What really happened to QTCinderella.. 😦 | Fear&Survival hosts dissect a viral claim regarding QTCinderella's alleged suicide pact, pivoting to explicit personal anecdotes and their "Twink Guy" identity in West Hollywood. They announce an upcoming Long Beach tour featuring Hassan Piker and Will Neff, while debating KSI's boxing conduct and Dwight Howard's candy bar diet. The conversation shifts to environmental concerns over Austin's cat drinking toilet water versus dripping taps, contrasting this with a grueling 21-day military survival camp experience. Ultimately, the episode blends absurd humor with genuine reflections on survival skills, concluding with a teaser about high-speed police evasion. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Mourning Cutie Cinderella00:15:14
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Am Podcast, where we are mourning the loss of our dear co-host, Cutie Cinderella.
That's right.
She had a horrifying self-suck action.
That's right.
She tried to eat her own.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, fuck.
We can't say that.
It's too early.
Oh, wait, no.
Okay, bleep it out.
It's going to be demonetized.
All right.
She tried to eat her own vagina.
Okay.
She was the victim of a cult suicide pact.
Right.
The Taylor Swift movie premiere.
That's right.
We've all seen the clips.
That's right.
It's awful.
Horrific.
It's horrifying.
Scenes reminiscent of Waco, Texas.
Yes.
Bodies strewn everywhere.
It was wild how happy she was.
Friendship.
Like, you could see in her eyes, like, I've never seen her smile like that.
That's right.
Shake it off.
They actually shook bits of Kool-Aid into their arsenic.
Yes.
And fans hung by their own friendship crisis.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it was wild.
That was great.
It's wild.
It's like no more talking about it.
No one is talking about it in the media, but we're here to report on it.
Yes, we are.
Was that too much?
No.
No, no, no.
Every time I'm not here, you guys talk about how I suck my own dick to death.
But that's good, clean family fun.
Yeah.
Also, how about you stop?
You know what I mean?
It's not our fault you fucking like doing it.
You can't stop.
You keep coming back.
Steve Irvin ass.
What is this?
I was going to say, does it feel like it?
Does it feel?
Have you done that before?
I've done what?
Sucked your own dick?
I have.
Have you really?
Yeah.
No way.
I've talked about it before.
It feels...
It's crazy.
Yeah, I've talked about it when I had in an earlier episode with Myth.
We've both done it.
It feels more like you're licking a penis than you are actually getting your dick sucked.
I did it once in my teens just to see if I could do it.
And not to completion either.
It requires way more.
No, no, no, not because I was like scared or whatever.
I was so horny back then, dude.
I don't give a shit.
Yeah, it was hard.
It's hard as fuck to just constantly contort yourself that long.
But like I said, I think it's because your tongue is like closer to your brain.
Austin's like gay.
Yeah.
Suck your own dick to completion.
Idiot.
He's bullying us.
Yeah.
Fuck, chill out, bro.
And we can suck a little dig if we want to.
We can suck a little dig if we want to.
She's gone for 30 seconds and all we can do is.
We've spiraled into cock.
We've turned into Cometown.
Yeah, no.
Welcome, Fearan Podcast.
It's great.
Yeah, we talk about self-suck a lot.
Women.
She'll be back next week.
We're going to be in Las Vegas next week, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay, you want to know something that I've been doing?
Okay, maybe you guys will like this.
There's a delicate balance that I've struck.
Okay.
So I went through Band of Brothers.
I watched the Pacific.
World War II.
Now I'm watching Generation Kill, which is not as good.
I don't think it's as good as the first three episodes were really bad.
It started getting really good after the third episode.
It was so corny, though, the writing when they said, shiznit and stuff like that.
I'm like, but you forget that was the same thing.
And they're worried.
No, Generation Kill is Iraq.
That's the get song.
That's boring war.
I like World War II.
So I like that too.
So here's what I've been doing.
On the one hand, I've been watching The Untold History of the United States from Oliver Stone.
It's a documentary.
It's really, really, really good.
I see.
It's really good.
And it makes me very angry at America's war crimes.
Even more angry than you were before.
Yeah, even more angry than I was before.
And then in order to balance out my anger, I go back to World War II in color so I can be like, but okay, but America was good there.
I do that.
I watch World War II in color and then I supplement it with historic national anthem singings at the Super Bowl.
Oh.
Oh, so you're just going in one direction.
I like to balance it out.
I'm like, oh, I really hate America.
And then I have to like feel bad when I'm eating my dessert in bed watching World War II documentaries.
I want to feel patriotic.
You are literally a 98-year-old man.
That's you.
I could just picture him with his cat and his robe.
Chocolate chip cookies with a little milk on the side.
I do eat chocolate chip or cookies with milk.
How can you eat chocolate chip?
Jeremy, Troy, don't come in my bedroom.
I'll be watching World War II docs.
Awesome.
I do.
I fall asleep to World War II.
Do you sometimes point to like the veterans?
Like, oh, I serve with that guy.
I usually, yeah.
It's crazy.
That's a Hank.
It's crazy to wake up to Blitzkrieg.
It's nuts.
I'm going to see him trying to teach the Twink of the Week about like major World War II.
I've been seeing this Twink recently that loves World War II.
Does he actually?
He does.
That's weird.
That's what he tells me.
I could go in a weird direction, dude.
That way he was a war to wait.
I don't know.
Maybe they.
There's a lot of femboy Nazis out there.
That's crazy.
That'd be crazy.
That'd be crazy if I was having sex with a Nazi.
I don't think I am.
I hope not.
Yeah, maybe you should check yourself for yourself.
Oh, God, that's crazy.
Just show him World War II.
And then if he gets really excited at the Blitzkrieg, and you're like, oh, dude, what the fuck?
Yeah, that's crazy.
Oh, fuck.
You can't be excited at that.
That's crazy.
I didn't even think that he could be a Nazi.
That's nuts.
I should probably make a, I should probably evaluate the situation.
Yeah.
I mean, how do I bring it up?
Put it up?
No, put up the documentary.
See how excited he is when Hitler is like fucking screaming.
How do I talk to him about it?
Do I bring it up?
I said, I'm starting to think you're a Nazi.
Show him one of Hitler's paintings and be like, do you think this guy has any talent?
Is he good?
Is any good?
And if he goes, oh, yeah.
That's when you know.
That's when I know he's a Nazi.
Yeah.
Fair.
Okay.
Good to know.
Good to know.
Speaking of which, I have something to tell you guys.
There's been a couple of TikTok clips recently about me and my, the world has found out of my obsession that I like Twinks.
The world is found out.
Oh, I'm so happy.
This is my moment of solace that like, this is the one.
Yeah.
That's go ahead.
The world has found out.
The world has found out like it's a state secret.
Yeah, it's a state secret.
Okay.
They found out.
I've been going out.
Because you were keeping it a secret.
I was keeping a secret.
You were definitely never publicizing.
Tana Mongeau was the bridge to the Twinks for some reason.
She was like, she unlocked it.
It was crazy.
It's going to be documented in history.
We were.
Okay, so I've been going out in West Hollywood recently.
Okay.
People have been coming up to me at night and they go, you're the twink guy.
They don't even know my name.
They say you're the Twink guy.
And I'm like, I'm Austin.
They're like, Austin, you have leveled up from.
I'm living my dream.
If at some point buxom women would come up to me and be like, you're the tit guy, I'd be like, I'd tip myself to death.
You've leveled up.
They don't even know my name.
They come up to me and they're like, oh, you hate it.
You have, you like Twinks.
And they're.
Yeah, look, he's positively.
No, either they say you're the Twink guy or you have a podcast.
And then I'm like, do you know Hassan Piker?
And they're like, no.
Dude, that's what I'm saying.
He leveled up.
He leveled up.
He was the Hassan Piker's friend.
And now he's the Twink guy.
Throw that shade on, man.
They're like, no, who's that?
Oh, wait.
Or they'll say, oh, you're that guy from the Young Turks.
Yeah.
I'm sorry that the Weeho gays are not invested in what's going on in Gaza.
Okay.
No, no.
It's crazy.
No, they are.
The Weho gays have left me behind.
He leveled up and now he just despises us.
No.
He's like, I don't need you no more.
Dag alongs for the twink guy now.
But it's crazy.
They don't even know my name anymore.
They just call me the twink guy.
I love that this podcast is literally your only outlet to actually put out content.
So you just use it for TikTok.
I get, I get shit.
And you use the TikTok lips so you can get pussy.
No, I don't use it for pussy.
Look, there have been a few times where people have approached me and said, you're the guy from TikTok, and then we happened to sleep together.
I have nothing to do.
No, I'm kidding.
I've never slept with anybody that came up to me like that.
But I could have.
I could have.
I didn't, though.
I didn't.
None of us slept together.
We didn't.
None of us.
What?
No, we didn't.
None of us slept together.
What was happening?
No, none of us, we didn't have it.
It's crazy.
It was a click suck.
It's crazy.
I was talking about you today.
I was talking about Hassan today.
I was telling him.
I was talking to some gay couple and I was like, they knew you.
And I was like, oh, great.
I said, I can't get him out here for more than 30 minutes.
So he said, because he's like, where's Hassan?
I said, oh, he's covering the Israeli-Palestinian conflict right now.
It's very busy.
And I told him I couldn't get you out to the gay bar for more than 30 minutes.
You can't get me out to the gay bar for more than a minute.
Really?
No.
You can't handle it, can you?
No, I just, I'm so homophobic.
You so people just look at you there and love you.
I mean, he's not the twink guy.
Yeah.
I want to, I almost, we should just go and be as slutty as we possibly can just to ruin his day.
Oh, you guys would own me at the gay bar.
Yeah, of course.
We used to go.
You used to go.
We stopped going for that reason.
Did you go for attention?
We owned too hard.
If I went hard enough, you'd be the twink guy and I'd be the twink man.
Oh, yeah.
You would hate it because no one would pay attention to you.
No, I'm loving it.
I'm learning more about gay culture.
I've gone to more bars than gay, than the Abbey.
I've been meeting old gays.
I got invited to a yacht today.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
Somebody bought me a drink.
Oh, my God.
I was living.
I was living old gay or an older gay, an older gay.
And he bought me a drink.
He asked to eat my ass.
It was crazy.
It was awesome.
Split that in there.
It was crazy.
I turned him down, but I, but look, you know what?
You went, yes to the sex on the beach.
No to the ass.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So you fucked him, but not had your ass in.
I got a drink.
A drink.
I got a drink.
I got a free drink.
But no, I got a free drink.
Yes to the mojito.
Yeah.
No to the analangus.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
No, but it was a great day.
I had a great day.
I drank.
I'm a little tipsy, to be honest with you.
You have a problem.
He just comes into LA to live.
You know what?
I'm okay with it.
Thank you, Will.
He doesn't even, yo, back in the day when Austin would enter the premises of Los Angeles, he'd like at least let me know.
Now he's just like, I don't even know if Austin's dead or not.
Hassan texted me this morning.
He's like, is Austin even here?
Well, I was like, I've been here for three days.
Since the events of Showergate, I think your relationship has changed.
Wait, what's?
Oh, yeah.
Hassan's.
God stopped you from sinning.
For those of you who don't know about Showergate, Hassan's facilities are subdued.
They're not up to code.
Let's just let me know.
It's insane.
Yeah, they're not up to code.
I can't believe you're trying to rewrite history.
His shower is like the equivalent of erectile dysfunction for a shower.
I'm okay.
The SLS has powerful showers.
Okay.
It's call out time.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Apparently.
Did he bring a building inspector to check this?
Apparently.
No, no, no, no.
This is more.
This is just for you.
Uh-oh.
This is on you.
Uh-oh.
Apparently, someone here sometimes has a tendency to ship twinks around.
Oh, ship twinks.
Yeah.
Ship twinks around the city.
Yeah.
Marsh, is this you?
I don't know.
I'm not going to point any fingers at any time.
Are you trafficking twinks?
No.
And worst of all, not first class.
Okay.
Okay.
Explain yourself.
You've been flying your bussy economy.
No, I have been.
Look, I have flown a couple of men out.
Okay.
And by a couple, I mean.
Go ahead.
Tell us they're tiny, so it doesn't matter.
They fit perfectly.
They are compact.
I've been flying some boys.
Look, I've had some guys that I've met, and they live in different parts of the country, and I want to be in Los Angeles.
And so I've flown them out to Los Angeles.
You are getting gayer by the second.
And I have flown them.
And Hassan is upset at me because I've flown them coach.
That's insane.
What?
You think it's insane?
You can't fuck them and then, you know, have sex with them after.
Wait, are you?
Wait, wait, wait.
So you'd think it's wrong of me to look.
Wait, upgrade them to a preferred seat.
Wait.
What about if you're on the same flight?
Oh, then we're both flying first.
Oh, okay.
If we're on the same flight, I would never fly separately with them.
When they fly with, that's the Austin.
I'll see you when we land.
Yeah.
No.
Don't worry.
I'll send some coupetes.
No.
So here's my deal.
Unless we're dating, unless we're like in an official relationship, I'm not going to fly you first class unless you're with me.
When we're dating and you're my boyfriend, that's all you do is you fly first class.
Okay.
But until that point.
He's farming us again.
I know.
Every time you talk.
Talk, clip, and all the gays are going to go, ah.
Every time he speaks, I see him like this.
Okay.
I'm like, TikTok.
Subtitles.
He's going to look in vertical.
Subtitles right underneath him.
You need to quiet.
I need the context for the clip.
Yeah, for the clip.
So, no, but I fly them coach.
But I do buy preferred seat, aisle seats.
Okay.
And if they're flying a red eye, it's comfort.
Okay.
100%.
Oh, so you upgrade for the red eye?
I do.
I do.
But you know what?
You know what?
I think.
You don't want that busy tainted.
No, I'll be honest with you.
I think I'm going to start flying.
You think I should be flying them first class?
I need your opinion on this.
I have no opinion on this.
Okay.
I mean, sure, yes.
Okay.
You should fly them first class.
But look, and these are first.
I want to let you know to let the record show that I have always been a defender of bottoms.
Oh, you're a bottom right.
I'm a bottom's right activist.
Yeah, and I'm saying this.
Yes, all bottoms deserve to fly first class.
They have a BRA.
They put up with too much.
They put up with so much.
Are you saying that the bottom rights coalition is have they called me activists?
Have they called me out for what I, my actions?
Has there been a call out for my actions?
I have not talked to the user.
Well, they're talking about collective bargaining.
Really?
Really?
So that's.
Yeah, they're going to shut you off.
Are they negotiating first class?
They're going to shut you off like a dearborn Michigan plant.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
No, but look, I think, here's the deal.
I think that's a reasonable thing because I don't want to give too much.
I think that until you get to know somebody, I don't think, I don't want to.
Wait, why are you flying people that you don't know?
No, no, I know them.
Believe me.
I've met a few times.
But look, I like...
Look, I meet, I'm very particular.
I have certain types of people that I like.
And these people are very, look, chemistry's chemistry.
Yeah.
TwitchCon Travel Plans00:08:32
Right?
You think it's wrong for me to do this?
Is this wrong?
Look, you're doing politics.
Wait, why do you say I'm getting gayer by the second?
Is this a very gay thing to do?
Is to fly somebody in?
I mean, I feel like you're becoming more gay.
I also fly myself in.
So it's not like I'm, it's not like, you know what I mean?
What does that mean?
What does that mean, Austin?
What?
Well, like, I'm flying my, like, I'm flying too.
So it's like, it's not as bad when we're both flying.
We're both flying.
Hey, we had a very successful episode of Name Your Price.
Speaking of which, that's what we have to do.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've got a special announcement to make actually on this podcast.
That's right.
Folks, Will and I have been traveling.
We've been doing a great show called.
I'm not one of his bottoms.
I'm not.
I didn't fly Willen.
Yeah, he flew me in steering.
Yeah.
He duct taped me to the bottom of the plate.
Yeah, if they're straight, it's toffel.
They're flying standby.
No, Will and I have been doing a show called Name Your Price, which is a fabulous show that's been on tour.
And I have to announce, folks, that we've got a great show coming up in Long Beach, California on November 11th that is including the entire cast of fear and Hassan Piker, Will Neff.
Wait, what?
Austin Show, Cutie Cinderella.
Wait.
November 11th, Long Beach, California.
It's going to be great.
NYPLive.com.
We're putting the tickets in the show.
You told me you were going to do the show.
You told me you were going to do the show.
I didn't know about that.
Okay.
He's going to be on the show.
He's also going to be in Vegas at TwitchCon.
We're doing a show at TwitchCon.
Wait, Hassan Piker.
I think I haven't announced a cast yet, but on the show in Long Beach, Hassan Piker, Ludwig, NMP Lowell, and Carl Jacobs.
Wow.
All together.
It's a stack cast Cinderella.
I would love to do a Fear Ann podcast live at New York.
NYPLive.com.
Tickets are on sale right now.
Tickets as low as $20.
If I could give them away, I could, folks.
But, you know, somebody's got to make some cash.
And if you buy those VIP tickets, Hassan Piker is personally sucking off everyone.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah, and Will Neff is doing a fuck a fan contest.
Wait.
Fuck a fan contest.
We're just piping.
We're just piping all of you.
No, tickets, nyplive.com.
Seriously, come see us.
We're going to have a great time.
And Long Beach.
We're giving away sauce at our meet and greet.
Yeah, we are.
We are.
Will Neff's sauce is being given away.
I've almost finished Austin's sauce that he left behind as well.
Wait, wait, I left that behind?
Do you have any more for me?
Oh, no.
No.
No.
Because my heart was shattered.
Yeah.
You left him on.
Remember the diatribe you went on?
I'm going to check this as a bag.
No, I'm going to check the sauce as a bag.
Well, look.
I knew he was going to not do that.
Oh, I knew.
Look, I'll be honest with you.
I looked at the sauce.
I'm like, fuck, I can't check that as a bag.
Yeah.
It was a lot.
It was like it was unopened.
It was going to burst.
It was going to burst over my toiletries.
It was unopened?
No, it was over.
It was opened.
It was delicious hot sauce, though.
I'm telling you, it was delicious.
You don't deserve it.
Don't worry about it.
We're going to give away a lot of bottles.
I'm excited about it.
Do you know that our meet and greet sold out because they're free in 30 days?
Oh, yeah, TwitchCon.
The Will Neff Austin show featuring Hassan Piker meeting.
Yeah.
It always, it always will look quick.
Yeah, it's crazy.
The Austin shows.
That's fast, fast.
That's wild.
It's because Austin's on it.
Yeah.
That's right.
It's all my clips.
I want to say once again, I am so featuring Will and Hassan.
I'm so fortunate.
I'm so fortunate that Austin was like, Hassan, I'll let you be on my meeting.
That's right.
That's right.
It's actually called Twink Guy Meet and Greet with special guests.
And then we're not actually named.
We're the shadow outline, like name Matt Pokemon.
That's right.
That's right.
The Twink Guy Meet and Greet featuring Kanye Green.
You're welcome.
It's a privilege to meet my fans.
Yeah.
And I hope you guys.
He's talking about us.
It's a privilege.
Privilege to meet my fans.
I can't wait.
TwitchCon's going to be great.
We're going to have a good time at TwitchCon or what?
I think TwitchCon will be fun.
Last time we were at TwitchCon, you didn't go.
Doors unlocked.
I'm very happy I didn't go.
You didn't go.
Hassan and I went and almost got killed in a tragic golf cart accident.
That is still crazy.
Fuck, I forgot about that.
Yeah.
Shit.
I broke your ribs, bro.
I tragically almost shattered my severe finger injury.
Dude, that was the worst part about it.
Can you, you know, how was the, how was the recovery from the trauma of that?
Every time I see a golf cart, I collapse into the field position.
It must have been really hard for you to have it was incredible.
To have to keep constantly asking for more the finger band-aid that you put on to make sure that everybody knew that your finger was fucked up.
No disrespect.
You didn't have to wrap your ribs.
Okay.
True.
You know what I mean?
They were broken.
True.
He didn't have to sit there and wrap his ribs.
I had to do a fucking.
Imagine every time you point, you're like, I had to do a fucking meeting where I like hugged 1,000 fans with a broken rib immediately after.
That was noble.
And then I went to my hotel room and I slept for the rest of the entire, like, for the rest of the day until the next morning.
It was fucking.
I'm so selfish of you, by the way.
They're devastated fans that didn't meet you that day.
No, that's not true.
I met every single fan.
No, there's a bunch of photos of a sign like this.
Yeah, I was like, wincing.
Yeah, no, it was, you were, you were, he was in a lot of pain because I crushed him.
Yeah, I'm going to try and not.
Yeah, I'm going to try and not fucking die this time, I hope.
Tensions are very high, so we'll see.
We'll be good.
You have your own private security guard.
I've got one too.
I've stolen him a little bit.
I'm using him as well.
Everybody's coming after me.
I'm the Twink guy now.
America's most wanted.
He's going to be like, he's going to take my security guard away because he wants to have a security guard.
And then some dude is going to assassinate me for raising funds for Palestinian children.
I'm just going to get fucking killed because Austin was like, oh, come on, come on.
Because I was getting a security guard for the aesthetic.
Yeah.
Come on.
You don't need it.
You don't need the security guard.
You're a big guy.
You're a big guy.
No, I don't have my own private security guard at TwitchCon.
I don't.
We all have one if we need one.
I just get, I'm just a, they call me, they call us us three and cutie, a swarm risk.
Yeah.
Basically, people will come up to us, especially during Name Your Price Saturday at Tuesday.
Name Your Price at 5 p.m. Eastern at TwitchCon with Hassan Piker, among other guests, including Germa, George Notfound, and Pokemon, and Will Neff.
Wait, you just leaked it.
Oh, I did.
By the time I'll announce it Tuesday, they can get a pre-leak.
I'll announce it.
This is a pre-leak.
Fuck it.
TwitchCon show.
That's how you're taking.
That's a stacked deck, baby.
It's a stacked deck.
You like that?
I like that.
Oh, the show is really stacked.
This show is going to be incredible, too.
It's going to be awesome.
It's going to be a big show.
It's a really big show.
I forgot about that bit that we used to do, and I totally blew over it in Miami.
Yeah, I kept trying to get you to do it.
Yeah, and you're like, really big show.
And I was like, yep, I would have to go.
Fucking idiot.
Oh, man.
Hey, it's our first time back.
It's our first time back.
It was good.
What else do you guys have going on?
You guys got anything new?
Yeah, what's going on in your life?
I'm trying to think about something that's not gay that I can speak about.
There is literally nothing that has happened in my life over the course of the past seven days that is not directly related to Israel Palestine.
So light, light conversation.
That's all I've been doing is non-stop.
That's what I've been doing.
But hey, listen, there's one positive out of all of this.
We've raised more than $600,000 in two days.
That's amazing.
Multiple Palestinian aid charities.
So that's pretty fire.
I mean, you're going to voice your goal, a million or more.
His original goal is $250,000.
Jesus Christ.
That's crazy.
Yeah, we blew past that first day.
I saw somebody respond, just brain dead, just being like, wow, millionaire raising money.
Interesting.
Isn't that crazy?
It's like socialism means broke and you can't raise money.
It's crazy.
It's unbelievable.
Well, better that than the classic, oh, you're funding Hamas.
That's crazy.
Hamasabi.
Yeah.
Is what I've been getting.
Hamasabi.
That is crazy.
Yeah.
No, I. Why am I laughing at that?
That's awful.
I mean, it's funny.
I think it's funny.
I think it's funny as well, but it's like, am I dense?
Like, am I crazy?
Like there's like motherfuckers out there who just straight up say that like I support terrorism, like I mean, that's crazy, a little bit racist, I think.
Hopefully, as long as nobody like tries to kill me for it, it's fine, you know anyway, light stuff yeah, light stuff.
Logan Paul Fight Talk00:04:05
Finally, culmination of months of endless harassment, oh and uh, slut shaming.
I have no idea where this is going.
Oh, nude calendar uh, no.
Oh, Dylan Danis and Logan Paul faced off.
Oh uh, they were the undercard right, I think Ksi fought some who do.
It was a Kome event, but yeah, that's crazy how they ended.
The under fought uh uh, Fury's brother oh, did he.
Oh, did he get whooped up?
No, actually he should have won the fight because uh, Fury got a point deduction in a six round fight and it looked pretty even, in which case, person who got the point deduction should win.
But Ksi lost in a decision which was really that's crazy.
Ksi could hold his own against Tyson Fury.
Well, Ksi implemented one of the strangest boxing techniques i've ever seen, where he kept his hands at his side and he was like doing jumping jacks and he would like he would just immediately clinch and, for whatever reason, they just refused to call a um, a stalling warning or anything like that.
And so the I would say there were more clinches than punches thrown in that fight.
Oh so it wasn't.
That wasn't fun.
And the Logan Paul one I heard was not fun at all.
Logan Paul One Dylan.
Dylan Dannis threw eight successful punches in the entire fight.
Wait, did he?
Did he get clobbered?
I didn't watch a single thing.
Eight, that's insane.
Did he get clobbered at the end or no?
Uh in, I think it was in the third or fourth round.
He was in the corner and uh, I mean he was just doing like a philly shell the entire time.
He was just basically like totally locked up.
But I mean Paul was just unloading.
So I mean he, he fucked him up pretty good.
He didn't drop him because he was basically just a shell the entire.
So Logan Paul, him up, Logan Paul, that makes me sad.
I, I.
This is a victory for women.
As much as as much as I despise Logan Paul in general, I really want him to do some damage.
I, I think.
I think Dylan Dannis got dealt with in such a here's.
Here's the thing.
Everybody watching the fight.
I think fights are always colored by the commentator, right in football, in in any sport.
If the commentator is like really hammering a narrative, the audience starts to believe that narrative.
And the commentator in the fight was like, this is an absolute embarrassment to boxing Dylan Dannis possibly the worst piece of shit i've ever seen enter a ring.
He hasn't thrown a punch.
In fact, you know, it's like he's thrown more punches at Logan Paul security than he has at Logan Paul.
An absolute disgrace.
He deserves it.
He deserves.
He doesn't deserve the purse that he's gonna get.
He deserves the ritualistic humility.
I don't know if he's gonna get the well, first of all, he said he would give the purse to Logan Paul if he lost.
I don't think he's gonna do that, but I think.
I think his purse is gonna be.
I don't know if there's a rule on this.
You'd have to look it up.
I don't care enough.
But he got disqualified.
He tried to.
He tried to do a double-legged takedown of Logan Paul in the last round and Logan Paul is a wrestler like I know everybody's, like Dylan Dannis, you know you get to run it, but Logan Paul is a wrestler.
So he didn't even get close to taking him down and he was disqualified, so in like the last second.
So everybody, I think who bet on Dylan Dannis losing by decision lost that bet to like in their actual betting thing because it was ended by disqualification.
He ended by.
He ended by disqualification with like, with like two seconds left in the fight, if that.
So he pissed off such a and he pissed off all the gambling addicts.
Oh yeah dude, he I mean he deserves all of the fucking worst shit.
I'm gonna be honest like I have no idea.
I didn't care enough about the fight.
It's got to be a lot.
No, what is a person?
Oh, that's what you're paid to play.
Dylan Dannis is the perfect representation of why you can't even lend a platform to scum fuckers.
You know what I mean?
Like, he had nothing.
He was a fucking loser.
Everybody knew him as a loser.
He tried to get disqualified before the fight.
He hit.
Yeah, he hit Logan Paul in the face with a mic.
Cut his face.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
He tried to get disqualified before.
Gambling Addiction Issues00:09:14
Absolutely.
He didn't want to fight that fight.
Damn.
Yeah, he's just this.
This is all he's got.
It's damn.
Oh, man.
I could.
I did want to see him get fucking pummeled, though.
He got pummeled.
Okay.
I might watch it now.
I might watch it because I was just like, I don't even like Logan Paul, but I was just like, dude, you are such a piece of shit.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Will, I want to see you fight.
Me?
Yeah, I want to see you fight.
I guess I'd fight.
Will, you would kill anybody.
I don't know about that.
You would, Will.
I would be very sad for that.
These boys are juiced up, man.
I got to get out of the sauce.
Yeah.
Will, you would murder whoever that was.
Dude, but imagine if you also got juiced up.
I juice up.
That'd be sick.
You would have that dog in you.
I'd have that dog.
Will, I've been so good.
I hate that.
I hate it.
I hate how peeled he is.
Like his shoulders.
He's got Dwight Howard's shoulders.
You can see the fucking front indentation.
It's just not.
He looks sexy.
I'll give it to him.
I fucking hate you.
Did you hear about Dwight Howard's diet at the peak of his career?
He revealed his diet.
It's the most insane thing I've ever heard.
No.
25 candy bars a day.
Jesus.
Respect.
Delicious.
That's a decent amount.
That's insane.
That's an awesome amount of candy bars.
That's insane.
I like that.
Oh, man.
I love candy bars.
25, though?
25 is a lot.
Your mouth would fall apart.
I feel like...
What kind of candy bars?
You're speaking to someone who has eaten so many cookies that like I was in pain.
Like I've had a sugar hangover.
I've had a sugar hangover in the past.
And also, I've had so much sweet stuff that like my mouth hurts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't, I can't.
I feel like 25 candy bars would do that.
Oh, yeah.
What do you say?
Twink guy can't relate to this.
I just, he said, I can't relate to this.
Shock.
I start to get a little sick to my stomach after a cookie or two.
Two cookies.
One and a half.
I had somebody delivered me chocolate chip cookies before I came down to LA.
I warmed one up.
I had one and then I put the rest in the fridge.
They're delicious, though.
Call yourself the Efsler right now.
Like they were delicious.
Sometimes I wonder how we're friends.
I love it.
I actually, I ride so hard for you.
You know what it is?
We are on opposite parts of the planet.
We don't hang out really.
We need to hang out.
Okay, I was just kidding.
God damn.
Actually, though.
You just fucking came at me.
Actually, though, Austin's right.
Yeah, we don't hang out enough.
Hang out with us.
When are you going to come to the Abbey with Will?
You know what being friends with you is like sometimes though?
Me?
It's like being friends with the gay version of Larry David.
I love it.
Some of your stories are so funny and they're like so.
Oh, I have a news story.
Happily, Austin.
Please give me one.
No, no, please.
Well, I met this girl on a flight a month ago.
She worked at Nike.
Beautiful, gorgeous.
We had the best time.
We drank the whole flight.
This is two months ago.
And it's crazy because I don't get recognized that much, but for some reason, for some reason, this particular flight, I was recognized like four different times.
Sure.
So I looked like a megastar.
So like she didn't know who I was.
So like I was sitting down, somebody came on the plane.
Oh my God, Austin, I was like, oh, this doesn't happen that often.
It baggage claim three or four separate times, whatever.
Okay, fast forward to a couple days ago.
I get on the plane.
I look at my seat right next to it.
She's like, shut up.
It's her.
Again.
Again.
We had the best time.
Drank, whatever.
Just a small world.
This short story.
There's no payoff at all.
But it's just, I just saw the same girl twice.
Isn't that crazy?
Did you use that story as a vehicle to tell us how many times you had been recognized on a plane?
No, no, no.
But I'm getting recognized more.
I'm in awe.
That was your story?
That was a vehicle to let us know how often he's being recognized.
Dude, there's no story where the cool, interesting details are front-loaded.
Where's the conclusion?
I helped her with her bags when we landed.
That's insane.
She moved to Los Angeles.
I was helping her with her bags.
This is Larry David.
Oh, my God.
I had a great time with her.
It was wonderful.
But I get recognized more for this podcast than anything else these days.
Do you as well?
Yeah, I wonder why, Austin.
Because you don't make content that's not this podcast.
We got Namier Prize.
NYP Live.
Once, like, every two months.
Once every in the next couple months, a lot.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fair.
Okay.
What is it like being my friend, Hassan?
Come on, tell me.
No, it's great.
It's awesome.
You like it?
Okay.
You guys are the best.
You don't come out enough.
I don't, I don't.
We need to do more boys' days.
We need to do a boys trip.
The thing is, like, I do stuff that's not, you know, on stream, and it's always like boring shit.
But it's early morning.
It's like 7 a.m., 7 a.m. workout session.
You can, you can bet that I'm going to be there.
Also.
Yeah, yo, Will, you want to join me?
I'm going to eat a lot of fiber and then fucking work out when the sun comes up.
I'm sick, dude.
So I do that.
And then, you know, I play basketball at night sometimes and also in the mornings.
It's crazy.
I do.
Then you go to bed at eight o'clock.
Somehow you've become old men on opposite sides of the spectrum.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I go out and party until I was out last night until 11, like one or two in the morning.
Yeah, he's like an old gay.
You're like an old gay.
Do old gays go out?
Fuck yeah.
I love old gays.
Can I just say that?
What do you mean do old gays go out?
Look around when you go.
I'll just say something.
Old gay men are so wonderful.
They fought so hard for the rights of men like myself to be able to survive.
Yeah, they survive.
No, seriously, like I think it's it younger gay men need to appreciate older gay men.
They paved the way for us.
And I love hanging out with them.
They've got a lot of wisdom and they're a lot of fun too.
So I love hanging out with old gay men.
I really love that.
Next podcast, he's going to come back.
He's like, I'm the old gay guy now.
Old gays love me.
I've started a war between the Twinks and the old gays.
Oh, God.
That's true.
Oh, I did mean.
Would you fuck an old gay?
Look, look, we all have types.
Press conference.
No, no.
This is press conference.
You know what?
Go ahead.
You know what?
I don't see age.
Okay, have you fucked.
How old is the oldest man you've ever fucked?
26.
So literally not older than younger than you.
He's the oldest person you've ever had sex.
Was younger than you by multiple years?
I think I may have.
Younger?
Younger than you by multiple years.
I think I may have hooked up with somebody that was like 27.
Still younger than you by multiple years.
A couple years.
Depending on how you're doing.
20s New Year.
All right.
Are we doing a boys' trip?
Yeah.
Where do you want to go?
Boy's trip to Japan.
Las Vegas.
Next weekend.
Are we going out?
We going out in Vegas?
Are we going to go out?
I think I'm just going to fucking gamble my face off.
Oh, fuck yeah.
You don't he doesn't give a shit about me.
I don't gamble for shit.
Wait, what?
No, when I go to Vegas, I ball out.
How much do you spend?
Can you give me some money?
When I go to Vegas, when's the last time you went to Vegas?
Like a couple months ago.
What?
I went with my family.
I took my mom and my brother.
But I think it was like, it might have been a year at this point.
I forgot.
It's been a while.
But yeah, when I go, because I get like the concierge shit, and I get, that's the only place where I have points, actually.
What do I have?
I have like a gold membership at this point.
I'm trying to get that first.
Do you use that?
I gotta pee real bad.
For MGM.
Well, I don't actually use, like, I don't really care about the membership perks as much as I see it as a justification for all the free shit I get.
Yeah.
Because like, I have a, I have a host.
So when I, when I go out and I, I gamble and stuff, like, I, I see it as like, this is how much money I would have spent if I got this penthouse and everything where I had to pay for it.
And then I just gambled at it.
You just gambled that amount.
How much shit would you say you gamble in a weekend?
Or do you know when it was?
Last time I did that, I thought because it was a big trip with my whole family and they gave us like this penthouse and everything.
Right.
And I was like, okay, I'm going to put $10,000.
I'm going to get $10,000 worth of entertainment.
It's all free.
All the food is fucking comped and everything else.
So I'll do $10,000 worth of gambling.
Did you win?
I didn't lose it.
I lost and then I won it back.
So then it didn't.
I mean, but it doesn't matter because points still accumulate if you're sitting at the table.
So $10,000.
That's a good weekend.
$10,000.
God, you are the fastest pisser I've ever seen.
I got really heavy PSI.
That's crazy.
That's a genetic thing.
You missed it.
I was talking about...
Sexist Horse Comments00:03:40
He took $10,000 out for gambling for a weekend in Vegas.
You know what I do?
The way I see it is like, however much I'm getting for free from the hotel, I say I'm going to gamble that amount.
I gamble an amount of money that I just know.
I take an amount of money where it's just too little to even want to get up from the table and cash it out.
So I just know I'm going to lose it.
I don't gamble much money.
I just play craps till I'm drunk.
I pull out 200 bucks.
I like, I mean, I play blackjack.
That's like the only thing I enjoy playing.
I'd like to go bet on the ponies.
Ooh.
Let's go bet on some horses.
Let's go.
Let's get.
You're a horse girl.
I'm down.
I bet your picks would be good.
You could look at their junk and tell me who's fast.
No, I don't know.
Is that true?
The bigger the horse, the bigger the cock on the horse, the faster the horse.
I don't know.
He's a horse girl.
He can tell you.
No, I'm not sure.
How much?
I don't know.
Yes.
They're called Phillies.
Dude, they're female horses.
Are you for real, right?
No.
I know they're female horses.
But like, do they watch female horse races as much as the male horses?
Male horses participate in the horse races and they're called Phillies.
Are they as fast as the male horses?
I don't know.
I don't know, probably.
This is very...
Are you trying to be sexist with like horses?
What's going on?
I'm genuinely curious.
That's so insane.
No, I'm genuinely curious.
You are literally gay because you're misogynistic.
No.
It's not a misogynistic take.
I'm just genuinely curious.
My man wants to talk about the biological difference between can the female horses drive.
What the fuck?
My man's about to start talking about how like we got to stop these female horses from participating.
We got to get more female horses.
Nobody loves female horses more than I do.
They're beautiful and they're natural.
They're beautiful.
I love a female horse.
Yeah.
Power to the female horses.
Sure.
Right?
Nothing female horse bosses.
I love female horses.
I'm just genuinely curious because with male and female, right?
If you were to put a male and a female in a race, I mean, sometimes the men will win, right?
Right?
Sometimes the men will win.
How many times?
Phillies have won major races.
Okay.
I don't know what the odds are.
I'm just curious what the genetic situation is.
Yeah.
Okay.
Why do you care?
Why do you care about it?
Why do you care about it?
It doesn't matter to me.
I love women more than anybody else.
It seems like you're saying women are nobody has been more of an advocate for.
Do you know that statistically, though, gay horses are faster?
Really?
No, but I knew that.
You'd buy that.
Really?
I'd be curious if there were some.
What horse is not gay?
All animals are gay as fuck.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's why I think we're all gay.
Okay.
You like we here are all gay.
We're just suppressing it.
You are because like in the animal king, they're fucking, you made a good point.
They're fucking everybody in the animal kingdom.
That's true.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Do they like get their were you about to say they pierce their gay ear like the gay horses?
That's what you were gonna say.
You're free.
Stop drinking before these people.
They only shoe their left foot.
So they have like a gay horsewalk.
Yeah, they're sassy.
Nay.
Look at the gate on that gay horse.
There's something wrong with you.
I'm having so much fun today.
Yeah, this is a fun one.
I'm having a good time.
Yeah, finally, now that fucking cutie's not here.
Jesus Christ.
What about you, Cutie?
Yeah.
Dude, there's literally nothing going on in my life.
Oh, I mean, I am probably going to.
I fucking feel.
It's like painful saying it even.
Are you okay?
Wasting Water Drama00:04:15
I might give away Kaya for two weeks or three weeks, depending on the training.
Wait, you're sending her to boot camp?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
He's such a good dog, and he's sending her away.
That is so crazy.
How abusive.
Yeah.
I don't know if he'd do it if it was a male dog.
I truly don't believe it.
It's because she's a female dog.
He's sending her to.
Do it.
Call her.
Call her what she is.
A bitch.
I knew it.
My bitch.
You got hate in your heart.
I do.
Wait, is he sending to a female?
Yeah, why are you doing this?
She's so well-behaved.
I know, but there's, I want her to be like, I want her to be like perfectly trained.
But she's goofy.
If I were to have a goofy cougar girl, yeah, but I want her.
Well, she'll still be goofy.
I want her to be able to walk without a leash everywhere I go.
I want her to have perfect recall, that sort of stuff.
And that takes like intensive training.
She's going to be a police dog.
She's going to be a police dog.
Goofy goobster.
That's what I would want.
I want a police dog.
Why?
If I were to have a dog.
You want a dog with PTSD?
No, I want a dog that's a killer.
If somebody walks into my house.
You want a race's ass dog?
No, not a race.
I want white fang.
Yeah.
I just want people to know.
I've got cats and they don't do shit.
They just purr and eat food and they won't even drink their water if it's not fresh.
I need a...
Oh my God, your cats are you.
My cats.
My cats are so prissy.
Like, I have to.
Can I tell you what I have to do for my cats?
I left them for a couple days and I did have a cat sitter, but I left them for a couple days.
And my cat refuses to drink out of still water, like water that's sitting.
He has to have running water.
So I have to leave a sink on over the weekend for my cat to drink out of.
No.
Austin?
No.
No.
What is your water?
No, it's like in a dribble.
Austin.
It's in a dribble.
That is just hundreds of gallons.
No, it's just a dribble.
It's just that is hundreds of gallons.
It's not like it's on constantly.
Over a weekend?
It's in a dribble.
Over a weekend.
It's dropping.
Drip, drip.
That is dribbling.
You know his ass cranks it too.
It costs less to have someone come and turn the faucet on.
Let your cat drink.
Do you know cats are on their own schedule?
Drip, drip, drip, drip.
He gets under there.
They have devices.
Okay.
For those of you that are going to criticize me for this move, watch what?
You want my cat to die of thirst?
Dude, they have those water pumps.
Yes, I know.
I had a fresh water filter.
It broke.
This is a temporary solution.
Do you think your cat will die before it drinks soap?
100%.
That's not true.
I don't know.
He had some kidney issues, and we had to take him to the vet.
That's so crazy.
They said he needed to.
Your cat is like, no aquafina.
His cat would rather die than drink water that's been left out.
Guys, but seriously, it's crazy because he won't do it.
He will not do it.
Because I watch him when I'm at home, and I don't do the faucet thing when I'm at home because I can watch him and make sure he doesn't die.
And I watch him around the house, and he's drinking out of toilets.
He's drinking out of faucets when I turn them on.
He drinks out of toilets?
Yeah, he drinks out of toilets for some reason.
Just leave the toilet.
That's a good point.
But I'm always afraid he's going to fall in and drown or something.
I'm just a little scared about it.
So I don't know.
He can't swim.
Fall in and drowned in a toilet.
At that point, it's natural selection, dog.
You got to let that cat go.
Austin, that is six inches of water.
You never know.
You never know.
Do you think your cat's going to die in the toilet?
I've heard of cats dying in toilets.
What if he gets trapped?
What if the other cat closes the lid on him or sees like that?
I swear you're the gay Larry David.
No, do they?
Do they hate each other?
No, they get along.
They cuddle a lot of times.
Okay, so then they wouldn't murder one another.
Why would they?
Yeah, but they may do it on accident.
I don't know.
I've been scarred.
Is it bad for the environment to do that?
Because it recycles water.
Austin.
Hundreds of gallons.
No.
It's a lot of water that you're wasting.
Drip, drip, over the course of a weekend.
You couldn't even fill in a gallon jug in a weekend.
Wilderness Survival Skills00:12:25
You want to experiment?
I want to let everybody know it's been never for more than 24 hours.
Okay, just for anybody that wants to cancel me for dripping.
No, it's over.
Some PETA activists are going to fucking show.
No one's going to cancel you for wasted water because, I mean, we fucking waste.
No, but it recycles.
It goes into the sink and then it evaporates back.
You don't have a thing.
That's not a thing.
It evaporates back into the atmosphere.
It gets recycled and then drips back into my cat's mouth and then they pee it out and then into their cat box.
It drips back into my cat's.
We now know who would die first in the apocalypse.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You got before.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Austin's cat would die first in the apocalypse because it wouldn't drink still water.
I mean, look, my.
Look, I would die in the apocalypse.
Yes.
And then your cat would die.
I can't face much adversity.
No.
No.
Your mom was telling me how she went camping recently.
She hated it.
I also hate camping.
I hate camping too.
Oh, do you like camping?
Will likes camping.
I could never do it.
I just see no point.
Can I ask you a real question?
Ever actually been camping?
Yes.
Washington State.
When?
It's been a few years.
I feel like you can poke holes in this story.
I don't remember sleeping in it.
I guess I slept in a tent.
How old was I?
Probably 23.
I was in my 20s, yeah.
We camped.
Are you not anymore?
I'm still in my 20s.
No, I legit am in my 20s.
That's not a lie for a little bit longer.
How much longer?
About a year and a month.
Oh.
Oh, about a year and a month.
Year and a month.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I'm not ashamed of my age.
Oh, really?
Is that why you're soon to be 29 years old?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
29-year-old.
You know what?
So you're being truthful.
I'm being truthful.
I think we should do a fear-ann camping trip.
Fuck no.
I'm going to be honest.
They'll say yes to it, but I just know I will have to do everything.
Like drugs?
No, like set the tent up.
Start the fire.
I know how to do all that.
I've done it.
I did a, I did one of those wilderness survival camps that like parents send their misbehaving Mormon children to.
Not real.
Yeah, my parents.
You were the lone Islamic kid at a Mormon survival.
No, literally.
My parents didn't know what it was.
My mom thought it was like fun and she sent it to me and I almost died.
Wait, like they killed you for your beliefs.
No, it wasn't all Marlon.
It's called like Will.
Fuck, what was it?
It was like wilderness training or something.
But it was like run by some like fucking former military guy who was insane.
21 days out in the fucking wilderness.
Every night you're sleeping in a tent.
You're rock climbing.
You set up your own tent.
You carry your own fucking, you carry everything around, basically.
You camped.
Yeah, for 21 days straight.
And it was awful.
It was so awful that it's just like, I'd never want to do that again.
Did you catch and kill any fish?
I did not because I don't eat fish.
Did we fish?
I can't remember, but we did a lot of kayaking.
We did a lot of canoeing.
Did you dress any small animals?
No, we didn't dress any small animals.
But like, I know how to do like the basics of like a bear bag and stuff.
You think you got a sling over fucking.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Like I've done all of it.
Dude, the other thing.
Hey, on hand.
Bear bag is?
Take a guess.
A bear bag.
Big bear bag is.
A big burly man.
I feel like if I'm guessing what a bear bag is, something wilderness related, it's a bag to repel bears.
Okay, how does it work?
How does it work?
It attracts bears away from you.
You hang it up in a tree.
Okay.
And bears will go to it instead of going inside of your tent.
Remarkably, that is closer than you think.
So when you camp.
My dad was a camper.
Bears can smell food for an extreme distance.
So like whenever you're preparing food, you're supposed to do it away from your camp.
And then when you get done eating, you're supposed to hang your food up in a tree.
Yep.
If you have even like a granola bar, which this motherfucker would, he'd be like, oh, I'll have a chocolate chick.
He'd be snacking down on cream tae.
And he'd be like, this doesn't attract bears, right?
They don't like veggies.
Yeah.
And then some fucking bear comes in.
I do like a midnight snack.
That's what I mean.
He's going to have a cookie.
We would die because of Austin's cookies.
Yeah, I. 100%.
I'm getting mauled to death.
He's like, it was only one.
One and a half.
Yeah.
I like.
And he leaves the other half too outside the tent.
He's like, I don't want to eat this.
It's too much.
I'm not going to be tempted.
Yeah, it's too much.
I like to eat in bed.
Yeah.
That's what I mean.
Do you like to eat like meal?
I like to eat food.
I love to eat in bed as well.
I'm a fan of it.
I like to have to be watching the perfect thing up in bed.
100%.
Like to have my little towel over me to make sure I don't spill anything.
Yeah, I am fully in agreement there.
Yeah.
But yeah, as far as camping goes, what else?
Like, I know how to fucking, you know, I had to shit in the wilderness.
Like, I had to literally, we didn't, for 21 days.
I had to fucking.
You're acting like I've never been camping.
No, no, no.
Not like, because many people camp at campsites and there's like a public restaurant.
Actually, you have to dig a ditch.
Yeah.
I've shit outside.
Did you do that?
No, you have to bring it.
Oh, I've done it before.
We have a little fucking shovel, like a hand shovel.
You open up a hole.
You shit in it.
And then it was leave no trace.
So we had to use leaves to wipe our asses.
When I was in high school, I got locked out of my house and I had to shit so bad.
But I was able to get in my garage where we had our toilet paper.
And I went in my backyard and I took a shit in my backyard in the grass.
In the grass where my dog shit did you blame it on the dog?
No, did you pick it up?
I didn't tell anybody.
Wait, so you just left his shit there?
What was I supposed to do?
You left your shit in the back.
You are gay, Larry David, man.
Wait, that's unusual.
You took the secret to your grave.
Wait, so your dad, like, what if he just walks out and steps on it?
I don't know.
He's like, I think there's something wrong with the dog.
There's cookie dust all over this shit.
What the fuck?
You didn't pick it up in a bag.
What was I supposed to do with the shit?
Pick it up and throw it out.
I was responsible for scooping poop and I took care of it.
No, you didn't.
You left that poop.
You left the poopy out there, it seems.
I don't think I do.
I'm crying.
Yeah.
That's insane.
Well, I mean, I guess we should do a camping stream.
I see it.
I'd love to be.
I think, what about me sending me into like very uncomfortable situations, like dirty jobs?
You would get over that after one episode.
You think so?
Yes.
If it was popular, I'd do it.
No, but I don't think I'd be able to deal with that.
That's what I think.
I think like we're over there trying to fucking man the fort and Austin is complaining non-stop.
He's like, trying to, he's like, trying to do a Snapchat heat map for himself to see if there's any twinks around.
I feel like if we did that show, it would just end up with me doing the dirty job and you guys being like, good work.
I'm going to say, I actually think Hassan and I are very similar.
He tries to make me seem like I'm.
Okay, so I will say this.
Hassan could not do dirty jobs.
I have gone on the record.
As you may or may not know, I watch a lot of survival shows.
Yes.
And people always ask me, you two, did you guys make good survivors?
Yeah.
And I always go on the record saying, absolutely.
Both of us.
No.
Disastrous.
Both of us would be disastrous.
No, I can adapt.
There's no way.
I mean, I know all the fucking things that I need to do.
If we were like, just don't prefer.
If you were just to break it down to like physical capabilities, you would throw out your back or some shit.
Fuck no.
Blow a knee out.
No shot.
100%.
I mean, I would be like, if I had to do survive, I would be able to do it.
If I had to.
Wouldn't like it.
I am a firm believer that I, the reason why I don't do this kind of stuff is not because I can't do it.
It's because I just don't choose to.
I like to be comfortable.
But if I was put in that circumstance, I would, I'd be fine.
Okay.
100%.
Okay.
What's the number one skill you think you'd bring to survival situation, both of you guys?
I'm terrible.
Like my intelligence.
I'm terrible.
Like my intelligence.
Like my intelligence is not very great.
Like I'm just not very, I don't have a lot of common sense.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
If I were to in a survival situation, I would be able to pleasure the troop.
I would go, I would everybody blow jobs.
What the fuck?
I would fuck everybody on the I cannot believe your number one survival skill is also your way to fall back and make money.
Remember when I was like, how would you guys make money if you didn't stream?
And Austin's like, oh, I'd blow people.
And I'm like, how?
What's your number one survival skill?
Austin goes, oh, I'd blow people.
If I had to survive, I'd just start.
Think about it this way.
Think about it this way.
Who's going to kill the guy that's sucking everybody's eyes?
Seriously, if you're on an island and you can suck dick.
You say there's no way, dude.
Seriously, there's no way you're going to die.
Right?
There's no way you're going to die.
That's one of the human whatever the fuck necessity needs.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs is going to be.
How are you going to compete with that?
I'm telling you, it's actually very intelligent.
Just a sloppy toppy.
That's one of the needs.
That's right.
What would your survival skill be?
I don't know.
I mean, I know all the basics.
That's it.
So I don't know what I would bring to the table that's different than anybody else.
I'd be able to fly a plane if we were about to crash.
If the pilots died, I could land a plane.
It's true.
I'm not even kidding.
No, I believe you.
Give us something.
I have nothing.
Give us something.
All I do is this, bro.
I'd fucking talk the bear to death.
The bear showed up at the camp.
I have, okay, I've talked to us before, but I have this insane belief.
And I know it's not normal and I know it's not correct.
Like where this is going.
I have this insane belief that if I saw a bear in the wild, we'd chill.
Like, we would vibe.
I feel like the bear would pick up on my vibes and would be like, that's a chill guy.
Like, it's fun.
Is this something you think about a lot?
Yes.
100%.
I mean, that's a skill.
If you think you can do it, I think I could vibe out a bear.
And then if a bear came up and was like hungry, because the bear's like, where are the cookies at?
The other survival guy is like trying to make himself look big and make noises.
You're like, no.
Let me just vibe.
Yeah, I'd be like, what's up, bear?
I'm a big guy.
You're big.
What's good?
And we would vibe.
We would fucking vibe.
The bear would be like, you're chill as fuck.
Survival experts like, let him cook.
Yeah.
You don't have to do that.
You don't have to get big.
Just fucking chill.
Oh, man.
Oh, then, yeah, then.
All right.
Perfect.
You'll chill with the bear.
I'll suck everybody off.
And we'll do everything else.
We are going to die.
I mean, I don't know.
I fucking lug a lot of shit, I guess.
That's what I can do.
It's crazy because I can't even.
Never mind.
I'm not even good at sucking dick.
I don't know why.
I'm not even good at it.
I'm just not even good at it.
I don't even know why I would call you that.
That's so funny.
If you were the dick suck guy in a survival situation and they killed you because you were just bad at sucking dick.
Bro, you're raking it.
This dick suck guy is horrible.
I'm just not that.
He keeps checking Grinder halfway through my BJ.
I don't like it.
I don't enjoy it.
He's raking it, dude.
He's putting too much.
Oh, all teeth.
Raking it?
Is that what you got?
That's a frat guy thing.
100%.
That's a frat guy term.
Bro, she was raking it, dude.
Police Department Chase00:02:18
No, it's not.
I've learned that.
That's a frat thing.
I don't know.
I think so.
I think I have.
You got that from Kyle.
I cannot confirm or deny that is the first place I heard that.
Could be likely.
That's a straight frat boy.
She was raking it.
100%.
And on that note, we are going to disappear.
Behind the paywall.
That is correct.
We are at a full hour, aren't we, Marsh?
Yep.
Yes, we're at full hour.
And by the way, Will has something to show behind the paywall.
His dick.
Yeah, literally.
We're not even kidding.
He showed me the picture, and we're going to have a soundpike react to it.
Okay, I like it.
I'm proud of you.
Yep.
It wasn't.
It was great.
Thank you guys so much.
Oh, he's pulling it out.
Okay.
Patreon.com.
Oh, what the fuck?
Yo.
Yo.
That's crazy.
Chill.
Fantasy team.
Yo, he's showing it.
Patreon.com slash fear and we want to see Will's dick.
Yeah, we'll see you later, guys.
Take care.
We were always told not to flick your lights at people with their lights off.
Yes.
Because that's how they chose people for gang initiation.
And I was like, Elon North Carolina is actually really close to a lot of gang violence.
So I flicked my lights at someone and I was in a car with like three people and I noticed that the person flicked a U-turn and I was like, oh shit, I think this person's following me now.
So then I like did.
What do they do for initiation?
Kill you.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I did like three really random turns and I ended up in like a development and the car was still behind me and I was like, all right, this is weird.
I'm going to fucking fool, see if they follow me.
I was in an Audi at the time and I did 110 miles per hour in a residential and they followed me.
And I was like, oh shit, this is real.
So I told the other people in the car, I was like, this is about to get so fucked up.
I'm going to drive to a police department.
And I was fucking speed racer, like drifting around corners and they were following me.
And I just like peeled into a police department and I had text some of my frat brothers to like alert the police department and be ready.