HasanAbi and his co-hosts dissect the performative nature of social media, mocking influencer Nara Smith's "Slim Easy" child names and fake Mormon aesthetic while debating the economic reality of delivery apps. They contrast their own chaotic lives with curated online personas, analyze the psychological dependency created by structured religious routines, and critique the judgmental culture surrounding material goods. Ultimately, the episode exposes the unsustainable gap between digital perfectionism and messy reality, suggesting that true authenticity requires embracing imperfection over algorithmic validation. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Hot Shower Reactions00:12:21
Yeah, we're rolling.
Get on in here, Hassan.
If you didn't give me a puppy, I'm gonna be mad.
Oh my gosh.
Hassan, context, Hassan is like, I'm not coming in.
I want to see QT's genuine reaction.
If it's not something cool, I'm gonna be livid.
We're literally losing viewership.
Don't talk about my reaction.
Don't start it yet.
He's starting it.
Why are you mad?
I literally hate all of you today.
See, this is why we need to all be on camera and ready when we start the podcast.
I don't know.
I know I'm not angry.
I'm just so angry.
I'm a perfectionist.
Okay.
I'm a perfectionist.
I'm going to tell you something.
Me and Marsh don't fuck with you today.
Timing is everything.
And everybody in the comment section, I do apologize for this slightly different.
I'm not ordering any of you a waffle.
Okay.
You're so stupid.
You want to see my reaction from your dress-up stream yesterday?
You need a mom in your life.
What do you mean you want to see my reaction?
I chimed in with a.
Haven't you, people ever?
You think I don't.
I'm on Twitter.
I've seen it.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Well, that was, that was a shit.
Why don't you fake it?
Why don't you go?
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
Like, do like a fucking o-face or something so we can put it on the fucking thumbo.
You smell delicious, Hassan.
Thank you.
You smell good, actually.
You smell really good.
I just got out of the shower.
I feel like I'm fucking sitting with a pack of hyenas here right now.
Yeah, welcome.
Annoying.
It's the dangerous.
I'm annoying.
He's too horny.
He's too horny.
I'll say.
I'm not horny.
What?
Where did you go?
Austin, you're too horny.
You were like, Hassan needs to get out of the shower and dry his cock off.
That's not a normal sentence.
That is a very normal sentence.
That's what people do when they get out of the shower.
I did dry my cock off.
It would be weird if I had a wet.
Yeah, it would be very strange if you dried everything but your cock, okay?
And that's, in fact, that's one of the most important things to dry off when you get out of the shower.
People always forget to dry their cocks off.
Yeah, and then they get the epidemic.
Yeah, and then they get in their pants and it looks like they pissed themselves.
It's a pandemic.
Do you ever dry your cock off, kitty?
You dry your coochie off?
Yeah, I was gonna say.
You have to dry your coochie off.
There you go.
Wait, does water get in the lips?
Sorry.
Yeah.
You have to shower your coochie.
Okay.
Does water get in the lips?
Otherwise, you would stay in there and be you'd give water.
But you can't use soap down there, right?
Every day, every day that passes.
I'm shocked at how little you know about a vagina.
No, but like you can't use like L'Oreal.
No.
No, but unscented dove soap.
Unscented dove soap.
Recommended by the girlies.
What did they do in like the medieval times?
They just got yeast infections like crazy.
And died.
And died.
Oh, my God.
God, there's a lot of vagina.
Gorilla Grip Coochie, my lord.
Well, that's what they're doing.
What a great start to the Fear Ann podcast.
All right, you look nice, Hassan.
I didn't give you what you wanted.
Thank you.
You didn't give the fans what they wanted.
Fans don't give a shit.
I'll be honest with you, I feel gross.
Like I so I don't shave your face.
That's not the only reason.
I feel like I shouldn't look like this.
And not at the age of 32.
I certainly just shouldn't.
I've never looked like this in my entire life.
So I feel and I'm leaning into it right now.
I'm wearing like a band shirt and shit.
You're a bit of a poser.
Yeah, I'm like because you're like Ludwig.
Ludwig's a poser.
Can I talk about, I grew up on fucking emo.
My first concert was Good Charlotte in some 41.
Oh, so is this doing anything for you?
No.
No, because I don't like you.
What the fuck?
You like emo?
I'm emo right now.
And emo shit.
Ludwig, whenever like even a little bit?
No!
That's that's a big bummer.
Like me, do they?
No, this is my thing.
I was thinking about it.
We're not a cute podcast.
I keep getting tick tocks of these cute podcasts where you're like oh, what's their dynamic?
Maybe, maybe they want to sleep together.
None of you want to sleep with me.
I don't want to sleep with any of you.
There's no sexual tension on our podcast, I know, but like, in a friendly way, we tell you how hot you are all the time.
I love this.
Yeah, I do have this jacket.
You look so slay today.
You look like you are that bitch.
Yeah, now look.
No cutie, we're not reciprocate.
No, That's crazy.
You look like that cunt.
Your tattoo looks stupid as hell.
They are very stupid.
Anyway, how do I look in this tank?
My chemical romance will come on.
No, I see Ludwig's most recently watched and he's watching Black Parade on a YouTube video most recently watched because I know he listened to it in the car and was like singing at the top of his lungs.
Listen, I'm not trying to keep emo.
Is he trying to be like that?
I'm like, how dare you?
No, you're not emo.
I fucking hate you.
I'm so fucking hot.
I feel like Ludwig would be a hot emo.
You think Ludwig would be hot everything.
Like that's, you just think Ludwig is hot in ways that are suspicious at this point.
I don't, I feel like it's, it's out of control.
You don't thirst after me and Will as much as you because you guys are my friends.
It's like that would be incestual.
Okay.
That's there's fair.
But like sometimes that could be hot.
You know what I mean?
Like are you into that?
Do you want to be a step bro?
I just want to be praised.
That's what I want.
I am having confidence issues.
Wait, you want to be like big step bro, little step bro sort of thing?
Yeah, that kind of thing.
God damn.
Okay.
All right.
Let's talk about, let's talk about this.
So I did a thing.
I had Jake Weber and Johnny Gilbert.
These are like the two like emo extraordinaires on TikTok.
Jake was raiding me on my Twitch stream and I was like, oh, this guy looks really good.
He was raiding you?
What do you mean?
Yeah, he used to like raid me.
Oh, raid.
Like, yeah, he used to raid me on Twitch.
I was like, what the fuck's up with this guy?
And then I found out.
And then like my mod Frogan, who's also a wonderful content creator, almost a Hidden Gem Award winner.
Wait, did she win Hidden Gem one year?
Rising last year.
Yeah, Rising Star Award winner last year.
She is a massive fan of them and like is very emo and was like, you should do a collab with them where they emo fall you.
And I was like, fuck it.
And let's do it.
And the problem is, I didn't realize that like I've taken two showers.
I've taken two showers.
For those of you listening at home that cannot see, right now I still have eyeliner on and I still have these tattoos on.
I took two showers.
I washed my face one extra time on top of the showers.
I used makeup wipes and I took a like a, I did a tubbing exposition.
Oh.
And yeah, we're going to get to that in a second.
And yet I still have these three neck tattoos on my neck and I still have the guy liner.
And I went and I played basketball with it this morning.
I did, I had to go do my real daily life.
Have you been called a f ⁇ yet?
No.
I live in West Hollywood.
You got to use coconut oil.
The only thing that I would really?
Marsha got to bleep that out.
The only thing that I have been asked about is if my tattoos were real by a dude who was like, I think he thought I went to prison or something.
He was just giving vibes.
Like, yo, those are hard.
Like, where'd you get those?
San Quentin?
You're getting compliments for it.
Is that what you wanted from me?
LA County?
Like, what's up?
Yeah.
What's up, dude?
I think you look good.
I like it.
I feel bad.
I didn't give you what you wanted.
I don't think I look good.
I think you look like 29 now.
I think I look weird.
I just, I'm not used to looking this way.
So it's just like weirding me out.
I don't think you look that different.
I think you need like a nose.
I think you've got some eyeliner on it, some fake tattoos.
I feel.
I think you need like a nose piercing.
I had one.
It just fell off.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Okay.
So speaking of tubbing, you tubbed.
I did.
You came, you saw, and you tubed.
That's right.
Let's talk about that.
Twitch is brand new.
Everybody's talking about it.
Hit show.
Austin's show in the tub debuted in Ms. Kiff's tub this weekend in Austin, Texas.
And let me tell you, the reviews off the charts.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Everybody loved it.
Everybody loved it.
We got through one segment, and that was the one that QD suggested, which was the duck thing, and it was a huge hit, QT.
Everybody loved it.
It's the only thing we did the entire podcast or show.
I will say you guys looked slightly uncomfortable.
Yeah.
That's the point of the show.
Notes.
No, like, why didn't you go toe to hip?
Why didn't you?
Because we had four people in the tub at one point.
Notes, you have to fix the audio situation.
You need to find a way where there's like a mic, like a cordless mic that is waterproof.
I don't know how.
I don't know if such a thing exists.
We had that as a solution.
It was just like thousand.
It was like a thousand bucks.
You are the cheapest motherfucker I know.
Get your frugal ass out of here.
You can't like the audio component is huge.
There's not like any additional visuals happening.
You need a microphone.
It was too blown out.
The audio was too like echoey.
Did it ruin the show?
No.
But as you know.
Did you like it?
I liked it.
I'm shocked.
I'm shocked that you were able to pull it off.
Wow.
But I think, like, my problem with it still stands where I feel you're going to have a hard time allowing, getting people to be like, yeah, I feel like he's jealous.
Sure.
I feel like he's jealous that I just, I made Twitch's next hit show.
I think you already had made Twitch's, all of Twitch's big shows.
And now other people are making shittier versions of your show that you were killing.
And now you just stop doing it because it's too hard to do.
No, that's not.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
It's too hard to fucking go out and network.
So you're fucking letting the Kai Senats and the Jinxies of the world do like these 20, 20 versus one dating shows.
Look, I'm bringing the dating shows back.
All right, Hassan, your next lover host is coming on.
This is what I mean.
It's like people are bored of seeing me, dog.
Like they hate me.
No, they don't.
They really do hate me, actually.
You do need to bring the shows back so people can like see me in a different light.
Holy fuck.
Wait, do you?
Oh, this is all my, my whole world is coming together, QD.
This is amazing.
Everybody need it's like I'm like Batman.
Yeah, when the world, you're like the avatar, bro.
When the world needed you the most, you vanished.
I don't think you're Batman.
I'm like Batman.
I don't think so.
What'd you think of the tub show?
I think, can I be honest?
Yeah.
I think that water looked gross.
No, it was a bath bomb.
I know, and it looked murky.
Well, what do you expect?
You need fucking bubbles to hide the murk.
Because I was thinking gross.
Yeah, I was like, that's true.
Also, I like you.
And you were sweating.
Your face was, which means that there was sweat in there.
And I'm not worried about your sweat.
I am worried about Ms. Kiff's sweat.
I don't know where that's.
Wait, was it obvious that I was sweating?
You're going to give him so many new insecurities.
Like this.
It wasn't.
It wasn't.
You're unlocking new levels.
Look, you looked hot as fuck, okay?
Which you know already.
That's why you're doing the fucking bathtub show because it's literally we locked it in already.
You are doing this show specifically to show off your body.
I don't think so.
Cause honestly, I don't even know if I really looked as good as I wanted to.
Can you take pictures of yourself?
Let me, Marsh.
Yeah, you need to figure out the lighting too because it's like dark.
Bro, I don't know what it is.
You know what it looked like?
What do we think of the lighting, Marsh?
Could you show the you know what it looked like?
It looked like a low-budget gay Russian porno.
Okay, like the film.
I got a photo of the screen here.
The gray scale filter of it all made it look like, made it look like it was a, like a low-budget Russian porn.
I don't really think that I thought I thought the lighting was perfect.
Like, check us out.
The lighting, I think, was probably one of the better parts of the show, I think.
No.
You're saying that because it accentuated your features because there was enough shadow.
But that's the point.
No, but you have to figure out a way to warm it up while simultaneously doing it.
How much warmer can you get?
Look at this.
There's the you think that's that's warm?
Yeah.
Brother, that literally looks like a hostage situation, but warm as when you're got the bisexual lighting on it.
Wait, what's bisexual lighting?
It's like the bisexual YouTuber commentary lighting.
The Slug Incident00:15:35
Yeah.
But with like a hostage situation.
Wait, wait, wait.
So I look like I'm being held hostage.
Yes.
You're like, get to work, you fucking muscle twing.
Like there's a dude with a fucking Kalashnikov behind the camera, behind the scenes, going like, come on, duh!
The boy!
The boy!
You want him top!
Keep going!
Keep going!
Pull out!
Pull up, Q-Cinder!
Which it was a great segment, QD.
I couldn't have done it without you.
You think the whole show would have fucking said on the text messages that this segment was the worst part about it, but because it failed, it was good.
No, no, no.
I said in my text messages that all of the segments were an absolute disaster, and that's what made them brilliant.
He did say that.
But that's part of the show.
You're mean.
Are you going to put that banana in your mouth?
What's going on?
Why are you doing that?
Yeah, come on.
We need views.
Do it.
Eat it and bite into it sideways.
Not sexual style.
Yeah.
Cutie, you look beautiful.
Shut up.
You look so pretty.
You look so pretty.
I ordered a bit waffle.
You look so pretty that I forgot that you have a bleached point on your sock that kind of suspiciously looks like a toe.
Yeah.
I had something dramatic happen with a slug.
What happened?
Well, a slug?
Yeah, it was rainy the other night and I ordered a waffle because I've really wanted a waffle recently.
I keep getting the wrong waffle.
You guys wouldn't get it.
But like, I want a very certain type of waffle.
And the first waffle I got, it was like soggy on the inside.
Then the second waffle was from a place that was going to be good, but they put lemon curd on it.
And I was like, shit.
Yo, I hate it.
No, I like it, but it's not the type I want.
Yeah.
But anyway, it's rainy.
I get my waffle from outside and I'm inside.
And all of a sudden, on the side of my bag is a baby tiny slug.
Oh.
And I'm like, ew, yuck.
Compromised.
And then, so I walk out to the door and I take the receipt and I kind of flick the slug outside.
And I think I'm done with it, right?
Two days later, I'm letting my dog outside last night.
And the slug is growing inside of you.
You are now pregnant with slugs.
Wait, maybe that's why you have cramps.
No!
Oh my God, it's slug pregnancy.
It's like alien style.
You're going to burst out of your belly.
So I'm going to look down on the ground.
No.
I look down on the ground.
I let Swift outside.
He's outside peeing and I'm holding the door open, preventing cats from escaping.
I look down on the ground and there's a baby tiny slug scooting his way towards the door.
He was inside.
And I'm like, I swear I kicked him outside.
And then he's on the floor and I'm really confused.
And then, and then I'm like, and then Nick, Redhead Nick, my roommate, Nick, Falco Nick, is sitting on the chair.
And I go, do you see the slug?
And as soon as he looks, Swift comes running in, destroys the slug, like runs through the slug.
But the slug was tiny.
I don't know where the slug went when I say destroys the slug.
He ran through it.
I don't know if the slug disappeared.
I don't know if the slug died.
I don't know if the slug got caught in his fur.
All of a sudden, the slug is gone.
Nick never confirmed that he saw the slug.
So now I don't know if I have to do it.
It's a pigment of your imagination.
The slug is.
Yeah.
Ew.
He's bruised.
I that's tragic.
What'd you guys do this weekend?
Well, I had a delivery mishap myself.
Both had like actually fun stuff if we can get to that.
No, as opposed to your weird slug sob story.
What if I imagine that slug?
What if it's the first sign of schizophrenia?
Isn't it crazy?
I saw a bug this weekend, is what you just said.
Like, what the fuck is going on in your life?
There's got to be more.
Did you eat the waffle?
What happened?
You literally have become like those like Mormon chicks on TikTok who are just like, I'm making food from scratch.
Isn't Mormonism grand?
But like, but worse somehow.
Yeah.
You're talking about fucking bugs.
Formal attire.
I had a delivery mishap.
Well, I ordered another waffle.
It's on the way now.
I'll be honest with you.
That was a very Austin-style story.
If there was like somehow customer service involved, that would have been a perfect Austin story.
Well, I actually have one.
Wonderful.
It was a delivery-related story.
So I was in Austin, Texas, and I ordered lube to my hotel.
Why would you, oh my God.
Because via Uber Eats or some sort of random delivery service.
I ordered lube because I didn't want to go into the store and get it because it's embarrassing.
Well, so I ordered lube.
Well, hold on.
Hold on.
Let me get to the story.
I ordered lube to the hotel.
I realized about halfway into the order, I ordered water-based lubricant when I was trying to order silicone-based lubricant.
I think silicone is easier to like, it just doesn't come off as easy.
Water.
I thought you were supposed to do water-based.
I thought silicone.
Yeah, no, water-based is better than silicone-based.
Silicone-based is bad for you and can like get stuck in your orifices, cause you to, I'm pretty sure it can cause you to have, you know, like bumps and stuff.
And beyond that, if it gets inside of your penis hole, it's not good either.
I'm pretty sure water-based is better.
Why are you looking like that?
Hold on, but I've been using silicone-based lubricant forever.
You're going to get cancer and die.
Wait, is it, does it cause cancer?
Probably not, but it's not good.
Anyway, so I order whatever.
Water-based lubricant.
It was strawberry flavored because it was the only one they had.
Halfway through, I'm like, oh my God, I ordered the wrong lubricant.
So I order another one from another place.
And I finally order my favorite Swiss Navy silicone.
It starts to go.
I asked the delivery driver, hey, could you drop it off at my room?
Okay.
The guy didn't drop it off in my room.
I get a photo.
Marsh, pull up the first photo that I sent you of the lubricant in the front desk with my room number on it.
Okay.
That's so embarrassing.
At this moment, the other lubricant is coming to the hotel.
And I find out that the hotel has a policy where they won't let people up to the room.
That makes sense.
Usually they will have someone from the front desk bring it up.
Yeah.
Well, nobody wanted to bring that up, evidently.
And then the second one came.
And thank God, Marsh, pull up the picture.
It came in a plastic bag.
But there's my lubricant.
There's two, both my lubricants right there.
So embarrassing, horrifying.
Now they know I had gay sex.
I mean, maybe they think you're a ferocious masturbator.
And then I also ordered Taco Bell.
So I grabbed two, which is sort of an oxymoron when it comes to gay sex.
But I ordered two bags of lube and a Taco Bell.
And they all, I was out at the time, and I came back to collect all three things.
Oh.
Wow.
That's gross.
Yeah.
That's my story.
Taco Bell and Butt sex do not go hand in hand.
No, I know.
I know.
That's crazy.
But I was the only one that ate it.
God, you're such a selfish.
It's crazy.
You're like, you make your bottom not eat.
No, you stay.
You stay ready.
No.
You stay ready, honey.
They didn't want the Taco Bell.
Yeah, no shit.
They're fucking, they're about to get fucked in the ass.
Of course, I don't want Taco Bell.
Be more courteous.
Get like a pineapple or something.
Get some fucking fruits.
No, they wanted ice.
Oh, that's it.
You're a ridiculous person.
You are a ridiculous person.
No, I'm kidding.
They weren't hungry.
I promise you.
Yeah, that's they wanted a protein.
I know.
I've seen him.
He looks like he never eats.
No.
He's so shredded.
He's so shredded.
He's phenomenal looking.
But yeah, he's great looking, but he also, like, it's, it's, it was his choice.
It was his choice.
I'm pro-choice.
Yeah.
I'm pro-choice.
You're so brave.
His body history.
Yeah.
I doubt that he could have Taco Bell.
No, he chooses not to.
Yeah, no shit.
He's bottoming.
What the fuck do you mean?
You can't have Toggle Bell in your bottoming.
Yeah, that's true.
That's what he told me.
That's why you need to get bottom-friendly foods.
There was a whole article about this.
No, I know.
We eat Uber.
I think, wasn't it?
Posema's that wrote for Pride Month or something.
They were like, here are the bottom-friendly things you can order in.
Yeah, like sushi.
Yeah.
Is it sushi bottom?
Yeah, sushi.
I had some old, I took this guy on a date one time and I consulted with some of my older gay friends.
And I said, where should I take him?
And they're like, sushi, take him to sushi.
He'll get the hint.
And he did.
He did get the hint.
What is the hint?
I don't know.
If you go for like an extravagant meal, you can't have like, it's going to be tough, I feel like, to have sex.
Yeah.
See, these are the struggles of gay.
You don't.
Yeah, you've never thought about this.
You never thought about this.
Like, you need to do, you need to clean stuff out down there.
I have thought about it.
No, you haven't.
You've never done butt sex.
I know.
You got gorilla group coochie.
You don't have to do butt sex.
Yeah.
But I've told you about how my boss made me smell his party poppers once.
So that just opens up your asshole.
That's it.
Yeah, but I know about assholes.
What did it feel like?
I've done a popper.
I was high for a second.
I want to do a popper, but I'm like smelling something.
He did it to trick me.
He was like, oh, it's my cleaner.
And then he was like, smell it.
It smells really good.
And I smelled it.
I said, whoa, what?
And he's like, wait, so he laughed like evil gay man.
Gay cackle.
Yeah, he was gay.
All of my co-workers used to be gay.
I have never done poppers and I want to try them, but I heard they could kill you, so I don't want to do it.
No, they can't.
What?
I read online that the FDA had posted an alert and they said, don't do poppers.
It could kill you.
Whippets can kill you too, but they're still badass.
They're still fucking awesome.
Still do them.
Best.
You do drugs?
Okay, so.
Not at all.
Let's move on from this.
Let's move on from Austin's adventures and butt sex.
Why are you in charge?
Yeah, why are you in charge?
Because if I don't move the narrative around, we're just going to get stuck on silly things.
As we always do.
And they're going to fucking complain about it later and be like, only doing things.
That's you.
I just did you very convincingly.
People listening, audio listeners, that was Cutie Cinderella.
You are correct in your assumption.
Yeah.
Oh, also, Will's not here because he died in another tragic self-sucking accident.
He sucked himself to death.
He sucked himself up.
You talk about old jokes.
Yeah, self-suck.
Like, that's not dead.
I'm buried.
Well, here's what happens.
Sometimes, like, if it's like a light one-off, that's fine.
You know what I mean?
It's like a, it's like a callback.
And people are like, haha.
And then they move on.
Also, it wasn't even your story.
It was just that you're you complain about us repeating stories.
Cutie, tell us about more slugs.
Okay, what was what was it?
What made you angry?
You see it on your boat.
I was driving here.
I saw two girls judging a pug.
They were staring at this pug like it was the ugliest thing in the world.
And all I'm going to say, you cannot judge a pug if you look like a pug.
That bitch pissed me off.
She looked like a pug.
What if someone was like really hot?
And then they was actually really pretty.
But once you judge a pug, you are a pug, asshole.
Pissed me off.
I almost rolled down my window and I was like, stop looking at the dog like that, you jerk.
What if they were really concerned for the dog's safety or something?
Because pucks can't really, they were like pointing and making fun of him, and the dog was just with his owner living his best life.
I hate LA.
Piss me off.
I okay, we're moving on.
All right, dogs are so cute.
Can I say something real quick before?
I think puppies and kittens are cuter than human babies.
Yes, everyone thinks that in the world.
I thought that was a controversial take.
I don't think that's a controversial take because, like, I think everything's cuter than human babies.
No, babies are pretty fucking cute.
Oh, I think you got baby fever.
You mean pregnant?
Hello?
Is that what you want me to notice?
Congratulations.
You're starting to show.
No, why do you fashion me every fucking week?
That's not what I meant.
Every goddamn week.
All right, it's done.
Uh, TikTok, cancel him.
Speaking of TikTok, I got canceled on Twitter again, obviously, as always.
Oh, fuck.
This time, it was for me saying that I run out of my social battery after nine and a half hours of streaming in a way that like a real job doesn't.
Uh-huh.
Oh, God.
And everyone immediately like.
You never had a real job, dumbass.
I did.
I did.
I worked in sales.
So it was like a very social job as well.
So I know exactly what like people pleasing looks like.
And it's like fucking annoying and awful, right?
So I was making a comparison between like my experience as a salesperson versus my experience as a Twitch streamer.
And I was like, it's so soul-sucking.
Like, it's so soul-crushing.
And I can't socialize after that.
And I feel so bad because I was talking about going to March's house.
March had a housewarming party.
None of you guys were invited because you're not cool.
I was invited.
I didn't remember until yesterday.
Yeah, you guys are bad friends.
No, I and March actually.
I was there, right?
And I brought Kaya and she was being the best girl.
But I also felt like I was looking like an asshole to every single person because I was like pouting the whole time.
I'm really fucking tired.
I take one drink.
That's always the Hassan show.
I take one drink with March and like, and immediately I just like skip steps.
I'm not even drunk or buzzed.
I just immediately become hungover.
And I was like, I have to get the fuck out of here.
Like, I'm so, I'm so tired.
You got hungover immediately?
Yeah, I think it's because like I'm fucking tired after nine and a half hours of streaming, right?
Marsh, were you like, this guy's a vibe killer?
Get him out of my house.
Well, he brought his fucking, like, he brought his dog as big as a bear.
Yeah, no, that was actually cool.
Most normal people think that that's cool.
Yeah, I like her.
Everyone loved her.
Yeah, that's a you.
That's the, that's the, I like agreeing with you.
No, I love Kaya.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try to win the crowd over again.
No, I love Kaya more than anybody.
In fact, I'm throwing a party just with dogs online.
Kaya's birthday is coming up.
Fun.
Really?
I want to do a celebrity.
Are we going to Nobu?
What?
No, I want to do like a doggy birthday party stream for her.
Let's go to Nobu.
But we'll talk about that in a second.
My point was, I was just trying to say that, like, in comparison to my other real-world jobs, big boy jobs versus like this fucking fake ass job, which I'm super privileged to have, as I admit all the time, recognize all the fucking time.
They clipped it like 30 seconds of it to be like, Hassan streamer says, dumb socialist streamer says, like fucking real jobs are way easier than streaming.
And it's like, that's not what I was saying.
Here's the fucking context.
Nobody gives a shit.
There's like hundreds of thousands of fucking likes.
Led me to actually delete Twitter.
I deleted Twitter from my phone.
Yeah.
It's really, it's really important for me to have Twitter on my phone for my job.
Obviously, I need to like constantly be fucking up to date on what the fuck's going on in the world.
But I feel like at this point, it's just not worth it.
It's, it's so like being in being on Twitter extremely online is literally like being in a room where you're making the dumbest people on the fucking planet yell at you non-stop.
But because everyone is so fucking stupid and so fucking brain dead and so right-wing in general that like they're all hyping each other up.
So it's like creating an environment where like, yeah, we're right.
You're fucking stupid.
It's not that we misunderstood your point.
I fucking hate you and you're a fucking piece of shit.
Kill yourself.
And so you're not using Twitter ever again.
No, no, I wouldn't.
No, he just took it.
He's using his phone.
Sydney vs Austin Hate00:03:56
He'll use it on his PC.
Yeah, I just, I, because I need to have it for my work.
But, um, but yeah, I'm not gonna, because I've just been, I was like looking at it and it was like fucking me up.
Well, yeah, you were up really late last night.
No, I went to sleep at like 11.
I just woke up at four and I was like going through Twitter and I was just like, fuck this, dude.
Like, what the fuck am I doing?
I deleted it.
Good for you.
Yeah.
That's, that's, this is a positive step in your mental health.
Yeah, probably not.
We'll see.
You're going to redownload it, aren't you?
No.
I'll try to use like TikTok more to get more in the now, like to understand.
You got to start doing TikToks like me.
You got to do some TikToks.
I do do TikToks.
I do daily upload.
It doesn't matter.
TikToks are like.
Well, my haters are everywhere.
Okay.
They're on TikTok too.
Yeah, I know.
Every once in a while, one of my clips with you ends up beyond our little circle of community.
Or it ends into, it gets into like straight Twitter.
Yeah, it's wild.
Sometimes I wish there was a world where you could just like, like, if I could just like quit and restart as like a VTuber and be somebody totally different.
Because I feel like I've ruined so many first impressions and I've just made so many mistakes online that are just like micro.
It's so funny you say that because I just wish I could start over.
You didn't, but you feel that way and it feels very real to you.
But like from where I'm standing with the amount of like genuine fucking hatred and vitriol that I have, I feel like yours is because you're a woman online.
No, I've done some stupid shit.
No, you haven't.
Yeah, one time I...
Shut up.
No.
Oh, it.
No, 100%.
Okay, go ahead.
I didn't mean like literally shut up.
Go ahead.
I can't believe you.
No, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
One time I made a girl cry on the Austin show.
One time I cried.
Wait, do people still bring that up?
Oh, yeah.
Who'd you make cry?
I don't remember.
Austin lives in La La Land.
Austin lives in La La Land because like he is obviously purposely very inoffensive for the most part.
And like, yeah, as a gay man, a lot of people hate him for that.
But beyond...
Really?
Because you get hatred for being gay.
Yes.
I don't from me.
You wouldn't see it.
I don't see it at all.
Yeah, it's not as bad because you're mostly like you, you have very deliberately positioned yourself as a likable person by everyone's communities that you collaborate with.
So you've never been at odds with those.
Wait, this has chunkies in it.
Yeah, it's bad.
I hate chunkies.
But for the most part.
It's coconut water with pineapple.
No matter what happens, cuties.
What?
He's coconut milk or coconut water.
It has the fucking best.
It's used by 7th of September 2024.
It's pretty close to that date.
No, it's not.
What are you talking about?
This is almost a whole year.
Look, I work a lot.
Okay.
I've been working a lot.
You've been in the tub.
I've been in the tub.
It's a tough show.
I'm not going to smell it.
I'm sure I'm smelling.
That does not smell bad at all.
That just smells like coconut water because it's pineapple.
You got to shake it up.
I did.
Shake it up.
You're fine.
That's fine to drink.
You're crazy.
Taylor Swift did a mashup of Haunted and Exile last night.
Anybody else just dead?
Where does she do it?
She's in Sydney.
Sydney.
Yeah, there you go.
Sydney.
I did not see it.
So if you go to Australia right now, you could see her tonight.
Okay, I'm going to Australia right now.
I'll see her tonight.
Are you watching?
Do you watch her streams on TikTok when she performs?
Last night I was laying in bed watching Sydney.
That's cool, awesome.
I wish something made me feel like centered and happy, like that.
I, I feel that way sometimes.
Good, it's healthy to have that.
I'm not even kidding.
You have one piece, not enough.
What do you mean?
There's four billion episodes?
Therapy Homework Struggles00:03:43
No, but I don't feel I I don't know what I feel I do.
I can guess, from the way you talk about it, like you, you can dedicate your whole life to a person.
No, you have done that, i've.
No, your dog's name's Swift.
You named your dog.
Yeah, I went to your house.
You literally have an entire wall dedicated to very tasteful, mind you, artwork related to Taylor Swift.
No, there's two pieces that are Taylor Swift related and they're very tasteful.
Very tasteful because I have a watercolor painting of Cornelia Street that you wouldn't tell unless you knew, and then I have a print from, like a tree in the area of Long Pond Studios, which is where she recorded folks.
Tasteful because it kind of thing yeah yeah, it's like you can't tell that you're like kind of a stalker.
Until that's not stalker, explain it.
But it, from from afar, it looks like wow beautiful, beautiful paintings, like that's sick.
Anyway, i'm just saying that like, I feel like that level of dedication to something probably allows you to you have anime figurines.
So what?
You're gaslighting me.
No, I used it wrong.
Sometimes you do that.
You are downplaying your own joys and upplaying mine for a for pity party asshole.
I was just being jail.
Grow up, I was being I I, I.
This is my, these are my feelings and you're not validating them, thank you.
These are my, these are my own personal feelings and I would.
I wish that you would validate them instead of come at me with therapy, speak.
We need help.
I quit therapy.
Wait what?
You quit therapy.
You, you feel you look better.
I, I don't.
She was pissing me off.
I don't want therapies.
See, i'm too.
I travel too much for therapy.
That's not how that works.
I do.
I travel way too much you can.
It's just an hour.
You can do it online.
I know?
No no no, you don't understand.
He's got a tough show.
So I do have a lot of work.
It's going on.
I'm going back to therapy.
I just had to break up with my therapist because she, how do you, how do you break up with it?
So funny because when I said this to you, I think people were like yelling at me because I was like yo, this shit's not taking.
Well, sometimes different therapists are your worst different strokes float different boats type thing.
And it was so strange because, like a few months ago i'd show up to therapy and I didn't have like an agenda.
Like I didn't have, like this is what happened last week.
I just didn't feel like talking and she was like, that's good, you shouldn't come with an agenda, and then I just sit there and stare at her and we would just sit there and it'd be incredibly uncomfortable.
And then eventually that became like me being like, what are we doing and what'd she say?
And she'd be like she'd be like well, you're not, you're not open enough to change.
And I was like, wait this, tell me what to change.
It was really frustrating.
So I just kept getting really frustrated with her and she'd be like well, she'd give me a lot of homework which i've had therapists give me homework before like read this book or do this worksheet or whatever.
But it was like I would go on walks.
So that was a new thing.
I incorporated a mile walk into my daily routine and then she's like, should be two miles okay, like it was just constantly like moving the goalpost and it's like oh, there was no, and it was like she was waiting.
Wait, she said you need to walk more.
Yeah, like why she helps with your, like exercising helps with mental right.
She was girl bossing the out of you.
She was like she was just collecting checks, not doing.
She's like oh, we get to sit here.
I don't know, I don't have to listen to a single goddamn thing come out of her.
It got really weird.
I don't know what it was, but it got Therapist per hour.
She was expensive.
You don't even have fucking healthcare.
I have insurance, but they didn't.
She doesn't take it insurance.
She doesn't take it, right?
It's really hard.
Some therapists don't take insurance.
Some don't take insurance.
Kitchen Cooking Critique00:09:44
Why?
Because it requires extra paperwork and extra employees.
And then they don't want to pay.
It's money.
Everybody wants money.
Nobody cares.
Because insurance also takes longer to get paid.
Well, I wouldn't get a therapist that doesn't take.
Yeah, I need to find a new one.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, I just, sometimes that's what happens.
It sucks because we'll be your therapist.
No.
I'm so good at being your therapist.
No.
There are things that we can't talk about on this podcast where I'm like, I've done such a good job.
I don't.
I've been there and I don't think so.
You were there, and I'm not even going to get into it right now because we can talk about it currently.
I was right.
Anyway.
Oh, I did.
Regardless, regardless, we're moving.
We're moving to the next subject.
Her name is Nara Smith.
Uh-oh.
Smith is German and South African, and she is a model currently living in Los Angeles with her husband and two young children.
She has 1.5 million followers on TikTok.
Please pull her TikTok up.
March, we are going to be talking about.
This is a cut.com article.
Meet Nara Smith, model influencer, wife of Lucky Blue Smith from the Cut.
His name is Blue Smith.
Lucky Blue Smith.
Oh.
Lucky Blue Smith is a model who is, you know, started dating and impregnated Nara Smith, who is also a model.
And they're beautiful and they have this beautiful life.
And then you scratch the surface a little bit and you're like, why the fuck is she constantly cooking like things from scratch for TikTok?
And then you scratch the surface a little bit more and you're like, oh my God, this is Mormon propaganda.
And then you scratch the surface even a little bit more and you're like, oh my God, so much of TikTok is actually unironically Mormon propaganda.
And then you scratch the surface even a little bit and you're like, oh my God, so much of TikTok is just Mormons who are watching Mormon videos.
Wait, how did you figure out she's Mormon?
Lucky Blue Smith is Mormon and she also reads like the Book of Mormon and like some of the things that you're talking about.
Wait, do you think that the are you saying that the Mormon church is funding her TikTok?
No.
No.
I saw this theory.
People were like, people are like, the Mormon church is paying people to make propaganda.
They don't.
The Mormon, they do not pay you.
Well, if they did, they need a gay representation.
No, no, no.
That's why I, that's why I, no, that's not going to happen.
I think two happy gay men living a Mormon life.
So, wait, wait, hold on.
Can I, can I explain this really quickly?
They need to expand their business.
That's why I talked about scratching the surface a little bit.
It's not paid.
I don't think this is like paid Mormon.
I mean, she definitely makes money.
She does make money as a lifestyle influencer, but that's the reason why I mentioned it.
I think that this is why I wanted to ask you this.
I wanted you to look through her cooking videos and find inconsistencies a little bit as you are the real goaded Mormon.
I saw the way you operated through that Super Bowl party.
You were Mormon trad wife, like straight up in the kitchen the entire time, rarely ever came out only to like serve people caramelized popcorn that you had made.
And pray.
And it was crazy.
Yeah.
Pray for Taylor Swift.
She did bring out funeral potatoes at one point, too.
I thought about starting to host family dinner on Sundays.
Oh, that's so cute.
That'd be sick.
I would love to.
No, I was just thinking.
Was I wait?
Am I invited?
I wasn't thinking of streaming it.
That's a great idea for a stream, though.
Well, yeah, but I just be content, Mr. Tubboe.
My family used to do family dinners every Sunday, and now I don't have a family here.
You should do Mormon.
We're family.
We're literally here.
Well, that's why I'm saying I'm going to start.
I think I'm going to do at least once a month, and then everyone can come over and come to your family dinner.
Because no one eats, none of you bitches cook.
What the fuck?
The point out.
No, I cook.
The point I wanted to make, I've cooked and you've seen me cook.
The point I wanted to make was that there is a massive audience of Mormons.
Mormon women have a lot of disposable income.
They're making the household cookies.
Well, it depends on the house that has disposable income.
I don't know.
Well, regardless, they're making the purchasing decisions.
But they're making the purchase decisions.
85% of women, obviously, 85% of all consumer choices are made by women in the United States of America.
That's a fact.
But beyond that, Mormon women specifically are like massive consumers of this sort of stuff, like the Stanley Cup craze and things like that, which is why I'm saying this isn't like church-sponsored LDS propaganda.
No.
But instead, someone who tapped into this niche and is really popping off with it because people love seeing like a beautiful model trad wife that's like picturesque.
Yeah, she does a good job at being really aesthetically pleasing.
Like this is essentially my Twitch streams, but I look like this.
No, that's not.
No, it's true.
No.
It's the way it's like she focuses so much on lighting and wearing.
No, no, no.
You look great.
Your kitchen doesn't look that good.
Can we see some?
Can we look through some of these TikToks?
My kitchen is beautiful.
And then we can compare like Cutie Cinderella.
I thought we could do like a side-by-side.
I can bake better.
Yeah, I know.
That's not a competition.
But her aesthetics are way better.
Can you play it?
Can you play the sound?
Like, can you make the sound higher, please?
And then letting that go until it all comes.
Wait, Hassan, should I start doing cooking videos?
I put them in the fridge.
I think it's like, here, wait, pause for a second.
I think rule number one, she got fucking rings on when she's cooking with her hands and she's like touching meat and stuff.
Not in this one, but specifically, like she touches raw meat with her fucking ring fingers and shit.
And I feel like that's weird as hell.
It's like, what are you doing?
I wear rings too, not when I'm cooking.
Well, you're being a backseat cooker right there.
Don't you think that that's a problem?
Nah, because who's eating it?
Yeah.
She is.
I know people get mad at me because my cat's on the counter when I bake.
And I'm like, I promise you, I've eaten more cat hair than the capping on the counter is going to.
I think it's just aesthetics.
I think that's the big selling point here.
Yeah.
I mean, she's always, yeah, this is like literally barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making food from scratch.
Like sometimes she'll literally be like, I made cereal from scratch.
And I'm like, bitch, you didn't have to do that.
Yeah.
You didn't have to do all that at all.
You did it for the TikTok, which is fine.
I mean, it's aesthetic.
It's fine.
Let people enjoy things.
Okay.
But like, I do get annoyed when people are like, I don't know.
I just, I'm a hater.
I'll be honest.
I think I made followers.
It's really nice.
Yeah, no.
She, I just, I wanted Cutie's take on this.
Okay.
This is the one where she makes cereal.
Makes me want to breathe.
I think.
Wow.
I think I want a nuclear family.
I think overall, this is my take here.
I don't believe she's actually cooking for her family every night.
I think she's doing this as her job.
Yeah.
Like this is not like this is all very superficial.
This is all very what you see on Instagram.
You think they throw the food away afterwards?
Yes.
No.
I think they eat it, but like, yeah, this is the eight-hour process to make fucking cereal.
Yeah.
Clearly, this is an unsustainable basin jar milk.
That's so, that looks delicious.
Yeah, it's all aesthetics.
It's all like, that's what's annoying about stuff like that is people see it and they're like, oh, I want to live a life like that.
That's not real life.
Like, it's not.
No, I know.
Real life is Uber Eats and Dardash.
No, that's not real life either.
Real life is going to the grocery store and buying fucking cookie creams.
Real life is fucking making ordering the food on the way home from Uber Eats.
No, that's your life because we're out of touch streamers and we're rich and that's why our lifestyle.
Speaking of which, have you noticed that like delivery apps have just gotten so insanely expensive?
They used to be like pitched as like this inexpensive option.
I feel like they're convenient.
They've always been, but they've gone up even more.
I don't mind it.
I don't mind how expensive it is as long as the fucking drivers are getting paid.
I'm more annoyed that they don't get the actual pay.
Yeah, I don't like from the PM.
Yeah, neither do I.
I wish they would get paid more.
It's very expensive.
Everything is getting so expensive.
Yeah, of course.
I bought two.
I'm starting to think about what I buy.
I went into 7-Eleven.
That's good.
Yeah, I went into 7-Eleven.
I was born too.
Well, I used to kind of, I'm trying to reel in my spending a little bit.
So I went into 7-Eleven.
I was like, you fly like you're trying to out-compete Taylor Swift with your carbon footprint.
What?
You want me to walk to Texas?
I mean, what the fuck?
No, dog.
I want you to fucking stay in California at least instead of fucking going from Portland to Miami to Texas, back to Miami, back to Portland, back to fucking Austin, Texas, and then California.
I'm taking public transportation.
Okay.
I take public transportation.
All right.
I share a plane with my peers on a weekly basis.
That's beautiful.
It's natural and beautiful.
It is.
It is.
My carbon footprint is a fraction of Taylor Swift's.
Yeah.
Anyway, but as I was saying, it's getting ridiculous to live.
Okay.
I went to 7-Eleven.
I bought two little packets of Advil for Advil.
Guess how much that cost me?
$4.89 for four pills.
You should have no, you can't buy the packets.
The packets are marked up.
You need to get the big thing.
Yeah, but I couldn't.
There wasn't any available, so I had to buy that.
Where?
I had a headache.
7-Eleven.
Well, it's the gas station.
Yeah.
You don't buy them at the gas station.
Well, what was I supposed to do?
Go to Heb or something?
I didn't, I didn't.
It wasn't convenient.
And I had a car and I would have polluted it.
Well, that's why convenience stores mark it up because they know you will do it.
I rented a car.
Mormon Family Names00:15:04
Can we go back to the Nara Smith video?
Because there is one from the Cut article where it just says what my husband eats in a day.
And I want Cutie to go through this as like the expert cooker, expert Mormon.
You're everything she's not.
Queen.
You are the real one.
She's the fake one.
I just want to point this out.
This is her job and she's really good at it.
But there's no way they don't have a nanny or they don't like they, there's help happening somewhere in order for this content to exist.
But the OG Viral one was also the baby names I like but won't be using.
Go to the cutcut.com article on Nara Smith.
Are they Mormon names?
I love Mormon names.
It's in an in oh, the names are crazy.
Some of my nieces and nephews have the not the craziest names.
I can't say them, but they're just spelled so no, no, no.
Mormons do like fun of my sister all the time.
But that's what my husband needs.
But first, let's start with the names, right?
Here, go down one more.
That's it.
Okay, play the shit.
Oh my lord.
For reference, our kids have pretty unique names.
My daughter's name is Rumble Honey Smith, and my son's name is Slim Easy Smith.
Stop.
Pause it.
Slim Easy Smith.
It's a very big thing in Mormonism.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Slim Easy?
What do you mean, Slim Easy?
That sounds like a cigarette.
He is a cigarette.
That's a cigarette.
You made a gas station cigarette.
Slim Easy.
Yo, let me get a pack of them.
Slim Easy Smiths.
Better be the best rapper ever.
Yeah.
If he grows up with the name Slim Easy and he's not a rapper and/or a stock market guy.
What are you doing with Slim Emma?
I'm going to be upset.
What if he grows up to be gay?
I'm going to be pissed.
No, Joseph Smith is going to be pissed.
Slim Easy.
Joseph Smith is not fucking with gay people.
No, I know.
I know.
Keep playing.
There's other names that she didn't use because it's awesome.
The fuck out there, but let's get started.
For girls' name, I really love the name Odie, Pepper, Dawn.
They're all really lovely.
Like Cherry as a middle name.
My husband doesn't really like that name.
Yeah, because he's like, that's a stripper name.
Oh, controversial.
He's awesome.
I love the name Pear as a first name.
And then for boys, I love the name Frosty still, if you guys remember.
That's a what else was there?
Sunny, Silver, Zen.
Those are a few, but we won't be using them for this baby.
It's kind of wild that you're using them for this baby as if many of them.
Oh, no, she's popping out more.
It's just crazy because she got the Cruella Deville fit on, too.
Like, she's just sitting in her beautifully lit apartment that's always fucking so sterile.
And she's just like sitting there with her goddamn.
This kind of looks like that, actually.
I know that's the thing.
Did you get this shit from her?
Did you get that necklace from Nami Your Prize?
No.
Why does everyone think I can hand me down?
It looks good, though.
It does look good.
You're actually slaying.
It's hard to pull off gold.
She's slang, too.
She's kind of killing it.
I'll be honest.
Okay, now scroll back up to the what my husband needs.
Oh, I've when I wanted to, so we did this thing in young women's where young women's is uh once you turn 12, you start going to young women's like every Tuesday or Wednesday.
It's like where they teach you how to be a good wife, yeah, kind of.
Um, very important.
And one of the things we did one of our young women's nights, we were we wrote letters to our future spouse.
Um, and so how old were you?
I think I was like 14.
That's insane.
Yo, that's like that's actually grooming, dog.
That's like fucking literally grooming.
Not the shit that they're like, oh, gay people exist teaching children that is grooming.
Sorry, go ahead.
So we sit there and we write.
So each person had like this, this bucket, kind of like this rice, like what you normally store, like food storage rice bucket.
And we each had one.
We decorated it.
And then we all had to write our letter to our future spouse.
And we had to write down the names we would name our children and like 10 characteristics we want in our future spouse.
So then when you get proposed to someday, you open it and you like, you know, whatever.
Wow.
The 14-year-old you can freeze.
Talk to your adult husband.
Yeah.
Whatever.
So like when you're 16.
I do remember when I was like, I'm going to have so many kids.
I want to do a very typical Mormon thing, which the Kardashians really popularized, which is all the same letters.
And I remember I do you have this letter?
Wait, that's kind of cute.
I don't, but I remember the names I always wanted.
I love the name Pepper for a girl.
I love the name Pen for a boy.
I love the name Poppy for a girl.
Yeah, Pen.
I know.
And it was actually before Penn Bagley.
It was like really popular, but I love the name Penn.
I love the name Penelope.
And I wanted all P names.
You're going to have more.
Are you going to have children?
I don't know.
Well, if you do have children, are you going to name them Mormon names?
No.
If we got married, their last name would be Piker.
So then it's an alliteration.
Ludwig, watch out.
Yeah.
Ludwig, watch out.
We're coming for your girl.
That's right.
Both of us.
Yeah.
Your last name is Show.
So Cutie Show.
And then we're Cutie Cinderella Show.
Well, what was I saying?
So Pepper.
Pen.
Pepper Pen.
Names that you had.
Names.
Piper names.
Something about Piper.
Piper.
Peter Piper.
Yeah.
No.
Pepper, Pen, and Penis.
Yo, this is my third son.
Penis.
We gave up.
Oh, no.
There was this big Mormon family that I that they were like the you know, there's normal like clicks and stop making fun of my son Penis, okay?
Yo, his fine, he's kind of fucked up We ran out of P names Oh shit Mormonism was also like high school like there's like the rich Mormons and the cool Mormons and like whatever and like you know And there was this one Mormon family where they had like and the more kids you have the more like dope you are because you're like God loves you, you know?
Yeah.
So you'd see this family with eight kids and you'd be like damn sick.
Jesus loves them.
I'm not kidding.
And there's this family that and again Mormons like to be unique.
And so they had all their kids were named after like elements.
And so they were all attached somehow.
Wait, they were like Mormons, but nerds.
Sky was one of the daughters names and Cole was one of the sons names.
Cole.
And star was one of the moments.
I thought when you said elements, I thought you meant like chemicals.
Yeah, me too.
Like I thought you meant chemistry.
I don't think this is my daughter.
Her name is Cobal.
No, no, no, no.
I literally thought Cole.
Cole.
That's going to really be my daughter.
Her name is Cobalt.
No shit.
It was like, it was nitrous oxide.
Coal and like Landon because land, right?
Wait, did they spell it C-O-L E or C-O-A-L?
Yo, that family gave up.
It was funny.
After like the seventh child, they were like, Landon.
I genuinely believe their 11th kid, they totally gave up and they were like, Bill.
Like all of them were like all these like, like, I think one of them's name was Tree and like all these things.
And then there was like just their last one.
And it's like his name was like Joe or something.
They had 11 children.
Yeah.
What did these Mormons do for a living to afford that many children?
Dog, that's what they do.
No, but like, how do Mormons are just so rich and they all have one wife?
That's the thing is when you serve a mission, you just actually got the best sales training that anyone could ever ask for because you're selling a product that nobody wants.
You're going door to door and you're selling Jesus.
Now, give a phone.
You just got home from your mission.
Hey, sell security systems.
You know what's really funny?
Sell houses.
You know what's really fun?
Sell something people actually want.
And it's other Mormons.
And so they're open to hearing your voice.
I think they're also like hard workers.
They have disposable income.
They have a sense of community.
So there's always help, right?
I would suspect.
But beyond that, fun fact about Mormons, or at least even ex-Mormons, is like if you leave the Mormon church or if you are like a former Jehovah's Witness or whatever, like something that is more insulated, you often due to the like incredible amounts of indoctrination necessary to keep this thing going are the most susceptible targets for multi-level marketing schemes more than like any other like sect in the religion itself.
The more religious you are, the more susceptible you are to multi-level marketing schemes, which you're surprisingly not.
No, but I do get scammed a lot.
Yeah.
I'm very gullible.
Well, Lord, I scammed more than you.
Maybe he's fucking former.
Kitty, they just, people are just like, this is how much it costs.
And you're like, okay.
And then you pay it.
Yeah.
That's a little different, though.
I'm talking like straight up locking in on.
My identity got stolen.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You're right.
Your identity got stolen.
You did that like two months ago.
Wait, how?
Because this guy called me and he was like, hey, this is me, your bank.
And I was like, hey, bank.
And he was like, you have some charges from Florida.
Are those correct?
And I was like, no, I'm not in Florida.
And he was like, but they're on your account.
And so I log into my account.
And sure as shit, they're on my account.
And I'm like, that's crazy.
He's like, no big deal.
We're just going to send you a link.
So then you can, you can claim it's not yours.
And I'm like, great.
Sends me a link.
I push the button.
They got access to everything.
Holy shit.
That's crazy.
Wait, so here's how they did it.
They stole your credit card information, charge the stuff from Florida.
You check, you're like, holy shit.
Let me click the link.
I'll tell you what.
That's a pretty good scam.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was impressive.
Yeah.
So did you lose any money?
We were able to freeze it all, but I'm still dealing with repercussions of I had to change.
I had to freeze.
My credit is frozen.
I had to close all my bank accounts.
Did you have to change your name from Kitty Cinderella?
Yeah.
My name is now.
I can't think of something classic.
Snow White.
Yeah, Snow White.
Bill.
Bill.
Yeah.
I just switched it to Bill.
You're like the 11th child of that family.
I just ran out.
Mormonism seems pretty lucrative.
I may move to Utah and be a fake Mormon.
You're gay.
Yeah, I know.
It should be so.
There's lots of parts of it that are pretty dope.
Like, I'm not kidding.
Like, Mormonism, like, obviously, the reason the religion works so well is because it's polyamory.
No, that's FLDS.
Oh, that's true.
They went to Mexico.
Wait, what does FLDS say?
Like, fuck LDS?
No, fundamentalist Latter-day Saints.
The Mormon church history is actually kind of crazy because originally, like, they were very collectivist.
They had a lot of like communal roots.
And they still maintain some of that.
But they also went to war with the American government.
Rather, the American government went to war with the people.
Wait, so they were like woke?
Due to the poly shit.
Oh, that's right.
Specifically, they wanted the rest of the world.
So then the fundamentalist sect like moved to Mexico because they were like, oh, we can have multiple wives here, but we can't have multiple wives in fucking Utah, even though they still do it.
Where are they in Mexico?
I forget.
They're kind of in a lot of hiding now because their main guy got locked up.
But the sweet, stay sweet.
There's a good documentary on Netflix about the FLDS.
I think I actually started watching it.
Stay sweet and pray.
But the family I'm talking about, however, is the Romneys.
Mitt Romney's dad, George Romney, and George Romney's parents moved to Mexico specifically so they could continue having multiple wives.
That's crazy.
Even though George Romney, fun fact, ran for president, but he was born in Mexico.
Does Mitt Romney have one wife?
Yeah, he has one.
Mitt Romney's more of like a more modern nice than he's a hip Mormon.
Well, I mean, he was actually a pretty woke governor of Massachusetts.
He's the one who first famously implemented Obamacare in a state when he was the governor of Massachusetts.
And then ran against it.
It's called Romney Care.
Yeah, he did ran against it.
So, you know, Mormons are interesting characters.
I do.
I think they're sick.
Like, I love their lore.
Yeah, we've got good lore.
But I think, like, the interesting thing that makes it such a like a hard religion to leave is, number one, you pray every day.
That's just meditation.
That's good for everybody, right?
And how your prayers are, they're very structured.
So you're supposed to thank God first.
So every single day I wake up and I say, thank you, God, for the good night's sleep.
Thank you, God, for the beautiful sun.
Thank you.
Thank thee for this.
Thank thee for that.
And so you start your day with thanking and then you ask.
So please bless that this, In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
So every day you are thanking and manifesting every single day, which psychologically, that's just good for you, right?
So regardless of the religion, they've worked in things that are psychologically just good for you.
And so it's like all of a sudden you stop going to church and you feel like shit.
I'm not praying anymore.
And you start feeling like shit.
It's because you're not meditating anymore.
You're not using positive affirmations anymore after years and years and years of doing it indoctrinate.
Wow.
That it's like, of course you feel like shit when you leave the church.
You also leave your support group and they're pretty fucking vicious when you leave as well.
They like to stone you and K stuff.
Well, it depends.
You, you, there's also, there's this weird, it depends on, I've heard that there's different, like, Ohio Mormons are chiller than Utah Mormons, which are more stringent than Washington Mormons, which are Idaho Mormons.
You know, so it's like, depends on where you're raised.
But there's this weird level of like judgment underlying at all points where you can never really feel good enough, no matter what.
It's keeping up with the Joneses, but in a smaller bowl.
Are Mormons like competitive amongst each other, a little bit like if if, like in sort of material goods and things like that.
A lot of talking like they'll be like yeah, so-and-so was on a cruise and they had a sip of wine because there's no drinking right like, like that, that's a real thing yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's like a real thing, absolutely.
Do they like judge, I saw so and so went to the lake and they wore a two-piece.
But that's a real thing.
Yeah absolutely, that's insane.
That's pretty slutty.
Like everybody will look and everybody wears like the like.
What if somebody's like, oh my god, so and so's not wearing their garments?
Yeah, that's how they're.
There's also like a hierarchy too, like there's a level of like.
Like maybe Romney was a top level Mormon who like had to wear the secret undergarments and like well, all Mormons had access to the temple.
Right, everyone has access to the temple.
No, but like there's there's varying degrees.
I thought I as well.
And as soon as you get your endowments out of the temple, you get your, your underwear and your like temple recommend, which you can go into, like the prayer room and the different stuff, like that.
But like, from age 12, you can get your temple recommendation and you can do baptisms for the dead and stuff like that, but as soon as you get your endowments done, that's when you can get your garments.
So, but pretty much, everyone has access.
Do you wear the garments all the time, though?
Because like, oh okay yeah, Romney always was wearing that.
Romney Testimony Secrets00:03:44
I think they're not.
They need to be.
They're just not sexy.
Yeah, they don't try to be.
They're not sexy at all like we need to.
Like Calvin Klein needs to come in and collaborate with the Mormon Church.
Justify them that.
Well, there's actually been a lot of improvements.
So they used to be like a very certain fabric and now there's like spandex ones and like silk.
Yeah, they're always patching that.
Yeah, they patch some stuff we need to have like jockstrap garments.
Well, I don't think they're gonna do that.
Like assless garments yeah, I don't think they will.
You don't think so.
No, you think that would roll over.
Uh-uh, we could like pitch it as like a cowboy thing.
You're back in.
See, they do love cowboy.
That's what i'm saying.
Maybe, if I bet Trump could do it I don't think he's Mormon, I don't think Trump can.
Yeah, but they'll believe anything he says or does.
No, I don't think they'll justify anything.
No, I think Mormons are like kind of not as ride or die for Trump as, like the Evangelicals are.
Evangelicals are like we don't give a what Trump is, we love him, he's doing all the right things.
Mormons are a little bit more iffy, I think, like more fundamentalists, like the fundies, like him.
Um, can you see the ground?
Okay because, like my phone fell and then my credit card has entire credit card.
Um dude sorry, Joseph Smith, I apologize for sinning.
Um you're, you're showing me the blessed light.
Do you think Joseph Smith in your prayers?
Uh no, usually when you bear your testimony.
So there's fast sunday once a month and instead of a normal like uh meeting where people, two people, give like speeches, you do, people bear their testimony.
So anyone over the age of 18 or eight sorry, because after you've been baptized, you like have a better way of telling your testimony.
You can be younger, but anyway, you're just babbling.
Um, you go and bear your testimony and say, like to bear my testimony.
I know this church is true.
I love my savior, Jesus Christ.
I, I know my one true prophet, Joseph Smith.
Like you, like say all.
So that's usually when people talk about Joseph Smith the most.
It's usually when they're bearing their testimony.
That's, it's being a Mormon.
Sounds like it's a lot of hard work.
Yeah, you know what's also hard work, though.
Moving on to the paid proportion yeah, of this podcast.
That's right, that doesn't even i'm gonna get my waffle, but uh, cutie's gonna get her soggy waffle I think it is um, and she's gonna eat that soggy waffle behind the paywall.
Yes, if you want to check that out, I may nibble on it too.
The paid episode is gonna be behind the paywall at patreon.com.
Slash fear and go subscribe and we'll see you.
Go subscribe on the other side folks, please do peace.
Yeah, what do you have to say, Kaya?
Oh, you're making us money on the paywall today.
Oh my god.
She's making so much fucking money.
Oh, oh my God.
I want a dog.
Oh.
I can't take care of one, but I'm on dog talk and I keep getting cute dogs.
Oh, I saw the cutest fucking video and I want to share it with everybody.
It's so fucking cute.
Hold on, Marsh.
I'm going to send it to you.
I downloaded the TikTok.
It's so fucking cute.
God, can I get past some of these fucking photos of me?