Fear&Aiden-less World 2027 hosts banter over Bam Margera's reality show and Mormon polygamy before addressing the official apology to Austin regarding his previous C-tier ranking. They recount a Blue Mountain State encounter with Jimmy Yellow, debate The Hills' scripted nature involving Heidi Klum and Lauren Conrad, and discuss Taylor Swift's security detail "Tree." The conversation shifts to language barriers between English and Turkish, personal anecdotes about losing virginity at 16 and 18, and a disturbing incident where the guest was harassed by people throwing garbage. Ultimately, the episode blends chaotic personal history with podcast meta-commentary, highlighting the hosts' unique dynamic amidst discussions of clout, relationships, and streaming culture. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Sexy Torso Check00:03:13
Don't mean shit to me, man.
This is the sexy.
We have the sexiest guests that we've ever had.
Oh, you're so big, dude.
I like, but honestly, torso check.
I'm like kind of the same when we sit down.
You are.
You're like around the same height, I think.
And also the same weight.
All of us three men.
Yeah.
This feels like it'll be a normal episode for me.
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
Oh, hello.
I was in our...
Oh, did my huge chest interrupt our podcast?
Yeah.
Everything on this podcast is natural.
We decided to upgrade our funny man, our ginger funny man, and also our gay man.
Oh, is he at the ginger?
Is he at the, I can't say barbecued, like a picnic?
Is he at our picnic?
Bro, he is literally...
Yeah, barbecue.
He is the most ginger.
I said that he wasn't ginger, too.
Not a contest.
I said he had light brown hair and he was like, oh, that's crazy.
He's going to be so upset.
Here's the measurement of.
I thought you're going to.
Don't touch me that mic.
Don't touch it.
Austin's ruined it.
We're about to find out if Austin is the EMT attack bomb.
DMP.
EMP attack bomb.
Yeah.
Versus maybe is a homophobic mic.
I don't know.
But yeah, like I was saying, we upgraded.
We upgraded big time.
We upgraded our ginger guy.
He's more ginger than ever before and funnier.
Well, the litmus test of how redheaded are you is at what age did you start and stop getting bullied?
Oh, if he was never bullied.
Oh, he was bullied.
Then he's not.
But I thought you said he was bullied because he was fat.
I think he's a bad roll.
If you roll both, that's that's I think he's coping.
I think that he got bullied for being ginger and fat.
It's like EQ Valorant, like Insta Lock, like Yoru, and then like Phoenix, and it's like game's already over.
Wait, really?
That's the, that's the.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
If your head is a bad, you also get fat.
Because you can get like the, who's the dude from Shameless?
You can get that thing, and it's like, no one even acknowledges it for your whole life.
Oh, he's the hot.
The hot one?
Like the first thing she thought was like, you know, that guy was hot who I'm thinking.
Except when he was a kid when I started watching, and so I didn't think he was a hot when he was a kid.
But when he grew up and I was grown up, then we thought I was hot.
Just to be clear, the kid wasn't hot until he wasn't a kid anymore.
And then he was hot.
Not before.
I don't know who we're talking about.
What are you talking about?
Wait, pull up Hot Kid from Shameless.
Honestly, cut the second half off.
Shameless hot guy.
Shameless hot kids.
Oh, Jeremy Allen.
Is it Jeremy Allen White?
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, Cameron Monaghan.
Yeah, he's the redhead.
Oh, this guy.
Yeah.
Is he hot?
Okay, relax, dude.
Like, guy who gets called hot every day of his life.
Your perspective is warped.
Just kidding.
Is he hot, though?
I don't know if I'm going to say this guy's hot.
He's attractive.
I know he's an attractive.
When it comes to redheads.
You're just an ally, I think.
Oh, no.
Ariana Grande's red heads.
When it comes to people who have genetic deformities like me, like, how do we like cross the threshold into attractive?
You know, really?
They're just not normal.
Hey, welcome back to the Fear Ann podcast.
I know.
We listen with the yard B team.
Crossing Into Attractive00:04:22
How dare you?
How dare you?
Also, I'm an Austin upgrade, apparently, and I'm less gay.
So let's be when Ludwig goes out of town.
I always ask the question, like, who can I ask to be on the podcast who won't take offense to the fact we're inviting them on when Ludwig's gone?
And so I now know what it feels like to be on the other side of that.
Yeah.
But I'd say you guys are probably the A team of Fear And I'd like to think so.
Because, you know, don't make that face.
I hate this podcast.
You bring the fans because you have the whole women ages 11 to 14.
That's my...
You just hit the fan base.
You do all the work.
So that's like the two biggest things.
Don't shoot.
Heads on Mount Rushmore.
Yeah, does she do all the work?
I don't know.
What's your ranking?
She's got one who wants to tell her.
Who do you think the...
She's already out of the room, actually.
Who do I think pulls the most weight?
I mean, it's me, 100%.
It is him.
Are you counting?
But also because, like, I'm here.
You know what I mean?
So it's like hard for me not to pull all the weight.
Dude, you would hope that you would show up to the podcast in your house.
That does not fit on any of your fingers.
That is fucked.
That is.
This might go on my dick.
Look at this.
That is fucked.
Put it on a finger.
Show it to the rest of the world.
Yeah, that's the way.
That's my cockering.
Okay.
It's like the spinning rims of this.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Maybe my thumb.
Okay, it kind of fits my...
It's still loose on my thumb.
Dude, it's like I feel like I need to hit the gym, but it'll never actually work out.
Yeah, no, this is that.
I don't think you can get that low.
I need to get beefy fingers.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a problem for getting rings in general.
It's not good.
Yeah, you can't really show up to like Melrose's trading post and like just buy a ring.
Always just a pinky finger.
Like I can get, I can always get one for the pinky fingers.
Whoa.
Sounds like your life's been extremely hard up to this point.
I know.
It sucks.
Being six foot four and just yak.
I hate it.
Packaged like a bomb at the airport or something.
Yeah.
This guy's crazy looking.
Why?
Why would we tell you something about the Super Bowl before we got here?
Okay, dude.
I'm wearing my Kansas City Chiefs, my favorite football team.
Oh my God, you are such a punch.
I don't watch sports.
I don't watch sports.
I don't watch sports either.
Are the Chiefs the pre- or post-racist name?
Ooh.
I don't think the football teams change.
Oh, only the Redskins did.
That's what it was.
Yeah.
This is post.
The Chiefs are like.
This is the Enlightened.
Not Indian Chiefs.
They're like, hey, Chief.
Yeah, what's up?
Wait, show it?
It's the same team, though.
No, a different team.
These are different teams.
What's that thing that KC is sitting on?
What is that?
It's the mouse.
It's your mouse when you're clicking.
It's interesting.
They were like, we can't let go of the entire branding.
You know what I mean?
The Chiefs aren't racist.
I'll say it.
Yeah, because Taylor Swift's a fan.
Yeah.
Well, they got Mr. Pfizer.
It's funny on the Chiefs.
I don't know if you guys know that.
I do know about this.
Oh, you didn't realize this is crazy.
I wish it was a bit, but I don't think it is.
I don't think it's a joke.
Here we are again back on Fear Ann.
They're calling the girl crumbling.
I'm trying to think if I could do the opposite.
Like you found out like a skateboarder was dating a singer and you go to their concerts.
That's your cultural reference point.
Guys like skateboarding, girls like Taylor.
Yeah, but the skateboarder has to be more famous than the music artist.
What is the equivalent?
Skateboarder.
Oh, true.
Bam Margera.
Oh, you know what?
Bam Margera's back in a big way.
I hate him so much.
What do you have to hit?
Oh my God, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think...
Okay, so here's what it is.
I think it's because you're never supposed to raise your voice to your parents when you're growing up in Turkey.
I feel like there's a universal principle, but Americans violate it anyway.
His uncle was like a convicted pedophile.
He can scream at them all he wants.
Dude, he was doing it to his dad, too.
Mormon Church Kickbacks00:03:22
And like, I, okay, this is kind of funny, I guess, but like when I was a kid, when that show came on, I was, first I was horrified, then I was angry.
We're talking Viva LeBam?
Yes.
When he would like, I was horny and happy.
What?
Duvan Margero was killing it for a while.
He put his thumb through sleeves of jackets and people were like, we're fine with that.
Just keep being.
Yeah, I did it too.
I wanted to be like him.
That is, I'm so mad.
I'm mad.
I did it also, but it was because I wanted to be Ash from Pokemon.
Oh, okay.
That's a little bit more funny.
I don't watch Viva LeBam.
Yeah.
Okay.
My thing, though, like every time he misbehaved and then spoke back to his parents, I was like, the shame.
Like, I couldn't watch it.
It's TV.
I physically could not watch it.
I don't even, what's like a comparison?
It's like you're watching cartoons and you're like, I just don't like that they're so...
I think he did actually punch his parents.
Yeah, he did.
And they got a bag for it.
Like, do you think that they would have any real streamer?
It is the worst reality streamer.
You're watching that and you're going like, that's my line.
I would have been going over to friends' houses who could get away with swearing or saying weird words in front of their parents.
Weird words.
Like lugubrious?
Like, what do you mean?
But I would go into like shock.
Whoa, chill.
And what's the thing?
Just weird words.
Like, wait, were you?
Were you raised Mormon too?
What's going on?
Not Mormon.
Just I had strict parents, strict Canadian parents.
Would you like to be Mormon?
Wait, you're Canadian?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Is there like a program I could go through to be Mormon?
Or is it like a Freemason thing?
I got to know someone.
I think you got to be like Simoan.
You got to be Samoan.
You got to get like the right thing.
All I have to do is show up once.
To what?
And then they'll say to church on a Sunday.
That's it?
You know, I've been to Mormon church.
They'll want to baptize you and then you get baptized.
You have?
Yeah, I have.
Wait, that's it?
You just show up.
It's so easy.
Sometimes people join the Mormon church because Mormons have a lot of really good kickbacks, genuinely.
You're talking about it like it's the organized crime family.
They do a lot of good.
I was poor and sometimes we'd go to the local Mormon like shop.
There'd be this food shop where you could get discounted food because everyone's tithing would help pay for the food.
That's hype.
And sometimes everyone's tithing will help pay for people's mortgages if they're poor and stuff like that.
And so sometimes people will join the church, pretend that they're Mormon just so they can help get their house paid for.
I think it was gross that the American government waged war against Mormons and did not allow them to do polycules.
Do poor people have mortgages?
Yeah.
With the Mormon church.
We just filed bankruptcy like a few times.
Oh, that's tight.
I saw the big short, so I kind of understand.
They should have their polycules and help out people with their mortgages.
That's what we're establishing right now.
Well, they kind of kept doing it anyway, which is, which I always thought was really interesting.
Like, I don't know if you guys know this, but Mitt Romney's dad, George Romney, ran for president, but was like born in Mexico.
The reason why he was born in Mexico was because he was a part of the Mormons that went to Mexico because America was like, you can't do polyamory.
He had different binders of women.
Defying Biology And Mortgages00:14:50
Yeah.
Very different.
Wow.
Look at that.
We don't do any politics on the podcast.
Baby, babe, we're here.
We don't have to talk about all this.
Yeah.
We could just, you know, be funny.
Yeah.
You guys want to talk about politics?
I was listening on the way here because I watch your YouTube videos sometimes.
And on the way here, I was listening to you go over Nikki Haley's performance at the Republican debate and watching him roast everybody on the stage.
It was pretty entertaining.
She's great.
She's a queen.
Can I say something before we get into this podcast?
We are into politics.
We can stay away.
I want to get out of politics for a moment, but this is important.
Marsh, can you bring up what I sent you?
Oh, wow.
You came in prepared.
Well, damn, you guys really carry the yard.
Here's the thing.
I feel like there was something in the air that I needed to address.
I'm scared.
And last time Nick did this to me.
Apparently, I broke his edge, and I had no clue I ever did it.
Oh, yeah.
Cutie fed me a mimosa knowingly.
But I didn't know.
Yeah.
Wait.
And then he brings it up on the screen.
You'll be the judge.
You'll be the judge.
You don't know.
Cutie was like, hey, I'm making.
I think you're better looking than Cameron Monahan.
You mean that?
I mean it 100%.
I think he has like a weird face.
You have a normal face.
That means ginger.
That means because you're like kind of like the arbiter of this kind of thing.
Why?
Why would I be the arbiter?
I feel like your DMs probably look like a Olivia Rodrigo concert.
Like you, like you have so much pull put aside of who is and is not good looking.
Oh, it works that way.
You're not like, oh, I'm hot, so I get to decide who's hot.
The screen that we can see.
All right.
So try not to show the left side.
Maybe go into slideshow.
Yeah, go into slideshow mode.
All right.
So, hey, my man is so jobless, he has no idea how a slideshow works.
That's crazy.
Like, he literally was like, oh, I'll just scroll it to the left side.
When did you graduate high school, Marsh?
Did you ever put a PD file on a USB drive?
Never had to do it?
I just never had a normie job.
He's very Zoomer-coded, but he's not a Zoomer.
All right, let me get into my thing.
So as you can see from the title screen, I think that I owe someone an apology for the next slide.
I like the color pattern.
Wow.
Hey, Austin.
Oh, looking good.
I just want to address something that I know has been between us for a long time.
Next slide.
So there was an incident.
Oh, there was an incident that I learned about recently on our podcast where we ranked every streamer.
And then I said, and the last host of Fear And Cutie.
And we never did Austin.
Yeah.
If that helps at all, we backed you up because he came on this podcast bitching and come back in.
And then we were like, oh, it's because you don't stream, Austin.
I'm sorry.
Why am I C tier?
Oh.
What the fuck?
This isn't about the GT.
Well, it's not about the GAAP.
Are you fucking joking?
Will is AIDS!
You know what?
That wasn't cool of me.
It wasn't cool.
That wasn't cool of me, you know, because I respect Austin a lot.
I think he's done a lot for gay streamers and people online.
You gave him the liberty to be more annoying.
Next slide.
And, you know, scary thoughts elude us.
And sometimes when we think about things that are uncomfortable, we avoid it.
And I think there's something between me and Austin that I'm avoiding thinking about.
And so I wanted to get into that today.
Immortal technique.
Well, these are just dark, scary things that my mind thinks about.
Next slide.
Let's just get down to...
Oh, we know we have to.
We need to kill Aiden before he turns 30 years old, Austin.
Wait, what the fuck?
Why?
Why are we going to do this?
Next slide, please.
Next slide, shut up.
This is what an Aiden-less world could look like.
Pay attention.
Austin, me and you.
Which camera?
Me and you, Austin.
We could build a world of utopia if this distraction was out of the way.
Because all he does is pull Austin's eye away from me.
And I don't think that, I think that because of that, you know, I was feeling sour and I didn't know how to address that head-on.
I did not foresee this.
Aiden uses two-in-one shampoo conditioner.
Dude, right?
Wait, really?
So that's like the wrong variant.
That's like the wrong variant of gay.
It's like a weird offshoot of gay.
I don't think Austin should be very interested in that.
Oh my God, Austin is gay.
Straight people, Austin.
You remember straight people?
Look at this lineup.
Like, we have so much to offer you.
I just come back to us.
Well, he's like the captain of the straight team.
Who's the third guy there?
I don't actually know, but I googled straight people and then I added myself.
Yeah, remember the good times, Austin?
So, look, I can't wait to see you.
I'm very sorry for having forgotten you.
Oh, and one more thing.
This is how we could do it.
I think a device that would explode his brain from the inside.
This is terrible.
I don't agree with that.
That would hurt.
It's not about you.
It's about love.
I feel like it's distinctly about me.
So thank you, everyone, for indulging me.
Wow.
I hope that you can accept my apology.
C tier?
It's like you don't even pay attention.
It's like I just did a whole thing and you're back on you, you know?
Yeah.
You ever heard about that thing that people do when you hear a story and you go like, oh my God, I'm from there.
And it's like, you've made it about you.
Yeah.
That's what you just did, man.
I feel like that'd be relevant, though.
C is close to A. He's close to A.
And in some countries, C means A. Can I understand what the methodology was there?
Or that was like a brain exploding device.
Like, I figured Aiden could put it on.
No, I meant like the C tier.
Oh, well, it's confusing.
I've given up on you executing Aiden.
Well, the information.
I will defend it.
The information is in the podcast.
You want me to do that podcast again?
Watch their podcast, you asshole.
Have you ever watched an episode of The Yard?
That's a question I have for you.
No.
He talks so much shit about the yard, too.
That's crazy.
He talks so much shit.
He's never watched it.
Because I want to do the Soldier Boy meme where it's like they stole our whole flow, bar for bar.
I've only seen bits and pieces where like sometimes you guys will like cover something that I did or whatever.
And then like my chat be like, you have to watch The Yard talked about you.
And I'm only seeing the parts you're in.
Yes.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Yes.
Gotcha.
But we also, according to him, have incredible beef between our podcasts.
Oh, we do.
Yes.
Do we?
I like having fake beef.
I talk about you guys so often.
I like having fake beef with you guys.
But I mean, I want to be Don Draper so bad right now in the elevator.
I don't think about it.
There is this, Nick, where I said, check in to see if 730 works for Aiden.
And he said, is there no Will or will there be six of us?
No, I forgot.
And then I said, no, Will or Austin.
And I said, oh, my God.
Do not tell Austin I forgot about him.
And then you made that presentation and forgot that you forgot about him not even like an hour ago.
I did again.
I think I see what you're doing.
You're negging him.
Well, I covered that in my slideshow.
Next slideshow.
Sharing shots elude us.
Nick just wants to be wanted like me.
I do so bad.
I so badly want to be wanted like Aiden.
Aiden just like, yes, yes.
Aiden, everywhere he goes, people are like, oh, it's Aiden.
Oh, my God.
Let's talk about like tennis or something.
Like, he has so many friends.
Wow.
And I have a couple friends.
Have you tried being bisexual?
You'll make more friends and enemies.
We got to grind.
You've got to figure it out.
I'm low Elo in the bisexual.
They tell you it's not a choice, but we can make a change.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we can homopy you quick.
That's how we do it out here.
Okay.
All it takes is a club night.
Just one.
Oh, we.
Oh, yes.
Oh, there's beefs all around.
What is happening?
I thought about this.
I was thinking about this recently because you brought up me.
You brought up me kissing Ludwig on an episode of Fear Trust.
But it was actually Ludwig kissing you.
Well, because.
Yeah.
That time it was, I think.
Oh, that time?
What the fuck?
Yo!
It's not happening a lot.
It's not.
I made it sound like it's not.
I also have kissed Ludwig, but it was before he liked it.
It was before he liked it.
I feel like around this era was when he started liking it.
Exactly.
That's when I was like, you know, I don't want to be.
I like that.
I want to be bullying.
I'm so.
I mean, I've kissed.
We've all kissed Ludwig.
Every single person here is you.
He hasn't.
Yeah.
Such a slut.
Wait, Austin hasn't.
Austin hasn't kissed Ludwig.
Okay, so we've all kissed Ludwig except for Austin.
And Austin's pissed.
And Austin hasn't kissed you, so Austin's pissed.
Austin hasn't kissed either of you, actually.
Austin's.
I'm the most susceptible to it than ever.
It's just, it's just so good to keep him wanting more, I think.
Austin or Ludwig?
Austin.
Oh, no.
I don't need you to.
Austin.
Austin.
Draw awesome boundaries.
Do you think he's kissing Connor right now on the RV trip?
He's on the phone with me last night.
He's like, or this morning, and he's like, oh, yeah, we went here, we went there, and then we went to the on-sen.
I was like, oh, so I saw everyone naked again.
And he was like, well, no one's like looking.
And I was like, I would look.
He was like, you would look.
He would stare at people's genitals.
And I was like, yes, I would.
This seems like it's more incriminating of you than him.
No.
I believe it when he says he wouldn't look.
He's also lying.
I believe that.
Why?
Somebody who went to the onsen with him.
You'd look because the person you were so weirdo about it from what I've heard.
I wasn't.
He was going around doing a meat spin.
Like, he was doing a whole thing.
What the fuck?
He was like, I'm American.
It was so egregious to hear this accusation from Ludwig because the first night that we went to one, we go to the roof.
We go to the roof of the onsen.
It's like, it's snowing.
It's really pretty.
There's all these rocks around the water and stuff.
And you're meat spinning.
Everybody just gets in the water normal, not meat spinning.
Ludwig decides to get up out of the water in front of everyone.
There's five of us there, and he stands on the rock like Yao in Mulan and just like, like, poses.
Let him know.
That's the guy who's accusing me of meat spinning.
Anyway, he's like, casual night with the boys at the onset.
Wow.
Do you feel threatened that he might be throwing it back for the boys?
I don't care.
What am I doing?
Do you guys feel threatened that he might be throwing it back for the boys?
Oh, no.
I love it.
Oh, you want to?
You want to spread it around?
He just has, like, sometimes I forget what his ass looks like.
And then I see it again.
And I'm just like, what the?
It's just, you know.
It's a beautiful ass.
That's not fair.
He's got a great man.
He's all good in so many metrics.
Yeah.
He has very little reading comprehension, which is kind of, it kind of balances the whole thing out.
But he is, man, is he a sculpture?
Yeah, his reading writing stat is pretty low.
But wasn't he an English major?
Yeah.
Which is crazy.
I'm trying to defy his biology.
I would say one time, one year for Valentine's Day, I said, all I want is a card.
All I want is a card that has your feelings in it.
And he wrote.
Like the I am 12 from the.
He wrote like two sentences, and I was like, Ludwig.
I got mad at him.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Those sentences could go really hard.
Like, I've written a lot of cards.
And if you have like two bomb sentences, I feel like it could go pretty hard.
Like, what would be if I said, please, I, because he's put you on the spot, but how do you, how do you hit two sentences for Valentine?
He redid it for the record.
So sentence one says.
Very nice one.
It's just, it's, you keep it simple.
Shorty, comma, damn.
Wow.
Yeah.
How would you feel about shorty damn?
Yeah.
And what's your hero?
I think I would also be like, hey, could you rewrite this?
Okay, shorty, comma, damn.
What's the second short?
Shorty, comma, damn.
And then it's just.
Aha, aha.
And it's like, I bet the girl reading this.
So cute right now.
Love you.
Happy.
Wow.
That would make you smile.
That part would make you smile.
I decided from a very young age that the only boy that could ever call me Shorty was Justin Bieber.
So I would be upset.
At what age did that?
Like, are you still on that term?
Yes.
Once you make up your mind, it stays that way.
That's how I've always felt.
He's married, right?
Yeah, but Haley Bieber or me.
There is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's not a threat, right?
What do you mean?
Not a threat.
You just haven't put your cards on the table.
You just haven't seen it.
I've told him I'm interested.
Because I'm not right now.
I'm in a very happy relationship.
Right now.
But, like, if I were to reach out, I, you know, things might shake up.
And we're not ready for a world where I'm dating Justin Bieber.
That's and you're dating Justin Bieber, and he like he goes to big music things, and then like Taylor's there, and she's across the room, and you're super casual about it.
You're not even looking at her that much and she walks over to you.
Well, I've decided Slime is dating a Heim sister.
I messaged him about this forever ago.
Oh, this is her.
Have you heard about this?
This is her way to befriend Taylor.
Wait, is Slime dating a Heim sister?
Gonna.
If her if her plan comes, is that why he's too busy to show up on the fucking pod?
On a date with her right now, hopefully.
Fingers crossed.
Kaya, stop.
Uh-oh.
Oh, hey, whoa, that's our cinematographer.
You don't get to step into that department and make choices.
Big ass butt, Kaya.
Yeah, so I want him to date a Heim sister really, really badly.
What is a Heinz sister?
This is like ketchup.
No, I don't know.
No, I'm not kidding.
I don't know.
They're like a Los Angeles girl band.
Oh, Ludwig mentioned this.
He taught us this.
Sometimes Ludwig steals my plans and then uses them as jokes on your guys' podcast.
But this is a very serious plan.
They're all hot.
They're all in a good age range for him.
But they're 40 or 50.
He's like analyzed them.
I've analyzed this.
Heim.
Oh, Heim.
Heim.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He brought this up.
Yeah.
We learned about this.
Because I called him and I said, what's your pickup line?
And it needs work.
Okay.
Admittedly.
They look like they started from the same creative character.
They are sisters.
Oh, they're related.
The Heim's sister.
I was going to be like, there is a version of this.
That's what's called being related.
Ah, sisters.
I'm learning.
Okay.
But that's a long con.
Are they popular?
So they're friends with Taylor.
Yeah.
Does she like have a lot of friends?
I have so many questions.
Yeah.
Nothing about it.
She does, but not like close friends.
What do you mean?
Like, there's a lot of superficial friends, obviously.
Does she sing about that?
Or is that constantly that you're putting together?
No, she has.
She sang about it in Dorothea.
It's a song from Evermore.
I believe Dorothea is from Evermore or Folklore.
Sometimes they blend together.
Some would say she hasn't gotten close with anyone because the last time she had a very close friend, she fell in love with her.
What is he talking about?
No, he's being a galer.
What is a galer?
Oh, you think Taylor Swift is gay?
Yes.
Kind of.
I'm a galer.
I'm a galer, too.
I think she's a samurai.
Secretly.
Taylor Swift As A Samurai00:09:46
I swear.
A samurai.
Yeah.
Imagine how dope that would be.
Samurais were gay too.
The galaxy and the sailors, for sure.
How many like 11-year-olds would get really into samurai culture if she was just like, guys, I'm a samurai?
I do find it alarming how much power she holds.
Yeah, yeah.
I think she should tell people to.
I think she should run for president.
Have you heard of the girl economy?
Is that just like whatever Taylor Swift likes?
It's like this phenomena of like, as time passes, like more of the primary breadwinners in society are women because like women are graduating with college degrees at higher rates.
And like the Barbie movie exploded.
Like all of these things are dictated by women's interests in the world.
I got to lower my misogyny, I think.
I'm beginning to realize I got to farm women more.
You got to, yeah, you got to angle for the first thing, then the second thing.
He does it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One after another.
He does that?
Yeah.
Wait, how do you farm women?
Is there a strat?
Like, ladies.
I was just thinking the other night.
You should go to this game.
He's like, dude, he's actually, he's doing the real aha.
You're like Ludwig.
You don't need any game.
I don't.
Yeah.
Ludwig just worked.
Big Arm Now.
Have you noticed that?
No, I don't know.
Yeah.
He's always doing that.
What the fuck is that?
No, you know, he's kind of yak now.
He lost the COVID tummy.
He lost the COVID tummy, and now he's tank-topped out all the time.
But he's like weird about it because he wears it all the time.
He wears it too much.
He didn't want to pack.
He didn't want to pack for Japan.
Okay.
Oh, he's packing.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, yeah, what do I need to buy?
He guns on a plane.
He bought seven tank tops, and that's all he took.
Seven!
That's too many tank tops!
One for each important day of the week.
You have everything you need.
That's the pack, the Heinz pack.
You know what's really funny about that?
He 100% is doing that.
You're right.
He is literally showing the guns.
Always.
Too much.
I think he's compensating for his hair.
He's really sad about shaving his hair off.
Really?
Yeah.
I think he looks so money.
He's tweeted that he's like, he's looking like prison break.
No, I don't think he looks money.
We said that.
When he had the little cut in the side, I think Ludwig is a hair guy.
So like without the hair, his power is lowered.
This is such an unstudied Ludwig opinion.
You are literally so level one in the love of 2-2.
What do you mean?
He's a hair guy.
You are a bit of a hair guy.
Yeah, I am an actual hair guy.
I went to hair guy camp in school, and if I shaved my head, I would die.
Everyone hate me and I'd die.
Ludwig has other qualities.
He's 100% a hair guy.
Like, I have the extension.
It adds like 10 years, but if I shave my head, and well, for one, the tattoos and the shave head and the white thing.
Yeah, that's creates a different look.
No, but then they see it's Garfield and they're like, oh, he's not a Nazi.
He's just a nerd.
Yeah, I actually met a guy in Texas and he looked at my leg and saw the Garfield tattoo, which I guess I have to say because we're on camera.
I have to show it.
So I have this Garfield tattoo.
And he instantly said, did you lose a bet?
Oh, and I did.
Like, he just binked it.
Wait, the tattoo was awesome.
The fuck?
You're supposed to show my person in this room who feels that way.
Yeah, I was like, what a cool tattoo.
You have a bunch of cool tattoos.
Pat's a little tall, though.
He's got a huge head.
I mean, that's the whole thing.
I get it.
That's a big old man Garfield on top of it.
I was nervous about his neck, you know?
Yeah.
That's just the dickhead.
You can make a penis.
I know you can make me a penis.
I won't look.
I'll be respectful.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah.
It's an interactive tattoo.
Is there any more to girl economy?
Is there any more to girl Sephora?
No, no.
Is that just the theory?
I think it's just this idea in as women control more money by just being virtue of having control over their own lives as they didn't like 50, 60 years ago.
Damn it.
I just, fuck.
They have more influence over like pop culture trends.
I just remembered that the Roe v. Wade decision came down the way it did on the Supreme Court.
Wait, today?
He's just trying to be, he's trying to panic.
Ladies, it's really fucked up how they criminalize bodily autonomy.
My favorite thing that the girlies are talking about right now is how everyone should be Barbie for Halloween.
So then everyone can be like, hey, Barbie.
Hey, Barbie.
Hey, Barbie.
I think that's a good idea.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's not very creative.
Literally, shut the fuck up.
What are you going to be bringing Naruto again?
Like, no one cares.
Dude, we should be totally.
What were you?
I was not Naruto.
What were you?
I was Demon Slayer.
Again.
Okay, maybe.
No?
Yes.
What?
No.
You might be like the, you might be the king of that tribe.
Like, if you put all the weebs in a line, like, you're doing pretty good.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not.
I'm following you like the.
I'm not even a weeb.
What?
That's weird.
That's what the IRL stream at Anime Expo could be like.
It's just one.
It's just one trail.
It's a good thing I never did an IRL stream at Anime Expo where I got booed by weebs for doing a Naruto run in public.
Yeah, that's tough.
You probably deserve that.
Yeah, I did.
There's also an army of women talking about how the Eras tour this summer, right?
Was Taylor Swift in these football stadiums and about how it's just, it's all just a metaphor for the Barbie movie.
Like the world was ours.
Those stadiums were ours.
And now the men have taken them and we need to take them back.
The women are going to take back the football stadiums because we belong in them.
They're taking back what's there.
They're going to put a damn Sephora in those.
And we're just going to do crafts and we're going to make friendship bracelets and it's going to be awesome.
And we're going to kick out all the football.
Every Sunday football game is just 60,000 women crafting in the sand.
Kayla's our leader.
She's infiltrated to Kansas City and we're slowly joining her.
At first, I thought it was like funny that the barstool crowd is now like, these damn women are ruining football.
But now I realize like, no, that's literally the plan.
She just revealed it to ruin football.
Yeah.
That's kind of tight.
They can play somewhere else.
They can play somewhere else.
Have you considered that, Hassan?
I did not realize we were talking about Israel-Palestine today.
Yo, I know enough about this.
I know nothing about it.
Yeah, I'm with him.
But he likes to get me sometimes.
I say offensive things and get canceled.
I did my white guy due diligence.
I messaged my Palestinian friend, said, can you help me understand?
You messaged Millie.
Yeah.
Not literally those words.
Not really.
We have a friend, a niece.
We have a friend, Anice, whose gamer tag is literally Free Palestine, and he's Palestinian.
And he is one of the best Super Smash Brothers melee players in the world.
And he's who we check in with.
I actually just messaged him and I said, information is hard to parse.
Can you break this down for me in a way I understand?
And he broke it down.
Just watched nine hours of Hassan's stream today.
Yeah, you could have done that.
Seven hours.
Nine.
Do you stream for nine hours?
Usually, yeah.
What's going on in there?
You all good?
This is a real homie checkup.
Like, cameras all off for one second.
You're good?
I love it.
I didn't stream yesterday because I was doing Family Day and I felt like I had a headache and I was like tired.
I've got dopamine from it.
I love streaming.
I love streaming.
Dude, you have like a caffeine.
I love meth.
Like, it's just like we have our things.
I've never done whippets.
Have you ever thought about doing them?
I've done them.
Okay.
You're officially.
No, no, no.
Orally.
You went from less gay than Austin to more gay.
You shot up.
I haven't done it.
Has Austin done poppers?
I've never done poppers.
I've done poppers.
You've done poppers?
Yeah.
You might be the gayest person in the room.
Yeah.
It did not feel like my asshole was opening up, though.
Because I heard that that's like the way, the reason why people do poppers.
Yeah, you loosen up.
Your butthole loosens up.
I intentionally did poppers.
My gay boss's cat had diabetes and I had to go give the cat the diabetes medicine.
And he was, he like told me to open his fridge and in his fridge was the little poppers.
And he said, open that up.
It smells like grape.
And I opened it up and I smelled it and it did not really, honestly, maybe it did smell like grape.
I don't really remember because I was more focused on feeling like I was going to pass out suddenly.
Your gay boss made you do poppers.
He thought it was funny.
It was funny at the time.
It was much harder to give his cat the medicine though.
I think that's the first like combination.
I think that's only happened to you.
Like those, all those things at once, if you think about it.
Yeah, you had a great moment in your life.
Relationship where, and this is pretty normal in the gay community, I think, or maybe subsect of it.
Me representing the gays right now.
You're welcome.
Is they had a relationship.
He had him and his husband, but whenever they left the state of Washington, they could fuck whoever they wanted.
But what if they're both in the state of like California together?
Where they move.
They can fuck whoever they want.
Does the deal stay in Washington?
I think it's...
No, it's just your house.
It's wherever your house is.
Oh, I see.
So where they, yeah, I see.
He'd go on these gay cruises all the time.
And he'd always be like, oh, I'm dating a doctor in Peru or something.
Then he'd go have sex with the doctor and then he'd come back to his husband.
I think this is pretty common.
I think I know.
I know.
He'd just give his cats to give diabetes medicine.
This is why they were trying to stop gay marriage from happening.
They've like evolved.
Gays have a way more.
They didn't want gay cruises.
Yeah.
They were like giving cats diabetes.
Don't take carnival from us.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
It's fucked up with the remember what they took from us.
Do you guys ever feel podcast guilt?
What does that mean?
Like guilt for having, like, for doing a podcast and that being something you do and make money doing and don't ever feel that.
No.
Do you?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Why?
You were like, you ever like look like the other day?
I was like watching someone else's podcast.
Like I was watching a podcast.
And I was just, it was like looking at a picture of myself running.
Giving Cats Diabetes Medicine00:08:08
Like, is that what I look like when I do this?
And I felt bad.
I was like, I am this.
I'm these guys.
Yeah, but we're not.
We're streamers.
So maybe that's why we feel like they have the disabled part of the brain.
Yeah, they have the brain.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
I do a fucking nine-hour podcast by myself every day.
So your whole life podcast, yeah.
The whole life a movie.
Like a really shitty one.
Yeah, like a vine.
Like a two-shot, two-shot single-scene movie.
A two-bee.
I still lie when people ask.
They'll be like, what do you do for a living?
I'll be like, oh, I work a normal job.
I don't know.
That's what you say.
Gospacho, you make soups.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love lying about what I do.
I'll be like, I work at a bakery.
Well, my go-to one is, I don't know why I do this.
When I feel like I don't want to lie that much, I'll be like, oh, I play video games professionally.
Because technically, that's a way more erroneous lie than you making.
You play video games.
I do.
You're still silver.
I played pain last night.
I'm amazing.
Aren't you silver?
Honestly, go fuck yourself.
Number one.
You don't know what it takes to get silver.
I'm bronze right now.
I've been playing for eight years.
Okay.
That's insane.
League of Legends.
Yeah.
You're bronze?
Bronze.
That's insane.
I played so much League of Legends.
Yeah.
I'm Iron.
I'm Iron Two.
We're going to play.
You're iron in League.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Do I need to play League for the first time?
No, please don't.
Oh my God.
I've never been able to do it.
Do you want the brain rock?
He's annoying because he's good at everything.
Yeah.
He's good at all the video games.
He plays.
See how fast it takes you to get to.
He's going to pass.
The thing about League, though, is that everyone I know who plays it is also a miserable person.
You don't need people who play League.
No, 100%.
I swore.
So I used to be a former MOBA player.
When I was in Turkey, I played Dota, which is like the OG MOBA.
You can just say Dota.
It was like when people order a croissant at a coffee shop.
Can I get a croissant?
It's an English game.
It's not like it's an American game.
You know what I mean?
That's our point.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which is why croissant doesn't work that way.
Yeah, but I'm still an American game.
Dota.
Dota.
Sorry.
Dota.
Yes.
Yes.
You got it.
You debated Hassan.
You won.
You Americanized it.
My bad.
It's just like, I'm just used to saying Dota, Dota, butcher.
Anyway, croissant.
Croissant.
Good.
No, I don't.
I don't.
Kind of sounds like Hassan.
Yeah, it's true.
So I played it all throughout high school and I still have like lifelong grudges from dudes in high school who like fucking might even be dead at this point.
I don't know.
But you go to high school in the 80s?
No, but who knows, man?
She's fucked up in Turkey.
And I still told Galamas, fuck you.
I still like his name.
Yeah.
I still hate this motherfucker from playing Dota.
So, Dota?
Were you playing Dota One?
Like, like the Warcraft mod?
Yeah.
You know what?
Look, that's actually real as fuck.
So I think Ludwig has no hate.
He has no...
He is a hater of no one.
He has no enemies.
But like you, like you, you got rich.
Oh, I have so many enemies.
And you stayed a hater, and I respect that so much.
Yeah, I have so many enemies.
I'll ask Ludwig, like, someone will be so evil to him online.
And I'm like, are you mad?
You aren't like this person now.
And he's just like, no, it's fine.
Here's the best anecdote for me, though, because I hate everyone.
I'm slime pilled.
Where I like, someone will look at me wrong.
I'll be like, they'll come in my chat, use the wrong emo.
And I'm like, they should fucking explode.
Brain first.
They should, they should and their family.
How's your day?
Why would you fucking ask me that question?
Why would you fucking ask me that?
Why would you come in here and do that?
Why would you waste my time?
We're playing a video game.
What do you mean?
Get out of here.
I'm not a lizard in the cage for you to poke at.
It's the food that my family ordered that's been outside for 20 minutes and I forgot to tell them pretend like it just got here.
Well, good thing it's not fish.
It is.
It's fish.
It's the thing you don't want to put outside for 20 minutes.
They got it.
They got it.
We're fine.
This is how our podcast works.
We get up.
I was not used to this when this podcast started.
Everyone gets up.
We eat on the podcast.
We have drinks and stuff.
It's crazy.
Ah, bro.
This is like work.
We're clocked in right now.
They clock in.
Maybe that's why you have shame.
I have no shame.
I don't know.
Shame is my driver for everything.
That's good.
What drives you in life?
What drives you in life?
Dude.
Davide.
What time?
Austin's driving.
Austin's driver.
Okay.
Lots of rides.
What?
What?
Austin as a driver?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, my God.
Oh, you don't even understand.
He has an Italian driver.
It comes with the gay DLC.
This is Davide.
I was like, Davide, the Italian on Love Island.
Oh, yeah.
He's basically like an Italian on Love Island.
He took a pallet of water to their warehouse.
Yeah.
Why did he do that?
I felt like it was some, because you guys like always talk about how much beef we have.
And then he's like, here's some weird-looking water.
It's such good water.
I'm like, are we getting pumped?
It's high.
It's like really top shelf water.
I was like, is the seal going to crack?
I was eating poison.
Is this what we're doing?
We should prank them more.
No, don't.
We haven't done like any good ones.
I only stole Ludwig's bag and nobody gave a shit.
You guys left trash on our show.
Oh, yeah.
We did trash.
We TP'd our set.
That was sick.
It was mostly Starbucks bags.
That was awesome.
I just wanted to TP and then all of a sudden, so actually, that's so funny because we never really talked about this.
Is I left, I had to go stream because I had a sponsor.
So we did our episode.
I went downstairs, went to a sponsor, and I had to go back up because I ended up leaving my car keys in there.
Aiden's at his desk, and I just walk into the yard set, grab my keys, walk out.
Clueless.
He's clue.
You could have walked in and be like, hey, I'm going to podcast in here.
Is that okay?
He'd be like, yeah.
So was Ludwig, though, right?
Because didn't Will show up on your stream?
Yeah, freaking Will showed up on my stream.
And then I liked, I told, I had to tell, because then Lud texts me.
He's like, why was Will at the warehouse?
And I was like, oh, because I'm cheating on you.
Yeah.
Is that what you said?
No.
That's what he said.
I should have said.
So that's what Will said I should have said.
I said, I was like, oh, he always wanted to see it.
It'd be so insane.
With Will at our warehouse.
It's more alarming if he doesn't believe it.
Like, if he's like, I don't believe he wanted to see it, then they have like deeper things to unpack.
Yeah.
It's actually interesting.
But him just believing it, that's a sign of strength in there.
I let him get naked with men and make out with them.
And he lets me go wherever.
Seems like you're.
And I can leave the house.
He doesn't really know I exist most of the time.
And he lets me participate in the girl economy.
I'm taking back the NFL stadiums.
It's going to be good.
You made me think of something before we started because you said, what did you say?
Instead of unplugged, you used the phrase plugged out.
Yeah, yeah.
You said, oh, it's plugged out.
Yeah.
And then instead of unplugged.
And then you said, English is my second language.
Do you think at this point, or when do you think will be the point that you have spent more collective minutes in your life speaking English than Turkish?
I think because I stream every day, I probably have spoken more English.
But like my first 18 years of my life, I spent in Turkey only speaking Turkish.
And I still speak Turkish with my family for the most part.
So I don't know.
However, there's a reason why I say like, oh, ESL, like I have certain moments where it just slips out.
Like W's and Vs sometimes fuck me up because W is not a letter in the Turkish language.
W's are two V's together.
Yeah.
Which is confusing.
Which is also confusing.
You're right.
So it's just like randomly I'll say shit like that.
And people will be like, what?
Why'd you say that?
It got it across.
Did you speak?
Could you speak much English when you moved?
Because you moved for college, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I learned English mostly from watching American TV.
Oh, God.
Speaking English In Turkey00:12:05
Dude, the worst.
The worst.
Greek.
Blue Mountain State.
Oh, I know Blue Mountain State.
Dude, Blue Mountain State.
We met.
Jimmy Yellow, right?
The mascot.
The guy who plays the mascot on the show.
We just walked into a restaurant and he was just there with his kids.
I feel like he's not that famous.
No, he's not.
Aiden Insta-recognition.
So I recognized him.
I watched all of that show with, I spent like a summer when I was a teenager in Calgary at my grandparents' house.
And two of my neighbors, we would watch Blue Mountain State every day.
And we watched the whole show through probably like two or three times for some reason.
And so just because of this, he really stuck in my memory.
And we walk in and I go up to him to just say hi, introduce myself.
And then on the way out, he plugs his podcast.
They're about to start.
There's like a Blue Mountain State podcast that they make.
That's so sad.
Like years and years later, he's like, you should check it out, man.
That's so sad.
And I haven't checked it out.
That's sad.
I haven't checked it out.
That's beast mode.
No, I re-watched all of the hills because I was feeling spicy and doing lots of crafts.
I like to watch really shitty TV and do crafts.
So I re-watch all the hills.
And then turns out they have a Hills podcast.
It's Adriana and Brody who like, they're dope.
And so I go watch their podcast.
It was doing pretty good.
Pretty good.
Pretty good.
Girl economy.
And then they added Heidi.
And no one likes Heidi.
I can tell from the name.
Yeah.
No one likes Heidi.
And Heidi comes on and she's just like, she's a problem.
And she's just talking about Lauren all the time.
And then the podcast does worse.
And I feel like it makes Heidi a problem.
Because talking about Lauren all the time.
I know, but I don't know anything about Lauren.
So Heidi and Lauren were best friends and they lived together.
And then Heidi started dating this guy named Spencer and he was a total leech.
He like really just wanted the clout.
He's a clout farmer.
And he would, he'd cheat on her.
And like, and then Lauren was like, yo, he's a bad guy.
And then she was like, fuck you.
You're bad and left.
And then so Heidi ran off with Spencer.
They start a rumor that Lauren was in a sex tape, which was a big deal in 2006.
So everyone's freaking out.
Lauren's like, there's no sex tape.
And Heidi and Spencer are like, yeah, there are.
And then big fight.
And they'll never admit it.
And then they hated each other forever.
That's a funny rumor.
That's a funny rumor.
Is the Hills reality TV or is it like scripted?
I don't know.
I think it's reality.
I think it's a mix.
Isn't reality also a mix of scripted?
No, I mean, unscripted.
I mean, they make stuff up, but it is reality.
They're all in front of cars and stuff.
So they cry.
I always thought it was like, what is that?
OC?
The OC.
I thought that was what.
It was inspired from the OC.
It's a reality show inspired from the OC.
Another from the OC.
Oh.
It's just like the show.
It's just like the show.
Did you live on the wrong side of the train tracks?
No, no, no.
I lived, I guess, on the right side because I said no.
Yeah.
Okay.
That makes sense.
But if you have a show and you start a podcast, I think it's.
No, here's the thing.
Here's a counter-argument.
The always sunny podcast is good.
Is it good?
And it does better than the yard.
This does really well.
It's huge.
But I think they have a good idea.
You know another podcast that does better than the yard recently.
Aw, no.
I don't think this is true.
Yeah.
They have more Patreons than us.
Pull it up.
Pull up the Patreon charts.
Oh, no.
Not Patreon.
Nobody cares about Patreon.
Oh, my God.
He's just like, wait, hold on.
What about peak viewership?
Oh, you guys thought it was probably.
And are your recent ones guest episodes?
Yeah, I guess episodes.
I don't know.
I haven't been to you guys.
You know, some people have such a problem showing up that when they are here, it's kind of like a guest episode.
Yeah.
So maybe that's why they pop off.
I don't know.
Oh, Will and Austin.
Yeah.
Two people who aren't here right now.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you, if you guys.
I think we're good at some things, but mostly they're better at them.
Who?
Him.
I'm not going to watch that.
Just watch one episode.
Why?
Then I'm going to then I'm going to be upset that our podcast is not as good.
Here's my question.
We're fine.
You're good.
No, you guys are Hall of Famer podcasters.
Here's my question.
Thank you.
I forgot my question.
What do you do?
You do like four.
You do two podcasts.
You do like four podcasts.
No, I have two.
I have two podcasts.
I have another podcast with Ethan Klein.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Hold on.
Here's my question.
I remembered it.
All right.
So Will and Austin show, they explode brain first.
They're gone.
Oh.
It's really, really sad.
We go to their funeral.
I'm invited.
Aiden's not invited either.
Fair.
Who would you guys pick to join Fear And that you had to replace with two people?
And obviously we are not available.
Oh, okay.
Because we're busy.
Because we're busy and we do we pick?
Yeah.
We steal slime.
I think.
Okay, no one from the yards available.
No.
Slime.
Yeah, we tell slime.
Slime wouldn't come over to your show.
I think he would.
We'd pay him more.
No, you definitely would not pay him more.
We would figure it out.
I think we could.
He's so rich.
Wait, hold on.
We could pay him more.
Our Patreon doesn't make as much as theirs.
Still, it could.
Yeah, come and come.
He could have his cut.
It's not about the money for slime.
It's only a little bit about the money for slime.
Sometimes it's about the money for slime.
It's about the long-term.
I could introduce him to the Haim sisters.
Don't know them.
Or I would have you date them.
I could find out.
If you DM the Haim Sisters, they reply.
Maybe.
Don't do it.
It'll be embarrassing.
It'll make me really sad when they don't reply.
Wait, what?
But he does hang out with John Mayer.
Oh, that's not true.
You hang out with John Mayer?
Yeah, he's great.
Yo, can you tell him Gravity Banger?
What does that mean?
Just text him.
Gravity banger.
I feel like, I don't, what is what is that?
Is that a song?
Are you for real?
No fucking way.
You hang out with John Mayer and don't know what gravity is.
You're disgusting.
I don't listen to music.
I haven't.
What do you do?
That actually makes sense.
What do you do?
He's got the worm.
He's got the worm.
I stream nine hours a day, and then when I'm not streaming, I'm literally like catching up on TV.
Yeah, I call it tapped in, where I'm just like in the mainframe, just sucking in as much information as I possibly can about what's going on in the world so I know exactly what the fuck to talk about.
So you can stream, so you're ready to stream the next day.
Who could we replace?
Slime Can't Come.
John Mayer.
That'd be tight.
Fear and I don't think that's a good idea if John Mayer's on.
No, actually, I don't know if it does.
For at least two episodes.
I don't think he is a really, he is a really, well, obviously he's very charismatic, but also he's a very interesting dude.
So I think.
Do you think he'd date me?
Do you think he's into me?
Wait.
Wait.
I think that.
Okay.
Wait.
Do you think he likes me?
John Mayer.
Wait.
I thought he was the devil.
Yeah, but I just like want to know.
You've made a PowerPoint shit.
He dated Taylor Swift at one point, right?
Yeah, that's why she's asking.
Oh, I see.
Maybe that's what Gravity.
I'm just wondering.
No, it's not.
Gravity Learning.
You don't know for sure.
It was written before Taylor Swift.
Was born?
No.
Well, there you go.
Maybe he just saw her in the dates.
It was just like, I need to write a fucking song about this.
Yeah, they dated it.
It was really bad.
I knew that.
I knew that.
John Mayer's got incredible stats.
He took her girlhood.
No, bad stats.
He took her girlhood?
What does that mean?
I don't like that.
Have I ever dated someone and they said you took my girlhood?
I referred to it as her girlhood in a song.
Oh, I just love it.
No, it's literally in a song.
He is a lot.
Oh, if it's in a song, I guess then fine.
My bad.
Is he like 10?
He was a lot older than her.
Yeah.
Was she 11?
What is happening?
She was 19 and he was 32, I think.
I could have been wrong.
I might have made those numbers off.
They shouldn't be able to cue together.
That's too many.
They had low Elo.
He was immortal.
She was.
I might have to.
That's my goal, too.
You have to Google that.
I'm bad with numbers.
I can't believe you slandered my best friend.
Well, he's our new podcast host, so we'll have to do it.
Who is never coming on the podcast now because of you?
You fucked it up.
Dude, you have such a cool, you have cool famous friends.
That's so awesome.
No, I'm so happy for you.
No, I don't.
We don't actually.
What do you guys do?
You guys hang out while you talk about.
It's like, dude, guitars.
They don't talk.
Hassan's impossible to talk to.
That's not true.
I talk to crack you open.
I think a lot of people, at least like Hollywood people, are very, they just don't know what the fuck's going on in the world of politics, but like they also follow just like everyone else does.
So every single conversation that I have with like a Hollywood person, quote unquote, almost always revolves around politics.
That's so cool.
I sometimes feel like people will invite me to shit just because they're like, this is my intellectual friend.
Little do they know I'm a fucking idiot, but he had to say that.
He had to say that because he built it up as like, yeah, they invite me because I'm smart as fucking shit.
No, but I'm not.
But I don't.
I'm not a cerebral rhymer type.
I so scraps.
I spend most of my time talking about dicks and shit.
So I don't, I don't know.
But they, but they, from their perspective, they're like, well, he talks politics.
Like, this is a smart guy.
It's hard when you're used for things like that.
I'm always.
You have five minutes with John Mayer and you're not allowed to.
I'm not talking to him.
I don't care.
No, you have five minutes.
And you already have said, I loved gravity, the song.
What do you talk to him about?
A daughter's was also good.
Daughters is a banger.
You just talk about his music.
I don't want to talk to him.
What do I talk to him?
I'm actually not even.
Even if I, if Taylor Swift was in this room, I don't know what I'd talk to her about.
About he talked about.
Oh, that's not true.
I don't know what I talk to her.
First, she'd throw up and that'd be fine.
And eat it.
So sorry.
Oh my god, I'm going to get this back inside of me.
If Ludwig somehow one day was like, I got you a birthday present and it's Taylor Swift.
She comes out of a cake.
She comes out of a cake that you made.
Yeah, okay.
What would you do?
Would you be happy about this?
No.
Taylor Swift popping out of the cake like the boys in front of the police.
Just yes, and we're improv coming.
Just say yes, and let's do the bit.
So she comes out of a cake.
Dude.
Right?
So the boys can participate in the cycle.
And you're in and on.
So are you happy with your gift or are you sad with your gift?
No, I'm not happy.
Why?
It's like your person you talk about every day.
We'll never become friends unless it's like organic.
That's like arm to table organic interaction.
I love that because she's like, there is a realistic opportunity that they become friends.
She doesn't want to ruin it.
No, we'll never become friends.
Go to the same Whole Foods.
Yeah, my God.
Taylor.
Yeah, you guys are going to have a meet cute, dude.
When you two inevitably bump into each other at Erewhon, I'm going to the premiere on Wednesday.
A premiere.
So that's organic?
Yeah.
No, it's not organic.
But I am going.
I got an invite.
From who?
I had to get my agency got me one.
Austin did not get me one.
Damn.
Austin, Texas guy acted like a big shot.
Got me nothing.
Damn.
Fuck.
We should keep it less weird.
Keep it normal and awesome.
Wait, so you're going to the premiere.
How does that work?
Do you get to smell Taylor Swift?
I don't know.
Do you get to smell her?
It smells weird.
I'm getting down to brass tags.
This is what is important.
VIPs can now line up for their sniffs.
Yeah, yeah.
She wears like a, like a Shia LaBeouf thing.
Like she wears a paper hag, paper bag.
And they give you a scratch and sniff afterwards, too.
So you can always smell her.
I don't like that you used two figures when you did it.
I didn't like that.
I did meet her once before, and she had a shift.
Yeah.
And she does these things in concerts where they choose fans out of the audience, and then you can go back and meet her.
That's it.
And I did that during the red tour.
It is crazy that she does that.
But yeah, I met her.
She chooses by look.
She goes like, yep, you.
Not her, her mom chooses or her tree.
What's a tree?
Tree is her PR lady.
Her publisher.
You know her.
Her name is Tree.
You know her publisher by heart?
Smell Her Paper Bag00:07:51
I don't care about it.
Her name is Tree.
Tree Pay.
She's like, she's pretty famous.
Like, everyone in Taylor's Circle has been seen in her documentary and stuff like that.
It's like knowing Tom Brady and not knowing his son.
That'd be weird.
I didn't know he had a son until they kissed.
Yeah.
You did find out.
Passionately.
I think I get this because it's like, of course, she knows Tree.
We know Wrangler.
Yeah, he's Wrangler.
Wrangler's just one of the best DKs in Super Smash Brothers.
And we know Wrangler.
She knows Trait.
Yeah.
Like, I get it.
What's the DK?
You learn about what you care about.
Donkey Kong.
Leader of the Bunch.
I don't know any of this nerds.
Have you played Super Smash Brothers in your life?
No.
You've never played?
No.
It's actually so funny that you have played Dota One, but not Super Smash Brothers.
Yeah.
Because Dota One is just such a nerd game.
Because it makes sense because in Turkey, we all play PC games because there's a massive tax on anything that's considered a luxury good.
So consoles were hard to come by, whereas PCs, you get one and you can play for free.
You can play every game pretty much for free because everything was cracked and illegal.
Just to be clear, you've lived in America for a while.
You could have played Super Smash Bros.
That is true, but I just never really, I just never got into it in my more formative years.
So I never had the opportunity even in college.
I think I was getting, well, what happened is I lost my virginity.
And then I literally just dropped video games until I got back on Twitch.
You were just like, damn, this like shit's crazy.
I got to stop playing video games.
He started saying, damn shoddy.
I'm damn shorty.
Yeah, literally.
I was like, this is so much more.
How old are you?
18.
Fucking dusted, bro.
Me and you, man.
I was also.
I was also 18.
I thought I could have sworn I wasn't.
Hell yeah, I did.
I was 21.
It took me a while.
It took me a long time.
I was more.
Wait, when did you lose your virginity?
I was 16.
Damn.
But then it was like a, you know, there's a gap.
Sick.
People in my high school.
Yeah, there was a one-year gap for you.
You fucked more than like Facebook friends that I have.
You have probably put numbers up that I can't even imagine.
I have no idea how many people I've had.
Yeah, that is great.
You're like Aiden, but you probably have way bigger numbers.
I don't.
I have a manageable number.
You should spend a day and make a list and text them all for fun.
If you ask someone how many times they've had sex and they don't start using their fingers to count, the answer is just the answer is a lot.
Is it?
I can count on my hand how many people I've kissed besides girls.
They don't count.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
That's insane.
Yeah.
I was raised Wait, that's not insane.
Oh, that yeah.
That is insane.
That is less insane when you bring the Mormonism into it.
I think I've only kissed like can you count with one two hands how many people you've kissed?
Definitely.
Definitely.
You can count how many people you've kissed?
Kiss, not fuck, kids.
I've been in a relationship for so long.
He's a relationship.
I've been in a relationship for nine years.
Damn.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Okay, never mind.
All right, that makes sense.
Yeah, but before that, I was putting up nine numbers.
Yeah, from middle school to high school.
You want to tear my boy.
I would throw extra hands for those numbers.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Well, you know, you said you could count it in two hands.
Has anyone from your guys' high schools said they like watch your podcast or anything like that?
Because you don't have much of like a, like, I have Blair, but then I have Q Cinderella, and they're different people.
Like, people from my high school don't know that Blair exists.
Or Q Cinderella.
Well, they don't know it.
Yeah, I get hit up all the time.
Really?
What do they say?
They'll just be like, bro, like, you were on my TikTok feed.
Oh.
And I'm like, dope.
Or I just don't respond.
I don't know.
That's a cool comment.
It's never something that allows for me to say anything interesting back.
It's always like, yo, I saw you here.
Why the fuck would they?
What could they follow that?
I mean, I get it.
What could they follow that up with?
That would be like, damn, like, this guy's got some cool stuff.
I mean, if you had an old friend and then you saw them, like, I don't know.
My old friend is literally here right now.
That's tight right here.
What if you saw him like playing for like the Knicks one day?
I mean, I've just kept in touch with him.
So it's just imagine.
We're on a podcast.
Imagine once for me.
Imagine someone like, would you just be like, oh, that's cool?
I won't message him.
No, I would 100% message him.
There you go.
But I feel like because I also do something.
We are the Knicks of podcasting.
I feel like you do something.
I don't know.
You don't know enough sports references.
He doesn't know enough about this analogy to know that that is a bad thing.
That is a bad thing.
Give me that year.
We're like the Golden State Warriors is what you were going to say, which is fine, right?
Are they still good?
Yeah.
The Warriors are good.
Yeah.
What about like, what about like, have you gotten like, because everyone knows you're both in relationships, but have you gotten like spicy DMs from fans?
Yeah.
I think not, much less since me being in a relationship is significantly public.
Yeah.
Like the longer we talk about our girlfriends on the show, the less types of messages I get.
Like that.
Oh, people are respectful.
That's nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't gotten like no one's slid on me like ever.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to say.
So even when you were count as sliding.
People have probably sent you horrifying DMs, but I guess it's not sliding.
Dick pics forever ago.
Yeah, is that not a slide?
I've turned off.
Can a brother slide?
That's a slide.
Well, if someone sent Ludwig a picture of their tits, that would be a slide.
Yeah.
But he gets no equal rights of slides.
He gets slides.
I think you'll talk about that on your podcast, your stream.
You don't talk about that.
I think men should never get tidpics unless women want to send it to them, in which case you're beautiful.
You should do whatever you want to do, baby girl.
I hate when he says baby girl.
Bodily autonomy.
You know what I'm saying?
I hate this accent because it's got me feeling that way.
I'm like entranced with you right now.
It's all good.
Yeah.
Your dog is so huge and cool.
Yeah, she's the best.
Kai is massive.
She's a baby.
Okay.
I will reveal Kai's secrets behind the paywall now that we are at one hour.
That's right.
An hour?
We do an hour?
We do an hour.
Oh, God.
You're so fucking lazy.
How much do you guys do?
Hour and a half, then another hour, then two other shows.
What are the two other shows?
Oh, we have extra shows too.
Oh, extra shows.
We're working on it.
We're working.
We've done a lot.
We've done the best I can.
What do you guys want to plug?
The yard, obviously.
Yeah, we're on a podcast called The Yard.
If you want to go check that out, guys, might not have seen it because we're kind of cooking them right now.
Literally the same.
I don't want to plug anything.
I just want to pet your dog.
Thanks for having us on.
Oh, your dog is entranced by my pets.
It's not yours.
It's mine.
There's a difference.
Oh.
Well, shout out the yard.
Thank you guys for coming on.
No, no.
And we will go to the bonus episode now.
And you can find the bonus episode at.
Is it going to be just you?
No, you didn't say patreon.com slash fear in.
Yeah, just go to patreon.com/slash the yard.
Patreon.com slash the yard.
If you want to fuck a real street soldier, if you want some middle-of-the-mall.
You can go to this one.
It's funny.
He doesn't get enough credit for us.
Middle of the mall.
I heard Andrea say slime carries us, and I was hurt by that.
Said that?
Yeah.
When?
On your podcast.
I don't believe that.
I don't even believe that Andrea.
I know.
What the fuck was that?
I've like hung out with her so many times.
She is just a hurtful person, I think.
Well, she is mad at us for the one episode, but I wasn't even a full-time member, so that was you guys.
Yeah, we just had her.
Usually, when we have a full squad here and we have like a guest, they just kind of sit there.
San bullies women.
Thank you for watching.
Andrea Is Hurtful00:00:51
I would never forever.
Unless you want me to back then.
I write him this long letter.
I put on my best true religions.
I borrow.
Oh, I borrow my mom's car and I drive to our spot and I bought our favorite snacks and a blanket to like put out because I was just so sure he was coming, right?
So I get out of the car and I see him pull up and I'm like, fairy tales do exist, right?
Oh my God.
Make fun of you.
And then you walk out of the car, a car behind him, a Jeep, so no walls or anything of his lacrosse friends pulls up and they start throwing garbage at me.