Hasan and Will recount being scammed out of $100,000 by Cast Media while discussing Ruby Frankie's child abuse arrest and Mormon swinger group controversies. They detail a Mexican Customs detention where arbitrary $1,000 taxes on streaming gear were enforced under threat of arrest, sparking online debates about extortion versus legitimacy. The episode blends these financial and legal grievances with anecdotes about Taylor Swift, home invasions, and bizarre ocean swimming experiences, ultimately highlighting the chaotic intersection of personal freedom, corporate fraud, and bureaucratic overreach in modern travel and content creation. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Fear and Start Over00:10:47
For all of you just joining us, we've been working on our secret apex twin collab.
Go ahead, play that track, Marsh.
Play that shit.
Oh, God.
Play that shit, Marsh.
I'm afraid to report that once again, I called it, and I was right.
I did everything right, and they indicted me.
I did everything right.
Well, welcome to another episode of Fear and we start over.
Isn't that the wrong screen?
Yep.
Start over.
Yeah.
Well, we don't have to start over.
I think March can fix that.
He did it last time.
I don't know how, but it is somehow recoverable, right?
Okay.
It's recoverable.
If it would be scuffed, we can just start over.
Okay, we're just starting over.
Welcome to Fear and Austin Grievances.
I was trying to talk about pedophiles.
Austin Grievances is what we started off with, which all things considered, let's be real, podcast is better without them.
Yeah, we caught the dead weight this week.
Damn, you just sparked notes.
Yeah, we have to remember all of our jokes that we just did.
It was mostly about Austin.
Cut to the beef.
Yeah.
Cut to the beef is exactly what was the Minnesota Vikings playing against?
Oh, they're playing Tampa Bear Buncaneers.
Uh-huh.
That's what the Buccaneers did.
They cut it.
The Vikings O-line.
Damn.
Yeah.
That was a spicy bird.
Austin.
Austin's not here today because he is watching the football game with his dad.
Yep.
Yeah.
Which is lame and ridiculous.
But anyway.
It's kind of cute.
No, it's only because you are also a fan of a team that is a perpetual loser and have a deep addiction to it.
To your fandom.
I don't.
He's not.
He's lying.
What I do.
I just looked at her.
He made this up.
Happy birthday, Will.
Will is turning.
Will's birthday.
I listened so hard because we just talked about all this stuff.
Yeah, we're just raising it.
Will's turning 24.
Yeah.
Will's turning 24.
24 is a big year.
I turn 25 next year.
I can finally rent the car.
It's a big year for me.
He's had bad luck on his birthdays in the past.
Oh, yeah, we covered that.
Yeah.
God, we lost a lot.
Okay, we're doing such a shit job.
We are doing such a bad job.
Talk like you've never talked before.
Okay, let's talk about something new.
Let's just...
What's new?
Let's talk about cast.
Or are you under an NDA?
Oh, I'm not.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what's CAS?
CoffeeZilla shouts out the GOAT is doing an expose on the people we used to work for on the original version of Fear and Molding.
Oh, the people that scammed you guys.
You mean yeah, the people that paid me in fucking shit!
They technically paid us like a minuscule amount.
Also, if you remember, then that went to the Coachella funds.
Marsh, will you keep a table?
Oh, I have a good story.
Coachella Fund.
This motherfucker rents a house and this shitbag that's our friend brought two girls.
Oh my god.
And they took the other main bedroom and I had to sleep in the fucking bunk bed in the house I know.
You just can you fucking pay for it.
Cash money.
Well, I paid literally the lion's share.
I didn't know that they never paid anything.
Yeah, no, the girls actually did.
The girls actually did end up paying.
It was our friend who did not pay.
That's funny.
Which is insane.
He brought these two random girls with his Coachella to like stay at this house that I like paid for the lion's share of regardless.
And I was like, Yeah, whatever, we'll do it.
And Will's, Will was like, Yeah, let's just put the cast money because it was like $6,000 what they gave him after between both of us, after a year of doing ad reads every single fucking episode.
Yep.
And YouTube videos that had like hundreds of thousands, millions of views.
Can I ask, how the fuck did you get swindled so badly?
I have no, I think they just straight up.
I feel like it's pretty easy to do him.
Yeah, well, that is true.
But also, also, one, it's easy to swindle me.
And two, I think they just literally were controlling like how much revenue we were generating.
So it was like very hard to track.
So they were just like, they could just straight up be like, yeah, we gave you six grand because you only made six thousand dollars worth of ad revenue.
Yeah.
Which is fucking ludicrous.
It's not real.
There's no shock.
Scamming.
Yeah.
Scamming.
You were scammers.
They were scamming.
But what ended up happening is Theo Vaughn, I think, talked to Ethan Klein, as a matter of fact.
And after that, he came out with a video talking about how he got scammed by cast media and totaling, totaling $4 million doesn't matter.
Oh my God.
Not just him.
That's what we're do.
No, no, no, no.
Collectively, he thinks like the people that he talked to, it totals 4 million, but like it probably is.
Damn, I bet they scammed us for like at least $100,000.
I don't know how much they scammed us for, but they definitely did.
That's crazy.
You guys got swindled in your faces.
Yeah, I mean, less cutie.
We got swindled in our faces.
But the point was, like, the podcast was never like a money-making operation.
I just hated that we had to do ad reads in general.
And I more so wanted to do it.
So I had like.
And that's why this episode is brought to you by the good people at Domino's.
Domino's.
Oh, I think that Domino's.
That'd be pretty far.
Yeah.
Domino's.
He dominoes every episode if they give us a scam.
Domino's.
Dominoes.
If you're listening to this.
The CEO never said the N-word.
That would be the greatest slogan ever.
Dominoes.
We never said the N-word.
It was just two guys high-fiving on game day.
Yeah.
It's like Papa John's.
Can you say that really about Papa Johns?
Can you?
Can't say that about Papa Johns, the big papa.
Oh, can we listen a little bit?
I want to listen to Theo.
It's like nine minutes long.
Jesus condensed.
But here, like, go to like 30 seconds in where he just starts talking about.
Sticking in the legal in the legal space.
I want to talk about something that has been tough for.
I want to talk about something.
Okay.
Our podcast was defrauded.
We were stolen from.
We were taken advantage of a lot of ways to say it.
The company that did it is Cast Media.
And the man that did it is Colin Thompson.
And I'm going to put his picture in here.
Damn.
Oh, let's put his picture in here.
Look at his stupid ass die job.
Oh, my God.
If I knew that's what he looked like, I wouldn't have signed up.
I just realized.
Oh, no.
Do it again.
Test it again.
This has nothing to do with the set.
This is like a software issue.
You're right.
We are getting a set, right?
Yeah.
Anyway, let's get back to cast.
I have an idea about that.
No, no, no, no.
Hold on.
Let's buy me a house.
Keep it.
that part.
We'll get there.
Let's do the...
Let's make one.
Well, you know, you owe me money from cast.
Let's do one collective.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Defrauded out of.
I thought the VMAs were today.
They're not until Tuesday.
Because Taylor's going to the VMAs and I want to see her fit.
And it's not until Tuesday.
Stupid as hell.
I was excited.
I'm going to Sequoia.
Asana's literally begging.
How does it feel, dumb bitch?
Yeah, that's right.
Do you know how often I start a story and your dumb ass comes in and starts talking?
It's called content.
I was just doing that to prove something.
I didn't mean anything that I said.
I love it.
Besides him being a dumb bitch.
I am going to Sequoia and the VMAs are on Tuesday, but I was just looking for something to cut him off because it felt good.
Come.
I'm ready.
How does that make you feel?
Good.
It makes me feel like you feel like you feel like you feel like.
Like, when you see Taylor Swift, like in a sexy ass outfit, like, what is that?
How does that?
What does that feel?
You're pivoting to that.
It makes me feel like, oh, go, queen.
Hey, that's what it makes me feel like.
I'm sorry, that was God roll.
I'm sorry.
Go queen.
What?
If you see a great outfit, what do you say?
Who's wearing it?
Freaking Willie Nelson.
Willie Nelson?
He shows up to a party.
He's wearing a great outfit.
You're going to be like, oh, my God.
I would say, who dressed that old man?
Why Willie Nelson?
He doesn't like anybody.
What?
Who do you like?
I love so many people.
Who?
I'm the biggest nerd.
Sauce Gardner.
Yeah, Sauce.
He always dresses well, though.
That's your homie, too.
Yeah, but you see him and his outfit is sick.
Standard.
Because he's consistently excellent.
Okay.
So is Taylor's what?
Is that what you're going to say?
It's the same thing.
Why do you get excited then?
You buoyed it.
You just buoyed it.
You bullified it.
This is misogyny, and I'm sick of it.
What?
I just don't understand it.
I don't understand what goes on in your mind when you feel excited for another human being dressing well.
I like outfits.
And like looking forward to her dressing well.
I just want to see her outfit.
Which is why I'm trying to like understand your what's going on.
Not just your outfit.
I'm fucking fucking mind pal.
I want to see everyone's outfits.
I'm excited.
I like outfits.
I showed you mine.
Yeah.
Don't leak.
You don't even, you don't even have one.
I will play off of his outfit.
It's going to be amazing if he shows up.
Let's be honest.
Yeah.
Well, we'll see.
I mean, can we be on?
Can we be real?
Can we be real?
Can we be real for a moment?
Yeah.
I will not give my take on this.
I'll let the three of you sound off.
Am I the best dress streamer?
I'm making sure that I'm sure I'm giving you a fair answer.
Yep.
Your style has improved dramatically over the course of the years that I've known you, and now it's very good.
Yeah, I think so.
You were one of the only people that didn't show up in a men's warehouse.
Yes.
The bar is low, and I cleared it.
Yeah.
Yep.
There was a time in players where over an extended period of time, I dressed rather poorly because I was given up on life during COVID.
And I think that carried over to people hunting older fits of mine.
And some of them are going to be hits.
Some of them are going to be misses.
It is what it is.
It's not 100%.
I'll admit.
I've made some fashion faux pause.
Fashion Faux Pas00:02:55
I don't try to dress nice, so there's no expectation.
Yeah.
You don't.
Well, okay.
Well, you're always putting it on.
I don't know how the fuck you are just not even.
You just literally just flexed.
She just flexed on us.
I don't even try to look this good.
I get really feeling you guys are being nice to me, so the YouTube comments aren't mean to you.
You think we read the YouTube comments?
Are you insane?
That's you and him.
You're on the internet.
The worse I am to you, the more accolades I will receive.
Yeah, also, you're a woman.
Did you forget?
Yeah, you're a woman.
Know your place.
Know your place.
Fine.
Sorry, my brain's not working today since I think I have cancer.
I am nice to you because we are friends, damn.
I almost messaged you last night.
Not you.
How didn't you?
Well, okay, if you guys don't, Ludwig and I live in a gated neighborhood and Ludwig was in Paris.
And all of a sudden, the security guards are driving around and they're like, hey, there's...
You need the authority.
Well, the security guards are driving around and they pull up.
What would Ludwig have done in that situation anyway?
You should still be the call.
Even if he's at home.
Even if he's at home.
They were like, hey, there's been a massive increase in home invasions.
Oh.
Like, you need to lock up tonight.
And I was like, I'm alone.
Can we buy you some weapons?
We should do that.
You know, my house is just littered with weapons.
I thought you only have a taser gun.
Oh, I got so many weapons.
Me too.
I got two axes.
I got a compound bow.
I got a taser.
I got a stun gun.
I don't have enough weapons.
I got knives.
I got pepper spray.
Well, and then I go on the citizen app.
So I pull up citizen app.
And it's like, it's like, because I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so scary.
I go on citizen app.
Two hours ago, home invasion reported like 50 feet from you.
And it's like, oh, my God.
And then like someone in the comments, because once stuff comes on Citizen app, someone in the comments was like, yeah, like this keeps happening in this neighborhood.
Like, like when people are home and do we have kind of like a Peter Parker, Mary Jane thing going on though, where you don't call me for me, you only call me for the super version of me.
No.
Now that I'm saving people, I know I'm about to get a phone call.
I just, I didn't want to bother you.
Bother me?
It was like at one in the morning.
I know, but it'd be like a thing and you'd have to, you'd be disrupted and I don't want to disrupt you.
Call me if you ever feel weird or scared.
Well, I called, I called Slime and Slime couldn't come.
I just needed someone in the house.
So if I get active invasion and Slime would have been like, I'm at Dave and Buster's right now and I got a high score running.
I cannot.
So I would be playing video games and just not here that we've been broken into.
I called Slime.
He couldn't come.
I called, I like messaged a few people.
And anyway, Radstads, Ludwig's, one of Ludwig's editors and friends, he came over and stayed at the house.
He has guns, doesn't he?
I've seen his.
Pennsylvania Jets Talk00:02:08
It's like one of those.
Yeah.
But he came and stayed.
It was very nice of him.
It is a thousand degrees in your house.
I know.
Unfortunately, because I was gone in Mayico, I didn't have the AC on.
And I turned it on earlier today.
And it still hasn't like fully...
It's stupid.
It hasn't fully.
Open this goddamn window every single time.
There's a clasp.
No, no, no.
Before you turn it, there's a clasp that you need to unhook.
Yep, there it is.
That would have fooled any of us, cutie.
It still doesn't go.
Okay, maybe try it again.
The clasp.
Okay, there you go.
Now you got it.
Who designed that thing?
You are natural and beautiful.
Yeah.
Natural.
It's natural.
It's beautiful.
It's cutie.
Yeah.
By the way, cutie has a new nickname.
Cinderella.
Wait, why?
Cinderella.
Why?
Because it's football.
Because I'm a quarterback, I can guess.
Oh, because she's quarterback in this podcast?
No, I'm just a quarterback in football.
I just play football.
Why are you trying to make this happen?
This is a football podcast.
Taylor Swift is not a Jets fan.
Stop trying to make this a Taylor Swift podcast as a football podcast.
This is a Taylor Swift podcast.
I'll tell you this.
What?
Jets won a Super Bowl.
Taylor might flip.
She doesn't have frontrunner anymore.
Why would she?
I don't think she cares.
She cares.
I don't.
Cutie, you're the foremost authority on this.
I'm sorry.
We have to refer to what you, what, you're the expert.
Would is there a team in Pennsylvania who plays in Pennsylvania?
Oh my God.
No, no, no, don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
She's fragile.
Flat.
She's fragile.
How do you not know?
There's a team in Pennsylvania.
Two, are they?
There's not one, two.
Who?
Philadelphia Eagles.
The Philadelphia Eagles is the Philadelphia team, and then also Pittsburgh Steelers.
Oh, the steel Pittsburgh's in Pennsylvania.
Don't, don't, don't.
She's fragile.
She's having a hard time.
I thought Pittsburgh was in Chicago.
What kind of Mormon Juju were they teaching you at school?
Frankie Children Hook00:15:33
What did they teach you?
Wait, I frequently made the same mistake.
I'm always like, Pittsburgh, Chicago, here we go.
She thinks Chicago, Chicago is nice.
Chicago, Chicago.
Okay, what were you going to say?
What team is...
Isn't Steelers black and yellow, black and yellow?
Wow.
There we go.
You got one.
Good job.
That isn't fancy.
Pennsylvania.
You're doing too much.
You can't do right today.
It's natural and it's beautiful.
Taylor is from Pennsylvania, so I'd assume she'd like one of those.
Yeah, she likes these.
But she also loves.
She loves New York, so she might like the Jets.
Interesting.
We're just gonna...
Well, you know, it's like a New Jersey.
Jets is like a New Jersey team.
I'm not gonna do what I always do and talk about the Jets.
We're just gonna move right past it.
We're just gonna move right past.
We talked about Cass.
No, he needs to finish.
I cut him off because I wanted to.
Oh, you cut off Theoba.
It's been like 20 minutes.
I know, but he wants to complain more about Cass.
You can complain about Cass.
What do you want to say?
No, no, likes complaining about Cass.
Well, I did get paid in shoes.
He got paid in shoes.
They're getting investigated by CoffeeZilla.
Yes, Cass is getting investigated.
They basically withheld funds from a lot of content creators.
What's the thing they did with it?
Just kept it?
Embezzled it.
I don't know.
Fucking shoved it in their butts.
So what happens when Coffeezilla investigates them?
He does an investigation and then like...
It's a YouTube video.
And everybody goes a fucking moment.
No, actually, some of the people that he has investigated do end up getting, you know, SEC violations and things of that nature for crypto.
So who knows?
I mean, YouTubers that have investigated the Mormon mom, mom of eight, passengers of eight, or whatever the fuck it's called.
What?
Oh, I actually, I don't know any of this drama.
Do you know it?
Yes.
So there's this, there's this Mormon mom and dad.
Dad's a professor at BYU, but he's currently distant from the family for the past couple of years, if I'm not mistaken.
The mom is like hyper abusive.
And she's actually, she is a mommy vlogger.
And she also has like a separate consulting thing with another part, with a partner that she has where they are describing pretty much just child abuse.
They're describing child abuse, but like, I guess masking it as like it's really good advice.
Things such as things such as withholding food from your child for like the entire day.
And she openly has talked about it for years.
Is she Muslim?
Might just be fasting.
No, dude, she's Mormon and not Ramadan.
Okay.
No.
This is...
Wait, she's Mormon?
Yes, she's Mormon.
I missed that part.
I'm sorry.
Fast Sunday.
You fast?
No, this isn't.
This isn't a religious thing.
Okay.
This is not a religious thing.
And usually children.
Other than the food.
Yeah.
So what happened is like this past week or so, one of the kids was at a friend's house and he like escaped and had like visible bruises all over him.
He was at his friend's house?
Yes.
And had visible bruises all over him.
And then the neighbor immediately called the police and then they finally were like, oh my God.
The mommies had like a pact, essentially.
Yeah.
They were all beating the kids together.
I don't know if they were all beating the kids together, but it's like aggravated child assault.
Maybe they were actually, like, I know this sounds like...
She had wounds and they were duct taped.
The wounds were duct taped.
It sounds bad, but maybe.
Okay.
Maybe child fight club.
Oh, that would be cool.
Okay.
No, that would be cool.
You're right.
I'm back in.
A lot of kids for that.
I thought you were going to say something out of pocket.
That's actually fire.
Because like, kids are not content.
I am a firm believer that I feel like kids are mid at doing content.
I feel like Shopify Club would be sick.
So these were content creator Mormon.
I was so lost.
Can you be kidding?
I was trying to get my head around.
There's a lot of mommy.
What are they called?
Mommy bloggers.
Mommy Mormon bloggers.
No, what's the name of this group?
Mommy bloggers.
Yes.
Eight passengers, mother leaving children at home alone for days.
What is eight passengers?
Eight passengers is the name of the channel.
She has eight children.
Fox News 13, Utah.
Yeah.
Here we go.
Let's watch this whole thing.
Let's watch this whole thing.
This is great.
Yeah, it's national news now.
The reason why we segued into this, by the way, before we get started, the reason why we segued into this is because I was talking to my YouTubers who do documentaries and stuff.
YouTubers have made documentaries on this person for a while now.
Friend of the show, Joe Brewer made one.
Well, they kind of did, but they just like avoided doing anything about it, I think.
It's just like didn't get enough attention.
Boom.
You know, now all those guys were fucking right.
Behind the screen.
From 2022 shows that neighbors and family raised concerns about the children last year.
Fox 13 news reporter Jenna Bree has the details.
Talk like that.
Documents obtained by Fox 13 News show in September of 2022.
In addition to multiple reports from neighbors, Ruby Frankie's oldest daughter, Sherry Frankie, called police out of concern that her sisters and brothers had been left alone for while their mother was in St. George with a friend.
Unfortunately, time and time again, I've seen in my career the inhumanity that people have towards their own children or children in general.
And it just, it highlights the need for us to be ever vigilant for the well-being of children.
Ruby Frankie was charged with six counts of felony child abuse last week after a child climbed out of a window of a southern Utah home and ran to a neighbor's house for food and water.
Michael is describing their wounds to worse and malnourishment to be severe.
Chris Burbank says that it is an interesting bias that we all have if the house is nice, if the neighborhood's good, if it's in, you know, certainly some of her advice videos for certain local content creators.
We don't imagine millions of people, millions of subscribers.
Frankie.
Oh, yeah, right there.
Yeah.
This is her partner.
Popular YouTube channel, eight passengers.
She's gay?
Her business partner, Jody Hildebrand, who was involved with a parent counseling service called business partner in your celebrity plays all sorts of weird games in people's minds across the country, right?
I mean, we see it in politics.
I don't even leave my cat's home for adults.
I'm leaving five kids.
That is phenomenal.
Frankie's arrest now connected to her YouTube channel being taken down.
In a statement to Fox 13, a YouTube spokesperson wrote, quote, we can confirm that we have terminated two channels linked to Ruby Frankie in accordance with our creator responsibility guidelines.
All those kids get taken following her arrest, as well as statements from law enforcement.
If a channel owner is accused with clear evidence of a very egregious crime, we may terminate their channel if its content is closely related to the crime or if the channel owner was known for years.
Additionally, YouTube knew for years.
YouTube.
Everybody complain about it.
I'm sorry, I really himboed up that segment, guys.
I didn't know what was going on at all.
Well, I mean, so to recap it, there's a child, and then I thought they were gay.
I didn't know that they were creators.
No, they're YouTube creators.
There's a child fight club.
It's a bad child fight club.
It's a bad child fight club because they're malnourished.
Like, you should keep the children well-fed if you're going to make them fight each other.
Okay, so she's in jail and her eight kids are available for the fight club.
Can we save them?
Yeah.
And I think repurpose them.
God, that'd be great content.
Come here, babies.
Can we watch one of her advice videos?
Yeah, I know.
They got taken down.
There's got to be clones.
Frankie Ruby.
Well, there's also.
Jobberry.
Did you hear about the other Mormon mommy bloggers that were there was like six of them?
What?
There was three wives and three husbands, and they were all mommy bloggers, and they were all Mormon and blah, blah, blah.
And they would have these swinger parties.
Oh, yeah.
And the only rule was like, don't kiss, like, no kissing.
So they were butt fucking, but they're not kissing.
They were like having normal sex.
You can kiss and I mean, you could have normal sex without kissing, idiot.
I just.
I just would never.
It's so romantic.
I don't.
I don't know.
I just wanted to.
Can I not?
No, that's fine.
Maybe they were both.
Can Boy Not Dreams?
Like, what do you mean?
Did they piss on each other?
I don't know.
Was there sucking?
But then what happened?
They suck penises and other things.
They probably sucked things, but no kissing.
So they were kissing penises.
God will see that.
God will see that.
So the problem is, is like Ashley and Brittany's husbands, like they like swapped essentially.
Like drama.
They swang so good.
They stayed.
I guess that's true.
Judy, please give us the keywords.
We need to search this.
I need more information.
Okay, well, let's finish the child abuser.
No, no, that's it.
She's going to jail.
All right.
Okay.
This is.
And YouTubers called it every time.
Mormon vlogger swingers.
Taylor Frankie Paul.
I told you.
It missed a soft swinging with her friends during a live stream in May 2022.
What soft swinging?
No kissing.
No kissing.
Dog, get with the program, brother.
What do you mean?
Hardcore swinging is just kissing.
Wait.
I've been so missing it.
Wait.
I don't know what you would call it.
It's like some soft swinging, but you don't fully switch and go all the way.
And to be honest, I did.
We had an agreement, like all of us, and I stepped out of the agreement, she said in the live video.
So like she like kissed someone or something.
And then now she's posting sad TikToks because she's out of the swinger group.
Wait, they're hot?
Yeah.
Changes everything.
And they're out of the swinger group now.
This is awesome.
The story.
What the fuck is that?
Whoa, was that the swinger group?
Well, no, she got excommunicated from all of her friends because she cheated on her husband and broke the rules of the swinger group.
What's wrong with that baby?
What do they all look this way?
The rules were they could fuck, but they couldn't kiss.
I don't know the rules.
I'll be honest.
What are the rules?
I wish we knew one.
Can we call one?
Can someone call Dakota Mortensen?
She had an economic pregnancy.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
But essentially.
I bet she's anti-abortion.
They like broke, they like, they homewrecked each other, and then it was like a problem.
And then she got charged with domestic violence.
No, Taylor's like, it's a double homewreck.
Technically, it's like not a homewreck, though.
It's just a new homework.
No, but the other home didn't want to.
They didn't want to be a new home.
Oh, well then, but then those guys are the sour puss.
You know what I mean?
Like they're at fault.
They are the sour puss.
Not Taylor.
God, Mormon.
Well, Taylor was a domestic abuser.
Okay, that was not cool.
You're right.
And she wasn't a part of fight club, so it isn't.
It does count when you're outside of fight clubs.
All right, Hassan.
I'm going to serve you up something that I don't want to talk about.
What?
What?
But I think you will want to comment on it.
What?
There was recently a side men soccer game.
You didn't get invited.
We've all been talking about it.
Neither one of us got invited.
Why are people talking about that?
Everyone on the internet was like, I can't believe Hassan didn't get invited.
Why would I be invited to that?
They just kept saying L.
No, but listen, one thing I will say.
In a soccer match, you're rated a score out of 10.
In the sidemen soccer match, XQC received the lowest score with a point, Felix!
Which is one of the absolute lowest scores you could receive.
He saved a goal, though.
As a player, he did.
I don't want to talk about this.
I have no interest in this.
Wow, it sounds like I feel like that's something you would want to talk about.
I don't give a shit.
I didn't watch it.
Look at him go.
He looks good.
He looks kind of hungry.
He looks hot, doesn't he?
He looks the part.
Yeah.
He looks like John Lincoln.
Yeah, he does look like a soccer player.
Yeah.
He's like wiry and skinny with a big nose like a lot of those soccer players are.
But they lost.
He's handsome, though.
He is handsome.
They lost and he was really sad.
They also raised $3 million.
That was great.
The gala will not be doing that.
Congratulations to the sideman.
Side note.
We've been promising something for people for a long time.
Yeah, basketball.
What the fuck is going on?
Basketball is whatever.
I don't give a shit.
Are we playing soccer now?
No.
Neither that.
I think it's time to honor the traditions of your people.
Oil wrestling?
Time for Turkish oil wrestling.
You and I need to Turkish oil wrestle for charity.
I thought you were going against the yard again.
I was like, who do I get?
Aiden?
Come on, let's do Turkish oil wrestle.
Absolutely not.
Let me fish hook your butthole.
I don't want to do it.
That's part of the reason why I want to do it.
It's an actual legitimate tactic.
It's the gayest sport on the planet.
Have you never seen Turkish oil wrestling?
It's the way you get a good hand.
Pull it up, Mark.
Ouch.
This is the national pastime of Turkey.
I'm trying to raise some money for the kids.
We have a gala.
No one's going to give me.
You already told me your gala is going to be a fucking stop.
Cutie?
My gosh.
Feast your eyes.
I wish you were that announcer guy.
I mean, we could easily raise a million dollars.
That's me and Alinity.
Just wrestling each other.
I just want to point something out here.
When do they these guys?
Unironically, like, none of them think this is gay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
He just went to grab his.
Yeah, that's a move.
You have to shove because, like, your entire body's oiled up.
So you have to do that.
Look at that handgun.
So those are extremely tight leather pants that they're all wearing.
And obviously, in order to manipulate.
He's grabbing his ding don.
Bro.
Yeah, in order to manipulate your opponent, like you don't have a gi.
Bro!
What is happening?
This is beautiful and natural.
Cutie.
It's not beautiful and natural.
This is weird.
There it is.
The Turkish butthole hook.
Why?
How do you win?
You hook their butthole real good.
Why are they?
No one's even enjoying watching it.
Like, what is none of these guys?
I thought Turkey was like very homophobic.
There's nothing gay about this.
If you ask those guys, if you ask those guys, like, what do you think about gay people?
They'd be like, what's a gay person?
There's nothing gay about this.
They'd be like, what's a gay person?
That seems like it would be illegal.
I think your son and I could save half the children on the Easter seaboard if we just did a good job.
Oh my God, he's in his butthole.
He's in his butthole.
Yes, it's called Chengal.
It's called a hook.
It's called Chengal.
It's not gay.
There's a term for it when you shove your hand.
He smelled his fingers.
For sure.
When you shove your hand in your opponent's leather pants, tight leather pants, and you arrive at his butthole, you can use his butthole to manipulate him physically.
And I actually have been, you know, how a lot of people have been training for chess boxing.
You've been training for this?
I've been working with a trainer.
Oh.
And my butthole grip is getting a lot.
This is precisely the reason why I will never do it.
Okay.
That's crazy.
It's crazy.
I'm just trying to honor this.
Tomato Bucket Customs00:16:04
You don't care about children fight clubs and shows.
No, I don't.
Thank you.
I almost died at Disneyland.
You went to Disneyland again?
I went Thursday.
I went Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
Actually, never mind.
Went three days this week?
Yeah, my family was here.
My niece made this lovely little aerial.
That's mine now.
Yeah, my family was here.
And so they go to Disney.
And so then I go to Disney with them.
And as you guys know, Disney has, you don't know this.
Disney does special seasonal menus.
Oh, I know this.
And right now it's Halloween.
Fun.
And so at Flo's Diner at Cars Land.
I know, but they already decorated for Halloween.
Where are we going to go?
I never get an invite.
You'll call me to come take on your vicious home invader.
I didn't call you.
I thought about it.
I did think about it.
But I didn't want to bother you.
We can go to Disney.
You still have a promise.
I know.
You're supposed to take...
I have been keeping myself pure.
Many opportunities have come up.
You need to go down and dig it.
At Disneyland.
I found a place we could podcast at Disney.
I found a perfect spot.
Let's do it.
Well, I know.
We can do it.
Let's let it cool down.
The heat wave made it miserable.
Speaking of heat waves, I was in Mexico this past week with my family.
And we had a great time.
Why are you doing that?
It's the worst episode.
It's because you don't want to hear about how I almost died.
Oh.
Go on.
We're struggling today.
It's a guys forgive us.
I'm very tired.
I'm very tired.
I'm sorry.
This is exactly why I did that to you earlier.
Yeah.
This is full circle.
Okay, I go to Flo's fucking diner.
It's in Cars Land, okay?
And they have these special habanero chicken fingers.
And I was like, can't wait to try those.
That sounds like delightful.
And they're on top of these gross ass ranch covered fries.
And so I have to take them off and wipe off the ranch.
Ew, yuck.
I hate ranch.
And so then I order a separate thing of fries, but that doesn't matter.
I go and I sit by myself because my family is doing Disney animation where you learn how to draw characters.
So they're off doing the drawing.
And I'm like, I'm going to eat my chicken fingers because they had already eaten.
I eat a whole chicken finger.
Wait, they wouldn't sit with you while you were eating?
They were doing an activity.
What the fuck?
They're too busy abusing.
They had already eaten.
They were doing child fly pictures.
They were collecting child friends for child fly pussy.
It goes hard at Disney.
They're all tuned up on Dole Whip.
Dude, Disney.
Disney, it's like an arena.
They do it in different places.
The Disney arena.
Luigi's car ride is where they, the first Disney fight because of it is after 10 p.m.
You threw it all in there.
So you got your ranch fries.
I got rid of my ranch fries.
Ew, yuck.
And I'm sitting by myself out on the patio.
And I eat a whole chicken.
And then I check on my phone because Maya loves tomato, like sexually and romantically.
She's obsessed with that.
What is that?
Like tomatoes?
Tomator.
What's tomato?
What the fuck is that?
Like, tomato.
Stop repeating the word.
I don't know what that means.
That guy.
That?
Yeah.
His name's Mater.
I know, but sometimes he'll be like, I'm Tomator.
I've never watched this movie.
I've never watched this movie.
What?
You talk.
You're such a fake.
You're such a fake fuck, Hassan.
I'm sorry.
You talk about fucking the cars in Cars.
You talk about Car Pussy a lot.
I've never even watched it.
I've never watched it.
You don't even know what the hot car is, the hot blue car.
I don't fucking know.
Sally, pull up Sally, the hot blue car.
Oh, that's the Porsche.
She's hot for me.
But Tomato is hot for Maya.
I'm hot for Sally.
So you want to be in a lesbian relationship with Sally?
Yeah, but Maya likes tomato.
Would you fuck the Tisney?
Oh my God, that's me.
So anyway, I'm on my phone because I don't know.
You've never even watched it.
But I know.
I know how it works.
They have these Tomator buckets that they sell at Flo's Diner.
But I mobile ordered and it wasn't on there.
And I wanted to get the bucket for Maya because she likes tomato.
And so I'm sitting there looking on the mobile app to see if I can order this.
And I take a bite of my chicken and I choke.
I straight up.
And you had no one at Disney.
Cutie, I'm not going to lie.
I love you so much.
You're the light of my life.
You're one of my favorite friends.
If you had died choking on a chicken tender at Disney, I would have pissed my tomato bucket.
Just falls on the tomato bucket.
Just breaks her neck.
Cinderella.
Like a fucking like horror film.
That was the problem is I didn't have the tomato bucket yet.
Because the family left her behind to do activities.
Eating her seasonal menu.
So I shoot up.
Lightning McQueen's chiz fry.
It did look like that.
I shoot up out of my seat, but I don't want to be dramatic and do like the choke symbol.
You're dying.
I know.
Why would you not want to be seen?
I wasn't sure.
And so then, because I was like, I don't know, because I used to have these things called Laryngo spasms where I would get really stressed and my throat would just close.
Temporarily, I'd usually pass out and then wake up again.
What?
It's called Laryngo Spasms.
Laryngo star?
Like, we need to do some drugs.
There's, you really, you have nothing to lose.
No, laryngo spasm.
Oh, laryngo.
I thought it's in ringo.
I've had the choking sensation before.
I've never had food choking.
So I shoot up and I'm like, oh my God.
And I like, well, I'm not like, oh, my God.
I'm like, and it's like, I can't breathe.
And so I'm like, okay, try breathing out of your nose.
Sure enough, can't breathe out of my nose, right?
Like I'm thinking in my head because I'm choking.
Her air passage.
My air passage is blocked.
By habanero, seasonal habanero.
The chicken fingers.
And this woman at another table, she's younger.
She looks at me.
She's like, are you okay?
And I'm like, she Heimlick?
No.
I say I'm not okay.
And so she starts yelling for her boyfriend.
She's like, Jose, Jose, Jose.
He runs over and instead of Heimlicking me right away, he just goes and whacks my back.
And it was enough to like.
Dodge.
Yeah.
Well, just like, and I kind of like regurgitated and then I could breathe.
Wow.
Do you know how to do self-heimlick?
Yeah, on the chair.
I thought about it.
I was like looking at the chair because I didn't want to like ask for help and be annoying.
So I was like, you're dying.
And then it's like, what's wrong with you?
It was awful.
Just then my throat hurt all day.
And now I have this swollen lymph node.
And I'm.
Oh, so that's where the swollen lymph node came from.
I don't know.
Yes.
Do you think Habanero could do that?
If it was lodged in your trachea?
It was bad.
It hurts so bad.
It was so bad all day.
I was coughing.
I was like, deep fry of the tenders.
Scratch the inside of your throat.
And then there's this whole time, mind you, I'm choking.
Staff comes over.
They bring me water.
I'm like chilling.
I'm like, that was funny.
And they're like, and then.
Did you get the tomato bucket?
I got the tomato bucket the next day.
What's in the tomato bucket?
Nothing.
It's empty.
Isn't that stupid?
Wait, what?
Yeah.
Just to have a bucket at your house?
Marsh, it showed earlier.
Tomato bucket.
Oh, it's right there.
I see it.
It's a Disney Cars Tomator.
See that?
It looks like a toy almost.
One more over.
That guy.
That's not a bucket.
Oh, that's not.
Oh.
No, that's a dog.
Okay, get the bucket.
Kids meal, Flo's Diner, Tomato Bucket.
So it comes with a kid's meal, but they give it to you just empty.
It's not full of, yeah, it's not full of popcorn or anything.
It's just this stupid ass bucket.
Maya loves it, though.
I gave it to her today, and she said she really likes it.
Maya's here.
No, we recorded wine about it this morning where I also told this story.
But honestly, you guys were so dry for content.
I had to reuse it.
We were doing just fine.
Were we?
You've been unloading trauma all day.
You literally started a conversation with, so this pedophile used to take me to the basement.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was in the episode we had to delete because this shit failed.
Thank God.
People would have loved the pedophile.
You bumped the fucking roadcaster out with your childhood trauma.
No.
Child fight club?
Me.
Mormon swingers?
Me.
Choking?
Me.
You're carrying.
What do you got?
All right.
You know what?
Yeah.
Well, I was going to talk about...
I'll supervise.
I was going to talk about a deep fear that I've had.
Okay.
For a very long.
Yeah.
There you go.
A deep fear that I have officially conquered.
Call me King Neptune because...
Philassophobia.
Yeah, Philassophobia.
Just shut the fuck up.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm putting him in kid fighting.
I have been, I would destroy this.
I would fucking ruin.
Give me like 10 of them.
I'd just fucking one punch like five of them at the same time.
It'd be sick.
Anyway.
Yes, that's right.
I was in Mexico with my family celebrating my mom's completion of her dissertation.
We went to Cabo and a lot more happened.
Are you fucking joking?
He's good about it.
All right, our equipment broke again, but we're back now.
It didn't break.
We just stop it and restart it because we want to make sure that it's good.
Anyway, I went to Mexico with my family for a celebration of my mother's dissertation completion.
And we went to Cabo, all-inclusive resort.
Flexing.
That's...
No, I get it.
No, it's cool.
I was just giving the details.
We haven't gone.
I'm sorry.
How would you do that?
If we were to next weekend go to an all-inclusive resort in fucking Cabo, how would you get there?
Oh my God.
My mom's calling.
I gotta.
That's so crazy.
Hi.
It's been so long.
I meant to say dad, but mom.
You just use your dead mom as a way to segue away from a potential Cabo stream trip.
So how is Cabo?
You went.
Very human.
Did you get pina coladas?
Very human.
I did not drink.
Well, actually, I did drink a little bit of wine.
Bore?
No, Hold on.
Let me explain.
So here's what happened.
I land at the Cabo Airport, SJD, okay?
And immediately, first I'm like, oh, my Pelican case that has like all of my equipment, streaming equipment, it's not making it through.
I'm like, I'm screwed.
You know, I don't know what the fuck happened.
Oh.
It was fine.
It was in a, it was in large luggage, the large luggage area, which is different.
Yeah.
Pick it up.
Get to customs and border patrol.
Customs border patrol does this, one of these.
Uh-oh.
Okay.
I go over there.
I go over there.
He goes, what's in that case?
And I'm like, I don't know, just like electronic equipment that I have.
In my tomato bucket.
Yeah, in my tomato bucket.
And he's like, what kind of electronic equipment?
I was like, well, I have a monitor.
I don't think it's open it.
I have a monitor.
Well, at this point, this could be so much fun.
I think there's like rules around it.
Like customs and border patrol can't just like be like, open it.
They have to have probable cause.
He goes, touch this button.
I press the button.
It lights up green.
He goes, oh, got to put it in the x-ray.
I got random searched, basically, by the Mexican Customs Border Patrol.
Put it through the X-ray.
They go, oh, you have a lot of electronic equipment.
Turns out there's a tax in Mexico because a lot of people bring in their cheap electronic equipment that they buy in America and sell it in Mexico because in Mexico, electronic equipment have a tax and it's very expensive.
Oh.
So he's like, you're selling these.
I'm like, no.
Like, look at my channel.
You're going to get taxed.
He's like, you're going to get taxed.
I'm like, what do you, why?
What are you talking about?
He's like, all this electronic equipment.
You have to get tax.
You have to pay tax.
You have to declare this at the customs.
And I was like, that seems weird.
Then he shows me the fucking law.
And it literally says, like, you can bring your personal, you know, you can bring like two cameras.
You can bring a laptop, like a personal laptop, all this stuff.
Mine is perfectly kosher, right?
Because it's like a light, microphone, and monitors.
Weird.
So they're like, nope, you have to come with us.
And I'm like, and at this point, I'm like very visibly frustrated.
And I'm just like, you know, I'm noticing that I'm getting fucked.
I'm getting extorted.
Okay.
So I was like, I was definitely not chill about it where I was like, what are you talking about?
Like, this is bullshit.
This is fucking ridiculous.
Like, what do you mean?
This is my personal equipment.
Like, I'm not doing anything with it.
Like, I've traveled all around the world with my personal equipment.
It's been fine.
This is the first time it's ever come up.
And so they're like, no, no, no, you got to come with us.
They take me to a separate room.
Okay.
And my mom is freaking out at this point.
So I'm like, I'm texting.
I'm not sure what you said about 9-11.
Yeah.
Well, Mexico doesn't give a shit.
Mexico is like 11.9, perfectly fine by us.
So I take a quick picture of where I'm at.
Okay.
Because I'm like, I am like detained at Customs and Border Patrol.
Like, fear not.
I'll handle it.
It's not a big deal.
The guy fucking blows a gasket, goes, what the fuck are you doing?
He like picks me up.
Oh my God.
And he's like, come with me right now.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
He's like, no photos.
No photos.
You put your phone back in your pocket right now.
Picks me up, takes me outside.
He goes, read that sign.
And there's like this Xerox, like not even Xerox.
Sorry.
There's this piece of paper that they printed out and then taped to the wall that says like, it's illegal to take photos and it's punishable with jail time and $16,000, American dollars.
Jesus.
If you take a photo inside of like the Customs Border Patrol, the detention area.
Oh, shoot.
So I'm like, okay, I'll delete it.
He's like, delete it, delete it.
And I delete it.
He's like, now delete it from your recently deleted area.
Like, I was like, damn, these motherfuckers have done this before.
It was like not their first rodeo.
They set me back down and the guy's like fucking yelling at me.
He's chirping at me.
He's like, it's $1,000.
You have to pay me $1,000 in taxes.
Like, he's like, $1,000 worth of taxes.
Sorry.
He's like, your electronic equipment is $1,000.
I'm like, no, it's not.
It's fucking two monitors that are like $100 each and a microphone and a light.
Like, the total is like maximum $300.
Right.
And it's out of the box, not like firsthand.
You know, I'm not fucking selling it.
And he's like, prove it.
I'm like, okay.
And I go to take my phone out.
He goes, if you take your phone out, I'm arresting you.
And I'm like, okay, so how can I prove it to you?
He's like, well, you should have thought about that beforehand.
He's like, it's $1,000.
If you don't pay this right now, I'm taking your passport away and I'm arresting you.
So I did.
I paid the fucking 19% tax on $1,000.
His story was so much better than yours.
We're not hurting for content at all.
He just waited for me to finish this just so he could say that.
I forgot to mention.
No, but I'm still on on this story.
Keep going.
It doesn't even end there.
It doesn't end there.
I didn't finish either.
Let him carry the Havanero chicken fingers were pretty mid.
Anyway, so baby boy.
Welcome back to Fear Ann.
Much better than wine about it.
That podcast sucks.
Switch with the bear.
With Austin.
Austin's had a lot of valuable feedback this episode, I think.
The best he's ever done.
Why is this sticky?
Oh, Kaya.
Kaya.
So I pay the fucking fee, and apparently there was another family behind me that was also detained.
Freedom Fee Detention00:02:22
They came out and told me that they were like laughing and they're like, Welcome to Mexico.
Like, they just like straight up dicked me down a little bit.
So, I foolishly tweeted about it.
And you can never tweet about things like this online.
And immediately, Twitter was like, one, tax the rich, tax the rich.
Everybody's like making the same joke.
I'm like, okay, got it.
Funny the first time.
Not funny.
Like the 7,000.
It's not funny when it's me.
No, no, no, no.
It's the type of joke that I would make.
Like, it's perfectly valid, which I also made in the comments, like in the follow-up comments.
I was like, Damn, we're working on it.
So, butthole.
But, like, these guys were like, they wrote like a community note underneath.
And they're like, actually, this is a real tax, and there's no reason to believe that it was fake.
And it's like, dude, what are you doing?
Like, you think I had exactly $1,000 worth of fucking electronic equipment?
Like, get the fuck out of here.
You don't, you weren't there.
Like, why are you?
It's crazy that they tell you to prove it and then they don't help you in what way.
But I do have.
Well, that was the point.
It's just they make up an arbitrary number.
And there's two ways out of it.
You either say, oh, okay, like, how can I pay to get out of this?
Or you say, just keep it.
Or no, no, no, no.
You missed the United States.
What?
I did fucking freedom, baby.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Freedom isn't free.
And that's why we built that fucking wall.
Yeah.
Which with my money.
With the money I gave to the Mexican authorities.
Yeah, build it up.
Keep them out.
I'm not going to.
I'm high-five.
I'm way too white to high-five on that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's natural.
It's beautiful.
Build a wall.
The wall is natural.
The wall is literally paid by Mexico.
By customers of Border Patrol.
But it's not that big of a deal.
Like, I've experienced this in Turkey, but obviously, because I'm Turkish, like, it doesn't happen to me.
But if they think that I'm like American, they'll try to fuck with me.
And then I, you know, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
And it goes away.
But like, it was kind of funny to see how similar Mexico is to Turkey in that regard.
Well, I don't speak Spanish.
I can't punk them.
If I spoke Spanish, it would have been fine.
I would have taken out double the money, given it to him, and been like, you look like you needed throw the credit card on the table.
I was like, fucking hard.
I was like, fuck.
Put some English on it.
Yeah.
No, I did.
I was like, here, here, just fucking.
You're a pretty woman to them.
You're like, I would have paid too.
No, I mean, it was very, very frustrating because, like, they were.
Britney Boat Swim00:03:54
That's awful.
It's just, it's the principle.
I'm like, dude, you know what we should do for a stream now?
Let's smuggle electronics into Mexico and give them away.
Sell them.
Yeah, sell them.
Sell them.
Come on.
I don't want to.
Smuggle electronics.
I don't want to do that.
But beyond that shitty experience, it rained a lot.
So I streamed a lot.
And then on the last day, I had a wonderful day with my family.
Stream.
I saw you on a boat.
I conquered my fear of the ocean.
Oh, right.
That was how we started.
Yeah.
I got on a catamaran called Tortuga.
Tortuga.
That's Turtle.
Yes.
Spanish.
Tortuga.
Exactly.
We went to the Ark, the Arch, and there's a Lover's Beach.
And on the other side, there is the Divorce Beach.
And the Divorce Beach is named that way.
Yeah, because the other side is this.
One side is the sea, the other side is the ocean.
And the ocean currents are so vicious that they call it the divorce sea, so they kill people.
But the lover's side is very common.
It's the little sea.
Yeah, I thought as well.
I thought that that was weird as well.
They should have called it the hater sea.
But I saw a bunch of sea lions.
I saw some turtles.
It was sick.
That's cool.
And I swam in the ocean for a very long time.
Swam my fucking butt off.
Flish flashed.
I did.
Yeah.
It was great.
I did it.
Converted.
No.
Oh.
There were luckily not a lot of fish in the part of the no.
You don't.
How are you afraid of everything, but not like sea critters?
The open deep ocean scares the fuck out of me.
I don't like it when I you know how I used to be Britney Spears on a cruise ship.
What?
You didn't know that?
Wait, wait.
What?
I used to be Britney Spears in a legend show on a cruise ship.
And the worst.
Are you saying something?
No, I was really bad.
Please.
I wish you saw me.
I wasn't even close.
No, do you want to?
She's just time.
Come on, please.
Yeah, Tom.
I don't believe her.
I don't believe her.
That's fine.
I don't believe her.
You don't have to believe me.
Can you say it?
Can you say that?
Can you say that?
Hit me, baby, one more time.
Give us a look.
Do it.
No.
Kiss me, baby, one more time.
This is so bad.
Do it, do it.
Marsh, just Google the video.
Why does Lady?
Kiss!
Britney's me!
How did you guys not know about this?
Go on YouTube.
Oh, my God.
So much sick of the Turks World Wrestling.
It's not good.
I'm very tone deaf.
Yeah, that's why it's good for content.
Yeah.
I've changed.
Oh, my God.
I remember that version of you.
Where is it?
I remember that version of you.
This is objectively a better version of you.
You were so evil with black hair.
Yeah, she used to be so sassy.
You were so scared.
She used to make fun of me all the time.
Oh, my God.
I think it must be in that I've changed video somewhere.
I don't know where, though.
With the brunette hair, you're like, you would give like really mean penis reviews or something.
Like, that's what you look like.
That's not what I did.
I don't know where it.
Sorry, I'm saying you could.
That's so...
I don't know.
I don't know where it is.
That's so weird.
Then you guess you have to do it live.
No, I...
Oh, babe.
If you donate 100 subs to my stream, it plays.
I know it.
Like, we have the video.
That's why I'm surprised it's not there.
That's insane that that's like, you're, are you holding a monetary gun over our heads right now?
What the fuck?
Next time I'm live, boys, no.
No, no, seriously.
Come on.
I don't know.
I'm surprised it's not coming up on YouTube.
I don't know.
Devil Ocean Jump00:03:46
Look up.
Okay, we'll find it in the paywall.
Brilliant idea, Marshall.
I have Carnival.
And you were Brittany.
Yeah.
Dude, you've done some weird ass fucking jobs.
Anyway, when you're on a cruise and you go out at night and it's pitch black.
Yeah.
I don't love that.
Did you get in the water?
No, no, no.
No, dude, you'll die.
Cutie, you are dead ass.
You have thrust.
You can't get in the water.
You're on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.
I don't know.
You work on the boat.
You think you jump off and climb back up?
When you're docked.
No, you're not docked.
That's what I'm saying.
Also, I don't even think you can jump off even if you're docked.
It's like pretty big.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It would be too high of a jump, I think, for a non-professional diver to jump into.
Anyway, you go, it's like middle of the ocean because that's when they do most of their traveling.
It's middle of the night and it's just empty.
You can't see an island with lights.
It's just pitch black and you just see the waves like kind of glistening off the cruise ship.
Yeah, that's terrifying.
I went.
I don't like that.
Skateboarding at night one time and it was in the ocean?
Yes.
It was the most terrifying thing I've ever...
I don't even know if it's legal.
Wait, where?
Which ocean?
California.
Jersey one.
Oh.
Atlantic.
Yeah, you're not supposed to.
I mean, they have all those signs that are like, don't go in the ocean after.
You want to hear something crazy that's Mormon?
Yeah.
Is Mormons, when you're on your mission, they tell you to avoid the ocean.
What?
Yeah, when you're on your mission as a missionary, you're supposed to avoid the ocean.
Why?
Specifically, I don't know.
It's something, like, there's something with the devil in the ocean.
And I'm ending my story.
Why do you think it's like?
It was in Lake Michigan.
Oh, that's still scary.
Yeah.
But Lake Michigan was actually, like, I remember.
That's the Mormon.
That's the one that Mormons are supposed to avoid.
No, seriously.
You can, it's like, especially at night or something.
I don't remember.
Why do Mormons avoid the ocean?
Only missionaries.
Why?
Not normal Mormons.
I don't know.
I had a cousin that went to.
I want to say, whenever March, whenever March, spells shit is so bad, He wrote missionaries with like a why.
There's a why in that.
He's got the Billy Rave brain.
Oh yeah, it's so funny every time.
Yeah uh, why are LDS missionaries instructed to stay away from bodies of water?
I saw a post recently, LDS missionaries on Christianity.com.
LDS missionaries are instructed not to go swimming.
Commonly, this idea is misunderstood to be for the entire Mormon population, which is not true.
Yeah, it's just missionaries.
Nevertheless, I suffered it, that ye might bear record.
Behold, there are many dangers upon the waters, and more especially hereafter, for I, the Lord, have decreed in mine anger many destructions upon the waters ye, and especially upon these waters.
What the fuck what why why?
Oh, they're afraid of sea monsters.
I don't.
They're okay, that's like Mormonism won every other religion.
Zero though, for real because, like sea monsters are terrifying.
I don't know.
Have you ever seen an anglerfish?
Oh god, don't even.
Have you ever seen it?
Are those the creepy ones?
Wait yeah, they just don't want them to.
Angler fish, I think, are the scariest thing on the planet.
Yeah, they're scary with their glossy eyes or their angles, all manner of ah dude, the one i'm finding Nemo sick.
Look at him.
No, you know what's really interesting about anglerfish?
I don't even know if you know this.
They're a dimorphic species and the female is that one, that's the one we all know, and the male is just like a little guppy and what happens is he latches onto her, like her basically back end, and becomes a pair of vestigial testicles.
Oh yeah, there it is.
Uh, the wolf in the bulldog hunger.
Sea Monsters Internet00:03:27
Go one up, go one above one to the right, one to the right.
It ew.
Look at him.
They're so symbiotic they almost become like hermaphroditic because he grows onto her skin.
That's weird.
Yeah, I would let Simp, I would let Ludwig grow on my skin and become a vestigial pair of testicles.
Yeah, so we hang out all the time.
Yeah, fish are fucking disgusting and they freak me the fuck out.
They smell bad and also, we should respect their you know area.
Like, don't go into their homes.
So I should.
For your date that you're auctioning off of the gala, I should say a fishing date with Hasan.
Fuck no, late night ocean swim.
Late night ocean swim with Hasan.
Yeah, so we can both die.
That's what'll happen.
Um yeah no, it's just I I tackled my fear, but also not really because, like I am still afraid of the deep ocean, like the Open Ocean, are the dates at the gala no no, the different thing?
They buy them at the gala.
You don't understand.
They buy them at the gala.
You The process, you go, you auction off a date, and that date is actually streamed.
Yeah, that date is actually streamed at a later date.
Yeah, that's her idea.
Oh, you're slutting yourself out for the for the gorillas, just buy yourself, and then you don't have to do anything with anybody.
A jerk-off session, Will Matt.
Oh, $500.
I actually don't have a lot of people that have agreed to be auctioned, and you guys didn't agree.
You just got really, I think it's fun.
I'm auctioned, I'm getting auctioned.
I'm gonna win that and make you do something terrible.
But it's a baking lesson with cutie Cinderella.
We're gonna bake math.
Oh, oh, that's that's fun.
I actually, one person that I messaged today to get auctioned was Blau Stoys, and he's like, He was like, I can't wait to see how much Austin's gonna spend on me.
And I was like, Austin's cheapest hoe in the whole world.
He's not gonna buy you.
That's true.
He's gonna be way more concerned on what gets spent on you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blau's gonna get fucked when he goes up there and Austin doesn't bid.
And then it's just like no one bids on Blau.
That'd be funny.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think that about does it for this week's free episode.
If you want the freemium content or the premium content, rather, go to patreon.com.
Patreon.com slash fear end.
I don't fucking know.
It's not free.
It costs five.
I'm so tired.
It costs $5 for tier one.
It costs $5.
And we're going to take our toes and we're going to latch them like holding hands.
That's going to do that.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
We've also done that.
People on the internet will have a field day with that.
We have to.
Which is why she's going to do it behind the paywall.
That's right.
We are putting Burkas on her feet.
What the hell?
The internet's a fucked up place.
Bye, guys.
Do it.
Oh, baby, bet, baby.
That's not how you do it.
Cuteness Spears.
Cutie Cinderella.
It's right there.
Oh, yeah, that's me.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
You're such a mean girl with that hair.
I can't even get over it.
It's like a different person.
Look at the picture.
Do you feel like you had a different personality with that hair?
I had a different persona on purpose, but I was the same person.