QTCinderella and the Fear & hosts travel to Salt Lake City, navigating a delayed arrival and filming among Joseph Smith's surreal Mormon sculptures. They debate local beliefs, noting the absence of rapture expectations and joking about caffeine loopholes, while recounting a rejected entry to a gay bar where straight LDS women allegedly escape traditional venues. The group mocks fan Sinna, receives bizarre gifts from Japan, and contrasts Utah's calm, affordable grid with Los Angeles' chaos, despite acknowledging local opioid crises and plastic surgery rates. Ultimately, the trip highlights the complex tension between Mormon cultural strictures and modern urban life in the American West. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Mormons Have Loopholes For Everything00:09:10
I will eat you.
I will eat you for lunch.
You know what?
I think you should settle this.
I think you need a boxer.
And then, and then, don't worry.
She's in.
Sina, I'm calling.
I'm...
Look, Ludwig didn't scroll enough, girlfriend.
I'm scrolling.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Fear End podcast where the crew has traveled all the way to Salt Lake City, Utah, to be here with the one and only Cutie Cinderella in front of a cat.
Joseph Smith as a Sphinx.
Joseph Smith as a Sphinx, whatever that is.
I have traveled out here.
Hassan has traveled out here.
Cutie.
I've moved here.
I've come to the mountains.
Yes.
Cutie has a remarkable ability to be late to her own fucking podcast.
Yes.
After we came from different parts of the country and we were on time and she was an hour and 30 minutes late to the taping, which is going to be interesting to see if I can even get back home on time.
That's what I'm at right now.
I'm freaking out a little bit.
This man was non-stop texting me this morning getting through the airport.
Oh my God.
It was, I don't know what, I don't know what it is, but I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to travel where like every bad thing that could possibly happen happens, even though I have all of the precautionary measures set in place.
What happened?
It's just like you get stuck.
You get stuck on a line on TSA where like the other line where is you're side by side with some bald dude and that bald dude actually passed through the security clearance like 45 minutes before you because the line that you were placed into has like I think eight families, three people in wheelchairs, like people that are trafficking lethal substances, explosive devices, members, you know, former members of al-Qaeda.
I don't know what's that's the line that you were in.
Yeah, that was the line that I was in and it was just the slowest line in TSA existence.
And like back in the day, I used to get really mad.
I'd be like, these guys freaking suck.
They're not doing their jobs.
And now I'm woke and I know what the actual problem is, which is that they just simply don't hire enough people because nobody fucking cares.
So then I'm just like sitting behind this family who not only had multiple children, but we're also traveling with like a designer dog.
That's incredible.
It's like, lady, pick a struggle.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm happy with the dog travel.
It's fine.
You're fine if you want to traffic your little kids.
It's all right.
But like, you know, not both.
Yeah, no.
Pick one.
Pick a string out of the two.
And then, of course, as always, you know, my camera bag, even though I'm just like bringing, I'm here for like, what, two hours?
Yep.
I brought nothing.
I brought just a bag with the equipment.
Yeah.
And what's funny though is your flight like from LA to here is the same as if we just lived on opposite sides of LA and you had to drive.
Literally.
No, no, the flight.
The flight in itself is like not that long.
It's just the airport experience is like unimaginably cruel for no particular reason.
Okay, cutie, where the hell are we and what the hell is that?
Because a lot of us that are, a lot of people that are probably watching for the first time have no idea what is going on behind us.
That's Joseph Smith.
Okay, and what is a Sphinx and why is he a Sphinx?
Do you do this?
No.
No, Mormons don't do that.
He shall see, what does that say?
He shall see the trial and soul and shall be satisfied.
It's just, you know, it's a little park that apparently this was someone's backyard.
And they made all these sculptures.
That man over there, which maybe we'll take our thumbnail picture with him.
Yeah, this was his backyard, and he made all these sculptures clearly high on something.
Yeah, um, yeah, high on God, love for God, and so there are a lot.
Technically, that's like the spear of the Mormon temple, is what that's supposed to be, and it has Moroni on top of it.
Um, it's just beautiful.
I am just a tribute, yeah, no, it's absolutely beautiful.
I'm fascinated by Mormons because, like, they just feel alien and not.
I know this is gonna come across as a little insensitive, but they don't feel American.
Like, they have a lot of they have like a lot of reverence for these interesting cultural artifacts.
It feels like I'm in a Tolkien novel almost, where they got like they just have shred of swords sticking out of the rock back there.
I don't even know what the hell that's supposed to be, but there's a rock back there.
I was checking it out.
There's a couple of homes people in the back that were with it as well.
But, you know, other than that, we thought it'd be cool to film here.
That was a yeah, that was that's a very normal experience for any major American city, but like everything here, the aura and the vibes are a little interesting.
I don't know how else to describe it.
It's very interesting.
It's like there's nothing happening either.
Yeah, it's kind of like going on.
No, what are you talking about?
I've been here for over 24 hours, and it looks like a there's no like nothing's going, there's no people, there's no nothing.
People, okay.
You're simply wrong.
Okay, there's so much.
Okay, they can't even play basketball.
The Utah Jazz doesn't play basketball on Sundays, unless it's the fucking playoffs.
What are you talking about?
There's so much going on.
You had to go to an off-brand, possibly Catholic soda shop to be able to get us some real sodas because every institution, every establishment in this godforsaken city closes down on Sundays.
Isn't it kind of nice though?
Take life a little slower.
It seems like nothing ever opens.
What do you mean?
Nothing.
I got here on a Saturday.
I landed.
Uh-huh.
And I got in the car with you, and we haven't seen, I've only seen a few other human beings.
Well, there's a lot here, suspicious.
A lot of people are being reverent.
Yeah, I think.
Literally.
The only reason for the record, I had two ideas of where I had three ideas of where to film.
We could have done any of the temples.
Right.
But the main temple, the Salt Lake Temple, it's under renovation for like earthquake.
They're earthquake-proofing it.
Shouldn't God protect from that sort of thing?
You would think, but like God.
If God did it, it would be for a reason.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But we've got to protect against that.
But like God gave them the premonition to earthquake protect it.
Yeah, aren't you supposed to say the L then, if that's the case?
You know, I don't know.
Study more Mormonism.
I think so too.
No, I think they're just preparing it.
So then when God does return, some people call it the rapture.
He'll have a very nice home.
Also, you know, when I Mormons don't believe in the rapture.
When I arrived here, they, well, they, you know, I don't know if you know this, but Mormons believe in the second coming.
So when Jesus comes back, so when you die, you're Mormon, you die, you get buried in your temple clothes.
So of course, you shouldn't get cremated, you should get buried.
So when God comes back, the second coming, when he arrives in Eden, which is Missouri, he will come to Zion, which is Utah.
That's what's so awesome about Mormons.
I'm going to cut you off, but it's like they literally have like, I feel like it's the only American-born religion that genuinely has like so much weird iconography and stuff.
And they just kind of took from everyone else.
Oh, yeah.
But then everything is placed in America.
So they'll be like, oh, you didn't, obviously, Missouri.
Yeah, and Jesus is white.
Yeah, of course.
Oh, they have the.
I mean, I don't know, Gabe, if you're listening, it's our editor.
If you could pop up a photo of Mormon Jesus is the whitest Jesus.
Yeah, he's blonde.
He's blonde.
He's got blue eyes.
Beverly Hills, Jesus.
Yes.
He has his talks, he has his filler.
Yes.
He's beautiful.
Perfectly groomed beard.
So when the second coming comes, your body, you will come out of your grave.
You'll be returned to your body.
That's metal.
I love it.
Yeah, so that's kind of cool.
That's cool.
So do you stay like decomposed?
No, no, you get restored.
Do you get to go to a younger age or you just stay 84?
I think it's when you...
That's fucked.
Yeah.
Wait, isn't it better to just like die at the age of 20 then?
Right.
So you can be like hot and young.
Especially because I think it was Joseph Smith.
Joseph Smith had a vision.
So there's the four different, there's hell, obviously.
There's the terrestrial, telestrial, and celestial kingdoms.
And he was like, even the terrestrial kingdom is more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced in your life.
So you would think you would just be like, and then, you know.
Yeah.
But technically, killing yourself against the rules so you can't escape.
Yeah, so you just kind of have to wait.
You can't hope to die of natural causes at 21 years old.
Yeah, so then you can wake up and be the most slay.
Yeah, the most important thing.
Resurrection.
Yeah.
Mormons have loopholes for everything.
I'm sure they have a loophole for that too.
I met a lot of gay Mormons while I've been here.
Did you go to the gay bar yesterday?
Hot And Young At Twenty00:12:58
I did.
You didn't tell me the vibes.
I know.
You sat there waiting for me.
I invited Cutie to the gay bar and then she's like, text me when you get there.
And then I forgot to text you when I got to that.
That's crazy because I'm the only person you know here.
No, I know.
No, no, I know.
That has to be deliberate.
There's no way that that happened by mere accident.
No, I have to be truthful.
Cutie, this is real.
You're going to hate me for this.
Cutie, I didn't want you there.
No.
I brought, I went to the gay bar and I was like, okay, I remember getting there.
I was like, I got to tell Cutie that it's a good time.
And then she'll come.
And then I was, if it's not going to be a little bit more difficult picked out and everything.
But I went and I started having such a good time.
I forgot to tell you how good of a time I was having.
I had a slutty little fit and everything.
Wait, you were going to be able to do it.
I could have met my wife.
Okay, can I be honest?
I wasn't sure you were that serious and I was just like, I don't want to.
If the vibes were good, I'd be there.
But like, it was a lot of pressure.
When somebody says, let me know if the vibes are good.
And then you literally have a sad.
No.
Let me know.
No, because I wouldn't trust.
If you were like, the vibes are good and I've already given.
No, because when you say, let me know when the vibes are good, I say, no, I'm not doing that.
Please stop calling me.
Whereas if I was like, oh, are the vibes good?
Like, I'll come.
That means like there's at least a level of FOMO with that association.
But you act like that's what I, he acts like that's what I do.
I just call him over and over again until he shows up.
Yeah.
Which is what I did to get him out here to Utah.
By the way, for the record, okay, Fear Anders.
Okay.
For the record.
Hell.
Cutie and I have been trying to hold this team together.
Okay.
We've got a makeshift staff.
All right.
We got cameras sitting on a rocky road, scootish on a rickety table.
It looks, I thought it was an ironing table.
Yeah, it's an ironing board.
And we're out here in a park in Utah.
But through Hell and High Water, we needed to deliver this episode for the Fear Anders who wanted Girly Pop Nation to come back.
What if you just put me on an iPad for a week or two?
No.
That'd be fun.
No, that's lame.
What do you mean week or two?
You're coming back with me.
Yeah.
We're taking you back.
I'm not going on that airplane.
I'm going to fucking dart your ass.
After this episode is over, I'm literally choking you out.
And then putting ketamine in your body and forcing and shipping you like FedEx.
Can't wait to see that clipped out of context.
This has gone on for far too long.
I'm loving my new life in the mountains.
People of Los Angeles are suffering.
Look at your boyfriend.
Look at what you have done to him.
We have to talk about this.
Okay.
I went to Todg's birthday dinner the other night.
Okay.
Yeah.
And Lordwick shows up, of course, an hour and 30 minutes late.
Partially because they had all informed him far too late when the dinner had actually started.
He shows up wearing shorts in the middle of the night.
It's like 40 degrees out.
He's wearing shorts, some weird-ass t-shirt, whatever, and suspiciously cool shoes.
Or I think he was wearing Crocs again.
Whatever.
But you know what I'm talking about.
He always does this weird dynamic where like one piece looks fantastic.
It's like an Italian-made.
He's a random character generator on the Sims.
Anyway, I'm like, Ludwig, what the fuck are you wearing?
Like, why are you wearing biker shorts?
And he was like, oh, I...
He doesn't have any laundry.
That's what he's been saying to me.
Yeah, I don't have any laundry.
I'm like, oh, I just realized like cutie's not there.
Wait, you do his laundry?
I send it in.
Are you a trad wife?
No, I'm a functioning adult is what I am.
She's a trad wife.
I'm just trying to get a functioning life.
Like, I'm starting to think you're a trad wipe, cutie, because, like, he's falling apart.
Like, you've been away from me.
As he should.
Speaking of falling apart.
He's falling apart.
From what I understand.
Shorts, you're not familiar with what Ludwig currently looks like.
This is my first time.
This is bad.
This is a Ludwig narrow deal.
Gabe, you can post it.
You can pop it up as I, when I, you know, show Austin this.
Yeah.
I just want you to brace yourself for this.
I'm ready.
This is what Ludwig currently looks like.
And he got tatted.
You've seen it already.
It's so bad.
I can't even pretend to be nice about it.
Oh, no.
He said, he just tweeted, I keep getting jump scared by mirrors.
Oh, no.
Let me see him again.
Hold on.
Let's see if there's a...
To be honest, that is.
That is...
Look, I'm just going to flat out say it.
That is an insult to bald people.
His head isn't right for it.
No, no.
And he had a decent hairline for the most part.
He had an incredible hairline.
He has such luscious hair.
Yeah.
He just won Gamer of the Year.
No, he's not winning it next year.
Oh, my God.
No.
In fact, I'll be honest, I think they're going to take the award back.
Yeah, I think they should.
I think they're going to take the award back.
This is a good idea.
It's disrespectful to the gays.
Look at it.
Ludwig, what are you doing?
What did he do?
Was it for charity?
No.
No, that's the funniest part.
It's just, I think it was a bet or something.
It was a marble.
It was a marble.
No way.
The weakest reason to do that to yourself, I think.
Is he at least going to make a YouTube video out of it?
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
I found myself being unable.
Call me weak.
Being unable to find the capacity to be kind.
Do you find him physically attractive still?
No.
He looks like a Lego head.
It's that flat on the back.
I said, uh-oh, I guess your mom never picked you up.
There are.
You know, we have a real do-nothing and win strategy here at the Fearan podcast, and the yard keeps collapsing in and of itself as we do out there.
It looks like a skinhead meeting.
It does.
You got a slime.
Yeah, now you got two balls of Ludwig.
Aiden.
And Aiden also looks like a kind of shaved head.
He shaved his head.
Oh, my God.
Nick is the only one that keeps them from being a clan meeting.
And he's Ginger.
So here's what's going on.
It's worse than a Klan meeting.
They look British.
They literally look the most British a podcast has ever looked now.
They look like it's a, it almost looks like a train spotting ad.
Like, it's shocking.
He called me.
He, like, FaceTimed me to show me his hair.
And I said, oh, wow.
Don't worry.
There are plenty of people that don't care about looks.
Hopefully you'll find one.
So how did he react to that?
I'm so curious.
Like, Ludwig behind me.
He said, I love you dearly.
And I said, bye.
Oh, gosh.
You know what?
But Ludwig, if you're listening right now, which I know you watch the Fear Empire.
He doesn't.
Yeah, he watches.
I know you watch it.
You're going to see all this.
Ludwig, to make you feel better, if Hassan shaved his head, he'd be ugly too.
I don't know.
You have a flat head, kind of.
I don't know about that.
Yeah, it's kind of flat.
What about me?
Do you think I'd look bald?
Let me go this way.
This is what I've...
You have curvature.
Do I?
No, I have curvature.
Yeah, but not as much.
Yeah, I've gone buzz before, and people have complimented my head shape before.
I don't think there's anything that could happen to you.
I hope your penis falls off.
Things are happening to me all the time.
I just don't really.
I hope you just, yeah, you don't fall off.
I just don't really let it get to me.
Things are happening all the time.
I'm fucking stuck in Salt Lake City right now.
We should just start poking on him, Cutie.
Let's just start giving him insecurity.
Look how pretty.
It's Gorgina here.
Let's give him a security.
So, hi, Kaya.
What doctor do you use?
Oh, really?
That sounds stressful.
You should take some of that stress out of your life with Zock Doc.
What Zock Doc, you ask?
Well, Zock Doc is the one-stop website where you can line up all your doctor's visits.
That's right, Kaya.
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/slash fear to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
That's z-ocdoc.com slash fear for all of your doctor needs.
First and foremost, I have this is kind of lame, but I bought whenever we travel, I go and buy everybody gifts.
Oh, wait, we bought you a gift too.
Can you bring it?
Oh, fuck.
Where is it?
I left it in your car.
Oh.
All right, we're gonna go get your gift.
Okay, well, I brought only cutie.
I bought cutie multiple gifts from Japan, but this is the only one that I brought here because the entire crew is not here right now.
Yeah.
So I still have everybody else's gifts, including more gifts for cutie, but I just wanted to give you a little intro for the situation.
Hold on, I'm gonna grab it.
Oh, shit.
This is cutie.
Can I be honest?
What the hell came out of his asshole?
I a Zin's.
Oh, that's what I was looking for as well.
Thank you.
Look, I, can I be honest?
Uh-huh.
I did get you a gift, but I left it at my hotel room.
In Japan?
Yes.
And can I be extra honest?
He's lying.
I'm not lying.
He's not.
He didn't get you shit.
I repurposed the gift.
And gave it to whom?
No, it's no, he's re-gifting.
I got a gift.
And I was like, shit, I forgot to get cutie something.
And I was like, this will be perfect.
Oh, so you gave it to someone else?
No, it's for you.
But you got it for someone else by giving it to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first gift of many from Japan, all the way from Japan for Cutie Cinderella.
Oh, my God.
Ew.
I hate it.
That is inappropriate.
Wind up action.
It's two people 69.
Wind it.
That's right.
It's just the wiener.
Hasan.
What?
I got her a sticker last time and I got dragged.
And you're going to.
This is the first of many.
Oh, you got more.
Oh, no.
I'm just, I brought this here to Utah specifically because this is the first time I'm seeing Cutie since I got back from Japan.
But I bought a bunch of stuff for all of you guys.
So this is the only thing you brought with you.
This is the only thing I brought with me because I didn't want to.
I still want to give everybody gifts to see it.
Is he sucking a penis?
No, I think it's a woman.
Oh, it says 69.
Wind-up action.
You know, to be honest, it does look like two men.
I thought it was Donald Trump.
Oh.
Because of the hair.
You can think about it like that if you want to.
I'm going to craft on it and paint it hyper-realistic.
It's up to interpretation.
You know what?
This is.
Oh my God.
There's a penis on here.
Yeah, he has a red tip.
Do people jerk off to this?
I hope not.
Probably not.
Like, do you think they wind it up and just.
I hope they do.
Probably readily available pornography.
Well, maybe in Utah.
Oh, that's why.
That's why I brought it here for you.
Because Utah.
Oh, yeah.
If you go to Pornhub, you can't see it.
Wait, Utah is Van Porn.
Go on your phone.
I went on Pornhub last night.
What?
I did.
And just to look, I didn't jerk off or anything.
Wait, what?
Just to look.
Guys, come on.
I wouldn't do that.
So, anyway, so I go.
Nothing wrong with masturbating to porn.
Yeah no, I know, but I I, I just I didn't do.
It's weirder that you're just looking.
Yeah, it's also.
It's extra weird that you're like being really defensive about not masturbating.
Okay, I jerked off.
All right congratulations, guilty as charged okay, and it was uh sorry Joseph, um forgiven.
And he probably also jerked off a lot, didn't?
He have like a million children?
Yeah, but he had more wives.
You don't need to jerk off any of that many wives.
I mean, i'm just saying he's a virile guy anyway.
No, is it virile?
No vi vitality, virality.
Long story short, i'm gonna look it up.
I could look up porn in Texas.
You can't weird yeah oh wait oh, because you probably went to the gay sites and the ones that are banned are like Pornhub gay sites.
Yeah, i'm pretty sure it's yeep.
Okay, we have your gifts Hasan okay yeah, that's funny.
I can't believe you left this in my car.
I just I, I thought it was we.
You bought it.
Austin is very good.
Yeah, virile is the right word.
I was right on this okay okay, Austin is what is happening.
He's taking a picture.
Hell yeah um, thanks to me um okay, here's your first gift.
We thought you would like the Mormon Battalion.
Mormon Battalion yeah, you can read it maybe.
The legacy OF Mormon Battalion.
The 2100 mile march of the Mormon Battalion from Iowa to southern California is one of the epic trailblazing journeys.
See, kind of fun.
See, you know we do care about you.
What did they do along the way?
Oh, we don't know.
Wait, can I?
Can we present this next gift together?
Sure it's, it's a big one.
How do you want to?
We really thought of you when we bought this.
Yeah, we did a good job.
You also just flip it around and check a bag on your way back, because it's a knife, or I can just bring it back later.
I can just bring it back later.
Yeah, thank you for the.
No, it has to go with you.
It's a Utah knife checking the bag.
You have to check a bag.
I'm not checking a bag no, just take it through security.
See what happens.
Yeah, I will get stuck in Mormon Prison.
Discovering Ludwig On Stream00:10:15
Yeah, look at this, it's a.
Uh, it's a.
It's a knife that says h on it and it's got like a, like a weird cork.
We got this for Marsh, but I kind of want it.
Yeah, I kind of want one too.
Yeah, Saltwater Taffy.
Well, he should have been here from the Great Salt Lake.
Wait, do they?
You're welcome Marshall, From The Lake.
Yeah, built on 1893 on the shores of the Great Salt Lakes, Saltaire resort with the Center Of Social Activity.
Holy, that's sharp, and the taffy was produced from the salt from the city.
Wow, wow.
What do you say about your gift, Hasan?
Thank you guys.
This is amazing.
You're welcome.
Wait, how do you close this?
I don't know.
I'll take a taffy.
I want blue.
Yeah oh, they're kind of frozen, so this is made from the salt of the Great Salt Lake.
Thanks Marsh, for giving us your candy.
Wow, thank you, Marsh.
Here you go, take this back.
All right, what are the flavors?
I don't know, but they're pretty frozen.
I ate blue.
I think it's blue, rash and white.
White sounds awful.
It is salty.
It's really hard.
It's gonna pull my Austin.
No dude, come on.
I'm just kidding.
I would never do that.
It's really salty.
Yo, that was a joke.
I would have picked it up.
Okay, come on.
I just wanted to get a reaction.
He litters all the time.
He loves it.
Why do you not litter?
You are a litter bug No, no, I'm not real bad.
Wow.
I lit her in house.
What?
In your house.
Wow.
I think I'm getting boring.
What do you mean?
I was talking to a woman yesterday and she asked me a question and I'm like, okay, I'll answer it.
And I start to answer the question and I see her nodding off.
And she fucking fully fell asleep in the middle of my dance.
Wow.
Like in the middle of my answer, she was like, what do you do for a living?
I was like, oh, I'm in digital.
How do you answer that?
You say digital media?
I'm in digital media.
I host shows and I'm on a podcast with a leftist political commentator.
You explain that.
The first couple of sessions was so boring.
I get why she fell asleep.
She literally was like this.
She started nodding off.
I was like, maybe she had an arcolepsy or something.
I don't know.
I did have, I was telling Austin this.
I had a person I was talking to that they like knew Ludwig or whatever and they were talking to me.
And they're like, I have a question for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but and this is before I knew that they knew who Ludwig was.
And they were like, how did Ludwig get Gamer of the Year?
And I was like, I don't know.
I don't have an answer for you.
Like, I should have gotten it.
Or, you know, I was like, or Austin should have gotten it.
I said, or Hassan, if you know who any of them, they are.
And he was like, oh, I know Hassan.
I like Hassan.
And he has that gay guy that he does a podcast with.
And I was like, yeah, I'm on that podcast.
He was like, no, I think it's a different one.
And I was like, no.
Yeah, I think she's valid for not knowing that you are on the podcast.
If we check the record, you have been asked to.
I am only short, like two from Will.
Wait, am I ahead of you guys?
You're ahead of us.
Yeah, which is great.
Because he's going on fucking vacation.
Look, we can't keep this damn crew together.
Listen, I'll do a solo up.
You want to solo up, Girly Pop Nation?
I'll do it.
Of course, they're going to love that.
That's going to be the top comment on the video.
We'll do a solo up.
You can have next week off.
I'll give you a PTO.
I can do it.
I want weeks off.
I want weeks on for everybody.
That's what I want.
Well, you know what?
I'll be honest, Azan.
In hindsight, I wouldn't have taken this trip.
Uh-huh.
Why?
Because I feel bad now.
I'm missing too much of the podcast.
You know what?
I don't feel anything.
I got it.
Let's fix it.
No, we're going to have the next episodes when you're gone.
I'm literally hiring a new gay guy.
No.
Cool.
A way sicker gay guy.
Wait, like you're going to hire them?
We're going to, yeah, we're leveling up.
Doing a casting call.
No, we're doing a bisexual guy for once.
What?
You need a gay guy.
He's going to get Aiden.
He's not gay.
He's bisexual.
Which is totally fine.
Wow, by eraser.
No, I totally support Aiden.
Even better.
I totally support Aiden and his bisexuality.
I think that's great.
And I love that for him.
I support him.
I have more drama.
What's that?
Okay.
So I saw this.
What?
I know what drama you're going to talk about.
Is it the Cinna drama?
Cinnah.
I have no idea what this is.
We've got drama.
We've got big time drama.
Big time drama.
I'm actually, I'm going to pull it up right now.
Yep.
So, so Ludwig is on his stream and he's pulling up people's chat logs, right?
And one of those chat logs being Sinna's.
And let me go to Ludwig.
I'm just going to do slash user.
I'll do it right now.
We'll get the live.
And he pulls up Sinnas and he finds, you know, he's just scrolling through.
And Sinna's been a fan.
She was in his chat in 2019.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
And he's scrolling through and the first message he sees, or one of the first messages he sees is, Ludwig is so, so hot.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
And then, and then keep scrolling because it's like, maybe that was, maybe it was a joke.
Who knows?
You know, what, you know, who knows?
Keep scrolling.
And I have to find it verbatim.
Okay.
I need to figure out how to do slash user on my chat.
I want to see what Sinna said.
Are you going to be offended if she never said?
She probably is not.
You were hot?
No, I just want to, I don't even know how to do the user thing.
Oh, I couldn't do it on yours.
I'm a mod on yours, I think.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ludwig is just so, so hot.
And then I am a simp for Ludwig.
So keep in mind, 2020.
So August 29th is at 11 p.m. is Ludwig is so, so hot, or at 8 p.m.
And then August 30th, the next day at 10.30 p.m., I am a simp for Ludwig.
And she's in Texas, so it's even later for her.
And for the record...
Late night watching Lud.
I'm calling the bitch out.
I'll call her out.
Because she goes on Twitter.
She goes on Twitter and she's like, this had to be a dare.
This had, like, this was a bet for sure.
This had to be, bitch, it's two days apart.
And you're in chat the whole time spamming emotes.
And then you're, and then you're like, you're like, yes, yes.
I'm a simp for Ludwig.
Yeah, he, he, he, hype.
But no, it was not a dare.
You were sitting, you sent another message that just said yes and ye and hype all within the same minute of saying you're a simp for him.
Hold on to it, girlfriend.
You know what?
I'm a defense center here.
Girl, I've been there.
What?
Look, sometimes your man is hot and sometimes girls have to call it out.
Wow.
You know what?
Wait, were you dating him at the time?
Yeah.
Was it public knowledge?
Yeah.
Okay, you know what?
I take it back.
Cinna, I don't know what the fuck you were doing.
Especially, you knew who Cutie Cinderella is.
She's going to eat you for lunch.
I will eat you for lunch.
You know what?
I think you should settle this.
I think you need a boxer.
And then, and then, don't worry.
She's in.
Sinnah, I'm calling.
Look, Ludwig didn't scroll enough, girlfriend.
I'm scrolling.
4 a.m. She sends a message.
I went to bed to Ludwig and woke up here.
What?
It's a little excessive.
And then, on November 17th, Ludwig didn't show this one on stream.
Ludwig, TBH, I've never seen a handsome, short man such as yourself.
I wonder why I didn't show that one.
Oh, that's funny.
Yeah, so drama, drama.
And you know what?
You know what?
She was really into Ludwig.
I took a chance on her.
She had a thousand viewers and I said, come stay at my house.
That was right around the time she came on the Pokey Friendship.
Girl.
Just saying.
Just saying.
So what would you do to her?
Nothing.
I don't care.
Well, I mean, honestly, if Ludwig still had his hair, maybe it'd be a little different, right?
Yes.
Maybe you'd come to his defense.
My hands are clammy watching this.
What does that mean?
The hoodie looks so good.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, the rest of it is like kind of supportive, probably, but we're reading it in a sexual way.
Yeah, I'm going to.
I'm going to make her feel, I'm going to make her squirm.
I'm making you squirm.
Yeah.
That's making her feel some type of way, too, apparently.
Cinna.
I cannot believe it.
He's a short, handsome man.
No, it's just something to put in the back of my pocket.
My logs in Ludwig's chat look nothing like that.
Oh, I was going to check yours.
I forgot.
Yeah.
Okay, let's see.
Let's see.
What has Cinna said in my chat?
I want to know.
You're not her type.
You're not short.
Short but handsome.
Let's see.
I don't feel like Cinna's ever ridden it.
Also, like, wait, wait, hold on.
You know what?
If Cinna likes Ludwig, she probably likes twinks.
So you're definitely.
Ludwig's not a twink.
I mean, he's twink-ish in 2020.
He's a jock, right?
I mean, what is it?
He was not.
He was never.
He's never been like tiny.
Well, no.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Twunk-ish.
No, she didn't type until last year in your chat.
Damn.
She sent one smiley face in 2021.
Yeah.
Has she said I'm hot or anything of those?
No, I'm sorry.
Wait, what about my chat?
Austin, no one goes to your chat.
I could see.
I could see maybe Ludwig was on your stream and she said I discovered Ludwig.
No, you didn't.
You're so annoying.
I did.
I discovered Ludwig had his first big shot on my show.
Yeah, because of me.
That was his breakthrough moment.
I don't know if it was.
It wasn't.
Six messages in your chat.
That's the first breakthrough moment on my show.
That's true.
Oh, I just banned her on accident.
Oh, shit.
I'm going to keep it that way.
In my chat?
Yeah.
No.
In 2021, she said, Austin is using his Cam Today, Yes Queen.
Okay.
Out of nowhere.
I'm like, hey, you look so handsome today.
I'm keeping her banned.
Okay.
Six Messages In Your Chat00:05:21
That's crazy.
Let her come to me for the appeal.
You'll see, sin, I've got a lot of power here.
All you had to do.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I'll give you a bunch of collabs out of this.
You're going to make her do a bunch of stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
For every message that I find inappropriate, she owes me.
You think you can kick her out?
Little bitch.
Yes.
She's a foot shorter than me.
Damn, I don't know.
She's.
She's a foot shorter than me.
I don't know why.
Not a lot.
I don't know if she got hands.
I'm sure she's got hands.
But who knows?
She's kind.
She has a kind heart.
She's feisty.
Yeah.
She has a kind heart.
But okay.
I did do.
Listen.
For any purists, it is a Sunday.
Swig is closed.
Thirst is closed.
Sodalicious is closed.
These all sound like gay bars.
That's true.
Swig and thirst.
No.
They're not gay bars.
They are soda shops.
Yes, there's soda shops.
That's actually interesting.
Swiggy.
Which is the opposite of a gay bar.
I think it's the diametrical opposite of a gay bar.
I like to make it very clear: some people get confused by this.
The words of wisdom state you should not have coffee or tea.
Words of wisdom, I believe, were sent out by Gordon B. Hinkley and it was just some things to live by.
Okay.
Gordon B. Hinkley was the president of the church in 2000.
So it's not just caffeine.
It's coffee.
Hot coffee.
Well, coffee.
Coffee.
Yeah.
First it was hot drinks.
Caffeine, but now it's just no coffee.
No tea.
Mormons were very anti-Chinese.
No hot drinks.
But you can have hot chocolate.
Hey, like, look, look, look.
Well, you can.
Yeah.
Look.
And no disrespect.
No disrespect to Brigham Smith.
They're the rules.
And Joseph Smith.
That's Joseph Smith.
That's a big joke.
Brigham Young was a slavery.
Okay, you know what?
All the disrespect.
You're right.
You know what?
You're right.
Disrespect.
Okay.
All the disrespect.
Okay.
Brigham Young, that piece of shit.
You're going to get haunted.
Yeah.
Okay.
I did think, I was like, this is a little ghoulish, but Brigham Young's grave is like over there.
I did think about we should record in his grave.
No, no, no.
It's like four blocks that way.
Five blocks.
Let me tell you something.
All the other religions, there is a little bit of believing.
Like, I could see how, okay.
You know what I mean?
You can kind of believe a little bit.
But the Mormons, like, some of the shit is like, damn, they're reaching for like the caffeine and the Zion and like it's like a fucking Star Trek movie.
It's crazy.
Like, I don't understand.
Like, it's, it's so I'm doing a really bad job at converting me.
Like it's so my baptism count is zero.
Oh my god, this is like how do you believe it?
I don't know.
Well, it's called faith.
And if you doubt it, that's actually your problem.
Yeah, and it's sad.
And we will judge you and people that doubt God.
So let me get this straight.
Smaller heaven.
So I got to believe it unconditionally.
Yes, absolutely.
The moment I question it, but also, also, you got to believe it unflinchingly, but also like you have loopholes.
Okay.
Yes.
What are the loopholes?
Well, you can have hot chocolate.
Okay.
But you can't have hot coffee.
And you can't have caffeinated hot tea.
The only tea that's like kind of kosh was like spearmint tea.
Kosh?
Like kosher?
Yeah.
Not like actually kosher, but that's just.
That's okay.
Yeah.
I like that.
Me and a friend of mine, Felix Biederman of Chabo Trap House, shouts out, have talked about this quite a bit.
He believes, he's Jewish, he believes that Mormonism is the closest to Judaism out of like, you know, the Christian society.
I don't know enough about Judaism.
No, not even like because of its rules, but more so about like the rule-abiding, rule-breaking nature of Mormonism.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like consistently trying to find loopholes.
Like, because on Saturdays, you're not supposed to work if you're Orthodox Jew.
Right.
And because of that, there's a loophole.
Sundays, you're not supposed to work.
It's called the Shabbos Goy.
Okay.
So they will hire like Orthodox Jewish people will hire a Gentile person, non-Jewish person, to basically turn on the TV, turn it off, turn on the lights, turn it off.
Yeah.
What?
Yeah, it's called the Shabbos Goy.
And the elevators at like Cedar Sinai and other Jewish hospitals actually will always stop at every floor on Saturdays so they don't have to press a button.
But I have a very special.
I didn't know that.
What if you're trying to get to the birth of your child?
Well, sorry.
You're just going to have to stop at every, you know, on the elevator.
Is that really?
There's also a string that surrounds Manhattan, but I'm not even going to get into that.
But there is, there's, we were on the car right over here.
The driver was explaining to us how the owner of the Utah Jazz during the playoffs, when one of the games was on Sunday, actually was not, like, he didn't go in to the stadium.
Yeah.
Because it's work, technically.
Yeah.
So he just sat outside the stadium.
You also, you're not supposed to, like, you shouldn't, like, you can't go to the movies on Sunday because you can't spend money on Sunday.
What?
Yeah, you're not supposed to spend money on Sunday.
What if you're hungry?
You're not supposed to hang out with your friends.
It's only family on Sunday.
Okay, what if like, what if like you forgot to buy, you have to eat?
You need to prepare before then.
You should buy groceries.
You're not supposed to spend your time.
And if I buy food, I'm going to hell.
Non-Alcoholic Alcoholic Beverage00:06:26
Well, no, but you should like, you know, repent.
Okay, repent.
Is there like, where do I go to repent?
You can just pray.
Okay.
Unless it's really bad, then you have to go to your bishop.
I'll have to go to my bishop.
Yeah, if it's like cheated on your wife.
I'm going to have to get a meal.
Can I like wait?
If you like gambled, you'd have to go to your bishop.
I'd like to join the Mormon church.
Like a random town, nobody would know who I am.
I'd just blend in.
I'd go to church for like four months.
Okay.
And then I would just talk to my bishop and just confess the most heinous gay.
Why?
What would you get from it?
It's a kink.
He's just describing a kink right now.
All right.
Can we get to it?
Yes.
So.
How have you guys been sleeping?
Not well, Will.
The world's on fire.
I can't sleep at all, Will.
I know, I know.
Both of you are warriors.
That's why I'm excited to talk to you guys about Beam's Dream Powder.
A science-backed, healthy nighttime blend for sleep that is actually clinically shown to improve sleep and have you waken up refreshed.
I would love for us to be refreshed.
He looks tired.
He does.
I am exhausted and thank you for noticing.
You show it.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
That's the nicest thing.
No, it's the nicest thing anybody ever said to me.
And I feel like it shows that I have room to grow.
And I'm going to do that by doing this.
Beam sleep.
That's right.
And, you know, other sleep aids, they can cause next day grogginess.
But Dream contains a powerful, all-natural blend of raysy, magnesium, L-theanine, and Apigen.
I wasn't coached on how to say that at all because I know those words.
And there's also melatonin, which I know that one.
And it helps you fall asleep, stay asleep.
It helps you waking up refreshed because you don't need to know those words.
You just need to know that Beam Dream Powder.
I like it because when I take melatonin, it gives me the shakes, but this has L-theanine in it, so it takes away the shakes.
So it's a nice mix.
Yeah, it's a bit of a secret, a little of a secret.
Beam's best-selling beam dream powder.
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And get up to 40% off a limited time when you go to shopbeam.com slash fear and code fear at checkout.
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So because of the restrictions of the Mormon religion, the Mormons, of course, with their endless loopholes, have found that.
There are more soda shops in Salt Lake City than there are Starbucks.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Really?
Because all the caffeine.
Yeah, because this is allowed.
This is why we were talking about how Mormons have...
Cross my fur coat.
It's my fur coat.
This is a small.
Shut up.
That's not a small.
This is a small.
That's not a small on any planet.
No way.
This is the small.
I ordered the small.
No way.
What's the big?
I don't know.
I didn't get the big.
I got the small.
I want to know how physically, like, how large can the container get?
Is there sugar in this?
Yes, Austin.
Okay, this one.
This one is called the Beehive.
It's pink lemonade, coconut cream, and pineapple.
Oh, sounds so spectacular.
It tastes like a snow cone.
Oh, you won't use our straw?
That tastes like a non-alcoholic alcoholic beverage.
No, I used our straw.
Like a pina colada.
But you love it.
Yeah, he loves it.
He's making that face, but he loves it.
I was not.
But I also don't like mixed alcoholic beverages.
He's super into it.
It literally tastes like it tastes like a pina colada, but without the alcohol.
Like a virgin pina colada.
Yeah, yeah.
I agree.
Not bad.
Why don't we just have all three of us have our own individual straws and then we can stab it?
That'd be really smart.
Well, Austin, that's your straw now.
Okay.
Wait, but y'all touched it.
You just, you used it last.
Okay.
Okay.
This one is called the Boy Scout.
It's disgusting.
It's root beer, vanilla cream.
Oh, gosh.
Chocolate.
Oh, English toffee.
Oh, and toasted marshmallow.
Wait, actually, it kind of sounds good.
I'm ready for it.
That sounds like.
What's the diabetes rate in Utah?
Well, because y'all can't, like, here, as a Mormon, like, you can't work on a Sunday.
There's so many rules.
One thing there's little restrictions to is like you can eat whatever you want.
So the food here is really good.
It tastes like a Tootsie roll.
Oh, I hate Tootsie rolls.
It tastes like a Tootsie roll in liquid form.
I've never had something like that before.
Oh, that is painful.
Oh, that's disgusting.
That's truly heinous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
It tastes like sweet motor oil.
You're right.
That's incredible.
Like a drink bag.
I thought I want more.
I got the top three most popular ones.
That's what I ordered.
Okay.
Oh.
This experience is.
And then last but not least, we got the Jedi.
Okay, which is a Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, vanilla cream.
What the fuck's supporting butter and diet together?
Hey, that's crazy.
Doneski.
I don't know.
Okay.
Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, vanilla cream, caramel, and cherry.
Oh, my God.
Mormons are amazing.
Yeep.
So this isn't a sin.
No.
Well, technically the purchase, as a Mormon, the purchase of it is a sin.
Because you did purchase this on a Sunday.
That's scary.
Making that face.
I don't know what it tastes like.
Yeah, you made the face of a person who's who's just encountered a new substance.
I can't.
I can't describe it.
It's weird because there's cherry in there, but it almost tastes just like butterscotch.
I will admit this is the least offensive.
Purchasing Sin On Sunday00:14:24
Let me see.
Yeah.
Let me test it out here.
I also think after that Roopier one was so like incredibly sweet.
Awesome likes all of them.
All of them are on my side, though.
Drink whatever one you want.
So I learned something yesterday.
Wait, overall, how was your soda pop experience?
You know, I think most of them really sucked.
Wow.
But, and they just, they too many calories.
My God, that's like at least 300 calories each drink.
300?
Yeah.
I think more than that.
There's cream in them.
Yeah, it's too much.
I don't know why.
Is there a lot of overweight people here?
I don't know.
How do I find that out?
Not really.
I haven't seen, I mean, I haven't seen that many people turn around with lots of people walk here.
There's a lot of, it's really walky.
So I don't, I think they, their probably heart disease is high, but they walk a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting.
The silent killer.
You can be skinny and still have heart disease.
That's right, which is what Cutie and I are always acutely aware of, which is why we always get an echocardiogram.
And we have heart monitors.
Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah.
What were you saying, though?
I was saying I discovered something and I know I went, so as I said, I went to the gay bar last night and I was looking around and I was talking to this guy and I was like, you know, I don't mean to be, well, this isn't offensive, but there's a lot of women here.
Oh, there were a lot of women at the gay bar?
Yeah, which obviously like women can be gay too.
But like a lot of straight women were at the gay bar.
Oh, you could tell?
I mean, I mean, look.
Look.
Yes.
I can tell.
What does a gay woman look like?
I don't know.
Look, there are some women that don't.
Look, I'm not saying there is a look to gay.
Sounds like you are.
I think there's something very funny about a Portland gay who is like the most Midwestern gay and doesn't look gay at all.
Going to Utah to be like, none of these queers look gay to me.
So look, there were some...
Well, no, because like, you know, usually you see a woman and usually it's just like, it didn't look gay.
There's a lot of women that didn't look gay.
Awesome.
You don't look gay.
I know.
Look, what I'm saying is...
Did you think maybe that they're gay?
They just don't look the part.
Two things here, okay?
Number one, there's usually not a lot of women at a gay bar, typically skin or not.
Number two, there was a high percentage of women that didn't look gay.
So I just assumed maybe they were straight.
I don't know.
Maybe I was wrong.
I'm like, I hope this isn't offensive.
There's just a lot of women here that are straight.
And he's like, no, no, no, it's not.
It's actually a thing.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
He's like, all these straight women come to the gay bars.
They're LDS straight women come to the gay bars to escape the men from all of the straight bars in Salt Lake City.
So like they come without their gay friends and they just come to the gay bar.
But they're not LDS.
That's what he said.
He said they're LDS women.
No.
No.
He was lying.
Mormons can't, you're not supposed to go to a bar.
Oh.
So I was wrong.
There are a lot of bars out here.
I mean, I think it could just be like women.
Like it could just be women, but I don't think it was Mormon women specifically.
Regardless, I had a great time.
Okay.
Yeah, it sounded fun.
We had an awesome time and I'm so sorry, Cutie, for you.
No, no, no.
If you could have come and had a good time, would you have gotten drunk with your father?
I don't think I would have had a good time, but I think I would have been like, I am so sad.
Okay, would you have to do that?
I might have gotten drunk with you at the gay bar.
Okay, that he complained about.
Kitty, next time.
That's why he saw a bunch of ladies and was like, damn, we don't need any more.
He was like, I don't want any more women.
These women are.
Let me make it up to you, cutie.
Next time I go to a gay bar.
I don't want to go.
I was only in the mood last night.
You lost your opportunity.
Once in a blue moon type shit.
Okay, this is what I was afraid of.
What if I invite you and you take too long and I want to go home and then you show up?
You know what I mean?
Then I'll be alone.
No, but like the thing.
I can be alone.
There was a lot of pressure.
There was a lot of factors at play.
I wasn't sure how committed I was to going out.
So if I would have gotten there and not had a good time.
Now, I ended up staying until the bar shut down.
You had so many hours to tell me.
You called me at 10 p.m.
The bars closed at 1.
It was actually, this one closed at 2.
I don't know how it happened, but we were still there.
We were there till 2.
But yeah, great time.
I met a couple.
They were former LDS.
I love former Mormons.
It's so cool to learn about it.
Yeah, it must be, it would be cool if you had anyone you could talk to.
Look, it won't happen again.
We've never met a Mormon.
I'm going to actually go by myself to the gay bars tonight.
Let's go tonight.
I'm not going with you.
I'm going alone.
Let's go to the.
I mean, it is Sunday.
Do you think they'll be popping on a Sunday night?
I don't know.
I didn't even know there were gay bars in Salt Lake City.
There's several.
There's a lot of gay bars.
Yeah, I mean, that does make sense.
There's more rebellion here.
I know people from Utah.
And what they've told me about Salt Lake City is that it's either half Mormon and half addict.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
There's a lot of like former Mormons.
There's a lot of rehab facilities here, apparently.
Yeah.
So it's the highest opioid addiction because of all the sad housewives.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Wow.
I totally get it.
If I lived here, I would develop a crippling heroin addiction.
It's also the highest Botox and plastic surgery.
Because isn't that surprising?
But I think it's keeping up with the Joneses.
It's like...
There's a lot of pressure in Mormon communities.
Like when I talked to this woman on the plane yesterday, I told Cutie about this.
I'll tell Hassan.
I was talking to this woman on the plane, and she was definitely Mormon because we were going to Utah and she had 15 grandchildren.
So I was pretty much, you know, it's pretty a sure shot.
And she got to the question.
She was like, so are you seeing anybody?
And I have never ran faster back into the closet.
I was like...
To women, I love him.
No.
So much.
No, you know what I said word for word?
I said, you know, I'm just focused.
I'm so career-focused right now, and I just don't have time for a special lady in my life.
She called you the Efsler in her mind.
No, no.
I said, I just don't have time for that.
That is freaking homo.
I think I blended in great.
Surely.
I don't think so.
You didn't have to.
I mean, yeah.
But anyway, I did that because I was, because what I'm trying to say is I felt the judgment was so strong.
Yeah.
Like, she was, I was getting, like, that must be the pressure.
That's why people are getting so much plastic surgery.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot of judgment.
There's a ton of it.
Yeah.
But you know, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's, Mormons do a lot of kind things.
Yeah, I think they do.
They do a lot of good.
They're very nice.
Yeah, very nice.
The best neighbor is a Mormon neighbor.
Right.
That's right.
They'll bring you casseroles.
They'll bring you.
It's one thing I really like.
I really like about this place is just everyone's kind.
Yeah, they're good people.
Yeah.
I needed an iPhone charger.
I needed an iPhone charger.
The guy next to me got up out of his seat, went into the overhead, took it out.
Turns out it's for, he has a new iPhone.
I have an old one.
It didn't work, and he was apologizing to me.
I was like, man, I'm so sorry.
I'm the one who should be apologizing.
What is going on?
That's so funny.
But yeah, it was cool.
Cool experience.
Traffic lights here are like stop signs, four-way stop signs.
The biggest problem is everyone's like, no, you go, no, you go, no, you go.
No, you go.
Yeah.
Cutie, I've noticed that you are feeling a lot less mentally ill.
Yeah.
And a lot happier.
I hate LA.
Hey, you rejoined the church.
Should I?
Yes.
Austin, we came here to bring her back.
No, I know, but there's more.
What are you doing?
There's Mormon churches in LA.
It's not.
No, no, no, no.
I found my new home.
I'm going to get a cabin.
Jenny, maybe they were right.
The church.
Yeah, maybe they were right.
Yeah, maybe.
You're so calm and cool and collected.
I just like it here.
I like it.
That's nice.
I had my reasons.
I'm thinking of like different ways of trying to get you to not like this place, but I feel like everything that I would bring up as a negative, you see as a positive.
It's too quiet.
There's nothing going on.
I love it.
I love it so much.
It's so gray.
You know how often my citizen app goes off here?
It's gone off one time for a protest on President's Day.
That's it.
Were they protesting for more?
No, they're protesting against Trump.
They're like, please, please, Mr. Trump, do more of what you're doing.
I do feel like so chill.
There's like such a lack of crime.
There's definitely crime here.
You think so?
It does help that it's cold.
No one wants to crime when it's cold.
Well, like, I feel like there's like a huge, I'm not saying people should come here and commit crime, but there seems to be very.
Sounds like you're saying it.
I wouldn't say even not saying that.
Like, I'm just saying, like, there's a lot of crime going on in LA.
Like, maybe, well, you know what?
If you're a criminal, you probably want to go to where there's a lot of crime.
Okay.
Los Angeles is ginormous.
Yeah.
It is a massive metropolitan city.
Salt Lake City, although it has grown quite a bit, is nowhere near as large.
So that I think probably is one of the major reasons.
Having said that, there's also a shit ton of crime that happens here, just like it happens in a lot of yeah.
You just don't see it.
That's what I was going to say.
Like, there's this notion that people think, like, there's literally dudes doing heroin back there.
You know what I mean?
I didn't even perceive that.
That's so funny that they're doing heroin.
Well, they were doing whippets at the time.
How do you know?
Because I saw them.
Were they laughing?
No, I saw them with the canisters.
Oh, I mean, they're just when I was walking.
They're just making a Frappuccino.
Yeah, they're just using whipped cream.
Yeah, they were whipped.
Yeah.
They were whipping it all right.
I mean, I'm used to it.
I'll be honest.
We saw that, and I was kind of nervous about filming here, but then I saw that and I was like, oh, we're good.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Are you cold?
I'm getting cold.
It's starting to shake.
I have to put the gloves on.
Do you want a beanie?
No, no, no.
It's okay.
I have a beanie.
Do you have a jacket?
There's a big, Hassan brought an extra jacket for me.
How many minutes are we in?
I'm crazy that you didn't bring a jacket.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah, no, I didn't bring a jacket because it was kind of warm out here, but that's because I was moving around, you know.
Okay.
I think it's going to snow.
No, I think it's not.
Like right now?
No, no, no, but tonight.
It looks like it.
It looks like it.
Wait, you just look at the sky?
That's kind of a bummer.
I wish it's not.
It's not cold enough.
It's 48 degrees out right now.
I know, but it snows at 32.
That's about 12 degrees.
Yeah, but look at the sky.
14 degrees.
Does it feel like it's a snow sky?
Yeah, it's snow sky.
He heard a noise.
There was a car with one of those like annoying when they bust out the exhaust or whatever and it goes like it makes like gunshot noise.
And Austin turned to me and was like, is it weird that I just didn't even think that that was gunshots, but in LA I would think it was gunshot.
I did say that, but it's because there's more likely in LA to be a gunshot, right?
Yeah.
I feel like this.
It is harder to get a gun in LA.
Yeah, Utah probably has a hard gun.
You can go to Walmart, probably.
Yeah, there's way more guns here.
They're just more responsible gun owners.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Of course.
I don't know.
I mean, I could look it up, but.
We're also, we're on the good side of the train tracks.
There's a bad Salt Lake City.
Yeah.
There's a bad, yeah, in any city, there's going to be a bad area.
Damn.
Yeah, of course there is.
No, I think that's where it goes.
You love this place.
This is like, this is just like it even boring version of where you live.
No, look, when I got here, I realized, man, I'm actually not so white.
He did say that.
I did.
You know, like, I'm like, man, I really am Lebanese.
You know, I got off the plane.
I was like, I look like, I'm different.
Oh.
You know?
For the first time in your life, you're like, am I a DEI?
Yeah.
I looked around.
I was like, damn, they make me look.
They're laughing back there at your city.
They're laughing at me?
Yes.
Y'all know I love Lebanon.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Scooters was on my plane.
Yeah.
Yesterday.
I'm a city boy through and through.
Like, Los Angeles doesn't have a lot of city qualities, and I am always annoyed by that.
But like, what do you mean by city qualities?
Like, public transportation and trade.
This has a great, they have a train that goes everywhere.
Well, what I was saying, yeah, I did see the tram thing that, what is it, the tram square or whatever?
It's called tracks, and it goes this way, and then there's this thing called Frontrunner that goes super fast all the way up mountain to mountain.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, what I was going to say is, I mean, this is a particularly boring version.
I mean, particularly boring.
This thing's great.
I love it.
It's nice and calm.
It is very depressing.
Wow.
Kitty, I'm downtown, like in the center.
You must be my hotel.
What's time of your life at the gay club?
Yeah, that was fucking downtown.
That's city center.
Yeah.
That is city center.
That's city center.
That's like literally smack dab in the city center.
Okay, that downtown, unironically, is like major city.
I don't know.
Salt Lake City, yeah, technically.
I mean, it's a small city.
I had an Afghan Uber driver who was explaining, because I was like, how the fuck did you get here?
Like, why are you?
I can't just ask you while I got you.
No, I literally did.
I was like, because I know, like, when you give refugee status, they ask you, like, you know, which, like, they ask you, they don't give you exactly which city you want to go to, but they give you like, you know, placements.
And they asked him, like, do you want to go to a big city or a small city?
And he was like, oh, small city.
So they sent him to Salt Lake City, which I thought was very interesting because he's like, you know, he's from Afghanistan.
And I'm sure there's some similarity.
He now lives in Salt Lake City.
But yeah, this is definitely a smaller, on the smaller side of cities, I think.
Yeah.
I mean, I think Portland's bigger.
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
Portland's more bustling than Salt Lake City for sure.
You can't just, but it's just more chill here.
It's definitely chill.
It's a chill vibe.
Maybe I'll come on a weekday.
Why?
Because it's maybe more bustling.
No, a weekday wouldn't be more.
It's chill.
It's just a chill.
It's a chill vibe.
They are really nice.
Yeah.
I complained about my hotel room.
And they put me in like a suite.
Salt Lake City Is Chill00:03:02
Well, you did that on purpose.
No, no, what do you mean?
Like, I didn't ask for the suite.
Right, of course.
I went down.
They put me in a hotel room because I didn't complain.
Dude, the population of Salt Lake City as of 2024 is 194,000.
The Salt Lake City metropolitan statistical area is 1.2 million in 2020.
What?
Yeah.
I thought Salt Lake City was much bigger than that.
The Salt Lake City.
Ogland is much bigger than that.
The Salt Lake City, Ogden, and Provo combined statistical area population is 2.7 million.
That is like...
That's Portland.
Well, that's Portland.
That's insanely small, which is what makes sense.
The airport's so big, though.
Well, it's an international airport, isn't it?
Yeah, so it's Portland.
That airport's big.
There's a lot of travelers.
It's just a connection airport.
But also, I think people come in to ski, right?
Yeah.
There's a lot of skiing.
I'm going skiing tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
I'm learning for the first time ever.
I'm proud of you.
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
The thing I was gonna say is the downtown feels like what I assume, like, you know, in the old Western movies, like there's one big road and then like saloons on the side.
That's literally what their big downtown feels like.
But, you know, they're modern buildings.
All the roads are so wide here because they made them wide enough for like a carriage to do a U-turn.
Like an ox-pulled carriage to do a U-turn.
So that's why all the roads are so wide here.
Yeah, the city is very efficient.
Yeah, and it's on a grid.
I've already, I can find everything.
It's nice.
They're building a lot of they have the classic, what is it, five plus one, I think that's what they're called.
Like these ugly ass there's a lot of everywhere.
That kind of weird.
What's the rent like here?
You know?
I don't know.
I have no clue.
Look it up again.
You could Google it.
What's the difference?
What's rent for a small, like what's rent for a one-bedroom apartment in LA?
$4,500.
No.
In West Hollywood?
No.
Wait, that's what I was, when I was looking, that's what I was doing.
We were looking at it real fancy.
It was probably like $2,000 to $3,000.
It's like $2,500.
$2,500 for a one-bedroom launcher recently.
Somebody that's looked recently just told us $2,500 for a one-bedroom.
Salt Lake City rent prices.
Okay, okay.
Average rent in Salt Lake City rent price is $1,600 is the average rent in Salt Lake City, Utah.
It's not much cheaper than LA.
That's almost half the price.
Oh, it is $1,000.
Jesus Christ, hold on.
Sorry.
Bad math.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And $1,000 a year.
46% of units that are available are in the $1,000 to $1,500 price range.
And then 32% of the units available are in the $1,500 to $2,000 price range.
So it is remarkably cheap.
It was much cheaper than Los Angeles.
Rent Prices Are Half Of LA00:03:06
Which is...
So you're saying everyone should just come here?
I'm not.
It's fun.
We'd have so much fun.
Let's start a streaming hub in Salt Lake City.
Yeah.
I'll go.
We just have to get soda popping.
It was no problem.
People seem to follow soda popping.
Yeah.
I had no problem coming out here.
Do you regret your decision?
We're having a good ass time.
No, because we're having a great time.
I mean, I'm cold.
And yeah, I pulled in Austin.
I'm like literally flying day in and in and out just to shoot a podcast.
By the way, you could not survive my lifestyle.
Yeah, because I'm not crazy.
I would have just moved to Los Angeles.
The fuck do you mean?
Yeah, no one, flying every week is insane, Austin.
Yeah.
Imagine what you dealt with today as every week.
No, I mean, that's because I, even though I finally got my global entry, I didn't put it in.
Like, I wasn't able to put it into my when I was when I was getting my ticket.
And then Austin claimed he could do it for me, and then he ended up just checking me in on a phone.
I messed up.
Yeah.
So you're just going to have to go through the regular security.
I've clear and all that stuff.
I hope that the Salt Lake airport isn't too congested.
Totally fine.
It did look horrible.
The departures look terrible.
The departures look terrible.
Yeah.
How would you find it?
How would you?
I've flown here a few times.
The reason I, I haven't seen the reason here.
19 years ago.
This was a one-horse town.
My uncle died, and so that's why I'm out here.
Yeah.
That's the worst part about this story, by the way.
Yeah.
Which is that I can't even fucking get mad at her for not being on the podcast for like eight weeks now.
Yeah.
Because I want to.
I want to be like, what the fuck are you doing, QD?
But like, yeah, she, she had a my uncle died.
It was after fear.
It was after a fear and episode.
When we all went to dinner, you didn't come.
Me and Austin and Will and Marsh.
Marsh came?
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
No.
It was late.
It was late in the night.
It was 10 p.m.
It was Will, myself, and cutie.
And I get a phone call at 10 p.m.
No, so like she gets a phone call in the middle of dinner.
Yeah.
And you came back and it was just like so, we just didn't know.
I didn't know what to do.
Yeah, you were in shock, but I have a lot of extended family out here.
So since I did kind of a loop-de-loop, I went up to Washington.
I've gone through Idaho.
I went to Colorado for a little bit and now I have an Airbnb here and I'm just spending time with extended family and long-lost friends.
Yeah, when are you coming?
Well, my plan was to come the first week of March, but fun news is our house might be full of black mold that we find out tomorrow.
Okay, okay, okay.
Regardless, you're coming back though, right?
I'll come back at some point, yeah.
But I have to not be in the black mold.
Anyway, Girly Pop Nation, this has been great.
We're gonna go to a Patreon episode right now.
Yes, and you can find out more where I publicly kill myself in front of the Joseph Smith Sphinx statue here in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Go to patreon.com/slash fear and for more.
Killing Myself Before The Sphinx00:00:42
Peace.
Holy fucking shit.
My options at this point is to shit myself in the car or to pull off the side five feet away from people because it's like car and then like bushes and just try to shit in the bushes.
So I veer off to the side.
I get out of my car.
I run.
I open the side door and I just shit on the side of the road.
It was my only option.
Wait.
You shot in the wild?
Yes.
Like straight booty jeans looking into the moonlight.
What you don't understand is also the highway is elevated.
So everyone on the highway that's standstill can just see me.