Fear&SelfSuck hosts dissect their TikTok-driven content strategy, debating merchandise designs and speculating on Ludwig's sexuality while addressing viral pet anecdotes and Taylor Swift's criticism of "Galers." They contrast MrBeast's philanthropy with Jeff Bezos' hypocrisy, discuss live streaming bans in Japan, and lament the censorship of Hiroshima discussions despite personal efforts to be courteous. The episode concludes with plans for a Catalina trip, reflections on music versus comedy careers, and listener complaints about traumatic hotel incidents, ultimately highlighting the chaotic intersection of internet culture, personal trauma, and the struggle for creative authenticity in a saturated digital landscape. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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TikTok Introductions and Body Pillows00:14:32
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast with your favorite hosts, Austin Show, Will Neff, Hassan Piker, and Cutie Cinderella.
I hate when you introduce yourself first.
What's wrong with that?
He says himself first because that's what TikTok thinks.
Okay, TikTok thinks this is an Austin show.
Austin Show's own podcast.
It's in his house.
He's kind enough to let us mere mortals stand alongside him.
It's actually, people don't even know my name anymore.
Oh, yeah.
I was...
Yeah, I'm the Twink guy.
I was out in Miami this past week.
People come up to me.
You're the Twink guy.
I don't know your name.
You literally talked about this last week.
Well, you know what?
It wasn't a good clip.
I'm going to try it again.
I saw the clip on your TikTok.
That's how I know you talked about it last week.
It flopped.
So I'm going to try it.
I genuinely...
We're redoing a segment because it didn't hit on his TikTok.
I don't understand how you operate this way.
Like, you're living life one TikTok clip at a time now.
That's right.
There's something else we need to talk about.
I had merch designed and none of you responded to it.
Wait, you didn't send me anything.
I sent it in the group to Mauricio.
Thank you, Mauricio.
Mauricio is taking credit for it, but it was my mod who made it.
Wait, what?
Just show.
Okay, it's my fan.
Are you kidding me?
I'm going to pull up everything.
So, okay, so it's Haas on Twitch, who is a big Haas in Ibbyhead, who you've made a bigger Archbishop.
You've made now an Arch villain mod.
Well, he's a bigger Archmillid.
I don't know about that.
I don't like it.
That's why.
Well, can we pull it up, Billy Rave Brains?
Self-sucking kills.
Yeah, I saw it in the podcast.
I will admit.
It's on Twitter.
It's just on Twitter.
Well, here, he'll get to it.
I will admit.
I will admit I did not react to it because I don't want it to be made.
Yeah.
Well, that's, can we pull it up so that our audience can see what we're talking about?
It's not.
They should see it in the first five minutes.
I think they should.
It's one of those things where maybe no one should see it.
That's a little unusual that you're saying that.
So there it is.
That's self-sucking kill.
I love that.
Thank you.
I think it's very artistic.
It's our community.
Do you know that we have all died of self-suck at one point?
Maybe not merch, though.
I don't think I died of self-sucking.
Not on the song.
Wait, did you?
Did you die of self-munching?
Yeah.
When she wasn't on the podcast.
Oh, yeah, she did.
She ate her own vagina.
Wait, honestly, the other ones.
I haven't seen those.
I'm not going to show them.
Oh, because they might turn into stickers.
Look at those.
Oh, those are really good stickers.
I like the gooey one, especially with the new set.
I think that's the thing.
We should just do them all.
Yeah, eventually.
Did Haas do all of them?
Wow.
They look great.
Haas is, so not many people know this.
He doesn't even know this, I bet, because Haas is more of a Will Neff person than he is.
I feel like he's more of a Haas on Ivyhead, but.
Do you know what his previous career was?
Interesting.
He was a Disney American.
I did.
I did know it.
I knew that.
Damn it.
I actually didn't know that.
He's very mysterious, and a lot of people actually think he is an AI.
There are rumors that Haas is actually an AI.
So he's incredibly talented, and he's making a lot of the stuff for us.
But the one thing that I want, I think we should do one self-suck.
Maybe it's just a sticker.
One gooey fear end for the new set, probably a t-shirt.
And then I've got to have it, ladies and gentlemen.
I got to have it.
I got to have a beautiful and natural.
That's...
Where is it?
Those are all stickers.
It needs to be more profound.
I have someone working on our merch.
Make an edit to the self-sucking one.
I think we need the banana to be a penis.
Oh my god.
Myself.
No.
It is.
Austin, it's heavily implied that I think it should be active.
No, no, that's ridiculous.
No, no, I'm vetoing that.
That's crazy.
Okay, so hold on.
I'm crazy for saying that, but when you look at the banana, there's literal stuff coming out of the pillow.
Okay, the banana already is ridiculous.
The banana is already ridiculous.
Making it a penis would be a crime, I think, to wear in public.
I think sales would go through the roof.
I know that's because the only thing you know how to sell is dick sucking.
Oh, I didn't even show you.
And you're not even very good at it, apparently, by your own admission.
Wow.
What the fuck?
I could suck you under the table.
Yeah, proof wrong.
Suck scared right now.
Get her right now.
I have to.
Give me a nice little suck.
Oh, shit.
The first sketch of your body pillow because we're waiting on your body pillow in order to get all the God.
That's so good.
That's sexy.
No, guys, I don't look at it.
We're kind of podcasting.
News set, merch.
Oh, my hand.
Wow.
Huh?
How did this all get done?
I wonder.
You know, it hurts me when you act like we're not involved.
Oh, wow.
I talked about the calendar.
I am starving myself.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know what?
Yes.
Thank you, Will, for showing up to the calendar shoot when it happens.
That's it.
I'm done dieting.
I'm going to look like shit.
That's fine.
I'm going to roll in fat.
You don't have to look good.
Yes, I do.
The pressure is crushing.
I'm going to depend on Photoshop.
Yeah, I'm depending on Photoshop.
I'm depending on Photoshop, too.
I'll be honest.
Like, I need at least seven more days.
I need like a week and a half probably to get to my goal.
Well, anyway.
What do you mean?
Cutie, despite you being very petty.
I'm not petty.
Despite you being very petty, you look great these days.
Are you on Ozempic?
No.
Is that a rumor?
Wait, why did you say these days?
I'm just saying she looks great.
It kind of implies that she wasn't looking good.
I'm sorry that I said my co-streamer looks why are you saying why are you saying she looks like shit on other days?
No, no.
So this is the Will episode?
So there's the Will.
It kind of seems like you like it, Austin.
It's sexy.
I think, like, I wish my abs looked like that.
You are the closest to looking like that.
You are the closest to looking like your body pillow out of all of us.
So don't worry.
You think people are going to buy that?
Yeah.
So anyway, once we get the body pillows done, we're going to do a whole merch drop with body pillows, the calendar, and that, and it's going to be great.
I'm so excited.
Can I make one suggestion?
Yes, you may, because this is a socialist podcast.
Hear that?
That was a shot at you.
So, no, so I will listen to everyone's ideas.
I feel like she just said what we're, that's what we do.
We're a Democratic committee assigned.
I think trying to make this a capitalist.
I think we should do one of each body pillow.
That's what we're doing.
That's golden.
Like a one-of-one that you can randomly get.
Okay.
And that's like the golden kappa for our drama.
What do they do?
They get a fuck whoever they get.
No, they're the fucking.
It's the fucking picture.
Oh, no, they just have a one-on-one.
So the fucking fan contest.
Charlie, yeah, Charlie and the chocolate fashion.
He's boosting the sales by because everyone's going to want the golden one.
No, the golden one's sick.
Yeah, we can do one golden one of each pillow.
That'd be cool.
What about your...
Are you making a pillow?
No, because I think people will actually fuck it.
And I think that'd be a problem.
Oh, wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Wait, you think people are going to fucking pick up?
That's fine if they fuck your pillows.
Oh, you know what?
Are you saying our pillows aren't fucking?
The dynamic's a little different.
I think we should put our pillow.
We'll do a little competition.
Why is the dynamics different?
Because I'm a woman.
Wait, wait, yeah.
What?
What is the copy?
Gonna sell our pillows and we're gonna put out a poll and see whose pillow got fucked the most.
I don't want to go.
Cutie, you don't have to be included.
I'm not, I know, I am not doing the pillow.
We already decided.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
Guys, come on.
It's a joke.
We're friends, right?
Wait, are you saying she would win?
Everyone would want to fuck her pillow?
No, everybody would want to fuck her.
Everyone would want to fuck her.
Comments, no, I know.
No, no, it was a joke.
I know.
What's the inverse of it?
I just said that he gave me a sticker.
That was so mean.
Cutie, clearly, everybody would want to fuck your pillow.
What?
That's gross.
What?
No, but it's okay.
Now you're saying everyone wants to fuck her pillow.
I'm in a weird spot here.
I know.
I know.
I'm in a weird spot here.
Nobody should fuck your pillow.
Not even Ludwig.
He's saying Ludwig's not attractive.
No, no, no.
Oh, my God.
Ludwig is attractive.
I actually think he's getting even more attractive.
He's very much.
Stop hitting on my boyfriend.
He's a jock.
You need to dial it back.
He's a jock.
He's a thousand people.
Your boyfriend is going crazy, by the way.
I saw a photo of him like this.
Oh, he showed pits.
He was showing pits on Twitter.
I don't know if he was doing it on purpose.
He's got a mustache going on.
He's got a mustache going on.
He's showing off his pits.
He's in the tank top.
Your boyfriend's gay.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
I'm just going to say it.
Off the top rope.
All right.
Let's bring it up.
Is Ludwig gay?
Let's say that.
Would you be mad at me for speculating?
No.
Okay.
Well, fuck it.
He's gay then.
Okay.
Let's hear your arguments.
I just think he's slowly morphing into a homosexual.
He's got the mustache, like a mustache, tank top, showing pits.
I made him grow the mustache to be Travis Kelsey.
Oh.
Okay.
And now it's November, so he wants to see how thick he can go.
Also, that's pretty gay.
Couples costume with your girlfriend.
Pretty gay.
Also, you guys, does he love you?
Yeah.
Very gay.
Also, gay.
Loving a woman?
Very gay.
Okay.
Yeah.
By the way, I will have sex with a man, and Hassan won't really talk about it.
But as soon as I talk about loving a man, he'll call me gay.
Yeah, it's gay.
Yeah.
It's very straighter than just taking a man.
Yeah, what do you mean?
You're like giving a man.
You're literally conquering a dude.
That's fucking straight as hell.
That's true.
That's true.
Conquering a dude.
Yeah, you're just fucking tanking him out.
I'm just going to revisit this because it's time.
I think we should do Turkish oil wrestling and donate 100% of the proceeds to Palestine.
No.
So you don't want to help Palestine?
Interesting.
Yes.
He won't do well.
I've helped him too much.
I helped him so much, people are saying it's anti-Semitic.
Hamas and Abbey is still under Moston Show.
Okay, I don't know.
I don't know who came up with that.
Bro, if we raised money for Palestine doing oil wrestling, they would have like interceptor rockets by the end of it.
Okay.
They would have their own iron dome.
They'd become the largest military in the world.
Yeah, they'd be like a state, dude.
They'd be the established state.
Holy shit.
Yeah, we can't do that.
All right, what else has been going on, guys?
What's in the news?
What's I took a little went to Miami for a week?
That's not the news.
Oh, the news.
Sorry.
Okay, well, this is my news.
I was just talking about Miami.
I just hung out.
It was great.
I loved it.
Good story, Austin.
I'm so glad you took some time off from your busy schedule.
Guys, I'm on tour right now.
Speaking of which, last time I'm going to talk about it, folks.
Last time.
Permanently.
It's over after this.
It's over.
Well, not permanently.
Yeah, it's over.
Folks, Will.
The entire cast of Fear And is going to be on Name Your Price in Long Beach, California.
Tickets are only $10.
Wait, really?
NYPLive.com.
Hassan Piker is going to be there.
Will Neff's going to be there.
I'm going to be there.
Cutie's going to be there.
Get your tickets now this Saturday, November 11th.
I don't remember that.
Hassan, you'll be there.
Am I?
Hassan is on stage.
You're on the poster.
Most people bought tickets.
You and Cutie.
Don't include me in that.
Cutie.
A lot of people bought tickets when I had a body.
Yeah.
They were disappearing off the bottom.
You kept asking about a body pillow, though.
Yeah, they were like, I want to definitely not fuck this body pillow.
I want to take it.
They were oddly specific about that.
Sell a body pillow if you guys all promise not to fuck it.
You have to sign up for it.
He promised.
They said they wanted to treat it with respect and take it to Disneyland.
A pillow doesn't even feel good to fuck.
You know, dummy.
You cut a hole in it and then you put a warm zipline.
Why are you telling people how to fuck your pillow, weirdo?
Not mine, your guys.
You literally just described how they're going to fuck your pillow before.
You've talked about this before on the podcast.
Sorry.
Red content.
Current events.
Anybody.
Anybody current events?
I went on the yard this morning.
Oh, what you bitch.
I'm sorry.
What?
I was a guest on the yard this morning and then I filmed whine about it and now I'm here.
What?
And I feel like a used up slut.
Yeah, because we are your side bitch.
No, you don't.
You know why you feel like a used up sut?
It's because we are the one that loves you.
And these other podcasts use you like a side piece and you run around town and then you come home and you look at our loving eyes and you know that you're trying to get ownership.
Frolicking because you need us.
Why won't the yard have you are frolicking about like a harlot?
I'm not fraud.
Number one, why not?
I don't know how many times I have to tell you guys, has always been there.
It's always existed.
No, it's not.
No.
No.
I'm denying the existence of why it was.
Why about it left you?
Left you and then came back hat in hand.
Don't say whine about it like it wasn't just Maya.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
I thought we own whine about it, don't we?
They are predatory merger.
Yeah.
I was a guest on the yard and I think I did a bad job.
So what did they talk about?
Yeah, what did they talk about?
They did slideshows about me.
I never see you guys do slideshows about me.
I don't know how to make a slideshow.
Were the slideshows nice?
That's crazy.
Yes.
They were about why they haven't had me on the yard yet.
Oh my gosh.
Why am I?
I just realized this podcast comes out before the yard.
Yes.
I just leave.
Okay.
Idea.
Okay.
Idea.
Sorry, the yard.
Idea.
Idea.
Uh-huh.
We just reenact what they did on the yard.
Yes, do we get it out first?
Yeah.
Hey, Marsh Pope, that slideshow.
All right.
All right.
What else did they do?
What else do they do?
I'm not telling you.
I feel like a traitor.
What are you doing to my boyfriend?
You are a traitor to us.
No, we are your boyfriend, all three of us.
Your boyfriend's gay, cutie.
The Dog Walk Incident00:04:18
Yes.
He doesn't love you.
Don't worry.
He has a podcast with three men.
Wow.
Okay.
You're a beard.
I've been sleeping with him.
I got that.
I had, I brought us a topic, everyone.
Okay.
She's trying to deflect.
She's trying to deflect.
She doesn't want to do the yard thing.
She doesn't want to betray the yard because she likes the yard more than us.
I don't.
Oh my God.
You literally do.
She just went to the trending tab and found this topic.
No, I didn't.
I saved this topic for you because I thought you guys might think it's interesting.
We accept.
We accept.
Okay.
It was posted on R slash Ask Gay Bros.
Is this a me topic?
And I think I think it'll be interesting for everybody.
Okay.
It was posted by user active underscore angel.
And they said, my dog won't listen to me anymore after he saw me bottoming.
It said, I'd rather.
Is that why you sent Kaya away?
Who fucked you?
That wasn't me.
It has 12.4 million views.
He, this person said, I'd rather not go into specifics, but I had a guy over a couple weeks ago for a hookup and forgot to close the door while my Akita I've had for two years wandered in while we were going at it.
The guy was being pretty rough, and I was getting into it moaning, being slutty, you know, bottom things until the top pointed out the dog was watching us.
No, I got him out of the room and closed the door, but since then, my dog doesn't seem to want to listen to me, respect my authority, or even spend much time with me.
I try to pet or hug him, and he growls or moves away.
That wasn't the case before.
I know homophobic dog sounds ridiculous, but is it possible that since he saw me in a submissive position that he doesn't want to listen to me anymore?
Yeah, Akitas are kind of little bitches.
They're like caddy dogs.
They're cute, but they're a little bit, they have a little bit of in them.
That's interesting.
So he saw him being dominant.
He's like, I don't respect you anymore.
Yeah, you beta.
Yeah, beta.
I think he needs to.
I think he needs to bring somebody over.
He needs to bring that guy over and he needs to top him hard.
Wow.
Yeah.
And make smart.
Bring the dog in.
Bring the dog in.
Caesar in the Milan.
Dude, you're.
Watch this, pickle.
You could, this is a TV show in the making where you go and talk to gay people about how to deal with their dog.
I mean, I've had my cats have cats are.
I mean, cats don't listen.
Sometimes pets watch you.
Farley gets a little upset when I fuck.
Really?
Farley's got a behavior.
He'll pull in his stuffed animal and he'll like try and outfuck me.
If I was a girl dog and saw a boy dog, I'd give him like a stuffed animal.
That'd give me the biggest ick as a girl dog.
Wait, wait, wait.
If I was a girl dog and I saw a boy dog, fuck a stuffed animal, it would give me an ick.
Are you trying to cut down my dog's fucking?
Yeah, if I was a girl dog, I wouldn't date your boy dog because I'd be like, ew.
My cats are gay.
Swift is weird.
Whoa.
Whoa, okay.
He has autism.
He has autism.
Like your dog's autistic?
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Big time.
You come for my dog.
He's just trying to lay down a tasty fuck on a cannibal.
If I was a dog, I wouldn't date your dog.
I have nothing for that.
Have you ever.
Well, he doesn't even have a dog, so he can't.
Okay, she's coming back tomorrow.
You gave her away and she'll be.
She comes back tomorrow?
Yeah, she comes back tomorrow.
She got stung by a bee.
Oh, her nose got big.
Oh, poor baby.
But she's fine.
She's done with three weeks of training on boarding.
Is she going to be good now?
I mean, she was already good, but I wanted to make sure that she was like really good.
Yeah.
That I can like walk her without a leash if I want to, that sort of thing.
And like walk her.
I didn't know they had this service.
It's just being rich, baby.
That's how it works.
Say the top 1%.
You're rich.
I can't even find a personal trainer to come to my house.
Wait, like for an athletic trainer?
Yeah.
You're an LA.
I know, but then I'm just going to do it.
Cutie!
And then you would make me run and stuff.
That's what do you think a personal trainer does?
I know, but then I'd hate you.
And it's better if I hate someone else.
You're going to be content.
Because you give me two months.
I'm going to turn you into a specimen.
High School Pit Bull Stories00:14:58
Hi.
Will Neff is crazy.
You're going to be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I don't know if she wants that.
In kindergarten.
In that movie where he gets pregnant.
No, no, in the one where he gets pregnant.
Wait, he got pregnant?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Empreg.
He has a movie where he plays a man who is impregnated.
Yeah, Empreg.
Woke.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He also has a movie where he's Danny DeVito's biological twin.
Oh, yeah.
God, he is great.
Sneaker's the greatest.
He had a great run.
Yep.
Really?
I used to watch Jingle All the Way.
So good.
That's a good movie.
Till Hartman crushes.
No one talks about that movie enough.
Turbo man a good one.
I don't know what that is.
He doesn't watch movies.
No, he doesn't.
I don't really.
No, I don't.
He just has World War II documentaries.
He eats acai bowls, has gay sex, and watches World War II documentaries.
That is mostly true.
Yeah, you're an old man.
I'm not an old.
Wait, okay.
You're an old gay man, but like an old man.
Oh, I do.
I also have been looking forward to my cruise vacation that I'll be taking at the beginning.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to take a cruise vacation.
There's a cruise vacation.
A lot of that.
That's like being like, I smoked a marijuana cigarette.
I can't wait for my cruise vacation.
He's like, I'm going to take a cruise.
He's like, I'm not old.
That's why my favorite is tapioca pudding.
Like, you're not beating the allegation.
What I want to say is I've been seeing, like, a lot of people think I'm eccentric, but I'm only, I'm not like that all the time.
It's just in very specific moments that get amplified on this podcast.
So I'm not like, like, we see you all the time.
We know specific.
We know how eccentric you are.
That was my water.
What?
No, it wasn't.
I brought that in with my popcorn.
I said, Hasan, I'm stealing popcorn and water.
And then I brought in my popcorn and my water.
I didn't even think about it.
I thought I saw it.
Yeah, we know.
That's just how you operate.
Which is why it's ridiculous.
That was an amazing read.
I didn't even notice.
I love the way that you try to gaslight his though.
No, I don't want it back.
I'll give freaking gay disease.
Yeah, I'll get the gay.
I have done nothing.
So I feel like my contributions to this podcast, as far as current events and world news goes, is only going to be political.
Does Kaya watch you fuck?
I'm just.
Yeah.
Kaya.
Is that what you had to say?
I don't think she watches me, but she probably is aware of it.
What do you, oh man, watching is different than like, watching is different than like just being in the room.
You know what I mean?
I had to get a little squirt bottle.
Like, if she's sleeping, then like she's not watching.
That's the way I think.
She sleeps.
God.
She's never been awake while you fuck.
I don't know.
I've never thought about it.
But I do have a dog remote.
I do such tunnels.
Do you remove your pets if they see you?
I do have a dog story.
There was this girl that I was hooking up with who had this massive pit bull.
Oh, I'm dead.
Massive pit bull.
Okay.
And we had hooked up, but I had actually never gone to her house before.
And I went into her house.
We're hooking up.
And this pit bull had like separation anxiety.
And he was just like very, like, he was just a big ass burly ass pit bull with separation anxiety.
We closed the door.
We turned on office.
Immediately we're hooking up.
We're getting, you know, we get naked.
We're having sex.
I did the first notes of dido doo.
Yeah, exactly.
And then I hear scratching on the door while I'm, you know, while I'm getting into it, right?
And I, I don't really think about it too much where I'm just like, hmm, it's in the back of my mind a little bit.
I'm like, where's that?
That noise is weird.
And then the scratching stops.
And I'm like, okay, he must have just like gotten bored and left.
Okay.
Boy, was I wrong.
This dog.
No.
He killed himself.
Yeah, the dog killed himself.
No.
No.
This fucking ginormous pit bull was able to open it.
The door handle was like one of these door handles.
The pit bull had opened the door unbeknownst to me.
And while I was hitting the vinegar strokes, as you will.
What does that mean?
Vinegar strokes is where you're too close to coming to stop yourself from coming.
Never heard that sentence.
And so you kind of make the vinegar from you.
You make a face where you're like smelling vinegar.
Oh, I've never heard that.
Okay.
Whoa.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine because your boyfriend's gay.
I'm kidding.
Sock wet blue.
Okay.
So I'm making that face for a different reasons.
I'm in that situation.
And while I'm in the vinegar strokes, completely oblivious, unbeknownst to me.
So are you about to come?
I'm close.
Yes.
Okay.
This dog opens the fucking door and jumps up at the bed and came within smelling distance of my butt.
I turn around.
I see this fucking behemoth and I come staring at me.
And I have never in my entire life.
I've been in some tricky situations where like, you know, maybe there's a boyfriend, maybe there isn't.
Who knows?
Jesus.
Like, maybe there's a husband who knows that kind of situation, right?
Like, well, plausible deniability.
I don't know.
So it could be.
This was, I've never run out of a house so fucking fast without nutting.
I literally because the dog literally was way too close to my butchy.
Did you run out naked?
No, I pulled my pants in a rush.
I did not even put my socks on.
Like one sock was on.
One sock was off.
I like shoved my feet into my vans and just fucking booked it out of there.
What did you say?
What did she say?
I was like, oh, I got to go.
This is nope.
Nope.
I'm not.
I'm not dealing with this.
Have you ever been in a risky situation where you had to split quick?
Like having sex?
I got walked in on one time, but other than that.
It was like a, I was at, oh, God, this is just their roommate.
She just walked in and it was like, oh!
Butt sex.
Yeah.
You ever have to dip out?
One time I was house sitting in high school and I used to give hand jobs with a condom on, because that was that way.
You're not.
What that way?
Listen oh, my god, I'd rather stick my dick in a beehive.
Wait, what that way?
Jesus, you're not.
You're not touching the penis, you're touching a condom.
How long did those hand jobs take, bro?
That is the most.
That's gotta be a 45 minutes, like high school.
So I don't know, not that long, not that long, bro.
That is the most Mormon shit I've ever heard.
You wouldn't believe the other.
Did you wear gloves too?
No no no wait, I've never told you guys the band-aid story.
No oh no, maybe you, maybe you shared that on the yard.
Yo, it's just kind of a bit of my most infamous Mormon loophole story.
Oh, I hate this story.
This one will haunt me.
So you've told us you've grabbed your own fecal matter with your hands there.
It can't.
Yeah, but a boy broke up with me for that.
I don't, you know, this one, I haven't dealt with the repercussions besides shame.
Okay, picture this.
Don't picture it.
I was a minor.
I unpicture it now.
Okay.
I just want the pillows.
I will just blankly listen to the words.
Okay.
So I'm in high school, and you know, like, like dry humping?
Yes.
It's called derfing.
It's called derfing.
No one has ever called dry humping dirfing.
Google it.
It's called derfing.
Mormons, probably.
Mormons, whatever.
And so my boyfriend in high school, he was not Mormon.
I was Mormon.
And so there was always like weird loopholes or whatever to try to be a horny high schooler.
I don't know.
Yeah.
And so.
Did you guys invent these loopholes or was this like but like this is the Mormon church post?
No, no, no, no.
You invent them.
You invent them.
Gossip gets around.
It's awesome because like it's totally ridiculous.
Like jump humping.
Yeah.
That's my favorite.
Or soaking.
Or ATMing.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
What's the mouth?
No, ATM-ing is where they take their penis and they slide it in between your butt cheeks until they come.
Doesn't count.
It's kind of hot.
You guys missed out.
You guys missed out.
Let's try that out.
Do they lubricate the butt cheeks?
I don't think so.
It's not that.
It's a little dry.
Anyway, so I had a basement downstairs, obviously.
That's basement.
And I'm making out with my boyfriend in high school.
And if he wanted to touch my boobs, I would, if you touch my nipples, that's counted, right?
And so I would put band-aids over my nipples.
Like an X of band-aids over my nipples.
That way he could grab my boobs and like, God.
It's kind of kinky.
Is it?
Yeah.
It looks like, it feels like it's a pasty.
Yeah.
Or pasty paste.
Like a sexy pasty.
They weren't.
It wasn't a sexy pasty.
They were like, hello, kidding band-aids.
In a weird way.
Was it kind of like hotter because you were defying God?
Yeah, was it hotter when you were defying God when you're Mormon?
I was 17 and confused.
Nothing was hot.
I just didn't want God.
That's because some of my nothing was hot.
Some of the, yeah.
No.
What the fuck?
Everything was shameful.
Really?
I mean, the guilt is.
That's when it's the hottest.
That's when you learn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shame.
Anyway, so we're like making out and we're like on the ground because we were watching TV on the ground instead of the couch.
We're like making out on the ground.
And then this is so weird.
I don't know why this happened, but he was laying down.
And then I rolled like on top of him, like butt to his dick so I could like wiggle my butt around and give him a boner until he came in his pants, right?
Usual.
But he.
You're riding in reverse cowgirls?
No, I'm just like literally laying on top of him, focusing all the power in my ass.
He had such different pants or something.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, at this point, I would have just, I would have loved that.
I would have loved anything.
I didn't have any sexual experiences.
It's high school.
It's whatever.
Okay, go on.
I'll just get my dick salt.
Okay.
The cool kids that made fun of me.
Okay.
And so in the basement doing whatever this is, I don't know what this is.
And you're just like, doing what?
Like laying on and rubbing my butt around.
Yeah.
And then she is like reaching up, grabbing my boobs that are covered in oil.
No, band-aids.
She just told us.
Like multiple layers of band-aids.
There could have been oil too.
To try to like.
Why are you so invested in the oil?
You've brought it up multiple times.
I'm so worried that this is so dry.
I just think lubricant is a very integral part of any sexual experience.
Okay.
Anyway.
So no.
No oil.
So I'm obviously being, it's a weird freak situation and my stepdad walks down the stairs.
Oh no.
Oh no.
And I'd rather have been doing like anal or something.
What?
Because this is just like a this is just a freak show.
Like I'd have bandaids on my nipples.
You can't do it.
I'd rather be doing sex.
He probably thought you were doing anal.
No, my shirt was like off and I was like laying on, we're like flat and I'm like laying on top and my shirt's off and his hands are up and and my stepdad goes nope and closes the door and goes upstairs and I like roll off and I'm like and then me and the boyfriend go upstairs and I'm like oh his back hurts and I was helping fix it or something.
And what'd your dad do?
He's my stepdad.
I don't he was he just like shook his head or something.
It was so awkward.
Oh no.
That's ridiculous.
I know you've been walked in on.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I have some wild stories like that.
Oh yeah.
I've heard a couple of them.
How have you heard them?
Oh, he's told him.
Yeah, Willie.
Yeah, Will's, Will's shared them with him.
Do you want like young, embarrassing ones?
One of my first girlfriends, I was, she turned me onto cocaine.
Oh, and I was zooted.
And we were.
How old were you?
16.
16, 17.
Jesus.
I was joking.
That's crazy.
So I was zooted and we were banging in her basement and her dad came down and knew I was a Jets fan.
Oh, no.
And he was like, the game just came on.
And I, like, he's like coming down and I put my pants on.
And I watched the entirety of a Jets game with a condom on my penis.
And the whole time I was like, you got to stay a little hard so this condom doesn't fall off.
So I was like meditating, like kind of naughty.
Why did you just go to the bathroom?
I was on cocaine.
Yeah, he was not thinking.
I mean, I've never had cocaine before.
Does it make you it at that age?
It certainly makes you a little nothing.
Nothing stops a boner at that age, I think.
But yeah, I was, I watched fucked through a wall three-fourths of a Jets game with him.
Had a pretty good time.
And he didn't know I was still wrapped up tight.
No, he didn't.
He never knew.
Oh, that's good.
That's insane.
Yeah.
I was once having sex with my ex-girlfriend at her current boyfriend's party and in the bathroom.
Oh, my God.
And he came and knocked on the bathroom and I jumped headfirst out of a second story window.
That's like you, that's like euphoria.
That's like the episode on euphoria.
Does that happen in euphoria?
Yeah.
The girl like hooks up with her friend's ex or something and then she hides in the tub.
And then the girl comes in and then they hook up while she's in the tub and she cries.
That's hot.
No, she cries.
It's sad for her.
It was hot, but it was also sad because I thought we would get back together.
We didn't get back together.
Was she dating the guy at the time?
Did he ever find out that?
No.
Oh, cool.
That's fine.
Are they happy?
You know what?
My thing was like, I didn't feel bad because I was like, you dated my ex, piece of shit.
Because I knew him.
He was my friend.
Fucked up.
Drama.
Drama drama.
Tokyo Train Fare Skips00:13:28
Turns out the Swifties have started to apologize to me.
Oh, yeah.
Updates.
Yeah, the publicist, Pia, reposted a picture for someone who was like, posted this thing, like saying, happy birthday, Pia, blah, blah.
And so she reposted it on her Instagram story, but put a clown emoji over Taylor's face.
Oh.
Oh, that happened a while ago.
And well, we haven't talked.
I like that you're up to date on the Swifty lore, though.
I knew that as well.
Yeah.
And so like now the Swifties are like, oh, cutie, maybe you were right.
So do you ma, have they apologized?
Deux Mayo Wayne?
No, they don't need to apologize.
They should apologize.
Why?
Because they slandered your good reputation, your good name.
We're still galers, by the way.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
You guys.
Wait, we didn't talk about 1989 TV, did we?
Taylor's version?
Fuck's that?
Okay.
Well, no, she condemned the Galers.
She like.
Oh, you did, Brock.
You did bring that up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, guys.
Yeah, we...
What a struggle of a podcast.
I wrote that off.
I wrote that off in my mind because I am a galer and I think she's just like, it's just homophobia.
I think that's what it is, queer phobia.
In a queer phobic society, you know, women love women relationships.
It's just like still frowned upon.
So I think that's the reason why she had to come out.
Okay.
You have to come out against it.
I went to a Ben Schwartz show.
Oh, I saw that.
He came right down.
No.
No.
He brought his girlfriend to the stage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And started talking about the details of their relationship.
No.
Who's Ben Schwartz?
He does long-form improv at his shows.
He's very, very funny.
It was a very good show.
I'm happy I went to it.
Oh, I've played basketball with this dude.
You have?
Yeah.
I love him.
He used to play basketball at LA Fitness back in West Hollywood.
Is he good?
I used to ball up with him.
He was all right.
He was a really nice guy.
Yeah.
What about his comedy?
He just does long-form improv, and it was like an hour and a half-ish, and it was very funny.
And I didn't think that could be funny.
And now I know that Will could have a job someday.
All right, dude.
Don't quit your dating.
He would be good at it.
He's good.
He's Ben, take Will on tour.
Oh, please, no more tours.
Oh.
Please, no more tours.
Hold on.
We haven't even announced the Name Your Price 2024 World Tour.
That I would be out.
I would be out.
We're starting in Zurich.
Oh, my God, dude.
Name Your Price, Zurich.
Yeah.
What do you like so much about that show?
What do I love so much about it?
Not the show, but touring in general.
That's what I'm getting in front of live audiences.
Is that what it is?
The live audiences are sick.
I just need a break.
Yeah, we're going to have a break.
No.
I'm asking the show specifically.
Do you like the show?
I love the show.
It's a lot of fun.
Name Your Price is like...
Wait, what do you question?
Do you not like our show?
I think it's a fun show.
You just love it.
Oh, my God.
Here, you want to kill him?
Go ahead.
Don't reach for that.
Oh, do you want to have this debate?
Do we have anything?
No, we don't.
Do you not like my show?
It's fun.
You just love it so much.
And so I was wondering, like, what makes you love it so much?
That's what do you not like about it?
Is there something you want to tell me?
It's like Master Baker.
Not everyone loves Master Baker.
I love Master Baker.
Do you not like Name Your Price?
Now you're digging yourself into the body.
I'm the smile.
I don't like Name Your Price.
You don't love Name Your Price.
I don't love it.
Why not?
Because I don't, I don't.
You don't find it entertaining?
I find you entertaining and I find him entertaining.
You don't like the show.
What about me?
I'm on.
You've been talking shit behind my back about Name Your Price.
No, I haven't.
This is all fucking out.
If you're saying this to me to my face, what have you been saying behind the scenes?
Yeah, no, she's been telling me.
She's been talking to me.
We've been agreeing.
She's been like, I don't get it.
I don't get it.
No, I haven't.
I get the show.
I just didn't know if there's something about it that you're going to.
Let me tell you why I like Name Your Price.
If you can't tell, I'm floundering for a topic.
Let me tell you why I like Name Your Price.
Yes.
I like Name Your Price because it gives me a vehicle where I can actually perform.
Where all my other shows.
There we go.
All my other shows, Lover Host, Talon Shows.
I'm strictly a host.
Name Your Price.
I can do bits.
I can bounce off of people.
I can be a part of the show.
And I think it's one of the only shows where the hosts of the show, Will Neff and myself, like the cast could be, like, none of the casts have sucked, but sometimes it's just like some people don't like talk as much.
But Will and I can carry the show.
Whereas like a lover host, if I do a lover host, if the main guest doesn't talk the show sucks.
I have to depend on everybody else.
Name Your Price is a show that I can do where it doesn't depend.
You like performing.
And it's fun and I can be funny.
Why do you like traveling so much?
Why do I like traveling?
I love traveling in general, but I love getting nothing is more thrilling than getting in front of a live audience.
To me, am I weird about that?
I know everybody loves it, too.
Am I weird?
For me, I mean, yeah, but for this one in particular, I don't see the difference between being in front of a live audience and streaming.
That's crazy.
To me, it's literally the same.
Everybody says this, but I see no one says it.
No, no, but I see what I mean is people say they don't like prefer the live audience they don't like, but everybody lights up when they get in front of a live audience.
No, no, no.
I'm not saying I prefer it one way or the other.
You're gonna come on stage.
If I could do it at the comfort of my home in front of a massive live audience, that'd be great.
I see no difference between a live audience and performing from my perspective.
Can I be honest?
I don't even think about it.
I'm like, this is, I go into performance mode.
I don't even think about it.
Yeah, I just think it's more impressive when you perform in front of a live audience, ultimately.
I think it's the difference between shooting free throws at an empty park and shooting 80% and then going into a primetime NBA game and shooting 50%.
It's being able to perform under pressure.
It's live.
It's broadcast.
And I think it takes a special IQ and it adds a certain energy to things.
Oh, I like that.
So what do you hate about Name Your Price?
I don't hate it.
I was floundering for a topic and I was just trying to get somewhere.
I got a topic.
I mean, Name Your Price.
I have a topic.
Name Your Price is stupid.
Like the show is supposed to be dumb and funny.
Yeah.
It's not supposed to be serious.
What's your topic?
I have a topic.
Yes.
Mr. Beast has built 100 wells in which nation did he build it in?
Yeah, but he cut Rosanna Patero out of the top three.
The nation of Africa.
Oh my God.
Yeah, but did you see what he did to the top three of Heidi?
You just don't like Mr. Beast.
What?
I do like Mr. Beast.
I'm just...
You just don't like women.
So he's going to get canceled.
I'm confused.
100 Wells in Africa, it says.
And then he says, I already know.
Stop scrolling and zoom in.
And you can show it too if you want.
But go down.
I already know I'm going to get canceled because I uploaded a video helping people.
And to be 100% clear, I don't care.
I'm always going to use my channel to help people and try to inspire my audience to do the same.
And then it's the sweaty emoji.
Or is that the sweaty emoji?
I think that's like I'm stressed.
How do you feel about Mr. Beast helping people?
I hate it.
I like it.
I love it.
I like that he helps people.
I don't care.
Like one way or another, I think it's like if I feel like there's a lot of shitty content out there and a lot of shitty content creators out there that make like awful videos that are harmful in general and spread harmful ideas.
So for me.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Let's talk about that after this.
Wait, hold on.
We're going to get to that in a second.
Because of the space and the toxicity of it, I would never in a million fucking years be like, wow, I can't believe Mr. Beast is like doing this.
It's so gross.
I don't care.
I think it's still better than the overwhelming majority of shitty content out there.
Do I get annoyed when people are just like, they hail him as like this superhero?
Maybe a little bit.
I think it's just like, it's, I don't know.
I mean, I think he's a good guy.
That's how I think.
That's the way I feel.
Look at what capitalism can do.
That's the reason.
That's why people get very critical of this kind of content, though.
You know what?
Because dummies like you go.
What I think?
I think in order to help people, you need to be broke.
Don't do it for publicity.
Nobody needs to know about it.
You need to give everything up.
Everything.
That's the only way it's worthy.
He's being facetious.
Oh, I understand that.
See what I mean?
Like, that's the only way you can help anybody these days is you have to give up everything in your life.
You cannot gain anything.
No, I don't think it's a bad thing that he's doing.
I think it's a good thing.
I like it.
I'm simply stating that people take it one step further and go, oh, like it's possible.
A better world is possible because people are going to magically get together and build wells in Africa.
And it's like...
Has Bernie Sanders built any wells in Africa?
Not to my knowledge.
God damn it, Bernie.
Not to my knowledge.
He has not.
Interesting.
So that's the thing Barack Obama did.
Because the reality is there are a number of tremendously wealthy individuals who engage in philanthropic acts every now and then.
But ultimately, the destruction that they contribute to is far worse.
With Mr. Beast, this does not exist, of course.
He's just simply an entertainer.
So I don't have that same perspective.
However, when talking about the likes of Jeff Bezos and many others who lobby the government and make money off of the defense industry and things of that nature, it just becomes a different becomes a different thing.
It's gross.
I categorize them independently.
No politics.
What happened to streaming in Japan?
Oh, good call.
There are a lot of streamers and YouTubers that have done criminal acts in the wonderful nation of Japan.
And a lot of places in Japan are now completely banning live streaming.
Really?
Is Tokyo?
You can't live stream in most restaurants now.
What about Tokyo?
Is that all in Tokyo?
I think it's all over Japan.
So are we canceling our Japan trip?
No, we can still work with handlers and stuff ahead of time and get permission.
Yeah, it's...
Well, oh, he died, died.
Well, that was surely not a self-sucking accident.
That was something else.
You sucked on it.
It my foot is trapped under your thigh.
Uh-oh.
Do you want help getting up or what's going on?
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, we're going to get demonetized.
Thank you.
Demonetized.
That's crazy.
Yeah, apparently there's like that's the saddest thing I've ever fucking heard.
Yeah, well, streamers are annoying.
I hate IRL streaming.
I hate Namier Price.
The fuck?
Well, I didn't say I hate Hassan's IRL streams.
Well, I hate live events.
Hold on.
Fine, Hassan, whatever.
We're going to go to Japan and it's going to be like, oh, here's Hassan's chest in a different country.
When are you going to Japan?
Wow.
I've been waiting to call him out for so long.
I've said this so many times in Hoscourt.
He just never reads it.
But I literally, Hassan, his live streams are like, yo, it's up.
And it's just your chest, your pet.
Yeah.
Do you want to know why?
Because unlike these fucking dipshits who like go up to people and yell like, Hiroshima Nagasaki over and over again in fucking Japan, I'm actually courteous to the people around me and try to make like the least amount of, like try to show the least amount of like random people in public and like violate people's like privacy as best as I possibly can.
And yet it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, it's still going to be fucking banned now thanks to a bunch of fucking dipshits.
The last iteration of this actually was a big YouTuber who's like, I guess trying to be like Mr. Beast, where they all got together and they were like trying to skip fares on trains and like and travel across Japan.
And they went in on the Shinkan Sen and their goal was to just basically like hide in the bathroom.
What the fuck?
As soon as they like, as soon as they get on the train, they hide in the bathroom while the ticket guy is like looking for them.
And they would just like pull up and sit in the bathroom.
And they got caught one time and he had to like run away from them.
Like he was like physically apprehended and he like had to run away.
If I don't go back to Japan, my soul will die.
You know, you can go and not stream IRL.
You could just no, because I'm a streamer.
Well, you could stream from your...
I can't do that.
Because if I take 48 hours off, it's the equivalent if someone took all of their vacation days plus 10 in the streaming world.
So I think you don't want solution oriented right now.
Dreaming of Japan Tours00:09:39
You want emotional support.
And that does suck.
Fuck them.
Damn.
That was some fucking, that was girlfriend hours.
Good job.
Floodwig does turn out to be gay.
That was great.
You've been in a much better mood this week.
What's up?
What's going on?
This week.
Answer for your crimes.
What did you do?
You have a little.
Is it because you did two of your favorite podcasts before coming on?
No.
You are.
You are in a noticeably cheerier mood.
Am I?
Yes.
Absolutely.
I'm less dissociated, surprisingly.
And I drove by some Leafs today, and they had actually fallen off the tree, and that made me very happy.
I love this time of year.
It's weird.
Yeah, but it's not in California.
I also wrote a song this week.
I wrote another song.
Oh, I'm pretty proud of it.
Wow.
No.
Come on, come on.
Give us a beat.
Are you going to become, are you going to spin off your career into a music career?
I'm too embarrassed to say I'd want to do that.
Do you want to do that?
No, I think like the dream would be, because I just like too many things.
My dream spin-off is.
Dream would be dream.
Oh, stand-up would be perfect.
Yeah, that's my dream spin-off.
But like, I would, I would love the idea of like performing little like 50-room groups of 50 rooms and just singing my song.
Incorporate that into your stand-up comedy.
No.
I can't be like Bo Burnham.
No, you don't need to be like Bo Burnham.
Just make a more serious part of the show where you sing your songs.
That's weird.
Now that we're done with the laughter board, it's weird.
It's seriously crazy.
Actually, there's a gay comedian who did just that recently where he did like a fake music.
Fuck me, right?
Huh?
What the fuck does Austin know?
He did a fake music documentary.
I really do like Name Your Price for the record.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure you do.
I'm going to be honest, Kitty.
I don't even believe that at this point.
Well, I do.
You came out with daggers.
You did this.
I like Name Your Price.
No, I do like it.
I don't know what to do.
Watch the replay.
You came out with daggers.
It wasn't.
I was trying to just get, I was trying to hear his passion.
Whatever.
You're on the show anyway.
I'm on the show anyway.
She's coming.
I do like Name Your Price.
Passion behind it.
You love it.
Hassan gave me the biggest compliment he's ever given in my professional career after the prize for the first time.
He said you were actually funny.
Oh, the first time I did it.
First time.
After that, he hates it.
Yeah.
I have always thought you're funny.
Oh, stop it.
Our show in Houston was the best show we've ever done.
Oh, yeah.
It was.
Absolutely the best show, hands down.
But in Long Beach, even better.
We're going to top it.
We're going to top it.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
Continue.
You were talking about what?
I don't know, but I cut you off, I feel.
No, you didn't.
Oh, we were talking about leaves falling.
Oh, you were talking about a gay comedian that does that.
Oh, yeah.
I forget the name.
He's, God, what show is he in?
Search Party.
Look up his name.
He's a gay comedian.
I haven't really loved stand-up recently.
Yeah, John Early.
John Early's recent stand-up was incredible.
He did like a, it was like, he has a very affected delivery, a very strange delivery.
And in between the bits of stand-up, he'll just go into a song.
That's like serious?
He does the song, oops, there goes my shirt up over my head.
Wait, that's his song?
No, That's Tweet and Missy Elliott.
But he does a version of it that's like, he kills it, but it's funny that he's doing a song about a black woman masturbating as like a gay 40-something.
I see.
But he just kills it.
It's one of my favorite stand-ups I've seen in a long time.
Yeah, mine would be, my music career, the dream of it would be like a more lower key, like Phoebe Bridgers.
Like, like, oh.
Like, low, low, low.
Yeah.
So it wouldn't, it wouldn't really work.
I see.
Yeah.
Plus, like, I think I'm, I think I'm genuinely too embarrassed to want to pursue a music career.
You know who is a streamer that actually has a freak ability for music low-key?
Seer.
Really?
Pull up Buddy Orange.
Oh, I guess now we're gassing up our best friends.
My best friend.
Yeah.
After we're done gassing up our best podcast friends.
You send your friends away.
Can you have more than one best friend?
The black and white one.
The black and white one.
Uh-oh.
The black and white one.
Curious.
Here, this is an original song of his.
Take a listen.
Oh my gosh, look at his hair.
This is pretty.
Why does he look so death note?
This is 10 years ago.
My pussy is so wet right now.
Yeah.
Well, he's my best friend.
Still hurts, even as a joke.
When's the last time you invited me to something, Hassan?
When's the last time I've done something?
You can't just let me rot.
We could have gone to the Diplo party.
Can you have more than one best friend?
I think you can.
I refer to you as my best friends.
You're one of my best friends.
Awkward.
You're one of my best.
Thank you, Sam.
I brag about you to my parents.
Thank you.
And I'm at your wedding party.
You are.
I'll never get married.
This is beautiful.
Does he have lyrics to it?
Nope.
All acoustic.
I want to write lyrics to it.
That would be a big collab project.
Seer, I'm coming in hot.
Because I can't do music.
I can only do lyrics.
And so what happens is I write my lyrics and then I send them to TJ and then he makes the music.
All right.
So it's like a Bernie Taupin Elton John thing.
This is like the background is giving me PTSD from like broke boy trying to make it streaming days.
I think that was probably the time you've been most alive.
Started to make it as a streamer.
Yeah, I used to want to.
Yeah, now you're going to be able to get it.
Now that you have made it, you're a broken person.
What?
I have obligations.
I have a sense of duty.
He didn't even look me in the eye today when he came in.
He came into the house.
I was sitting in his counter.
I'm like, Hassan, oh my God, so good to see you.
And he looks at me like.
Is that what you do?
I came right after basketball.
He's like.
I'm telling you.
Oh, you're playing basketball as my boyfriend?
No.
Oh.
I played basketball with Nicewig, not Ludwig.
Because Lud, apparently he's got the basketball itch.
He didn't respond to my text.
He plays like so far away from me.
Like, it's just like ridiculous for me to go over there.
I didn't know where he was playing today.
Whereas I play in a place that is at least like reasonable for him to come to, but he refuses to.
Interesting.
I think it's because he's afraid.
I don't even get invites anymore.
Because I know for a fact that you're not going to show up.
I'm going to think of it.
You never invite me to play basketball either.
You don't play basketball.
You do.
But you are not waking up at 9 a.m.
I think we need to take a friendship trick to rekindle our friendship.
Cruz.
Well, I'm talking about he and I.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you're not invited.
No, we've our friendship is ready.
No, we're just on a trip today.
We were just on a trip together.
We had a great time.
She refuses to go.
She and I are going to Santa Barbara.
Wait, I don't want to drive.
We're getting on a plane.
I have an idea.
What?
The fear and Catalina wine mixer.
Fun.
There is no flying.
Yeah.
We take a hydrofoil.
Well, you got to take a boat.
We go scuba.
I can't drink.
I can't swim.
What?
Why can't?
What?
What the fuck is happening?
I can't swim.
She can't drink.
I have no problem.
How about we?
I'll get you a fucking swimmies.
I'll get you a life vest and you can float.
Yeah, but you can't scuba with the life vest.
You can smash your head in the water and look down at us.
No, then I'm not included.
You are.
Are we going to be Bob?
Are we going to pig cake?
Are we going to be mic'd up?
Yes.
How do we get mic'd up?
I'll figure it out.
Why can't we be on dry land?
Let's think about the yeses.
Okay.
They have ziplining.
We could zip line.
I mean, I absolutely, I absolutely fucking.
I'm literally terrified.
I'm terrified of fucking fish.
Then listen.
But I'll still do it.
I actually had an idea.
I'll still do it.
I actually had an idea.
Okay.
I'm a great swimmer.
It's called fear and factor.
You learn to swim.
Ooh.
You go swimming with fish.
I hate it.
You deal with fish.
You get on a plane.
And I'll lock myself in a box with spiders.
We could.
This is awesome.
I need to learn how to swim.
How to look.
I got an idea.
I'm scared to death of this is how I'll learn how to swim.
Really?
What do you think is the best way to teach me how to swim?
I'm kidding him.
Hire a professional.
I just want to like a lifeguard in Catalina to take you in the water.
How about a really hot lifeguard?
Perfect.
Sure.
Sexy lifeguard.
Okay.
I have to swim to them.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then at the end.
And then you guys make out.
And then you have to go.
We have to go deep sea fishing with you.
Oh, God.
I hate that.
And then you have to get on a plane.
No.
Cutie.
We're all.
We all flew today.
We're all in.
I'm flying twice together.
I'm flying out after this.
I'm going to put myself in a box full of spiders.
That's mean to the spiders.
You're going to mush some.
I'm not going to move.
It's going to be around my head.
Oh.
Ooh.
Why?
You got it.
You got to fix it.
It's going to be awful.
You got to fix your brain.
Fix it.
You have to.
If I can face a head box full of spiders, you can fix it.
I don't even think I'm going to die every time I get on a plane.
This is the last time.
Actually, now I said that I'm getting on a plane.
I'm terrified of tonight.
Roblox Paywall Confessions00:06:51
Yeah, you jinxed yourself.
Fuck.
It's not.
This is wood.
This last time we're recording the podcast in this room.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Potentially.
Oh, just kidding.
See, we're doing podcasts of calendar, pillows, merch.
Fear and factor.
Yeah, fear and factor.
I don't like fear.
I think we need to go on tour.
College tour.
Please.
Come on, guys.
Come on.
Come on.
I was at college catalogue.
Okay, okay.
Love us.
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
College tour.
I'll sign up to that.
Okay.
But you are not allowed to fuck a single college student.
Easy done.
From that college.
Right?
No, in general.
Like ever again?
No, during the tour.
What is wrong with the college students are 22 years old?
Yes.
As seniors.
How old are you?
You are.
Look, 27.
I'm 23 years old.
When is your birthday?
It's November 29th.
What year?
96.
97?
99?
2001.
I don't remember 9-11 because I wasn't live.
Can you believe that?
It's just crazy that that happened.
Yeah.
Oof.
You know what?
I'm aging.
I'm down to plan a live fear and show.
I already had that great idea.
I think we just let's just do once you feel that audience.
I'm not doing tour, but we can do one live show.
Let's do one live show.
Fear and cool.
Okay.
Okay, I have to go to the agent stadium.
This is one of my good live shows.
I'm cutting this apart.
Okay, let's I have a serious question.
You're cutting this part?
No, we're not cutting this part, but I'm just like moving on from this because we always do this.
Like, we got to do a live show.
Rant.
Tour.
Okay, go ahead.
Sorry.
What do you guys look at in terms of popular culture?
Because I feel like I always bring a lot normally because I'm like tapped into everything that's going on.
But recently I've only done politics and only done news non-stop, which is why I'm completely out of touch with whatever the fuck's going on.
Do you look at stuff and what is going on in the world that's not related to Israel-Palestine?
I'm an incredibly boring person, I've realized.
I watch every piece of film and television.
I keep up with sports.
Oh, sports.
Pretty good on current events.
I just cut news out of my life.
What's the current events that's happening right now?
There's nothing.
I gave you guys the Mr. Beast stuff, so I'm just wondering if there's anything like that.
Thanksgiving's coming up.
That one influencer's bodyguard knocked someone the fuck out.
Ooh, I saw that.
Let's talk about that.
That's a bit of an old story, but yeah.
Can you pull that up?
Corinna.
It was Corinna's friend that got punched.
You can't just hit somebody like that.
I don't think.
I don't think.
No, you cannot hit someone like that.
I mean, he knocked him out.
It was pretty much over nothing, too.
That was a Roblox video.
He's got Roblox.
You just got Robloxed.
Oh, thank God for Dick Sterdo.
The beacon of true.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
That's the video.
My security just knocked out a guy live on my kick.
So unnecessary punches him over this conversation as well.
And then he posts his website as a pro.
He's like, apparently this bodyguard does this kind of shit all the time.
I'm just saying why?
I'm just saying gossip just stopped.
That's crazy.
Did he get charged?
I hope he goes to jail.
I hope he goes to jail too.
Apparently, this bodyguard does this kind of shit all the time.
He said, I'll do whatever I want.
What's up?
Jack, the context, they were pressing us.
They were absolutely not.
Yeah, it didn't look like they were.
No.
Jesus Christ.
That is one of the most insane things I've ever seen because, like, the power imbalance is so apparent.
And he's there in a professional setting.
Yes.
Yeah.
Like, you can't do that.
Can we get Corinna on the podcast?
Sure.
Probably.
You think?
Yeah.
I don't think we can.
Oh.
I don't know if we can.
I don't know if she likes me too much because of the whole gay people?
Kick thing.
Oh.
She's a part of the first legion of streamers that made a fuck ton of money on Twitch promoting gambling and crypto casinos.
And then, you know, I think she attributed it to me.
Oh, you're so annoying being against gambling.
You ruined my reference.
Do you know how much money we could have made, Hassan?
I'm not even against.
I know how much money I could have made personally.
We were all gambling sponsorship.
Will Cutie and I were all going to sign a gambling deal until we came out against it.
We can't get Crown of Konf.
Do you think we can get Bibi Netanyahu?
Yes.
I don't know who that is.
Ooh.
That's the Prime Minister.
I want Brittany Broski.
Who do I want?
Elton John.
Okay.
All right.
Well, and that's this week's episode.
We will see you over on the Patreon now with Shirley Juicy More Content.
And also, turns out we haven't heard back from the hotel.
So maybe we'll address that on the show on the Patreon.
You have to call them.
We have to give them a call.
We have to do a white hat.
We're going to do a little bit more White Hat Karen on the Patreon.
You need to be aggressive.
I'm going to be aggressive.
I'm going to turn it up.
And big claps in the comments.
Not one of us was chewing into the mic this episode.
Oh, I was chewing all episode last.
Yeah, I know.
people complain about it.
Really?
And him and not you?
Yeah, this guy.
What did they say?
They're like, oh, you guys got to eat before the podcast.
Bitch, we stream.
Well, he streamed.
We don't have time to eat.
I'm very busy.
I'm not going to eat and fasting.
I have to eat before 8 p.m.
I only have an hour and a half left to eat for the whole day.
Suck me.
I've only had one.
Before we go over to the paywall portion, I'd just like to, our audience, say thank you so much for your support behind the paywall, in front of the paywall.
We're doing our best, helmed by QD Cinderella, to match your enthusiasm with our own.
We have a new set coming your way.
We have a calendar coming your way.
We have so many things that we're working our ass off that we're excited to share with you.
Thanks for showing up each and every week.
Yes.
And in the comments, please tell me how much you want that self-suck kills shirt because if we get enough support, we will make it and all the money will go to Mass.
Side poll.
Have you guys heard of Mass?
No.
Mothers Against Self-Suck.
I do think the directness helped just saying we want to refund.
Because I don't think they know what they wanted.
I think they wanted risk management.
I don't know what.
I'll be honest.
I wasn't involved in the situation, so emotionally I'm not as attached.
All right, so now for our listeners, what I'm going to do...
Oh.
Hello, sir.
I'm sorry.
I'm a little feclimped.
Vegas Risk Management Refunds00:00:53
I had a situation in your hotel recently that was pretty traumatic.
And I have allowed my partner to deal with the situation because my emotions were too close to it.
And he has been very patient.
And finally, I took over.
But recently I had a really scary incident in one of your elevators where all of my guests that I brought to Vegas with me were traumatized.
And it really affected our stay.
And we really hoped that this being Vegas, the hospitality, capital of the world, the Conrad would do something to make me feel better about the situation.
And my partner, God bless him, has been so patient.
But after being run around on emails and responses for over two weeks, nothing has been done.
All I would like is some portion of our say to be refunded so that we can feel About this.