Hasanabi, QTCinderella, and WillNeff execute a chaotic Reverse Queer-Eye, blaming WillNeff for missing a London Sidemen appearance and debating Taylor Swift's relationship with Matty Healy amidst references to Aaron Rodgers and Miss Americana. The trio struggles dressing Austin in a sheer "disco pirate" outfit while recounting a £500 Beef Wellington dispute at the Ritz and a shocking hotel choking incident. Ultimately, they prioritize viral TikTok clips and SEO-driven social media posts over narrative coherence, blending absurd fashion experiments with heated personal grievances. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Taylor Swift Heavy Episode00:02:52
The amount of shit that wait what the fuck oh, that's just welcome back welcome back welcome back We have so much to talk about It's unfunny how much we have to talk about feeders watch this because we usually start with snacks and you think they are sexually charged by chomping There are people that are furiously masturbating we're not starting like this.
I know there are so many topics There are so many topics I actually think no I think we should talk about how great of an opportunity this is to hit a different community and demographic and pump our Patreon numbers What Kai is being a bad bad girl.
Yeah, I know if she keeps bargaining like this.
I'm probably gonna bring her upstairs Kai That's enough.
That's enough.
Uncle Austin says that's enough.
Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna bring her upstairs.
I'm gonna crate her because she's like she's definitely going crazy.
All right, we're gonna pause the podcast.
You won't even notice the cut.
Put in the worst cut ever.
We should definitely cut this part.
Because it is very important that Hassan's here.
He's driving on the fucking view for the fun.
What are you saying?
Yeah.
Rachel, can I get one more look at myself?
Could you do the other camera?
No.
Don't indulge this.
Don't do this.
How do I look?
Do I look all right?
Hi.
This is not going on the podcast, right?
It's all of us.
No, it's not.
Put in the Patreon.
Seamless cut.
We are back.
Back.
And boy, do we have stuff to talk about.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Restart that.
Before we get into anything, we have to address the elephant in the room.
This is going to be.
There are a lot of elephants in the room.
This is going to be.
Don't call me an elephant.
This is going to be a Taylor Swift heavy episode.
That's where we're starting.
We haven't talked in a month.
And you're like, let's start with Taylor.
Buckle the fuck up.
Okay.
Last time.
Yeah, I mean, Benedict Arnold's here.
If you're on, we can start.
Benedict Arnold's.
Oh, I'm not going to.
England.
It's been a wild take for me being like pre-cog, seeing the future, telling you how it would play out.
It would have been better if you were there.
No!
Yes, it would have been.
Do I have a spot in the box, by the way, for the Taylor Swift?
No.
What?
Nobody does that.
I have tweeted Taylor Swift lyrics so many times.
You were pandering.
Yeah, that's what you do as a stand.
All right, we need to make a decision.
What?
And I think the bigger elephant in the room is how I dodged.
How we dodged.
Yeah, we did.
A bullet by not going to.
The Devastating Hasan Wake Up00:03:29
It's insane.
This is another episode of the same podcast that you're referencing.
You didn't even get Tommy in it.
She...
Oh, to London.
Is that what we're talking about?
Wait, what do you think?
I was just so distracted by the fact that I don't have a spot.
Taylor Swift has a song called London Boy, and he got distracted.
Wait, people photoshopped me in the thing.
Okay, so let's talk about London.
Yeah, let's talk about London.
First of all, I am so disappointed that both of you abandoned our podcast.
It's never coming.
Oh, interesting.
Both of you abandoned the podcast that we've all worked so hard on, and you left Hassan and I stranded in a five-star hotel in the middle of central London.
Yeah, which was devastating.
It was absolutely devastating.
It was devastating.
Hassan had like three rooms.
Dude, Tears of the Kingdom had two meanings during that trip.
It was the game he played the entire time, and it was the synapsis of your trip.
Yes.
Okay.
Happened.
So you know what will have your moment.
What happened is what me have a moment.
I've never been more jet lagged in my entire life and it bricked everything because because unfortunately uh, we had booked talent and everything else.
But sometimes when you're jet lagged so hard and you find out about blind curtains uh, you know, so you think it was the jet lag and not me, till five in the morning.
Okay, that might have played a role.
That might have played a role.
He blamed blackout curtains, like it was your fault.
He blamed me, it was your fault.
I I, I shoot you.
I showed him.
Well, he books the guest first of all, and he was the guest Zerker.
Zerker, who is uh oh yeah uh Sideman yeah, he's a Sideman.
He was nominated for Gcha.
So Hasan books the guest okay, and we're supposed to, and we don't know what time the guest is to show up sure, and so we're just, Mauricio and I, are waking up in the morning just waiting for Hasan to respond.
He never.
He doesn't wake up till like 1230 and we blow the opportunity to get the guest because he woke up too late and the guest was no longer available.
Okay, can we flash back now?
Okay, a week before the trip, you guys announced to me, yep, that you're going to England yes, and that you're going to sit down with the Sidemen.
Yep, do you remember what my response was?
I don't remember.
You're not going to get the Sidemen.
Okay now, here's the deal.
Will we did have him?
Well then, did you?
I'm gonna?
I'm gonna argue something differently, did you?
Okay, you had it.
I'm gonna argue something differently.
Well, you know.
The other thing is though, I was wrong.
You guys had a great time at the fight.
Didn't go to fight.
We did not go.
Oh, that's so strange.
That was a matter of that, was a matter of personal preference though okay okay, we just didn't.
I didn't want to go.
I want to play Zelda.
Well here, here's the deal, here's the deal.
Let me tell you, i'm dude.
You know what he's right though, you can only play Zelda in London.
Hasan and I, if you would have been there, Will.
That's the difference you, you're bullshit.
If you would have been there, if you would have been there, you would have known.
You've been friends with the San for 10 years.
You're like, this is not Hasan, he's not awake, i'm gonna go wake him up.
You would have woken him up and we would have filmed that podcast.
Oh, speak on it, king.
You would have woken him up.
Okay, you weren't there to wake him up, or not doing that.
Get his ass in the comments section.
You know what this is.
This is when your significant other cheats on you and then blames you.
Oh, you are emotionally unavailable.
I mean you literally physically were unavailable.
This is horsecock in the comments.
Brazil Trip Disaster Plans00:02:27
I need people to come to my aid.
No, I called x, y and z.
This is like why.
This was a bad trip idea and it played out Will in real motherfucking time if I was there, it would have been awesome consumed by my awful impressions, Will abandon us in a foreign country.
Yeah, to fight for ourselves and undeveloped foreign country British people.
That's right.
Why didn't you just wake him up?
Because actually that is a good thing.
So i've made a decision.
By the way, I knew you guys were going to do this uh-huh, And I've made a decision.
Oh.
On how I'm going to remedy this.
Okay.
Are we going to go somewhere?
I'm going to Brazil.
Oh.
Wait, wait, whoops.
I'm planning the entire thing.
I'm not going.
Fear and carnival.
We're going to Brazil.
Wait, but Brazil sounds dangerous.
Gay as fuck.
Dude, the national podcast time in England is stabbing.
What are we even talking about?
That's true.
Okay, but where in Brazil and who are we getting on the podcast?
We're going to Rio.
Are we getting Ronaldo on the podcast?
Lula de Silva.
Yes.
Wait, is Ronaldo?
The current leader of Brazil.
The current leader of Brazil.
He's a communist.
I don't know.
Where's Ronaldo from?
Where Brazil is.
Are you thinking of Ronaldinho?
Fuck.
Ronaldo and Ronaldinho are both.
Well, unless you're talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.
But Ronaldo, there is a Brazilian.
There is a Brazilian.
No, I was thinking about the Brazilian one.
There are plenty of Brazilian Ronaldos.
Ronaldinho is also.
I was thinking of those ones.
You were not thinking of those ones.
You were thinking of Cristiano Ronaldo.
No, I was not.
Cancel him.
Here's what I want to do.
I want to go to Carnival.
Okay.
I want to take dance classes.
When is it?
Fun.
Down in Brazil.
That I don't know.
Okay.
We can figure that out.
But I want to take dance classes in Brazil.
All of us.
All of us.
Wait, why don't we take them in America and then go to Brazil so then they already think we can dance?
Your plan happened.
It happened.
Carnival happened.
In February.
Well.
So February of next year, we're going to Brazil.
That's not happening.
I bet money.
Why is it not happening?
Because I just look it up.
See, this is the problem.
I don't want to plan a good trip.
It's going to be fun.
Okay.
Here's my decision.
Let's go to Idaho.
Let's go to Japan at the end of next month for the VCTs.
I'm not going.
Wait, yes.
I'm not going.
Cutie, we got to get you on a plane.
I'm going to cutie, kitty.
Here's my offer.
Uh-huh.
We stay we run the podcast.
We'll be fine.
Idaho vs Japan Decision00:15:33
How much was your ticket to Taylor Swift?
My individual ticket?
Yes.
Well, I'm going three times.
How much was one of them?
The most expensive.
What's 50,000 divided by 20?
How much was half of one?
Jesus Christ, cutie.
$50,000?
$2,500?
$2,500 was my most expensive ticket.
$2,500.
Uh-huh.
What if we paid for all three of your Taylor Swift tickets out of the Fear and Fund and you have to come to Japan?
I'm so rich.
I don't care.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, well, I don't know why you thought that was going to be an angle.
A dab?
Because I'm just trying.
Cutie, I'll give you $150.
Loaded $50,000.
My boyfriend bought him for me.
You don't have $150,000?
Yes, the fuck I do.
You're poor.
Oh, that's right.
I'm very broke.
Whoa.
Yo, you got so serious and so real for a moment.
That is true.
He's poor.
Look at his shirt.
Okay, so first elephant in the room.
Emma Lobo.
First elephant in the room.
Use you, cutie.
Wait, hold on.
Stop the film or keep the film running.
What the hell is wrong with my shirt?
I thought it was so funny.
Oh, nothing.
It just looks like my napkin from Chili's.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, we'll just let that roll, you guys.
I've gotten so many compliments on this show.
I just wanted to be mean.
I didn't mean it.
Okay, yeah, bullshit.
You're very good at that.
Being mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was bullied my entire life, so I just like project.
No.
Okay.
We got done with the first elephant in the room.
Okay.
We got done with the first one.
Look, London was a huge success.
It was.
It was very mad at the great podcast.
What was the most fun thing you did?
Leaving.
Tears of the Kingdom.
And I'm the asshole.
I trapped myself in my hotel room and played Tears of the Kingdom for like eight hours, and it was fucking fun.
I spent the entire trip getting drunk in the hotel bar.
Dude, you know what?
There's a clip of you, and like Mars said something like, yeah, Will called it.
This is a disaster.
And you're like, no, you know what?
Will should be with us.
Suffering.
Yes.
It's his job to suffer.
It's 100%.
I stand by that.
I stand by that.
And any of you Sims is saying, no, Will was right.
Hey, Dumminess.
No, just logical people.
Hey, hey, Dummy.
That's your content.
He is a part of the people making the content.
That would have been content.
It 100% would have been blasted.
100% would have been content, which is fine.
Okay, it's fine.
I did see the clip where you were lying about being on the Beatles' roof, and I was dying.
I thought it was a good idea.
Wasn't that a great bit?
Oh, fuck you.
I love lying.
That was a great bit.
I convinced him.
He was telling his family to.
Okay, listen.
He was calling his family.
He's like, this grandman, I'm at the Beatles' rooftop.
Wait, we already covered all this.
We already covered these babies.
Why are you making them sound like what's eating Gilbert Grape?
We already covered this bass.
I know, sorry.
Listen.
Listen.
We're moving on from this to the next elephant in the room, which is the real elephant in the room.
He's a big elephant.
He's a big one.
Yep.
Stop looking at me.
People that I know personally have basically led to the demise of the Taylor Swift fandom.
No, they have.
In the funniest, in the funniest ways possible.
And you have to now become a Maddie Healy stan.
No, listen.
Okay.
Are you defending Taylor's actions for dating that man?
What?
Oh, wait.
Am I on the wrong side of it?
No, no, no.
You're on the right side of it.
No, no, go on.
Keep.
No, no.
No, you know what?
Taylor's an independent woman.
She can do whatever she wants.
Oh, so it's okay that she can like date like the worst man in the history of the face.
I can't believe what he said about ISPIC.
Yeah, that's so fucked up.
Slurs.
Here's.
Did you say some of those slurs for us?
Can you repeat some of those slurs?
With an accent or without the accent?
Do you think she's random?
Whoa, the Swifties have turned.
They're racist now.
Listen, Swifties.
This is PSA to all Swifties.
I'm going to break the fourth wall right now and say, we love caring about Blondie, right?
We love it.
We love diving in, figuring out all about our life.
We love being parasocial and claiming that we're not.
We do.
It is time.
Austin.
You are not getting a box seat, dog.
Stop.
It is time to stop.
She is 32, 33 years old now.
She can date whoever the fuck she wants.
You guys are crazy.
Psychotic.
There are people who are like, she deserves better.
She deserves to do whatever the fuck she wants.
She's a millionaire.
She's so much better.
That's making too much sense.
Yeah, okay.
Now defend.
Now, hold on.
No, no, no, no.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
Put it back into the matrix.
What does that say about Taylor Swift, though?
Well, it's funny because, like, I've been saying this the whole week.
This is so dumb.
Well, really?
Oh, nothing.
It says nothing about her.
Some of the jokes that he has made, I would say, arguably, you have made.
You have to.
Whoa!
Whoa!
I've never made those jokes.
After I listened to that episode of the Adam Freeman podcast, I stopped in a corner.
Did you?
For days.
Yeah.
It broke me.
It broke me to my very, it shook me to my very, I talked about, I did a deep dive the other day on my stream, and there were people getting really mad at me.
But the thing is, is if you genuinely look at each item that they're calling him out for, there is usually context or an apology for each one.
Even the I spice thing, he apologized.
How do you justify it?
Listen, as a red person myself of the ginger persuasion.
Oh, God.
I don't even see you.
He made fun of a Gaelic name.
What was the name?
Can you please pull it up?
Google what Gaelic name did Matt.
He said it sounded like a garden implement.
Did it?
Stop.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You have to relive that.
As a British man, he has contributed to centuries of European.
I'm not okay.
Oh, here it is.
Girl with an Irish name.
What is her Irish name?
Please play it.
Derves.
Billy Rave Brains.
Dervla.
I'm sorry.
Dervla.
What?
Okay, that does sound like you would guard.
Wait, you're mocking animals.
Play the clip.
Oh, it's not a clip.
Yeah, they can't even show the video because it's so disturbing.
Listen, this brings me to a bigger point.
I will make fun of any name ever.
All names are treated equal.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Make fun of the names that.
Make fun of Austin's old name.
Okay.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Okay.
Or wait, make fun of this stuff.
Look at this guy.
Make fun of the make fun of wait, make fun of Ice Spice and I Spice's name.
Ice Spice.
What is she?
A frozen spice girl?
That was actually funny.
That's actually kind of Adam Freeland.
That is kind of weird.
Is that what they said?
I haven't watched it.
They said she was a spice girl.
That was not funny at all, cutie.
What the fuck?
You're about to get a Cometown fan?
No, I've never watched it.
Wait, was he on Come Town?
She's had Stavros on multiple times.
I've hung out with Stavros.
I've hung out with him.
I've sat in this room with Stavros.
No, I think like, I don't know.
I think sometimes things are in poor taste.
I believe...
Hear me out.
Actually, I'm curious.
As a bunch of...
I did a lot of preparation for this.
Yeah, me too.
What do you think about that maniac sucking on the fingers of fans?
That's weird.
It's really fucking weird.
But does that mean he's deplorable and should like?
No.
I don't know.
You know what, Will?
Let's put your life under a fucking microscope.
Why are you defending Matty Healy?
You're not getting in the...
He doesn't know what he wants to do.
You're not getting in the box.
I'm not getting in the box.
You're not getting in the box.
You are not with Matt Healy.
Well, I'm with Cutie.
I just think the Swifties in general were being a little weird.
He would sell his own mother out for this Taylor Swift file.
I don't know why you want to.
I really would, man.
I love concerts.
Okay.
Remember when she gets dragged out in the janitor box?
So it's not even because of Taylor Swift.
You just want to go to any concert.
You just want to go to any concert.
I fucking love free food in boxes.
I have to pay for the food.
Well, that's free to me.
I'm going to do it.
I love eating the notch.
I love when food is free in places where you could definitely be able to do it.
Matty Healy Sig Hiled at a concert.
Okay, that's my confidence.
Because he was making fun of Kanye.
Is that a good joke?
No.
Is there context?
Yes.
That's a damn it.
She's too powerful.
Everything has context.
She's too powerful.
So finger sucking has context.
He's just cringe.
That's just so cringe and gross.
But also, like, Bon Jovi used to make out with women.
You know what I'm saying?
That's true.
It's just like.
Okay, so other people did worse things, so it's okay.
Is that what you're saying?
Wow.
Forever, forever, celebrities or artists, musical artists have taken advantage of their platforms in deplorable ways, mind you.
Yes.
But they've done it.
Justin Bieber used to bring girls up and sing baby, baby, oh, baby to them.
Yeah, and Usher used to come up and do that too for baby.
Wait, but that's not the same as sucking on the finger.
I know, but I'm saying, I think sucking on the finger is gross.
I think he's gross for that.
I think he's a gross guy, but is he deplorable and she deserves better?
No, you're cringe.
Leave her alone.
Let her do whatever she fucking wants.
There's also like a apparently there was a type of porn that he's into.
Yes.
Apparently that was a joke too.
Okay, well, that's another thing.
You're brushing aside a lot of problematic aspects of Taylor Swift.
The thing is, is there are going to be people in the comments that are like excusing racism or whatever.
There will be people that say that.
But I think my biggest problem is I see it happen too much on the internet where people are dissected and there's no humanity given.
And I think people deserve some humanity where it's like.
Yeah, what about humanity to the victims?
Oh, God, I'm such a bad person.
You are so bad.
I'm such a bad person.
You're a really good liberal.
You know that?
You are.
Oh, yeah, you spent no time in that space.
Because I get, this is literally, I'm just repeating things that people say to me when I've never even like, I've never even like defended Matt Healy.
I was like, I don't know anything about him.
He just said I'm hot.
And also, I want to have him on the podcast.
So I don't give a shit.
He said you're hot.
Is he bi?
Cutie.
No one knows.
He's ambiguous.
Cutie, we've brushed past all the kind of stuff.
He shouldn't have licked anyone's finger.
Would you fuck Matt Healy?
Listen, that's neither here nor there.
What we do have to say.
Maybe actually it's time for Cutie Cinderella to make a fucking decision.
What?
Oh my God.
Are we canceling Taylor Swift or not?
No.
The question is, are you really a Taylor Swift fan?
Because you want to be a Jets fan.
What?
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
I want to point some out to you.
Aaron Rodgers' first appearance in MetLife Stadium, where all the New York Jets games are playing.
His first appearance, Taylor Swift concert.
But he's only a big fan.
He loves her.
He's not a Jets fan.
He's a money fan.
That's why he's playing for the Jets.
He's probably taking less money to play for the Jets.
I don't know how that works.
Damn, double L for Aaron Lodgers.
He just wanted a new city, and you don't think Aaron Rodgers doesn't love you.
He doesn't know you.
He doesn't love your franchise.
You have Kirk Cousins as a QB.
You're a thin fucking option.
Hold on, Will.
You know what?
Uh-oh.
I bet we get a better season with Kirk Cousins.
Play the tape.
Three Taylor Swift songs.
Too many.
Too many to count.
The only one I know is that I'm Philadelphia.
Please run that back.
Please run that back.
What's your favorite Taylor Swift song?
Too many.
Too many to count.
The only one I know is that I'm Phil.
Bro, that's like what you say when that's what Austin says.
At the end, he comes back and he names three different albums, and then he talks about specifics on folklore.
So he is a Swifty for sure.
So are you going to finally own the fuck up and endorse America's team?
The first team with a Muslim head coach.
I don't know why.
The first team to endorse Colin Kaepernick's actions publicly.
America's team.
Or are you going to stay in New England with your racism and your hatred?
That is kind of your bigotry.
That's true.
Jets are like a ranking file.
Macaroni and cheese, seedy backroom, hand jobs.
Jets are the working class team for sure.
So here's the deal.
So I could also say that, honestly, who isn't a fan of Taylor Swift's music?
If you did that same interview with any football team, any football point.
So if anything, the Jets are using Taylor to promote their own social media.
I'm going to say this out loud.
It's true.
Cutie Cinderella, no longer a Swifty.
Endorsing her.
Insane behavior.
Every football team loves Taylor Swift.
There's not a football team out there that's.
A real Swifty would want what's best for Taylor Swift, and that is to get away from that guy.
Thank you.
True.
True.
He is deplorable.
The thing is, it's like, okay, regardless, Swifty's, if he's that bad, they won't stay together anyway.
Cutie.
So get over it.
It's fine.
I've heard enough.
What?
We're moving on.
Oh.
No, no, I want to stay on this because this is a lot of fun.
I feel like you're in the hot seat for no reason.
It's not, it's whatever.
There'll be people that'll say all sorts of stuff.
I think he has done really gross, stupid shit.
Me too.
I don't think, like, I think it's weird of you as a human to be like, she deserves better.
That's crazy.
I thought we love Taylor.
I thought we did too.
I thought we love Taylor and we support the team that she supports.
We love her.
Wait, what?
How's it going on the Jets?
She doesn't support the Jets.
She's an Eagles fan, but she doesn't know she's a Jets fan yet.
Yeah.
Okay, then I'm an Eagles fan.
They're both green.
She got confused because they're both green.
Yeah.
Why do you think that?
She's stupid.
Well, in the fifth song of every album, it's a very emotional song.
Yes, I was just about to say that.
References flight and being in the air in multiple fifths.
Okay, Eagles fly too, though.
But Eagles also fly.
That's part of it.
That's all the slogan, Fly Eagles Fly.
That's why she got confused.
Wait, it's a would you ever fly on an Eagle?
No.
No, I wouldn't.
What would you fly on?
J-E-T-S JS.
A Dreamliner.
So I actually have every color that Taylor Swift has ever mentioned, by the way.
Yep.
Let me send this to you right now, Mark.
Why do you have that ready to go?
What the fuck?
Wait.
Every color that you brush past?
I cannot brush past that statement that came out of your fucking mouth.
Please hold that up.
What?
You have a Google Doc of every color.
It's Reddit, but it is every color Taylor Swift has ever mentioned.
And green isn't one of the top ones.
Oh.
You know what?
Oh, she's mentioned a lot.
Red, blue, and white, the Patriots colors are highly mentioned.
Hold on.
I will say gold.
All three of those colors have been mentioned more than gold is a Vikings color, kind of.
But the fifth song is the most emotional song.
That's the one that matters the most.
She doesn't mention green.
Cutie, this is insane.
What?
Do I need to study this to get in the box?
Yeah.
Is there going to be a quiz?
Yeah.
Yeah, you need to be multiple levels more mentally ill to be able to get into the Taylor Swift box.
I think I got it what it takes.
You do not got what it does.
I'm getting in that box.
Fan Daddy Issues Breakdown00:04:01
Think about the tweet that we could tweet when you and I are in that box.
What would the tweet be?
Oh my God, I'm in the box.
Oh my God, Cutie gave me a ticket.
What?
Doesn't she say welcome to New York in one of her songs?
Yeah.
She loves New York.
Wait.
Oh!
What team?
Wait, I'm sorry.
Is it the New York Eagles?
I think not.
For the record, if you're a Galer, Galers believe that New York haunts her because of Carly Kloss, because she has a song called Cornelia Street that talks about how New York screams your name.
No, New York concert, because the Jets haven't won.
That's why it's like haunting.
Think about the defeat and the suffering that she feels.
One of her most famous covers ever.
Kelly Clarkson did a cover of her Jets original color, Kelly Green.
Dude, my kiss.
Oh, my God.
You're so good.
You're so good.
You're right.
You're right.
I love the Jets.
Thank God you have.
We did it.
This is true.
So you've outed yourself as a fake Swifty and also pro-Jets.
That's what's going on so far.
I guess so.
Aaron Rodgers is an anti-vaxxer.
I should hate Maddie Healy.
I don't care about that.
Aaron Rodgers is an anti-vaxxer.
Let's break down.
Let's break down this one fan that went to a Taylor Swift concert.
Oh, no.
Piece by piece.
People are crazy.
Guys, leave her alone, you freaks.
Go to my profile.
You guys are being crazy.
We are never going to get health care.
No.
Yeah.
I think they deleted their tweet.
They privated their account.
Fuck.
Someone must have.
Someone must have.
Cutie.
I just feel a little attacked that you've made these PowerPoints.
And then when Hassan and I prepare our own well-documented Taylor Swift information, you throw it out.
I'm sorry.
I acknowledge you and I hear you.
Thank you.
But I don't agree with you.
Thank you.
I'm on your side, Cutie.
Thank you, Austin.
Austin doesn't even know what's been going on for the last 10 minutes.
I've been zoning out.
After this, well, this next elephant in the room regards Austin.
Oh, God.
Look, it doesn't have to be about me, but go on.
No, it does.
Go on.
But feel free.
It does.
I hate that you're so normal about the Taylor Swift situation.
I know.
I know.
You said pretty much everything I've said so far about the saga, and you forced my hand to become a- I didn't even like Joe.
Joe was cringe.
Like, people are like, people are like, Taylor deserves better.
Did you see Joe?
He was whitebread of a human.
Like, we weren't upset about that.
Like, he was so lame.
Who is good enough for Taylor Swift?
If I were to date Taylor Swift.
That's not.
Would you approve of it?
Were you going to say QDC?
John Mayer was good enough.
John Mayer was hot enough for Taylor Swift, but he was an asshole.
Okay.
What about Justin Bieber?
No, he's an asshole.
And he's not.
Okay.
Okay.
So the question I have.
I guess the question I have for you is that Terry Styles was good enough for me.
The question I have for you is this.
That's the dream.
What does that...
What does it say about Taylor Swift that she keeps finding herself with men like this?
She's like every other human out there that has the same type.
She's got daddy issues that happens.
Who doesn't?
Is that allowed?
I do have a daddy issue.
Do you have daddy issues?
Daddy issues?
Do you have daddy issues?
Are we allowed to say Taylor Swift has daddy issues?
Because if you don't think Taylor Swift has daddy issues, please go watch Miss Americana and the way that her dad controlled her so much of her.
Oh my God, especially when he was like talking about...
I'm not talking about politics because of the Dixie chicks.
The Dixie Chicks lost their career because of it.
You mean the chicks?
Michael Jordan.
They go by the chicks.
Oh, my God.
Republicans buy sneakers too.
Since the last podcast, I did see that documentary.
The whole thing?
Yes, I watched the whole thing.
Really?
Tell me about her eating disorder.
She would look at photos of herself and be like, she would see herself and she would like notice, like just a little bit of like whatever, and she would she developed.
Dixie Chicks Career Loss00:14:55
Uh, she like wouldn't eat after.
She would see pictures of herself like in the, in the, in the tabloids.
And how is she hiding from the tabloids?
Uh, she just would hide in what?
What would she hide in?
Austin was so close to being in that box.
I honestly no, I remember she was in the escalade talking about this and she was.
She was on her phone and she's like she.
She looked at something and it seems like you didn't pay.
No, she felt herself.
She felt herself slipping back to that old person and then she stopped herself.
She said, no, we're not that person anymore, we're not doing that anymore.
Okay, it's crazy.
You don't remember she used to be in like containers and they would take her out of her apartment and put her in cars.
Okay see, that seems weird.
Okay, I don't remember, because otherwise she just gets surrounded by.
Yeah, I don't remember that part.
Okay sorry, we're putting an end to the terror swift chapter.
Now we're talking about the next elephant in the room, and this is a big fucking elephant.
Last night I went to go get some ice cream.
Oh my god wait, let me.
Let me start it by telling this part of this.
I'm telling you, this is the best.
We need context, because it was behind the paywall.
Trust trust, trust.
Okay, just let me tell you from my perspective.
Okay, there I am in a family ice cream store seven o'clock at night, families all around me, that's fun.
All of a sudden, my phone starts dinging.
Boom boom boom, boom.
Hey sir, can I help you one second?
I gotta check my phone.
I get a text message from a Sampar Austin Show is at my house.
He's trying to break in my house wait.
This is why I said wait, hold on.
This is why I said let me explain it first.
Let me explain it first okay, so before we get, Get to this point.
Oh, no.
Before Will gets to this point.
Okay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry that I'm going to.
I have ended the broadcast.
Yes.
No, you'll be.
I've ended my stream.
I'm about to kick back and relax.
I get a phone call from Carl Jacobs in North Carolina.
Who tells me Austin is about to be at your house?
And I thought, how odd?
Like, why are you telling me this, Carl Jacobs?
And then I get a phone call from Austin immediately after that.
So I was like, Carl, I got to go.
I'll pick this up right now.
And I hear noises outside.
Okay.
Like keys rattling.
You know what I mean?
It's like a horror story.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
And Austin goes, I'm outside of your house.
You need to let me in right now.
And I thought, this is crazy.
What the fuck is going on?
To which Austin responded.
Stop looking at cutie.
Stop looking at me.
To which Austin responded, I need to come inside.
I need to get the clothes.
Yes.
Then immediately I panicked.
And before Austin walked in the house, looked for backup.
Okay, but so I texted the group chat.
You need to explain because they don't know because they may not be subscribed to the paywall of the episode about the clothes.
What we bought.
They didn't even know about it.
I'll explain.
Okay.
A few weeks ago, Austin basically challenged us to style him like his favorite style influencer who almost never wears a shirt.
It's basically just a hot dude.
So we very easily found his clothes and it was going to be a bit that we were going to dress Austin.
Now, it's a very expensive bit.
$2,000.
$2,000.
And multiple weeks of preparation.
And we were very excited when the clothes got here.
I got text messages from Hassan going, Austin's trying to break in.
He's trying to forcibly take the clothes.
He won't listen to me.
He calls me at the ice cream store and he goes, Will, I'm going to put you on speakerphone.
And Austin's like, well, whoa, whoa.
Like halfway between a smack addict and a zombie who's like, I need the clothes.
I need the clothes.
Yeah.
And I'm like, Austin, the whole bit is that you try the clothes on the paywall.
He's like, we got a new bit.
We got a new bit.
I break in.
I steal the clothes.
I go to the abbey.
I have a great time.
And we're like, Austin, no.
And he's like, I need the clothes.
I did.
I needed the cutie.
I had no outfit for the abbey last night.
I had no outfit.
I went naked.
I kept telling him no, and he would not hear it.
I thought it'd be cool to wear the clothes out to the Abbey because I needed an outfit, number one.
Number two, I don't know.
Like, even if I messed them up, they'd love it anyway, right?
No, the entire point is for you to wear this clown-ass outfit for the first time on a cut.
You think it's clown?
I don't remember it.
No, you picked it.
You think it's a clown-ass outfit.
Well, we're about to find out if it is a clown-ass outfit or not.
But the point was that you were going to, for the first time, ever see it.
So what did you hear on the camera?
The green jacket, the stolen jacket is what I wore to the Abbey because it's the only thing I had in my suitcase was the stolen jacket.
I just picture me in a family ice cream stone or store and Austin's voice blasting through my speakers going, Will, I need to get some dick.
I'm going to the Abbey.
I'm practically naked.
I need these clothes.
We got a new angle.
I'm going to steal the clothes.
I never saw in the background.
I never said I. I'll never help.
Will help.
I never said I need to go get dick at the abbey.
I would never say that.
I trust him.
There are two things I would never say in this world.
I'm going to get dick at the abbey or the f-slur.
None of those things are funny.
That's how you know he was saying, both of us.
You called Kaya the F-slur earlier.
I did, though.
What?
Why did you do that to the dog?
Wait, I did.
He's his slur monster.
I did call her that.
He's a slur machine.
It's so good.
That's so funny.
What's so funny is I was like, wait, did I call her the F-slur?
Why would you call Kaya that?
Well, no, it's because I, first of all, but theoretically, I did say it when Marsh was in the room and I couldn't remember if I called her the AI.
Theoretically, theoretically.
You didn't know if you called the dog it or Marsh?
No, what, Marsh?
Who did I call thee theoretically the F-Slur?
Who did I call theoretically?
Oh.
Oh, you were calling gay people the F-Slur.
At the Abs Ridiculous.
Oh my God.
Oh, my God.
I would never do that.
I would never say that word anyway in general.
And this on no sense.
Theoretically, if you were to leak our text messages right now, none of it would show anything of the sort.
Speaking of which, you had a bad experience at the Abbey.
I did.
Yes, I did.
Today was my first bad experience at the Abbey.
What happened?
Well, I go to the Abbey and I'm, you know, I'm thinking, oh, you know, I'm going to meet some nice, beautiful men at the Abbey, and it's going to be a great time.
He's the gay Donald Trump.
Some nice, beautiful, fantastic.
Main boys, good boys.
So I go to the Abbey.
This is the most desperate thing anyone has ever done.
Okay, first of all, I go to the Abbey by myself.
In the middle of the Sunday afternoon.
It is Labor Day weekend.
It's Labor Day weekend.
Nobody was here.
In the middle of a Sunday afternoon by himself?
It's Labor Day weekend.
Yes, I went last night and I went to the game today.
Did you just sleep there?
Do they have a house?
No, they don't.
I stayed at a beautiful house.
I'm going to check it out for you.
It's Labor Day weekend.
Thank you.
It's a very gay weekend.
I went and sat at the bar at the bar.
And I was thinking, oh my God, I'm having a great time.
There's so many wonderful men here.
And there were.
There's tons of men.
I was enjoying the sights.
And, you know, the only guy that came up to hit on me was this guy comes up to me and he says, you're so sexy.
And I'm like, oh, who's this?
And I turned.
I'm like, oh, God.
And he's like, you're so sexy.
And I'm like, well, thank you, sir.
You look a little old enough to be my father.
But, you know, it's, you know, great.
And then he proceeds to tell me his age.
He says he's 54 years old.
Sure.
Which is fine.
No problem.
And then he proceeds to tell me that his dick, he starts to talk about his penis.
Sure.
And he tells me that his dick...
What did he say?
What did I say about his dick?
It's magnificent.
No, it wasn't magnificent.
No, I typed it in Hoscord.
I typed it in.
I did.
I did.
Hold on.
I did.
I typed in Hoscord.
Oh, oh, oh, He said, oh, his dick was beyond belief is what he told me.
He told me about his dick.
It was beyond belief.
In the middle of the day.
In the middle of the day.
And then he proceeds to tell me he's not 54.
He's 74.
And I couldn't get him to go away.
Next thing you know, I'm on the dance floor.
You know, you're kissing him.
No, no, but it was a bad experience.
He was very weird and gropey.
Not because he was 74, but it's just like, get away from me.
You know what I mean?
Sounds like it was because he was 74.
No, it had nothing to do with his age.
You guys are so concerned with me and Taylor Swift.
Why aren't you concerned that Austin is the biggest Hassan stan in the world?
That he's like in his fan Discord every day.
Imagine if I was in like Taylor Swift's fan Discord and then I go to lunch with her and I'm like, hey, I was just hanging out with your fans last night.
You know what, cutie?
Hoscourt is a safe space.
No, it's not.
No, I've tried.
Hoscord is a safe space.
It's because you're a straight white woman.
That's why it's not a safe space.
They don't accept you there.
I've muted it.
I've muted it a hundred times just because I should just leave it.
I have muted your fucking Discord a thousand times.
I'm still getting pings.
I don't get it.
I can't get rid of them.
You know what?
You can't mute social justice.
Okay.
We have to fight it.
Yeah, Austin.
Austin is in the Hoscord for social justice.
Right.
I'm in the Hoscord for sex justice.
It's not because they pay him attention.
No, look.
They give him the most attention.
I've been getting a lot of attention lately, and it's starting to get a little annoying.
People notice me on the streets, and I'm not enjoying it.
Trump, these I just can't.
Many people are coming up to me in the streets.
Too much attention, book.
They're saying, Austin, we love you.
No, they're usually Hassan Abi heads that like want to meet.
Who would have thought?
Look, I think we just happen to share a lot of fans.
Yep.
Yeah.
No.
They're usually my fans first.
To be fair.
Austin, I'm on as many things with Hassan as you, and I've never, ever had someone approach me and be like, I love your stuff with Hassan.
No, they don't say that outwardly.
I just asked them what they said.
I asked him because he wants to know if they're like only fans of his or they know him through my shirt.
So I always go like, you know, somebody will approach me with like blue hair and piercings.
Oh, my.
You are gay Donald Trump.
I do.
Blue hair, piercing.
Blue hair, piercing.
Very disrespectful.
It's okay.
I say, what are you?
One of those queer types.
And I'll be like, are you a Hassanabi head?
And before I even finish, yes.
You know what I mean?
But I mean, look, they're wonderful people.
They're the backbone of this country.
Oh, my God.
They're the backbone of this country.
You are right, though.
He should be banned from my Discord.
Yes, he should be.
It's weird.
It's weird how much he's going to be.
Get him out.
Guys, it's a safe space for gay.
I think his life would genuinely be worse if he didn't have to survive without Housecord for a week.
Ban him for a week.
Don't you do that.
Don't you, dude?
Don't you do that?
I think everybody would.
There's so many queer people in there.
I'm going to lose.
I'm leaving your stupid ass Discord.
Whoa.
I was trying to be in it.
I was trying to be supportive, but I can't stop getting kings.
All right.
Okay.
It's time.
It's time.
What?
Go put on the fucking outfit.
Should we pay off?
You can't see it in front of him.
No, we want to pay off.
Yeah, we don't want payoff.
You have to do it over there because you can't see it in a mirror.
No, no, no.
He can take the shirt off.
Take that cock out.
We'll blur it.
Cutie, that's really cute that you said that.
We already tested to see if Austin looks good in this light.
He found his light.
He literally found his light.
That is bullshit.
Hassan's a bad friend.
No, this is absolutely true.
He literally had a light meter and he was going around scanning for where his abs look best.
He ruined the sexiness of this moment.
Sorry, sorry.
Let's go back.
He killed the sexiness of the moment.
Kill the music, Will.
No, that is not even.
Okay, where's the shirt?
I need the shirt.
Cutie, it's in the box next to you.
This is bullshit.
I was going to take off my shirt.
I'm already fighting.
And he had to ruin it.
Take off your shirt.
No, nobody's going to talk about it.
What's wrong?
Nobody's going to talk about it.
Nobody's going to talk about it.
Here, give me a turn.
Don't touch it.
Take your fucking shirt off.
Have your moment.
I have to have the.
If you take your shirt off right now, you can get a ticket, Taylor Swift.
Ow!
Wait, wait, wait.
Why the other camera?
This camera's the best camera.
Oh, shit, my pants.
No, no, no.
No, wait, why?
Then your face can be seen.
My face isn't the best part.
Stop buttoning them back up.
I need the shirt so I can put it on right after.
I'm not going to send you my shirt off for that long.
People got to be like, hey, Cutie, here, here, here.
You know what I mean?
So we got you a whole outfit.
You didn't stay for what we got you.
Cutie, be very careful with that box cutter, baby.
God damn it.
There you go.
What's my favorite holiday?
9-11.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
That was actually a good ass 9-11 joke.
Respect.
Hey.
Oh, there you go.
That's a bad joke.
That was a very funny joke.
Yeah, if you dated Taylor Shadows.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
She's excusing Maddie Healy.
That's the one joke he didn't make.
He should have, though.
What the fuck?
This box is stupid.
You know what?
I got it!
Men, fuck you!
Okay, make sure that there's no receipt in there, though.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm gonna make sure there's a receipt.
I'm gonna show everyone.
Okay, please.
Okay.
I don't know.
I'm not changing my pants on the stream.
Yes, you are.
You just have to do it off camera.
I'll just do it in there out there.
No, because there's a mirror out there.
Oh, but you guys need to see my undies?
Oh.
No one's going to care.
Look at that.
I got it.
Tiny whip peepee when I'm going to be.
Fucking men always trying to open the jar and.
Stop.
I can't.
I don't look.
Okay, first of all, like, you can step aside from the camera for the pants, but you take the shirt off on camera.
All right, but you can't.
That means you can't show that camera.
There's no other place to.
This is the outfit we got?
Yeah.
This is what he wanted.
We got two shirts.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Which one are we doing?
No, we're doing this one.
Yeah, we're doing it.
Wait, there's more.
There's pants and stuff in there, no?
It's this one.
This is the shirt.
Yeah, that's the shirt.
Yeah, but what's this shirt that we also got?
It's just another very.
Wait, you buy me another shirt?
Yeah.
I think it's the same one.
Okay, all right, all right.
I'm putting it on for the first time.
Okay.
Okay, take it off.
Take that shit off, you slut.
Jesus.
Take your fucking top off right now.
Okay.
I don't know how to close this.
Oh, I got it.
Let's see those goddamn nipples.
Come on.
Is whoring me out?
Take that fucking shirt off.
No, it's supposed to be a staircase.
We got you the same size as the boy you like.
Beef Wellington Shirt Chaos00:14:47
No, it's supposed to be skin tight.
Will's right.
It is like a wetsuit.
Oh, God.
Oh, I hate him.
I hate him.
He's such a bitch.
He's such a bitch.
I was not prepared for this moment.
If we were not on camera, I'd call you the F-Slur right now.
This is not something else.
Take the tag off.
I hope nobody makes any further.
Take the tag off before you put it on.
Lexing is trapped so hard.
He's like, oh, this is how I look.
When I breathe.
You got it.
Sorry, I can't get him over my phone.
Okay, go put the pants on.
Now put the pants on.
Oh, God.
Dudy, who looks so gay?
It looks great.
It looks really fucking good.
You're not going to take the pants.
Wait, okay.
I'm just going to go behind.
I won't look in the mirror.
I promise.
No!
No!
I promise.
We don't trust you.
We don't trust you.
You're the least trustworthy person in the world.
Wait, so you can go here.
No, you can come here.
Oh, my God.
Because he's going to have it on them.
Cutie, don't look at my butt.
I'm not going to.
How did we get here?
I don't know.
I don't know what.
Okay.
Turn the camera to him right now while he's struggling.
It's pretty funny.
It's taking the camera off of it.
It's not going to be fun.
It's pretty funny.
Wait, we should have had him put this one on first.
Oh, no, no, no.
You can put it over.
No, no, no.
Put it over.
That's the final boss.
I forgot about this guy.
Wait, is that?
I should have done it that way.
Okay, don't.
Oh, show his ass.
You got a nice ass, dude.
I'm sweaty.
No, it's not.
Oh, God.
No, he's not.
Respect his privacy.
It's not.
He got a booty.
Like, wants it on camera.
I don't get it.
It feels like he wants it on camera.
Oh, God.
You can touch it.
Okay, put it on.
He likes it.
Oh, my God.
Are the pants too bad?
Wow.
No, he's got to button them.
He just didn't button them.
Oh, there's another button.
All right, tuck it in.
Okay, tuck it in.
What waist size are you?
You are so skinny.
I know.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, he's so skinny.
You were today years old when you finally served.
Okay.
Okay, put the boots on now.
Oh, we can.
Put the boots on.
Yeah, cinch.
Put the boots on, you skinny bitch.
He's going right back to the app.
Where are these boots from?
Yeah, I got this is the end of my.
Wait, no, take that shirt off and put this one on.
No, no, no, no.
Put that on top of it.
No, I think I want the sheer.
Yeah, I want the sheer.
Wait, Hold on.
Wait, is sheer...
Wait, which one goes first?
You can put the sheer on it on this as well, but let's, for the sake of the camera.
Let's for the sake of this segment.
Yeah, take it off again.
There you go.
What?
What?
How do you take your shirt?
How do you take your shirt off, Marsh?
How do you do that?
This episode's going to do numbers.
I know.
Okay.
The amount of TikTok paint cams that are going to come out of this is fucking ridiculous.
They're all going to come from my TikTok.
Anti-Piker might die.
Yeah.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, I'll take the tag off, please.
I don't like it.
I feel very uncomfortable right now.
I'm not flexing.
How can you flex multiple muscles at once, okay?
Wait, what do you mean?
You absolutely can't.
Oh, my God.
We've done it.
Hassan?
Yeah.
It's wonderful.
Hassan?
Tuck it in.
Tuck it in.
We've done it.
This is so good.
There's no way I'm going anywhere with this one.
Wait, what is it?
What do you mean?
Models on Instagram would wear it.
First of all, you're doing the podcast like this.
No, no, no, hold on.
Yes, 100%.
Wait, like, I want the other shirt.
No, no, no.
You're doing it with this.
No, this is.
Why don't you wear it to the Abby?
This is insane.
It's fun.
Well, yeah, but can I, can I?
No one will believe you're a top, by the way.
I like this shirt better.
This outfit is a thousand times better than what you wore at the Streamer Awards.
Really?
Yes.
If you showed up looking like this at the Streamer Awards, oh my God.
You look like a disco pirate.
By the way, we low-key proved that we should only dress this up.
Wait, wait, wait.
Can I prove a point?
Uh-huh.
Marsh, take a photo of his outfit on your phone and tweet it.
And I just want to see within 10 minutes, I bet it's Bedlam.
On my?
Yes.
On your alt, whatever that means.
That'd be like a nice pose.
No, put it on the Fear M podcast, I think.
I put it on the podcast.
Put it on the podcast.
Put it on the podcast so we can get some fucking SEO going, baby.
Get some good life.
What's like a cool, like, man pose?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Why do you want to see that?
What is that face you're doing?
Dude, we've just become Howard Stern for gays.
We're Howard Stern for gays.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't we get you up on the Sibian?
Let's get Austin up on the Sibian.
Look at the face he's making.
Show the rigs.
Wait, no, no, no, don't cover up the muscles yet.
Don't cover up.
Let's get him up on the Sibian.
Oh, please.
Keep it together, sweetie.
Stop coughing.
I feel good that we have started to puddle pedal smut like this.
Or?
Or Harlot.
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
Hussy.
You fucking like that, don't you?
We should do a makeover like this for all of us.
Yeah, I want a makeover.
You know that?
All this proved.
All disproved, I hope, for all of you at home is that he doesn't know how to fucking dress himself and we know how to dress him better.
He left.
You can't tweet this right now because it would expose it for the podcast.
Is that the one you want?
No, no, no, no.
You look like an actual one.
I should tweet it tomorrow.
I don't know.
I'm just trying to prove a point.
No, but they want to see the outfit for the first time.
Yeah, that's true.
He's right.
It's better to save it.
Should I change the other shirt?
Yeah, you can.
No, no, no.
Keep it on.
Keep this one on.
You slut.
Sit the fuck back down.
Yes, sir.
Don't step on the other side.
You like that.
I can't believe I'm wearing this shit.
You know what is funny, though?
I guarantee you.
Shirt is insane.
Both these outfits are now staples in Austin Shows.
Okay, this one is a little tough.
That one has to have a moment.
He said a little too much.
I'm eye to eye with his nips right now.
This is a little too much.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm actually.
I know you're like afraid of saying the F word.
Yeah.
Right?
But like this outfit is literally just.
You know what?
This outfit is saying the F word.
You know what I will say?
We are such good friends because we took you from modern family dad gay to like vogue hot like Abby gay.
You know what?
Fast.
You know what?
I actually love the way I look.
Yes, you do.
Wow.
This is the best.
This is like reverse queer eye.
Reverse queer eye.
True.
We've done it.
Straight eye for the homo guy.
Straight eye for the homo guy.
It was, it was, honestly, it was out of like self-preservation here.
Like it was embarrassing to walk around with you so many years.
Really?
You're fucking Lola Lemon pants.
He's been too harsh.
I've been wearing those a little bit after I left London.
He's being too harsh on you.
He's being a mean girl.
Can I be honest?
Can I be honest?
We knew that you felt like a gay on the outside looking in.
Thank you.
And you needed two big brothers to throw you in the gay mosh pan.
Thank you.
Two of your straight but homosexual big brothers.
You know what?
You ultimately kicked off straight guy for the queer eye or whatever.
You weren't as tough at him as we were.
I wasn't.
We were tough on him.
I'm the Johnny.
I was in charge of hair and I did my job.
We just wanted you to be comfortable in your skin.
Look, I mean, I will definitely get attention now.
Put these on.
Now he looks like the Matrix.
Okay, I'm not wearing these all.
Let me see.
Give him the gun.
Oh my God.
Wait.
Wait, can I see?
Can I see?
Can we make him big so he can stare at himself?
Dude, that is the thumbnail.
Why don't I sit next to this?
You look so gay right now.
It's awesome.
I don't homophobic.
You look like you just flew in from Paris fashionable.
What?
Throw the thumbnail picture after.
Okay, yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah.
We did.
I only leave them on for a minute.
We did.
We done good.
I look like a gay German.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Einswein politwein.
Yeah.
Yeah, you look great.
I am going to go to the Abbey to get some Schwans.
Wait, is that penis?
Schwanz's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Schwann's.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Well, thank you guys so much.
We're just here.
So I did nothing.
So now this is going to be a segment, though.
We're doing a make out our makeup.
Fuck yeah.
We're doing a makeover.
We have to make out.
We're doing a makeover for each of us.
You guys don't need one though.
You and I kissed one time.
Yeah, it was awful.
It was a creator camp.
Cutie is a terrible kiss.
This is what happened in the middle.
She's a terrible kisser.
Joe, this was so funny.
She's an awful kiss.
As soon as we kissed it, shit camp, and then I said, I said, Austin's a terrible kisser.
And he got all pissed, even though it doesn't count.
It was like a speech.
And he got all pissed, and then he pivoted, and he was like, you're a horrible kid.
Yeah, it's true.
Cutie's the worst kisser ever.
I thought it was funny because he got all mad when I said he was a bad kisser.
She used like, she was spitting.
She was awful.
Tighter than assholes.
Yeah, she was using like a crazy amount of tongue.
It was awful.
What the fuck?
I was like, it was like kissing a lizard.
Kill yourself.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
You are never getting in that box.
Wait, oh, look.
Okay, now that was.
Oh, I forgot about the Taylor Swift thing for a second.
I was like, God damn.
Yeah, you're never getting in that box.
Holy shit.
Yes, I was.
We're full Howard Stern.
I was crudely talking about a vagina.
Oh, my God.
You should make that a clip and just see what people interfere.
You are never getting that box.
You're never getting in that box.
Oh, God.
No, Cutie's a wonderful kisser.
You're a bad kisser.
Oh, well, you know what?
Fuck you.
Fuck you and your shitty.
This might be the best episode we've ever done.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
All we need to do is be a month apart from each other.
Wait, so should I wear this one or this one?
This one?
He keeps trying to change out of this year.
I like this one, but like this is like an air.
Not just in any way.
We're on a podcast right now.
I know.
This is a moment, but I'm not going to change right now, but later tonight.
Oh, if you're going out at night, wear that.
No.
If you're going to brunch, wear the other one.
Okay.
Have your date.
Have your night in that.
This is very gay.
I'm very excited.
We need to.
Let's continue with other things.
Enough about me.
Let's talk about everybody.
I like the segment if we just keep dressing Austin every week.
That would be a lot of fun for each other.
Yeah, because you get free cold closets.
Well, it's going out of his portion of the podcast.
Yeah.
Oh, by the way.
Never mind.
I can't tell you now.
What?
Oh.
What the fuck?
Why are you like that?
I can't tell you now.
Oh, no, it's already happened.
What?
Remember that meal?
Hassan takes me to London.
Okay.
And he tells me, Austin, I want to go to afternoon tea.
Oh, boy.
I think I know where this is going to be.
That's fun.
Yeah, it's real fun, QD.
I made the reservation.
I put my credit card down.
Okay.
The bill was 500 pounds.
I left it.
And he left me with the bill.
That's a heavy bill.
It was a 500-pound bill.
Right?
I paid it, and I immediately stole it out of the podcast fund from Hassan.
That's fair.
Wait, but there's another part of that story.
Isn't there?
No, there's another part of that story.
There was only room for one person to get a Wellington, correct?
Yes.
So Hassan went by himself.
Yes.
No, I went with Ray.
Yeah.
Because.
But you didn't go.
I didn't go.
No.
So you were left.
With the bill.
And you didn't get any of the Wellington.
No.
So if I was there.
Who would I have taken to get the Wellington?
If you were there.
Not me.
It sounds like that.
Yes, you.
You've already had it.
I would have wanted to experience it with you one more time.
You died for the Wellington.
So you left poor, gay, freezing Austin alone.
Poor gay, broke.
Doesn't have $150,000 to his name.
Right?
Poor, gay, broke, Austin.
Yeah.
All we do is just trash each other.
This podcast has just come to us ruining each other.
I love this podcast.
It's the only thing I do anymore.
Yeah, it is true.
Listen, listen.
Let me give you my perspective on the Beef Wellington.
I think it was good, but I don't think it was as decadent of it.
It was a decadent experience, but it wasn't as incredible as you presented it.
I will say that.
Awkward.
And here's why.
The pastry was top-notch.
The outer crust, which is oftentimes, I think, overlooked in a Beef Wellington.
Like, they don't really focus on that too much.
The meat quality was excellent as well.
The foie gras in the middle was perfect.
Are we finding fault?
It was the crust, the overpowering aromas of the crust that they had between the beef and the pastry.
But can we talk about something?
What?
You were at tea.
You booked the wrong thing.
You wanted a Wellington.
Yeah, he was different.
What did I talk about with the Wellington?
I'm sure they went, sir, there is simply no way we can provide you a Wellington.
And they went to the kitchen and they debated it.
They crunched the numbers and produced a Wellington.
Yeah, no, why is this complicated?
How did you fuck it up?
The entire meal at the Ritz is like...
They went to tea.
We went to high tea thinking that we were going to the restaurant and the restaurant is separate, but still under the same banner.
Shit is we told him several times that the Wellington was not an afternoon tea and he insisted that he was going to get a Wellington.
You know where the Wellington was?
Oh, you both have problems.
You know where the Wellington was?
In my belly because I was right.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter that high T does not have Beef Wellington.
Oh, money just buys you everything.
I was going to get the Beef Wellington and I fucking got the Beef Wellington.
Who's worse?
Both of you are bad.
But who's worse?
Rear Naked Choke Invite00:02:24
I would never pull a story.
You want to be a worse off?
Which building burnt down the worst?
Yeah.
I mean, look, I definitely, he's more high maintenance.
He's proven himself.
That's not.
I would love to change the name of this podcast from fear and to were terrible.
Yeah.
Cutie, you wouldn't believe this.
He couldn't check into his hotel early, so he spit in the face of the hotel.
He's just lying now.
Which never lies.
Which is insane.
He put her in a chokehold.
He said, give me my fucking room.
It was.
Okay, the fact that you have to.
The fact that you have to lie to make up like a story that's worse than you implies how bad you are.
He had his legs.
What are the spider taller than rear naked choke?
Rear naked choke.
It was insane.
Poor employee.
Yeah, she died.
I killed her.
But he's so wealthy, he got off.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
On that note, this is probably our best episode of all time.
Yes.
And if you want more of these great vibes, you're going to have to go behind the paywall, folks.
That's right.
Because behind the paywall, we will reveal our true feelings about Taylor Swift and Maddie.
Wait, can I shout out a thing first?
Yes.
Yes.
Guys, I forgot I was drinking.
Wednesday, Master Baker starts live on Twitch.tv.
Wait, thanks for the fucking invite.
I invited you.
You didn't reply.
Wait, no bullshit.
Yes, I told you the dates and you didn't reply.
Bullshit.
Wow, you're going to get red to fill.
That's because Austin, Austin was like, I want to be a contestant.
And then I said, okay, next season.
And then you and actually, here's some tea.
You and Carl Jacobs both said you wanted to be contestants.
Sent Carl the dates, nothing.
Sent you the dates, nothing.
Read the DMs.
I have to find them.
Yeah, good luck.
They don't exist, cutie.
They do.
Poor little gay Austin.
I actually don't.
Your sass is gone.
Why did I ask you?
Poor little gay Austin.
Okay, I definitely.
Lone at the Abbey.
Well, will you be a judge?
I'd love to be next Sunday before the podcast.
You want to continue?
Absolutely.
I'll be there.
I'll wear this.
Okay.
The rest of this is behind the paywall.
I got to know.
Master Baker next week featuring me.
On just one day is him.
Just you.
Just one day for the record.
And also just you.
No one else.
Ignore all the contestants.
I'm going to have to check my brunch schedule, but I think.
You're not going to brunch.
Stay dangerous.
Thanks for joining us.
As always.
behind the paywall at patreon.com slash fear and peep