I've Had It w/ Fear&. explores "Karenism" as a tool for consumer rights, contrasting respectful demands for paid services against corporate exploitation like tipflation and forced retail philanthropy. The discussion critiques right-wing commentators lacking charisma while mocking conspiracy theories about Oklahoma's gun culture and fracking-induced earthquakes. Hosts also analyze Austin Shaw's coming out journey, the evangelical pressures in West Hollywood versus Oklahoma City, and the ethical implications of self-checkout tipping before concluding with social media exchanges and upcoming podcast guests like AOC. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Bradley's Nicorette Victory00:03:24
It's four milligram, yes.
This is Nicorette White Ice Mint one.
This is good to start on.
You're the first guest other than Bradley.
Who is what's the name of the powerlifter Bradley?
Bradley Martin?
Isn't that the only guest other than Bradley Martin to take Nicorette gum from you?
Yeah.
That's so funny.
It's usually, so the only people that I know that I interview that routinely are also Nicorette users are journalists.
Got it.
It's like usually usually our guests are Twitch streamers and YouTubers and stuff.
They don't mess with this kind of thing.
Did you smoke?
Yeah, I haven't spoken in here.
Oh, good for you.
Same.
Congratulations.
See, I vape.
I high vape.
If it was on the four milligram, I downgraded to the two.
But whenever I see a four, it's like an extra.
It's good.
It's like a Pablo Escobar cocaine pop.
I couldn't pass that up.
I go crazy on these.
I don't even care.
I know it's bad, probably.
I'll probably get like mouth cancer or something.
I've never actually chewed it.
Do you buzz out when you chew Nick?
No.
No.
You just don't go into the DTs for nicotine.
He just feels normal.
Delirium Trevin's.
That's exactly.
Yeah.
Well, first of all, we're doing it again.
We always start impromptu.
This is normal.
That was your call, by the way.
You have said that that's the way you like to slam.
I like slamming it.
Now do the adjunctum.
We have the I've had it ladies here.
Yes.
A long time coming.
First and foremost, I want to apologize for our producer slave, Marsh.
Go on.
Who we obviously didn't give enough lashings to because he dropped the ball a little bit.
He really did this back and forth communication that was supposed to be happening with you ladies.
This doesn't pick it up on the mic, but the laugh that just came out of Marsh was so defeated.
We're out beating him forever.
Ladies, we want to let you know that we were cutting his pay by 50%.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
I like it.
It was Hassan's decision.
And we're totally not all blaming him for our negligence as well.
You know, this is somewhat humiliating for us because we did ban you and we made a boundary that we wouldn't speak to you until you came to Oklahoma City.
Yes.
Which is what we call the white girl breakup.
Right.
Like you broke up with us.
You broke up with us.
We're breaking up with you first.
Right.
But then we were coming here on tour and we had Kylie reach out to Marsh who jumped through his last lead.
See, we the beating of Marsh works.
Yeah.
No, that's like, you know, that's how you get happy employees, I think.
You beat them, you humiliate them.
That's right.
No, but to be frank, we are all degenerate gamers and streamers.
And we were actually really excited to have you guys on and to do the podcast.
So we felt really bad when it didn't happen.
And I think we all took a good hard look at our organization skills.
Yeah, it marches failures.
Self-reflection.
And we all collectively blame.
This is great.
This is refreshing because normally I'm the one that gets all the blame.
Yes.
This is the one instance where you did not objectively fuck up.
No, I know, which is wonderful.
I just got back from vacation, so I'm feeling great about this new year.
It's the first podcast I think I've been doing.
Blameless Organization Failures00:14:35
Your entire life is a sequence of vacations.
Don't let them talk about it.
This is literally the only thing you did that is different is that you didn't show up.
Remember how I said he didn't like gay people?
Yeah.
The reason he didn't, he also doesn't like women.
That's usually platforms.
This is what I believe.
He stands on.
This is why I stand.
Yeah.
You'd fit right into Oklahoma.
Well, Oklahoma is actually a fascinating place that I've been to many times.
Really?
Yes.
Marat.
My brother used to live in Oklahoma City.
What'd he do?
He worked at Boeing.
Oh, okay.
In the low-cost facility.
This is what they call it because Oklahoma is cheap.
There's like tax breaks and subsidies and whatnot.
That's where they made the Air Alaska.
The Alaska Airlines.
No, no, no.
He's on the aerospace side.
So he was not related to any of the commercial stuff that Boeing was doing.
But yeah, I visited him quite a bit and I'm actually fascinated by Oklahoma City because it was the first time that I realized because I grew up in Turkey that I realized that, like, damn, actually, I think people that live in Los Angeles or New York City probably have more in common with someone living in a different city around the world, whether it be Istanbul or whether it be, you know, France and Paris,
than someone living in like Tulsa.
You're not wrong.
You're not wrong.
Because there were so many cities that we went to cities.
There were towns that we went to.
There was like three people.
Right.
Yeah.
Like no traffic.
Just crazy stuff.
So many Walmarts.
It's awesome.
I love Walmart.
I love Walmart.
She gives me so much shit about Walmart.
Walmart.
We went on a field trip to Walmart and you know, they have regional kiosks set up.
And there was this.
What's a regional kiosk?
So a kiosk curated for that region.
And at the Walmart in Oklahoma City, the kiosk was like Uber Jesus kiosk.
Right.
Everything.
And I am not at all religious at all.
And I was cleaning up.
So I go to this kiosk and there is a book and it says scientific facts in the Bible.
It is a quarter of an inch thing.
It was unbelievable.
And I'm just looking at it in complete fascination that I live around all of the people that are at this book kiosk going, nailed it.
Now that shots right there.
Can you intertwine some MAGA merch in there?
Oh, fucking.
You must have on the Jesus thing.
100%.
Well, we were walking out and I was like, Jeffrey, there's a woman in a MAGA hat.
She's like, fucking Walmart.
Of course.
I hate it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we got lots of MAGA levels.
I love that.
MAGA country.
For the record.
Sure.
Like, no, unironically, like, that's why I love Oklahoma because it's so untapped and pure.
I'm fascinated by conservatives in general.
I think it's awesome.
Very entertaining.
Yeah.
Can I quickly just say that I've never been a Walmart person, but I am a Sam's Club guy.
Yeah, it was the same.
Well, Sam's Club is the Costco of Walmart.
Yes.
Right.
Yeah.
Is it a little higher class?
No.
No, I would say yes.
I would say yes.
It's the exact same thing.
It's the same.
You just buy them bulk and stuff.
Members only.
I don't think they all have a lot of people.
Not Oklahoma, Walmart.
Have they?
I think they definitely, of course.
Only with their headsmen.
You have to be with your headsman.
They have to sign you up on an account.
Right.
Yes, exactly.
They co-sign.
Well, yeah, we're in this.
I think there's something primal from when I was a kid that I have like an instant reaction to Sam's Club.
My mom would go in and buy like 300 pounds of trail mix.
Yeah.
Right.
No, I love Walmart and like Sam's Club and all of that stuff because like the abundance of it all is fascinating to me as well.
Like I think it's dope.
You go to a store and they have everything and there's so many different brands of like Oreos and cookies and stuff.
Like growing up in Turkey, whenever I would come to America, every Sunday, my grandfather and myself, we would go to like the Walgreens, I guess, or equivalent.
It was like a, it's a smaller, you know, it's like a right aid, basically.
Right.
And I'm just imagining little Asai.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
It was fire.
Like the church?
That's why when you get, even if someone's like.
Even if someone's like German or French, like I had some French friends like stay with me a while back and like they had this checklist of places that they wanted to go to and it was like Trader Joe's CVS.
Like this is a fascinating trip if you're if you're visiting America because like let's be real.
What cultural landmarks are there?
What's going on?
I'm so sorry ladies and then went well.
I ordered food to my hotel and I'm not at your house.
I'm not at my hotel.
I hope I have a generous driver.
I'm so sorry to derail the conversation.
I ordered food to my hotel and your reaction to it when you went when you did a little lemon bite.
I knew you'd fucking continue.
I'm so sorry.
I've ordered food in Oklahoma City to Florida.
Oh, really?
I've done that before.
And it's like, why wouldn't they know?
But it's like, they won't know you're the stupid one.
It's your fault.
No, they tell you.
Like it says, you look very far away from exactly.
They didn't say that to me.
Okay, well, you know, that's your fault.
Yeah, it is my fault.
I've actually become a master of when I'm like 30 minutes from home ordering and trying to collide at the same time.
That's really fun game.
Do you guys do this where you order food when you're passing the restaurant because you don't want to stop?
Yeah, I've done that.
You done that?
Yeah.
Like for me, I do a workout.
I'm sweaty.
I'm like, I'm going to break out unless I get in the shower quickly.
So I need, I'm passing the Chick-fil-A and I'm ordering the grilled chicken sandwich and the grilled dishes.
You eat hate chicken.
You eat Chick-fil-A?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you love chicken.
No.
We love Chick-fil-A.
It's delicious, but you know what my mother calls it?
What?
Hate chicken.
It is hate chicken.
Hate chicken.
That's why, bud, that's why hate chicken.
It's so delicious.
It's got a secret.
It's so good.
They say it's the German World War II rocket program.
I think it was the hate chicken.
It's like breakup sex.
And gay people, there's a niche group of gay people, me included, that love Chick-fil-A.
Yeah.
And I think it's kind of like sticking it to the man.
You know what I mean?
Like, you hate us, but we're going to eat your fucking chicken.
We can eat rich anyway.
He makes the argument that it gives him so much pleasure.
So like the guy must hate it.
Well, no, I think they're gay.
100%.
The people that are screaming the loudest are always the hypocrites.
Let's talk about the Chick-fil-A employees.
I don't know how they are in California, but in Oklahoma, they are all homeschooled.
Yes.
All kids.
Really?
And this is like their big time to be socialized.
Really?
And so they're all socialized at Chick-fil-A.
They are so fucking happy.
So nice.
They're going to be at home studying IBLP.
And they are so friendly.
It is their pleasure.
And you know that they're finding all sorts of loopholes within the staff to prevent from having vaginal intercourse.
So I bet they are kinky, homeschooled employees at Chick-fil-A.
Yes.
I have a whole theory.
And they start at 14 in Oklahoma.
Really?
Yes.
We support child labor.
Absolutely.
The federal minimum wage is $7.25 in Oklahoma, right?
Correct.
Yeah.
Like $1,274 gross.
Isn't the reputation of the business?
They don't need more money.
They don't need more money.
They're learning the value of the dollar by not being paid in.
Isn't the reputation of Chick-fil-A employees that they're like over the top nice?
Yes.
Yes.
100%.
And those commercials where they're like, oh, I was having this and this Chick-fil-A employee helped me.
I stopped in for a cup salad and mentioned that I needed a new kidney.
And my chicken.
That's exactly what they do.
And you're kind of like, you don't know whether to just be like, is that bullshit?
Or like fascinatedly and think they're sweet.
I've had many good experiences with you.
I've never had a bad experience with Jeff.
No, never get your order wrong.
How do they vet like that?
Where do they find?
It's this homeschool.
It's the homeschool.
People are so happy to be out of the house.
Yeah.
Austin is furiously trying to change your address.
Austin and your order.
Austin is desperately trying to change the age.
He's trying to pay attention and also changing addresses.
This is unprofessional.
Yeah, no, this is very unprofessional.
This is a very unprofessional.
The way that you use your phone, dude.
This is gay cruise.
Austin.
I know.
You have gotten gayer.
Yeah.
What happened?
No, he's limping the phone.
That's crazy.
He's throwing his whole body.
I'm so proud of you.
We have been his straight gay Sherpas because we are objectively gayer than he is.
He's two straight men.
Because he came out of the closet, what, like three, four years ago?
Should have stayed in it.
Like 100%.
Too far from the restaurant.
You get to pay extra, right?
A new one, Austin.
Just get a new one.
They're going to charge me $53.
This is ridiculous.
You're just going to have to eat it.
I'm just going to have to eat.
I'm going to have to go get.
I'm going to have to.
You're going to have to leave the podcast and go to the hotel.
No, no, no, no.
It's fine.
I'll be fine.
Just let them.
I'm going to get a new one.
Let the food sit there.
I'm so sorry.
You guys.
Discontest.
This contract manifests on your face makes me sad.
I've got a loophole for this.
Any secrets about Uber Eats?
If you just say that the order was wrong, they'll give you your own.
No, Austin, you can't do that on camera.
You're a bad guy.
You're a bad guy.
You're going to get comments.
I would never do that.
Will.
Are you kidding me?
I was saying what you shouldn't do, which I'm not saying that, by the way.
Yeah, absolutely.
I would not be doing that.
What I was trying, I was trying to say.
They're going to redirect it to an orphanage.
No, exactly.
Yes.
Yes.
In fact, that's where I'm staying.
You're staying in an orphanage.
Actually, maybe that's a good idea.
That's weird.
That's weird.
A little strange.
That's not staying at an orphanage.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now you see why I'm the problem.
I know.
I do.
Austin Shaw.
I have a question about coming out three years ago.
So how old are you?
Why the delay?
Wait, you just admitted that on camera for the first time in your entire professional career.
That's true.
We should bleep that.
Yeah, bleep it out.
You should.
That'd be funny.
Can you bleep that out, Marsh Banners?
It would be funny.
And he's definitely not worried at all.
So I'm sorry.
Say again.
So, so you came out to bleep that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he's been all.
You don't have to bleep all of it because people don't know how to do math.
So don't worry.
Anyway, so I came out at that age.
And a few years prior, I had sort of explored up until that point.
22 is when I had my first gay experience.
And up until that point, I kind of thought I was a little asexual.
Really?
Right.
I was like, there was no.
I'm definitely asexual.
I'm trying to gaslight her into being a lesbian.
Right.
She's trying to bring a pet project of mine.
You think it's like a stepping stone into being a lesbian?
I did.
For me, it was.
I mean, not a lesbian.
I'm not a lesbian.
The furthest.
Yeah.
But anyway, I kind of was like, I don't like, I think I like women.
Like, I can get an erection.
Right.
Right.
I had sex with women at one point.
Right.
It was very bad for women are great.
Yeah.
It was tough, you know, for them.
It was just not a good experience.
Like, it just wasn't good sex for them.
Right.
Or me, really.
And so, anyway, over time, I was just like, I didn't know how to like, there was just like women and I knew what was beautiful, but I couldn't establish a type for myself.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Like, beautiful woman, great.
But there's a lot of beautiful people, but we all have, you know.
So anyway, over time, I realized I just like guys and, you know, explored through porn and everything like that.
And eventually I explored a lot and then it was in the closet and eventually I came out.
The point we were trying to make, however, is that when he came out of the closet, he like his gay experiences slash like him being a gay man was very much limited by the fact that he had been an Oregonian for most of his life.
So he had like never actually truly seen gay culture, I guess.
Yep.
So he was very much, he was like a fish out of the water.
So Will and I living in West Hollywood for a while.
Hetero life mates.
Yep.
Yes.
Yep.
Will, by the way, is the first one that coined the concept of heterosexual gay marriage.
I'm trying to tell him we could become another tier of celebrity if we were the first two straight men.
Well, Brian, what's his name?
Callan is trying to, Brian Cranston?
Yeah, Brian Cranston.
Brian Cranston is trying to do that with Aaron Paul now.
Yeah, I think that was a joke.
I think that was on disbussing film and not discussing film.
Oh, okay.
I think that was a meme.
But I'm saying we could forge a path.
Do you consider yourselves hetero life mates?
For sure.
Yeah.
We're non-practicing lesbians.
Right.
Yeah.
We're non-practicing gay men.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Non-practicing gay men.
I think we would be happier if we were engaged in holy matrimony.
Our wedding would be insane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The feminist.
Yeah.
It'd be a lot of fun.
So how long have y'all been friends?
Oh, like a decade.
Yeah, decade plus.
It's been a long time.
We're old.
Oh, you're talking to us about old.
You guys are not old.
We're old.
I'm the youngest of them.
Are you?
Are you?
Yes.
No, like, actually.
Oh, yeah.
You are.
That is true.
The youngest.
Not by a lot, though.
By a significant amount of gays.
Not by a lot.
That's right.
He's definitely not the gayest, but he is now like well on his way to becoming the gayest.
So you were kind of like a Granella gay.
Yes, very much.
Well, I was wearing tight pants.
Yeah.
And like, he looked like an extra from broke back.
Tight pants.
Yeah.
His like.
And Chelsea boots.
He would wear Chelsea boots all the time.
Oh, my God.
I don't know why they let me get away with it.
And V-nex.
And it was just like, dude, what are you doing?
I would yell at him all the time.
I was like, Austin, please.
I didn't know what he was doing.
But it's like probably within the last year that my level of fashion is elevated.
Yeah, because I've never known a gay man not to have impeccable fashion and have everything in place.
But now I do.
Fox News Charisma Moments00:15:31
I found one.
He's finally like, this is the first time I've seen you in a fit where I was like, damn, that's like a great fit.
Because in Oklahoma, no, no disrespect.
In Oklahoma, we have gay people.
Yes, I know.
But they hide sometimes, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, Oklahoma City is a city of a million people.
There's definitely like a gay community, but because it's so evangelical, there's so many people that like go to the pray, the gayaway camps and hide it from their parents.
Yes.
You went to one?
No, I should, though.
I should go that.
You should go and stream it.
You should go.
Oh, my God.
You should go under ever.
Yes.
Yes.
Pray away the gay camp.
What if you?
You've got to do that.
What if it took hold and I actually prayed again?
Yeah.
And I'm and I came back.
Just halfway through your Mary Queen.
You're just all of a sudden like, wait, I love tips.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
Hold on, Will.
You're onto something.
Even if it doesn't work, let's do this.
There ain't no way, dog.
There ain't no way.
We can make a ton of money and I'd be on Fox News.
Just where you want to be.
Exactly.
I mean, here's Max.
I think you got to cash in.
There's a lot of money to be made.
We've always said if Hassan wants to cash out, we're going to stick a cowboy hat on him and he's going to do an about face and get on Fox News.
I would cash out.
I am of the mindset that I am infinitely better at being a right-wing commentator than every single one of them out there.
Maybe with like the exception of Tucker Carlson, because, well, now he's washed, but like when he was on Fox News, he was pretty good at hammering like wasp nationalist talking points.
But beyond that, like these guys are not charismatic at all at all.
No way.
They got no Riz.
I would kill it as a right-wing commentator.
You wouldn't know what Riz was.
Yeah, I didn't know.
I had to ask.
Where did you first hear it?
Well, a friend of ours, we were on a trip, her nephew, and he said, oh, so-and-so has no Riz.
And I was like, trying to act cool.
Like, I knew what it meant.
And then I was like, what's Riz?
It's like, you know, charisma.
And then like, literally two days later, when we got home, I read an article.
If you have to ask what Riz is, you have none.
And I was like, well, that's me.
I have no Riz.
No Riz.
Don't worry.
The person that wrote that article doesn't have it either.
Once like slang gets to the New York Times, it's like, it's over.
We've already established that.
I have to be honest.
I like a lot of news slang.
Riz just has never worked for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't used it either.
Well, I just sounds like the noise a doorstop makes.
Riz.
I like it.
I like the mouthfeel of it.
I don't.
Really?
Mouthfell of it.
Rizzed up.
I feel like if I said it, I just wouldn't look cool.
Sometimes back to the Fox.
If I'm watching the news, something like really delicious is having like Republican cannibalism and it's like such really salacious and vapid content.
I'm like, I'm going to go to the dark side and say what they're saying on Fox.
And how they can, I agree with you.
These are not it factor people.
No.
They have it.
It's so boring, breathtakingly boring to watch, but it's amazing how they have indoctrinated all of these boomers and how pissed off they are all the time.
It's unbelievable.
But it's so entertaining to watch.
It is.
I love being that same.
You can't handle it.
I can't.
It just makes me so fucking mad.
I want to kill someone.
I think there's a hump.
Like, I used to be like that, but then I've watched so much of it.
And I look at it from like the lens of being fascinated by it more so.
Cause I'm just like, how do you come to these conclusions?
Right.
Like, we don't do politics on this podcast for the record.
So this is the most amount of politics we've ever done, really, on this pod.
Yeah.
But, you know, we're making a special exception for you guys.
But yeah, it's just, I make a, you know, I make a whole ordeal out of it.
I like to dress up as a, as what I call a hog.
I release merchandise.
I have a hog personality by the name of Hank Pecker.
Early in our friendship, I gave him his white name.
Yeah.
I gave him parts of his family still just call me Hank.
Yeah.
Like, don't call me Hassan.
I bet that's fun.
See, sometimes I think I envy it because I'm like, it'd be fun to be that unhinged and crazy all the time and never apologize.
Simplicity to it.
Right.
And I wonder if they're, some of them are happier.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I think they're madder.
It's just rage.
Angry.
Some of them, but like some, it's like so they're so dumb.
If instead you had to go through all the pain of kind of coming out of the closet and accepting your sexuality, you just blamed Mexicans for that.
Yeah.
That's a much simpler process.
I think they're onto something.
Not about Mexicans.
I'm not getting so much out.
I was like, no, I think one of the my favorite things about Fox News, and this is very, this is, this is my tism sparking.
There's something very interesting about like when you go to another country and watch the ads.
There's something amazing about that.
Fox News has its own set of ads.
Oh, yeah.
Where it's like everyone is like, are you ready for the market crash?
Have you bought 24 pounds of gold?
Stockpile gold now.
I think it's like a hearing commercial and then like life insurance policy.
And now they have their own brand of like things that are not woke.
Like Daily Wire is doing this as well, where they're just like taking, you know, the regular shaver, but this time it's like, do you hate trans people?
Like, use this shaver instead of like the gay one.
And then women shouldn't have facial.
All this like faux alpha male stuff.
Like, Thompson and I always cracked up at how they've like whitewashed Trump so much.
Like he's, I mean, obviously he's white, but like they make him thin.
They photoshop him.
And he's Mayor 15.
And it's so homo erotic.
Yes.
You know, there's so much eight boxes of pizza, guys.
Yeah, that was pretty hot.
He basically has a footlock.
It's like what they did to Jesus, though.
They did.
Totally.
It's the exact same thing.
It's so sexual.
Yes, it is very sexual.
I think it is kind of sexual.
What are you saying about my lord?
I've said this before.
Yeah, they did.
Jesus rich.
Why did he need to put like cum gutters on Jesus?
I think the reason why is because the guys, like all the artists that first depicted him were gay as hell.
So they were like, damn, Jesus is kind of fucking hot.
That is true.
It's probably true.
Like, have you been to Florence and seen David with a teeny weenie?
The scale of that.
That's crazy.
He does have a teeny weenie, but we don't know how it looks hard.
Yeah, he's a grower, not a shaver.
He could be.
I had this debate because a lot of penises do look very small when they're flaccid.
So I had an interesting.
If you know anything about the creation of David, the church basically commissioned that marble statue, and it was a very the way they commissioned the marble and the way they moved the marble, it came in like a square pillar.
And David was originally worked on by another sculptor who had no talent.
And the first thing you do is break it down and he broke it down way too thin.
So then they hired enough for the dick movie.
That's what I'm saying.
They hired the real baller to come in.
But if you look at David, he's all kind of smushed up because the pillar was so thin.
Maybe there wasn't enough of me to do that.
I googled this.
During the time period, large penises were not as beloved as they are now in our vapid modern culture.
They felt like that if you had a teeny weenie, you had a big brain.
But you know who's responsible for in our society of big penises being more renowned?
Men.
Of course.
Straight men.
I do like a big penis.
Andrew.
You're ace.
I know, but I mean, I have.
You have.
I have asexual budget.
Right.
That's my exception.
It's a big penis.
It's a big penis.
How big are we talking?
I mean, I don't know.
We're all out.
I like the girth matters.
Oh, that's the girth.
She did dicks.
Yeah, like, I mean, pops, girth.
That's pretty good.
That's a pretty good dick.
I mean, yeah.
I think you got to go sport dick.
I don't think you can go too big.
I don't think you can go too small.
You have to have a sport dick size.
Okay, so tell me about that.
I think a sport dick size would be probably six inches and maybe about like this.
That's good.
If it's too big, if it's too big, then it can be limiting as the receiver will.
It's the receivers, as you know.
Are you a bottom?
I'm a top.
But did you assume I was a bottom?
It's okay.
I never get that, but that's okay.
Well, I just assume that maybe every now and then you have to take the relationship.
No, it's a good assumption.
He failed booty bootcamp.
I did.
He can't even do it.
He can't do it.
He can't do it.
He is a selfish top.
Selfish top.
He's not a selfless top.
He's a selfish top.
He's not a service top.
He likes to even have sex with him.
Essentially a straight man who fucks gay.
No, there's a rumor that they have that he has perpetuated.
That says i'm a selfish top.
He is, i've not perpetuated, but you're not a bottom.
No, i've never bought him before, but most of the men that I sleep with tend to not want to top me usually.
That's one thing I really admire about the gay community.
So I went to gay ski week in Aspen a few years ago and I got on my gay friend's grinder and I was like can I, can I work this for you?
And he was like, yes, and it's just amazing how quickly you get to the nut cutting.
Yeah, how big are you a top, are you a bottom?
It is just completely, everything is completely handled.
Where in the straight world you have these mating rituals?
Yes, that you have to go through grinder is to tender, as like Play Mobile is to Lego.
It's just a much simpler right.
It's like whole.
Yes no, let me see your ass.
And then that's great.
And then it was like this person is a hundred yards from you.
And so i'm telling my friend i'm like Harris Harris, they're right over here, so we start walking.
I'm like that's him.
It was so fun, yeah.
And then I had like we do that as straights.
I know, why can't we figure out too complicated?
You just can't.
No, it's too complicated.
It's too complicated.
You should create an app for that.
There's too much going on.
Women women, we require more.
Yeah, we require a lot more than just that.
There's also an element of danger too, like I feel like you know, you don't know what this guy's gonna be like.
He might get violent.
Maybe you don't want it.
That's the hot part.
Maybe you don't want it, like halfway through.
I feel like that's most of Grinder.
Okay well, that's that's.
See, that's what i'm saying.
Men operate with a different.
There's people on grinder.
Okay, that will that.
This is their thing.
They'll blindfold themselves and send addresses to people.
Yeah, blindfold them, give them access to their home for people to come have sex with them, cataclysmically horny, and then leave without ever seeing their face, without knowing who they are down at all.
It's fascinating.
These things happen on grinder.
I know, completely anonymous, you guys, that's hot.
I've always had a lot of gay friends, but my week that I spent at gay Ski week I was like in the trenches, on the front lines of all of this, and it's amazing the stories they tell me, like one of my friends on Grinder ends up in some white trash park yeah, like outside of Oklahoma City, and there is a glory hole, oh my god.
And he walks into this bathroom in this park and the guy's like grunting, over here, over here, go over.
There is a cutout where the penis is, passes a condom, they do the deed leaves.
They never see each other.
Full-blown glory hole in the buckle of the Bible Belt.
Trump Country.
That's right.
Sometimes, sometimes you got to get a none off.
Yeah, I always say, and i've maintained this, if there was a once a day prescription pill that I could take to be gay, it'd be done.
We've done a sketch on I would be done.
It'd be Homicill Homicil, i'd take it every day.
Yeah, we've often thought being a lesbian would be much easier and I think lesbians are such an organized, ambitious group of people they really should rule the country.
Yeah, I mean, lesbians have their together way more than gay men.
You know what I mean.
I feel like they'd be really good running our natural resources.
Totally totally yeah totally yeah yeah, I would agree with that.
Yeah, girl autism combined with lesbians.
Yeah, I don't have many lesbian friends.
I'd like some more unstoppable friends.
Yes, you're non-practicing lesbian friends.
You found out la, at our show last night.
There were so many power lesbians there.
Yeah, Oklahoma City, we have lesbians, but you don't really have like power lesbian couples where both of them are so incredibly ambitious and successful.
And you see them and you're like they're just power lesbian.
Yeah, they're going camping this weekend.
Yeah, really envy, That's it, because they're going to have.
They're some, you know they have, they're female.
But then they have this MacGyver shit going on pickleball with all these lesbians and you wouldn't believe their tool sheds and their equipment that they have like to mow their yards and edging and all of this shit.
They got a tool shed for work and then they got a tool shed for i'm a lesbian security guardass taking out people that didn't even deserve it.
Try me make a hole.
Make a hole because Twitch does this thing.
Um, so a lot of us are twitch streamers by original, where we originally thought of all three of us.
All three of us, except for Awesome.
He doesn't really stream anymore.
He doesn't really work at all, actually just vacations.
Yeah, I do twitch, twitch con.
They give us security guards, but a lot of times these security guards don't understand that we're not Brad Pitt yeah right, right.
And so they're like we're walking through like a Las Vegas casino where we need security at like the convention, because there's a lot of people that know us.
Nobody knows us, but they're like moving people out of the way.
Speak for yourself, but people know him, at least you think so.
But um, y'all need to explain to pumps what twitch is.
Right, i'm not i'm, I know.
It's like live.
Yep, it's good, good start, it's youtube, but for live streaming like that's.
Are you playing games?
No yeah, people play games.
I don't I, I can.
That is the quick definition.
The way that I like to describe twitch is some point.
In the last 10 years, people have consumed content in a new way in which now they want two streams of content right, if you've ever been around like a teen who's watching a movie while he's on his phone right right, it's kind of like this uh, neurodivergent brain where it's like they need constant impulse.
So I think a lot of our audience are second screeners, where they will be working at a job or they will be studying for school or they will be cooking or something, and we are a live podcast that they put on almost as like a security blanket on their other monitor and they can talk to the live podcast as well.
It's like having a friend in the living room with you.
That's what's cool about.
It is all the interaction.
I saw it on my credit card statement for years because I have two sons.
One is 21 years old, goes to Syracuse, studies journalism there.
The other other one's a junior in high school and I would see all this twitch and I was like, what is the twitch charge?
They're like it's a gaming thing.
Rush Limbaugh Detox Story00:03:11
He knew that's how.
Like we didn't know who you were.
And then you like twitched us or whatever it's called, streamed us, and my son in Syracuse is like, mom um, Hasan Piker is talking about you and I was like okay, who's that?
So then I go to your twitch so awesome.
And I click on your twitter and you two are watching this reality show of him and I think it's the two of you maybe you were there of penis shrinkage and measuring.
I watched it for an hour.
It was so fantastic.
I was just like, and then your coverage of i'm thinking about like okay, so how long has have Dylan and Roman been doing this?
So they've been watching the dick measuring shit.
Since they were probably around eight with you thought that's exclusively what we were covering.
No, then Dylan Explained to me.
He's like, no, it's like video gaming, blah, blah.
And so then I, I understood.
Mom.
I describe what I do to a lot of people, at least in the media and traditional spaces, is like basically an interactive Rush Limbaugh, but also not on drugs and not and nothing.
I have a great Rush Limbaugh story.
Oh, really?
Do you want Rush Limbaugh?
Okay.
So my husband is in recovery and he went to rehab five times.
First rehab stint was at this bougie ass place called the Meadows.
So I don't think I've heard of this.
So I go out to the meadows and this is like probably early 2000s and I can't, you have to keep anonymity, but I walk in and I see L M Dot supermodel.
I can't say the last name because I'm respecting her anonymity and I'm like, fucking furious.
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
I'm at home with this baby and you're at fucking meadows working on little Josh with a fucking supermodel.
Go fuck yourself.
I was furious, right?
Anyway, so he gets sober.
Two days before he leaves, it hits that Rush Limbaugh has this opioid problem.
Yeah.
And he is heading straight to the same place.
And so I'm on the phone with Josh.
Like everything's a lot better at this point.
Like it's amazing what 45 days.
Yeah.
Stay.
And then of course, you know, he gets out and he's still every bit of a repulsive son of a bitch that he could possibly be.
But no, there was he, Josh saw him.
Like he was on the intake, having to go to detox as Josh was leaving.
Yeah.
Well, wow.
Yeah.
His situation.
Yeah.
He was a major opiate, uh, opioids addict, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a interesting fella.
But like, I obviously, I mean, as much as I despise these figures, I can also, in my mind, like Alex Jones, for example, in my mind, I, I also can, like, kind of look at it as like pure entertainment.
Not to say that like I separate the art from the artist at all, because like the impact is still gross and awful.
But as a as a streamer, broadcaster myself, like I do, I do sometimes look at that.
I feel like there's a, there's some takeaways that you can get from them.
Cause like Alex Jones, there's a reason why he was in a scanner darkly.
Opioid Addiction Confessions00:07:19
And right, did I say that right, Will?
Yes.
Like all these, all these flicks early on in the in the 90s and early 2000s as like the conspiracy figurehead because he is a uniquely entertaining individual.
It's just, I've always maintained the position that like we as a society are not able to look at it and derive enjoyment and entertainment out of it because we take it seriously and we go, oh, this guy is like actually speaking truth of power.
I'm going to attempt to say something intelligent.
What?
Go ahead.
David.
I'm going to say that having a serious debate with these people gives them credibility.
So taking the power away from it and looking at them as a as a circus, which is what they are, sort of takes away any sort of credibility or everything that they're talking about.
So I think that, and that's the way I've, I've watched Hassan.
I was a fan of Hassan.
I've been a huge fan of Hassan.
And I, and through watching his broadcast, that's sort of, I used to be the same way.
Like my mom is this way.
She watches Republicans and, oh, well, you know, and she tries to have arguments.
I'm like, why are you arguing with this?
Just watch and laugh because it's so stupid.
You can't argue.
Like, do you hear what they're saying?
Here's the one thing I'll say.
Like, when you live where you all live, you can sit back and you can watch it and it can be entertaining to you because you're so detached from it.
Where we live, I mean, people that live around us think the earth is 6,000 years old.
And when these people speak, it is like methamphetamine to them.
It is, and they take it so seriously.
So we, on the way here, there was a news report that came up that Oklahoma state politician is passing an anti-furry legislation.
Like serious as a heart attack.
If a child shows up to a school in Oklahoma City, that they will call the parents or animal control.
This is in law legislation.
Animal control.
If a child shows up dressed as a cat to school, and I'm like, what do you care?
In the 80s, everybody dressed like fucking Ozzy Osborne.
Nobody gave a fuck.
You know, animal control.
Animal control.
This is what it's a fake story, too.
Right.
It's not even a real thing.
Joe Rogan elevated this like complete nonsense fabricated story and made it like a real thing in the conservative circles.
No, no, no, no.
The bill is real.
The origination of the bill comes from this idea that like it's transphobic.
It's supposed to be transphobic, but like there was this lie being told about Pennsylvania schools, I think, where they were putting kitty litter in the so a teacher could use the litter box, right?
So and they were saying like, oh, it's because students are coming in and saying I'm cat gender or whatever.
Like no one's doing that.
No one's doing that.
And if they are doing that, they're fucking children.
Like calm down.
Nobody's like literally allowing kids to piss in a kitty litter.
Exactly.
Turns out the real reason for why they have kitty litter in the school classrooms was actually because of school shootings.
Yeah.
That's the reason why they have kitty litter in the classrooms because they use that to cover the, it stopped the bleeding.
It's a part of the survival kit that American schools have.
I'm sorry.
That is so much cool.
Well, I want y'all to know that in Oklahoma, they've cracked the case and they're putting an end to it.
They're going to call animal control.
Well, that it's something about the fact that schools are finding thrifty ways to pack bullet holes instead of banning guns.
I remember the first time, because when we grew up in Oklahoma, you had a tornado drill and a fire drill.
Yeah.
And you did that a couple of times a year and it was a big circle jerk and everybody got in a line and everybody's dicking off.
So I picked up my son Roman a couple of years ago from school and he's probably in like eighth grade and he got in the car and he was like, yeah, we did our drills today.
And I was like, oh, tornado and fire.
And he was like, no, the active shooter drill.
And I was just like, my heart fell to my stomach thinking about like, that is a real thing that kids have to be prepared for so that we can placate the fucking gun lobby.
And then it's especially maddening for me because we live in this state where everybody's so pro-life.
Oh, Jesus.
But how they have braided Jesus and assault rifles.
It's insane.
It's insanity.
I can't believe it.
The bigger the Christian, the bigger the gun nut.
Yeah.
Typically 10 times out of 10.
So crazy.
That's a lot.
I've been to the Oklahoma gun show.
Shut up.
Yeah.
When I was OKC, one of the times, never seen so many swastikas.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
They got like, obviously, like, they have the, ironically, they have the Confederate flag everywhere, which I'm like, you're Oklahoma.
Like that little spot that you have in your state is directly because you are not doing the whole slavery thing.
And Texas was like, we want slavery so bad that we will give up a piece of our territory to Oklahoma.
So like, or, you know, inevitably, it became a significant thing.
We're ranked 50th in education.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Oh, it's, it's, I need to go there.
It's dire.
Yeah.
However, very cool sewer caps.
Sewer caps.
Did you guys know that?
No.
OKC, the manhole covers that you have for your sewage system actually has you are here and an entire grid of the Oklahoma City.
And it shows you exactly where you are on the map.
I'm surprised.
I'm so surprised.
I need to apologize.
I had an existential crisis with my food delivery.
And I had to manually get this.
Oh.
Look.
Oklahoma covers have a city map on it with a white dot showing exactly where you are.
I had no idea.
I had no idea.
I'm fascinated by Oklahoma.
Oklahoma has a lot of fun, cool stuff.
Like Governor Mary Fallon, former governor of Oklahoma, instituted a national oil prayer day.
But it was woke because she said Muslims can join as well.
Oh, did they?
Well, she knew that they're like a divoning rod for oil, right?
Yeah.
Right.
They have 2X for oil.
Did people have a problem with that?
The Muslim part didn't give a shit.
Right, as long as it's oil, they don't give a shit.
In Oklahoma.
Well, I was just curious if they were raised hell over that.
Yeah, no, no, no.
They're praying for oil, brother.
Everybody wants that.
Which, of course, Oklahoma, the fracking industry is the reason why Oklahoma now has like massive amounts of earthquakes.
Right.
We just had like last week, there were some big ones.
Like fracking.
Yeah.
19 and 19th.
Did you guys do you do the earthquake drills at your school?
No, they've not yet started.
These are new.
New earthquakes.
From the fracking industry.
At a certain point, if you're so into God and like, especially evangelical Christians, like they just don't put two and two together that like God is furious.
Right.
Oklahoma Fracking Earthquakes00:02:20
Like the God is not enjoying the things you're doing, it seems, because he's punishing you.
Well, you know, God tested Job.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ladies, what do you want to talk about?
We've been running our stupid ass mouths.
We've been talking just man splash.
Okay, I want to talk.
I think Austin Seth, one of our producers who watches all of your stuff, pumps kind of flirts with Karenism.
Okay.
Karenism.
And it's my understanding that you kind of flirt with Karenism.
Here's my thing.
Like, obviously, there is this, you know, a Karen, and you think white women that look like us, potentially racist.
Karens have like a tackiness to them that you don't.
Thank you, Austin.
I think you don't have the trademark Karen hair.
No.
I can get it.
I love a good Texas hair.
I taught you all the time.
I'm like, do not Sarah Pale in your hair because she will wrap that shit up.
And I'm like, do not Sarah Pale in it.
But anyway, at first I was like, pumps, because we'd go out to eat and she's like, this queso is a little warm.
I'm going to take it right back up there.
And she grabbed the queso and march up and have them reheat it.
And I'll just look at the waitress.
I'm like, and then I realized you can use a friend that is a Karen for your good.
So now that we're traveling on tour, anytime I want somebody to be an asshole, I say, hey, Karen, sweet about it.
She Karen's up.
She Karen's up.
Yes, it's kind of great to have a Karen.
Yeah.
See, that's, but see, the key distinction, and I feel like we're of the same.
I knew it from the moment we met.
I knew it from the moment we met.
We're one of the same.
The key is being nice about it.
Absolutely.
Advocating for yourself, going to the waitress, not being like, bitch, my queso is cold.
What the fuck?
Fuck you.
It's more like, hey, I'm so excited.
I know this isn't.
That's exactly right.
I'm so sorry.
I know this isn't your fault.
Would you mind heating this up for me?
Right.
I know I'm a pain in the ass.
Would you mind?
And I don't, most, I worked at the service industry briefly.
Oh, did I do?
And I was, I didn't, I didn't mind when people approached it like that.
It's when people are like, this is fucking cold.
This is ridiculous.
Let me talk to your man.
So that's how I approach things.
I believe, though, that so my the core foundation of my I call myself a white hat, Karen, because I think it's like I'm Karen for the good of the people.
Right.
That's what I am.
Yeah, see?
I knew it.
I knew it.
See?
Karenism for good.
Moral Dilemma Tipping00:10:01
Exactly.
So my belief is that when you pay for a good or a service, you pay for that good or service, you should receive that good or service, what you paid for.
And if you receive any less than that, you should be compensated.
So let's say a hotel or whatever, you show up at a hotel, the experience is awful, you didn't get what you paid for, then I think that there should be some sort of compensation in that.
You should handle it in a respectful way.
But the reason I think it's a caring of the people is corporations, airlines, hotels, whatever, they'll take advantage of the consumer.
They do always, because they assume that the consumer isn't going to fight back.
They'll cancel your flight.
They won't give you any, and they'll try to put you on another flight without giving you any compensation.
They'll do all sorts of things and nobody will advocate for themselves.
And so I believe that you should advocate for yourself.
You should get what you pay for and stick it to the corporations.
And that's a very leftist ideal.
And Hassan's been struggling to come along with it.
I know, no, I am.
And you're the better business.
It's like a really tightrope.
It teeters.
You could hear if you just lean into a little bit.
Is it entitlement?
You know, it kind of gives that vibe a little bit.
But I do believe that corporations, like with all of this tip and everything, especially it's just consumer exploitation.
Yeah.
Because they don't want to pay people a livable wage.
So now we're tipping at the self-checkout and all this fucking crazy shit.
Yeah.
And it is.
Tipping at the self-checkout.
Yeah.
My cleaners wanted a tip the other day.
My fucking cleaners.
Yeah.
Like you witched into a hanger.
Yeah.
Oh, the dry cleaners.
Yeah.
The dry cleaner.
Oh, no, Not the self-checkout is wild.
I was ordering something online.
I got suckered in.
I think I'd had a couple of melatonin and I was suckered into some Instagram app.
Is that legal in Oklahoma?
You know, we legalized weed.
Really?
They put the vote to the people.
Yeah.
We legalized weeds.
Marijuana restrictions.
I'm talking about that, though, is that don't you guys still have the weird like liquor laws though?
Like the Jerry County stuff?
Like you can't have cold of the bar.
You have to be 21 years old to sit at a bar.
Right.
Like I couldn't walk up to a bar if you wanted to just sit at a bar and watch a basketball game with my 17-year-old C.C. also.
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Wait, in the same way.
Alcohol beverage control.
Alcohol beverage commission.
In the state of Oregon, you can't sit at a bar as a kid.
Yeah.
That I've heard in other places too.
But what I was talking about specifically is like, I think there's like weird rules around like liquor stores have to close at a certain hour.
Yeah, they have church hours.
They have church hours.
No church channels.
No Sunday.
No, they just started opening on Sunday.
Oh, yeah.
We just had a big thing happen in the last like two years before you could only buy liquor at the liquor store.
You couldn't go to like a Walgreens and get a bottle of vodka.
Oregon's the same way too.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's surprising.
I don't want to get too far.
You were on melatonin and you bought something.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yes.
I bought something and then I'm checking out and it was like, would you like to tip the person that packages?
It was like some racket toothpaste or something that my son wanted, this purple toothpaste.
And he's like, mom, order this for me.
So I'm on there ordering it.
I'm like, tip the person that boxes it.
And then, you know, as somebody who worked, I was a waitress in college.
It's like you, it puts you in this moral dilemma because you're like, I don't want to be the dick that doesn't, you know, tip these people, but also fucking pay your people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's what I see it as charity.
I think that's what it is, which I don't have a problem with.
I'm very fortunate.
So I still juice it up.
Like I rack it up every time.
But I do understand that it comes absolutely from a place of like corporations not wanting to pay their employees and trying to add on additional costs of the consumers in like a sneaky way.
And the inconsistency of that is sold to every American as like, well, you know, you might make even more money this way.
And some corporations like Uber in some parts of the country, I'm not entirely sure on what they're doing right now, but I believe it might be DoorDash or Uber that has started taking some of the tips or lowering the actual wages down and like taking some of the tips that you thought you were giving to the dasher.
That's bullshit.
That is bullshit.
Yeah.
They're like legally trying to do this thing that like restaurants used to do all the time and still do to this day.
Not to flex, but we had AOC on our pod on Tuesday.
Not to flex.
No big deal.
That's pretty impressive.
No big deal.
We also had Neil deGrasse Tyson on that.
We did.
Not a big deal at all.
Huge deal.
That's why this is that much more humiliating for us.
Hey, you guys are really falling off.
What's going on?
Here we are on the Fear Ann podcast.
But we were talking to her about tip flation and she said, you know, a lot of waitresses, and I remember when I waited tables, you made like $2 an hour.
So you really needed that 15 to 25% tip.
And because now it's tip flation is everywhere, it's damaging the people who are making well below minimum wage that rely on those tips because people feel over tips.
So they're tipping less in general across the board.
Interesting.
People are tip fatigue.
That's right.
Great one.
There's a pet peeve of mine.
When you know the suggested tips that come up on the if that starts at like 25%, I get really upset.
Really?
Do you throw it?
You got to give me the option.
I'll give you the 25%.
I'm just saying, start there.
Give me the 15%, then 20, then 25%.
You want to feel like a big dick.
Yes.
Yeah.
I like when it has the little parentheses, like good service, great service.
Wow.
And I'm like, yes, wow.
And you're like, I'm not a tight ass, but if they start at 25.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tell me how fat my cock is.
Isn't it crazy how 10% is an insult?
Yeah.
Bad service, 10%.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
It's going to get, it's going to get worse.
I mean, as look, everyone is penny pinching.
Everyone is cost cutting.
Everyone is corner cutting.
So, you know, this is another byproduct of that.
Well, I'm not.
I'm tipping the same.
I'm proud of you, man.
And how would you tip if you were ordering something online like me?
I don't.
Yeah, I wouldn't.
Yeah, I didn't do it.
I was just like, this is.
If I can't see them, it's a little dicey.
Well, and then you, you know, one thing.
Uber ease drivers are like, no, no, no, easy drivers get my tip.
100%.
Typically, the Uber East driver that I just talked about earlier, he, I manually, the Uber wouldn't let me change the location.
I texted him.
He did it himself.
How do you feel about you go to Walgreens or a CVS?
This is something we talk about on our podcast a lot.
Forced philanthropy.
So you're at the checkout and it comes up to save the babies, save the dog.
I fucking hate it.
I mean, she had it.
I still hate it.
It is such bullshit.
No, I don't do it.
I don't.
I don't.
Don't do it.
Do not do it.
I do it.
Don't do it.
Here's the deal.
How are you vetting?
Like, we were at a Halloween costume shop buying these like naughty nun costumes for Halloween.
And as we go to check out, the cashier is like, would you like to donate for the babies?
Right.
And I'm like, fuck those babies.
Yeah, first I said no.
And then she was like, okay.
Like, she did not expect my boundary.
She's like, what about if I round up?
It was like $100.44.
She goes, what if I round up to 101?
And I was just like, so cornered, I was like, I'll do it.
So then Pumps and I get in the car.
We fell.
We thought about turning around and going back.
For 49 cents, we were like, we're going back and get that 49 cents.
We got completely unhinged.
And then we started having an imaginary conversation with the gal, like what we'd really want to say to her.
Like, when's the last time you had an abortion?
Have you ever taken plan B?
How do we know this is going to the babies?
Are these babies Trumpers?
Yeah.
Are these babies?
What are the vibes of the babies?
Right, exactly.
Maybe they deserve to be aborted.
I'm just saying.
What's your STD record?
Yeah.
The way I view it, and maybe this is strange, like sometimes when I go into like temples or I'm walking by a fountain, I'll throw money in there and I don't give a fuck where that's going.
That's how I view that.
Right.
Well, you think you get a wish.
Didn't you learn that growing up?
If you throw a penny into the fountain, you get a wish.
You're just philanthropic at heart.
I'm 1000% against that specifically because, look, I mean, I've raised $3 million for various different causes this past year.
And, you know, these are all things near and dear to me, including I work with a lot of the Rio Grande Valley abortion providers and things of that nature specifically as well.
And one of the things I never do is that thing, the Roundup or any of that, because why am I fundraising for a corporation that's going to take that revenue and be like, look at how wonderful we are.
How much money we donate.
It's like, bitch, donate it on your own.
Right.
Or don't even donate it to the causes.
Just shave off like a couple million dollars of lobbying funds that go directly into the pockets of like Republican and Democratic politicians that end up deregulating the economy.
Sir, this is a Target.
I never say that to like some random employee, but also like that is definitely my mentality on it.
Like I'm not, I'm not here to help your you massage.
Well, and they get a tax break.
I get a tax break for it.
Yeah.
Have you ever been to the places where you select the thing and then they write your name on a star?
Yes.
We have that note.
And I've done that and I'm just like, oh, shit.
You're a sucker.
But I hit the $1 and I'm just like, they're like, here's the star and the Sharpie and I got to write the name and they're sticking it up and I'm a hero.
You're grandstanding.
And I'm a hero.
I can't be a hero.
No, but it's a dollar.
And I'm sure somebody, I just didn't feel like I deserved the star.
Yeah, I gotcha.
You know what I mean?
Gotcha.
For your whole dollar.
Yeah, for my whole dollar.
Somebody else donated a lot.
Like, felt like they were being great.
They're a star and celebrity.
You're right next to him with your dollar donation.
Podcast Filming Impressions00:02:56
Literally, right up there.
I think there's a problem with that.
No.
No, not for me.
The tipping is fine.
I don't mind it.
Donating to charities.
Donating to a charity on behalf of like Target.
I'm never doing that.
Yeah.
I'm never, ever doing that.
Fuck that.
Okay.
Well, I think we've done about an hour.
So we are not.
Yeah, we are not going to be shooting our normal paywalled episode.
We'll probably shoot that at a later date.
Yes.
We are going to be filming the I've Had It podcast.
We're so excited.
Right here.
Yay.
Flip the scripts.
Yeah, we flip the scripts and we talk about how they're going from renowned astrophysicists to guys who talk about cocktails.
Yeah, or AOC.
Yeah, exactly.
We probably are better at talking about COC because we devolve into talking about COP all the time.
You don't want this smoke.
Every podcast episode, we start serious.
We're like totally beating a dead horse and then it devolves into me.
We are the only one.
We always get to talk to our other co-host, Cutie Cinderella, and tell her that there's some merit in devolving up to talk about dick episode.
Yes.
It's huge.
It bonds people.
We feel seen.
We feel seen in her.
Everybody likes Dick.
Especially straight guys.
We love talking about it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I was fascinated when I watched you guys live stream the whole, I told her about it.
I was like, they did watch this whole like penile measuring thing.
And the guys that did that, I was so impressed.
I knew one of them.
Did you?
Did you?
Yeah, it was one of them.
It was a porn star.
Did you top him?
No, I didn't top him.
Wait, just check.
Is that the owner who sucks his own?
Yes.
He's at my gym.
I see him all the time.
Oh, my God.
He's my buddy now.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
He's great.
Yeah, he's a Hasanabi head.
Yeah, he can suck his own.
Very impressive.
Is he disjointed?
I don't know.
I think he's fat.
He's not very flexible and very fat.
He didn't win, though.
He didn't win.
I was shocked.
I was shocked.
When you have a fat cock, when you have a fat one, sometimes the length is lost on you.
Sometimes it could appear when it's girthy, sometimes it looks a little longer than it actually is.
Oh.
On that note, ladies, where can people find you?
Thank you so much for coming on.
Okay, so our main Instagram, TikTok, Twitter is at I've Had It Podcast.
It's run by a millennial.
It is an A-plus feed.
Amazing.
My personal is probably about a C-minus.
It's at Ms. Welch, M-I-Z-Z Welch.
Pumps is maybe a D.
I just have been on social media for a year.
At Pumps, Pumps, Pumps.
But for like the good content, follow at I Light It Podcast.