, no, he was not interested.
He was like, oh, the dresses I have are so much nicer than this is the attitude that he was giving.
Part of this makes me so sad because the closet is glass and he hasn't realized it yet.
You're doubling down.
It's crazy.
I mean, I like.
I didn't say it.
He's gay.
No, but it's sad that he can't accept himself.
You don't know he's gay.
Oh, you're calm.
Are you fucking kidding?
Like, people shouldn't be dunking on her.
It's kind of sad.
Look, I think if he is, you know what?
Devil's advocate.
Okay.
He's not even like... Devil's advocate.
He may not be gay.
And you know what?
You don't even believe that.
I don't even believe that.
He's not.
Okay.
So, he may not be gay.
I don't know.
And we should accept him and be patient for him to come around.
Be patient with him.
Be patient.
If he's going to tell us, he's going to tell us.
I mean, he kind of told us in the last video.
All right.
Continue.
I want to see.
Because if she keeps reading the funny ass comments, it's so great.
Not necessary.
That's very rude.
That's very mean.
That's, I don't know what's going on in your life, but don't take it out on other people.
Like, if you're miserable, I'm sorry that you're miserable.
No, I'm happy.
I want him to be happy.
Please, because that's just rude.
You say that my giggling and my happy, like, if my happiness is bothering you, leave.
Leave.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I don't need reviews.
Like, I think if my happiness in my relationship bothers you, and if how I react or act in my relationship bothers you, buy.
Like, I don't know what else to say besides things that you're saying are very rude.
Don't look at the comments.
You can keep that to yourself because those are your opinions and nobody wants to hear them if they're going to be hurting another person.
Oh my God.
There was no, that was it.
That was it.
I feel bad.
Can I see the comments?
I would like to go on record and say that I was pretty quiet.
I was on your side.
Super hard watch for both of you.
Also, buy people exist.
Oh, that's another thing.
That's another thing.
We did buy invisibility.
We did buy invisibility.
Me when I'm delusional.
Oh, no.
Okay, what do you think about this, cutie?
Because I feel like you just walked us into being canceled.
I liked doing it.
What's your honest opinion?
My honest opinion.
Double gay as hell.
Just say it.
God damn it.
My honest opinion.
You worked in a fucking wedding cake factory.
You were surrounded by men like this.
To play Devil's Advocate, I have.
He could be bi.
Yeah, he could be bisexual.
But I don't think he's straight.
He could be straight.
Could be.
Right?
Like, there's a chance.
There's always a chance.
Of course.
Right?
There's super masked men.
Get back to the video.
The first video.
Let's finish it.
By the way, think about this.
There are very masculine men, like myself, right?
That you wouldn't even think for a second are homosexual.
I mean, it's true.
Correct.
Right?
For a moment.
So there could be very effeminate men like this.
The only thing that I noticed in this video is it feels like he is every single time she turns.
It looks like he is looking directly at the boobs and he's looking directly at the ass.
And it feels way too intentional.
I thought that too.
Yeah.
But that's the only thing I've said so far.
That's all I've said.
Why would you think that?
It seems like you noticed something that's a little off here.
Okay, let's watch the rest of it.
Come on.
Oh my god.
Now I'm noticing it.
Now I'm noticing it.
I didn't even notice that.
Lucky for him, he doesn't have to decide.
Okay.
That's fun.
Cute.
She's gorgeous.
Yeah, I like that one.
I like that one.
What do you like about it, baby?
A lot.
A lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is this one your favorite?
Yeah, it's one of my favorites, yeah.
One of your favorites.
Which one's your favorite one?
Three.
Number three?
Yeah.
The short one?
Yeah.
Open your eyes.
I'm surprised.
Maya.
This one's my personal favorite.
Not only strawberries, but it's one of the only long dresses that actually I don't have to have.
I do think she probably has a lot of people in her DMs right now, though.
Really?
Because she looks great.
Them things are.
Wait, they're in love.
They're in love.
Look, that's love.
So, I mean, look, I feel guilty for what I said.
And I think that I take it back.
I think, you know what, honey?
He's straight.
Oh.
You know what, my friend, sir?
You know what?
If you, if there's a coming out to be had, it's not our journey.
And it's not our journey.
We shouldn't be judging you for putting, I don't know what you were doing, but we shouldn't be judging you.
And if you want to come out, there's a whole community that will accept you.
Wow.
That was beautiful.
That was beautiful.
My opinion.
I feel like if someone, if you encountered yourself, sorry to cut you off.
Oh, blood contest.
Excuse me.
You encountered yourself before you came out and you gave that speech to your former self, you'd stay in the closet for another five years.
Go on.
I'm sorry.
My opinion is whether or not he's gay, I don't care.
I think it was a very hard watch, straight or gay.
Yeah, that's what's it.
To have your boyfriend react to your dresses and then you're like, that's got to be, that's the two of y'all.
Just do that yourself.
We can hold it.
That's Midwestern things, though.
That's brilliant.
That's like a very Midwestern assistant.
That's brilliant.
I didn't like watching it.
That's brilliant.
Austin and recreate it.
That's brilliant.
I liked it.
What are you going to do as Ray?
Wait, wait.
That's funny.
Wait.
I need the dresses.
That's fucking good.
Where are we going to post it?
The problem is what?
What are you going to say about my chest?
That is not what I was going to say at all.
What the fuck is that?
Yeah, I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Someone saying that he likes titties.
Now he's saying he doesn't like her titties.
This is genius.
It's going to go crazy.
Why?
This is so genius.
Austin can't perform convincingly gay.
Exactly.
He's going to be like, yeah, like you're tits.
Okay, we want to do it this week?
Yeah.
You want to film it for your TikTok?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, you can use it for your TikTok.
No, no, no.
It's fine.
It makes more sense on yours.
We could both post it.
That's true.
We could do that.
But we could also do it on the Fear Anaconds like a neutral party.
You can just have it.
I don't care about my TikTok.
Austin doesn't watch it.
I care about it being funny.
That's all I care about.
I don't want your ass on his name.
No, she's great.
No, he wants it.
That's exactly.
He wants it.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our episode.
And we do appreciate having a wonderful, one of my favorite women.
Thank you.
Yeah, but we have the game behind the paywall at patreon.com slash fear and also patreon.com slash whine about it if you want to go and watch a lamer podcast.
And it's like.
It's a little more organized.
No, because QT does the same amount of work for this one as she does for that one.
So it's like kind of 50-50, the same level of organization.
Sure.
Thank you for watching, and we will continue to empower women.
Not me.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
I think you look great.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
No, I was thinking about something funny.
What?
It made me laugh.
What?
But it was a hate comment.
Good.
But it was.
That's evil.
Read my hate comment.
But it was, you know, you read a hate comment against her and you laughed and you're bringing it up.
What's wrong with her?
That's awesome.
Actually, no, it was, I was like, that's so mean, but it was funny.
I want to know it, please.
I beg.
I've done that before.
I've read Lovega hate comic because I was like, this was so funny.