Jarvis Johnson and Jordan Adika dissect viral conspiracy theories, debunking the Balenciaga wax mannequin hoax involving Christopher G. while critiquing media portrayals of suicide in 13 Reasons Why and Islamophobia in 24. They recount traumatic personal histories, including a college dorm pipe bomb incident and childhood anthrax fears, before exploring darker claims about Jeffrey Epstein, Marilyn Monroe, and J.K. Rowling's alleged slurs. Ultimately, the dialogue highlights how formative media consumption and personal trauma shape susceptibility to unfounded narratives ranging from celebrity deaths to government conspiracies. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Emergency Flood Warning00:07:49
Saluk Razul.
Oh my gosh.
I'm getting an emergency warning.
It says it's Saluk.
I'm also getting an emergency warning.
I'm also getting an emergency warning.
Oh, shit.
I would go.
What is the emergency warning?
That it's flooding?
A flash flood.
A flash flood warning is in effect for this area until 3 a.m.
This is a dangerous and life-threatening situation.
Do not attempt to travel unless you are fleeing an area subject to flooding or under evacuation order.
Do not attempt to travel for podcasts specifically.
It said.
What the fuck?
I guess LA is like very calm.
You were telling me to do it.
Yeah.
What the hell?
This is so mean.
They're like, hey, if you have to be on a podcast, you should definitely travel.
If I were to guess one, I would guess Casim because I assume that's where Casim G got his name.
Yeah, I was putting on the same thing.
No, he notoriously loves Aladdin.
He's always said.
Is it real?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you kidding?
I'm not kidding you.
I would put all I would put this.
Isn't his name just Cassim?
It's actually a name.
Water bottle.
And if I lose, I will throw this water bottle away.
And I really want to drink this water bottle.
He's right.
You're welcome.
What's the...
Why does he need to know this?
Because he's probably playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
Oh, watching Aladdin.
I can't relate to this character.
You can't go back.
So I can like go home, right?
Because you can ignore emergency alerts.
Yeah.
Wait, did you guys get the one today that was like earthquake duck and cover?
I was like, yeah.
Yeah, that one was a little wild because it was like only for like a maximum five seconds.
Right.
What is happening?
Okay, welcome back to Fear Ann.
The world is ending.
And we're still here and we're still doing a podcast.
That's right.
I'm joined by Cutie Cinderella, who is graciously, who's graciously decided to show up for the pod.
Literally work here.
And of course, we have two incredible guests here with us.
The hosts of the Sad Boys podcast, who I did.
Their podcast.
I don't know why I said it like that.
Like I had sex with them last night.
All right.
I got to get going, man.
I had sex with them last night on the Sad Boys podcast.
You should check out their Patreon for that.
Jarvis Johnson, Jordan Attica, welcome.
Thanks for having us.
What's going on, gamers?
Yeah.
The world is ending.
The world is ending.
Hurricane Hillary was supposed to be category five.
Hit landfall around Baja, Mexico, California.
I said Baja California, Mexico.
That's what I'm fucking doing.
Pokemon go to the coast, more or less.
Hell, dude.
Oh, my God.
Got some funny people on today.
Hell yeah.
Let's do it.
Could I have like 15 minutes to come up with one?
Yeah.
If you have a pencil and paper, you'll work together.
Hillary Biden.
And then we had an earthquake warning today.
Yeah, we had an earthquake.
Or earthquake.
Now you had a warning.
I didn't feel it.
Yeah, I did.
5.0 magnitude from Ojai.
And that shit shook me a little bit.
I didn't fall off.
No.
But it shook me.
And I was like, dad, immediately.
I was like, Kaya.
You know, I was like, we're dad.
And because, like, the emergency thing was insane.
It was like, you're going to die.
Yeah.
It was.
Yeah.
It was weird.
I quite literally looked outside.
I was like, should I be.
Can we get some scaled alerts?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Chill out.
Nothing more alert that's like six cities away, something bad's happening.
Yeah, okay, or maybe like a countdown.
Like it was like it's on the way.
I'm like, how much time do I have to prepare?
I like a countdown because it's adding suspense to our emergency.
I got that.
I got the earthquake after.
Really?
Like, I got the run, duck, hide, whatever the fuck after I felt the earthquake.
Oh, that's interesting.
I wonder if there's anyone in the world who I got it before, but I never felt the earthquake.
But I wonder if there's anyone in the world who got it.
And then they're like, oh, thank God this alert.
I don't have anything.
Saved my life.
Killed by an earthquake because your data's weak.
The fuck is this?
I live in a rich neighborhood.
What the hell's going on?
I bought a $700 million mansion.
That's true.
Is it getting more and more expensive every time you talk about it?
Yeah.
Well, because the property values are coming up.
Yeah, of course.
Gucci shirt you buy increases the price of the house.
Yeah, 100%.
It's part of the walls.
It didn't fall over with the earthquake.
It did not.
Sorry, I stare at random things.
It's like you looked up like there's a crap.
I know.
I have a.
I was just explaining them.
I've got, I'm a little.
She's a little fucked up.
I'm a special girl.
You're feeling wonky.
You feel like you're dying.
I've ordered coffee.
I am dying.
I feel a lot better now than I did earlier today.
I did your podcast and I was so grossed out by it.
I don't know what the fuck happened.
Again, the Patreon, we really just went ham.
Yeah.
But I can understand how that happened.
Yeah, it was all right.
And then I was just, I've been peeing out of my butt for like a girl.
For, yeah.
I don't want to sit by him.
Yeah.
I mean, it's fine.
I haven't, I haven't done it in like a couple hours.
That was really good.
No, no, no.
It's not focused on it.
Hey, you got one.
Yeah.
Hillary, buddy.
Yeah, I've been peeing out of my butt like women.
Everybody knows this.
I'm going to correct it.
I don't care.
Well, regardless.
And at first, I was like, oh, I must have, you know, I've changed my diet around a little bit.
I've been like trying to drink more protein shakes and stuff.
So I was like, maybe it's the creatine and the, you know, all the shakes that I'm having.
And then I was like, oh no, like, I can't even go to sleep.
Like, this is, you know, inside of me.
I got to get it out.
It was COVID, maybe?
Today, I thought it might be COVID because, like, at first, it was just, I'm pissing out of my butt and it's fine.
The last time that happened to me, norovirus was going around.
And it's like a bad stomach flu virus.
Maybe.
But I don't think it's contagious to like other people.
I think you have to, I don't know where you get it.
You got to get it on a microphone and then give it to friends.
Oh, you get it on podcasts for sure.
Yeah.
Oh, that's one of those.
It's from the it's it's from holding onto a microphone right that wasn't mounts that wasn't properly sanitized.
I literally the last time that happened to me, I got not only norovirus, but Giardia.
Oh, that was a dog.
That's what I was going to say.
Like the last time I had heard that, it was because my dog had it.
Yeah.
That's like that can dry you out.
You need songs.
I ate like the, what is it called?
It's like a, it's like the fart diet or something.
Um, it's not, it's not fart.
It's like for oh, it's like an acronym?
It's an acronym for like basically um crackers and uh applesauce and stuff like that.
Right.
Because it's supposed to stuff that um hardens your stool.
This is good.
It's only for psychological conversation.
Girl lunch.
Well, girls don't fart or poop.
If they do, the little ambra look comes up.
Look out.
Why don't you get under duck?
Run.
Yeah.
But you have any idea what it could be?
No, I have no fucking clue.
The last time I felt this way, though, it was COVID, but I mean, I got tested.
Yeah.
You got the vaccine, right?
So it can't be COVID.
Yeah.
Well, no, I didn't actually.
I've been, I've been immunized.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, you're.
I've been immunized.
No, I didn't get the vaccine, bro.
Do I look like I have autism?
Like, what's going on?
Balenciaga Viral Campaigns00:15:56
No.
Because I did take other vaccines.
God damn it.
You're still talking about Sonic Lore.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm vaccinated.
I had COVID last year.
I have been fine so far.
It's just I felt like my joints were in pain.
And then someone in the chat said something to me that made me realize like fuck they might be right Because this kind of happened to me last time as well They were like if it's not COVID you probably just feel joint achiness due to the the pressure change like like old people do oh my god And I realized like fuck you, but also I'm in this weird predicament where I'm like Which one's better?
Yeah.
Like is it better to have COVID and tank it or is it better to just like be old?
To just be bad for about three months every year.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with old.
COVID's got too many variables.
That's true.
Too late.
Yeah.
It spices up your life though.
It's like New Game Plus differently.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like get like a different experience.
All of a sudden you're like, why doesn't anything taste the same anymore?
What's happening?
Yeah, like a bonus engine.
I love those Amazon reviews where people would candles.
Yeah, but candles.
They'd be like, these don't smell like anything.
Yeah.
Have you started noticing that Yankee candles are just not hitting the same?
Speaking of conspiracy theories, I want to start today's episode with my favorite current conspiracy theory.
I love conspiracy theories.
I think TikTok has rotted people's brains.
And I want to show you guys this one.
March, can you pull up Balenciaga mannequin?
Have you seen this?
That sounds like a sick album type.
Sounds like an activation.
It's on TikTok.
Let's look up.
Balenciaga.
My man has no idea how to spell Balenciaga mannequin.
Dude, broke.
Broke.
Oh, there it is.
Let me see.
I learned how to spell mannequins.
Eight-man one.
Yeah, yeah.
Get that.
Any of them will do because they're just all going to be equally fucking unhinged.
So that first one, Balenciaga on a hyper realistic?
I would go on TikTok because the one I watched earlier on stream today actually had 649,000 likes.
Not views.
Likes.
Hell yeah.
Wow.
And if you see, dude, my man wrote Balenciaga with a BE, you're out of control.
Yeah.
Okay, that one, Romans 818.
I'm going to go Romans 8.18.
It's the second one.
Click it.
Old fashioned.
Love it.
I'll be back in a second.
I feel like this is going to hypnotize us or something.
Freaking chair guy.
Yeah.
This guy always leaves this chair right before I react.
In the year of 2020, he disappeared and he was never seen again.
Still to this day in 2023, he vanished.
But comes and found out he was actually missing and he's been missing since the year 2020.
Did you hear about the Blenziaga missing person?
No.
This is f ⁇ ing.
This model for Blenciaga.
His name is Christopher G and he posed on so many different ads for Balenciaga, different shoots, everything.
But he went missing.
Until this lady came out with this video.
Here it is.
Okay, people, tell me something.
This boy looks like somebody dead.
I'm bombed.
This mannequin is him.
This mannequin looks a little bit too realistic.
I mean, a lot of people was digging deep into their mannequins.
Balenciaga mannequins.
And then they noticed something very, very strange.
If you look at regular mannequins compared to their mannequins, it's completely terrifying.
I think we need new hobbies.
That's a shame, Dawson-ass conspiracy.
No, you cannot tell me that they mannequins don't look real.
People believe that this guy who vanished was waxed.
Look, look at the features.
Scary, like, look at the f ⁇ ing hands, bro.
You see the end dip in it?
It almost seemed like you could see the vein of some crazy right.
That's crazy.
His hands.
His hands is as real as mine.
Now, like I said, this is what he stays about to do.
Grill dark.
Valenciago is basically about to get canceled.
Why?
What is this?
Oh, they have the...
Valenciaga gets canceled.
Because of all of the demonic stuff for the kids and the covers of all of these magazine articles.
Do you think Valencia?
Valencia Valencia deserves to be canceled right now?
I think they do.
Valenciaga could kiss my carousel.
Throughout a whole article addressing this issue.
Valenciaga has always been a brand known for ad campaigns, products, and runway shows that push boundaries and make audiences uncomfortable.
Well, people believe that this guy was a sacrifice.
They don't do that to mannequins so detailed like that.
Where they do that at?
I'm not allowed to do that.
It's not just.
Guys.
Look how detailed this is.
Guys, wait, pause.
But also, this happened in a movie.
House of Wax with Paris.
And everybody knows movies are real life.
I see.
We gotta show this guy like a game.
Like anything in Unreal Engine.
That's my friend.
No, I don't want.
No, I don't want that.
I feel like he'll die.
He'll have an aneurysm.
I like ozone.
The guy, the main conspiracy guy was like, people started looking through their mannequins.
And they realized their mannequins aren't nearly as good as the Valenciaga mannequin.
Yeah, probably because most mannequins are in malls and don't need to look good.
They said that man was suing them for copying his jacket.
He was going to win, but then he went missing.
He's going to win what?
Like, what was he going to win?
The suing.
He was going to win the case.
So, let me tell you something.
Every part of this is fake.
Every...
Well, I mean, watch the rest of it.
That's why I was.
He was going to win the suing.
I don't know.
Finish the video.
And nothing in this mannequin looks like it's a plastic or it's wax.
This guy was plain powder.
Like, his face was powder.
You could lose your nail and scratch it off.
That's just a clip from the this is the movie.
Yeah, it's from house of wax.
Yeah.
Hold tight, man.
Hold tight.
I'm gonna get you guys.
Ew.
He had ears, a hole in his ears and his nose.
And I was like, scrutinizing it.
Like, this cannot be.
How could they do this?
You know, it was just too real.
Waxed his body, put him out in the public.
And that's why when that lady saw him, and even when she was getting interviewed, she said, because she saw him in person behind the window and close up.
And she was saying some things.
So she was so real.
He looked like he was looking directly in my eyes.
His eyes are moving, but he can't talk or move any other part of his body.
Dalton is trying to get the wax off him while Wade is trying to use his eyes to send a message to him that somebody is coming.
But he doesn't get the message.
And the masked man comes from behind.
I put my phone out and I stopped videoing.
I was saying that he said not touch because I'm really wanted touchdown, you know?
Now, before you say something like, why would they sacrifice him?
I do not know.
But apparently, these companies are some of these people out there.
It works.
Believe it or not.
He loves fashion in the year of 2020.
He likes to just play this music and flakes down to you.
No?
These companies will do and then just insert whatever.
The Target conspiracy.
They'll have products that are other places as well.
There was a guy.
Why would they do that?
Yeah.
No one has seen this shirt.
I believe him.
Yeah, and it's true.
It's true as fuck.
Did you see the movie they made about it?
I can't.
I can't believe that.
Balenciaga's crazy for that one.
What's the pitch?
All Target did was make the kids gay, but Balenciaga, they sacrificed humans.
They sacrificed Christopher G. Has anyone, like, I feel like this is easily debunked by just finding the model.
Yeah.
But he went missing.
Oh, right.
He's turned into wax.
You sound insane.
You can't find him.
He's missing.
Right, right.
Because they said so in the TikTok, so it must be true.
The crazy thing is, is Balenciaga probably paid that guy to make that TikTok for like, you know how like all of these companies are like trying to do viral campaigns, like trying to fit in with the youths now?
Like the grimace shake.
People are like, that wasn't planted because McDonald's could never be that smart.
It was his birthday.
But they did.
But it was his birthday.
But they're like, how do we get our version of that?
I can believe that.
This is only incentivizing me to buy Balenciaga.
That's cool.
I hope they did do it.
I hope one in a thousand sweaters turns you into a wax figure.
Like Charlie in the chocolate factory.
That's like a Counter-Strike crate.
Oh, I wanted a knife.
A society where the people who didn't turn into wax have to live on.
And then they've all got like horrific backstories about like, my mom turned into wax and now I live on for her.
It's too realistic.
Yeah.
There's one thing to not include, by the way, in a clip like that is evidence that you can make a mannequin that good.
A movie where they did it 10 years ago.
Also, models have famously good skin and like almost like no blemishes and kind of look like, you know, maybe a really good mannequin at times.
Are you guys ready?
So part of the conspiracies QGI already about this.
I watched it earlier and I was like, this is real.
This is the most real thing that's ever happened in the history of reality.
Of course.
To support him.
Yes.
We have a podcast together.
Exactly.
And against your will.
And then, you know, I looked at some of the naysayers.
Yuck.
There's not a lot of information on it for such like a viral story and such a niche part of the of the internet that it's.
It's like only the crazies have gotten involved in it.
So it's like they made up stories about how, like he designed the jacket and, like Balenciaga kidnapped him.
And then anyone like have this guy's name at all?
Yes, his name is Christopher G.
I think it's like Chris, Something.
He has an Instagram.
I found it is he live?
Yes, very much, so wait, wait.
And also went live on Instagram and talked about how fucking stupid it was that people thought he was like actually missing.
But it doesn't end there.
No, he's missing.
Go back to that video.
Go back to that.
Can you hear the tick tock, move suspiciously up and down like a puppet?
Yeah, actually you couldn't see his mouth, which is a big part.
Oh, you couldn't.
He was like, wait, can we scroll down a little bit?
You saw, I will see what you saw.
Yeah, hold on, hold on, wait.
No no, not too much.
Someone basically in here, actually literally oh yeah, here it is, Jizzy Zero says he actually got on social saying that he's okay and he's not missing anymore, but I still believe the entire theory behind Balenciaga.
And then no no, look at the response, crazy, because they could have made him record that video before doing this flushed face.
It all makes you wonder it does.
Yeah, I was just thinking.
I was just wondering if I, if anybody else was wondering yeah yeah, so my thoughts exactly.
Elvis anyone to Park Cover-ups?
Famous people can't die, simply.
No.
Things can't be.
But this guy's not even famous.
Yeah, he's a moderately successful model for Balenciaga.
What was the claim that he had, he made it?
He designed it.
All that stuff is made up.
Will you go to his Instagram, March?
There's a whole trend on TikTok of people telling stories that aren't theirs that are like stories from Reddit.
It's not the crew of the first person.
Dude, I want to start doing that, but my friends' stories.
Yeah.
And then they'll be like, that's my story.
I'm like, no.
Well, this guy, I just want to lie about it.
I just did a video on this, and it's like a guy who he was like, yeah, people keep asking me about my wife who's in a wheelchair.
And I'm like, guys, I'm just a really good storyteller.
That's not my story.
And it's like, you told the story in first person.
Oh, my God.
Oh, there's our guy.
There's our man's.
Go ahead and pull up Resident Evil 4.
Christopher G. Wait, it is Chris Tyler, yes.
Underscore, 2S's.
You are.
Yeah, he's deep.
He's wearing Balenciaga.
Oh, shit.
He's made of wax.
Dun, dun, dun.
Oh, this will be good.
He'll probably.
And by the way, the funniest thing is, like, this happened in 2019 originally, but it's being picked up now.
Click on that one where he goes, live, live for today, plan for tomorrow.
Clearly dead.
He's dead.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's dead because he's fucking super dead.
All right, click.
Also, I love how a normal, like, cringy post now in this conspiracy.
Is this a mannequin of me?
164 weeks ago.
And I don't know if this is like his actual Instagram, but he did go live on Instagram.
I mean, I think it is his actual Instagram.
Yeah, he did go live on this Instagram.
I'm pretty sure.
I guess.
Yeah.
And he was just like, yeah, bro, like, people think that, like, people think that I'm dead.
And they made me into a mannequin or some shit.
And, you know, I always like the joke.
Like, there's that common meme on Twitter where it's like, if you show this to a Victorian era child, like, he would perish, right?
Right.
Like, and I like the joke that, you know, we have reached like medieval peasant status with like how fucking stupid people are because of TikTok where they think like ice giants are real.
I have seen that.
Those are pretty cool, though.
Yeah.
I mean, it makes sense now that there's been so much challenging of reality and so much like reactionary stuff on TikTok that now experts are being doubted.
So if experts are being doubted, then all fact is doubted.
So we basically do live in.
The guy that saw the giants also went missing.
Just saying.
He did not.
So that's another one.
There's always.
He's made of wax.
There's always like this element of like, oh, this guy went missing.
And then you find out like, no, someone just said that on TikTok.
Yeah.
And then people ran with it.
I'm going to start the rumor that Hassan's missing.
He's live all the time.
I'm going to do it tomorrow.
I'm going to do this big, elaborate video about how like he got taken out because of saying the word cracker or something.
Yeah, you have to, you have to play that song, though.
Otherwise, I'll be really convincing.
I just watched the Amber Heard documentary, so I can channel it.
Let me scratch this on in the face to reveal some wax.
Yeah.
He's not real.
He died.
What's that about, by the way?
They were like, do we really think this is wax?
Look, you can peel wax off them.
Yeah, I know.
That's wax.
That's what wax is.
Did you see that Asmond Gold was in the Amber Heard documentary?
I saw there was a piece of it.
Was it like pro-Amber Heard or anti-Amber Heard?
It was very good.
It told the whole story.
You leave it thinking, man, they're both, they both got some problems.
Damn, that was my position.
And that position is the reason why I'm still hunted by Amber Heard stands.
Guys, know, and it's funny because, like, I do agree with a lot of the Amber Heard stands, even on like certain aspects of the Johnny Depp saga.
Where, like, one of my favorite things to do is like, I'll look at like Johnny Depp Twitter accounts that still exist.
Like, no, definitely not cool clips of him, like, riding a pirate ship.
Britney Spears Divorce00:10:27
Yeah, no, no, they'll post photos of him, and they'll be like, he looks so happy, and it's just the most hurt man you've ever seen.
Have you ever seen like leathery?
He looks like he's been a wax, yeah.
Like, he looks like he got the Balenziaga treatment.
There's so many, all, there's already so many conspiracies about cloned people, you know, like uh, Paul McCartney is a clone, Eminem is a clone.
Oh, that one's real, though.
Avril Levine, Avril Levine, yeah, that's also real.
Oh, yeah, sorry, oh, sorry, theories.
When I said conspiracies, I meant confirmed conspiracy, yeah, confirmed that we've all been pulled over our eyes.
I scratched their face to reveal that they weren't working, yeah, that he wasn't the real one.
The Britney Spears one is all because I the Britney Spears one, I could almost buy because when they show comparisons, like her face does look really different compared to like most people's faces as they age, but also trauma can do that.
But there was like this DJ from Texas or something that was like given like hush money or something because I guess he went on the DJ line and he was like, Last night, I'm not the DJ line what the DJs do, and he's like, He was like, Last night I saw Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake get in a car accident and they both died, yeah.
And so I could believe it more if it didn't include Justin because I'm like, That's the same Justin.
Yeah, that's the same Justin.
Why was some fucking random ass DJ just like happen to be there as Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are dying in the car?
He saw it.
Oh, no, yeah.
Also, well, I mean, he did stand on the DJ.
He saw it and he took it to the DJ line.
I have to report this.
There's like a red telephone, like the one between fucking American presidents and like USSR breaking on the face of our DJs for the original commission podcast.
Yeah, so that's actually how I found out about the earthquake today was through the DJ line.
Yeah, the DJ lines never lie.
They're so good at natural disasters and also celebrity death sightings.
Get the VPM to match your heart rate so you know they're telling the truth.
Yeah, the thing is, what's really fascinating to me about that conspiracy is that like Justin Timberlake's clone looks identical to Justin.
Oh, right.
Justin doesn't have a clone.
But he died too.
I don't think he did.
I think it was a mistake.
Oh, yeah.
I think he was the DJ was just right about it.
It was just a mannequin of Justin Timberlake and he mistook it for the reality.
Because if you guys don't know, I personally saved Britney from her conservatorship.
Oh, thank you.
This is not even a joke.
Which, by the way, this podcast official stance is that like she still does need medical help.
Yeah, she does.
Like we don't believe that.
I feel bad I saved her.
Yeah, we don't.
We don't, this podcast official stance was free Britney.
And now that she's free, maybe we should shackle her a little bit.
But not in like a conservative stance.
I free the fifth on any opinions about these things.
Oh, I was actually just thinking about it, and I believe what the audience does.
Yeah, I believe what everyone that every individual opinion.
Dude, I fucking love K-Paul.
These guys are YouTubers, okay?
YouTubers are a different breed.
They do not engage in problematic behavior unless they're like only engaging in problematic behavior.
There's no like, oh, I did some stuff that was controversial.
It's scary out there.
Look, I love speaking truth to power.
You know what I mean?
I think Britney, can you just dub in the good oh bad?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, okay, the Britney Spears divorce thing is really interesting to me.
Like the Samasgari guy.
Do you see he posted like hiding from the stands?
He's like, help me pick my disguise.
Oh.
It was weird.
It was weird.
Help me pick my disguise.
It was like him with like terrible wigs and mustaches.
Like a dress-up DS game.
Yeah.
And then he's having fun with it.
He's having fun with it.
It's kind of odd.
I don't know.
Played a game of Sims.
Yeah.
I just don't get it.
Like, because she definitely is not doing all right.
Oh, I mean, I wonder if there's a prenup.
There is.
Okay.
And he doesn't get anything.
Great.
And so he's taking her to court.
Why?
Yeah.
Because his attorney is arguing that the prenup is not enforceable, which is probably not going to work.
And so he's demanding.
Y'all make sure to get one of those prenups.
What?
Yeah.
Fellas are on top.
Fellas can be gold diggers too.
It's 2023.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I mean, it's clear that...
It's so weird.
They were together for like six years, then they get married, and then a year after the marriage.
Conservatorship or the marriage?
Barrett.
They were like in a relationship, I guess, during the conservative show.
Oh, right.
And then the weird wedding stuff.
Did you see the wedding stuff?
No, what is it?
Oh.
March Police.
March, you might be able to find it.
There's wedding stuff with like Paris Hilton went, which like Paris Hilton and Brittany were like never friends.
Selena Gomez went.
Madonna went.
And there's like a picture of it.
So Britney Spears went to the wedding.
Britney Spears.
Google.
Britney Spears' wedding green screen.
And there's people that like point out like she glitches out and she's invisible.
By the way, I love conspiracy theories.
Cutie is a sweet.
I don't mean to.
So she has so many conspiracy.
They're going to be down in those TikToks, it looks like.
She's a treasure trove of conspiracies.
How this got back on topic to conspiracy theories is why do I keep catching stuff?
Okay, Selena, I love you.
See Selena.
From the DJ line.
The veil is laughing, okay?
No, Sam has a very, very amazing.
And like all of her guests are wearing sunglasses.
He can do all kinds of stuff.
I mean, go to his Instagram.
He shows it all the time.
He's an actor.
He's a writer.
He's a director.
He's all into technology.
I don't know what this lady is.
Like, all in the middle of the day.
What's going on?
I don't know.
She's being annoying.
I feel like this is like AI generated.
Yeah, so they're talking about how Britney disappears behind things.
And then whatever tattoo is on Madonna's arm, if that's what I'm saying.
Wait, what?
Does it appear?
Because she's pointing out Madonna's.
But the tracking of the sleeve when she lifts her arm up.
You see the tracking of her sleeve.
Boom.
First of all, it can't be a green.
It literally can't be a green.
She has green on her.
And to what end?
I mean, it would have to be like manually tracked.
A purple screen.
Yeah.
It's just a very talented proto-scopa.
Yeah.
It's like a college project.
Yeah.
It's like.
These are just very animated version of this.
I think it's more likely that all these celebrities attended her wedding because they're cloud sharks.
Yeah.
And Brittany was kind of popping.
I was going to say, it feels very like cloud sharky, especially if they weren't super wearing sunglasses because they have like doll's eyes, like a like a dea.
They have scary coke eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's Perzil and Madonna are the ones that are wearing sunglasses.
I feel like they would do that.
That's normal.
What is this like?
I feel...
There's like two sub-genres of conspiracy theory, right?
There's the one that's just compelling and cool and gets clicks.
And then there's one that's a cope.
It's like, I don't like the way this thing is.
So actually, that's.
Oh, yeah.
Like, no one in the world likes Leah Michelle.
Sorry, Lee Michelle.
Oh, right.
So they've all decided she can't read.
That one I like.
That one I like.
I like that one.
I like to believe that because it's fun.
Me too.
There's a part of me that feels bad for Lee Michelle.
I just feel bad for anybody.
I feel bad for everybody always.
I didn't know shit about glee.
I didn't know shit about glee, and then I found out way too much about what has happened.
I watched it back in the day.
It was like a big deal.
And it was just a big deal.
Yeah, it was like it aired after the Super Bowl.
And when the girls kissed, people freaked out.
My favorite is the what was it?
The Down syndrome school shooter.
Oh, that wasn't.
I don't miss.
I might have missed that.
What are you just saying?
I'm not even kidding.
That was like, I think, like, yeah, like someone brings a gun to school because of bullying or something.
Yeah, and I think he's like... Glee.
Yeah, Glee had a lot of weird stuff.
Later on, can you wanted to be degrassy, but with musicals?
Yeah.
He was looking for Drake.
Yeah.
Ryan, like, I feel like Ryan Murphy would have to do it.
Down syndrome shooter.
Yeah.
Okay, you have to watch this.
This actress.
It's one minute and 43 seconds.
You have to watch this.
Yeah, she brought a gun to school.
Oh, I watched this actually.
Becky.
Becky was kind of the best, though.
I like that you guys all just wiped this memory from your brain.
This guy could be Justin Clone.
I watched him.
No, sorry.
Sorry, Matthew Morrison.
You'll never be him.
I explained them to Principal Figgins.
I heard.
But I don't accept that.
Bringing a gun to school, that's not you.
I was scared, Coach, about gratuitating beyond a world with no one to protect me.
Honey, I told you you will always have a place here.
No, I wanted to be prepared and protect myself.
I need help.
Yeah, that's a wild shot.
Gonna stand by my actions.
Becky, give me the gun.
Where did you get that?
It's my dad.
I wanted to be wedding.
Oh, I know, sweetheart.
Don't worry about it.
I completely understand.
Just give me the gun.
So that's it.
This is how it ends.
Bro, she got the deep.
Oh, no.
No trigger discipline.
I'm sorry, coach.
I'm sorry.
She takes the fool.
That's why she's been taught.
She did a despawn.
I really liked Jane Lynch, but I think she did something weird.
I remember that too vaguely.
She writes at school.
So one of my favorite things is like old TV shows.
Is it just a slide?
Okay.
There it is.
There it is.
So it is right there.
Oh, hello.
Don't let her out, please.
Early 2000s TV Shows00:07:18
So one of my favorite genres of things that I am fascinated by, I guess, is like early 2000s TV shows that try to tackle complex issues.
Big fan.
Usually revolving around disability activism.
Oh, yeah.
Like, I think that's like one of those moments where it's like, why did you, why was the Down syndrome girl?
I feel like as a society, we had to go through that to like get to where we are today.
But we were really falling on our faces.
Like, you know, like Moment of Truth.
Do you remember that game show?
Yeah.
Yeah, I watched it on stream.
Where like...
Monkey Monk.
Yeah, Mark Wahlberg, friend of the us.
Friend of us.
The other one.
Mark Wahlberg, the other one.
Not as hateful.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, not the karate one.
Yeah, he doesn't have any karate hate crimes.
But yeah, no, there are so many shows like that where they try to do something good, but at the same time, every question for a woman is like about like slut streaming.
Oh, yeah.
Or it's about like body stuff or eating stuff.
Yeah, great show.
Yeah, insane show.
Guys ever dabble in, uh, 13 Reasons Why No No, 13 Reasons Why, as the show goes along, I couldn't help but watch it because it it becomes very self-conscious about the fact that it has nothing to say.
It never had any insights about suicide.
But then, as the show goes along, they have to keep it going because the show's doing well it's.
It surpasses the book.
The book is only like the first season wait, so like so I I, I don't know anything about this.
So what happens?
Like the person commits suicide?
Uh yeah, the one of the GGS main characters yeah she, she crushes it, minecrafts herself.
Uh okay, so what are you supposed to do after that show's over?
It's yeah, it's a lot of people laughing, supposedly just a show partying, you know yeah, but she dies and then she left 13 tapes, the idea these, it was you 13.
Oh, she died in the beginning.
Oh yeah, the problem was, is it felt like very revengey, like people were like oh, revenge suicide, romanticizing revenge suicide, like vindicated, she's the winner, like it's, it's a different.
Also, didn't it literally have like a noticeable uptick in teenage suicides after that show or something?
But they have to.
I think it's.
Every episode of the second season maybe opens with the cast along with Selena Gomez, a co-producer of the show, sitting there and literally with the least amount of spirit, going like you know, suicide's gay or whatever.
Like every episode, bro you.
Just you knock the wind out of the sales in that show.
At that point i'm like i'm trying to watch something where suicide is sick dog.
What's the final season?
Deranged, like every episode is this one has a school shooting.
I thought this one.
The character gets deported because the grape someone got graped around with.
Oh, my goodness, every season, season one is the.
Yeah, that's like the catalyst.
I remember there was something where uh, a scene was so poorly received that they had to edit it out of the show, like on Netflix.
I think it was a, you know, suicide scene.
There is a I used to trigger warning, but you have to start that at the beginning of the show.
We need to all sit down to talk about suicide before we go into that.
There is a fucking tutorial in that show.
Like the scene, at least when I saw it it's too.
It's so specific.
It's uh and it.
That's crazy.
They do the whole like you gotta go along the river, not across, like that type of shit.
It's on screen, though it was the same year that Logic came out with his song.
Oh dude, it counterbalanced it out.
Yeah actually, maybe that's the reason why people Logic agreed to come on our podcast and he killed himself.
Um waiters, we just got wait.
He was like, oh, sad boys, like I love that, i'm sad, i'm sad we.
Our pitch to him was, hey, we're Biracial too, and he was like, i'm in, we can still say the word on tour and his manager ghosted us.
But I think, I just think it would be really funny to have him on my fault.
I had to leave town like the day.
Oh yeah, they pitched us a day and then Jordan was gonna be out of town.
Damn it, you gotta make that.
We got.
I think we'll make it happen technically.
Is Bobby Biracial?
Our thoughts exactly.
Yeah so dude, the ordering, this ghost took us.
I think.
I think that song probably also contributed to the suicide rate increasing.
I think people heard it and they were like, dude, no enough.
It feels like nobody can make any kind of meteor about suicide without fetishism, because it's just what else you say?
You just say so sick, it's cool, it's the coolest.
None of none of you watched a Grassy.
No no, I only saw ads for it because it was on the In or Noggin and I didn't have that dude.
It was so sick.
Oh, it was like a Nickelodeon it was, it was.
It's the show where Toby, the guy Toby comes and he does a school shooting and he shoots Drake.
Oh yeah, and that's why Drake was, in a fashion, it's like a super early episode, because Drake was, Drake was in the hallway and he was like no no no, and then he shoots him in the leg and he was an all-star basketball player.
So it was really sad because now he can't play basketball anymore.
Jimmy.
Yeah, he shot him in the kneecap or something.
And then I believe he actually was it Toby?
No, Toby died.
Toby died in that.
Oh, it was actually tragic.
Yeah, because Liberty was pregnant with Toby's baby.
I have no idea what any of them are.
But also, really quick, March, Google.
Her name was Manny.
This is just important because I know we have a very large gay audience.
Manny, a thong, Manny Thong episode clip.
Something's wrong with my brain right now.
Just the series of words.
Yeah.
Sorry, we're awake.
This was an awakening.
My looks still.
Yeah, so she's going to walk away in the hallway.
There it was.
It was right.
It's like a save by the bell right there.
Yeah.
No, but like she buys a thong.
It's like a big deal.
Do you think they shouldn't sell this at the mall?
And they're like, this is crazy.
Then Manny wears it to school because she's being a little thong.
Yeah.
She wears that to school.
You're a teenager watching this and you're like, I could be.
I could be saying you could do it.
You mean?
I could be.
I could shoot Drake.
For Manny Santos, yes.
Wait, so that's what happened?
Sexual Awakening.
Toby saw the thong and was like, I'm going to.
No, Toby actually wasn't the shooter.
I lied.
Toby died by the shooter.
Oh, the exact top point of being way off.
But I remembered some of it.
Toby got killed by the shooter.
The shooter's name was something.
Ricky Rich?
We don't need to.
I think the shooter might have been right next to him in that picture.
His name was shooter.
This is like his best friend accidentally killed him or something.
We really, we really don't need to dive into Degrassi deep.
I don't know why we shouldn't.
I mean, Degrassi was a weird show because it was trying to do all the stuff that we're talking about.
But way before.
Way earlier.
Way before Glee did it.
Way before it.
I want to say, like, well, it aired for a really long time in Canada.
I think it could still be going.
Yeah.
I think you're right.
It's called Generations.
Yeah.
Drake is still in it.
Like in the canon somewhere.
Yeah.
He's like.
It's a high school show, so it's slowly.
Yeah, it like rotates out.
Yeah, it rotates out.
And so everyone remembers the cast that they watched.
The Era of 2400:02:05
But still, like 2001.
Let's bring it back.
2015 is wild.
We bring it back.
They have TikTok now and Body Dysmorphia.
Wait, it started.
Wait.
It started right after, like a month after 9-11.
Well, was Canada a dude?
You know what's crazy?
24.
Do you remember that show?
Yeah.
Fuck you.
Oh, yeah.
24 aired a month after 9-11.
Yeah.
Which the timing is insane for the most like pro torture.
I have, I have, I mean, I'm sure you know this already, but 24 was also stated as a reason for why enhanced interrogation is actually perfectly acceptable.
What?
Anthony Scalia, rest in piss, a Supreme Court justice at the time, literally cited 24 in his opinion for why enhanced interrogation is perfectly valid.
24 is the catalyst for like a very specific era of spy and agent stuff where it's nominally kind of lived up.
Like the born conspiracy or identity on that is the same thing where it's silently relatively progressive.
Hey man, the president's black, okay?
Yeah.
Now the villains, they're a different kind of brown.
Don't worry.
Like they were obviously the scary ones, you know, the TSA ones.
Yeah.
But the first season of 24, I was susceptible to it.
I was in college.
I'm like, this is really cool.
Oh, I was in high school.
I watched it.
And then I also listened to a podcast at the time.
It made fun of it, but it was like, but they were like watching it, like laughing along because it was so stupid.
Like the show is just like so over the top.
I never watched 24, but my favorite of that genre is Homelander or not, not Homelander.
Homeland.
Homeland.
Yeah, the guy from Billions is like a terrorist is like a Manchurian candidate style, like, you know, a person who has like been converted to the bad guy side.
And like the first season you're watching and you're like.
Homeland Spy Thrillers00:02:39
Oh, they're just straight up saying he's a terrorist because he's like converted to Islam.
Oh.
And every time he goes into a fugue state, it just plays like, oh, and like watching that, like we're giving it a rewatch recently for a friend's podcast.
I, I was like, god damn.
Like the only thing that they have him on, like the suspicion is literally that he's Muslim.
And like secretly.
And she's right.
I mean, yeah.
And at the end of the day, she is right.
He is Muslim.
Exactly.
And also a terrorist.
He did everything right.
Yeah.
I just, you know, there was a lot of that happening on TV post 9-11.
Yeah, it's so weird to almost feel like I snapped out of a trance where I was like super into that stuff just because it was what was on TV.
You're like bullying the kid named Ahmed in your fucking thing.
Great.
Thankfully there was no Muslims.
I was in class with all the like UF faculty's kids.
So there was a, it was a diverse group, thankfully.
Thankfully there was no Muslims in my class.
No, there were.
And that was like important.
I feel like for my own development as a high schooler.
I actually, I watched the documentary on the Boston bomber and it was so sad because one of his hotels.
Are you thinking of the right bomber?
No, I know what you're saying.
He's beautiful.
Not home.
Boston Bomber.
He's the sexiest.
He is definitely as far as like young comos.
The brother?
Which brother?
The older one?
No, the young one.
No, the young one.
Yeah.
That photo is like, that goes hard.
The young one.
Anyway, you're a problem.
You're an issue.
Go to TikTok, you.
Go to TikTok.
No, the Boston bomber, like his friend, when people pointed out that it was him, his friends was like, no way.
And the friend in this documentary had this long thing about like how there was such bad Islamophobia because of 9-11, especially in Boston and all that stuff.
9-11.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, I thought I said, I'm dyslexic.
I thought I said 2011.
I was like, that's not what happened.
9-11 happened in 2001.
And then you're the 9-11.
And so like, he was saying, like, oh, it finally been enough time that the Islamophobia was finally getting better and blah, blah, blah.
And like, you know, and all the friends in that friend group had really dealt with it.
And then come to find out, it does end up being an Islamic man that like just recently went back to Muslim and got radicalized.
Muslim.
Islam.
Radicalization and Islamophobia00:02:59
The country.
Islam and got radicalized Muslim.
Like, and then came back and did the bombing.
And he was like, it was just so sad for them because he was like, that was our friend.
No, I know what you mean.
I remember following the story because I was in college.
That's sad.
And I was like the same age, I think, at the time.
That long ago?
Yeah.
It was like 20 years ago.
You're like so old.
Yeah.
Sounded mean.
Yeah.
Was it that long ago?
I was, yeah.
It felt more recent than that.
No, but yeah, it was a lot.
I remember being in my plastic mattress in my college dorm and reading on Reddit, which is something you should never do.
But it was like one of my first experiences with that.
And I think it was one of the situations where, I mean, I could be wrong now because that stuff is super out of date, but where the brother also, like a younger, the younger brother was following along with the older brother.
It's that's kind of how that's kind of how when it went to court.
That's the direction they tried to go with it.
But even, I mean, the brother had some, the younger brother had some damning things as well.
The craziest thing was like they had all these bombs.
And at one point, there's like this standoff, the police first, the two brothers.
And they're in this road and the police are hiding behind cars because the brothers are legitimately throwing pipe bombs at them and exploding.
And so one of the cops jumps out, goes around behind the houses, and is now can see the brothers behind their car that have been throwing pipe bombs.
And so he just starts shooting.
The older brother just like charges towards him and is like that guy in Lord of the Rings that just keeps taking away with Boromir.
Yeah, Boromir.
That's what it is.
He's the ugly one.
No one cares.
Anyway, keeps taking the arrows, keeps taking the arrows, keeps taking the arrows.
He's going down.
And then like, he's, but this guy is just shoot, And then apparently the cop runs out of bullets and he's like, fuck.
And then the brother just starts charging towards the barricade of police officers.
Yeah, just charging.
And so they just start shooting him.
And then two come from the side, tackle him down.
Younger brother, the whole time, everyone forgets about him.
They're like, we're focused on freaking the jogger not over here.
And then, and then so the younger brother gets in the car that they were hiding behind, starts driving towards the barricade, full speed, and like they're on the ground handcuffing the brother.
And the younger brother drives over because the two police jump off because they see this car coming towards him.
He drives over his older brother and drags him like six feet.
And that's this, and like they described it as they ripped him from shoulder down to hip.
And that's ended up like wheels on either side.
Yeah, he like hit him.
And like essentially that is like the death blow was the younger brother.
Yeah, who then ran away and was missing for like two days before he found him in a boat?
Yeah.
Yeah, when I was looking at it on Reddit, I remember the younger brother was still missing.
And that was like, that was so crazy because everybody was like, where is he?
Cho Chang Death Blow00:13:46
It's kind of like when 9-11 happened, I didn't understand how war.
I was like eight or something.
And I was just afraid.
Every time I heard a plane overhead, I got scared.
In Gainesville, dog.
I didn't know anything.
To be fair, though, that fear that you had was in the heart of so many Americans that that is like half of the reason why police budgets are the way they are in, like these bum fuck little shitty ass towns where they have, like armored personnel carriers for no fucking reason.
But then I like, went to the fifth grade, you know, and then, like I grew out of it.
Yeah yeah, the fourth Harry Potter book came out.
Yeah, oh my god, he's like me.
Yeah, the goblet fun fact about uh, the anthrax, uh mail bombings that were happening when well, during 9-11 oh, I thought they were happening.
Now I was like, oh my god, no.
And then it's pretty easy to do, yeah, the anthrax was actually connected to my assistant.
Open my PO box.
Good look sorry, the strain of anthrax anthrax.
That was actually connected to the, the um, the mailings uh is very traceable.
Uh, it was connected to a facility utilized by uh, the uh.
I think it was the, the FBI.
If i'm not mistaken, it could be the FBI or the CIA and suspiciously, that evidence is never seen the light of day because they were burned.
If it's the facility right now, it's very possible.
They did it by accident, it was deliberate.
It was targeted to make everyone feel like 9-11 can happen everywhere, makes sense, So around the same time, remember whenever my mom would ask me to go open the mailbox, I would be scared.
And I would like shake the mail and stuff.
I'm so weird.
I was like a child.
You were such a fucking neurotic child.
I was just a neurotic child.
How old are you in that?
Like eight or nine.
All right.
Okay.
I guess that's the, yeah, that's like the uncanny valley period where you are as susceptible and you have access to information, but your brain is still motionless susceptible.
Adults who are explaining things to me do not have...
They're not good communicators about this stuff.
You know what I mean?
Like, they're just like, something crazy just happened.
Keywords sticking out.
I'm just like, what do you, I don't understand.
Like, I didn't know the difference between Iraq, Afghanistan, like any of these.
Don't worry.
Neither did George W. Booth.
I still get...
One of my biggest fears is accidentally saying something wrong where the FBI is like, well, got to take her out.
Like, I assure you, FBI, I feel strongly about nothing besides Taylor Swift being.
I love you so much.
Why?
You're the best.
The FBI could have.
It's such a psychotic fear to have.
What?
Hey, pretend you're Austin show right now because I said.
Yeah, no, no.
I am on your side.
I'm not afraid of cops.
This guy bought a house.
I just like, if I'm not afraid of the FBI coming in to kill me, like, you're so far.
Okay, conspiracy theory.
FBI killed Marilyn Monroe.
Definitely.
Okay.
For the record.
I believe this, actually, because she was fucking both of the Kennedy brothers.
She's crazy for that.
You go to Wayne.
That was crazy.
It sucks they made it wax or whatever.
Yeah, they did turn her flat.
FBI Balenciaga.
But then they like, the reason that JFK was like, whatever, the big government people were like, stop talking to Marilyn because she was also hanging out with like some Cubans.
And they were like, oh, no, she's going to be this, that, or the other.
And he was like, I will not stop hanging out with her.
And so they fucking killed her.
Yeah, do the impression.
Damn.
Pussy's so good.
Do the impression of the generation.
Kennedy?
Yeah.
I'm kind of southern.
I will not stop hanging out with her.
I did not have sex with that.
That kind of sounds like, yeah, Clinton.
That was some good ass pussy me and my brother both enjoyed.
It sounds like a lawyer.
I ain't no big city lawyer.
Now, listen here.
I do declare.
Notice his lover died and then so did he.
Whoa.
Like everyone that's like, JFK committed suicide.
Yeah, what if I accidentally?
What if I accidentally flirt with the wrong president and then all of a sudden I'm freaking dead?
How many presidents are you flirting with?
Any that I'll see.
What about the right president?
I don't know.
I can be in a coffee shop.
I'm charming.
Yeah.
The wrong one.
No, but I do.
Like if they're like, are you armed?
And then I'll be like, I'm not armed, but I forget a word and I'm like, I am armed.
And then they're like, light him up.
Like, it feels like if I'm shy and nervous.
Right.
I don't maybe.
Are you armed?
I don't know.
Maybe.
You're just a bad guy.
I have flarks.
I don't know what the...
What are you freaks?
What happy pills you're taking?
I'm on Lamote screen, have been for a long time.
I don't know what that is.
It's a stabilizer for bipolar stuff.
Oh, I take Klonopin.
Yeah.
Not me, dude.
Skill issue?
I had to go to Benzo's.
Oh, hell yeah.
You got an...
No, don't worry.
We'll talk about this.
I'll be fine.
But Lamote screen has this weird effect where it's a good stabilizer, but it also adds this tiny degree of clarity.
Like cleaning the house, for example, you don't necessarily do it obsessively, but you're able to structure things much more easily, at least than I could, which is part treatment, part the med itself.
But you take it too late or you forget to take it entirely.
It starts affecting your brain in ways that like it's genuinely difficult to describe.
My partner described the other day perfectly as the one time she forgot to take it and started driving, she forgot how to drive.
Like your hands, you kind of know what you're doing.
You're like holding her side.
If I got swatted and they turned up and it was the morning and I haven't taken my Lamotra dream, I genuinely would be like shit, but should I have a gun?
And I can, yeah, okay, whatever.
It's like you just think it's Nazi zombies all of a sudden.
You're like, yeah, let's go, baby.
Yeah, that's that's terrifying.
It's scary.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh, it's sick.
I'm fine if I don't take my clonopin.
I just forget that I exist as a human.
You can't shoot me.
I just start.
I'm like, this is a dream anyway, bitch.
Yeah.
What's another conspiracy theory?
What's a conspiracy theory you're logged into?
You'll be 100th on 100 thumbs up.
I mean, it's hard to even declare this a conspiracy theory.
I guess the anthrax thing would technically be considered a conspiracy theory, but it's not really a conspiracy theory.
It's one of those things where like they'll probably inevitably declassify it, you know, 25 years, 30 years down the line, and you're like, oops, we did that.
But I guess like Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.
That's one I don't believe is a conspiracy theory either.
He was depressed.
Yeah.
Dude, he was shy.
He was an empath.
He was no longer.
He had no friends in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, I just, I don't believe that.
Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah.
Giselle Max Lane Wells.
Lynn Maxwell.
She's still alive.
Yeah, because Jeffrey Epstein is the one that had all the blackmail.
Wait till she collaborates with Valencia.
See, this is why you shouldn't collect.
What if I accidentally collect blackmail?
Hassan?
You're worried that you're like going to be working alongside Masad and the CIA in like an operation where you have your sex trafficking minors that end up potentially allegedly having sex with Warlayer.
I miss my clonopin and I'm at a coffee shop.
They're like, will you hold this briefcase?
I'm like, of course.
Yeah.
Hey, my pleasure.
Kitty, would you like some compromise?
Yeah.
I mean, you'll be fine.
I believe in you.
They're going to be so embarrassed.
I'm going to be like, fuck.
How'd I get myself into this situation?
No, I'd be so mad.
I'd be mad as fuck.
I'd be like, why didn't you show me the blackmail?
Immediately.
What the fuck?
I would try to get it off of me and put it on him.
I deserve to live.
I want to know all the secrets.
Do you ever think about dying where like I kind of like when I die, I kind of want a checkpoint screen where in a video game would be.
Yeah, where you get all of the like itemized points from all the achievements you got in your life and then they tell me all the secrets I want to know.
Or like Intel found zero out of the market.
I'm pretty sure it just goes dark, my dude.
Probably.
But I can dream.
That's called MBMA.
I've got a whole plan.
No, no, no.
I don't think this is going to happen.
This is like what I want.
Like I wish I got like a like, congrats.
Love it.
It's going to happen.
You could join Scientology.
They could make that happen for you.
What if shit is real and we just do that?
Oh, yeah, like the TikTokers.
They're like, I am Ariana Grande or whatever.
I'm a Hogwarts.
Yeah, I just don't think that like if something is real, it's not happening on TikTok.
Like any other social media platform, I'll be like, yeah, maybe.
I'm like, if it's on TikTok, I'm like, fuck no.
No.
I'm not editing something on my phone if I could go like fight a hippogriff or whatever the fuck they're doing at Hogwarts.
Yeah, it's just not.
I don't want to be here.
You know what's crazy?
I was in like third grade or some shit and I had a dream about attending like sleep time dream.
Not like, I have a dream.
Oh, I wasn't quoting myself.
I'm glad to swear.
I wasn't quoting Margaret for their local phone.
No, I got that.
No, he wasn't.
No, no, no.
Go ahead.
Yeah, and you want to make it clear that you do not have that.
That'd be a cool thing, too.
He also got killed by the FBI.
Yeah.
Oh, there's a conspiracy theory there.
Oh, yeah, but that's like, that's I'm sleepy time dream.
I go to Hogwarts and me and Malfoy have this thing.
Like, you know, he's kind of into me.
I'm kind of into him.
It's a whole thing.
Blah, Fast forward, like sixth grade.
How old is third grade?
I don't even.
I'm like eight.
Two parents are going through a divorce.
I'm like, you know, coping.
I'm in the Hogwarts at night.
That's all of us word Hogwarts at night.
It's okay.
Fantasizing about Draco Malfoy puts your current boyfriend in like a much different consideration.
He's not mean enough.
Oh, you want him?
I mean, I didn't meaner to me.
Okay.
If I could have one request from Ludwig, please be meaner to me.
He's like Draco Malfoy when he's being old soy.
And he's just like, you have to kill him.
I give, you know, credit to J.K. Rowling about all of her beliefs.
No, just kidding.
Mudblood is a really good slur.
Oh, it sounds so real.
It sounds like I would not want some of the cars.
She had that dog in her.
Yeah, for sure.
She was very good at that.
She fully interfered.
The books that kind of mid, and then like you get to slurs it.
She's great.
Yeah, what the fuck?
She nailed the slurs real good.
And then, and then like Asian carriers, Cho Chang.
Not great at that.
No.
That was my crush when I was in the middle of the day.
I was Cho Chang.
J.K. Rowling.
It's a good one.
Jake Rowland.
I love Milfs.
I'm in sixth grade, and someone was asking me who my third grade teacher was.
And I was so, that dream was so convincing that I was like, I didn't go here in third grade.
I went to Hogwarts.
And then they looked at me like a crazy person.
And they were like, you need to get on clone.
No, but then I sat there for a second.
I was like, I'm joking.
And then I was like, oh my God, that was just a really convincing dream because then I realized I was like, oh, yeah, my, my teacher was Miss Smith.
And I did.
You would be a TikTok girly.
If you were like 14 right now, you would be a TikTok girl.
I know I would.
I'd be lost.
Oh, you'd be so crazy.
You'd be like making the most unhinged Taylor Swift conspiracy theories.
You'd be leading the charge on the Swifties.
To your credit, I had a dream when I was that age that there was a $20 bill under my bed.
And when I woke up, I checked under my bed to see if it was there.
I didn't remember it until the sixth grade and then go check in about that.
So that was the extra leaf.
Also, one's a little bit more believable.
One's a fictional universe that you imagine you went to school in.
Also, the fictional universe where I had money as a child.
It was pretty fictional at the time.
I believe it was in sixth grade that MLK went to go do that speech.
We had the dream three years ago.
Yeah.
I'm a little backwards.
Not now.
My funny story.
My sister, who looks like me, by the way.
She has brown hair, though.
Shocking.
She's like four inches shorter than me, looks like me.
I've never met your sister.
You're never my sister.
Will I ever meet your sister?
Maybe.
Okay, good.
You're not immediately.
She's a mom of five.
That's awesome.
Because she's Mormon still.
She's very, very sweet.
But she auditioned for the role of Cho Chang.
What?
I love it.
She filmed an audition.
I wish I could find the audition for the life of me.
No one else?
Just Cho Chang.
No, because she was like a big theater kid.
She was a big theater kid.
She was actually really good.
Like, she'd get all the main kid roles, like, you know, Annie and shit, you know?
And she like would perform.
She traveled.
We grew up in Washington, but she performed in the Olympics in freaking Salt Lake City.
Like, she was pretty talented.
She wasn't part of the Hogwarts.
She wasn't transrapped.
Not talented enough to be Asian.
So then the Harry Potter movies come out and she loves them and she like relates with Hermione because she's like nerdy and she's got frizzy brown hair.
And so my dad was like, audition.
And she was like, for what role?
And so they went to the casting website and they were currently auditioning for Cho Chang.
And so.
And nothing else?
No other female roles.
I guess not.
I don't know.
Well, she needed the lead.
It would be a lot funnier if Hermione was available and she was like, no, Cho Chang.
Scarlett Johanness Talent00:02:44
Who?
That's my shit right there.
She submitted a reel and she submitted headshots for Cho Chang.
And I thought it was hilarious.
Even when I was a kid, I was like, that's crazy.
You're trying to get that.
I don't.
I have no clue where they are.
If I did, I don't know.
I'm pretty sure she did a British accent too.
I thought she did a British accent.
Yeah.
Broken Asian.
Any makeup done at home?
No, no, no.
Taped her eyes.
She gets it way wrong.
It's like a kimono.
I don't think she's.
I don't think she did any theater after that either.
So I think that broke her.
It's kind of fucked up.
It's kind of fucked up because, like, oh, we're making fun of her, but Scarlett Johannes is a girl boss.
You know what I mean?
It's messed up.
Oh, my God.
Did you guys know Scarlett Johannes was 17 years old and lost in translation?
What?
How fucking nuts is that?
Oh.
Yeah.
There's one where Kieran Knightley is like 16.
Oh, isn't it Pirates of the Caribbean?
It might be.
Oh, my God.
Could you imagine?
Sorry.
Fantasy for a second.
I don't know if this is appropriate.
What?
I'll say it out loud.
What are you?
What are you saying?
Let me finish it.
Oh, wait, Eric.
Keep it from behind the paywall.
Keep it for behind the paywall.
You're about to get unhinged.
Patreon.com slash fear and what do you guys want to promote before we leave?
Because we're about to do the paywall portion.
Sad boys podcast.
Sad boys with a Z. Wait, I had to say something for the Patreon, too.
Patreon.
Or not for the patron, for the normal.
Am I on the normal still?
Normal still.
Guess what?
I'm working really hard and I have found a company that will actually ship out tier two things.
So if you're tier two, you will start getting stickers and shit.
And body pillows are starting to be produced as well.
So I'm putting in work.
And Hassan's doing nothing.
I'm not doing anything.
But just so you know, we did find a company.
So soon, hopefully within the next month or two, you will start getting things.
Woo!
Hell yeah.
Do you guys sad boys podcast?
Yeah.
Patreon.com slash sad boys also.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
We'll see you on the other side behind the paywall.
I have beef with a fear and viewer.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Also, I want to hear the thing that you were doing.
Also, I'll do that thing too.
But I had my first stand-up comedy show.
Whoa.
I know.
I'm talking about your bonus.
We were talking about other shit.
Why are you mad?
Such a good.
I'm sorry, we talked about stuff.
Wait, that's so sick.
You guys do like a preview of the bonus on the main.
That could be good.
There's your clip.
And so I did stand-up for the first time in front of an audience.