Austin Show and Cutie Cinderella dissect a "gay for pay" controversy, clarifying Austin's sexuality amidst allegations involving Hassan and slurs. They debate Taylor Swift's political influence regarding the Israel-Palestine conflict and Joe Biden, while discussing her Grammys performance loan and NFL appearances. The hosts analyze far-right "looks maxing" trends, body dysmorphia, and cosmetic procedures, contrasting them with embarrassing social interactions and targeted ads for erectile dysfunction pills. Ultimately, the episode blends personal anecdotes with critiques of online culture, highlighting the absurdity of digital beauty standards and political polarization. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Coming Out As Straight00:11:24
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
Welcome to the podcast, folks.
Welcome to another episode of Fear And and your favorite people are back in the building.
Cutie Cinderella and me.
Yours truly, Austin Show, and then also that Hassan guy.
Welcome.
There's nothing more insane to me than being, then one, pushing the podcast back.
It was supposed to be at 10, pushing the podcast back to 11.30, 11 to 11.30, and then being almost an hour and a half late to that.
And then coming in, sitting down, yelling, being like, oh, I hate how bad the infrastructure is in LA when it rains, blaming it on like natural weather events, and then having the audacity to start the podcast yourself.
Yeah, well, I mean, I do the intro like you were here.
I think they needed somebody to do the intro.
Who's they?
Who were we talking about?
Our non-binary fans.
Yes, our non-binary queer fans.
Okay.
They needed a queer representative to do a podcast or do an intro for our podcast.
We and they don't like your attitude.
Yeah.
It's interesting that quit straight splaining.
It's interesting that Austin immediately started off by trying to act like he's actually queer when he was exposed yesterday.
Okay, okay.
That's right.
You did choose me on Lover Host.
I did.
He's been attracted to me for years.
So there's a wait.
This story has deep lore.
Okay.
You get it started.
He called me frantically.
Like frantically while I had guests on my stream, he's like, no, we have to talk about what's going on.
We have to talk about what's going on.
This is really devastating.
Listen, if you need to talk to someone, just push go live.
No, I was going to, but he was live and all that.
Thousands of people.
All my viewers are on his stream at the moment.
Go ahead.
So here's the deal.
I'm going to start on his stream at the moment.
He's like, okay, is in Hoscord stream.
So I did.
Yeah.
I did an interview with this guy, a friend of mine.
His name is Art, and he's interviewing gay creators, like sort of like man on the street type shit.
Can we show an interview?
Yeah, we can if you want.
I'll send it to you, but I'll tell the story.
Send it to March.
I'll tell the story as we're doing it on Discord so we can pull it up.
For some context, I can't multitask, so it's going to be hard for me.
I'll send it to you after the story.
Okay, well, I'll tell you, no, you're not going to tell me.
No, let me tell you that story.
I'll tell the story.
So the story is.
So the story is Art and I do this interview, right?
This video.
We'll watch the video in a moment.
Is Art Gay?
Is Art in his real name?
Yeah.
Is Artemis?
I think it's short for something.
My ex-boyfriend had a friend named Dart, and I thought that was the funniest name.
And he'd be like, I'm going to lunch with Dart.
And I was like, that's cool.
Yeah.
I think about Dart sometimes.
I wonder what he's up to.
Well, probably addicted to methadone now.
Yes, that seems like the type of name.
Was he Mormon?
No, but he played lots of World of Warcraft.
So he's probably dead.
Yeah, he's dead.
Actually, he's not dead.
His name is Asmund Gold.
That's right.
He's actually very successful.
That's awesome.
Okay, so anyway, so Art interviews me and we do a couple videos.
Both of them get really good views.
One got like half a million.
The other got like a million on Instagram.
And this drops you count.
No, it's relevant.
No, I get it.
It got a lot of traction.
It's not relevant.
It's relevant.
So he sends me a text last night.
He's like, this is so stupid.
And it's a comment from another person saying that Austin is gay for pay.
You shouldn't interview gay for pay creators because it's like they're gay for pay.
And I was like, he admitted it on his Twitter is what he said.
That's the one, right?
Right?
Yeah, pull it up, please.
I'm so ready for this segment that I literally sent March ahead of time visual aids so we could pull it up because I have so many things to show.
He says that he says that I'm gay for pay, right?
And then the reference tweet that he uses to say that I'm gay for pay is me.
I tweeted last year that Hassan and I aren't gay and that we're not dating just to clear up a misconception.
Oh, right, because you were trying to start that.
I was trying to start that.
There's also some of those tweets are not there, unfortunately.
So I also did a tweet saying, Hassan and I, just to clear up the confusion, Hassan and I are not gay.
And also, like, you know, some other stuff.
You were saying we're not married.
So this guy goes and does an investigation.
Evidently, he sees me on this thing.
He does his research.
Investigation gay.
Yeah, right.
And he finds all these tweets, one being Hassan and I aren't gay.
The other being me saying I'm not gay on April 1st, which is clearly that deep.
I think we found all that.
Okay, yeah, you guys found all that shit.
So here's what happened.
Austin calls in a panic being like, this guy doesn't think I'm gay.
At first, I was like, who cares?
But then I realized, well, this is great content.
Send him a video.
Send him a video of you being gay.
No, because gay for pay.
That's what I'm saying.
There's no way I can fucking prove that.
Yeah, but the hard thing about being gay for pay is you also get sent like beheading videos.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
One time I did a collab with a drag queen and my Discord all of a sudden ping, And some homophobic, crazy person just filled my discord with beheading videos.
And they're like, you gay fucks.
And I was like, number one, where's my pay?
That's just straight up.
That's a homophobic psychopath.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like, being gay for pay, you also get the homophobic psychopath.
I don't know if it's worth it.
But I started cutie saying she was gay.
Why was gay for pay?
And I'm like, how do I prove to this guy that I'm gay?
So I thought about like, do I have to have sex with him?
Is that what I have to do?
Do I have to send him videos of me having sex with people?
Like, do I need to, like, do I need to, do I need to show him like videos of me on dates?
Like, what do I need to do?
Let me get naked in front of you and let's see if you stay soft.
Yeah.
I'm tired of the lies.
I'm tired of the lies.
Oh, here goes Hassan.
It's, it's over.
Okay.
It's over.
The charade.
The charade is over.
Austin is a straight man.
Yep.
He's been lying about being a homosexual for the past couple of years, and I have proof.
Yep.
Let's get started.
There's exhibit 13b.
There is nothing.
Pull any of that.
I know.
It's any of those.
It's out there.
And it was, you know what, cutie?
What's shocking is it was right in front of you.
Here, listen, I am unbiased judge.
Can you read this out?
Can you read out what is on screen, please, cutie?
I'm on my way to Florida, so naturally I'm wearing my cross like a good, straight Christian boy.
Oh, yeah.
And I love women.
I mean, that's seriously.
It's been right in front of you the whole time.
Okay, there's more.
Wait, you're supposed to be, I'm the judge.
You're supposed to be defending.
There you go.
Can you read that one as well?
Judge Cutie, can you please read it?
Exhibit 13B.
I've been secretly saying no homo all these years.
Well, I mean, what's the subsequent exit and then the exhibit thoughts?
I also tweeted out boobies.
I mean, I mean, what can I say?
Like any old, like any good straight man, that's what I would do.
Yeah.
I am straight.
I like to slay puss.
Yeah.
Slampus.
Slampus.
Austin, you could just, if you just tweeted, you could be prezo, but you just don't apply yourself.
And it pisses me off.
Well, you don't think I'm funny?
If I was gay, I'd be so funny.
No, I just think that's what that's what's that's I'm straight.
This is his prezo.
Every other month when Prezo tweets out, I murdered my girl's pussy last night.
It's my favorite tweet.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Prezo does that shit too, but evidently I look too straight.
And Prezo, maybe he looks a little gay.
I don't know.
A little gay?
How dare you?
He looks a lot of gay.
He looks way gayer than you.
Yeah, I know.
And that's the problem.
And this is the reason why people think you're fucking gay.
Gay for pay.
And I'm like, I told the guy, I was like, I don't even do porn.
Why are you doing that?
The thing I will say, the thing I have to say here is also that the tweet of Austin coming out as straight has more likes than the tweet of Austin coming out as gay the first time.
Uh-oh.
Which is why, by the rule of the land, you are a straight man.
That's it.
The good news is we actually have that commenter here today.
Come on in.
Oh my God.
Imagine.
Yeah.
You're going to make out for 10 minutes.
Yeah.
I mean, like, look, I mean, I don't know.
I don't know what to prove it to this guy, but I mean, I've been alleged as a bisexual.
Well, the first time you came out as a bisexual, I'm guilty of charging.
But I just was kind of leaving the door.
That's a classic, though.
That's a classic because you were like, I don't want to go fully in.
Not to invalidate bisexual people because like by people, by bi people exist.
You know what I mean?
I just want to be clear about that.
You said that like fairies exist.
Like I'm like, fairies.
No, but bisexuality is a thing.
I thought maybe because I had had experiences with women that it was kind of like open.
No, you'd be able to say that.
No, you were bearding.
I was bearding you.
I think you were just afraid to say that.
I was like, people in.
You're like, guys, don't worry.
I'm not an F slur.
Like, I'm just, I'm a little bit bothered.
I mean, there's a lot of queer people that have done that in the past.
Like, I don't know.
I haven't had sexual relations with a woman for 10 years since before I came out.
And the last time I had sexual relations with a woman, there was no erection.
Anyway, so everybody knows you're a straight man and you're living a lie and you've been you've been letting everybody know this entire time.
So all of the instances where you've said the F slur on camera publicly now is a hate crime.
They're a slur.
But you know what?
You've been slurning.
I will no longer be saying f ⁇ .
Sorry, Mark.
You said it like a slur too.
Yeah, I did.
I did with that.
But, you know, it's just, you know, it's really good to be out as a straight man.
It really feels great.
Oh, my gosh.
Speaking of slurs, my editor is Samson, very talented.
He's actually Ray's editor, but I can only afford him once a year.
He does my Twitch rewind for the streamer awards.
He's so fucking talented.
It makes me want to barf and eat it.
But we have there's a bunch of Kai clips in there.
And I had to say, I think we've got to like soften the N-word a little bit because he says the N-word so much and sometimes with stank that I'm like, it feels, it feels aggressive out of context.
Like, cause when he's streaming, it's fine.
Like, it fits in naturally.
But when you go from a clip of like someone playing Suika game to just Kai saying the hard R, I'm like, it feels.
Why do you have clips of Kai saying the hard R in the Twitch record?
Because he's so funny.
He's dressed as Iron Man and he goes, I can't say it, obviously.
He's the N-word man.
That's what he says.
Yeah.
I can't believe that.
He goes, I'm iron N-word.
And it's so funny.
You thought it, though.
But it just feels really strong when he's yelling it at you.
You're like, ah.
Yeah, no, it's a lot.
Taylor Swift Reputation TV00:14:33
Like when I say f ⁇ .
Yeah.
That's insane.
I'm feeling a little uncomfortable.
I don't know.
I'm feeling a little uncomfortable as an ally to the homosexual community.
I feel uncomfortable.
Wait, what happened to you being a faux?
I am an ally.
No, you're coming.
I'm coming out as an ally.
Okay, he's coming out as an ally and I'm coming out as straight.
Yeah, that's right.
It's just, you know, how the turntables.
It's like that sometimes.
It's like that.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Let's talk about what we have to talk about, what we must talk about.
I don't, I wish we would write like our agenda.
Oh, I write it.
I have a notepad.
I have a notepad too.
Okay, let's get a whiteboard so I know where you're going.
You know where I'm going.
No.
I'm looking right at you.
Is it because you think Reputation TV is going to be announced tonight?
The fuck is that?
Okay.
What?
No, but I am going to be asking you about Taylor Swift.
I'm going to the Grammys.
Really?
Yeah, that's why we couldn't film at night tonight.
I'm drunk in the back of the car.
Wait, are you actually going to the Grammys?
I'm sorry.
I'm coming home from the bar.
Is she at the...
Oh, bang of the cut.
Okay, okay, okay.
Before we throw to like, obviously, Taylor Swift and what I was going to talk about, are you actually going to the Grammys?
Yeah, she's going to the Grammys.
Both of us are going to the Grammys.
Yeah, okay.
I know he's not going.
I feel like if you were going to the Grammys, you would be getting ready right now and you'd be like very.
I'm going to the Grammys as a person who bought a ticket and nosebleeds.
You bought a ticket to the Grammys?
Okay, don't.
Okay.
Wait, you didn't buy a ticket to the Grammys?
Why would I get invited?
I'm nobody.
No, I got invited to the Grammys.
No.
They're like, we need you, the Austin Show podcast.
They are like, we love the Haas Gorge shows.
No.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yes.
Number one, yes, you can buy tickets to the Grammys, nosebleeds.
The problem is I saw this article that was like, Taylor Swift's performing at the Grammys.
And I was like, get me a ticket, bitch.
Cause I think there's a small chance she's going to announce Reputation TV.
I'll get there.
And so then Gingo has a connect because Ludwig buys sweets for Lakers games sometimes.
And he's like, oh, he can get you.
He can get you a seat at the Grammys for, well, two tickets for $4,000.
And I was like, it's for Taylor.
I have to do it.
So I take out a loan and I buy my Grammys tickets.
And then I'm talking to Ludwig.
I was like, I got a scrammy tickets because Taylor Swift's performing.
And then he was like, who else is performing?
And then I Google the list.
Taylor Swift's not on there.
I saw a scam ad that Taylor Swift was performing.
Oh, my God.
She's not performing.
Why didn't you see that?
She's going to be in the room.
She's going to be in the room and she'll be accepting some awards for sure.
And she might announce Reputation TV.
And Billie Eilish is performing.
So.
Wait, so who are you?
You and Lud going together?
Yeah.
Okay.
If Ludwig doesn't want to go, I'll go with you.
I think he wants to go.
Okay, well, I just want to put that out there.
Okay.
Just in case.
Just in case he gets sick.
It's not unfair of you to say that.
I think.
I think it's valid.
If he doesn't want to go, I don't know.
If he doesn't want to go, I'm going to give him a call later and I'm going to see if Ethan is going to bully Ludwig from going to the Grammys.
I'm going to say, Ludwig, you don't have to go.
I'm going to take this one on.
Take this one for me.
I'm going to take a black tie.
I'm wearing a yellow dress.
Oh, shit.
I don't have a suit.
Can he buy me a suit?
Maybe.
You are a ridiculous person.
I think, look, he buys sweets at Lakers game.
I'm bailing them out.
I'm entertaining his girlfriend's food.
It's the same thing.
I'm entertaining his girlfriend.
We're having a great time.
Cutie has, everybody wins.
Everybody.
I get a new suit.
I want to reiterate that you're a ridiculous person.
You're also a ridiculous person.
$4,000 for two seats holds.
I really don't have that kind of money right now.
Yeah, I can't.
I took out a loan.
I would like to make it very clear.
Yeah.
You took out a loan for Billie Eilish.
Billie Eilish is not four grand for two seven.
I thought Taylor was performing.
I got scammed again.
Are we surprised?
That's so funny.
Okay, Taylor Swift.
She is supposed to be in Japan right now, but she's back.
No, she's not supposed to be in Japan.
The tour doesn't start until this week.
Taylor Swift is not supposed to be in Japan right now, even though the embassy, the Japanese embassy has also tweeted out that Taylor Swift is going to Japan and then coming back to the United States of America with a sense of severe urgency.
Taylor Swift is going to be at the Super Bowl and the Republicans are losing their minds.
Did you see?
Oh, I love talking.
We don't talk about politics on this broadcast.
However, I feel like Taylor Swift transcends beyond normal politics.
And also, it's QTC's most favorite topic to discuss.
True, because when I watch three hours of the Aeros tour, when I watch three and a half hours of the Aeros tour, they show Travis Kelsey for 30 seconds, and it's fucked up that I had to see his face for 30 seconds.
It's super fucking fucked up that Travis Kelsey took over the Aeros tour with his face.
Yeah, man, he's a man.
He's a straight man.
He's so fucking cringe.
All of us are so mad.
So is that Fox News?
No, I'm making fun of the people that are like, oh, they showed Taylor Swift on the NFL.
They showed more chicken wings on the NFL than they showed Taylor Swift.
Yeah, Taylor Swift gets like, I believe, around 34 seconds, like someone timed it, around 34 seconds maximum of airtime in every NFL game, which goes on for, you know, however many fucking hours it goes on for.
Three and a half.
And it is not unique or different than any other celebrity sighting.
You always have celebrities at NFL games.
You have, I mean, I'm just like Taylor Swift.
They showed Eminem at the Lions games.
This is, yeah, I was about to say, this is Conk Howard's like own take, which is weird.
He's not the type of dude that I would ever find myself quoting, but even he has been very aggressively criticizing every single person, mad about Taylor Swift attending these games, saying that, you know, you got Jack Nicholson courtside at the Lakers.
That's like a staple.
And celebrities have always had an interest in sports, and it makes the sports better, and it makes it more interesting, it makes it more fun.
He did not bring up you or the Vikings.
Well, that's, he, you know, surprisingly, because neither are there a lot of teams in sports, and I understand how neither are relevant in the grand scheme of things.
Yeah, well, okay.
All right.
You know what?
That's your own personal opinion.
I'm sorry.
Are the Vikings playing at the Super Bowl?
No, they're not, but they will one day.
And you're going to fucking be sorry.
I will I.
Oh, yeah.
You're going to be so sorry.
I'm going to be so.
You're going to buy me a ticket to the game.
I'm not going to.
I'm going to rob you.
Okay.
Well, you do that anyway.
Yeah.
All right.
So, but conservatives lost their minds a little bit in this in this regard because they are currently, one, either mad that Taylor Swift is like attending the games at all or two, upset that, like Jason Kelsey or Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift are at the forefront of everyone's minds.
And for that, March is, if it's possible, I would love for you to pull Benny Johnson.
Just Google Benny Johnson, Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift, and it should show up.
Let's take a look at like what they're saying.
Because they've lost their minds.
They think it's like a psyop.
They keep claiming that this is a psychological operation and that this entire thing is happening because they want Taylor Swift to.
If you're mad about Taylor Swift at the NFL games, this is what I want you to do.
I want you to call your sister or find a little girl and ask them if they know who Travis Kelsey is.
And now you have, you can talk about football with a freaking girl in your life that didn't care.
I talked to my brother for 10 minutes the other day about Jason Kelsey.
A year ago, I didn't know who the fuck that was.
See, yeah, there you go.
See, this is what the NFL is.
But Jason Kelsey is retiring and we're sad.
Yeah, Jason Kelsey is.
But maybe he won't retire because he said recently in an interview that he spoke to.
See, I know fucking football now.
What?
Is this, see, this is what I'm saying.
This is the cool part about the Travis Kelsey.
Taylor Swift is now QD's watching football.
I love that.
And now Hassan's watching football.
I don't miss the Chiefs game.
I still don't care.
And it's not working.
I used to be a Patriots fan and now I'm a Chiefs fan.
It doesn't work for me.
I'm a loser.
I'm a weirdo.
He doesn't have a soul.
I don't have a soul.
I watched one piece about to be done with an incredible arc.
I will say, though, watching any presidential debate is more interesting to me than most NFL games.
You don't believe that.
Not the Vikings, though.
Not the Vikings, no.
Yeah.
But it depends on the game, you know?
Okay.
Is this a 10-minute long video?
We're not going to watch it anymore.
It's more interesting to me than watching Care Bear porn.
What?
I thought we were talking about interesting things.
Wait, what's Care Bear porn?
Rule 39.
Oh.
You've never watched this.
Google it more.
Rule 34.
I think that's a good thing.
It's Rule 30.
What's Rule 39?
Yeah.
Wait, can we play a little bit?
This is Benny Johnson.
Pull up the carrier.
A closeted homosexual who is not allowed to go on work trips by himself any longer.
Wait, really?
Yeah, that's right.
That's awesome.
Wait, because he kept fucking men?
Allegedly, that is the reason.
The release of like a what will look like a hostage video or a visiting angels ad, right?
Visiting angels.
And I'll have Joe Biden sitting there all like twisted up like a, you know, in a wheelchair, like an eggplant.
They're doing it again.
Glazed over skin like a crispy cream donut.
They're doing it again.
What?
Ruling out of the side of his mouth.
And Taylor.
I'll tell you.
The Republicans do this thing where they've been blanketed across the sports media entertainment atmosphere.
The New York Times just speculated she's a lesbian.
And last year's Toronto.
We've seen four rules.
Whatever can help.
She's talented.
Can help us with the Pentagon asset.
Continue.
Much darker operation to try and poll Joe Biden through illegal means over the finish line.
What's illegal?
Election day, night, week, and month, and year.
Listen, Taylor Swift has enough money to donate to anybody's political campaign to help them.
She would just do that if she cared.
Well, and can't she legally just endorse whoever she wants?
Also, I'll be honest.
If Taylor Swift could choose who to be president, it'd be a fucking woman.
Yeah.
A gay woman.
Well, don't make that.
Well, Taylor Swift has actually endorsed Joe Biden.
So that's because that's her only option.
She's going to endorse Joe Biden again.
But when I won for president, and I think she's going to have an impact.
I have a controversial take on this.
I think because Taylor Swift has been like surrounded by the Hadids and also many other people, including going to, what is it?
Rami, I think, the guy who's like a Palestinian comedian.
I feel like Taylor Swift is currently managing.
This is very parasocial, but I'm going to be parasocial with Taylor for one.
Don't touch me.
Okay.
Sorry.
I just wanted to give you a little.
Don't touch me.
I wanted to give you a little touch of acknowledgement.
We're going to have to come back.
And I'm about to be.
I'm about to be.
I'm about to be parasocial with Taylor.
I'm sorry, Cutie.
That was very uncomfortable for me, too.
Anyway, I think that Taylor Swift, if she wanted to, could genuinely make concessions, extract concessions out of the Brandon team, the Brandon administration, with respect to Israel-Palestine, and could force the Biden team to push for a ceasefire on the condition that she offers her endorsement, her vociferous support for the Biden administration.
If I'm the Hadids, this is what I'm working on behind the scenes.
This is what I'm going for.
I'm trying to get Taylor to be like, listen, we're going to do this thing where all the celebrities are going to get together.
We're going to say, Joe Biden, we love you as long as you push for a ceasefire in Gaza.
And I think she'd get it.
I think she can stop the war.
I think I'm not even joking when I say this.
I unironically think if exactly what I just mentioned happened step by step, the Biden administration would legitimately have to think about it.
And would maybe most likely do it.
I mean, I would definitely vote for whoever Taylor Swift wanted me to vote for.
None of this came out of my mouth.
I would like to make everybody.
I'm loyal to her.
I'm loyal to her first.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Reputation TV might come out, and this is a big deal for us.
This is a big deal for us.
Okay.
Because Reputation is one of my favorite albums.
Me too.
Me too.
God, I love Reputation.
That was the outfit that I wore.
Yeah, he wore Reputation Era.
So we're pumped.
I fucking, I'm a Reputation girly through and through when I work out listener to Reputation.
So what she did, Taylor went and unarchived a really old Instagram post that said Reputation in three days.
So this was years ago.
This is 2016, right?
She unarchived this post that said reputation in three days.
She did it three days ago.
Tonight's the Grammys.
Reputation notoriously didn't win any Grammys.
So in her documentary, Miss Americana, it shows this moment where she got the phone call from Tree Payne that's like, hey, nothing, baby.
And she cries and she's sad.
And so how cool would it be if at the Grammys this year, she announces Reputation Taylor's version.
Plus, she just changed her profile picture on Instagram and Twitter to black and white Reputation Era.
Yes.
Today, she changed it today.
But obviously she was going to announce, it's either she announces it today at the Grammys or she's going to announce it Tokyo anyway because the Reputation tour, the last stop was Tokyo.
Okay.
I think it's if I had if I was if I was a betting man, I would bet Tokyo.
That's how I've been feeling until I saw that unarchived post that said Reputation Three Days.
See that?
And the whole Grammy thing.
And Robert Cavalli, the designer of all of her, like majority of her outfits on the Eras tour, posted a picture of this silver chain dress that looked like it had snakes all over it.
And if she wears that to the Grammys tonight, that'd be crazy.
That, okay.
Anyway.
Okay.
I'm very excited.
Well, let me know if Ludwig pulls out.
Okay.
I'm going to get it.
Grammys is at the crypto arena.
Isn't that weird?
That's crazy.
That's too big.
That's crazy.
I don't know how I'm going to get there in time.
I do have something.
What do you have to do?
I have a meeting.
Oh, I know what you're.
Wait, is that today?
No, that's tomorrow.
No, my podcast?
No, not the podcast the other day.
Oh, yeah.
Are you allowed to talk about that?
No, no, no.
We'll talk about that on the paywall.
I do have something to tell you guys on the paywall, though.
Oh, a very intimate story.
Two intimate things.
That requires money that you guys listening could do is see them naked.
What?
Intimate Paywall Stories00:06:21
In our nearly nude calendar.
Oh, that's right.
That we have 300 copies left.
Yeah, 300 copies left.
Get it while you can.
We're not like that.
Full frontal nude nudity.
No, he's lying for attention.
But it is $25.
And we have 300.
And I would hope that you would buy them because otherwise we're going to have 300.
Yes.
There's a link in the description.
And it's honestly, it's just fearandmerch.com.
Yeah, fearandmerch.com.
Go get your calendar, your nearly nude calendar.
It was a really well done calendar, if I do say so myself.
And we look great.
And you would, it would look great on your wall.
Yeah.
Yeah, it would.
Yeah.
So go buy it.
Yeah.
We're also making it.
The first thing we've ever sold.
Oh, nope.
Just kidding.
Nope.
We're not doing that.
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, no.
Okay.
We're late on that train.
Go buy the calendar.
I have something to say.
I met somebody so nice in the airport.
Where's my phone?
Right there on the berserk book.
Under the pile of trash that you're doing.
I just want to say, I was in the airport.
This is just a feel-good moment.
Okay.
This has really not, there's really no big story here, but I met a friend and I just love this.
I ran into somebody and she asked me to take a photo of her.
And then, yeah, because she was like traveling by herself.
So she wanted a photo.
Next thing you know, we get to talking.
She's like.
He's a friend of yours.
No, I don't know.
I just met her in line.
I get to talking to her.
She asked me, she's like, look out for a husband for me.
I'm looking for a 70-year-old man.
Looks like Barack Obama.
Wait, how old?
She was 76.
She's a good-looking man.
I don't know.
She's 76.
She's looking for a husband.
So I'm out there looking for a husband for this woman, by the way.
If you're tall, you resemble Barack Obama, recently retired.
She's looking for a man.
Anyway, we met.
We had a great time.
She started calling me her son.
I bought her coffee.
We exchanged numbers.
She's a Ponzi shit.
She's invited me to a party.
Look at this.
No, it's not a Ponzi.
She's taking a look at her party.
She took a photo of us.
We took a party of 70-year-olds.
No, we took a great photo together.
Look at how cute this is.
This is this morning.
We had a great time.
She's very cute.
Yeah, we met and she, she, it was her idea.
You made her throw up the she had the heart.
She's like, let's do a heart or whatever.
We exchanged numbers.
She invited me to a party.
I don't know what party it is, but we're going to.
They look really white in that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Do they not look white here?
They look like ETH, but there they look well.
Thank you.
And I just wanted to share that moment because it was a wonderful moment and it was very fun.
And you're trying to find her a husband.
Yeah, I'm trying to find her a husband.
So if you, if you, if you know any 70-year-old men that are, you know, kind of resemble Barack Obama, her words.
I feel like you're very desperate for human interaction living in like a faraway place in Portland.
It was a very sweet.
No, I just like people, Hassan.
No, you miserable.
You sit inside and you yell at your computer screen all day.
This is what human beings that enjoy life.
I do the same thing that you do as well, where I get overly communicative with random strangers when I'm out and about.
Because of the same thing that I just mentioned, which is that I also am desperate for human interaction and I starve.
I'm starving.
Well, she started the communication.
She asked me to take a photo of her.
You just put yourself out there.
And then I said yes, and I was excited.
And then we started talking about the election and how Joe Biden's going to win and Trump's going to lose.
It was wonderful.
It was the funniest sign on Twitter.
It was this old man, like a veteran with a sign that says, get Joe and the hoe.
Oh, Joe and the hoe gotta go.
Who's the hoe?
Kamala.
Kamala Harris is the hoe.
It's so funny.
I was like, you know what I'm saying?
She's like the most asexual person on the planet.
It's so funny to like, she does not read as like even remotely.
Yeah.
It's just pure misogyny at that point, I think.
Like, it's, it's, uh, I think it comes from like an old story that she might have like slept with someone way back in the day.
But yeah, Trump, on the other hand, not a hoe, obviously.
Yeah, no, clearly.
Despite having a man of God, 11 divorces, like paying to fuck porn.
So there's nothing wrong with as long as it's consensual.
Yeah.
But, you know, it's the Kamala Harris is the hoe.
Anyway, not defending any of these people, but also you're, you haven't seen the latest polls.
I saw the latest polls.
I posted about it this morning.
I know.
And I, I think Hassan, it was 49 to 42.
I think it's a fake poll.
Trump has a seven-point lead.
NBC News is a fake poll.
You literally DM me, only a thousand voters.
That's an accurate sample.
Yeah, but everybody knows that at this point in the electorate, you, you know, you yourself said, don't pay attention to polls.
I still say, no, polling is still important.
It's just a snapshot of what things look like right now.
Polling is not as important this far out.
It only is telling us how people feel about Joe Brandon.
Now, you can make analyses on like where things might go to.
We're getting too political.
We are getting too political.
But yeah, no, the worst part about it is that like there's like been a, I think like a 10, more than a 17 point swing in the last couple of months.
I don't understand.
The economy, the Republicans are so good at messaging.
Can Bernie Sanders run again?
No.
I fuck with him.
He can.
He's so old.
Yeah, but I fuck with him.
But he's looked 80, 90 years old since he started politics.
Yeah, he has looked, he has looked like he's 900 years old since the 90s.
He's been old forever, but he's too old.
And we need somebody young like Gavin Newsom to run for president.
No, Gavin Ordinan.
Or Michelle Obama.
Gavin Newsom would not be good.
Michelle Obama would be good.
Michelle Obama would be good.
Do you think Michelle Obama would be good?
She would really, really piss off the Republicans.
Yeah.
Which would be even better.
She's a black woman.
That's why she's a good person.
Well, she's a black woman and like they already hate Obama because he's a black man and they would claim that Michelle Obama was a man and they were like transvestigating her even before that became a thing.
It would be good.
Gender Is A Social Construct00:02:25
I get transvestigated sometimes.
My favorite is when people are insane.
Hassan got transvestigated.
It's like if I'm a at that point, like if I am like secretly AFAB, it's like medical technology is, you know, it's over.
It's there.
You like, don't do transvestigations anymore because, you know, we have fully reached the peak of gender abolition.
Are you saying that you are like the representation of peak male like aesthetic?
It's just like it's basically like I'm six foot four.
Like as a, as a, if, if I were a cisgender woman, right?
Um you could have the knee lengthening surgery.
I've heard about it.
But the thing is like six foot four, like I'm, I'm pretty big for like.
Yeah, you're a big boy.
Like I would be, you know, I'm WNBA status at that point.
Yeah.
So it's like we're talking top 1% of 1% of like of women's physique.
You're taller than 6'4.
I mean, sometimes I stand next to you and I feel like I'm at dick level.
No, I'm not talking.
I'm 5'8.
I'm 6'4.
I'm 5'9.
I'm 5'9.
Which, by the way, transvestigators are insane and it's awesome.
They even do it to Trump.
Because it's mental illness.
Like I say this all the time.
Transphobia.
Like people always love saying like trans people have a mental illness.
Like look at the DSM-5 or whatever.
No, it's actually transphobia that is a mental illness.
And it like captures your entire persona, entire personality before you even realize it.
And you can't stop thinking about it.
And transvestigation, assuming that anyone and everyone in the shadows is like secretly trans, that is the final stage of that mental illness.
And before you know it, you unironically have to contend with the position that like gender is a social construct because you end up thinking everyone is fucking trans.
And if you think everyone is fucking trans, then yet you're arriving at that same conclusion, but from the opposite direction that like gender is a social construct.
There's like a skin that we wear on top of like who we are and it represents who we are.
So that's it.
That's my point on it.
We're talking so much politics today.
I'm sorry.
Welcome back.
Yeah, welcome back.
No One Cool Says It00:02:31
I saw Mean Girls.
Oh, how was that?
I have a crush on Renee Rapp.
Oh, yeah.
For the first time or the new one?
The new one.
It's awful, but.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's what I keep hearing.
So bad.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that.
But Renee Rapp is the saving grace.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, look at her.
Wow, she's beautiful.
She's gorgeous.
She's very beautiful.
Yeah.
I like her.
She's so pretty.
Yeah.
I don't know anything about this.
I've like don't even remember mean girls.
It's like on Wednesdays we were paying.
What happens as you get older that, like, the more the older you get, the less joy, the more it just takes to impress you or just like get, you know, I get that way with comedy.
Uh-huh.
This is what I've learned because I get really fucking upset when streamers make that, uh, a little vacation.
I'm touching grass.
Shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
Everyone posts, I've touched grass.
No, like, you're not funny.
Oh, Jesus.
I feel like you do that.
That's what happened.
Okay, but that's what happens.
That's awkward, right?
Not, not, not really.
No, that's what happens is somebody funny comes up with a thing, and then everybody that's not funny copies it into oblivion.
That's how culture works.
They're always trickling down.
Like, everybody knows that a meta is over when the white wine mom named Deborah that's like the weather lady at a local station in Alabama is doing.
Yeah.
If they say Riz or when they dab, when they dab on camera, it's over.
It's done.
It's just like I still like dabbing.
I dab ironically.
I dab on occasion.
Yeah.
And then you recycle it.
Exactly.
When Austin knows about a trend, it's done.
It's done.
It's just nip it in the bud.
No one cool says it anymore.
No one cool does it anymore.
I try not to say things that I look very uncool.
I'm having a hard time with my.
Yeah, I don't know if you could say Riz.
Yeah, I think I'm too old for that.
I'm having a hard time with the Streamer Awards jokes, not because they're bad, but because there's only so many ways to make the same joke.
Like, it's a streamer awards.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
I mean, you can say you're good at it.
I know I'm good at it.
You're really good at recycling your.
No, no, no.
You're really good at jokes.
Like, when I launched my roast series this year, which Hassan's going to be roasted one of these again for the second time.
Again, so I'll have to rewrite the same jokes.
Yeah, people speaking of recycling content, there's so much content to be done with it because it was two years ago.
He's been canceled a bunch.
It's great.
He's the same thing.
Yeah, I get canceled with the same person.
Why don't you like hook up with like Jinxy and get Jinxy roasted?
No, we're going to do we're going to do the same people and then I'll do different people.
Body Dysmorphia Confessions00:07:13
I love you.
I love you too.
Thank you.
That's what I've replaced with a fucking talent.
Don't worry.
I got a new show coming out.
It's called In the Tub with Austin's Show.
Oh my God.
It's an intimate experience where I sit in a bathtub.
It's going to be a huge hit.
And then I travel around to other people's tubs, like Cuties and Ludwigs, and I sit in the tub with them and then we talk.
I did design my bathrooms.
They're gorgeous.
Yeah, see, there you go.
So, and finally, people need to see it.
So I will be coming into your tub.
Probably rephrase that.
Okay.
Look, nobody takes me seriously.
You just wait until in the tub is selling out Madison Square Garden.
You're just going to put a hot tub in the middle of Madison's Squad?
No hot tub.
A bathtub.
It's different.
A bathtub.
Okay.
You got to go toe to butt.
You're going to be, you're going to be, you're going to be so sorry when it's Madison Square Garden in the tub with Austin Show.
Can I just sit between your legs?
Yeah, you can.
You can do that.
And we can do a maternity shoot.
Yeah.
I've looked fat.
How did we get that?
Sorry, that sounded really fat phobic when I said I've looked fat lately.
I don't mean it that way.
I've felt uncomfortable with my own body lately.
Is that already school you on that verbiage?
Is that how you're supposed to?
No, it just sounds really toxic, I think, when you say, I feel fat lately because I'm a size 10 and I think you're a size perfect.
People that like are a size, you know, 16 might be like, that bitch is calling herself fat.
Does that mean I'm fat?
No, it doesn't mean you're fat.
It means that I'm happy with my.
I think everybody has a body that they feel good about or whatever.
And that's just what we should accept.
That was beautiful.
Damn, you guys are so beautiful and natural.
I just, I think that whatever you want for.
I'm serious.
Whatever you want for your body is okay with me.
Yeah.
I don't want, I would, I want to lose 15 pounds.
Right.
I'm not happy with myself.
So I need to lose about five pounds.
I need to lose.
No, you don't get an opinion.
Yeah.
Fucking you shut your stupid fucking leave the body dysmorphia to this cow.
I have body dysmorphia too.
I'm not saying I'm fat.
I'm in great shape.
You can't join in on the phone.
You can't fit in with us.
We have like real self-loathing.
You're like, oh my God.
I'm not, you know, 35% vascular enough.
No, no.
I need to increase my vascular.
We can always improve.
And on a daily basis, I work towards that.
I've up my cardio to 20%.
You are an insane person.
Like, I was thinking about this.
I was thinking about this.
Like, the reason why you look the way you do is because you are literally insane in the way that you exist.
Like, the cookie story just kind of stays with me where you like will order, like, you'll order cookies and just like eat one.
And then you just look at it like a sociopath.
And you're like, I want more, but the pain is good.
I don't enjoy the pain.
I really wish I could just not have mental illness and eat everything that I want.
No, but like you're stable.
There's so much pressure to look fit these days.
Bro, you're barely on camera.
You could gain 25 pounds and it still wouldn't change my personal life.
Like, it's important for me to look good.
No, I agree.
You know?
And the same goes for me.
I need to lose like probably around like 30 pounds.
What?
I can't.
Nobody.
But see, that's okay.
See, that's kidding.
That's crazy.
You have been, you have been a sex icon from the moment you were 30 pounds.
From the moment you were 30 pounds.
Overweight versus 285 pounds at like the peak of COVID.
And I had lost all my muscle mass and I had replaced it with fat.
And it didn't like show that poorly, but I could tell.
And I have photos that one day I will reveal when I finally get to like a place where I'm comfortable doing a before and after photo again.
Like I'll take Sherlock's photos every now and then now because it's like fine, but it's not like there yet for a before and after photo.
You'll see the difference.
Okay.
It's insane.
Okay.
It's insane already, but it's not, you know.
But see, yeah, we all have a little body dysmorphia.
It's all relevant.
No, no, I was definitely it's all relative.
I've never perceived any fat.
I couldn't stand up for 15 minutes without getting wind.
You couldn't stand?
I couldn't stand up for 15 minutes without getting winded at the peak of because I was doing like 18 hour streams every goddamn day during COVID.
That's what it was.
Yeah, I remember I was a part of those.
Yeah.
I was on it.
I was watching them most of the time.
11 a.m. every day.
I'd get up to watch.
Everybody was like trapped indoors and like had nothing else going on in their lives.
They were all watching.
I was just going on so many walks during COVID.
Yeah.
I was actually kind of chilling and then I got, I gained the COVID-15 and I haven't lost it.
Oh, cutie.
You look beautiful.
You look natural and beautiful.
You do.
I was just thinking about it.
You think about cutie?
You think about cutie's body all the time and how natural and beautiful it is?
No, not like that.
Now you're like, what do you mean not like that?
Why don't you think about myself?
No, no, I do.
I sometimes envision how wonderful you look as a friend.
You're a pervert.
I'm not a what the can I win here?
No.
I can't win.
No, I'm not a pervert.
I don't picture your body.
I really don't.
That's really fucked up that you don't think about it.
No, no, no, he's straight and he's like thinking about your body.
It's kind of weird.
You're like a sister to me.
That'd be weird.
Do you feel like I'm a brother?
Do you are we like brothers?
Or wait, sister?
Like sister.
Are we uh are we like siblings?
Would you say?
Um, I feel like I don't want you to be my sibling.
What the fuck?
Because siblings, it's just a different relationship.
Like, I feel like I don't, I don't, I'm not, I don't have like a, like I wouldn't want you guys to like.
You used to beat up your sister.
No, my sister's 10 years older than me.
My brothers used to beat the shit out of me.
What?
Are you?
I thought that was, that's normal.
You probably deserved it.
Cutie, can I have some of your coffee?
You only have a little bit.
You so much, it's cold, it's sweet, it's really good though.
Yeah, it's sugar-free.
I was ordering, I was ordering coffee the other day, and I had the most embarrassing moment of my life.
Maybe why?
Because I was sitting there and I was like talking to the barista, and I was like, Oh my gosh, the last time you made my coffee, it was so good.
You made this cappuccino, it tasted so sweet.
Did you add sugar to it or something?
He's like, No, and I was like, Wow, it's just like it was so good.
Thank you so much.
You know, he cummed in it.
No, that's what I was gonna get.
So, what I said, so what I know he didn't come in my coffee, he cumbed in it, but what I said, okay, what I said next was I was like, Oh my god, you put sugar in there without putting sugar in there, and then the other barista just looked at me like just straight face.
And I was like, Oh my god, in my head, I'm like, oh my god, I just made it sound like the barista cummed in my coffee, and and they just both looked at me like what?
And I'm like, No, no, no, that's not what I meant.
And then I realized that they didn't even perceive that that's what I meant, so I just said out like so.
I just said out that, and then they thought that I said that, and it was so uncomfortable.
And I turned beat red.
Next time, you should just ask him to come in it.
No, I don't want, I don't want anybody to come my coffee.
I decided to cover it.
Underwear Concept Debacle00:14:42
Yeah, right.
What about Jacob Alorde?
Oh, Calvin Klein model, no, that's Jeremy Allen White.
Shit, the salt burger.
Would you let Jacob Alordi come in your coffee?
Uh, do you guys want to see probably?
Do you want to see peak body dysmorphia?
But okay, there's this.
So, I'm going to talk about this.
Um, there's this TikTok has basically taken on a lot of the worst elements of like red pill culture, like insoles online.
There's this concept called looks maxing, right?
Now, this concept is very famous and very big in like uh far-right circles, especially online.
It was relegated to forums, but now it's become super mainstream on TikTok, and it's basically like designed to make people suicidal.
Um, no, straight up.
It's like imagine unrealistic body standards that we see all over the media, but this time they're like there's like a how-to of like why you don't have the unrealistic body standards.
Wait, like basically, like you can't achieve them, yeah.
Can you look up perfect face tick tock Jacob Alordi?
Oh my god, so this account, whether intentionally or unintentionally, maybe they're insane, takes like what is known as a perfect face and like art.
Good job, Marsh.
He did the puzzle.
He's not liking it.
What is happening?
Number one, he had to prove that he wasn't.
So, that audio is that gonna play on our podcast?
Why are you mad about it?
It sounds lovely.
I love that song.
So, Dean Martin, why don't, oh my god, why don't you be the Dean Martin to my Lady Gaga and we make an album?
Oh, I'd love that.
I've got a lot of people.
Did Dean Martin and Lady Gaga make an album together?
No, it was uh, no, it wasn't Dean Martin.
Oh, he died before it was Tony Bennett.
Oh, Tony Bennett.
You can be the Tony Bennett to my Lady Gaga.
I'll do that.
You want to do that?
Yeah, but I need to get better first.
Well, I have a polypolyp.
I forgot about that.
I used to talk about it all the time.
Anyway, while March is in the process of trying to pull this up, this account, there's a concept in like in drawing and art, like a like a like face proportions that are perfect.
This guy, this artist will take, like celebrities who are already like very attractive traditionally, and will put this like perfect face thing on top of it and change their proportions and the placement of the eyes you can see and the eyebrows and all of that and, like you know uh, put like a, you know bucule fat removal basically and you know, fix up the dark spots and whatnot,
to change already very attractive people.
And I feel like this is this is the most up thing.
Um, it's so popular, not just this artist, but in general, like looks maxing is very popular concept.
Jawser size mewing, they're all.
I don't know how to mew.
I've tried.
You put your tongue.
Does it actually work?
No then, how can I get a snatched jawline?
Yeah, I think like it's a lot of it is like genetic fat placement.
I carry I I, I get fat here first, i'm pissed.
It's genetic fat placement.
What do I do?
There's not really much you can do about it other than like, first of all, you're beautiful and natural.
I want to make sure I can't do anything.
Oh no no, you can't.
No, you lose weight.
That's it.
No, there's a cosmetic procedure for that.
Yeah, you can inject.
You inject it's a gabella or something like that.
Yeah, you inject it and it dissolves the fat underneath your chin.
Yeah, I think it looks awful and it hurts a lot.
It does hurt a lot but it does work.
But you don't need to do that first of all.
Yeah, you have a.
You have a chisel to do.
I did just get laser on my face.
I got laser on my face.
Really, it didn't do anything.
Well, it's because it says it takes four to six weeks.
I think you look beautiful.
Uh, the laser procedure, from what I understand, is actually pretty solid, though that's like a little different than like.
Actually I got a low uh, the baby one.
I got this one to remove red redness.
No v beam, because my face is so red all the time.
There's a, there's laser.
Laser is also really good.
Laser also works for like removing scarring right, if i'm not mistaken, like scarring that you have from acne and stuff like that, and I like that.
I feel like that's a little bit different.
I mean, it's in the same, it's in the same categories, in the same field, but like plastic surgery of that sort that you just uh, you just talked about is like I feel like it's becoming very, it's becoming much more commonplace than it once was due to, I guess, like medical availability and also mass consumption and social media.
Just like really really uh, fucking people having coffee.
I know, I keep, I keep drinking, so i'm so like want more, so I wanted to.
I wanted to see if you guys will, neither of you, go on tick tock that much.
Are you kidding me?
I always scroll tick tock.
Oh, you do not see this content?
No, I don't.
I don't, it's not on my for you page.
It's on my for you page a lot, because I look at stuff like that a lot to see like, where culture is, I guess.
And I keep getting um ads for um, this this is targeted ads for erectile dysfunction pills, which which look, and I know how this sounds.
It basically means that like people are gonna be like, oh, you've been googling because you can't get your dick card, not true?
Okay, first of all, I can get a lot of powerful erection.
I get a lot of babes.
What i've noticed, That, like, it wasn't, it didn't used to be like this, but now, like, I get a lot of like super hot babes, like, selling bikinis and stuff, and I'm like, or like, athletic gear, and I'm like, but it's very clearly not, they're not trying to sell it to they're trying to get you to link, yeah.
I, it's like, I'm also a boomer, so like, I don't fully understand when something is sponsored.
It takes me like, at least, like, it takes me at least like five to ten seconds to be like, wait, I'm watching a sponsored.
Well, I keep getting uh men like jockstrap ads, which makes sense.
That makes sense to me, yeah, because I sit and watch the ads.
Everyone, these are targeted because I get oil pooling ads for like your teeth.
Okay, and that is Googling that because I, yeah, it's just supposed to like help your gums or something.
Okay, so you've been googling, but the erectile dysfunction one is what trips me out because I do not have erectile distance.
This feels like a self-reporting.
Who were you trying to prove this to?
Because TikTok has already made up.
None of us accused you.
No, I know nobody accused me of having erectile dysfunction.
I know, I didn't have to tell you, but I'm confident in my ability to get an erection.
Yeah, but is someone you're sleeping with maybe you're maybe you're insecure?
No, God, no, are you kidding me?
It's like very powerful.
They're watching at home and they're like, woo!
They're still trying to prove this.
I've never had a problem.
One time I had a threesome and I couldn't get it up during the threesome.
Oh, I remember this.
Yeah, I could not.
It happened and we got down to it.
I couldn't a little too much whiskey.
I don't even, I didn't even have whiskey.
I just couldn't get it.
Whiskey dick.
It was just, yeah, it was unfortunate.
But you know what?
It happens sometimes.
Hassan, it's happened to you, I'm sure.
Where you can't get, you know why I think?
Not really.
No, okay.
You know why I think I got the vibe?
I'm very overzealous.
Or Blue Chew.
I think I got the ads because I looked it up one time because I was curious, like, can it like, is it like a performance enhancement?
This is the part.
This is the part of the podcast where Austin is, I'm trying to see if I can find one of these ads to show you.
This is the part of the podcast where Austin basically tries to explain to himself and to everyone else that like he doesn't need the pills.
I mean, I don't.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
No, keep going.
I don't, I don't, I'm not trying to explain a reason.
I mean, you could say I have a, you know, whatever you want, but I don't have any.
I'm having, I was curious if maybe if you take one for sport, like you're thinking of like the rhino pills that you sell at the gas station.
Yeah, but it's, it's, it's not.
But I've heard those are good.
It's not safe, evidently.
I looked it up.
I was like, it's not saving.
Neither is like cocaine.
That's true.
I don't know.
I was just like.
Oh, this.
This is it.
Savage X Fenty.
It's PSA's underwear.
That's crazy that you're getting underwear ads and I'm not.
Yeah, it's Savage X Fenty.
Shop the latest drop.
And it's literally straight up like super revealing lingerie.
I think Hassan's been wearing women's underwear.
I think so too.
Yeah, I mean, listen, you can't get me on this.
I don't give a shit.
Yeah, I love women's underwear.
I wear it all the time.
It's like, but it's like, nothing wrong with that.
This is a wild thing for me to get as a sponsored ad because I feel like, like, what the fuck have I been searching for?
I mean, you've watched the whole thing, just barely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm going back to it.
It's a great ad.
I mean, congratulations to Savage X-Fenty.
It's just like, you know, I mean, you know, a little too thick there.
Yeah.
I think underwear is very sexy to me.
I think underwear to me is more sexy than like sometimes nudity.
Like some guy in underwear is so sexy.
I think that's the whole point, right?
It's a mystery.
Like Calvin Klein, like the sexy, like, I like the thick waistbands.
You know what I'm saying?
On men, the thick waistbands.
And like, I really.
What about you, QT?
What do you like?
Thick waistbands.
No, you can't repeat.
Yeah, what do you like?
I don't know.
What gets you going other than jocks?
Oh, I like a nice, I like like I like a nice conversation.
What a nice dinner.
I like being emotionally taken care of.
I think that's very important.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is.
I was, it was, I actually messaged Slime today because I was listening to the yard and uh Ludwig is super into basketball now.
He loves it.
They play basketball once a week.
He's like trying to defeat me and it's going to be so sad for him.
He's getting really good.
But it was funny because Slime described it as like a friendship slurry because he like, instead of hanging out with one person, he's able to invite all of his friends like a Sims party.
Interesting you say that because I'm never invited.
You are invited to basketball.
You said it's too far away for you.
It's just, I'm just never invited.
It feels like I'm not included in these in the friendship slurry.
Well, and it's funny because Ludwig was defending.
He's like, no, it's not a friendship slurry.
That's not what I do.
And I had to expose the slime.
And I can expose this because Ludwig has since made up for it.
And so it's fine.
But the other, a few weeks ago, I was like, Ludwig, we need to go on a date.
It's been a while.
Would love to hang out with you.
I feel like I don't see you.
He's very busy.
I'm very busy.
And he was like, I invite you to play basketball.
That is not your saving grace.
Like, that is basketball is not a date.
Like, that is.
He's such a man.
It's so funny.
That's awesome.
That's such a man.
And he, you know, he believed when he, was he joking when he said that?
No, he believed it.
Oh, right.
And then I had to be like, no, we had like intentional time, but we've gone on dates since then.
So it's safe.
We actually went, we saw Mean Girls.
Like, so cute.
What else do you guys do on a date?
Yeah.
I'm kind of upset that I wasn't invited to the Mean Girls.
Mean Girls now?
Yeah.
I'm also, yeah.
It's like messed up that you guys don't invite me.
Well, he did that thing again where we went to the theater and they didn't have any tickets.
And so we had to go to a different theater.
He loves that.
They don't.
I've never mean girls sold out.
I don't know.
That's crazy.
Because the other theater we went to, we were the only ones in the theater besides two other people.
I'm going to text Ludwig and complain to him that we never go on dates anymore.
Okay.
We used to hang out.
We don't anymore.
I think he doesn't like me anymore.
You guys could sit at the same table at the streamer awards.
Oh, also, bad friend.
Never did your voting on stream.
Yes, I did.
Oh.
Did you vote for Name Your Price?
Excuse me.
Who's the fucking bad friend, actually?
Is it me?
Or is it the person who was not even aware that I did it?
Well, you hadn't done it for a while because my chat kept telling me you hadn't done it.
Yeah, except I did do it and you didn't even know I did it.
They don't tell me good things, apparently.
Did you vote for Name Your Price?
No.
What?
No, I didn't.
Name your price, by the way, folks.
We need your vote.
It's up for series of the year.
You better have.
I mean, I was on it.
It's up for series.
You owe me 25 series of the year.
Hassan is up for best just chatting.
Will is up for best just chatting.
Yeah, I already told everybody not to vote for me and vote for Will instead.
Oh, that's so sweet.
How noble.
Well, I mean, it's just, you know, Will should win.
I think he was a better just chatting streamer.
I mean, okay, you don't have to be mean about it.
You don't need to compare them.
They're both good.
You've done that to me.
What do you mean?
Like, live.
I literally voted for your event.
It was 100 Thieves and we were both at 100 Thieves.
I never forget this.
You didn't even, okay.
Like, I understand it was like, who's the most talented person at 100 Thieves?
And you didn't even, it wasn't even, I know Will was definitely the most talented, but he didn't even flinch.
That reminds me.
He didn't even flinch.
Yeah.
It's like, give me at least, but in Will's announcement video, you had the funniest moment you've ever had in your life.
Really?
So funny.
Wow.
When you're like, gotta let him dance.
I am a terrible actor.
I really good.
I know.
I really try to be like...
I think you're great on Name Your Price.
Which I didn't vote for, but you did vote for me.
We have that and tickets are still available.
Yes.
Everybody goes interested.
I bought one.
No, you didn't.
Okay.
You're right.
Mark, where are we at?
Tickets are available.
Okay.
Tickets are available.
Go buy them in person.
Yeah, in person.
It's better in person.
Yeah.
I'm actually quite excited about all the big drama that you're going to reveal behind the paywall.
Oh, yeah.
You said you were going to do.
Oh, yeah.
No, no.
There's, there's some, we have some naughty stuff.
I have a very intimate and uncomfortable story to share.
Okay.
It's very like, it's very, it's very personal, but I think it's important to talk about.
Okay.
I, I have a, yeah, I have an intimate story as well.
It's very personal, and you may be disgusted by it.
Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
Well, if you want to check that out, you have to go to patreon.com slash fear and where you can find us behind the paywall for an hour every week.
That's right.
We're going to be behind the paywall.
Join us.
Including other bonuses that come along with that.
But on that note.
Go now.
I'm going to flash my boom.
Oh, about my personal story?
Yeah.
I'll tell it.
Look, and you know what?
I'm a human being.
All right.
I want to start off by saying I'm a human being.
Personal Patreon Secrets00:00:34
And sometimes.
Sometimes human beings experience medical conditions.
All right.
This particular medical condition was, I was peeing and it started to burn a little bit.
No.
Okay.
Started to burn a little bit, right?
And I know everybody's thinking in the podcast, they're saying, oh, my God, Austin has an STD.
Not true.
Untreatable gonorrhea.
Yeah, not true because based on a variety of factors in my personal life, I will tell you that that is not really likely.