Fear& hosts announce the permanent return of Crash Dummies, eliminating Cutie Cinderella and Austin Show amid allegations of racism during Black History Month. They recount disastrous basketball stats, a viral "meat pic" tragedy, and Hassan's upcoming June 28th boxing match against Odd Ones Out. The episode mocks Steve Smith Sr.'s affair with a Ravens band member involving an IUD rearrangement while debating LeBron James's social media blocking habits. A chaotic Canada-USA hockey fight analysis contrasts with callers sharing military sanitation stories and childhood traumas, including racist beliefs about Black ejaculation and Mexican N-word usage, ultimately highlighting the podcast's unfiltered approach to dismantling prejudice through absurdity. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Counting Jab Stats00:11:04
Let's fully count the jab stats.
Three feet move it up and down.
Oh, she's working it.
She's like giving it a little Mr. Miyagi type charger.
No, no, it wasn't.
I wasn't saying that!
Hour and a half late to your own podcast.
Okay.
What's up, everybody?
We're back.
It's the Fear Amp podcast with the boys, and we have officially decided that we are completely eliminating Cutie Cinderella and Austin Show from the podcast, and we're bringing back the crash dummies.
That's good.
Permanently done.
Yeah, they're permanently done.
No, I'll do that.
They're permanently done.
No, y'all are now going to be the official co-host.
That's right.
We're announcing it right here, right now.
We got Penn and Mike in the middle.
I'm going to be in the face, though, because QT is pretty much left at this point.
You know what I mean?
It's like when someone dumps you and you're like, no, that's me.
Yeah, no, no, I'm the one.
Yeah, we're the one.
Because last time Will wasn't here.
Ooh, that's a.
And now she's not here.
Ooh, that's a question.
So let me tell you this way.
Okay.
Oh, she doesn't like us?
Oh, yeah.
She hasn't been on Evo.
Wait, that's right.
Because you raised her last time.
Yeah, it's because she's racist.
He said that.
She did actually escape to like some of the most racist states you could go to if you want to avoid black.
She's at Utah right now.
Which I feel like.
She's all the way away from us.
She's like, I don't even want to see anybody.
It looks like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Like, she went to like...
You went to Utah during Black History Month?
Yeah, which is very suspicious.
Now taking a sabotage.
They don't celebrate it there.
They just call it History Month.
Yeah.
Yeah, shout out.
Bring him Young.
He's all over that fucking state, but she left to go to Washington, which is also, I would say, like a pretty, like a relatively quiet state, right?
I mean, where'd she go?
She went to Washington, like Idaho or something?
And then Utah.
She's avoiding us for sure.
She is.
Yeah.
Not just you guys, like just in general, black people.
Oh, yeah.
She does not have that.
I do think that this is going on.
And we were in Japan, to be fair.
And then, you know, she left to do her own thing to go on like a white girl sabbatical.
Yeah.
As you do.
Yeah, as one does.
But before we bag on Cindylla too much, your stat line today.
Okay.
Should I read it from the first game?
From the first game of basketball.
Oh, damn.
There's an official stat line?
Yeah, there's an official stat line.
Bro, I was Tony Snell.
So we recorded it.
Tell me if these numbers sound familiar.
He was three points, three for 20 field goals, two rebounds, zero assists, seven turnovers.
20 field goals.
No.
I don't even know my assessment.
That's a lie.
Three for 20 is crazy.
No, that's a lie.
I don't know if you chuck up 20.
But at least you got the green light.
With the LeBron jersey, you're chucking up that many shots.
Yeah.
I pulled a Luca.
Yeah.
No, no, Luca Slinner.
He's still going through it right now.
Yeah, no, I know.
Seven turnovers.
Turnovers in like three on three kind of hurt more than like five or three.
Bro, you wouldn't less.
There has to be one guy open.
Yeah.
One of your guys is open at all.
You want to know what is more hurtful?
Okay, first of all, those stat lines are incorrect, but I do have the correct ones.
I'm pretty sure I can pull them if you want, but they're still pretty disastrous.
So we don't have to work on it.
I'm just saying.
But the last game, at least, I had six points.
There you go.
And that's the whole...
I am the only one who scored on our team.
Redemption.
That's all.
We still lost.
Did that win the first two games?
We won the first two games.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like three on two and a half.
There's somebody out there with a torn meniscus.
That is true.
Lacey, yeah, yes.
Lacey has a torn meniscus.
This is true.
He's frantically looking for stats.
I'm looking for the stats.
He's actually sweating.
You disrespected my stats.
Three for 20 and seven turnovers means you had the ball the whole day.
Yeah, no, that's just you were just making decisions.
That's why it's not true.
That's why it's not true.
Turnovers, seven turnovers with that many shots.
Seven turnovers with 17 shots.
So okay, there's no turnover numbers here, but three points first game, three assists, seven rebounds, uh, three out of 13 field goals.
Oh, that's still so bad.
Yeah, I got some points.
Shout out to Detroit.
What?
Yeah, 13.
Two points in the second game, one assist, three rebounds, two out of 11 field goals.
February 11th.
They just left the turnovers off at that point.
Yeah.
That was game two.
Game three, six points, zero assists, two rebounds, one steal, five out of ten field goals.
Five out of ten.
Show percentage.
No, that's when I walked in the gym because I was like, how do you see you do that?
You were killing the last game.
Yeah, but then we got destroyed.
So it didn't even matter.
Now, look, I had a lot of food.
The light was not good.
There were a lot of dead zones in the field.
If you get the five excuses, I believe you.
Yeah.
The basketball, I'm not comfortable with because basketball is a weird basketball.
Yes.
It's like a Wilson evolution, but the FX one or something.
Yeah, like high fidelity.
It's crazy, right?
It's a weird ball.
He's got me.
Yes, he also had issues because I thought I was the only one.
I'm like, oh, this ball is racist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't want to bounce back to me, do you?
Yeah.
No, straight up.
It was, that was what was going on.
Um, so, uh, did I did I say the chicken part?
I already ate a lot of chicken.
A pound of chicken.
Yeah, like a pound of chicken.
What type of chicken?
Um, Mediterranean.
Yes.
Yeah.
You can't eat that before playing basketball.
No, I just got his back, bro.
Come on, man.
Thank you.
I need him to have my back on my excuse.
Yeah, Maya.
No, it was just.
It was definitely a draft in the building.
Someone was like, that's a weird.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a windy.
Somebody left the door open for sure.
I did.
I did have some crazy shots, though, where like it would just bounce.
Like, it would have counted NBA style, but it was like, I got gold-hended by the rim.
Not a regulation hoop.
Yeah.
It was, yeah.
I think I saw the stream of you guys warming up.
Like, and you are, you're bricking bad.
No, that was the game.
That was the game.
That was not the game.
I don't think it's the game because I like.
I think y'all playing around the world or something.
No, we weren't playing around the world.
We were just put the ball in the hole.
That was bad.
I was like, Hassan, I've never seen that swoop with you a lot.
I've never seen you like that.
I was, that was a bad showing.
I will admit.
That was not my best performance.
It's all right, bro.
Redeem yourself.
It's funny because you also get real like suburban dad when you get bad at basketball or something.
I'm like, come on, shit.
Son of a darn it.
What?
What is that?
Because I'm not trying out the curves.
Yeah.
But also, I'm upset.
You know what I mean?
Also, I play like a suburban dad.
I play like a plumber.
No.
So that's, yeah.
Play like the what's that old show called?
I don't know.
No, no.
Uh, something hill.
King of the hill.
King of the hill.
No, The brothers, the Lucas brothers.
Oh, man.
One tree hill.
One tree.
You play like I play like a dude who doesn't know how to play basketball, but for the role, he has to play.
Like a Disney actor.
Yeah, you're like, y'all just drop.
Do y'all watch back those movies and like see how see it differently now the way they play basketball?
Oh, no, I get so annoyed.
Yeah, I mean, that's situations.
The most famous one of all time, Marsh put up, is High School Musical.
Have you ever watched that basketball sequence?
Yeah, wait.
Let me see.
Some of you have seen it.
Best, worst basketball.
I got worse six.
I got worse.
I think I know what you're doing.
I got one to challenge yours after we watched.
Okay.
And I want to tell you, this is the worst bias.
But there's a reason we can't make fun of it.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Why can't we make fun of it?
You'll see.
Actually, we're all the other all right.
Pull up radio, yeah, yeah.
Just any of them when he's playing basketball, you'll it's it's pretty easy to kill the final game, yeah.
You're talking about the two sisters, aren't you?
Yeah, the twins, the twins, yeah, yeah.
What was that movie?
Double something, double, yeah, was it double trouble?
You gotta watch that though.
When you say bad basketball, I think of um what's that what's that actor that passed away, famous actor Gene Hackman.
No, no, Jesus Christ, oh my god, he's in Hoosiers, he's in Hoosiers, Gene Hackman.
Oh, he's a culture.
Okay, this is like not no, that's crazy.
I was wrong, I was wrong, that's crazy.
What are they doing?
They're literally running a three-man weave behind him and he has the ball.
I mean, they're choreographed with the shit sleeve, too.
Yeah, oh, he's got a crisp.
Yeah, I think that's how Luca dresses right now.
Yeah, they're not like they know how to play basketball, but they're also choreographed dancing at the same time.
I think that's why.
Okay, sacrifice is not.
I know how to play basketball.
I take it back.
Double trouble was the scene.
It's the double, I think.
It's double trouble.
It's still their special move that they do.
Okay.
Okay.
And she like goes, like, does this thing where she lifts both her like pivots?
Okay, let's see this.
The last shot, it has to be the final play.
Yes.
Oh, I get why.
I was confused at first.
Yeah, right.
Just start right there.
I mean, listen.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So she hurt herself.
She hurt her ankle.
She hurt her ankle.
Yeah, yeah.
She's hurt.
But they're leaving her wide open.
What the disrespect, though.
If her ankle's hurting, why are they leaving her wide open?
Now look at the time on the clock.
I'll pause real quick.
It said five seconds.
Five seconds.
Let's count how long she holds the ball.
Seven seconds.
She now looks at the basket.
Well, it's slow, not even with slow.
Let's count again.
Let's keep counting though.
Six.
Five.
Now count the jab steps.
Three feet.
Move it up and down.
Oh, she's working it.
She's like giving it a little Mr. Miyagi type charge up.
No, no, it wasn't.
I wasn't saying that.
But I didn't even know the colour change, though.
What are the coincidences?
Now, like I said, the other pivot moves up.
They finally run to her.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
This is all.
It happened in seven seconds.
Why is she still other foot?
Oh, the jab step.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Save us all pass.
You know, they could have.
Swish.
All in seven seconds.
Go in.
Wait, wait, wait.
Can we go back?
Can you say go in three times before a jump shot?
Go in.
He said, go in.
Go in.
Go in.
Internet Legend Moments00:13:52
So I feel like for this role, they're supposed to cast the person that knows how to play basketball.
Yeah, I don't understand that.
Yeah.
It's kind of like who got in trouble for that?
Spencer.
From All-American?
All-American.
He ran a football route in Vans.
And he ran a route, and it was like so sloppy.
And all the football hits were so mad.
And then the next season, they had like all different people come in and look a little bit more efficient.
So they got bullied into doing the right thing.
Yeah.
On the opposite end of that spectrum, Keanu Reeves, they asked him to do a tryout with the Ravens because he was so good in the replacements as a quarterback.
Really?
That's real shit.
Non-looking up.
Look it up.
Will would 100%.
He said his footwork was so tight and he threw a tight spiral.
Good rotation.
He spun the ball.
Yeah, but Jalen Hurts is a running back.
What are we doing?
Yeah.
He knows how to play the game the right way.
Try out offer from the Baltimore Ravens.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
They were just trying anything.
Yeah.
I think.
If you're a white man that stayed in the pocket in the 90s, you had a job at Puerto Bank.
He's standing in the pocket.
I don't care how many pics he's thrown.
He's in the past.
Let's get him on the Patreon.
He's a real lunch pail guy.
Yeah, he's got real high game IQ.
Hassan, we live in a time and place where people can get in your computer and just fuck the living shit out of it.
Do you know that?
I do know that.
They can take your identification.
They can look at what you're browsing.
Oh, I wouldn't want that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Big time buddy.
And they can figure out where you are.
And that's why you got to use NordVPM.
Oh, wow.
They're going to protect you.
They're going to get you around regional walls.
You know, let's say I want to watch an Australian program, but I live in the United States.
Well, guess what?
NordP VPN, I live in Australia now.
Bing, bang, boom.
Right.
You see what I'm saying?
Real, real, real great Dollaridoo.
That's.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Well, listen, we actually.
I can learn by using NordVPN.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our own deal with NordVPN.
An exclusive deal.
You got to go to NordVPN.com backslash fear end and try NordPPN risk-free for 30 days with a money-back guarantee.
So you can watch all the content you want from around the globe, protect your information, and just feel more secure about your internet habits.
Hell yeah.
We're saying it was getting harder to be Hassan's friend sometimes because of his pictures.
No.
I was like, we had a conversation with you.
No, that was crazy.
Oh, the meat pig?
That was so crazy.
It's like, how do we support?
Like, it's our friend.
That was so crazy.
You know what's what?
We can't hit that with you.
It was when he was like this.
The meat pick.
Like, why?
That was a progress pick.
It wasn't even like, it's crazy because I just did one of these.
If you'd have just hooked it in your underwear, like, I would have been like, oh, he like lost weight.
He's trying to show all his definition.
That's what I was trying to do.
You put your penis to the side like this.
So it like, it's like your body's up.
So when you swipe, so I didn't see it.
So I had liked it before I saw the dunk.
So I was like, yeah.
My boy Hassan posted it.
And then I swipe and my thumb ended up on his penis.
And when he said this wipe, I said, you son of a bitch.
Just quickly unliking it.
Yes.
So I think I have one of the top comments on there because I got my son taken away.
I was with my son when I saw that picture.
And now he's in foster care.
Thanks a lot.
You made me lose my son.
Sorry.
I was like, you see what Sam supposed to be like, did you watch that around your son?
Yeah, but I didn't see it.
No, but so that was a progress pic.
Okay.
And, you know, people just misunderstood what was going on.
I think.
It's crazy.
I wasn't trying to pull a like.
I was literally just looking.
I was like, do I like this?
But, you know, I'm a type of person.
If I see like tens of thousands of likes, it really makes me want to like it less anyway.
Yeah.
So it's like my hipster.
You don't need meat.
You don't need my likes.
Meat pick hipster.
Yeah, yeah.
He likes everything.
Me?
Yeah, yeah.
Don't say that.
No, you like everything.
I think it's just like, no, I'm just saying, like, you don't like everything, but you accidentally like stuff.
I think it's just.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I just see if I just see the name, I don't see the picture.
Yeah.
That's just hit like that.
I feel support.
I'm in the same boat because, like, I've gotten into trouble in like past relationships for this because, like, I don't know.
People are gonna.
You like someone's progress pics?
No, no, like, I don't really think about like, ooh, this person is looking real hot.
Let me give her a like.
You know what I mean?
When I hit, like, when I, when I see a friend, you know, and I, you know, you just want to support them.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, in my mind, it's not like who the, I think it's weirder to be like, Yaza, you look really hot.
I'm gonna hit that with a like now.
I think it's more so just like, oh, yeah, it's my friend.
Great.
You look good.
Boom.
Yeah.
So, what do you think?
Like, okay, let's say you posted that picture on your story.
The picture that we're talking about.
The meat thing.
Yeah, the beat pick.
What do you think when someone likes that on your story?
Do you think that's true?
I don't even think.
I don't even.
In my mind, I don't even.
I'm not even spoken.
Yeah, I don't even think.
I don't even think about it.
I'm like, what was your thought process?
Did you know you were posting it that day?
I played basketball and then I was like, let me.
No, it wasn't even the meat.
Like, the meat was not supposed to be the prominent picture of the photo.
I just thought, like, I take progress pics sometimes.
I was like, damn, I kind of look swell right now.
Let me post this.
Talking about your buddy?
Yes.
Yes.
I didn't.
Also, like.
Oh, have hard on.
I think.
No, I should have fluffed it.
Like, I should have fluffed it way harder.
You should have.
I did not.
You should have fluffed it more.
No, I should have fluffed it.
Did you tell me you didn't start the fire a little bit?
There's no way.
There's no way you took the picture saying, my meat looks small.
I'm going to take this.
No, I wasn't like, I didn't.
When I posted it, I wasn't really thinking about my meat at all.
Come on.
No.
We don't believe that.
No, because I'm not.
It's not even.
It was for my legs because you can see my top of my quad.
That's it, no.
You can see the top of my quads.
Oh, for sure.
You can see the top.
Also, like, it's not even.
It's all right.
Like, it's not even like a crazy meat.
You know what I mean?
Try to humble brag.
No, just say it.
Like, I should, I should have like, like, when you think of meat pics, it's like game.
You know what I mean?
Like, the game when he would post sometimes his dick and hold it.
Like, that's.
You've never seen the picture of the day.
Okay, March dick.
This is like an internet legend.
He has a court day coming up to get his son back.
He is not getting back.
They're going to show this in the court.
This was like an internet phenomenon.
March, that was just gay porn.
No, the Twitter, the Twitter handle.
There it is.
There it is.
The Twitter handle that he would just on set the game.
Insane internet picks.
What's going on?
Yeah, he's just holding it.
And he's like, also, he's hard.
Like, that's crazy.
What the fuck, bro?
You've never seen that?
They're never coming back.
They're never coming back.
No, that's like, why do you guys know about that?
Well, I've never seen that.
That was all over the internet.
Dude, that was.
Now looking back, I do mean.
You know what's even worse than remembering the dick?
The dick coming back to you.
Oh, yeah.
Wake up, Briggs.
No, forget this dick.
Yeah, I was taking a shit.
I was taking a shit that morning.
I remember where I was.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
You cut your hair.
I did.
Yeah.
I had really long, I couldn't see when I was boxing.
I was just gonna say that had to be the reason.
Yeah, my first day, I got rocked.
Like, I got the shit kicked out of me, and I was like, okay, I gotta take it.
Have you already said you're fighting an uncryst?
Oh, yeah.
I'm fighting an animator named Odd Ones Out.
Yeah, but I've been training.
What's the person that you're fighting?
Odd Ones Out.
Odd Ones.
Does he have boxing experience?
He's been boxing for three years.
He lost his first fight, but yeah, he's been training for three years.
Did we start any beef yet?
No, I'm not good at it.
Okay, I got it.
I'm not good at it.
Bring us to the press conference.
We want to talk shit.
Don't bring us.
It just like call on us.
Do you actually want to come to Tampa?
You can come to the fight.
Oh, Tampa's perfect.
When's the fight?
June 28th.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that only June 19th.
I'll be there.
It is funny.
Hassan invited us like the first day.
Yeah.
He didn't want to see us at all in February.
Yeah, during Black History Remote.
He's like, I'm going to rupture.
I'm going to rupture Mike's Achilles.
Yeah.
And then not invite him.
Dude, I still feel bad about that.
For those of you who don't know, Mike and I, when he's out here and Paswell, we play basketball and the conditions of the court that we play at are not exactly great.
It's very dusty.
And given the explosive athlete that Mike is, he exploded his Achilles.
He had an Achilles tear last time.
Oh, Aaron Rodgers action.
A lot of Aaron Rodgers exploding in front of a bunch of guys.
Just like college, man.
Oh, yeah.
And I mean, that court is like taking out another Unk as well.
Yeah.
Took somebody else's Achilles.
We're not Unc's though.
No.
We saw the age thing.
There's like a new graphic.
We're big, bro.
How old is Unc?
I think 36.
Okay, I got one more year.
We're good.
Yeah, we're big bro.
Yeah, we're big, bro.
We're big, bro, until 36, and then you're Unk territory.
And then OG, right?
Yeah, OG, OG.
Yep.
OG is like 45 or something.
I feel like when you OG, you have to be able to give some wisdom.
Yeah.
I think OG comes with a couple more like a couple.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should have the wisdom or you'd be dead by now.
Yeah.
Bro, if you're 45 and you have no cool stories, why the fuck do you have a lot of fun?
You learn one lesson in this life?
How the fuck are you here right now?
Yeah.
Just always made the right decision, man.
I just got lucky the whole way coasting through.
I'm a piece of shit, man.
No consequences.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Yeah.
What you're liking boxing so far?
Yeah, I like it.
Training is hard, man.
Especially on top of streaming, like going in and doing three hours at the gym and like cutting weight and then coming home and like doing content is a lot.
No, I said, yeah.
But as I said, as you get hit less, it's way more fun.
Yeah.
Way fun when you learn like the defense.
When you start to kind of, yeah.
That's the crazy thing.
Is like my trainer said something really poignant.
He's like, you can learn all the combos in five minutes.
It takes a lifetime to learn how to not get hit.
Yeah.
I was like, that makes sense.
Not get hit and actually hit back.
Because there's a lot of people that know in boxing that like I've sparred with.
They're good at not getting hit, but they don't know how to hit back.
So they're just like dodging and then eventually they tire themselves out.
How many rounds is the fight?
Four, I think.
Four, three, yeah.
Four?
That's not bad.
Take your time.
Yeah.
Oh, take your time.
Just redlining after the first.
Yeah, because it happens, especially adrenaline dump.
You have, I'm telling you, he's going to be just as tired as you in the third and fourth round.
Just take your time.
First asshole sparred.
They taped my gloves.
I had headgear on, and I was fighting a guy who was 235 pounds.
And after the first round, I was like sucking wind and I was in these fucking lobster claws and I was panicking.
I was like, I can't fully breathe.
Yeah, so I've been running my ass off.
I've run like two and a half miles every day, even if I'm not training.
So you ever get in there?
No.
You got to take me to the bottom.
No, yeah, you would be a me.
You'd be a big meeting.
You take one punch.
That video will live forever.
Oh, yeah, like constantly, constantly.
Oh, yeah, play over and over.
I um, I mean, I like it.
I like we, when we were in Japan, uh, Will was trying to train.
Yeah, so we went to a place called Fight Club, and Japan has like these little bars everywhere.
And apparently, Fight Club is exactly that.
It's a bar where salary men go to at night, they get shit-faced, and there's a octagon there, and they fight each other.
Like, you can just go in and just fight one another.
Oh, yeah.
Um, but when we walked in during the day, it's it's a real MMA uh gym, and these Japanese dudes, like I think one of them was like a pro, and they were training, they were doing like fight camp or something.
They don't speak any English, we don't speak any Japanese, and we're just like looking at each other, and they're like it was weird.
Like, we walked in, we rolled up, and they were just like it was like a scene out of Westside Story.
Like, if we had come in like this, like there was some real just there, was definitely a lot of tension, yeah.
Um, but yeah, uh, we went and we uh boxed a little bit there, and we, you know, I had a great time, it was fun, it's it's exciting.
You're always in tense situations, though.
Why are you made outfits?
Westside Story Tension00:09:12
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, before that, before that Uber trip, though, what he made our Uber, our Uber, very tense.
He, he put his foot, son took his whole foot and put it on the back of the guy's neck.
Oh, come on, bro.
Thank God it was on camera.
Thank God it was on camera.
I would never do that to an Armenian man.
Yeah, okay.
But no, he put his foot up, like, just to cross his foot over, like a, like, old white guy.
Yeah.
Um, and the guy, I don't even, we obviously couldn't understand him at first because it was just like so out the blue.
And he was like, Something, don't do that, or foot.
Yeah.
And I put my foot back up and he's like, put your foot down.
Yeah.
And he got tense.
Yeah.
I've never had that happen.
Crossed your legs.
Because I crossed my leg yet.
But it wasn't touching anything.
Like, I wasn't like touching the console or anything with my foot.
Like, that's weird.
Yeah.
What'd you say?
Huh?
What'd you say?
You try to calm the tensions down?
No, man.
I was ready to go.
He had when he, I saw, I could see only his mouth through the rearview mirror and those three silver teeth on the left side.
I said, yeah.
I'm going to let this ride out.
No, I mean, I, I'm, this is serious.
Yeah.
This is serious, man.
I was very polite.
I was like, oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize.
You know, at first, I tried to like course correct by being like, oh, I'm not touching anything.
Like, and he was like, no, put it down.
And then I was like, oh, my bad.
Sorry about that.
He was cool with me.
He really liked me.
We were like laughing and stuff like that.
He even said, he said bye-to-be at everything.
But not his sign, though.
He literally.
I was waving at him.
He was like this.
Put your foot down.
I brought in a few trending topics that I want you guys to take on.
Number one, Erewhon is selling a $19 strawberry.
Wait, wait, what?
Everybody's what?
Erewhon.
We're pulling this up for you right now.
So Erewhon is like famous.
Yeah.
Pull this shit up.
It's like a bougie LA food store, but yeah, this is the 19.
It's like if you're if you want to feel like Whole Foods is broke boy shit.
You go to Erewhon.
So so so this is play this.
Yeah.
$19 strawberry from Erewhon.
So we're going to eat it.
It's from Kyoto in Japan.
And apparently it's like the best packaging goes crazy.
I think when people say we're going to do something.
Yeah.
I don't even know how you do it.
You're doing it.
It's literally sitting on 1.2 million likes.
We all did it at that point.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
Wait.
You gotta just eat it like this.
It's like a butt plug.
Oh, you know what that looks like?
A butt plug?
I've been to a lot of women that use butt plugs.
That's the best strawberry.
That's crazy.
Yeah, that is the best strawberry I've ever had.
She's talking to my compliments to the chef.
No, that's the only way she's talking to a guy, the guy that saw her buy it.
Hey, how's that strawberry?
And it's from Japan.
I need to eat every last bit of it.
Yeah, it's $19.
Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you heard that?
Yeah, he got sexual.
He's getting really sexual at the end of the day.
You have to eat the stem too for $19.
You just moved it.
Yeah, you can't leave the stems.
$19.
That's a $3 stem.
That's crazy, though.
A $19 strawberry is crazy.
I would in Japan.
I would buy it to taste it, though.
Was it $19 in Japan for a while?
I bought like Marge.
How much was the melon?
Like, I bought the most expensive melon in the world.
It was a $200 melon.
Did it taste good?
No, like cantaloupe suck.
Yeah.
You bought cantaloupe.
That's the worst fruit.
That's the one that gave you the most in like the fruit salad.
Yeah.
It's like the failure.
Yeah, you're right.
I didn't even make $200.
So I thought it was going to taste delicious.
And honestly, every fruit that we had at the fruit, because like in Japan, it's huge.
Like, fruit is actually a gift that you give to people.
And the packaging was excellent.
Like, the packaging was half the price, I think, because it was like, you know, no, literally, like, they put it in this, like, the fruit comes like a king's goblet.
Yeah.
They give you like, like, it's, it's sitting in like a like a like a purple fur thing.
Like, it's got like a little casket for itself.
It's got like an entire like a box that it comes in.
And it just tasted like normal fruit.
Are you getting a $19 strawberry, though, even if it's the best strawberry you've ever had?
I would get to try it.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I want to see you.
Yeah, they got me.
They got one purchase out of me.
They got me, man.
That's all they had to do.
Where the consumers, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's all.
That's what it is for, though.
It's like, why is this $19?
Now I'm intrigued.
I have a morbid curiosity as well because she literally said it was the best strawberry she's ever had.
I know we've had those strawberries when we were in Japan, Will.
Those are the same ones, yes, bro.
They were in our hotel room buying.
I was thinking it was even better than that.
Well, they know, because they gave us like 20 of those strawberries when we checked in.
Yeah.
There's, but that's, there's no way they gave us what?
No, it's $19 because they shipped it from Kyoto when we were in Japan.
It was a Japanese yen, like with the currency exchange.
I don't know if I'm spending $20 on that, though.
I mean, yeah.
No, one time.
I feel like one time.
You gotta say, yeah, you gotta debunk it.
I think I'd rather fly back to Japan.
That's why I would that's wisdom.
Okay, why were you guys in May's outfit?
San, I got a problem.
Uh-oh.
My girlfriend won't stop stealing my deodorant because I use Mando and it smells delicioso.
And I mean this.
This isn't part of the ad read.
I actually use the deodorant right here.
Fly in.
Bang, right there.
Flawless.
The deodorant smells great.
Tell me what you think.
I'm going to steal it from you, first thing that comes to mind.
Just, oh, that's fresh, right?
It is.
I mean, it smells like fresh laundry.
Yeah.
I like that.
Give it to me.
I need to.
I'm rank right now.
Listen, all the products are baking soda-free.
You got to try them out.
They're created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal.
Dr. Mando.
What?
No.
He saw how normal B.O. was, and it was being misdiagnosed and mistreated.
So he made this fantastic line of products.
Now, I don't know if you know this, but this is about to use it.
This scent was actually made after Austin Show.
Oh, oh, yeah.
This one's called Mount Fuji.
Mount Fuji, that's fine.
Which Austin Show owns.
And that's why we have our own special deal with Mando.
It's the Mando Starter Pack, and it's perfect for new customers.
Okay.
So what you're going to do is you're going to go to Mando.com, shopmando.com, and you're going to use code FIAR.
That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com.
Please support our show and tell them we sent you smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando.
You got your there's armpit hairs on that already.
You shed that much from your armpits?
That was mine.
It's mine now.
There's three armpit hairs on that.
Oh, we were uh we were serving at a made cafe for content.
So there's like where does this content live on the internet forever?
Have you ever heard of like a made cafe?
No.
So there's like this, this, these restaurants where people will go and they pretend that like they're your maids.
Yeah.
When we did that, we pretended like we were their maids.
Yeah.
This is on the internet.
Yeah.
We did that on the internet.
Yeah.
We had to say things like, welcome home, master.
Yeah.
It was sick.
Welcome home, master.
Yeah.
There were no black people there.
I didn't even think about that.
No, it's Japan.
Battlefield.
That would have had a way different energy.
If you signed us up for that for like some hours, we would have done.
Yeah, no, no, no.
It was, it was fun.
It was a fun experience.
Cause like, I mean, there's so many weird cafes in Japan.
They just call like everything a cafe.
Like we went to the Capybara Cafe.
Yeah.
Where there's just literally, you know what a cap bar is?
Have you ever seen one?
No.
Biggest rodent in the world.
But they're so cute.
Like they're actually chill as hell.
Oh, that's what they call.
They call that bushmeat in Nigeria.
Oh, wait, really?
They eat those.
I've eaten that before.
You've eaten a capybara?
Yes.
Bro, that's crazy.
Is that like a bet over there?
Bushmeat is a crazy thing.
It's so chill.
No bushmeat is.
You guys didn't eat it?
No.
We paid it.
I could have kept that one to myself.
We paid it.
We love that thing.
Japan, you got to eat different things over there.
That's crazy.
They do the same thing.
Also, wait, what time?
How many minutes has it been?
30 minutes.
And Nigeria mentioned from Mike.
Okay.
Zero.
Yeah.
That is not.
That's not your invention.
Wow.
Then the penis thing comes next.
It's the penis thing.
He always mentioned it.
He always says, my penis isn't the biggest, but it's obviously not.
I've never said that in my life.
I've never said that in my life.
Austin show.
Did we talk to Austin?
Austin.
He said he was in another country right now.
He's in London.
He's in London.
He's at RuneFest.
The Penis Thing00:14:54
Yeah.
He's doing something very nice.
Freaking nerd.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's RuneFest?
It is a convention for RuneScape.
Which is a very old online MMORPG.
Wow.
But like a decade before Wow, I feel like.
Yeah, yeah.
Interesting.
So it's like almost a 40-year-old video game that he's going out there.
It is literally like a 30-year-old video game now that I think about it.
It's like 30.
When was RuneScape invented?
I want to say it's like 30 years old.
Okay.
I was exaggerating.
Yeah.
But it's before World of Warcraft, though.
It's three years before.
It's a game that everybody played on their high school computers.
Gotcha.
Not me, though.
Yeah.
Well, you guys were athletes.
You were doing cool shit.
I wouldn't call it cool.
It's like that stuff was like, I remember being in the car when I was like 16 and before practice when I first smoked my first blunt.
And I got high school?
What the fuck?
It was so stupid, too.
Literally, this is how dumb like we are as high schoolers.
We're going to like, we're all going to get out separately so people don't notice that we smoked.
Right.
The first guy that got out, he went to the school.
And as each one of us went out, we all met at the same spot where the teacher that watched us go in the car and smoke and walk out of the car.
So just like all four of us.
And he's like, what was y'all doing in there?
And he's like, I can tell y'all high.
And then he went to the person that was the dumbest person there, my friend.
No one half the time.
I was second.
Went to him and said, let me smell your fingers.
And instead of like giving him his fingers like the smell, he took off rudding and we all just like, Yeah, he ran.
And then he ran like this long parking lot with no other cars in it, So he's running down the empty parking lot.
And then we all had to walk up to the office and then, like five minutes later, He was sitting by us like breathing really hard.
We go here bro, like what the fuck?
They'll never know.
We're all just like wait, what?
Like who is that?
Is that a student?
Hello, we hit him hard.
He was like I could get away.
Yeah.
Do y'all stream with y'all shoes on?
Sometimes.
That's a crazy question.
This is why I asked the question because I had this whole thing out because I haven't seen Hassan in a minute.
So I always started noticing random shit, especially when you hurt and you're on your phone all the time.
I was like, he always takes his fit pics with his shoes on.
And it's like you're leaving the house.
Do you keep your shoes on the whole time?
Sometimes.
Depends on the day.
Yeah.
Exposing someone's process is just down low.
I'm trying to get it out there.
No problem.
Now it's going to be.
I'm trying to take his aura away.
He made me mad with that picture.
The meat pic?
Yes.
Why'd he do that?
Meat pic was so.
So it's like we have to strip Hassan of his aura.
I got three messages from random people and said, what is this guy?
Exactly.
You're trying to have to stick up for him.
Well, you have to defend your boy's meat pic.
Like, why am I defending?
Yo, bro.
It was a progress.
Not your friend that FaceTimed you when you were here, though.
Yeah.
She probably liked it.
He probably did, but still.
I don't want to dox her.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
She also told me to tell you to shave your mustache.
Oh, she doesn't like the mustache.
No, she don't fuck with the mustache.
Oh, damn.
Okay.
That's controversial.
Do you let your audience dictate?
Like, even you, Will, do you got to let your audience dictate your appearance?
Not really.
I mean, sometimes we do like funny shit.
Like also in Japan, when we went to like a beautification area, it's called like Ikaman or something.
He's like, handsome man.
And they fucked my shit up.
Like they, they really.
They waxed my shit.
Marsh can you pull this up on Twitter?
I didn't see that.
I was wondering, because I was wondering, I look weird right now.
It's like, I didn't see the, when they actually waxed your eyebrows.
Bro, they the AI eyebrow pic.
They were like, oh, we're going to run your eyebrows through an AI.
And yeah, on Twitter, but like a long ass time ago.
So if you go to the media tab, maybe it'll show up faster.
But basically, they were like, this is like the only time he's ever looked Middle Eastern.
Yeah, it's true.
They were like, this is the sexiest eyebrow in Japan.
What the fuck?
Yeah, I didn't see this.
I knew you looked weird.
Yo, look at my Latin temptation on him.
There's an actor he looks like, though.
I don't, I've never looked this way before, and I never looked this way after either.
Cause I immediately went back to my hotel room, took a shower, and shaved my beard.
Because they like, because they also lined my shit up.
Like, normally it's natural.
Like, I just let it grow.
But they like went like they, they did something weird.
I don't know how to explain it.
Let me say one more time.
It was so straight.
Every line was so straight.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, they brought your beer down.
Yeah, they went boom like that.
It looks like you drink Doseki's.
The world's most interesting man.
I just look, I don't know.
I look gay as hell.
Like, honestly, that's what it is.
Like, I look pretty.
Like, you know what I mean?
But I'm not supposed to look pretty, if that makes sense.
Like, it just looks weird.
It's like an older man trying to look pretty.
That's what it looks like.
No, I was supposed to, but he was.
But that process took three and a half hours.
Yeah, bro.
Oh, just for yours?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, they used AI to map his brows.
Yeah.
This was, I could not believe they had like a like a like a plane across his eyebrows with like a grid, and it was like resting on his head like this as they were like going through it.
And my man would like look at the AI and then look at his head and like go and take photos of him.
Two lashes and come back and be like, it was cooking.
Yeah.
Dude, he went crazy.
He took like 700 photos of my face.
It was wild.
I was trying really hard not to laugh too much because like you don't want to hurt his feelings, but like it was kind of silly.
It was so, it was so ridiculous.
But they, but they also were like so excited because we were like promoting it.
So they didn't even let us pay for it.
Yeah.
Which at that point I was like, you my face up anyway.
You know what I mean?
Might as well give this to me for free.
For real.
Did you see the uh Steve?
You gotta talk about the Steve Smith stuff yet?
This meets this meeting.
Steve Smith Sr.
He texted that.
I heard about it this morning, right?
Yeah.
It was a no, that happened.
It happened like a week and a half ago.
It was a Steve Smith, a former MNFL player.
He was basically having an affair with another Ravens, like marching band.
So he like, he was, he does some stuff, like some with the marching band with everything with the Ravens.
Like he'll come hype the crowd up and stuff like that.
So he did some stuff, like a guest appearance in a marching band, but he was having an affair with a woman who was also in the marching band.
And her husband found out and took it to the internet and was like, so first he texted Steve.
Yeah, he texted.
And Steve responded, just sorry.
There's no way.
Yeah, audio.
He's like, oh, you want to know the worst part?
What?
The text, bro.
Her text to Steve Smith.
At some point, she told Steve Smith that you rearranged my IUD.
Oh my God.
Would have crashed out.
But the thing is, what I said on our pod is like, I think he's a big Ravens fan.
They're both big football fans.
That's obviously why she's in the marching band.
Sure.
So, and he was like crying, like, Steve Smith, why would you do this?
Blah, blah, blah.
In his head, he's like, bro, my wife wouldn't cheat on me with that many people.
Like, you're one of the few people on earth, like an NFL legend that my wife would cheat at.
So is that appropriate in his eyes?
Like, he was like, it's no, he was crying.
Like, why you come in, like, basically ruin my life?
You know what I mean?
Like, Steve Smith, like, you're my favorite player, bro.
Is that better?
Because, like, because, like, think about it.
What if she cheated on him with like some schlub?
You know what I mean?
And not fucking Steve Smith.
Honestly, it's probably easier to handle in that way.
Yeah.
Because at least you can, there's a way of doing like there's no way to handle you rearrange my gut.
No, rearrange your ID.
But the thing is, if it's like a guy off the street, like the next door neighbor, it's like, oh, you're, you're going to do that anyways.
You're just, if you had sex with my next door neighbor, you had sex with the closest guy that lists us, right?
Yeah.
But Steve Smith, like, he's probably going to take her back.
Like, I don't know if she do this other than the NFL.
I just got to watch the NFL legends.
That's it.
Yeah.
We go to a party, Michael Irvin's over there.
You better not.
But you can't.
I mean, at that point, it's like you can never, you can never look at the team the same way again.
Steve Smith is iconic.
The combine's happening right now, and Steve Smith maybe has the best combine clip of all time where the wide receivers are working out, and one quarterback is just whipping them in.
Steve Smith left the booth and went to go.
Have you ever seen this?
Yes, I think he goes and talks to him.
He's like, topped on the ball so goddamn hard.
It's so familiar.
Pull it up.
Steve Smith yells at quarterback at the combine.
This is like classic.
I'm going to judge his stroke game by the way he curses.
He's only like 5'10.
Yeah, Steve Smith's not a very big person.
I don't even think he's gonna get him.
Yeah, there, turn on the volume.
You can hear the booth just crack up.
Never understand it.
Your coach was telling him to pick it up, pick it up.
He was trying to make sure you slow down to make sure he catches that football.
And I tell you, they want you to run fast.
They want these balls coming on you fast.
So they want to see that.
What happens if you don't draw it?
It has to be the guy over here.
Yeah.
He beamed it.
That has to be like that fourth throw.
Yeah, he's beaming it.
It got to be that fourth throw.
Man, right here.
One of these.
Yeah, it's that guy right there.
They'll get the message.
Oh, it's a fifth guy.
And then you can hear them when Steve Smith goes and crashes out.
Three, four.
Yeah.
You hear him?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so he's trying to get a shot.
Steve, did you tell Tyree Jackson that he's doing the 12 better here?
Slarry guys right up there.
It's Rich Isaac.
Yeah, dude.
He talks to him.
So as someone who's done this, because I did the combine too, it is a thing where quarterbacks start to do too much because they're like, especially the ones that are not as popular and trying to show the arm strength.
This drill is really for the receiver and they're still trying to beam it.
And it's hard to catch the ball.
It's like you're making my job harder by trying to show there's a drill for you to show your arm strength and you're doing this right now.
And you fucking threw 17 fucking picks in the Mac.
Calling the fuck Steve Smith with the marching band with the marching band outfit on.
Oh no.
Wait, let me see.
I mean, let me say, go back.
You think he had Trump's only fucked that night.
In the fit?
In the fit.
Look how he's walking.
He's literally.
Nah, man.
What can you do, though, but crash out like that?
Is there?
So is there a guy in this world?
If LeBron James.
LeBron James.
And wait, what's your response?
I would be upset that I wasn't there.
Come on, nah.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
I mean, like, you want to see the goat's penis?
I want to see the goat's penis.
No, no, I don't see that in our presence, though.
No, that's crazy.
We already got our fucked up clip with LeBron.
We're trying to get it as good graces.
Yeah, we're trying to.
I don't think LeBron's going to rock.
Oh, he's trying to get in his good graces.
He didn't block us, though.
What?
LeBron usually blocks what he doesn't like.
So if you're not blocking him, wait, really?
Yeah, he'll block you.
You gotta make sure you're not blocking him.
No, if you're gonna LeBron blocked to you, if he blocks you on Twitter, there's no way you can see his, you've seen his content.
Wait, hold on.
That's the only way I know he blocks.
I've been following him, and he has not blocked me.
Okay, okay, on Twitter, but let's see.
Oh, hold on.
I also sometimes post stuff on Instagram.
I posted him the other day.
I can't add him, though.
I don't think.
Can you add LeBron James King James on Instagram?
Because I couldn't add him.
No, I don't think you can add him.
Think it's kind of like adding, you know, you can't add the FBI.
No, you can't, but you can do the divisions, though.
I just do, I just do the Los Angeles one.
I feel like they're the most responsible one.
You think so?
Yeah, I always tag them under.
Why did you add the FBI?
People just do weird shit on why do you have Nike slides on in 15 degree weather?
FBI, I love that.
I'm not blocked by LeBron.
Thank God.
What would that be like for you?
That would be devastating.
I would be, I'm not going to lie.
That would get me.
That would hurt me.
That would hurt me.
Because it's like...
You saw me and then you said you don't want to see me ever.
Yeah, ever again.
What can I do?
But for a brief moment, he noticed me.
So that's like, there's that.
During the game?
Why are you twirling your thumbs when you're doing it?
He said for a brief moment.
I think he's shy for no reason.
My goat.
That's my goat.
This is how you know, like, this is like a true LeBron fan when you ask him this question.
Do you think LeBron can get you a bucket in the NBA game?
Get me a bucket.
Can he help you get a bucket?
Yes.
See, that's something.
That's what they believe.
Get you a bucket.
Yes.
Oh.
Yes.
Oh.
It's LeBron.
I believe stats from earlier in the stream again.
Okay, dude, stop.
Nah, three foot.
I'm not that bad.
Bro, come on.
Have you seen the Lakers lineup?
Everybody hide on LeBron.
Everybody has off day.
I agree.
What Melton Connect is.
I'm just saying, like, it's not.
It's a very top-heavy team.
Okay.
They're dropping 60 up top, and then everyone else got like three points.
Fighting in Hockey00:07:10
You just see how they play, too.
The backup Lakers, bro.
All they do is foul, bro.
It's like ridiculous.
They get in there.
Hack.
I got this.
The Jameson dude, their backup center.
He plays.
You know how Dwight Howard was playing towards the end of his career?
Yeah.
Back in.
Better start learning Chinese, buddy.
But he was like, he was only in there to mess with Jokic.
That's what he does.
I would love that job.
You just go in and just rough shit up.
Like, yeah, I'm coming in three fouls and I'm like arguing with the best player.
He makes more millions.
But then every now and then, on the off chance that you're going to be wide open, you get a pass and you're sitting in the corner waiting for that three-pointer and you just whiff it.
And it happens quite frequently for the Lakers.
So I know it doesn't it seem like every time somebody plays LeBron, they lose a little power.
You're like, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let's start hitting call to some of these people.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
We should do it.
Calls.
Yeah.
Oh, let's do it.
And then, and then we can do it on the on the uh paywall as well.
Okay.
I'm just going to start telling people.
Yeah.
Um, for those of you who don't know, we did this in the last Crash Dummies collab episode as well.
They have a really funny segment where they will just like present a unique question to their fan base and then they will instantly reply.
Their fans will like instantly reply with a very funny answer and then they just straight up call them off the Instagram, right?
Yes.
I'll show you off.
We're just looking at some of the answers right now.
Okay.
Yeah.
Trying to pick the funniest.
And Pat was talking about how there's a trick to it where you're supposed to ask the question and then try to get them to answer and then very quickly grab them on before they come to their senses.
Regrab the answer?
No, 100%.
There's, I mean, we've dropped because we've like talked in between.
We're like, yeah, we'll call you in a minute.
And there's been like, oh, that's going to go viral.
That's going to go viral.
And then we lost it because the guy is like.
Post-nut clarity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He thought about it.
He was like, damn, maybe I shouldn't tell them that I accidentally slept with my dad.
They almost had you, man.
All right.
While you're cooking that, we do a segment every week called America Me Up.
And I brought one this week.
I don't know if you guys watch much hockey, but I know you're sports guys.
We saw the Canada versus USA.
We did.
Did you watch Canada versus USA?
No, I just saw that Canada beat us.
Okay.
Well, I want to beat them.
I'm not even saying us no more.
I want to do it.
Canada beat those guys.
Yeah, beat those unaffiliated Americans.
I want to pull something up from the first game.
This was absolutely fucking amazing.
So, a little background: United States goes up to Canada.
They're doing both national anthems.
They have a veteran singing the national anthem.
They bring out the little U.S. hockey team, like kids, and the Canadians boo during the anthem.
Like big boo.
Oh, they boo during the anthem.
Granted, you know.
Yeah, it's fair.
It's been some troubling times.
But the American hockey players didn't take too kindly to it, and they start three fights in the first nine seconds.
Watch this.
This is iconic, dude.
This was incredible.
Puck drop and wins a fight.
What the fuck?
Yeah, dude.
Listen to the stadium.
People were there for blood sport.
Remember, somebody got that.
I want them brothers too.
Both brothers fight within three seconds.
It's incredible.
Wow.
Dude, there's nothing more.
Oh, the helmet's off.
Nothing more challenging than doing a fist fight on ice skating.
So you're skating into the punches, too.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
All right, so skip forward.
Skip forward a little bit.
They rack them back up.
They rack them back up.
Play gets going.
You can go forward more.
This is just a replay.
That shit's so tough, man.
So go back a little bit.
Yeah, right there, right to the face-off.
So this is the second face-off.
We're two seconds in to the game.
Drop them again.
Three seconds in.
Let's go.
I wonder if hockey players like practice fighting.
Oh, for sure.
But who do they practice by God?
Dude, they're punching a helmet, too.
All right, so skip.
I saw somebody.
Kevin got some re did this before.
Oh, man.
He was finding this.
Oh, man.
All right.
Go back a little bit.
Wait, can I ask you a question?
This is my camera super.
I've just never really watched hockey.
Do you get points for beating ass?
No, it's purely a momentum swing.
Okay, so they just let you kind of do it until you fall on the ground.
Both players go to the penalty box.
All right, so they finally line him up again.
Here we go.
We're finally getting some hockey.
One shot, dead puck, and they drop him again.
Oh, my God.
We had a fight two seconds.
How many people can fight at the same time?
No, you could have whole team violence in his ass.
Oh, he could be tame.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Once you start stumbling and shit like that.
Oh, he did it.
Yeah, he punches himself in the face.
He throws a punch so hard.
It's raps.
Oh, that's got to be tough.
And they lost.
And the reach.
Yeah, he got too much reach on him.
He's got too much reach.
The way he grabbed him.
But anyway, my point that I wanted to bring up is hockey did this to replace the all-star game, which has lost its luster.
They did a Coordinations Cup.
Do you think that other sports should do this?
Like, instead of the Hershey Senior Bowl for football, what if they did an East-West, North-South for a team instead of the national championship?
I think that would be better, especially like East, especially like the West Coast versus the South.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be a good matchup.
So it has to be West Coast, East Coast, South, Midwest.
Because the ratings for this went ballistic.
So that would be fire.
It would be awesome to see this in other sports instead of playing.
I wish other sports allowed fighting.
I don't think so, though.
I guess hockey because there's the difficulty of skating.
Yeah, you're right.
And it's not really like planted, like full-strength punches and stuff like that.
But yeah, I feel like in basketball, just drop them.
That would be dope to see.
I don't think it would be good.
I was basketball.
Right?
Because I think the reason why we see so many basketball players can't fight because there's no culture of fighting in basketball.
Yeah.
No, them, like, imagine if like Rudy Gobert really knows how to throw a punch.
Like, these, and they're recreating dangerous.
Like, if Giannis, Rudy Golbert, and Jokic all learn how to fight.
When he learns how to fight, he's punching eight dudes at the same time.
That's what I'm saying.
He's punching his own teammates.
What's stopping them from just saying, hey, why don't we just take over the world?
You know what I mean?
NBA players have decided to take over the world.
Yeah, they'd be too powerful.
You're right.
No, we don't want them fighting.
You see what Draymond did?
Yeah.
He's 6'7.
He's 6'7.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
You want to run some calls?
Yeah, I'm just trying to get.
I'm excited.
Oh, yeah.
This is going to be good.
Okay.
You're going to love this.
All right.
No matter.
And it's no matter what, it's going to be something.
Traumatized by Bush00:15:21
Oh, yeah.
There's always something.
Even if it's somebody that's shy, whatever, there's always something.
Okay.
The way.
Oh, yeah.
When we did it, like, we had some crazy.
So these aren't pre-recorded.
These are live.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is going to be a live call.
Yeah.
And sometimes dudes will get weird with it.
Actually, a lot of times, dudes get aims.
What was the question?
This one was a public service.
Public service announcement.
So usually you just let them vent.
Okay.
Because that's how you get more original thoughts.
Sometimes when we ask questions, people that don't have over a third grade reading level, they get stunned.
No, we've had people just answer the question like totally the wrong way.
Got it.
So what's an example of an answer for public service announcement?
We just did one here out here.
I'll do it.
Okay, I'll pull it up for you.
I know somebody that like uses Instagram from their desktop.
They just casually play.
Yeah, I was just like, that's so weird to me.
Really?
I'm kind of out on a lot of social media.
Just over it.
I love TikTok.
TikTok keeps you going.
Yeah.
Still good.
I'm a red letter guy.
Dude, China is the meta, dude.
It is the way.
It is the thing.
If you finna make me wait for some coochie, dog, make sure you don't got no tissue crumbs in your booty hole.
Oh, my God.
What did you do?
So, how do you discover tissue crumbs in her booty hole?
I ain't gonna cap.
I eat.
I just took that bit back like a perk 30.
Ain't gonna cap.
Time for the pergolita, my boy.
Did he just say it's time for the percolator?
Oh, my God.
You have a good one, bro.
No notes.
Time for the percolator.
All right, we got some people.
All right, hell yeah.
All right, PSA.
I got it now.
And another one is, I'll ask to build.
Hello.
Yeah, what's up?
What up, what up?
What up?
How's it going, man?
Good.
How are you?
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
We got a question for you.
We got Hassan here.
We got Will here as well.
And Pat.
What's good?
What's up, man?
Loser?
All right.
What's a PSA that you have?
Hey, my PSAs, man.
Hey, if you gotta take a shit in a public toilet, man, you gotta flush that motherfucker, man.
There's too many times where I've tried to take in a shit.
And man, this shit is that's just disgusting, man.
Yeah.
You know what you're supposed to do, though.
What?
You know what you're supposed to do in that situation?
Pat's rule.
What?
Flush the toilet?
No, no, no.
Make it even more shitty.
Oh, God.
Like, make it worse than what you like.
The rule is that the bathroom is bad.
If I walk into a gas station and there's piss all over the walls, you got piss on the walls, too.
There's more piss going on the walls.
Who am I that's a stop this trend?
There's shit unflushing this toilet.
Now there's two shits unflushing.
And to what end?
Huh?
To what end?
Just to tell them, hey, man, you got to clean up.
Hey, one time.
I walked in.
It's about sending me a business.
Hold on, what'd you say?
The faucet, man.
You said what?
One time I went to use the restroom, right?
And there was shit on the faucet handle.
How many public bathrooms are you frequenting?
That's what I was about to ask.
What are you, a trucker?
No, man, I'm in the military.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
How long have you been serving our country?
Man, so I've been in going.
This should be my fifth year, but I did three years active duty.
And the rest, I've been in the reserves.
Oh, soft.
How's it going so far?
Oh, hey, besides that, man, I'm loving it, man.
No, we appreciate you, brother.
You keep doing you, so no draft starts, man.
We're rooting for you.
Yeah, yeah.
I swear, you probably could take like 10 of them, can't you, bro?
Good thing we don't have like a chaotic president or anything.
Things are really stable right now.
Hey, let me tell you, man, those MREs, hey, they'd be holding you in, man.
You eat two of them, man.
You won't shit for like a week, bro.
Oh, my God.
Bro, you're the one who's fucking up the battery.
We found the culprit, bro.
Hey, it's the ASVAB waivers in here, man.
Some of these guys, man.
What was your ASVA wave?
I think they were for the ASVABs, man.
Man, they're not the briders.
What did you get on the ASVAB?
Sound like two words, I don't know.
I got like a 73.
Okay.
I mean, that's not great, but it's not too.
I mean, it's pretty decent.
I can just tell the way by this dude talk.
He's not the brightest, though.
I mean, it's a military.
Yeah, no shit.
All right, bro.
All right, but you have a go.
All right.
I do not want any DMs.
He'll be the first to tell you that, though.
As Vab is incredibly basic questions.
What's the top score?
100?
I think so, yeah.
73?
Yeah.
No, it's not bad.
73 is not bad.
C's get machines.
C's get AKs.
C's get AKs.
Yo.
73.
What's good, man?
What up, what up?
Why y'all recording so late?
Bro, why are you asking me?
What the fuck?
I got a question for you.
What's the strangest thing that you believed as a kid that you're low-key embarrassed to say now?
All right.
So when I was a kid, I like, you know, I walked in on my aunt changing and I saw something that to this day scarred me.
She had a bush and I was kind of scared.
I didn't think girls had pubic hair.
How old were you?
I was probably like eight, nine.
I don't know.
I kind of vividly remember to this day.
It's kind of scared me.
You know, Colin, I'm kind of embarrassed.
But you saw a bush and got and got scared.
What is this?
What grade is third grade?
Wait, wait, wait.
Is he eight or nine?
What age are you in?
What age are you in third grade?
Is it eight or nine?
Something like that.
Oh, you had a question?
Yeah, oh, I'm just saying, it's like this is McLean Marlin.
They're great.
He saw a bush.
Yeah, I can relate to this.
I remember I saw my cousin's bush and I scaled the facade of a building to get out of the place that I was in because I was so traumatized by it.
Also, just seeing my cousin's vagina was a lot.
All right, who am I talking to right now?
There we go.
Wait a minute.
I'm trying to make you feel better, man.
Fuck you.
Yo, hold up, hold up.
I got a bone to pick with y'all, bro.
Y'all asked a call last week, and I responded 20 minutes late, and y'all didn't even say, y'all didn't even respond.
Bro, we got a thousand people that like pull up on this.
Why would you pick?
What'd you do after you saw the bush, though?
Bro, I was kind of traumatized.
I'm not gonna lie.
I kind of like started tearing up and shit.
Did you week?
Did you like talk to your parents about it?
Anybody about it?
I just kind of kept it in.
And did you make eye contact?
That's crazy.
That's my aunt, bro.
But your biggest man, you like, you're telling everybody in the world that you saw your aunt's vagina, bro.
That's crazy, bro.
I'm just, you know what I'm saying?
It just kind of spooked me.
I didn't think girls had pubic hair until I saw that.
So, oh, shit.
Now, now, when you see PB Care, does it freak you out still?
Uh, nah, I'm grown now.
Oh, you're a vet, War vet.
Wait, where's this aunt?
Do you see this aunt?
Where's she at?
Do I see what?
Where's your where's your aunt?
Uh, she kind of drugged out low-key now, so I don't even know where she's at.
Damn, that's a sad type shit.
That's a sad.
Wait, why was how did you get naked with your aunt?
Like, how, why did your aunt get naked around you?
Bro, listen, bro.
I remember this vividly.
She had double doors, right?
And usually we go in there to watch movies and shit.
She had a big room.
I opened the door.
She's changing.
And I kind of turned around and ran out.
And it was kind of scared.
I saw something that I never thought I would see.
So she acknowledged that you saw full bush.
Yes, bro.
Did that alter the dynamic of this relationship irreparably, bro?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I mean, I saw her like maybe two years ago, and it was, you know.
And you didn't talk about her, Bush?
She wasn't drugged out two years ago?
I'm like, like, there's stories we saw.
Oh, my God.
Oh, what's going on?
That's crazy.
All right, man.
You have a good one, bro.
I don't like that.
Hey, man, I'm not going to be on the pot or what?
No, no.
She was trash, bro.
I'm not even going to lie to you.
We wouldn't even hype you up like that.
You try again, though.
Hang up on them.
Yeah, this one.
Oh, man.
They're ruthless, too.
Yeah, yeah.
No, we have to be.
Have to be so they don't call me.
I tried to send an olive branch and he flipped it on me.
Anytime you, I tried to do that.
Don't be nice.
You just always stay neutral.
The moment you're nice, they like something.
They turn on you every single time.
He said, Can't help it.
Hello?
Yo.
Yo, what's up?
Welcome to Crash Lee Spot.
Oh, well, selfish.
Yo, you're calling me in the middle of the Javante Davis fire.
Oh, I don't know.
Okay, I got a question for you.
No way.
What's the strangest thing you believe as a kid that you're still low-key embarrassed to talk about?
Bro, I'm not going to lie.
It's crazy because Black History Moment just ended.
But like, I used to believe that Black people came black.
You know, like, expand on that.
I don't know why.
Wait, expand on that.
Like, nut, yeah, bro.
Like, it was like black, bro.
Like, instead of white, you know?
No.
It's crazy.
You thought black people were octopus.
Black people split income.
Bro, bro.
What do you mean?
Black women got chocolate milk in their titties, too.
Like, what the fuck is that?
I've only been, I've only been with light skins, so like, is that like milk chocolate on your titties?
This is like the type of racism that like boils up.
Like, you know what I mean?
This is like the hidden racism in America.
How'd you so how'd you discover that this wasn't the case?
Bro, I brought it up to uh like some of my friends, bro, because like the first time I watched Porn is like fifth grade.
And then I guess when I brought this theory to my buddies, bro, they were like, bro, no way, because OG Mudbone does not come black.
And I was like, what?
I don't know who y'all.
If y'all know who OG Mudbone is, oh, Mudbone.
Got it.
OG Mudbone.
Oh, now you know, huh?
No, no.
Porn legend.
That's, I don't know.
No, I didn't know who that is either.
Y'all go ahead and look them up and then get that.
Listen, it's Black History Month, and I can admit that I enjoyed interracial pornography when I was a young man.
Right.
All right.
Wow.
Brave.
Crazy.
That was like, I thought that was going such a different way.
I was like, there's no way.
Not just black porn, interracial porn.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I liked when porn looked like Captain Planet episode.
Oh, my God.
All right, bro.
You're going.
No, no, no.
I got a question for you.
You asked your friends what color their nut was.
That's what we're like.
No, They were like, I'm like, yo, I asked them.
I was like, yo, black people, like, they come black, right?
And they're like, no, what the fuck?
And then they like started going on this rant about OG Mudbawn.
Wait, so none of them are black either.
No one is black in this story.
Nah, they were like Taiwanese, Mexican.
I had no real references.
I asked my group of Taiwanese about black ejaculate.
Imagine.
You didn't have one black dude that you know that you could.
It's probably better than Sparrow.
I was just, I was just a jit, bro.
No, I didn't know.
No, I'm saying.
Where are you from?
Florida?
I'm from Florida, yeah.
Wow, you packed that.
I don't know.
Like, that was never on my mind.
Like, what color is another guy's?
That's kind of, I don't know, bro.
Can I ask one follow-up question?
Can I ask one follow-up question?
Yeah, let me ask y'all one after, though.
Did you think that all races ejaculate corresponded to their skin color?
Nah, bro.
I think it was just like the like prominent, like so you were just only thinking about black people nutting like no one else.
Nah, no, no, don't.
No, you're the reason they say like this matters in porn.
Like, you're that guy.
It's for you.
It's literally you.
You like, nah, not black enough, bro.
Nah, for me, what matters important is it is squirt or cream theme.
That's what matters now.
Oh my God.
You're so weird.
You're not a good human being.
You're racist.
You're horny.
What was your follow-up question?
My follow-up question was, yo, if can Mexicans say the N-word?
Oh, man.
What the fuck, bro?
Like, why?
Why?
What?
What is that?
He's not even Mexican, though.
He's not.
He just keeps trying to get information about this white dude from Florida.
Yeah, definitely.
No, let it run.
Let it run.
No, no, we'll do the more of it.
We'll do more of it.
Don't break it up.
I feel like he's not going to be able to do it.
Let me ask the question right for the clip, though.
What's the strangest thing you believed as a kid?
I like that.
Okay.
All right.
These calls are going radically different.
Wait, let me see what he looked like.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what?
Wait.
Yeah.
He's just asking about all races.
It's just like, oh, can Mexicans say that?
Bro, he's not even from Florida.
He says El Paso on his fucking Instagram.
Motherfucker.
If you have at any point questioned whether or not black people nut black, you should not be able to say jit.
You're not allowed to say it.
That's so crazy.
We're on to a patreon.
We're just rolling.
Yeah.
On that note, thank you so much to the Crash Dummies podcast.
Please check their stuff out.
Behind the Paywall00:02:24
I know you will after this, especially because they do so much clothing line, right?
Yeah, we clicked on that.
We got that.
Unfinished lighting.
I'm looking at it.
It looks great.
Unfinished.
I sent you the link.
I sent you the link on Discord.
Yeah, I'm on it, motherfucker.
At the bottom, boom.
It's dope.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, y'all gotta tell me your sizes.
You bring any pieces, right?
No, I didn't bring anything.
Oh, wow.
Oh, that's cool.
How many times have you been in my house at this point?
Three suitcases.
He brought three suitcases.
This is where I'm going to expose Hassan again.
I text Hassan.
Oh, no.
What sizes do you wear?
So I'll send you something.
And I'll send it because I want to wanna.
I don't wanna take it.
Okay, to be fair, I literally did tell you about, especially the one that you were wearing back then, too, go up.
Sizzle wore that blue shirt.
Oh, that's sick.
No, the go up, keep going, keep going.
Oh, the blue one that you scroll past.
I wanted the where is it?
The jerseys.
Yeah, the jerseys.
I know what you talk about.
Yeah.
I know exactly the one you're talking about.
Yeah, because I was like, oh, this is.
And I text you.
Okay, it's my.
You're XL.
You're going to say it on camera, your XL?
I'm an XL.
He's at Triple N.
No, I'm an XL.
Are you a large or XL?
I'm a large.
Large?
Marge, what size do you wear?
Okay, see, we got large.
Damn, are they size-shaping?
Yeah.
He's frail as fuck, though.
Yeah, but he's so frail.
You could wear an infant's medium and it would look normal on you.
Yeah.
But I would wear an infant's medium and a large.
Yeah.
All right.
But yeah, Crash Dummies podcast, check them out.
Thank you so much, Pat and Mike, for coming on once again.
And we're going to continue doing these calls.
Now I'm sad I missed the last episode.
You guys are funny as fuck.
Yeah.
This is a lot.
You're amazing.
Now we just got to get cutie.
Now we just need cutie here.
That's how we come back.
And we'll see you behind the paywall, patreon.com/slash fear and for more of these calls and some more fun times as well.
So see you behind the paywall.
Peace.
All right.
So this is like around like high school times, right?
So for some reason, I thought like when you graduate high school, you would get the ability to like read minds.