Austin and Hasan's chaotic London trip features a fake Beatles rooftop performance, a contentious high tea at the Ritz involving forced suit purchases and credit card theft, and an 180-euro beef Wellington dispute. Amidst bickering over punctuality, "gay tax" jokes, and Ray's alleged misogyny, they debate networking versus attention-seeking while planning a future New York episode. Ultimately, the segment exposes their mutual financial entanglement and volatile dynamic through explicit discussions on transgender issues, surrogacy desires, and promotional teasers for Patreon content regarding hate crimes and intimate topics. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Filming On A London Rooftop00:04:09
Best one two.
Is it live?
Are we fucking live?
Are we rocking?
Make sure we sound good.
One, two.
Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Good.
I cannot believe that you just made us sit out here, poor Valkyrie, on a fucking rooftop.
Look.
On a rooftop in London.
Can you believe it, ladies and gents?
We flew all the way out to the UK to have this view.
Yes.
We did.
We are actually, folks, we are sitting on the iconic rooftop that the Beatles of New York.
You look like a newscaster.
You have the skinniest tie I've ever seen on.
Okay.
Is skinny tie bad or something?
I think it looks great.
Yeah, you've got the bottom button.
You are a fucking mess, dude.
I'm a mess.
You're a mess.
You're a goddamn mess.
I know a mess.
And I'm saying this after having two Red Bulls so far, I'm about to down my third one to just stay up because honestly, I'm freaking dying right now.
I'm on three hours of sleep.
This is day five of London, right?
This is day five of London.
There's a boxing match that we're supposed to be at in like a couple hours.
We're not going to go to it.
Why is that, Hassan?
Why aren't we going to the boxing fight?
That's right.
You heard it here, ladies and gents.
It's because we are filming a podcast that should have been filmed yesterday with another guest.
The fact that I am being blamed for this already is ridiculous, but that's not the reason.
But regardless, it doesn't matter.
We're up here.
We're on the rooftops.
This is an iconic location.
You can see the wheelie wagon thing behind it.
I don't know what the fuck it's called.
For those history buffs that are watching the podcast, in 1969, January 30th, Paul, John, Ringo, and George, the Beatles, played their very famous rooftop concert right in this location.
And that's why I wanted to put us right here.
Yeah, because many people say we're like the Beatles of podcasts.
That's right.
That's right.
Absolutely.
And look at this.
And look at this view, folks.
If you can look behind us, you got to.
Why do you sound like a newscaster?
You look like a newscaster and you sound like one.
What is happening?
Yeah, why are you guys here?
Thank you, Assange.
Right behind us is the London Eye, Big Ben, the Financial District.
You can see it.
Yeah, you can kind of see it.
Okay, well, I hope you can see it.
You can kind of see it.
There's stuff back there anyway.
This is our point.
Yeah.
It's stuff back there.
I hope you guys can see it because let me tell you something, okay?
There's no fucking lumbar support here.
That's why I'm scrunkled up like this, okay?
Scrunkled.
I don't even know what word that is because I'm running on fumes right now.
Okay.
I'm running on freaking fumes.
March is already drinking beers behind the scenes.
Okay.
Let me call him out.
He's just sitting on the back of the bag.
Yeah, he's just sitting on the ground drinking a goddamn beer look.
I wanted to do it here because Ray is an icon.
And often icons cannot just be put in random rooms.
They have to be put on the iconic places like the rooftop that the Beatles played on in 1969.
So that's why I put us here, right?
I don't know if he knows, but podcasting is supposed to be like...
It's a big performing here where the Beatles once played.
That's right.
It's supposed to be a comfortable medium where you sit for like two hours.
I don't know if we're going to be able to do this for two hours.
I'm not even kidding.
I'm looking right at you.
We might need to resettle.
Yeah, because I'll fucking carry the cameras down and reset it downstairs.
We're going to make it.
We're going to make it.
We'll make it through.
It's fine.
We'll make it through.
Don't worry.
Just focus us on.
Why are you guys so dressed up today?
It's a good question.
Wait, you're the guest.
Yeah.
Know your fucking place.
This is my podcast.
Know your goddamn place.
Know my place.
This is like the second time that she's on, and she runs on.
The third time, actually.
Like the second time, third time, whatever.
This is the third time.
And last time you were on, Ray, everybody got very upset because Hassan and I.
No, no, no, that was the first time.
The first time you were on.
That was the first time she was on the street.
Second time we redeemed ourselves.
Yes, which is great.
But the first time we had you on, it was just, it was the three of us.
Who Knows Their Place00:14:33
Yeah.
And I talked to Hassan.
We talked way too much.
But I was also jet lagged, remember?
That's true.
And you were also jet lagged again in a different country.
But we're going to make it up to you.
So, Ray, why are we dressed like this?
Let me explain.
What had happened was: Austin took us out to some hog tea in London today.
I did.
There's a major dress code.
And if you don't dress the code, you're not allowed in.
That's right.
So we had to.
We went to the Ritz.
We went to the Ritz for afternoon tea.
Yep.
You just did it again.
How dare you?
Know your place.
Know your place.
I don't know what is high tea.
She's correct.
I don't know what that is.
Americans don't know what that is.
That is the experience we did was called high tea.
Yeah.
So we decided to go to high tea.
Actually, Hassan decided.
Hassan decided.
Oh, actually, it was your idea?
Yeah, Hassan decided to go to high tea.
He said, Austin, I really want to go to high tea.
That's not true.
I don't even know what high tea.
Book the reservation, Ray.
Okay.
Makes me book it on my credit card and then leaves the table early to go have a beef Wellington.
And she was there.
I was there.
He sticks me with the 500 pound of you.
500 pounds.
500 fucking quid.
Yeah.
Get fucked, Austin.
500 pounds.
This guy's a multi-gazillionaire.
Listen, one of my favorite pastimes is to get Austin to like pay for shit.
We went to Deshoom the other day.
Okay.
Wonderful Indian joint.
I mean, absolutely just carrying the entire British cuisine on its back single-handedly.
We go there.
I call for the check on my way to the fucking bathroom.
Okay.
On my way to the washing closet, right?
That's what they say out here.
If you know what I fucking main all the brain washers out there, washing closet.
I'm on my way down there.
I've never heard of it.
Taking a Willie out.
Taking a Willie out on a fucking walk, yeah.
Taking a piece.
And I come back.
You exposed yourself.
I go to the restaurant.
In the washing clubs.
Oh, yeah.
Where you're supposed to do that.
Right.
Anyway, I come back.
The check is just sitting there on the table.
I look at Austin just unflinching.
He's like, oh, I just, I couldn't find my wallet.
No.
Well, no, because, Ray, this guy sets the check down.
All right.
And guts up and goes to the bathroom.
That's not true.
I didn't even, I wasn't even there when the check came.
No, the check.
Yeah, he was there.
And then he goes to the restroom on purpose.
Which is iconic because he wanted to see if I would pay for it.
And I stood my ground.
I'm proud of you for steady your ground.
Why do you make it up to be like a civil rights moment?
Because it is.
He thinks gay people should pay.
Yes.
He thinks we should incorporate a gay tax, right?
I do.
I want to gay tax you.
Yeah, he wants to gay tax you.
Yeah, which I did.
I gay taxed the shit out of you today.
So let me tell you another thing that he did.
He makes me pay for it.
First, he wanted me to pay for that meal, which I didn't.
I stood my ground.
Next, he kidnaps me and makes me buy, I want to say, $1,800 worth of clothes.
Okay.
And then makes me book a reservation and then 500 pounds of afternoon tea.
Fuck yeah.
All right.
I've spent 2,000 pounds plus the airfare to get out here.
I'm in this trip probably $10,000.
Okay.
And it's not even an exaggeration.
Yo, that's so fire.
And do you, what do you think the consequences of this guy should be?
I'm going to go steal everything at his house.
I feel like he does owe you a new attire because you didn't like this attire that you're wearing today.
No, it's great.
You look great.
You look awesome.
He owes me a show.
I don't.
I don't know.
Some people force Austin to pay for the cab on the way here.
That's true.
He also forced you to pay for the cab.
It's awesome.
It's my favorite.
I don't know why.
It makes me feel so good.
Why do you do that?
I don't know.
It just feels so good when he pays.
Why do you do that?
I love, I love paying for my friends.
Okay.
I love paying for my friends and family.
Austin is not one of them.
Yeah.
Austin is neither.
I don't know why you enjoy making me pay for shit.
Because you get so mad.
I do.
I mean, I do.
Oh, you were like, you have enough money to pay for all of it.
And so do I, obviously.
And I do.
I pay for all jokes aside, I pay for a lot of stuff.
It's fine.
But it's just always so sweet to get you to pay for it.
I mean, he loves this.
I'm telling you.
Ever since I stole that $2,000 jacket that he bought me.
I did.
Yeah.
Ever since that day.
Ever since then, he's been really, really piling it on.
Wait, that he bought you.
Wasn't that for someone else?
I didn't actually buy that for you.
Yeah, that was you stole that.
I did steal it.
I mean, right, do you think, man?
Gay activities.
Just life of deceit.
I still think he owes you.
Yeah, well, yeah, I think so.
Especially because you didn't even drink the tea at the high tea.
No, I did.
I did.
I drank like two cups.
This guy goes to high tea.
Two cups.
Yeah.
I did.
This guy goes to high tea, right?
We were all sitting together.
Yeah, and he proceeds to shit on the high tea.
It was so bad.
Yeah, he's shit on it.
I got a lot of words for this.
You know what?
Let's, let's, I want to dial it back real quick.
Like, because there's so much that we need to talk about.
So much has happened.
My eyes are closing, but don't worry.
I'm not actually falling asleep.
I'm just running on three hours of sleep since yesterday.
So I went to bed at like 7 a.m., woke up at 10.
So I'm a little tired right now.
I'm on my third Red Bull.
Once I guzzle this down, I'm going to be able to keep my eyes open.
But so much has happened that led us to this very moment, to this rooftop right here, where it's like sub 40 degrees right now, and there's no lumbar supports.
My back fucking hurts like a bitch.
Already, we just got here.
Already, I'm sitting and I'm like, oh, God, this sucks.
And there's crazy noise.
There's a party going on downstairs.
Yeah.
Stay on track, Asani.
Anyways, listen, we came out here with big hopes and dreams.
I thought I would get to link up with Jeremy Corbin.
I thought I would get to link up with Mick Lynch, the leader of the railroad union.
For those of you that only watch Fury and obviously, we don't talk about politics, but that's what I do.
I'm a political commentator.
So I was excited for all these things.
I didn't know that.
I was excited for the Sidemen collab that we were potentially going to do with Zuka, Jos Zuka, of the Sidemen, one-seventh of the Sidemen.
And none of those things happened.
Like everything fell apart.
I don't even like England.
I fucking hate London.
I just, I hate coming to the United Kingdom.
And we did it.
We did it.
Ray had a very eventful time.
Which we will talk about immediately after this.
But like, everything fucking fell apart.
First day, we come in.
Austin just checks into his hotel.
Okay.
And then fucks right off.
Like, he's just gone for like a for like a good 24-hour time period where Austin was just like nowhere to be fucking.
I was exaggerating.
I was sleeping like a human.
Yeah, for 24 hours, which is weird.
You're hibernating at that point.
There's nothing.
Not 24 hours.
Just like an otter because he is an otter.
I'm not an otter.
He is an otter.
I'm a jock.
Anyway.
So he's hibernating for 24 hours.
We can't find him.
And then he does something that is truly unacceptable, which is teach me that there are blackout curtains in my hotel room.
There is, oh, there's no way you're blaming Austin.
This is the reason, Randy.
Back me up on this.
Back me up on this.
The reason why we can't have Josh Zuka on this episode of the Fear Out podcast when we're supposed to do it is twofold.
You're leaving out a cheeky little detail.
I need to be serious.
A little decent.
I need to be fast, Ray.
What happened?
I need to be frank with you guys.
She has an addiction, and it's Legend of Zelda.
Wait, hold on.
I need to be frank with you guys.
Okay.
It's not an addiction.
It's fine.
I don't have a problem.
I have one problem.
I have Austin by my side.
That's right.
Austin came into my room.
Austin came into my room and was like, these are the blinds that you can use in your room.
And I usually have a pretty good circadian rhythm.
I'm pretty solid.
I can wake up before my alarm clock fairly regularly.
I went to sleep on Friday night at around 4 a.m. after giving you guys eight hours of content, as always, because I'm selfless like that.
Well, not Friday.
I guess it was Thursday to Friday, Friday morning.
Yeah, Friday morning.
I woke up at, unfortunately, 12.30 to a bunch of phone calls, bunch of text messages.
No one showed up in my room for the record to wake me up.
People being like, yeah, what's up with the podcast?
I guess we're not doing it.
This motherfucker's telling time like it's 600 BC from the sun.
I'm just saying.
Like a Mayan.
I'm just saying.
Like you're looking at.
Austin is at fault because he's used an alarm clock.
Austin is at fault because he turned.
I slept through my alarm clocks.
Austin is at fault because he showed me the blinds in my room.
The no sunlight blind curtain that you pulled up ruined me.
It devastated me.
It's your fault.
That's the reason why we couldn't do a podcast with Josh Zerka.
But realistically, we have the beautiful, the wonderful, the fabulous, the iconic, the Beyoncé of our industry, Valkyrie.
Oh, my God.
What a curse.
The Valkyrie of our industry.
Curtains to Ray.
Yes, from curtains.
I hear they call Beyonce the Valkyrie of music.
They really do.
Oh, my gosh.
That's offensive.
Unlike us, you have had a very productive trip.
Yeah.
What have you done on this trip?
Talk to us about it.
Oh, God.
I have never been more overexerted in my life.
We get here.
These boys are in London, and I go to Birmingham.
Disaster, by the way.
Birmingham is...
Don't go there on vacation.
That is not vacation.
Oh, no.
I was just about to book my flight to Birmingham for vacation.
I was there on vacation.
Stayed at probably the worst hotel I've ever been at in my life.
There was no water.
You have to crank the toilet to flush it.
And yeah, it was just quite smudgy.
But I was there for three days and filmed five shoots for Gymshark.
Wow.
Goddamn.
Incredible.
Incredibly jet lagged, struggling to get here.
Got to London, had a meet and greet.
And then I find out I'm going to be on the podcast on my one day, my one free day in London.
I'm doing a podcast.
Well, I mean, Ray, thank you for sacrificing.
It is such a beautiful day.
Thank you guys for coming with me.
You know?
I'm glad you guys came so I didn't have to come here alone.
Ray, was it as bad as this hotel that looked like it was bombed in the Second World War right over here?
This travel lodge?
It was equally as bad as that one.
Okay.
This hotel, you guys can't see it, but this hotel looks like it's out of like a post-apocalyptic Call of Duty.
It feels like the IRA almost took out Margaret Thatcher in there.
It looks ridiculous.
Can we snap a photo of that and put that in there?
But listen, they only need to...
Okay.
She needed to be lucky every day.
The IRA only needed to be lucky once.
But regardless, you know, speaking of bombing London.
Oh my God, dude.
The fucking weather is awful and you're making us sit out here.
She's tired.
Oh, no.
And you're making a sit out here.
I feel great now.
You're such a liar.
No, she feels great.
I'm not shaking anymore.
No, she's worried.
I grew up in Washington.
Yeah, she knows.
She knows.
So, Ray, what was your favorite part?
Tell us about the meeting.
I'm not using it.
Oh, the meet and greet.
Oh, my gosh.
Me and Greet was great.
It was a woman in Enby's only event.
Yes.
Cafted 160 people.
It was a free event, and it quote-unquote sold out in the first like 10 minutes, which is incredible.
I thought I was going to pass out during the meet and greet, but it was really good.
It was really good.
Austin came.
I did.
I did.
Hasan was screaming Legend of Zelda.
Yeah, that's right.
I came exclusively to support Ray, which I did.
He did have his meetup.
Hold up.
He did.
Hold up.
I didn't come because I am actually a nice person.
I was like, well, women in Enby's, I'm neither.
I'm going to stay the fuck out of this.
Also, I don't want to, you know, steal someone else's thunder, which I never could anyway.
But like, I never could anyway.
He was going to steal my face.
I never could either.
But my point is, Austin loves his main character.
That's why he came.
He might act like he came to show support.
The real thing was he wanted to go there so he could fucking take photos of fans, which is his favorite thing to do.
I'm so glad you came, Austin.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
The support was so great.
I came to the event and a few people did notice me.
Yeah, a few did.
But I was quick to redirect the attention straight on to.
Austin literally said I was crowd surfing.
That was not.
He did say that.
He also forged my signature.
Okay, that was a fan.
I did, but that was upon their request.
Yeah, yeah.
They wanted to see how much I could, how accurately, and it was pretty close.
I just wanted you guys to understand what his motivations were.
They were not pure.
They were impure.
His motivations were bad.
Okay.
No, look, I went there to support Ray, and everybody in the chapter was a good idea.
That was a win-win.
You were supporting me and also people were supporting you.
You are a slut for attention.
Look, you're a whore.
Look, I've never been a man.
I've always done this.
I've never done this for the crowds.
I've always been, I love it for the craft.
The crowd.
And truly, I get overwhelmed by being recognized.
And it's not one of my favorite things.
Yeah, okay.
Everyone knows you, so you can keep lying all you want, but we all know what the fucking real reason was that you went to the Women in Envy's only event.
But gays, too, right?
No.
They expanded it last minute.
No, they didn't know that.
There were other men there too.
Probably working at the facility.
Yeah, they were working.
Oh, yeah.
I was the only one.
You were working the crowd.
Mauricio was there?
Yeah.
Yeah, Maurizio there for like an actual.
They also, I mean, you could say for gay.
Austin was working, okay?
He was there for more than one.
He was working the crowd.
That's right.
I was there.
I was there for support and elevating the Beyoncé of our space in a very premier spot in London.
Now, they didn't know I was gay, though.
The security guard, I stood right next to him, and he's like, oh, yeah, mate.
You're just sitting here so you can watch the girls leave.
I was like, he said that?
Yeah.
I was like, what are you doing?
I was like, Jesus.
This is what happened.
That's what I played along.
I was like, yeah.
I'll move on to school.
Austin Working The Crowd00:14:32
I fucking love women fannies is my favorite.
Yeah, that's exactly what.
That's exactly what I did.
Yeah.
I played along.
You do love straight baiting a lot.
I do.
I do.
I mean, I can't.
What am I going to say?
Stop the conversation awkwardly and be like, actually, I'm gay.
I don't like that.
No.
You're not coming to watch the game.
No, I'm gay.
You literally could have said, no, I'm gay, actually.
Also, even if I were straight, that'd be kind of weird.
Yeah, no, I know.
Exactly.
You're like a beeping Tom.
But I really didn't actually go along with it.
I just went awkwardly.
He went along with it.
He's like, yeah, I love pussy.
I did not.
Fucking fannies, mate.
I did not.
But you stood there for, she stood there for like three and a half hours to meet me.
Which was amazing.
Yeah.
Which is absolutely phenomenal.
That's not amazing.
Your behavior this entire trip.
I don't know how the hell.
I can't be.
Okay, you are attaching Austin to my.
He's using the speaking.
Very famous.
I have no conservative policy.
I have no.
Okay, tell me the notes.
What do you got?
What do you got other than you've made me pay for everything?
Friday night, Friday night.
Okay.
This motherfucker comes on the stream.
I like set it up for him.
I'm so excited.
We're going to watch Donald Trump together.
Okay.
Okay.
So we watched the Donald Trump Town Hall.
Okay.
We watched the Donald Trump Town Hall together.
We're doing the, you know, the Trump say.
Believe me.
Oh, my God.
Vagina.
Believe me.
Vagina.
We're having a fucking grand old time.
Okay.
And then this dude turns around and he's like, oh, I'm dozing off.
Like, I turn around and look at him and he's like, he's like falling asleep.
Okay.
And I'm super convinced.
I'm like, oh, poor Austin.
He probably only got 10 hours of sleep and he needs a solid 12.
So he wants to go to sleep right now.
I'm like, Austin, if you want to go to sleep, it's okay.
You can leave.
Like, you can leave the community.
It's fine.
Like, you know, they love you.
This is, by the way, after three and a half hours of a one-hour video.
Okay.
I'm just saying.
You love it.
And, you know, I guess maybe you were, maybe you don't love it as much as the Valkyrie event where you could take photos of the fans, but it's fine.
You don't love my community.
What can I say?
So you are falling asleep.
And I think, oh, okay.
Like, you know, Austin, yeah, go to sleep.
It's fine.
He leaves.
Next morning, we find out this motherfucker lied and actually went straight to a bar, dude.
That is not true.
That's just so true.
I went to the hotel bar.
Okay.
Right after.
And then he's right after.
Yeah.
How many?
I had a few drinks.
Yeah.
He also lied about that, too.
He was like, yeah, I was just there for like, you know, just like 10 minutes.
Not there for 10 minutes for hours.
Okay, no, I was there for 45 minutes.
Drinking free drinks.
Is it 45 minutes?
The bartender loved him so much.
He was like feeding him out.
The bartender was really nice.
We hit it off and he gave me a few drinks for free.
And the reason I did that, Ray, is because I was tired and my sleep schedule was messed up and I needed something to really send me over the air.
No, I think I'm excited.
I needed a nightcap.
And so I went to the bar and I had a few drinks.
Okay.
And I don't think that's really unnecessary.
Yeah, he's just hunting.
What is he my keeper?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah, no, guys.
He was hunting.
What is he like craving?
That is not true.
He was looking around.
No, I was not.
What do you say to the allegations that in the Discord you wrote, is London Twink Central?
That's what I'm hearing.
No, I did say that, but that was in response to somebody saying London is Twink Central.
It has no interest to me, though.
That was not.
It's not what I'm here for.
I'm here for business.
Yeah.
He looks the other way when he sees a Twink walking.
Absolutely.
They've even come out to me.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Austin Show.
I said, no.
I'm here for business, strictly professional.
That's never happened.
What are you saying?
Oh, my God.
It's you.
That's what they say.
I heard it.
Yeah.
She heard it last night.
Like, aren't you in the walking day?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You that sheriff, man.
Yeah.
He's Hassan is a liar.
Are you going to be aware of that?
Who do you believe, Hassan?
Who do you believe?
Did I call you?
Who did you call me Hassan?
We need sleep.
That's what we need.
Who do you believe?
Ray, Hassan or myself.
I believe the man, the man who brought you up on this rooftop where it's fucking freezing with no robots.
You're going to look back at this play.
Exactly.
You're going to look back at this and you're going to be like, Beatles and then Valkray.
Wow.
Look at that.
Look at that.
John Lennon was looking at.
Well, the eye wasn't there in 1969, but I can tell you Big Ben was.
And you know what?
Actually, that building right there looks like it wasn't there either.
So you could get a perfect view of the River Thames in Parliament.
And that's what John Lennon and Paul McCartney did.
The River Thames is disgusting.
So it was even more gross.
Yeah, it was even more gross back then.
It was like extra toxic.
You couldn't even, it had a fucking scent to it, which it still kind of does.
Yeah.
God, I hate London.
It's so there's eight days out of the year where like yeah, because Birmingham is like the Tampa, Florida of London, or of England, okay?
And then London itself is like Ohio, right?
It's not.
It's better than Ohio.
The entire country's Ohio, pretty much.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ray, do you like the UK?
Um, rate it out of 10 right now.
Out of 10?
Yeah.
Three.
A three for you.
Well, okay, to be fair, I haven't really done anything touristy at all.
That's not true.
We had a high tea earlier.
You got beef Wellington at the reach.
I like the mushrooms more than the beef wellington there.
Oh my God.
We got to talk about that.
That's true.
Talk about it.
Okay.
So we go to afternoon tea, and I thought to myself, like, afternoon tea, afternoon schme.
I'm getting me some fucking beef Wellington.
I put my foot through that goddamn door.
I went and I bought a fucking suit, which doesn't even fit me, as you can tell.
Okay.
Stuck me with the fucking bill.
No, I bought my own suit.
He's lying.
But he's a liar.
That's fine.
He's a liar.
I had to buy the suit.
Are you just lying?
You bought my suit.
Yeah, I did.
I bought your suit.
Oh, okay.
He stole my credit card.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the other thing I was going to talk about.
Wait, you stole my credit card?
No, but I've been charging your name.
No, you haven't.
The entire time.
Oh, no, you haven't.
So Austin booked my room.
No, you haven't.
And he does it because he gets a lot of points out.
No, that's not true.
Okay.
And usually I put down my credit card, but this time, for some weird reason, they didn't put down my credit card.
Wait, for the second meeting?
Because we checked in together.
No.
So the room is still under his name.
No.
And the entire time, I've been getting like goodies.
All the perks that he gets as like this.
What are you?
Like a Halcyon member or something?
I'm on top of Marriott Ambassador.
He's a Marriott Ambassador level member, right?
So when you're apparently a Marriott Ambassador level member, when you go to like different hotels that are under the Marriott umbrella, they literally suck and fuck you.
Okay.
They basically, they, you know, those like mint on the pillow shit that your parents used to talk about when they go to hotels?
Like this shit's on that.
Like they give you cupcakes, which, yeah, this guy, this guy is getting all my perks.
Yeah.
They think that I'm him.
Yes, they think that, they think that I'm him.
So they're sending me like, every time I order a room service, they write like a well-thought-out, well-crafted note, like, Mr. Show, thank you so much for your stay and ordering this delicious club sandwich for us at 3 a.m. in the morning.
Your patronage is wonderful and appreciated.
You know, Patricia, the manager, like literally, like they're signing it.
There's like a lipstick.
She kisses it, like sends it over to me.
Like, I come back to the hotel room.
There's cupcakes in my room every fucking time.
Yeah.
I told this to him and he's like, where the fuck are my people?
Yeah, I didn't get any cupcakes.
I didn't get a handwritten letter.
I didn't get a thank you for your loyalty.
I didn't get anything.
And now apparently I'm finding out, Ray.
Yeah, I've been charged with the business.
I've been charged for all his room expenses.
Yeah.
Why are you doing this to Austin?
What happened?
But Hassan doesn't know.
It's absolutely not true because I took his card and inserted it into the machine and charged it.
I don't know.
I absolutely did.
Keep saying Mr. Show every time they talk to me.
It's because I booked the reservation.
Your card is on the reservation.
They just don't care about you.
I don't think you're.
They don't care because you're not a loyal Marion.
I'm not.
But I get all the perks, so it doesn't matter to me.
Yeah, but you're paying for your room.
Let's be clear.
I just stole my credit card.
I know.
We'll see about that.
I'm so proud.
How's your experience been?
Well, all I need to do is because they called me, you know, Mr. Show, all I need to do is literally put your room number down when I eat downstairs.
Don't you dare.
Which I've been doing.
No, you have not.
Yes, you have not.
What's my room number?
Yes, I'm not going to say it.
What?
Wait, why?
Say it.
424.
Fuck.
You have to bleep that out, actually.
Wait, this isn't coming out.
Yeah, it's not going out until.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Yeah.
Don't you.
It's called social engineering, baby.
Dude, you have not been charging it.
Have you?
Yes, I have.
100%.
Dude, I could have charged.
With March, I got him food, too.
Wait, did he actually?
Did I march into this?
Did he actually breakfast?
Yeah.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Dude.
But they keep saying that.
Are you like, Ray, this is criminal?
No, don't worry.
When I go there, I'm like, I'm so gay, by the way.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
I'm actually legitimately upset.
Ray, I'm going to go complain at the desk.
I'm going to say an uncle.
I'm going to say an unauthorized user has been charging and mistake.
I'm actually legitimately going to do it.
I walk over.
I walk over.
I'm like, hello.
I missed the show and I'm gay.
That's typically how I speak.
Ray, this is abusive, isn't it?
Where are the twins?
I'm trying to figure out where all this underlying resentment he has towards you has come from.
He's a foe.
I am.
Pride month is coming up.
He's in.
Don't get me fucking started.
It's like when tensions are hot on the South China Sea.
Right?
When there's military drills.
That's like Pride Month for him.
So the tensions are rising.
He's got to ramp up.
I'm circling the wagon.
Yeah, he's got a ramp up.
I got the carriers, the post carriers and hatred towards gay people.
This is no politics podcast.
Sorry.
We don't do politics on the podcast.
Sorry.
Austin Billy.
Sexuality is politics?
Yeah.
He's talking about the China Sea, though.
Oh, shit.
No, no, no.
That was a rush of the picture.
No, but sexuality is also politics.
Yeah.
Which is what we don't talk about.
None of that stuff.
We're in England.
We don't have time for that.
Keep that in the bed.
That's not gay shit.
Keep it in the bed.
We went to a breakfast spot the other day.
Okay, Hassan is a different Hassan.
He's a different Hassan.
Well, you actually are so different.
Is this like jet-lagged Hassan?
No, this is how I am in the real world.
Austin's been talking about this for the longest time.
By the way, I'm sick and tired of me being called the diva.
Oh, you're both divas.
Let's be real.
Okay.
Who's worse?
Who's more of a diva?
Stop.
You can't lie.
I'm not gonna.
And it's definitely Austin.
That's for sure.
You are being.
Okay, tell me how Austin is booking all of these things and he's late to every status event.
Yes, no.
Speak on it.
Yes, no.
No, every time.
He's late to high tea.
Okay.
Which you booked, right?
That was my booking.
No, it was for Hassan.
We were supposed to be.
Late to every Uber.
No, even before then.
This morning.
Oh, no.
This morning, Austin's like, all right, guys, I guess we got to go grab like clothes before we go to high tea because we have this dress code.
I'm like, okay, I wake up late.
I'm like later than everybody else.
I'm like, fuck, I'm so, I'm going to be so late.
I come downstairs.
They're already having breakfast.
Austin's like, yeah, sorry.
You can't get breakfast because like, you know, we ordered it first, whatever, and we don't have enough time.
I'm like, okay, that's fine.
These motherfuckers didn't get breakfast for another like 40 minutes.
And then they were the reason why we were late to high tea.
I don't know how it's even possible that you were ahead of everyone in the schedule.
And you're the one who's constantly like, all right, 4.30, we're going to be in the cab.
And then at 4.25, we're downstairs.
We're like, where the fuck's Austin?
He's like, oh, hold on.
I'm in the loo.
No, we would have been on time had there not been a protest in central London, a transphobic protest.
No, the turning point USA was a, or UK was a different protest, I think.
Okay.
So there was a protest in central London, and I ran to the Ritz on foot to make sure that we could get there.
15 minutes late, I had to really convince him.
Okay, but like we didn't have to be late early early.
Punctuality aside, who's a bicker diva?
Still you, I think.
Austin.
100% still.
Being late is not diva members.
Yes, it is.
What else is dealing behavior that I've done on this trip?
Because I remember that.
Remember what happened in the Uber today.
Can we get some fucking air in here?
I absolutely hate my suit.
I hate what's going on today.
Where's the fucking AC?
Okay, I did not say it like that.
She's paraphrasing.
He's literally on camera.
It's going to be reflected in the wall.
Okay.
I did have a little bit of a shame.
He was having a rough morning.
I was having a rough morning because I was frustrated because I had to buy this suit last minute because Hassan forced me to do it.
Okay.
See, right?
He forces me to buy.
He forces me to buy the suit.
You know what I should be forcing you?
I'm going to force you off this fucking roof.
What are you wearing right now?
Okay, look.
What are you wearing right now?
Look, I only brought show the fucking camera.
March, is this on camera?
He's wearing Nike ankle socks with his fucking loafers, man.
I'm about to lose my goddamn mind.
I'm about to lose my fucking mind.
I told him, stop doing this.
Look, I did do it.
I would have never worn these.
The only reason I wore them is because I only brought ankle socks because I wasn't expecting it.
I mean, this was a last-minute shit.
Why do you only have ankle socks?
Why do you only own ankle socks?
Because I can't afford other socks.
Hassan, because he's busy buying stuff for you.
Yeah, I'm milking him.
Okay, but we need to talk more about him.
How he's high maintenance.
Talk about how he's high maintenance.
Because it's not for high maintenance.
I'm not.
It's not fair.
Where do we even begin?
Let's start with how Hassan has to stream every single day.
Regardless of what other obligations there may be.
That's called being a hard worker and loving your fan base and serving them.
And he's rude to frontline workers.
That's a lie.
He is so incredibly give an example.
Oh, this morning we were at breakfast.
Hassan Is High Maintenance00:02:29
He wasn't even rude.
We were at breakfast.
Oh, you were not rude.
I was not being rude.
That's ridiculous.
Thank God this wasn't on camera.
Yeah.
You would have gone over.
You would have been done.
I talked to people.
I talk to people in the exact same way that I would talk to them as though they are my friends.
Which is rude.
No.
No.
It's because I don't take an overly polite tone.
That's it.
I have a very conversational tone.
And I can attest to this as well.
He does have a quick confidence.
Yeah, I just talk to people that are serving me, not like they're serving me, but instead, like I know them.
So I'll just sometimes come across as conversational.
And you are, you know, to the uninitiated, that is like, whoa, what the fuck?
That's weird.
So Hassan, with his Instagram voice this morning.
You're busting out all the big guns.
You're trying to come after me.
And you started it first.
With his Instagram voice, turns on his Instagram voice.
Girl screaming in the background.
I was tired.
I just woke up.
What's up?
And so he's like, yo, can I get an Americano?
And like, no, make the milk cold.
That's not what I said.
No warm milk.
No, okay, you're exaggerating.
So I say the way you said it.
I said, can I get it?
I know you guys heat it up.
I said, can I get it with cold milk?
I know you guys love to heat it up.
Yeah.
That's what I said.
But don't do it.
But don't.
And then he went like, no, I didn't do that.
I never knew that.
He said, don't.
And then he proceeded to say, I got him and he got a fucking job.
Yeah.
That's what he said.
I got him and I beat his ass.
He's dead now.
I killed him.
Hassan also killed another guy that was serving us the beef Wallington.
Oh.
He asked for a Diet Coke.
Oh.
And the guy comes and he wants to pour the Coke into a glass.
And Hassan's like, no, I will fucking kill you if you pour the Coke into that glass.
That's such a lie.
Okay, that's ridiculous.
That sounds like it.
And the guy was like, no, we can't have the bottle on the table.
Okay, that part is actually true.
I did say I hate drinking out of like a glass because when you pour it into the glass and the glass has like ice in it, it automatically takes away the carbonation.
Like, it's a pet peeve of mine.
It's a little autistic.
It's whatever.
This is insane.
This is evil.
I'm not afraid that's right.
The mouthfeel is important to me.
But of course, like, it's actually easy.
It's an easily avoidable problem where I just, like, whenever they bring a glass, I'm like, hey, I don't need the glass.
Thank you so much.
I'll just show you out of the bottle.
So that's what I said to him.
And you're making it.
And then the guy was like, sorry, I can't put it down.
We can't put the glass on the table.
Pouring Coke Into Glass00:07:04
And you're like, fine.
No, I said, oh, okay.
It's fine.
And then he complained to the manager.
No, I did not do any of those things.
I would never do any of those things.
But you did think it was stupid.
I did give you a diva point in my head for that, for sure.
See, diva behavior.
Yeah, that was.
I'm trying to think of another diva thing that you did.
I brought you into the beef Wellington journey, and this is how you repay me.
That's insane.
It was mixed.
It was so missing.
Marsh wanted to eat that beef Wellington so bad.
You should have gone, Marsh.
Yeah, you know what, March?
You should have came instead.
Not this ungrateful demon, okay?
Who sat there, who sat there?
We, by the way, we had to wait for like an hour for the Beef Wellington to come because apparently evidently they have to cook it.
No, they have to do like a ceremony in the background or some shit.
And she literally, one, didn't eat the fucking outer pastry crust at all, which I was like, what the fuck are you doing?
You're not even a little bit more.
It was so full.
I didn't know we were going to eat.
She wasn't even full.
You want to know why she's not full?
Because she kept eating the fucking side mushrooms and the mashed potatoes.
Because it tastes better.
Yeah, I was like, what are you doing?
Try the beef Wellington.
We just got done eating high tea little snackies.
And then I'm pulled into this beef Wellington restaurant, which Hassan like begged the waiters to give him a room or a table for.
That's true.
I did.
I didn't even know what to do.
Which was also ridiculous.
That was wild.
I can't believe that worked.
Yeah, I can't believe that worked either.
He kind of snuck into the service was shockingly good.
Yeah, it was actually very good.
We were expecting actually the service to be kind of like hoity-toity.
Although they did laugh at my suit.
Somebody laughed at my suit.
Wait, really?
Because I didn't.
I mean, look at my suit.
It looks like it's a little bit more.
I love this color on you.
Oh, it's great.
I mean, I mean, I wouldn't gas you up, but you look great.
I don't want to fuck yourself.
Some people say that.
Some people say that.
Okay.
Who?
You, you guys.
Yeah.
We are some people.
Marsh, I think I unplugged my mic.
No, I didn't.
Is it okay?
Oh, my God.
That is insane.
I just want to say that.
How is that even possible?
Are we okay?
How are you physically doing this?
We good?
Test.
Oh, it sucks.
Yeah, we should be careful because I may.
All right, anyway, we're good.
But I was surprised, right?
The service is actually.
Yeah, it turns out, like, they don't just wear the penguin suits for no reason.
They're like, bro, they are insane over there at the Ritz.
Like, honestly, I mean, the food was mid as fuck.
Here, I'll give you my review right now.
Okay.
I give you my review of the Ritz.
First of all, I walk in, and the lady, in the most like, in the most almost hysterical fashion, was like, no, no.
I'm like, what?
She's like, you don't have a tie.
And it made me feel like I was, you know, I was like doing something wrong for being in the presence of the afternoon tea crowd without a fucking tie, even though I'm wearing a goddamn three-piece.
So she sends my ass back to the coat check.
I have to go there.
They have an entire like deck of ties.
Okay.
They pull it out.
They're like, so which kind of tie would you like?
We have a navy, we have black, and there's some, you know, here's a pompador and is a bow tie if you'd like a bow tie.
Like, they had so many different fucking ties in there.
I picked the black one.
I come back.
I sit down.
Everyone is like dressed like a commander from a video game or something.
Like the door guys, like the bell hops, is that what they're called?
I mean, they're not even like bellhops, like young, younger people.
They're like, you know, 80 fucking years old wearing these like crazy.
They're lifelong bellhops.
Yeah, they're they're, I guess they're paid well.
I don't know.
Oh, they must be.
So very well compensated.
They're there.
Everyone's looking crazy.
Everyone's got the penguin fits on and shit.
We sit the fuck down.
I'm thinking I can get Beef Wellington there.
I was wrong.
There's no Beef Wellington there.
They're only serving fucking little sandwiches.
That's what high tea is.
It was a set menu.
One side of the menu is a bunch of different teas, and the other side shows you what you get, which is like little croissants.
Not even croissants, like pastries, little sandwiches, some of them.
Yeah, I'll be honest, though, but like, how extravagant can a like a tomato sandwich be?
I don't know, but I'm going to tell you something.
I can tell you how much it's going to be.
It's a variety.
It's a tomato.
It was shitty.
It's an egg salad sandwich.
It was shitty.
What do you expect?
First of all, how dare you?
Egg salad sandwiches are incredible.
In Japan, that's all I consume.
Yeah.
I'm an egg sandwich.
The salad sandwich connoisseur.
Japan's on a whole new level, though.
Yeah.
That's like comparing peewee football to like the NFL.
It's not just saying I love egg salad sandwiches, and I thought the Ritz would be a banger.
You know what I mean?
And it was not.
It was mid as fuck.
I will let you know.
Like half of the sandwiches in the variety pack that they give you were not good.
We are probably now banned from the Ritz.
I don't give a fuck.
There's no way we're ever going to be able to go to the Ritz.
I won't be going back.
I will be wearing a funny disguise next time I go there anyway.
So you will never be able to catch me.
I'm going to wear like glasses and a mustache, fake nose, and a monocoule.
Dude, you're 6'8.
You're gonna go to the guy that didn't have a tie two years ago.
I'm gonna be like, I'm Sir Bonnacle.
How dare you?
Sir Bonnacle Barnaby the third.
And they're gonna turn you around.
Yeah, they're gonna be like, oh my God, Mr. Bonnaby Bonnacle.
Sorry.
Sorry for the tautedness.
Sorry for the delay.
But Ray, overall, your experience is very good.
Oh, where?
At the Ritz.
Oh, the Ritz?
You like the tea?
She loved it.
I just, I just don't like the little rules, you know?
Like the little, you have to wear things.
I had the Google, what can I wear to hide tea?
We're from the wrong generation.
Yeah, that's what they had to do about it.
Well, everyone there was like 85 years old.
Everyone was very old.
I read something online.
They were saying, I was reading about the history.
And they were very proud that they were the first ever.
Get this.
The first ever location to allow women to eat unchaperoned.
That's why Austin tried not to go there because he hates women.
He was like, what?
I don't want this woke nonsense.
No, that's what he said.
That is.
It was interesting, though, because when you asked to eat the beef Wellington, they said it's a minimum.
You had to have two people, right?
To get a table.
Yeah.
Two people.
Yeah.
Two people had to.
Yeah, so we couldn't get everyone to go.
Yeah, even though the table was.
The table was big enough for five people.
But they only had, yeah, they only had two chairs set up.
I think it's because they have it like, no, no, no.
I think they allot it by like what availability they have for food because like it's a prefix menu usually.
Yeah.
It makes sense.
I mean everyone was like celebrating their 65th anniversary or some shit.
We just barred it.
We're over there sitting there waiting.
No food in front of us for like an hour and 30 minutes waiting for this fucking beef Wellington and then she doesn't even eat the beef Wellington.
She starts eating the fucking side dishes.
Yeah, people have been like a gremlin.
They're really good.
People saved a lifetime to eat there and Hassan just rolls in like it's a fucking another Saturday.
First and foremost, I only spent 180 euros and then I gave an extra additional gratuity tip.
Waiting For Beef Wellington00:09:02
No way 60 fucking pounds last he did his show as a witness.
There's no way that was only 180 pounds and I paid 500.
I wonder for like a couple fucking sandwiches big that is gold.
I am going to actually, when I go back to the hotel I'm going to go back to the hotel and I'm going to go to the front desk.
I kid you not.
I'm going to say there seems to be some sort of mistake.
No!
they're going to kick me out.
I'm going to say, you're not Mr. Shield.
I'm going to say there seems to be some sort of mistake.
This credit card should have actually been to cover both of our rooms and see what they do.
You should do that.
I'm going to see what happens.
You should vlog it, Marshall.
You won't even feel it.
I'm going to dude.
Dude, if you pull some fucking fast shit, I will literally assume your identity so fast.
You'd be like Jason Bourne.
Wait, wait.
I would literally walk up there and be like, excuse me, I'm Mr. Show.
This man is an imposter like Among Us.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll see about that.
He won't even know.
He's going to forget about this.
He's going to start thinking about Zelda or something.
Oh, he's on his DS.
Playing with his DS.
Playing with his...
What are you, 80?
It's a swing.
Jerking off to Zelda porn like he does.
Okay.
That was private, dude.
He definitely does that.
That's private.
He literally tweeted that.
Yeah, he tweeted.
In 2019.
Yeah, he tweeted that.
That's the last time I jerked off to video game porn.
Not Zelda porn.
Yeah.
No, I've never jerked off the video.
He wanted to bring Zelda to the high T today.
Yeah, he did.
He really did.
He really did.
He's a kid.
That's how much he's shocked.
I think he's more high maintenance than I am, right?
No.
No.
I'm just like a kid.
That's it.
I'm like a big ass kid.
But look, the only, I've never really, I will say that that air conditioning moment was that one on my broadcast.
You're a fucking.
Yeah, you're a diva.
That was one time that I was like, bro, you're consistently late.
I'm not obscene.
I'm not obscene.
You're consistently late to everything.
That's different.
You have like a lot of expectations out of everything.
That is not true.
You complain more than I do, and I love complaining.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Hassan is the king of complaining.
Thank you.
I get the job done.
And I'm there on time.
But I love complaining.
You're both a mess.
Just like Sarko was supposed to be on the podcast.
Way to get that job done.
Fucking puts.
One fucking time.
One time.
I mean, look, all jokes.
I mean, this is a pretty big time for you to miss the podcast.
Jokes aside, this is probably like the first in my career where I've like overslept ever.
And usually I'm the responsible one.
And I will not be shifting blame to Austin.
That was just for jokes.
Good.
It wasn't my fault.
This is self-development.
Progress.
I'm proud of it.
That's what I'm shitting on him.
Obviously, it's my fucking fault.
I overslept.
Even though, you know, Blackout Curtains, also, no place to go.
Oh, my God.
No place to join.
Sorry, but.
No place that we had set up for a podcast.
I'm the one who's booking everybody.
I mean, I feel like I'm not getting enough credit for booking this video.
I'm sorry.
You said booking everybody.
Where are the UK guests?
Well, yeah, that's why I fucked up.
I couldn't do it.
And I had to book Ray.
I can't believe it.
I did.
I had to book Ray.
I said, Ray, please.
Please, would you come on the podcast?
That's how I went.
He said, putty, please.
Yeah, I said, putty, please.
And she said, absolutely.
I'll do it for you, Austin.
I said, you know what, Austin, since you're gay, I will.
Thank you.
Thank you.
See, this is what, see, being gay adds value to your life.
Ray, he hates women.
That's why he's gay.
I love women.
You don't love women.
You don't love women's women's bodies.
You don't even kiss to have sex with women.
He's sick.
You literally only fucking have women as objects.
That's all he exclusively.
Why don't you fuck women too, Austin?
You know what?
Maybe I will.
Yeah, exactly.
He would do it for attention.
Maybe I would.
He would.
He would.
If there was a cutie who was giving him attention, he would play the role.
He would straight bait.
I do like to straight bait a little bit.
Where do you think that stems from?
What do you mean?
Like, where do you think that derives from?
Like, why do you like straight baiting?
I like attention.
Yes.
It's the same principle behind why he came to your Women in Envy's Only event.
I'm glad he came regardless.
Now, that's different.
That's different.
I was there to support you, Ray.
Thank you.
Yeah, you met some fans.
You forged some signatures, and you passed some time.
I did feel a little uncomfortable that they had the personalized Valkrai signature thing, and people were asking me to sign it.
Yeah, yeah.
Like all your approval.
I did.
I was like, this is very out of line.
Come on.
He's like, come on.
It was weird because they brought the same one to me to actually sign it.
Your name was already on it.
Austin's name was on it.
And then there's two forged Valkyrie signatures.
Yeah.
Marshall.
Oh, wait, you forged one as well?
Marsh.
Yeah, Marsh forged one.
Yeah.
They both looked identical to me.
Yeah.
But they did look good.
I already signed this one.
I was like, did they like try to sign my signature because they missed?
It was strange.
Yeah, but it was me.
And I don't know why.
It was Austin the whole time.
Yeah, it wasn't enough that he was signing all of the fucking panels.
He had to sign your signature too on some of them.
I love that.
I did have to do it.
Marsh, what are we at right now, time-wise?
Okay.
50 minutes?
Yeah.
Well, we're going to do a, we're after this, now that we're done with the we're doing pretty good, though.
Free part of the time's flying.
Free part of the podcast.
We're going to move on.
I thought it was two hours already.
Yeah, we'll do a little bit more.
Okay.
All right.
We'll cut this part out.
No, no, we'll cut this part out where I'm asking for time.
It's bad.
Yeah, it's like a.
Well, anyway.
So what's next?
What's after the UK, lads?
Where are you going?
What's the plan?
I'm fucking staying home and never leaving home ever.
Even though I finished on you, and I do actually have fun.
We're going to New York.
Yeah.
Ray and I are going to New York to me.
I'm not going to New York.
You guys have fun.
No, Hassan and I are going to.
Hassan needs to come to New York with us.
I'm not coming to New York.
He needs to come to New York with us because then we could do another podcast.
I feel like.
Wouldn't that be awesome if we all went to New York and we could our guests go through and then you have to take a look at the future.
Please don't come.
For the record.
No, I'm not coming.
So don't worry.
I will fulfill that easily.
For the record, we could have booked guests on this podcast.
There are plenty of people that we could have gotten.
I wanted to do a personal episode because we have a lot of grief and a lot of drama to address, which we have so far.
Austin being a diva.
We can do that in LA.
Austin refusing to.
But it's fun.
It's more fun when we do it in the background with this gray ass fucking London afternoon.
It is iconic.
John Lennon looked that way.
Yeah.
Well, you're looking through the eyes of John Lennon through the barrel of a gun, too.
I'm not going to do that.
That is fucked up.
He did not.
It shot him in the heart.
It's different.
Okay.
Well, I mean, I'm sure he saw the barrel of the gun.
That's sick.
You're disgusting.
Right in the place.
How disrespectful.
He's going to haunt you.
He's going to do, hey, I'm John Lennon.
That's not how he sounds.
What does he sound?
It sounds like this.
This is even more annoying than you said previously.
Of the lead Sega the Beatles.
Those are both very different accents.
Yeah, we're going to fucking fucking do it.
Yeah, that's right.
The rest of the podcast is just these guys.
We're doing this forever.
Ray and I are going to New York.
Together.
Have fun.
And we can't talk about it.
We can't say yet.
But it's going to be very exciting.
Have fun.
Doubt it.
We're going to be on the cover of Vogue.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Leaks.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Wait, aren't you Vogue Valkyrie?
I am Vogue Valkyrie.
That's right.
That's right.
Are you going to be on like a cover or something?
Can you tell us about that?
No, it's already come out.
It already came out.
I'm not telling you is he a bad friend, but he's also a hater of women.
That's why he fucked it up.
No, that's not true.
Oh, my God.
Valkyrie, I'm so sad.
That's why he's getting it.
That was, I'm such a bad person.
You know what, Austin?
You can call me Rachel.
Oh.
Yeah, we're besties now.
Oh, I thought that was an insult for a second.
I was like, oh, my God.
I was like, huh?
I can call you Rachel?
Yeah, my government.
That is amazing.
Wow.
I am so this is leaked.
Such a fucking privilege.
My name was Leak Speaker.
I just want to say I'm honored.
By the way, how does it feel that you are the Queen of England?
What?
Oh, shit.
She's the Queen of England.
Screw the coronation of the King of England.
It's the Queen of England.
That's why we were here at the coronation of Valkyrie.
I think this is one of your gayest qualities when you gas up your lady friends.
Yeah, I do.
I like what you think.
You need to start saying the F-word more, though.
I know.
Because you say it all the time.
He's lying.
You said it literally downstairs.
He's lying.
Although 50 minutes before the podcast.
I've never said it.
Only when I'm asking for a cigarette.
Oh, that's how you say it out here.
That's right.
That's right.
I just wanted to, you know, I wanted to be a part of the culture.
So you have said it.
The words have come out of you.
No, not in that context.
Yeah.
The word we're talking about is maggot, but with another letter in front.
Asking To Have A Kid00:09:20
Yeah.
And he says it all the time.
I do not.
He said literally nonsense.
Ray.
Have you ever heard that?
I've never heard Austin say it.
God damn it.
Why does everyone lie about this?
You are both liars.
I've learned a lot about you guys during this podcast.
Hassan keeps saying it, and nobody backs him up.
What?
That sucks.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
He just calls me in every day.
I got a phone call this morning.
He's like, hello, this is the front desk.
It's stupid.
And then they said it.
That's what he said.
It was insane, Ray.
So rude.
Someone's going to believe that.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
That was my wake-up call this morning.
Yeah.
That was my wake-up call.
Yeah, he was rock hard.
He was like, what?
Yeah.
Fuck, I love that.
Yeah, yeah.
It was amazing.
It was.
Are you wearing a cross right now by any chance?
Oh, my God.
Okay, that is.
Ray, I don't believe him.
What do you said it openly?
Yes, you were so horny for that.
It's kind of hot when a guy wears a cross.
It's also, okay, can we talk about your new fetish?
Are we allowed?
Oh, God.
Are we allowed?
Yeah, sure.
Fuck it.
It's a birthing fetish.
No, that is not.
Okay, now the way you frame.
I'm sorry, what?
That is not.
No, he wants a twink with a son.
No, that is.
Yes.
Yes.
He texted it to me the other day.
He seems like a family.
I do.
I want a father.
I want to be a father.
He said he was a daddy.
No, he didn't.
He said, I want to be a father.
He said, I want a father.
I saw this hot guy and he had a kid.
And I was like, wow.
It's funny because last week we were talking about this and Austin's like, yeah, for like the first five years, I'm not going to be around.
He's like, I'm going to have a kid.
And then I'm going to talk about Austin.
In my defense, kids are boring for the first two years, right?
They are.
Austin was a hot twinkle dad to take care of the kid.
Yeah.
Kids are a little boring for the first two years.
Boring.
They're not like some entertainment item, Austin.
Well, no, look, I would, I would be eating kids or no content.
Yeah, I would be, I'll be in the picture for the first few years.
I'll be there.
Wait, no, they do content.
Their first words, the first time they walk, first few steps.
Boring.
I can say so many fucking words.
I can walk pretty easily.
Get a new hobby, okay?
Get better at a skill, develop a skill.
Yeah.
Well, you know, look, I'm going to be a great father.
I think between the two of us, I'm going to actually be there.
Okay.
He's going to be streaming all the time.
Are you talking to me?
Are we having children together?
What the fuck?
Since when is this happening?
Look, Hassan, I'm not your type.
Yeah, who would beat the better dad out of you too?
Me?
Is that even a question?
No, I genuinely.
I think Austin's right.
I don't think you'll be there.
Yeah, he's going to forget that he has a kid and like leave them at the park or something.
I would think.
He's an incredible father.
I am an incredible father.
I would be the father.
You're going to sleep through your alarm.
I am the mission podcast with your kids.
I've been alive.
I've been alive.
I'm going to steal the baby's credit card.
I've been alive for 32 years of my life, and that's happened one time.
And now they never let me live in the middle.
Austin is late all the fucking die.
When I have a child, a child that will be created in the eyes of the world.
When your surrogate is literally in the emergency room delivering or in the fucking operating theater, whatever the fuck they deliver babies, you're going to be at the Abbey sucking on Twink nipples.
Okay, look.
Like a baby.
Well, look, and the baby won't remember those that time of the life.
That's his argument.
That's literally his argument.
He's like, oh, man.
He's celebrating.
He's a new dad.
I will be by the side of my surrogate.
I will be hand by my surrogate.
Hand inside of her, grabbing the baby out.
Guide the right child into the world.
All right.
I mean, look, my and my surrogate, I don't know who.
Will you be my surrogate?
Wait, have I asked her that?
Oh, I asked cutie.
You asked cute.
What'd she say?
She said no.
She said, fuck no.
She said no.
Cutie also has like the vagina thing that like she can't even have sex normally.
Wait, I'm sorry.
What is this?
She has a vagina issue from psychological trauma.
Oh, I didn't know that.
We talk about cutie's vagina every episode.
I miss cutie, Cinderella.
I do too.
She would have been here if she wasn't a fucking coward.
She's afraid of flying.
Yeah, she's terrified.
Understandably so.
It is not.
It's not.
And she's not my surrogate, so Ray's going to be my surrogate.
I'm going to have to respectfully decline.
Whatever.
A ridiculous thing to ask people.
I think it's a war.
So I'm asking all of our female guests if they'll be your surrogate.
What the fuck?
And our co-host.
Because Austin's a big.
That's why he's a birthing fan.
No, this is the zero.
There's zero sexual part of this.
It's beautiful.
It's natural.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Would you guys watch the live birth?
I did.
I literally did.
Did you watch the live birth?
Yes, this week, as a matter of fact.
Shouts out to Kevin Gates.
He posted, and this was all over Twitter.
You guys are so offline.
You don't know anything.
Anyway, it's fine.
You are chronically online.
Yes, I am.
I am literally, I'm like the fucking minority baby in Minority Report that's like sitting in that fucking vat and like seeing the future.
That's me, okay?
I'm doing crime think.
I'm doing predictions on what's going to happen.
Kevin Gates, famous rapper, no, kind of famous rapper, kind of a weirdo.
He posted a birthing that was happening in a home for Black Maternal Health Week, I guess.
That's like Instagram allowed that to be, allowed that to stay up because I guess they think it's like technically medical stuff.
And it was like this lady who was posted up over her drawers with like pushing out a child with like puppy pee pads underneath.
And I watched it.
Wow.
Yeah, I watched the whole thing.
That is terrifying.
Beautiful and natural.
No, it was fucking terrifying, dog.
It's so beautiful when she's taking it.
I've never seen a live birth.
Well, like, no, like straight up see the baby come out of the vagina.
Let me tell you something that I will start with.
There is nothing more beautiful than a woman giving birth.
I'm going to throw this out.
Is it because she's a kid, Austin?
No.
That's how much you hate women.
Austin wants to see you.
Austin's turning on me, Ray.
Austin wants to see what's going on.
Why are you turning with Rachel?
Why are you turning on me, Rachel?
He's rubbing off on me, I guess.
Yes, clearly.
Bullying Austin.
You're starting to see the truth about Austin's mischievous and also women hating.
Now, look.
Now, Hassan, before we enter the paywall period of this podcast, where we will admit that Austin is a misogynist.
Well, you have to tune in.
You have to pay to find out.
I'll talk about my vagina.
Yeah, Ray's going to talk about it.
Behind the paywall.
I didn't say it.
Jesus Christ.
I just got dollar tied to that.
Yeah.
Patreon.com slash fear end.
Yep.
Where Ray and I will be talking about our vaginas.
Okay.
Patreon.com slash fear.
Okay, now, before we go, though, Hassan, I want to tell you something more iconic than this rooftop.
I want to tell him.
And don't you have a confession or something?
I do.
This is not that rooftop.
I lied to you.
He straight up lied and told me at the beginning of this that he was lying.
This is not the Beatles' rooftop that the 1960s.
This is just a random rooftop in London, and it has nothing to do with the Beatles at all.
And I knew that from the beginning.
This guy was on his phone telling his family.
Wait, you told your family?
He told his family.
He was on the phone.
It's literally, like, it's hard not to be homophobic.
It's hard.
It's hard not to be like.
Hey, Ray went along with this.
She knew too.
I did.
I did know.
I'm so sorry.
I was an ally for 31 years of my life.
32 years.
I got through the entire podcast.
We brought it up like multiple times.
And somebody's going to be in the comment section and they're going to edit their comment because they finally found out that we revealed it at the end of the podcast.
Okay, first and foremost, the worst part about it is that I don't give a fuck about the Beatles.
So I'm just like hyping it up because I think, you know, maybe people will find it cool.
Maybe my family will find it cool.
I don't give a fuck about the Beatles, dog.
Yeah, and he was telling everybody.
I don't tell him.
I don't even know who the Beatles are.
We should have fucking Beatles.
We should have kept it going, took like a photo, made him tweet the iconic Beatles rooftop.
I hate you so much.
I hate you.
Well, I'm going to beat it.
I'm going to hate crime behind the paywall.
I see where the resentment is stemming from now.
Yeah, do you get it?
She's a bad person.
Both of you are.
She's into it, though.
She was a bad person, too.
I mean, he said, I'll confess at the end of the pod.
I did.
I did.
Oh, I did.
So it's okay.
Yeah.
I was like duped.
It's an hour in 4K.
It was an hour.
It was duped for an hour.
It was a good little joke, and I'm sure it's my parents multiple times.
I'm going to tell them.
I'll call them.
I'm going to be like, this is the mischievous gay man who lied to you.
He is deceptive.
Do not trust him anymore.
Look, I. You've made them homophobic.
I do apologize.
You've made them homophobic.
I do apologize.
I apologize to your family and the entire country.
I apologize to the gay community for you.
I apologize for the gay community.
Don't apologize, Austin.
Apologizing To The Gay Community00:01:04
Get wrecked.
Yeah, fuck you.
Get duped.
Yeah, whatever Rachel says.
All right, well, what do you want to promote?
Oh.
What do you got?
Oh.
I'm just Valkyrie.
Yes, that's bitch.
She's just Valkyrie, bitch.
It's paywall time, right, guys?
Yes, patreon.com slash fear and behind the paywall.
She's an icon.
We're going to talk about your pussy.
I'm going to hate crime, Austin.
Pussy and hate crimes.
I've got someone.
It's wild.
You literally had to buy your own ticket.
I wanted to.
I even offered myself to do something in TwitchCon.
They're like, nah, we're good.
That's insane.
Why wouldn't they...
They don't like me.
So you're doing a free meeting greet?
Well, I mean, I definitely just bulldozed yours.
You paid for your own TwitchCon ticket and you're doing featured content creator shit that they should at least contractually obligate you to do.