WillNeff and Hassan debate the Cybertruck's safety flaws versus EV utility, then pivot to controversial political stunts involving George Santos. They critique junk food sabotage, review Spotify Wrapped results featuring DPRK army songs, and clash over de-extinction ethics. While Will supports resurrecting T-Rexes for meat, Hassan argues against playing God without solving climate change. The episode concludes with music comparisons and a teaser for guest Stavros Halkin, blending absurdity with sharp cultural commentary. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time
Text
Welcome Back to Fearan00:10:08
Yeah, we are ready.
We are back.
Welcome to Fearan.
Y'all love that intro.
Yeah, welcome to Fearan, everybody.
We're back here.
It's a beautiful day in sunny Los Angeles, California.
And we got stuffed.
I just realized that you're wearing the shoes that I won from the Austin show that I gave you as a gift because they were too small for me.
I think they're fake.
I'm also almost certain that they're fake.
Honestly, there probably are, but I got paid a lot of money to give them to you.
I'm looking at it right now.
They're the off-whites, right?
They're the off-white shoes.
Yep.
Yeah, there was a bunch of giveaways on a stream.
You still owe me a watch, too.
Oh, a George Woodwatch?
Yep.
Oh, that's long gone.
Oh, dude, he owes me so much.
You just never, there's no way.
No, I asked you many times.
Look, you can have my watch.
Thank you.
Deal.
I'll bring it to you next podcast.
And the jacket.
The jacket wasn't a part of the deal.
The jacket was never supposed to be yours.
I stole a jacket from Assan, and for some reason, Will feels compelled that that's his jacket.
He thinks it's his jacket.
I bought the jacket for Connor originally.
And then once Connor was done wearing it, Will was supposed to have it.
Yes.
And maybe engage in sharing.
You don't want it to cranberry juice all over it.
Oh, okay.
It's terrible.
It's terribly stained.
Almost unrealistic.
I guess you should buy a new one then, right?
No, no.
That was a one-time piece.
They don't make them anymore.
No, they do.
I've seen it.
Oh, have you really?
Listen.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Enough grilling, spit roasting this guy.
He gets enough of it.
I have a topic I want to talk to you about.
I love his different car out.
And I want to know your take.
I'm here.
I'm ready.
You're big-time anti-cyber truck.
Oh, yeah, I am.
Oh, I'm anti-Cup.
There was a point when I thought it could be cool.
That's crazy.
They're ugly.
No, they're gorgeous.
I think they're not gorgeous.
No, I am a big-time pro Toyota Helix, which is the greatest truck ever crafted.
Sure.
Yeah.
So Tesla Cybertruck.
And the Tesla Cyber Truck is like quite the opposite of that.
I love, here, I'll give you an example of an EV truck that I do like.
The F-100 concept, if you want to pull that up real quick.
The F-100 concept, the EV concept is an absolute slapper.
Like, that's a butte right there.
Look at that.
That's a gorgeous vehicle.
Look at that.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Like, that's the type of shit I'm on when I talk about EVs.
Like, I don't want to see like cyberpunk style fucking EVs.
It's ironic, actually, because Cyberpunk had a lot of old school vehicles, but that's what I want.
I want that.
Cybertruck is sexy, though.
I don't agree.
It's sexy like that, though.
That's sexy.
Cybertruck is sexy.
I guess it's a matter of opinion.
I'm anti-electric vehicle.
That's interesting.
Yeah, I mean, I understand where you're coming from.
No, I think we should support the environment.
You're like, fuck the environment.
I just think that sometimes if I got to get somewhere, I got to use gas.
Austin, is your sink running right now?
Is my sink running for my cybersecurity?
Is your sink running for your cat?
No, I did turn it off, but my cat.
Okay, here's the thing about my cat.
Can I tell you something?
I took everybody's advice.
I got an automatic water feeder, okay, or whatever the hell it is, automatic water fountain for my cat.
My cat still refuses to drink out of it and goes by the sink and nudges the sink for me to turn it on.
Listen, I just think your cat is a wild animal, and as obstinate as it is, I think it will drink water before it dies.
I don't know yet.
It hasn't died yet.
So I'm sure I've stopped using as much water.
I'd probably turn it on half as much as I used to.
Before we move on.
So the sink is still running.
It's running right now.
Okay, so he hates the environment.
Drop.
It's a drop.
He hates the environment.
We already established that.
Your opinion is null and void.
I like EVs.
I like EV trucks.
Did you know that the Ford F-150 EV has the capacity to fully power a house for three days?
It was in the ad.
Yeah.
It was in their ad.
I know.
Like, everybody's home for Christmas.
It's like, grandma's here.
And then the power goes out.
It's like, oh, God, grandma's respirator.
And he goes, don't worry.
And he goes out and it's like, luckuru.
I love that.
Awesome.
That's fucking, that's so American.
It's so stupid.
I love it.
Grandma on her big iron lung is like smiling at Christmas.
Okay, so here's so here's what I was trying to say.
I'm hitting it from both angles.
I love the big American.
I love the big American stupid silly truck, the F-150.
I love the old school pizzazz of the F-100.
And I also am a fan of, you know, the regular combustion engines with the Toyota Hillixes, which is one of the most durable vehicles ever created.
It won the Chadian Libyan war.
No, there's a literal war called the Toyota War.
I didn't.
And it was one with technicals.
So on that front, I feel like cyberpunk.
Cybertruck doesn't hit any of those.
It's not a five-tool truck.
It's got a shitty bed.
It's not even movable.
It's got like this deep pocket.
It's built like a goddamn above ground pool, the bed of the truck.
So it's not very good for utility.
You're using it for trucking.
That's your first mistake.
Listen, I had a vision in the dead of night, and it came to me in my sleep, like a harbinger on the wind.
And what it told me is this.
Next few years, there will be a reboot of Back to the Future, and the car used in place of the DeLorean will be the Tesla Cybertruck.
I'm just not a Tesla fan.
Market.
I mean, that could be the case.
It's just that it still wouldn't, in my opinion, make it cool.
You're a hipster.
No, no, not at all.
No, he said wearing his tie-dye self-merch and his Crocs with fur on.
I can't get on electric.
You have the same crux.
I do.
I'm a hipster.
I will admit this.
Dress like Bill Belichick.
It's not the Honda EV.
Show the other Hyundai EV, the Hyundai one.
That's what I was looking for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hyundai EV concepts are also out of control as well.
These are the...
That's the one.
That's the fucking one, baby.
That's the one, dude.
See, that's sick.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck.
Yeah, like, I want that so bad.
I will literally own a pachinko parlor and a shit ton of prostitutes.
And, like, I will.
Yes, 100%.
What do you mean?
Don't fucking.
I've just been to this place before.
I'm telling you, I come out of that car.
I got a fat ass fucking pinky ring.
Are you going to get it?
I smack the shit out of a triad.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
Like, for fucking up my territory.
Like, you're supposed to know.
And I say, oh, my woman machine.
And he's dead.
I smacked him so hard.
He died.
He didn't even know it.
That's amazing.
Well, listen, I'm not a wise man, but I do think the Cybertruck looks cool.
And for me, that's enough.
I think I disagree, but that's...
I respect your opinion.
I respect your opinion.
I don't like Teslas.
There's a lot of stuff that I don't like.
I mean, that's probably because it's so much faster.
They're very minimal.
Look, your Tesla would.
Yeah, of course.
It's not fair.
My car is faster than Hassan's.
No, it's not true.
His car is faster.
Unfortunately, that's not true.
Hassan has his little bitchy Porsche in the...
No, unfortunately.
Did you see the Tesla Cybertruck dust the Porsche off the line towing a Porsche?
Wait, really?
Oh my God.
I believe it.
I mean, it's a...
I'm going to tell you guys something.
Was it an EV Porsche or was it a...
I don't know.
I think it was the 910.
It might have been in the 9-11.
Yeah, it dusts.
EVs do dust the combustion engines pretty hard.
In true gay fashion.
Yeah.
I got in a car accident.
What?
Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry.
I got in a car accident.
Like a homosexual.
Yes.
Like a homosexual in true gay fashion.
And there was another gay gentleman.
Son, you're not allowed to say that.
Only he's lying.
Yeah.
Look.
And it was the moment as a question.
So this is what happened.
So I, first of all, I had another gay gentleman in the car that was helping me.
I was trying to back out of my drive.
Chief Orgasm?
No.
No.
We weren't fucking at the time.
Okay.
I was backing out of my garage and there was a work truck behind me.
And I thought, well, maybe I can get out.
So I proceeded to do a 300-point Austin Powers turn.
And I get out.
The Twink in the passenger seat was telling me, you're good.
You're good.
I took out.
I swiped the right side of my garage and took out the front right portion of my vehicle.
So I don't get it.
So like twinks are bad at direction too.
Like they're bad off the car too.
He was in the car with me saying you're good.
And I kept it.
Why would he know more than you when he's in the passenger seat?
It was closer to where we could have hit.
Yeah.
As in he was saying you're good on his side.
Yeah, but you weren't good on your side.
No, it was a side I hit.
Oh, you were not good.
No, I was not good.
As my sensor was going, he's like, you're good.
Please stop.
You're good.
And so I went and I was like, I thought I cleared it, right?
Yeah.
And he's like, he gets out of the car and he goes.
Anyway, the entire front right quarter panel is just white paint just scraped and just dented in.
Yeah.
And I was like, it was the dumbest thing I've ever done because you know all I had to do was tell the guy, can you move your truck?
Yeah.
And instead, I decided to proceed at like a probably a 90 degree angle out of my car.
That was a perfect storm.
You had the ego of a man and the depth perception of a twink.
Yeah, yeah.
So I wrecked my car.
I did a, it was a, they just need to replace the bumper.
It's already in the shop.
Maybe without the bumper, it could possibly try and beat either of our cars, but it probably would still lose.
Yeah, no, no.
Will's car, I'll give Will.
Well, we'll torch my car.
Will's car is the fastest.
Yeah, but yours.
Mine is like the third fastest.
Yours would actually sucks a lot.
Considering that it's an electric vehicle, it would still dust.
It's a gay car.
The Perfect Storm Crash00:03:36
Okay.
You have a gay car.
That's fine.
Yeah.
I guess.
Did you, a gay man, just use gay as a derogatory?
Pejord of me.
Your car's gay, and so are you.
We're in pink.
What is happening?
Our podcast is here, baby.
What is happening?
You got to bleep that out.
Yeah, sorry, Amauria.
You know what's amazing?
Just when the Come Town podcast is making its appeal for your support, we become the Cometown back.
No.
No, no.
It's the Adam Friedland show is what he's talking about.
Oh, okay.
Nick has a stand-up special that came out today.
Stavros has his own podcast now called the Stavros Stav Savvy's World.
By the way, speaking of which, he's our next guest.
Yeah, he's our next guest.
Yeah, he's our next guest.
Stavros.
Nice.
Stavros Halkius coming into town.
He taught us how to do the nearly nude calendar.
Yeah.
He's the leader.
We kind of yoinked that from him.
Yeah.
He invented the nearly nude calendar.
Oh, he's incredible.
I love Stavros.
By the way, we look like shit.
Oh, do we?
All of our images.
You think so?
Yeah.
I think we look fine.
I think they took more time with yours.
Oh, in the calendar.
I thought you meant right now.
It was like, I just got off a plane.
A calendar.
Okay.
I thought that I looked at all of them.
I thought that we all look pretty good in all the photos.
I might change one month to just me self-sucking.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Are you saying like not enough dick?
Would you include your hog in that?
I mean, I would get a tasteful angle so that there's no deck.
Okay.
Just like straight.
Like your meme.
Like you would do it like the give.
Wait, can you touch your toes?
Oh, yeah.
I can't touch my toes.
What?
I've been doing a lot of yoga.
I can barely go past my knees.
Wait, try it right now.
Show it on camera.
That's the craziest thing I've ever...
What?
Your toes.
There's no try harder.
Come on.
Get down there.
What the fuck?
Is there something wrong with you?
I mean, there is something wrong with you.
I just, I just don't.
Why are you so immobile?
I don't know.
I've always been that way.
I mean, they say you should stretch.
I stretch every day.
Do you not?
No.
Well, I mean, I know you don't because you can't touch your fucking toes.
No, I can't.
Can you?
Okay, wait, wait, hold on.
And I'm really embarrassed.
Hold on.
Pull up PT, like evaluation positions, maybe that'll come up.
Not YouTube.
Wait, hold on.
Can I hire somebody to just make me more flexible?
Because you have a personal trainer.
I know, but he's not a physical therapist.
It doesn't matter.
I just want to hire somebody to come stretch me out every day.
Here are a couple things you have to be able to figure out.
Austin, get up in front of that big camera.
No.
I want you to try, turn around, and I want you to try to connect your two hands behind your back.
One from underneath, one from turn around.
Show it to the camera.
I can't even do that.
So the flexible person, I mean, it gets harder the stronger you are, but the flexible person should be able to at least like get in one hand.
Let me see.
Well, yeah, March, you're frail.
You're frail?
Come here.
Let me see.
Okay.
Saying, do it.
Not bad.
All right.
The other way around?
Oh, no.
Oh.
No, not bad.
Not bad.
That's not as bad.
Topping Donald Trump00:12:42
Really?
Wait, you can do.
See.
Okay.
I mean, look, I...
I can also touch the.
Here, touch your ankles.
Your knees are bent.
Straighten those up.
Okay.
Ooh, here.
Now, now, give me a little slide.
Slide your hands up here.
Slide your hands up your...
That was pretty sexy, to be honest.
Hassan.
Do that again, but then slide up real slowly.
Like, and then like.
No.
Like, slide up real.
Come on.
Fans will love it.
What else happened over the.
I flew on a plane, and so I got a story for you.
I went on a plane as I do.
And I sat next to this older lady.
It happens to me a lot.
I sit next to older women sometimes.
And I have these bracelets that fans will give me a TwitchCon or at Name Your Price.
As we do, we collect bracelets.
And one of them I have on is the F-slur.
I like to wear that one.
I pick and choose one.
Well, somebody gave me one that said poppy, which for those who don't know means daddy in Spanish.
Thank you.
For those of you who don't, habla espatch.
Thank you for clarifying that.
I had no idea.
Well, there's some people out there that don't know, right?
And this woman happened to be one of them.
She looks at my bracelet and she's like, what does puppy mean?
Okay.
And I was like...
That could be much worse than poppy.
Yeah, no, she's like, what does puppy mean?
I was like, she's like, doesn't that mean, dad?
Did your children make you that bracelet?
That's so sweet.
And she didn't see the one that said the F-slur.
No, it was hidden.
But I had to.
So next thing you know, I'm in this Lengthy conversation talking to this woman about how I have children and they made me bracelets.
You lied to her.
What am I supposed to say?
Just say that you're twing me.
Just say it's your nickname.
No, no, no.
I don't, I, the first thing I went, she said, did your kids make it for you?
I said, yes.
You're the George Santos of Twin.
No, that's so weird.
What am I supposed to do?
I know I wasn't at a drag show.
I just, this glitter hit me in the face as I was running.
No, no, no, but it was like, I just had to explain to her that I just didn't want to say, like, she's like, she thought it meant dad.
Like, father.
It does mean.
Not daddy, though, not in the sexual connotation.
They kind of mean the same thing.
No, no, no, no, I don't.
No, pop padre is more like.
He hit the ball as our padre.
Or do you?
Dio meo.
Oh, it is.
Padre in this means father.
But like, more so, like, you would call your dad father.
Right?
And if you were, if you were to call him, you wouldn't say it like that, right?
Oh, man.
So you lied to a woman.
I did.
I did.
Tell us about.
Tell us about your kids.
I think I told her I had a five-year-old.
Okay.
Yeah.
Boy, girl.
What is he into soccer?
What is he into?
We didn't get that one.
No, Kaya.
That's cutie.
You want me to improvise?
No.
No, like, just tell us.
We didn't get to those conversations.
She didn't ask about your children?
No, she just, I just love children.
What would you have done if she asked to see a photo?
I would have said he would have shown his twink.
He would have been like, yeah, this is my five-year-old.
He's so well built for this.
He just eats real good kids these days, you know?
The iPad generation.
I don't know what they're putting in the water.
Holy shit.
Well, he's 23 years old.
He does ballet.
Can't park a car.
Can't even help with the navigation.
I love that story.
That was good.
Oh, this one's for you.
Okay.
Speaking of George Santos.
Did you see that they announced they're doing a movie?
I did.
I'm not, it's the least surprising thing I've heard.
Is he going to make money off of this, do you think?
No, no.
I think like I think there's a rule that allows you to make stuff about like criminals and then they don't get the likeness.
No, there's there's a there's a law.
There's no there's a parody rule where it's like if your reputation is so destroyed.
Oh, no, that's a defamation law.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, what I'm talking about is a different thing.
There's like a there was like a serial killer, I think.
It was it like son of Sam or something?
It might literally be that where I'm pretty sure there was a law that was passed in the books.
I love that George Santos is out there with the son of Sam kids.
Well, it's just like for if you're a criminal, you can't sue to retain your own likeness and like purchase it so you can get money off of it.
I think he's next for George Santos.
Dude, television.
Oh, prison.
Well, prison first, but then after prison?
Oh, prison.
I think you should do porn.
Who would watch that?
You would watch.
No, that's like a parody porn.
You watch it one time.
You would crank it to George Santos.
No, I wouldn't jerk off.
I'd watch it.
That's what I mean.
It's like, it's like fascination porn.
You watch it one time and then it's over.
Yeah, I know.
I wouldn't jerk off to it, but I think it'd be interesting.
Yeah, but if you don't have a money on Only, I think he would make a lot of money on OnlyFans.
No, he wouldn't.
Just to just, yeah, he would.
I mean, he's so famous.
He would do it for the one time.
And then after that, everyone would be like, unless he went on fucking like Anivar.
Unless he cycled and then became like super shredded.
One thing you don't know about the game is.
He should use you guys as a life coaching service.
Yeah.
Take Anna Bart, do fucking OnlyFans.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Unless he's just.
No, no, do only fans?
You were about to say the gay community has a lot of like niche interests.
Every community does.
It's not specific to the gay community.
He would hit like he would hit like one marker, which is, oh, I'm fascinated.
George Santos made a porn.
Let me go watch it.
I'll do it.
It's a one-time thing.
He's not getting return customers, dog.
Okay, you're right, but I would just, I just want him to do it because I want to see what it's like.
Okay, you're just horny in the weirdest way.
I'm not horny for George Santos.
I know that you're very tearing down.
I would fucking do this today just to say I did.
Aren't there people...
I'm sorry, what did you say?
I would say it again.
Say it again.
You know what?
I don't think I would.
You said you would fuck George Santos.
Just, I mean, imagine that.
I don't want to.
I don't want to.
I am.
I don't want to.
It's hard.
It's hard for me to.
I'm imagining everything but that.
Out there that you would just have sex with just to say you could.
Like, I have sex with Elton John.
Yeah.
Elton John is way different than George Santos.
Yeah, you're like, you're like saying you would fuck this.
McConnell.
That would ruin his career.
Think about that.
Wow.
He's saying he's slinging dick for America.
That's what I'm saying.
He's like, he's doing it in a way where he destroys.
Think about it.
Hassan, think about it this way.
You're so progressive.
Leftist.
Would you sleep with a prolific Republican politician to ruin their career?
No, when you put it like that, when you put it like that, I kind of get what you're saying.
See what I'm saying?
That's why it's sleeping.
I get it.
It's like espionage.
Now, I can't defend the George Santos.
But like, I can't defend George Santos because everybody knows he's gay.
But I need to sleep with like...
Yeah, no, that was just purely horn.
But you were horny.
No, George Santos.
You want to fuck George Santos?
You said it.
It's on the record.
You might have to roll that one back.
No, We are not rolling that.
No edits.
I agree with you.
No edits.
Well, I mean, do you think that's bad for my image?
No.
That you want to be dick deep inside of George Santos?
You want to punish him?
You want to punish him?
Because he's been a bad boy?
No.
What's the most horrible person like to have a gay romance?
The most horrible person I'd like to have a gay romance with?
Who's a shitty person that would ruin their like I just like ruin them by having sex with them?
I can't get it up with Ted Cruz.
Oh, but you could get it up for no, all you have to do is receive.
Yeah.
Wait, oh, I'm taking it?
Yeah, you're D's?
Oh, no.
George Santos.
If I could ruin him.
Do you think George Santos a top?
I do.
If I could ruin Ted Cruz or DeSantis, just humiliate one of them.
I don't think George Santos the top, but I haven't seen his partners.
You're typecasting because he did drag.
No.
You can be a person who does drag and be a top.
I'm typecasting because he's like very femtops are very femtops are very rare.
Exactly.
They're very rare.
So it's like George Santos does give a little, he is a little femme.
Yeah.
I'm really cooking here.
I'm thinking we could ruin the Republican Party by sending several gay secret agents.
Also, what you're describing has happened so many times and the Republican Party is still standing.
They literally get caught, not just with like age-appropriate male prostitutes, but age-inappropriate male prostitutes regularly.
That's what I hear.
And it seems like they're still fucking.
We need to hit them all.
Wasn't there some statistic that when the Republican National Convention comes into any town, like gay porn searches explode?
It's the least surprising thing I've heard.
But yeah, that makes so much sense.
Who would you have a gay romance with?
Who would I have a romance?
I didn't even answer mine, but it's Trump.
It's Trump.
I mean, what was that going to do to his reputation?
Dude, would it...
Actually, you're right.
He might win.
You might win extra hard.
Now, America knows my big secret.
I'm a homosexual.
Yeah, he would win so hard.
All that locker room talk was just compensation.
I didn't feel that.
Believe me.
Yeah.
Hassan was very sloppy, believe me.
Sometimes I like reaching across the aisle.
Other times I like reaching underneath.
Called him whiny Hank.
That's right.
Believe me, he couldn't even take it.
Believe me.
Yeah.
Very sad.
First of all, I could.
Okay.
How dare you?
My ass is powerful.
I take big shits.
Oh, you know, I had this conversation with the yard.
You have a gay romance with?
Who?
The leader of North Korea.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
Okay.
That's awesome.
Tell me why.
We could free a nation.
Yeah.
If the God King.
Do you think your dick is that good?
No, I'm just.
I'm just.
How come he's fucking and I'm bottoming?
You just automatically went.
He's topping.
Between the two of you, he's fucking, he would fuck you.
Yeah.
No, absolutely fucking luli not.
He would put him put you in the electric drop.
I am going to stand by.
It's a ridiculous take.
You don't know your ass from your elbow.
Hassan.
I personally.
Sound off in the chat.
I personally know that if needed, this is an ass that can go to work.
However, however, preference-wise, preference-wise, dude, I'm topping.
You don't get a preference.
I would top Donald Trump.
You would top.
I've talked about topping Donald Trump.
That is a nasty.
He's got a fat one.
He's got an ass.
He's got an ass that won't quit.
Yeah.
He does.
Absolutely.
Gravity is.
Marsh, pull it up.
Pull up Trump's bussy.
Let's just take a look at it.
Wait.
No, no, no.
Do it.
Do it.
Wait.
Is bussy or is no?
Trump ass.
Like, that's it.
What do you mean?
For those of you at home, Marsh put his hands up like this and said, what do I look up here?
Wow.
Yeah, look, that's an iconic one.
All caked up.
That's an iconic one.
That one is iconic.
Look at that ass, dude.
You think if he lost a bunch of weight, he'd lose his butt.
Yes.
This is.
Yeah.
Yes.
This is not.
Trump is fat.
We should be doing a tier list of like who out of all the politicians who has the best ass.
I like that.
Kim Jong-un?
That'd be great.
So you would free the nation.
So you're saying you would liberate North Korea by fucking Kim Jong-un?
That's my platform.
Your dick is that good.
Well, your dick game is good.
I would erode the people's confidence in the glorious leader.
Isn't that if I leak one night in Kim to all the monitors in North Korea and I got him on a dog leash?
You know what I mean?
What if you just came into power and just kept the dynasty alive?
Liberating North Korea00:09:09
I just don't change anything.
He's a swagged out white boy.
That's what they need.
North Korea.
I am the glorious.
Yeah, dude.
You say you're Kim Il's son reincarnated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So that would mean his dad is fucking his son or his granddad.
You don't know how God works.
Okay.
Okay.
Look, I wasn't putting the story together, but Marsh, what was one of your topics?
I have a topic.
I have a topic.
My family's trying to kill me.
What?
My family is trying to...
That's a topic.
It's not.
It is a topic.
It is a topic.
Dude, dude, I don't know if you guys have like...
I guess you don't have like similar issues.
I love my family to death.
Obviously, they're the best.
Sure.
And they've been staying with me.
And I usually have like very hard lines on what is allowed and what's not allowed when it comes to the diet stuff.
Okay.
And slowly but surely, they have eroded all of those lines.
And now...
Are you getting fat again?
I'm not, but like, I'm noticing that it's like very, it's much harder for me to talk about it.
No, I'm doing, I'm doing great on the diet front.
You walk with a little extra jiggle.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I body dysmorphia.
Stop.
I'm just kidding.
So we're helping you.
No, you're not.
So what has happened is like, at first, my dad was like, of course, I'll make you whatever you want, which is like I have like very strict guidelines on what kind of chicken I have and stuff.
But then, slowly but surely, it has culminated into this point where like last night we're having dinner.
It's just totally fucking fatty ass food.
And on top of that, he goes, you know what I'm in the mood for?
A cookie dough cheesecake.
And he just fucking busted out a cookie dough cheesecake and propped it in front of me and looked at me and went.
Listen, aren't you in the mood for it too?
I will say this in his defense.
It's the fucking holidays.
Yeah.
If you don't gain a 10 spot during the holidays.
I can't.
Can't.
I can't because like I've been doing so well.
I've been doing so well.
He just has your bulking period.
I add to my biceps in the holidays.
You know what I mean?
You just get bit.
I mean, that's how you do it.
I just, if I, if I was presented in that situation, Hassan, I would just not eat the cheesecake.
Yeah, you have self-control.
I don't.
That's why I'm like, that's why I have different boundaries, which my family is not respecting.
I order.
It's like for him, if someone just brought out a heroin.
Oh.
Or yeah, if you were like, hey, I'm swearing off bussy, okay?
And your family was like, here is a Sean Mendez impersonator next to a Troy Savon impersonator.
Oh, yeah, there's no way.
And they're going to wrestle for our enjoyment.
I mean, I wouldn't.
I mean, that's not even too.
That's not even comparable.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
To me.
You've never been a fat kid.
To me.
He's a cheesecake.
A cheesecake.
He's a beautiful man.
Yes.
Do you not understand how analogies work?
Hold on.
Hold on.
What is happening?
See, you're telling me a beautiful guy with a beautiful butt oiled up is the same as a beautiful cheesecake.
To me, to me, if you put Troy Savon in front of me, I would not give a shit.
Your favorite, hottest woman in the world, Spread Eagle, and then a cheesecake.
Which one are you eating?
Cheesecake.
How good is the cheesecake?
How long has it been since I've had the cheesecake?
It's been weeks.
These are important facts.
I would rather eat the cheesecake than eat the girl that was right there.
Depends.
That's crazy.
This one's a coin flip.
Really?
Yeah.
You guys are both fat kids.
That's what I hear.
Yeah.
This is why we laugh at you when you say, oh, I'm a fat kid.
My strategy to stay skinny is I order a bunch of junk food.
And I think, I think, I hate it.
No, no, no.
This is going to be.
This is going to be a frustration.
No, no, no.
No, I don't throw it out.
I put it in my bedside table.
They're non-perishables.
This is my new thing.
I don't even want to do it.
I ordered Trail Mix, Chex Mix, whatever.
Okay, let me stop you there.
And then I get there.
Dude, you just said you're horrified.
You actually ordered Cheese Mix.
Is Trail Mix and Chex Mix?
What are you?
Are you a squirrel?
What are you doing?
You know how much.
There's 17 grams of fat in a small package.
I'm going to beat him to death.
In a small package in Trail Mix.
I'm so mad.
Okay.
All right.
It is a healthy fat.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not fucking with them.
This is how he works.
And then I get very stoned and I fall asleep before I get it.
He said there are MMs in there.
There's like eight M ⁇ Ms in the fucking package.
Look, what I'm saying is, is I get very stoned.
I ate a full bag of flaming hot Cheetos last night.
Jesus Christ.
Last night, my mom opened up an entire bag of Trader Joe's chips, which I proceeded to put inside of my ice cream.
That's like I have no control.
I have no self-table.
I had a little fun last night, too.
Shut up.
I had to.
I don't want to fucking hear it.
I don't want to fucking hear it.
Two bags of SmartPop.
Did we kill him?
Did we kill him?
I'm not even joking.
I say, two bags of SmartPop.
Wow.
And I shared a small bag of barbecue chips with the.
Doing it to rub it in.
I'm not even kidding.
That's what I'm saying.
Doing it to rub it in.
I'm serious.
I'm not even joking.
I feel like my eyebrows twitching from how angry I am at you right now.
Why do you do this?
Like, last night I went to a restaurant.
I was feeling so naughty.
I got a second order of white fish.
I did actually.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I had sushi for dinner.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was delicious.
How do you do this?
I just, look, my point is, I don't have self-control.
Listen, I don't have self-control.
My family's fucking me up.
I will say this.
You're not the only one whose family is trying to kill them.
Is your family trying to kill you?
With the food?
Yeah.
My family definitely pushes.
How was your Thanksgiving?
It was great.
It was awesome.
Go ahead.
Tell me about the food that they're trying to kill you with.
I mean, they push food.
They push desserts.
Yeah.
But you don't have a sweet tooth.
I don't.
So you have that power.
I have a sweet tooth.
So, like, I can't, I can't fucking stop myself.
Like, I'll have like a little bit.
I'll have a little bit of cookie dough.
And then it's like...
It's the fats that hit me.
Like the fried foods.
My weaknesses are french fries and tater tots and ranch.
Okay, that's fair.
That's like that's normal.
That's the first normal thing you've ever said.
Yeah, it's not smart pop.
I dip them in honey mustard and ranch.
And that's when I get really crazy.
I wait 160.
I don't even want to know what he means when he says he gets really crazy.
We're going to move on before I kill him.
Marsh, give me a topic.
Oh.
Taylor, we're going to skip that.
Cutie's not here.
Oh, I heard about this new drug that could expand the lifespan of dogs and cats.
Oh, yeah.
Where's that for humans?
He lived like 100 years.
Why can't we get a vaccine where we double our lifespan?
Would you want to live 200 years?
Not if I age.
Okay.
If you looked young for another 100 years.
If I looked young, I'd live forever.
Yeah, if I stayed at this age, it's over.
Do you ever just think I'd be a vampire?
Would you just want to live forever?
Yeah.
I just, I just, I, everyone, when I get stoned, I just sit there and I think like, this is all going to end one day and I'm just going to be, it's going to be black.
It's terrible.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I just, that's a random thing.
It just terrifies me.
It's not, it's not that random.
It's pretty normal to think that, but, um, you know, that should also you should, there should be a follow-up there where you're like, and that's why I live life to the fullest, like that kind of thing.
Or does that not happen for you?
No, I mean, it's only when I get high.
When I'm sober, it's not the way it is.
Okay.
That way.
I'm not.
Yeah.
Anyway, the drug, what do you think?
Huh?
I mean, it's great.
Yeah, it's great.
I heard about this for cats, too.
Yes.
Yeah, which I'm so excited.
I think it could expand the lifespan of cats to like 30.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I'm so you don't want a fucking bitch ass cat for 30 years?
No, you kidding.
I want my cats.
That means I get another fucking 15 years of my cats.
Dogs.
Your cat can't even fucking survive you going away when there's like still water at home.
You know what I mean?
How the fuck?
30 years of that cat being alive, you're going to fucking cripple the entire water infrastructure of Portland.
My cat is, it's a strange cat.
He's a very strange cat.
I feel like all cats are strange.
Knottsberry Farm looking for content creators to join Ambassador Program?
Hell yeah.
Can we do that?
Wait, wait, are they...
I would love to do that.
Crumple Zone Debates00:04:26
We go on roller coasters?
Let's get sponsored by Knottberry Farm and do a podcast.
Do they have roller coasters?
Oh, my God.
What if we did a podcast on a roller coaster?
Yes.
Where it just kept going?
Yes.
For like 20 minutes.
I would love that.
That'd be awesome.
I would love that.
I would shit my pants.
People have done that before, haven't they?
I don't know if they've done an entire podcast.
I would love that.
By like the 10th minute, you'd be in trouble.
Perfect.
I think it'd be entertaining.
I'm down for that.
Hassan, would you do it?
Sure.
Why not?
Okay, I think we need to shoot.
You're so enthusiastic.
I think we need to shoot for this Knott's Bury Farm.
I'm fine.
I mean, Not Spurry Farm, if you're listening.
We're ready.
That's right.
Folks at Knott's Bury Farm.
Our body is ready.
We're physically ready, mind, body, soul.
We're going to do it.
We're going to get the sponsorship.
I love it.
What else do we have on here?
Bully mammoth.
Oh, show the Tesla.
Can we get back to the Tesla truck?
Because the Tesla truck crash test seems questionable.
It's a pretty good one.
And there was one other point that I wanted to make.
I know they're like, oh, it has no crumple zones.
The other car is the crumple zone.
I know, but you do realize like no crumple zones means like you perish no matter what.
What's a crumple zone?
You're going through the other vehicle.
I know, but when you're, but it doesn't matter because like...
The other person's squishy body is breaking my impact.
Here's, okay, so that's a missile.
But if you were sitting inside of a missile, it ultimately is going to hit an object that it forces it to stop.
So not if you're going fast enough.
Well, it doesn't matter though, because like if you go through a fucking wall.
All we're saying is that he may get down.
The impact of hitting a wall will turn you, your physical body, into mush.
Not if you hit it hard enough.
That, that, or just don't hit the wall.
Okay, that's fair.
If you don't hit the wall, you're right.
Just don't crash.
The other thing that I find very funny about the Tesla truck is that in America, the Tesla truck will most likely not be sold in Europe because it's so pointy.
It's so like it has jagged edges all around it, which America is the only country on the world, if I'm not mistaken, that does not have the legal restrictions on cars not having any jagged edges.
I think it's called like a, there's like a pedestrian clause, basically, that you can't have, you can't have jagged edges in your car because like you can accidentally have a bike crash into it, even if it's like stable and then you fucking impale yourself on the car.
Or if like a baby falls.
You need a way to deter people to stop biking in this country.
I hit a biker once.
What?
I did.
And I'm going to come clean about it and I'm going to tell it on the podcast.
Are you going to jail?
No, I was not at fault.
Okay.
I was making...
You were definitely at fault.
No, no, no.
There's no world in which you in a car are not at fault.
First of all, the biker hit me.
I was driving the vehicle, proceeding down anonymous avenue.
All right.
I proceeded to make a left-hand turn.
The biker behind me went around me on the left-hand side and hit my door.
Wow.
Biker survived, but it was his fault.
No, no, no.
When you make...
No, no, no.
In the United States of America, when you drive on, we drive on the right side of the road.
If somebody is behind you and you make a left turn, you're not supposed to go around him on the left side.
You're supposed to pass him on the right.
Was there a bike lane?
No.
In the bike lane, if it was, it was on the right side.
He went into oncoming traffic to pass me.
Bikers be crazy.
And so I hit him.
In fact, I did it on purpose.
I'm just kidding.
I didn't.
All jokes aside, yeah, the Tesla truck does look dangerous.
There's that crash video, or at least the images, where it's like, it just doesn't crumple at all.
Yeah, it hits the...
There is a crumple zone in the front of it, but it's like very tiny.
And you're supposed to have it throughout the entire car so it survives the passenger.
I think we have to remind people that a very dangerous car being allowed on the market, this wouldn't be the first instance of this.
What was that car that just kept blowing up?
Ford Pinto.
Ford Pinto.
Yeah, this could be the new Ford Pinto, baby.
Peppino Gagliardi Melodies00:08:46
I mean, Libertarian is...
Well, Tesla's also blow up a lot.
So, I mean, not more than like the, not like as much as Ford Pinto, but.
Dude, again, another car that just looks sick, though.
It does look cool.
Pinto looked...
Look how sick it looks when it is.
Keep off my rear.
I'm explosive.
That's awesome.
Wow.
Wait, so you would hit them and they would just explode.
They would just blow up.
That's awesome.
Not.
A lot of people die, I'm sure.
And it was very sad.
But wow, that's crazy.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, so I've been getting dragged for my Spotify rapped.
Who's writing that?
Do you know what Spotify rapt is?
Yes.
So for those that don't know, Spotify every year puts together like a summary of your top songs, top artists that you listen to over the course of the year.
And I released my Spotify rap.
Shall we bring it up?
Can we put it up?
Pull it up, Marsh?
Yeah, it's right there in the document.
I released my Spotify rap, and I've been getting torched for it on Twitter.
Here's my Spotify rap.
Here's my top artist.
Stevie Ray Vaughan?
Oh, my God.
Dean Martin.
Peppino Gagliardi?
Peppino Gagli.
Who the fuck is Peppino Gagliardi?
Dude, you don't know about Peppino Gagliardi?
No, hold on.
So hold on.
First of all, Elvis Presley needs no needs from Brooks.
This guy is 80 years old.
It's so true.
So Peppino Gagliardi.
You have the taste of a racist.
What?
Yeah.
Like, you have the taste of.
This is not one person of color on your top flip.
No, but it's not even just that.
And he's Italian.
Dude, no, what I meant by what I was saying, which you perfectly followed up on, is that like, most of your faves are from an era where black people did not have rights.
And neither did gay people.
Yeah, that doesn't save you.
That's a reversal.
That doesn't save you in this situation.
You have the taste of an 85-year-old man.
I'd be a racist.
Taylor Swift is a race.
I need to hear a Peppino Gagliard.
Okay, so hold on.
Just give me a second.
Peppino Gagliardi is an Italian singer from the 70s.
Hold on.
Let me look up my favorite Peppino song.
What's your name?
It's Spotify rap.
Is this your driver's music?
We listen to it together.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, my God.
I'm dominating.
Did you put up Diamond Day Spotify?
Hold on.
Hold on.
How the hell am I supposed to remember the title of this?
One of the songs is Chuvole Cuesta Musica Stacera.
Okay, how the hell am I supposed to?
I don't remember the name of it.
I play me some Pepino.
You want me to play it on the thing here?
Yeah, come on.
Chivole cuesto.
There it is.
Okay, okay.
I gotta have some Peppino in my life.
Peppino.
Dude, I feel like this is so old, copyright doesn't work anymore.
Like, what's Peppino going to do?
Fucking copyright us?
He's dead.
What the?
This is your top listening.
I'm pretty sure.
There's no way Pepino.
What is the fucking vibes for this?
Like, this is driving through Los Angeles with my driver, David.
Sometimes we take a scenic route over the hills in Burbank.
Beautiful day.
Peppino Gagliardi on the spot.
You've never been to the hills at all.
I have?
Are you kidding?
I used to go to Burbank all the time, G4.
We used to drive over the hills.
That's when Pepino was.
Peppino was blasting and Dean Martin and Taylor Swift.
Peppino.
So, yeah, so that's my people have been dragging me for my music taste.
I think I've got a lot of great.
You are worthy of being dragged.
Okay.
I mean, my top songs were, I guess, even worse.
You want to see my top songs of the year?
Yes.
Okay.
Hold on.
Here are my top songs.
Let me get it.
It's going to be Frankie Valley and the Four C's is in there.
I don't know.
You'll have to see.
Frank Sinatra is in there.
Just songs.
Think about songs.
Because this is my whole rapt.
Here it is.
CC Ryder.
Yes, SC CC Rider.
Oh, yeah.
Rush.
Fear the Rush.
Oh.
Okay.
Escapism.
The heartbroke bitch.
High heels six inch in the back of the nightclub sipping champagne.
Padam.
Padam.
Okay.
What's going on?
Kylie Minod.
Kylie Minod is a queen.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so I mean, my.
Your top songs are gay as fuck.
Yeah.
That's good.
Well, it goes old in that order.
It goes CC Ryder old, Rush, gay, escapism, gay, padam, gay, on an evening in Roma.
Do you have a rapt?
No, I don't.
And you don't just listen to music?
No, I don't.
I actually, I actually don't have Spotify.
I so me and my cousin, like, my cousin has a Spotify because he's in Turkey ever since I was a broke boy.
I've just been like using his Spotify because he's on it on the opposite time that I'm on it.
What?
That is.
How do you listen to music?
No, listen.
Listen.
You steal Spotify from your cousin.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
I never use it anymore anyway because I never listen to music.
I do not listen to music.
If my Spotify, if I had like an actual rapt, it would be shit that I listened to on the stream.
And I could tell you off top dome, it'd be like the all of the Hasanabi music that my community's made.
And then it'd be Cholima on the Wing, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea army songs.
Wait, what?
You listen to the DPRK Army songs?
Yeah, it's fucking sick.
Have you ever?
Okay.
Play Cholima on the Wing.
I know Will is going to actually appreciate it.
C-H.
Oh, yeah, it's my.
I can't.
Hold on.
Play that.
Play that.
Play Todd.
And show the music video too.
I can't believe I'm getting shit on from Peppino.
No, no, it's not going to get copyrighted.
Watch this shit, Will.
Listen to the fucking laconic melodies, okay?
Okay.
Ain't no way you wanna.
Chalk!
Chalk!
Yeah, this is ass.
Hold on, I get shit on for listening to Peppino Gagliardi and you're listening to me.
Oh, he's the RK.
Wait, no, keep playing it.
Oh my God, it's a fucking absolute jambourini.
First of all, you are a hypocrite.
Because this genre of like, I don't even know what I would be considering it.
Like, obviously, it's like marching music, but the background is like very similar.
Yeah.
The beat that they're using is kind of similar to that same era of Turkish music that you listen to all the fucking time.
No.
Yes, like the funky.
No.
The funky saws.
I don't know what it, what it's called.
My rapt my rapt is Grum is my number one artist.
Mondo Grosso is number two.
Roy Davis Jr., number three.
Swedish House Mafia, number four.
Okay.
Fred again, number four.
Swedish House Mafia had a year, brother.
And then my top songs are Gabriel, Pearls by Shaw Day, Strong by Fred Again, Where Are You? And Tell It to My Heart, which is a very gay song.
Tell it to my hon. Yeah.
Tammy, I'm the only one.
But I when do you listen to that type of music in the gym?
Uh, yeah, but Shaw Day is always on.
How many minutes did you have?
Um, uh, 13,000.
Wow, I had 43,000 minutes.
Damn.
That's because I just listen to music on the plane mostly.
I never listen to music.
What do you do?
My number one song was this song called Gabrielle Played.
Here, pull that up.
What do you do on a plane, Hassan?
I play video games.
On a plane?
Yeah, on my Steam Deck.
Yeah, I do the same.
Yeah, I don't listen.
I have no.
Yeah, this is.
I never have an opportunity to even listen to music because every opportunity that I have to myself, I am listening to podcasts.
And you're like halfway in.
Yeah.
So anytime I was working, I had this.
This is by Roy Davis Jr.
Jurassic Park Dinosaurs00:13:01
It's pretty good.
I know this song.
It's a bop.
It's good.
It's a bop.
Look, better than fucking Mr. Peppino over here, I'll tell you that much.
Gagliardi, there's gonna be a lot of fans in the comments that are gonna come out.
You know, Gabliarty.
No, they're not because every single person that knows who he is is dead.
Oh, no.
Peppino himself just died last week or a few weeks ago.
Wait, really?
Yes, a few weeks.
I don't know what it is, but every time I get hooked on an artist, they die.
Which I think is like I do know what it is.
You listen to 800-year-old artists that are like on their last leg.
No, no, no.
In 2009, when I was on a Michael Jackson kick, I had Who's Loving You as my ringtone.
Do you think you killed Michael Jackson?
I don't.
I don't think so, but also I was on a Prince kick and he died too.
Yeah.
I'm serious.
I kid you not.
And I, Peppino, I listened to him for a year.
And it wild to me is that, like, even back in 2009, your tastes were still like kind of 20, 30 years.
Yeah.
In 2009, I was like, but not born.
I'm kidding.
Yeah.
How old are you in 2009 when you were listening to Prince?
Like 14, I think.
13.
12, maybe.
I don't remember.
It's been a long time.
No, 14 is accurate.
I was 14 in 2009.
So what is that?
Crunching numbers.
All right.
Let's.
I want to get to this last thing.
The Woolly Mammoth De Extinction Project is underway.
We're bringing dangerous.
We're bringing dangerous.
I'll tell you why.
Go ahead.
Are you Jurassic parking me right now?
Are you Jurassic parking me right now?
Don't fuck with nature like that.
Life.
Are you Jeff Goldblowing?
Yes.
Do the line.
I've never watched Jurassic Park.
What?
You are doing a bit from Jurassic Park and you've never seen the movie?
I've never seen it.
You disgust me.
I've never seen any of the Jurassic Parks.
Worse than a Peppino Gabliarti.
I've never seen any of the Jurassic Parks.
You only need to see one.
I understand the concept.
Don't fuck with nature.
Do you understand of one of the greatest movies?
Okay, I hate to be that guy, but come on.
Jurassic Park.
I understand the concept.
Don't fuck with nature.
Don't bring back dinosaurs.
Okay, okay, okay.
Bringing back the mammoth.
There is literally no way it could go wrong.
Oh, okay.
Tell us what do you think is gonna happen with the mammoth?
They are going to be King Kong style take it's a big hairy elephant.
Yeah, I'm gonna be when did they go extinct so many years ago?
Ice Age, Ice Age.
I thought that they were recent.
Oh, well, I was wrong.
Yeah, I'm gonna be wearing mammoth skin coat, and y'all are gonna be like, damn, so I love that.
We should bring back, we should bring back all the dinosaurs.
So that's the question.
What would you bring back?
Everything.
Everything?
The T-Rex.
No!
Yes!
No, that is actually the Jurassic Park meme.
There is a real present date.
I think we should bring back the T-Rex.
For what reason?
Now, now, hold on.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't understand how they put a date on it.
Why are they doing it?
I mean, it could be a source of a new fur.
I love this.
I'm all about this.
We could shear sheep.
We could shear a mammoth.
Okay, so you're sustainable fur?
Wait, hold on.
Think about it this way, Hassan.
We are nature.
Hassan, we are nature.
We are human beings.
We are a product of nature.
Sure.
We were given the intelligence to be able to bring back other things, right?
So everything that we do on this earth is natural and beautiful.
Yeah, no, definitely, definitely.
We should play God.
I like it.
I think we should bring back petrodactyls.
Okay.
Wait, what?
Why?
Can you imagine instead of having a horse, a pterodactyl?
Sustainable travel overnight?
They're going to eat us.
I got an idea.
No, we could train them just like a horse.
Will.
Bro, they're ugly.
That's reason for T-Rexes.
Okay.
They could fight our wars.
Your idea is a fucking organic nuke.
Like, you think that's a good idea?
You literally went full Jurassic Park because that's like Jurassic Park 3 when the government is like, we need to use these dinosaurs for war fights.
Oh, I haven't seen the movie.
How are you guys doing the entire Jurassic Park film?
This is how they thought of it?
Is this a bit?
Are we honest doing this?
No, I'm starting to think that Jurassic Park actually had some good ideas.
Oh, my.
Yeah, it's in like talking about the dangers of like using an animal playing God and also using it for death and destruction.
Oh, what could go wrong?
No, no.
I think I know T-Rex should be dangerous, but God, think about the money we could make.
Like, like, okay, I haven't seen Jurassic Park, but listen, what if we created like a theme park/slash zoo?
Okay, this is a bit.
And then you guys coordinated before that.
And then people could just go in a tent.
And obviously, you could control the animals.
Like, maybe some of them you could give to the federal government as like the defense department for defense purposes.
Legitimate question.
Yeah.
Did they study homosexuality in the dinosaur kingdom?
I'm dead serious.
Okay.
Let me just explain something to you.
Okay.
Animals, right, that are not human are already gay as fuck.
Like, there's no sexuality.
Nobody ever.
Animals don't think about stuff like that.
Yeah.
So I know they don't think like I was just curious.
So dinosaurs would probably also be gay as fuck.
All right.
Sorry.
What?
Really?
Continue.
She had a bunch of food detracting from.
Oh my God.
Somebody looked it up.
Is there any of evidence?
Somebody looked it up.
It's a Reddit.
Homosexual behavior is a well-documented in modern animals, but were there any gay bars in the land of what?
What's the comments?
They're probably stupid.
Did I win a prize?
Because homosexual.
Okay.
Yes.
The answer is yes.
It had to.
Do you feel better about bringing back the dinosaurs?
I do.
I do.
I think it's progressive.
What dinosaur would you bring back?
You said T-Rex to sell to the military.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what would you bring back?
Oh, I like the big boys.
Like the, what is it, the Stegosaurus or whatever?
Like the ones that are not carnivorous.
And yeah, the herbivores that are just like chilling.
So Brontosaurus or Stegosaurus?
I probably would go with...
Nah, Stegosaurus can't really ride.
So Brontosaurus, that one's like really big.
How about the giraffe-looking ones?
Put them in fucking Wisconsin.
You know what I mean?
Or Montana.
Like, there's so much fucking space there.
Okay.
Just turn the entirety of Montana into like a dino space.
Yeah, so like that brings up the moral issue.
Do we let them roam free?
Their natural habitat doesn't exist anymore.
That's right.
That's why you put them in Montana.
So they would evolve into something else that we didn't even know how long evolution takes?
I mean, it would take a minute.
Do you know what the...
Wait, wait.
Without looking this up.
Without looking this up, I have a question for you.
Do you know what modern animal is direct descendants of dinosaurs?
Lizards.
Most animals are, but do you know what?
Give me a very uncommon animal that you think that we have in our daily lives.
Crocodiles?
Chicken.
Chicken.
Chickens?
Yes.
Really?
That's what evolution looks like, dog, over the course of thousands of years.
Oh, yeah, that duh.
They had birds, like weird birds.
That's why I'm saying petrodactyl.
No, but chicken is like a chicken is a descendant of what?
Crocodiles was on there.
Yeah, chicken is a descendant of what kind of animal, though.
What kind of dinosaur?
Number two is crocodile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's what I wanted to stress.
What about evolution turned them into that?
Scarcity of resources.
That's awesome.
Well, also, they were made extinct pretty much.
I'm astral.
Petrodactyl travel.
Can you imagine being able to ride a dragon to your mom's house for Thanksgiving?
No more having to deal with Southwest.
You just hop on your petrodactyl, pterodactyl.
I don't know why I keep saying that because I pee in front.
And you just cruise there.
That'd be sick.
I'd be scared.
Maybe a little scared.
I don't know.
That's like biking in space.
That's so terrifying.
It'd be cool, though.
I'd be down and do it.
Would you be willing to take a risk, though, to ride a dragon?
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, it cuts down on traffic quite a bit.
So that's a big deal.
Greenhouse gas is gone.
Which dinosaur would you like as a pet?
If I had full control over one, it'd be the T-Rex.
What would yours be?
I said Brontosaurus.
I like those.
They're big beans.
Do you have a T-Rex as a pet?
What's the little, like, aggressive ones?
Velociraptor?
Yeah.
They're not that little, though.
They're still bigger than a huge...
They're like ostrich size.
Isn't there the one called the Armadon that's like it's got like the basically mace on its tail And it's got like armor all over it.
No, this just look up like armor tail dinosaur.
Yeah Armor tail So yeah, that one what's his name?
That's like a what is it monoplatypus and lilosasaur no ankle ankylosaurus ankylosaurus.
Yeah that so are we definitely bringing back the woolly mammoth?
Yeah, it's happened like for sure.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, you can't do nothing about a dog.
You can't even stop it.
Are they like I wonder if PETA has anything?
I just don't understand why we're fucking bringing back mammoths at a time of like unprecedented global heating as a consequence of anthropogenic climate change.
So like we literally have a structure.
We literally have a fucking ecosystem that is like not even sustainable for goddamn polar bears.
And we're like, here, let's bring back the one fucking animal that like got wiped out because it wasn't cold enough.
Woolly mammoth tacos.
It makes no fucking sense.
What are we going to do?
Put them in a fucking freezer and then use extra energy to like keep them alive.
Oh, they live in the cold.
They're an elephant with hair.
That's right.
Yeah.
I think it's, I think it's crazy.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing.
I mean, it was also a lot colder back then.
It's cool trying to restore.
Y'all are going to be like, damn, Will.
I think it's cool to try and engage in the act of de-extinction, but like de-extinction without trying to get a hold on anthropogenic climate change is so fucking stupid.
So what about, what about if we just bring back the dodo?
That's what I'm saying.
We've lost a few animals recently.
We've lost a few.
Yeah.
Let's bring back a dodo.
Why couldn't we save that?
Or like the or the fucking, what is it, Bengal tiger?
The white.
How could we not save that?
Or pandas?
Pandas are chill as fuck.
We should not let them.
Now you're back in.
No, I'm here no longer.
I'm fine with those animals.
I'm saying like that's a big return on animals for woolly mammoths.
It doesn't make sense.
Your argument that it's, you know, oh, what are we going to do?
Put them in a freezer?
We can't even get pandas to fuck, dude.
Yeah.
Wait, so we stopped fucking.
Wait, is that true?
They just won't fuck anymore?
They won't fuck.
They gave up on life.
Wait, really?
Yeah, they just won't reproduce.
That's the problem.
That's the problem.
They just won't fuck.
No, literally, that is a big issue.
That is crazy.
We just need to start.
I wonder if it's...
I don't know what we're going to do.
I just really don't.
I wonder if it's going to make them in a lot of time.
Partially because we just won't.
I mean, they're not out in the wild.
We should feed them aphrodisiacs or what do they call it?
Aphrodisiacs?
Poppers?
No.
We're just cutting panda pairs taking ecstasy and paupers.
They're gay as fuck.
That's why.
Pandas are gay as fuck.
Lingling is off of beam.
Yeah, they're doing.
You just have Ling Ling at a Fred Again concert.
You don't have to be so.
I miss it, Rush.
No, All right.
On that note, I think we will explore the territory of panda fucking and much more behind the paywall.
That's right.
Cutie-Free Panda Episode00:00:43
At patreon.com slash fear.
And ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming.
This was a cutie-free episode.
Yes, Cutie.
We miss her very much.
Yeah, she died to self-suck.
That's right.
And also, next week, I believe we are unveiling the new set, the coveted new set with our guest, Stavros Halkin.
Wow, what an episode.
We are so back.
Are we going to fit him in there?
That's a real question.
We're about to find out.
That wasn't even a fat joke because the studio is tiny.
What else would that have been?
How are we going to fit any guest in there is what I mean.
Yeah.
Well, Hassan, I think you are objectively larger than how are we going to fit you in there.