Hassan and Pokimane dissect George Santos's resignation, exposing his $4,000 OnlyFans spending from campaign funds despite denying knowledge, while revealing their own past subscriptions. They analyze Taylor Swift fans' homophobia regarding Kelce's spelling errors, review Midnight Mini Cookies' health claims against white-label accusations, and discuss Will Neff's tragic death. The episode concludes with plans for the Streamer Awards floor segment and a new podcast, "Don't Tell Anyone," highlighting their candid approach to grief, celebrity scrutiny, and online defense. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Tragic Mother's Day Confessions00:14:30
People pay to look like you.
One of my favorite people.
I would pay to look like you.
Taylor Swift tries to look like you.
What's going on?
I hate this.
No, she did it first.
There was an episode that, there was like this, there's this clip.
I just saw it came up on my YouTube where I'm bragging about how I give good blowjobs, but I look like an actual trash goblin that I'm like, oh my God.
Was it on our podcast where you bragged about getting good blowjobs?
Yeah.
I didn't even remember that.
I was wearing like, I dreamed this man.
I was wearing the shirt with Aiden on it and I just looked like homeless.
Wait, I wasn't there.
And I'm like, oh, I got homeless.
That's why you're bragging about head.
You probably just look like a little, like a freak.
You know, like I look homeless.
No, it feels, bro, you just ordered Chick-fil-A.
Why are you eating my cheeses?
You ordered an entire bag full of Chick-fil-A.
She just went to the gym allowance.
Yeah, I'm very hungry.
Sorry to interrupt you, Hassan.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast.
Your favorite host, minus one, who died of a tragic self-sucking accident.
Will Neff, rest in peace.
We'll miss him.
Joining us today is the queen, an icon.
Some would compare her to Beyoncé.
Beauty?
Well, a lot of people say that too.
I would say that.
Pokemon, everybody.
Oh, my God.
We're so happy to have you on the podcast.
Thank you so much for joining us.
You guys have such a fun pod.
Yeah, we're just, we just chill and fight and love sometimes.
Steal each other's children.
Oh, my God.
I watched an episode today because whenever I go on a podcast, I like to get ready while watching the podcast going on.
Yeah.
And the episode I watched, you guys talked about how you cried about it.
I did.
And I thought that was like, in a way, you guys must have bonded so much.
No, no, no.
We made him grow.
Well, no, Hassan just stood there.
Okay, that's actually.
I mean, I'm not sure if I heard that right because you said, you guys made me cry.
And I was like, is he talking about like comments or something?
But it was actually you made me.
No, like, like, they made me cry.
Hassan just sat there while I was crying.
Like, oh.
So did I.
And Hassan and I made eye contact where we were like, I don't know what to do.
And Will hugged you.
Will was the only one with emotion.
I'm so glad Will was there because I feel like he would really balance that out, you know?
Yeah, Hassan.
I don't know how to deal with that kind of stuff.
He doesn't know how to deal with emotions.
When there's like a death in the family, or if like a person I know has like a, like someone pass away, I literally don't know how to console them.
So what do you do?
Do you just stand there like, how do you be like that?
Because I kind of want to be like that.
I'm like, oh, that's fucked.
Well, not in regards to the deaths, but just in general.
Oh, the worst.
A little less in touch with my emotions, to be honest.
I think it'd be nice.
I tend to say the wrong things in times of grief on accident.
Like, I try to be supportive.
Well, one time, my friend, his mother died, and it was very sad.
It was a very sad situation, but I don't even know if I should be talking.
Don't follow up with a butt.
You need to.
No, but like, I put my foot in the...
Okay, so he showed up to my, I kick myself every single day that I think about this.
But one time he showed up at my house on Mother's Day, and it was the same year that, and I opened the door, and I didn't expect him because it was very random.
And I didn't know what to say.
So I said, happy Mother's Day.
And I had- Oh my God.
And I'm not that bad.
That's not that bad at all.
What do you think about that?
I think it sucks.
I don't think it's, it's not like he doesn't hold it against you, but I think that's like.
It's just like, oh, fuck.
And they both looked at me and I was like, oh, so what is it?
He's just deflating the first year.
It's just like, yeah, and it was like the first year.
And I was like, oh.
But then it becomes funny.
I didn't mean to, obviously.
But at least it wasn't like right when she passed.
I thought that's what you were doing.
No, no, no, no.
I was How many months have gone by since the month?
Probably five.
What do you think?
That's tough.
That's rough.
It was the first Mother's Day.
Yeah, first month.
Are you trying to wager how much of a piece of shit I was based on the time?
I know your piece of money.
At least it wasn't intentional.
Yeah, at what point in the is it appropriate?
When is it appropriate to start making a jokes?
You can't until your parents die.
Okay.
You can't wait until you have one.
Okay.
To write a passage.
So once you have, it's like, okay.
It's like.
Yeah.
When you're an orphan, like me.
It's like.
Both your parents are dead.
Well, my dad only calls me for help.
So it's like kind of like repurposing.
Wait, does that work that way?
Like when your parent passes away, I mean, it's tragic, of course.
But when that tragic thing happens and you're like, let's say...
I love the get ready with me fit pod back.
When you're like 55 years old and when your dad passes away and your mom passes away, like, are you still considered an orphan?
You get scholarships.
This is just what was sent to me.
I love it.
I used a lot of Charlotte Tilbury.
I mean, I like Charlotte Tilsbury, but I also have just garbage in there.
You got eyeliner?
No, I used eyebrow.
What are you wearing underneath this jacket?
It's like a dress.
She looks like she's ready to hold her.
Yeah, what the fuck?
She looks fat.
I'm going she's doing it.
What is this sexy ass shit you got on?
I just want to bloody.
Oh, is that breakup over there?
She's in her rodent.
And you still look so good.
You're just being nice.
No.
Listen, I think we need to have an intervention.
A makeover.
I want to be like, no.
Which mic did you lose?
The one Austin is currently touching.
Wait, wait.
Wait.
The one.
Austin's mic is cursed because of who he is.
He also touched it.
Keep talking, Joe.
Hello, hello, hello.
Okay.
Okay.
I think we need to have an intervention because you just, you've gone too long being delusional about how baseline hot you are.
Yeah, literally.
Wow.
Because listen, everybody can learn how to do makeup and dress whatever.
Whatever, whatever, whatever.
Your baseline features top 5% of the time.
I think if I lost 20 pounds, we could be like, you would not be able to tell.
My mom said, who is that?
She's gorgeous.
Right?
I'm serious.
I'm not even kidding.
My mom says that every time.
I'm holding your hand to infuse these thoughts.
Every time you walk in through the door, my mom says that.
I'm like, who is that woman?
That's not true.
Your mom says what happened.
I hope she doesn't do that.
Like, why is she here?
I hope she doesn't.
And did you pay her?
Is she all right?
He's like, oh.
So much is shame.
How much is she?
What's that?
It's grilled chicken.
I'm so rude.
I started eating without getting it.
Oh, I thought it was something completely different.
No.
I get your nuggets.
Thank you.
Wait, you got her food?
He also called me for food.
Do you want to have some of my children?
I only got it because I felt bad if everyone else was going to eat and I was not going to eat.
I got Nuggy.
I love homophobic chicken.
This stream was brought to you by Chick-fil-A.
Yeah, clearly.
We're homophobic.
Yeah.
A little bit.
We're doing BDS, but when it comes to homophobia, we're like supporting.
That's the hard.
I have a gross sore on my hand.
Nobody look at it.
I'm not looking at it.
I'm just like talking to Pokey.
I look immediately.
I know, because you touched my hand and then I felt bad.
And I'm like, she's going to think I have hand herpes.
And now I'm eating it.
I'm not giving her.
I'm eating your hand herpes.
What was that?
Uh-oh.
Marsha.
Is this my mic okay here?
Yeah, you sound great.
Beautiful.
I'm sending you drama.
Oh, we have drama to talk about?
Yeah, he's pulling.
He's going to pull up the drum.
It's our Thanksgiving episode.
I was going to talk about what we were thankful for, too.
That's cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, it comes out when's Thanksgiving?
Monday.
A week from today.
Oh, okay.
What day or the week is Thanksgiving?
Thursday.
Always.
Wow.
By the way, Hassan.
What a random day.
Your bathroom takes is great lighting.
Good point.
Can I take naked photos in my fucking bathroom?
My shirt was off.
Can we see that?
My shirt was off, but I, okay, I did take one or two.
For Twitter or for you defiled my bathroom with your nudie pigs.
No, no, they weren't nude, but like they were.
Send them to someone who's responding to you currently.
Yeah, but excited.
What's wrong with that?
Look, here.
Look.
Your lighting was hitting.
Look at it.
If you're watching this video.
I want to see.
I want to see if you're going to share, just send it to Marsh.
Damn!
You look after that every day.
Can I put that on the podcast?
You can put that on the podcast.
All right.
Send it to Marsh.
You want your bathroom on the podcast?
I want to know what is in the background.
Okay.
If there's anything in the background, this.
What would be in the background?
I don't know.
Like, drugs and stuff.
Hassan?
No, you're not that cool.
Hassan has a karma picture.
We can blur it later.
I'll send it to you.
Oh, there's my downstairs bathroom, yeah.
What is that?
Kama Pooptra, like Kama Sutra, but for pooping.
He's like a 70-year-old woman.
I didn't buy it myself.
Someone sent it to me in my P.O. box.
But don't I have a Vladimir.
I have a Vladimir Poo tin smell thing, too.
By the way, your bathroom is falling apart.
I like turned off the water and the handle came off.
I like grabbed the faucet.
2.7 mil by the way.
And it was like...
Yeah.
And it, like, I pulled it off.
I was like, what the hell is going on?
But what's the drama?
Sorry.
Well, we have to look at your nude photo.
Marsh is going to pull it up.
I did.
Actually, Marsh.
Drama.
I did.
Is it not sending?
Oh, you did.
Yeah, there you go.
Look, there you go.
Sometimes drugs have like addresses on it.
That's why I was trying to figure out.
Look, I'm not, you know, I'm trying to get back.
I'm extra ripped in that.
I'm trying to get a little bit.
Oh, like, I feel like you've been looking ripped.
He is ripped.
But I just did it on arm work.
Yo, let me get that Chick-fil-A sauce.
I want to dump it in there in a little bit.
Thank you.
Welcome.
All right, Poke, what's the drama?
Okay.
Or Poke.
I could tell you.
My drama.
The drama's pokey.
The drama's Pokey.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Aspirouge.
Pull up this message I received from Be Nance.
It says, it's a note from Pokey that says, Hi, Kitty and Ludd.
I hope you enjoy these cookies and gift.
Keep killing it with all the amazing events and much love, Pokey.
And I said, give me my cookies, B-Nance.
So I think it's...
You'll get hers.
Maybe.
We'll see what happens.
I hope so.
I'm pissed.
Damn.
That's why I didn't.
I brought you guys.
Oh, you did?
No, that was mine.
I asked for it.
I'll have one.
Let me eat one.
So Pokey has, for those that are wondering, Pokey has a new cookie brand.
Why don't you talk about it, Pokey?
Because you're better at it than all I saw about your cookies, because I didn't get any.
Shroud took them.
Was I saw you tweet out and I was like, that's exciting that Poke's doing cookies.
I didn't expect that.
By the way, least expected thing.
Yeah, so many people were like, skincare.
That's what I was thinking you would do.
Yeah, because you have both, you're good at both of those things.
What made you cookie?
You did your own other.
Or like hair colour.
Can you imagine?
Right?
But I think my issue is that I just didn't feel like I had anything innovative or any idea.
Anything to bring to that industry.
Yes.
I feel like everything's been done in those industries.
So what I did.
What did you really freaking want was snacks that both didn't have a bunch of random weird ingredients, but still tasted good as hell.
And that's what we made.
Period.
I'm excited.
It's going to be the first time I've ever tried your cookie.
Can we try them now?
I'm nervous.
I've never been with people as, like, at least not on camera.
As they've tried it the first time.
Well, we'll pretend.
Either way.
Check your PayPal.
No, but I have one.
Mina?
Yes.
Mina cookie.
Yeah, mine is a kind of bird.
Oh, so I love that.
I'm going to ask you what the name was.
Cute little bit of a little dessert.
What flavor is this?
Midnight mini cookies?
Midnight mini cookies.
They're like dark chocolate.
And you're going to do more flavors?
Oh, not just cookie flavors.
That's the thing.
We're not just launching cookies.
Like, we're just doing snacks.
There are so many snacks.
That's cool.
Especially a spicy snack.
Yeah.
Like a spicy, healthy one.
And then like a salty, savory one.
Have you guys tried all-dressed chips?
That's good.
Oh, you like that?
I'm serious because it's got a dark chocolatey.
But it's not.
It's not too sweet.
And if you add that with milk, because it's a healthy cookie, right?
If you put milk with that cookie, you're going to, you won't even realize that it has less calories.
I'm serious.
There's seven for 140 calories.
That is amazing.
Okay, that's legit.
I'm going to, you're going to have to have QVC voice on right now.
I love it.
Okay.
I'm trying it.
It doesn't matter.
There's a successful woman in the room.
Okay.
Are you saying cutie's not a successful woman?
Oh my God.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm not.
Oh my God.
I am not.
I'm putting my foot in my mouth so much.
That's so fucking cutie.
I'm not.
Cutie, you are a successful woman.
We talked about net income the other day when we were taking our nearly nude photo shoot and Will was like, I made this much last year.
And that's how he talks.
And then Austin was like, I made this much last year.
And I was like, sheesh, I'm poor.
I'd be so interested in hearing you guys don't want to share?
Well, what I think is awful, Pilky, is there's such, it was, we were, it was just, I just think that women need to be paid more.
I'm dissecting this cookie.
It's true.
I think women need to be paid more.
I think there's a massive.
I think the girls and the gays both, actually.
I think there's a massive gap.
What about Shrey White guys?
No, I think we need to murder them.
Tell me, I think you guys did something genius here.
So if you guys don't know from a pastry chef, me, that these are very similar to the texture of Oreos.
I don't know if you've heard that feedback yet.
Yeah, I have a huge film.
It's very similar to texture of Oreos.
In Oreos, the cream filling, a lot of people don't know this, it's just vegetable shortening and sugar.
That's all it is.
And in this, the cream filling, I'm assuming, is coconut oil and coconut sugar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's very smart.
It's a really smart way to do it because those things are both good for you.
Way better than vegetable shortening.
This is what I mean.
Yeah, that's genius.
Thank you.
That's very smart.
That's actually a way that when I was a pastry chef, we would use like whenever we made vegan.
I mean, vegetable shortening is vegan, but usually people would, you know, want it a little nicer and we'd use coconut oil.
Which is nice.
So they're plant-based.
Yeah, it is plant-based because normally coconut oil won't hold.
Like it's much softer.
It's much softer than Oreo, which you can like see.
I have a question.
Yes.
Why vitamin D?
Because you need it.
Genius Palm Oil Flavors00:06:59
Come on, Nah.
Get your blood work, then we'll talk.
Yeah, exactly.
No, but that was actually the one thing that I personally requested.
I was like, hey, can we maybe put some kind of functional benefit like vitamin D?
Even if it's just a little, it's enough to be considered like a good source of vitamin D as a snack, which is nice.
But I just know, not just gamers, but I mean, we're all on our screens a lot and we're probably all kind of deficient in vitamin D. How much vitamin D is in it?
Those are great sources like I think 15 to 20% of your daily, something like that.
Pogie, those are genuinely good.
I'm glad you guys like that.
You can tell me if they're like, okay, I would tell you.
To be honest, obviously like a cookie or any kind of snack, you know, it's not maybe for everyone's taste palette, right?
Like some people might not really like sweet.
But there's different flavors.
It's totally fine.
Someday, someday.
Oh, there's not different flavors.
We're in the lab cooking.
Okay, I got you.
So how does the process work?
Do you, do you, like, what are you contributing in this?
And I'm asking very nothing.
No, I know.
I'm kidding.
Because I'm genuinely just curious.
So when I say this was two years in the making, I mean the ideation, the market testing, the branding, the putting together the team of people that we're working with in order to bring this to life.
And then finding the right CEO.
That took a hot minute.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that happened almost a year ago.
And then I've been involved like every step of the way in the sense of I need to be part of the final decision-making process of every step we take, whether that's the branding, whether that's the website.
And then once we started working with the CEO, I told her my goals and hers, making sure we're on the same page.
And then I taste test everything and I tell him I like this.
I don't like that.
Can we add this?
Can we change that?
Blah, blah, blah.
Basically, every little thing.
Even contractually, it's like, because also I don't want to wind up in a situation where I'm forced to push something I don't like.
So contractually, I'm like, I need final say in everything.
Yeah.
Very smart.
Like I said, since I used to be super into food, that's why I was interesting.
Yeah, but I'm still good at food.
I barely, I don't very stream very much anymore.
But yeah, so it's variable what you do for the dip.
Like, let me get you one.
For the food thing, but that's, you, you taste test everything and then you give feedback.
And do you guys have like a higher, is this Darcy person the hired like chef?
So she's not necessarily the chef, but she has 20 years of like food CPG.
Oh, she's like food scientists.
Yeah.
She worked at Kellogg's, Noosa, Plantera.
Wow, that's right.
She's done like startup foods, everything.
Yeah.
Sorry for picking your brain on like the back end stuff.
I don't know if that's interesting to anybody else, but I'm like.
No, please.
I'm glad I have a chance to actually answer these questions from the perspective of someone who's like just curious and asking and not from some random incel on Twitter.
Now that we got through the background, let's talk about the drama.
Drama alone.
Yeah, of course there's drama.
What do you mean is there drama?
What is the drama about?
How could there be drama over a fucking cookie?
It's a cookie.
A woman made the cookie.
You forget this.
Well, there's that.
Not to be like.
There's that.
Cookie has a lot of haters.
Cookie does have a lot of haters.
We share a lot of haters.
True.
But you know, actually, sometimes sometimes I think of Hassan in an inspirational way where I'm like, he really does not give a fuck.
How can I learn to not give a fuck?
Yeah.
You know?
We just got numb to it after a while.
But what ended up happening is immediately they found another cookie that looks similar, I think.
I don't know what the exact details are, but they were saying that you had yoinked this other cookie and slapped the Mina name on it.
And that you were upmarking it or something.
So go ahead.
White labeling.
Address the, yeah, address the drama.
Also, by the way, I just want to say, if you were white labeling, bitch, have you bought any merch from any streamer ever?
It's all white labeled.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
I'm fucking, I'm sourcing this to myself.
Sew it.
Sew it right now in front of us.
Yeah.
He pays his workers very well, health benefits, right?
Union shops, baby.
That's right.
Anyway.
Sorry.
So let me explain.
I launched the cookie.
The name Midnight Mini Cookie.
Midnight Cookie, by the way, is like a dress term.
It's like 2% milk or like wheat bread.
It's like, you cannot trademark that word.
It's like a chocolate chip cookie.
A midnight cookie.
I could go bake a midnight cookie for the record.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So people found these really, really old images of a product that looks similar to ours and has the same name, Midnight Mini Cookie.
And the thing is, we work with the same manufacturer.
So we were aware of that product.
No longer exists and it existed for one sample batch and it was like, sold at a Costco months and months and months ago and they didn't want to use that recipe anymore.
So when we started working with this manufacturer, we taste tested a bunch of stuff of theirs, but when I tasted well, it was an older version of these.
I was like these are the ones that I like the most.
So we took that recipe and we refined it a lot like whether it's where a um, like a certain ingredient, is being sourced, or the type of flour mix that we're using, or the quality, or whether it's organic or not all these little details to improve the ingredients list and add vitamin D and make all these changes blah blah, blah.
Anyways, we refined it and came out with our own version.
And this is delicious.
Can I ask you I don't know if you've and um oh wait, I just want to add, by the way, like 80, about 80 of the food you see on shelves is white labeled.
Yeah, you know, we're not.
This is, these cookies were made two or three weeks ago, so they're like fresh batch.
People, I think, were misled into thinking it was some kind of scam where I'm taking these cookies and putting my packaging on.
It's not like that at all.
They're entirely different.
That's insane.
Aside from the name and like the similar type of cookie and we're working with the same people, be so much work to take those cookies and depackage them and put your I know.
I hope that clarifies because I know, like explaining the behind the scenes of this kind of business, like people obviously don't know these things, I think it's fascinating.
I think so too.
I really do.
I just don't like that people tried to frame it as a scam, where I'm like, then every company out there is scamming you like, yeah, we cannot own a whole manufacturer that makes a bunch of recipes.
That would be like insane money.
That would be like top 500 fortune company kind of money.
So um, what is?
And you might not know these answers and it's, if you don't know the answer, just whatever um, how do you get sustainably sourced palm oil?
I've never heard of that, ever.
Swifties and PR Secrets00:14:21
I actually.
I know like i've watched documentaries about palm oil.
Yeah, Maya's my best friend, so i'm always like, wait a second.
Yeah, so I saw that and I was like oh, that's sick.
I should ask.
I don't know the details, I just know that it's sustainably source.
They just put okay.
So you gotta learn, which was really important to me too, because when I was reading through I was like palm oil, hold up.
I was like no, it's sustainably sourced.
So I should look into that so I can share with people.
That'd be hype.
I'd love to learn about that.
That's very cool.
Thank you for bringing your cookies Pokey.
Thanks for a tasting.
Where can they?
I did not want to do this hashtag ad.
Oh, I did.
I just wanted you guys to.
I told her.
I said, bring the cookies.
We're doing an ad.
Yeah, how many of these cookies do you have at your house?
I have uh, I knew it.
Ziploc bags this and you only brought one.
Well, do you guys want?
You're all getting some?
Yeah, except he didn't fill out the form.
So yeah, of course Hasan didn't fill out the form.
He never responds to my text.
It comes with um, a Stanley cup.
Actually, you know what?
You've gotten better at responding to text messages recently?
Hasan has never not requested.
He answers.
Actually, when I call a san, he almost always answers my call, almost always, almost always.
Why did you start off by complaining about it?
Well, I just like to make him look bad but like it.
Most of the time he answers my calls rare 50, 50 on the text.
If I call him before like 10 a.m, always answer.
That's the best time to reach a san is between the hours of sleep.
He has all this data.
I love it right at 10 a.m.
After after he gets off the stream it's a little dicey, i'd say it goes.
It drops from 100 to like 70, 30.
He's gonna answer your call um and then no way he's responding to your text after a certain time.
Really yeah, is that true?
Has since?
Did I accurately just um after 10?
You're not gonna get our answer for him.
I feel like you answer the next day though sometimes, and sometimes he does for me.
I um, My phone goes on, do not disturb mode.
And I'm such a boomer that it actually works.
Same.
Like, I never look at my, I never think to look at my messages.
I don't know if anymore, yeah.
Which I kind of like.
Okay, so Hassan, when I call you, what goes through your mind?
When you give me a call, when I call you.
What does Austin need?
What do you think?
This freaking bee.
That's what I'm thinking.
This one right here, Pokey.
I got it.
I love it.
No, I'm just like, whoa, what's going on?
I don't even think about it.
I don't know.
What about you, Cutie, when I call?
I usually think, what does Austin need?
I don't call when I only need something.
Most people only call when they need something.
It's like the emergency thing to be.
That's true.
When you call me, I know that it's got to be something related to a show I'm doing for you.
Or hot gossip.
Austin and I will talk hot goss.
He doesn't call me for hot gossip.
Three-way call me.
Because you're always live.
Well, no, because there's another hot goss we could talk about.
I'll be talking to you about Goss, Hassan, for 20 minutes.
Then I'll realize, oh my God, he's not listening to me.
That's not true.
I'll be like talking to me like, Hassan.
Hassan?
He's asleep.
I listen.
Yeah, Kitty and I, Pokey, Kitty and I talk hot goss every once in a while.
We'll call him to talk to talk about.
There's no hot goss right now that I can think of.
No.
Nothing that we really talk about.
Yeah.
Appropriate.
All the gossip.
I got hot goss.
Old Travis Kelsey Twitter has resurfaced.
Oh, yeah.
The Swifties are.
Oh, no.
Of course.
All right.
Pull it up.
They're hilarious.
Really?
Yeah.
He's just a himbo.
He's just.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are the Swifties angry?
Read it out.
They're so excited.
Let's have our local himbo read it out.
Oh, yeah.
All right, pull it up.
Well, I mean, I'm waiting for Marsh to pull it up.
Okay, here, where's one?
Killer Trav Struggling a Thread.
Here, click on that.
Maybe there's more on that thread.
Oh, that's cute.
I just gave a squirrel.
I just gave a Squirrela a piece of bread and it straight smashed all of it.
I had no idea they ate bread like that.
Ha ha.
Hashtag crazy.
Hashtag crazy.
Okay, but we used to use hashtags like this is 2011.
We used to use hashtags like this.
It's just funny in comparison that in 2011, Taylor Swift was writing the words of like, and you're, did your twin flame blue, or no, did your twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Did the love affair maim you too?
Like, like, just like the most poetic apple shit.
And he's like, yeah, and Travis Kelsey was writing, and I, and I will read this now.
How old was he?
It's such a nice day out.
Bear with me.
It's such a nice day out as I stare from my math class, dot, dot, dot, shaking my head.
Hashtag must be nice.
Why do I always have to be the one that stands out?
Dot dot dot.
I'm getting stared at like crazy in this airport, dot, dot, dot, shaking my head.
Oh my god, he's kind of dumb.
USA versus find land.
It is really cute.
I miss playing hockey, watching this USA team dominate.
Okay, what is it?
I know he literally wrote find land.
Why is just a dumb guy just so hot?
I think it's because he's so attracted to.
It's like, it's like against our evolutionary tendency.
It's because they're predictable.
Oh.
Yeah.
Versus being with like an unstable, unpredictable person.
You're like, oh, they might hurt me.
But it does that.
Intelligence is also sexy, too.
True is.
But I like, like, I like, I think dumb is better.
Hmm.
You know?
I'm not saying anything in this conversation.
I don't really have any.
I feel like I like him dumb in certain categories and smart in certain categories.
You know, like keep me like intellectually stimulated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But but doesn't know how to spell Finland and writes Findland instead.
Honestly, I could forego knowing how to spell Finland if he's just like really devoted and committed and faithful, you know?
All right, well, I got more.
Let's read more.
I could see it.
I think so.
The moon leaked.
Doesn't he have amazing, like an amazing PR team, though?
Or what?
Yeah, don't ask me about his PR team, bro.
Drama.
Do you know Travis's PR person?
No, I do not.
Okay.
I do not know.
Tuty Cinderella leaked.
She was something that Travis Kelsey's PR person had said.
It was through a makeup artist in the future.
Through a makeup artist in Las Vegas.
Yeah, except she was right.
Except she was right.
She brought it forward as like unsubstantiated rumors that she was joking about, like to not take seriously.
What was it?
Well, I'm not.
Please stop.
What are you doing with that?
That's like some Austin behavior.
No backpedaling.
Say what you're doing.
I don't have a fidget spinner.
I'm just ripping on my chicken sandwich.
I, nothing.
It was.
What I said wasn't true.
Okay.
It was the makeup artist said that it was a PR relationship because she was friends with his publicist and blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, they're in love, ma'am.
And she's like, no, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, even if it started, if it did start as a PR relationship, they are clearly in love now.
So it doesn't matter.
But yeah, they're like, I don't know.
Anyway, but I said that I quoted the makeup artist and the Swifties came from my head.
And I was like, oh, I'm sorry.
I was just chatting shit on a podcast.
They love you now, though, right?
For entertainment.
What does it look like for the Swifties to come after you?
Oh my God.
Look at Meek Canyon's fucking Twitter page.
They are.
Well, I was surprised because I am one of them.
And I didn't know that this subsect, for the record, it is a subsect.
It's not all Swifties.
This subsect of Swifties is the same as certain sub-sects of BTS fans.
I'm a galer.
And he's a galer.
Can I be a galer?
You don't want to be a gale.
No, you want to be a galer.
You don't want to be a gayer.
No, you want to be a galer.
You don't.
It's like where they're speculating.
Taylor is bisexual.
Oh, yeah.
See, you're galeria.
Yeah, Austin is homophobic.
Don't listen to him.
What?
I'm not homophobic.
I'm an ally to the gays.
You are not.
I am much more of an ally.
And Taylor is also an ally.
She's not a part of the community.
Yeah, not enough to come out, but it's so homophobic.
I've actually seen a thread or two like that.
Yeah.
It's drama.
Hassan's so homophobic, he doesn't even have sex with men.
I'm fucking fuck you right now.
He can, he can eat.
You what?
Maybe in the bathroom with a lighting schedule.
You'll fucking heard me.
You fuck me right now.
I'm going to be doing the fucking, okay?
Everybody in everybody out here knows.
Everybody out here knows you be my bottom.
Yeah, no, definitely.
Do you know that?
Do you know that he's like a cheaper meme where he's like doing an interview and the lady?
Oh, you laughed.
Yeah.
That's a good laugh.
That's what I thought.
Do you guys want me to read more of these?
Or do you care about Travis Kelsey's Twitter?
I don't think you like it.
I think we've talked about it.
Look, I respect, respectfully, I'm not.
You know what?
I'm learning, Pokey, to be a little bit more honest with people.
I don't want to read any more of these tweets.
I like it.
You are so anti-straight white man, dude.
What the fuck's going on?
No, no, no.
I love straight.
We need to talk about it.
We need to talk about it.
What about it?
You hate him because he's not.
No, if he, first of all, he's not gay.
He doesn't play for the Minnesota Vikings.
And I'm not as interested in him.
This is a problem I have perpetually, Pokey, is when I go out with my friends, nobody wants to go to a gay bar.
All right.
I know.
I need to go with you.
I've never gone.
You don't have to do that.
Everything.
Come on.
You have to go with us to a gay bar.
Pokey wants to go to a gay bar.
Poke, you don't have to lie.
I don't want to go.
It'll give me a plus one point towards that thing you asked in my DMs, you know?
Like plus 10% chance I'll do it.
There's zero percent chance.
No, I've been thinking about it.
Really?
God damn it.
But I need like a month or two more to think of, like, you know, anything.
Are you going to come to the game?
You guys are doing secrets on a fucking podcast?
Do you have secrets on a podcast?
If you want, you could say it.
I don't mind.
Oh, I think I think it's a good idea.
I can predict it.
Can I predict it?
Yeah.
You asked her to host the streamer awards with you.
I did.
Well, Pokey, feel great because she didn't ask any of us to do it.
I didn't.
It's a, I want she wants only women, which I thought gay is close.
Oh, it's woman adjacent.
Exactly what I was saying.
Yeah, but I'm just rolling hands with Pokemon.
It feels nice.
Pokey's like, I'm so lonely.
She's like, please, ever since I locked up F1 TV, I've been doing it.
No, actually, living alone and streaming, bad combo.
I just want to be on, I just want to roll the streamer awards.
You want to what?
I want a role.
I know.
You've told me.
You can have one.
You're going to be my floor host.
I was going to be beat the flower.
Oh, oh, that's the one.
I'm going to have you.
No, not three.
Oh.
I'm going to.
Don't be.
Oh, during the show before the bands go on.
I'm not good enough.
You're going to be on the floor.
No, this is a big role.
This is bigger than the red carpet.
Oh, okay, okay.
Before the band goes on, before there's four performers.
The one that opens the show.
Are you hitting me?
I'm excited.
I don't want to be a part of the show.
You're going to be on the floor while the stage is getting ready, and you're going to be going up to tables and talking to them.
Oh, my God.
How exciting.
And you have to come up with your questions and you have to improv.
That's so exciting.
I'm so excited.
No, this is so great.
I'm so excited.
It's bigger than you.
All right, you know what, Cutie?
It's bigger than red carpet.
Cutie.
I'll do it instead.
No, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Well, he seems like he wants to do it.
No, I want to do it.
No, no, no, it's fine.
He doesn't want it.
It's so bad.
I'll do it.
I'll do it in his place.
No, I'll do it.
I'll do it myself.
It's fine.
No, no, no.
Hassan's bad at asking questions.
No, I'm not.
He's a terrible editor.
I killed it on the red carpet.
You suck on the red carpet.
Oh, really?
That's really interesting you say that.
It seems like people loved it.
Are you doing me the red carpet this year?
Fucking, I don't know.
Whatever.
No, I don't repeat.
That's the whole thing.
Oh, I like it.
Every year I like spicy.
It's the whole point of the streamer awards is to have highlight different people in different areas of the internet.
If I use the same people every year, then it's asked me to do the thing that she just asked you to do.
No.
She wanted me to do the thing that she asked you now.
I said no originally.
John II.
No.
You ruined it for him.
Don't say that.
I'm the second one.
Oh, he's lying.
You know what?
Sometimes the backup quarterback comes in and he shines.
That's a good attitude.
You know what I mean?
That's a good attitude.
I got a little chip on my shoulder now.
I'm cheering for the underdog.
Thank you.
Well, now everyone can bully Pokey online.
Please.
Try to get her to be my co-host.
You need to do this.
I would love for you to do this.
Well, I'm thinking about it.
You don't have to do the monologue at the beginning.
Why not?
I want to do one.
Yeah, and I want everyone to see.
I want to talk.
This is a big moment for women.
It's a powerful moment for women.
It is.
Don't laugh.
It is.
He loves it.
It is.
He hates me.
Listen.
He wished this was an all-male I like seeing the streamer awards just be huge and then hosted by two vaginas.
Yeah.
Or not and just identify as two vaginas or a gay dick.
Yes, adjacent.
Nobody wants a gay dick.
No, I want to use your stylus that you used last year.
I emailed them and they didn't reply.
Yeah.
No, I'm excited for the stream awards.
We know when it is.
She's busy.
She is.
Are you telling us when it is?
February 17th.
Wait, don't you announce it yet?
That's when we're going to be in the sky.
No, you won't be.
Was the Taylor Swift concert?
It's February 10th, actually.
Yeah, I'm going to be in Japan for a week.
I'm excited for the streamer awards.
I hope I win a week.
I'm always excited.
You don't stream.
You don't stream.
I had a couple things this year.
You streamed like eight times this year.
I had a you should do an award for someone who doesn't stream but is a streamer.
The Clint Stevens award.
Uh except Clint Stevens Award is a funny name, would beat young Stevens would win the Clint Stevens Award.
Well, you could always win streamer streamer, uh, streamers, streamers, but I don't really yeah, where everyone votes for and that's I'll try.
I'll always go around and come out of a race.
I'll say, I'll I will do that in when I'm hosting and I'll interview people.
Let's make sure you vote for me.
Yeah, you can do it, but they probably already submitted their votes because they do it at the beginning of the show.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'll have to rally people before I vote for them.
Stand by the coat rack at the beginning and be like, hey, streamer, streamer.
Okay, Pokey, will you vote for me, streamer?
Do you guys get votes?
I'll vote for you three times.
Campaign Finance Scandals00:05:10
Oh, thank you.
You say that?
You said you guys like she's hosting, but she's debating me.
Well, I'm going to be there either way.
Okay, fair enough.
Normally, we don't.
Did you even tell you I was going to think about it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, wait.
Because you said I denied you.
I thought you said no.
But I don't remember if I told you that I was going to think about it.
But I do think about it.
Yeah.
Well, I'm happy to hear you're thinking about it.
Okay, so thinking about it.
Normally, I don't talk about politics on the show, but today there's a story.
Oh, let's do it.
Today there's a story that, you know.
George Santos.
Yes.
Okay.
How do you know about it?
Because it hit the gay world.
It hit the gay world.
Jeff Santos is.
Wait, pause real quick.
You didn't say you were thinking about it.
You just said no.
I should have messaged you and said that.
And then I sent you a very convincing thing.
Yeah.
I've been thinking about that.
Okay, she's thinking right.
Anyway, Google.
I'm happy to tell you now.
We can brainstorm.
Okay.
I have ideas.
We can figure out a way to make you comfortable.
We'll brainstorm.
No, you saw it in the group chat.
She's thinking about it.
I love the way you think this.
I'm the same way.
You just always, you can always accommodate for anybody.
You can figure it out.
You can always figure it out.
You gotta learn.
No, go up, go up.
I hope that one too.
I hope you do it.
The reason I really started thinking about it was because you sweet talked me real good in that reply.
Listen.
Okay, so anyways, let's watch.
George Santos, which is a former U.S.
No, not a former current U.S. Congressman.
Well, he's about to be former.
Botox Sephora.
God.
I love it.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me start from the top.
Okay.
George Anthony Devalder Santos.
Who is that?
A man by many names.
Also known as Katara Ravash, I believe, as a drag queen in Brazil.
That's cool.
Is a man of many names and has been a con man that has struck both the communities in Brazil and the communities in the United States of America and the Long Island, Staten Island, and Manhattan region.
George Santos won a blue district or a red district rather, or a blue district as a Republican.
And he became the U.S. representative for New York's third congressional district, serving since 2023.
And what he was serving was Kant.
George Santos became very famous after his upset, his major upset victory, winning in a district that is supposed to be going to a Democrat, unseating the third most powerful Democrat in New York politics.
Which do you not love?
Well, I love George Santos, regardless, because he is a phenomenal character.
Once he had won the seat, the opposition research, which normally comes before you do an election, came out after he won the seat.
Everyone found out that he had lied about being Jewish, lied about his yes.
Oh my God.
To which he replied with, I'm not Jewish.
I've only said I'm Jew-ish.
That is so funny.
Said that his grand said that his grandparents, so that means a lot.
That's so good.
Yeah, no, no, he's a Larry David character.
He's like, the closest you can get to being so funny.
The closest you can get to being like in the Jewish universe as a Larry David character without being Jewish.
He's Jewish.
Claim-Semitic a little bit.
Claim his grandparents escaped the Holocaust from Ukraine.
So he was hitting every avenue.
He was like, I'm Ukrainian, I'm Jewish, like at a time when everyone was talking about Ukraine.
Turns out he is not any of those things really.
He's in Brazil.
Claimed his mother died on 9-11.
Mother did not die on 9-11.
Then he tried to say his mother actually died due to 9-11 complications.
Found out his mother wasn't even in America at the time.
Lied about being a volleyball varsity champion.
Lied about the college he went to, lied about the high school he went to.
He lied about pretty much everything.
We found out that he also was a drag queen in Brazil.
Now, that would be normal and fine and cool.
And I still think it's cool, except we also, he's a Republican at a time when everybody was saying you can't be a drag queen.
That means you're a pervert.
That means you're bleep, you know, interested in.
We need to give his seats to Pete Davidson because his father did die in 90s.
It's a brilliant solution to this problem.
I agree.
However, in spite of all these lies, George Santos refused to stand down.
He refused to resign.
He said, I was elected to do a duty, and that duty is serving cunt.
I'm serving this district to the best of my abilities.
Now, there's still a Senate, or sorry, there's a Congress ethics committee in the House of Representatives, and they conducted an investigation.
There was a lot of, obviously, discrepancies in his campaign financing.
And it turns out, oh boy, were there a lot of discrepancies.
OnlyFans Spending Habits00:05:15
On October 21st, 2022, Redstone's bank account received a $25,000 wire from an account affiliated with contributor two.
From there, $25,000 was transferred from Redstone's account to Representative Santos' personal check account.
Now, there's a big no-no.
You can't take money from your campaign contribution.
Wait, so it didn't.
That was his Redstone's bank account.
Wait.
Wait, so he's running for student body president.
Redstone is like gave him money for Pizza Fridays, but instead of buying Pizza Fridays, he then put it in his bank account.
He said, yo, you got it.
He put it in his bank account.
He got OnlyFans Fridays.
Now, hey, Saturdays.
What did he do with that?
Doctor for Botox Sundays.
Okay.
What did he do with that?
After the $50,000 from Redstone was deposited into Representative Santos' personal accounts, the funds were used to, among other things, pay down personal credit card bills and other debt.
Make a $4,127 purchase at Hermes.
That's incredible.
And for smaller purchases at OnlyFans, Sephora.
And for meals and for parking.
I love this.
He is so for the girls.
He really is, 100%.
And he, what do you, you are a OnlyFans donator yourself.
Look, I have purchased OnlyFans in the past.
What and whom and like the content?
It's like porn.
I have made purchases on OnlyFans in the past because I like to support sex workers.
And I also like...
Dude, there's this Mormon girl that I grew up with that started in OnlyFans.
And her OnlyFans is, she's probably changed the name.
If she didn't, then shout out.
Here's a shout out.
It was Holy Slut because she used to be Mormon.
Yeah.
Is it good?
That's good.
I am.
I subscribed as soon as I saw it and she pierced her nipples, which I don't like pierced nipples because every time I see them, I go, it's no longer enjoying.
I'm like, that's not hot.
It's just ouch.
Yeah.
Maybe guys can find them hot, but like, I feel it.
Yeah, I feel it.
And I wonder if they feel it.
I don't think.
Do you know?
I don't think they feel it.
I don't know.
I was about to ask.
It's fun.
It's like licking pennies.
I had a friend.
No, not if the guys feel it.
If the girls actively feel it.
I had a friend with a nipple bar and it got caught on something and ripped out.
And she lost her, she lost the bump of part of her.
They had like sew it down, and so she has, like, you know, how sometimes nipples can be like, like, you got a little baby toe kind of sometimes.
Sometimes they're like, flatter.
I don't like nipples.
She had a little baby toe, like the kind that people, because you know, you can get injections in your nipples now.
So it looks like you actually, so you have a bump because some people don't have a prominent bump.
So you can get injections like Kylie Jenner.
So then you, when you wear no bra, you can see the bump.
Yeah.
And so you mean when your nipples are hard?
Yeah, but yeah, you can make them like perma hard.
Kylie Jenner got permanent hard.
No, no.
That is gossip.
Wait, we should talk about the skims bra after.
Yeah.
But then, oh, yeah, it's kind of like Sims Raw.
Anyway, and so then, so she has one.
She had natural boobs.
Yeah, and that one.
And now one is messed up.
Okay, so all that stuff.
I've never been really into nipple piercings in general.
What were we saying about OnlyFans?
So why did I cut you off?
The reason why we're talking about OnlyFans is because George Santos purchased $4,000 worth of OnlyFans.
And I was going to ask Austin to be honest for a moment and tell us how much you have spent on OnlyFans.
How much total I have spent on OnlyFans?
No, I'm cheap.
And we'll go free.
I'm cheap.
I'm not currently subscribed to anybody.
I just have a bunch of free pages and I don't even use it really anymore.
That's my fa pages.
But look, I am unashamed about it.
You can follow people for free, I think.
Yeah, I am unashamed about it.
I have purchased OnlyFans subscriptions.
I have stayed subscribed for months to certain people.
I have up.
I paid what's your total?
I probably spent a few thousand bucks.
No, that's too much.
That's too much.
I probably spent like maybe a thousand.
Ten thousand dollars.
No, a thousand total, probably over the course of a few years, maybe.
A few thousand?
No, no, no.
Probably, I mean, maybe I'm overshooting it, but that thousand, maybe 500 to a thousand somewhere in that.
Yeah, I'm like, sounds good.
Yeah, I think probably that would be that'd be probably about 500.
There's a clip from George Santos as well.
If you want to pull that up, let's see what he has.
Wait, this is after talking to him?
Wait, that's George Santos?
Oh, that's George Santos on the right.
Yeah, please.
Is he gay?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know.
Is he openly gay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't know if he was given it.
He also was married to a woman.
That was another thing that people were suspicious about, too.
He like said he was gay, but then he's gay.
But yeah, no, he is gay.
Okay.
Oh, he's definitely gay.
You'll see.
Speaking of peel, is it true that you have an OnlyFans page and you can peel a banana with your feet?
I don't have one.
And it's, you know, I'll indulge you this.
I just discovered what OnlyFans was about three weeks ago when it was bought up in a discussion in my office.
What do you think?
And I was very, I was oblivious to the whole conversation.
Oh, come on, George.
Good liar.
No, he's not.
He is just.
What?
I believe that.
He looked like he was having a goofy channel.
He said that when?
When did he say that?
He was very calm.
Oh, well, no, no, no.
Oh my God.
Here's Joe Santos interview.
He's very in March.
His bank record showed he used campaign funds on OnlyFans four months earlier to this interview.
He said this in March, though.
Four months earlier to this interview.
Oh, so that's crazy.
He had known about OnlyFans and had spent four grand at least on a campaign.
TikTok Clips and Lies00:07:24
Because you won't express as much.
Right?
I'm a bad lie.
I'd be like more believable, maybe.
I'm a bad liar.
Me too.
I'm the worst liar.
In fact, I'm not a bad liar.
I'm such a bad liar that when I'm telling the truth, I seem like I'm lying.
Sometimes I feel like when I'm telling the truth, that it seems like I'm lying.
Like, I feel guilty.
Because I'm the same way.
I feel guilty all the time.
I'm like, oh my God, I did it.
But I didn't do it.
But I did it.
No, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Guilty conscience.
Like, I feel so heavily on you.
Oh, man.
I'm like kind of awkward sometimes.
I know it's hard to believe, but I'm kind of awkward and I don't believe you.
I'm kind of silly.
I'm a bit of a silly goose sometimes.
No, like I'm kind of like, I'm a little socially, like, I'm kind of a klutz.
That's hard to believe.
Also, hard to believe.
You're quirky.
Like I was in the gym trying to look cool and I was like on my phone and then I dropped it off my stair master and everybody looked and then I fell off the stair master.
He's normally just like a yeah and he's one of us and I'm still gonna vote for you.
Thank you so much.
And we're running for president together actually.
But that's not how it works.
Yeah, I'm a little awkward, a little silly, silly goose.
I don't know where I was.
I'm a little quirky.
Yeah, I'm a little different.
Yeah.
I'm not that.
I'm not that abnormal, though, like on my day-to-day life, right?
Yeah, like you're still like the other girls, but you're like not like the other girls.
Yeah, I get it.
I'm not like as crazy as you would think.
Like people, I think people based on my clips from TikTok.
I don't think anyone thinks I'm sick.
I put okay, because TikTok is just ours.
It's like, I have posted so many clips from here onto our TikTok.
And they only reason why he doesn't.
Like, this is a TikTok.
I'm not surprised.
Like, I can see TikTok fucking loving you.
Yeah, they do.
Oh, you're so sweet.
You're so sweet.
You know who else is TikTok loves?
Osama bin Laden.
What?
That's right.
Why you got to ruin this moment?
Why?
Did you just compare me?
Did you just compare me to Osama bin Laden?
Just saying.
Did you just say?
Just saying.
Just saying.
How did we go from everybody loves Austin on TikTok to you're that.
You know who else?
You just.
Osama.
Pull it up, March.
Pull it up.
What?
Show it.
No, show it.
Osama bin Laden going viral on TikTok.
Wait, what?
Alongside Joe.
Was it because he spoke against a genocide or something?
No.
Wrong tweet.
No politics.
We don't have to talk about that.
We don't have to talk about 9-11.
Which many people are saying is kind of like Austin.
You're comparing me because I compared his the way he looked as a child, which was a tragedy, by the way.
A tragedy.
I compared that to 9-11.
In fact, there's a clip.
We should run it.
There's a clip on, well, I didn't compare it to 9-11, but it was like...
It was a tragedy.
He did.
He did compare it.
Hassan, you look like shit.
He literally said.
He's not on my Twitter.
It was.
He said a tragedy.
My God.
I don't know.
It was under, I don't know what a country is.
I don't know what's wrong with this guy.
It was.
But anyway, long short.
So he wanted to throw that back at me.
But look, I can say that about him because he turned out to be...
It's not mean because look how he turned out.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't know.
Right?
But you're fine.
Right?
I'm not going to get canceled for this, right?
No.
He's too hot for that to happen, right?
If he was like a wrestler.
Just your wording was a little funny.
Tragedy.
No, he used those words.
I'm obviously not serious, folks.
I'm not, it was a joke.
He was a very good-looking child.
Very good-looking child.
That's weird.
Tragedy.
Very good-looking.
Wait, why are you saying that?
Same, when you were a kid, you thought as a kid, when you were both kids, that he was good-looking.
Yes.
He's blamed.
He's literally lying.
I didn't mean it like that.
All right.
Next up on the docket, we have really important news.
This combines two of the things that Austin and Cutie love.
Taylor Swift and also football.
A cruise.
No, a cruise.
Oh, that's right.
A place to spread diseases.
And also friendship.
I love cruisers.
Friendship bracelet.
He's gay.
Of course he loves cruises.
Do you love cruises?
I've never been on one.
Pokey.
I'm going on a third.
I'm going on a birthday cruise.
When?
Literally right now.
That's why we're doing this podcast on Thursday.
Yeah, I'm going on a cruise in January.
No, I'm not going.
I'm going on a cruise in January.
I didn't want to do this podcast today because I'm going to see somebody in Florida.
Oh, that's even worse.
Oh, my God.
Someone.
That's saying someone might have gotten that photo.
Who knows?
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe you're watching right now.
Someone, I hope you'll be his Valentine.
Maybe.
Did I hope you?
I mean, I don't know.
Was that good?
It's a little early, but we'll see.
A Taylor Swift theme cruise will set sale next year, says the Swift Society, which includes friendship bracelets, swapping sessions, and trivia games, which is the weirdest thing to fucking mention in a cruise.
Like, I feel like that's the least exciting part of a fucking.
We will not be going to Barbados, but we will be singing long live from the top of our lungs.
But yeah, but like, why would that the selling point?
Is this?
Oh, my God.
Taylor Swift is fucking 33 years old.
Yeah, she turns 34 on the 12th of December or 13th of December.
Damn, nobody likes you when you're 34.
What?
That's a song, isn't it?
Nobody likes you when you're 32.
23.
Isn't that Taylor Swift?
No.
You know, that's kind of true.
But I do think nobody really likes 23-year-olds.
It's kind of an awkward age.
Yeah.
Wait, that's whose song is that?
Blink 22.
It's Blink 22.
Why did I think it was Taylor Swift?
No, because she has the song 22.
Are you going to be 33 soon?
I don't know.
That's why I also thought I was not going to lie.
Oh my God.
We are so close in age.
It's kind of crazy.
I'm 25, but he's 35.
I actually don't know how old you are.
I don't know if you tell people.
I'm 25.
Me too.
We all lie about our ages.
I'm actually all 25.
I don't.
I'm 32 years old.
I've never lied about my age.
I just want to make it publicly known that I will be lying about my age for the rest of my life.
I think everyone knew that because you've given eight different ages over the course of the last eight episodes.
What's the latest one?
He's 25 just now.
I just know that was 24.
Yeah.
He just turned.
I said I'm named your price just said I was celebrating my 21st.
Yeah, he just crossed him.
He's just crossed an important threshold in his life.
Yeah.
Only this past year.
Oh, 25.
I can.
This past Sunday.
I can now rent a car.
Wait, how old are you?
Wait a minute.
You've been renting cars for how many years?
Because I had a AAA membership.
Oh, interesting.
27.
27.
Happily.
Well, you're 27.
27.
Which kind of freaks me out because I feel like I knew some of you guys when I was like 22.
Yeah, we've known each other the longest.
Pokey and I have been in this business for a long time.
I love Pokey.
She's one of my favorite people.
Like day one.
She likes me.
I'm like, did I see you at the first?
No, the second Twitch conversation.
No, first TwitchCon.
I waited in your meet and greet line at the first TwitchCon.
And you're like, why did you wait in line?
And I still ask.
Yeah, are you popping the first Dushkan?
Like, were you one of the top comic books?
No, no, I was such a fan.
No, I was such a fan that when I met like a streamer that I watched a lot, I started crying.
Elevator Mistletoe Stories00:05:57
Oh my God.
Who?
Leek.
Lee.
Who?
None of you guys probably know who he plays Hearthstone.
Oh, yeah.
His name's Amaz.
Yeah, he just played Harthardstone.
I remember Amazon.
Yeah, he just played Hearthstone every day, and I was a university student, and I watched Hearthstone every day.
And I met him, and I started.
I don't know.
I don't know what came over me.
I started crying.
That's crazy how fucking nerdy you guys all are.
I used to get pictures of streamers too.
I used to get pictures of soda.
I used to get so nervous to meet Soda Poppin'.
Soda Poppin?
It's so nervous because he was crushed on him.
He was the streamer.
One time I got into the first TwitchCon.
I went to get into an elevator and Soda Poppin' and Leah at the time were in the elevator and they got out of the elevator because I was in there.
What?
They like left the elevator because they felt uncomfortable with somebody else being in there.
So they got out of the elevator.
That doesn't sound like Soda.
No, it was him.
Did you smell bad?
No, I don't smell bad.
Were you wearing the shirt?
Dude, were you wearing a shirt?
I have never smelled it.
I smell great.
He's going to do the thing.
He's going to do the thing.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I would never do that.
I would never do that to you.
No, he smells great.
You used my shampoo, I'm pretty sure.
No, I didn't even shower.
I didn't wash my face and took a picture in your mirror.
Okay, well, then you used my cologne.
I did.
I changed my underwear.
I used my cologne.
I didn't use your cologne.
Yes, you did.
No, I swear to God.
What is the smell then?
It's just my natural.
No, it's not.
You used my cologne.
That's my pheromone.
It's actually high.
I just smell like vanilla.
No, you used my Dolce and Gabbana.
Was that yours?
You didn't sent to you for free?
Yeah, I got it.
I stole it from Streamer Wars.
Was that yours?
I stole it.
Look, because I.
Well, you didn't.
Okay, so I got up there.
They did give it to you.
I got up there and I was like, I'm going to take a shirtless picture in Hassan's mirror.
I've never thought that.
Well, you've never been in his bathroom before.
You have taken shirtless photos in my house, though.
Technically.
We did a nearly new calendar.
Yeah, like a couple days ago.
Yeah.
We did a nearly nude calendar right over here.
Because when you mentioned some kind of nearly nude shoot, I was like, what?
Yeah, everyone has to do it.
All of our guests have to do it.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Austin.
How do I?
Sorry, Pokey.
It's time.
What percentage of the proceeds do I get?
Oh, this is.
That's the awkward thing.
We donate all the proceeds to charity.
Don't say that.
The charity of Austin's bank account.
Yeah.
Austin thought he was going to be.
Or Botox OnlyFans or Mezz and Sephora.
I've thought about Pokey.
What do you think about me starting an OnlyFans?
I think that's very slay of you.
If you want to.
I'm thinking about it.
I'm thinking about it.
I would subscribe.
Would you really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Because you have the physique of a Greek god.
Oh, stop it.
Under certain lighting.
Under Hassan's lighting.
Under Hassan's lighting, clearly.
Wait, can I hear more about this shoot?
I'm so curious.
Yeah, so we did a nearly nude photo shoot.
How nearly nude?
I was mostly clothed.
They were not.
I mean, I was like, you should do a little upset.
We all have photos where we're wearing Speedos only.
That's a thing that people...
A mistletoe?
A mistletoe.
And then you cover it with the mistletoe.
I mean, it was, it was, it was, that was a good idea.
We should have done that.
Thank you.
We should have done that.
You should be up next time.
Just for ideation.
Have you any creative creative?
Do you want to be in our nearly nude photo shoot next year?
No.
Like my hand.
What?
So inappropriate to ask people.
You asked first.
No, I didn't.
I did.
I was the one who.
I didn't even ask.
I told her she has to do it.
You guys are.
Listen.
I'm no longer the 21-year-old you used to know.
So we can be like, I'm all grown up.
So she's in actually.
Which charity?
You know, the details.
I got to know the details.
We were mostly...
At one point, I was Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.
Yeah, he was in panties.
And I was in like white, like, hip panties.
And I thought I thought everything was going to fall out.
Like, I had to put a cup.
But it didn't.
My butt cheeks were falling out.
Damn, you're admitting you put a cup, huh?
Oh, I put a cup on.
I did not.
Wait, hold on, I was doing it out of respect for our female makeup artists.
They were see-through.
Yeah, they were literally, you could see my head, which I did take a photo of in the bathroom.
Dude, Jesus Christ.
I let it hang.
You let it hang?
It was tight even without the cup.
It was a hard hard photo shoot.
Wait, wait, wait.
I would hope not, actually.
But you didn't have...
Mine were, you could see everything on the white Speedo that I was on.
Could you see?
Look, Hassan.
I don't remember Hassan.
What kind of poses?
I mean, I was on the wrecking ball.
I was Marilyn Monroe with a pride flag.
I love it.
That one is cute.
That's so cute.
That was good.
Will did one as Michael Phelps.
So he was just in a Speedo and he had like the gold.
The gold cup.
Cute.
Hassan.
Hassan's best one is he's Bernie Sanders, but with no pants on.
That's so good.
Yeah.
Hassan.
The ID shoots actually in the 4th of July when an America Speedo.
Yeah, he was also September, which I can't imagine what you think that was.
And he used the Twin Towers as a prop.
Let's just say that.
Oh, my God.
Yep.
Was February, but it's a bunch of clouds in front of my body.
I was just, I was literally wearing clothes.
Beautiful clouds in front of me.
And then she was so pretty.
I wasn't naked.
She was vague.
She was fully nude.
She got it.
You guys should buy the camera.
People.
You guys should buy the camera.
She was bullying us while we were naked.
She's like, yeah, you call that a dick.
You fucking pussy.
You guys got to sell that beach.
She's a monster.
I wasn't.
She's like, yeah, you fucking little dick.
That's what she called me all day.
You'd make such a good domi mommy.
Oh, I'm too tired to be a domino.
I'm way too tired.
Got some caffeine in you.
Come on.
Baby Fever Roasts00:08:34
I feel like I've hit her 20 times.
You would be a good dominatrix.
I was going to say I'm used to it, but that sounds bad.
I'm not used to it.
I'm just tired.
I'm just, I'm so worn out.
You got the dominatrix fit on right now.
Do you want to take a nap while we finish?
Yeah, I got a big cavity filled this morning.
You got a root canal?
Almost.
So as close as you can get to a root canal, they had to put like a fluoride cap inside of the tooth.
Did you have to go under it anyway?
No, but they loaded me up.
I'm barely getting filling back, actually.
Like, that's how bad it was.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm in a lot of pain, but anything for the podcast.
A lot has happened to you recently.
I've had a hard time.
You're really good at being in pain, but not showing it.
Thank you.
She's brave.
She's very beautiful.
True.
Women have a higher pain tolerance than men.
Yeah.
Is that true?
Yeah.
And oftentimes our problems go ignored in doctors' offices because we either put on makeup and try to look nice or because we underestimate our own pain.
Interesting.
I didn't know that.
Or because women were being dramatic.
And doctors are misogynistic.
No.
Are you looking at me?
I don't know.
Like, I'm our local misogynist.
I'm just a regular misogynist.
I'm not even a doctor.
Maybe I got a doctor in a misogyny.
On that note, however, we should probably move beyond the paywall here.
Wahoo!
Beyond the paywall.
We're going to the Patreon.
That's right.
So the Patreon part of the episode, if you would like to see that and many of the other juicy tidbits and I feel like we didn't talk about Poke enough and I'm sad.
We're going to talk about Pokemon.
We did.
We talked about the minor.
I can say, which I wanted to say in relation to you not feeling any pain and not showing it.
Sorry, feeling pain.
You're pretty sure.
I'm actually, I've been having mad baby fever.
It's bad.
You've never had baby fever?
Fuck the time.
Let's keep going.
We'll still have enough for the pain fever.
Behind the paywall.
No, no, no, no.
We're going to keep talking about it.
Like, are you guys not experiencing fucking baby fever?
Yes, we are.
Shut up.
Just give like five minutes.
Seven minutes.
Anyone else feeling baby fever?
Just me?
Never once in my life.
Right?
I want to get men pregnant.
Oh.
If I could do that, I would too.
Yeah, like, like, it's like, I don't have baby fever, but it's like, it's something that I would.
Okay, I'm sorry.
They're uncomfortable.
It's more of a.
No, keep going.
No, no, no.
It's like he has a breeding fetish.
He has a king.
I don't want to impregnate something.
I don't want to, like, I don't want to.
You want to spread your seed.
I just think, I think the concept of getting in a sexual setting, I think it's, it's sexy.
But anyway, talk about your baby fever.
I think our art, I don't want to raise a child.
Yeah.
Oh, he's a, we've established already.
I don't, I think it's established fear and lord that I was going to be a terrible father.
I mean, I'll be a great father from the bottom.
You'd be a fun father.
You'd be a great uncle.
Like, it brings fun on the ball.
I am an uncle.
I've got 11 nieces and nephews.
What?
Yeah.
My if I had 11 nieces and nephews, I probably wouldn't want a kid.
But you have baby fever?
No, that was not what I was going to talk about.
I'm just saying I kind of do, and babies are so cute.
Yeah, they are cute.
But the girl boss in me is trying to freaking shove that.
Do you want bizarre as far away as possible?
My whole life, yes.
But sometimes I'm like, maybe not.
Yeah.
Yeah, sometimes I'm not.
I have like, I have two wolves in me.
One wants to be a stay-at-home housewife and one wants to conquer the world.
And I don't know which wolf to feed sometimes.
You could do both.
I'll see.
I'm serious.
You could do both.
But what I was going to say is I.
I don't know.
I'm tired.
In a couple weeks, I'm launching a podcast and I wanted you on it.
You're one of the first guests I want on it.
You're launching.
It's a soul.
I don't even want anyone on it.
It's just me fucking yapping.
But I wanted you on it because I know.
It's called Don't Tell Anyone.
And I know you have so much shit you've probably never talked about.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Especially industry-related stuff.
That would be so good.
It's crazy that you're not asking.
We're right here, but I mean, you guys can have your episodes at some point.
And live.
Are you interested?
I'm so crazy.
Pokey.
I would be there before you even asked.
Like, I'll invite myself.
Okay, but listen, the premise, at least for the beginning right now, I'm talking the most shit.
So if you have something you want to talk about, maybe something you've never talked about.
Yeah, I'm ready to whine about it.
Yeah.
But especially I watched your interview with Padilla.
Yeah.
I cried.
I'll be honest, I think Cutie would be the best because she will.
You have so much Shabbat.
I'm notoriously not good at talking shit about people.
No, you don't have to talk shit about it.
Just like about life.
A lot of people don't know everything that's.
Oh, okay.
I mean, I can.
No, there's just so many.
Actually.
There's a lot of things that people don't know about me.
Yeah.
There's a lot of things that happen in the industry that you can't say at least right away.
But like a few years later, you're like, fuck it.
Did you?
Yeah, I want to sponsor on this house.
No, there's a lot of things that like, specifically of my personal life that I just don't tell people.
Right?
Yeah.
Like, this is your time.
Nothing bad.
I just, I don't tell you.
I forgot the name again.
Don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone.
I love that.
Thank you.
Pokey.
I'm very excited.
I'm genuinely.
Yes, I will go on your podcast and you will be my co-host of the streamer awards.
I'll give you a half shake.
Half just guarantees you on her podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
But, you know, we're still getting somewhere.
No, I'll go on it.
I'm excited.
That's it.
Pokey.
That's cool.
That's a great idea, and I'd tell you if it sucked.
I'm serious.
What is it?
If it sucks, tell me off camera.
You can agree to this one.
In January, I'm starting my late night show.
You know, this whole podcast, I was thinking, you'd be such a good show host.
Talk show host?
I have a show called The Austin Show.
Like, when you were asking me.
She's hosting a late night.
When you were asking me about the cookies, I loved it.
Yeah, I'm Jimmy Fallon.
Yeah.
I'll be on it.
Cutie, thank you so much for the invite.
We'll also be on the list.
Are you going to have us on?
You guys can do the red card.
Yeah, but you guys are.
I'm going to be busy.
You're not hard to, like, get up.
She's hard.
It's true.
She's hard to get a hold of.
She's hard to.
Well, I'm doing a roast series next year.
Roast me?
You wanted the roast of Pokemon?
Just check Twitter.
Okay.
Yeah.
We should roast me.
She's like, no, respect for me.
We should roast me.
Maybe instead of roasting Hassan for that.
That was like the fifth ask of the podcast.
You asked to host the Stream Awards.
He didn't ask for anything.
Guys, you guys are actually like you're fun friends, and you're also incredible creators.
You can do whatever you want me to do.
Except for Stream Awards.
Hassan's like, he wants to get to the paywall so badly, I wouldn't let him.
Are you going to slice me?
What?
No.
As a businesswoman, we can play any, like, you know, we play whine about it ads at the streamer awards.
We could play.
How much?
Tell me.
Oh, it's not.
In exchange?
Yeah.
Okay, that might be fun.
That's a really good bargain.
Little businesswoman, you.
That is awesome.
That is awesome.
Speaking of promos, what would you like to promote other than your cookies and your new podcast?
That's it.
And your new late night show.
Hi, Charlie.
Our late night show.
Do you guys have anything to promote?
I have nothing to promote.
No, no, we are here to support you.
We're promoting our patients.
I'm here to support you guys on your shows.
Oh my God, Hassan, when you did your charity thing, I think I donated 15 fucking K. Thank you.
Whoa.
Yeah.
No, because I was like, no offense, Twitch news is sometimes so sad.
Like you hear the shitty thing about streamers.
And I'm like, finally, you know, a charity or something we can support and uplift.
Nice job, good job.
I don't think you hear that enough.
I definitely don't.
You're a special boy.
You know that?
I only hear negative things.
Tragically special.
Tragically special.
All right, well, on the paywall portion, if you want to check that out, you should go to patreon.com slash fear and that's right, patreon.com slash patreon.com.
Yippee!
What are you most thankful for, Lookie?
Um, to be honest, when you asked that, the first thing that came to mind was, I'm really thankful.
Being on the Fear Ann podcast is fine.
You say it.
I wish Will was here.
Like, how fun.
I know.
I didn't tell him.
I mean, I love you guys, of course, but now I'm like, I need to come back for like the full, full experience.
That's right.
That's how we get you.
That's how we get you.
I mean, I'm not far from here, so happily, happily.
The first thing that came to mind was, I love those people who, because I'm not going to lie, I see so much dumb shit on Twitter.
I see so many dumb motherfuckers on Twitter that don't even have a third brain cell to spare.
And I don't have the time or mental wherewithal to respond to every single one.
So I love the people that do on my behalf and absolutely fucking dunk on them.