Austin, Hassan, and Will debate studio arrival times and QTCinderella's commute before discussing Hassan's new puppy, Kaya. They analyze Aaron Rodgers' Jets move, futuristic AR avatars, and a hypothetical "train" on YouTubers like Ludwig. The conversation shifts to a chaotic threesome scenario, Taylor Swift fandom, and Austin's refusal to testify after witnessing a gunpoint altercation in Los Angeles. Finally, they argue over an unpaid 160-euro Rome hotel bill, blending absurd anecdotes with serious legal fears. Ultimately, the episode highlights the hosts' chaotic camaraderie amidst trivial disputes and genuine dangers. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Austin Finally Arrives00:03:57
Guys, we're just waiting for Austin.
Yeah, it's just like at this point, at this point, it's like expected that Austin is going to be the absolute latest to the pod.
No, for the record, I was right here and I said, I'm going to get some water.
I'll be right back.
And they started rolling.
To be fair.
Yeah, we can't start off on a lie.
That's right.
Austin was here before everyone else.
He was the first one.
I was the first one here.
I beat Hassan here this morning.
Okay, well, I don't know.
That's crazy.
Yeah, that's wild.
It's real.
That did happen.
Yeah, absolutely.
So good to be back.
Good to be back.
Yeah.
I am coming hard off of no sleep for the past 48 hours.
You worded that so strange.
Yeah, it's like, you know, we got a lot of Coachella boys in here, benders.
I didn't go to Coachella.
Okay, well, I was just talking about March.
Oh, I mean, he's off a bender every single week.
That's true.
He's literally...
There's been no week of the podcast that he hasn't been.
We're financing his alcohol problem.
We're financing his fucking rave addiction.
Yeah, we are.
You have an alcohol problem.
I've been sober for seven days.
What about Dick?
What about Dick?
Dick had some last night.
Okay.
Oh.
I mean, I gave some last night.
Oh.
Naughty, naughty.
You might have noticed that.
It was this morning.
Fuck.
You might have.
Jesus Christ.
Little morning light.
You might have noticed that Cutie Cinderella is not here right now.
It's because she lives in motherfucking Nevada and coming here during rush hour traffic from motherfucking Nevada takes her like eight and a half hours.
Will she ever move to a reasonable place?
She left yesterday.
Yeah, we may never know.
We absolutely may have a toy.
Hassan, when I came here today, you looked like a mother who had just given birth.
Yeah, it's like the day after they've given birth.
Yeah, you look tired.
You look like you've given up.
I am very tired.
And you're regretting your decision.
You know, Hassan hates dogs and women now.
Gays.
And gays.
Women, yes.
Gays, yes.
Dogs, no.
Dogs are still great.
Okay.
What about women, dogs?
Yeah.
Women, dogs, I could do without for the time being.
Okay.
Okay.
So.
Yeah, tell us, Hassan, how's your experience?
For those of you who haven't seen it, I guess I have finally tracked down and gotten a pupper.
Would you put the gun down?
He sounds like he just announced that he has ass cancer.
Okay, so I'll describe it.
I'll describe it to you.
I'm so excited.
Her name is Kaya, which is ironic because on this podcast, I said, I want my firstborn son to be named Kaya.
And then chat saw that and literally were like, you should name your dog that.
And then they voted for it.
And then I just let chat vote.
So you're not going to name your firstborn son Kaya?
No, I will no longer.
I got to go back to the drawing board.
Wow.
Kaya's a chick name anyway.
No, it's a dude name in Turkey, but it's a chick name here.
Let's be real.
Your kid's going to live here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I mean, whatever.
You'd get bullied.
You really want that to happen to your child?
In the future, when I have a kid, fuck no.
They'll be like woke as fuck.
What do you mean?
You're going to be like, wow, you're really going to make fun of this kid for being gender non-binary.
You're going to live in like some top 1% bubble.
And all the kids are going to beat up your kid for.
At the top 1%, they're still doing old school bullying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everywhere else, like in public school, they're like, sorry, can you please tell me what your preferred xenogender pronouns are?
And then like, but then like an expensive.
Real high school is not Twitter.
There's still bullying in real high schools.
I know, but there's also a lot of, you're right about that, but like fashion old school boy.
My trainer has a big brothers program that he does.
So like I get some market research from this kid who's like now 16 and gigantic.
First Class Upgrade Drama00:14:56
It's really weird what the fuck they're, I don't know what the fuck 16 year olds are eating nowadays, but he like went from when he was 13, he was like a baby when I was like, oh, that's a baby.
And then I saw him again when he was 16 recently, three, or I guess 14 to 16.
Yeah, I've seen some of your fucking, I've seen some of your videos on Instagram reels, dog, like shit's crazy on God, for real, for real.
No cap.
I'm like, what the fuck happened?
Puberty hits like a hard time.
He like grew multiple interests.
Anyway, I did some more.
I do market research.
I asked him like, you know.
I didn't hit puberty until I was like 25.
Yeah, that's a you thing.
That's not.
I did not, seriously, I was such a fucking late bloomer.
Like, I thought.
We know.
Literally.
Both of my life.
Both physically and spiritually.
I could have came out three or four years sooner had I hit puberty at an appropriate age.
By the way, I think we should take a second before we get too deep to all pat ourselves on the back for last week's episode.
Drake.
Hey, guys.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Really good.
Down in Tampa.
We went and saw the fights.
Yes, I wasn't there.
Yeah, that's interesting.
We were there for the fights.
Oh, yeah.
You were there for the day of the fights, and then you left.
You left to.
Wait, wait, wait.
Exactly.
What time did he leave?
Yeah, when did you leave?
I left right before the fights.
My flight was at 9.30.
Right.
And you did that because there were no other available flights.
That's so unfortunate, right?
The only flight I could find was leaving at 9.30.
I had to get weird.
Was there anyone else at the fight that was also at your shoot the next morning?
Yeah.
Okay, guys, I know what it looks like.
No, answer the question.
Was there someone maybe, maybe like a British person?
Tubbo!
Oh!
Tubbo!
We saw Tubbo at the fight!
Yeah, we bumped it.
We saw Tubbo at the fight!
He booked a flight before I did, so he was able to get it.
You know what's crazy, though, is I mentioned that to him.
And I said, Tubbo, that's crazy because Austin, you are on the same shoot.
Austin couldn't do it because there was no more seats on your plane.
Tampa to Miami.
How long is that?
Oh, it's about an hour.
Oh, it's about an hour.
Tubbo.
Tubbo checked.
And the crazy thing is there were seats.
There just weren't any first class seats.
Wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
Are you telling me that Austin?
I have a problem.
Austin did not.
He went to fucking Tampa at Trash Cheeks of Florida.
That's right.
In the Tampa humidity.
Yes.
All of his friends and co-workers, peers, people he loves, people he despises, whatever, are gathered in one location and Tampa.
This is true.
And he left early.
45 minutes before the fight.
45 minutes before the fight for a flight that he could have caught in the morning because there were crack of dawn who wants to get up that fucking early.
Actually, Tubbo, people who...
Yeah, and Tubbo's, Tubbo was in a state of disarray when he runs.
Tubbo was, I have not seen Tubbo.
Tubbo was like wearing three sets of different clothes from different people.
This man was in a broken.
He's making it sound like a economy flight is like coming back from war.
It really is.
It really is.
I had an opportunity to fly coaches.
Austin flies coach, and he's like, man, I toured.
I toured.
It's like Vietnam.
No, the state.
Flying.
Look, I have nothing against flying coach at all.
I'm not above it.
It doesn't seem like you are fine with that.
It's not a status thing.
It's a comfort thing.
It is archaic back there.
It is archaic.
People are fighting for their lives.
They're fighting for their lives back there.
Awesome.
It is insane what our flight, Austin.
I have to tell you something, Will.
I did not leave.
You know what?
I'm going to tell you right now.
Waiting at the airport was longer than the flight distance.
It's not what you think.
Okay.
I didn't want, it had nothing to do with first class.
I woke up.
I swear to God.
I flew coach from Tampa to Miami.
I did.
And I will never do it again.
Wait, it's worse.
Wait.
So you fucking should have flown coach in the morning.
I didn't want to get up that early.
I cannot do early.
Wait, the flight was at 9 p.m.
No, the other one.
The other one.
No, it wasn't.
What time was it?
No, it was at like 5 or 6 in the morning.
No.
Yes, it was.
It was like 7 in the morning.
Whatever it was.
Okay.
5 or 6.
Whatever it was.
It was at 9.30 in the morning.
Morning of convention.
I cannot get up early for flights.
You know what?
I stayed an extra two days in Florida.
You know why?
Exactly.
Canceling my flights.
Because I would be there the night before and I'd be like, I don't want to get up at 6 a.m.
I'm going to push it off another day.
So you didn't go out those nights at all?
You didn't go out with people to any bars or anything?
Those nights?
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
I just.
You have a problem.
You have a problem.
You didn't go to a gay bar.
I need.
Oh.
Oh, the night that I flew in?
No, the extra nights.
No, no, no.
The night that I left early.
Uh-huh.
And what did you do that night?
Oh, I went to an array of gay bars.
I was out till 5 o'clock in the morning.
So wait, wait, wait.
You were up till five in the morning.
Oh, because you couldn't be bothered to wake up early.
Miami's crazy, man.
But you stayed out till five anyway.
I was in South Beach in Miami.
I didn't know.
I looked at the clock and it was five o'clock in the morning.
I was at a disease.
Do you hear yourself?
Is it a twinkstone?
When you describe these things, do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?
What's wrong with this?
I bet, look, chat or comment section.
Who, if you have the option between leaving at nine o'clock at night or six o'clock in the morning.
Or staying for an event that all your friends are participating.
I know I should have.
I had some serious FOMO.
Listen.
Oh, that's the worst part.
The reason I thought it was funny.
But he had fallen on his phone.
He had falls.
I fully believed you could not change your flight.
I was like, oh, yeah, he can't change it.
And I told Tubbo, I was like, oh, yeah, Austin unfortunately couldn't.
He wouldn't miss this for the world.
Yeah, he couldn't change his flight.
And Tubbo went, oh, I think there's a bunch of room on the fly, actually.
I sat next to a guy, and you know what?
This is my out-of-touch moment.
Sure.
Oh, this is the first time.
And I caught myself.
He didn't even respond to me.
I met this college kid, the University of Miami, really nice kid.
We talked the whole flight.
Sure.
And I, as we're landing, it's a little turbulent.
And I said, man, it feels really different back here.
In steerage.
Like, you made it.
Yeah, stowage.
You made it seem like you're a baggage.
My man thinks he's Jack and Titanic, like, you know, dancing with the with the underclass rose in the, in, like, like a whole bunch of people.
Paint me, like, like, telling a Miami kid, pay me like one of your French girls.
I have no, I just have my, it has nothing to do with stats.
It's good to be in.
In touch with peasants is what you're saying.
No, I don't, I don't look down upon people that fly coach.
In fact, I booked a coach ticket today.
Where?
From Oregon to here.
Oh.
And I got upgraded to first class, but that's different.
It's a different story.
It was a different story.
Dude, dude, this is bananas.
You got upgraded, so you didn't do anything.
You didn't use any miles to do that.
Oh.
Yeah, I mean, that's like his perks.
I probably.
Have the perks.
They it's like right up he's he's, and then guess, he's at the delta class.
Where, like it?
They literally are like, yeah sir, you can't be in the peasant.
Yeah, I tried.
I literally told them.
I said i'm a man of the people, I want to sit back there.
No sir, we must put you in first classin Show v Tucker Carlson.
Next big presidential run was there?
Was there?
Hold on, before we get to that, this is a good question.
Uh, which is definitely something Awesome is going to do.
Um, was there food on the flight?
No wow, you are changing.
I had some sushi beforehand though, thank god, at the Delta lounge.
What is there?
Even a delta lounge at the fucking Portland airport?
Of course yeah oh, there is, but I don't like the food there.
The port yeah, the Portland airport is so funny.
Like remember when, when we were coming back from Europe and then we had to stop there I, I coming back from Europe, i'm gonna be honest, that's scary that he does not remember that.
A total blur for me.
Yeah, there was like fucking, there was a work shortage happening.
Remember the?
You got upgraded to first class.
Oh, I remembered that we were about to miss our flight.
Oh my god, I sat my fucking ass down and I had to sit in economy for, even though I paid for a first class ticket, and then we'll got, Will got a big and then Will got upgraded first class yeah, Will got upgraded to first class, I had to sit there in the back but like fucking not fitting, but it was a three hour.
You're so big you have to fold your shoulders up.
Yeah yeah, like I was like I did not offer my seat to him, I was like yet yeah, I was I I. At that point I was like i'm just happy to be on U.s soil.
Okay, so you think I want to address the elephant in the room?
What is it?
I'm wearing this viking sweatshirt.
Oh yeah, this is what I wear on the plane.
That's the elephant.
You know why?
You know why I haven't been able to uh uh, change why?
Because they lost my bag.
I had one flight today, one flight.
My bag didn't make the cut.
That's honestly impressive that they were able to lose a bag from a distance that you could like kind of throw the bag.
Yeah like, as long as I guess this flight will be free for you, correct?
I mean, I thought about going and buying a new Italian suit and saying I needed it during that period of time.
But I didn't, and I thought Delta owes him money now wait.
Yeah no, that's what you do.
I'm gonna give some travel advice.
Folks, if you have a bag that goes missing okay, don't look at this.
Oh, poor me, poor me.
It's an opportunity.
This is what you need to do.
Go buy clothes.
What you're describing is not something that the average person has the time nor commitment.
Go buy clothes to engage in.
Go buy clothes and then call the airline and said, I needed.
I had a very important business meeting and I needed those clothes for that.
All those clothes were in that bag.
I needed to purchase them.
Send the receipts.
That's a good life hack.
Yeah, it may not work.
It would.
It's not gonna.
It's definitely not gonna work.
Taking a risk, it's worked for me in the past.
Yeah no, you're like a Delta triple platinum member.
They like, make you.
This may not work, but look, you fly 10 000 more miles.
I'm gonna make you a ceo motherfucker.
What are you talking about?
I needed this jockstrap.
Yeah no, it'd be a great idea.
They don't know what line of work i'm in.
That's none of their business.
They don't know what line of i'm actually a professional quarterback?
Yeah right, how do you feel about potentially being taken in the Nfl draft this year after your performance?
I mean look I, I know the Green BAY Packers need a quarterback.
I mean, what about that?
For those of you watching at home who are completely oblivious of the sports conversation, Aaron Rodgers is officially, after coming out of his peyote induced cave uh, soul searching mission, has decided to make a commitment to the NEW YORK JETS.
JETS, just it was.
It was so strange.
You know they.
It was a type of kismet, you know, they say sometimes, when someone says your name, you sneeze.
You know you.
There are things that happen when something else is inexplicably happening and across the planet, on the other side of the globe.
Today at around noon I came.
I was just sitting in my desk chair.
Oh wow, full body orgasm.
Oh my just, was it like an anal orgasm?
It was everything, just earth shaking, toe curling, and I went.
That was unusual.
That doesn't usually happen.
You were like I normally come at 6 p.m and then a flood of text messages, yeah, start rolling in.
All my NEW Yorkers put up the bat signal, we are back.
Wow, YORK is back, baby.
The jets are back, the Knicks are winning yes, the Rangers are winning.
The Giants we don't care about the Giants.
Well, they're.
Danny Dimes is on the Giants, they'll be fine, but the jets, we're out on the street.
We are back up.
I'm congratulating you, i'd like to congratulate you.
It's a.
It's a victory for me, for both of us.
Yes, a victory for both of us, because as long as he's not in your division yeah, he's not in my division I don't got to worry about him.
Do we play each other next year?
I don't think so.
Good, I don't have to worry about him until the Super Bowl, when we whoop that ass.
Yeah, you are never getting into the super, will you?
I will suck this guy.
This guy doesn't have a team and just throws insults at us.
He does, he doesn't care.
He's got no horse in the race.
I am the.
I am the ultimate sports fan, because I could just shit on every team, and he needs to get into it.
He does.
We need to get him a team to be to be honest.
Maybe is that the team should be Green BAY want to know why?
What they are?
The commie team?
Oh, that's true.
That is true, even though they get very mad when you tell it to their fans.
It's the commie team, I know.
But when you, when you describe that like the team is publicly owned by cheese heads, they they're like, what do you mean?
No uh, that's you dude, that's stupid.
No, it's public ownership, which is good.
We just own our labor.
Yeah, it's public ownership, but you know you okay, don't say it's communists are actually really nice.
Yeah yeah yep, but you hate them.
I hate blood curling vendetta organization.
All right, you're a Green BAY fan now, because it's publicly.
No, i'm not.
I, I don't give a.
That would be very funny.
That that's good content for the podcast, I know, but I don't know about football and I don't have to.
Raising a dog and streaming full-time.
Bro, he's got.
Oh, my lord, we'll.
We'll bring her in here in a little bit.
My mom is currently taking care of her.
She is a menace, dude, she is a menace.
She's a puppy, it's normal.
She's actually pretty smart too, like she for the most part.
Uh, does her little tts and toot toots on the fucking on the pad.
Who's this, who's that?
Hey cutie, Cinderella's here.
Oh, my god, have a seat.
I kept it warm for you.
I flew all the way from Idah.
Yeah yeah, leaked.
We know you don't.
Uh no, she drove up.
You look beautiful.
Yeah, you did something different with your makeup.
I did.
I was in traffic.
I wasn't moving.
Notice how I didn't say you look beautiful because you always look beautiful.
Wow.
I love this podcast.
Jacob, I'm a misogynist.
I'm never being late again.
I'm a misogynist.
That's such a lie.
You were going to be late every week.
Cybernetic Implants Future00:15:41
I don't know.
I was in my car at five o'clock.
I was supposed to get here at like 6:15.
It's 7 p.m.
Hello.
Yeah, that's.
Yeah, I want to let everybody know I was here early.
Oh, my God.
I hate him.
I was here early.
He was here.
I believe it.
And anybody snacks.
I did.
I brought Italian food.
I know.
I forgot the key lime pie.
Yeah, you made me.
What?
You made me a key lime pie.
I know.
You know what I'm saying?
That's my favorite dessert.
I've told you this is my favorite dessert.
I don't eat desserts.
This is the first time I've been like.
Oh, my God.
I'm so excited.
It's going to be all right.
Don't worry.
I have.
Shut the fuck up.
This is why we should.
What if I have Bloodwig Uber deliver it?
From Idaho?
Yeah, it'll get here at 90.
Oh, yeah.
That's great.
I would love to have key lime pie at 11 tomorrow.
You're perfect.
Don't worry.
I'll bring it next week.
You're perfect.
This week's key lime pie next week.
No, I'll make a new one.
Okay.
You'll be fine.
I'm actually destroyed.
Dude, I was so sad.
I was driving.
Okay, think Aaron Rodgers.
Because you even made fun of me when you're like, what's your favorite dessert?
And I was like, I don't eat cake.
I don't really eat dessert, but I love key lime pie.
And you're like, key lime pie?
That is a weird thing to love.
I like key lime pie.
I don't know why I acted like that.
Sometimes I mean to be cool.
I think you just, I think the fact that I dislike all desserts, but key lime pie threw you.
I love key lime pie.
That is weird.
That is a weird thing.
I even pulled out the ice pack.
I pulled out the thing to insulate it and then I forgot it.
Cutie, what's my favorite cake?
You've made it for me before.
Chesleches.
Damn.
Wait, what about chocolate chip cookies?
Love those.
How about the croissants?
We're never getting, you're not getting those.
Bro, that is such a tedious, like, that's so difficult to make, dog.
You have a price.
Okay.
Have you never seen a TikTok on one of them shits?
Like, you have to fold them like a thousand times.
Delaminated dough.
I'm not very good at that.
What other desserts could we extort from cutie that are?
Really make some tre leche cake, if you want to.
Ice cream cake would be pretty guys, i'm not trying to impress you, I would like to keep that very.
I'm third.
Oh, we know, we know you're late as hell.
Where's the puppy?
Uh, she is currently talking about that.
She's currently living right here, farmer.
I well I, I I already got some photos with her live which, oh yeah, he was literally live like holding up the puppy and like doing a phase, like trying to look hot with the puppy.
Yeah, he's like yeah, they'll send it to me.
I gotta come on, I gotta make this trip worth it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that puppy's already on Grinder.
The puppy already has like a stand account for her, even though you know she does much to not be standing.
Where'd you get the name Kaya?
Uh, on this podcast, I made the mistake of saying that that's what I want to name my firstborn son.
So then they were like that's a sick name for her, you should name her that.
And then, like 40 000 people voted and, like most of the, did you have it open to chat?
Yeah, you're lucky, it wasn't gushing grannies or something.
No, I I no no no no, I limited it to like what I like, names wise and then chat will be a very funny um, but you know she's, she's wonderful, she's beautiful.
We don't know what she is.
She's like a Tibetan massive uh mix, like she's like a mutt I wanted like a big dog yeah, and this person was like yeah, we already have big dogs and uh, I was gonna, you know, this was gonna be for my daughter and it's an incredibly expensive endeavor to take care of this dog because they're like, you want to know how large they get.
You know how large she's gonna get.
Potentially, you probably like this tall, she's gonna be like 130 pounds.
Yeah, my friend, and i'm already growing up, i'm already buying puts on that.
I think that's.
I think this dog's gonna be bigger than that.
She's currently seven weeks old.
Waffles, for she's currently seven weeks old and she's like 13 pounds, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, and she keeps bouldering into, like the gates that I set up.
Every week I weigh 160.
She won't be 160.
Males get to 160, though.
Damn, that's crazy.
But, you know, she's awesome.
She's cool.
She never goes to sleep at night.
She's like a sentinel-type dog.
So, like, they do sentry work.
Not Sentinel, sentry work.
Why don't you hire a nanny?
What do you, like, for what?
I hate you.
To take care of the dog.
Why would I do that?
Because it's a, you got a full-time job.
It doesn't matter.
My job is like, I still...
Why would I get a dog then?
No, I'm back on your team.
Yeah, get a nanny.
Yeah.
First of all, don't look at the dog.
My nanny should.
Yeah, I'll be honest.
I want kids, but I don't want to raise them for the first three years.
Oh, my God.
You're going to be like that.
I'm serious.
Dude, the adoption agency is going to love that.
No, no, no, no.
He's going to end up in a Republican super PAC.
Homosexuals want to adopt your children and then give them up.
I want a kid.
I just don't want to see him.
No, I don't fucking adopt them.
I'm going to make one myself in a lab.
Homosexuals want to clone your child surrogate and then I'm going to get a nanny to raise them for the first few years.
That's crazy.
Can I be honest?
Is that allowed?
I would say.
They won't even know who the fuck I am for the first two years.
You should probably be around a little bit.
I'll be around a little bit.
But like, we got to film the podcast.
Sound old-fashioned, but maybe after a year, you should be.
Hey, Champ, let's go throw the ball in the backyard after three.
You should be around your child.
I will be around the child.
I will live with the child, but somebody's got to change it.
Jesse Austin show doing catch with his three-year-old, fixes his hair, throws a fucking star.
Throws up Snapchat to see to look at his face.
I will be a great father.
I will be a great father.
I'll be a cool great father.
I'm going to be a wonderful father, but I just can't handle it for the first few years.
I just need some help.
You'll have a spouse.
Well, you'll have.
Yeah, I have a speaker.
That's true.
I had known pair.
I had a mammy.
Just get.
Yeah, see?
Just get up.
When you're looking for future spousal partners, like, you know, just...
Can you be my surrogate?
No, absolutely not.
What the fuck?
No.
That's a tremendous ass.
Austin.
You're going to add pregnancy to her neuroses.
I can't even get pregnant for myself.
Yeah.
I want a surrogate.
She will literally fucking die.
Okay.
She will die.
But her hair and her skin will look great.
They would look really good.
But I'd gain weight.
And then I'd say that.
Is there a way that you can surrogate it the first few months and then move it to another one?
That's an Austin question.
You just asked literally a question that Austin would ask.
Can you get all the benefits of being pregnant and then move the kid?
Yeah, like rehome it.
Shove it somewhere else.
Yeah.
And then continue cooking.
I agree.
It's like a sort of like a double oven sort of thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then if you get it out earlier, it doesn't hurt as bad.
True.
Yeah.
That definitely is not a...
I don't think science is capable of doing that.
I do want children, though.
Oh, I didn't put it in the thread, but speaking of science, there is a topic we have got to talk about.
Okay.
Have you seen the new robot dolphin?
No.
No.
Marsh?
Does it also rape like regular dolphins?
No, but you are.
Okay, listen, listen.
Before you pull this up, before you pull this up, I want you to picture the absolute best that you think a robot could look.
This just Disneyland.
Like, it looks hot.
Like, what do you mean?
Yeah, it's so sad.
No, it looks like a fucking dolphin.
Yeah, but dolphins can be hot.
You made it sound like it's just like looks hot.
What are you talking about?
My mind went to like a very, I thought you were coming out as like a, like a, would you be a scaly?
Like, what do you, what are you?
No, it's just an incredible.
Hosanna's picture of a dolphin with a nice pair of names.
Yeah, I thought he was just gonna be like big double D.
The way he described it, I thought he literally meant like they are literally going to replace this is a robot?
Yes, they are going to replace dolphins at all the aquatic theme parks with these animals.
Look at this.
Look at this robot.
How did Disneyland not have this?
Watch this.
This is a robot.
That's a robot.
No way.
You want to fuck it?
No, I don't want to fuck it.
Dude, they need to remake Jaws.
You know, you know, I can't believe Hassan's message was because it's hot.
How insane is that?
I thought you were going to come out as a furry dog.
You're not going to get a conda.
But listen, Hassan's comment does inspire what I wanted to talk about.
Wait, do they have a shark?
Which is what?
That people are going to be able to do that.
You can have robots that we can have sex with.
Bingo.
Everybody is like, sex robots.
No, they don't have one yet.
The future is nigh.
If they can make a dolphin robot look that much really good.
When am I going to get Selma Hayak from dusk till dawn, pull that up?
With her feet.
With her feet.
And when that happens, know that I will quit the podcast.
I will quit streaming.
I will quit whatever I'm doing in my life and do that full-time.
You will have sex with that robot?
Full time.
That's an interesting.
That's an interesting subject that you just brought up because I rizzed up Sophie this week.
Who's Sophie?
Sophie is that balding AI woman.
She's like a chat bot built into an actual animatronic body.
I'd love to raise her up.
How?
How'd you rizz her up?
It was Eric's YouTube video.
That is not Dusk Till Dawn.
Yeah, that's not.
But I did rizz her up.
Yep.
Yeah, play a short, play like a, like a TikTok.
Where did you riz her up?
On Eric's YouTube channel.
Who's Eric?
This is like that.
Air.
Oh, Eric.
I saw a movie with the robot like these.
What movie was that?
Chick out in the middle of the night.
I think that's the right.
No, go click one more.
USB.
There's a USB.
Hangover.
And hangover too.
USB speaker.
No, those are good.
I saw it.
I left my cell phone in the car.
I'll be fine.
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
Boring.
What?
No, you won't.
I did almost see someone get shot on my drive here.
It was crazy.
No, you should definitely go grab your phone.
Worst case they get broken into.
Yeah, they will break into your fucking car.
I'll get it in a little bit.
X machina.
Ex-Machina.
Ex-Machina.
Yep.
Yeah.
Well, in any case, for those of you playing bingo, March is walking over the camera.
So there you go.
There's the beer and bingo for you.
I know that that was probably.
Someone shows up late.
Yeah.
Hassan says a slur.
Yep.
What?
No.
What the fuck?
Can we talk about, though?
Wait.
What scientific advancement would you guys want to see in the next few years?
If robot dolphins are possible, think outside the box.
What do you think is next?
What do you think is game-changing?
I want a USB that I can take out of me and I can put in you so you know what I'm thinking and how I feel.
Maybe I don't want to know what you're thinking.
But then I can go to a doctor and I can say, this is my symptoms.
Wasn't Elon Musk working on a brain chip?
You were so fucking quick with that.
That was scary.
Well, I thought about it.
I just want to.
So you want a USB brain technology.
I just want to be able to...
Instead of experiencing pure intimacy with that, you would use it to quickly download your phobias about what potential ailments you might have to your doctor.
Yeah, because I have such bad brain fog and I don't know how to explain it.
They're like, are you dizzy?
And I'm like, I don't know.
That's.
And so I could give it to them.
And they could tell me.
You wouldn't like.
So wait, if you have this kind of like weird technology, why don't you also just like put a USB in to like update your firmware and then you're no longer fucked up?
That'd be cool too.
But you didn't even go there.
No.
You just, like, in your.
Know there was a serious plan on that in your dystopian tech future, like you're still fucked up.
There's no, it's just a way to further badger your doctor, but it breeds empathy because then we know what each other's feeling.
It's actually beautiful.
Wow, that's so touching.
Thank you.
You're gonna terrorize everybody with your thoughts.
My guys, that's how I feel.
Do you know how I feel yet?
It's worse than you, right?
It's not even about empathy, it's a competition.
Yeah, yeah.
I've got a scientific advancement.
Okay.
I would like them to develop some sort of technology to stop aging.
They're working on that.
They reverse the aging process in mice.
Yeah, that's true.
But they, that's like every 10 years they come out with that shit.
You know what I thought about that, though?
I had a thought about that.
Imagine you're a science mouse, a lab rat, as it were, and there's a whole bunch of you.
And one guy's getting like hair spray in his eyes, and the other guy's getting, you know, he's smoking cigarettes to test his lung efficiency.
That's the coolest.
And one of these fuckers gets the fountain of youth, and the other mice are like, what the fuck?
He's like, I feel great.
Yeah.
I feel awesome.
You guys, I've been fucking all day.
What are you guys doing?
I can't fuck.
My lungs are scorched because I've been smoking two packs of Marlborough rats.
They give rats cigarettes.
They give them everything.
They give them everything.
They give rats everything.
Rats have like a, weirdly enough, very similar metabolic system to humans, I guess.
So they're really fucking lost.
Yeah, they were big time.
I bet they wish they didn't have that.
Unless you're the youth rat or the ecstasy rat, in which case you are vibing.
Having a great time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking insane.
Fountain of youth.
Fountain of youth, yep.
What age would you be?
20, 26, 25.
Okay.
25.
It's a good age.
22.
It's this is the easiest answer.
Cybernetic implants, so I can just like fucking.
I mean, I could go 22 as well.
Okay.
But what age would you be first?
And then we'll cybernetic implants.
Oh, um, probably 25 is pretty good.
Excellent.
Now, cybernetic implants.
Cybernetic implants, so I can like rip a building and pick it up if I want to.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay.
That's what I would like to do.
I think they have that.
Like super strength?
Don't they have like robots?
Now we're just doing superpowers.
Yeah, that's not.
So the what's the technology though?
Like literally like it straps onto him.
It's like cyberpunk.
Like I would want to have like a cyborg style exoskeleton that would then like make me super strong and I could dunk on skyscrapers.
Wow.
I think science needs to develop a way that men can like, you know, there's a reflection.
Not bald.
Well, you'll get to what I'm saying.
Okay.
Because you guys already have this.
You guys can like have orgasms for much longer.
No.
You're talking to the worst person.
Yes.
We can't.
We have a refractor.
Yeah, you have to reload.
Science needs to solve for that.
Austin literally went to super Viagra.
Like he's like, why is there no horny actually right now?
Austin goes, I want pills so I can be younger, so I can fuck more people.
And then I want to be able to fuck more times.
Yes.
All right.
Here's the tech I want.
And I know it's right around the corner.
AR contact lenses.
What's that?
Oh, autography.
Yeah.
Why would that be?
That'd be scary.
Do you know how sick it would be?
Do you know how sick it would be though?
Imagine this.
Never have to put on makeup again because you can choose an avatar that you want to look like and everybody sees what you choose to look like through their age.
Wait, oh, so everyone is wearing them.
Yeah.
Because if everyone's not wearing them, then like people just see what you look like.
You buy in.
Everybody buys in.
What if people don't buy in?
You get born with it.
Straight to the ground.
You kill them.
You just forcibly sit them down and you fucking shove it in their eyes.
Or it would be in the future.
That's considered an act of aggression.
If you see, we'd call it my IRL avatar, basically me without my avatar.
Forced Contact Lenses00:02:31
That's like looking at what would your avatar be?
That's like an assault.
What would your avatar be?
Excuse me.
Are you not wearing contacts?
Yeah.
And they're like, yeah.
And I'm like, perf.
What would your avatar look like?
And why is it Tom Brady at his peak?
Well, that's a good question.
It's Tom Brady at its peak.
No, what would my avatar be?
It would definitely be muscly.
Very muscly.
Yeah, of course.
Can it change super far from what you normally look like?
Oh, yeah.
Well, don't you think we'll have like 20 Margo Robbies then?
20.
Why is that 20 million?
I guess it's not a problem.
Try 20 billion.
But the thing is, the thing is, it would become like VR now, where you have an avatar that everybody's using.
You're basic, right?
So you need to go craft your persona.
I'm into that.
I would be part Macho Man Randy Savage, part Tom Brady, gigantic shoulders, right?
Big, glowing Raiden eyes.
How do you have sex?
The same way.
Yeah, but you would like steal, you'd feel different.
Exactly.
No, it would feel the same, but your eyes would get all the pleasure of the aesthetics that you're doing.
No, because if you are rock solid abs, but your real human is a little soft, then you go to have sex and you're like, oh, this is not.
I'm going to tell you right now, soft feels better than rock solid abs.
Well, it doesn't.
Have you ever had sex with a portly man?
No.
Have you, Will?
Listen, not a portly man.
Look, I have no, no, no, I have no, if some people like that, and I fully support it.
You're fat focus.
No, I'm not.
You want to know?
Cheating in that future.
What if you're with your spouse or significant other?
They have an avatar that they choose to use.
You flip it to someone else's on your end.
Oh, this is and then she flips you to someone else.
Yeah.
She's like, I want the actual Tom Brady.
I don't think this is a good idea, Will.
I'm not behind it.
I don't know why your spouse is also Tom Brady.
Whatever you want to be in the future.
You could also kind of be whatever you want to be now.
Yeah, I liked the idea of like physically changing reality rather than augmenting.
Too much work is getting some plastic surgery and working out or just forcing fucking contacts in every human's eyes and killing them if they.
Forcing contacts is fine because like, there's going to be a lot you can do with, like ar glasses.
It's not just like seeing, it's going to be a safety thing too.
Avatar Cheating Scenarios00:15:14
Why?
Because now we don't have to build red lights anymore red lights, green lights, we can just ar them in.
No more development, we just build roads.
We save millions of dollars.
Oh, do not enter, sign bam.
We don't even need signs on our storefront if you move in.
You, I like that.
I like that.
This was what was crippling the economy, signs and lights.
You know, all of a sudden, as someone who's talking about infrastructure, I just offered a big time solution.
Well yeah, you're right, i'm wrong, i'm sorry.
That was a big, that was a big issue.
The traffic lights wait.
So how did you riz up this robot?
Uh, I went on arax Eric Uh, YouTube channel, and he was like, Yo, do you want to fucking rizz up this robot?
And I was like, Sure, that's wrong.
What's that noise?
What?
It's the toilet.
Oh, that sounds exactly like static.
That is not a toilet.
Yeah, it's 100% water.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
See, that would, that's like an AR dissonance right there.
Oh, I didn't realize that that was a toilet.
Yeah, it's what it is.
Was it in like super, was it in a different mode?
I've never heard that before.
No, it's not even a toilet.
I meant like it's the restroom.
There's noise coming from the pipes.
So, what did you say to this robot to make it want to have sex with you?
I didn't actually say anything.
She opened with like, I heard you do politics.
And I was like, oh, that's not what you want to talk about, baby, on a first day.
You know what I'm saying?
And she was like, okay.
No, I want to talk about it.
So I was like, all right.
Like, what's up?
So you do not resist people.
No, I was not like that.
You just stand there.
What's the I?
Why is one of my...
Oh, that's how I do it.
You've seen it way too many times.
So this is fucked up.
It's fucked up.
I just go.
What's up?
Oh, my.
What's the move?
I feel attacked for no reason.
And girls are like, you make him look like a stroke man.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Dude, I've had literally.
I was like, this is my friend.
He just came.
He just survived a very bad traffic accident.
God, that's a fucking hot stroke victim.
Anyway, what'd you do?
What'd you do?
No, I mean, I didn't go that far, but I was just like, of course, you just stood there.
But pretty much, I was carried by.
There were a couple rounds.
There were a couple rounds of elimination, and I did make it through a bunch.
I'm not going to leak the video.
I'm not going to tell you what the ending is, but like I was going up against a bunch of people, and the robot found me the most attractive.
Of course, the robot has like a like the robot can process and react to visual stimuli.
So it has a camera on her chest.
6'4.
Do you play your home?
Weird.
That's so interesting.
AI has identified like genuine authentic attraction.
It looks, it would scan your face and then tell you like what you're.
No, no, no.
We don't need that.
I don't need my Selma Hayak robot to know what I look like.
Well, technically, your Selma Hayek robot will know what you look like.
No, it needs to be.
If you make Tom Brady, and if you ask, and if you ask it, she will tell you, like, okay, I've crunched the numbers and you are 65% facial aesthetic, you know, symbiosis or whatever.
Yeah, no, she literally would just be like, she gave me an 8 out of 10.
She gave you an 8 out of 10.
Yeah.
I wonder what a 10 is.
That's kind of strange.
And that was like the highest out of everyone.
Did you show her your cock?
I did not show her my cock.
Why not?
Because it's a YouTube channel for, I think, children.
You can cut anything out.
Now I look like the weirdo.
Oh, yeah.
Can you?
You think you can cut bodily parts out of YouTube videos?
Because if I recall, there was someone who also thought that you could cut it out.
And turns out a lot of people saw his balls.
That's right.
I've never seen his balls, by the way.
And there's the obligatory Ludwig mention for the podcast.
That's his like thing.
He's got big balls.
He says they're so big, but I think they're like normal.
I don't know.
Wow.
You know what?
Show me.
No, I don't think it's because he's.
I've seen his balls.
They're nice.
He says it like.
Bob is balls, Mark.
Because he talks about him.
No, he talks about his balls like they're like gross and big.
And I'm like, your balls are normal.
His balls are not.
Why don't you show me his balls and I'll let you know?
I don't have a picture.
You don't?
No, that Google does probably.
Okay.
Well, we don't need to look at his balls.
I don't think he'd like that.
Yeah, we wouldn't.
Look.
Yeah, this is not the paywall for behind the paywall.
We will look at the boss and vulgar things.
I was talking to my mom yesterday and she goes, she brings up this podcast.
Like, mom, like this one.
Yeah.
She's like, oh, no.
I watched that podcast.
Oh, no.
She loved me.
And she said, moms love me.
She said, I had to turn it off.
Oh.
She said, you were talking about dicks for like 20 minutes.
She's super homophobic.
Yeah, she is very homophobic.
So Austin, I didn't know you were gay.
Yeah, she must be tough for your mom to see you visibly hammered.
Yeah.
Glitter still on your side.
What episode did she watch?
No, she watched the last one.
Looking like a fucking harlot.
That was tough on it.
What did you guys talk about?
Dicks.
You weren't there, so what do you mean?
It was all dick.
You didn't watch it?
Oh.
Cutie, you didn't watch it?
Cutie doesn't even show support.
I know what cutie did.
Cutie can't watch that episode because then she'd have to acknowledge it did as well as a yard episode and she will make it.
It does.
It did better than a yard episode.
Whoa.
Charlie's got pool.
But he does.
You can't give us a good job.
Charlie does.
Wow.
Hey, good job.
Good job.
Wow.
We finally accomplished your dream.
She got tough on us.
She's tough on myself, and I'm in the ring.
Because we finally accomplished her dream of destroying the yard.
That's not my dream for the record.
It is your dream.
It's not.
It's my dream.
We know it's your dream.
She's also a bad guy.
You guys can destroy them each in a row.
I want to, yeah.
I want to run a train on the yard.
Cutie has a picture.
Wait, actually, you're running the train on the yard.
Who do you start with?
Who do you finish with?
Oh, God.
Jesus.
Oh, my Christ.
I like want to know because I feel like you wait.
You start with like, like, I guess you have to decide.
Do you start with the, like, one?
Are they pasting that?
Yeah, they're fine.
Okay.
Who do I run a train on?
Yeah.
Who do I have sex with?
In what order?
In what order?
And why would I...
I feel like I'd want to start with the best and end with the best.
So you put the schmutt in the middle.
Put the schmutt in the middle.
Wait, this is so.
Do you have train etiquette?
I think.
Okay, Nick and Slime are what?
And Aiden and Ludwig.
Wait, what order?
So it goes Nick, Slime, Aiden, Ludwig?
No, no, no.
I don't even think this is a fair question.
No, it is.
You are locked in a room, gunned to your head, and you can fuck your way out.
And I have to fuck my way out of it.
Well, I have to fuck all of them so it doesn't matter the order.
Really?
I'll finish with Ludwig.
And I'll finish with Ludwig and Aiden together.
What goes where?
No, like, we'll all have a three-way.
It'll be great.
And Slime and Nick, we'll have a three-way two.
I'll start with them and then we'll go with Ludwig and Aiden.
That's not how you run a train.
Whose dick?
Who's who's your selfish?
Whose butt?
Whose butt?
Who's are you selfish?
Are you bottom or are you top?
Oh my gosh.
I can't believe I'm so insulted that you asked that question.
Am I a bottom or a top?
Do I look like a bottom?
Everyone calls you a selfish top and I didn't want to say that.
Bottoms are an off.
Bottoms are.
Okay.
So whose butt do you put your dick into first?
Oh my God.
How do you make...
I don't even like to be gay after what you just said.
Really?
It sounds gross the way you say.
Whose dick do you put in your...
Yeah, it also sounds gross.
Whose dick do you put in your vagina?
God, that's gross.
Okay, so wait, we'll rephrase the question.
Who do you start?
Who do you warm up with?
By the way, you are hostage situation.
There's no lubricant.
Oh, my God.
So who gets you most excited?
This has become such an insane.
Who gets you the most excited?
They all do.
Aiden, fuck it.
Fuck it.
Aiden, if you're watching this, you already know how I feel, okay?
Oh, my God.
You're gonna fuck Aiden over Ludwig?
I'm gonna fuck them both, okay?
But like Aiden first.
This was a cutie.
This was a well-orchestrated trap to get Austin to admit he's attracted to Aiden.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Aiden is very cute.
Well, Slime and Nick are sad right now.
No, they're both hot too.
I'd fucking do what?
Do what?
Say it.
I'd fucking.
Do what?
Everyone wants to go for Ludwig?
By the way, Cutie, I have to tell you something.
What?
Everyone wants to go for Ludwig?
I'd fuck Slime.
Why?
I mean, Slime, I'd rub his bald head the entire time.
Look, I love Slime too.
I'd fuck Slime too.
I'd come on there.
What?
What's your order?
I'm a redhead.
Nick is hot.
Wow.
Nick is hot.
Wow, you'd fuck Nick.
I would fuck Nick.
I, Dibs, Ludwig.
Good job, everybody.
We all got one.
No, I mean, I'll fuck Ludwig, too.
No.
Wait a minute.
That's perfect.
Wait a minute.
Behind the paywall.
Fear and the yard fuckathon.
Fuckathon, suckathon, but for real this time.
We're all talking about it.
That would be so fun if we all went on.
Yeah, I'd be down.
I could put them together.
We could film it for the paywall.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I call Shogun on Slimey.
Could I go on a romantic date with Ludwig?
That means I have to go with Aiden.
I'll go with Aiden, actually.
I'll go with Aiden.
I'll like it.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'd rather go with Aiden than Ludwig.
Let's switch it up.
Okay, look.
I have to tell you something, cutie.
What?
I'm saving it for the podcast.
I am.
Whose toesies did I just touch?
Oh, no one's.
I am a Swifty.
What?
Dude, everyone's pandering to me.
I have been listening to Taylor Swift.
I've been listening to all her songs.
Where did you go recently that Ludwig was at?
That I wasn't?
Because Ludwig came home and he was like, Austin really wants to come to concert.
He told me five Taylor Swift songs.
Wait, yeah.
Oh, we went out to dinner.
Oh, yeah, I wasn't there.
Oh, my God.
Went out to dinner?
Ludwig is such a fucking kidding me.
Ludwig is such a fucking concert.
I love him even more than I already did.
He was advocating.
He was advocating for me to go to the concert.
If I that is so precious.
If I had my phone, I'd check my list.
I'll see if you can.
I can see if I can.
That is so precious.
Where are Will and I on the list?
And why are we talking about it?
Can I be honest?
What?
I sent you a really good Taylor Swift cover, and you didn't fucking even.
I hearted it.
It was a little too banjo-y for me.
Oh, my God.
She hearted it.
I agree.
It's not really in line with what us Swifty's like.
He's just, he's just, he doesn't know.
He doesn't know.
True.
You're such a big Swifty.
Who all unfollowed Joe Alwyn on Twitter this week?
Oh, who all unfollowed Joe Allen on Twitter?
Uh-huh.
Well, me and you.
First of all, I know you did.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And then the list goes on and on and on.
Yeah, but like, who is Taylor Swift's best friends?
Okay, well, hold on.
You just wanna second.
Let me eat that.
Good one.
Good one.
Close.
Top five.
Top five.
Yeah.
Let me tell you.
I'll be honest.
I'm not Ariana.
What?
Yeah.
I'm working on.
I don't think she's top five.
No.
Oh.
Cutie.
No, I don't think so.
I'm working on music first because I need to be able to see that up.
Why would I make that up?
But she's been coming across my TikTok feed a lot.
Good.
Algorithm.
Good.
She's like, I watched her, a lot of her clips from her performances.
Oh, my God.
You know what I'm saying?
Answer the question, bitch.
No, hold on.
He can't.
He doesn't know the answer.
He said he's starting with the music.
You know what I do know?
What?
Is you know what to look for at the concert when she's coming out?
She's in a like in a janitor's like cart.
Okay.
Okay.
It doesn't matter.
You can't even name who unfollowed her.
I did.
I'm literally above.
I'm above Austin.
Can you say that?
I'm above Austin.
You can come to the concert if you have to suck.
You'll never talk to John Mayer again.
I literally have to make out with a man sometimes.
That's what you have to do.
Hassan won't be able to handle it.
There's too many gay people there.
He won't be able to handle it.
He can't do it.
You know what they do?
You know what he can't handle?
At Taylor Swift concerts, they make all the bathrooms women's and men's gender-neutral bathrooms.
Yeah, you'll hate that.
I knew that.
You'll hate that.
You won't be able to stand that.
He's so homophobic.
Men.
We're in a box, though, so we have our own bathroom.
Oh, yes.
Away from the poor.
Yes, but women will be using that bathroom to jokingly.
Notoriously hates.
No, we're away from Boris.
Oh.
Say it.
You know what?
I made a decision.
You're not going.
We're not going because we're going to something else.
What are you going to go to?
John Mayer's concert.
It's not that day.
If it was that day, no one would go.
Oh, you're so crazy.
They wouldn't.
I almost saw someone get shot and you guys didn't care.
Yeah, what happened?
Tell me what was wrong.
I was driving here.
I'm driving past a laundromat as there's a thousand in LA.
And these two people start pushing each other.
I'm at the intersection ready to turn left, and it's like kitty corner.
So I'm just watching and I'm just red, lights red.
Start pushing each other and they're like throwing their arms up and it's two guys.
And then as I'm turning, the one guy pulls out a fucking gun and I just speed.
Oh my God.
Well, did you know if they got shot or not?
No.
I drove away as fast as possible.
You didn't wait to see no, because what if he turned?
Yeah, that's my, that's you don't, you never want to be a witness.
You know, um, what I actually don't think I can talk about it.
Never mind.
Essentially, I had a this guy who's like doing a road race.
Wait, was there another murder?
I'll remember your face.
No.
Is there another murder you're a witness to that you can't talk about?
I had uh like this is state's evidence.
Essentially, like a lawyer reach out to me to be a witness on a case.
Um, and I said I wasn't comfortable with it because I am so afraid of like you're a witness on something and it doesn't go the way somebody wanted and then they murder you.
Why are you doing this?
Do not eat that.
Wait, what the fuck?
Who's murdering you?
Ew.
Judy, who's murdered?
What kind of case were you a witness to that you would be murdered?
You never know.
People go crazy when they lose cases.
That's a good point.
I wouldn't be a witness to that.
You never know when someone's going to be a crazy person after they lose a case.
Exactly.
I don't need to be a part of that.
I don't want to be with you.
Where's your fucking crazy?
Why didn't you order food?
Oh, I've got something special to share with you guys.
Oh, boy.
Is it actually special?
Yes, it is.
Oh.
He brought food instead of you because he knew you would disappoint us.
I had a rough day.
He knew you'd be disappointed.
I did.
I went to psychiatrists this week.
She's progressing, progressing.
I don't get it.
No, the psychiatrist.
What the hell?
My Italian driver.
Oh, I hate that.
Murder Witness Stories00:15:02
I asked him to make me some wonderful.
But my Italian driver, who I love very much, and we're very close.
I asked him, would you mind making me some of your finest Italian food?
What?
You did not ask your driver to make you Italian food.
No, it was, he wanted to.
And he made some homemade pasta.
And he just had these containers.
And he had these containers.
He's like a mobile Italian restaurant.
And he made this pot.
And he wanted us.
He made this for everybody.
What if he poisoned it because he hates you?
No, he does not hate me.
You have to use this.
It's both the same.
No, I'm.
Are you?
I am so good to work with you.
It's both the same as Penne vodka.
Yeah.
But you try first.
Just like that.
I love penne vodka.
Are you.
Wait, you think I'm not?
She's not joking.
She literally is a freak.
Wait, you think it?
I've already eaten some today.
A little foaming at the mouth.
It's fine.
No, well, go for it.
Okay.
Here.
Judy, are you actually worried that this is poisoned?
You never know.
No, you do know.
No, you know.
You don't know.
You know.
You definitely know.
Here.
Dump a bunch of it on this list.
I'm miserable to work for.
Okay.
Tell me why you think I'm miserable to work for.
Every episode of this podcast leading up to this very one, including section right now.
Would you like to work for me?
You would be a horrible boss.
Tell me why.
I gotta.
Just put it on.
Put it on there.
I don't care.
Put an extra one.
This guy?
Yeah, put it on there too.
I'm eating it.
Okay.
Awesome raw pasta.
And then took one container first.
You want something?
Oh my god, this is fucking fire.
I don't know.
I'm an asshole.
It's not that good.
Am I an asshole?
Yes, you are.
He's going to be watching this.
Oh.
Sorry.
Now the next time it's going to be poisoning.
Shit.
That vodka sauce is a little different.
It's authentic.
His audio listeners, his sauce to pasta ratio, kind of mid.
Okay.
You know what?
Cutie?
Oh, my God.
I'm not showing him this podcast.
Good.
Good.
Not everyone can handle constructive criticism.
There's something really interesting going on in the sauce.
It's almost like something sweet.
Oh, poison.
Arsenic.
Okay.
Why would I be bad?
Look.
What?
That's so nice of him.
Did you pay him for this?
No.
Yes.
In so many ways.
Look, I am.
Why did you say it?
I am because I am in so many ways.
Like what?
Like hanging out with you?
I'm a great tipper.
Okay.
Come.
I tip my driver 50% every time.
All right.
Give me some more of this pasta that you apparently consider mid.
Go on.
I tip my driver 50% and I'm fabulous to work for him.
I'm going to cook for you more because this is cutie.
What?
I can't even show him that he worked so hard on this.
Did he?
Yes.
Yeah, well, I love it.
Yes.
He prepared this for us and worked so hard.
Oh, it's so yummy.
I'm going to clip that out.
What?
I love it.
You can't talk smack right now because you're so worried that we wouldn't like your key lime.
Bro.
Okay.
Cutie, what are you not looking around?
I think I'd be a better boss than Hassan.
I'm literally the best boss.
That's not true.
I'm such a good boss that, like, I'm not a boss.
Hassan wouldn't.
I'm not a boss to people.
There's one person sitting next to us right now that you're going to ask.
It's like literally.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm a boss for sure.
I believe in a hierarchy at my company.
Yeah, you believe in capitalism and Hassan does not.
I'm a leftist, actually.
Which is why it's great to work for Hassan.
100%.
I'm a leftist.
To a detriment.
Okay.
I'm a leftist.
How much did you pay him for these?
I will pay him.
My mom is going crazy, by the way.
Because the dog.
Go get her.
I'm going to go talk to her real quick.
Go grab the dog.
No, no.
No, Kanye's making an appearance on the podcast.
Yo, she is going to.
I've got to do it.
Speaking of Italy, I need to do this.
No one's speaking of Italy.
Oh, in fact, he's at the airport right now.
Basically, they lost my bag.
He's at the airport collecting it right now because it came in on a later.
Oh, my God.
You are such a bad boy.
Why am I miserable to work for?
Oh, I don't know.
No, but should I call him right now?
And say what?
Because he needs to find my bag.
But there's nothing wrong.
Look, I'm compensating him well for all of this.
There's nothing wrong with any of this.
How much do you pay him for the pasta?
You sent him on an extraction mission.
I didn't.
He wanted to go.
You sent him on an extraction mission to LAX, the worst place, objectively the worst place on the planet.
He said, okay.
Okay.
So I do have a story to tell you, though.
Speaking of Italy.
No one was.
To bring that back, Cutie is right.
No one was speaking of Italy.
So I don't know.
Italian pasta.
Italy, whatever.
Wait, before you do that, can we get Cutie's honest assessment?
Like what?
No, I feel bad.
No, no, I want to hear it.
What do you want?
What's this for honest assessment?
This is a good, this is a good assumption.
The sauce, I'm sure the sauce is great, but the sauce to noodle ratio is just not there for me.
Austin has decided to eat it on the second plate now.
He has this one.
There's still more if you want it.
Why?
He did a light sauce on.
He called that out.
Why?
Because in Italy, they don't.
Because you didn't pay him for a lot of sauce.
You didn't pay extra for that.
His family.
Italy.
They don't do a lot of heavy sauce.
Bitch, I went to Italy.
There's tons of sauce.
I lied.
I thought you were.
He didn't say that.
You were like, did he say that or did he not say that?
Why?
All men do are lies.
He didn't talk about Italy.
He said it was light on the sauce.
What kind of men are you hanging out with that they hear about?
It's oddly specific.
Ludwig on his best body.
It's fine.
Nothing to write home about.
It's nothing I'm craving.
I think it's probably the best pasta I've ever had.
I'm going to do it.
Okay, you're absolutely wrong on that, but it's very good.
I think it's interesting because it is.
It was really nice of him to make it, though.
Sorry.
Come on.
It's a different flavor profile than I'm used to with vodka sauce.
A little sweeter.
It's because he flew in the tomatoes from Italy.
No, he didn't.
I really like it.
I give it like an 8-5, 8-6.
Thank you.
Not the best pasta I've ever had in my life, though.
Yeah, the pasta is not.
It's nice that he had it out for a while.
It did.
And if I had it hot and fresh, it might get some extra points there.
And this was homemade.
And he got up at 5 o'clock in the morning.
Wait, he made the pasta and not have done that.
The sauce does not take that long.
No, but I'm lying.
Why did you make him wake up at 5 a.m.?
I didn't make him.
He often lying, I'm pretty sure.
Okay.
Typical.
So I'm pretty sure Austin has not stopped lying about the pasta.
Anita San score.
Austin.
Oh, go ahead.
I give it a seven and a half.
I've definitely had better, but I'm a very harsh critic on Penny Vodka because it's my favorite.
One of my favorite.
I'm happy that you like it, though.
That's one of your favorite.
It's very good.
Okay.
I've got a story.
Okay.
I stayed.
I went to Italy a couple years ago.
And I stayed at a very nice six-star hotel in which I think I paid $1,200.
I stayed there after.
Do you remember?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't even know if we want to say the name of the hotel.
Wait, why?
I wouldn't.
We're not going to.
You just don't want to risk anyone leaving reviews to be annoying or whatever.
It's a hotel in Italy.
It's a boutique hotel.
It's a very nice hotel.
They have six-star hotels.
It was really nice.
How many stars does it go up to?
I thought it stopped at five.
Just take my word for it.
Did you know that they would go higher than five?
You went into your room and they had figs for you.
Fresh figs.
Someone explain to me the star system.
Why is it six stars?
I don't think it's six stars.
I just missed it.
He's a pathological liar.
I am.
And you need to stop.
These are such small things to lie about.
Why are you lying about this?
Just listen to me, okay?
It's a six-star, seven-star hotel.
All right.
It's a very nice hotel.
This is not how humans communicate.
Five to ten stars.
Okay.
I go to this hotel.
I have a fantastic stay, right?
At one point during my stay, I order 160 euros worth of room service.
Sure.
Cachua Pepe.
Wonderful pasta.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Great time.
Considered the cornerstone of all pastas.
It's really, it truly is.
Honestly, I would love to get on a plane.
So I go and I leave this hotel.
Two weeks later, I get an email.
Mr. Such and such.
Your name's Austin.
You could just say.
Mr. Austin.
Mr. Austin.
Show.
We forgot to charge you 160 euros for your cachua pepe two weeks later.
And I was like, I was like, so would you please fill out this credit card authorization form so that we can collect?
Mind you, on my way out, I gave them my credit card to pay out the room.
They failed to do so.
So I didn't respond to the email.
And I said, I'm not, in my head, I said, I'm not going to pay that.
You're a six-star, five-star hotel.
I pay 1,200 euros a night.
You're going to make me waste my time, fill out a credit authorization form.
Yada, yada, yada.
Two months later, I get an email.
Sir, we're waiting for the 160 euros.
This is 2021.
2022 rolls around.
Get another email.
Okay.
They have been chasing you.
Our family is dying.
Yes.
I got an email last week.
And these were 120 euros.
They have been chasing me down for two years.
Yeah.
For 160 euros.
Yeah, because wait, the price was.
Austin, they probably gave you, they probably gave it to a debt collection agency.
No, this is the hotel email.
160 euros.
And you know what?
I'm not fucking paying.
I feel like you should be.
You're a warranted criminal.
Is it in Florence?
He's not allowed to go back to Italy.
Is this in Florence?
No, it's in Rome.
I'm not paying it.
You know why I'm not paying it?
It's a principal.
What is the principal?
You had an opportunity to, they made the mistake.
That's not fair.
That's not fair.
No, at first I was going to be on your side just for the funsies.
I will die on this.
No, it's literally not fair that like.
Because you fucking you hired the services on there and then you just didn't pay it.
It's like Donald.
No, I gave them my card to pay.
They failed to collect.
I was ready to close out the bill and they did not collect it.
Who cares?
I'm just going to pay after now they're now they're trying to.
It's like this.
You go to a restaurant, right?
You order, I don't know, something and they forget to charge you for the steak.
And then they come back at you and they call you.
They say, hey, sir, we forgot to charge you for the steak.
Three weeks later, what are you going to tell them?
Well, what are you going to tell them?
I said that's impressive customer service.
So you guys were able to figure that out.
No, it's not great customer service.
They should have said, we're an expensive steak restaurant or expensive hotel.
Let bygones be bygones.
I see both perspectives.
Okay.
I you're a criminal.
It would be less stressful if you just paid it.
No, I'm not.
You are not allowed to step foot in Italy.
Yeah.
You are a six-star hotel.
You're never going to be able to stay there again.
I don't care.
I have a good Italian story.
Uh-huh.
Are you on my side?
No.
You think I should pay this 160?
Yeah.
I'll pay it.
No.
Just stop talking about it.
No.
It's about the principle for Austin.
If you are...
The principle of being a bad person.
Yeah, the principle of...
He does not pay his debts.
No.
I'm sticking it to the man for the people.
What?
Of this like boutique, family-owned hotel where they're in Walmart like a normal person.
They are trying to survive all of them.
This is a chain hotel.
Mr. Shaw.
They're chasing me.
It's a little weird that they're chasing me down for Cachua Pepe from two years ago.
It is.
It's a little strange.
Why don't you leave them a bad review that says, can't believe you're chasing me down for this bad house?
I'm not going to bring them down like that.
Mr. Shaw, we need you.
Our family.
So many others have got you at Pepe.
38 others have got you every night.
We bring more after you.
It is.
We run out of the Pepe and we run out of the Caccio.
We are authoritative hands crunching down.
I need to call his driver.
Tell him we love the pasta.
I will.
There is just a napkin under him.
I don't know what that was about.
He's on his period.
Oh, Jesus.
I can't believe he legitimately thinks he'd be good to work for.
No, I don't think so.
But maybe if he did have an assistant, that would get paid.
Maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
As long as apparently, as long as he or she doesn't forget to charge his credit card one time.
Listen, it takes one to know one.
Son knows this about me.
I love free stuff.
Oh my God.
I like it.
I love getting free stuff.
I think Austin likes getting one over on the man.
Dude, that's such a good call.
Yeah.
He's so he's like weird with it.
But he could have gorillons of dollars and he's like, what's up?
Are we going to an event, man?
Is there going to be free stuff?
I'm like, dude, really?
So when like, like, I turn down free stuff all the time.
Same.
I hate it.
It's just too much.
I used to love it.
I'm going to say yes to everything.
Yeah.
No, I give it to the people around me.
Like, if I get it.
Nobody wants my Dungeons and Dragons out stuffy.
That's so wrong.
Really?
Absolutely wrong.
Sorry, Dungeons and Dragons.
It's really nice of you to send those to me.
My nieces, my nephews, the people that work at my building, like all their kids.
I don't have any people.
Listen, I'm going to tell you.
I do.
And I just buy them.
What about an MSI stress ball?
I buy them shit instead.
That's not good.
That's crap.
Yeah, but sometimes you get crap.
What I do is instead, I buy them shit.
Because I know that if I get the free shit, it's just going to sit there for a very long time.
I hate that.
Yeah, I don't have enough people around me to give it to you.
There are a ton of kids in Pinehurst wearing 100 Thieves stuff right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's fine.
If I didn't live all the way in San Diego, maybe I'd have more people.
You live in Las Vegas, Nevada.
It's time to come out with this.
It's time to be honest.
Because San Diego is not as far because you are like eight hours every day.
And you want to know the crazy thing?
Both you and Austin, for the last, as long as I've known you, have both been talking about moving to Los Angeles.
In fact, when he said he was going to join the podcast, I said under one condition.
And he said anything.
And I said, I want to see a signed lease before you join a ghost.
What was the bet we said he's not going to do that?
Zipline Adventure Plans00:03:04
Yeah, we should have written down the bet.
Oh, oh, yeah.
He moves here first or I get on plane first.
Yeah, this bet sucks.
Neither of them are going to do it.
Yeah, I'm driving to Denver for Taylor Swift.
That's insane.
14 hours.
That's nuts.
That's going to be awesome.
I'll listen to all the albums twice.
It literally hurts my soul thinking about that.
What the fuck?
At least get on a train.
What's wrong with you?
A train is definitely longer.
But you're not trains don't have any straight passes.
But you're not driving.
Trains quite a bit.
Yeah, but I take turns.
Well, no, she means like there's a lot of a straight route.
They don't have a straight route.
There's no straight shop.
I'm actually curious.
I'm going to have a lovely train ride.
The train will take longer because of the stops.
What if I hire a cool driver?
And he feeds me pasta while going to Denver.
Well, apparently it's mid.
You are literally the bougie is motherfucker.
Whoa.
Train is 22 hours and driving is 14.
Oh, driving is 16.
Taylor Swift concert, a different one.
Oh, my God.
God, I hate America so much.
Oh, there's one, but you have to go on a Greyhound bus until you get to the train.
So cool.
Holy fuck, dude.
I hate America so much.
It's so fucking frustrating.
Every other goddamn country has like train routes in a landmass that is just as large, whether it be the entirety of the continent of Europe where like it's not even interstate.
It's literally like interactual nation state travel or China, which is around the same amount of landmass, but like has high-speed rail.
We don't have any of this shit.
Sorry.
How do we get it?
We have it.
We actually still currently have it.
We have operational, massive, massive lines that go throughout the entire country.
They're just freight trains for all of our logistics.
You know what I would be on board for?
What is that?
I got to give this to my mom.
I would be on board for ziplines.
Ooh, folks.
Oh, yeah.
This is so dumb.
This is not dumb.
This is the dumbest.
It's not dumb.
This is the dumbest idea he's ever at.
I love it.
Okay, here is the idea out.
In some South American countries, people travel around via zipline.
Uh-huh.
That's fun.
What if I put this to you?
From the skyscrapers of downtown, you could mount up on a zipline and breeze out to Santa Monica in 10 minutes via a zipline.
That's kind of cool.
Oh, you won't get on a fucking plane, but you're going to get on a zip line?
Shut the fuck up.
I've been on ziplines.
But you're in control of a zipline, right?
Unless it breaks.
But it's not, it's going to be.
When an engine fails on a plane, you can float out of the sky.
Zipline, you just fold yourself.
Yeah, but if you're on a plane and you get sucked into a black hole, then what?
Dumbest Travel Idea00:05:12
Wait, what?
That's like a furious thing.
Did you see two planes from American Airlines burst into flames recently?
No.
Stop.
Will, what are you doing?
In the air.
They think they're bird hits.
They think birds flew into the engine.
Did they crash?
I don't know that it is.
No, they did not.
In the air?
In the air.
No, they didn't.
Austin already knew about it.
No, I already knew about that.
And how many times a zipline has burst into flames?
Zero.
Zero.
It's not helping.
We need to find your uncle.
He's right.
Have you talked to your uncle about where he flies?
I have not.
Let's call him right now.
My phone's in my car.
Oh, shit.
Damn it.
You'd be so confused while I was calling you.
We need to get you on a plane.
Wait, you know what we should do by the paywall?
What time is it in Italy right now?
Oh, God.
You should call them and tell them you're never going to pay your bill.
Okay.
It's April 24th.
No, that's.
Perfect.
Fuck.
They have 24-hour.
24-hour concierge.
A 5 a.m. international call.
God, that's going to cost me at least the amount.
We could call them.
We could.
Should we?
It'd be good paywall content.
I feel like I'm not sure if the audience is on my side on this one.
No.
This is not a stick it to the man.
You know what?
I get it, though.
They had the opportunity to bill you.
You made it out of the country.
It is true.
I made an effort to pay the bill and they said you're all good.
I gave them my credit card.
I did everything.
Now they want me to go fill out a credit authorization form by hand.
Yeah.
You know, because I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say this.
Go to a grocery store.
Yeah, they don't charge you for bananas and then they don't ring something at home.
You look at your receipt.
Oh, wait a minute.
That is the best argument.
Free Froyo.
Are you driving back to that grocery store?
90% of people, that is a no.
I used to, and then I got tired of driving.
I think if you, I think, this is my thing.
I did.
If you are an established, like, really extravagant sort of hotel and you're chasing somebody down for 160 euros that you didn't collect because it was your fault, I think, I think, I think it's embarrassing.
And I'm not paying it.
I'm not paying it.
And you know what?
Hoscord was on my side on this one.
You guys remember my story while we're waiting for him?
Yeah.
When I was in Italy, I went to Florence for the first time with a group of friends and I had an amazing time.
It was magic, right?
And they have the statue of David.
Now, it's not the real David, but they have the real one.
Yeah, they have the one that's out there.
They have the real one, too.
Amazed by it.
I was so amazed by it.
And I was like, oh, this is great.
I'll use this as a landmark to navigate back to my Hostel that I'm at or whatever, which was a block away from me.
And I went out that night and I got biblically rip shit drunk.
Yeah.
To the point where I woke up fully nude.
Oh my God.
In an Italian woman's home.
Oh.
She spoke no English.
And that is awesome.
We were trying to like parse through.
I was like, where are my clothes?
And she was like, don't know.
She gave me a pair of gym shorts.
Okay.
And I had my cell phone somehow dead.
And I walked out into Florence with no cell phone, no clothes except for a pair of gym shorts and no idea where I was.
So I start running around Florence, practically nude, and I start asking people, where's David?
Where is the statue, David?
Little did I know that every boutique at every store in Florence sells David's.
So everyone is like, David.
And I'm like, no, the David.
And they're like, the David.
And I'm like, please.
So I start to panic.
No one will tell me where David is.
So I start, I'm like, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to run in successively bigger circles until I find David because my friends are leaving at noon.
It's like...
The country?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
They're getting on a train.
It sounds like a semester is CMO.
Yes.
They're getting on a train and they're leaving.
I have no way of getting out of Florence if they leave me.
Like no money, no nothing.
So I start running in circles.
I ran in circles around Florence, concurrently bigger circles for an hour and a half.
Oh, that sounds miserable.
Beaming sweat, like dying.
With 20 minutes left, I see David peeking out and I fall on my knees and I'm like, yeah.
People must have thought I was insane.
So I run and I get to my friends.
I'm beaming sweat.
They're like, where were you?
We were about to leave.
We thought you left with someone else.
And I was like, I'm so happy.
But I would have been homeless in Florence.
Oh my God.
Had I alternative every day?
You had no money.
And then he started working at the hotel.
Discord Chat Jokes00:04:14
Yeah.
Where he made me.
He made my Pepe.
Okay.
This is the only way he could get the barbecue.
The hotel that I'm talking about is a corporation.
It's a chain corporation.
It's a family boutique.
It's not a family boutique.
Okay, let's clear it.
Good, right.
Yeah, let's clear out the desk and I'll put her on the desk with the hopes that she doesn't pee on the desk.
She's got that puppy breath.
I love puppy breath.
It's like new car smell.
You know what I mean?
Thank you.
What other smells are like that?
Smells that shouldn't be good.
New home smells.
New home smells.
Baby heads.
Gasoline.
Oh, baby heads don't.
Gasoline.
This is Kaya.
Oh, my goodness.
Kaya Piker.
Come here, you.
You can come to me.
Come in.
Which house is it?
Like Annie.
I hope she doesn't.
I hope she doesn't.
Come to Austin.
Come to my house.
Don't go to him.
He'll turn you into a coke.
Hello.
Cruella.
No peeing, right?
Come here.
That's the funniest thing you've said in a long time.
In a long time.
I mean, I didn't mean it like that.
This is not.
No, Austin, you just said women aren't funny.
So go ahead and ask me.
What the fuck is that?
You want to share it?
Share it.
We can share it.
It was a joke.
She is actually currently in very good spirits.
She's very chill right now.
I just want one kiss in the little past.
She's very chill right now.
She will not be chill in a little bit.
Okay.
Let me know how to hold her.
Okay, give her to me.
Give her.
She smells so good.
Hi, little baby.
My goodness, you can be my best friend forever if you want.
Well, it's interesting because you have a pet that very closely mirrors this and Kuntz that from day one, they were welcome to the content mind.
Yeah, By the way, Hassan, funniest thing, the first thing you do with your dog is DNA tested on stream.
That is so funny.
Such a content skull moment.
Yeah.
I don't know what, I don't know what she is.
Well, we're not going to figure it out until the DNA results come back.
I'm going to get a refund.
What?
Also, I was joking in your chat earlier.
I went into Hassan's chat.
I made a joke, and he was like, mad.
What'd you say?
I said, shut up, himbo.
No one cares.
Make the dog cam bigger.
Oh, I thought that was funny.
You didn't laugh.
Sometimes he doesn't laugh or respond.
Well, that's how you know he thought it was funny.
He responded and he was like, No, I'm not going to make the dog cam bigger.
And I was like, One time I went into his chat and I was like talking to Hassan and I was like trying to get recognized clearly by saying something else.
All you do in chat.
And Hassan was like, oh, look, Austin just seeking attention again.
And then just out at that point, he didn't even know, but I think I called out that you would probably go to bed.
Go back to Discord and farm fucking points.
That's true.
I did.
At which point he wasn't even aware of it because I was already back in Discord farming points.
But yeah, she's like part Tibetan mastiff.
Oh, is she doy suit?
And loves to pee everywhere and then lay in the piss.
That's her favorite thing right now.
And also crying at night.
Oh, poor baby.
Does she cuddle with you at night?
No, I am crate training her right now.
I'm going to do that and then I'll let her cuddle later.
Literally.
Yeah.
Crate.
It resembles communist building blocks.
Everybody has crates.
But yeah, I wanted to bring crate.
She worked on stream.
But I wanted to bring it.
She made the memes.
Yes.
I wanted to bring her out here and then, you know, end it on a high note as we move on to the paywall proportion of the broadcast.
We're going to the paywall where I will be calling the...
No, I'm not going to call him.
Too early.
Last thing I will say.
If chat votes, I will pay the bill.
If in the comment section...
No, just run a poll on Twitter after that.
No, no.
In the comments section.
You're going to count them.
Paywall Content Tease00:01:58
Well, I will look for comments telling me to pay the bill or not.
Yeah.
But just remind, as remember this, as you can see.
Just assume that they're going to say yes.
No, no, no, no.
Because they 100% are.
Remember this as you type.
I'm sticking it to the corporate man.
Listen, type Kachioi Pepe if you think he should pay and Kachui Pep nay if he should not pay.
Well, that's more fun to talk about.
I'm not.
Look.
I will.
And then the next episode will be me calling them paying the bill.
Yes.
Like, I think I owe you something from two years ago.
And then I'll be very on.
Yeah, you guys have been chasing me for two years.
Remember, I ordered room service two years ago.
Do you remember?
I stayed at your hotel two years ago.
Okay, Kaya, sign us off.
She looked at you like, yo, you fucking see this guy?
That's what she did.
She looked at Austin.
All right, we'll see you behind the paywall, y'all.
All right.
Peace.
Is there gay sex out in public?
Have you seen gay sex out in public?
There's so much gay.
Have you seen people getting their dicks sucked?
No, I physically.
Okay, if that happens to you, you can do it.
I'll just close my eyes, but just don't leave me.
Okay, so you would sit there and watch or be present during a blowjob.
She would turn around.
She would turn around and go, la I don't know if I could get through the blowjob if you were right there.
Where are the mice supposed to go?
Just wait in the port-a-pie.
And this is how the text starts.
Remember what I said at the beginning of this?
Remember the opening to this?
How I would get two panicked text messages.
One of a freshly sucked dick who's on drugs for the first time, because some little twink drug fairy puts you on ecstasy.