Austin Show, Cutie Cinderella, Hassan Piker, and Will Neff celebrate Austin's 25th birthday with a fondant phallus cake before debating "ugly hot" aesthetics, defending Jeremy Allen White against SNL's "Rush" sketch mockery. They critique the People's Sexiest Men Alive list, praising Harry Styles while condemning Chris Hemsworth's inclusion as racist and noting Notre Dame's quarterback as the hottest athlete. The group also addresses Islamophobia regarding a Jets coach's Lebanese flag display and mocks superficial categories like "Sexiest Grandpa," ultimately clarifying their attraction discussions are purely for entertainment. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Jumping Through Tables00:05:28
Yes, get rid of the gun.
It would get demonetized.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Fearan podcast.
Sunday.
Is it rolling?
Yeah, it's rolling, I think.
Oh.
Hosted by your favorite people, Austin Show, Cutie Cinderella, Hassan Piker, and Will Neff.
It's a beautiful day.
It's a beautiful day.
We're here.
Everybody's having a great time.
Right, Will?
That's right.
All right.
We're feeling great.
Everybody's looking good and fresh.
I actually am feeling great.
Like, for the first time in a long time today, I chose to not cover, you know, endless death and destruction and like, you know, did more lighthearted content.
And I was laughing on stream again.
It was like a very cool change of pace for me.
So not to be like that guy, but I think taking one day off and then doing my favorite show, my favorite live event of all time.
What?
Name your price.
Wait, are you serious?
For the last time ever.
That's what made me happy.
No, no.
Okay, now, hold on.
For the last time ever.
Isn't that right, Will?
Last time ever.
I don't know if my ribs could take another time.
Yeah, hold on.
This is not about.
Why do you have to jump on a table?
Okay, the production team literally asked me to jump through the table.
No, no, no.
Well, yeah, we did ask.
Wow.
I forgot.
Wow.
I forgot.
I was like, Will, no, you willingly did that.
What they didn't know, though, is that usually when you jump through a table, they're wooden.
So they have a breakpoint.
Plastic tables don't break.
And after I hit it the first time, that look on my face was like, oh, that's a plastic table.
This is going to hurt.
So I just kept getting up and going through it.
Okay, so look, nobody forced anybody to jump through.
You just said you forced me.
They didn't force me.
No, somebody said in my ear.
Are you okay?
You can say it here.
This is a safe space.
Tell everyone that.
Austin forced me.
We were doing the pre-show, and somebody in the ear says, do you think Will would jump through that table?
And I was like, absolutely, he jumped through that table.
And so, and I'll be honest, I feel like Will would probably jump through the table even we wouldn't have told him to do it.
He loves jumping through tables.
It was probably his mom.
I probably would have checked to see what kind of table it was.
Well, and then we would have, I would have shipped in a wooden table and we would have had that.
Hey, it was a great moment.
I loved it.
You're saying you made him jump through a table and you didn't even check to see if it was a jumpable table.
If you have never gone through a table before, you don't know what kind of table you should go through.
Listen, it was a great moment.
You got people pay a lot of money to watch us.
You create a moment.
You leave people with something that they can hang their hat on and a little spectacle.
And so, you know, some bruised ribs and punctured back from a nail I got in the back and bruised shin.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, that tray with the food things on it had sharp nails in it and one of them stabbed me in the back.
But, you know, those are small prices to pay.
I always take bumps and bruises performing.
I don't complain about that kind of stuff.
Yeah, no, you are an animal on stage for sure.
That's why he did cry to me about it afterwards and said, Austin keeps me.
I was like, I said, I was crying to him.
I was like, I wish they'd give me a real challenge.
I wish they'd make the table out of bricks next time.
And also, let's start a union or some insurance or something.
Cutie, you should be on my side.
Do you do live events?
He's not making Will jump through tables.
I have never asked anyone through jump through.
Actually, I've asked for the opposite at my live events.
I've said, please.
Don't jump through a table.
Don't jump through tables.
I encourage you.
Specifically, enjoy jumping through tables.
Can you please not wreck tables and wreck the set.
This is fantastic.
Thank you all for coming.
Big week, though.
Big week.
Name your price.
Finally over for good.
What will Austin do now?
Oh, I'm launching a new show next week.
Oh, God.
Oh, brother.
Hasana's first up.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
He doesn't know it yet.
Okay.
I never know.
It's going to be live and it'll be in front of a studio audience.
The Misfits guys had no idea that I had done the show more than they had watched the show.
Like they were shocked when I was like, they were like, oh, have you ever done this?
Seventh appearance.
You know the rules?
You're like, yeah, I wrote them.
Now, look, Hassan, I only stream five times a year and you were on all five of them, right?
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Look.
Between the two of us, Cutie and I, I think we're about equal ass of Hassan, aren't we?
That's not even remotely close.
Cutie, excuse me, what have you done with Hassan this year?
Streamer Award.
Okay.
Concert.
Concert.
Dorothy.
Dorothy.
Okay.
Gala.
Gala.
Okay.
What else?
I think that's it.
No, there's more.
I'm pretty sure that's it.
Okay, all right.
I have had Hassan name your prize.
Uh-huh.
And name your price.
But you have to count the name your prices.
Two.
Really?
Yeah, twice.
Well, this last season.
Oh, also, name your price, the trailer.
Oh, yeah.
That counts.
No.
No.
Okay, well, fine.
It's four to three.
It's really weird because like.
It's four to three.
It's just track.
It just, you know, maybe you feel the same way, but like when you, like, it just feels like I've done way more for you than I have for cutie for some reason.
I hate gay people.
I hate women too.
I know, but you love women more than you love gay people.
Your hate for women is not as strong.
I think everybody can agree that Hassan and I do a lot for both of you.
Yeah.
Because we love you.
Guys, I have been eye slave on Hassan's stream.
I said a lot for both of you.
I sit there and farms.
Exposing Austin's Tipsy State00:12:50
He doesn't even invite you on.
He just charges it.
No, he invites me.
He invites me on the podcast.
He does.
Is there anything farms clips?
Just like on the podcast.
No, look, I sit there.
Is there a piece of my hair?
Fuck, god damn it.
He sits there and he farms clips like he does on the podcast, but also, he also farms twinks on the stream.
I do not.
Dude, it is the literal vein, the main vein of twinks that come into your DMs.
They come into my DMs, but I just look at the DMs.
I don't respond to them.
Oh, so responsible.
I just literally don't.
People come to my DMs and they say, oh, my God, I heard you're the twink guy.
I don't respond.
Sorry, guys.
I haven't muted yet.
I can unlock the door.
That's all right.
So, look, but, you know, I mean, I don't respond.
I don't want people to think that, like, I'm just responding to DMs all the time.
No one thinks.
No one thinks about you as much as you think they think about you.
Have you seen the Austin bingo?
It is a special day.
Have you seen the Austin?
Sorry, it's your birthday.
Have you seen the Austin Fear and Bingo?
No.
No.
Wait, I want to see it.
Okay, buddy, Hassan.
God damn it.
We're low on content, so it's time to beat the shit out of Austin.
No, no.
It's your birthday.
We're not going to do that.
No, no, no.
I forget.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, how old are you?
I'm 25.
He's 25.
Oh, I thought.
Oh, shit.
I thought you were 21.
Oh, it changes every day.
Yeah.
I know I look so youthful.
Yeah, no.
The coolest thing I found was all things that a human would do.
Okay.
Austin one-ups, cutie?
Do you do that to me often?
I don't know.
Okay, well, just in time for the Austin bingo.
Are you familiar with that?
Hassan calls out Austin on his.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Can we put it down and can I blind guess some?
Okay, okay.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, just don't look at the screen.
But I'll have it up.
Yeah.
Okay.
Beautiful and natural.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Of course.
Nailed it.
Twanks.
It's got to be out here, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there it is.
Austin's.
Switch topic to dicks.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yep.
Well, just brings up.
Brings up.
Yep.
Switch topic to dicks.
Eat someone else's food.
Oh.
Ooh.
Yell!
It's adjacent.
Close.
Close.
What else?
Oh, that's definitely...
I know where that's from.
Yeah.
I know that.
I recognize that smell anywhere.
What else?
Has to go pee?
Nope.
Really?
That's an Austin classic.
Yeah.
Well, we all do that, I think.
Everybody pee.
No, but Austin's human thing.
Well, that's because I'm pregnant.
I don't know.
These are.
Oh, tries to farm a clip.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's on there.
I know it's on there.
Oh, I'm doing pretty.
Have I hit a bingo yet?
Not yet.
Damn.
All right.
Let me look at it.
Well, I am very predictable.
All right.
Yeah.
We got...
Hassan calls out Austin on his bullshit.
Austin looks to cutie for support on his bullshit.
I don't have to read them all.
Austin doesn't finish his drink.
This one in particular is incredibly frustrating to me because he loves opening up one massive bottle of water, takes three sips out of it, and just leaves it there.
I actually complete it over the course of several weeks.
I come back and drink.
No, you don't because I dump it out.
I put it in my kettle.
So it leaves it.
Remember when he tried to convince us that his carbon footprint wasn't that bad?
And he leaves his water loving for his cats for a week.
By the way, I haven't stopped that.
Do you have an automatic cat water feeder on the way?
Oh, wow.
Look at you.
Whatever it is.
It was a birthday present.
Somebody got it for me.
Austin refuses to show his cock.
That's true.
Will and Austin.
Will and Asan teach Austin about gay culture.
Yeah.
Austin asked the guest for validation on his bullshit.
That's my favorite.
It's one of my favorite.
Austin didn't do his white hat Karen Vid.
That's every week.
You know, this is a fan that made this.
Now, now you know.
Beautiful and natural.
So I was at the Abbey in quotation marks.
Cutie, Will and Assange.
Who were you before this?
The Abbey.
Yeah!
Austin in the group chat goes, I might be a little tipsy.
Yeah.
Are you a little tipsy?
No, I'm actually.
I had one vodka, cranberry.
Can we just do every, yeah.
You don't want to do one anymore?
I had one vodka, cranberry, and that's it.
I'm not, I'm, I'm laying off the drinking a little bit.
I thought it was a little too much.
You are becoming an old man at your age of 24.
Yeah, look, I think I'm embracing age more than I ever have been before.
Now, I want to defend myself on this bingo sheet.
We could make a bingo for anybody.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's your point.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, I mean, but mine, like, I just want to make it clear that, like, everybody is human beings.
Yeah, like, Will's would be like, Will retells a heroic incident.
Retells a heroic incident where he, you know, thrived and saved puppies.
Will's nice to someone.
Will compliment someone.
Yeah.
Oh, you guys, come on.
I don't do that.
Yeah.
Am I that predictable?
Versus yours.
Yeah.
Which you just saw.
Bring up your bullshit.
Talk about dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Basically the same thing.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, you know what?
I'll come up with some new material.
We'll talk about vagina.
No, I'm proud of you because Austin, Austin has actually done the work this week.
He has topics that he came up with ahead of time, which I think is brilliant and bold and beautiful.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm actually very proud of you.
No, no.
Oh, they suck.
I've read them.
We read them all before the show, and they're not very good.
They're not very good.
But hired people topics.
They're good topics, but they're just not really...
I need to give my feedback.
I think you understand.
The fact that you actually took the initiative and looked for topics alone.
I delegated.
Very good.
I'm very proud of you.
I pay my workers very well, by the way.
Yeah, I'm also proud of you.
They don't have health benefits.
They were telling me yesterday that you do the Trump voice in meetings.
Oh, really?
Yes.
Wait, were they asking them what it was like to work for me?
Because I was, no, I was just talking to Kirk.
Uh, I know.
We were just talking about your how you've become Trump over the years because Kirk was doing his classic Trump accent.
Of course, he was.
And then, and then someone chimed in.
He does it in the meetings, too.
But now you know, I'm working.
Yeah, yeah, I don't to what end, I do not know what the fuck.
What is all that?
What the hell is this?
Happy birthday.
Birthday to you.
Oh, my God.
Happy birthday to you.
Oh, my God.
Happy birthday, dear Austin.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It's Vaney.
Birthday to you.
Oh, my God.
You guys got me a dick cake.
Can I show it?
We're going to have to blur it out for sure.
Oh, my God.
That is a veiny ass comic.
Oh, my God.
That is so nice.
Did you make this?
I made that.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Wait, did you model this after Ludwig's?
Austin, that is a foot-long comic.
No, but I know it's not to scale.
It's not to scale.
Exactly.
I used a photo.
I got to take a picture of this.
Oh, my God.
That's doing worse than the Jets over here.
Oh, my God.
That's so sweet.
Here, I'm going to take this picture before we take a bite out of it.
I figured you'd want to take a bite.
Oh, you're welcome.
Beautiful and natural.
That is your best cake ever, I'd say.
What?
I've made so many.
Oh, I didn't do anything.
Are you guys a part of this?
Yes, yes, we all made the cake.
Yeah.
We all planned it.
Yeah, they all.
It was their idea.
They said, Cutie, make a cake.
Yeah, totally.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
I planned it really hard.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
What'd you guys get me?
Oh, we got you nothing.
That's okay.
That's right.
Sorry.
I asked you.
I asked you.
Take a photo with me.
Wait, well, you got to put it in your mouth first.
What the fuck?
Wait, wait, wait.
I need to make sure I look good in the picture, though.
Okay, that's fine.
We're live.
We're filming a podcast.
We're filming a podcast.
Should we do it later?
No, no, just keep going.
No, just it's surprising that you have the cake at a 90-degree angle and it's staying on there.
That's so perfect.
Run it.
Yeah.
Look at the vein.
God, that is so perfect.
Are you going to put it in your mouth?
Yeah.
So now you have to take a bite of it.
Wait, should I like...
Hold on.
Wait, wait.
Hassan won't let me see the video if I'm not sure all of this.
Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
Is this making it difficult for you?
But the dick is on the table.
Put it in your mouth.
Yeah, bite the head off.
It's better if you buy it.
Bite the head off.
Bite the head off.
Put it in.
Put it in your mouth.
Come on, get in there.
What a top guy.
Can't even fix.
Get that dick.
Put it in your mouth right now.
You slut.
Yeah.
Get that head.
Oh, he's going to drop it.
Cutie, make sure he doesn't drop the penis, please.
It's not lighting everywhere.
Oh, god, damn.
I'm sorry.
Fondant sucks.
Oh, what flavor is the dick?
The flavor is fun fetti.
That's so much.
I know you have a lot of fondant.
Fondant's kind of gross.
Oh, he ate it all.
This is the most.
He's not going to scalp it.
No.
Yeah.
Let me show you.
Okay, Austin.
I have to say conclusively that you are defeating the selfish top allegations right now.
You throated that.
Yeah, you fucking.
Did I throw that dick?
You throated that so well, and you didn't spit.
You swallowed.
Which I respect.
Now you got to de-sleeve the dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Guys, thank you so much.
The veins are underneath.
What's in the veins?
Oh, my God.
The veins are just fondant.
Cutie, that is so sweet.
Thank you so much.
I'm serious.
Welcome.
Okay, let me get a fork.
Let me get into that bad boy.
Cutie has been so incredibly busy.
And she's, you know, I'm sorry, Cutie.
I'm going to expose you a little bit.
She's been so incredibly busy, and we know that, but she took time out of her day to spend time making a cake.
To make some dick.
To make some nice cock.
That is so sweet of you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It's being suspicious.
Well, we tried to find, we were gonna, we tried to find like twink strippers to like surprise you, but it's actually kind of hard.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Oh my god, I would have lost my I know, but I didn't know how to find them in LA.
That's okay.
You should have called me.
I would have hooked you up.
I mean, I would have been like a surprise.
Surprise would have been over.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Let me tell you, for my next birthday, I'm going to connect you with one of my friends.
Oh, so good.
One of my gay friends for Twink Strippers.
Well, you're not going to eat any because we have the nude calendar tomorrow.
I don't like cake.
Oh.
You know this.
I don't know.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I don't really like cake, but it's hard to.
We'll only eat key lime pie.
I mean, the shoot tomorrow, I'm going to be honest.
I'm already destroyed.
I've spent the last 48 hours shooting.
I couldn't work out.
My diet's been shit these last 48 hours because I've been working.
I had to eat on set.
I'm going to look like shit tomorrow.
Well, that's not true.
Yeah, and the shoot is at 9 a.m.
Who the fuck was planned that?
Me.
That's so dumb.
Why?
I'm going to look like shit.
Well.
Well, it's the morning.
What you'll do.
He was supposed to fly out.
You should get a steak burrito.
That'll cure you.
No, no, no.
You need steak or something.
You need glycogen.
Austin, I'm going to go home and ride a stationary bike for five hours.
Yeah, but you can't deplete your body.
You need to pump it full of something.
I'm going to deplete the fuck out of it.
Well, no, but you need to be pumped.
Whatever.
Hey.
I'm pumping it full of cake right now.
I'm photoshopping my boss.
I was just about to say, I'm relying heavily on Photoshop Magic.
Why are we even shooting it here?
I don't understand.
I don't understand it either.
I have no idea.
Guys, QD spent a lot of time putting it together.
It's okay.
We got it.
Everything's going to be great, and we're going to make so much money on this calendar.
We're not selling it.
We're not selling it.
We're selling it.
But I doubt we'll get rich.
What the hell are we doing this for then?
I mean, we'll make some money.
I'm kidding.
We'll make some.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
But I was hoping we could.
You wanted this to be your end-all, your retirement.
It's going to be the retirement.
I thought for sure the calorie.
Yeah, for sure.
Hassan, Hassan has been gobbling up this dick.
Dude, I love dick.
God, he's been.
Oh, my God.
This dick.
Peel those balls.
We have talked nothing about nothing, but we're just eating this dick.
I'm excited for these topics, Austin.
Look, he's not excited about him.
Is it possible?
No, it's a bad job.
It's really bad.
But the initiative counts.
Yep.
The initiative counts.
We're trying our best.
Yeah.
Oh, thank you very much.
Delicious.
I have topics.
Yeah, what are they?
I have to show Cutie Cinderella something.
The Troy Sivon Meme00:15:59
I don't want to see it.
I know what it is.
Meat Canyon, please.
I know.
I don't like a very talented artist.
But I don't like it.
Oh, you did a Taylor Swift video.
Yeah, but I don't like.
Meat Canyon, you're very talented, but I don't like your...
It gives me gives me the Keebie Jeeves.
What do you mean?
That looks just like Taylor Swift.
Can we take a look at it?
It's like Courage the Cowardly Dog.
I feel like this will be... Beavis and Butthead, I can't watch it.
Do you really not want to watch it?
Because I promised Stream that we would make you watch this and get your real life real-time feedback on it.
Why don't we watch it in the paywall?
Okay.
Brilliant.
Okay.
Or industrious.
I like that.
Yep.
Okay.
Yep.
Something to boyfriend.
Something to remember.
We were, what else?
There was some stuff that happened.
Are you driving your price?
And Taylor Swift was playing, and Hassan said, I like this song.
Whoa.
That was your takeaway?
Yeah.
Wow.
I don't remember.
I was anti-hero.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, I said I know this song.
No, you said we liked it too.
Yeah.
I don't remember that.
I remember making fun of a lot of the music, but he did.
He did make fun of Slut, her song about slut shaming.
He said, this one should have stayed in the vault.
Well, she said it was the vault song.
I like that.
Oh, slut shaming?
I don't think.
I didn't know it was about slut shaming.
I just.
It was about her getting slut-shamed.
I think we need to normalize slut behavior.
It's pretty normalized.
I think it's mostly normal.
Yeah, people get slut-shaming wouldn't be a thing.
We did it.
We did it.
We normalized it.
You normalized it?
We all did.
No, he was being facetious.
Oh.
Group effort.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's so fucked up.
I think being a slut is in.
Yeah.
Right?
It's so in.
Okay, well, I have another video, but this time for Austin.
Austin, explain to me what's going on with Troy Sivon.
You're gay.
Oh.
He's gay.
There's a Troy Sivan.
I heard that on SNL, there was a Timothy Chalamet.
Made fun of Troy Sivon.
I don't know a lot about the controversy myself, but my gay senses were tingling and I sensed the disturbance in the force, particularly because what?
I feel the rush, addicted to your touch.
Oh, I don't know him either, if that's helpful.
It made fun of Troy Sivon not being able to talk well.
What?
It made fun of.
That seems a little mean.
It made fun of.
So are people up in arms about this?
No, I think a lot of.
I think he's like a gay meme at this point.
What?
Like James Charles?
Oh, no.
Not like James Charles.
Definitely not.
It's a bad.
That's a bad.
Is James Charles a gay meme?
Well, in a way.
In some ways, but not a positive one.
Oh.
I don't know.
I don't.
No, Troy Sivon is not like that at all.
I wouldn't mention the two in the same breath.
Breath.
Yeah.
No, it's more so that he likes wearing big pants, skinny t-shirts, and showing his little red butt.
Yeah, but I love it.
Wait, he has a little red butt.
I'll be honest.
I looked at both videos.
Can you pull up the music video?
Troy Sivan's list.
His butt is red?
Oh, no, he was wearing red undies.
His butt could be red.
I don't know.
Oh, spank.
Rush, rush.
It's rush, right?
Austin, is it rush?
Yeah, yeah, rush.
Is that the one with the butt?
I don't know.
Oh, God.
I don't know if that's not Troy Sivan's butt, though.
That's the beginning where somebody spanks it.
Oh, my.
What the?
That's not his ass.
Don't show that.
Don't show that.
But also, no.
Oh, that is his ass.
Damn, that's a nice ass.
No, no, no.
That wasn't him, was it?
It was his ass, yeah.
Oh, was that him?
Look in the corner.
That's definitely him, right?
Oh, it could be, but he comes into the frame as the camera pan.
He runs.
Look at him run.
He runs across the ceiling.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
I'm just learning that that was him.
Bro, you don't even know you're.
No, it wasn't him.
It wasn't him.
It wasn't him.
You just, you think all gay people look alike?
I'm pretty sure they show him like that.
They chose that person specifically, so it looks like.
Oh!
I learned a new term.
I learned a new gay term from the SNL sketch.
What?
Blouse.
Blouse choice.
No.
Blouse.
Okay, what about it?
Tell me, tell me.
What do you think?
What gay terminology does blouse refer to?
Why, Austin?
There's a whole cake right here.
You don't need to eat the crumbs on the table.
You can't clean up the mess.
Okay, what gay terminology do you think blouse refers to?
No, no, don't put the crumbs back in there.
I'm going to still eat the chicken.
Fuck.
Will is dying.
Will, what gay terminology do you think blouse refers to?
Blouse is a shirt.
Something to do with your chest.
I don't know.
Blouse is, I think it refers to like a somebody, like a, like, like a beard, right?
Am I on the right track?
Like wearing a blouse.
I think it refers to a loose butthole.
I'm not saying anything.
It's like Klaus.
You're going to have to tell us eventually.
As the resident homosexual homosexual scholar, let me tell you.
Klaus refers to a femme top.
Oh, which is Troy Sivon.
I learned Troy Sivon was a top, which I support.
A femme top?
Fun.
Yeah, I mean, he is.
It has nothing to do with the butthole.
I really wanted it to be.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm not fucking okay.
I'm watching the Jets.
Oh, shit.
How are you scared to see them?
He's watching it on his face.
Oh, I see it.
Dude, if you went into psychosis in that moment and decided to murder all of us, you would.
Yeah, you guys wouldn't.
None of us, we couldn't stop you.
No, there are not many people that could, really.
You would have to try to hold him off for Austin Night to escape.
I would probably just be like, hey, it's my birthday.
I'd probably kill the three of you and leave him to tell the tale.
Really?
Marsh?
Can I tell the tale?
Can we change that in your brain right now?
I would like to tell the tale.
I really would.
Would you spare me on my birthday?
No.
He lost it.
I'd be like, Will, I haven't fucked enough in this life.
He can't.
You have.
I think you would be the first one to go.
No, I literally.
If I couldn't fuck, I would kill myself.
Jesus Christ.
Would you?
What?
No, I would not kill myself.
I wouldn't either.
What the fuck?
If you couldn't fuck.
Would you kill yourself?
Nah, probably not.
Well, maybe I'd think about it.
Well, let's move on.
Like, what if the Vikings win a Super Bowl after you killed yourself?
Like, you, and you missed it.
Oh, that's right.
Okay, if the Vikings sold the franchise and I can't believe I'm trying to describe reasons for you to live.
Look, it would put a damper on me.
And the Vikings is one of them.
It would put a damper on my life.
So what happened with Troy Savant?
So anyway, so Troy Sivan and Timothy Chalamay copied this video of Troy Sivon.
Making fun of his dancing or whatever.
I watched both of them.
That seems crazy because Timothy, like, hear me out.
Maybe this is a mean take.
Timothy Chalamet is so relevant, and I don't think Troy Savant is relevant.
No, Troy Sivon had the gay song of the summer in Rush.
The funniest part about it is that they actually refer to that in the sketch where they say, well, honey, Troy Sivan is gay famous, which is different.
Oh.
Like you.
I don't know if Austin's gay famous.
I don't know if Austin's gay famous like me.
I do get recognized more at gay bars than I do in other places.
Yeah.
So I think I am.
By the way, I got recognized today by somebody at the Abbey.
What did they call it?
It was a straight woman.
It was a straight woman who they're usually always Hasanabi heads too.
She's from Washington, D.C., and she was freaking out.
And she opens up her phone, swear to God, opens up her notepad, and it says celebrity crushes.
And down on the list, it says Austin Show if he was straight.
That's crazy to have a list on your phone in case you're not.
No shit.
She put it on there and she was wonderful.
So I bought the whole table drinks.
Aw.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
And it was amazing.
And had she not had that in there, I would have fucking never talked to her again.
Yeah, you would have been like, ew.
But anyway, so Troy Sivon and Troy Savon, Timothy Chalamay, I saw both the videos.
Both are hot.
So, okay.
This leads me to the beginning of it.
Yeah, you didn't explain anything.
I feel like I had a stroke.
Okay, it's fine.
We're moving on from that.
Timothy Charlemagne is hot.
Can we not move on?
Can I know what happened?
I don't know what happened.
It was the most innocuous.
I watched the sketch.
He just makes fun of him.
It's the most innocuous sketch ever.
It wasn't even making fun of him.
It was an SNL sketch that was poorly written and not very funny and not very inflammatory either.
And I guarantee you no one's offended.
But it was hot.
I just wanted to poll Austin because I wanted to see what he was thinking.
I watched it on mute.
I thought it was hot.
And I think all gay people probably thought the same thing.
Okay.
I like Timothy.
I don't like Timothy Chalamet as a famous person, but I watched his videos before he was famous.
Wait.
About his Xbox controller reviews.
He was a child when he was doing those.
Oh, I saw those.
I've seen those.
They're cool.
I don't.
I know.
It sounds like I was saying I was attracted to a child, but I'm not.
I was saying.
Thank you for clarifying that.
That definitely made it way less weird.
I was trying to say disgusting.
You know what?
I don't like him in any way, shape, or form.
Okay, great.
You hate them at all stages.
I hate Timothy Chalamet.
Okay.
I'm so excited for Dune.
So here.
Wait, are you being sarcastic or are you being serious?
Oh, okay, good.
Because I am excited for Dune as well.
So here's what I wanted to ask you guys about.
Okay, since Austin came up with a lot of topics today, I have one as well.
We need to have it.
There is a concept on the internet called ugly hot versus hot ugly.
You guys have heard of this before?
Ugly hot, like pugs.
Like the dogs.
No, like humans.
Okay, after Timothy Chalamain is a child, you've now said a dog is hot.
Wait, you think pugs are hot, dude?
No, I think they're so ugly that they're cute.
No, it's not like that at all.
It's so far outside of what you just said.
Pete Davidson.
Yes, thank you.
Okay.
He is a human of pugs.
Okay, Jesus Christ.
Okay, so Pete Davidson is by a lot of women's standards considered ugly hot.
Okay.
Now, I have the peak ugly hot man, and a lot of people in my community disagree with me on this, but I will ride or die for this.
Okay.
Jeremy Allen White.
Who is that?
Yeah, he's ugly hot.
I've said that Jeremy Allen White is ugly hot.
Yeah, he's hot.
However, many in my community are claiming that he's just hot hot.
No, he's not.
He's ugly hot.
He's ugly hot.
What do you guys think?
This is how you determine it.
Oh my gosh, we should look at people's top 100 sexiest men alive.
That'd be fun.
Oh, yeah.
In the paywall.
It just came out.
No, let's look at it here.
We don't have fucking anything.
These are my topics.
Oh, sorry.
I had great topics too.
This is how you determine it.
If he wasn't famous, would you be attracted to him?
Probably not.
I think he's attractive.
No, he's attractive.
He's a good person.
I think so.
I think he's across the board attractive.
I just don't think that he's like.
What's happening?
She's just laying down.
Before we get into this, is there anybody here at this table that's ugly hot?
Are you...
No, no.
No, shut up.
Will, shut the fuck up.
All right, I'm just ugly.
No, Will.
You're such a bitch.
Will.
Will's having a bad day, everybody.
We love you.
I just haven't slept.
I'm so tired.
Will, look at the way Kai is looking at you.
There's no way you're ugly.
She is in heat and she wants you.
And she actually won't break eye contact with you.
This has been interesting.
We have gone from calling pugs hot to you saying Kai wants to fuck Will.
Okay.
I guess.
So you don't want to do a list of like ugly hot.
No, I'm down.
I'd love to.
I'm down too.
Okay.
Well, I thought maybe we could pull this up.
Like a list of ugly hot celebrities.
And I want to hear.
Is this Googleable?
Yeah.
Ugly hot celebrities.
Okay.
Okay.
Wait, wait.
Question.
No.
Pam from the office.
Is she hot?
No.
No, right?
No.
She's...
What's the term?
Homely?
Oh, my God.
Homely is ugly.
Does that mean ugly?
No, I thought.
Google homely.
I thought it meant like modest.
No, I'm hot.
I thought that too because my grandpa used to call my cousin homely.
Homely.
And then I googled it and it means like ugly.
My mom used to use that term.
I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say.
No, I'm wrong then.
That's not what I meant.
My grandpa used to be like, Cammy's so homely.
I don't mean that she's ugly at all.
I think she's like an average, above average looking, like attractive person.
I think she's hot.
I don't think she's hot.
I think she's like very so normal.
Why does homely mean unattractive?
That's such a weird way to say it.
I feel like...
I don't know.
English is complicated.
Yeah.
It's like we have hot at home.
Yeah, that's how I have always thought.
That's like we have McDonald's at home.
Like it's shitty McDonald's.
Yeah.
I think it's so that'd be unattractive.
That's why.
No, not like unattractive.
I think cute is just the word you're looking for.
I think she's modest.
That's what I think.
I think she's Mormon.
She does look Mormon.
She could be Mormon.
Or like Angela from Madam.
I think they normed her up a lot, though.
Like, go to the actress and not her as Pam.
Yeah, but even, I feel like she can't Jenna Fisher.
That's right.
Jenna Fisher.
Like Anna Kendrick.
Do you think Anna Kendrick's hot?
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anna Kendrick's hot.
Yeah.
Oh, and she, okay, Jenna Fisher does look attractive.
You're right.
She's hot, too.
I think all women are beautiful.
Thank God.
Thank you, Austin.
Thank you for saying that.
I actually feel like, actually, I'm a cunt right now.
Why?
Because I shouldn't be saying this.
You're bringing down the woman.
You're the one who brought up a woman.
Yeah.
I was just going to do like Adam Driver.
I'm a problem.
To all women across America.
Say it.
Jenna Fisher.
I'm sorry.
Say it.
It's me.
I. I'm the problem.
Hi.
It's me.
I'm the problem.
It's me.
Okay.
I think women are more beautiful than anything.
Yeah.
That was lame.
Thank you, Austin.
I'm sorry I did that.
Thank you.
I'm glad that, listen, you're learning and you're growing.
Sorry, society for years and years and years told me that was okay.
And then I decided it's not.
But let's evaluate some men.
Okay, so we pulled that list up.
24 hot celebs we can't explain our attraction to, which is very odd to say.
It's an odd title.
Yeah.
Being ugly hot is a gift that only men seem to possess.
Adam Driver is like known as the major guy.
No, they're just too afraid to say that about women.
I don't think there's any.
Who's an ugly hot woman?
I'm not doing that.
No, no, I'm saying like you know one off the top.
No, I know why.
Really?
I know a few.
You whispered it in my ear.
I'm not doing it.
Is it me?
No.
Okay.
Oh, it's great.
Ugly Hot Celebrities00:07:04
Cutie Cinderella.
Okay, I think she might have.
I think she might have heard that.
Oh, by the way, my mom was at the show last night.
My mom was at the show last night, and she pulled me aside out of the show.
She said, that cutie Cinderella is beautiful.
Did she say she's natural?
Dude, you know what's so funny?
Every single time one of you ever give me a compliment when I'm like dressed up, like fucking Hassan last night, Hassan's like, Cutie, your makeup looks really nice.
You look good today.
I mean, you always look good, but you look at it.
No, that's not how I said it.
You guys always do that.
No, that's not how I said it.
That's not how I said it.
Because if you don't say that, then you're going to be like, oh, it's because I'm wearing makeup.
No, I specifically said, I can't believe you're slandering me.
I specifically said, this is, I think, out of the eyeshadow that you use, I think the smoky eye, it's the gayest compliment I could have ever given you.
I literally said, smoky eyeshadow works best.
It is my favorite makeup that you wear.
You did say that.
I literally said the word.
But you were like, you did.
I did qualify.
I did qualify.
I was like, you always look good.
It's true.
It's true.
I think it's important to acknowledge that everybody at the baseline looks good.
Like you do.
Yeah, but if I said to you, Austin, you look good today, I wouldn't have to do that.
No, I would be like, well, don't I look good every day?
Oh.
I would have been insecure.
Be thinking about it at night.
I'd be like, oh my god, like I think maybe i've fallen off and I don't look as good as I should.
What about the woman from um uh uh, Mad Men, Peggy?
No, that's exactly.
That's actually who I was thinking, the redhead no no, she's hot.
I was about to say no, she's hot hot Peggy, Peggy Madman.
I do not find her attractive at all and I think she's a scientologist, oh yeah, which explains how She has been able to get such incredible roles when this industry.
Doesn't Scientology give you good roles?
Yeah.
That's kind of the whole point.
Find attraction so peculiar.
No, I want to mention something here.
There's a reason why there aren't any ugly hot female celebrities in general.
It's because women are objectified.
I'm not saying this to like, you know, in an Austin way, in a fake way.
Women are objectified.
And the trait that is most valuable, especially in Hollywood for women, is their level of attraction for the most part.
Right.
Which is why you don't usually see a lot of women that don't fit that standard in the way that you see a lot of men that do.
Yeah, but there all are so women that like are just kind of more funky looking like Anna Taylor Joy or whatever.
She's like alien.
You think she's ugly hot?
She's hot.
I think she's like alien, but like gorgeous.
Yeah, it's weird hot.
Hey, hey.
That's all.
Oh, that's who you were thinking of.
I can think of skin off the top of my head.
I can't.
She's not a very nice thing to do.
I can't.
So I'm going to opt out.
We're a drama podcast.
I personally might say that Ana Taylor Joy looks like an alien in her way too.
And her eyes are way too big.
And she's got a giant forehead.
And she looks like an alien being.
She's still gorgeous.
Yeah.
But she's gorgeous in an unusual way.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So here's another one.
Here's another one.
I'm not going to sound off.
I'm not even agreeing with that one.
Yeah, no, no.
A24 Staple, the chick without the eyebrows.
You're talking about Mia Goth.
Yes.
Some people would say that she looks like she's like some kind of monster person.
I would never say those things.
Who would say those things?
Not you.
I would not agree with you.
Just say Austin is saying those things.
I think all these women are so gorgeous, like breathtakingly.
They are, though.
That's the thing.
That's the thing.
I don't think, I'm going to be honest.
I don't think ugly hot exists.
I just think it's unusual hot or unique hot, which is something you typically see in models.
Right.
A lot of models would be considered ugly hot.
Yes, no, you're not absolutely fucking brand of hot.
They're a unique brand of hot.
Yes.
But you wouldn't be like, that's an ugly person.
You'd be like, yo, their features are so unusual and beguiling.
Yeah, usually that would be like...
God, that's so fucking good.
That is such a great description because sometimes I see models and it's usually this strange looking people.
It's high fashion.
It's like the strange looking people that are like, wow, you just, I just want to look at you because your features are so peculiar.
You buck the trend and what we think is ugly hot speakers.
Which is why I'm not a model because I look so good, but it's so traditionally attractive.
I like normal, like I think, okay, like Jenna Fisher, for example, I feel like she's like such a normal looking human that I like that.
Because it's like, it's an obtainable beauty.
That makes sense.
Compared to like fucking Madison Beer is just like, like, I will never look like her, even if I tried.
Cutie, you look like her.
No, I don't.
Do you know what Madison Beer looks like?
I don't know who that is.
Austin, I will never look like her, even if I join Scientology.
I know what Madison Beer looks like, but she's wearing makeup.
You're right.
I'll just put on some makeup.
I'll be fine.
Cutie, no, that's not what I meant.
No, you're right.
You look good with or without makeup, but if you were to do your makeup like that, you'd look exactly like Madison Beer.
Not true.
It's just not how it works.
It's just not fundamentally disagree.
Well, you haven't tried yet.
True.
Put some effort into it.
Put some effort into it, Matt.
I think Adam Driver is attractive.
I think he's good looking conventionally.
Well, actually.
That was quick.
What just happened to you?
I think he'd look good.
I think he looks good.
I'll take it.
All right.
Next one.
Okay, we're going to.
Okay.
We'll do a couple.
Weekend.
The weekend is just attractive.
He's a good-looking guy.
They're all funky looking at all.
Am I wrong?
He's a good looking.
Pete.
I love Pete Davidson.
Yeah, Pete Davidson.
I think Pete Davidson is the fact of attracting him.
They picked some rough fucking.
That was really mean.
Jake Johnson.
I think he's just attractive.
A lot of Jake Johnson fans out there.
Man, it is so easy to be a man.
Have you ever noticed when you walk around?
Compared to like Madison Beer?
There's only like one Jenna Fisher.
Well, here's the deal.
And there's like a hundred Jake Johnson.
Hasana said this a million times.
Are you crazy?
Hasana said this a million times, but like as a man, you can easily just be a seven if you just take care of yourself.
Yeah, every man is a seven.
Every man is a seven if he just takes a shower, cuts his hair.
The one thing that I would say, though, is every man in this category is pretty darn talented.
Yeah, but they're also really good looking.
My point was that even when you have tremendously talented female actresses, like they still clear a standard that Hollywood has imposed upon them as far as like attraction, like their in their physical appearance, that men don't necessarily have to clear in the same way.
Male Beauty Standards00:03:10
Agreed.
That's the point I was trying to make.
And that's why there aren't as many like, there's like weird hot, I guess, kind of, but I wouldn't necessarily say that they're unattractive or like would be considered unattractive in any capacity in the way that like some men used to be, especially in old Hollywood and still are to this day.
But as far as ugly hot goes, I don't even think Jake.
I mean, I guess Jake Johnson kind of.
I think he's just hot.
I don't.
Oh.
I think he's like very like normal looking.
Get out of there.
Every man is a...
Every man is hot to me, besides Orlando Bloom is extra hot.
You find me hot?
He's extra spicy.
You are so hot.
Well, thank you so much.
I agree.
We would be dating if I wasn't gay.
Let's look at people's top 100.
I'm excited to see it.
I'm scared this one seems mean.
The top 100 will just be excited.
James.
Wait.
Hottest, sexy, most sexy man alive.
It was given to Patrick Dempsey.
A lot of them are older men, right?
Oh, move.
Go to go place.
No, no.
Place.
That camp was fire.
Yeah.
Kaya's in heat right now, and she's not doing well.
Yeah, there you go.
She's a good girl.
How long does dog heat last?
Fucking a month.
A month?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Could you imagine if human heat lasted that long?
I don't even know what normal human heat feels like.
Well, I know, because I'm a man and I would never know.
So here's the thing.
With dog heat cycle.
With a dog heat cycle, it's like a four-week process.
And I can't take her to the dog park.
I can't take her around like male, yeah, intact male dogs.
Wait, why isn't she neutered yet or sprayed yet?
She's too young.
Oh.
I need to wait because I need her to develop because she's a big dog.
And if you neuter them too early, if you spay big dogs or neuter big dogs too early, they might have complications later on in their lives, like hip dysplasia and stuff like that.
They're more prone.
Which is why I have to wait for her to go through her first heat cycle.
And hopefully the next one will be a year from now, in which case I will have spayed her by then.
Perfect.
I never want to deal with this ever again.
It's sad.
No, she's fine.
It's just like she's a little annoying.
She's been a piss monster this entire time.
She pissed like 17 times inside the house.
She peed yesterday.
She was mouth breathing.
She was marking the house.
She was marking the house because for the first time ever, because this is apparently something that dogs do when they're in heat.
Normally female dogs don't.
Sign up.
I'm ready to fuck.
Yeah, normally female dogs don't mark.
This house?
There's some fucking going on.
Yeah, exactly.
We got to make sure Farley knows.
Dogs Marking the House00:05:01
Do you really?
They're pissed over my house.
Wow.
I'm pissed all over this house.
How long does your heat last?
Okay, there's the clip.
The list is right here.
I've been in heat for 15 years.
Update November.
The poll results are in.
There it is.
It was Harry Styles.
That guy all the way on the left.
Ooh, I love Harry Styles.
Who's the guy all the way?
All right, let's take a look at the people, sexiest man alive, reader's choice poll results.
The fact that none of us are on this list is a blasphemy.
It is obscene that we were not James Mars.
I think if they knew us, we'd make the list.
Look at the runner-ups.
Sexiest TV star.
Here, you can show it, right?
James Mardson.
There were no shortage of adorable guys to spend time with on your couch this year, including right from the top, Jeremy Allen White of the Bear, Will Sharp of White Lotus, and Quincy Isaiah of Winning Time.
Can you control, scroll up so we can zoom in a little bit?
Why would you watch a show about the Lakers?
Yeah.
Because I love basketball.
Do you?
Yeah.
Since when?
I grew up in a basketball house.
Both of my brothers are basketball coaches.
Do you know this?
I did not know this.
It's actually very shocking.
I've never mentioned this in the entire time we've been talking about sports and other.
We only talk about football.
Okay.
You're a basketball girl.
Who's your team?
You talk as?
No.
That's crazy.
I like the Denver Nuggets.
What?
Why?
Because they just won.
No.
I just always liked the Nuggets.
They're my dad's team, so that's...
Oh, that's sweet.
That's so sweet.
I hate basketball.
I don't fuck with any sports.
So I do like LeBron, though.
I'm a shameless LeBron dick rider because I think you could be converted to liking sports.
No, I couldn't.
He's just not trying.
The only way he could be converted to liking professional sports is if he was on a team.
100%.
Really?
Will is absolutely correct.
He could only ever root for himself.
Really?
I don't care about...
No, I don't only root for myself in general, but I just can't find myself getting invested in...
Why don't you buy a team?
In sports.
Buy a team and then change their name to the communists.
I love playing sports.
I love competition.
I love getting physical.
I love getting active.
I love basketball.
I play basketball for two hours in the sun earlier today.
But you don't like watching?
I just can't fucking get myself to watch.
What's your least favorite sport?
To watch?
He's never watched this sport.
I don't really watch it at all.
The one that I find to be tolerable, I guess, is basketball because I at least know it.
You're not going to enjoy when you go to a football game with Will.
No.
Unless I drink a lot.
For friendship, though.
I will go for friendship.
Yes.
When the Jets are, when the Jets are in the Super Bowl.
I got an idea.
Hold on.
Will, you take him to a Jets game.
I'll take him to a Vikings game.
And by the end of it, we'll see who's a fan of which team.
You think he'll have more fun in Minnesota than he will in New York City.
Okay.
Are you hot?
No, you have to stay next to the stadium.
That's the rule.
In New York City.
No, but the stadium is in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
You got to stay there.
Which is 20 minutes from Manhattan.
You can't go in Manhattan.
You got to stay.
Well, I mean, I'm still losing losing.
You stay right next to the stadium.
You're still losing that because I'm way more comfortable in New Jersey.
That's like my.
Yeah, exactly.
A lot of Muslims in Minneapolis.
No, okay.
Okay.
It's true.
There's a high population.
It doesn't change the reality that no Muslim head coach.
No Muslim head coach.
That's true.
Who was being shamelessly slandered?
Okay.
Can we do a little bit of politics?
Just a little bit.
Like, not real politics, but a little bit.
We'll do it.
Okay.
Yes.
There was someone on Twitter that was yelling at the Jets head coach claiming that because he had the Lebanese flag that they were like automatically like, you hate Israel and that you're a bad person and you love terrorism, which is just racism, really.
That's just a very Islamophobic thing.
Especially because this was an NFL for the month, right?
NFL was allowing.
That's why I would say per capita, the Jets probably have the most Jewish fans of any football team because of where they're located.
That is also probably them and the Giants.
Oh, and probably now the Rams.
Rams are a new team, though.
Rams don't count because it's LA.
Yeah.
So nobody.
Nobody cares.
No one in Los Angeles actually gives a shit.
LA fans suck, don't they?
I mean, it depends on what sport.
They're good Lakers fans.
Okay.
Dodgers, too, I think.
My God, their footballers.
Every game I've been to is like an away game for the home team.
Specifically for the Chargers.
It's always an away game.
It's like people that are vacationing or like from out of town.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not.
Or people that are originally from like Denver or whatever that live in LA now, but they're still root for the Denver team.
Sexiest Podcast Award00:13:21
So let's get back to the people's sexiest TV star, James Martin.
Sexiest TV star.
Congratulations, James.
Okay, what do we think about that?
Is that good?
Sexiest blocks.
Who would be your pick?
Oh, my God, Cillian Murphy.
Two seconds.
Really?
So hot.
Marsh said that.
Guys, he's so hot.
Look up Cillian Murphy and just like look him up.
Not that photo.
He got thin for this.
And old.
Yeah, Killian.
Isn't it Killian Murphy?
I don't know.
Is it the guy that did that?
I call him Cillian.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, no, he is hot.
He's very hot in PK Blinder.
He's kind of ugly hot, though.
No, in PT Blinders.
For this one, I'm going to be honest.
They picked a bad photo of him, but Michael B. Jordan clears this.
Yeah.
Michael B. Michael Bridge.
Actually, Michael B. Jordan is actually gorgeous.
Actually, good, solid pitch.
But if I had to marry...
Oh, fuck Mary Killer.
Goddamn.
Sexy.
Yeah.
What are we even talking about?
What the fuck are we doing?
I'm marrying Cillian.
Fucking inappropriate.
That's how hot he is.
That is dumb that he didn't win.
I will say it compared to Chris Hemsworth.
I agree.
That's racism.
Chris Hemsworth is like, yeah, he's cool.
Nah.
Cillian Murphy is so hot.
Another muscular.
Chris Hemsworth is incredible shape as well.
He's not meh at all.
Everyone has to choose one.
If you saw him in the real world, if he walked up to you and he was like, cutie, I'll fucking lobby it.
Shaz.
I fucking would be.
You would literally piss your pants.
I wouldn't.
Karma is an Australian.
Yeah.
If Cillian Murphy, I would piss my pants.
Well, Killian Murphy is also hot, and he's Irish.
Scroll down.
All right, scroll down.
So hot.
Sexy.
I'm going to be honest.
No.
Such bullshit.
Fuck no.
This is bullshit.
Bullshit.
Joe Burrow is the one that I would have chosen without a doubt.
Look at Joe Barnowski.
Joe is like, he's got you kidding me.
He look at Nick Bosa.
Because he looks like a twink.
Yeah.
Nick Bosa, who is not on the list because he's canceled, but it's Nick Bosa.
I was an asshole.
Show Austin, you know what?
And I said Travis Kelsey wasn't attractive, but he's grown.
You know what Nick Boss?
Bosa?
Yeah, yeah, I know Bosa.
You don't think he's hotter?
You don't think he clears Body Bosa?
Nick Bosa?
Yes.
Clears Travis Kelsey.
I haven't seen Nick Bosa.
Everybody on this list clears Travis Kelsey.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
No, show images first.
Yeah, click on Bosa photo.
Oh my god.
What a unit.
That's a big belly button.
I'll say it.
That's a man right there.
That's a man.
That's a man.
Travis Kelsey looks corn-fed in a very good way, but Nick Bosa clears, in my opinion.
Well, Travis won.
Yeah, I wonder why.
I wonder why.
I think this is completely wash and it's wrong.
Look up Notre Dame's quarterback.
This kid out of college is, he looks like he looks like a superhero.
Oh my God, that's awesome.
Look at this guy.
Oh my gosh.
He's so fucking hot.
I watched Notre Dame games just because this guy is so hot.
Oh my God.
Look.
It's weird.
Yeah, he does look like a cartoon.
What the feet?
He looks like the Giga Chat.
Yeah, yeah.
He looks like the Giga Chat.
He looks like if you put me through a beauty filter, it's actually, it's look at that.
That is after four quarters of football, and he takes his helmet off.
I look like fetal alcohol syndrome when I take a helmet off.
God, look at him.
Yeah, that photo is so stupid.
Also, oh, yeah, we can't see because it's under the oh my gosh.
So we all agree that's the hottest athlete.
Yeah, I think that's the hottest person.
I don't even think we need to do the listeners.
The hottest person said on.
We don't need to do the list anymore.
There's 100 on this list, kitty.
We won't do that.
We're going through 13.
We're going through each category.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
You make me a dick cake.
You think you can talk down to me on my birthday?
Yeah, on your birthday.
All right.
All right.
Next.
Oh, I agree.
I agree.
Wait, what the fuck?
Who's number two on this list?
Is that Tim McGraw?
What the fuck is happening on this list?
And is that future?
Harry Styles is so hot.
What is this list?
Wait, hold on.
They just do this for clicks.
Yeah.
People are mad because Harry Styles shaved his hair.
Like, completely?
Okay.
Can I just say that?
Like, is he bald?
This list is so stupid.
No, this is just a gotcha.
I'm realizing that this is the dumbest list of all time.
Wait, show me Harry Styles' hair.
Show me just more of Harry Styles every day, please.
Did he get his buzz cut?
Let's see.
There's his buzz cut.
Oh, he's so hot.
Oh, boy.
I mean, he.
Hot with the buzz cut.
He also has a little alopecia.
What?
What are you talking about?
He's not hot with the buzz cut.
Well, that's what I would look like with a buzz cut a little over or something.
Anyway, this list is fucking over.
Tim McGraw over Bad Bunny.
Like, what are you fucking nut?
Harry Styles and I are.
Yeah, Bad Bunny's hot.
Bad Bunny is hot and probably would have won this out of the four that is here, but there's like way sex.
I feel like there's way sexier music.
His name is Malik is hotter than he's.
Yeah, when did he sing?
He's not singing currently.
That's right.
He's not.
No, he didn't stop singing.
He's done.
He's never singing again.
He stopped singing.
Yeah, he stopped singing.
Okay, sexiest morning show host.
I have no idea who Marcus is.
Bull wait, is that George Stephanopoulos?
What the fuck?
Okay, we don't even need to look at this.
This is collect bang.
Why do you hate George Stopanoffale?
Because I don't hate him.
Look at how ugly these fucking hosts are.
What are you crazy?
No, Nick Burlson.
Mario Lopez?
Like, what are we doing?
What are we doing here?
Nick Burlson.
Come on.
He's easy.
Broson should have won this one.
Sexiest grandpa.
Piers Morgan versus who the fuck are these other guys?
Is that Al Roker?
What is this?
Nice guy competition?
Yeah.
Wait, Al Roker's.
Okay, Pedro Pascal.
Yes.
Dog dad.
Yes.
Okay.
I like how he's the only one in the category.
Funny guy.
What?
That's baffling.
That's crazy.
What is happening?
What about that stand-up comedian?
It's like fucking super hot.
The white kid.
Matt Matt Rife.
Yeah.
Rife.
Oh, my God.
You knew immediately.
Also, I would say who's the guy who doesn't know Matt Rife?
Who went from so sexy?
Oh, my God.
Go the one to the left.
This is a thirsty episode.
Jesus Christ.
He's a very good looking dude.
For sure.
Jesus.
Holy shit.
We should go see him.
Oh, yes.
Let's go see him, Cutie.
Let's get front row tickets.
This is like one of those dudes backstage passes.
If we got front row, I would literally be shy, I think.
This is one of those dudes.
This is one of those dudes that I just like, I hate him.
Oh, my God.
We need to do a Patreon segment that probably won't ever happen where Cutie and I just go on these adventures, like girl trips.
Okay, here's another thing that you're never going to do for those top two subscribers.
When you do 10 episodes of White Hat Karen, we can do something else.
White Hat Karen is a segment.
This will replace White Hat Karen.
Okay, well, do one first.
You kind of got killed at your own segment, too.
People at Name Your Price were saying this.
They were coming out, but they're like, you are the White Hat Karen.
Multiple people said this.
Whoa.
This is really awesome.
Yeah, I was piercing my lips, too.
Whoa.
I mean, they're kind of not wrong.
Look, you know what?
Sometimes a rookie quarterback can come into a game and have a great game, but you know, you got to look at the record, really.
You got to look at the stat sheet, you know.
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
Like I said, I make six figures a year and getting money back from the market.
Well, you've just never seen that in the segment.
Well, look, folks, I mean.
It's like, oh, dude, you can throw bangers at training, but when we need to see it on the screen.
When it's for the Super Bowl, you're fucking falling.
Well, hold on.
I just want to make a note.
Will only got partial refund at that moment.
Had you given me the time and the space.
What did you get?
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Can you answer my question?
Had I had ample time, I would have owned the Resort World Hotel.
You had so much.
What do you mean?
You had so much time.
I'm serious.
I would have owned the Resort World Hotel.
I would have renamed it to the Show Hotel.
All right.
And none of this would have ever happened.
Nobody would ever be stuck in an elevator.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Sexiest Ken.
That's stupid.
That's a stupid one.
Sexiest new dad.
Tom Hiddleston had a baby.
Wait, Daniel Radcliffe had a baby?
Daniel Radcliffe should have won this one.
I don't think any of these guys are hot.
No.
I'm looking at this list.
This is.
Oh, my God.
Wait, are you kidding me?
The Twinks got shafted in this fucking TikTok bullshit.
I don't know who's the fucking.
Josh Richards should have won.
And the top nine.
Okay, sexiest podcast host.
That feels like nepotism.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
Wait, who the fuck are you?
Does that guy have a podcast?
Taylor Lautner is technically Taylor Walton.
That'd be really funny if he didn't and they just gave him sexiest podcast.
I thought it was his wife's podcast.
That'd be so podcast.
Wait, look up Taylor Lautner's podcast.
Do we get more views than Taylor Lautner's podcast?
Mostly.
Most definitely.
The squeeze.
Most definitely.
Yeah, they need some help.
Yeah, it says Taylor Ottner who hosts the squeeze with the.
Oh, we clear them so hard.
Oh, my God.
You didn't even get fucking nominated?
Dude, we clear them so hard.
This is bullshit.
This is on you guys.
This is for men, so I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you didn't get nominated for sexiest podcast host.
Look, Marsh, chill.
They do, though.
Their podcast sucks.
I'll say.
The thing is, this is this is because what's happened in media is like the mainstream media monster has not like the money is still feeding it, but the people are watching digital and they haven't been able to Yeah, so they're just trying to like fuck out here.
You're spear they're trying to spear dick fucking mainstream media talent into these new medium into this new medium and it's failing but they're still like trying to keep it alive by going like this is the hottest podcast.
I was like, get the fuck out of here.
Is John Krasinski doing anything?
What is he doing right now?
I'm pissed.
People magazine, you're out of touch.
I said it.
This was the worst list of all time.
I think I got mad.
Just list in general?
Yeah, out of all lists, including all the BuzzFeed lists.
We could have ended it, the quarterback from Notre Dame.
Yeah, we could have.
We could pull him back up.
Giga Chad from Notre Dame.
Why are you guys trying to see him again?
Cutie?
What's weird?
We should see if Matt Rife's coming on tour.
I'm serious.
Can you look at this?
Let's just like see.
Yeah, I'll just look.
Will you come to Oregon with me if he's there?
Rife.
This guy's hot.
Tour dates.
He looks crazy.
Dude.
Oh, Hollywood 11th through the 24th.
Wait, right now?
No way.
I don't know what month it is.
Oh, he is here November 22nd.
Oh my god, where am I?
Wait, it's Thanksgiving.
Hold on.
Why are you getting gayer?
No, I don't know.
Oh my God.
Where am I?
Oh my God.
Wait, wait, no, where am I?
I can't go.
Oh, fuck.
It's Thanksgiving.
Oh, fuck it.
Let's skip it.
Thanks.
We can't leave Thanksgiving for Matt Rife.
I'm hosting my family's Thanksgiving this year.
Wow.
Yeah, I'm having 33 people at my house.
Me too.
Really?
I always host.
Can I come to your Thanksgiving?
No.
Okay.
Let's just say I didn't have a place to go.
No gays alive.
No, you know why you are not welcome at my family gatherings anymore?
No, because first of all, last time you were at a family gathering that you were invited to, you came two hours late.
You came with this is the podcast.
Remember this camera.
I'm going to bring this up.
14 people.
Okay, Hassan made them sit on the pavement for himself.
He's joking.
Let's not talk about it.
All right, on that note, this is the end of the episode.
We're going to the paywall.
We're going to make Cutie Cinderella watch the Meet Canyon video.
I've been promised that I'm going to get canceled for being a superficial asshole.
And I just want everyone to know it was just for entertainment.
Also, I'm very attracted to my boyfriend, Frenny Stalker's out there being like, she was saying that about Cillian Murphy and Matt Rife.
Ludwig clears my head, and she doesn't want to fuck me.
I still get shy around Ludwig, and I don't want to fuck Austin.
Wait, do people think that?
No one has ever thought about it.
No one thinks that.
No one has thought that.
Wait, what?
How did Austin get involved in this?
He wants to be.
Yes.
I am sexually attracted to Austin's show.
And it's bad.
And I don't know what to do about it.
Is Kim Kardashian posted a picture of her in a purple dress with speak now lyrics?
Come on.
Stop having.
Let me put it this way.
I told you about that, Brittany.
I told you about her.
She had her moment.
Imagine being one of the least popular girls for good reason.
You're a jerk.
And then this angel comes down from on high and gives you the divine spark and is like, you're a cool girl now.