Will, Cutie, and Murat reunite for a New Year's Special, debating Austin's fan interactions and sharing chaotic travel anecdotes like Will's airport near-miss. They clash over Ozempic efficacy, exchange provocative gifts including a "woke" Pope Francis bust and a Mormon baptism calendar, and dissect the ethics of posthumous baptisms for Hitler. The conversation shifts to Italy, contrasting Rome's engineering with Florence's Renaissance art and unsalted bread, before ending on a personal note about family dynamics and identity. Ultimately, the episode blends holiday chaos with deep cultural critiques, highlighting how personal histories shape modern perspectives on faith, history, and community. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome Back to Fear and Podcast00:14:41
Yeah, are we recording?
I don't know.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.
Why is this insistence that you have to do the intro?
Well, it's either Will or I. That's why.
I don't know.
Why is it?
Wow.
I mean, come on.
I don't want to do it.
Yeah, cutie doesn't want to.
Sean is terrible at it.
That's not true.
Welcome back to the podcast fear and podcast, the greatest podcast in the world.
And we have a banger episode lined up for you guys today.
Let me tell you something.
This is an requested and offer requested episode.
We finally have the full cast.
Nobody has died of a self-sucking incident, and we're here and we're queer.
And Austin is not allowed to talk about the things that he's not allowed to talk about that I can't say in the beginning portion of the episode because we'll get demonetized.
But yeah, that's it.
Yep.
Let's go.
Welcome back to the podcast, everybody.
So happy to be here as one happy family celebrating and reigning in the new year.
Yes.
That's right.
It's a, for those of you watching, it'll probably be January 1st, wherever you are or the 2nd.
It's already January 1st for me.
We're doing a fear and meet and greet on January 6th if you guys would like to be there.
What?
Location undisclosed at the moment, but we'll post it.
Make sure you guys know about it.
So just stay tuned.
Wait, but Cutie, I'll be gone.
No, you'll be there.
Oh, wow.
Okay, yes, I will be.
No, we're going to be doing a fear and no, cutie's right.
We're doing a fear and meet and greet.
We didn't tell Austin.
We wanted to do it without Austin because he doesn't like doing meet and greets.
Are you kidding me?
You're right.
I don't.
I honestly hate the fans.
I don't like fans.
Yeah, he hates meeting fans.
There was a fan that DM'd me at the airport because I was at the airport.
No, I look at my message requests on Instagram and there was a fan that noticed me at the airport and I got a random DM that said, oh my God, I just saw Austin at the airport and I felt so bad.
In my head, I was like, I need to find them so I can take that.
That's the most insane thing you've ever said.
What do you mean?
In a sequence of them, I was like, they were like, I was too shy to come up to them to Austin.
I was like, please interrupt my day and I would love to take a photo with you.
And Will's the same way.
I had a similar situation where, I mean, I acted very positively through it, but deep down inside, I was white knuckling a little bit.
Someone went, oh my God, is that a sompiger?
As I was connecting from my Italy to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Los Angeles flight, which was like 15 fucking hours.
I just landed, by the way, and immediately we're doing the podcast.
But no, I'm not saying that because I'm brave.
I'm an insane person, but regardless, and that was a very tight connection.
And I have a lot of airplane stories that I want to bring up to you all.
No, it was a super tight connection.
Nine minutes.
A nine-minute connection.
Jesus Christ.
Exactly.
That's crazy.
On an international flight.
On an international flight.
I don't know what the fuck Murat did, but let me tell you something.
No, if it was up to me, I would have booked a straight fly.
It's not even that's out of code.
You can't.
No, no, no.
Like nine-minute connection is in nine minutes is.
To you were boarding.
Yeah, nine minutes to start boarding an hour before it landed.
Enough about your travels.
And a fan came up.
What I was going to finish is the fan came up.
A fan was like yelling at me while I was running through the airport.
And she went, are you busy?
And in my mind, I was like, we're in an airport.
Like, what do you, yeah.
You're like, nope, just visiting.
No, I'm just sweating profusely for no reason.
But, you know, I love, I love meeting the fans.
So I took a photo with her and then we were almost late.
I actually had a situation like that too at the Dodgeball event.
The bathroom was right near where all the bathroom drama, the audience was.
Yeah.
And I had to pee very badly.
And I think the audience just thought I was coming to sign autographs.
So as I was trying to go to the bathroom, I ended up signing 30 minutes of autographs.
Oh, shoot.
And the line just kept piling up.
And I was like doing the pee-pee dance.
And like, I almost peed myself.
And they thought, oh, my God, Will is so happy to be signing autographs.
Let's bring more of our friends.
I almost peed myself.
I have closure on the fan that I talked shit on on this podcast.
I wasn't here for this.
After my stand-up show.
You talk shit.
Oh.
Yeah, I talked shit.
I said, fuck that guy.
Anyway, he was at Dodgeball.
Oh.
And it was really nice.
He was like, hey, cutie, I'm really sorry for what I said at your stand-up thing.
And I was like, oh, shit.
No, double down.
Wait, that's closure.
You just said, oh, shit.
Well, I said, number one, it ain't that deep.
You know, I exaggerate for content.
Like, if I'm going to have a one-second interaction, I'll turn it into a five-minute story.
So it's like, it's actually fine.
It didn't hurt my feelings.
I haven't done stand-up since.
Which is weird.
Probably isn't.
It doesn't hurt my feelings.
But no, just kidding.
He like made me art.
And he was like, I made you the standard as an apology.
It was very sweet.
And so I'm going to be mean to more people.
So they make me think.
That's a great idea.
Yeah.
I endorse that.
And I would like to see you do more stand-up too.
I actually come to the first one.
I wasn't here.
But actually go to the next one.
I thought you were, actually.
What?
No, I wasn't.
You didn't tell me enough about it.
You didn't remind me.
I really want to support you.
That's one of my New Year's resolutions in 2024 is to listen and support you.
We will get to New Year's resolutions.
Listen to women.
Yes.
No, I'm serious.
I've taken the comments constructively.
Will, it's your turn.
I'm not going to talk about myself at all today.
No, I just, I was, I wanted to relate to you, cutie.
I actually got heckled with a bit I did online recently.
And I didn't know how to feel about it.
I put out a tweet about a Jets fan recently that got arrested for a DUI.
And when they asked him, they're like, why are you driving drunk?
He's like, because the Jets suck.
And I, and is he a player?
That's awesome.
No, no, no, he's just a fan.
Oh, fan.
No, I support that.
Long suffering.
And I wrote, this man is the next Gypsy Rose.
And people did not like me.
People love Gypsy Rose.
But I didn't think I was making fun of Gypsy Rose.
She's just really in.
Yeah, she's just really hot right now.
I know.
It's like almost.
Have you ever watched the show?
No.
The show is really good.
It's almost like a little, like the Swifties.
Swifties.
I'm talking to my people here.
Chill.
Ladies and gents.
Well, she got a message that she would violate her parole if she went to the Kansas City game to meet Taylor Swift.
I know, but she wasn't going to like meet.
She's just a fan.
But then all the Swifties are like, yeah, she's Gypsy Rose.
I know, but it's like, chill, guys.
Like, chill.
Someone in your fan base got mad at me because they didn't know that her name was Gypsy Rose and they thought I was awesome.
Oh, did they know you were saying a slur?
Oh, that's awesome.
And I was like, no, no, no, no.
I'm not talking about the Romani people.
I'm talking about the woman name Gypsy.
That's my favorite type of like unnecessarily angry person online, which is like, I don't have all the facts available to me on this matter, but that's somehow your fault.
But we're not going to talk about things that annoy us online today.
We're going to talk about New Year's resolutions.
We're going to talk about goals.
We're going to talk about my trip to Italy and what I brought back for you guys.
As a matter of fact, maybe I should go over the gifts.
I'm on a present.
I was thinking today, this is important before we get too serious.
Imagine like a toy story, but with sex toys and like dildos come out of your cabinet at night and they like hang out.
Have you guys ever thought about that?
That's genius.
And they'd have such good stories.
Do you think they would be happy or do you think they'd be miserable?
I don't know.
Oh my God.
Cutie, this is such a great idea.
We should cut this out so somebody doesn't steal it.
I think it's a good idea because there's some.
Do you think that's a great idea?
Yeah, it's a great idea.
I think both of you are out of your fucking mind.
A sex toy story?
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
I'm on the fence.
Imagine.
Amazing.
There's a man named Bill, and he has one vibrator, but he is a stud.
And 20 women circle through his house monthly, and he only uses that one vibrator.
That vibrator's got some stories.
Yeah, that's you don't use one sex toy on multiple partners.
You don't.
Bill does.
Yeah, we've never really serial killer.
Exactly.
What does his vibrator have to tell us?
I don't know.
You're really cooking with this cutie because I think vagina monologues, but from the perspective of a sex toy.
Yeah, but it's an apartment building instead of a nice house in the suburbs.
And they all come out at night and they meet in the hallway.
Cutie, we have never taken into account the emotions and trauma of these sex toys.
And I think it needs to be unveiled in an animated movie called Sex Toy Story.
Did I tell you about my ex-boyfriends whose dad was a pedophile and we cleaned his house out when he was in jail and we found a pocket pussy that was full of cum and it was really gross.
See, that's a story that maybe we shouldn't tell in the movie.
You went full Austin show.
I think I'm rubbing off on you, cutie.
What's going on?
I thought about this while driving.
Made you want to do the toy story.
That pocket pussy has seen some.
I'm not necessarily on with the inspiration of the movie, but I do like the core concept.
Instead of the slinky dog, it's the rubber fist.
I feel like even the fact that we brought this up as a concept is going to cause Pixar to send us a season to Sis.
Really?
Like immediately.
Disney Pixar is going to not only send us a season to cis, they're going to send us Hitmen.
I think we need to become friends with Seth Rogan because he did sausage parties.
Yeah, see, that's what it reminded me of.
Yeah.
So that's my goal.
I love that.
Wait, so that's that was a beautiful segue.
Thank you.
Is that your New Year's resolution?
Yes.
I'm also sick.
That's why I sound like I've shucked off a helium balloon.
Wait, like, how sick are you?
I'm not contagious anymore, I think.
Okay.
How long has it been?
Like a week.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Gifts?
New Year's resolution.
Let's do that first.
Okay, son.
How about you?
No, you go.
No, no, no.
I'm going to have a sensitive moment with everybody.
Oh, God.
Damn it.
Varying reactions to that.
I was like, oh, and then these two were like, oh.
No.
Oh, freaking hell.
So this is serious.
Okay.
New Year's resolution.
I haven't really thought about it.
Oh, okay.
My New Year's resolution.
I'm the one who suggested it because I thought you guys would carry.
I'm going to be honest.
No, that's fine.
You go first.
Take it.
No, go ahead, son.
Austin wasn't ready for it.
No, I wasn't ready for it.
Okay.
New Year's Resolution is 2024.
Same as 2023.
Get to 10% body fat.
That's my New Year's resolution, which I did not accomplish, but I did make a significant amount of time.
That's crazy.
You're 10% body fat.
Do we look like the same?
No, of course.
I'm like.
You look a little bit less lean than I do.
That's very kind of you to say.
That's insane that you just lie so nonchalantly.
Wow.
I think you look great.
Yeah.
No, my New Year's resolution is also, I guess, the same as every other year when I say I'm going to limit the time that I stream so that I can focus on other avenues of bullshit.
And also my life as an adult.
And I think I've made some meaningful changes in that regard this past year.
Right.
Not on the hour stream.
That hasn't really gone away too much, but I have made this podcast, which has been great.
You've scored in three plays.
I did three plays.
I have a dog.
I have a fur child.
So like, you know, there's definitely some meaningful improvements in my life on that front.
And I'll continue along that.
And yeah, that's it.
Those are the two that I can think of right now.
Do you have any goals from last year that you didn't hit or that you did hit?
I was looking at my.
Okay, here.
I'm going to have to.
Did you write them down?
I wrote them.
I wrote myself.
I do it on stream every year.
So like someone actually.
Well, I can do mine while you're looking them up.
Okay.
My resolution last year was to grow my flow out.
And I don't know if you guys have seen Lachuga.
You Google it.
You fucking nailed it.
You nailed it.
I crushed it.
You crushed it.
My flow is.
In fact, I think this look, the full D'Artagnan, I think I'm, you know, a little bit of a chameleon.
I bounce from look to look, but I'm very much enjoying this look.
I know.
I like it.
It's doing something to me.
Yeah, I feel like I'm like a Han Solo type.
I just found my goals.
I only hit one of them.
Okay.
Let's hear those goals, Kitty.
They were, I wrote them down December 31st, 2022.
And I wanted to hit half a million subscribers on YouTube.
Nice.
I didn't.
Oh, oh, oh.
I thought that's the one.
Sorry.
No, no.
I wanted to average 5,000 CCB on Twitch.
I did not do that.
Oh, you wanted to whine about it in the top 50 female round podcasts.
We did not do that.
Did you make it in the mail?
Yes, I think maybe.
I'll check.
I mean, who knows?
You could be better than some male podcasts.
That's what I meant.
I didn't mean they were men.
I wanted to make a friend, Smiley Face.
Oh, I didn't do that.
And then I wanted Streamer Awards to hit a little.
Wait, that's bullshit.
You didn't make a single friend.
Not in like the way of like, like, not in the way of like someone, like, I couldn't just text you guys to come fold laundry with me.
I would love.
That's what you want out of friendship?
That's insane.
Cutie.
To sit with you.
I mean, I would be laundry.
I'm surprised if you texted me, I would show up in fold laundry.
I wouldn't.
Full disclosure, I would not do that.
I know you.
I adore you, but I would never fold my own laundry.
That's what a girl wants in a friend.
I just want a friend to sit there and dissociate with.
Okay.
Yeah.
Can we do something else?
No.
Like smoke a joint.
Why can't you want like your friends that you spilled the hot gauze and tea with or something?
Like normal people do.
What?
Mad pause.
Yeah.
What was that last goal again?
It hit 100,000 on streamer awards and I hit that.
Yay!
Are we?
You hit a goal.
Yeah, we're high-fiving each other because we helped a lot.
You did help.
Okay, we were just saying that as a joke.
Oh, you did.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't think that you would take that seriously.
Okay.
I found my 2023 New Year's resolution.
Kick it.
Okay.
So I categorize it by life, fitness, and content.
There's three different categories.
Wow, what the?
This is something I do on stream.
2023 New Year resolution, get a haircut, which I did because if you guys recall, I had the long hair.
Great resolution.
I love it.
I love how mine was growing.
My hair.
This was coming.
Yeah, get a haircut.
Because we swap.
Yeah, we did.
We swapped.
So he used to have long hair.
New Year Haircut Resolution Swap00:03:45
This works way better on you, and this works way better.
100%.
I agree.
And the combination of us two is the hottest football player alive.
Yeah.
We're just Sam Hartman.
Yeah.
We're just one Sam Hartman.
Yeah.
Like we both.
Let Austin be included.
When we're together, I turn into Sam Hartman.
Separately, we're not.
We're going to hold a candle to him, but it's okay.
Austin wants to be a hot football player, too.
I am.
Okay.
Another universe.
I have another one.
More podcasts/slash TV show appearances plus collabs, which I fucking nailed.
Go to Japan with Lud plus the Yard plus Friends.
Not the Ludd and Yard part, but I did go to Japan with friends.
Yeah, I didn't even get a name.
Neither did I.
I was just part of the N friend.
Yeah, and friends.
Well, because they were supposed to be doing like the big yards.
Travel even more, which I also nailed.
Adopt a puppy for real this time, also nailed.
Raised more than 1.5 million 500K last year.
Fucking almost doubled it, not tripled it.
Improve personal outlook plus brand and gain more charitability from haters and normies alike.
Definitely failed on that front.
Things could not be more.
Things could not be worse on that front.
Yeah.
Yell less, be happier.
No more responding to haters.
Again, I would say.
You're setting yourself up for failure.
That's your bread and butter.
The last job.
The last like.
It's like your resolution was be less Hassan.
Yeah.
Well, yell less, be happier.
I would say I failed at, but the no more responding to haters, I definitely did much better than the year prior and the year prior.
Fitness goals, 16% body fat by July.
Keep hitting the gym.
I did not hit 16% body fat by July.
Get to 245 pounds by March, 230 pounds by the end of the year.
At that point, I was 255.
I'm 245.
So I did make a lot of gains on that front, but didn't hit 230.
Bench press 225, 15 times.
Squat 315, 12 times.
Deadlift 405, 8 times.
This is too many risks.
Women in STEM.
That's impressive.
He's kind of rubbing it in, to be honest.
I reached and nailed a deadlift part, deadlift of four plates by 12.
But anyway, that's besides the point.
Sounds like you hit most of them.
Yeah.
I have a theory about resolutions.
That's an impressive impressive year.
I think we're getting ourselves up for failure with resolutions because we do them in the dead of winter.
Can you imagine if we started a new year right at the start of summer?
Yeah, like Australia.
Yeah, they're not.
Do you think there's a science or more production?
Yeah, if you have a fitness goal and it's the first day of summer, mate.
Yeah, if I draw it up.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Fucking leaf, mate.
Looking fucking.
Maybe that's why they're sexier.
I do agree.
They look so sexy.
They're so hot.
It's because, like, I think Australia makes it illegal to like ship fat Australians overseas.
When I was a kid, I wanted to marry an Australian so badly that I did my fifth grade report on Australia, and then I would pretend Orlando Bloom was Australian.
Wow.
Not the last part, but I did also, I was also fascinated with Australians.
What is your question?
Why Orlando Bloom?
You would pretend?
You would want to marry an Australian, but the Australian you wanted to marry wasn't Australian, so you pretended he was.
Is Orlando Bloom American?
I actually don't know, but I know I used to tell people he was Australian.
Wow.
Because I was like, the Orlando Bloom is fucking Australian.
Wow.
That'd be so sick.
Oh, man.
I'll have to fight Katy Perry.
But Ludwig will have to marry him with.
Pretending Orlando Bloom is Australian00:05:18
Oh, he's one of those British guys.
Okay.
He's British.
Pantern.
Yeah.
So at least I wasn't too far off.
There's two different types of actors where like you think they're exotic and not American, but they actually are from like Ohio.
Example is, what's his face?
The dude who I thought was like Samoan or Polynesian.
Jason Momoa.
Jason Momoa.
Which he is.
He's like part Hawaiian, but he did grow up in Ohio.
So when you hear him speak, you're like, what the fuck?
I did not expect this accent at all.
And then the other, or Johnny Depp, who you're like, oh, is he British?
And then you're like, no, he's not.
He's just fucking.
He's from Kentucky, I think.
Yeah.
And then you have the British actors who sound so convincingly American and have like perfect Baltimore dialect or whatever.
And then when they're speaking in their own mother tongue, they're like, yes, I'm a thespian.
I'm a Shakespearean actor in real life.
All the kids were stupid and they believed me that he was from Australia.
Yeah, kids are stupid.
Yeah.
Speaking of stupid kids, what were your resolutions?
Thank you so much, Will, for that so flattering segue.
I've got a New Year's resolution.
I'm going to stick to one.
Well, I had some in 2023.
I don't remember them, to be completely honest.
And I think I joined the millions of people that also make resolutions that they forgot.
Right.
Yeah.
I, in 2024, I, I love this podcast.
I just want to say, I love this podcast.
It's my favorite thing that I do every week.
It's the well, that's one of the only things that I do.
So I'm going to get to that.
But I love doing the podcast.
I love, you know, making jokes and being silly, which I frequently do on this podcast.
But I don't necessarily enjoy the perception of myself that comes from being silly sometimes.
You know, I think, I think I'm not going to stop being silly.
I'm not going to stop being who I am because I enjoy making people laugh.
That's like one of the primary primary reasons why I like to be silly.
But I think in 2024, I need a vehicle that I can be more intimate and have more personal, serious conversations with people.
And this isn't going to be that vehicle for the record, maybe sometimes, but I'd like to have a place where I can be serious because I think that like sometimes the things that I say on here are like I don't enjoy necessarily people thinking that that is all I am.
You know what I mean?
So I, in 2024, I plan to do more, you know, things that show a more serious side of me as opposed to just what you see on the podcast, which, again, I'm not going to stop being this on the podcast.
Well, I thought of something.
OnlyFans.
Well, that is something that I thought of.
He wants you to see another side of him.
Yeah.
I wanted to do this thing called In the Tub with Austin Show, where I just.
Oh my God.
It literally.
Okay.
What?
She wasn't lying.
You just want to show your dick.
No, I'm not going to.
I'm going to show my dick in the tub.
I'm going to put on swim shorts.
It's going to be him talking.
It's going to be me talking in the tub with a bottle of wine and it's going to, I'm going to call it wine about it.
Good idea.
Like that.
Yeah.
Whine about it, but also with a man.
Finally.
Can I find the episode and we can sit in the shop?
You want to shit together?
Yes.
That's part of my goal is I plan to invite people on.
And I don't want to call it a podcast.
And it'll be maybe once a week.
I'm going to sit in the tub.
Once a week.
Sometimes I'll have my shirt off.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe that's too much.
I don't even mean you'd be in the tub with your shirt on in other words.
No, no, I don't know.
But anyway, my point is serious vehicle place where I can just show a different side of me because...
Can't see Peptia, but in the tub.
Because like I said, I know you say don't read the comments, but I think some of the criticism is valid in the sense that, you know, people think I'm this fucking sex crazed, gay Karen that's belittling weight staff.
And that's not the only side of him.
Okay, that's not, but he's not a sex crazy.
Crazy Karen who belittles weight staff.
Sometimes when they deserve it.
He also enjoys a good serious tub.
Yeah.
Yes.
Well, you use the tub way more.
I got a new place recently and I've not tubbed in it at all.
That's fucked up.
Maybe one time.
I tubbed in it one time.
You have to tub it up way more than that.
So that's my New Year's resolution.
That's fun.
I like it.
Thanks, guys.
That's good.
Thank you.
I found New Year's resolutions that I fucking absolutely failed.
And I want to bring up at least two of them.
No, you had too many.
No, no, no, no.
This is important.
Trust me.
You've already had like 50 results.
Okay, I'm going to say one that I failed.
I think you set yourself up for failure by having so many fucking resolutions.
Okay, well, one, I nailed most of them.
There's only one in here that, well, can you read this one?
Oh, God, I'm nervous.
This one right here.
I don't know.
Oh, nothing.
Interesting.
Hang on.
I'm just not saying that.
Let me try and sound it out.
Yeah, what does this say?
It says, Desney with cutie.
I don't want to go.
That was, it was so unachievable.
I must have set myself up for failure.
You went with everyone else.
Everyone.
Judy, I cannot believe that you didn't want to go to Hassan to Disney between the hours of 8 and 11 p.m.
That's not far beef day.
Too Many Resolutions and Ozempic00:06:27
That's not fair.
It's fair.
No, it's not.
I would have literally, we would have carved it out specifically for that.
I would have done it with that.
We had in January.
We can go and I'm not streaming very much in January.
It's like.
Okay.
I'm not streaming at all in January, so I'll join you too.
Okay.
Nobody invited you.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
He loves Disneyland.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, you can come.
Yeah.
You need me there.
Yeah.
It was supposed to be like all of us.
That was for three years of the making.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Will really wants to go.
That's going to be a different experience for me because I'm going to be on ecstasy.
That's going to make a great podcast.
No, that's going to make a great pod.
The three of you doing Disney and me absolutely off my tits at Disney.
Just like licking funnel cakes and rubbing your nipples while you're talking on churros.
Just gumming and shit.
I've been on Space Mountain six times now.
No, we're just going to go there and we're just going to lose you.
There's like, we're just going to lose Will in the past.
I'm picturing a moment in Kansas who like, you know, put together a lot of like their funds to bring the whole family and Will is just like gumming next to them trying to be like, I don't know where the toilet is.
I've never taken ecstasy before.
Neither have I. Really?
I think he's lying.
I think they're both lying.
Of course not.
We've never taken, we would never do drugs.
No, it's crazy.
Only March does drugs.
Okay, I don't think we should do drugs.
What?
But the older I get, the more I'm like, I get why people do drugs.
No, drugs are great.
Because when I, when I, growing up as a kid, I was like, I was like, I'm above that.
I don't do drugs.
Why would anybody do drugs?
And the older I get, I'm like, taxes, life.
I give why people do drugs.
I mean, to be honest, frankly, they lied to us about drugs.
They straight up lied to us about drugs.
What?
When we were teens, when we were teens, they used to be like, if you smoke weed one time, that's a gateway drug.
You'll be injecting heroin into your nutsack within the week.
It's true.
That is a lie.
You're right.
That is my story.
I don't know if they would tell us.
Except it did happen to me.
It's a lie.
And then I did inject heroin to my nutsack.
Yeah, dude.
That's why he's so crotchety.
It's just there.
They have a, I got to give it to him.
They got a tough, tough sell.
Drugs?
Drugs?
No, to not do that.
Oh.
But don't do drugs, folks.
They really, if I'm being serious.
Everyone does drugs.
Okay.
Did you just drink a coffee?
I did.
You're on caffeine.
That's a drug.
And I feel great.
Are you on Black Market Ozempic?
No.
Of course you are.
But I'm not on Black Market One.
You're on drugs.
I'm not on Ozempic.
Yeah, he's not on Ozempic.
That would be so cool if you were on Ozempic.
I mean, I thought about it, but I've not even thought about it.
That is the gayest thought to have.
I'm going to show you Black Market.
To be those 8% body fat and be like, I should take Ozempic is like the gayest thing that you've ever seen.
I don't want to take it.
It's in the Streamer Award gift bags.
Is it really?
Awesome.
I would push you.
You can get Ozempic online now without seeing a doctor.
Oh, my God.
That's insane.
I mean, I hate to break it to you.
It's getting dangerous.
All of Hollywood is on Ozempic.
Yeah, 100%.
If you see any stars or starlets that have recently dropped 30 pounds.
Are you telling me Jonah Hill is on Ozempic?
They're pumping Ozempic.
Yeah.
It is like the drug digital.
It doesn't just stop you from eating.
Yeah, it makes you not hungry all the time.
First of all, what is the Ozempic thing that you're bringing up?
Sorry for the, to cut you off.
No, it's okay.
The Ozempic thing that you're talking about has been a thing for years in Hollywood, literally before it hit mainstream.
But it's very vocal.
And now it's become like the drug.
For sure.
But here's what I will say.
New Year's resolution.
Stardose Empic.
People like drugs because they work.
Right.
I think ultimately, the more realistic we can be about drugs and facing drugs with your very individual and unique circumstance and being responsible for you is eventually where we need to get.
Drugs work, but drugs shouldn't be for everybody because everyone has a different tolerance, a different relationship, a different set of outsiding, outside circumstances that might make them more susceptible to addiction.
And everybody should approach drugs with their own unique.
My therapist and psychologist both said I can't do drugs.
They said I'll have problems.
Wait, you have a psychologist?
You mean a psychiatrist?
Yeah.
Did you ask them if you can do that?
Yeah, because I asked them if I, because there's been a lot of things about like shrooms to help with depression and anxiety, and a lot of things about like ketamine treatments and lots of stuff like that.
And so I like asked them, and they're they both say it's uh like separately not even talking to each other that I have too much trauma that they think it could make me worse off.
Yep.
That's true.
I mean you have to wait until some things and then maybe they are saying that because they want you to keep going.
Yeah, I think no, my therapist is like pretty woke.
Like she has me try random donuts.
It's a crazy idea.
I pulled the L. Ron Hubbard.
Ladies and gentlemen, listen to professionals.
Listen to medical professionals.
I mean, they're kind of paid.
To tell you what, I went to like some guru one time too, that like does like like shroom sessions, and I talked to that person.
That person was like no, I do that yeah, I'm a Sherpa.
That that Sherpa I went to, told me that I have too much darkness and tonight, at a New English party that we go to, we will not be doing shrooms, Will and I will not be absolutely.
You're leaving me hanging for for no, the no shroom policy Cutie and I will not be doing anything.
But that's real though.
That is Cutie.
And I are gonna be charcuterie at the party.
Me too.
Like one time I'll say it offline TV, I'm standing my ground.
One time you had charcuterie, it was amazing.
And then the next time I went to your party, you did not have charcuterie and I was sad.
Well, you just set the expectations.
Like with the charcuterie plate one year going, I'm gonna I, but they keep inviting like thousands of people.
I feel like maybe they can't have charcuterie, it's too expensive.
Because that is expensive, they got broken.
They're inviting more people than you did.
The fear in podcast uh, collab with them, by the way, they had like two the fear pong.
Charcuterie Expectations at the Party00:05:05
We lost it's because we let them win.
It did well.
By the way cutie, I I don't.
I am so sorry for drenching you in chocolate milk, it's okay, I don't even recall.
Kind of look like you didn't even try.
I does look like we did it on purpose.
No, it looked like you weren't gonna spill any on yourself under any circumstances.
That was real.
That was real.
Yeah, I didn't want to get wet.
Oh oh, we could tell I, I didn't want to get wet.
So I held it above my head and yeah, me and I didn't get wet.
I didn't want to get wet.
We know, we watched it.
I didn't even know you weren't blindfolded because of how fucked up of a job You did that.
I thought, oh, Austin is blindfolded, of course.
And then I watched the video and had the revelation that you purposely.
Wait, he wasn't blindfolded?
No, I couldn't look behind me.
It doesn't matter.
Blindfolded or not, I couldn't see what was behind me.
Insane to me that, like, you had all of the opportunity not to be that bad.
In my defense, QT, you could have done a little better of a job of holding it.
I was blindfolded.
I know, but you know what?
Communication.
We got to work on it.
And that's okay.
That's part of our resolution next year.
Yeah.
Communication, where the bucket is if we do that challenge again.
I don't think we're ever going to do that challenge again in our lives.
I will never do that challenge again, especially not with you.
Okay.
You didn't just dump on QD.
You dumped on me.
It's not my fault.
You're 6'8.
Okay.
And you're ridiculous.
If you were, if that was Will there, I wouldn't have hit him.
Right?
You're too big.
That's not true.
Speaking of which, the visual of you running through an airport is so amusing to me.
I wish I was in a fly.
Oh my God.
Bro, I was wearing this.
I had these like fucking 10-pound shoes on, too.
He's like, bro, it doesn't fit in my fucking luggage.
Of course, that's a San Piker with a seven-inch heel.
Yeah, running into.
And I have the massive airport.
I have two bags with me because I was like, I brought the IRL.
He would ride a bike to a gem heist.
Yeah.
Dude, I had the IRL kit on me.
I had this big fucking jacket that I bought, which I want to talk about as well.
Because I want to talk about Italy in a brief moment.
I've got a story, too.
I was sweating profusely and like Murat and I are both fucking running through the goddamn airport, like screaming, trying to fucking make it to this stupid ass flight.
And, you know, lo and behold, they also waited regardless.
They delayed.
No, they delayed the flight anyway, even after they got off.
So I've got a plane-related story, actually.
That's not shocking to me.
Moment for me.
Something happened to me on a plane recently.
I flew back first.
We did the Furon Podcast Merry Christmas, you know, special.
And I flew back home for Christmas for the holidays.
And I sat in coach, which is fine.
Nobody's not complaining about it.
I'm going to show it up with it.
I can't say which is fine.
No, but I just want people to know that I'm not always up.
He wants to be relatable to the people.
That's one of those things where when you say that, it comes across like it's not fine.
No, but it is fine.
That's the thing.
So no, no, but I, so there were three seats, right?
I sit down and there, uh, two gentlemen.
Yes.
Uh, there's, there's a lot of, so in the Portland metro area, that's where I was flying to is Portland.
Portland metro area, everywhere outside of Portland is like MAGA.
Like, sure.
It's, it's like a lot of, you know.
So I see these guys.
This guy's a bigger guy, fucking camo hat, big beard, you know, everything.
Guy next to him, same thing.
Was it Lord Kirk?
No, it wasn't Lord Kirk.
It wasn't.
So I'm like, oh my God, you know, and every time I see these guys, I'm like, oh, this guy is a like, you know.
That's quite prejudiced of you.
It is.
It is.
And, you know, but you can be prejudiced towards white people.
So anyway, you can always be racist.
So I'm like, it's so cool.
So I'm like, oh, God, this fucking MAGA guy fucking voted for Trump.
My blood's boiling the whole time.
I'm sitting there on the flight.
What?
He's just, oh, he's pissing me off.
You know what I mean?
What has he done?
Has he done?
Nothing.
He's done nothing.
He just, he looks like, he looks like the face of homophobia.
Like, it's like.
He just doesn't like his vibe.
No, I thought, you know, it's okay to like people's vibes.
Right, right.
So anyway, so we're getting, we're on the flight.
I'm kind of like thinking about it, you know, during the flight here and there.
And we hit some turbulence as we're landing.
And I look over and the two guys are holding hands.
They're holding hands.
You're a bigot.
They were bears.
There were two gay men.
You're a bigot.
No, I didn't mean to be a bigot.
What did I came to think?
I was wearing Hassan's merch, which is camo, his camo merch.
And I came to think, my God, I sat down on this flight.
I was judging them, thinking that they were MAGA Trump supporters.
They probably thought I was the same thing because I was wearing a camo pair of merch.
By the way, at the mall yesterday, I got recognized for your merch before they knew who I was.
That's crazy.
That happens all the time with me when I wear yard merch.
Unironically, people will be like, I love that podcast.
Anyway, that's my story.
I learned a lot.
Immediately, you have to be like, well, I have my podcast.
It's called Not Whine About.
Camo Merch and MAGA Assumptions00:13:12
You want me to fall?
You want me to hand out business cards at the mall when I'm wearing this?
Yeah, when someone goes, oh my God, the yard, you should be like, hey, you should check out the podcast.
I'm going to go ahead and do that fear and is funny too here.
No.
No.
Fear and is better.
You want me to, I, hey, I support my boyfriend and we are equals.
No.
Your boyfriend sucks.
Guys, he got me.
I beat the shit out of him at Dodgeball.
He got me diamonds.
Look.
Okay, speaking of your boyfriend, I have something.
I'm bringing you diamonds.
Why don't we call me a diamond?
I got your something as well.
I've never had diamonds in my life.
That's super cute.
You never had diamonds in your life?
I've never had anything diamonds.
That is so pretty.
Are these real diamonds?
I know.
I'm going to get murdered.
That is so.
Well, no, you're not.
Well, when I went to high school, you couldn't wear nice Nikes to school or you'd get literally killed.
I'm not kidding.
You're not there anymore.
Life has changed.
And you're allowed to wear diamonds.
Don't you think?
And how often are you actually going to be able to do that?
I'm not going to wear them out.
Oh, I don't know.
I bought my mom some diamonds because she took care of my dad all year.
That's nice.
Okay.
That's so sweet.
Nice criminal gifts.
Santa Will is one of the most generous people.
Speaking of Christmas gifts, which will dovetail into children.
Hasana went Christmas shopping.
Just a little bit of drama.
Okay.
So Cutie and I went Christmas shopping, but Cutie actually went Christmas shopping before I did and literally like got stuff for my family that I did great for your family.
Yeah, she did a phenomenal job.
And so I wanted to return the favor.
Cutie was having a hard time trying to figure out Ludwig's stepdad.
He's hard to shop for.
Okay, not me.
I'm not Ludwig's stepfather.
That would be crazy if you were.
Ludwig's actual stepdad.
That'd be confusing for me.
Well, I just, I make jokes.
Hello?
Anyway, his stepdad is a big fan of manga and animes and stuff like that.
So, and it was like a real, it was crunch time, right?
This is the 24th.
No, it was the 23rd.
We went shopping.
Yep, 23rd.
Yep.
Okay.
It was the 23rd.
And like everyone, you know, everywhere is slammed.
And Cutie said he likes Berserk.
So what did I do?
I was like, oh, I know something that has immediate turnaround.
I can get you something for Christmas Eve in the morning.
Okay.
Literally at 7 a.m. or 11 a.m., whichever what your, you know, whichever is your preference.
You should get Kentoro Mura's Berserk, rest in peace, deluxe edition, leatherback manga.
Wow.
Yeah.
And I got her the first and the second edition of these.
And it came immediately the next day.
And I, of course, texted Cutie.
I was like, hey, Cutie, you're, you know, I got something for Ludwig's dad for you, as we had discussed.
Would you, like, what would you like me to do with it?
To which, what did you respond to?
I didn't.
Yeah.
To which Cutie did not fucking respond to me at all.
Well, this is.
Taste your own medicine.
What had happened was I, we went to the mall.
I got him Uggs and some whiskey chocolates because he likes whiskey.
And then on my way home, I stopped at Best Buy and got him an electric mug.
They're so cool because he loves coffee.
And then I was like, maybe I don't need Berserk.
And then the next day, I'm, guys, I am, I want to say something that might be controversial.
I'm an amazing cook.
You are.
And so I had to spend all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day cooking.
And so I got your text in the middle of making cinnamon rolls, which this is drama.
I'm not deflecting or distracting.
Definitely not.
I made cinnamon rolls.
I was going to bring some here, but we have a mystery on our hands.
Somebody threw away the tray of cinnamon rolls.
I don't know who.
I don't know if it was Ludwig.
It was Ludwig.
Like the cleaners, Ludwig's mom.
It was Ludwig.
Potentially my assistant.
He probably knew you were bringing it for a while.
He didn't want George.
I was going to bring you guys some cinnamon rolls, and now they're freaking, they're gone.
So maybe next time, next Christmas, but not sure.
So that's why I didn't reply.
So that's.
But I can ship them to him.
That is a bullshit deflection.
Also, here.
Yeah, here.
I'll ship them to him.
There you go.
That'd be great.
I would like our gifts now.
I did not get you guys anything for Christmas.
You're so just kidding.
I did get you guys, though.
So as you guys know, or maybe you don't know and you're just finding out, I went to Italy.
Mia Familia, as they say.
I'm going to be on barrel.
I'm going to be the semester at C kid like Will and be like, oh, I would.
I've never brought up semester at C. You used to bring it up to me, but in a way that was like totally valid.
You were never like, you did do semesters.
You could break your phone.
No, it's so broken.
Okay.
Semester at C kid.
Will did do semester at C, but he wasn't like the meme kid.
But I will be the meme, the semester at C meme.
I went to Italy.
It was a life-changing experience.
I talk like this now, as normal.
And I got you guys some gifts.
Oh.
Okay.
Oh, I even have a bag and everything.
Was that in your duffel bag that you hauled around the airport?
I made you guys homemade gifts, but I forgot them.
Some of it.
Don't bring them next week.
I'm looking for them.
I don't think you'll like it.
I will love it.
You know what I mean?
First and foremost.
And I don't think you're a handmade gift person.
No, actually, the older I get, the more I appreciate the little things.
Okay, well, here's a little thing for you, Austin.
Calendario Romano.
Oh.
2024.
Oh, that's it.
No, it's not just the Roman calendar.
It's hot fucking priests.
Priests.
Wow.
That is.
Oh, hell yeah.
This one was a certified banger.
Murat was like, he saw this and he was like, we have to get this information.
Dude, this is awesome.
Here, can I see it?
This is handmade for me.
Can I open this?
Yeah, God damn it.
Our calendar will be finished January 2nd, so it can say next week if you want to.
Get your calendars, folks.
Hot priests.
Hot priests.
Hot Italian priest.
Yeah, hot Italian priest.
What's the name of that?
Is there any artist you love?
Buccar Beppo?
No, Pepino Gagligiardi.
Buccar Beppo.
I mean, they could be a little bit more twinkish, but I'll take it.
This one, I don't like him.
This priest has androgenetic alopecia, but that's okay.
They're priests.
Oh, this one's a little.
Oh, no, these are real priests that are like sales.
What are you doing?
Wait.
Okay, this is the on.
What is it?
He's like eating bread slowly.
Yeah, this is.
I think that's Jesus.
He's eating Jesus.
He's like eating bread.
This is okay.
This is my favorite so far.
I don't like him.
You don't like him?
Yeah.
I don't like the chin hair.
You should always shave it.
Okay.
This one looks like.
It looks like someone's dad.
Yeah.
Thank you, Hassan.
This is very much because he's a gladiator.
And a gladiator helmet.
This isn't quite my size.
Yes.
It's for your priest.
It's for your penis.
Wow.
That would be awesome.
This is awesome.
Actually, Maximus Decimus Meridius.
That's so.
Leader of the Felix Legions and the armies of the North.
Do you actually know this?
Yes.
Husband to a murdered wife.
Father to a murdered son.
And he will have his vengeance this life or the next.
He's talking about Gladiator, the movie.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's one of the greatest movies.
It's only one of the greatest movies of all time, which Ridley Scott will never be able to recreate.
We're too busy producing.
It's not a big deal.
Literally one of the greatest movies of all time, but it's not a big deal.
Whatever.
So, actually, if you want to know the real historically accurate thing, by the way, those helmets, unironically, they signify a specific on the anime figurine.
I want to see it on his head.
Okay.
Wow.
Let's not do that to Faye.
I don't think it'll fit her.
It's not going to fit on her head.
It'll put a big ass head.
It'll fit on that little guy's head.
I want to see it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, look at that.
Jet black.
Yeah.
Wow.
So, um, the helmets actually there's like multiple five or six different uh things that you can like be defensive positions, offensive positions in the Coliseum as a gladiator.
And the helmets actually signify that.
I forget which one this one is specifically, but I think it's cool because it also is the MF doom mask.
Yep.
Oh, that's cool.
So you do one more gift.
This one is for you, Cutie Cinderella.
So this is specifically because I went to the capital of real Christianity and I got you this gift because I think you should turn to our holy Lord and not the Latter-day Saints.
The real leader of the wow, you're so strong.
Thank you.
I'm going to tell those priests about you.
This is this is for the heck.
It's a pope.
This is a bust of not just any pope, but the pope, the woke pope.
This is the woke pope.
You want me to take a look at this?
The woke pope who is gay and smokes weed.
What?
Is he new?
Yeah, he's kind of like this pope.
I'm Catholic now.
Is he new DLC?
So this is, yeah, this is the woke pope.
I want you to turn.
Is he alive still?
Yes.
I want you to turn.
I'm confused.
So it's like the Dalai Lama.
What?
No.
I mean, kind of.
Yeah.
Every time one dies, a new one comes.
Some of that, sometimes they just change that.
There's the Dalai Lama and the Brahma Lama.
And then I didn't know the other one.
And then, last but not least, I got something for March as well.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Here you go, March.
I got something for you.
This is also a Pope thing.
It's a silk container.
Exactly.
So you can put your drugs in it.
And also, it has a cross in it so you can find Jesus Christ and stop being a degenerate.
There you go.
Get you closer to him.
That's for sure.
I knew Will was going to like that one.
Hassan, that is so sweet of you.
That is so sweet.
I'm going to cherish this.
He's the size of a small fetus.
Yeah.
You could still abort him at this size, I think.
I think that's the one thing the Catholic Church is still frowning upon is abortions.
Even this Pope.
But he's small.
But yeah, this is that's yeah, but it's Papa Francisco.
I wanted you to turn to the light of Jesus Christ.
I'm a Catholic now.
I'll consider it.
However, I've been baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter-day Saints.
And famously, Mormon.
Yeah, they will never let that go.
They will.
I hear Mormons will like exhume you after death.
No, they baptized, like, they baptized Adolf Hitler and Anne Frank.
Wait, they baptized Adolf Hitler?
They do posthumous Baptism.
They should maybe should have let that one go.
Maybe let Hitler go.
I mean, they did it literally simultaneously.
Like, they did Hitler and the Holocaust victims, which was insane.
It's like the most, it's like the most both sides situation you can arrive at where you're like both sides in the Holocaust.
Why would you want him as a Mormon?
That's weird.
Forgiveness is forgiven.
They want everyone.
Everybody.
Yeah, they want everyone to have a planet, dude.
I don't know.
I think he was stretching for that.
I think maybe he was the only one that he didn't.
I think Hitler was probably the one he didn't forgive.
It's an interesting one because it's like, is it a L or a W?
In the sense that maybe they did the Holocaust victims as well, so they could like haunt Hitler post-mortem, like in the planet.
So it was whoa, in the Mormon planet, where they could like beat the shit out of Hitler all the time, they could control him so they could jail him for eternity.
Yeah, they could just like fuck him up.
Is that how that works?
Are our resident Mormon expert?
No, not really.
People don't know this, but half my family's Mormon what yeah, did you just make that up?
No, I'm serious.
Half my family's Mormon.
They live in Alaska.
Wow yeah, that's crazy.
I uh we, we hotboxed one of their motorhomes one time.
They were very upset about it.
Wow yeah wow well, that's Catholic, whatever.
Same thing when we were kids and you'd get in a scary situation, you're supposed to sing I'm a child of God to yourself.
Oh, did you like fold your arms and thinking that back?
I am a child of God and he has sent me here, has given me an earthly home with parents, kind of here, lead me, guide me, walk beside me, teach me something, show me all that I must do to live with him someday.
That's like, that's deep, very creepy.
I know like if you sang, I feel like if you sang that in like uh, in like a like a shining style situation in a dark corridor, you'd be like oh, this is the murder, this is a horror.
I remember my mom was driving me and my Mormon friend one time and we were going through a canyon and there was a flash flood.
So she pulled to the side of the road and was just, you couldn't see a car in front of you, couldn't see behind you, and it was kind of just like we'll see what happens.
And she was like, guys, if you're scared, sing the song, the song.
And so we're in the back of this car, two kids singing the song.
Imagine a police officer pulls up and we're I am a child of god.
Well, the police officer probably, he probably starts singing with it.
He'd probably be like yeah, he's like yeah yeah, she slapped.
Florence, Byzantium, and Flash Floods00:12:39
That was cool, but in a very creepy way.
Um, I also went to the shop that like the pope and the priests shop at, like the clothing Nordstromart basically.
No, I think it's called like uh, Bogliocelli or something.
I forget what it is.
I I have it.
No, I got like priest drip straight up.
I got the same that priests wear.
Uh, because it was fire, because I was looking for like, a trench coat that fit me and, um my my, we've all been to Italy, have you?
You've been to Italy.
Yeah, so Wanted to hear everyone's takes on Italy.
Mine, starting with myself, I think Italians are the most Turkish people I've ever seen.
What does that mean?
They're like, there's this vibe with Mediterranean people that they're just like very fast and loose and don't really have that same rigid structure that like Nordic countries have, for example, where there's no like established timeframe for things to get done.
They drive like shit.
They drive over sidewalks.
They use their hands a lot when they're talking.
They're very passionate people.
And, you know, they're very, they're very Turkish that way.
I felt when I was at home.
I did.
Italy.
Well, Italy.
But it also wasn't like, I don't know.
My dad is like really into Florence.
And he's like, you guys, the best place that you can go to.
Florence is sick.
Florence is like a movie.
It's sick, but like, it's also, I mean, it's like, whatever, you know, better than Los Angeles.
No, you're, you're, you're smoking that Zaza.
All right.
If Florence is whatever, I think you're depressed.
No, I mean, I think it's nice, but it didn't like.
No, I'm not going to.
I even liked Rome more, which is shocking.
You have mental health.
Yeah, no, but let me let me explain because I they're different, they're hard to compare.
Oh, I care more about ancient Rome than I do about the Medici family.
And I think that's the reason why that was my thing.
Everyone, everyone is like really into the Renaissance.
Like, if you go to Florence, that is the Renaissance period.
That's like all of these incredible monuments built for the church.
Yeah, right.
And like played a significant role in beautiful.
It is beautiful.
And the nightlife is great and the food's incredible.
The food was amazing.
Okay.
Food was much better in Florence than it was in Rome.
Right.
I will stand on that.
Okay, so what about Rome is hitting?
Just simply the ancient Rome.
The history.
The history is more relatable.
For me, it was significantly more impressive to see like you know, 2,000-year-old and if more than 2,000-year-old structures still standing that was unearthed and like imagining like when you sit in the middle you're a Roman Empire guy.
I'm not by any means.
Yeah.
I never really was, but then like seeing, I think it's just like the fact that they had an active working sewer structure.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
See, that was a Roman Empire guy.
Yeah.
The fact that they had like incredible, incredibly impressive beats of engineering.
Yeah, that's what I was impressing.
Thousands of years before.
Like, and then the fact that there was a server reset in like the entirety of the European server.
They were also crazy and gay.
That too, yeah.
They were gay in the Renaissance.
Yeah, but what was so cool to me when I went to Italy, you asked our impressions of Italy.
Yeah.
One of my things was that when I learned, I took a private tour through the Vatican and I learned about Michelangelo, specifically a lot about Michelangelo.
And what was so cool to me is how gay he is and bisexual.
Well, I don't know, allegedly, but whatever, the church would famously say that he was married to his art.
What I loved so much about my tours is that all these beautiful pieces of art were created by a homosexual.
And it's something that is written and the church has such a hate for, but they can never take that away.
That a gay man created art in their church.
And it's both amazing and also sad.
So just to contextualize this, you like Rome better because there was a sewer and you like Rome better because there was an affluent gay man.
Well, I mean, there's gay man art throughout every period of history.
Yeah.
When you stand in the middle of a fucking former, like, when you look at a fucking column that is so goddamn tall, standing in like a former Byzantium that they that they built there, and you can like imagine the structures.
Yeah, I think that that's insanely impressive and incredibly cool, especially when you see, um, I forget what the area is called, like the original forum underneath the hill that like Romulus founded Rome on, where you see like seven uh, I think you see like seven centuries of different developments and and seeing it in one place is really impressive, especially yeah, like look, I grew up in Istanbul, right?
It's the same exact principle where you can you can also experience like you know, thousands of years of history all at once, but never in that immediate situation where it's so visible.
So, I thought that was like really cool.
I found that to be more interesting than at least like Renaissance and Florence.
What do you think?
Yeah, do you think wizards in the in Harry Potter ever use their wands to like masturbate with?
Are you me this episode?
What is going on?
I was just thinking about it.
Did I did, I mean, it's probably happened at least.
Yeah, I would say that lends itself more to the witches.
Yeah, are you saying they stuck that too?
They're coochie or something.
You think they're sounding?
No, gay wizards in their butt.
Do you think they can?
Non-gay people, also, yeah.
Yeah, it's like fragmented.
No, I'm just saying it probably lends itself.
You didn't even think about the more.
No, I'm just saying it lends itself more to witches.
I think it does too, but I don't know if they do it.
If you can get a wand to vibrate, vibrato.
Hey, I saw a spell.
I made it up.
Oh, vibrato.
I like that.
Yeah.
I would masturbate with a wand.
That makes sense.
When I went to Florence.
Oh, you can't even do booty boot camp.
Oh, we're not.
Wands are so lean.
But anyway, I'm not.
Hey, I didn't bring it up.
You didn't bring it up.
That's true.
Hey.
I'm watching Jersey Shore right now, and they're in Italy.
And I wish I would have watched it before I went to Italy because then I could go to this places they went.
And that's my one regret with Italy.
Is not watching Jersey Shore, the real Italians.
I just had so much fun in Florence.
What do you do?
Everything in A of it.
Yeah, but you were there becoming semester at C, right?
Yes.
So it's different.
You're like younger.
But I was in Rome a semester at sea and I hated it.
Yeah.
I mean, the Coliseum was cool.
The ruins were cool.
That was awesome.
Yeah.
But actually being in Rome was not that cool.
That's where.
Okay.
So I will explain that part of it as well.
Florence, obviously, like there's an economy of space in Florence, like, because the city is so the city is old and the structures are very well preserved for the most part, which is why like enough about structures.
Did you go out at all?
Did you party?
Did you have fun?
I was with my family.
Okay, so no.
Yeah, Florence is way more fun.
He's just, he doesn't party in Florence either.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
On our part of me life.
Yeah, we eat charcuterie.
I was there to do like a sea.
I woke up nude in an Italian woman's home.
And she gave me a pair of basketball shorts and I had nothing to my name.
I was shirtless.
Did you have sex with her?
I don't recall.
Oh.
Did you ask her?
She didn't speak English.
You probably had sex.
I don't think we did.
Really?
I think I just fell asleep.
Where were your clothes?
To this day, I don't know.
Really?
No.
Do you think you arrived there naked?
To this day, I don't know.
Probably.
Your life's a movie, dude.
She didn't, let me put it this way.
She was very supportive when I woke up.
Okay.
And she gave me a pair of basketball shorts.
I don't think we hooked up.
Okay.
I think that what happened was there's a canal or there's a river in Florence.
I think I jumped in that canal and was rescued by a local who took pity on me.
And I slept in this villa.
It's supposed to sh I would say.
I was given a pair of basketball shorts and I knew that the rest of my group was leaving later that day.
So I was looking for David and the Duomo because it was the only landmark I knew.
Yep, yep.
So I kept saying David, but everyone just guided me to souvenir stores where I could buy David, even though I was shirtless and the basketball shorts.
And so I decided that I would run in successively bigger circles till I found the Duomo.
And you did.
For the next two hours, I ran in circles around Florence.
Because you had a time crunch.
Well, the irony is because the boat was going to leave.
The irony is that the Duomo is at the center.
So like you should have done smaller circles somehow.
The center is wherever you are.
And that's true.
And I eventually found the Duomo and found my group with apparently like 30 minutes left before they left.
And I made it.
I would have.
I had pizza in Florence.
Yeah.
I want to talk about that too.
If I would have had any of that, you know how that story would have gone for me?
I would have jumped in the canal and drowned.
That's what happened.
My story would have ended in the bag.
At the beginning of the age, that's kind of what I was looking for.
Oh.
But I just wouldn't die.
See?
I think I put myself in a lot of situations where I'm like, surely I'll die here.
See, God is great.
Sing the song, kid.
One other thing I will mention is that in Rome, I had a horrible hotel experience, multiple horrible hotel experiences.
And the other thing I will say is pizza in Italy, at least in Rome.
I did not have pizza in Florence.
The food was incredible in Florence with one exception.
The bread, the bread is dog shit in Florence, specifically.
And this is something I talked to.
No.
Listen, first of all.
Okay.
I talked to a literal chef, like an Italian Florencian.
Yes, and they're very proud people.
Did you go to any of the secret bakeries?
Listen, let me explain.
Okay.
The reason Florence, like the service bread that you get at the tables everywhere in Italy, is region specific.
Florence's bread is specifically saltless.
Okay.
And I thought that was very strange.
I thought the first night, I'm like, wow, I had the greatest osubuco I've ever had in my entire fucking life.
Why is the bread so bad?
And I thought maybe it's just this place, this restaurant.
Then we had it again, and the bread is very bland.
The sandwiches are incredible, but the bread in and of itself is very bland, the service bread.
Turns out it's because Florence has a 500-year fucking beef with Pisa, where Pisa used to be where the salt came from.
And they fucking taxed Florence over the salt.
So Florence decided specifically to not put salt in their bread.
And they kept up that fucking 500-year gripe to this goddamn day.
Their baked goods are insane.
Their baked goods are incredible, but the table bread, the service bread is specifically dog shit in Florence because of that reason.
Because of that reason, because they refuse to put salt in it.
Can't they get it from somewhere else?
No, of course they can.
They just, it's like a supermarket.
It's centuries of tradition and anger and resentment that they hold on to.
Italian cities hate one another and beef with one another in the same way that like British cities do.
And it's like 700 years of like anger that they have.
That's next level pettiness.
I like that.
Which is so fucking stupid.
I love it.
And the pizza.
I had pizza in Rome.
It is not as good.
They have a bad pizza in New York.
I will stand on it.
Dog Shit Bread in Florence00:02:09
Oh, yeah, not even close.
American pizza is significantly better.
I mean, Warren Pizza.
It's Napoleon pizza.
I didn't have Napoleon pizza.
It's not good.
Yeah, I would agree.
Yeah, I love Domino.
Me too.
No, that's not what I'm talking about.
And Papa John is a little bit more.
That's not like them.
No, no.
No, that's not what I'm talking about.
No.
No, no, we're going to the paywall.
That's insane.
I love Papa John.
People in the comments can't get mad at me.
Patreon.com slash fear and ladies and gentlemen, Patreon.com.
Happy New Year to all of you.
I'm going on vacation, so I'm sorry.
Austin is not going to be here for the next couple episodes because he will be in the near foreseeable future, dead from a self-sucking incident.
I'm going to play a journal while you're on the cruise.
Maybe, yeah, maybe I'll do some vlogging.
Fun.
But I said I wasn't going to work on the cruise.
Oh, then don't.
Oh.
I was coming down the stairs on Christmas Day.
My dad.
Yeah, Jesus is mad.
Yeah.
Coming down the stairs on Christmas Day, my dad looks at me and he says, Austin, is Hassan gay?
Oh my God, he wants you so bad.
And I said, no.
And my mom got mad because she's like, that's ridiculous.
Why are you doing this?
Of course he's gay.
Of course.
And my dad legitimate, he's like, I was like, dad, what made you think that?
I said he's handsome.
I can't keep up with it.
You know, and so he, and then he got, I told him I'm going to tell you this right now.
And he got so angry.
He's like, don't tell him.
Please.
Do not do it.
That's what I said.
I said, Dad, they don't think of gay like back at they did, like they did in the 70s.
It's a different type of thing.
Wait, so why does he think I'm gay?
Because I said he was handsome?
No, he just can't keep track of like who's gay and who's not.
I think it's because I think it's because you said my dad was hot.