Fear, Diablo, Austin, and Cutie Cinderella debate Japan Pride logistics amidst Cutie's flying phobia and Taylor Swift hyperfixation. They dissect the Master Baker finale's homophobia accusations, Riot Games' strike ethics, and Diablo 4 Hardcore deaths. The chaotic banter covers everything from "wife beater" fashion to a Bud Light protestor refusing service, ultimately highlighting their contentious dynamic where personal trauma clashes with gaming culture and political satire. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Natural Beauty and Makeover00:08:49
You know you can what?
Oh, I said I know I can be attractive.
I just don't try very hard.
You are attractive.
Yeah, but if I had a if I had a princess diary style makeover, that'd get this hair.
You look hot hot.
Cutie, you are an I can do it.
I just have to like.
You are what the people call a natural beauty.
A natural beauty.
Did you say I can do it?
I just have to put on makeup.
Yeah.
Well, you're the only girl who has to do that, right?
No, everyone does.
Well, I know, but like, I'm usually too tired.
And I also have bad sense of style.
Look, I...
I do.
Of all people, I have the worst sense of style here.
I'm just saying, I could have an amazing makeover moment.
People be like, oh, guess, what happened to her?
And the next week I show up in sweats again.
Cutie, you're a stone cold fox, and we all know.
Stone cold fox.
It's very true.
With Rosacea.
We all have our faults, and that's freckles.
Yeah.
Yeah, but freckles are cute.
I have acne.
Okay.
It's covered up with makeup.
Can't even see it.
You got dumbass muscles.
Look, I don't know.
Muscles are out.
Guys, we are a wreck this week.
We're the worst versions of all of us.
I'm a DGM who's been playing Diablo for 48 hours, just came out of a cave.
Hazan's not paying attention.
He's not even here.
Cutie's being on the podcast.
And Austin's too gay.
I am completely disassociated.
Well, I think I have...
Can't see that.
I think I have this disease called MND.
It's like a form of ALS.
How did you find that?
Because Google put up an article, and so I thought I had it because my wrists are like weak this week.
My wrists feel like weak.
What's up, everybody?
I hope everyone's having a great week.
Kaya just pooped.
So I was originally going to put her in the crate, but like, I know you're supposed to be like doing some fun.
I don't know why we're doing free promo for a solo pro by live you.
You're supposed to just like show them a good time after they do the right thing.
They've been a good girl this day.
I love to show you a good time after you poop.
Dude, dude.
That's what bidets are for.
I don't even want you to show me a good time while I'm pooping.
I want you to show me a good time in the fucking in hell.
Okay.
That's what I...
Yeah, dude, it's so good.
He's got the sickness.
Oh, dude, I know.
You want to know how fucking sick and disease in the brain I am?
It took me like two hours to finally download Diablo and like get it running on Steam Deck because it's like I had to learn Linux.
What?
I had to learn like Linux is an operating software because Steam Deck uses that, right?
I learned all of that shit.
I fucking downloaded a bunch of apps, put it on the Steam Deck, and I was too afraid to play it because it's hardcore.
And if I die, I die.
And I was like...
Yeah, we need to explain what's going on.
Okay.
So anti-game.
Yes, I know.
I'm going to explain to you guys what's going on.
Diablo.
My stepdad used to play Diablo.
Diablo?
I told his son.
One and two are like goaded games.
Yeah.
Mount Rushmore of games.
My stepdad used to play them and make chili, and we'd go down to his house.
He lived in an apartment building, but it had a pool, so it was cool.
Was this the guy that was?
This is when they were dating.
No, that's my stepdad.
Oh, fuck.
Anyhow, anywhere flash forward.
The next two Diablo games.
Three?
Three and Immortal.
Uh-huh.
We're bad.
Kyle's on the podcast.
So Diablo 4, everybody was kind of waiting with like bated breath to see if it was good or not.
I'm one of the biggest Diablo fans ever.
Really?
You should have been a good one.
I probably did with my stepdad.
I probably put like thousands of hours into Diablo 2.
You can literally do it.
Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?
Will is talking.
I'm going to text my stepdad and see if he plays Diablo.
I'm muted now.
Unmute yourself, idiot.
Hassan, we are 25 minutes into the podcast.
Have you played the news?
We are 25 minutes in the podcast.
The first 10 minutes, you're walking around.
Anyway.
Oh, I'm sorry.
One day I fucking behave like Austin for good reason, by the way.
All of you were late.
Anyway.
Go ahead.
The first thousand people to hit level 100 on hardcore get put on a statue.
Wait, have you done it?
No, no one's done it yet.
Because if you die one time, your character gets deleted.
Pull up a clip of me after I played 25 straight hours and my character died.
You can see on my channel recently.
You can see my heart die.
How many hours?
It's kind of sad.
Because I was top 20 in the world at the time when I died.
Oh, so are you just screwed now?
There's our chance.
There's hope.
There's hope.
No, you get like boosted back up.
Like, you can get boosted back up by your clan, by people that you know.
If they haven't died, they can give you a leg up, basically.
Has anyone helped you?
Yeah.
Well, I've basically been grinding it out myself, but here you go.
That's it.
That's the one.
Watch.
Watch how fast this happens.
I can see one unit and I don't have my dash ability up.
And I just go, oh, no.
And it's over.
There.
That's it.
Look at his face, though.
Kaya's pissed, too.
See that?
See my heart die?
That is awful.
Yeah, Kaya.
I get it.
She agrees.
What?
Being unruly.
I'm going to create her.
So I have my last two brain cells working because this has been my life for the last three days.
That's sad.
I'm so sorry.
It's been really good.
I will say I've not been able to reach Will in the last couple days.
He's busy.
And Marsh, same thing.
Marsh, Will said he'd call him back three days ago and still hasn't heard from him.
Well, we're booking the flight today.
Yes.
Oh, speaking of which.
Furan's going to Japan.
That's right.
Fear Ann is going to Japan.
All of us.
I think we should wait for Hassan to have this conversation.
No, we can't.
Hassan's been absent for the first 20 minutes.
Yeah.
Good.
All right.
You know what?
Fuck it.
We're just going to keep going.
I've always said we're better without him.
Yeah.
Last week's episode was our best.
This might be our worst.
Yeah.
We are off to an amazing.
We are off to an absolutely tragic start.
I thought it was this podcast.
Well, look, here's the deal.
Fear and is going to Japan.
We are all, except cutie for some reason because she can't get on an airplane.
Going to Japan.
I'm going against my will.
I was forced to go to Japan.
You don't have to go.
By Hassan and Will.
I was forced.
I was forced by Marsh, Hassan, and Will.
He's weird.
Austin just wants to be included, but he also wants to make it feel like he's doing a favor for everyone.
That is not true.
Just say thank you for coming, Austin.
That's not true.
We're so grateful.
That is not true.
That you're going.
Thank you for representing me in Japan.
Look, I son of a bitch.
I.
The fucking microphone.
Look, I really didn't want to go to Japan, but I'm going.
You don't have to go.
No, I must go.
Hassan and I are.
Wait, Hassan, did you plug in your...
I told her I would remind you.
But if you don't do it.
Guys, everyone remember as soon as this podcast ends, he needs to plug in his mom's car.
My car is not my mom's.
Order me a salad.
What?
What is going on?
Okay, listen, listen.
I've been very absent from everything because my life has basically been taking care of this unruly fucking demon in my.
She's doing her best.
She's not doing her best.
She's actually very demonstrably doing her worst because as you very quickly noticed, she's a very smart girl.
She's a very smart girl.
She's cute, though.
She needs her uncle in her life.
I just need a strong male influence.
Aunt Cutie was not.
Aunt Austin is the worst.
Excuse you.
I don't even hang out with her.
I gave her a level two puzzle, which, like, I think in her age range is like...
My dog Swift has that level two.
I saw it.
Yeah.
She fucking...
What do you mean, level?
You have to move these little things.
It's a level two puzzle.
What's level one?
It's like little boxes.
Guys, this would not be an episode of Fear Ant without March getting up and adjusting the camera.
They have dog levels?
Yeah.
They have puzzles.
What are the...
I don't understand.
Explain to me the levels.
Levels of difficulty.
Like, the first level, level one puzzle.
Level one puzzle is basically action reaction.
You fucking move it, boom, you have something.
You have a treat underneath it.
Level two puzzles are where you have to do two different separate movements.
So it's basically your dog connecting the dots with two separate.
Hoboken.
It's a place in New Jersey.
Level Two Puzzle Explained00:15:08
True.
Why do you know that?
Because that's where Carlo from Kickboss lives.
You thought Chicago was in the state of Chicago.
Chicago, Chicago.
Very random that you would know Hoboken.
No joking.
Yeah.
Oh.
I know Hoboken.
From you.
Yep.
I only know it from you.
I was in New Jersey.
Hey, Austin, how goes the apartment hunt?
Oh, he's staying with us.
I was just talking to Cutie about this.
I found a great apartment in West Hollywood.
Nice.
Yes.
I already got it.
I'm here.
Is it my house?
Yes.
It's my house.
Okay.
I do.
I got a great apartment.
We're going to have to withhold all of Austin's checks until he already sent the wire on Friday.
Well, that's the last one.
Look, why do you care?
I'm here all the time.
I'm just saying.
I'm going to not be here.
I'm going to be here the same amount of time because he would be.
What was that promise?
Oh, you don't remember the promise?
I don't remember that promise.
Okay, I remember the promise.
What is the promise?
I think, wait, then we would get a part of a $10,000 bet.
Yeah.
What was the bet?
Cutie Cinderella gets on a plane before you rent an apartment in Los Angeles.
I was so close to losing $10,000.
I'm so close to losing $10,000.
No, you're not.
She is 30-minute flight to Vegas.
No.
Don't you?
Wait, you're just trying to make $10,000 off of me.
That's all he wants.
The NRA lady's plane crashed today.
Private.
That wasn't.
I know, but I think Hassan might know that she owns the NRA.
She's in the NRA.
She's in the NRA.
Millions of Americans in the NRA.
She's in the NRA and her plane crashed today.
Private plane or a Cessna?
A lot of times.
Cessna.
But it was chased by F-150s.
There's no way that the Cessna's go like...
My cargo.
You're calling me.
Yeah, but why was it?
Cessna's drop like fucking flies.
That's crazy.
Anytime you hear about someone dying in a plane crash, the likelihood that it's a Cessna is infinitely higher than like...
It's because there's junior pilots.
Why do you think it was chased?
Or they fly it themselves.
There's no way it was just they might have had a mechanical emergency.
Chased.
I think it was someone stole it.
Chased is like a huge.
What are Cessna saying?
People thought there was an explosion because of the F-150s and their boom.
Cessna's?
Oh, the Sonic Boom.
I don't know how you just came off a shift and you don't know about this.
I was playing Diablo.
It's Sunday Funday.
Okay, so I purposely yell at Chatter.
This podcast is done.
We're playing more Diablo Kitty.
Wow.
It's Diablo time.
These two boys have Diablo brain.
Yes.
Uh-huh.
Well, I have like half Diablo brain, half Kaya brain.
Like I was saying earlier, every single moment of my life now is dedicated to ensuring that this unruly fucking demon, who is very smart, by the way, unfortunately, will be receptive to my guidance and me being the leader.
But unfortunately, because my mom and dad are here, they, without realizing it, basically give her everything.
So she can hold her pee in and stuff.
We take her out periodically, once every two hours, usually, which is like even more frequent than what she needs to go out for normally at her age, three months old.
And she has only peed in like angry peas, like stubborn peas.
Like when she got up here on the arms, I was like, oh no, she's going to do it again.
That's her thing.
She gets up on the bars and pisses.
Farley was potty trained in two weeks.
That's what I mean.
Like, it's just dependent on the personality of the dog.
Like, sometimes.
You could have gotten a small dog.
No, I wanted a big dog.
Yeah, and this is what you get.
Well, Fish was a big dog.
He was very well potty trained versus.
Yeah.
And totally.
We got caught in a cage.
There is shit everywhere.
It's time for an intervention.
There's no shit anywhere.
Not like that.
He meant no shit.
Just like a bunch of crap everywhere.
Like, I couldn't even find a place to sit at the counter yesterday.
You're being so dramatic.
I'm not being dramatic.
I mean, how do you?
You are dramatic.
Is this a Cessna?
I do.
No, that's a Cessna.
That's the place.
That's a Cessna citation.
This crash.
That's a citation.
That's a jet.
And it's a little bigger than a Cessna.
That's actually kind of surprising that that's the jet that crashed.
That makes sense that that makes sense that they chased that one because that one's actually fast.
Who's chasing?
So this would happen in Virginia.
You know what happened this whole time?
I had to sit here like a dumbass.
I just need to see you drown a little bit.
I got it.
Okay.
What?
You were never getting in the box.
Yes.
No.
Look, look, no, I'll get in the box.
Cutie likes a challenge, right?
She doesn't like me to suck up to her.
I've been sucking up to her, and it's time to change.
You haven't sucked up to change the strategy.
Oh, he's been sucking up to you.
I've got people making fan camps to get me in the box.
Anyway, there was a Cessna citation that got chased by fighter jets in Virginia, and then the citation crashed.
We don't know what happened.
We don't know why it happened.
Is this separate to the explosion, the supersonic boom?
The supersonic boom was the jet breaking the sound barrier to go chase it.
To go chase it.
Is that true?
Which is awesome.
Which is so.
I love American stuff like that with our fighter jets and breaking the sound barrier.
It's awesome.
Like, why do you need to break this sound barrier to like eviscerate a fucking village in Yemen?
You know what I mean?
You don't need any of that shit.
Hey, no politics on the podcast.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
Talking about our military industrial complex is actually no politics, please.
We're just trying to enjoy the 4th of July is coming up in one month.
I mean, I love that shit.
All right, let's get back to the main topic at hand.
Fear and is going to Japan.
Minus Q, Cinderella.
Wait.
Minus Q, Cinderella, because she refuses to travel.
Yeah, well, okay, so Hassan tells me I have to go to Japan.
He garnishes my wages.
I had to buy a very large ticket to Japan.
This is true.
And this is Pride Month.
Okay.
This is the first Pride Month.
Oh, I did this deliberately.
Post-pandemic Pride Month, okay?
That I could enjoy.
And instead of enjoying Pride Month, Will, I am going to Japan by force.
You're going to Japan?
I've been enjoying Pride pretty much round the clock for the last few months.
Yeah, for the record, yeah, you should enjoy it less.
You should be less proud.
I haven't done anything because I've been working all day long.
I think you'll agree to that.
Did you just put your hand behind your back to do this while you were saying all that?
I'm itching my back.
I think we can agree to this.
Yes.
We should each have a list of demands for Hassan because we're going to Japan with him.
I agree.
Oh, my God.
First of all, you don't get a say in this because this is your first time in Japan and this is going to be a unique experience for both of us.
I haven't booked a ticket yet.
If anything, you and I are having our little pride month in Japan, whereas he's going to be in the third wheel.
I want a dozen twinks at my hotel.
I've talked about this already.
Before your demands.
One gay bar trip while we're in Japan.
Yes, that's already going to happen.
That's already going to happen.
Let me just explain something.
That's ridiculous.
And, Hassan, I want to let you know I've been doing a lot of work in Japan.
I have the application form.
For the sumo wrestling?
No.
Listen to this train boy.
What?
To ride the MO super mag lift.
I thought it was impossible.
I have the application form.
I'm trying to put us on it.
How?
Working on it.
It's a choo-choo train.
It's not just any choo-choo train.
It's the greatest invention of all time.
It's a mag lift.
It's like it flies.
It's a train that flies with magnets.
And it goes 350 miles.
Yes.
Why don't we get one of those?
It's the new level.
That's a good one.
That's funny.
We can't even get shitty trains.
Yeah, what do you mean?
What?
I don't know.
I don't know what's wrong with America.
Our trains go 25 miles an hour.
It's fucking a lot of money.
You know what's wrong with America?
It was built on automobiles.
Yep.
Yeah.
Technically, America was literally built on railroads and they still exist.
It's just that, as Will correctly pointed out, the automobile industry eviscerated domestic transport.
I'm voting for the next president that will give us trains.
But I'm working very hard on getting you on this train, and I might have to abuse all of our social clout to do it.
I will literally, I will kiss the conductor.
I don't even give a fuck.
I've seen the video of it.
Yeah, I have.
It's incredible.
I've got a conspiracy theory.
We are going to Japan.
We're spending tens of thousands of dollars so Hassan can ride a fucking train.
Well, I didn't even know we were getting on the train.
That's a gift I'm getting.
He just explained that to me.
Sorry, Austin has a bad attitude.
Austin has a bad attitude because I'll admit, I'm doing this deliberately.
Let me explain why.
Austin doesn't get any more demands.
I get demands.
Wait, here's my demand.
Here's my demand.
You gave me my demand.
Here's my demand.
Well, you gave me my demand.
We split the live streams equally.
That's an insane demand.
Look, I. How is that an insane demand?
That's not an insane demand.
That's not an insane demand.
We can do that.
Look, I was like.
You are grimacing.
No, I'm already thinking in my head, like, I'm doing the mental calculus of like how we can split the live streams in my head.
What do you mean?
Just different days, different ones.
Let's live stream.
We don't have to do that.
You don't have to split them evenly.
We'll just do one on my channel.
Okay.
You don't get a live stream.
That's ridiculous.
I don't get a live stream.
No, you don't get a live stream.
I don't think he needs one.
Okay, here's what it double-sucked.
Here's what we're.
Okay, we're going to talk about that.
Can I just get through this?
I'm kidding.
I don't want to get a significant thing.
Okay.
Here's what.
That's not something I'm going to do.
Yes, he does.
He does.
Last night, Austin and I had a conversation.
It was a private conversation.
I'm revealing it right now.
No, it's on.
You can't.
He goes.
He goes, do you think Japanese twinks will be into me?
And I said, and I said, no, they're racist.
And he has been more upset.
He was already like iffy on the trip.
And ever since I told him that, he's literally been like looking up ways of refunding his ticket and trying not to go to Japan.
That is a stretch, okay?
That is a stretch.
He's like, he thought.
He's turning so red.
He thought he was going to, he thought he was going to have a bunch of like Japanese twinks be like, oh, you're so muscly and American.
First of all.
And I told him.
Just twinks.
Okay.
Why do we have to say Japanese Twinks?
Okay.
Look at this guy.
I mean, he's all of a sudden.
He all of a sudden, come on.
They're twinks just like globally.
Come on.
We don't, we don't assign.
We don't see culture.
Well, regardless.
That's not.
No.
Oh, then he said.
No, we do see culture.
We respect culture.
We need a different culture.
You're colorblind.
That's what you're saying.
Judy, he started this.
Why are you talking about?
I didn't get.
Oh, shit.
Austin, you'll be a novelty to somebody.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll get you some novelty, Boozy.
Look, I need no help from you guys.
I can do it myself.
Yeah, no, you won't.
I promise you.
They're going to be like, what?
No, I don't speak English.
Get the fuck away from me.
I don't hit on people.
Okay.
I'm respectful of people.
You're going to hit on people and be responsible.
Okay.
Well, let me just explain why I think this is important.
The lower courts of Japan recently legalized, slated to legalize gay marriage.
Yes.
But it's probably not going to pass through the spirit courts in Japan because Japan is a very homophobic country.
They have some like civil bonding.
Like you can be gay in Japan.
They don't like kill you for it or anything, but you can't legally be gay married, which is why I thought, you know, where do we spend half of Pride Month with Austin?
In that country itself, specifically where the tweets there will not look at him because he's an American white man.
Yeah.
Well, look, you know what?
I think it's very homophobic and Hazana's taking great pleasure.
I am taking your time.
I'm going to file for chapter 11 bankruptcy because he's run me into debt.
Yeah.
Or this trip.
This trip alone is putting me over the edge.
I also have an idea for a stream.
Here it is.
Go to a pachenko parlor.
What's pachenko?
It's like a Japanese version of gambling.
Okay.
And no one can leave until you finish a pack of cigarettes.
What?
I love that.
You have to love it.
Chains smoke and gamble until you finish a pack of cigarettes.
I can't smoke.
And you have to hold the money up like this with a cigarette in your mouth.
Like, I can't smoke.
Well, it's going to take you a while.
Well, I will vomit.
Two cigarettes.
There's no way.
I took one drag of a cigarette in Amsterdam and I dropped it.
All right.
Then you have to, you have to.
Because I was like, you have to take a shot for every cigarette in the pack.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to black out.
Yeah, there's 32.
There was 32 shots.
32 shots?
30 shots?
I honestly think the Pachenko stream will go crazy.
It's hard to find one where they let you stream, though, unfortunately.
Let's work on that.
You can bribe.
You can bribe.
We can do that.
I'm still thinking about the half and half streaming thing.
Hajan.
No, I'm kidding.
I am the one who needs these.
I already know what I'm going to do.
Well, first of all, I'm going to wake up at six every morning to live stream on my desktop.
Good.
I've got it.
And then after that, I usually have, like, the way it works, this is what I did in Japan last time.
I live stream every day from 6 a.m. Japan time to like 10 a.m. Japan time on the desktop.
Then I swap over to the IRL stream.
And then on that IRL stream, I usually will go to like Akihabara or something where we look up weeb shit.
This is going to be a new experience for you regardless.
So it'll be fucking awesome.
It'll be fun.
You won't need to stream it.
Even more fun.
No, What I'm planning on doing is what I was thinking is like we can swap it.
We can double swap it and then we can do IRL right after on your channel after.
And I'm here and I'm there.
By the way, Spooky is going to send me some of his favorite bathhouses in Japan.
Wait, what's up?
We need to go to an onsen.
What's a bathhouse?
An onsen.
Oh, we're going to go wash our dicks.
A real con.
Oh, I'm not going to make it in front of you guys.
Oh, yes, you are.
You have to.
Fuck, I'm not going to be able to.
You have to.
It's cultural.
Ludwig, Aiden.
You guys have much bigger dicks than just Fat Cox.
Sorry.
I am not seeing your dad.
You're going to be fine.
I will never be here.
Austin.
My dick is not big enough for this.
I mean, it is, but I have to get hard before.
You can't get that hard part of those fucking.
What?
No.
No.
That is not a liar.
Guys, I swear to God.
There's like Yakusa there.
They'll kill you.
I am not going in there.
It's not Yakuza, though.
They actually don't allow me at that time.
I'm trying to.
I'm trying to get it.
I am not.
Look, I am not going nude into anywhere.
I'm too modest.
I'm far too modest.
Okay, okay, okay.
We do have to do a traditional RioCon experience.
I will do something in a towel.
That's the farthest point.
Cutie, what are you going to do?
Cutie, what are you going to do while we're so hot?
I'm going to do everything you guys do, but here.
So if you like, go to sushi, I'll go to sushi.
You go gambling, I'll go gambling.
Uh-huh.
You guys go to Japanese.
That's really cool because we already have a plan mapped out to knock you out.
Yeah.
Cutie, you're putting you on a fucking plane.
Your boat leaves in one hour.
Yeah.
Better go now.
See you guys in two weeks.
Yeah.
Cutie, you got to come to Japan.
I'm not going to Japan.
I have a question.
What?
Modesty vs RioCon Plans00:08:05
If we take you to like an airstrip and a plane just does this.
I don't like it.
Could we try it?
No.
That's a good place to start, though.
Do you ever want to get over this phobia?
Guys, we're not spending another 20 minutes talking about my phobia.
Okay, okay, one second, one second.
My last question is, do you want to get over this phobia?
Not at the moment.
She does not.
I'm working on other things right now.
Cutie, what if I were to tell you I've been in contact with Maddie Healy and we are going to hang out with Taylor Swift in Japan?
Yes, that's absolutely correct.
What if I were to tell you...
Mattie Healy's so mid.
Who cares?
What if I were to tell you that Maddie Healy, who's going to be on the podcast?
He's on the podcast.
It's going to be so awkward for me because I'm going to be so mid.
And with Taylor Swift.
They're in Johns because you're lying to me and lying to watch me.
I'm not lying.
She's not going to Japan.
She's in the middle of a tour, idiot.
She's taking a break from her tour.
They're so rich.
What do you think?
She's so busy.
If you knew your lore, you'd know that he flew all the way from Philippines to visit Taylor while she was doing an Arrows tour.
Well, that's, yeah, he came to her like the little bitch that he is.
I'm just saying that she's also doing it for the Fearan podcast.
She's not.
She's going to be the Fearan guest and you're going to miss out on it.
This isn't going to work.
You're going to miss out on it.
What would you do?
Would you get on a plane if that was the case?
No.
If I could get that done.
I'm not that.
That's a lie.
You would want to.
I'm not that desperate.
I'm not that desperate.
You bought like a $50,000 box.
She said, not that desperate to fly.
Not that desperate.
I know I bought an expensive box.
We are in such big trouble if we can't get QD on a plane for Taylor Swift.
Cutie, we actually need to get you over this phobia.
Guys, I'm working on other things.
You know what?
We need to hire a therapist.
Like what?
Like, like other things.
You literally set up like 11 different events that you need to put together.
You need therapy twice a week.
We needed a third time.
Cutie, you need to include us who are in your events.
Your therapy?
Your therapy is not working.
I'm busy.
Imagine I asked you to come to Massbreaker.
Listen, the fact that you didn't ask Austin and I to host Streamer Awards was a, it was a black.
I host streamer awards.
That's actually very true.
You should have stepped out of my face.
I think it was supposed to be like a women-led women.
I'm going to say it.
I'm going to say what everybody was thinking.
It was lacking male representation.
That's true.
That's true.
I thought about it a little bit.
Streamer Awards.
I was like, wow, there are so many women here.
There are so many men that could be on here as well.
That's what I think too, always.
When I see women in a position of power, I'm like, why not a man?
Yeah, I'll consider it, guys.
I'll consider it.
I'll consider it.
You know what?
Like, you're considering flying.
Cutie did.
Cutie did give me a spot at the streamer awards when the cameras were completely off.
I did.
Well, thank God.
Did he see the shirt you're wearing?
Oh, my God.
Well, they can smell it.
I have a huge issue.
What?
That meme is going too far.
What meme?
Austin.
The smelly shirt meme is going way too far.
It wasn't a meme as a reality.
It's going way too far.
I posted a TikTok of the smelly shirt, and the search thing at the top was Austin Show B.O.
This is what people saw when they came to my page.
I'm going to Google, does the Austin show smell?
Oh, God.
Let's see.
Well, the thing is, you made your bed.
Now sleeping at all.
I have a question though, though.
They've been going to TwitchCon Paris.
Yes.
All of us are going.
I'm not fucking going.
Will, why are you going to Japan, but you're not going to the most important is awesome?
Because to be honest, Twitch is not providing anything for anybody.
I don't know if they're providing shit for you.
I'm contractually obligated.
They are providing shit for me.
I have to go.
Also, you're a part of.
Twitch has already done.
Twitch already set up a meet and greet.
Because.
Yeah, I'm also.
I hijacked his meet and greet.
Yeah, once again.
And Twitch didn't even ask you.
And we're like, yeah, Will will be a part of it.
Yeah.
It's the Will Nev Austin show Hassan Piker meet and greet.
What?
Yeah.
Why am I not in the meeting and greeting?
I paid.
That was my reaction.
Why a play?
No, to be fair, Twitch did ask me, and I was like, yeah.
So are they going to put my ass up or what?
I don't know.
You ask them.
Will, you're a partner manager.
They won't put...
I'm paying for everything on my own.
He's lying.
No, I am.
I swear to God.
I'm not going to lie.
Excuse me.
I have eight hours to give a shit about Paris.
Will, you need to come to this event.
To be fair, Paris does.
Paris is me.
It's like Paris is just like a little bit better than London.
So he's not wrong, but there's a lot of streamers that are going to be there, so it'll be fun.
Yeah, it's going to be Will.
Come on, be social.
What happened to the old Will?
Don't fucking...
Don't you fucking open your mouths.
Wait, why are you pointing to me?
I didn't say be social.
You got mad at me for nothing.
I'm out there touching the flesh, hanging out with people.
In the real world.
Oh.
When's the last time you went out with some real streamer folk?
Not in a good way.
Real streamer folk.
Okay, okay.
Well, he touches flesh too.
I touch flesh more than anything.
Yeah, I'm not talking about penis flesh.
No.
Oh, wow.
He's being homophobic.
You said it for years.
Yeah, but you repeated it.
Look, I touch a lot of flesh.
You said it louder.
I've been to Texas a couple of times.
You have too.
All right.
Been to Texas a couple of times.
I've been to West Hollywood.
All right.
I've been here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sick.
Okay.
Look, I've touched.
I've been to West Hollywood.
I'm at every TwitchCon.
Every TwitchCon since 2020.
I like TwitchCon.
I do.
I like it.
I would have probably gone even if I wasn't contractually obligated to go.
Well, you got to be at this event.
God, fuck.
Well, that'll be not good.
You know what?
Neither am I. Neither am I. Fuck it.
Me and Marge are going to Japan.
Let's go, baby.
Dude, I tried to.
Okay, I went on a campaign to convince Hassan not to go to Japan.
I went and I started.
I started lobbying.
I called Will and I was like, and I was like, I called Marsh.
I was like, guys, this is really expensive.
And what did I say to you?
You kind of were agreeing with me, and then you betrayed me.
I said, if you are not comfortable going, don't go.
I know, but I can't not go if you guys are going.
Why?
I'd be left out.
I've got FOMO.
Oh, God.
I'm spending tens of thousands of dollars because I don't want to be left out.
All right.
Which is, by the way, why she's saying have the podcast pay for it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
The podcast already is.
They did, but technically, we're all.
I mean, you're paying for this trip.
I should.
I should pay for it.
Okay.
She's paying for it.
Okay.
That is true.
As punishment for not going.
Yeah, I should.
We should divide up a lot of the costs from QD's end.
Yeah.
Okay.
Take it out of mine.
Fair.
I'm not working.
She'll do anything not to fly on the plane.
Jesus Christ.
I thought you would say something to stop me.
Don't phase me.
In fact, let's just tax QD.
I don't understand why you...
Well, first of all, I am not even listening to Will being like, oh, I don't want to go to Japan.
Because like, dude, it's everything.
Can I be aware of that?
It's everything we've ever imagined, Will.
It's our dream.
I think it'd be so good for your friends.
I have travel anxiety.
I'm cute.
And I have big event anxiety.
You know this.
Yes.
Where I build things up and then my manic depression, which is real.
Yes, and people forget.
I've seen it.
Manifest in a very strange way.
No, no, no.
This will be you will.
And Japan is like the prom queen.
And it's like all of my dreams and ambitions of the way the world should be and the fun that I should be having.
Oh, you will have it.
Live in Japan.
And if I go to Japan and it's not a good time.
No, it's not impossible.
I will commit Harakiri.
It's impossible.
This is not even a question.
You guys will make so much money on my death.
Before I, before I get 24 hours, I get a little bit of travel anxiety too.
I don't like leaving my house even.
And I don't like leaving my rigid work structure.
Before I went to Japan, every single person said, Hassan, when you go to Japan, like even if you have your expectations set super high, it's going to beat your expectations.
Japan Dreams and Harakiri00:06:56
And that was real.
If we went to Japan and we didn't do anything, we just walked around the streets.
I promise.
And we went to like fucking 7-Eleven.
But we're going to do stuff.
We are going to do stuff.
We're going to temples.
But even if we didn't do any of that stuff, you would still have a 10 out of 10 experience.
I promise you, I have the same exact disdain that you do for most European cities with the exception of Amsterdam.
Stay at home.
We're going to have four days.
No, not four days.
10.
I was lying to you on the phone because I wanted to exaggerate it so you didn't go.
Never trust him.
He is a gay man.
He is deceptive.
Wait, I have something important.
Each of you have to bring me back a souvenir from Japan and then it has to have a story.
I will take a Polaroid of the three of us nude at a bathhouse.
I'm not getting naked at a bathroom.
Austin will not be hard.
We already have a huge bag.
That Polaroid is probably worth more than anything else.
I will not be naked at a bathhouse.
You are going to get naked at a bathhouse.
I don't like.
I'm going to bully you relentlessly.
I don't have a good flaccid-looking penis, period.
No one cares about your flaccid penis.
That's why you're naked.
Are you sitting there?
No, dude.
No!
What?
No, the intense.
Everybody's looking at each other's penises.
No.
Why else would you have them out?
To bathe!
Apparently, like Ludwig's bit to get over the awkwardness when they went to the bathhouse was prominently like shoving his penis out.
Like he would like point at things and just stick his, like, a pregnant lady.
Look, I mean, Ludwig's spread water.
Let's clear up any controversy, okay?
I have a fine-looking penis.
It doesn't sound like there's no controversy.
Everybody, I don't want the one thing about that.
You're doing the BO thing again, Austin.
You're doing the B.O. thing again.
You are going to, now all your TikTok relevant surge is going to be Austin micro dick.
Okay.
Do you want that?
Now you just started it.
No, I didn't.
You're the one who's saying it.
Stop saying it.
You know what?
Now all your TikTok things are going to be Hassan smaller micro dick.
Okay, fine.
I don't give a shit.
Hassan's got a tiny penis and everybody knows it.
I don't care.
I dated a porn star and she talked very openly about my okay.
Well, I'm going to go date a porn star and they're going to talk very openly about how well endowed I am.
Okay, well then we'll talk.
Not when I'm flaccid, okay?
We'll talk.
Austin, no one cares.
Everybody's talking about it.
It's already a relevant surge on TikTok.
Austin, this is what you do.
You just shave your pubes in a crazy way that all they can do is talk about your pubes.
Okay, there's nothing wrong with that.
I love that.
There's nothing.
No, there's nothing wrong with my penis.
I'll be naked at the bathhouse.
Listen, Austin.
Austin, all you got to do is give it a little fluff.
You don't want to be hard.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
A little fluff.
Yeah, slap it around a little bit.
No, you said you were going to be a rat.
I think they said rock hard.
If I remember.
I'm going to be very uncomfortable naked.
I don't want to see you guys naked.
It's just going to ruin our relationship.
Just like if Hassan was gay, that would ruin.
You've seen me.
I've seen your dick, but that's your dick is...
Look, when you got a dick, I think that's literally the reason why he doesn't want to get it.
I think he might be the problem, Will.
When you got a dick like this, my dick is nice, but it's not like, it's not like fucking whitezilla.
No, this dick is nice.
You've seen it, haven't you?
I've seen his penis.
Has you seen his penis?
No.
I've seen it in the fucking pictures.
I mean, it's like not the pic, like the iconic boxer photo that you, you know, what you were doing.
I'm so sorry.
Are you deep faking or something?
No, no, he's talking about my outline.
I'm going to grab a water.
He's talking about the outline of my penis.
I'm sorry, kitty.
Cutie, I'm sorry.
Cutie, we have been talking about penises in Japan this entire time, and you're not included in any of those.
I get the paycheck.
Could I get a water tube, cutie?
There's water here.
And guess what?
Oh, it's the dominant water.
There it is, water.
Loretana.
I cannot wait for Austin to drink three calculated sips from that and then leave it right there.
I will not be.
It is such a pet peeve of mine.
You do it all the time.
After every fear and so far, I've always collected bottles from where you're sitting, and it's always just three sips.
Look, Hassan.
Jesus Christ.
Hassan, I got a pet peeve of mine to share with you.
That's worrying.
You don't pay attention.
It's true.
I could be talking to you for 20 minutes and you'd be like.
Okay, fair.
The Hassan face he does is actually amazing.
Okay, I have a double pet peeve.
Oh, yeah, what's that?
This motherfucker doesn't want to stare in the Airbnb with us.
Yeah, he wants to stay at a freaking hotel.
Look, okay.
I'm going to stand up.
I'm going to stand up for myself.
He said, one shower.
One shower.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For five people.
Yeah.
I'm going to, I'm going to partially agree with Austin.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Because Japanese hotels are very cool.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And the reason you want to stay in the Airbnb is hardwired internet, which I will take advantage of when I am playing videos.
Yes.
Yes.
But Hassan wants really good.
Hassan selfishly wants to stream at 5:30 in the morning.
It is his job.
Yes, but that's selfish.
You wouldn't know about that.
Okay, look.
I put in my time, okay?
I put in my hours.
We realized I'm the only motherfucker who makes him work all the time for a season.
By the way, another list of demands stream.
Can we do drag in Japan?
Yeah, like geisha.
I want to do it.
Geisha is a little cultural, I think.
Okay.
But I think Harajuku?
Yeah.
Like full Harajuku girl looks.
Who do you think would look better?
I mean, I still, you know, yeah.
No, no, no, because geisha's additional.
The problem is, I went there.
I don't fit in anything dude.
You're going to love every part of it.
I'm so excited.
Will, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
I asked cutie who would look the best in drag.
I think Will did the best if he would have had a wig.
Wait, pull up my cute.
Who looked the best in drag?
You said, wow.
You looked awful.
Hassan looked like the ugly, the ugly one in Shrek.
You know what I'm saying?
I looked sexy as fuck.
My vampire drag that I did recently.
I actually looked pretty hot.
The problem is he actually goes for looking as since you had like the short hair.
I could have got over it.
I'm sorry, ladies.
I'm not attractive to short hair girlies unless you're Ruby Rose.
Then yes, I am.
I would look horrific in drag.
He got eliminated first when he did drag.
That was awful.
Yeah.
I'm down to do that.
We got to be able to do it.
I certainly can't.
You have to also go.
We also have to go to AAA in the next couple of weeks and get an international license for $25.
I'm going to play Mario Kart.
So we can do Mario Kart and Mario Kart.
Which I don't even know if I'll be able to fit, but we'll figure it out.
Yep.
Do you think if we got the internet to bully you for not going to Japan, that would work?
No.
Can we do sword fighting?
I'm down for everything.
Kendo sword fighting would be a great stream.
I'm down for everything.
I'm so open to all of it.
When I went last time, I didn't really do anything.
Mario Kart License Hunt00:12:59
I just experienced it.
Have you contacted a sumo duomo yet?
No, I have not.
Sumo Duomo.
Stable.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Sumo stable.
And the championships are happening currently.
If I'm not.
Oh my God.
can go to a oh i just want to have you see a great fight and throw my mat have you seen sanctuary yes it was awesome so good netflix uh passion i was seven episodes sumo that i watched like hundreds of hours of sumo stuff afterward what the okay well do you care about anything like this i'm i don't care about anything like this and i really like taylor swift i don't care that much You definitely care way more about Taylor Swift than he cares about fucking sumo.
I have a box in Denver and I've been debating like not going because I don't know if I want to drop it.
Cutie, this is a one week hyperfixation.
This is a one week hyperfixation for him.
Your whole life is hyperfixated on Taylor Swift.
That is insane.
Really?
I think I have depression.
Cutie.
I feel like there was a quote one time.
I'm laughing where you said, oh, that's not a color that Taylor Swift mentions often.
And then you pulled data.
That's a fascinating document.
And you pulled data of the times that Taylor Swift just mentioned every color.
Yeah, but you know what?
Maybe I have depression.
That's not an out here.
I feel like I don't care that much about Judy.
Why does depression?
I have depression.
I don't know.
I was born with it.
No, but you mentioned that.
Maybe it's Maybelline.
Recently, your depression's a little worse.
I think whenever I do these events, I check out.
Well, actually, do you want to know something heavy?
Are you ready for heavy stuff?
Yes.
I'm ready for it.
This is whine about it all of a sudden.
Something heavy.
So not Austin's penis, right?
Yeah.
Show us your dick.
Wait, not heavy?
I didn't get the joke.
It's not heavy.
We're saying you have a skinny penis.
Look, everybody knows my penis size.
Okay, Hassan, tell them.
It's seven and a six.
Six point three quarters.
No, six and three quarters.
Six and three quarters, and it leans slightly to the, it's, it's good girth, but it could be a little thicker.
That's right.
Show us your dick.
I'm not, I'm a grower, not a shower.
Most men, come on, men, back me up in the car.
I am also, we need to go to a grower, not a shower.
We sidetracked cutie's trauma to time.
I'm also a grower, not a shower.
I don't want to see your penis.
Trauma.
We're ready for some.
My son wants to show me his penis.
That's why he wants me to go to the bathhouse.
Sure.
This is a perfect segue.
One time there was a guy who wanted to show me their penis and I didn't want to see their penis and I was six.
And that's what I'm working on with my therapist right now is a pedophile.
And I'm so sorry.
No, it's fine.
It's like funny.
We should worry.
We should.
But weirdest thing ever, I didn't realize if you have been affected by a pedophile and you're a child, but now you're an adult because I've always just thought it was funny, right?
All my trauma, I make jokes out of it.
My therapist has been like, bad, don't do that.
For the first time in my life, she had me like tell the adults in my life about it.
And it felt weird.
It felt like I was a kid again being like, I don't want to get in trouble.
Isn't that weird?
Is this part of the therapy?
So weird.
It's part of therapy.
Yeah.
Well, good for you.
So I think that's why I'm extra dissociated.
That's why I'm like, I don't care about Taylor Swift.
I don't care about.
Let the world burn.
I feel nothing.
Cutie.
Damn.
What the fuck?
Anyway, we're fine.
What the fuck?
That was crazy.
Welcome to whine about it.
Well, what?
Well, Kitty, no, thank you for sharing.
Shut up.
I'm trying to be supportive.
Dude, you are so...
Yo, he puts this on so much.
Like, we'll be like, one moment like, yeah, you know, I'm fucking.
I'm going to have some man, butt, you know what I mean?
And then, like, next moment, next moment he's around a woman.
He's like, oh, sweetie, let me handle every single thing.
You code switch like a motherfucker, bro.
I don't know how you do it.
Dude, I was nervous.
See?
Look, you did it again.
Look, look, I like to be supportive of women because, you know what?
A lot of straight men like you guys don't support them like they do.
Okay.
You are literally gay because you're a misogynist.
There is nothing more misogynistic about being.
You think I'm a misogynist?
There is nothing more misogynistic than being like, oh, women, I don't even want them for anything.
I named four women on the last time that you asked me.
We had this conversation.
Austin was on the finale of Master Baker, and I think it encouraged everyone to be homophobic.
Like, I think this last episode was an issue.
Wait, why?
Because of me?
Yeah.
What did I do?
You were just there.
That's your behavior.
You were just there and everyone became homophobic.
Wait, what do you mean?
What did I do?
They both made gay cakes.
I know.
Okay.
Okay, but that's not my fault.
I don't know why.
Okay, she's making it seem like my actions made them like Pride Month made them extra gay or homophobic.
It's like in between.
Cutie Cinderella's, I heard like the Supreme Court.
They made gay cakes.
You better stop that.
They did.
They did.
You know what I told them?
They made gay cakes.
You know what I told them?
She had a competition.
The last two, they were making cakes.
I thought the best, I would have chosen the team that refused to make a cake because I was gay.
That's the team that I would have chosen to win.
Yes.
Why am I making people homophobic?
Look, Cutie, I think that that is incorrect.
I was not even doing anything gay on the show.
There were so many gay jokes.
They made the gay jokes.
I was trying to stay away from it.
I don't believe you.
I think you walked in and you're like, sorry, I'm late.
I wasn't at the Abbey.
I'm cooling it on the gay jokes.
You're like, sorry, I'm late.
I did not say that when I walked in.
Sorry, I'm late.
I'm gay.
You said that.
Cutie made that joke.
I don't know.
I'm going to lay it off the gay stuff.
Okay.
You're wearing a tank top.
You're wearing a black wife beater right now.
I think I've been a little bit.
With a choker.
Can we call them wife beaters with gay guys?
Wife respectors?
Yeah, women respecters.
Yeah.
I need my arms.
You literally already took your shirt off last episode.
You loved it so much because the attention you got.
You just straight up came in here.
By the way, my editor posted a TikTok of me taking my shirt off completely flopped.
The worst TikTok I've ever had.
It happens sometimes.
I think he's wearing this tank top right now because he didn't want to wear the Letterman's jacket on the podcast again because that's what he was wearing today.
And I think we shaved him out.
I have a problem, and it's I'm an outfit repeater, and I need a professional designer.
Pause.
Cutie, super proud of you.
Whoa, stop that.
We are.
I don't like that.
Oh, God.
That's super hard.
You're fine.
Do you want me to do the reverse?
Like, why the fuck did you say that?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, good.
Yeah, that was weird.
No, I'm kidding.
No, that's.
That takes us tremendously.
Shut the fuck off.
See, notice how when he said it, it sounded genuine.
And then when you said it.
Look, you do what I do.
The reason it doesn't feel genuine is because you're homophobic.
No, it's look.
I, much like you, can't come across genuine when it's like in a, in a, you know, consoling.
I can come across genuine and you just won't let me come across genuine.
No, I think part of the reason I'm genuine is I've had some talks with cutie and some of her struggles remind me so much of the stuff that I had to do and went through to get my mom right.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
I just disassociate like a motherfucker and then I don't remember.
I have a feeling I don't remember this whole week.
That seems healthy.
Yeah.
I genuinely think I'm being sarcastic.
I should be a tattoo that is a problem.
I should.
Oh my God.
I don't remember.
Wait a minute.
Fly on a plane, bitch.
You won't even remember it.
Yeah, that's it.
I like how you just went to respect your trauma to calling her a bitch.
This is the third podcast in a row we've called Cutie a bitch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's a term of endearment.
That's true when you call Kyle the F word.
And that was weird.
Why do you keep doing that?
Because she's being an F-word.
Also, we're juicing up, Cutie.
I love your jacket.
Yeah, that's a good jacket.
You know where I got it from?
Cole's.
It looks you're working.
It's crazy.
You know every kid can be Austen.
You could use work.
Cutie, you're working it.
I love your hair.
I don't.
I straightened my hair today.
Can you believe that I humided out it's?
It is humid and I yeah, I get it.
Austin, are you getting grays?
Yes, i've always had grays.
Don't make him.
I've had grays since I was 25.
Why would you say that?
Because it looks salt and pepper.
It looks like you know.
I do have a couple grays.
Yeah handsome, I do, i've had.
You're about to be you're about to be a silver fox, is it?
Is you don't want to go to bath because you have gray?
Public, i'm no one.
I do not have gray pubes.
I did not have gray pubes.
Dude, I swear to god, this podcast is like giving him new anxieties every week.
Look, I look i'm not in.
So much fun, though.
I've had grays since I was 25.
That's crazy cool yeah cool no just, it's really weird.
I have this, you dye your hair what?
No, he just started.
He just started a new.
He just wanted.
No he no, but like you, you've dyed, he bleaches.
Yeah, I have this weird thing that I cannot explain.
That is like I guess it's Scottish Dna.
I have two strips of gray that run like that in my beard.
It's like right here, I can see it to right.
Yeah, you can see it.
I don't know, it's so straight has a gray spot in his beard.
Yeah bro, what is it really right here?
Yeah, but mine almost looks like I dye this.
That's kind of like in the same way that they make fun of Joe Dirt because his hair grows in a mullet, basically like it just grows in.
I'm ready for the Silver Fox phase.
I haven't even had fun in the other one.
You can die if you want.
Oh no, i'm not die.
Dye your hair.
Oh, you could just die.
Cutie got today.
Cutie was toxic, I need a tan, but i'm not dying my hair.
Cutie, when are you uh, when are you scabbing and joining a league team dude?
Did you guys see that drama?
Yeah dude, the summer league, like it, you're not gonna.
No look, it's never.
Look, i'm gonna.
Let's talk about this.
I want to talk about this.
No, it's because you want to talk about it, I want to talk about it.
Okay cutie, what do you?
What are your thoughts on what's going on with legal legends?
I wish I was, i'd be down to play, but then i'd be disrespecting them, you know.
No, I actually had a theory.
If we scab, we're so bad at the game uh-huh, that we'll drive people away.
So, by scabbing, I thought about that too, but I thought about it waiting for me to take seat on the LCS stage.
Do you want to do?
I do it with you.
I kind of want to do it.
No, you guys can't scab what the we're scab.
Scab, put us in.
Who wants us cutie?
What's a scab?
Okay fine never, just forget.
A scab is a actual labor term where uh someone, when there is like labor action happening, when there's a, when there's a strike happening.
Oh, my god.
Davidi showed me this article, but it was in Italian, so I obviously didn't understand what was going on.
Right, games was a strike, right yeah?
Yeah, he showed me the article the day at breakfast.
Double Lift had a very double.
If take today, though I I was double lift.
I love double lift.
For the record, I'd like to make this very clear.
I love that guy.
He said essentially, like, I just want to play, fuck the kids, which is so funny.
Not good.
It's not good for the sake of like scabbing and unions and all that stuff, but it is, it's a gamer.
He's a gamer at heart.
Yeah, he just wants a game.
He just wants to game, dude.
Yeah, he said that today.
Well, the Players Association does not have the regular powers that like the NBA unions would have, like the Players Unions would have.
Right.
And Riot controls everything, including the game itself.
They could literally just shut down these players from even playing the game ever if they wanted to.
They could IP ban them.
So it's a unique predicament.
We'll see what happens.
They have all the cards.
It's entirely up to them to be nice.
I was supposed to be like a host this week, and we have to delay it because what is he doing?
They're running the running nightmare.
They did it.
Jay Dill is back.
We're back, baby.
The race is on.
Let's wrap this shit up.
Is your computer like- Shut up!
Will Neff is texting his clan.
Okay, listen, I might have one of the most popular clans in the world now called the Gape Lads.
Gape lads.
I'm a part of it.
Not gay plaids.
Oh, no, gape.
Like gaping and asshole.
Gay lads.
Like gape.
Well, you can have a gaping vagina, too.
Usually it's just like referred to gaping.
Wait, what?
What was that?
Was that...
Can you not?
Gaping vagina.
The Gape Lads Return00:05:39
He is misogynistic.
That's why he's gay.
Look, that's not true.
Don't believe what he said.
I'm sorry for my outburst.
No, it's okay.
I'm an addict.
Is your phone?
Is your computer logged in right now?
Are you getting points at least?
Yeah, you're fucking up.
You should have the gate boys fucking running around while you're sitting in town just collecting XP.
What is wrong with you?
This is missed opportunity.
If he died, he'd be screwed, though.
No, but he's in town, right?
You can just like sit in town.
No, can you?
That was silly of you.
Text Caroline right now.
I love Caroline.
Uh-huh.
There's so many things that she is vibrant and excellent at.
Uh-huh.
You're about to trust me.
You don't trust me.
If she logs into my account in Diablo Hardcore, she will die.
Yeah, okay.
That's fair.
I love Caroline.
And our relationship will be ruptured in a way that I don't know if I can.
That's fair.
If I got you killed on Diablo, would you...
I'd break your knees.
See him.
Dude, are you kidding?
Did you not watch his soul?
He looks so angry.
It was literally released earlier in the morning.
Actually, what could I do to ruin our friendship?
That.
But besides that, not get naked at the bathhouse.
I'm going to see that cock.
I'm going to look regardless.
You made a thing out of it because otherwise they wouldn't look.
No, they're going to look regardless.
No, I'm going to be laser.
Now we're putting it under a microscope.
That sucks.
You need a microscope.
That's not what I've had to do.
I've always been modest, okay?
Seriously, ever since I was a kid, I didn't like taking my shirt off.
I'm the same way.
You don't like taking my shirt.
Yes.
I don't like taking my shirt off.
I didn't like to change.
Yeah.
Whatever.
And I've always been this way.
I'm modest.
I don't like people, unless I'm having sex with them to see my penis.
I'll sex.
We have to have sex with them.
We're going to have to have sex.
We're going to fucking.
Human centipede in Japan.
I'm serious.
Human centipede is not sex, cutie.
Have you never seen that movie?
It can be.
A lot of ass eating.
It can be.
But that's a good point.
If I have sex with somebody, what?
Oh, I thought you said the human centipede thing was a good point.
That's actually a good point.
If you guys were to be a human centipede, who is the head and who is the bottom?
Who has to be in the middle?
I'd be the lead of the centipede.
I would definitely shove in the back.
Of all these three, I definitely would be the bottom.
You get shoved in the middle.
Don't.
I keep him telling you this and you're not.
I would be double teamed by both of these.
That's what I'm saying, but I mean it would not be enjoyable for me.
For the rest of the I would be.
It would not be enjoyable.
That is in fact.
That's a nightmare.
Yeah no, you guys know, if you guys give me crazy ideas, he hates nightmare.
He is gonna be teaming.
He's gonna be starving for male.
He's gonna be starving for male affection.
Once we go to the gay bars and none of the dudes are looking at him, he's gonna be like, what's wrong with me?
Look, I'm gonna surprise you.
Do you think I speak Japanese?
Yeah, go ahead.
Okay, you just said, thank you very much.
I would like a sandwich, thank you.
That's, that's good.
That's what I'm saying.
Unless you know how to say cock sandwich, that's not gonna work.
A Cookamita, yeah uh, cocka sundochie.
Nope, that is not well.
Cocko Sandowichi Wanagashimas.
Are you really not gonna come to Twishkani?
You, I don't think so dude, you should come, cutie.
Tell him he should come.
You should go.
It'll be so cutie, you should not be in this conversation because you are coming as well.
News flash, we're knocking you out twice this month.
We gotta get you.
We gotta get channel playing.
Kitty, really gotta get channel play, you've gotta we.
The segment the the, the people in the comments, they hate it.
What if I talk about airplane?
What if I?
Uh, i'll get a Cutie Cinderella tattoo?
Oh, I will get, I don't need it.
What will that do for me?
Okay, we'll get.
We'll get slime tattooed on our body, I will.
I listen, if you get on that plane, what?
I will find a way to knock Ludwig out and we will make a youtube video of us lasering the slime tattoo off his body.
God, and I know you want that.
Well, lasering takes multiple appointments.
Actually, it's great, not if you knock it brutally.
And also, we can knock him out multiple times.
Okay, that's kind of fun.
That's interesting.
What if we did convinced Ludwig to get a cover-up of a Cutie Cinderella tattoo over the slime?
He would never.
He would never.
He loves slime, so much.
I'll offer, i'm okay with you.
Think he'd give.
Get a tattoo of me.
No no no, no one's getting a nostalgia, literally no one.
I think Ludwig and I have a connection that you will never have.
Yeah, I mean, it's true, because he loves her and you, I don't know he.
Oh, by the way, can I make?
Uh, speaking of Ludwig, somebody made a chart okay, and they called Ludwig a bear, like a gay chart.
It's worse than yeah well no, because Ludwig has zero hair.
I called him a jock and he is one.
I would, I think, I think, I think Ludwig is jockish.
Oh, Ludwig doesn't have one piece of hair on his entire body.
He does no chest hair no no no, no.
Abdomen hair, no back hair.
He has like wispy armpit hairs.
Yeah, he's got barely any hair.
They're like wispy.
I just thought of something, what, what?
Why don't we have a tattoo of each other?
You guys should.
Actually, if Saikuno asked you to tattoo, you'd get one.
I don't think he would.
You're doing, you're projecting yourself.
No yeah, if he went, hey son, get matching.
Matching Tattoos for the Weekend00:02:11
Okay, now you're convincing me.
Yeah exactly yeah wow, I do want to get a matching tattoo.
Now, if you had to get a matching tattoo with somebody in this room, who would it be what I get?
I thought we were all getting pizza slices.
You have to pick one of us to get.
Oh, this sucks okay, who do you pick?
Who do you pick to get a matching tattoo?
You know who it is.
So much drama I don't want to do.
I'm not doing this.
I I go to all your events.
I think you don't pause.
Cutie's gonna name who she get a tattoo with in the paywall section.
Yeah, This gives her ample opportunity to say.
So if you want to find out, you better give us your fucking money.
That's right.
Yeah, patreon.com slash fear.
And actually, on that note, on thepatreon.com.
We are.
I'm going to start doing TikTok time.
It's going to go on our Patreon.
So it's a good idea.
It's just me doing, watching TikToks.
Okay.
It's just bonus content.
I'm just, Marsh just has been asking, and so I'm going to Patreon with me.
Anyway, sincerely, thank you guys as always for joining us.
We'd love to.
Thank you all.
We love you all.
Thank you.
Why are you saying it like you don't love them all?
I do love them.
I don't get annoying.
Okay, guys, you guys have been very critical of this podcast.
We actually have maybe been too mean.
Show us the dick!
I went out to straight strip clubs this weekend.
What?
Why?
My friend's bachelor party.
Wait, this weekend?
Yeah.
This past weekend.
Like, a couple days ago.
Okay.
And you got here yesterday.
Yeah.
That's how a weekend works.
It goes a few days.
So you went on Friday?
Yes.
Friday night.
Went out to some straight strip clubs with my bachelor friend and his friends.
And one of the guys in the party was one of the Bud Light people protesting Bud Light.
Wait.
And he ordered a beer and right in front of my face.