Ludwig Ahgren and Aiden English dissect their rivalry with the "Yard" crew, debating LGBTQ+ representation while addressing accusations of stolen jokes and clout-seeking. They analyze controversial rules regarding the F-slur, financial disparities involving producer Zipper, and past altercations like the 2020 fight with Mango. The conversation expands to a $59 million wedding at Versailles, highlighting American wealth in French institutions, before concluding that genuine queer visibility requires navigating complex societal pressures without performing specific identities. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome Back To The Fear End00:12:14
Are we started?
Yeah, we have started, as a matter of fact.
All right.
Welcome back to the Fear End podcast.
Greatest podcast in the world.
Definitely much better than the yard, I would say.
I'm fucking still eating.
I can't do that.
Yeah, that's right.
Exactly.
I timed it perfectly.
I'm so sick how you moved three feet over, and now it's a podcast.
Wow.
You just stole Slime's picture.
You work right there?
You stole Slime's joke from the yard?
But here's what happens.
This comes out before the yard.
Yeah.
So he stole my joke.
Oh, my God.
It's called publishing.
Is this what he does to you guys all the time?
All the time.
Nothing steal from Maiden.
Yeah, it's so fucked up.
Nothing to steal from such a bisexual god.
Okay.
Yeah, that's right.
This is the gay episode.
I was going to say, we have a rival half-homosexual here in the room.
First of all, first of all, I would be a homosexual plus.
Look, you guys, he's homosexual plus.
You're being like homophobia.
You're calling him like a mudblood.
No, that's not homophobia.
You're half homosexual.
No, it's called the I'm a half-blood.
I'm a half-blood.
No, it's biphobia.
I think you're doing a purebred homosexual.
Can I say something?
Can I say something?
Yeah.
I think he's gayer than you.
Oh, because he likes both men and women.
And it's gay as hell to fuck with you.
Let me tell you something.
That's why it's a gay episode.
What do you think about this?
Aiden, I'm going to challenge you to a gay office.
Oh, this is bad.
We're going to stop the podcast.
We got 20 minutes.
Go suck as many dicks as Hollywood as possible.
If you saw the podcast in 20 minutes, he'll do something to you.
I can change your life in 20 minutes.
Wait, really?
Well, maybe not your life.
Wait, what do you mean?
Why not?
Well, he's never bottomed.
Oh.
Okay.
Wait, I've never...
Wait, have you ever bought him?
Not exactly.
Oh.
That's a weird answer.
Exactly.
I mean, it doesn't remove the fact that I've...
You never said anything about magic.
Not exactly.
Not exactly.
See, he doesn't play.
I like that he's so homophobic that he compared racism to having gay sex.
Oh, wow.
To bottoming specifically.
Yeah, to bottoming.
Yeah, I've never bottomed.
So you've not exactly bottomed.
So you tried, it didn't work out, right?
No, I mean, it was experimenting.
He just got too gay too fast.
Kill me back up.
Honest, this is so cool.
This is the first time I've had somebody on the LGBTQ.
He's been on the podcast before.
I wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
Oh, right.
This is why this podcast is never going to be better than the yard.
Is that it's got a rotating cast.
It's like the IMDb page of like streets like Zach and Cody.
I love this.
He's on what episode.
Guys, guys, okay.
Let me let me bring everyone back to reality for a second.
First of all, okay, I just shot an episode of The Yard with the lovely yard boys, okay?
I heard it so lovely.
Yeah, except for Ludwig, everyone else is fucking awesome, obviously.
It's hot here.
And I'm going to be honest with you.
Oh, come on, dude.
Good God, man.
Ludwig.
Dude, you're such a fucking chain?
I thought about...
Dude, wait, I'm the only guy without a fucking chain on right now.
It's cool.
It's cool.
Listen, listen.
All I'm going to say is the episode was basically them being very upset.
Fear and is a very successful podcast.
We actually all went around and said what we hate most about Hassan.
You did do that.
That was weird.
Austin, would you say Hassan is always with the phone?
Always with the phone.
Wait, like he's always on his phone.
Always with the phone.
Look, I'll be honest, that is a valid criticism of Hassan.
Dude, come on.
What the fuck?
Oh, shit.
You're supposed to be on my side.
Hassan is never on his phone.
You're my gay.
What are you doing?
Look, I'll be.
He's a busy man.
Don't talk about him like a podcast.
Hold on.
Let me tell you something.
Look, Hassan is on his phone.
But if you were constantly fighting for the rights of Palestinians and liberating.
He's no Isabelle Young.
No, he's not fucking in the street.
He's not with the press jacket.
Somebody's got to hold it down here.
No, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize.
I didn't realize raising $1.2 million for Palestinian children in particular.
How about you raise $225 on the bench like me and Aiden do?
Shit.
Wait, Aiden can do $225.
I'm proud of you chucking down 42 grams of that good shit.
Okay, you guys have been.
What's been, what's happened?
You guys all of a sudden, I don't know what the fuck happened, but like, I'll be honest.
And Ludwig specifically show it up, baby.
My God, this is.
Look, they want what we have and they can't have it.
Yep.
Okay.
Yup.
Hold on.
Hasana.
Come on, take that off.
Show.
Pubs come out.
You can't let them show us up.
Like, come on.
Dude, you're fucking lean, though.
You definitely have cum gutters.
He thinks he's gay fat, which is like non-existent.
You know how I know I'm homophobic?
Why?
Because I learned about cum gutters today and I've said it, and every person I've said it to is like, oh, yeah.
And they know it instantly.
I don't know what cum gutters are.
I didn't know what they were.
I think he's trying to defeat the gay allegations.
By the way, they're obliques.
So, can I talk about something real quick?
I, on TikTok, here we go.
How many minutes?
Five minutes and nine seconds in.
Austin mentions his TikTok.
Go ahead.
It's fun.
Hold on.
Is this something you do?
Does he promote every episode?
I accused you of being gay on the podcast, and they took down the clip.
Yeah.
So I'm going to accuse you.
Don't say they, I did.
You took down the clip.
I got connections.
And I'm going to take down your YouTube channel too.
No, no, no.
I'm just going to accuse you from being gay in person.
So I had a lot of gay allegations back in the day because I kissed a couple of dudes.
Yeah, so you stopped.
Like, he won't kiss me.
I won't kiss anymore.
I won't kiss.
He won't kiss me anymore.
Wait, has he kissed you before?
Yeah, I tried to kiss him on Name Your Price.
He won't do it.
I backed out.
He backed completely.
I've kissed him more recently than you have.
It felt homophobic.
You're the last man I kissed.
It was through a mask, which we were back.
I was forced to kiss.
It was this libertarian liberal hell where we had to mask up and kiss other men.
So you were sick and tired.
This is what they're teaching at our schools.
Oh, I'm remembering.
He was at an anime convention, which is an educational camp that they put liberals at and force them to kiss.
What were you saying?
So you this is going to happen to you a lot.
I'm not going to, I'm not going to.
I'm not going to be more homophobic.
Wow.
Wait, before you go to the gay thing, I want to point out this is how you know it's a fancy bitch.
Okay.
There's a triple pack out there.
They got 100 roasted peanuts.
They got regular salted peanuts.
And he went for the cashews.
Wait, cashews are one of the better nuts for you.
100%.
You went for the most expensive nut.
I don't know about the price per nut.
I just know about what nut's good for.
Yeah, you don't want to nuts.
It's rich.
Fuck, dude.
It's not about some money.
It's just, we don't think about elf.
What?
Why are you German now?
I'm not, I'm French.
I'm French.
Go ahead with the gay stuff.
So you kissed too many guys, and people thought you were gay.
Well, you decided growing out of people was my girlfriend.
Oh.
So what I instead did is I've gone, I went full gym 10 lax.
I got ripped and I got straight as hell.
No, I don't kiss dudes because that's fucking gay.
What's so funny is you, you be, you, you, you tried to be you tried to be straight, but you became gayer.
What?
Yeah, you grew?
You grew a mustache.
No, no, no.
I had an army chain.
I have a goatee.
This is tanked out.
What's going on?
Dog, you literally have the Freddie Mercury look down pad.
Dr. Phil is not gay.
Do you know that?
I don't feel like he could top.
Wow.
Well, so you're saying he's a bottom.
That's not what I was going for.
That's what you're going for.
Ludwig, you have somehow gotten way gayer since you started working out.
Dude, that's so...
I think me.
Hey, but I don't want to be homophobic.
I'm going to be a thousand pound clubs.
Kind of.
People are really chastising me on my death.
Okay, so I don't know if I want to.
I don't know if I want to fist pump you anymore.
I've got criticism on that too.
I don't think you got deep enough.
Yeah.
So I'm going to go back tomorrow.
Can we pull the video up?
I don't think you got dead enough.
No, don't.
It gets dead.
I don't think you can.
I don't think you can.
Hey, it was an Instagram story.
You were deep.
You got real deep.
The thing is, the thing is, I did two reps.
I looked at it.
I was like, not deep enough.
Then I went for a third rep, and then people...
For viewers, the thousand pound club is when you combine your bench, deadlift, and squat, and you want to get a thousand pounds.
This is my goal at the start of this year.
I had a personal trainer.
My personal trainer left me in an emotional breakup.
For a better, wait, what?
Better opportunities.
I haven't talked about this.
So my personal trainer, he worked at this gym.
And I was telling him, hey, I'm going to leave this gym because we had our own setup at our warehouse.
I think QT told us the story on the podcast.
Has she?
Do you not?
You literally don't listen to women.
Go ahead.
Now he'll hear you because you're a man.
Look, a man song.
You're good.
You got your baby?
No, I was listening.
I was fully intent.
He's reengaged.
I don't listen to women.
Go ahead.
And so what happened is he had thrown the idea of maybe perhaps working with me still through the warehouse.
And I was like, all right, that's cool.
And I had set it up so that he would have a full-time salary, could leave his job because I had a list of 10 employees that were down to do personal training and I would pay for half of their costs.
Which Aiden was included in this.
And like issue with modern day job, the moment that he went to his bosses at the very tail end, he had already made a company.
We already had this fucking handshake agreement.
He went to his bosses and he said, hey, I'm going to leave you for a better gig that has a higher pay.
They offered him ownership in the gym that he was working at.
Oh my gosh.
Which is one of the one of the, that's why you always got to be looking for work.
All right.
No loyalty in your job.
We're not in Japan here.
If you're always looking for work, that's how you get a damn raise.
So I'm not mad because this is a better 40-year company.
You got fucking moguled, son.
Yeah.
So why do you want to go?
It's fine.
You got fucking mogled.
Well, it's because the reality is he wanted a 40-year plan to retire at.
And I couldn't offer it.
A 40-year plan?
Yes.
He literally wanted that.
God damn.
And I can't offer that.
People want to work for 40 years.
Doesn't that show a lack of confidence in his company?
No.
Well, you don't think we can make it 40 more years?
I don't think we're going to fucking have you and me shape working out for 40 years.
Four decades.
So anyway, still in the warehouse.
He quit.
And so now...
But the thing is, the moment he quit, I think I started working out more.
Just in terms of robots.
Why did you grind harder?
Why didn't you just hire another personal trainer?
Because I couldn't fucking find one.
And so I became...
Because all of them are snakes.
All of them are snakes.
I've become, not because of my merit, but I've become the personal trainer because I'm the strongest at our company.
He likes being the leader.
It's true.
Where are you going to be that face?
There was this one beautiful week where I brought one of my Swedish Viking friends who is stronger than Ludwig.
And he put Ludwig too.
Not on bench.
Put Ludwig down.
Not on bench.
Can we pause for a second?
Okay, you know what?
What do you think a personal trainer does?
You think he's just like the strongest on the list?
Yeah.
It's an alpha male position.
Yeah.
The strongest in the room.
No, no, no.
It's just kind of like the strongest.
My personal trainers can't outlift me.
What?
Yeah.
And you pay them?
I have a bigger person.
My personal trainer.
My personal trainer.
Well, on certain lifts, they might be able to, but they're 7% body fat and their body weight per push is much higher than mine.
As a resident straight, I would never let a man tell me how to lift.
I would only hire a woman personal trainer.
I mean, I don't have an issue as long as they're good at what they do.
But I hope you know that that's not how personal training works.
Yeah, of course, personal trainers offer more.
They can offer like a plan, a routine, and show you form.
But still, you've already maxed out.
No, I can learn more, but I just had the most knowledge.
Man, he could be of my company.
I'm starting to believe you're straight because before I wasn't buying into it, but it's very straight behavior to want to lift the most.
I've had a girlfriend for years.
I have a girlfriend.
I have a girlfriend.
Personal Training And Sexism00:05:00
I don't believe that.
There you go.
You don't believe that he has a girlfriend?
She has a beard.
No, I think she has a beard.
You just got so owned.
Yeah, he has a girlfriend.
Wait, what does that mean?
It means that you're not.
He's still gay.
I'm starting to think he might not be gay.
That's my phobia.
I am terrible gay representation.
He's not a good gay.
He never says better.
Who's better gay representation of the two of us?
I think the slur so often off the street.
No, the problem is quota limited.
No, I think Aiden is more queer-coded than you are.
I'll say it 100%.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Definitely not.
I think he is.
Wait, how is Aiden more queer-coded than you?
Because he plays melee.
I'm cuter.
If you play melee, you're like...
That was a bold thing to say on my podcast.
No, you bold thing because I'm just a cute little guy.
No, you're more like...
Oh, I love the Vikings.
What's up?
He is more cutesy than I am.
Yeah, like he's more, what's the term?
He doesn't understand a single sport.
If you throw a football at him, it'll hit him square than no.
So, so I think he's more queer-coated than you are.
Like, if he had a septum, it's over.
You know what I mean?
If he had a septum, you're like, whereas you, on the other hand, you broke up way too much.
Your style is like not, your style is only becoming gay.
However, the one point you do have, the one point you do have on him.
Oh, my God.
I got it.
I got it.
What the fuck is that?
He has someone in his teeth.
I was being a good friend.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
I wanted him to get it.
I can't get it.
Okay.
The one point you do have on him is that you say the F-slur like all the time now, which you should say more.
No, okay, so I'm starting to enjoy saying it a little too much.
The problem with the F-Slur is that it's timeless.
It is timeless.
Dude, I will, yo, I know it's back in the cultural zeitgeist when I saw the dream clip.
Because people loved the F-slur there.
Yeah.
You know what Clip I'm talking about?
No.
You've seen this.
Shirley.
No.
Do you know the gumball voice actor?
Wait, you haven't seen this?
Can you pause when he's in the front of the car?
Yo, Marsh, do you pull up Dream getting called the F-Slur?
Wait, wait, wait.
That's the, when he's in the car, right?
The gumball voice actor?
Oh, yeah, here, it's up here.
What are we doing?
Oh, my God.
We're gross.
Cutie's going to execute us for doing so many mouth noises this time.
All right.
NCant 2 is the Twitter.
I don't know his name.
I think it's a Nick.
Just look up the F-Slur.
It'll come up.
Just type it in there.
Yeah.
Go to the Wikipedia page.
Brother, this is my Twitter.
Famous use case.
So he's just like under recent on his son's Twitter.
All the mistypings of the F-Slur.
It's with two G's, Marsh.
Two G's.
Two G's.
Two T's if you're brain.
Yeah, yeah.
That really hits.
Yeah, Wait, is that with probably the 5.7 million?
All the bites come and the hands come at me.
It'll take 10,000, 100,000 of them to take me down.
So that's how minuscule you are to my size.
Stature of intelligence.
Wait, can you pause it?
You don't understand this.
Are we saying that, like, are people saying he's based for this or something?
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what?
People saw this.
He's pansexual.
I don't know what the vibe check on saying the slur is.
I think it's clear.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can say it.
Okay, let's hear it.
Let's hear it.
My rule of thumb is you have.
My rule of thumb is thumb is, and people are going to get mad at me.
You have to suck a cock.
I think that's fair.
Like, even as a straight guy, you suck one cock.
You can say the F-slur one time.
You did it one time?
Really?
Yeah.
That's probably fair.
And then only one.
That's why Nancy gets to say it.
One F-slur per cock sucked.
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no.
There's like a level of cock suck that if you hit like a number of cocks that you've sucked, that you've like actually, you've actually sucked enough cocks, you could say it all.
I think I'm out, because this is sexist.
What because?
Are all women allowed to say it?
Who suck cock?
Yes yeah oh, so backup can say it.
No wait okay, now I'm back out.
If you think about it this way, most people can say it, then yes most yeah, I've been really enjoying cock.
Your mom says it.
What my mom?
She wouldn't know what the word is.
God bless her heart.
Let me tell you.
She said it with the beast.
She she called it to you but you screwed her over.
Why she'd actually say this is, god bless her heart.
She's very sweet.
I've been really enjoying calling straight people the f-slur.
That is a gay power-up.
It feels really good to like in, like belittle straight people.
It's funny because like, the more you say it, the more you will become queer coded and i've been trying to explain this to you for like a year now and you're finally getting it.
Paying The Producer Well00:02:33
I called.
I called my dad we need this weekend.
It was thanksgiving.
He was.
He was on the couch.
How old is he?
He was like 14.
That's too young he was.
He was four, he was sitting on the couch, he was playing video games with his friends, so he's already hearing it yeah, and I was like, get off the couch, Jesus.
Oh, he's in the non-paywall portion.
Wait, you're gonna have to edit that out, no problem.
Wait, we got demonetized last couple episodes.
For what?
For saying a slur, probably.
Wait, I didn't say a slur during the episode.
So uh, speaking of the f-slur and demonetization and the amount of money March is making, we found out earlier today on the YARD that you will see in the upcoming YARD episode.
Uh, that we pay our producer Zipper earns, earns slightly more than March does.
He can go ban for band and personally person and this is just me.
I would not call 12 000 slightly personally.
No, it's not more.
No, it's not 12 000 more 12.
Oh you, son of a bitch, you son of a bitch now personally, I think that's a meaningful amount of money personally.
Uh, percentage based.
They pulled up, they pulled up our, our revenue like the, our monthly revenue.
And uh turns out we have uh, how much money do we make a month?
March, 100k on uh subscriptions they make.
Uh, how much?
2250, they make 212k, which they only pay zipper 10.
They pay only.
They pay Zipper only 10.
Well, because we put 50 to homeless children.
Yeah, 50.
Why are you calling Slime a homeless child?
He doesn't sleep on a bet.
Yeah.
You're saying you pay your producer more because you buy percentage.
Yeah, much more.
Yes, we split it evenly.
Their producer, Zipper, gets 10%, but because they have doubled the amount of revenue that we have.
There's just so much money.
Why can't we watch Dream?
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
The reason why I'm mentioning that is because we got to get March's money up.
Yeah.
Subscribe to the Patreon.
Subscribe to the yard Patreon.
Subscribe to Patreon, Patreon.com slash Viron.
Fierond.
Right?
Like I'm a genius, Albert Einstein level history bookmaker.
You're going to be forgotten like the dust in the sand when you're in the fucking Sahara and there's hundreds of people.
It's so weird to just like film while you're getting fucking brutalized.
And he's just like, yeah, I'm getting this.
Wait, that's not it.
Filming While Brutalized00:04:09
No.
No, there's so much more.
Why is he?
He goes on for like basically...
Was Dream in the car?
He goes on.
Yeah, yeah.
He's in the back seat, I think.
So I saw this clip.
Let me tell you, that boy, he's having a fucking manic episode.
Okay.
I don't want to be an armchair.
I don't want to be an armchair guy, but that's like very...
That's a telltale sign.
I have friends.
It's like a telltale sign of someone like definitely, one, drunk out of their fucking minds, and two, most likely going having a...
Was this supposed to be friendly?
He asked for it to be recorded as far as I'm aware.
Okay.
He asked for it to be recorded, then he went crazy.
I feel bad for the Uber driver.
Anyway, Dream posted this, I'll be it in a way that was a bit like cringe because it was like very declarative.
It was like, it was like Nick Cantu, voice actor of Gumball and Leonardo in the Turtle movie, said this to an Uber driver who was helpless and posted it in like a cancelling way.
There is no better...
This story is the perfect representation of like vibes-based cancellation culture.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's a hundred.
Because I watch it and the video is really cringe.
And it was hard to watch.
Because I also used to be an angry drunk.
But this is ancient Ludwig Lore.
You didn't know me back then.
Oh, I dodged this Aaron.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
You were an angry drunk?
How?
Yeah.
I would get drunk and it'd be playing Super Smash Bros.
And we had Australian friends.
And Australian people are very good at chirping, belittling.
They grind you down.
And they wear you down.
They belittle you.
Like dust in the Sahara.
And you're blaming your angry, drunk behavior on Australia.
No, no, no, but this is what would unleash it is what I'm saying.
And then I would unleash the beast and so they would wear me down.
It'd be little things.
And then I'd come back and it'd be like, you have no fucking future.
And it's like, bear in the mind at the time, I'm working at Best Buy.
So I'm not really fucking...
Anyway, and then I was like, oh, I have to make a change.
And then I made a change.
And then you'd fight in the backyard.
And then we would fight.
And then physically, they've seen the video to the yard.
This is where the podcast names came from.
Because you guys never take your shirts off and physically fight.
I would physically fight.
It'd be serious.
I mean, like, there's a rule.
There's video.
Pull it.
I think you can't punch in the face.
You guys ever fought with grabbing it?
It's on footage.
Do you want to do that?
Austin, you want to see this?
I want that.
I would fight you.
No, you wouldn't.
I would.
I'm telling you to your face.
I don't think you'd fight Slime ever because he'd sleep you?
No, because I love him too much.
Ludwig fights shirtless backyard or something.
Who did you fight?
I mean, Don B, but I don't think that'll come up.
So I've seen this video, man.
Wait, what the fuck is that?
Ludwig fights dirt.
Oh, that's me fighting Mango.
Wait, what is that?
This fight was almost dirty to death.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
What the fuck is that?
What is that thumbnail?
36 years.
You already taken it.
Go to the one under that.
Yeah.
Because that's the one.
Wait, that's like a year viewer, maybe.
This fight, I will.
So this is emblematic of some of the fights that I would have.
This is probably the most.
This is also emblematic of your famous I Am Not Your Friend background.
It is.
My streamer I used to have.
Yeah.
This is Mango.
This is probably the most, this is the last fight I think I had.
That's definitely, I've seen this video.
Me and Mango, if you want to just roll in the background silent, we were both pissed drunk and I had made an argument in a bar that I was more emblematic of the modern day American dream than him than him.
I like how there's spikes on top of those gates like right behind you.
It makes it way more dangerous.
Dude, just wait for that.
You really have leaned out and put on a lot of muscle since then.
Yeah, I was not at my strongest here for sure.
Oh, you guys are getting so close to it.
We got dangerous.
Mango's head ends up on the pike at the end of this.
Yeah, we can't count it.
Yeah, we can't show the ending part.
Anyway, I ended up putting him in a chokehold and I had to squeeze him to death as hard as I could.
He's punching.
No, you're allowed to punch, just not below the waist or above the neck.
He's a puncher.
I'm a grappler.
Drunk Arguments In Bars00:04:14
Yeah.
Anyway, that's the type of fight we would have in the yard.
That's where the yard came from.
Okay.
Interesting.
Except you cowards never fight.
This is not that long ago.
It looked recent.
I want to say 2021, man.
Oh, you're getting pummeled on.
2020, man.
Where were your masks?
That was...
No, the fight was in 2020.
Maybe it was 2019.
No, it wasn't.
It was definitely not.
Before COVID.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I don't prescribe to that.
But you don't acknowledge the presence of COVID?
I think that's something I'm not willing to say.
They both went to a concert right after that.
Oh, that's so irresponsible.
Yeah, we would never do that.
You're not right now.
That's okay because we all tested before.
That's okay.
So people can't lip read you saying the F slur under your breath.
I have a bone opinion.
I knew this was coming.
He's been, he hasn't had anything to come after.
I've been very well behaved the last several weeks.
So he hasn't anything to come after me for.
Hit me.
I go to the yard studio.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Beautiful.
I have a wonderful, beautiful studio.
Wonderful, wonderful, exciting podcast we cooked up in the lab.
Come on downstairs.
I walk downstairs.
I'm thirsty.
I'm like, I want to quench my thirst.
And I see bottles upon bottles of a very famous in the Hasanabi household bottle.
It was this.
Lauratana, Laguapio Le Guerra de Europa.
Laura Tana.
Yeah.
Laguapi Liguera de Ropa.
Thank you.
Look at the beautiful.
I don't know.
Is this racist?
It's like all white women on it.
I don't know.
And a white baby.
Anyway.
They're not white.
They're Italian.
This.
Now, why is this important, you might say?
Well, it's because it's a very specific brand of water.
It's a brand of water that Davide brings around.
My driver.
Austin's driver, David Day.
Do not.
Is this like Love Island, David Day?
No, but you got the guy from Love Island driving around David Day.
Why is that significant?
Yeah, David Day is very good looking.
Why is it significant?
Because Austin always will be like, oh, here, here's Davide's water.
Like, he brings like one bottle of water to me every time he comes over.
And I think it's like wonderful.
Wow, one bottle.
One bottle of water.
Okay.
Turns out that's your scumbag in order to suck up to the fucking yard boys.
No, no, no.
Sick.
He's got it all wrong.
Set the yard compound.
No, no, no, no.
Just crates of this shit.
He's got it.
So what happened is, this is what happened, Hassan.
First of all, David, while I was doing a shoot for Name Your Price, fucking somehow struck a business deal with Ludwig's guy and sold him like thousands of bottles of water.
I don't know how.
Struck the deal of a century.
Wait, really?
They didn't get the water for free.
He bought David A's water.
I'm pretty sure.
He gave us like a sweetheart deal.
Yeah, but you sweet, sweet, he still paid ridiculously.
It was like $30 and a cigarette.
And David Day gave us a truckload of a palette.
It was more than that.
It was two cigarettes.
Have given me one bottle of oratana water.
Why?
I don't control it.
You sucked up to the Yard Boys and you fucking nudged David Day to give them great things.
The Yard Boys are here, aren't they?
That's true.
It's not because of the air.
It's not because of the day.
The Yard Boys are here because of the water?
You just got to give me gifts.
I mean, I had to suck him here.
Okay, let me flip the script for one moment.
Okay.
They didn't ask you to be on the yard.
Yeah, that's another thing.
After the fucking bottles of water that you got them.
Yeah, it's really uncomfortable.
You have the table.
I'm really, I really was going to ask, I don't know when I'm going to get invited on your podcast.
I just, I feel like I have.
We just have a.
You're so, you're so busy.
Right.
I'm so busy.
Busy.
No, no, no.
I'm very available.
You hate traveling.
I've been making myself available.
Travel.
You hate traveling.
You need a full gay on your podcast.
You know what?
Yard Boys And Water Gifts00:04:25
That's biphobic.
No, it's not biphobic.
You make a lot of, you're always doing shows.
He's Mr. Show.
He is always on his phone.
He's a phone.
He's always on his phone, so we know he has the time.
You've had Cutie on.
You've had Hassan on.
Have you had Will on yet?
Kind of.
You had Will on spiritually through Slime.
And you haven't had.
So you haven't had Will on.
No.
Slime just does a really good idea.
So when are you going to have Will Neff and Austin?
Austin.
So we'll probably never have Will on because it's like he's always with us.
And I think Slime would do the voice.
And you'll never, are you saying that like I'm too close to you?
So that's why you'll see.
We'll have you close.
We are so close.
You actually made me think of something.
The yard.
We share things with each other.
You know what?
I like that about you.
We share.
We just share little secrets about other people in our lives.
What is that?
What are you talking about?
We're very talking about.
You don't share anything with me.
I share stuff with you.
You do share stuff with me.
Wait, what are those?
Oh, no.
So I thought of this earlier today when we were on our show because we were talking about talking about greeting you or something.
I think Nick mentioned greeting you.
Greeting you.
And I bumped into you at Cutie's Christmas concert.
And I think sometimes, sometimes I feel like when we used to initially interact.
Are you talking to me or you're talking about?
I was intimidated.
I used to be really intimidated by you.
Okay, I thought this was about Austin.
No, no, no, but this is about you.
And then me and Austin were texting after the Christmas concert.
Why am I even Tom's version?
No, not that.
I don't know why I'm an intimidating person.
You're not.
You're not.
Don't worry.
6'5.
Don't worry.
Small frame.
Built like a fucking refrigerator.
I'd sleep you.
In lullaby time?
What do you mean?
I sent Austin.
I swear to God, every time I see Hassan, I handshake/slash hug him weird.
And I'm so fucking embarrassed.
It's like three nights in a row now this week.
And I'm just like, what the fuck is wrong with me?
And Austin says, and laughs and says, honestly, I can tell you this.
Between you and I, I think Hassan is a really awkward.
And then I take.
That's not between you and I anymore.
Like the giant LMAO.
And then he's talking shit about me behind my house.
And then says, with people he doesn't know really well.
Oh, God.
And I love him to death, but he's terrible at greetings.
It's true.
It is true.
It is true.
We talked about greeting you today.
I thought of that because I went through this period of time where I'd see you.
And I don't know.
You're just, you're just, you know what?
You're just big.
You're cool.
And I'm a little guy.
Most times people walk over.
They walk over with an intention of how they're going to greet you.
But if someone walks up, he goes, you don't know what that means.
You're not going in with this.
You stand there and wait for somebody to make a move.
And then you say, hey, and then you chew gum and you look cool.
The only thing you chain on.
The only thing he just found out there is that I called him awkward.
That's the only thing.
That's fucked up.
The rest of it.
The rest of guys.
The rest of your back is pretty tough.
You never talk shit behind your back.
Talking shit.
I talk shit to your face.
No, I wasn't talking.
That wasn't talking shit.
You are a little awkward.
Caddy.
You're caddy.
Do you think you're?
Let's be vulnerable.
Do you think you're awkward?
I don't.
I mean, I don't really think about it.
So probably.
But it's awkward for other people.
I never, I never like when I, when I'm in a room full of people, like, I'm not thinking like, oh man, I'm going to come across as weird.
I'm just kind of doing my own thing.
You're just talking so loud right now.
Am I?
You're just so fired up.
Look, Hassan, I apologize for talking about this.
That's fucked up.
It's fucked up.
It's fucked up because Austin's just trying to empathize with me because I am making a lot of time.
I was trying to make it awkward, if anything.
If it makes you feel better than me.
It was an awkward one.
I was probably awkward.
I'm bad at fucking.
No, no, no.
This is consistent.
Aiden was telling me how hot you were.
This is consistent.
It's consistent.
I'm always the phone.
I'm looking at the time.
I'm just having a hard time with that.
My first interactions are always weird.
All you had to do was all you were going to call me out for was the water?
Being Uncomfortably Gay00:16:22
No, there's more.
Oh, shit.
Whoa.
There's more.
I want you to know, by the way, the meanest things I've ever said to you is to your face.
You've said really fucked up shit to my face.
I know.
Isn't that good?
You know the lens?
If you're saying that behind my back, it's not, is that a joke?
You've seen me behind my back.
You got to have probably a few times.
Nothing I haven't said to your face.
Not even remotely close.
It just probably cut a little deeper behind you.
You know what I've said about you.
It would cut deeper.
It would cut way deeper.
You want me to die?
Let's not talk about it here.
What have you said to me?
He doesn't need to talk right now.
What have you said?
Do your safe space.
This is, I think, they talk about how they get grossed out when we talk about kissing guys.
Wait, Rachel.
I just think it's gay.
It is gay.
They do talk about killing me all the time.
That's probably the main one.
They constantly, it is a constant churn of, I wish I could kill Aiden with my bare hands.
And then you can flip the, you can fucking spin the wheel on who which of them is saying it on any given day.
Sounds crazy, bro.
So I would argue that it's gayer to kiss a woman than it is a man.
I agree.
Follow, fall.
I agree.
Follow the thought.
Because it's just gay.
It's like such a bad argument.
You just love her.
Your argument cannot be circular.
What?
You can't have a circular argument.
No, it's gay.
But I'm saying, why is it gay?
Why is it gay?
Because you love her.
This is dogmatic.
Dogmatic?
No, is it the I think it is a tautology?
You're saying this is gay because it's gay.
You can't do that.
Illogical.
So why is it that?
You agreed to him.
Why is it gay?
You can't just do it.
Because there is nothing gayer than a woman.
Yeah.
Okay.
There's nothing gayer than a woman.
They like all the stuff that gay men like plus times 100.
Yep.
Yep.
And on top of that.
And that's why the greatest women are men.
This is why you guys need cutie on here.
Yeah, we do.
Just being in the space is making Aiden sexist.
Yeah.
He's usually the non-sexist one.
I swear.
I promise.
Nick is the sexist one.
I promise.
The well goes way.
You can't tell me that good old Margaret Thatcher.
Wait, can we do the test?
Oh, the test.
Name a woman.
Name one woman.
Name a woman.
Name a woman.
Right now.
Hillary Clinton.
Oh, God.
No!
Actually, it's CEO!
Wait, what?
I have a theory.
If you ask a man to name a woman, 90% of the time, they will say Hillary Clinton.
Try it on your friends at home.
Wait, what?
They always say Hillary.
It's me.
No, no, I did it earlier on the yard.
You named Hillary Clinton on the yard?
They said, like, what woman should we have on the yard to, like, you know, yuck it up with a female?
That's how they said it is weird.
Wait, wait, said female.
Oh, my God.
Hillary Clinton is Michelle Obama, right?
Well, it's usually Hillary, actually.
No, it's sad.
A woman to get recognition has to invade Libya.
I'm disgusted.
I just think that's a boss move.
Yeah, she was being a girl boss.
That's why you like Margaret Thatcher.
She was also being a girl boss.
But second gripe is not from me, but from a wonderful friend.
Oh, no.
They might not even know.
Oh, no.
This is a thing.
We had a podcast where we had two wonderful guests on, and one of them actually made a PowerPoint presentation for you specifically.
His name is Nick, also known as Falco on Twitter.
You specifically said Aiden only when asking about who else from the yard to bring to this podcast, to this episode.
You cut out Nick, even though he had made a PowerPoint for you.
He's actually legitimately upset.
No, he's not.
I need to have your back.
He's upset.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He's upset?
He's upset.
No.
Come on in.
He's not.
Oh, my God.
Wait.
Hassan.
You cut him out.
I didn't cut him out.
You asked specifically for Aiden.
Why did you pick Aiden?
Because obviously you picked me because I'm the most viewed fear end episode ever.
So I get the clicks.
Oh, my God.
Unless that's not true.
We could look it up.
No, no, no, no.
We heard that.
It's true.
Were his feelings really hurt?
Where are the old episodes?
We have to rearth.
What did he say?
The old fear end episode.
Yeah.
I was in the bathroom.
Why did I frame it like that?
You mean, why did I frame the truth?
No.
This is.
Nick, you have it all wrong.
What happened here?
We literally had to help.
I think that you and Nick have had a rocky relationship.
We have.
And you probably need to patch things up.
We do, but the thing is, is I needed some LGBTQ representation.
And that's why Nick's not gay enough?
Right.
And I'm gay.
He literally has sex with women, dude.
He does have a gay sister.
He does have a gay sister.
We need to add someone.
I drink that's too gay.
I might rub off.
He has a gay sister.
Yeah.
That's impressive.
She's a real life.
Whoa.
I don't have a friend.
We should ask her to come on.
Do you have any lesbian friends?
Yeah.
Well, Nick, I'd like to apologize.
Nick was voted most lesbian-coded.
That's true.
I'd like to apologize.
Nick, truly, Hassan didn't want you to be here.
You guys only apologize to each other through podcasts that you're not on together.
Nick, no, this is most of our podcasts.
Nick, I thought Hassan said this needs to be a gay episode, so we invited the two gay people from the yard.
I'm not sure if I can do it.
I have a real question for you, Ray.
I have a real, you're gay, you're gay.
Look, you want it?
You're gay.
Ludwig, you're gay dog.
You think this fucking in the white tank top with the mustache and the pitch showing?
Come on.
You look good.
Come on.
That's gay beyond.
I have a good pose.
That's gay behavior, Ludwig.
I got gay poses.
Does it really make you uncomfortable?
Because you stopped kissing men because it's the gay allegations.
Because it's gay.
Because it's gay.
No, no.
He stopped kissing men because he liked it too much.
Let's be real.
That's not right.
Your girlfriend didn't like it, right?
That's what you stopped.
No.
No, she didn't.
She didn't love it.
Okay.
And so I, and now I just don't kiss guys.
And now she kisses.
Now she kisses gay guys, which I don't know.
Oh, yeah, I kissed her.
What's that all about?
She's calling me out.
And now she's out.
She's getting a few in the bank.
And she's been kissing girls too.
She kissed Caroline at the concert.
Ludwig, if it makes you feel better, I enjoyed kissing you more.
That doesn't cash a few checks at the bank.
She's been cashing a lot of checks.
And I've been here sitting there like gay.
Yeah.
And why can't I get credit for that?
If she said, Bludwig, I will now allow you to kiss men again, would you do it?
I wouldn't kiss unless they were like really earned it.
How would I earn a kiss?
Wait, what?
How would I work?
Do I got to take it to dinner?
Like, what happened to sex dinner in a movie?
It's got to be momentous.
Like, I sit there and I hit full depth for fucking, you know, 400 on the squad.
And you kiss immediately after.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, that is the gayest thing you could have ever admitted to.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, no.
So you're at the gym with your boy.
Full depth?
You're at the gym with your boys and one of them fucking hits their RR.
You're fucking full depth.
Full depth.
Bro, it's like, I'm not going to not.
You're making me uncomfortable.
Can you spank other men?
Huh?
Yeah.
That's straight.
That's straight.
No, no, I'm just wondering.
Like, what is the line?
Okay, to be fair.
To be fair, slapping your boys in the ass is the straightest thing you can do.
So you can spank.
Slapping ass is straight.
Slapping your boys in the ass is the straightest thing you can do.
It's just a little bit of a OTP, hey J.
Yeah.
How about sack tap?
Sack tap?
I don't like that happening.
Because it's playful.
It's like tap.
I don't personally want it.
The more it hurts, the less gay it is.
That's true.
Unless you're into it, in which case then it's more gay.
If you jerk on a dick for three seconds or more, then it's gay.
So you got to do it in two seconds.
It's like the five-second rule for you.
If I can jerk you off for three seconds without you noticing, it's not gay, and I got you.
I think it is.
I'm pretty sure it's a crime.
You don't notice, though.
That's why it's a crime.
It's like when you look at the thing below the waist, like when you get somebody like this, it's like that.
You consented to my being his friend.
Oh, my God.
Okay, this is all Jim joking.
I have a real question for you.
As an LGBT person in media.
Okay.
Why did you phrase that like a panel?
Yeah, like I'm fucking.
By the way, a diversity panel.
I'm ignoring you.
This is just my bad side.
So that's why I'm like, I'm like giving you the eye.
I feel not a pressure, but I think people have messaged me.
What?
What?
Fucking let me go Anderson Cooper mode for fucking two seconds.
No, no, he's laughing because I'm laughing at him because he said he can't move his head.
We all have a good and bad side.
That's true.
You don't know it because you don't give a shit.
What side is what side?
Your left side is better than your right side.
Your right side looks like really different.
What?
No, his sides are fine.
No, but his right side's our side.
You definitely have a bad side.
No, I can't tell you.
Look at that side.
No, your side, I don't think you have a bad side.
Really?
I think I do.
So that's why I'm not sure if you're a bad side that you're not.
I want to look you in the eye, but I can't turn too far or else everybody will notice.
What's my bad side?
You're just an anomaly, okay?
And it pisses me off.
I think they're both fine.
Two sides.
Whoa, wait.
Dude, you have so much gray hair.
Yeah, you didn't know.
You look like Santa Claus.
Dude, that is so much.
I have a gray patch in my beard.
Wait, can I see your right side?
On your balls?
Oh, yeah.
I know your bad side now.
Is it this sidewalk over the gray patch?
Yeah.
Do you have gray hair on your balls?
No.
I don't have gray hair anywhere except for right here.
Well, you also have some on the right side, to be clear.
No.
Just less.
I'm still pretty young.
I'm 26.
Oh, okay.
You're still really young.
Anyway, as you're you probably shouldn't be talking about gray hairs.
Hassan likes to bring age up is a practical thing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, let's, what were you saying?
My question.
My question.
Yeah.
What was my question?
I was gay, man.
I was genuinely curious about this.
I get a lot of messages about, oh, it's so.
Sorry.
It's very ridiculous.
It's okay.
I get a lot of messages that are basically like, wow, it's so cool that you're a bisexual man.
It makes me feel like more comfortable about admitting this to my friends or coming out or something, something to that avail, which I didn't expect because being bi honestly is not a very significant part of my personal identity.
I do not really care that I'm bisexual.
It just is the way.
You're talking to a man who's made gay a big part of his identity.
But I'm profitable.
I'm wondering, because I feel a little weird.
I feel a little weird being that person for people sometimes because I feel like I'm not trying to like guys.
I'm not trying to be homosexual.
I'm just the way I am and I just exist and I want to be on the show with my friends.
That's it.
That's it.
I think a lot of people will look at us.
So there's a lot of people out there.
They're struggling because I get the same thing.
I get a lot of these messages.
And I think that it's really cool for people that are going through the struggle of coming out and coming to terms with their sexuality.
When they see people like us that are just living a normal life and having normal interactions and being on a podcast with your friends and just being comfortable in their own skin, I think that to them, it's like, oh, there's after I come out, there's life after that.
Because a lot of people think it's like, people are young.
It's like at the end of the world, I'm going to come out.
Like, oh my God, I'm going to lose all my friends.
I'm going to lose all my family.
And I think that seeing people that are very comfortable, like, you know, like us, very comfortable on our own skin, I think it's sort of like, oh, thank you so much for just being yourself.
Like, I don't think that they, we don't think about it, right?
But like to them, looking at us, like, thank you for just being leading by just example, just like you're just being yourself, which is you're not trying to be, but you're, you're leading by example.
Do you, do you feel the pressure to like match some version of being gay for people?
Like that, that's something that I think about a lot is like, because being gay isn't like a significant part of my identity.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm maybe failing people by like not being more connected to like queer culture and being like put on that pedestal sometimes as the bisexual or the gay person.
Yeah.
And I wanted to know how you feel about that.
I mean, I don't feel really a lot of pressure.
I do get, which I have a lot of privilege, you know, as you do, being like, we have a lot of privilege because we're more, you know, straight coated, if you will.
Yeah.
Heteronormative.
And we don't face the same abuse that a lot of queer people face, which is unfortunate, you know, that anybody gets treated differently.
But I'd say that I'm losing track of what I was saying.
I lost my train of thought.
I don't really feel the pressure, but I will say that, I mean, sometimes it's annoying to, because we are more heteronormative.
Do you ever get like, oh, he's like, I get a lot of comments like, oh, he's not actually gay.
He's just doing it for clout.
Or I get a lot of people alleging that I'm bisexual because I came out as bisexual.
A long time ago, I came out as bisexual.
No, he's gay as fuck.
But like there's people that like talk to this man talk to this man about titties and you will understand how gay he is.
Okay.
That was so Trump.
Very there's a lot of people say very few.
Very few.
Very few people.
Very small titties.
Very small amount of people will allege that I'm bisexual.
But I want to make it clear right now.
If I have to be as clear as day, I will, I am not in the slot.
I am gay as gay can be.
It's how I feel comfortable.
I think sexuality is very complex and there's nuances to it.
And could I find a woman attractive?
Sure.
Do I want to sleep with a woman?
No.
Yeah.
Anyway, sorry, not to detract.
No, it's okay.
I think I just feel when people like send me a message like that and they're like, wow, you're this representation.
You're something that makes me feel good.
And it's just a clip of them talking about how they're going to kill you.
Like, wow.
Finally, you can make money off that.
Because I don't feel like I'm gay enough in some ways.
I feel like I don't deserve to be that person for them.
Can I cut in?
No.
You're gay enough.
I see what you mean.
But I mean, like, yeah, like Ludwig said, everybody.
You're gay enough.
Everybody on the everybody.
It's also like, fuck, the people watching are all like stereotypically gay.
They might be as non-gay as you are and still gay.
Maybe they want to be fucking.
I think it's more the idea of like, because of the heteronormative, like, because I'm very passing as a straight person.
I haven't been bullied for being gay very many times in my life or like only in bits and pieces.
And because I'm not that queer person who has dealt with that growing up, do I...
And now I get to hold the like sit on the fucking...
You're not really holding it, though.
It's not like you're fucking cashing in and you're saying like, hey guys.
Yeah, I guess I'm not cashing in on that tactic.
So it's fine.
I mean, yeah, but I think also every queer person, whether bisexual, gay, lesbian, trans, we all occupy a part of the sex spectrum of sexuality.
And I think that it's important to rep, you know, important representation.
We, we're, uh, you, you, you know, I'm, I'm, we're all different and we sit on the spectrum somewhere.
I think that it's, you know, I don't think that I don't know how to put this.
You're gay enough.
Yeah, I'm gay.
I'm gay.
You're gay.
Versailles Wedding Drama00:05:06
I was going to say, look, I'm sure Ludwig gets this message a lot about, you know, coming out and being a French man publicly.
You know, that's way, that's way, way, way more unacceptable in my opinion than being gay.
Honestly, we do get a lot of attacks.
Which is what I wanted to talk about next.
Okay, pull up the $59 million.
Yeah, enough of this stuff.
$59 million French wedding.
It's time to slander France because Ludwig Auger.
Look up $59 million.
Ludwig Augger.
Dubin Augger.
Dubbinogar.
Okay.
No.
Just look up.
No.
No.
Just look up $59 million wedding on Google.
It'll come up.
Okay.
Versus.
Oh, see, I don't.
I see zippers.
And you don't pay.
And you don't pay him anything.
It's because I see him.
You don't pay me.
Because I see him right here.
Yeah, this one.
Okay, this one.
First one?
Yeah.
That's right.
Pull it up.
So you don't have to put up with shit like that.
Okay, so here's what's going on.
Okay, where you can click out, X out of my email, please.
Thank you.
Okay.
So Lovic Auger just came back from France and he, I like to call his behavior about being French very similar to a semester at Sea Kid who's like, oh, I'm so French.
I just got back.
Ha ha ha.
Which I'm sure gets a little annoying from time to time.
It doesn't get annoying at all.
I don't bring it up that often.
Do you speak French?
I do.
I'm fluent.
I don't bring it up, but I am.
Really?
So say anything.
What?
Say.
Say, Paul, homélet du fromage.
Omelette du fromage.
I'm gonna do From French.
Okay.
He got more.
You gotta meet though.
So, yep.
Here's the thing.
I won't say it again.
What?
America on top.
This story is one of my favorite stories from this past week.
Okay.
These two people right here right in front of your screens got married in the Palace de Versailles.
Did I say that right?
Let's say that again.
They got married in Versailles.
They got married in Versailles in a $59 million wedding earlier this week and Twitter has been on fire.
Show the video.
Roll the tape, March.
Let's take a look at the money.
I don't buy the $59.
No, no, no.
They got like PJs for every one of the fucking guests and shit.
Bro, that doesn't even scrape a mill.
They got...
Wait, listen, there's more.
This is awesome.
I've seen this TikTok, and look, this wedding is beautiful.
And I'm sure renting out the fucking Palace of Versailles is not cheap.
And I also think they have like a star performance from Maroon 5.
Adam 5.
Adam Levine, Adam Levine.
I don't know what his name is.
Adam Levine was there saying Maroon 5.
That's just me.
What was that text that Adam Levine sent that one time?
He wanted to name his daughter after his mistress or something.
He was like, fuck, you're so.
Fuck, you're so sexy.
So when you get married for $59 million, so maybe it's not $59 million, but it's a very lavish, very expensive wedding.
Very lavish wedding.
Everyone went crazy over it.
Why?
The reason why I love it is personally because this is not like a hedge fund manager or someone that you would normally consider to drop like a couple racks.
Oh, gambles.
I'm there all the time in Miami.
Yeah.
So someone who drops a couple racks like this.
Bob Brockway is the CEO of Usre Automotive Group, which sold for $700 million.
So for me, that's my favorite part of the story.
It's that it's a southern Florida car dealership owner that was able to, you know, purchase time at the fucking Versailles, a place where like, you know, royalty, this is an institution.
This is a place.
I'm pretty sure it's where Louis the Says and Mary Antoinette lived for a bit before they got fucking exactly.
She also does this as well.
She does a Mary Antoinette Bachelorette party, Mary Antoinette theme bachelorette party.
But I thought, what a perfect opportunity to shit on France because there's nothing better.
This is pure domination.
This shows the rest of the world that our used car dealership owners and their fucking daughters can go take shits in the Palace de Versailles and have their fucking shit-ass wedding there.
Yeah, try to rock the capital.
Wait, can you go up to the first photo again?
What do you guys even fucking have?
Look at that.
Look at that.
That's a dude wearing a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt and he just got married at the fucking Versailles Palace.
Let's back it up, buddy.
Nothing, buddy.
Here's the thing.
There's no, you're trying to use this as a way to attack the French.
This shows the liberation of the French because this used to be a royal palace, but they reclaimed it.
And now it's a toilet.
They reclaimed it by fucking murdering the Queen.
The guy who wears Dallas Cowboy sweatshirts got married in.
They murdered it, guys.
They murdered the King and the Queen.
They reclaimed all of the landscape.
And then they gave it to American rentals.
So they could fucking rent it out and farm them for cash.
Yes.
Speeding Tickets In Italy00:08:02
That's a beautiful.
And you know what?
What does that say?
What does that say about French institutions?
Can I tell you about one of the most beautiful French institutions?
It's the fact that Disney abolishing Age of Consent law.
Everyone there gets one to two hours of lunch.
Seculars.
Guaranteed.
Okay.
They actually have a real separation of church and state over there.
My aunt, God bless her heart, hasn't worked a day in her life.
God bless her heart.
She has not worked a day in her life.
She collected unemployment for 30 years and now she's on retirement.
Unemployment.
I'm proud of her.
That's awesome.
She hasn't worked since she was 27.
I'm proud of her for milking the system.
I'm proud of her.
She milked it all.
She's single as heck.
She's got two dogs.
They're cut as well.
Do you have unlimited unemployment in France?
You got all that fucking juice.
That's awesome.
Yeah, and then she's on that retirement, too.
How did you reconnect with that gay couple who bought that mansion in France?
Wait, you were talking to them?
Not romantically.
Well, they did want me to come be their boy at the house for the summer.
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Wait, they wanted you to be their boy.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Why did you turn Garrison?
Why did you turn that down?
Well, I didn't.
I was...
I didn't think about it.
Garouseone.
The hors d'oeuvres.
So, wait, wait, so they were extremely well.
They wanted you to be their boy.
I kind of could have gone and lived out.
Call me by your name.
Now that I think about it, of age, call me by your name.
Okay.
I was 25 years old.
That's not very French, though.
Dane, you realize that was the last opportunity in your life to be a boy like that.
I think I have one of their numbers.
You're going to be 30 in four years.
Am I going to regret this?
You're not going to be a beautiful man.
I met this gay guy from London who sells.
He runs a very fancy furniture store in London.
It sounds very white lotus.
It was very white lotus-esque.
And I met him at a bar in Canada.
And he told me that him and his husband were moving to this French mansion.
They had just bought it.
They were going to retire there.
And I should come spend the summer with them.
And you didn't do it.
Did I do it, dude?
Damn, that one should have done.
I'll be honest, I kind of want a sugar daddy.
You're rich.
I know, but yeah, but I'm...
But imagine.
Can you explain why?
I get why.
I know what you mean.
Because it's like you're wanted.
No, I'm not.
No, no, no.
You're wanted and someone is willing to take it.
I want a sugar daddy, but I want to put in no work for it.
What do you want from the sugar daddy?
I want to buy it.
Just give me money.
What happened in Italy?
What?
What happened?
Oh, Ludwig wants to know the story.
So I stayed at a hotel in Italy and I checked out of the hotel.
And by the way, paid follow-up.
You recommended this hotel.
I recommend this hotel.
We stayed there.
It was excellent.
It was the first time I realized the value of a concierge.
Yep.
Beautiful hotel right next to the Spanish steps in Italy.
Gorgeous hotel.
What part of Italy?
Rome.
Spanish steps.
Rome, Italy.
Stay in this beautiful hotel.
Did I stay there?
I'm going to Italy.
No, don't stay there.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
We'll get to it.
Okay.
It was 1,200 euros a night when I was there.
I don't know how much was it when you were there?
I don't remember.
He's just so rich.
Yeah.
Money's no object to him.
So anyway, so it was 1,200 euros a night when I stayed there.
Really expensive hotel.
So I go to the hotel.
I stay there.
It's great.
I check out, give him my American Express.
I pay for it all.
I'm like, cool.
Go back to the United States.
I get an email from the folks and they say, Mr. Show, we forgot to charge you for 150 euros.
You ordered two days in a row.
I ordered Cachua Pepe to the 75?
And it was 75 euros each.
For the Cachio house.
A salad, a bottle of wine, you know, a little bit extra.
Oh, a bottle of wine.
Yeah, two nights a row.
150 euros.
Okay.
And they send me this credit card authorization form that I have to print out, fill out.
I'm like, no, I'm not paying for it.
Like, you're a five-star, you're a six-star hotel.
I went on.
Does it even go that high?
I've been called out on this before.
I don't know.
It's a very high star.
Okay, sure.
It's really the highest.
I'm like, you are a luxury hotel.
It's embarrassing that you got to come for like 100 euros.
So it doesn't.
That was in 2021.
I have gotten emails from them every three months for two years chasing down 150 euros of room service.
This is like my Icelandic speeding ticket.
Oh, speaking of, this is something they've been emailing me for years.
Speaking of Rob and Italians, do you remember the last time that Ezio was in town?
Yeah.
Did you get a blue jacket?
Yeah.
He's trying to charge me for your blue jacket.
Did you never pay?
Dude, I 100% paid for that.
Because he was like, you didn't pay for your blue jacket.
And I was like, I didn't get a blue jacket.
Gray jacket?
I got a gray jacket.
Did I got a gray jacket?
Yes.
Wait, blue shirt?
No, no, no, blue jacket.
Well, we can run this through.
We can run this through.
I wouldn't want to leave you hanging like that, but I'm very sure that I paid for my.
The Italians are hunting down payments.
That's what we're doing.
The Italians need money.
They're brutal.
I'm going to Italy.
Stay at that hotel just for the bro.
And talk to the manager about how to do it.
Oh, let me show you my guy, Ezio.
Oh, I got a great idea.
Hassan should go to that hotel and pay my bill.
Yo.
That'd be sick.
Fuck no.
You should ride a Vespa.
I'm going to call them and be like, hey, that guest is my, he's my power of.
It don't work no way.
I'm going to be like, I don't fucking know.
Would you ever ride a motorcycle?
Yes.
Would you ever, would you ever, would you ever ride a Vespa?
Yeah.
Would you ever, would you ever, would you, would you ever Vespa through Rome with your friend as he callously cuts you off next to a bus in the middle of an intersection?
Causing you to fall over in the middle of the intersection with your passenger?
Maybe.
Would you get mad at your friend if he did that?
Is that oddly specific?
Do you guys get mad at me?
I don't know.
This is actually the angriest Aiden's ever been at me.
This is the most mad I ever got at Ludwig.
He was mad at me because I was stunting freaking my shit on my bike.
He's goofing off because we're Vespa in through traffic in Italy and there's cars everywhere.
I'm between a car and a bus and Ludwig comes up on the side, squeezes by as we pull up to the intersection and then it goes, the light goes red and he slams on the brakes.
But I have nowhere to go.
I can't go around Ludwig.
I can't go to the side.
I have to pick bus or car and I just kind of slam back and we fall over in the middle of the intersection.
The most angry I've ever been with him.
Do you guys fight very often?
No, I apologize.
There's no fight to be had here.
I was in the wrong.
Okay.
Hassan and I don't fight that often.
We never fight.
We never fight.
I've never, have you actually gotten really mad at him?
Oh, one time I had him go on a date with me and Malkova and I streamed it.
I got mad at him for that, but it wasn't, it was like short-lived.
And then one time he got mad at me.
When did I get mad?
In Amsterdam.
When we were on the boat.
What did I get mad at?
You don't even remember it, but that was like the most serious you've ever...
That's the most serious you've ever heard.
I got Andrea.
Because you were like complaining about some shit.
Do you remember?
Yeah, you were complaining.
I don't remember what it was exactly, but we were like, it was a chaotic situation.
And you got like overwhelmed with how chaotic the situation was.
But because you wanted to be a part of it, but you also had like maybe some other obligations.
I don't remember.
Oh, yeah.
But you literally...
I remember.
But you literally were like, enough, Hassan, or something like that.
And I was just like, I just ate it at that moment because I was like, was I the course?
Was I pissing you off, though?
You were, but you were also completely out of pocket.
But I was like, I need to defuse the situation instead of popping off on him and move on and let's shoot the podcast instead.
Oh, yeah, I was pissed.
I was a little edgy.
I went through a rough period of my life for about a year.
It happens.
I've never been mad at Eddie.
I don't think I've been mad in the past five years at anyone.
You've never gotten mad at me.
What?
You've never gotten mad.
I think in the past five years, I don't think I've ever.
Do you count?
Okay, when you say that, do you mean like you've never outwardly got mad at somebody?
Because you probably harbor some sort of turn in your life.
I've had some frustrations with people, but I've never been outwardly mad to someone.
Me?
With frustrations?
When did you get frustrated with me?
Christmas Photo Shoot Plans00:02:32
Every day.
How you absolutely botched our swipe drop.
What?
And speaking of, bidet.gg, guys.
When is this podcast come out?
Tuesday?
Tomorrow.
Monday.
Monday?
Tomorrow.
Oh, today is the last day you can get free shipping on a bidet.
Free domestic shit.
I need some bidets.
Free domestic shit.
You know what?
I'll allow that ad to stay in if you give me a couple.
I'll give you one free swipe plus today.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
How do I do that?
I'll just you hit up him.
Don't give it away for free.
Can I hit up you?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to hit up you for a bidet.
I've been waiting.
You just have to pay shipping.
Shipping.
That's it.
That's it.
$500.
$500.
Oh, my God.
That's expensive.
What else do you guys want to plug?
Because we're about to move on to the paywall.
Sonya.
Are you happy with your butt?
Yeah, I am actually.
Can Aiden come install it?
Aiden will come install it to every single person who buys it from this podcast.
And on the paywall abortion, I have some Turkish treats.
And I'm going to make you guys try these out.
This is Ludwig.
That's genius.
On the bonus episode, Hassan's going to tell you about how I'm intimidating, actually.
We're going to get gayer on the bonus episode.
Yeah.
See you on the other side.
Patreon.com slash Fearand.
We need to get our money up, not our funny up, because March is losing to Zipper right now.
Everybody subscribe to support Marsh.
You know what?
I got an idea.
Ludwig.
You and I, sexy photo shoot.
Whoa.
You guys just did one, didn't you?
No, no, no.
No, that doesn't count.
But you did do one.
That was a calendar shoot.
Did you like it?
It was good.
You were, I feel like, and this is going to sound hurtful, and I mean it.
You, I feel like, are going to be too much of a pain in the ass for me to do that.
You won't?
What is that sentence reply?
No, no, no.
No, you won't.
No, I won't be a pain in the ass.
But I feel, Hassan, was he a pain in the ass during the calendar shoot?
I mean, he's just like normally a pain in the ass, so he was just normal.
I just feel like you would, because you're very particular.
Yeah, I am.
He wasn't worse than usual, but I think it's really unless you're doing it.
Ludwig, we need to do a sexy Christmas photo shoot.
Okay.
I will be.
For Christmas.
Yeah.
I need a holiday.
I've been thinking about doing a sexy photo shoot for Christmas, but I'm sick and tired of doing it.
Can we do a competing calendar?
You and me?
Against Fear and wait, like you and me?
Just me and you.
Just you.
Yeah.
We do a competing sexy shoot calendar.
That would be insane.
And we say Fear and Yard Boys get this, not the Fear and one.