Pete Davidson leads the discussion, detailing his $250,000 tattoo removal for a Reformation campaign and sparking a debate on whether gay friendships with women are superior to straight dynamics due to lack of sexual tension. The hosts also analyze Elon Musk's thirteenth child, the Philadelphia Eagles' anti-Swift shirt controversy, and the U.S. military's transgender ban, while refuting conspiracy theories linking aviation collapse to LGBTQ+ presence. Ultimately, the episode blends celebrity gossip with sharp social commentary on masculinity, homophobia, and modern cultural friction. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Miskif Stream and Angry Bird00:04:15
but it's just like it's it's a mega influencer like what are we this is like if barack obama had sex with i don't know me like barack obama impregnated me there's sure i'm certain that there's a fan fiction yeah yeah
is it worse the lighting in here is not worse i blended you blended yeah all right i'm ready No no, we're rolling.
This is definitely this should be.
Wait, you were rolling.
Yeah, it's pretty funny.
No no, that's funny.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard, welcome to the FEAR AND podcast, joined by three men and one woman who's not here?
Yeah, I know.
And one man who's not here March And March is not here uh, yeah.
Who's lost in Japan?
No, he's not.
He's found.
Oh, he's found.
No no, i'm gonna kill him when he comes back.
I'm gonna I am going to Japanese style assassinate him.
Dude, i'm not gonna lie, I was watching way extreme last night and it made me so sad I couldn't stay.
I could not stay.
Don't bring it up, he was just.
I was watching Miskif stream this morning.
Will do you understand the depths?
You know of my mania.
Do you want to?
Do you want to understand how desperate Austin's gonna say that he doesn't miss it?
I've moved on.
It's not that I like I moved on.
I moved past it.
Still hurting I, i've moved on, i'm back.
Jamie is over and Jamie is gone.
Yeah, like I moved back, i'm here in the United States Of America.
I've assimilated back into bad health care and bad politics.
Yeah, and i'm ready.
I hate every moment of it.
Yeah, because you live it every day, so Will, and I don't do that.
We, we live normal lives.
Yeah yeah I, I like swapped my Mediterranean chicken that i've had, I think, every single day for the past god, two years to teriyaki chicken now.
Oh, that's how.
That's what a sex event is.
A big deal for me.
He's all.
He also poops on Japan time.
Yeah, I did actually poop on Japan time last night.
It was crazy having stop the presses anyway look, i'm not like talking about being a Weeb or an Oaku or uh, missing Japan for uh weeb like purposes.
I do.
I do just kind of miss.
Uh, how everything ran smoothly, how we just like had a walkable city.
You could just get on a metro whenever you wanted to, and it was cool.
You could just go to different places and, and you know, pe see people.
Uh, it was great.
It was um so desperate that I am watching Miskiff now.
I, I watched his uh, I watched his uh beautification, that beauty guy him up.
Yeah I, I listen, I don't want to talk ill of anybody's fashion, because I think he's very good at using brows yeah No, I know you're not, but I'm just saying, in the specific case of Mizkiff and Hassan, I don't know if they came out better.
No, because they Japanese beauty centers are very different.
Like, they just make you gay as hell.
Yeah, they really do.
They make you gay.
Gay in Lebanese.
They made me gay in Lebanese.
They made Mizkiff look like a ventriloquist doll.
Yeah.
They made him look like an angry bird.
Yeah.
They made him look angry bird, bro.
And angry.
Well, yeah.
Honestly, like I said, before he did this, his eyebrows, like his starting point was crazy.
If you got eyebrows that are that bushy, obviously, like, like he was looking like the first Japanese socialist prime minister.
Pull that shit up, Gabe.
Look up Japanese prime minister eyebrows.
Like, he's, he's had those.
He's had those going.
Sure.
Oh, no, these are famous.
I understand why.
I do have to say something important.
Oh, yeah, what's up?
Bringing the topic transition after we look at these eyebrows.
Okay, look at him with the comb, with the comb.
Oh, first one all the way on the left.
Making Mizkiff Gay in Lebanon00:08:41
No, no, no.
That's why I was like...
Those are some serious.
Yeah, no, they no, he had brow.
He had the eyebrow brush.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's signature.
Yo, he's like 98 or something.
He's still.
He's going to Abe keep coming up.
I don't know.
Because he was another Japanese prime minister.
Yeah.
And he's dead now.
He's dead.
So this guy, though, very much alive, also still growing his eyebrows.
Sorry.
Okay, go on.
Wait, do we have a third photo of his eyebrow?
Can you imagine what the handsome man grooming company would have done to this poor fucker?
He would have been in there for two days.
The fucking AI explode.
Ladies and gentlemen, as bad as we are hurting from our post-Japan hangover, there's one man on the planet whose pain is so much deeper than ours.
What's that?
Montoya.
Oh, no, Montoya.
Montoya.
Oh, my God.
Gentlemen, I don't know if you have seen the nuclear arms race of fucking Spanish Temptation Island this week.
He got his get back.
It has.
Okay.
So let me tell you where we are.
Okay.
After the Montoya porque and after his girlfriend decided that she was wrong and she would take him back, she escalated the war further and got pounded out in a way that was like hard to fathom.
Wait, but yeah, much faster than the previous demo.
Much faster.
It was like, yeah, it was Bury the Sausage.
Oh, yeah.
Hard body fucking.
Okay.
In response, though.
Can I interrupt you briefly?
Yes.
This was, we covered this on the Patreon last year.
Yeah.
So for those of you that didn't see this.
Well, let me give you a brief run.
In case you missed episode one, Montoya is a contestant on what is called Spanish Temptation Island.
Now, Temptation Island frequently shows couples little glimpses and moments of couples as they are tempted on an island by Hatties and perform illicit acts.
But in the Spanish version, you're actually forced to watch live as your significant.
I was like forced.
Yeah, you're forced.
They make you sit there.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
And if you act up, you're like, please, you're right.
You must sit.
No, I was thinking of us.
I thought you were saying like...
We are, we are, we enjoy it.
Yeah, we enjoy it.
We enjoy it.
We're not in the cuck chair, but they do have a cuck.
I wouldn't even say chair, but a couch.
Yeah.
They have like everyone else also.
Like, imagine your significant other is getting fucked.
Absolutely blasted.
Getting destroyed.
Absolutely blasted.
And loving every moment of it.
And you're in the hotel room cuck chair.
You're sitting there.
You're forced to watch it.
But then also all of the other people are also sitting there watching it alongside you.
So then I think that like adds to the shame more.
Yes.
And then also millions of people around the globe are watching as well.
That's right.
And last week, Montoya basically snapped.
Okay.
Montoya basically snapped when he's watching his, after receiving a lap dance, his girlfriend elevated the cuck wars and she got blasted by a real thick goon of a man.
It's a real cockle arms race.
Yes.
Yeah.
So Montoya runs down the beach, full Spanish soap opera style.
Brain.
He's like, oh, you've killed.
You've destroyed me.
What have you done?
And then he says he's not going to take her back.
At which point next week, she gots blasted again.
And we can't even show that clip.
No, no, no, we can't.
We can't.
This one is okay.
This is Montoya, but we cannot show her second.
Her second sex is insane.
We could do it on the Patreon.
I think we should watch it.
Let's watch it.
No, but wait.
Okay, well, we don't have to watch that.
But Hornhub?
Yeah.
No, in response to that, Montoya does something.
In response to the heart.
Okay, pull up that photo, please.
In response to that, Montoya does something.
Oh, my God.
Insane.
He doesn't hard body fuck.
He makes love.
He takes his time.
Oh.
And apparently this video ran for like 30 minutes while he softly made love.
Wait, did they leave the whole thing in the episode?
Let's watch.
I don't think they kept the whole thing in, but you can see.
I mean, if you were just to picture this, Gabe is scrambling on Twitter.
We have told him, let's watch several different times with no direction.
And he's paying it.
He found it.
He found it.
He's panic scrolling.
Let's watch.
If this was Marsh on half a head of ecstasy, he would be having a meltdown right now.
But Gabe is locked in.
All right, let's watch this right here.
Well, Gabe is also invested.
Look.
Oh.
Oh, little baby kisses.
Yeah.
So beautiful.
Okay, this lip snarl she does.
I want to pause real.
Wait, wait, wait, wait till she does the lip snarl.
You'll know.
Mother of God.
She can't watch.
Just a little um I just want to do a brief aside.
The fact that this has not become a global meme format is a shame, but I do want to say this is Jets fans going into every season.
This is me when the when Aaron Rodgers leaves the team and there's no hope anymore.
Okay, play.
Look at how they're getting close to the TV.
She's trying to make out details.
He could have gotten a bigger TV.
Now, notice how the girls actually have an iPad.
There's a story behind that as well.
Yeah, you're supposed to hold it.
The men also used to have an iPad as well.
But Montoya kicked it.
And that's why they put him in the cup chair where he has to watch it on the television now.
I think he's...
This is actually.
Hispanic people have like a drama buff.
Like plus 10 drama points, no matter what.
This is post her getting railed by some guy, though.
Twice?
Duice.
Why is she...
How can she be even upset?
It's Spanish intentional.
I like that they, you know, describing the sex acts.
She's like, don't do it.
I don't want to see it.
And they're like, no, it's very good.
They're getting her up to date.
I'm going to be honest.
Very rarely do I ever side with men on any of these endeavors, both for obvious reasons because I don't want to get my ass eaten and also because men are oftentimes very wrong in these situations.
This is one of the few instances where obviously both parties are horrible monsters to one another and to themselves.
But I do find myself favoring Montoya a little bit because he has been cucked so in spectacular fashion.
Like, she is the America of the situation.
Like, Montoya is the USSR playing catch-up with the nuclear program.
Like, America dropped America dropped Hiroshima Nagasaki two atom bombs.
She did.
And then Montoya retaliated by making love to some real Soviet rockets.
I kind of picked up.
I think Montoya basically is playing catch up at every point.
Remember, because the arms race started because Montoya.
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is completely off topic.
Breaking news.
But I was going to go out tonight to the gay bars, and it's fucking bear and leather community night, which is great.
Isn't it like, isn't there a snow blizzard going on in fucking Portland?
Like an unprecedented amount of snow.
I'm talking about here.
No, I'm talking about Portland.
No, he's flying back out.
We have a heart out.
You don't even know about this.
We didn't even get to this because we're talking about Montoya por favor.
Hey, Will.
Hey, Hassan.
Super Bowl Swiftie Drama00:13:52
As you know, I recently got my blood work done.
Oh, don't I know it?
Yeah, and you guys will find out on the Patreon side as we go through the results of my blood work.
But you know what else is really important?
If you want to go and get your blood work done, Zock Doc.
That's right.
You can, okay.
You can find the right doctor.
And since it's like around the time of Valentine's Day, it can feel a lot like dating.
Yeah.
Where you can test out a few options to find the one who checks your boxes.
Whether that's someone who is in network, located nearby, has open appointment slots, is highly rated by other patients, or speaks a specific language, or even takes virtual appointments.
Zock Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and instantly book an appointment.
We're talking about booking an in-network appointment.
That's right.
Stop putting off these doctors' appointments.
Go to ZocDoc.com/slash fear to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
That's zocdoc.com/slash fear, zocdoc.com/slash fear to find a doctor.
I've set my search preference to Japanese-speaking doctors, so I can feel more close to Nippon after our voyage.
I respect that.
Thank you.
I get that, and I'm gonna tell you a story I've never told.
Tell me, tell us.
I missed a threesome at my college graduation because my family forced me to go to NASCAR.
That's a real story.
A threesome at your college graduation?
Yeah.
Wait, what?
What?
It was planned in advance.
Not super in advance.
24, 48 hours in advance.
That's why you got to be a good captain.
Awesome, right?
I couldn't go because my family showed up and surprised me with NASCAR tickets.
And I hate NASCAR.
And I was like, haha.
So when you don't show up to the threesome, do they just go without you?
No.
Because it was two women.
Oh, I see.
I don't ever straight women.
Yeah, I mean, I mean, I mean, I guess, yeah, they could have just been.
No, I know, but I just didn't even think it's copy.
That's like a little heterophobic of me to think that like that would work.
Yeah, but um, yeah, it was funny.
My uh, my increasing like desperation throughout the outing at NASCAR.
Like, I was like, I was like, oh, my family, graduation.
And then, this is crazy.
They were like, well, it's so late.
We should just take you back to your parents' house because it was closer to my parents' house in North Carolina than my college.
And I was like, no, you take me back.
Yeah.
They wouldn't.
They wouldn't do it.
I got in a big fight with my family.
Because you, did you tell them?
No.
Tell my, like, my uncle and my I feel like you could tell your parents that it was not.
Maybe not your uncle.
Not at that point in my life.
22 years old.
No.
You couldn't be like, yo, I need to go fuck.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, but sometimes.
Yeah, you just got to make up a.
Well, you can't even say, I have a family emergency.
Yeah, because I'm with them.
Yeah.
I have a family emergency, guys.
A distant relative.
You guys don't know.
Have you ever made up anything crazy because you had to go get laid?
Made up anything crazy because I had to go get laid.
I don't know.
That's a tough.
That's a great story.
That's a great question.
Thank you.
I'm going to go ahead and say yes automatically, but I can't recall any moment that I have done that.
But I probably don't.
I've told you guys is like when I was in Turkey and I got fucking violently food poisoned.
Violently food poisoned.
Violently food poisoned.
And it hit mid-coitis.
Oh.
I had to go shit in this person's shower because I was like immediately just like I shook it up doing my Montoya.
That's the worst.
Yeah.
And then I just, I was on a cruise ship too.
Oh.
And I was like, I was, I knew it was going to be so bad that I just ran back to my room like with a towel on.
Oh, it was awful.
You can't pinch it in that point.
No, it's liquid.
Yeah.
It's just coming out.
It's a hamburger.
Coming out no matter what.
And I never returned to Turkey.
Oh, man.
I've never been to Turkey.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Would they, you know, Turkish hairline, baby?
Yeah.
I think you'd be killed.
Second one.
Yeah.
I can't go, but you can go.
We could go enjoy Turkey.
Yeah, you guys enjoy Turkey.
I mean, I feel like because you're Turkish and we're good friends, every time I meet a Turkish person, I'm like, oh, you feel a sense of closeness to them?
Yeah, I'm like, damn, I know.
You guys can go to Turkey and I'll be in your ear.
Like, I'll be watching in real time, walking you guys around, telling you what to say to people.
It's like a sense of pride.
Like, oh my gosh.
There's gay bars and stuff too.
And it's really, of course.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
There's a robust gay community.
I would love that.
Yeah.
I would love that.
It's bare night every night.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
Cop to Turkey.
Even though we saw it.
We can get you the.
I had a Lebanese haircut in Germany from a Turkish guy.
Yeah, of course.
Like the setup to the most racist.
So I was getting a Lebanese haircut in Germany for Turkey.
And he says to me.
Yeah.
No, he did the whole like beard thing where they like shape.
You saw me.
It was in Germany when we went out to the fucking club afterwards for Twitch.
Remember that?
There's a photo of us standing and looking at one another all sexual style.
Yeah, exactly.
Another topic.
Okay.
Relevant topic.
Newsworthy.
I came ready.
I'm ready to go.
I got some in the chat.
Did you guys see that general manager Howie Roseman of the Eagles was assaulted at the Eagles parade?
No, it's insane.
Someone threw a full beer and leveled him in the face.
And he had to get, I think he had to get stitches in.
Oh my God.
Okay.
You have to see this.
Hear me out.
Fucked him up.
Hear me out.
I feel like if you're the Eagles GM, look at his head.
Look at his head.
I feel like it's a matter of time.
I feel like if you're the Eagles GM, it's like it comes with a territory.
But he seems like he's working through it.
Yeah.
Well, he's drunk.
Oh, he's the Eagles general man.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, he knows what the job is.
Oh, he's got the same transition lens as I have.
Listen.
Yeah.
When you're the Eagles general manager.
No, no, no.
I'm not working up with you.
No, that was my roommate.
Back on topic.
Getting hit with a, getting pelted with pieces of blocks of ice with coins trapped inside of it that someone has frozen the night before.
Yeah, that's.
Specifically for the Eagles parade is, I would say, an expected outcome if you're the Eagles GM.
Let's take a look.
It literally looks like...
It's like if you're a coal miner, you're going to get blacklocked.
This looks like presidential assassination footage.
Let's take a look.
I'm celebrating.
I'm celebrating.
Bang!
Back into the left.
And the second shirt in the grassy knoll back into the left.
Dude, that's a perfect throw.
Why would you throw the beer at the people that you're celebrating the victory of?
It's Philly.
Because I think three people were shot and killed at the parade.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Jesus.
I mean, we warned you.
I know.
Philly parade.
No, I know.
Bro, the new thing that they do because they lube all the polls is they just take the polls out now and then move them around town.
They just like rip it from out of the ground.
All right.
Can we talk about the Super Bowl a little bit?
Yeah.
I have a topic from the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
I wanted to say there was a gentleman.
I don't know what the player is, but he wore a Taylor Swift.
An anti-Taylor Swift.
Anti-Taylor Swift shirt.
Oh.
Don't do that.
I fucking forgot.
Look up, look up.
Yeah, Eagles shirt.
It'll come up.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
But I forget the reason.
Yeah.
He was wearing an anti-Taylor Swift shirt.
What the hell?
They're making me subscribe.
Oh, yeah.
He said like CJ Gargar, John.
Yep.
And he wore it at the parade.
Wait, what was it?
What did the shirt say?
Hoodie clowning Taylor Swift fans.
Johnson showed off his hoodie during the Eagles Super Bowl parade and also on Instagram Live.
The safety started trolling Kansas City Chiefs star Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift online after the Eagles Super Bowl victory.
Super Bowl licks.
Yeah, lick my balls basically because Swifties evidently retaliated by attacking his mom's restaurant or something like that.
Dude, that's the thing that...
Oh, it says fuck Taylor Swift.
Well, that's a pretty direct troll right there.
Yeah, it's interesting because I think Taylor Swift was an Eagles fan.
Or at least she has in the past shown support for the Philadelphia Eagles.
And the only reason why she's now obviously a Chiefs fan is because of Travis Kelsey.
And the Swifties, I just, I don't think you should fuck with the Swifties.
That's all I'm saying.
Like, it's pretty.
Swifties?
Wait, Swifties can lick my balls.
No.
Okay, by the way, for those of you listening who don't know what LIX is, it's the number of the Super Bowl.
It was Super Bowl 59.
So in Romal numerals, it's LIX.
So the hoodie says, Swifties can lick my balls.
I mean, I mean, that's pretty provocative.
I wish QT was here to comment on this.
I know.
You know what I have to say about this?
So, in case you've been living under a stone, let me give you a little context.
The Super Bowl happened last week, and the Eagles absolutely boat raced the two-time defending Super Bowl champions, the Kansas City Chiefs, absolutely dogged him out.
Montoya style.
Montoya style.
And I guess CJ Garner Johnson thought this was a good opportunity to take a shot at the most active community on the entire internet.
Man, I wish I had QD's commentary.
There's no reason to, there's no reason why you're riding so high to just basically invite the American al-Qaeda into your living room.
We stand in solidarity.
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
With Jesus Cinderella.
If the Swifties did 9-11, I would say my famous line again.
Yeah, I will never come after the Swifties.
Swifties, I love you.
I've talked about this before.
It's not like any other fandom because I've duked it out with the Barbs before, right?
Nicki Minaj's fandom.
The thing about the Barbs is like you can't really go to a Sephora if you duke it out with the Barbs, right?
Like you can't be around a Sephora because that's where all the Barbs are, right?
Like that's they work at Sephora.
With Swifties, you're talking like it can be a white teenager living in Arkansas, or it can be like the general manager of Whole Foods.
Yeah.
Like the regional, the, the, the, and it's like West Indies operation head of the Whole Foods is like a Swifty.
You know, what's interesting too?
I think it's a form of violence that a Philly football player wouldn't understand, right?
Yeah.
Beer bottle to the head.
He gets that, right?
If a Swifty threw a beer bottle at him, he's like, oh, I get this.
They don't do warfare like that.
No, they do like psychological internet warfare.
And I think they came after his mother's restaurant.
No, they work like the FSB.
Like, you know how, you know, how like every time Russia gets mad at something, they'll just be like, oh, I guess the electricity network is down or something.
Like, that's how the Swifties operate.
Like, they are, they do cyber crimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eagles players' mom.
They tried to deport his mother.
Dude, that's what I'm saying.
They're not, dude, they get real.
They get white around.
Yeah, they are.
They get around.
They get real.
White is right with it.
It's crazy.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I hope.
Oh, go ahead, coffee.
I hope that the Swifties come back.
I think the Swifties learned a valuable lesson about football.
Yeah.
Because, you know, the Swifties have known nothing but success since the Kelsey Swift engagement entanglement, dating.
I don't know if I call them the wrong thing, then Swifties will be very mad since they got together.
We'll get very generic.
They've known nothing but Super Bowls.
And now they're taking their first hard loss.
And I think it's a good lesson for them that Super Bowl football has ups and downs.
It does.
And I hope they come back.
Yeah.
I hope the Swifties keep buying jerseys and keep watching.
I do too.
It's good for the American economy.
I think they're not going to care about it as much.
No, especially Kelsey might retire.
Oh, okay.
Well, there's that, I guess.
But I think also, like, you know, maybe this will lead to like anytime there's like there's like a defeat of any sort in no cold brews mine, not the not the latte.
I think.
Elon Musk Fandom Ideology Shop00:08:39
Thank you.
What the fuck is this?
Oh, it's a nice little, cute little cup.
Why is mine so much smaller than yours?
Oh, well, but anytime there's like a defeat in Taylor Swift's life, what I was trying to say is that, like, you get an album out of it.
You know what I mean?
Maybe she'll do like a maybe she'll do an album about the loss of the 59th Super Bowl, which is finally the first time Taylor Swift will make music for Jets fans who have only known defeat.
All right.
So this way, Will can identify.
Got to take a shot at old Will Bo while he's down.
Well, the Jets are no longer the Muslim team, so I've revoked my support.
What?
You only support Muslim teams?
That's crazy.
I go wherever Saleh goes.
Well, then you're a 49ers fan again.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
That's right.
I only support the Muslim teams.
Whichever team Allah is on board with, I'm on board with.
Mashallah, brothers.
Yeah, mashallah.
What else is going on in the world, guys?
I came for bear shot.
There's a lot going on.
Well, I got a spicy one.
Oh, well, Hassan was probably going to say.
Is that an airport story?
No, it's not an airport story.
Although my flight was a little rough, but I don't need to talk about it.
It's whatever.
Okay, one of the, I have a couple things.
Okay.
Number one.
Fuck me, right?
You know what I mean?
Well, I haven't introduced the story today yet, so I think it's important that I do that.
Number one: Elon Musk nutted inside of one of his reply guys, Ashley St. Clair.
Please look it up.
Ashley St. Clair is a Twitter.
Twitter's kind of gay affair.
Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about?
No.
Ashley St. Clair is a woman.
Elon Musk has welcomed her.
Because reply guy is the terminology.
Author.
I wouldn't say author, but whatever.
Twitter poster, prolific Twitter poster.
Ashley St. Clair says she gave birth to Elon Musk's 13th child five months ago.
The author announced on Friday the 14th that she is the mother of Tesla's founders' 13th child.
Elon Musk has 13 children.
Real Godman.
If you ask him, he says 12 because he disowned his trans daughter.
So there's that.
But this is his 13th child.
Officially, St. Clair posted the announcement on Twitter because she said that the journalists were snooping around.
I intend to allow our child to grow in a normal and safe environment.
For that reason, I asked the media to honor our child's privacy and refrain from invasive reporting.
She said five months ago, I welcomed a new baby into the world.
Elon Musk is the father.
I have not previously disclosed this to protect our child's privacy and safety, but in recent days, it has become clear that tabloid media is snooping around.
They're going to leak the story.
Her post was captioned by the Latin phrase, a lea lacta est, meaning the die is cast, which is weird because you're talking about, you know, like an autistic man nutting in you.
It's not like that serious.
You know, the die is cast.
That's, it is what it is.
Now, I want to talk about this specifically because Elon Musk might be the horniest person on the planet, but also simultaneously the lamest person on the planet.
Because as a billionaire, the wealthiest person on the planet, he actively will find people on Twitter that are, you know, fairly regular looking, fairly annoying right-wingers, and then he will become reply guys to them.
Okay.
And then he just nuts in them.
I feel like this is not the best use of your resources or time if you're the wealthiest person on the planet.
Yeah.
I mean, doesn't he kind of have like a weird breeding thing, though, where like he wants to have like a shit ton of kids?
He does, yeah.
And he does.
I mean, he can afford it.
That's for sure.
He's a eugenicist.
Yeah.
Wow.
And so he nutted inside of this woman.
Yeah.
And they made a baby.
They did.
That's incredible.
I mean, this is the guy who's currently dismantling the federal government, richest person on the planet.
I think it's like somewhat weird that he's just, you know, he has 13 children, and he's just like fucking random people on Twitter.
I think it's going to be weird that my children, if I decide to have them, are going to have to deal with like the progeny of Elon Musk, right?
There's going to be a lot of Muskies running around with their different fingers and different ends of the planet.
Yeah, I mean, I think he's fucking everything up.
Yeah.
Elon is okay.
God, he's ugly.
Yeah.
But it's just like it's a MAGA influencer.
Like, what are we?
This is like if Barack Obama had sex with, I don't know, me.
Like, Barack Obama impregnated me.
There's sure.
I'm certain that there's a fan fiction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm just saying, it's like wild that, you know, this is what Elon Musk is doing.
It's just like running around fucking people off of Twitter.
Yeah.
It's you're basically insinuating that for the richest man of the world, it should be beneath him, but shockingly, it's not.
Yeah.
It doesn't make sense.
It's like shit.
So how much money would she get for being a just out of curiosity?
If you, if rude mayor, rude mayor.
Let's see.
I give birth to Elon Musk's child.
Yeah.
Right.
How much money trying to line up?
I'll be honest, depends on how much money.
True.
Right.
So if I give birth to Elon Musk's ugly kid, that's not very nice.
No.
That's not very nice.
I mean, he is very ugly.
So it's probably going to, let's be real.
Yeah.
His kid that doesn't have really much of a shot to be good looking.
What sort of financial benefit would I get from that?
And maybe she was in love with him.
Probably not.
Right?
Probably not.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe it was love at first tweet.
Hassan Piker.
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I'm thinking about doing a business of selling my Gamer Boy Bathwater.
Thank you, Shopify, for your sponsorship.
And now, back to the pod.
So, how what sort of like financial compensation?
I don't know.
He's offered to buy a horse for a private jet air stewardess in the past because he made an unwanted and unwarranted.
What do you mean?
The horse part is actually the coolest part of the story because it's like it's very feudal lord almost.
Yeah, yes, I've tried to do Primanocta and you have said my advances were unwarranted.
Well, I will buy you a horse.
Yeah.
This is the finest horse.
I don't know what I'd fucking do with a horse.
Yeah, a flight attendant for SpaceX said Elon Musk asked her to do more during a massage.
And then he exposed his penis allegedly and offered to buy her a horse.
This was famous at the time.
And one of the things that I still remember that I thought was really revealing about the mindset of Elon Musk.
Pulling your penis out.
Well, the mindset of Elon Musk fandom, I think, was very revealing because they responded to this by being like, You got to suck his dick and get a horse.
I would have, I would have paid for the privilege.
Like, that was unironically what his fucking fans were saying at the time.
And we never were like, We should nip this in the bud.
Like, that should have been any competent government, okay, maybe led by the great chairman, Xi Jinping, who is leading China into a decadent century of prosperity, would have immediately Alibaba founder Jack Mawed his ass.
Like, any situation outside of the United States of America, you're like, I'm sorry, what?
You're the wealthiest billionaire on the planet.
You did this, and your fans are openly, actively saying shit like this.
You're going, you're going to jail.
Trans People vs Department of Education00:11:04
We will find a reason to put you in that.
Okay.
In that vein, first of all, not beating the communist allegations with that.
I don't even think this is a communist position.
No.
Well, regardless, what I think is kind of funny is we had a clip on TikTok about me spending $4,000 on a dinner.
Yeah.
And we, Will and I got roped in to being called socialists.
Oh, they're calling you socialists.
They were calling Will and I socialists.
They're like, wow, a bunch of socialists.
Like, we just got next to you.
We just got thrown into it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People are very stupid.
Yeah.
That's kind of.
You know what's crazy is I've never been thrown into Hassan's positions before.
Yeah.
Oh, never?
Never.
He's joking.
All the time.
Yeah.
It's just, I mean, I believe in some socialists.
I think you don't even have to believe in it.
It just doesn't really even matter because you literally, you could literally every day of your life be like, I love capitalism.
I'm a right-winger or whatever you want to say.
Right.
And people will still be like, well, I'm a fucking idiot.
So I'm going to assume that you are a Marxist-Leninist revolutionary vanguardist or some shit.
It's just people are objectively getting dumber and dumber every single day.
And I'm beginning to notice that maybe in the process, they're also becoming more right-wing.
I don't know.
I don't know why it's just kind of like that, but it just fucking feels like there's a correlation with just anger.
Just unjust anger and just, ugh, trans people.
That's what that's for some reason.
That is the only thing.
Everything, all these angry motherfuckers, no matter what they're angry about, for some reason, they got it.
It always ends with trans people.
Yeah.
They're angry at you.
You're trans.
I'm pissed at life.
I just don't like trans people in sports.
They banned recently the U.S. military tweeted.
Gabe, I don't know if you could pull it up, but the U.S. Army tweeted and enacted a policy that banned trans people from the military.
No, they're woke.
It's because they were like, we love our trans people.
They're too precious for combat.
They shouldn't go and die in the front lines.
That's what it was.
Now, it's so stupid because I think they're huffing on their own farts.
There will be an inevitable reaction to this, an inevitable backlash to this because most people don't care.
Like, yeah, a lot of people, the overwhelming majority of people are like, yeah, trans people are weird.
I don't understand it.
It's gross.
Whatever.
Right.
Yeah.
Like, that's just like the normative position, unfortunately.
Trans people know this already, obviously.
But they don't care to this degree.
Most people, like, I've looked at studies on this a million times over.
The average position in America is simultaneously, trans people are weird, and I don't really understand it, but also they are being unfairly discriminated against by overwhelming majorities.
People say trans people are weird.
I don't like it, but they're also being unfairly discriminated against, and they really should be nowhere near sports.
That is like the average person.
Like, if you are anywhere, if you're a trans person anywhere near, like, if you even think about picking up a basketball, I will kill you.
But other than that, I will fight for your right to piss in whatever bathroom do you want.
It's a weird, eclectic, oftentimes contradictory assessment of the situation.
But it doesn't matter.
I just think it is annoying.
I don't understand it as a person.
Like, why do you care?
Why do you give a shit?
Like, you like most of these people haven't even met a trans person or seen a trans person or been like in the room with the trans person.
Like, I don't understand how the fuck this impacts your life.
How do you obsess so much over people that are purely just trying to exist?
Yeah, it's 100% the internet.
It's such a tiny, marginal group of people.
Well, I think when you are a small-minded person, I think things need to be important.
Like gender roles and your bank account and your furrows of worry and the life that you have built upon those worries and God and your genitals.
These are things that...
Oh, them sweet, sweet genitals.
No, but I'm saying, like, they build their worldview around these.
So when people challenge that worldview, they're like, wait a minute, these things are important.
I've built my life around them.
You can't challenge that.
That makes me scared.
What if God is dead?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What if there is no God?
Right.
And I, and I, and I think unfairly, then they, they pin all their anxiety about their own mortality or the frivolousness of life on those things that they don't understand because it challenges them.
But you had a story.
Please.
I did.
Yes.
Have a story.
Yes.
About what?
You told us.
I did.
You got angry when he gave his topic.
Yeah.
You had a banger topic lined up, remember?
Oh, that was, I just, I got, I, I got it out in that.
I was talking about trans people.
You wanted to talk about the U.S. military banning trans people.
But I weaved it in without saying I have a new topic.
It was seamless.
I got that in.
That was just our topic.
I apologize.
How about that?
I apologize.
Yeah.
See?
So I do think, I do predict, here's my first like 2025 lock of the year on the Fear M podcast.
Okay.
I think that there's going to be a lot of like the pendulum is going to swing back in the opposite direction in terms of like culture.
Woke is going to be back.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Like, and the most annoying ways possible.
Yeah.
In ways that we all obviously consider to be like lame and shit.
Like woke is going to be back.
I think the Democrats are going to start kneeling in the Capitol again.
I don't know about the Democrats, but I think that there's a lot of appetite from the American public that is just kind of looking at everything and going like, what the fuck are we doing right now?
Like these guys are talking about, look, we don't talk about politics on this podcast normally, but maybe sometimes we make an exception when the Department of Education is slated to be abolished.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like these guys are just like, yeah, I think everything should be immediately given to the God-ordained billionaire masters.
And if you ever have any issue with that statement at all, you need to shut the fuck up and go to jail.
Like that's kind of becoming the normal position in the Republican Party.
And I find that very strange.
And I don't think Americans like it all that much.
Are there favorabilities crashing yet?
Because last time I checked, they were up.
And I was like, what the fuck's going on?
Not there yet.
Elon Musk, yes, but partially because he's very annoying.
Favorability is going up because the people who voted for this administration sees a bunch of action, right?
And they're like, great job.
But they haven't seen the repercussions, right?
They've seen the fuse get lit, but the big boom hasn't happened yet.
You voted for Donald Trump because you wanted to shake up the system.
You're angry.
You're resentful.
And you think all of those problems, because the Republicans have directed, redirected your anger to like trans people, migrants, whatever.
All of those problems are caused by these like villains in society, right?
And so when they see Donald Trump taking action, as Will correctly pointed out, they go, oh, well, at least someone's shaking up the system.
The dumbest guy you know is going, well, things are changing and I like that.
It seems like the libs are getting owned, not realizing that like they are also getting owned in the process because this stuff is, I mean, it's relatively apolitical when you say we're nuking the Department of Education.
It's not a left-right dynamic.
It's an up-down.
It's something.
It's an up-down dynamic because let's be real.
If you're living in Nebraska and you're like a middle-class guy, your children are going to fucking public school, dog.
Okay.
And they're not going to the private institutions that the rich people's kids are going to.
So you're cooked in that process.
Yeah.
And the unfortunate problem is that it'll take a long time for them to start realizing who was really responsible for this.
And if there's...
They're all trying to find the guy who did this.
Yeah.
And the other problem is like no one on the supposed quote-unquote left really.
And the administration is like pointing the finger correctly at you.
I mean, this is very political, but did you see all the people in like public schools reacting to the slashing of funds?
And they were all like, oh, we can't believe they're doing this.
And then it's like, did you vote for Donald Trump?
And they're like, well, yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's just like.
So what are they?
Are they regretting their vote?
Yeah.
Some people will.
People who work in schools are just starting to figure out because they're on the early end of that whip crack.
Yeah.
It'll be, it'll be the general public later.
Yeah, it's, it's kind of like this.
The National Institute of Health, which is gay and woke, where all the scientists work.
And that's bad because we hate medicine.
Watching gays doing beakers and test tubes.
Yeah, I hate science.
They took away my horse the wormer and that pisses me off.
Anyway, the NIH grant system is profoundly important for the discovery of novel chemical compounds for new medicine.
Okay.
And the American government, under the watchful gaze of Elon Musk, has decided to change the grant structure.
Normally they give you $250,000 to a college directly for the research, and then they give like 50% of that for overhead, right?
So that other people can be hired inside of the school system.
And it's still important for the research, for other people to be hired.
Sounds like pork to me, bro.
Yeah, that's what they said.
They were like, well, these colleges all have massive endowments.
Why don't they just pay for it through their endowments?
Which, like, I understand they do have massive endowments.
Okay.
That makes sense.
But when you do that, you're gutting public institutions.
One of those public institutions is the University of Alabama, which happens to be the second largest hiring body in the state of Alabama.
Alabama is a very red state.
Not every single person that was being hired by the University of Alabama is a woke libtard.
Is the TAD going to lose any money?
Yeah, yes, they will.
Well, I'm a guesser.
Yes, they will.
Now, of course, their athletic program, no one's touching that.
No, no, no.
Adam Levine Tattoo Commercial00:05:43
Of course not.
As long as the TAD is going to roll.
They're still rolling the tide, but the problem is like when you have school at the football program, they do have school, and that school has you know janitorial staff.
That school has uh chefs are playing football, janitors, janitors, they're playing football, they're cleaning up after the football player, they're cleaning up after the football players, and they have chefs, they have all these people that work in various different positions inside of the university.
Again, second largest hiring body in the state.
So now, the Republican uh congressperson Katie Britt was like, Hey, um, you can't cut the NIH funding, please don't do this.
We're gonna do mass layoffs if you do this.
That's a lot of people losing.
Are they still gonna cut it?
They think they are.
Yeah, they don't give a shit.
Oh, they did lose the national title this year.
Yeah, yeah, Tom's is tough.
Well, they feel like they, you know, they have a mandate, is what they say every time.
Every time they cut some essential service, they say they have a mandate.
Anyway, we're deep in the weeds, things are bad.
We know things are bad.
Yeah, things are terrible.
We miss Cutie Cinderella.
Yeah, we do.
We really do miss Cutie Cinderella.
If you're a viewer at home, you have to understand Hassan Will and I have spent probably the last month essentially together at all moments of time.
Many conversations.
That's pretty excellent.
Yeah.
There is another story that's going on.
Ah, yes.
So, shockingly, Pete Davidson has spent a quarter million dollars removing a full body of tattoos.
Yeah, leaving women asking the question: why did we think he's hot?
Can I say something?
Yes.
Was that a picture of him?
This is a classic certified Hasanabi take.
Okay.
I used to say all the time that if you're like a white dude who is not very good looking, the immediate way to improve your looks is by getting tatted up.
And I used to always use what's his name? The Maroon Five Singer as an example.
Okay.
He is right.
He's hot.
Adam Levine.
Adam Levine, right?
Yeah, Adam Levine.
Imagine him without tattoos, regular ass white dude you'd never look twice at.
And Pete Davidson, thankfully, proved that point for all to see.
Has he given an explanation?
Listen, I don't really, I think Pete Davidson's funny.
I just, I don't understand why you would get a full body of tattoos.
I don't think he really is the type of person who needs to get rid of them for like work.
Yeah, it's not like he needs to get rid of his necktie so he can go work at the tanning salon.
Um, I don't understand his effort to get rid of his tattoos.
Did he just hit a period of time in his life?
And he's like, you know what?
I'm over these.
Because I'm going to be honest, I hear tattoo removal is painful.
Yeah.
Getting the tattoos.
And he was covered.
Yeah.
Completely covered.
When this first happened, I thought that this was a stunt.
I thought this was a commercial for cover-up.
I don't know if you guys remember.
Do you guys remember Zomboy?
Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about.
So very famously, there was a model named, I think it was Zombie Boy or Zomboy who was covered in tattoos that had them all removed via makeup as an advertisement for cover-up.
Yeah.
Type in without tattoos.
And when this, when I first saw this, I was like, oh my gosh, this is a great advertisement for cover-up.
And they're kind of rinsing this back 10 years later.
But here, we're about to pull up an image of Zomboy.
If you just go to the Google image search, you can see it.
Yeah, yeah.
Just go to the images.
There's Zomboy with the concealer, and they did his entire body.
And it was a good idea.
Can we pull the video?
It's actually cool.
So did.
So Pete actually got them removed.
It wasn't photos.
What I've heard as of now is that Pete actually had his tattoo.
So it's not a publicity stunt.
Did he come out with any product or anything in this?
He did this Reformation campaign.
Oh my God, he died.
Zomboy died.
Yeah.
Yeah, zombie boy.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Pete showed up in like a spread.
And I don't know.
He showed up on the streets of West Hollywood.
I was driving up La Cienega.
I almost got in a car wreck because I saw his tattoo-free naked body on this Reformation poster and I was a little shocked.
I was a little confused with what I was looking at.
And it freaked me out a little bit.
Now, before everybody goes, oh, dude, you're like, you know, body shaming or whatever.
I think tattoos are cool.
I think tattoos are unique.
If you don't want to have them on your body any longer, that's great.
You know, it's awesome.
More power to Pete.
I'm simply stating that I think for most dudes, tattoos make you like tattoos give you like a plus 10.
Well, Pete is an interesting example.
I think he's an extreme example because he's slept with the who's who of the planet.
Do you think he's had enough?
No, I think he's, I think he's tenacious.
But do you think like maybe he's just like, oh, I've gotten too much pussy.
Now it's time to hang it up.
I'm going to get all my tattoos.
I'm going to remove them.
Oh, you think he's hanging up the Spurs?
Yeah.
I just maybe, maybe, maybe it's too like you hung your jersey or whatever the fuck happened to you.
I don't know what happened to you.
I hung my jersey in the rafters.
Yeah, you hung your jersey in the rafters.
You've retired.
I was like a Todd Gurley.
I was having a few good seasons and my knees gave out.
Pete Doherty Hang Up Tattoos00:03:01
Yeah.
See, like, like you guys, like, I don't know, as straight men, right?
This is a straight, gay man, straight man.
Is there just like, oh my God, too much boobs, too much vagina.
That's, I've never in my entire life felt that.
I'm tired.
Have you ever been like too much ass?
No, but I'm, it's different.
It's different for me.
We can, gay men, we can have fun forever.
You guys have to hang it up eventually.
Gay men, we can just keep going and having a great time.
That's not true.
I think you can keep having fun as a straight man.
Just look at Elon Musk.
Yeah, well, yeah, but he's a half a trillion.
Yeah, but he's having fun in the latest way possible.
No, but I would say that, like, I think it is infinitely better to be gay than it is to be straight.
I agree.
I mean, minus all of the oppression and homophobia and all of those things.
If you just like.
But that's why we have to hold you down.
Otherwise, you're having too much fun.
Yeah.
No.
You can't have it all.
It's infinitely better.
Like, I mean, look, I know I'm going to get a lot of comments saying, oh, it's like very, I have a lot of privilege.
Yeah.
You know, that's why homophobia is good.
Okay.
That's why it's good.
Do you think it's being gay is fun?
It isn't fun or not fun.
There are ups and downs.
That's true.
I mean, it's very true.
God is woke.
But like, if you're just in a, look, if you just boil it down to like, you're just in a place where there's no straight people.
Yeah.
And it's just all gays, it's more fun.
Right.
Now, if you're, it also depends on where you are.
It depends on a variety of things, where you are.
Yeah.
But in general, if you can find your safe, gay spaces, it's more fun.
That's what I'll say.
You get to find yourself.
You get to hang with the homies and have sex with them.
Okay.
And you're just friends.
That's the thing.
You can fucking be friends.
You can fucking be friends with women.
Not real too complicated.
No, that's.
No.
No, you can't do that.
That's not.
You can fucking be friends with women.
You're undermining the basis of heterosexual relationships throughout millennia.
I just, I don't think, like, I don't think it's that cool, though.
I like that Gabe is Googling things that we're saying here.
Yes, men and women can be friends, says Google's AI overview.
I'm not saying that, like, I do think like you can fucking be friends as straight people, but I genuinely believe that it's just a little bit more rare, right?
It's hard to throw sex into that equation.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You can definitely be platonic friends.
I think when you start throwing that sex in there, yeah.
It's like a lot of gay people, it's like how we became friends.
Yeah, it's like how we met.
It's a different dynamic for sure.
That's why I was saying it's like homophobes are just jealous.
A lot of gay relationships like move backwards.
You fuck and then you dial back.
Then you dial it back and then it's like, let's have lunch.
Right.
So like that's how, you know, it's like dating.
It's almost like dating in reverse.
Yeah.
You know, the reason why other men are homophobic is because they're jealous of gay men and all the fun they have.
Flight Simulator Community Dynamics00:11:02
Yeah.
I understand that.
Yeah.
I understand that that level of homophobia.
That's why I'm homophobic.
Yeah.
I'm jealous of what you're doing.
You can't bro down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Right.
You can't.
You can't do that.
All right.
One last point I want to make on the Pete Davidson thing.
I'm going to be the friend who's too woke here.
Pete Davidson going clean cut and ending the era of indie sleaze is the canary in the coal mine of the rising tide of fascism.
Wow.
Yes.
You think Pete Davidson wiping the tattoos is the canary.
What's a canary in the coal?
The canary in the coal mine is an old reference to when coal miners used to take canaries, which are more sensitive to airborne like poisons than human beings are.
And they would take them into mines.
And if the bird would die, it'd be an indicator that they were breathing something toxic.
Yeah.
That's fucking awful.
Well, you got to do what you got to do to get that coal.
Burning in a coal mine like 100 years ago was fucking awful.
Yeah.
Well, it turns out they were always burning in something, breathing in something bad.
Okay.
But like, I'm saying that kind of jokingly, but also not super jokingly.
Obviously, Pete Davidson is not deliberately doing this to be like, I think America, the American right will rise or whatever.
I just think that like people are moving away from these.
It's like the hippies cutting their hair.
Yeah, exactly.
The end of an era of progress.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I mean, it's happening everywhere.
Google is removing Pride Month and stuff from their calendars.
Apple and Google have gotten in line and changed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.
Not Apple.
Apple is still woke.
Wait, really?
Apple still says Gulf of Mexico?
No, I think Apple also changed that too, but I'm saying like, but no, no, no, but like DEI stuff.
Trademark.
DEI stuff.
Apple was like, nah, dog, we're still gay as hell.
Like, it's really funny.
It's funny to see like which companies actually did somewhat care about it and which companies, most of them, just did it for aesthetics and marketing, which is what it was always.
Obviously, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
It's just, it's an interesting dynamic where, you know, we're just going back and forth on this like ridiculous, incredibly silly thing.
The entire point of it was initially to say, like, just don't overlook, you know, black people and marginalized people.
And then the Republicans were like, that means you're, you hate white people.
You hate white men specifically.
You don't want to hire me.
Fuck you.
But I do think that there will be backlash.
One point I will make is that guess what, dude?
They day one of the anti-DEI presidency.
Planes are falling out of the fucking sky.
You know what was holding the planes up?
Woke.
That's right.
I said it.
They took the woke out.
And guess what happened?
Planes are fucking falling out of the sky.
Do planes run on woke?
Asks Gabe to Google.
No, planes don't run.
Okay, well, see.
See, no, planes don't run on woke.
It's a conspiracy.
Google is lying because Google is anti-DEI now.
Look, as a, as your resident plane expert, go ahead, lie to the American public.
Look, there woke was not killing people.
All right.
But no one.
But a lack of staffing at airports.
A lack of gay.
Gay staffing in particular.
No, but hold on.
This is the thing.
What kills me about aviation is filled with homosexuals.
I mean, everywhere.
And you think it's just the flight attendants?
No.
Hell no?
Hell no.
They're flying the fucking planes.
Oh, yeah.
When I was growing up, I was a part of an online flight simulator community.
Why is it called the cockpit?
Good question, Gabe.
Yeah, because you're pitting your cock in your homie's ass while you're flying.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah.
Which is whoa.
I was a part of an online flight simulator community when I was a teenager.
Okay.
Were you getting groomed?
What's going on?
No, we were all the same age.
Okay, I think.
We didn't, I don't know.
Hi, I'm Kevin.
I'm 17.
Show your ass.
No.
So like, we would like, my first, like, formative, is that the right word?
Yeah.
Gay experience was in my flight simulator community.
I swear to God.
When I was, when I was, when I was like a teenager, okay?
I've never told you guys this.
And I, I met, and this guy's probably out there.
I actually think this guy became a Delta Airlines pilot.
No.
He is like a Delta Airlines pilot.
You guys have to reconnect.
I actually really want to reconnect with him.
Like, not sexually.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't even know what he looks like these days.
But I like how Austin left the door open to sex.
Hypothetical.
Okay, but you never know.
You know, we won't expect that.
You never know.
I mean, I'm not saying that we won't.
I mean, you never know, right?
So I'm pretty sure he became a Delta Airlines pilot.
But like, we've, we, we were talking and like nobody, it was like this thing around our, our flight simulator community.
Nobody knew who was gay, but we were just like horny, but so like, but we were like too afraid to admit that we're gay.
So we would just spend all day just talking about fucking women.
Like we would just sit there and like before he was straight.
No, no.
How do you know he was gay?
Because he was long story short, we ended up messaging.
No, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
This is the greatest story never told.
Yeah, yeah.
So you're telling me you were messaging a Delta Airlines pilot who's a teen at the time.
Yeah, and I was a teen.
I was also a teen.
We were both teenagers.
And you would be like, oh, I can't wait to get a mouth full of tips.
And then halfway through the conversation, you're like, or dick.
No, no, no, no.
I don't even know how.
How did you find out he was gay?
I don't know.
Well, fucking women.
It started with like, I don't know what happened, but it's a blur to me.
But we were talking about fucking women and like hot women and like just Sarah Jean Underwood.
Remember that?
Remember that?
Like, that was back in that day, era.
And I was like, we were talking about like hot chicks during the day.
But what if she has like had big, strong shoulders?
But here's the deal.
Night would come.
The sun would go down and we would start messaging.
And like pretty soon we'd be like, hey, like.
Jekyll and Gay High.
I need to know how this happened.
So we would, we were messaging.
And then like, I think somebody just like sent like kind of a shirtless photo.
And then we were like, it wasn't like us in a sexual context.
Was it just like a piranha pit?
No.
Like immediately everyone flipped gay.
No, it was just me and this guy.
And we would text.
And I don't know how it happened, but eventually his dick was in my DMs.
And then mine was going back.
And I don't know what happened.
What do you mean?
I don't know what happened.
I don't know how it happened.
But then like we started just like, we were basically sexting and we almost had like a romantic relationship.
And I was like a teenager at the time.
Right.
And then all of a sudden, one day I woke up and I was like, no, I'm not gay.
I can't do this.
And then I messaged him.
I was like, I can't do this.
I'm not gay.
And then I completely.
What did he say?
He was like, you're gay as he's fucked.
Did you just block everything and walk away?
No, we still stayed friends, but we still flew together on Flight Simulator.
But like after that, we just completely.
Was there tension in the cockpit?
I mean, yes.
During the day, we would still continue talking about women in the group.
We would all just talk about women.
No, it really frustrates me to this day because had I just accepted myself as a teenager, I would have saved myself so much.
Like, I regret, so much deep regret that I didn't come out earlier, right?
Wait, why?
Your collection of life experiences has made you who you are today.
Yeah, but it's like, it was like, I didn't come out until I was like fucking 25 years old.
You know how much gay shit I missed out on?
Can I say something?
What?
You have to reconnect with this person.
I tried to find them on like LinkedIn.
I've like tried to find them.
Tried to find them?
Yes.
I can't find them.
No!
If you're out there in the world, gay airlines pilot.
No.
We need to find you.
I just aired out all her fucking shit on the podcast.
He needs to be popular.
He's a straight man with a wife and children watching.
I'm pretty sure he's watching this sweating white knuckling through this.
But like, okay.
He's listening to a car with his family on the way to Disney.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, it's not me.
I hate those gays.
So like in this flight simulator group, there was like, I want to say like four or five of us.
Were you the only two sleeper gays?
No, he was everybody gay and they would have been out of four or four out of six of us turned out to be gay.
One was just like very gay, just like we all knew.
Can you imagine?
I'm thinking the one straight guy who just really loves Sarah Jean Underwood.
Yeah.
You were fucking partially gay, guys.
She just has no idea.
Well, two of them, it was crazy.
It was the dichotomy.
I'm like, pretty sure four of them, four of us were like gay, and then the rest of them were like homophobic.
Just the two.
Yeah.
Wow.
Straight up.
Yeah.
That was my, it was like weird.
My gay life went like, that was my first gay experience.
And then I like fucking canned it for like five years.
Wow.
And just like tried to like women.
Speaking of candid revelations, I believe it is time for us to go behind the paywall, considering that Austin is a hard out.
Yeah.
And in less than an hour.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
He's Mr. Busyman.
No, Leslie.
He's Mr. Busyman.
But thank you so much for joining us on yet another wonderful episode of the Fear End podcast.
If you want to support the show and March's silly debauchery that caused him to stay for an extended period of time in Japan, which I will be revealing the reasons for behind the paywall, then go to the Patreon.
And one more thing before we go behind the Patreon.
Next weekend, we did say it was this weekend.
Next weekend, for those of you in the comments that are going to spam Girly Pop Nation, Girly Pop Nation, hold your spams because next weekend we will all be going to visit QD Cinderella.
Okay.
All right.
So stay tuned for that.
We'll see you next week.
All right.
Go to patreon.com/slash fearand and support the show.
And we'll see you next time.
Peace.
Live shows.
We can also do Name Your Price live from the cruise ship.