Caroline Kwan, Samwitch, and QTCinderella join hosts Marshmello and Cutie to dissect the Netflix documentary "Making the Team," exposing Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders' $22,000 annual pay and the physical toll causing hip replacements in their 20s. The group critiques the controversial firing of contestant Ari and debates the Biden-Trump presidential debates before shifting to QTCinderella's skin cancer diagnosis during Pride Month, detailing her neck graft at Cedars-Sinai and subsequent tripophobia. Ultimately, the episode blends political commentary with personal health struggles, highlighting the intersection of celebrity culture, labor exploitation, and bodily resilience. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Ladies Episode Intro00:14:19
Welcome to today's segment of America Me Up.
Do you watch this podcast?
I don't.
I'm sorry.
What's going on, everybody?
We're back, and this is finally going to be an actually funny episode because we got ladies.
Ladies that love to make you laugh.
Yeah, that's what they call us.
This is the ladies episode.
Ladies episode.
Can you say ladies one more time?
Ladies.
This is a ladies' episode.
Let me tell you something, okay?
First and foremost, Austin Show not in the building.
Why?
Doing gay stuff.
Number two, we got...
Oh, my.
Speaking of ladies, we literally have a lot of people.
All the gals are here.
Chaotic.
Ladies who brunch.
You guys can't see it right now.
There's a butt circle.
A dog.
But Sandwich brought her dog here and Kaya is being...
Kai's on her period.
She's still a period girly because she has her period for like eight years, I feel like.
Every time she has it.
Okay, drama.
But that's so dramatic.
Okay, well, okay.
Trudy, why are you mad?
What?
Do you not know their names?
Because they're women.
Yeah.
Okay.
Just lady one and lady one and lady two will be a little bit more.
I just wanted to pass the buck to you because, you know, I let women thrive.
This is going to be such a good episode because we're going to intentionally box you out.
Oh, true.
Okay.
Can you like turn your body like away from them?
Yeah, do you want to?
Yeah, great.
So we have Lady One and Lady Two.
Lady One is closest to me.
Not because you're naturally Lady Two, but it's because she's closest.
If you sat here, I'm the center of the human.
You would also be.
You are doing a phenomenal job introducing our guests today.
We got Caroline Kwan in the building.
Oh my lord.
And we got Sandwich.
Hi.
That's right.
Hi.
You guys do like a thing called the yarn, I think, right?
A thing called the yarn.
Yeah, this guy's obsessed with Lady.
Hi, my little mod.
Little lady thing.
You do your little lady talk.
Yeah, we decided today is the yarn featuring Hassan Piker.
So thank you for being our first guest, actually.
We don't even have a podcast.
You don't have a podcast, but like when you guys get together, it's like drama.
And then we do have that.
And all of our periods sync up at the same time.
Sam, you got to deep throw the mic.
Oh, let's go.
Yeah.
Caroline is a good Will replacement because they're dating.
And Sandwich is a good Will or Austin replacement.
Also, because she's also dating Will.
Okay, so I figured that's nice.
And you're going to be engaged to Will.
Oh, congrats.
Wow.
Yeah, Will proposed to me if you didn't know this.
I thought Marsh proposed to you.
Marsh did too.
Marsh proposed to you.
Yeah, Marsh proposed to me in a game.
In a dream.
Stop it.
Yeah.
What's going on in the middle?
Kind of scandalous, huh?
Yeah.
I guess you were like dream with me.
Well, then I had a dream about Kitty.
Yeah, can we talk about the dream where like you, like, Ludwig punched you because Will proposed to me?
Will Will.
I don't remember if it was a proposal, if it was just a ring.
Yeah.
But Ludwig punched me, and then when Cutie told him about it on late night, he said that I'm an easy fight.
Oh.
I've been going to the gym, though, so he's gone to the gym.
I don't think you're an easy fight.
Thank you so much.
Like, you worked in the nightclub space for far too long.
You saw that shit?
I think people think you're an easy fight, but like, you are not.
Thank you very much.
No, you would kick my ass.
Oh, I would try.
Destroy me.
Oh, she's she's held her own in many in many contests and many feats of strength.
Exactly.
And also, you were pretty, you were pretty crack on the dodgeball thing.
I mean, you weren't bad on the house.
I hated the dodgeball thing.
Thank you.
Not so great.
No, slime used me as a human shield, though.
At one point, that was like my most we don't do, we don't do politics on the podcast.
I give myself an air.
Sorry, throwing dodgeballs.
Yeah, so I like couldn't do it.
I was like picking myself up.
I was like, I'm just a traumatic moment, though, when you fell on your knees like apocalypse now.
Yeah.
And but I watched it back, and all I could focus on was my cankles.
Yeah, you do that.
Focus on your cannabis.
I got gnarly cankles.
Don't look.
Okay, you can look.
They're thick.
Not really.
And I have these weird like ringworm looking things, but it's not ringworm.
It's varicose vans.
You got some real gnarly pigs.
If I were to say, I have bad breath in the morning.
You really do.
Cutie's feet are fucking crazy.
This will be like, damn it.
I can't do any movie reference.
She said, I was like, oh, I have varicose vans.
And she was like, sometimes I have bad breath in the morning.
I was like, no one is going to know what that's from.
They're going to actually think.
Meme girls.
Thank you.
I'm excited to talk with a bunch of ladies.
I've watched a new Netflix documentary and I'm sucked in.
What is it?
The Dallas cheerleaders making the team.
We're talking about this.
You have it in front of you?
Okay, so it's been a show.
I don't watch things involving women.
Like, I have the reverse backdoor test.
So, like, I was going to say, you're pornography.
Yeah, I only watch gay porn.
You should be sitting here, maybe.
Yeah, I only watch gay porn because that's how much of a hater I am for women.
I'm like, whatever.
I'll just imagine it's a woman.
That's what I do.
Gay porn is hot.
Okay.
Well, happy pride, everybody.
Happy pride.
Happy pride.
It's the last day, isn't it?
Is it last day?
Should we watch some gay porn?
No.
On the Patreon, behind the bay wall.
We're going to watch gay porn.
Oh, and we should voice it over.
That'll be fun.
Oh, my God.
I used to do that in a sex tomorrow.
That's a shockingly funny idea coming from you.
What do you mean?
Shockingly funny idea.
Wow.
This podcast, man.
I see it all now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, this is no, it's because it's a running joke.
Okay, listen, cutie doesn't bring her A game here.
She brings her A game with Maya.
We're not Maya.
So, you know, it's crazy.
You want to know that?
We are Maya Higa.
We all together.
Just wait with this yarn shit, okay?
Wait till you see what her true colors are like.
When she, like, you know, when you guys actually launch your podcast, okay?
And it's not just trying to get away from kill our pet ass before it happens.
On sporting.
It's funny.
Every night we do the yarn, right?
Wait, tell us about the jazz.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she's just like Austin.
I grabbed her leg on Axe.
Is that what Austin does?
Does he grab you?
No.
Yeah.
I don't know why I said no.
Gray, aren't I an awesome?
Sometimes I lie for attention.
So I said no.
Okay, tell us about the Dallas.
Okay, so they have, they've had this show forever.
So also, Jerry Jones is the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, right?
Old decrepit man.
And all of his children.
He's basically a Klansman.
Oh, wow.
Didn't know that.
No, Jerry Jones, I think.
Jerry Jones.
Marsh, can you look this up?
Jerry Jones, I believe, was like literally a part of the segregation, like keep school segregated efforts.
Look up Jerry Jones segregation.
How old is he?
He's old as hell.
Oh, my God.
I didn't know.
Yeah, they're even worse.
Like, I mean, they're worse than the NBA, NBA team owners.
There's a photo.
A curious kid.
Oh, my God.
I didn't know this.
He was just curious.
He's just asking questions.
Yeah, he's like, what's up with these?
Yeah, he was curious about why black people are allowed in white schools.
That's what he was curious.
He was there.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh.
Or do you think he was thinking, you know, I can get these guys to play football?
Probably he was just saying the I think he was just spamming the N-word in his mind.
He's the same age as our president, Joseph Biden.
He looks racist for sure.
Well, Joseph Robinette Biden also famously once said, you know, we can't turn our schools into a racial jungle.
And he was also anti-bussing.
Yeah, he also said bloop That was also super predators.
He called black kids super predators in the 90s.
He was part of the crime.
I mean, he was one of the architects of the crime bill.
Really reactionary stuff.
We don't do politics on this podcast.
I like that you keep saying that.
I feel like we do that.
We just don't.
I like to just like bring out little tidbits.
I like to throw a couple of Michelle Obama to be president.
Oh my God.
Mario Mad because she's a woman.
Yes.
I think she would do great stuff.
All the kids would be not hungry.
She'd give them all lunches.
But it'd be like two carrots.
Yeah, this is sick.
Yeah, her lunch program was like, people hated that.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was not great.
Like, that was like one of the flubs.
Yes, I wasn't paying attention.
Bye-bye.
My vault.
Okay, Jerry Jones.
Yeah, back to the Dallas Cowboys.
Jerry Jones is, he employs all of his children, right?
So he's like, hey, I own the Cowboys.
You're a president.
You're the vice president.
You're the chief head operating, whatever.
And this woman named Charlotte Jones, his daughter, she is the vice president of something.
And she's a for lack of a better word.
I know, but I don't know.
Excuse me.
We literally got demonetized.
I know, but we got demonetized last episode.
It's a body part.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's just health education.
It's all natural.
It's educational.
So essentially, if you don't know, cheerleaders don't get paid shit.
Like, how much do you think a cheerleader gets paid?
Well, I said they don't make shit.
So I'm going to go like, I'm going to go ahead and get a little bit more.
Well, now I'm feeling if I say an answer, I'm going to sound like a shit.
I'm going to tell you right now, $45,000 a year.
$22,000 a year.
$46,000.
$22,000.
What?
$22,000 a year?
That's so much worse than $45,000.
$45,000 is pretty bad.
But that's like...
$150 per game.
Yeah.
So I guess apparently the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, they can get upwards of, or at most, $500 a game, but still that doesn't include any of your practices, which they have to practice nearly every single night, like together.
All of them work like, well, not all of them, but most of them work full-time jobs and then they go to cheerleading practice and cheer at the games.
It's like a paid hobby.
It's a sorority.
Like it really is.
It's crazy.
What?
This is like cheerleading is also like rigorous.
A lot of people don't understand, but like, yeah, sure, you can get a scholarship potentially.
I think some schools offer that.
But like you have to train from a very early age, similar to like, you know, maybe not to the same intensity level of like a like a professional football player, of course, but like you have to train a lot.
That's not like a little bit of training.
You get CTE.
I think 22,000 is too much money.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
The time of cheerleading is a regular dog.
Bam.
Yeah.
They should be paying to do it.
What an honor.
Yeah.
Make him grind harder.
Yeah, that's pretty much what they say.
Like, so this, I'm not kidding.
So this next.
I'm so meant to be the owner of a football team.
You are.
So this used to be on like country music television, the show.
Like, so that, you know, but now, um, essentially, they got a TV show as a way to make more money because the cheerleaders don't make the team money.
Yeah.
You know?
Famously, another group of people that make a lot of money, reality TV stars.
Yeah.
Well, so you would think that like a reality deal, but of course, none of that money trickles down.
No, I was being sarcastic.
Yeah, no, they also famously get it hyper-exploited for the amount of time.
Doesn't work.
I don't even know what that we don't do politics here okay, go on.
And so so they get a Netflix deal, so they move from country music television over to Netflix, another company that's notoriously very good at paying their employees.
Go on, sorry.
But the thing is, is they think this, this is going to be this great marketing thing right, like here's our tv show?
But the issue is, the Netflix demographic is very different than the country music television demographic, and now all of us woke motherfuckers are watching it and holy is it abusive.
It is crazy.
So they can only have 36 girls on the squad and and you you go to, they narrow it down to 45 before you go to a month training camp where you have to go, show up every single day, do these rigorous workouts, do all this stuff.
They measure you for your uniform, they do all this stuff.
A girl, a few girls, got cut five days before the first game, oh my god, because they have to get to 36.
No, they didn't get too fast.
So there's two girls.
You mentioned measurements.
Well, there's two girls and um, so they bring Charlotte in because the coaches, Kelly and Judy, they like can't figure out who to keep right.
So they they call Charlotte Jones and they're talking and there's this one girl her name is Ari, she's cute as a bug and she's really good and she's short she's, and so she'd be tossed.
No, because they don't do.
You don't do flyers in Nfl cheerleading yeah the hell, there's no throwing, there's just dancing.
Oh, I think they'd get paid more.
I think I could do that.
Yeah, I thought that was like the whole point.
I thought, like cheerleading, you get tossed like they, they throw you around and stuff, not in the Nfl, really.
Okay yeah, I think, because lawsuits, and huh, how are they gonna hire a lawyer, an institution famous about protecting their employees, health and safety?
You're right?
Um, so it's five days before the first game, and so they call Charlotte.
They're like, yo, we need your help because we can't decide, so we just need an extra eye.
You know, they show up and she's like that girl's too short.
It looks like she's always running to keep up and they're like, we can't just like cut a girl because she's too short.
And she's like, yeah, you can, it's easy.
You have 36 spots and 38 girls.
Just tell her that she's robots.
No, she's evil, you are.
Look, sometimes hard decisions have to be made.
Hiring A Lawyer00:02:56
You should start a cheerleader okay, okay.
Okay, this is my.
This is my chance to just totally unveil my new.
That's fine.
So this is who I am.
She's, she's gearing up.
She's gearing up for what is happening.
My, my Apple, my Apple watch is like trying to show my credit card.
It's like oh, the number's so big.
My phone is shorting this.
It is a big number.
Yes, we don't know how these things work.
I don't have one of those.
Yeah no, Caroline's gearing up for a Trump re-election.
She's, she's doing a right-wing pivot Caroline, that's right.
Yeah, you could be.
Oh, my god, you could be the, the Anti-china like yes hello, that is such a good avenue.
Yes yeah, it's like China's coming.
You don't have to do that voice.
China's coming, China's coming.
No no no no, you can't you, you can't.
You got to do the classic like conservative woman voice.
Anyway sorry, go ahead.
Sam is five eight.
Ari, that has shown up every day for practice.
Okay, every day, hours in hot, 80 weather short.
I think she's five, six.
I just said five, eight to be funny.
I guess I don't know, i'm silly quirky, it's just different.
You're watching how silly she's, so good, um and so so You've shown up 30 days in a row, practiced every day.
You've learned the dumbass.
Apparently, they're okay.
Wait a second.
What are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders famous for?
Boobs.
Not ass.
Their thunderstruck dance.
Oh, can we see some of that?
Damn it, that was on the tip of my tongue.
Yeah.
Marsh, will you pull up the thunderstruck?
Classic.
That's a class.
I'm imagining it right now.
Yeah.
So Judy and Kelly are talking about this thunderstruck dance.
Like, it is the national anthem.
Like, everyone in the world knows it.
Bitch, no, we don't.
I've never heard of it.
None of us know it.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I think the country music television fans probably do know it.
Oh, that's loud.
They probably do know it and probably know it by heart.
No, not their boobs.
Okay.
Yeah, I forgot.
You can know them.
A lot of the cheerleaders actually don't.
They're not like super stacked up or anything.
They're like, they have to be.
Well, they have to be.
They can't be top heavy because then they don't throw them.
Yeah.
Okay.
You have got to go back because it's when they enter the, they come through the tunnel.
Oh, yeah.
Here they go.
This is Thunderstruck.
You can play the second a little bit.
Just not blow out our eardrums.
Done.
Okay, we're getting you on.
Yeah, you gotta keep up with the lines.
It looks like she was like, it looks like she was running.
Double timing?
Yeah.
Okay, now you're making.
It did not for the record.
It did not.
Amelia Clark Hot Dog00:08:09
Oh.
Oh, okay.
And then they just feel good.
They go.
Wow.
That's something.
Yeah.
But at the end, it's most famous for they get in a kick line.
Yeah, kick, kick, kick.
And then they jump at the same time and land in the splits.
Oh, my God.
Oh, that's sick.
I love that.
Apparently, your body is not supposed to do that.
Yeah, no.
And you're being homophobic.
Every single one, like every single retired cheerleader.
Number one, you can't go more than five years.
You have to retire after five years.
Wait, why?
You just have to.
Wait.
Because you can only do this for so many years.
No, they just like, they just don't allow you to.
Apparently, there's some people that it might be changing, but like, that's been the rule.
You have to retire after five years.
Is it because they're like, oh, you're old now?
What if they did that with streaming?
I would have to retire.
What would we do?
Over my dead body.
Should we start a farmer?
We would both be gone.
Absolutely not.
I'm growing zucchini right now.
Guys, let me tell you something, okay?
Right now, we're in the pocket of me talking about politics.
Normally, I'd be on stream, and that is precisely the reason why I'm sitting here white knuckling through this process without bringing up politics.
He's stimming.
Do you want to give us like one politics fact?
Yeah, you get it.
We'll do it.
We will definitely talk about the debate, obviously, because I want to hear the normie perspective.
Okay.
Oh, great.
You know?
Yeah.
Okay.
That'll be good for me.
Did you see it at all?
Don't we want to break down like the policies?
Do you?
No, no, we're not going to talk about policies at all.
Yeah, no, that's what we'll be doing.
I'm a single-issue voter.
I know, guys.
You've just said that.
What does that mean?
You're just saying that.
What's your single issue?
Well, I think that.
Wait, hold on.
You got this.
What is a single-issue voter?
Don't.
Let me explain.
How did we get here?
I think that Joseph Smith Biden and Donald Mormon.
Yeah, he's Mormon.
Donaldson Trump.
It's Cannon.
I believe, if you guys don't know this, Joey Chestnut recently got banned from the 4th of July, Nathan for You eating hot dog contests.
Nathan for you.
Wait, Nathan for You is throwing it?
You're slightly changing every time.
Nathan Fielder's hot dog eating.
Yeah, so Nathan Fielder's hot dog eating competition.
That's an American tradition.
Joey Chestnut got banned.
I know who that is.
Because he took an impossible hot dog sponsorship.
So he took a non-beef.
He type of dude.
What was it, yeah?
Impossible hawking dog.
I think I understand that.
So it's not real meat, right?
He took that sponsorship.
They said, get the fuck out of the Nathan for you hot dog competition.
So my single issue, I believe that Donaldson Trump, Joseph Smith Biden need to show up.
They need to compete.
And the winner is who I vote for.
That's my single issue.
I have like a full.
Okay, so here's what we do.
We put them through the puzzle section in the highlights magazine.
Oh, we have them set up a router.
And then we have them get phones and create a group chat.
And whoever wins gets president.
Okay, to be fair, setting up a router is not this.
Don't.
You can't be president.
What do you think?
Well, I'm not 35, so yeah.
You're right.
I'm young.
What do I think?
Yeah.
I think we need to go older.
See how old we can go.
Some of these people are.
I want to push the boundaries of age.
Jimmy Carter needs to be rolled back in.
Yes.
Would you ever run for president?
Absolutely not.
Hey, attitude.
No, I would never do that.
Oh, God.
He hates America.
Yes.
But also, I think that being a politician is the absolute worst thing on the planet.
He thinks it's cringe.
I do.
I think it's lame and I think it's cringe.
No, I just, I would much rather be a political commentator, help with labor organizing, things of that nature, than actually run for office because I feel like that is the easiest way to, you know, absolutely eviscerate whatever moral standing you have.
I'll be president.
Okay, who's your vice between me and Sam, though?
Wait.
We're going to get back to your stupid politics.
It's Maya, by the way.
That's why you guys need to learn this lesson.
Eventually, you will.
Who's your vice president?
What do we have all the time?
She was asking you.
No, no, I was asking you.
Oh, I'm president.
I forgot.
Because you're president.
I'm just like Biden.
It could be all three of us.
Could it though?
No.
It's Maya Higa.
Thank you for asking.
Maybe Treasury.
I don't like that.
Donna M. Judy.
You want to adjust Judy?
Like transportation or something.
Like the Uber.
If I was president, I would switch out Judge Judy.
She's been Judge Judy for too long.
I don't.
Does she even still have a show?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's my move as president.
And no more news flyers in the mail.
Stupid.
Okay, so no more spam mail and you switch out Judge Judy.
The spam mail one is actually pretty good policy.
That's like kitchen table shit, too.
I know I'm not your vice president, but I would like to put forth a policy, which is to get rid of canned cranberry.
No, we love it on Thanksgiving.
Us, some people, not me personally.
Okay, then I'm not sure.
My Americans like it.
I'm running against you.
Good luck.
Great.
I also think that everyone should get a refund for any stupid cable we bought and we should all have the same cables.
And we should all save the ocean.
You want to universalize the chargers?
Yeah, it pisses me off.
That is actually really, you are, I'm not even joking.
I could save lives.
What you are describing is unironically very sound policy.
I'm not even kidding about this.
And it actually has been implemented in the European Union and is most likely going to be implemented in America because we always follow the EU's shit.
Wait until you hear what I think about guns.
More of them.
More and more.
Easier.
Every baby, you get assigned a serial number upon birth.
Oh my God.
And it matches your social.
Every baby gets their first Glock.
You're going to say we swap it.
Basically, we fight against abortion.
Babies, if they are about to be aborted, they can use the gun against the doctor.
Yeah.
Oh, so the doctor 1v1, whoever wins.
Yeah, as soon as you are, as soon as the soul enters your body, which is upon, it comes with the sperm, just so you know.
So they enter your soul and then you got to shove a gun up there for the baby.
So I have to put a gun in my cooter to get an abortion.
Yeah.
Wow.
Because your baby has to have its own fight.
It's illegal.
You can't even think about getting an abortion.
In my American people.
Don't think about it.
Don't think about it right now.
I'm afraid of it.
Let's bring up something else.
I'm going to have to do it.
Wait, so we're sticking guns up our pussies?
Yes.
Okay.
Feel.
Yeah.
This is good.
This is my I wasn't catching smile every time.
Keep up, guys.
I know.
I know.
I am now officially your policy advisor.
I'm giving you, I'm giving you heaters right now.
Oh, and keep going.
Keep cooking.
We're bringing back Game of Thrones.
And we're redoing.
Are we redoing?
Yeah.
Okay.
We're like starting over.
I'm back.
I am president, but I also get to be Daenerys Targaryen.
I want to be both.
Call me crazy.
Okay.
I want to hear something.
Okay, that might not go so well.
Wait.
Like, you want to be, you don't want to be Daenerys.
You need to be the director now.
You want to, like, we're going to redo season three.
Yeah, redo.
Yeah, I'm not going to get like.
So everything is the same, but you're just Amelia Clark.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what do we do with Amelia Clark?
Don't guns?
No.
She's got great eyebrows.
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
That might not be.
I have eyebrows.
Really?
I have to pay policy.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you on that one.
Okay.
Well, my hand says I can't.
Wait, what was it?
My Amelia Clark.
Wait, he's my hand?
Yeah.
He's my phone.
He needs the little like pin.
Why do I feel like we're kind of getting screwed?
Yeah, what's happening?
What is going on?
How can you be smarter when your brain is smaller?
You can't argue with facts.
These are really, really good campaign promises and also really good messages.
You're just being a yes man because she picked you.
No, you said no about the Amelia Clark.
I do draw lines.
Cotton candy Fridays.
I have hard lines on that's where I draw the line.
Cotton Candy Fridays00:06:13
Ew.
Yeah, that is terrible.
I said, yes.
That's fair.
You said it's okay.
People like cotton candy.
It's not.
If your household opts out, you get to give it to the raccoons.
Unless they put it in the water and they everyone loves it.
No, she's right without one.
Because they wash their hands.
They wash their food before.
Oh, it's cooking in the head.
You guys have seen raccoons eat cotton candy.
Marty, hold it up.
Yeah.
Think about that.
Think about that every Friday.
Why are you talking about this?
Like, it's a thing.
It's second to the ratio.
The rat bathing itself.
Oh, every Friday.
Look at him.
Oh, he's just a baby.
It's sad.
It's heartbreaking, but adorable.
Like, Japan has incredible raccoon technology.
We need to steal it.
Oh, I love it.
They have technology?
See, look.
Look at that.
Is it Japanese raccoon?
Yummy.
Oh, I gotta wash it.
Oh.
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Oh, no.
He's still looking for it to this day.
What could he want?
Nanny?
Nanny?
You get that every Friday.
And then they shot him right after this.
Yeah, we will not be doing that.
Unless they're bad raccoons.
This is like a year late, but I just, well, not a year late.
I just learned about the contestant.
What is that?
The guy.
It was like the Truman show, the Japanese Truman show.
Oh, wait, did you watch the documentary?
No, but I've been wanting to.
I'm late.
You're not a year late.
It's true.
30 years late.
Yeah, multiple decades late.
Yeah.
But they just made a documentary about it.
Yeah.
There was a guy who's incredible.
It was a coupon show that you're talking about, right?
Coupons.
I love coupons.
Mega couponing, but bad.
Okay, let me ask you a question.
Would you stay in a room, just this solitary room, on an undisclosed location for 15 months, and you had to reach a certain amount of money of clipping coupons and applying to get items?
Yeah, you had to apply for items, and then you had to win X amount of money to get out.
No.
Does that interest you?
No.
It's okay because I don't know if she understands.
I don't think so.
So I think we need to do that.
What are you saying?
Hasani, will you explain it to her?
In Japan, they have a lot of wacky shows.
One of the wackiest of all was basically torture.
This guy was naked, I believe, in the beginning.
Yeah.
Because he starts with nothing.
Yeah, he starts with nothing.
He's like stuck in this apartment where he basically has to clip coupons until he can like win things that will improve his quality of life, including like a television and even a PlayStation at a certain point.
That was like a real game changer for him.
And this is, it's basically just televised torture.
And the guy got like really messed up, but he did it again, I think.
Well, they took him out.
So he won.
And then they were like, we're taking you to like South Korea to like a park.
And they went to an amusement park.
And then he's like, yay.
And then they're like, actually, because the show had so it was like 15 million people.
It was like being broadcast to do.
It was live.
And he had an eggplant over his dangling parciable.
So then they took him to a park.
And then they were like, actually, we're keeping you in South Korea now.
So you have to win more money.
And so then they won.
No, they just made him.
And then he won more money.
And then they were like, actually, just kidding.
You have to win more money to get a plane flight back to Japan.
And so they did it again.
And then what they did is they had to trust him to escape.
He didn't know that he was being like televised live.
And so they, when he won, they ended up taking him to a box on stage.
And then the walls came down.
He was butt naked in front of like a whole audience.
Yeah.
After.
And they were like, you won 15 months or a half.
And the entire time, he was challenged to enter these mail-in sweepstakes until he won 1 million yen, which is about $8,000 in total.
He started with nothing, including no clothes, and was cut off from outside communication and broadcasting and had nothing to keep him company except the magazines he combed through for sweepstakes entry forms.
During the show, his diaries on his experience of being locked away from the outside world became a bestseller in Japan.
And the TV show broke all records with 17 million viewers each Sunday night.
The problem is it was banger television in Japan, but everyone else looked at it and were like, this is torture.
Pretty fucked up.
They were feeding him like crackers, basically.
And he had to win food.
Ooh, girl dinner.
Girl dinner.
But he won rice at one point, but they didn't have any way to cook it.
So he had to just like make basically with like water.
But he's incredible, though, because after the show, and he's dealing with the psychological effects, he was a legend.
Like people loved him.
And then he ended up climbing Mount Everest.
I didn't hear about that part.
There was like a horror, a terrible, was it a tsunami or an earthquake that hit his town and decimated it.
And he decided to like rally his fame to like use his fame and he climbed Mount Everest.
That's crazy.
I didn't hear that.
On behalf of his town.
He spent 335 days to reach the target.
And he set the Guinness World Record for the longest time, survived on competition winnings.
He lived in front of the camera, as we already mentioned.
Holy.
Yeah, I haven't watched the documentary, but it came out like last year.
Okay.
Well, he only got ladies' underwear.
He never won clothing he could wear, only ladies' underwear that was too small for him to use.
That's sad.
No toilet paper.
Yeah, nor did he ever win anything to trim his growing facial hair and fingernails.
Hamatsu also won other prizes he was unable to use, like movie tickets and a bicycle.
However, he soon adapted the latter into a stationary bike.
When Amatsu won a television set, he was unable to use it at first as there was no cable or antenna hookup in the apartment.
Intentional by the producers out of fear he would discover he was already on TV.
Hamatsu would then win a PlayStation game, a copy of the train simulator, title, Then Should They Go, alongside a controller, alongside the controller he needed to play with the game.
Wow.
Like a classic game.
He played it for three days straight.
Winning Ladies Underwear00:09:27
Yeah, I would.
So you love coupons.
I love coupons.
That's how this all started.
Yeah.
Well, the thing about when he went to South Korea is he also, they gave him a book that was a translator book because not only did he have to do the couponing, he couldn't read the language.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That's evil.
I can't even read English.
Yeah.
I would do it if I was a story.
What is that thing right there?
Fair.
I was doing it like a stream.
Fair enough.
You would do it for stream?
You would do it for a stream.
Yeah.
But then just do it, Forehead.
What are you talking about?
You should do it.
Okay, I decided I'm not doing anything.
Okay, that's what I fucking thought.
That's what he's saying.
Darn it.
Okay.
It's too much work.
There's like, because people always ask me, like, oh, why won't you do a marathon stream?
Why won't you do a marathon stream?
And it's like, because I live marathon streams.
I was going to say you do that every day.
I do it every day.
The only part, yeah, the only part you don't see of my life basically is when I'm sleeping.
And sleep on stream.
Yeah.
Slumber party stream.
No, the problem with that is like, I also have, you know, I have, I have a daughter.
I have Kaya.
And I also work out and stuff.
So like making sure that's the problem.
I don't want to like reveal my location.
Damn, I don't want to reveal his workouts.
He's like, remember when Megan Fox was like, I've got some surgeries.
I don't want to tell anybody.
Yeah.
Same thing.
Yeah, I can't tell you guys my secret workouts is like, is a secret.
It's really, really.
We got you.
Yeah.
She's 5'6.
She's been going to training camp.
We're back.
We're back in the campus.
Every day for 30 days.
And you, Caroline, are Charlotte Jones.
And you need to cut her for no good reason.
Do you want me to practice?
Literally no good reason.
Get out, bitch.
Can I have a gun?
Are we the guns in this world?
Are you president?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm president.
So you have your gun.
Okay, you have your lifelong gun.
I feel like I should have the gun.
It's texting.
You get a gun.
Where's my gun?
We don't have one right now.
We only have one gun.
What was it that you got?
My gun is the billions of dollars that I have.
Yeah.
So you call her into $22,000.
Five days before the big game.
She's already tried on the fucking outfit.
I look hot.
She looks good.
She's already, this boots have been sized for her.
Okay.
The famous boots.
The boots.
Hi.
What's your name again?
Line.
You're Ari.
Ari.
Ari.
Thank you so much for everything that you've done, but it's just not going to work out.
So.
Anything up with me?
No, I'm cutting you from the team.
Okay.
Line.
I'm sad.
I'm sad.
Yeah.
Well.
No, they always hit him with, they always hit him with, just one, give me one more day.
I can prove myself.
Okay.
I can do a backflip.
You can toss me.
I'm tiny.
Yeah, you need to grow like four inches.
Okay.
As a 22-year-old.
22-year-old.
So if you can do that in, I don't know, like the next five minutes here, I'll reconsider.
But otherwise, you have to go.
You're too nice.
I think you need to be clear.
There's no height requirement on the cryouts.
Yeah, she just decided she was too short all of a sudden.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I hate you.
Okay.
There you go.
So you're a short little bitch.
Yeah.
You smell bad.
Yeah.
Wow, that's mean.
That's amazing it to me.
All of them.
Wow.
They have to pay for their own hotel.
So they don't live in Texas a lot of these girls.
They have to have jobs to pay for things.
They come from rich families.
They just have to.
There's no doubt about it.
I hope that you have a good return.
My father's going to hear Ohio wherever you're from.
I don't know.
You look like you're from one of those places.
I don't know.
But yeah, she got cut.
Okay.
And then this 25-year-old, it's her, she just retired.
So she did it for five years.
So she, yeah, 25-year-old.
So you're, I don't remember how.
How tall is she?
Caroline.
I think her name is actually Caroline.
Oh, Caroline.
You're Caroline.
You just retired.
It's been five years.
5'8, Caroline?
She wasn't me.
And she wasn't you.
So she's retired.
I love being 5'8.
Yeah.
Has to have hip replacement surgery at 25.
I hate that I have to have hip replacement surgery at the age of 25.
From the jumping and whatever.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, even though I do have a passion, it's called doing the splits.
Right.
Hip replacement surgery at 25 is crazy.
Yeah, and they talk to all these retired cheerleaders from the Dallas Cowboys, and they're just like, every single one is like, yeah, I've had 12 orthopedic surgeries and crazy in like their 30s.
Do they get health insurance with the blood one?
I thought you would like it because all these people on Reddit are like the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders need to unionize.
Yeah.
No, they need a gun.
Hassan, you should lead the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
Well, I am 5'8, and I did need to get hip replacement surgery at the age of 25.
So I will be, yes, I'm gonna salt.
Be the hero they need.
I saw them marching.
Give them guns.
I'm gonna make a drink.
I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna be salty for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.
But there's this one girl on the show.
Her name is Reese.
She is gorgeous.
So gorgeous.
And there's a bunch of, this is sad.
There's a bunch of conversation because she's engaged.
She's a Jesus girl.
She's like, when you see me performing, I hope you are seeing Jesus.
I hope they see Jesus.
Okay, can we just pause that for a second?
I need to ask a question about this.
Like, isn't that fucking like obviously crazy?
It's obviously crazy, but it's also kind of narcissistic.
It's like, really?
Like, this being that is basically like the personification of God, the son of God.
You want people to look at you performing and go, oh, that's the son of God.
I feel like that's.
Well, I actually think it's incredible.
Like, who the hell do you think you are, sister?
Sister.
Who the hell do you think you are?
You're not performing.
You're not her.
You are the daughter of Charlotte Jones.
Oh.
Jones, Mr. Jones.
No one's.
I can be Reese.
But yeah, so she'll go on these interviews.
She'll be like, I love Jesus.
I want to see Jesus.
And then as soon as she dances, she's like a she's like a sex kitten.
Yeah, it's crazy.
And then she introduces her fiancé.
Now they're married.
She's like, this is Will.
We met in, yeah.
We met in.
Wait, Willie, Will has another fiancé?
We met in college.
And all the conversation is about, this is so mean, how unattractive he is in comparison to her.
There's like tons of threads on Reddit about it.
That's crazy.
It's crazy.
I've always wondered the mind of someone.
The mind of a woman who goes on Reddit voluntarily, I've always been amazed by it because I always assume that it's just for like men and incels in general.
And now I know you have to be like, you have to be the most brain-broken woman.
I got curious because there's a sweet girl on the show named Victoria and she's like always so lonely and no one ever hangs out with her.
And I was like, what the heck?
And so I went to the making the team Reddit because I was trying to be like, does anyone else feel bad for Victoria?
Posted in the Reddit.
I didn't post.
I was just seeing it.
But then all of these threads were about Will and Reese.
And if, look, Marsh, look it up.
We got to see it.
Reese, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and Will, and it'll show you.
It's so mean.
This is what, why, why do you get this invested in?
Yo, get invested in productive shit.
Wow.
God forbid women have hobbies, Hassan.
Yeah, no, literally, this should not be the hobby.
Oh.
There should be other hobbies.
Yeah.
They're right there.
And he's.
Oh, okay.
They're right.
Oh.
I'm kidding.
She's just like sweet.
They're the sweetest little couple, but I'm not kidding.
Like, she looks Jesusy there.
And then look at the one of her dancing.
Look at that.
That does look Jesusy.
Let me see with her head back, like up, up, up.
Oh, right there on the floor.
Or maybe she thinks she's wild.
Maybe he's also emulating Jesus.
And so that's why she's.
She is my favorite Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.
I love her.
God, look at her thrown back.
Anyway, that was my week.
What did you guys do?
Wow.
That's incredible.
I love that.
What did you want to talk about with the.
Well, I do actually want to talk about the debate because we're back.
People care about politics for a brief moment.
So, you know, I just want to just want to have that brief moment again where people do care about politics for a second.
You watched.
You tweeted.
You tweeted about the fucking debates.
You watched it.
Don't even act like you did.
I saw the highlights.
So you just, what?
You just tweeted randomly about the debates?
What are we doing here?
Just so you can.
Is that what we're doing?
Just so you can fucking farm impressions?
What are we doing?
Whoa.
Go ahead.
Give us your take.
I didn't watch it.
I think it'd be my take.
Okay, but what about the highlights?
The highlights?
I saw a side to side of the debate in like 2020 versus like the debate now.
And it was just them.
They just insulted each other.
Yeah.
Wasn't it insane when they started making out?
Love that part.
Wild.
It's my favorite.
Yeah, it was cool.
I thought that it was like nice that they did that for Pride Month.
She looked powerful.
Farming Impressions00:08:01
Yeah.
Yeah, you clearly.
Okay.
What about you, cutie?
I didn't watch it.
I was working late because I'm a streamer.
Working late.
She's working.
That's a Sabrina song that you guys are always singing right now.
Yeah.
She's working late.
We can move on from this.
So what you'll go through.
I'll let you go through each other.
What are your thoughts on the debate?
No, I don't.
I've already given my thoughts on the debate.
It's more interesting.
It is so much more interesting to hear the perspective of people who are just kind of watching from afar without paying a lot of attention to it, which is why I wanted to ask you two what your opinions were.
I think it's, I hope they actually play golf with each other.
Yeah.
I feel like Fortnite for streamers is like golf for politicians.
Oh, yeah.
Thoughts?
Okay.
I like that.
I want them to play golf.
Okay.
I would like them both to drop out.
Do you think that'll happen?
Oh, maybe.
Biden might actually drop out.
I mean, it doesn't seem like it because they're, you know, they're just kind of stuck with it.
Barack Obama is the only person probably on the planet who could maybe convince him to drop out voluntarily.
But Barack Obama tweeted that he supports him.
Exactly.
And then he's dropping out.
And then after Barack Obama tweeted that, the New York Times editorial board still released an article demanding that Biden drop out, which is pretty crazy.
That is like...
Are you talking about the Thomas Friedman one?
No.
The op-ed.
No.
Every single op-ed writer after the debate wrote these opinion editorials, right?
That's what that is.
Oh, thanks.
I'm just, you know, making sure the people at home that don't care about the shit.
They all wrote articles, and these are people that like know Biden personally.
And more importantly than that, this is what like the most significant base for the Democratic Party.
Like, this is what they're tuned into.
So like, this is where they get their messages from.
If, if Thomas Friedman and all these other like New York Times opinion editorial writers are saying like, I love Biden, but it made me weepy.
It made me cry tears watching him look demented on stage for 90 minutes and he has to drop out to save democracy, then that's going to be pretty impactful, which of course the Biden camp refused to acknowledge or rather acknowledge, but then said, I'm not dropping out, fuck off.
And then Obama defended Biden and said, you know, everybody has bad debates.
Who cares?
Fuck off.
Go to joebiden.com as though that's going to do anything.
But then the editorial board came together and wrote an op-ed.
The editorial board, when they write an op-ed, it's like way more significant than just like one person writing an op-ed.
It's the entire editorial board writing together.
It's not just gossip girl.
It's the whole school.
Avengers.
Okay.
Yeah.
The entire gossip girl school.
I don't know what that means.
Yeah.
No, I do watch TV.
I just haven't.
I do watch anime.
I am excited for Bear Season 3 and the boys.
I'm going on a trip.
I'm going to Croatia for seven days with my family.
We are going to be stuck in a ship for some of those days, I think.
They really are adamant about this.
They are going to be on the ship the entire time.
I like how you're acting already as if this is torture.
It is torturous.
It's literally torture.
I'm doing it for my mom.
Is it a cruise or is it just a ship?
No, it's not a cruise.
It's just like a ship that they wanted me to rent for them.
I will not be on it for the most part.
I have a hotel room that I will be streaming out of.
Okay.
For the most part.
He's going to take like a little boat out to the big boat every day.
I think that's what I do think is going to significantly change in the week that you're gone in regards to.
He's going to come back different.
In regards to the debate follow-up.
What are you going to do?
That's what you want to stream, right?
The debate follow-up.
Well, it's not even just that, but also, no, I like.
He doesn't fuck with his family.
No, it's not.
Just tell the truth.
I think, like, well, I maybe I'm crazy for this, but I do feel like a sense of responsibility to stream consistently because like I do feel it.
I do feel, I feel as though there are a lot of people that rely on me for getting their information.
Like, I, it's like if NPR took a seven-day hiatus, like, that would be ridiculous.
Like, I listen to NPR in the morning.
You know what I mean?
I listen to the daily.
I listen to these podcasts, right?
If they were just like, yeah, we're done for seven days, I'd be like, the fuck?
What do you mean you're dumb for seven days?
So that's the way I see it.
I feel like I am, you know, I'm doing this for a lot of people that are tuning in to hear what I have to say and to get their news.
Are you sure they're not just tuning in with the false hope of you gaming?
That's definitely not what they're tuning in.
There's like at least five guys.
It's like, they're like playing.
There are definitely people.
Yeah, there's five is probably, you know, that's a liberal estimate.
No, Hazan, I understand that.
But on your door, do you have to stream someday?
Do you have to stream every day?
When I'm there?
Yeah.
I mean, I will stream.
Maybe you could like have a blog.
Do you think your family likes you?
Vlogging back.
Seemingly.
They fucking love me so much that they are always like, no, stop streaming.
Let's be on boat.
Let me just say, let me just say, not to get like serious anything in the podcast.
Will is not here.
He is with his mom.
He said that I can say this on the podcast.
His mom got a bad, bad health news.
And in addition to other family members of his who've gotten bad health news this year, it's been a hell of a year.
I understand your responsibility to your community, to putting out the news, but I also think you should maybe take one day off in Croatia.
Come on to chill.
Yeah, no, I am.
I'm taking a day off the travel.
Families.
Today's my travel day.
Listen, I'll go live on your account.
Send me the links.
I'll update the people.
We can do the news.
Yeah, watch this.
Absolutely not.
Why don't we set up an AI of you?
Absolutely not.
Today on the news, Hassan Piker, there was mild traffic.
I could never replicate my maulding moments when I'm picking apart a chatter's idiotic statement.
I bet it could.
We're pretty mean.
Yeah.
We're AI, Hassan.
Yeah.
I'll want some Zins.
Yeah, we can do Zins.
I'm halfway done.
I don't know.
This is what you interact with.
Joe Biden's old.
That is pretty much my commentary.
Trump is going to have to drink 8,000 Diet Cokes.
Yeah, we need your workout routine.
We need your workout routine though.
Oh, yeah.
No, I can't.
It's a secret.
Okay, well, that's vote cutie for president.
No, absolutely not.
You're doing great, sweetie.
Do you guys, do you guys want me to do an America Me Up segment in honor of Will Naff?
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
She doesn't know what she's doing.
Are you going to actually freestyle the America Me Up segment?
I'm going to freestyle an American Me Up segment.
Okay.
She's in a mind pile this right now.
She's ulting.
Can I get the bald eagle?
Okay.
Welcome to today's segment of America Me Up.
Do you watch this podcast?
I don't.
I'm sorry.
I did watch.
I only hear it when Will's listening to it.
Will listens to the podcast.
Will listens to the podcast.
This is my podcast.
I have never.
I have never listened to an episode of this podcast.
Will Naff Segment00:10:44
Me.
No, I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
I think this podcast is a fucking banger.
But I already heard it.
But I, yeah, I was there when it was being made.
Why the fuck would I listen to it?
Just to reflect on the good times.
Marsh, you listen to it.
He's editing it.
He has the reason.
That's right, I guess.
Okay, but you go back and re-watch it.
Oh, see?
Not everyone is so listening.
Lame ass.
I'm going to watch this thing here.
Every day.
You're going to watch it every day.
Yeah.
Back up those views.
We need that.
We need that.
Okay, I have to ask this question before you do America Me Up.
What is going on with your eye?
You can't just ask people.
Yeah, you can't just ask people what's going on.
Is that just like a gay thing?
Like you were just like, hey, what's up?
It's Pride Month.
It's pan colors.
Okay.
Yeah.
What's happening there?
I had skin cancer on Pride Month.
Wow, Hassan.
Yeah, you feel like an asshole now?
No.
No, they call it out of my face.
That's the whole thing.
Yeah.
So what's up?
You're good?
She got a skin graph.
You cut it out of her neck.
Yeah, they took what they had.
No, they didn't let me take it home with me.
I had to go in and they had to, so I went in.
I had a mole.
Let me back up.
I had a mole that was bleeding.
Like every day it was bleeding.
I would like get out of the shower and it'd be bleeding.
And I was like, that's not right.
Went into the dermatologist.
He was like, no, that's good.
And I was like, I don't think that that's good.
But he was like, yeah, we can still cut it off.
Like, no big deal.
They cut it off.
They were like, well, we're still going to send it in because if they cut anything off, they send it in anyways.
The pathologist sent it in.
What they did with my penis foreskin?
They cut it off to make sure that it's not.
Yeah.
Okay.
They sent, they had to send it in because they were like, oh my gosh, it's so small.
Yeah, we can barely see it.
It's a medical marvel.
This is what they were saying.
Are you okay?
Do you want to talk?
Are you okay?
No, go ahead.
Okay.
Okay.
He never recovered.
No.
So, yeah, the dermatologist, he comes in the room.
He has this like little piece of paper when I go back to get my stitches taken out.
And he goes, he did like the exhale and looked at me.
It's never good.
No, it's never good.
And then so, oh my God, he has a crush on me.
And so then, yeah, it was the kind that you get from son.
And he was like, I don't see that in people your age.
And I was like, okay, so I'm not going to go out and get it.
So I'm like, you know, I'm not like other girls.
He's like, damn, you're old.
He's like, and you have cancer.
He's like, your skin is.
He's actually saying you're so young.
That's true.
He was like, despite your skin, which is terrible.
No.
You have the skin of a 90-year-old.
Literally, he was like, I don't see this in people until they're like 60s, you know, like full lifetimes of sun experience.
There's like two L's in a row.
Okay, what's the third one?
I had to go to a plastic surgeon because it was directly over a tear duct.
So I went to Cedar Cyanide.
So you can't cry anymore?
Like, what happens?
Like, when you watch it.
I'm going to bleed.
If I start crying, blood comes out.
Yo, that's fucking metalish.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that's kind of cool.
No.
No.
I'm not a person.
Okay, speak directly into the microphone.
So I went, yeah, so I went in and they cut it out.
And so I have to wear a bandaid because I have a skin graph because they cut a chunk off my neck and then on my face.
That's pretty cool.
It's crazy.
It looks like a train wreck under there.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
How bad can it be?
I mean, it's going to heal, right?
I mean, you guys want like a cancer reveal?
Oh, yeah.
Cutie, I don't want to see it.
You should tell him your story about my cancer.
I made it about me for real.
She did.
We went out to dinner and then she was like, let's Google what kind of stuff.
That is not how it started.
Okay, then you tell it.
I said, have you Googled it?
And you were like, no, I'm too afraid to see it.
And I was like, do you want me to?
And he said, you said, I'm going to go.
No.
She was like, do you want me to?
And you're like, yeah.
And then I looked at it.
I was like, oh, it's not that bad.
And I was like, except for people that like don't get it treated.
Because if you don't get it treated, it leads, it eats away at your skin and you get these gaping holes in your face.
Yeah.
Whoa, it's probably not good.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it's not like melanoma.
Like, it's not like an everywhere thing.
It's just like localized.
But it's just scary.
She had to have anesthesia.
It was crazy.
You guys want to see something crazy?
I thought you're going to flex you.
It's like, no.
Look at this, cutie.
You see that?
Is that a gross tree?
That's like a weird.
No, it's a mole, but it's like under my skin.
Have you gone to a doctor?
Why are you laying outside and sunscreen?
And he's been bleeding a lot.
Like it was.
It's fine now.
So that reminded me your cancer shit reminded me of that.
I was like, maybe I should save your life.
We were just having a conversation because I told him, I said, you look very tan.
And he said, yeah, I don't wear sunscreen.
I mean, this was like on my face, so it was a big deal.
But if it's the same thing, they can just, your dermatologist can literally do it.
Let's just scoop it out.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Let's do it.
I'll cut it out.
I have a lot of, I do have a lot of moles.
I've always had a lot of moles.
I do too.
I'm like very like moly like all over my body.
But this one was like flesh colored and it was actually it was I kind of lied.
I'm a liar.
It wasn't a mole.
It was a cyst.
So like my body, there was like cancer cells and my body created like a cyst around it.
But that's cool.
They were like trying to make it easy to just exit out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If it wouldn't have done that, she wouldn't have known.
And she was escaping hole.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your body was like I would have been gape.
Yeah.
You would have been my face.
Well, here's the thing.
If they would have fucked up my tear duct, they probably would have had to remove my eye because your eye can't keep itself wet.
You don't have tears.
Oh, so you're fine.
Your tear duct is fine.
Yeah, I lied.
Oh, you were lying with the blood.
I lie for attention.
Okay, so does it look fucked up under there?
Can we see?
I mean, I'll want to see it.
Last night, we played a game last night.
I was laughing so hard my band-aid came off.
Like I cried my band-aid off.
Pull it off.
Let me see.
It doesn't look that bad.
No, it doesn't look that bad.
I'm still.
Yeah, you were, you were exaggerating a lot about how bad it looks.
Yeah, being hysterical.
Was I being a hysteria?
I can't shoot it off for you.
So it's going to heal, obviously.
It's like still in the process of healing.
And then you're just going to have like a little bit of a scar, I suspect.
It'll be, it's kind of crazy because it's skin from a different part of my body.
And so he was like, for a year or two, be careful with sun because it'll tan differently.
Whoa, that's kind of cool.
Yeah.
I uh, when I told my boyfriend that I was going to get a skin graft, he was like, is it going to have like hair on it?
Because he thought that they were going to take it from like a hairy part of my body.
They just take your pubes.
Yeah.
Imagine I just had like a hairy like pube spot.
Like they're like, that's the only place.
That's a new would you still have?
It's like a mustache for your eyes.
That's true.
Yeah.
I can shape it into a little.
That's what it was.
I was, we were looking up the skin grass because you were like, I'm nervous to be what anyway.
But the problem is, is I saw something I shouldn't have seen.
And it still haunts me.
My dick.
Yeah.
It was like a tripophobia grossness.
Yeah.
It's just like a bold.
I still think about it.
I was.
Listen, do you know what that is?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you have it off?
No.
I didn't know I had it until this.
I have it and I didn't have it.
And then I saw one particular like great thing.
And then you.
And I remember when I saw it.
I don't want to say, I don't even want to.
I don't even see it.
Don't say it.
It's gross.
It like if you look up a lotus blossom, it is don't show anything because it's fucking disgusting.
That's what I saw when I was like 19.
Lotus Blossom?
Yeah.
Like, that's an actress.
Or like, he's looking it up.
I know.
I told him not to show it.
That's a 16-year-old actress is what is coming up.
Okay.
Wait, what?
This is it.
This is what I'm doing.
I don't want to see it.
Don't show it to me.
It's like a holy thing.
It's like the thing.
Yeah.
So I saw that when I was like 19.
And it fucked me up.
Like for like weeks, it was like in my head.
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
And then ever since then, now everything like that just is gross.
Wait, what do you do?
Dude, tryctophobia?
Tripophobia.
T-R-Y-P-O.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
You guys are being crazy about it.
Well, it doesn't bother some people.
You like it, Hassan?
I don't want to see it.
Don't look at it.
It's a bad one.
I'm trying to pull it.
I genuinely don't understand why this would be so terrifying.
I don't want to look at it.
I hope you're looking at the right thing.
I like a bunch of people.
No, no, no.
I'm definitely looking at it.
Yeah, I don't want to hear it.
It's don't.
It's like...
No!
Stop it!
Yeah, it's just blueberries.
It's blue waffle.
No, blueberries.
No, not blueberries.
It looks like blueberries hidden inside of a thing.
Please, cocoon.
Yeah, So I looked up her cancer and I was scrolling through pictures and at the very bottom, there was like this person that had a different cancer than her, but they had a bulb on their head.
It was so big.
It looked like a baked potato, but then it had like garlic-looking cloves on top of it.
Yeah.
And then she was like, she's like, I looked it up and it's gross.
And I was like, okay.
And she's like, I need you to look at it because I saw it and you need to see it now.
And I was like, I don't want to know.
And then she made it to me anyways.
It's like lemon party in heaven.
But you're good now.
You don't have cancer?
Yeah.
So they, yeah, so they carved it out and then I went back a week later and they were like, you're good.
So it's, and so it shouldn't be a thing again.
But I'm going to have to, because I had one, like the likelihood of me getting more is like higher, obviously.
So I'm going to have to go in every six months and get all my moles checked.
Everyone, go get your moles check.
All of your moles?
I have so many fucking moles.
I don't know.
You don't want to let them thrive?
I'm okay if you're okay with it.
I'm fine with them running around.
That's fine.
Can I have a drink of your water?
We ruined the American Moses.
I am dying.
Caroline had an America Me Up segment.
Well, we'll do it on the Patreon.
I think I saved you.
No, no, no, no.
Do you have one?
Okay.
Are we ready, Patreon?
Okay, you know what?
If you want that juicy ass America Me Up segment and many more things, including us dubbing over gay porn, you're going to have to go to the Patreon.
That's right, at patreon.com slash fear and and subscribe to see the juicy tits.
I'm definitely going to show my tits in this episode for sure.
So I had to look down, make sure I still have a picture.
Thank you so much for coming, guys.
Do you have anything to plug?
Anything to talk about?
Where can people find you?
Twitch.tv slash sandwich.
Patreon Exclusive Content00:01:38
And yeah, that's pretty much it.
Twitch.tv slash Caroline Kwan.
Do you guys stream?
No.
Crazy.
I don't even know what we're doing here.
Falling off.
I'm going to end up here.
Trying to fall off.
Anything to plug?
We can plug the yarn.
True.
Yeah.
Which we don't really have anything yet.
But yeah.
We are going to finish Unchained, maybe.
No.
Yeah, no.
Chaining on Monday.
No chain.
Stay together.
You want to unplug?
What?
Democracy.
Oh.
Sick.
Okay.
Anyway, that was brave.
All right.
That's it for this week's episode.
Bye, everybody.
See you on the other side.
She just revealed that he has been a fraudulent bitch talking about how chicken tendies about his dead mother when the mother is alive.
And the only response he had for it was that, like, you know, oh, she can't get over it.
Yeah, because this is, so she, he posted the TikTok that said, when it's been two years and she won't stop yapping, which I assume is about her making comments or whatever.
And so then this is her response to that.
And then his response was that his response.
And then she posted a TikTok like today, I think, which is a response to his response, which I haven't seen yet.
I feel like you have to address a lot more than just like, oh, she's still, she can't get over me.
It's like, bro, your mom is alive.
Yeah.
Like, congratulations.
Like, she's not dead.
That's beautiful.
I'd be yapping for two years.
Are you kidding me?
Like, what the fuck?
I feel like there's a more significant thing that you need to do damage control over other than just being like, women, am I right?