Austin and Will debunk rumors about their Coachella trip, clarifying Cutie's attendance while recounting past drug-fueled mishaps and addressing Abbey nightclub assault allegations. They dismiss viral claims regarding a past relationship with Hasan Piker as baiting, analyze the economic impact of solar eclipse conspiracy theories, and debate gender roles amidst "incel" trends. Ultimately, the episode navigates personal relationship frustrations and industry gossip to confront online harassment and societal misconceptions surrounding their public personas. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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MDMA Therapy Doubts00:14:35
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast with your favorite host.
Happy Monday.
The theme of today's episode is Austin's show saves the day.
Absolutely not.
I made the decision, or I, I, with my gracious co-host accepted the idea that we would film today on Thursday.
And I thought, oh my God, Austin, you're being selfish.
That's what I thought originally.
I thought, oh, my God, you're such an asshole.
You're being selfish.
Turns out, Will is going to be going to Coachella this week.
Before we get to that part, the only way we could have filmed with all of us together was at this moment.
Not true.
I'm a hero.
Austin's show saves the day.
That's true because the three of us are going to Coachella together.
Yes.
We were going to do a Coachella episode and you denied it.
With the three of us.
With a fan base.
What?
We were going to go to Coachella.
Cutie, you were going to Coachella?
Yeah, I thought it'd be funny.
It's not during gaming.
It's driving distance.
It's not like everybody drives a Coachella.
We're going to have the popular musical artist Channel Trace on.
He's Performing OJ.
He's a friend of mine.
He's staying together in the same house.
No, shut up, Cutie.
This is not.
This is a lie.
What?
Yeah.
There's no way Cutie is going to Coachella.
Will can't even keep a straight face.
There is no way.
Will would be so annoyed with Cutie.
He would just leave her.
There's no way.
Cutie's not going specifically for the musical acts.
She's going because she cares about the podcast.
She's going to go bake.
She's going to go bake.
Yes.
What does that mean?
She's going to.
The house has a nice kitchen.
Will give me a free ticket.
Cutie is going to Coachella specifically because we're going to shoot podcasts when we're out.
Will.
Will did line up a ticket for you and you if you did want to go, by the way, and you would have done it if I was in town, right?
No no, we're doing it, we are going regardless.
And Troy Savon is going to be.
Oh, come on.
Yeah no, what do you?
I'm sorry, there's no way.
Did you want to be on that episode?
I would have loved to be on the episode, but I'm busy this weekend.
I'm in Pride.
That's the fucked up thing if he is.
If he wasn't going on the Pride world tour, he'd probably actually come to Coachella.
I would, I would.
But you know what?
Next year, I'm gonna come to Coachella with you.
Yeah dude I, I the lineup.
This year.
There's not a bunch of artists I want to see, but there's like five that I must see.
Sabrina Carpenter no, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.
Oh, that's reunion.
I didn't know that.
That's fun.
And there's also Bro, oh my god.
Jamie X X, Daphne and Floating points back to back to back.
That's crazy.
I have, I don't even none of this registers as music.
Are you?
Are you choppering into Coachella this year?
No no, that was EDC.
Oh, I'm getting confused.
No yeah, there's so many festivals I don't think you can you chop her into Coachella.
Probably you can chop her into the Coachella Valley.
We're staying right next to the venue.
Okay, that was a little too synchronized.
That you guys were gonna film a Coachella episode actually kind of believe it was.
I pitched him on it.
Yeah well, how did I not get?
He told me to go myself.
He used to okay, so it wasn't gonna happen.
All the time he used to go to Coachella and be fun and then I don't know, I don't know what happened to him.
I'm gonna tell you started developing arthritis being 30 plus years old.
No, last time I went to Coachella was when I was 30 plus years old.
Yeah, I know, but he's older.
The headlining act is no doubt everybody's gonna be over 30.
I know, but I, as a 30-plus year-old man, I don't like being in the desert.
You have to be 30 to afford a ticket to a Coachella.
That is also true, which is kind of funny because like back in the day when I used to go to Coachella, I was broke as hell.
And I only went because like I would get sponsored by like Forever 21.
One year I went with a Forever 21.
Okay.
Oh, I can tell you guys a story.
This is the last time I went to Coachella.
We did a year of podcasting, which made me X amount of money, which we spent in a house.
When I got to that house, this guy has a total piece of shit friend.
I love him, but he's a true.
Hassan attracts total pieces of shit because he's kind of a total piece of shit.
No, no.
I attract total pieces of shit because I'm a nice guy and sometimes I get taken advantage of as a nice guy.
It's true.
So, so anyway, I'm very share of my podcast money a year more than that.
Which was $5.
No, it was a D.
It was not like, it was two Rothy shoes.
It was definitely...
It was definitely low for like a year of podcast.
Did you have to sell the shoes?
We definitely got cooked.
No, my dad still wears those shoes.
Oh, okay.
But listen to this.
Listen to this.
These two guys, him and this friend, who's a total piece of shit, invited two girls.
I did not.
Who are creators?
They came and stayed in the house.
They took the other master bedroom.
Caroline and I slept in a bunk bed.
Yeah, it was bullshit.
On top of one another.
It had a shared bathroom with these two random girls.
They locked us out of the bathroom.
We had to use a house bathroom.
And at the end, I was like, I don't know who these girls are.
They're probably Hassan and this total piece of shit's friends.
Not my friend.
Hassan doesn't know them and they didn't pay any money.
They stayed in the house for free.
They freaking freeze.
I didn't.
And that's not the amino acid.
That part is not true.
Yes, they had a master bedroom.
We stayed in a fucking bunk bed.
Can I say something?
That part is not technically true because they felt bad because the total piece of shit said they could have stayed for free.
So they paid.
Total piece of shit never did.
Total piece of shit never paid?
No.
He put our names on all of the advertising promo lists.
So there was literally pallets of free stuff being dropped off at our house.
So much of which that I still have some of the alcohol from this fucking event.
Yeah, there was a lot of like, but it wasn't like because he put Hassan in my name on promo lists.
It wasn't like cool stuff.
It was like it was like, would you like to try honeybee laced THC infused liquid cocaine with like whiskey?
Oh, it was all like that kind of stuff.
It would be like, and it was like the peak of like, I guess it was like kind of crypto era too.
So it'd be like crypto style fucking weird drinks.
They don't have monkeys on them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Weird drinks, like bored ape drinks.
And I still had a good time.
Of course, you always have a good time.
I had a great time.
And now he's refusing to go with me again.
Now that I, I don't know, the house isn't full with random women and total pieces of shit.
It's weird.
No, that has nothing to do with that.
Where are you going to stay now?
Not in a fucking bunk bed.
I'll tell you that much.
I did not enjoy that experience for obvious reasons, some of which you just mentioned.
And also because, like, I don't do a lot of drugs.
I only do mushrooms for the most part.
Shiitake mushrooms, totally legal, totally cool.
And like, sometimes.
Allowed to say psilocybin, now it's decriminal.
Oh yeah true I, I do okay, like I like mushrooms that's.
Arrest me officer sorry wow, go ahead, take me to jail.
Take me to jail right now.
Leftist anyway, I love, I like mushrooms.
I like them more than I like weed.
Um, I don't do mdma or ecstasy or anything anymore.
I've never done it um, so never done it.
Um, legally it's illegal, and i'm gonna come back from Coachella, a new man.
You say that after every.
Well, that's because I experience ego death.
At every festival I go to what is ego death?
Where you're so out in the ether that the id, your self uh, ceases to exist.
Wow, I need to.
We could never.
We need to do no no no no, you could be fine if I had enough twinks around you, you'd thrive, do you think so?
Yeah, just throw a bunch of you would be a papered up powerhouse.
He's a baby, so like a little bit of alcohol would do him in.
Anyway, he'd have the time of his life.
Sexy twinks, that is.
That is true.
I could probably give you like a children's tylenol and you'd be like, is it kicking in?
Amazing yeah, i'm a simple man.
I think we need to do drugs cutie, I don't.
Yes, I think we do.
You, you're pretty well adjusted.
She should absolutely start doing drugs.
Honestly, I don't know if you go in either direction.
Either she becomes her.
Her therapist is bullshit and says, like if you smoke weed one time, you're gonna turn into a serial killer, or some.
Like that is your therapist Mormon.
Low-key, low-key.
I listen, by the way, this is humor.
I need to state something.
This is humor.
Listen to your therapist, please listen to your therapist.
This is humor.
I don't want to see the comment section.
Like people, people often think that like therapists can't be dumb bitches.
Let cutie speak, and some of them can.
I'm trying to win over the cutie.
Stand so brave.
Yeah, they are out for blood.
No they, they were.
They were annihilating all the men in the comments and you know it just further perpetuates that men are oppressed.
Yeah, men are oppressed.
Go ahead, get them guys.
What were we gonna say?
I have nothing to say besides, get them.
No, come on, you were.
You were gonna say something about your therapist and drugs.
No, you were gonna say something about drugs and your therapist threats.
Cutie has two options here.
Like, either she gets the, the special ketamine therapy that they only give to like war criminals.
You know what I mean that if like war criminals and marsh every friday, what are we talking about?
That's not therapy.
This is him having a good time.
He has to come down somehow to go to sleep.
The therapy element the therapy element of it is just so that we can convince the government that you can take these awesome drugs.
Well, the reason why I mentioned is because it is like for like specific types of post-traumatic stress disorder that they use it on.
Yes, that same thing with Mdma.
Like I was dude I this is.
This is a funny story back back when I used to do okay, political documentary back in the day when one of the first stories I did was using drugs to treat different like ailments and And we went to a like a psychotherapist and he was telling us how he's using MDMA to treat advanced post-traumatic doses.
Post-traumatic stress and intense forms of like basically just like depression and stuff like this.
And when the camera turned off, I was like, so how do you actually feel about this?
And he was like, oh, it's awesome.
I do a lot of drugs in my personal life.
I was like, really?
He's like, I'm on a pretty strong cocktail right now.
And I was like, really?
He's like, have you checked in on him?
He's dead.
And he basically said there's like kind of a whole secret world of like professionals dosing themselves.
They do.
There was a meta in a little, like in the Silicon Valley go, go, go culture.
There was a meta for a little bit about like micro dosing LSD, if you remember.
And I know a lot of people micro-dose mushrooms, obviously, but like, like I said, I like mushrooms.
I think mushrooms are fucking dope.
It feels good.
I've unironically never had a bad time on mushrooms, which is kind of crazy.
And I've done a decent amount of mushrooms.
Yeah, you have.
I can barely handle monoxidil.
No, no.
Mushrooms are serious.
I can't feel my hair growing.
No, like, don't do it.
Don't do it.
But to the biblical amount that he gives you, because he will shove like.
This is, this is, okay.
This is absolute slander because there are so many people that have come to me as a shaman.
No, he's a very good sherpu.
And I have, and I have taken them to the promised land step by step.
In fact, there have been multiple times with creators who have asked me to get them high and they go, Will, I'm not very high.
And I'm like, trust the process.
And I gradually get them there by incrementally giving them more drugs.
Okay, to be fair, I've known this man for a decade plus.
Myself, I'm not careful with my own brain.
He also was very wild back in the day.
Yeah, but he would, he doesn't give like you, he knows you can handle it.
He knows you better than you practically need to use rhino fucking to get him pranks on him.
Yeah, I'll say it like this.
I um I've smoked a lot of weed back in the day, especially when I first moved to California.
And like I would get entirely too high.
Like I, with edibles, like with edibles, like marijuana, you're, yeah, yeah, when you, when you eat edibles, for me, at least like when I first started eating edibles, like that shit was not regulated.
Okay.
No.
So it was crazy.
It wasn't like, oh, here's a gummy bear with like this many milligrams.
Do you remember the so hit or miss?
Okay, you took me to a total piece of shit influencer party.
Oh, this is the New Year's Eve one?
The Illuminati one?
The Illuminati one was one of them.
But there was another one that you and same total piece of shit took me to, an influencer one that was sponsored by weed.
And it was outside.
It was in the sun.
It was in Calabasa.
Wait, it's not a brand.
It was just sponsored by the drugs.
I can't even tell you what it was.
I don't know what it was.
There was like a lot of nice cars for no reason in the front yard and it was just like in display.
It's a beautiful home.
At this point in our life, he is the woke bae and I'm just some jerk off who works at BuzzFeed, right?
So we would go play both jerk-offs.
Yeah, we were both jerk-offs, but like people were really nice to him.
And then I was kind of the tag along.
Anyway, we're at this party.
But even then, no, no, no.
I didn't have clout either.
Like, I had a little bit of clout because I was like low-level influencers out.
You know what I mean?
It wasn't like a lot.
They weren't like respecting me.
It felt like almost like a carnival where like fake, there were like stations.
And one of the stations was they had a dab rig.
I don't know if you've ever heard of that.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
I had an ex-boyfriend who used to make homemade dab.
Oh my cutie.
I tell you, I was, I thought I was like, Mohammed, I'm hard, Bruce Lee.
I can do drugs, whatever.
And the guy's like, yeah, we're setting people up with free dabs, dude.
Like, you want to fucking drop that?
And I was like, yes, I love the part about the blowtorch.
Yes.
Blowtorch.
Like white hot container lowers this super long threat.
And he just goes, keep going, keep going.
And I'm like, clear it.
Dean Martin Edibles Journey00:14:34
Clear it.
Clear it.
Caps it.
I let it out.
And I'm just like, oh, you know that clip of Idris Alba when he did hot ones where he's like, what the fuck?
That was me.
Where two seconds later, I was just off the face of the world.
I sat in a lawn chair for the next three hours.
No, it wasn't.
You said Bernie's, dude.
I was like, back in the day, back in the day, shit was fucked up.
The point is, that shit was so unregulated and so unrestricted.
And you could get like a bad batch, right?
Yeah.
Especially with like edibles, because like it wasn't like, this is three milligrams or whatever.
And I remember like just taking some edibles and having basically like life-changing paranoia.
Yes.
Where I had.
I've had that.
And basically after that, I was like, yeah, this shit sucks.
Edibles take you on a journey.
You don't control the fucking car.
The car can go somewhere nice, or the car can.
What happened?
The car can be a crash.
Because I know you've had, you and I have the same brain.
But let me finish.
Let me finish.
Mushrooms, on the other hand, are also taking you on a nice little Sunday stroll.
You can go fast, you can go slow, but your hands are on the wheel.
You can direct the car.
That's the way I describe it to people in my experience with respect to mushrooms versus edible weed.
And ketamine, the car is a submarine.
I've actually never done ketamine, so I don't know what it's like.
I heard it's awesome, though.
Butter grave is great.
It's great.
I used to make weed butter in a crock pot.
Cooking up dope in a crock pot.
Yeah, and then he would turn it into brownies.
Wait, you were literally cooking up dope in a crock pot.
Is that a crock pot?
There's a song about that.
He's saying the lyrics, bro.
That's crazy.
What do you think he just said?
Cooking up.
Do you think he just randomly strung those words together?
No, there's what's the name of the song?
Yeah.
Did they say bougie?
Oh, okay.
Cooking up dope in a crock pot.
Okay.
So all you have to do is you put it.
Remember, guys, Austin said, sorry to cut you off, dude.
I know I'm being unbelievable.
I just want to say, remember, Austin said he was going to be driving this episode and he took over.
He had all these fucking topics for us because he selfishly wants to fly to fucking Miami to do Gay Pride Miami, which, by the way, don't even understand what's going on.
Gay Pride World Tour.
Yeah.
Gay Pride isn't until June.
What the fuck are you doing?
It's Autism Awareness Month.
We're going to get one month.
Gay get one month.
Black get one month.
Okay.
Only the autism.
And the black one's the shortest one.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
28 days.
That's all you get.
All you got to do is you throw a bunch of butter in a crock pot and then a bunch of weed in the crock pot.
Like the flour?
Yeah.
Like just the.
You can even use the like the grind it, I think.
No, no, no.
This is the cool thing about weed butter.
You can use your leftover, like hashish, hashish, your leftover burnt stuff.
What's that called?
No, no, no.
Hash.
Hash.
Hashish ishish's okay.
Hookah.
Sorry, I haven't smoked weed in years.
Kitty goes, yeah, I had a bad trip.
And she's like, yeah, I used to smoke the burnt resin.
You can take the hash and you put all the hash in the butter.
Sure.
That's so much worse.
That's a lot.
That's the worst part of it.
Why?
That's concentrated.
That's the shit that gets you the most.
The keys?
The Keith?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ, you're out here killing people, kiddie.
I didn't mean to.
Ever lived.
And then you leave it in there for like six hours and then you do it through a cheesecloth so you get all the stuff out.
And then you just put your butter in the fridge and then you treat it like any butter in any recipe.
It's dope.
Yeah, because THC is fat soluble.
Yeah.
We used to make firecrackers and peanut butter.
I mean, I know that my confectioneries weren't as good as yours, but we would.
Oh, I was talented.
I thought about it for a while.
I was like, should I open a weed bakery?
I was so good at it.
Wait, that's genius.
That should be your business.
Well, I'm opening Deco Dun studio, remember?
And none of you believe in me.
Oh, businessman.
I'm sure you know.
I fucking was in.
I just want to do a sandwich hour for a month.
That's fine.
No, I'm not talking about the Deco Dun.
I was shaking my head at the weed business.
Why do you hate my weed business?
Yeah, you should absolutely do more drugs, though.
100%.
I maintain it.
I did.
So TwitchCon.
You can.
Either she will become brilliant like Salvador Dolly or she will become Ted Bundy.
Nothing is.
Listen, this is humor for the comment section.
But if you give me one week with you and Joshua Tree and just I'm wearing all Sherpa stuff and we're in a like a wigwam and I could just center your eye.
I could if you just let me play Crystal Mommy, I would fix your brain.
Well, well, I mean, like as fixed as mine is, which is like only suicidal depression once every what I realized is we're all fucked up.
I don't know about you guys.
I'm fucking fine, bro.
You are not.
Why did everybody live?
You like a fucking hermit.
He walked down the stairs and I complimented his out.
You total piece of shit.
I in TwitchCon 2019, I took an edible and the whole house, I had a house, we stayed with a group of us.
I took an edible and we were watching Princess Mononoke together.
Yeah.
And I was too high to the point your heart's racing.
So I start pacing.
I think also that film is a complex analysis of man versus nature with no villains.
Man is a villain.
No, no, no.
I think there's meant to be no villain in that film.
I think both nature and man are kind of equally at odds.
All I know is I was so fucking high.
I don't think she got that mentality.
She wasn't perceiving that.
Walking in circles around the dining table just to try to burn it off, you know?
And I couldn't.
Burn it off.
That's what you're doing.
Yeah, that's what I would do with my weed.
I burn it off.
Yeah.
And then I just couldn't.
And then so I went downstairs.
I was doing more laps.
I went downstairs and I found Pooper Noodle in her bed staring at the ceiling because she was so high.
And then I said, Can I lay with you?
But I can't talk right now.
And she was like, Yeah.
So we just laid there silently and stared at the ceiling.
You know, what I've learned when you're really high, the best way to like make you feel less high is get your heart rate up.
That's a good point.
Because you feel more loose.
You know, serious.
If you're more possessed, talk about like panic.
Just hammer coffee, run in the circle, and start worrying about how you're going to die one day.
No, no, no.
Coffee is really good.
It's the anecdote to weed.
If you're really stumbling drink coffee, no, it's a whole thing of asparagus and a whole can of Coke.
Wait, have you tried that?
You guys are so weird.
First of all, like, who the fuck is like, yeah, let me figure out how to not be high.
Like, yeah, a lot of people.
Dude, well, that same TwitchCon the next morning.
No, I'm just saying, like, you're not supposed to get to that level.
You're supposed to go on the journey and not get to that level.
Because you make your homemade weed.
As I, we were talking about this.
Is kind of the Elden days of when people used to take edibles that no fucking dude walks up to you and he's like, do you want a fucking weed cookie?
And you're just like, okay.
There's lollipop at 8,000% THC.
White guy with dreads.
I also learned the same trip.
So we wake up the next morning and I'm like, surely it won't happen again.
I take another edible because we're going to the zoo and I want to be high at the zoo.
Oh, no, cutie.
And then as soon as I take it, I was like, shouldn't have done that.
So then I go to the bathroom to try to throw it up.
And if you try to throw up an edible, you get high faster.
I'm not kidding you.
Wait, really?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Wait, I've tried to do it.
Because then I go to Reddit and I'm looking at Reddit and Reddit's like, whatever you do, don't try to throw it up.
And I'm like, too late.
So.
And you got more high.
I got more high, but then I was really stressed out.
And then I ordered asparagus and Coke.
And it worked.
Well, it didn't get there in time before we had to go to the zoo.
How did you order asparagus?
Like, you DoorDash asparagus for my whole food?
It was DoorDash grocery store.
And you just started chomping on asparagus like a rabbit.
Listen, I use the old-fashioned way of not being too high.
Use another drug.
No, start drinking immediately.
Oh, that makes it worse for me.
Hammering people.
I didn't know that.
It makes it worse for me.
That's old frat boy knowledge.
Dude, if I'm too high, I got to get drunk.
And then if I'm too drunk, I got to get high.
I haven't gotten high.
It always helps, dude, especially when you're driving.
Like, it helps my driving.
Really, just chilling.
Just a couple.
Yeah, just a couple beers.
Like, if you're anxious, if you're anxious, it helps, honestly.
It makes me pay more closer attention.
Well, anyway, I wanted you all to come to Coachella, and you all told me to go fuck myself, except for Marsh Hawks.
I was surprised I would have gone if I wasn't.
Yeah, the one guy in the room that went, oh, I love ketamine, was very excited to go to Coachella with you.
I'm sorry, you mean the one cool guy in there?
Yeah, exactly.
Don't you're sorry, Nark.
Don't come down.
You call him Billy Rave Brains, and you're over here fucking defending him.
He wants to do a little blowfish venom out of festival.
That's his prerogative.
Cutie.
Yeah.
All right.
I have a suggestion.
And only because this will really frustrate Austin.
What?
What do you say to us going to Coachella?
I think it would be funny.
For one day, and we shoot an episode of the podcast there with a cool ass guest.
And we table this episode as the paywalled episode.
And then we put that up on Monday as the real episode.
I thought about this upstairs while I was showering.
I was like, how can I make, how can I put it?
Pretty much.
How far away is Coachella?
Three hours with a lot of traffic.
No, it's not a distance to your fucking house.
Oh.
No, it's not.
She's San Diego.
You have to get on a helicopter and fly on many planes to get there.
How bad will traffic be?
Terrible.
No, after day one, fine.
Yeah, if we also go, I wasn't planning on going for like the duration.
If we go at like a weird time, you know what?
We can literally do it.
I can get you badges to neon carnival.
You can literally just come to neon, try it out, and then leave.
If you guys want to do that, I'd be happy that that happened for you.
Okay.
But like, we're not going to just party.
We're also going to do a podcast episode.
And then we're going to paywall this.
You can do that for anything that you can do.
I'm not even upset.
You know why I'm not upset?
Because I still get the clips from this one.
We're also actually, you know what?
Fuck it.
We just tabled this whole thing.
No, this is not.
Come on.
You just table this one.
That's a little much.
Because we might have a really good Patreon episode over there, too, where we do drugs.
I could go on Sunday.
Also, the Abby's doing a party at Coachella.
Oh, yeah, but the Abby's drugging people.
Haven't you seen that?
I saw that video you sent me.
Inflammatory, ridiculous.
Anyway, yeah, there's a TikToker who's coming for the Abbey.
All right, wait.
I had one question while he's pulling this up.
This was going to end my Coachella discussion.
If there was one artist that could get you guys out of old person retirement.
Taylor Swift.
Other than Taylor Swift.
But there is a rumor that she's going to pop into Coachella because it's Sabrina Carpenter.
That's such an insane small little baby room.
She's going to, yeah, she's just going to fucking headlong.
She's just going to do a real, she's going to do a real favor to fucking Coachella for free.
Indian Taylor just fired up.
I would show up for Billy, too.
Billie Eilish?
Yeah, but she's cool.
She's already done a few.
Are you like Billie Eilas?
Is that like a bad thing?
Oh, I love her.
I've always loved Billy.
She does.
I dyed my eyes blue for her.
She has done this thing where she like, if you follow her on Instagram, she blasts every story that she does to you.
I'm her close friend.
Yeah.
To her close friends.
And it freaked me out at first.
I was like, what the fuck is this?
Like, why do I have a close friends notification here?
I saw it and I said, that makes sense.
Wait, Dead or Alive.
What?
I'm alive right now.
Who'd you go see?
Dude, I love that he had to ask Dead or Alive because he fucking, he just, he loves Frankie Valley in the four seasons.
Bro, he loves to push this narrative.
I don't listen to Frankie Valley in the four seasons.
I have to tell you.
As much as I listen to Dean Martin.
This is so cool.
I listen to Dean Martin.
That's my guy.
Austin and I were looking at a list of like famous performers who you can contract.
And I was like, oh my God, we maybe could get Fleetwood.
Maybe we could get Earth, Wind, and Fire, which we have a lead on.
And Austin goes, you know who I think would be great?
Inglebert Humperdink.
Yeah.
For Name Your Price.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage.
Inglebert Humperdink.
I don't even know.
Inglebert Humperdink.
Come on, Ingelbert Humperdink was a legend in the 70s.
My grandmother had a huge crush on him.
Okay.
I can't be alone here.
He had a great song.
Johnny Osmond.
Is he on the list?
No.
I know.
Sometimes I can't tell if he's doing a bit or not.
I'm not doing a bit.
He's just so insane.
In fact, for Cutie's Summer Concert, I'm going to hire an entire ensemble band with, and I'm going to sing a Dean Martin song.
I'm going to dress up.
I'm going to hire an entire band.
I'm not going to do this for a concert.
I just don't know how you materialize it.
I don't think I can sing.
I learned.
Are you no, no, no.
Did you like the events to figure that out?
It took you a while.
Did you just do this event because you wanted to play it off kind of as a fun joke thing, but maybe legitimately people would catch on and think that you're a really good singer?
And then it would start your music career.
No one caught on.
And I was like, and then I had to self-reflect after.
What do you mean?
We saw your hit me baby one more time.
Well, that was notoriously bad.
Yeah, what the fuck do you mean?
That is the worst ever done.
Kitty, I go to voice lessons now, and every time I leave, I think to myself, that did not get better.
Wait, cutie, I don't got the rhythm in me.
No, I think you do.
I think you've got potential.
I tried to do the Jojo Siwa dance, and I hover-handed my own crotch on the crotch crab because it was a little much.
What does that have to do with your singing?
Yeah, wait, wait, the rhythm in me.
I've got none of it.
Billie Eilish, Dean Martin?
No, Dead or Alive?
Alive.
Alive?
Dean Martin's dead.
He's been dead since 1997.
Drizzle Drama and Self-Reflection00:15:12
Okay.
Alive or dead?
Alive, Austin.
Melton John.
I'm not even shitting you.
Great.
That's a good answer.
See?
Coachella?
There's no one.
I don't care.
I don't listen to you.
I was preparing a guy.
I'm weirder.
I'm weirder.
Your heart makes me feel like sometimes you say things, and I don't know if you know if you know how you sound.
Okay, here's my answer.
Ken Carson.
Hold on.
Opium.
Because I'm fucking with you.
I'm not sure what Cutie said.
I'm not sure.
If I was performing a Dean Martin cover band, Playboy Cardi.
I hate it.
Playboy Cardi.
Ken Carson.
I'm listening.
It's going to be fucking side by side.
Kyam Wiz makes an appearance and he says, I'm no longer anti-Semitic.
Everybody's fucking Ken Carson.
No.
Not Ben Carson.
Johnny Carson.
Ah, I know Johnny Carlison.
Where was the clip that they asked you to pull up?
Okay, drama alert, drama, drama, drama.
Drama is just slander nowadays.
Yeah, this is just crazy.
This is slander alert.
Are people, if you don't know, the Abbey is one of the most popular bars in Los Angeles for people known for tons of people getting roofied there.
And there's an article that came out recently.
It's known on that.
It's telling like tons and tons and tons of experiences to the point where it's like statistically almost impossible that the Abbey doesn't have some involvement.
Having been there when my friend got roofied, I feel like it has to involve them.
Like the Abbey does have to claim some level of responsibility at this point.
I don't know why they're doing this.
Dude, it's just one serial roofier.
No, it's not one serial roofer.
It's multiple problems.
It's definitely.
But yeah, I just like there's been situations where I'm like, there's just no other way.
All right, pause.
Pause.
What are people saying about this?
So a couple things I want to say is like people who used to go to the Abbey all the fucking time before Austin even before when Austin was realizing he was gay, we were going to the Abbey.
Okay.
So I was, I've been drinking off to gay porn for quite some time.
We've been going to the Abbey for quite some time.
It's been like for the past 10 years.
You were living in gay porn.
Yeah.
So I'll just, I mean, I'm joking.
Obviously, I'm exaggerating, but like we, we used to go to the abbey all the time.
I still remember my first time going to the abbey.
I felt like Pussy and Sopranos.
You remember like that where Pussy?
Yeah.
Was he the gay one?
No, no, no.
Pussy was the one who ate pussy, right?
Or the gay one.
I was like, I was like, oh, what if I go here and like, they'll recognize, someone will recognize me and they'll think I'm gay.
And then I remember thinking, so what if they think I'm gay?
Who gives a shit?
Like, I remember having that moment, hook it up with a Playboy model, with a boyfriend, my first night there.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
The fear of God being placed in me.
God, you've.
So all of that stuff we did, we used to go to the Abbey all the time.
It's a very important place in our development.
Yeah.
And we stopped going because it is a little grimy.
It is like, I would say that it is specifically for, you know, at this point, especially Midwestern moms having bachelorette parties because it's like a gay institution that has become like a theme park, basically.
However, because it's grimy and because it's like a massive tourist destination, there are a lot of fucking weirdos there that are definitely doing some fuck shit.
Yeah.
We've also literally had like traumatic experiences at the Abbey.
We got sexually assaulted by the same guy in the same night.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
It's a big dude.
I mean, I've been assaulted there.
It's a bigger dude than me.
I mean, verbally.
And I made this.
I got assaulted there.
I looked over and Ludwig was making out with Aiden.
It was crazy.
That's not.
Okay.
We were talking about Sarah.
Was this the same time?
Remember?
Yeah, we were there and you get upset every time because you remember he kissed someone that wasn't you.
Was he making?
Hold on.
The story's changed.
No.
He was making out with him?
Were they kissing?
Is it the same thing?
No, I'm dead serious.
I kid you not.
I think it's so traumatic for him that he blocks it out of his mind and he wipes it clean every day.
Was he making out with him or was he just kissing him?
I don't know if Tongue was.
They were making out, bro.
They were making out.
I'm sure they were making it out.
Making out?
Yes, bro.
They were making out and they were thinking like, thank God Austin is not here.
Okay, people.
Okay, look.
On your birthday, I'm happy for them.
Wait, that was my birthday?
Yes.
I keep forgetting that this is.
I think I was hanging out with somebody, though.
Was that no?
You notoriously were super dry.
I was super dry.
Yeah, you were like, I can't get anyone tonight.
Yeah, what the fuck's going on?
Hold on.
I was there and I was pointing to the Abbey Stands with Ukraine flag that they had.
Wait, Hassan, was that the night that you showed up for my birthday for three minutes and left?
Yeah, because Berserk was invading Ukraine.
Oh, that's right.
And I had done like...
By the way, that's still happening.
Yeah, not pressing exactly, exactly.
Yeah, see what happened.
It's still going on.
You, you, didn't stand hard enough.
Could you have stayed maybe if they had stood harder with Ukraine?
Everybody did kind of just give up on that, didn't they?
Yeah, dude.
We were just like, all right, you're on your own.
We didn't even like the occasional, like, I stand with Ukraine faded bumper sticker on the back of people's car.
Yeah, but that's about no.
The only people that care about it nowadays are like, obviously, outside of the Ukrainians, are just like the biggest freaks on both sides.
Like, either they're like weirdly pro-Russia and they're like, yeah, we love that Russia is destroying Ukraine, or they're like insane.
They're like, every the nuclear holocaust needs to happen.
So we stop Russia.
Most of the experience that I've had at the Abbey is during the day during Sunday Funa.
And I've been there at night.
I know there's also this.
I've heard about this problem and I've also heard about theft being a biggest problem.
Yeah, but like, all right, all right.
Let me just, let me just address this actual video for a second.
The Abbey probably conservatively has like 10,000 people in and out of its doors every weekend, right?
Yeah.
Like the number of people that are in and out is like an equivalent to a senior frog.
Just like your fucking mom.
Damn, that was horrible.
That was kind of rude to this, though.
Wait, why did you ask me for a high-five?
You high-fived, you idiot.
I know, but why would you do that?
Wait, you said I thought we were talking about his mom.
Maybe you should listen to women.
Ooh, wow, she hits you with the dump.
How the fuck did I get out of here?
He doesn't want to listen to women because he hears his mom all the time at night.
I don't offend you and you fucking high-fived it.
I know.
That's crazy.
Okay, well, all right.
Sorry, mom.
I'm so sorry.
She watches this.
10,000 men in and out.
Just like cutie's mom.
She's dead.
She's dead, bro.
What the fuck?
Yo.
I'm so sorry.
Yo, the cutie heads are going to fucking just throw you in the comments.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot that she was.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Rest in peace, mom.
And I'm, do they do this?
That's not her name.
Shit.
I'm so sorry for your deceased mother.
And I didn't mean that.
That's insane, bro.
That's all my sorry.
No, it's okay.
So, 10,000 men in and out, like Austin's mom.
Okay.
Nobody's.
Okay.
How about Hassan's mom?
Oh, that's not.
She's like, I don't know.
I know her.
You all know her.
Sorry.
Sorry.
She would love.
You guys met my mom.
How about we go after somebody's father?
Did anybody have a bad relationship with their father?
All right.
Okay.
Go on.
But I do even care.
No, I do.
I didn't care.
Senior frogs.
10,000 people in and out.
No, it's just like most really high-volume tourist destinations where there is an outlandish amount of drinking.
There's going to be some pretty nefarious behavior.
It is like the Disneyland for gays.
Yeah.
I need to go to Gay Flagship.
I just need to go to the next statement.
It's statistically sure that the Abbey has an involvement.
Phone vibrated.
I'm just going to go to the next topic.
Okay, no.
This one's shocked.
I like it.
I just don't like what he just did.
Well, my phone was wrong.
Austin.
His phone vibrated on his tank and he lost his fucking mind.
He was going to produce this entire episode.
Guys, I have a verbatim.
I just need to.
I have a bunch of topics, but you guys keep talking about it.
And all he has done is just sidestep every good conversation.
Excuse me.
I didn't sidestep it.
I'm taking, I'm not, I'm taking heat for something that I didn't do.
Cutie's equally responsible.
My mom did it.
Okay.
All right.
Let's do it.
We got a lot of topics here.
I thought we were doing good without your topics.
Okay, we don't have to talk about it.
No, I were, but I want to hear what you're talking about.
Great topics are.
Okay, there's this new trend, okay, on TikTok, and it's hilarious.
All right.
There's I love it when a millennial says it's hilarious.
Okay, you know what?
I'm sorry.
I'm tired of the millennial hate.
Oh, get it.
That's a different topic.
Just stay on topic.
Kate, stay on topic, y'all.
First of all, you just paused.
You're a millennial, number one.
We're all millennials.
Okay, I can't.
I'm trying to find this link here.
Marsha, I'm going to link you this thing.
There's this trend right now of basically in-cell men that are upset at the idea that, you know, have you ever heard women are like, I want a guy that's six feet tall?
Yeah.
I want a guy that's this, and I'm not going to do it unless he has a six-over income.
Yeah.
Well, there's a group of in-cell men who have decided that they're going to take this trend and apply those same comments to women.
That's just the yard.
Fucking, that's a great one.
Bars, dude.
I'm on fire today.
Fuck you, Ludwig.
See?
That's it.
So the funny part is, though, is in fem cell women.
Is that, I don't know if that's the right word.
Conservative women think that these guys are being serious.
They are.
Typical women not taking a fucking joke.
No, so it's, hold on, let's play the video.
You know what this may be about?
I love misogyny, so I'm on board with this introduction.
Hold on, I don't even fully understand what the fuck's going on.
Okay.
It's a softboy era.
You know about it.
Let me decode a little bit.
Okay, so there's a lot of videos on TikTok of a woman.
I don't think it's necessarily an in-cell trend, but there were a lot of videos of women being like, if he's not six foot, if he's not six figures, I don't even see that motherfucker.
Like, he's gross.
If he ain't got a horse dick, I'm out.
And guys and guys would respond like quoting one of their flaws, and then they would get really butthurt and release like another video being like, you guys can't say that about me.
Yeah, it's gender wars.
It's the lamest shit of all time.
I got you.
I got you.
I hate it when women do it.
I hate it.
I hate it when the men do it.
It's so fucking whack.
It is.
Hey, listen, fellas.
We done with the whole masculine provider male era.
We're in our soft guy era, okay?
Okay.
Drizzle drizzle.
Listen, I don't know who needs to hear this, but until that woman asks you to be her husband, you don't have to do husband-like things.
Stop giving these women positive advantages.
This is so far removed from the way you described it and the way you understandably understood what he was trying to say.
This is exactly what it is.
Well, I mean, no, there are other videos that say that this guy is kind of defining soft guy.
He's got a nice beard.
Yeah, no, this is actually pretty funny.
I like what he said.
I don't think we should give husband privileges.
Yeah, I thought he was an incel.
He just, he's just okay.
Maybe I understood the topic.
Unless you're Ludwig.
I'm on board.
I'm on board with what he's doing.
Let's keep watching.
I'm trying.
I'm trying.
And you're still a boyfriend.
Until that ring is on your finger, you shouldn't be doing anything.
Ring is on your finger.
Hell yes.
Drizzle drizzle.
Drizzle drizzle.
Y'all are so caught up on getting with dusties and all that.
You need to start going after they moms.
See, I know a lot of y'all think that women may not be that much attractive or whatever the case may be, but there's a lot of good-looking older women.
And I feel like you guys can deal with these older women who is going to take care of you and treat you like a king that you drizzle drizzle.
That's what I'm talking about.
Drizzle, drizzle.
100%.
There's a point where, as a man in your soft guy era, you shouldn't be pumping your own gas.
You shouldn't be cleaning out your having to change your tires.
You shouldn't be having to have to put air in your tires.
Who's going to take out the trash?
Ladies.
That's all the responsibilities of your woman.
Drizzle, drizzle.
You become a then things change.
What?
But until then.
I really don't like taking out the trash.
It's really scary at night.
Lock that shit up.
Sometimes don't take out the trash.
Sometimes you get pictures of you taking out the trash and you're like, I didn't know anyone was there, you know?
Drizzle Drizzle.
You're trying to stop giving out much to these women.
No, I don't.
Like, y'all are giving up the dookie.
The dookie.
Is that y'all dropping it off?
And these women are not appreciating it.
True.
You need to hold out.
Even if you had sex with 100, 200 women, you need to hold out.
I like your mom.
And that she's loving enough for you to give your body.
Preach.
Yeah.
You know, because at the end of the day, it's all about us.
It's all about us.
We just want our equal rights as men.
That's what I'm talking about.
I agree.
I also have been a big proponent of the Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and Drizzle Drizzle.
Date men sleep with women.
Like, that's my date men sleep with women.
That's what I eventually want to do.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Date men sleep with women.
Like, you want to date men?
I want emotionally.
Bro, what are you talking about?
This is his thing for like the past.
You want to physically be with women.
15 years.
You've been in a relationship with him for years.
You've got to take it more seriously.
Bro, Will has been talking about heterosexual gay marriage.
No, I know, but before gay marriage was legal specifically, but it seems as if he's open.
Okay.
There are other men out there.
Yeah, he cut me out.
How would this work?
Would you have a household with both of them in it?
Yes.
And you would have sex.
Would you guys have sex with the women together?
No, that's gay.
Okay.
No.
Understand.
What's so complicated about it?
No, no.
An emotional connection with your man.
Thank you.
Who you fucking provide for?
Yes.
Who you, you know, who you play video games with and stuff.
You cuddle with.
And then watch movies.
And then for sexual gratification, you can go outside and get away with it.
Do you have sex with a woman while looking at the guy?
No, that's gay.
No, dude.
No.
It's like, it's like it's open.
It's open in that regard because obviously sexual satisfaction is not going to come from your male partner.
He hates it so much.
Yeah, but he's always been really closed-minded.
I could break down one day.
You think he's going to...
I think he's going to give up one day.
I'm going to do it.
And you guys are just going to live in a house together.
Old and unattractive enough.
I'm going to swoop in.
If he hurts that other knee, it's over.
Yeah.
I'm working on one knee right now.
I got a bum knee.
If the second one is out, then heterosexual gay marriage is.
But you're open to a femboy, right?
Well, yeah.
Eclipse Totality and Viral Slurs00:05:30
Yeah.
See?
I like femme boys.
Do you like femboys and son?
I'm fine.
Yeah.
His political stance.
His political stance will not allow him to say no.
No, I don't.
But do it?
You know what?
That's not.
No, I'm not.
I'm not in support of femme.
See, look, you know what?
That's my preference.
That's my preference.
How dare you?
I'm a manly man.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
I want a manly man.
God damn it.
I want someone to be able to keep up with me.
I want someone to look like they're fucking chopping wood every goddamn day of the week.
Okay.
That's what I need.
Speaking of my life, there's a tweet that Will Neff.
Oh.
Sorry, go ahead.
There's a tweet that went viral about alleging that him and I were dating in 2017 or 18.
It's not a tweet that went viral.
It was anti-Piker.
Yeah, but it went viral.
Well, it was.
No.
What?
No, no, no.
Listen, I also liked it.
I saw this.
So this tweet, anti-pike or whatever, sometimes I'll be on.
You can pull it up, Marsha.
I'll be on Reddit homepage and the schizo Reddits will pop up.
Yes, it's on Reddit.
So a Schizo Reddit posted it taking it serious.
And I clicked on it because I was like, that's hilarious.
And all of the comments roasted the fuck out of the OP and they're like, you got baited by anti-piker.
And I was like, you schizos are funny.
Wait, but like, okay, so here's the deal.
First of all, I just got, I'm scrolling down the comments and it's just us getting called the F slur over and over again.
Wait, really?
I mean, by our fans, by anti-piker.
By Austin.
No, but there's legitimately people that believe this, like the guy that thought that I was queerbaiting, basically.
Nice.
Speaking of queerbaiting, you yesterday dropped a big picture of your nipple, and I don't appreciate that.
You always are talking about his nipple.
It's never changed.
Well, I know.
It's just, it's just, he's queerbaiting.
Yeah, no, it's going to get so much worse.
The lower my body fat percentage drops, the more annoying I'm going to get with that.
So get ready for that.
He's going to get my toe.
Okay, I'm going to cancel my psychiatrist appointment.
Wait, why?
Because I feel bad.
No.
No, no, no.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Cutie.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
Don't worry, kitty.
We can figure it out.
I'll be here for at least 20 minutes.
Tell her you're taking mushrooms with me.
She will be fired.
Okay.
The eclipse happened, right?
Yes.
That occurred.
See, look at me, huh?
The eclipse occurred, and a Google spike, a search spike of why do my eyes hurt increased.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I have a question.
Ready?
Your topic?
Yeah.
Did you watch the eclipse?
No, I didn't.
Oh.
No, I didn't.
I did.
You know what?
I'm going to be honest.
And a lot of people may clown me for this.
I didn't care, really.
I don't care either.
I didn't care too much about it.
It's because every night.
Yeah.
The areas that we live in also did not get totality or even near totality.
So it wasn't as cool.
But if you were in the pathway of totality, it was kind of dope.
I mean, I would have gone outside and looked at it.
It was total darkness.
It went total darkness for like a good couple of minutes.
Yeah.
I mean, I mean, it's cool.
It's like, oh, my God, it's noon and it's dark.
But like, I don't know.
Like, to me, it wasn't like.
At noon, I just fucking close my eyes.
It's dark.
Yeah.
See, there you go.
Yeah, but at nighttime, it goes.
Devil's advocate.
It's not the majesty of celestial bodies.
Did you know that 168 people in the county of some state, I don't remember, were trying to conceive exactly during the eclipse?
What are they trying to be?
That's a good topic.
They're trying to have a fucking moon baby.
They're trying to have Satan.
Yeah.
Wait, were they having like terrific bro, the benz?
I don't know where they got that number from.
That kind of confused me.
So that baby is not going to be coming out.
All right, dude.
Those are like 168 Adolf Hitler's.
They need to nip that in the bud.
If you're on your period or ovulating during the eclipse, you're a white witch.
So there's just millions of white witches.
Yeah, they're wicked and cool.
Okay, so my eclipse stopped really white witch.
You saw that that was a banger?
I don't know.
I'm just going to it happened last week.
Here's something that's more interesting.
I'm not done with my list.
I'll shoot on to the eclipse topic.
Excuse you.
There are analysts out there that look at like productivity and they found out that it was approximately $700 million of lost revenue due to people just like looking at the eclipse during the eclipse and not working.
Wait, across the entire economy?
Across the American economy.
Well, and they turned CERN on, so we're in a different dimension now.
Okay, that's way cooler than the way that Austin was talking about this issue.
So if you want to.
It's a Hadron Collider.
There's multiple different dimensions.
We're in Earth 2 now or Earth 4, whatever the fuck.
It's the thing that throws atoms together really fast.
No, I know what a mega-haladron collider is.
Oh, you don't know what CERN was?
Okay.
I didn't know.
No, I don't know what CERN is.
It's the nickname.
It's guys.
Don't have to say that.
That's just conspiracy shit.
I mean, that is real, but like that isn't doing anything to the world.
My favorite thing from the eclipse was that Fox News twisted it as a southern border crisis and that all the immigrants were going to rush into the country the moment that night fell.
Everyone's looking at the sky.
No, there was a legitimate thing on Fox News.
They said that the southern border was going to, they were going to rush in during the eclipse under everybody knows you can't say them at night.
Yeah.
Earth 2 Theater Musicals00:02:45
In total darkness, they're going to run inside.
There was a photo of literally fucking immigrants.
You know, the crazy thing is they marked this on the Aztec calendar.
Oh, shit.
It was the day that they were going to invade the Night and States.
Okay, I have my psychiatrist appointment.
I'll try to make it fast.
She just has to ask me what meds I'm on and shit.
No, it's all good.
Tell her psilocybin mushrooms.
I'm not telling her that.
Tell her that.
Ask her if she's down for that, though.
No, no, no.
No.
That's beautiful.
Kaya just jumped over.
Didn't even touch the camera.
You didn't even feel it.
The new Joker trailer dropped.
So fucking sick.
We're so good.
Did you like it?
I think it looks fucking kind of corny.
Yeah.
No, you don't get to say this.
Bro, you don't even have a single fucking musical artist that you would deign to see.
I've probably would go to see Hasan Piker in concert.
No, that's not true.
I've also seen, I 100% have seen more musical theater, more Broadway shows than you have.
I grew up in New York.
You're fucking smoking crack.
Yeah, I probably have seen more Broadway shows than you.
No, my mother wanted to go eat.
My mother wanted me to be gay, okay?
Dude, my mother wanted me to be gay.
Wait, really?
I mean, that's my suspicion.
Phantom of the opera.
Is that why her new kids are?
I've seen all of those music.
Okay, never mind.
Is that why your mom and I get along so well?
Is because I'm gay?
I think my mom, like, she really likes me.
I think my mom probably thought, like, maybe you could turn your child gay by taking them to musical theater.
It's not like a musical musical.
It's a karaoke musical.
So, like, all the songs in it are going to be songs you know.
It's not going to be like an original, like, hey, there, Tooker, stop what you're doing.
Come on down to Gotham and fuck.
You know, it's, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
It's going to be like normal, it's going to be songs, not the universe.
Do you want to do?
Would you have done theater?
Um, like, I mean, you did.
No, would you have done theater?
He is theater.
Look at him.
But I am it.
No, I know, but like, like, I mean, in like a, in like a, like, on Broadway.
I don't.
I like plays.
I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I think this film.
Listen, dude, I'm going to tell you how it is.
Okay.
There are going to be a dozen commenters out there because they're the other 11 DC fans in the world.
But long have we suffered, the DC fans, okay?
While Marvel fans were out there in the sunlight frolicking, right?
While the rest of the world was like, I'm a Marvel fan, too.
DC fans, they spit on us.
They hit a peak.
Hot Tub Locker Room Talk00:08:01
There was a peak.
Like second-class citizens, they're like, your movies suck, man.
It's like Justice League is a piece of shit.
Oh, Ezra Miller's playing the flash.
Luke Brian.
Yeah, we just had to accept that vitriol because our movies sucked so much.
And then, and then there was this shining beacon of hope.
Gun takes over the DC universe.
And we've had some pretty decent projects now.
And I think this is going to be the first film of the new era of hit after hit after hit.
Long have we suffered.
Long.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah.
It is about to be my age of aquarium.
Get ready for eight more Aquaman movies.
Do you just want him to suffer?
Yeah.
He doesn't like anything.
It is fun.
Can I?
That's the thing.
I've been trying to engage with Hassan in friendship.
Yeah.
And he shoots me down every time.
That's not true.
I said, Hasan, you're just trying to garner support.
Hassan, you want to come to my house in Portland?
And he says no every time.
Absolutely not.
You know who didn't say no?
Will.
He said he'd come for a couple weeks.
That's right.
He said he'd come move in for a couple weeks.
Okay, great.
Why won't you come visit me?
Portland's boring.
But I'm there.
We could have friendships.
That doesn't change the.
That doesn't change.
I'll take you to a nice steak dinner.
I'll pay for it.
I'll buy your flight.
I don't.
It's not the finances that are stopping me.
I think we need to go to a podcast there.
We need to have a retreat at the house.
I'm buying a hot tub.
You don't even have a hot tub in your house?
No, I need it.
No, I don't have a.
I went hot tub.
The reason why I'm asking that is because you do in the tub with Austin Show.
Yeah, but I have a bathtub, but I don't have a hot tub.
In the tub is in the bathtub.
I have a hot tub.
I went hot tub shopping.
Can you believe a hot tub is like an outdoor?
No, that's a jacuzzi, I thought.
Well, that's a brand of hot tub.
Did you really not know the difference between CSL?
Oh, I thought hot tub shit.
This is the first time that we're reaching a language barrier.
Yeah.
I thought the hot tub was the same as a bathtub.
I thought jacuzzi's were the outdoor one.
Oh, my God.
English is a second language.
Yes?
Sometimes there are gaps like that.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's great.
That's.
Yeah, go ahead.
Say some racial, racially charged shit.
Nothing racist.
Yeah.
Like, oh, Hassan, your English is so good.
All things can be done.
No, But I went hot tub shopping and God, it shot.
I was like, I'm going to go buy a hot tub today.
I walked in.
He's like, yeah, he was like, this guy sat like this.
He said, yeah, brother, we got a hot tub.
Our cheap ones.
I'm like, okay, you know, let's get started at the low.
I said, what's your low end?
Give me your high end.
He's like, well, the low end is $11,000 in our high end right there in the corner, $28,000.
I said, that's crazy.
That's insane for a fucking, I just want to sit and water.
You went to a luxury hot tub place.
No, they said that this is how hot tubs are.
I mean, it kind of makes sense, dude.
It's like a used one.
You live in a hot tub.
Plus, with the assembly, though, or does it, do they not do the delivery?
This thing had like once, you have to put water in it once a year.
It's got filters.
That's luxury.
Hold on, we're almost done.
I'd just be really bad.
You got to put filters in.
This podcast is falling apart.
Yeah, Will and I are holding this fucking thing together.
We always have.
Yeah, we're holding this thing together.
And if not for us, we'd be done.
God damn it.
We'd be done.
And maybe we should, maybe we should leave the podcast and start our own thing.
What do you think?
Showdown.
Yeah.
I mean, I've been doing this podcast with you for a while.
Showdown.
Yeah.
And yeah, I think it would be a better podcast.
Somebody commented.
It was a top comment, and they said they could listen to you and I talk for hours.
Yeah.
You know what I think would be the most successful podcast?
If I just did a podcast by myself.
Well, hold on.
That feels a little isolating here that I gas you up, I elevate you to a level, and then you just take a shit on me.
Our podcast would be tremendous.
Yeah.
I got a great podcast idea, but I'll tell you about it later.
I don't want anybody to steal it.
Okay.
Fuck it.
Locker room talk.
You and I in a locker room.
Yes.
Towels?
Slurs.
No, no, no.
No slurs.
Maybe in the Patreon.
Okay.
Okay.
Locker room talk.
We're in a locker room.
Okay.
You and I, shirtless, in a locker room.
Towel, done.
That's the show.
The Patreon is us doing a workout with our guest in the gym.
Locker room talk.
See it quick.
I told you.
That was, I don't know.
I think you need to check your prostate.
That was a little long.
What?
No, it wasn't.
That was like fucking.
Actually, there's no way you have a big prostate.
You've been on finest ride for so long.
I don't need to.
Yeah, I don't need to worry about that.
You guys don't have to worry about your prostate.
Well, I mean, who knows, but you know?
No.
I'm scared to take that still, but I think I've got the medication on.
Bro, it's good.
It's probably good that your libido suffers a little bit, please.
So you don't have to fucking go to Gay Pride, Miami.
You don't have to do a gay worldwide pride tour.
Wait, you think that that's look, you think that I'm just going to Gay Pride to have yourself?
Worried about your other, your other gay trips.
Gay, Kuwait is going to be scary, bro.
You literally said earlier earlier earlier, before you got here, he said, son, I haven't had sex in two weeks.
Okay, hold on.
Can I just say something?
You wouldn't survive two weeks without sex, it's true.
So i'm sick and tired of the gay guy getting all the heat for wanting to have gay sex.
Actually, that's not true.
You wouldn't survive.
Yes, I could.
When was the last time you went two weeks without sex?
I can't recall.
See there you go Will.
When was the last time you went two weeks without sex?
Brother, i'm like three months strong, celibate now.
Will celibate what?
Yeah, he's practicing abstinence, for god, will you need to have sex?
Uh yeah, do I need to make a phone call to who?
Your girlfriend, the mayor of SEX?
Yes yeah, you need to have sex.
I'm gonna give you a blowjob.
Hey, thank you.
What are we at?
On time, i'm gonna give you a blowjob.
Look at that.
All right, on that note.
That'll be all for the non-paywalled portion of the podcast.
I'm going to gay pride.
Uh, Austin is going to gay pride, which is why he selfishly decided to do it at this weird hour on a thursday morning, so some of the topics might not be as hot.
How To has this weird theory where he thinks that like, unless we do it, in 48 hours from now, we're gonna have so many more topics.
It's okay, it's fine.
Probably world-changing events are going to occur from now until monday, but it's all right like, let me tell you, we're still gonna do a patreon episode as well, a paywalled episode, right after this.
Austin is gonna be on.
That Cutie's gonna come back for it.
Yeah, and i'm happy we could keep this episode together, because Hasan gave us a warning that if Iran attacked Israel like, like the president going to the situation room, he would have to leave the podcast.
Yeah no, I just, which is pretty fair, I think.
Yeah no, everybody needs your attention which, by the way, between now and also monday, that might have happened, so you might be going.
We all just die in a nuclear holocaust.
If that happens, is this our last episode?
Maybe, who knows, wait is Miami.
No wish, I watched fallout.
We'll talk about that behind the paywall, though.
Go to patreon.com.
Patreon, slash fear and go subscribe.
We love you goodbye.
Tortured Poets Department, as everybody knows, comes out april 19th, 19th.
We're like an outside.
Reference to Dead Poets Society.
Reference to the tortured men's department, which was Joe Alwyn's group chat with his friends.
She just owned you.
Who's Joe Alwyn?
Her ex-boyfriend.
Why is she still talking about this guy?
Because she's because he's free Palestine and she's not.