Hasan's chaotic schedule swap and dehydrated charity basketball challenge, which raised over $100,000 despite health risks, set the stage for a wild ride covering whales, from Miami beach discoveries to a 1970s Oregon dynamite disposal that scattered debris a quarter-mile. The hosts debate Twitch's evolving image, Caitlin Clark's WNBA exclusion, and controversial political takes on Trump's WWE potential and Pope Francis's alleged tactical slur usage. Ultimately, the episode blends absurd personal anecdotes with sharp cultural critiques, highlighting the unpredictable intersection of internet culture, politics, and human eccentricity. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Whales, Bananas, and Preparation H00:04:35
Yeah, sometimes they get real sad.
Whales commit suicide.
Yeah.
They do?
Yeah.
Sometimes your mom goes to the beach.
Oh my gosh.
Well, at least I have one.
Oh!
All right.
Cutie, welcome to the podcast, everybody.
Cutie's going to seductively eat this banana.
That's right, baby.
We got to get those views up.
We got to get this right.
We got to get those views up.
It's prized by the cutie.
No!
No.
You want to make it in this town?
You're going to eat a sideways.
Oh, man.
Oh, we just lost.
Our ratings went down.
That's crazy.
We asked you to do one thing, man.
Put the team on your goddamn bag.
This is how you respond.
Oh, my God.
Oh, me too.
Did you prep?
I prep.
Great.
Thank you.
He got tan.
He got.
Yep.
He looks so tan.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I did.
I got a spray tan.
Try Levenese block.
That's right.
I'm really into spray tanning now.
Okay.
It's my fault.
Also, cutie is prepared as well.
She wanted everybody to know.
I said I had preparation H on.
I didn't say I'm wearing cooling gel.
I heard preparation.
Wait, what?
I hit a one-liner.
Wait, so wait, what is preparation H?
You put it on your butthole when it's irritated for hemorrhoids.
Hemorrhoids.
Okay.
Have you ever had that?
Just for normal irritation.
Or for enjoyment.
Does it feel good on your buddy?
On your butt.
On your pussy.
On your banana.
But did you know after you give birth that you get really big pads and you put aloe vera on them and then freeze them and then wear them because it's soothing your whole ripped ass vagina.
I feel like you would use one of those without giving birth.
I know.
I feel nice.
Yeah.
Just to feel something.
I feel like that's where you are leading.
I just want to freeze my taint to just like.
Do you want to freeze our taints together on stream?
Yeah.
I'll freeze my taint.
Let's have frozen.
I like that.
I'm going to match her freak today.
God, great.
Good luck.
I've been an SD.
What's up, everybody?
We're back with another episode of Fear Ann.
We're already started and everybody's fired up.
Can I say something?
What's up?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Maybe.
No?
Maybe.
Oh, my God.
Let's say it.
Let's hear it.
Okay, okay.
Guess the number between one and 10.
Eight.
I'm going to match your freak four.
No.
What's the number?
Three.
None of you could go first.
I guess it's going to be a good one.
Okay, I got to go first.
Okay.
I did a little experiment this morning.
I came downstairs.
Hassan walked downstairs.
I started my stopwatch.
I wanted to time how long it would take for Hassan to talk to me.
Can we guess?
Oh, my God.
Did we guess?
Yes.
Did I?
I'm going to go.
Timer's still running.
No.
Well, wait, I don't.
Yeah, I don't think I talked to you.
Did I talk to you this morning?
He doesn't even know.
After 37 minutes, he grumbled the F word under his breath and walked out.
Okay.
So, no, it was faster than I thought.
Okay.
He came down and I thought for sure he was going to say something because he hasn't seen me.
So he comes down the stairs, looks me dead in the eye.
Yeah.
Nothing.
Okay.
I don't recall this experience.
I don't even remember.
37 seconds go by.
Where's Will?
That's the first words he uttered to me.
It took him in the vicinity.
Not hello.
Wait, that's cute.
No, I was mad.
I was mad because we were late.
Yeah.
Because I was like.
Bro, it was 9.53.
Yeah.
I was upset because he was having a meltdown.
Like nobody's here.
I was six minutes late.
No no, I know, but normally we're, i'm used to us being.
He was so doom and gloom and normally well, because I I, I swapped, I switched some stuff around, because we swapped the podcast last second.
We were supposed to do it yesterday morning and then today morning i'm also late.
Uh, i'm gonna be late to stream.
So I was just like trying to figure out, we're all, we're all swappity swapping yeah, we're swap.
I had to cancel.
I had to get this tan earlier than I wanted to, but I could.
I could not miss Fred again tonight.
Oh yeah, so we couldn't do tonight because i'm gonna get pitted.
Twitch Meltdowns and Covet Lockdowns00:04:04
Yeah, everybody's going.
Oh, I can't believe you guys are not.
Well, I didn't get everyone.
I got.
I didn't.
I get invited.
I did get invited.
I no, there's.
There was no invitation.
It was like the tickets went up and it was like a free fraud.
He just got.
He said he got invited.
I got invited.
Yeah, by who?
Fred Nandre?
Oh well okay yeah, all right, but nobody thinks I live here.
That was my excuse, makes me feel better.
Nandre shouldn't have invited you.
That's crazy.
Yeah well, I mean yeah, he should have known better who is Fred again.
Oh, Fred again.
Yeah oh, that's right.
What um, i'm just trying again is dope.
He's awesome.
I, I love the uh little Coliseum private party that he threw for everybody that listened to him back in 2021 when he first popped off.
He makes dance music but like, what really sprung him is.
He made a lot of music, kind of during lockdown and it had almost like this perfect lockdown aesthetic where like it was all it was.
There's a song about losing dancing.
There's a song about like being depressed, and all the music videos are his friends on, like face time calls and marsh correct me if I get any of this wrong but like it's literally them just face timing in and it's for for that period of time.
It's such a perfect album and everything he's made post that has been a banger and so he's just he's him right now.
You still eating that banana.
So he's like Bo Burnham during covet, but for pdm yeah, but also, but also like I don't think people like re-watching Bo Burnham stuff now really well okay well, you're like super mentally ill, so that's different, like I, I feel like that was.
This is a.
This is eating her banana like a totally normal person.
Yeah, this is a.
This is a thing that I have been.
This is this is a theory that i've been workshopping and have brought up quite a bit.
Okay, I feel like there's two different types of content creators, that popped off and like types of content that popped off during Covid sure, and uh, one that like, is trapped in the era of Covet and reminds people of how shitty Covet lockdowns were oh, like when they all the celebrities called each other and sang that song, oh yeah, but that's not even what i'm talking about.
What i'm what i'm actually, what i'm actually talking about is like twitch streaming.
Right, like twitch streaming obviously exploded uh, during Covid, and I think I always have this sneaking suspicion that when people think of twitch streaming now, they think of, like all of the other associations that they have with like being trapped inside of their houses and inside of their apartments, not really knowing uh, what the future looks like.
So there's like bad vibes associated permanently with twitch streaming and they go fiend fiend.
Now they do, which is good, but I think there was a big chunk.
That's what I was gonna say.
There was a big period of time when I think, like people would just like associate it with like lockdowns, I think.
And then now that Kai's popping off Jinx is popping off, thank god you know.
That has kind of marketed it a lot better, because the only thing we had going for twitch streaming post Covet was like pedophile sex monger, sex trafficker, gamblers running around doing insane.
You need to eat a banana sideways also, Are you okay?
Grim.
I'm going to shoot you.
The review of the plot form is so skewed.
You need to shoot him with a ketamine dart.
Yeah.
Okay.
What I was talking about is like what people associate streaming with, and they see fucking kickstreamers, and that's what they think.
This is what live streamers do.
That's what I was trying to say.
You are just a ball of joy.
Okay, I'm sorry.
You guys go ahead.
No.
Okay, I'm going to talk about something happening.
All right, go ahead.
I read something super happy.
What's that?
Well, actually, it's sad.
Sure.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't know.
I thought it was happy, but it's actually sad and happy.
Give me a second.
Okay.
Since it's Pride Month, I think this is very relevant.
Kickstreamers and Balls of Joy00:15:04
I was reading a story that was very touching.
If it's gay, I'm out.
It is gay.
I'm sorry.
It's his month.
85-year-old Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan served in the United States military.
He was a war veteran, so obviously Hassan's a huge fan.
And he did a bunch of Korean War.
Lived a life, but unfortunately, he never felt like he could be himself until he passed away.
In his obituary, he finally came out.
That's so sad.
Yeah, well, in his obituary, he says, I must tell you one more thing.
I was gay all my life through grade school through high school.
I must tell you one more thing.
I've been listening to Brat by Charlie.
And I'm gay.
Yeah.
So he says, I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavanro of North Greenbush.
He was the love of my life.
We had 25 great years together.
Paul died in 1994 from a medical procedure gone wrong.
I'll be buried next to Paul.
Well, I feel better.
Yeah.
I was worried he's a little happy.
Yeah, I thought he was like a gay virgin.
No, no, no.
Oh, no.
He like God, dude.
He just couldn't tell anybody about it, but he came out.
He's a fear fantasy a little bit.
Is being in the closet?
No, not being in the closet.
But you like kind of like boys who wear a cross, you know, boys who are a little bit.
Yeah.
I'll be honest, I think I've kind of gotten over it.
You're so full of shit.
No, I believe him when he says.
We talked about it because I kind of had the cross face.
And now I'm like, like I said, we talked.
And if I could find like an authentic Christian, okay, we're gonna do something to Austin that he does not want me to do, but I'm gonna have to do this right now.
Speaking of phases, March, there's a photo I would like to.
No, no, no, my God.
Here's a photo that I would like to send.
I don't believe he's gonna do this, but I'm gonna let it happen because here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
And none of you know this because this is a private correspondence.
Oh, God.
I can't believe he's gonna do this.
That Austin and I had.
I want to do a segment, not just on this specifically, but I want you and everyone else in the community to find some of your old fits that we yelled at you over.
And we're just gonna rip into it.
Okay.
This is not fiend.
Austin show.
Oh my God.
Ladies and gentlemen, look at him.
Why are you?
Okay, can you zoom out for a second?
Why does it look like a Sasquatch site?
It's like gay Sasquatch.
Okay, so the context behind this is I was trying on outfits and trying to look at what I look like.
And you look like you just saw a trail cam.
You also look like the baggiest pants in Atlanta meme.
Like you're literally wearing the...
No, I was going through my phone and I looked at this outfit and I texted Hassan and I said, oh my God, this is how I used to dress.
No, no, pull it back.
Pull it back.
No, no, don't.
Don't I mean this photo in and of itself is kind of evidence that bullying works.
Yes.
Yes.
We bullied this shit out of you.
No, you bullied the fuck out of me.
So I want to just, I was a little, I weighed more too in that photo.
There is so much wrong with everything that's going on here.
One, you have the regular old like white tee, which is fine.
It's not even like ill-suited.
It's fine.
But the tight pants, the tight black pants that you're wearing here, simultaneously with the no-show socks and those ugly ass, like whatever, and the hawk of fucking hawka fucking sneakers, like you're a goddamn nurse on a fucking triple shift.
I know.
It's bad.
It's so it's good on my cankles ass fucking shoes.
Also, you hadn't discovered gay lighting yet.
No, no, this wasn't a photo that I posted.
I was trying to show somebody what I was doing.
Why is all your furniture gray?
Well, because he's a millennial.
He's a millennial.
It's millennial gray.
I don't live there anymore.
Oh.
I've upgraded since then.
Regardless, my point is, I would like to go through a lot of your fits, like your old fits, one day and just we can do it for me as well.
I have plenty of fucking time.
Let's just go through all your shitty outfits and bully you.
And we can do it for Maggie.
Dude, I've been bullied by the entire internet for the shitty outfits.
That's right.
So you take it out on me.
Yeah, no, I'm saying that like we've all gone through our little different phases of shitty outfits.
I always stumble out of the Goodwill looking ply as hell.
Yeah, you look damn good.
Actually, always looking unshowered.
And actually, no, you always look like you just came out of a human.
And that I found clothes somewhere.
So I just want to say thank you to all of you for the bullying.
And thank you for letting me forget me out of the outfits that I used to wear.
By the way, speaking of bullying, we got to talk about something.
What?
Hassan did a charity stream this week.
Oh, he did.
He did.
That's it.
I was there.
I was late.
It was crazy.
We were having tech issues.
Oh, okay.
And Hassan said, I'm going to warm up.
Oh, 10 minutes go by.
Uh-oh.
20 minutes go by.
He's pulling triggers.
Oh.
He's out there hanging the goose.
Shit.
30 minutes go by.
Okay.
40 minutes go by.
Okay.
The whole time, his friend, old Samwise Gangi over here is going, I think you're warm.
I think you're pretty warm.
You should stop shooting.
I would be pouring sweat now.
It was so hot in there, too.
Cause like they, we, I, I, I, I rented out this like entire gym.
It was very expensive.
And they also tacked on a lot of extra fees, including like a $900 fee for HVAC, right?
Oh, what?
And they charge for the HVAC?
Yes, which is fun.
Bro, they tried to charge me three grand just to use the parking lot.
Like, these guys are savvy.
They were not fucking around.
Yeah.
They were like, oh, yeah, you want this gym?
Okay.
Here's literally double bathrooms to be able to flush up extra TK.
Yeah.
So I pay the HVAC fee, whatever.
I'm like, we need the HVAC.
Obviously, we need AC, right?
Turns out HVAC fee is $900, but that don't get you fucking AC.
It just gets you the fans.
Just gets you wind.
Yeah.
It gets you the capacity to open both doors so you can have a cross breeze.
That's crazy.
40 minutes.
Yeah.
He is at a full like I'm sweating.
Ripping big man.
Yeah.
Right.
And I go, Hassan, you have so many three-pointers to shoot.
Yeah.
And I was like, you shoot 25%, which is a pretty good percentage.
You're shooting at least 4,000 three-pointers.
And that's if you're good.
And he's like, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
Tech is still down.
Okay, can I put up a firewall?
Can we just pause for a second?
Sure.
Go ahead, defend yourself.
I'm not going to defend myself.
I was throwing up heaters though.
Keep, oh, for sure.
My shot counted, right?
Yeah, he probably nailed 150 three-pointers.
Yeah, I was, I was just like back to back, just and you weren't counting any of them.
No, and he was like rolling out of picks.
He's doing fucking spider drills.
Yeah, when I was doing spider drills, that's when Will actually force.
And that hour, I go, Hassan, please sit down.
Please.
And he's like, I just got to do it this way, dude.
I just got to be hot.
You know, because I was anxious.
I was anxious.
I was nervous about like.
And the last thing he said before I fully shut him down was, you know, I need my form to look good for the internet.
Yeah.
Which is sad.
That's because I love it.
I was the last 200 shots.
Yeah.
You're me fucking grandma tossing in.
Your audience that is notorious for criticizing your form.
He completely knocked the wheels off because he was like, yo, when Ludwig did it, his forearm hurt a little bit.
Ludwig is half the human being that you're tiny man.
You burn more diesel when you're driving a bulldozer.
Yeah.
Now, if I'm being critical, if I'm analyzing exactly what happened and I thought about it quite a bit, like one, props to Lud.
I have to give him that.
Props to Lud.
Because like 1,000, 1,000 three-pointers.
He's kind of fly.
1,000 three-pointers, I thought, is just like literally just a regular basketball challenge.
No, it's like a triathlon where you're just simply using your wrist.
I told you.
We all told him.
I told you.
I didn't tell you.
You did not tell me.
Hassan, your body can't take that.
Yeah, I've seen you.
I've shot you.
He would have been fine.
He wouldn't.
You guys, he would have been fine if not for the hour and a half of like full tilt warm-up basketball he did.
Yeah.
Where he dehydrated himself.
And then at 103 pointers, he's like, I'm going to throw in two Zins.
Oh my God.
Oh, yeah.
I did.
I was like, what?
I was zinned up.
And he's like, yeah, I just got to take the edge off.
I just need a little nicotine.
And I was like, don't do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Zen partnered with the fucking constant.
I was fasted for the first 500, didn't eat.
I trained.
I weightlifted the day prior and I played basketball the day prior.
And then I played basketball before the event.
All of that combined with how hot the facility was.
Like, this isn't even me making excuses.
I'm just like looking at this critical.
No, this is just what happened.
Yeah.
I think the whole time it was like watching a slow-moving train crash.
No, I was tuned.
I tuned into it and I gave up.
When I realized as a viewer, you gave up on the kids.
I was at 200.
I know.
I was like, nobody's getting saved.
The war is going to be over by the time he finishes this challenge.
I realized that I should have done a lot of the proper like active recovery, not worked out prior, not fucking shot prior.
Yeah.
And I should have probably been carving up from the jump because I was just like cramping as well on top of everything else because of how hot the gym was and how little I was like hydrating myself.
But we did get one of the great stream moments of all time.
Yeah.
Which is Hassan in a chair shooting granny style three-pointer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
It was the most anime thing that I've ever done though because like I was shooting through insane pain and I'm lucky because like I don't think I broke any I don't think like I ripped any of my tendons or anything because I have actually recovered quite well.
Like I mean I played basketball yesterday and I trained today.
I did upper body pull before this before this podcast and there's still a little bit of residual pain, but it's mostly it's it's subsided.
So we're well look we're proud of you.
You raided over the over $100,000.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So great job.
It worked.
The pictures were great on Twitter.
You sweating, did numbers.
I think that a lot of people...
That's what I'm saying.
Your audience is hitting.
Please cut in some of those clips, including the clip of the entire stream.
Yes.
Scootish finally is money ball three corner.
That's my in the tub producer, by the way.
I didn't even know he was.
That's awesome.
He's great.
Yeah, he's cutie.
How are you?
We're done with that.
Yeah, we're done with that.
I want to talk about you.
It was cute, though.
Cutie was defending her boyfriend the entire time.
Like, she was like, I hit him.
I said, do the airplane.
Yeah.
She literally went, stop doing the airplane, Enny.
I saw clips afterwards where you were like talking shit about me.
And you were like, he's so much better.
Hassan, you should know something.
I will always talk shit about you.
You talk shit about Ludwig too, though.
So it's like, I talk shit about everyone.
I like doing that.
Do you talk shit about Hassan too?
Not me, though.
Okay.
Oh, I do.
Any chance, like, like on some random interview, if I can just throw a jab at him that he'll find randomly, I just take it.
Fucked up.
That's messed up.
Oh, come on, guys.
I don't believe I cooked your boy, though.
I mean, I can't believe I 1v1ed your boyfriend.
He was wearing socks.
That was his fault.
I told him to wear fucking shoes.
He's like, nah, dude, you're going to be dead.
And he was right.
I was dead.
And I still fucking defeated his ass.
That was crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can't wait for Fear and basketball match.
Oh, we're supposed to play the yard, aren't we?
I've been playing a lot of people.
Didn't we get kicked off the team?
No, we're going.
Okay.
I'm just going to bring us cheer uniforms and we're not going to play.
No, I'm going to fuck it up.
It's going to be a 2v4.
No, you have to play.
I'm going to fuck up.
This is the team right in this room.
Yeah.
I'm going to be point guard.
He's in the paint.
And I need y'all working that parim.
I can't score.
I can pass.
That's all right.
I can pass.
Kim.
I have good elbows.
Yeah.
That's not part.
We need you to take next to me.
I go like this.
Don't do it.
We're so cooked.
No, no, no.
You got to kick it.
We are literally the Dallas Mavericks.
And it's like, I'm.
You're Luca.
I'm Kyrie.
But like, neither of us are anywhere as good.
And we're just going to get fucking comfs.
Speaking of basketball, did you guys hear what happened with Caitlin Clark and how she did not make the women's national team?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
She didn't make the women's national team.
Because she's having a horrible rookie season, which is totally understandable.
That's untrue.
No, but no, she's not having a good rookie season.
Yes, she is.
She's probably the highest scoring rookie right now.
Yeah, she's a high-scoring rookie, but that doesn't...
No, but overall, there's like better people to fill that position.
I don't give a shit how she did.
She would have done numbers for the women's national tournament.
Hassan phrased that poorly.
Yes.
Did Ashley Reese make it?
She is having a good, she is having a good rookie season.
But for but she's not a WNBA all-star.
What the fuck?
Yeah, I think it would have been great for women.
Here's what I know.
Here's what I would listen to.
I've listened to analysts, right?
Like, because I'm not the fucking most, this is not my expertise at all.
And from what I understand, the very honest criticism is that Caitlin Clark is a little bit of a turnover queen.
And the way to make up for the turnover is like, if you were a filthy shooter, which she is, she was in the NCAA, but she can.
Let's set the record straight right now.
She was added to the worst team in the WNBA.
That's the other part of it.
Wide margin.
But that's normal.
Like, that's what happens in the top when you're just officing.
She's getting fucking hammered.
Yeah.
She's getting like hard technical fouls almost every game just because she's getting, she's getting like, she's getting rookie hazed.
Plus, on top of that, because she's Caitlin Clark, she's getting an extra rookie hazed, right?
And bro, that one woman just came up and went bang.
Yeah.
Elevating Women in Basketball00:04:22
They're just like, they're definitely like, they're definitely hitting her heart.
I get it.
I think the WNBA, like, listen, those are pro athletes.
They're top of their game.
And I think they've always kind of been, you know, made fun of and the butt of a lot of snarky jokes.
And so to have this one woman come in and now all of a sudden it's like, oh, everything I've worked for my entire life is legitimate because she can shoot three pointers.
That feels kind of shitty.
But also, Caitlin Clark deserves her roses, where it's like, yeah, she really is a phenom and she was such an exciting college player.
And it's like, we need to get these two things to work together.
I think my understanding is that inevitably she will hone a lot of the skills that she needs to hone right now because the competition is obviously elevated to a very significant degree in the WNBA.
And inevitably, she will be one of the superstars of WNBA.
She currently is obviously someone that a lot of people are paying attention to.
But as far as her stats goes, there's still more that she needs to do on defense.
There's still more that she needs to do as a person on that Olympic team.
That's what I'm saying.
She would have done numbers.
It's been great for women's basketball.
Now, when you say numbers, you're not talking about points.
No, you're talking about viewership.
Okay.
And I know this is selfish of me to say, but I want to elevate women in women's basketball.
That's beautiful and natural.
That's what I'm saying.
I want women to be.
And I came out and said something very brave, and I said that women are better at basketball than men a long time ago.
I think.
That's very brave.
Yeah.
No.
Okay.
And I think that it's now this is women's time to become better than men in viewership.
And I think that they did do that, literally.
Huge opportunity.
She did do that for the NCAA specifically.
If we can't get viewership with Caitlin Clark, let's put Chapel Roan.
Yeah, let's put her in a jersey.
Put Chapel Roan on the court.
Yeah.
What do you think?
Okay.
Awesome.
You want to do what I've suggested with the Freak League, but for basketball, for women's basketball.
I think we need to start putting like Taylor Swift, Chappelle, Madonna.
Okay.
Madonna.
I don't know.
She's like 80.
Who gives a shit?
Okay.
She'll do numbers.
Yeah, for sure.
She's going to, she's going to blow out both of her ankles the first time somebody crosses her up.
I brought you guys a treat.
Yeah.
Speaking of elevating women, what do you want to talk about, Kitty?
Yeah, what do you think?
I got something.
So, guys, I have to get serious.
Wait, stall for me.
Okay.
Wow, you look so gorgeous.
Sorry.
I like your jacket.
She's pulling a bag.
She has a mogul male branded tote.
That is.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, no, no.
Here, we're going to stay on this close.
Okay.
We're going to stay close.
All right.
There's.
She has the tote in her hand.
She's sitting outside of our door with her dipee.
It's pretty funny.
When are you going to get that dog spayed?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
In a couple months.
Hassan.
Kai is like bleeding all over the place.
She's like 12.
No, she's what?
Welcome back, Cutie.
She's a year.
She's like, she's like 15 months.
Yeah, it's like 12 in dog years.
Yeah.
No, she's 15 months.
And I, because she's like 12 and dog.
Because she's a, because she's a big dog.
Yeah.
She needs to.
My vet recommended that I do not spay her until she's like at least two so that she can so that she can avoid getting hip dysplasia.
Oh, I didn't know that.
is a major problem with big dogs like that oh good on you so that is what that is the reason why i haven't spayed her do you have okay wait a minute judy's doing something she's transitioned to this serious what are those don quixote doflamingo glasses what the oh my god oh my those are literally doflamingo they were two dollars on amazon oh my god i want those glasses i didn't know okay badass kitty okay marsh pull up the presentation please what did you get us i got you something I'm so excited for this.
You guys are always educating me on things important like women's basketball.
Sour Grapes and Candy Flavors00:14:18
Okay.
I thought it was time that I educate you on what Girly Pop Nation cares about this.
Let's go.
Can I say something?
What?
If this isn't about Brat, it's not.
Is it about Chaperone?
It's more deep cut.
You bitches don't know what Girly Pop Nation cares about.
We thought we knew about what Girly Pop Nation cares.
I know what this is about.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
I could probably answer.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm in touch with Girly Poppy.
Let's all give our guesses as to what this is.
Okay, yeah.
I said Chappellerone.
You said no.
Should be Brat.
Will said Brat.
I said no.
She said no.
What do you think, Austin?
What do I think this is about?
What, Girly Pop Nation?
Taylor Swift.
It's got to be Troy Sivan performing Rush live.
That's definitely not what I can tell you that that's not my name.
Let's let's let's you don't know shit about girly pop nation.
No, Troy Savon is just is for the gays.
Next slide.
Excuse you.
That is Girly Pop Nation.
Hello, I am Cutie.
I'm today's representative and expert.
Hello, cutie.
Next slide.
The house rules: all boys in the room must be supportive and they also must be quiet.
Okay.
Can we ask when can we speak?
I don't know when I feel like it.
Rule number two.
Okay.
Okay.
Rule number two.
Shut the fuck up.
Okay.
So girls really like snacks.
And you guys might be thinking you do too, but we like them more than you do.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh.
Yeah.
Can we clap?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Rule number two.
And something really important is that in this year, 2024, Beyond Better Foods LLC was created.
And you guys might not know what I'm talking about, but I'm talking about the viral sour grapes.
Do you have any questions?
Rule number two.
I know, but I'm letting, I'm asking.
Okay.
I do.
Is this like smart sweets?
No.
It looks like it's like low-calorie, sugary snacks.
It is grapes that are frozen and splashed in lime juice and covered in citric acid.
And all the girlies love them.
They love them.
It's only 45 calories per serving.
I have noticed that women do like sour candies.
Yes.
More than men folk.
Call me a woman the way I'm consuming sour candies every night.
We like sour candies more than we like men.
That's easy.
It's true.
That's fair.
That's true.
Okay.
So next slide.
So as you can see, the fruit riot sour candy grapes are very popular.
These are the Google searches over time.
They are destroying us as a podcast.
Oh my God.
Wow.
Yeah, we don't stand a chance.
They're not as popular as Fruit Riot sour candy grapes.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
These grapes, even next slide, are way more famous than Hassan.
Holy shit.
Yeah, except for when Hassan said something controversial once in a while.
Not once.
It seems like on multiple occasions I've...
Yeah, recently he's kind of doing it too.
I'm kind of, I'm kind of cooking them.
Okay.
What are you talking about?
He's blue.
Oh, I see it.
Didn't you put any of us against it?
No, I just, it wasn't close.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
Yes, question.
Why don't you make some sour grapes?
Because why would I make them if you can buy them?
It's not the same.
Okay.
Okay, true.
Also, isn't there an expression like sour grapes?
Like, that's a bad thing.
No, I think this is like specifically sour grapes.
Like, you're eating sour grapes right now.
He's right.
That's an expression.
I'm like, this factors that out.
See, notice how it says candy underneath it.
Are you trying to defend that Hassan is more famous than these sour grapes?
No, the expression is used to refer to an attitude in which someone adopts a negative attitude to something because they cannot have it themselves.
Sour grapes.
Yeah.
I have sour grapes about these sour grapes.
Wait, you don't like them?
Why can't you get the sour grapes?
They're sold out everywhere.
That's why Girly Pop Nation cares about it.
They're just grapes with citric acid frozen.
I don't want to make it.
I make everything.
Let me buy these.
Cutie, this might be the easiest thing in the world to make.
You know what?
Number two.
No, they have a candy coating.
Okay.
Not too.
You're being a real man right now.
So they went viral on TikTok.
Holy shit.
Yes.
Everybody was making these on TikTok over the last few months.
And everybody is trying these sour grapes.
And you watch them and they look so good and they eat them and they're like, and I go to the grocery store every day to try to buy these sour grapes for the past month.
I show up on Tuesday because that's when they get their shipment.
Nothing.
No sour grapes.
They're all gone.
Now, okay.
Listen, I know rule number two.
Yeah.
I know.
But I've seen you make triple layer cakes.
I don't want to make it.
Hours and hours.
These grapes at the most would probably take 10 minutes to make.
I don't want to.
I think she wants the experience of just like opening the bag and like making a TikTok, going viral.
I don't want to make a TikTok.
I just want to eat the sour grapes.
You know what?
Wait, there's this weekend?
I'm going to make you these grapes.
No.
No.
No, wait.
No.
I'm going to make them.
No, we're going to find you these grapes.
Yo, guys, I see an opportunity here.
Oh, boy.
He saw TikTok.
He got excited.
I think.
You notice one thing that all these women have in common?
They look a little sad.
No, they're not men until they eat those grapes.
All these women have in common is they're not men.
I think we need to do this.
We all women have that in common.
I think we need to create a competitive brand man grapes.
Yes.
This is where I had real numbers.
They're covered in protein.
Yes.
You need to eat them.
Yeah.
And it makes you manly.
Yeah.
Increases your testosterone and prevents hair loss.
Normal grapes are too soft from a man's jaw.
Yeah, that's right.
Frozen grapes help you mew.
Yeah.
Don't eat those frozen grapes, fruity, whatever the fuck those are.
It looks maxic.
That's right.
Covered in tobacco.
Men don't eat fruit riot.
Steak-flavored grapes.
Rule number two.
Rule number two.
Hi.
So, you know, it's bad when, oh, go back.
When Girly Pop Nation takes to Reddit.
I found girls on Reddit forums being like, how do you get a hold of these grapes?
Yes.
Can't find anything.
I befriend my local grocer.
Oh.
I'm charming.
Oh.
I'm so charming.
Sure.
I give her name.
I won't say her name.
We'll call her Susan.
I give her my phone number.
I said, I really want to try these grapes.
And she said, I will tell you, babe.
And then she called me this week.
No way.
Shut the fuck up.
And I got them.
God.
We both have them.
Oh, my.
Lots of people haven't tried them.
Let's try the grapes.
Oh, my God.
We're trying them.
They're frozen.
Okay, hold on.
Cutie, before I try them, I need to know what generally people think so I can have that reaction.
They love them.
Love them.
Oh, my God.
You can't get them anywhere.
Great.
You think people hate them and they're like, I need to go to the grocery store and taste how shitty they are.
You never know.
You never know.
I need to know.
It could be.
You know.
It could be.
It could be like that.
You never know.
Eight of these is 45 calories.
Oh, nothing.
That's actually insane.
Yeah, they're grapes.
That's so healthy.
I mean, yeah.
Oh, my God.
What?
Are you kidding me?
Because it's like candy.
Oh, my God.
My woman-owned candy snack treat thing that I eat is smart snacks.
I'm going to be honest.
I don't like candy and I don't like fruit, but I'm going to love these.
I bet.
Oh, yeah.
I like that it looks like a munchkin, which I like.
There's a lot more covering on it than I thought.
All right, ready, guys?
Yeah.
Do we buy it?
Oh, no.
Oh!
That is so much more sour than I thought.
Really?
Oh, my God.
No, that's really good.
Oh, you know what?
I feel like it's because I just drank a black coffee.
I think, I'll be honest, that may be the best thing I've ever tasted.
You were farming.
You were farming a fucking clip.
You're such a bitch for TikTok.
That's not true.
Call him the F-word, and then it's going to be a lot of fun.
I like it a lot.
I love it a lot.
And I do love sour candies.
For those of you that don't know, I'm the exact opposite of Will.
I have a massive sweet tooth in that regard.
He hates sweet stuff because he hates fun when it comes to delectable, delightful snacks.
Those are good.
I love sweet stuff and I have a massive sweet tooth.
So in an effort to not like, you know, take on additional calories that are unnecessary, I started not this, obviously, but this I could incorporate into my snacking regimen as well.
This company called Smart Sweets, which are, it's like woman-owned.
Yeah, women.
Yeah, women-owned.
And the one that I get is like their 100-calorie bags, and it has a shit ton of fiber in it, so it helps you poop.
And I eat the sour bear ones.
All right, enough about your poop.
These are delicious.
Yeah.
I will say, if I could critique it, they're too sticky.
We need some like cloths.
Too sticky.
They make your hands sticky.
Cutie.
The real question, though, is, and I got to be honest, let's uplift women.
You were very excited about these.
And the first words I heard out of your mouth were, oh no.
They're too sour for me, Girly Pop Nation.
Really?
I don't like candy.
Just keep slamming them.
Just keep slamming them.
And you might like them.
Keep slamming them.
I don't like them.
You don't like them at all.
Keep them.
If you don't like them, leave them with me.
Wait, those are delingus.
I don't like them.
They're pretty good.
Keep slamming them.
I think it's because you're coming off a black coffee.
Slam another.
Wow.
That is, these are so good.
Do you like sour things?
You know, this shower.
Guys, this is so sad.
This is sad.
She went on a quest to get the sour grapes and she does aggressive.
And we have no appreciation for them all.
We slam like 15.
He's talking about shitting.
We're like, yeah, they're good.
They're good.
And she eats one and goes, oh, no.
Wait, two grams of fat for one ounce?
They're covered in sugar.
Well, I know, but sugar is carbs.
Where's the fat come from?
Oh, my God.
I don't know.
This is my least favorite quality of you.
What?
The fact that you look at the macronutrients, and I do that as well.
But you look at the macronutrients and then you go, ugh, this has too much fat in it.
It's like, just eat it, bro.
Just eat it.
Those are delicious.
Yeah.
You made a believer out of me.
I don't like sweet things.
I don't like candy.
And I thought those were pretty darn good.
Those are pretty good.
You know what I like about them?
They're so sour that I feel like that's a treat where I could pop one and be sassified.
Yeah, in the same way that sometimes when I eat something that's really hot, I don't need to eat as much because my mouth is on fire.
Yeah, and us women, we love eating disorders.
Yeah, so we'll just eat one and be done.
I'm gonna put these back in the freezer so they don't spoil.
That's a great idea.
No, no, no, don't leave right now.
You're gonna have to open the door and then come back in.
We'll just, well, we'll the beauty is we'll just do it later.
I know, but I don't want them.
I'm gonna keep them.
Don't worry.
I don't eat them all the time.
I'll eat them.
Thank you so much for joining us.
I have a man league ripe in a similar, in a similar, in a similar vein to this Joe Brandon's America.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, didn't Hunter go to jail or something?
That's not what I was going to talk about, even though he is the goat.
We can talk about that later.
However, what I want to talk about is the market for Zins.
As you guys know, I am a Zinfidel.
People's History of United States, Howard Zinn.
Yeah, they call me Mary.
Osama Zin Laden.
This is awesome that they sponsored your charity event.
I'm popping those bad boys left and right.
I wish they would.
Having seen Cinderella like that.
Ha Zinabi.
Now, the issue is in the state, in the nanny state of California, unfortunately, Zins are hard to come by.
Now, we already have a lot of restrictions on the flavors.
For example, I'll show you right here.
There's a six-milligram bad boy.
It's chill and smooth.
Those are the only two Zins that you can technically legally buy.
These are the only ones that you can get at gas stations.
Turns out smoke shops actually order many different flavors.
Yeah, I know there's other flavors.
Yeah, there's other flavors.
Coffee's my favorite.
And cinnamon.
Cinnamon is fine.
Coffee's my favorite.
Spearmint's probably my second.
But chill and smooth are okay.
They're fine.
They're not like, they're nothing to write home about.
Yeah, but where's our tuttie fruity?
Having said that, unfortunately, it seems like there's more restrictions coming from California than any state on cool stuff, fun stuff, things that we enjoy.
Now, the price of Zin has exploded.
I got like when I was first getting these bad boys, it'd be like four of them would be like $23, which is a lot of money.
I think it's for something that's so quickly consumed.
Now, three milligrams in at the gas station I go to is $43 for four.
The lady, when she was ringing it up, went, oh my God, literally audibly gasped at the price point.
Taxes.
I don't know if it's taxes.
I don't know if it's like, you know, there's a lot of demand and there's not necessarily a lot of supply for it.
I don't know if it's because California is increasing its restrictions on Zen and the distribution of it, but I'm sick and tired of it.
I'm sick and tired of Joe Brandon's America.
Pope F-Slurs and Zin Prices00:15:27
That's why I'm voting for Donald Trump.
Oh my God.
That's a crazy endorsement.
We got to talk about something.
What?
Because listen, hold on.
I'm no Republican.
No, I know.
I know what you're going to say.
I'm no Republican.
I know.
But something awesome happened.
Oh, yeah.
Donald Trump went on implausible.
I know.
Oh, yeah.
I watched it.
And for the first time in American history, something is possible.
What happened?
Donald Trump might, as the standing president of the United States, also become the WWE heavyweight champion.
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine Jake Paul, money in the bank match, cashes it in, fighting Roman Reigns?
He goes up, splash off the top rope.
One, two, all of a sudden.
Oh, my God.
That's Donald's music.
President of the United States diaper on comes charging down the aisle.
I mean, I don't believe this, folks.
WrestleMania is on its feet.
The president is here.
Fucking steel chair.
Bang.
Smash to the face.
Covers Roman Reigns.
One, two, three.
Champion.
Next day, America goes into full financial crisis.
Everybody is going crazy.
Riots across from sea to shining sea.
People are eating human flesh.
But we have a heavyweight champion.
I mean, I don't know if Donald Trump can run.
That's the problem.
Well, he'll move as fast as he can.
He'll get a body double.
No.
No, he's got to do it himself.
I mean, he is a Hall of Famer.
He is technically a Hall of Famer for World for WWE.
I'm afraid that he's going to win because I hate him.
And I was like, wow, he looks cool in this interview.
He's so cool.
I know.
And that's what frustrates me.
And then the second fear comes in when you're like, there is no way Joe Biden could conduct himself for 57 unrestricted minutes.
No, that's what I'm saying.
Dude, I watched a video of Joe Biden in the debate from four years ago.
And he looked so much younger than he did now, which I didn't even think that was possible.
Because he looks so old.
I thought it was AI.
I was like, Trump didn't debate Biden in 2016.
I thought it was Biden from 2016.
We thought he was old in 2020.
Yeah.
And now he looks, he's past all.
Did you see?
Did I see the video of him getting lost, getting out of a car?
Yes, I did.
Okay, if you think that that's bad, if you compare him to 2020, if you look at like, here, pull up Joe Biden, 2016, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton.
No, I remember this.
When he, like, in 2016, he's a different person.
Yeah, completely.
I'm not like a conspiracy guy where it's like body doubles, lizard people, whatever.
The difference is literally night and day.
Yeah.
Okay.
This man is not the same person.
Look up the, yeah, just give me, give me a couple minutes.
Give me a couple seconds from that interview.
Okay.
And then I want to show like something recent that he's been doing.
Here, let's hear what he has to say.
Let's look at it.
Democratic socialist.
That's how he characterizes himself in sort of European terms, the Democratic Socialist parties in Europe.
But why is he having trouble?
Well, I think that...
Yeah, but can he wrestle?
Bernie is this one could.
That is the recent one.
I'm trying to find it.
If you look up like, I don't know, RNC, Twitter, RNC, Twitter, Joe Biden.
You know, it should come off.
Yeah, Google all those fucking hot words.
Okay.
I know it's sad.
The state of American politics is sad, but I do think somebody has been uniting conservatives and Democrats.
And that's the Pope.
Oh, yes.
I want to talk about this.
The Pope has just can't stop saying the F slur.
What?
The Pope is going to be a little bit more.
Is he gathering sticks?
Wait, wait, before we get to the Pope, hold on, hold on.
This is another great Biden moment.
This is from yesterday.
Oh, no.
Oh, but God damn it, Joe.
Where are you going, Joe?
No.
Where are you going, bud?
Oh, no, Joe.
Oh, who is he?
Okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus.
You had Georgia Maloney fucking pull you back in.
My God, that's Donald Trump.
Donald Trump with a steel chair.
He just has that like old person face all the time now where he's always like, when you get that face, it's over, bro.
You can't be the president.
You can't even drive a car.
No, I don't know.
They wouldn't.
He couldn't even get a driver's license.
It's so sad.
I'm gonna go.
Where am I?
Look who that tonnie gotta vote for.
Yeah, we're weakened at Bernie's the White House.
Yeah, I don't care.
It's fucking devastating for a fucking tuna sandwich over Donald Trump.
It's really bad.
Speaking of the Pope, the Pope is actually hosting.
Why does he keep saying the F-slur, though?
Maybe he's just trying to fit in.
So the Pope said the F-slur came out, apologized, and then reports came out a couple days ago.
He says it again.
Yeah.
The funny.
He watches Nick Mercks.
No, wait, does he?
No.
The Pope is woke.
The Pope is woke.
And I have a suspicion he might even be gay.
This is the gayest thing you've ever seen.
I'm saying that's what I'm saying.
He keeps saying that.
But the thing is, is conservative Twitter fucking loves it because they're like, yeah, F-slur.
And the gays fucking love it too.
And everybody's loving it and supporting it.
Yes.
And this is why I think it's unifying.
I think the Pope needs to keep saying the F-slur.
I agree.
I think this is what I feel like the timelines are fucking what is happening.
The gays love it because it's not the gayest thing you could do.
He's saying it.
It's bedroom talk.
It's leaking.
That's what I'm saying.
No, he just keeps saying like, like, like the pasta.
What is it?
Faggioli or whatever.
But it's basically that, but saying, like, he's saying faggotry.
Yeah.
That's what he's saying.
He's saying faggotry, which is like the most classic old, petty, sassy, gay shit you can see.
And first of all, obviously, like.
That should have been the name of this pod.
The entire papal structure is obviously like very gay in general.
You're putting on, you know, all these like fancy clothes, you know, all the glitz and glamour, looking like Elton John up there every goddamn day.
But beyond that, beyond that, I think this Pope in particular is also kind of woke.
Yeah.
Not even kind of woke, pretty fucking woke, as a matter of fact, which is why a lot of people, American Catholics, have like hated him.
And they're like, oh, the Pope is a usurper.
It's a fake Pope or whatever.
That's what they've been saying.
And the G7 is happening in Italy right now.
That's what you guys just saw.
The seven industrial nations getting together.
The Pope has invited some of the leaders and some of the comedians, actually, including Chris Rock and some others, Stephen Colbert, I believe, Robbie Goldberg, some other comedians, and gathered all of them together along with Joe Biden and like other G7 leaders to talk about the importance of comedy and the importance of smiles.
And even said something along the lines of you can make fun of God, even if you would like to, as long as you are not being harmful to others.
God damn.
Yeah.
So the Pope is woke.
He fucking rocks.
The Pope is woke.
And I suspect perhaps he's not listening to Brat and his father.
No, he's listening to Brat saying the F sit.
I think he was.
This was, I think this was a tactical F-slur.
Wow.
It was tactical.
It was intentional.
It was like on People Reply on Britney Spears' post where they're like, wear yellow if you need to be saved.
Exactly.
Like people were like, Pope, say it again if you're actually gay.
Exactly.
And I think, I think only the gays know that he's gay.
And then I think the conservatives think he's not woke because he said the F-slur.
Wow.
Yeah.
I like that the New York Times is like writing an article every time he says the F-word, though.
It's pretty funny.
Like, Pope Francis is accused of using a whole F-slur again.
There's no way Pope is listening to Brat.
Wait, I had to show to see what.
Oh, that's not.
Is that actually?
No, that's Pooh Crave.
Pooh Crave.
Damn.
No, because the Pope's money.
I think the Pope is like in tune with a lot of modern culture as well, like with a lot of pop culture, if I'm not mistaken.
What was the video game?
There's like a story.
It might not have been this Pope, though.
It might have been the well, this is a good topic.
Yeah.
The Pope saying the F-slur?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love the Pope.
You know, when we look at America's collapse, I think sometimes we also need to look at its ingenuity.
Oh, wow.
And that's why this week's America Me Up cute eagle scream.
Do you have the link to the video, Marsh?
That was the owl screech in the Miami Eagle.
Sorry.
Last week, a whale washed up on the beach.
Is it dead?
A deceased whale.
That's fucked up.
I don't think a live whale.
Why would I like that?
I don't think alive whales make it to the beach.
I don't think they do to kill themselves.
What?
Yeah, sometimes they get real sad.
Whales commit suicide.
Yeah.
They do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes your mom goes to the beach.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, at least I have one.
Oh, fucking got him.
That was fire.
Wait, that was of respect.
Cutie, are you okay?
Was that okay?
Fuck.
Was that really bad?
Cutie, I'm sorry.
That was such a good thing.
Was that bad?
No, cancel for that.
No, I deserve that one for calling your mom.
You call my mom.
A big white whale.
The whale that wanted to kill herself.
I did call her a very depressed big whale.
Scales are balanced.
That was so.
Can I give you a don't touch me?
Okay.
That was like surprisingly fire.
I'm so sorry.
That was so bad.
That was awesome.
No, that was good.
That was great.
I can't believe you did that.
I didn't know you had that dog.
I was hanging out with new friends.
Nature's healing.
Dude, I like how you said it and then did this.
That was terrifying.
It was like that.
It was like that Drewski moment where you said, like, they eat rice and then tried to put it back in his mouth.
Like, did you guys see that clip?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, sorry.
Go ahead.
So, a whale washup on the beach in Miami.
Dead whale.
Reason sad.
Actually, there is no hard and fast way to dispose of a whale.
It's actually very difficult.
Yeah, don't you have to cut it off?
Well, there's many different ways of doing this.
They're very large.
And famously, sometimes whales, sperm whales, and humpback whales wash up on the beach and they called them globulars.
For a long time, if they were like partially dissolved or eaten, people didn't know what they were.
And they thought they were pieces of these giant abominations from under the sea.
Very famously, this is where the part of the myth of the kraken came from.
I mean, technically, they are giants.
The krakens because they thought this was part of a giant octopus monster.
Okay.
Well, American ingenuity.
50 years ago, I believe, something like this, a whale washed up and they disposed of it perfectly.
And we actually have a clip.
They've remastered the footage.
And this is an amazing moment of ingenuity that I want to share with you.
Oh, my God.
I am not watching this.
Wait, yes.
Wait, this was an Oregon?
Yes, this is an Oregon.
Oh, fuck.
Marsh, play the video.
You're burying the league.
I'm having a peak ads.
I'm going to.
This is it.
It's over.
Wait, this is a 47-second ad.
Oh, wait, you can skip it.
There we go.
Okay, pull this up.
Oh, you need to appreciate it.
The United States Highway Division not only had a whale of a problem on its hands, stinking whale of a problem.
What to do with one 45-foot, eight-ton whale dead on arrival on the beach near Florence?
It had been so long since a whale had washed up in Lane County, nobody could remember how to get rid of one.
In selecting its battle plan, the highway division decided the carcass couldn't be buried because it might soon be uncovered.
It couldn't be cut up and then buried because nobody wanted to cut it up and it couldn't be burned.
So dynamite it was, some 20 cases or a half.
What?
Yeah, let's pause.
Let's pause.
Well, guys.
Guys, they're all good.
Didn't want to cut it up, couldn't bury it.
Let's fucking blow it up.
It was the only option.
Yeah, clearly.
They had an abundance of whale and they had an abundance of dynamite.
Yeah.
I feel like you could recycle it.
There's definitely so many better ways of disposing of it.
Guys, it's America.
I mean, I know, bro.
This is the most efficient way.
Who is the mayor?
Like, who decided this?
Like, who makes the final call?
Guys are so negative on something that I'm sorry.
I'm so positive.
I think this is the best thing.
This would never happen in a socialist country.
I don't like it because it's Oregon.
No, Oregon mentioned.
You're like one of those Brazilians online who's like, oh, Brazil mentioned.
Come to Brazil.
Oregon's better than Oregon mentioned.
Find it back 10 seconds and let's keep going here.
Oh, my.
Let's cut up and then buried because nobody wanted to cut it up.
Nobody wanted it.
So, dynamite at once.
You could pay someone to get it.
The whole ton of the long dead Pacific grave whale would be almost disintegrated by the blast, and that any small pieces still around after the explosion would be taken care of by seagulls and other scavengers.
Yeah, these seagulls had been any small pieces.
Yes, plan is simple.
Yeah.
We're going to vaporize this whale across this beach, and anything left over, the gulls are going to take care of it.
What kills me is the fact that they just assume that just it's going to like just disintegrate.
Well, it is four and a half tons of dynamite.
That's oh.
I feel like the issue here is they like they didn't really think about what it would do to the ecosystem.
Like the crater.
We're stimulating the ecosystem.
This is the 70s.
Seagulls are going to love it.
What about this?
If you brought that up, you'd get hate crime for being gay.
Is the dynamite?
What do you mean, ecosystem?
Shut the fuck up.
Sorry, girl.
Does the dynamite make the whales meet poison?
Are the seagulls gonna die?
I don't think they give a shit.
Yeah, they don't care.
Yeah, but what if they all die?
Well, they would just breed new ones.
Well, let me just tell you.
That's not cutie Cinderella.
You don't have to worry about that.
Let's go back to the video.
And standing nearby.
Has everybody recreated?
We're at George Thornton, the highway engineer in charge of the project for his final observation.
Well, I'm confident that it'll work.
The only thing is, we're not sure just exactly how much explosives it'll take to disintegrate this thing so the scavengers, seagulls, and crabs and whatnot can clean it up.
Is there any chance it might be more than a one-day job?
If there's any large chunks left, and we may have to do some other cleanup, possibly set another charge.
The dynamite was buried primarily on the leeward side of the big mammal, so as most of the remains would be blown toward the sea.
Why didn't they just cut it up and put it inside?
Blowing Up a Whale00:02:55
Oh, my God.
They're going to get covered.
They're going to splash them.
Where the blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds.
You will watch.
Oh, you did.
Open your eyes.
I did the grapes.
Oh, it's so sick.
Oh.
Pause.
Pause.
I can hear him going, ugh.
What they didn't know is that large pieces of whale would be blown over a quarter mile down the beach.
God.
Back to the video.
Look at these chunks.
The camera stopped rolling immediately after the blast.
The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere.
Pieces of meat passed high over our heads while others were falling at our feet.
The dunes were rapidly evacuated as spectators escaped both the falling debris and the overwhelming smell.
a parked car over a quarter of a mile from the blast site was the target of one large Human was hit as badly as the car
Particles of dead whale as for the success of the effort Well, the seagulls who were supposed to clean things up were nowhere in sight Your kids are scared away by the explosion By the smell that didn't really matter the remaining chunks were of such a size that no respectable seagull would attempt to No respectable seagulls The highway crews were back on the beach burying the remains, including a large piece of the carcass, which never left the blast site.
It might be concluded that should a whale ever wash ashore in Lane County again, those in charge will not only remember what to do, but certainly remember what not to do.
Yeah, so no shit.
As for the seagulls, in case you missed it, the massive explosion scared them away for miles.
So, this is the thing.
Yeah, they changed the migration patterns on that day.
One thing I learned, and I've learned a lot about your American Me Up segments.
Oh, the internet has ruined America.
Because with the internet, they would be able to do a quick Google search and figure out why that's a bad idea.
Yeah.
But the world was so much more isolated, and people had to discover things the normal way because, you know, and it's eliminated a lot of the fun.
I'm not going to lie.
I don't think you're making an anti-internet argument here.
You're making a pro-internet.
For those children, that's a formative moment.
No, that was a huge.
Remember when we tried to blow up a whale?
Yeah, remember taking a picture?
Sometimes fun things are bad ideas.
Maya Cows and Banger Stories00:02:36
He's getting it.
See?
That's what I'm saying.
Eagle scream.
I mean, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
I don't want to be a pussy here.
Okay.
I have two stories that I want to get to.
And I don't know if we should do it behind the paywall.
We're already in an hour.
We're doing it behind the freaking paywall.
Okay, we'll do it behind the paywall.
We gotta freaking go jerk someone off.
Okay, we're doing our behind the paywall.
Do I have to do a Street Fighter event?
I thought that's not, you said jerk someone off.
No, it's Pride Month.
Will had to double suck and Will is gonna go.
Is that not what going skiing means?
Will is going to do a double double big suck.
He's going to do that.
That's why he is.
Will is going to be down at your local glory hole just fucking inhaling that.
Putting that sweet mouth to work.
Oh, yeah.
It's weird because the rest of us know.
Oh, yeah.
He's going to use these grapes as a chase.
You know what?
I moved the date of this podcast to be a guy sky to all of you.
I'm sorry I had a previous commitment.
What's wrong with sucking dick?
Yeah, why are you afraid?
Are you being homosexual?
Shut up.
Anyway, see you on See Behind the Paywall.
I got some banger stories lined up.
We're going to be getting to that at patreon.com/slash fear.
And that's right.
See you on the next.
We'll see you guys later.
I really went down a rabbit hole yesterday and it made me so sad.
About what?
About cows.
Don't.
Oh, let's go.
I was talking with Maya.
Yeah.
And I, it is.
It's going to depress you.
It occurred to me that cows have serious feelings.
They do.
They're like puppies.
They're like puppies, and we just, and I just don't know if I can eat a burger again.
Well, you know what?
Just limit your red meat.
You don't have to get rid of it.
Just limit it.
If it's too hard for you.
No, but I don't know because, like, I'm going to meet Maya's cow.
I'm going to eat Maya's cow.
I'm not going to eat Maya's cow.
I'm going to meet Maya's cow.
All right.
Winnie the Moo.
And it may change the trajectory of my life forever.
Winnie's have you eaten meat since?
I love Winnie.
I don't eat as much red meat because of Maya.
I think I eat red meat once a month.
I just don't eat a lot of red meat in general anything.
Except Wagu.
Oh, God.
I love Wagu.
Oh, fuck.
I know it was.
You're slapping them fucking steaks at your birthday.
And my birthday.
You were literally going to be kidding.
Why didn't I get invited to your birthday party?
You weren't here.
You didn't even ask.
I would have flown in.
You wouldn't.
No, you had just flown out.
I think I timed it specifically so that you weren't.
Well, because Lud and I were supposed to leave because we went to do like a spa weekend and then we didn't leave that day.