Cutie and Austin navigate a chaotic family reunion marked by teasing over attire and gym habits, while debating Streamer Awards snubs and Super Bowl halftime show choices. Their day spirals after a stolen Chick-fil-A order disrupts tight schedules involving medical appointments and flights, leading to frustrated customer service encounters. The group awkwardly attempts acting exercises exploring sexuality before critiquing Apple Vision Pro aesthetics and debating Taylor Swift's environmental impact regarding private jet usage versus commercial travel. Ultimately, the episode highlights how logistical failures and social anxieties can overshadow celebratory gatherings. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Gym Stink and Late Arrivals00:14:07
I cannot believe that Austin was the first person here.
Okay.
Speak on it.
He was the first person here before me because I was upstairs.
I was showering.
I didn't even know motherfuckers were down here.
Okay.
And he's the one who's late, even though Cutie came in like 40 minutes late.
It's crazy.
We said it.
And yes, we started.
We started without him.
He ran to do a little tinkle.
He hates that.
He hates when we start without him.
And we did that.
We got to hear like a velociraptor, arms tucked like this.
I think it's shocking.
It's alarming that he was.
This is a skill.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's trying it.
He's got a small bladder.
I don't understand how this happened.
Plugging in packs right now.
All right.
Cutie.
May I say you look wonderful today.
You do.
You look beautiful.
Yeah.
My queen.
You know, when you like, when you first walked in here, if I wasn't a smarter and kinder person, I would have cat called you.
Yeah.
I did.
I did just for the misogyny.
I just dropped myself.
Good morning, cutie.
All right.
We are all back together as a family.
Look at this.
You remind me of like, you know, when like a bag lady just starts dropping shit in a public bag.
That's my problem.
Yeah, we need to get you like a big trash bag to carry around.
Like that I can't have a nice bag.
I have to ever take it.
Thanks for starting without me.
We couldn't wait five seconds.
I literally went, as soon as he went to piss, I was like, this is our opportunity.
Welcome back, everybody.
This is it.
This is the family episode.
We're back.
First time of the whole year.
It's really, it is really difficult.
Marsh immediately said that's not true.
Oh, it's not true.
Okay, second time of the whole year.
That actually could be true.
It feels like it.
Even if it's not true, isn't it society's fault that we feel that way?
I'm going to stand with you on this one.
Thank you.
Wow.
This is the first time you've ever unified on somebody.
I don't give a shit about that.
New year, new me.
That's right.
I don't care about that.
We're back.
Can you unite on me with something that I care about?
Like that you wear women's panties.
Why is this a thing that you're trying to start?
Because I'm the worst person so much.
I'm the worst person.
Yeah, you missed this.
This is like his new meta.
But I don't care.
Every time he says that, I'm like, yeah, sure.
Who cares?
He wears women's panties and stilettos.
No, so you got to go smaller like I did.
What do you stinky car?
Yeah, that's the worst.
That actually is not only untrue, but it's bothersome.
And also, there's no way to verify him.
Because you can't.
If you verify, it's stinky as hell.
That's right.
Stop.
Yeah, I was going to say, I couldn't help but.
He drove me to the gym the other day and it was a little stinky.
It smelled like farm.
I had to call a car to get that.
I despise that.
I despise that because it's like a Turkish bath in there.
Yeah.
No, it's because it preys upon my childhood insecurities.
I was a fat kid.
He knows this.
So my biggest fear is a fat kid.
It's smelling bad.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Sorry, what does a fat kid smell like?
No, so like when you're fat, you got fat rolls.
You wouldn't know.
He really wouldn't know.
Austin shows never puts his twinks on the scale before they come in.
And my queen, you wouldn't know either.
Thank you guys.
Let me explain something.
When you got fat rolls, like you get fucking, you know, when things get hot, you start smell bad.
So like I would literally be like deodorizing out the wazoo, taking double showers a day.
You know what I mean?
So I was always so worried about it.
And now this motherfucker prays on that.
I smell phenomenal.
He does smell great.
Yeah, we both smell good.
Yeah, I think everybody here smells good.
Good smeller.
I dealt with that too, though, with the streamer awards last year when I had the stinky show.
You brought that upon yourself and then told everyone.
Yeah, but you really did.
That was it.
It was a risk.
It was a risk analysis.
What if I didn't tell anybody and then secretly in the community, I developed a reputation for a smelly shirt?
That's not about to come out in the front.
I had to come out.
I had to just bite and allowed you to wear the shirt to streamer awards and then return it for the full amount.
I didn't actually, you're right.
I did return it for the full amount.
I completely forgot.
I was like, it's not in my closet anymore.
No, I'm going to go with Austin again on this one.
I get it.
I think you had to get ahead of the issue because people were going to smell it.
And then the off chance that, like, because it's so much worse if you just smell like that and you don't know.
And then people are like, damn, does Austin smell like that all the time?
Because there is somebody that we all know.
I'm not even talking about an individual person, but in everybody's group of friends or people, we all know the guy that smells and nobody wants to tell him.
I don't know why they don't do that.
I don't have anyone like that in my immediate circle, but like sometimes when I visit another like group of friends or whatever, there will be a guy like that.
And I'm always wondering, is it my place?
Because I'm an outsider right now coming in to tell the stinky guy.
Why haven't they told the stinky guy he stinks?
It's, I think it's so deeply personal.
Yeah.
To stink.
It's hard to tell someone, hey, stink.
Yeah.
If I stink, you guys should tell me.
I will tell you.
Never.
What's you never stink, Michael?
I would air your ass out.
What's crazy is I think on like public.
I think I look like I stink.
No, you are talking about that.
I think I constantly look like I don't shower.
What do you think?
But I literally just got out of the shower.
No, you look like you shower too much.
Yeah.
Like you literally look like you go to every event from the shower.
Yeah.
Like shower less.
You're always like 30% damp.
Yeah.
Your hair is wet.
You never have makeup on.
Yeah.
You literally always look like.
I mean, I just rolled out of the shower.
Yeah, you look great though.
It's because I have a beanie.
Being a woman is hard.
Yeah, it really is scary.
It takes a lot of work.
Yeah.
Long hair.
I am.
I literally am wet right now.
I did.
Always.
Every episode.
But my hair smells so good.
By the way, I smell good though.
Judy, I know that you are facing the unrelenting torment of the internet.
I'm stupid and I deserve it.
Well, I actually wanted to bring that up because I am.
I'm so stupid.
I have a grievance I want to air out with you.
Oh.
When everything was being nominated, Naimir Price was nominated.
And the photo is Austin and I standing together.
And he went, Congratulations, Austin.
I know.
Long pause.
Oh, and I guess Will.
It's weird.
It's weird because I cannot believe that that happened.
Okay.
And we probably lost because of it.
Yeah.
That's okay.
It's all right.
It's because most people, because it's usually the channel gets recognition.
Yeah.
But this was definitely like more of a 50-50.
So that's why it was a weird like 60-40.
Yeah.
Well, they both like you should.
Hold on.
I worked really hard on that shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know what?
Actually, 70-30.
Essentially, normally with events, there's usually one trophy.
But then I sat there and I realized, oh, crap, if they win this, I'm going to have to get another trophy.
So that's why I was like, oh, that's why I was like, oh, and I guess Will.
And then I was like, shit.
Son, that's like the one thing I did last year that I know.
No, I know, dude.
I was just kidding.
I didn't do anything else, but that was.
It was phenomenal.
Okay.
It was a great show.
Jesus Christ.
And yeah.
And it wouldn't be possible without Will now.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
And it was happening.
It was disgusting that you're back.
We're back.
Sorry.
Are we allowed to talk about?
I guess.
I'm just stupid.
The elephant in the room.
Nothing.
Excuse you.
I've lost five years.
Were an elephant, you would be the skinniest elephant, Jesus Man, she's you enough.
You would be the elephant that all the other elephants are like.
Damn, that's a sexy elephant, she's got it together.
I'm sorry, did you call me an elephant or her an elephant?
This isn't.
This has nothing to do with you, man.
That is the craziest song.
What is happening?
Well, you pointed at me and said, not you.
I pointed this way.
I thought i'm so sorry, and I thought he was calling me fat.
No, don't worry, he was calling me fat.
I wasn't calling either of you fat.
I was calling the situation dude.
I'm so calling the situation fat.
This is why we need to stick together.
I feel like i'm damp.
Now go ahead.
You're not, and we will not address the elephant in the room.
Which did you just call me fat?
Yeah, we had to cut away because we had to convince both of them.
We weren't calling them fat when we said, elephant in the room.
Yeah, it's really up, really up, because I because I am on my fitness journey, I mean, if anything, he's the elephant.
Jesus Christ, that's insane.
I'm the fattest.
No, why would you say that?
Oh, my god, cut.
Oh dude, that's up, your ass is gonna get eaten alive.
No, i'm sorry, I didn't know fat shaming.
No, I don't.
I'm not calling him because he's.
Oh, because I put in the context that he was calling me fat and then I called him an elephant.
Yes, but he's not an elephant.
Here's falling apart no but, but respectfully, he's not an elephant, he's just six, four.
I've never called him fat.
You're not fat.
That's ridiculous.
This is the worst.
That's elephant in the sense that, like you, you are the size of not go ahead, go ahead.
No no, you're not fat, you're just a larger man.
That's not fat.
But you're just six, four and you're broad and you have a lot of muscle.
He outlifted me in the gym.
We went to the gym together.
We did.
Let's talk about that.
Yeah, i'm so sorry.
Are you gonna get canceled?
You are.
No, you're not.
You are so prissy.
Oh, my god.
Okay, we went to the gym.
Austin has an insane regimen where he, like does all the workouts right, which is fine.
I mean he's.
He's relatively strong.
He's not as like strong for how good he looks, though.
Like you look, you look more, you look weight, saying you got candy muscles.
No, but he knows it.
He doesn't give a.
I don't care.
You look like you should be able to put up as much weight as I can like with the way that you don't think so.
You just have a lot of muscle mass.
It looks good.
Okay, I just want to stress that.
Flirting with you okay, I don't even know why i'm saying nice things about you you just called me a elephant and fat.
You said, if anything, you're the fatty elephant in the room.
Um damn, but uh, we did our workout and this man, this man did like 25 or 45 minutes of cardio after yeah, 25 minutes.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Yeah no no, we did the workout.
But here's what Hasan fails to understand, he should be able to lift more than me.
Yeah, the guy is much, you are much larger than me, but he was like well, you can't put three plates on each side for an upper chest press, like he also lifts 30 minutes of thumbs every day.
No, that's not true.
He was I on my phone at all.
Uh no but, but I did feel like I was Was being bullied the entire time.
I was bullying him.
Because he would be on his phone and I'd be like, put that.
Like, I have never been like going to the gym with Hassan is like, it reminds me of being in college and not fitting in with the cool kids.
Like, I was being bullied by Hassan.
No, but it was like positive bullying.
I was like, I was like, put that down.
Come on.
You got this.
You got more in you.
Like, give me some more.
Yeah.
You know, it was like that.
It was.
Yeah.
It was a little.
He was a little homoerotic.
It was like, yeah, man.
I don't know.
It was like talk really loudly too and like shame me in front of other people.
You, I think, got the experience, a staple experience that straight guys have taken for granted.
Homo erotic heterosexual relations in the in the gym.
Yeah.
It's a massive, it was a good workout.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, I the reason why I can't lift as much is because I'm in a deficit and I'm cutting and I do so much.
But and so is Will Net not taking.
Yeah, so I did something interesting.
I am imploring a new technique.
Super Saiyan workout.
Well, I'm employing a new technique where I tweet all my workouts and my diet.
So that way I'll be accountable.
I feel like the more I make it public, the more if I slip up, it's like a public shame.
Like I have to go out there and be like, the allegations are true.
I did eat chocolate cake.
I am sorry.
That's also called ED Twitter.
Sometimes it's a real thing.
Sometimes it's the opposite, though, is like people could tweet it and then they feel better about themselves that they just said it.
That they're going to be.
That's not me.
That's not you.
That's not me.
I know that it'll keep me accountable.
That's why I do it.
That's why I literally every single morning on my broadcast in the parasocialist segment before I blast off in the first 30 minutes will go through in great detail my workouts.
Are you plugging your Twitch?
Because I finally had a bigger viewership than you.
It would be very nice if you could raid me.
This is kind of fucked up.
This is in a row.
It's changed.
Yeah.
Will now be like, I'm the fucking captain now.
Everybody look at me.
Everybody look at me.
I get my one week a year after the streamer works.
And then you're the catch.
Yeah.
And then I get to be the captain.
And then when I do a lover host with like the stream again, he'll be the catch.
I was actually going to, I think I should do that.
This is literally, this is literally the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meme of like, we're the little ninja turtles and Austin is a splinter and then he gets old and we're holding him now.
He raised us all up.
Yeah, he did the fucking royales and shit.
I was, I was, I was, I've taken what you said to heart is like, Austin's like the busiest, unbusy person you've ever met.
And I, who said that?
You did.
You did.
I just think you're just not busy.
No, no, no.
But no, I know.
I genuinely am.
And I was driving in my BMW X5M up the which is unfortunately much slower than much better and faster.
Much slower than my car.
It does sound better.
I'll give you that.
No, but I was driving my car and I was like, kind of like your candy.
I was coming back from a facial and I was like, oh my God, my life is like, I live the life of a Beverly Hills housewife.
Starbucks Cups on the Street00:02:54
Yes.
I go from facial.
You schedule Starbucks time.
Yeah.
I mean, coffee time.
It's like in your plane.
No, let's let's air you out, motherfucker.
You have not considered it.
He has been funneling weapons into the IDF the entire time.
I know it's no palm on him.
My client does not consider it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I do not consume Starbucks coffee.
Thank you.
I will be fair.
He ordered coffee today and it wasn't Starbucks.
Yes.
That's right.
Yeah.
And if I do go to Starbucks, I only go to, I only order from queer baristas.
It's so funny because like yesterday, yesterday I was at a shoot and they have like Starbucks cups, but it's a K-cup.
like there's just like regular they have like a regular keurig machine but they only had starbucks cups so they put the keuric thing in a starbucks cup and i was like i can't drink this of course you could no not on camera like are you crazy yeah it's insane going straight to jail yeah no i don't i don't drink starbucks coffee are are you excited for the tailor bowl yes are you coming uh i oh yes oh can i bring a few friends a few Yeah, I met some friends in West Hollywood last night.
Oh, no.
Oh, you want to bring strangers to her house?
No, cutie, they're not strange.
No, no, they're just saying no.
No, no, no.
They're not strangers.
They're not a good stage of his.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
They're not strangers.
They're actually like gay friends.
They're gay friends that I know.
Has Marsh met them?
No, but they're twinks.
They're harmless.
What are they going to do?
That's insane.
What?
That's insane.
You do not know what Twinks.
Random twinks?
What they're capable of?
They're not random twinks.
Twinks that you found off the street.
No, I've known them.
I've gone out.
I've known them.
They've been friends of mine for a few months now.
Street twinks.
Yeah, they're not street twinks.
How many there's just like I've got a friend with me that's like my friend?
Yeah, you know that friend.
And then like two of it's like we're it's like a group.
A group thing.
Are you poly Emerus now?
No, no, no.
No, we're not fucking.
It's platonic.
It is.
It is.
I promise.
Why did you pause there?
Because you made, you're making it off.
You're making it off.
He's a millennial.
He did the millennial pause.
No.
That is, I'm so.
No, this is a new stage in your evolution.
We're not fucking.
This is a new stage in your evolution.
Guy who brings like gay friend, who brings a bunch of like random gays he found off the street, is like, definitely you, you have upgraded, I promise you're homo status.
They're not random, they're very nice people.
What do they do?
Um, one of them no one in PR in that event planning, that's PR.
No, poke me wedding, wedding planning, no.
And then the other one um, I actually don't know what they do.
No marketing gays, no pr gays.
They get around and they do tick tocks.
They do do tick tocks.
NFL Analogies and Joe Biden00:08:10
That's what, see.
See, you're doing it.
Both of them do you're doing it?
Of course they are.
They're tweaks of west Hollywood in marketing.
Okay no, I didn't.
Of course they do.
But can they come?
They're really nice.
They don't eat much.
I'm more nervous about space.
Oh, don't worry, they don't take up a lot of space, sure I?
I'm gonna be honest.
This Super Bowl I could not give a about for some reason.
I just don't care.
I just I just hope the Chiefs are gonna win.
Sorry, I also don't care about it.
I've used multiple Aaron Rogers analogies yesterday when talking about the way that people defend the Democratic Party unconditionally, with Joe Biden at the helm, and it it reminded me of your love for the jets, like the people being like Joe Biden is not old, I think.
I think it's more like a defense of Trump, because it's like you defend a winner.
See, you're doing it, you're doing it, but listen no, i'm gonna be honest when the Baltimore Ravens and the Detroit Detroit Lions lost.
America lost.
Right?
The heartland.
You know what?
White supremacy.
Whoa.
The heart and soul of the country just kind of went out of the game.
Because I feel like all of America was either rooting for the Ravens or the Lions.
Dude, I'm telling you, Detroit and Baltimore, both black teams.
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows the Chiefs.
Detroit would have been sick.
Everybody knows the Chiefs and the 49ers.
Both.
Both white teams.
White supremacy.
Well, I wanted it to be Detroit and the Chiefs.
This is the whitest Super Bowl.
I kind of didn't want Detroit to go through.
Why?
Because as a Vikings fan, it would have just felt so hurtful.
Oh, can I tell you something painful for me?
Yeah.
So I did a Super Bowl event two days ago where I got to hang out with a bunch of NFL players.
One of the NFL players I hung out with was Tua Taga Valoa.
Yeah.
The quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, who I was kind of silently hoping was a dickhead because I have to root against him.
He's in my division.
Of course.
He was the coolest human being I've ever met in my entire fucking life.
That makes me angry.
I also hate the New Orleans Saints.
He dapped up everybody.
Of course he did.
He was Gabbing.
He came over and was just John with me.
He's like, oh, you're a Jets fan.
And I was like, God damn it.
Why are you so nice?
Why are you so built my entire personality around hating you?
Stay strong, Will.
Yeah, he still sucks.
Okay.
I felt that way about Aaron Rodgers, but it's true.
He's a dick.
Yeah, we don't.
Well, oh, come on.
Dick.
This and also the ball.
Yeah.
It's so easy.
He's a dick, but also, like, he didn't even produce.
So that's the worst part about it.
His leg exploded.
That's what I mean.
One skill issue.
One more year.
Dude, dude, there has never been a better vindication for Moderna Pfizer and vaccines than Travis Kelsey, the face of fucking Pfizer in the NFL, going to the goddamn Super Bowl with a honey on his arm, like the most powerful woman on the fucking planet on his arm.
Everyone's paying attention.
Aaron Rodgers.
That's because Pfizer paid him $20 million for that door.
Exactly, dude.
Aaron Rodgers, no vaccine, leg explodes.
Yep.
Gabbing it up.
Got kicked.
To be fair, he got kicked off the podcast because he became a legal liability for fucking for Pat McAfee.
Can you imagine getting kicked off the Pat McAfee podcast?
That's terrible.
I mean, it's owned by ASPN.
Listen, all I'm going to say is, because of Joe Rogan adjacent doctors, Aaron Rodgers was able to heal an exploded leg in like 10 minutes.
He recovered from like torn ACL in like 15 minutes.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
Well, I'm going to have Taylor Swift themed food.
What does that mean?
Look what you made me donuts.
Oh, my God.
Fuck yeah.
I'm going to invite more people.
And now, Joe.
And now that we don't tacos.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
That's good.
This is so.
I'm so excited.
You belong with meatballs.
Oh, my God.
I can't eat any of that because of my very public diet that I will be shamed by myself on the internet for.
So I will look at this.
Super Bowl.
Not doing it.
Nothing's going to make it.
This is fun because it's a challenge for me because I know how fat he is.
So I'm just going to be.
I'm not drinking or breaking my diet.
I'm going to be like, I'm not going to have you dialed in.
You have the macro distribution of the and I won't be eating.
See, this is the difference between me and Austin.
I also want to know, but I would never ask that question.
I think it's an important question to ask.
But I'm making you need to normalize.
I don't know how to do macro.
Well, yeah, I mean, I think you're a fabulous cook, and I'm so excited.
You are a fabulous cook.
Well, technically, if you did want to, you could just like weigh out all the stuff and then put all of the calories and then literally just like break it down.
That would be nice.
That's more insane to tell her what to do.
I'm saying that it is a possibility, not that you're going to do it.
I would never expect you to do it.
It would be sweet.
It is nice that you're throwing a Super Bowl party.
I'm so excited.
It's always good to have somewhere to go for the Super Bowl.
That's why I used to throw them in high school.
I was always the Super Bowl party girl.
Really?
Yeah.
That's how I became a Patriots fan.
I feel like.
I feel like that's a good transition away from like crazy girl, who everyone in the school knew to like at least.
Oh, she's a crazy girl who throws Super Bowl parties great meatballs.
Can I be honest, I stopped watching the Super Bowl about five years ago and the reason, the reason?
No no no, I true, but the reason being is the duration of the game.
They have added so much ad space, they've padded that game so much that now the average run of the Super Bowl is like six hours and that is like yeah, it's insane.
I didn't know that six hours and it's it's always like this will be shocking to our audience.
For sure, because they are, if they're fans of mine, for the most part they don't give a about any of the sports stuff.
Um, the average playtime like on the field, five seconds of a football well no, that's five seconds, but like the total average playtime like oh, consecutive average playtime is 12 minutes.
Yeah, so it's actually 12 minutes of what's up.
I'm gonna call you out here.
You cannot talk.
It took you 17 hours to watch a one-hour interview by Tucker Carlson.
You pause way more than the NFL, that's true.
Oh, my god, that's true.
But one could make the argument that, like my playtime is me pausing and talking okay whereas uh, you know, the ad breaks in the middle.
I think football is very fun to watch.
I think this is part of the reason so many people have gravitated towards college football is it doesn't have as much ad time out, as much downtime.
It seems to move much quicker, but the Super Bowl it just moves at a snails.
I wish Usher wasn't performing.
Wait, why speak on that?
I feel like I don't know.
Why did you plant that?
It's funny because, like Usher, I think is beloved by white women on yeah, like universally, I I just ever since they did, like the Dr Dre Eminem yeah, freaking Snoop Dog.
That was just.
It was peak.
I think it was the best and then after that they should just stop, because now it's just like you can't go from Rihanna to Usher.
Yeah, what if it was kidding me?
I've really love Usher, are you yet?
Oh, my god, this is a me thing.
Oh, I love Usher, Usher was so.
I love Usher, but I agree with you.
I don't think he's a good Super Bowl.
I disagree, I disagree.
I think.
I think he will be cherished.
I think Usher is an incredible dancer performer, like stage performer and he's got like a portfolio of music he have, like Coneria, at some point.
I mean, I know he gave me at some point he gave.
Uh no, he gave someone herpes and was sued successfully for knowingly giving someone herpes for millions of dollars.
Yeah, gotta let it burn.
God damn yeah, I let it burn.
Yeah no I, I.
I am a i'm a big Usher fan.
Confessions was one One of my favorite albums.
Usher's Super Bowl Halftime Show00:10:17
Actually, you want to hear something funny?
Um, you know, that song Forever on the Dance Floor, I will forever remember because at a school, we would have these dances, but they weren't formal dances.
Yeah, I don't know what they were called.
Um, like dances, school dances, no, but they were like after football games, and there'd be like homecoming week.
There'd be like homecoming, no, it was like a non-formal dance, anyway.
But and so it would just be like everyone in like normal clothes, but and my crush in high school started grinding on me, or I started.
I guess he came up behind me so I could grind on him to the song Forever on the Dance Floor, and I was like, Oh my God, we're in love.
Wow, wow, and then, but here was the problem: is then everyone like knew we had a crush on each other, and then we got taunted for the rest of my life in high school.
And whenever that song would come on, they would look at us and they'd be like, Blair and Tony.
Oh, and I'd be like, Oh, what happened?
Which is why you Tony never actually, you want it?
You want some fucking tea?
I love what happened.
Here's some fucking fucking tea.
Okay, Tony's not his real name, by the way.
I just said Tony.
Yeah, there's no Italians.
We're there Mormons.
Okay.
Like Cameron.
Cameron.
Is that your sexy name?
How about Jared?
Jared is like a kind of like a guy like with a mullet.
All right.
Okay.
Cameron then.
Cameron.
Okay.
I don't.
Okay, Cameron.
Me and Cameron grinding away to forever on the dance floor.
Anyway, so I had a crush on Cameron.
He had a crush on me.
We used to play Halo together all the time.
I don't know if we loved each other.
And we would talk about how we had a crush on each other.
Then his girl best friend will call her Lindsay.
Bitch.
Bitch, by the way, not a girl's girl.
So we go to this like truth or we're at my friend's house and we're playing Truth or Dare.
And so then everyone's like, oh, Blair and Cameron, you have to go in this room for seven minutes alone.
And then of course we sat there awkward and like didn't know what to do because I had never kissed a boy or anything.
You didn't pull the trigger?
No, and we're both awkward.
And so we leave and then he goes to like his friends and he's like, I just didn't know what to do.
I just didn't want to do it.
And then Lindsay grabs him, takes him to another room, starts making out with him and is like, this is what you should do.
And like has her like grab her boobs and like her butt and everything.
And then she's, he's, and then within a week, he starts dating Lindsay.
And I cried so much.
It's your fault.
I'm here to tell you that you should strike while the iron is hot.
The opportunity was delivered to you and you, you lost it.
That guilt you've been living with has been valid.
What?
Guys, you didn't expect it to go that way.
My best.
You were in the wrong.
You made a huge mistake and it's all your fault.
She wasn't a bitch this whole time.
No, no, Lindsay saw she's an oil woman.
She was producing five barrels a day.
Lindsay saw the situation, saw her life flash before her eyes, recognized that you were, you know, incapable of striking while the iron was hot.
Swooped it.
What's Lindsay doing now?
Probably pregnant.
Of course she is with like five to seven children.
I think she only has one kid.
Wow.
I know this guy.
Cameron.
Me and Cameron?
Oh.
No, somebody else.
Yes, Austin from you.
Cameron.
You keep pointing at me.
He keeps fucking pointing at me.
I did not even use my.
He went like this.
My last memory of Cameron is the worst because fast forward college times, there's like a party and with a bunch of like people we went to high school with.
And I was like, oh, let's go.
And I brought my shitty boyfriend at the time that was like five years older than me and covered in tattoos.
And he was like the most deadbeat human you could think.
He was awful.
He really was.
No, he was awful.
And not just because he was covered in tattoos.
I was just trying to like set up.
He shouldn't be covered in tattoos and not be a deadby.
He was like, you said it like he's kind of a bad boy, though.
Was he a bad boy?
He was like 30 living with his mom.
How old are you?
That's bad.
And sometimes he would punch me because I was mean or because I was loud.
Yeah.
So he wasn't that domestic abuse is definitely real bad boy because he was kind of cool Did he smoke cigarettes?
Yeah, that's cool And like he would make his own like dab or whatever nice weed wax in his yeah in his mom's basement anyway He was a jerk, but I bring him to this party.
I don't know because I thought I would look cool.
I don't know My whole goal in life has always been trying to look cool and just never succeeding.
And then don't shut up.
And then we go to this party and then it's the first time I ever get high.
I decide to get high, like for real, for real, at this party.
And I get the giggles and Cameron was in the other room and he looked over and glared at me and was like, what is wrong with her?
And I will live with that forever.
He said, he said that?
Damn.
But you heard him say that.
Yeah.
Well, now he's 40.
No.
Okay.
Cameron's my age.
Cameron wasn't the boyfriend.
Oh, I thought he was the.
I don't care about the boyfriend.
I lost track of the story.
He's already.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Cameron's taking care of him.
What do you think Cameron's doing?
What do you think Cameron's doing?
Cameron, I don't know.
I don't know.
He's not like on social media or anything.
Yeah.
Probably also has multiple.
I bet he's thinking about me.
I think he probably.
I bet he wants to be invited to this show.
I bet he's going to watch the Super Bowl and hear forever on the dance floor and be like, where is she?
Yeah.
I fucked up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where is she now?
Yeah.
But I went home after Lindsay did that shit and I listened to teardrops on my guitar and I cried my heart out.
So maybe Usher is a good Super Bowl halftime show for you.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I think that's that's crazy.
I might have to take Ludwig in the other room and grind on him.
Oh shit.
I honestly, I full circle, I don't think he's, you know, be hype is if he brought out Taylor for one song.
She won't.
That would never happen.
Yeah.
All right.
She would never get her.
First of all, for Usher, that means like he has to rizz her up.
No shot.
Yeah.
Travis Kelsey's out there.
That's like, that's, you know.
We'll see.
There's a higher chance of Usher bringing like Kai out.
So Usher should Kai Sinette.
Yeah.
Usher should bring someone out.
Should bring someone out.
That is, I do agree with that.
I thought that was a huge problem with Rihanna's halftime show last year.
You can't go from freaking Dr. Dre, Snoop Dobbs, freaking SoFi, 50 Centi halftime, and Mary J. Blige.
Yeah, I thought Missy Elliott was too.
Maybe she was there too.
The SoFi halftime, which is everybody, the ensemble and the Beyonce halftime are like such a gold standard.
Who would be okay?
If you could pick any artist to be a halftime show performer, we already know cuties.
Who would you pick?
Dav Punk.
Yes.
Yes, bro.
I've been saying we need some techno representation at the halftime.
They reunite for this halftime show.
At this point in, in like, like at this point in music and in culture, I feel like Daft Punk is no longer like maybe 10 years ago or 20 years ago at this point.
God, I'm old.
They would have been considered like kind of an international powerhouse, but still not like super popular in the American market.
But now it's like, it's pop music and EDM is like merged completely.
If Daff Punk reunited for a halftime show, that shit.
There would be people who bought Super Bowl tickets just to go see Daft Punk.
Yeah, 100%.
I think Britney Spears should do the halftime show.
I like that.
I'm serious.
I think the shark from Katy Perry's performance and him alone.
You're just saying that because we know Taylor Swift.
Yeah, because we know who you want.
Well, if I can't choose Taylor Swift, I think I would like John Mayer.
No.
I like Billie Eilish, but she would, I don't think she could do a halftime.
It would be like, she'd only have to do like Bad Guy and like her upbeat songs.
I actually want to bring something bad up.
They used to do promotions with the halftime shows.
Marsh, please pull up Indiana Jones halftime show.
I think we need to bring these facts.
Well, they do, the Pepsi, right?
Well, but they used to do whole-themed halftime shows.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So this is the Indiana Jones halftime show, which was a whole stage performance of Indiana Jones during the Super Bowl.
Oh, my God.
Which bring this shit back.
I mean, that's pretty cool.
Yeah.
Was it popular at the time?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, this was wild.
You know, like, how do you...
Oh, look at that.
I don't know what it is.
It wasn't even a performer.
It was just a stage performance.
It was a stage performance.
Wait, who is that?
I do not know this.
Wait, can you play this music?
Can we hear it?
Yeah.
There he is.
There's Indy.
And he's stealing the Super Bowl trophy.
Is it actually Indiana Jones, too?
Like, is that?
It's actually Indiana Jones.
Harrison Ford?
No, I don't think it's Indiana.
No, I mean, they have a body double, but you couldn't.
On old TVs, that was Harrison Ford.
You know what I mean?
Hey.
Yeah, this Super Bowl.
Young Harrison Ford was so attractive.
Like, what if they did a stage performance of Saltbird?
Oh, yes.
And it's, you know, just drinking come out of gutters.
Oh, fucking shit.
Barry's cocks out.
And he's walking around with that Irish Python.
Oh, there's no music.
They're just straight up eating ass.
It is a stage show of Indiana Jones.
Well, there was a guy singing in the beginning.
All right, pause.
Do you guys know what the performance at the first Super Bowl halftime show was?
No.
Tony Bennett.
Frank Sinatra.
It was a man with a jetpack.
Wait, what?
In the first Super Bowl halftime?
Type up Super Bowl one halftime jetpack.
Nice.
It was just a lone guy flying.
Can I come over to your house and can we do it?
Okay, that is way.
Okay, can I just say this is way sicker because they were like, there's no music or anything.
They're like, look at this cool gadget that is going to change the way we.
Here you go.
What the hell?
Yeah.
Wait, what year was this?
1960.
This guy's killing it.
Why don't we have more jetpacks?
Oh, my God.
There's two guys.
Two jetpacks.
There's two jetpacks.
By the way, do you know where this is?
Pasadena.
Apple Vision Pro Jetpacks00:06:04
Yep.
It's the orange Rose Bowl.
Yeah.
So I brought facts for you guys.
I brought a few little, I came prepared.
I like that.
You did.
That was my little mini America me up eagle scream.
Marsh, you got to put that in there.
That's incredible.
Put that in there or you get five lashes this week.
Yeah.
That was good.
That was cool.
I think we should do that.
We should have Neuralink at the halftime show.
Just like a guy like, there's another thing we have to talk about.
We got to talk about hate it or love it, Apple Pro Vision.
Where do you stand?
I think it looks ridiculous.
Well, I saw a video of this guy going to the bathroom and he made his toilet look like it was on the mountainside and I liked that.
I hate it.
I think augmented reality is the future.
AR is the future.
Yes.
Definitely 100%.
But wearable tech as it stands currently is too bulky, too inefficient, too ugly, too in your face.
I think it's the future regardless, but I also am a little worried about it.
Maybe I'm too much of a boomer, but I think that, you know, this is already pretty fucking bad.
Having a PC on you at all times that we're constantly looking at, spending four to five hours on is already making us increasingly more isolated while also simultaneously making us feel like we're actually more connected than ever before because at the tip of our fingers, we have, you know, people in Zimbabwe that we could talk to.
I agree that it is too clunky right now, but it is a look into the future.
And I do think it's an inevitability now.
Like with the first iPhone, it felt clunky, but this is inherently more clunky, but Apple did something brilliant.
They made it prohibitively expensive.
They probably could have made that headset a lot less, but when you make it four grand, all of a sudden it becomes a status symbol.
So everybody with money got to show you that they're flexing by buying a fucking super expensive headset.
They could have made that a grand easy, but they fucking quadrupled that price so that all of a sudden it's like buying a watch or something.
And everybody's talking about it.
Yeah, exactly.
Everybody's talking about it now.
But I do think, I do think we're like 10 years off from basically, you know, that being a pair of sunglasses that everybody wears.
Google Eye.
Google Eye was literally, unfortunately, too ahead of the curve.
It was like the PSP.
The original PSB was supposed to be this like genre defying item.
And unfortunately, it came too early.
It didn't have a second, it didn't have a second controller or not a controller, but like a second joystick.
Also the discs.
It was just before the internet kind of made it to handhelds.
Once the internet made it to handhelds, you didn't have to buy little tiny discs and carry them around.
Yeah, UMD was like kind of a flub too, but I think Sony is such a powerhouse that they could have like kind of elevated that regardless.
But you're right.
You're absolutely right.
Storage was a massive problem and it came out too early.
Same with Google, the Google Eye or whatever the fuck.
It came out too early.
Snapchat even tried it, if you remember.
I had the Snapchat glasses.
And now with Apple Vision, you're right.
I think that like everyone is looking at like Casey Nice stats of the world and being like, wow, these guys are clowns, but everyone's talking about it.
And maybe some people secretly are like, I do aspire to have an Apple Plus.
People are going to fuck with Apple Pro Vision on 100p.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I'm sure they have already.
I don't think I want one.
I don't want one.
I think they look ridiculous.
And I care a lot about how I look and I don't want to wear one.
I think I look like a fool.
What do you think, QT?
She wants the poop on the mountain.
I want to poop on the mountain.
Which is weird because you could do that.
You could literally poop on a mountain.
I have.
But it's effort.
She likes the fact that it's no effort.
Oh, convenient.
Yes.
I've pooped on a mountain.
I won't actually buy one.
Terrible.
I wouldn't do that.
You wouldn't buy one?
No, that's such a waste of money.
It's a waste of money.
At least four, yeah.
$4,500, I believe.
Or $3,500, one or the other.
It's a lot of car.
It's a lot of fun.
And it also literally has like a two-hour runtime too.
It's not like it's, you know, it's not like you can take it out.
But so all these videos that I see of people wearing them, I feel, I thought it's like a joke, but it's serious.
It's dead serious.
People are like out in public wearing them.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
And it's not, I thought it was, I thought it was a joke.
Do you have a water down there?
Can he have that one?
May I please, not the one that you're drinking.
May I please have a water, sir?
I'm going to look into your cave area right now.
So no real strong feelings about the Apple Pro vision.
Not really.
I don't think so.
I don't think, I do think it's the future, though.
I think in three generations, everybody will have an Apple Pro Vision the same way that they have.
Not an Apple Pro Vision, but like whatever wearable tech becomes like the leading market one, it might be the Apple one.
I think Apple being an early adapter and having more success where everybody else has failed is going to is going to play better.
No, I think I think what Apple Vision did is what Elon Musk did with Teslas.
EVs already existed.
Hybrids were super popular and very efficient.
However, Tesla basically came right at the at the perfect time and a decent price point.
And I think that's what like, not that Apple's doing it at a decent price point, but like it created more interest in EVs.
That part is undeniable.
I hate Elon Musk, but Tesla did definitely get ahead of the curve on the EV wave, becoming like a, you know, mass adopted mode of transportation.
And I think Apple Vision came at the right time because there are earlier examples of wearable tech that just flopped massively.
I don't like wearing my Apple Watch because I forget to wear it.
You know, truth be told, I'm with you on that.
The reason I don't wear my Apple Watch is because I don't know where this is.
Heart Attack Warnings on Watches00:15:29
Because people keep having those things where it tells them when they're having a heart attack.
So if we were to wear it, we would know when we're having a heart attack and we could save our lives.
I like it because it tracks my...
You're both skinny 30-year-olds.
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah.
And you never know.
Arrhythmias can hit at any age.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Surprise.
At any age, surprise, boom, dead.
My aunt randomly died.
Yeah.
And that could be you.
And it could be a lot of people.
I'm shocked that you guys are not anti-vaxxers with the way that you've been positioned.
No, I've actually started to think about that a little bit.
Well, we haven't gotten the booster.
Yeah.
Anti-boosters.
Okay.
Speaking of dying, I actually had a really weird experience recently.
What?
Don't tell me it was a dream where one of us died.
No, I had a dream where I died in a plane crash, which is my greatest fear.
Oh, great.
That'd be great for cutie.
But instead of being afraid, I just accepted the void.
It was the first time I've ever had a situation where I was like, okay, believing reality.
But that's how you always have felt about it.
Yeah, but this was like, it was like real in my head that I was going to die.
And I was just so zen about it.
But I like, I think I've just accepted.
Did you die in your dream all the way?
What?
People usually wake up before they die.
No.
What was it like after you died in your life?
Yeah, did you meet Jesus?
No, it was just black.
And then wake.
Wow.
And so then do you believe in reincarnation now?
No.
Are you dead?
I don't know.
No, I'm definitely not dead.
I think you won't remember any of your life when you die.
I think it's just a void.
A cold, cold void.
I think Jesus is king.
I don't know.
I just, I hope he is there.
I hope he's there.
I really.
Nobody else.
You go to heaven.
It's just shredded.
I've never got all the twinks that I had wearing your symbol while I fucked up.
No, I mean, I've gotten over that fetish.
Yeah, because Jesus is like, we were going to send you to hell.
Yeah.
But you got over that.
Yeah, I got over the fetish.
I don't really care anymore if they're wearing a cross or not.
You know what?
Sometimes I think, sometimes I think I might already be dead, but I created so much content on the internet that this is an AI trying to reassemble my consciousness by using different pieces of media.
And basically, I am just a computer, an advanced learning tool, trying to figure out who Will Neff was by piecing together all of his public appearances.
I actually do that too.
Sometimes when you're really dissociated, you're just like, am I real?
Yeah.
I don't have any of these feelings, man.
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
He's too busy getting his dick.
Yeah, you're cool.
Dude, by the way, I'm so sorry, Hassan, for just not showing up to your stream the other day.
Did you invite him?
Yeah, I did.
Oh, but I was not really expecting you to show up.
Let's be real.
Well, it was a terrible, I had a terrible day.
Stream was better.
Jesus is going to remember this.
No, it was better with that.
It was a terrible day.
It was the worst day ever.
I've never had a day where one thing that bad happened set off the whole thing.
Can I explain what the one thing that was bad or go ahead?
You explain what the one thing was.
Okay.
I ordered food to the house, Chick-fil-A.
Okay.
And it got stolen.
To Hassan's house?
Yes.
And it got stolen.
I was on a very tight schedule.
I had turned off the auto.
I was late to everything for the rest of the day because somebody stole my food.
Wait.
Because I had to go wait in line to get it after that.
This is exactly what you said to me.
And I did not correct you in the text messages that you sent to me specifically so I could yell at you now.
Why the fuck did you feel like you had to go to Chick-fil-A, wait in the line, and fucking and like push everything back because I had to eat.
What the fuck?
Why Chick-fil-A?
Why the line?
What else?
Why was I supposed to get?
Just go to a different restaurant.
Where?
Where?
Not even a restaurant.
You're in Lost Age, but they're all in the middle.
Why did you not order it to your upcoming event?
Because you had like a podcast appearance.
You had a doctor appointment.
You had a doctor appointment.
Then you had a podcast appearance.
And then you had a flight that you had to catch.
Yes.
But the first appearance that I had to make was at a, it was a medical office.
Okay.
Am I supposed to order Chick-fil-A to the medical office?
Hold off.
I was dying of starvation.
We're going to be old men who tell stories at a bar and people are going to be like, damn, aren't you those guys?
Like, didn't you guys...
A long, long time ago.
Didn't you guys get heterosexually gay married and change the world?
You know what's going to happen.
I am going to break loose as a director and actor.
I'm going to become an A-list celebrity, win an Academy Award, then I'm going to fall out of favor, and then I'm going to blow my brains out.
Question?
Okay, no.
That's not.
No, it's not going to happen.
If you direct a movie, can I be a bad person?
Like the background, please.
Can I be the waiter?
I'm so good.
Watch.
Sorry.
All right.
You're reading for a role.
All right.
You are.
Would you like your water, sir?
You didn't even get the role.
And you dropped the product.
You're cut.
That was one of the worst reads I've ever seen.
That's crazy.
Give us a roll.
You will never work in this fucking town.
Give us a role.
And we all have to do a read.
All right.
Okay.
You guys have a scene.
Okay.
You guys have a scene.
I'm ready.
You just fucked.
Oh, my God.
Post fucking.
Cutie, you've just realized that the man that you're in love with is gay because something happened in the boudoir.
And scene.
I get really digging.
And scene!
No running film.
Yeah.
I'm going to really try to act in this.
He's going to be Hitchcock.
Like, he's not.
Yeah, we're trying.
He's not.
He's not.
The camera is rolling.
I'm filming on fucking IMAX.
Do you know how much that film is?
You cost me another role and I will shut down this fucking production.
Now, camera roll.
Sound.
And this is real Kubrick hours right now.
He's mentally torturing you specifically so you can get into the role and it's causing irreparable physical and mental damage.
So that butthole stuff.
Do you always?
Are you always?
I mean, I think.
I mean, I've always been into it.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
I have been.
I also noticed you were closing your eyes like the whole time.
I was really into it.
I think you're overthinking it.
Really?
I really do.
I really think you're overthinking it.
I feel like I didn't like feel any like penetration from your actual penis.
I like, did you actually, it felt, I think, were you soft the whole time?
Are you gay?
Say it to me.
Tell me.
I'll tell everyone.
I won't keep your secret.
I'm gay.
How do we know?
And scene.
Not bad.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Surprisingly much better than I thought.
Not bad.
Thank you.
That was pretty good.
You kind of did bad.
The paywall episode is so much better.
No, I was going to be emotional.
Honestly, no.
Austin's surprisingly also not bad.
We might release this episode as the normal episode and the normal episode.
I, for a second, literally believed Austin was gay.
It was really good.
Yeah.
Wow.
Like, we know you're straight and you obviously lied.
Do an exercise?
Sure.
I want you to play the reality of the scene, but this time you are the scorned woman.
You are the gay man.
And I want you to own it.
The person you love has been lying to you.
And you're conflicted.
You love them, but you know that this means the end.
And camera roll, sound speed, action.
I was going through.
I was on your computer.
Why were you on my computer?
I was checking my email.
Okay.
Because my computer.
You know, my computer broke.
I dropped it.
Uh-huh.
I remember you dropped it.
Remember?
I was going through your computer, and I believe, I believe wholeheartedly that we have our own business between one another.
We were together, but we it's private.
I don't know what you mean.
I saw something.
Where?
I opened up a tab to go to Gmail and I saw Twink porn.
Okay, it wasn't mine.
Twink porn.
It wasn't mine.
I don't know who else is it could have been.
It was on your laptop.
I'm a man.
All I do is lie and drink protein shakes.
Okay, we're gonna cut there.
That felt like a little bit of pointed.
Yeah, I didn't think you were playing the reality of the scene.
I feel I think I actually hate acting after that.
I feel like neither of you really were your like the role that you were supposed to be.
Yeah, I don't know how to be a gay man.
I also don't know how to be a woman confronting their man that they're a homosexual.
I will take a role in your movie, but not as a gay man.
I need a script.
I need more direction.
Austin's like the conditions were not.
I'm playing the director.
Your honor.
I need more direction.
Interesting.
I'm not a good actor.
I'm okay.
I play a mean girl really well.
I can only play myself.
If you make a remake of pretty much anything with Megan Fox in it, I think I can do it besides Transformers, but when she's mean, I can do that.
I think maybe.
I think there's only one movie.
I don't think I'm going to act ever again.
You're a good actor.
I don't think so.
You need a little coaching.
I do.
What about me?
That's except for that hot chip and protein shake.
Really?
Shit.
So, did either of you watch my announcement video, you fucks?
I watched the whole thing.
It was like a freaking movie.
Thank you.
14, 12 months.
Squibbs, baby.
I can't believe it.
Wait, wait.
Don't expect anything.
Wait, wait, wait.
Go ahead.
Oh, my God.
You didn't?
Did anybody text Will to congratulate him on his OTK announcement?
Yes.
Yes.
I literally fully flew into Austin to be a part of his announcement video.
Just a minute.
Did he respond to your text?
Did he respond to your text?
I physically went there to respond to your text.
Wow, he's really good at turning this, though.
I know, but it doesn't.
Impressive.
What did I say about men and protein shakes?
I texted Will and I said, congratulations.
All your hard work is paying dividends and you fucking deserve it.
I love you.
No response.
Oh, that was a nice thing to say.
That is actually quite powerful of a statement.
From a man who did not watch the announcement video.
As the biggest streamer.
Why don't you respond to me?
As the biggest streamer in the room, I get a lot of messages.
Oh, do you?
Okay.
I was actually, I'm kind of happy.
I'm the only one.
It's my fault.
I was at Top Golf already.
Okay.
Okay.
That's all right.
Maybe he didn't.
You replied to me.
No.
I was busy, busy.
He's busy.
He's been busy.
It's okay.
I didn't need a reply.
You're turning.
You're turning.
So it's already good, though.
So you're going to be able to get a little I have not watched his announcement video, but I planned to watch it.
I was busy.
I was in it.
I saw a little like snap, like wait, so you didn't watch this announcement video, but you saw my parts of it?
No, I saw like I'm on Twitter sometimes.
That's so much worse.
And I'm on Twitter and I saw pictures of it.
I plan to watch it.
Oh my God.
Oh, my fucking God.
You kicked Kai.
I have to tell you, the greatest customer service experience I have ever experienced on the planet.
Okay.
From Chick-fil-A.
All right.
Where are we at, by the way, March?
Yeah, let's finish this.
You could save it to the, you could tell the Patreon about you.
You can tell the Patreon about it.
And also, I can tell part of it, and then I'll share the message that I received, the voice message that I received on the Patreon.
Okay, okay.
Oh, because I still want, we're going to do Cockwatch on Patreon.
No, Drake's meat.
I'm excited.
No, we can't look at that.
Why not?
It was a leak.
But he liked that it, like, he was, he was happy about it.
Does he want us to look?
I think he wants.
Yeah, I call it.
Did he want us to look at Dick?
He did.
Well, his response to Aiden Ross made it seem like he was into it.
I don't think we should look at Drake's meat.
I don't think we should look at Drake's acceptance either.
I was just going to still talk about it.
Oh, we can talk.
Okay.
But we will look on it on the fuck.
Sorry.
I went to Chick-fil-A.
I went to Chick-fil-A and I ordered my normal meal.
And I get back home and I open the bag.
And instead of my kale crunch chicken salad, there was what?
That's what I ordered.
A kale crunch salad.
There was a mac and cheese.
And then instead of the grilled chicken sandwich, it was a fried chicken sandwich.
I was like, no big deal.
No big deal.
You definitely did not.
It doesn't.
It doesn't matter.
But I was hungry.
I was like, I need to eat.
And I was like, I just drove.
It took me an hour round trip because I waited in line.
It took me a long time.
I waited in line.
I like drove.
I was like trying to be better for the environment.
So I didn't order delivery, which doesn't make a lot of sense because I sat in the drive-thru with my house.
Yeah.
It doesn't make a lot of sense.
But anyway, regardless.
Another thing, speaking of the environment, I would drive through the drive-thru and I would turn my car off every time I'd stop.
So it was better for the environment than a delivery.
Your delivery driver might have like a Tesla or something.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
Anyway, so I call the store and I'm like, hey, you know, I don't, this isn't a big deal.
Could you just refund my card because the order's wrong?
They're like, somebody will get back to you.
And I'm like, oh, it's a fast food restaurant.
They've called me three times in the last week to let me know, hey, we're so sorry.
They have apologized.
They've called.
They left voicemails.
They've texted me to try to give me back, I want to say probably $12.
And they have been chasing me down for a week.
And I texted them back and I said, don't worry about it.
This is amazing.
The customer service is so phenomenal.
Don't even worry about it.
I was never upset.
I just was like, hey, can I get my money back real quick and maybe get it?
I was trying to get them to like, I was trying to order it on delivery and then like them not charge me for it somehow.
Oh, so you were, oh, so you ended up ordering it on delivery after driving.
Yeah, I did.
But that's really good for the environment.
Okay, get a refund.
But anyway, okay, Taylor's with best customer service experience.
She's not even in the top 30 of Slavic.
All right, seeing that.
We're going to be talking about that on the paywall.
Yeah, baby.
Do it for this episode.
The family's back together.
Thank you so much for joining us this week.
There will be more behind the paywall, including Austin Show's Chick-fil-A voicemail.
Yes.
We'll see you next time.
Yes.
And the family's back together every week now for the rest of the year.
And also, vote for name your price as voting clothes.
Voting ending.
Voting in.
But we do.
Fuck.
Why did we say this at the end of the episode?
We have 92 more calendars.
I need two more calendars, baby.
Buy your calendars.
Yeah.
Hassan's cock is in it.
Yeah.
All of our cocks are in it.
All of our cocks.
And also, cutie's tits are in it.
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
All right.
Cut there.
Hi, Austin.
It's Allison at Chick-fil-A.
I was calling to apologize about the issues with your order on Saturday.
We have someone that double-checks the orders, and I apologize that that got missed.
Chick-fil-A Refund Call00:02:35
I didn't know if you saw my text from earlier in the week.
I was just going to try to have someone from the store call you about that refund, but we just need to get some details from the card you used.
And unfortunately, I work from home, so I'm not able to do that.
So basically, it's a team member from the store would give you a call.
So if you are able to text me, I did text you from the store number, which is just in case you didn't get my text, feel free to text.
And then let me know if someone could call you possibly tomorrow and we could get that information from your card and do that refund.
So text me if you can and let me know if tomorrow would be a great time for you.
You can tell me if you have like a morning or afternoon preference.
Okay.
Thank you so much, Austin.
I hope you have a great day.
Bye.
Serious smoke.
What?
Oh, you're fucked.
Taylor Swift is an environmental terrorist, and you must address.
You must address her crime.
I'm going to defend Taylor Swift.
She buys enough carbon something to offset.
That's what I was going to say.
That's a scam.
No, no, no.
No, she doesn't.
No, no, no.
This pisses me off, Cutie.
I'm totally on your side.
Whatever Austin says.
This pisses me the fuck off.
You have the same car.
I was sitting there.
Like, could you imagine Taylor Swift on Delta Airlines?
Go fuck yourself.
No fucking way could she, she would be such a disruption to air travel.
And there's no way she can fly publicly.
Two things I think are super whack that need to be eliminated entirely are private jets in general.
Like, you can have smaller jets or whatever the fuck, or you can have like elite-level jets that is or whatever, but it should still be commercial travel.
And the other one is cruise ships.
And you like both of those.
I think cruise ships need to go away.
Okay, yeah.
By Global Footprints, pretty insane.
Yeah.
You're going to defend Taylor Swift?
I mean, I think it's crazy how much flack she gets in comparison to like Travis Scott or the Kardashians.
They fly more.
Travis Scott got a ton of flack when his concert killed people.
Oh, yeah, but for the flight thing.
Yeah, no.
He flies more than that.
When the bar is set at people died at your show, it kind of feels like a step back to be like, you have a bad car.