Hasan Piker, AustinShow, and QTCinderella clash over internet excuses and raspberry bars before dissecting oral sex dynamics and the "cool girl" trope. They debate Ludwig's viral testicle display, QT's Taylor Swift ticket obsession, and a Washington Post article mocking Austin's piloting confidence as the Dunning-Kruger effect. The trio explores Elton John's ironic suicide lyrics, fears of flying and oceans, racial identity debates, and a prom dream involving Germa, ultimately promoting their Patreon while addressing Austin's attention-seeking behavior across chat rooms. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Roasting Austin's Arrival00:14:27
We're gonna get started before Austin gets in, of course.
Yes.
Are we going?
Are we good?
Hi.
Hassan wanted to start just so we could talk shit on Austin.
Yeah, no, literally, because I think I have very good reason.
You want to know why?
Yeah, I want to know.
Austin's been here.
How long?
He's been here.
He's been here for hours.
I'll get into how he got here and how he rushed over here drunk.
But before we do that, notice how he's on the phone.
He is currently on the phone.
He's having a phone call.
You are late.
I'm always.
I'm always like 40.
That's a problem.
How many minutes were you late?
30.
You're 30.
You're exactly 30 minutes late to the dot.
Okay.
Because you came from wherever people are.
But of course, Austin, you were here.
I know.
I don't know.
Why did you start without me?
No, I started without you to make a point.
I did.
I was on the phone.
To make a fucking point.
I was on the phone.
Even when you're here, oh my God, you're such a fucking queen.
Are you kidding?
Why don't you bring anything?
Yeah, you don't bring anything.
This is unbelievable.
These are yummy.
Eat everything in my house.
This is amazing.
Wow, Marshall.
What kind of cookies are these?
Why did you take the whole thing?
You're an animal.
Oh, you're an animal.
Who does that?
Who does that?
You're already destroying every...
We just started.
I know.
I know.
Okay.
We'll make it happen.
We'll figure it out.
Here, here, here, here.
They're raspberry bars.
Here, it's good.
It's good.
It's good.
I don't know why Austin can't eat like.
Austin.
Oh, you're going to make such a fucking mess, dog.
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
Here you go.
I'm fine.
Out of nowhere.
Here, here.
Look, you were here already, and you still managed to be late later than QT, which is impressive.
Look, I was on the phone, and Hassan pulled a fast one on me.
I just, that's not true.
You just started the podcast.
That's just not true.
What were we on the phone about?
We're sitting here waiting for you to be done with your fucking phone.
I was on a very important business meeting.
No, he's talking to ISP provider.
Yeah, I was talking about internet.
My internet has been a little slow, so I was like trying to speed up.
Why do you need the internet?
You don't even.
Yeah, that would suck if your internet was slow.
You know how much bandwidth you need to stream OnlyFans videos?
Like none.
This is the reason why you need to.
Yeah, I need high-speed internet.
What do you got, like, eight monitors?
Like, what the fuck are you doing?
No, I will not jerk off on my work computer.
No.
That's a good lesson.
Yeah.
Probably a good idea.
Kind of a good idea, isn't it?
Good idea.
Good idea.
You never want to.
I have always been principled on that.
I have never jerked off on this computer.
I feel like it's weird.
I'm not even in a jerk off mood because like this is my work.
This is the workroom.
Yeah.
This would be so strange to just you to jerk off in here.
Yeah, I know.
Have you ever be honest?
No.
You ever thought about it?
No.
When I worked at the old Navy, sometimes I'd have overnight shifts and I'd have my boyfriend bring me like coffee or something overnight.
And I was like the manager.
And so I would send everyone on lunch break, but I would stay in the building and him and I would try to have sex in the fitting room.
Cutie.
Because I was the only area that didn't have cameras.
Wow.
It didn't work because he was too shy.
What do you mean, try?
Don't call him names.
He did his best.
Was it Ludwig or something?
I love him.
Yeah, you were working on old navy.
Okay.
This is insane.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can make it with any jam.
You're a bot.
You're a bad.
Orange marmalade.
Amazing.
I have a diet to uphold.
I do not have...
I haven't eaten enough food today.
I do bake alongs.
We made this yesterday.
Really?
Yeah.
So I post the ingredients in my Discord and then people can get them on and then they show up on Saturdays and they learn how to bake it.
It's super cute.
It's amazing.
It's very wholesome.
Wow.
Oh.
And like a good 20, 30 people posted their pictures of this.
Did you bring some chocolate chip cookie next time?
Well, she's fucking, you know.
Yeah, next time I'll take requests.
No, I'm so sorry.
Was that rude of me?
Yes.
I just thought.
I love your baking and I just wanted a chocolate chip cookie from you.
That's so wrong.
Please.
You're like making requests.
Like, she didn't have to bring this for us at all.
Yeah, I'll bring it.
I'll bring Austin.
I would love a chocolate chip.
I'll be here at 6 p.m. sharp.
No, look, next time, how about you do bake along with chocolate chip cookies?
You know, you know what?
I'll do it and I'll be a part of it.
How about that?
I'm inviting myself on.
I didn't invite you.
So I'm inviting myself on the stream.
But look, thanks, Hassan, for starting the podcast without me while I'm like, you could have been like, yo, we're starting, but you just didn't.
He wanted to talk shit.
I did.
You didn't even get to finish.
So Austin's been at your house since when?
Like, I've been here since like five, and it's 6:30 right now.
And you came over drunk.
Yeah, I've sobered up, though.
Wait, is that what he started?
Is that what he said?
Yeah.
I was not.
Look.
You were not as bad as you were last time you were drunk.
Look, Hassan, I was on.
I've got secret agents in the Hassan Abi community.
No, you're just in his Discord.
Yeah.
So I was getting tagged by my secret agents in Discord that Hassan was watching a Jubilee video.
Is that what it was?
About dick sizes.
About dick sizes.
Right.
And I was like, this motherfucker is watching a dick size video, and this guy doesn't know nothing about cocks.
Nothing about cocks.
I know plenty about cocks.
He is nothing about cocks.
He won't even suck one.
That's how little he knows about it.
Okay, we found out you don't suck them too.
I don't enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah, it means you're probably made at it.
No.
All right.
Look.
Do you enjoy sucking cocks?
Is that an acceptable question?
No one does.
Wait, really?
That's not true.
That's not true.
What did I say?
I say.
What did I say?
All women that say they do are lying.
Yeah, it's not fun.
I don't enjoy it.
I think gay men enjoy sucking dick more than women do.
I don't believe you.
The only argument is that the only enjoyment you get from it is like arousing your partner.
Yeah.
But it's not like fun.
It's not like.
You know what's fun? Is watching Gossip Girl, not sucking dick.
Dude, you nailed it.
It's the same exact principle behind eating pussy as well.
Yeah, which I also think is not fun.
No, I think it's funny.
Have you eaten pussy before?
No, but I love eating pussy.
Really?
Yes.
I would be like, would you rather be like playing a game on your phone?
I love eating.
I love.
Wait, what?
You guys have such a weird relationship with sex.
I mean, you're horny.
I'm horny.
You're not horny.
I don't know what happened.
I used to be.
If there was a pussy around here, oh, but no.
That's not what I meant.
I'm so sorry.
Being the only female on this podcast.
I'm so sorry.
That was so funny.
It's problematic.
We have to probably.
I'm gay.
I didn't mean that.
Oh.
I don't like pussy.
It is International Women's Month.
I have a few more days.
You do.
And then it's my month in a few months.
Yeah.
When is it my month?
You know what I mean?
Straight white guy month?
Straight hot, everything.
It's bullshit.
Okay.
Quite frankly, I think it's time.
It's time that white men get their month.
I believe it was September.
It's one day.
It's 9-11.
It's one day.
Yeah.
No, absolutely.
Okay.
So let's dial it back for a second.
So, Austin, I text him.
I say, Austin, you can come early if you want.
I know you flew in just for the pod.
He does.
He loves the pod.
I love the podcast.
I've been flying in.
This is my fourth weekend in a row.
It's dedicated.
Yeah, you are here more than Will officially.
Yep, that's, true i'm i'm I yep yeah, and Will is telling me I need to live here, but i'm here more.
How?
How does that work out?
Well yeah, when there's a will, there's a way.
So I told you, you can come, you can come early if you want.
Yep, and you were unresponsive to that until you found out what partying I was.
You were unresponsive to that because you were at the gay bars.
I was like a harlot.
I was at the gay bars being a messy bitch.
They know me there now.
Yeah we'll, we'll get to that in a second.
Until you found out I'm looking at men's dicks.
Then you rush over.
I did I, literally.
I literally like tap yeah no, I literally was.
I was talking to a group of people and I was like I gotta go and they're like he got the bat signal.
Yeah, I gotta go.
I called an Uber Black because and I don't normally buy those because but it was urgent.
Where's David?
He wasn't with me today, oh my god.
Wasn't with me today but wasn't available.
So I I um, I had to call an Uber Black, but anyway, I rushed over here and just he, he didn't just rush over.
He said, pause the video.
Yeah, he made me.
I got like 30 so extra, I have 30,000 people watching and this motherfucker in my discord is going tell Hassan to pause the video.
And did you get the message?
I did, and I was like that you didn't pause it.
No, I well, I can't stop myself.
I have a problem.
Yeah, I paused too much regardless.
So he actually did make it.
Yeah, I did make it for like, he started the video and you shouldn't have said pause.
You should have said like, bring up something controversial.
Yeah, I mean yeah, to just distract him.
Yeah, I mean, he ended up getting to he.
I ended up being able to participate in the video.
But I've known about this video for a long time because Tanner Reed, who's a porn star friend of mine, a gay porn star friend of mine, was any other adjectives specific um Hasanabi gay yeah, and he's been telling me that this video is going to come out and that I need to, Hasan needs to react to it.
Yeah, and so I note about this and he's like I was like I have to tell him to react to this video and then you were reacting to it.
Of course, I was reacting to it.
I was like it's a Jubilee video about dick sizes.
It's like amazing insane, so great video.
It's a great video.
We learned a lot about dick sizes.
Yeah wait, what was it?
Was it just like get in the order of who?
Yeah oh, one of the things like guys, guys think about like girth.
Yeah, guys think about like who's girth is a problem interesting, but also too skinny is a problem.
Girls in the chat were saying girth is more important than length.
I've never heard that in my life.
I've never heard any female friend of mine ever say that.
I think like well, obviously we're not talking like length, as in.
You know, you got like a tuna can penis where your girth is like insane, and then you got nothing yeah, but like, like you probably wouldn't want like a, like a pencil dick.
You know what I mean.
Like no, pencil dicks are a.
Yeah, little noodles are a spaghetti noodle, you know?
That's no dick shaming for the record.
This is just a preference.
Everyone's coming.
Austin was dick shaming.
I let my natural instincts get the better of me.
And I made some, I had some very toxic reactions.
He did.
He was dick shaming a bunch.
But then Hassan went on to like body the like after that.
Like he went to read on some pretty awful, like some comments about how he was like working at the little dick hospital.
He was doing worse than me.
Oh my God.
No, I was just reading.
Okay, if you ever met him, but this is one thing that I here's what I was doing.
I was reading comments in the chat and disapproving of it.
I was like, no, while laughing hysterically.
Now, I will say this.
I made this comment, but I need to be validated by a female because I made it on behalf of the female community.
Okay.
I said that the size of your penis will most likely rarely be the reason why you, that will not be the reason why you're not able to get with somebody.
Oh, yeah.
No, I agree wholeheartedly.
Like, as long as you have Riz, it doesn't matter what size your penis is.
Long term, potentially, but like that night, everyone will give it a whirl.
Okay.
Oh, so you actually think that it could become problematic over time.
Potentially.
Really?
Maybe.
It could put a straight.
Are you weird dicks in your lifetime?
I saw a micro penis once.
Me too.
At a Denny's.
Me too.
Oh, that's right.
At a Denny's?
Not at a Denny's.
I've seen a bunch of micro-penises, actually, which is weird to say.
Why?
One, it was one time it was a homeless dude who was trying to play basketball with us.
And we were playing basketball with him, but like he had poop on his pants.
Oh, no.
And on the outside.
On the outside of his pants.
And I mean, we play, we ball up with the homeless dudes all the time.
It's whatever.
It's not a big deal.
But like, he had poop on his pants.
So we were like, hey, man, you know, you got like you got dookie stains on your pants.
That's what one of the dudes said.
And he was like, oh, no, no, no, don't worry.
It's on the outside.
And we were like, you know, the people there were like, okay, well, you know, that's kind of a problem for us.
You know what I mean?
Like, you want to, you want us to, like, figure it out?
Like, get you some other clothes or whatever.
And he was like, no, no, it's fine.
And he got like really angry.
Oh, no.
And he was like, no, no, no.
We're going to play with like Dookie on my pants on the outside of my pants.
That's cool.
And then, and then he tried to like throw hands with one of the dudes there.
And he basically just like, instead of doing that, he just took his pants down.
Oh, no.
He just put him on the ground.
He's like, are you happy now?
You want to play with me like this?
That's very cool.
And he had a micro penis.
He won that argument, though.
Jesus.
Well, we stopped playing basketball after that.
That's a win.
When you're at a public park and a dude just drops trow and shows you his micro penis.
Well, I guess the way a fucking story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess like even if he had a fat one, I still wouldn't want to play at that point.
I know.
It was like really impressive.
You're like, yes.
Yeah, good job, man.
But like, also, I'm, yeah, I'm going to keep playing now, actually.
That was one.
And then the other time was when I was on Jeff's Barbershop.
What's that?
Jeff's Barbershop?
Jeff Woods?
The podcast?
Yeah.
This is recently.
Yeah.
His second in command, like he has like a like an Andy Dick or Andy Griffin or whatever.
Like, you know, those late shows always have like a second in command.
The Micro Penis Incident00:12:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he is a micro penis.
And he just flashed me.
What is it?
It seems like people with micro penises, that's like their bit.
Because like when I was in Denny's, I've told you this story before.
I was in Denny's and like.
I remember the story, yeah.
Yeah, we were talking about micro penises.
This guy's like, I want to say my micro penis.
We're like, yeah.
And then we go to the bathroom and he puts a little blue coffee creamer.
He like takes it, sips it, turns around.
And we're like, what's he doing?
He drops his pants and he turns back around and it was just like on his penis.
It was sick.
Wait, did he balanced it?
It was, I don't know, it was just on there.
So how did like, how big do my straight?
It was just on there.
Like do they go from here to here?
Like is it?
I think anything under like probably like an inch and a half is considered a micro penis.
Maybe I would assume that, look i'm, because an inch is like that.
That wouldn't be fun.
But honestly, most of the time like, toys and stuff are better than penises.
That's a, that's a hard pillow to swallow for a lot of guys.
All of you are replaceable by a vibrating dildo.
I know, like every guy yes, I know what about like I don't, I don't give a.
Like I I incorporate.
Uh, you know it's, those are weapons in my arm.
Yeah, they should be, that's what you should, that's what they should do.
But a lot of, a lot of men like get like intimidated by the toys and it's like no no, this should be your.
This is the shield you're taking into battle.
Like yeah, but with men it's helpful.
With women, the sex experience is a lot more intense.
Like what I understand men, the woman, the primary.
Tell me, no i'm, you are literally like the least uh, experienced with women.
No well yeah, of course yeah look, yeah very clearly.
But no, this is more of a question, isn't?
Isn't your guys' experience just like a lot more intense?
Like we can't achieve the level of intensity that you guys?
Oh yeah, they like the.
The, the brain releases more.
The meme slash study on it is that like what women experience, orgasm like seven times more powerfully than yep yeah, yeah.
But then again, a lot of like medicine in this field happens like pretty outdated.
That's the problem.
That is true yeah well, which is why I was saying earlier that like it's harder to make a, it's it's harder to make a woman come, and I think it's harder to eat pussy than it is to suck dick.
Yeah, I think it's harder to eat pussy than it is suck dick.
I think I agree with you on that.
It's Solver, it's a wrap.
Well, and plus you have practice like.
So I remember when I first sucked dick.
I hope no one in my family ever watches this show.
Um, this is the third episode in a row we've talked.
I know we've got to really range, we got to diverse, our diversify, but like my friend that was giving me advice, she was like, just imagine it's the best popsicle of your life and you're like okay, she's like sounds and everything.
And you're like oh okay, sounds are huge right, and so it's like, once you learn that, it's like, compared to a vagina, it's like, imagine you're licking peanut butter off a you can multi-layered onion, say that inside of a building, like you know I, I think, I think uh, here's some, here's some handy dick sucking tips for all you ladies and boys out there.
Okay, let me just tell you, tell it to you straight, okay, hands are very important.
A lot of times, I think uh, people forget that.
Uh, you know, big time, hands are out there.
Hand job is a very fundamentally important part of a of a sweet blow job.
Okay, very important.
You should take notes because you are probably bad at sucking dick.
I am, in fact i'm i'm i'm, i'm aware of that.
I don't think i'm bad at it, I just think i'm very mid.
People who say they don't enjoy giving head universal concept here, in my experience, oh my gosh, I don't agree.
Agree with this people who say they don't enjoy giving head are very good at it.
That's, most women are very good at it.
I thought you were gonna say they're not very good at it.
Okay, what do you?
What do you?
What do you?
Why are you on your phone?
You're gonna call Ludwig.
That's insane, that's awesome.
I'm just ask hey, what's up?
I'm on the podcast.
Um hey, Ludwig don't, don't talk to him, oh sorry.
Um question for you, would you between one and ten?
And be totally honest here, how good am I at giving head like a 10 man?
Oh, my god, you asked your.
Okay, who else do you want me to call my dad?
No, I listen, listen.
Okay, that's crazy.
But like, why would he know?
I wouldn't know.
That's the joke, but he's okay.
But but Lud knows what's good for why would he give anything?
Because I told him to be honest, I don't care.
Oh, my god, i'm gonna be honest.
If i'm being honest, it's a 10.
I mean I, if you want me to say a lower number so it sounds more realistic, I can do that for you.
No, let's hear it, let's hear it, yeah.
Like, does a nine help you make it more believable?
Like I can do that for you.
I mean, we could, if you get a couple numbers lower, we could get a good clickbaity title.
Hit me with a five, I suppose.
Yeah, hit him with a five no no no, we look.
You've talked about how you had to literally train yourself to not have a gag reflex.
So, like you have that going for you.
My speculation was and you can well, I don't know why I would ever ask Ludwig what his opinion is on receiving blowjobs.
He had like three in his entire lifetime.
So he's the worst person has this, it's, true.
The context for this Lud, is that I said, people that don't, people that say they don't like to give head, are not very good at it.
Would you say?
You're good at eating pussy.
Oh, you're cutting out convenient cutie.
Rate Ludwig, on a scale of one to ten.
However, this has nothing to do with anything.
Okay, go ahead.
This is my whole.
No, this is my whole argument.
I don't oh no, I can't a 10.
No, i'm saying, oh my god stop, that's not it.
I don't enjoy receiving it, so it's not it's.
It's not fair to rate him because I don't enjoy.
Oh okay, that's yeah.
All right, let me ask you this, how good do you enjoy sucking dick what?
Let's stop beating around the bush.
I can learn to do a blowjob as good as Cutie and then suck your dick, and then you can rate it more accurately.
I would.
I think that's a great idea and we'll figure that out.
Sorry Austin, I was talking to Hussaw there.
Oh, you know, I don't.
The problem is is he's not really a good like uh test subject because i'm the best test?
No, he wouldn't enjoy that.
I have literally gotten infinitely more blowjobs than you Ludwig.
Eye contact is incredibly important with a blowjob and he will not accept that I. First of all, there you go.
You're a bad blowjob recipient.
Oh god no, I look them right in the eyes.
You are bad at receiving.
Thank you, love.
What?
Do Tell me why I'm bad at receiving.
Okay, first of all, we just found out that you're bad at giving head.
No, I'm not bad at it.
I just am okay at it.
It's okay.
We need to like a seven out of ten.
We need to like test this on a fucking cucumber or something.
Oh, God.
Do you have one?
No.
You got so excited.
Oh, I'd hate that.
Okay.
No, okay.
My whole argument is I don't like, I don't dislike giving head.
I don't, I just don't care.
I'm not going to be like, oh, I love giving head.
And any.
I do.
I love giving head.
And I think, and in my experience, girls that I have been with, which is a relatively diverse group over a long time.
He's bragging.
Over a long timeline.
No, I'm just saying, like, I have like a, obviously, like a sample bias.
He has a lot of more sex than all of them.
No, I'm saying I have a sampling bias, but like, you know, it's like enough, albeit anecdotal, but still like enough data to make up my mind on this thing.
All I'm, no, all I'm saying is, let's not talk about that.
All right.
All I'm saying is that in my experience, girls that say they love giving head are actually, they enjoy it, like they enjoy giving head are actually often better at it.
It's like, it's like you do something that you enjoy.
I mean, and it's fair that you're better at it.
I think I'm, there's something called the cool girl monologue.
Have you ever heard of that?
No, give it to me.
Oh, the cool girl.
Let me find it.
I have to read it to you.
That's how it is.
You guys stall.
What is it about?
It's the idea where like, no, let me just find it.
Let me just find it.
I mean, look, I think that it goes with anything in life.
The more you enjoy sucking.
Don't enjoy sucking dick.
I don't enjoy it.
No.
It hurts.
It's like...
It hurts?
It's just like...
Oh, like your jaw.
It just like doesn't feel having your fucking throat clogged with a cock isn't exactly a play.
Think about that.
This is the one aspect that I can't speak on.
I've only been a recipient of blowjobs.
Like, I don't think it's enjoyable to have your airway obstructed by an object.
Like, you know what I mean?
I can understand.
It's not natural.
It's just straight through your nose.
I'm a hypochondriac.
I can't breathe.
That's the problem.
I can't breathe.
I need to come up.
Especially with eating ass.
I got to come up for air.
What?
I got to come up.
I've actually had a really hard time with allergies recently.
I can't kiss because I keep having to go up for air.
Really?
Kissing is so important.
I can't breathe.
Kissing is so important.
Yeah, the number one no kisser is not here with us right now.
Is that Will?
Will.
He hates kids.
Will doesn't kiss.
Will hates kissing, even though, except unless it's for me.
He loves kissing me.
He hates kissing.
I made out with him at the Abbey.
See, he likes kissing dudes.
I made out with him and then I made out with Caroline immediately after.
Oh, you kissed him too, March?
March kissed him as.
What the fuck?
If Will was right here, if Will was right here, I know Will would say, how is this physically possible?
Didn't even touch it.
Every microphone you stand in front of happens to break.
I swear to God, nothing that I did should have broken that.
March, back me up here.
That is a flaw.
No, don't back him up.
Because there's visual evidence.
You're bugging the desk with some sort of visual level related microphone stay.
Every time you come and you sit, you did it to the microphone.
You're trying to break my nose is what you're trying to do.
Oh my God.
You know that'll impact my ability to have sex with other gay men with a broken nose.
You're trying to take me out.
At least now you'll have an excuse not to suck cog.
You'll be like, oh, I'm sorry.
My nose is broken.
I can't breathe.
I will always suck dick.
Always.
I think it's a good first impression.
Where were we?
I was talking about.
A cool girl monologue.
Okay.
I was about to say something, but I forgot.
We're going to break this down.
It's from Gone Girl.
Okay.
Men always say that that has a defining compliment, don't they?
She's a cool girl.
Being the cool girl means I am hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video game, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth.
And she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gangbang while somehow maintaining the size too because she's a cool girl and above all, hot, hot, and understanding.
Cool girls never get angry.
They only smile.
Loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.
Go ahead, shit on me.
I don't mind.
I'm the cool girl.
Men actually think this girls exist, maybe because they're fooled by so many women who pretend to be the cool girl.
For a long time, cool girls offended me.
I used to see men, friends, co-workers, strangers, giddy over these pretend women.
The irony here is that it's still internalized misogyny to just shit on the women for men's insane expectations of women, which, by the way, I don't agree with any of this stuff.
You aren't dating a woman.
You're dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who'd like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them.
They're not even pretending to be women they want to be.
They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.
Exactly.
So that's the whole point.
We're getting started on like pick-me girls and people that hate pick-me girls because if you hate pick-me girls, then you're being a pick-me girl too.
And it's just like, why are we calling each other names?
Regardless, though, all of this to talk about the fact that sometimes, sometimes women will just say things because that's what we've been told we need to say.
I guarantee if you date a woman for three years, four years, she no longer loves blowjobs.
And that's what all this was about.
Internalized Misogyny Explained00:12:33
I have, though.
Have you been in?
Have you been in long-term relationships in the past?
And they still love it.
They never break that crack.
Yeah, wow.
That's amazing.
Yes.
And I'm speaking from whenever I like to talk about a subject, I always try to think about it from my own perspective.
What would I do in a similar situation?
Do I have a similar experience?
It's a pretty good way, pretty neat trick to develop empathy for others, actually.
And the thing I think about is like, I enjoy eating a pussy, and I think that did you just fart?
No, that was my stomach.
I thought so, too.
That was crazy.
No, it was my stomach.
I think it might have been a fart.
No, I did not fart.
I cannot believe you just did that.
Marsh.
So funny.
He's just nodding his head.
Marsh, I did not fart.
But it did sound very close to yourself.
I love that Austin needs like extra people always to like throw to be like, please defend me.
You know, when your stomach produces a very similar sound to a fart, that's never happened to me.
I would never fart on camera.
My cheeks should be clenched so hard.
Except for just now.
I did not fart.
I can't.
Did the audio pick that up?
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Do it again.
Do the noise again.
I can't do it.
No.
It was from my intestines, okay?
It was air coming up.
It was internal.
It was air coming from your intestines.
Look, out of your air.
I need to be clear.
That was not coming.
I have a perfect feeling on my asshole.
Okay.
I've never...
It's never been used.
Never been used anything.
It's been a one-way street.
Never had anything except booty boots.
What do you think you do with farting?
Well, I've got a lot of control is what I'm saying.
Okay.
And what I can say is it didn't come out of my butt.
That was a, I swear to God, I would bet you a million dollars it didn't come out of my butt.
Dude, there's no way.
Okay.
I'm willing to bet a million dollars right on the table.
Come on, pussy.
A million bucks.
Come on, socialists.
Okay, well, it smells like you farted.
No, it does not.
How about that?
That is not true.
You are lying.
Give me a million dollars.
I can't smell, but he's closer.
So I believe it.
Shit, March, can you smell it?
It smells like you farted.
That is not.
That's so fucking true.
I can't even do that.
I'm sorry.
No, it's not true.
No, I'm fucking with him.
Yeah, it's not.
It's such a, it's such a good thing to do.
My career.
No, it would be over.
Austin farted.
Are you kidding me?
He's a front page.
Don't worry.
You have another Twitter.
Front page of what?
I hope someone takes that anyway.
That clip of just Austin.
Austin agrees and farts, and that's the clip name, and they put it on LSF.
And that's the content.
It's going to be everywhere.
It's going to be viral.
That's the thing that Anti-Piker is going to tweet about.
Oh, Austin farts.
Except where he's going to be.
Amplify it.
He's like, zoom in on your face, slowly nodding.
It's whoa.
Where were we?
Actually, I have a bone to pick with Anti-Piker.
Okay.
Anti-Piker was the first one to tweet out Ludwig's balls.
Oh, that's right.
And that's why Ludwig blocked him.
Fucking idiot.
Wait, was it Anti-Piker that tweeted his balls, or was it Hassan Piker's cum rag?
It was Anti-Piker.
That's a very real gay account.
Because sometimes Piker's cum rag is a real gay.
I name search sometimes and like literally it'll just be like sometimes when I name search Hassan Piker on Twitter like that's you should not be doing that for your mental health.
I like to know what's going on.
So bad.
I like to know what my enemies are saying.
You check your indirect.
Oh bad.
Only when like not always only on unique moments.
That is 2023's version of self-harm.
You're cutting yourself live.
I mean it's fine.
I deal with it fine.
But but yeah, he comes up and it's like literally, it's not even me anymore.
It's just like he posts like shirtless photos of all bunch of other men.
Oh, like wait, it's like a porn account.
Yeah.
That's cool.
And I think like he started off just posting about me, but then like I got fat.
So he stopped posting about me.
Sad.
When did you get fat?
You didn't get fat.
I got like a little chunky.
I was just going to say you look thin today.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You definitely look thinner than last week.
Bitch.
I don't know why he's like that.
It's because I shave my mustache and beard.
No, I'm just kidding.
You look the same as last week.
But thank you.
No, I have good idea.
I have lost a decent amount of weight and also am continuing to, but that's besides the point.
I forgot.
Oh, Hassan Piker's cum rag posted it.
Ludwig said it was anti-piker.
Could have been.
And he's mad.
I'm pretty sure it was Anti-Piker because Ludwig had anti-Piker blocked, and that was a soda.
How did you hear about that?
Because I follow Anti-Piker.
And they tweeted about it?
Yeah, they did.
And well, and Anti-Piker, now Ludwig has unblocked Anti-Piker.
Oh, peace.
The world is healing.
Yes.
So what is the Ludwig balls thing?
He went on a podcast.
Actually, oh, I know.
They forgot to edit it out.
Yeah.
I asked him to.
I feel bad because I victim blamed Ludwig a little bit.
Oh, did you?
I did.
We got in a fight and he was like, I am the victim here.
And I was like, why'd you show your balls on a podcast I was filming?
And he was like, they said they would edit it out.
And then I was like, yeah, but you were stupid to begin with.
And then he was like, you're victim blaming.
And then I was like, I am.
I had to realize that.
So I was wrong in that situation.
That's growth.
I know.
The fact that you like, you know, ate that.
But I usually prefer blaming victims.
So.
Yeah, fair.
So it was a hard day for being aware of.
Unless he's a white man, it seems.
Yeah.
Well, no.
There you go.
That's a joke for the record.
I should point that out.
Some people don't know.
I'm sarcastic.
I don't know if you know this, but you're silly.
You're a woman on the internet and you just said something sarcastic.
I'm also not wearing makeup or a cute shirt.
So I have no redeeming qualities today.
And they will tear me apart for that.
You look fabulous.
I don't.
I look like the aunt that like shows up at the family reunions and you're like, oh, God, she's here again.
Oh, when you said ant, I literally thought like about the bug.
Like a bug.
Oh, I'm like, I look like I was.
I was like, no, you don't.
Showing up to your picnic.
No.
I think you look wonderful.
You guys are nice.
I think you look beautiful.
What were we talking about?
I need to tell you that.
I got derailed 11 times.
I think it's coming under my nails.
Do you see that?
Ew.
I do see that.
I did not fart for the record.
I want to make that very.
Yeah, before Austin farted, what were we talking about?
I don't know, dick sucking and freaking.
Oh, yeah.
Well, to wrap that point up, all I wanted to say was, no, this isn't like a cool girl thing at all.
I think about it from the same perspective as like eating pussy.
I've been in committed long-term relationships and I still enjoyed eating pussy and then you're just one of the good ones.
No, I don't.
I'm not one of the good ones.
It's not even about the act itself.
I think it's about like pleasuring your partner.
I enjoy pleasuring my partner.
You're a liar.
You are not a service top.
We literally established that.
I would, if you wanted me to suck, if we were partners, which we're not, and you said, I want to do it.
No, then it's mutual, buddy.
Okay.
I would totally like, we'll use another.
Let's say March and I are dating and he wanted me to suck his cock.
I would do it.
This is an HR issue.
It's like, first of all, he knew what he was doing.
Doing it.
Doing it for, you know, as like a, oh, here we go again.
Got to suck a cock.
That, that's not the way I would approach it.
I'd be like, yeah.
Like the Packers one.
I get like, no, Packers, what are you?
Vikings.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
When I said Packers, in fact, I don't like sucking.
If I were to meet somebody hypothetically, I would go for it immediately.
Like, not immediately.
What?
Like, through the process of the hookup, I would go for it.
I wouldn't.
You'd be the initiator of the dick sucking.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I actually, I usually would too.
I think, I think, maybe I do like sucking dick.
I don't know.
I don't know what I fucking like anymore.
Yeah.
You've said like you've trained your throat.
So you are the throat goat.
Yeah.
I just, my biggest, like, problem with like sucking dick is, guys, you've got to shave.
You just have to.
Oh, yeah.
Straight men.
You just have to.
Straight men are shit.
I think that's the only thing that just like, there's no, I'm no longer at all interested when I'm have to pick pubes out of my teeth.
I just am not.
Like straight men are sucked.
I keep that shit maintained.
So that's my biggest advice.
To anyone out there who wants their dick sucked more.
Straight men are so bad with like their landscaping.
It's awful.
Yeah.
Like it shouldn't be.
I keep straight dicks if you suck.
No, but I just know.
Wait, how do you know?
Because I have girlfriends like cutie.
Oh, true.
True.
That makes sense.
And like, I know I have like all straight guy friends and they haven't shown me their dicks or anything, but they're just gross three-in-one fucking body shampoo.
I will say Ludwig is good at that.
He always has, he has nice conditioner.
Yeah, no, no.
Ludwig's great.
I always have to clarify because it's like super annoying.
That was my fault.
It's super annoying talking about sex life and stuff like that when everyone knows who you're dating.
Because then it's like people always come up with assumptions and there will be people in like the comments that are like, oh, we need to this.
Well, we did call Ludwig.
I know.
I know, but I know.
No.
But he did give you a 10 out of 10.
He did.
For the record, Ludwig is very well maintained.
Set the record straight.
Why are you talking like you've seen his dick and oh, you have seen his balls?
Oh, we saw his balls.
We did see his balls.
Anyway, his balls are moving up.
It's great.
Yeah.
No one was supposed to see it.
That was so weird.
It was the weirdest week because all of a sudden I have, there's all these people Ludwig's like joining Valorant lobbies with.
They're like, what?
I saw your balls.
And I was like, what the hell?
Like, everyone saw his balls.
It's weird.
When this thing happened, I was like so confused by it.
To be fair, though, balls are like not very good.
No, no, no.
I agree.
No.
Like, it's very different if you see the dick instead of the balls.
Like, the dick is a, is this, it's like the difference between your fucking whole titty versus your nipple.
Yeah, like you zoom in on the nipple.
Yeah.
For women because we're sexist.
Your nipple in your picture you posted on, that was crazy.
Why?
It was so much nipple.
Yeah, I thought it was Photoshopped.
No.
Can we pull it up real quick?
You did an angle.
You look like you had a breast.
Oh, that's because of, I realized later that I think that's because of the car I was in or my car.
I thought, yeah, I thought.
It's my, yeah, it's on my alt.
It was.
It was a nipple jump scare.
I was baking and then my chat was like, check out what's on.
I had like a fat titty.
Yeah.
No, it's a sun.
It's a shadow.
Oh my God.
Yeah, the perfect shadow right there.
Yeah.
That's drag queen contouring.
Look at that.
That is finest.
It's just like.
Well, uh-oh.
Oh.
Studio mode and then change the.
Yeah.
And it's small.
You got to unlock it.
I don't know why that happened.
Oh, you probably put it wrong in the wrong order.
Okay, boom.
So his booby.
Yeah.
It looked like it's inflated, but I see the shadow.
That's so funny.
That is insane, brother.
It's right here.
I don't know how anything.
Nobody else touches it.
Are you sure it's not static anymore?
Okay.
Literally, no one else touches their mic.
I know.
I like to touch things.
I need a fidget spinner.
So anyway, back to your boobs, Hazan.
Yeah.
That's a funny angle.
It's just like I always take.
Okay, can I ask you something?
Can I ask you something?
What is your obsession with taking pictures of your nipple from this?
I think it's funny.
You think it's funny or you think it's sexy?
No, I think he thinks it's funny.
No, I don't think it's sexy.
Nothing about this is.
If he thought it was sexy, he'd be like doing shit like you do.
There are people thirsting over this, though, cutie.
Like on Twitter, like anti-piker.
There are people, he says.
There are people like thirsty over this.
Not him.
I'm not his type.
I'm not his type.
Licking it.
Like with the SpongeBob, but they love your nipple.
I don't post that because I think it's hot.
Like there are photos that I've posted where I'm like, I look hot in this.
That's not one of those photos.
That's more like, that's more of like a progress pick kind of, but also like not sexy.
Taylor Swift Ticket Drama00:05:11
How often do you work out?
I work out.
I train with my trainers four times a week and then I play basketball pretty much every single day that I do not train.
So I and sometimes I train and I play basketball.
I train three times a week.
I've lost zero pounds and it's so demoralizing.
You do.
Because you make fucking raspberry bars and shit.
Yeah, only once a week.
What do you do?
What do I do?
I don't know what he tells me to do.
I hate the gym.
I hate working out.
The reason why you're not losing weight is not because you're not working out.
The reason why you're not losing weight is because you're eating more than your body burns.
I know.
I need to start tracking my calories.
The issue is, is whenever I track my calories, I instantly fall back into eating disorder and I just like, we'll be like, oh, this is a game.
How little can I eat today?
Yeah, but that's bad.
It's so fucked up.
I know.
So then I end up only eating like 400 calories a day and I'm like, then your metabolism should be maybe make it a game where you each have a deficit.
I know.
I gotta.
But do you do cardio at all?
No.
Cardio would help.
Every single day, just do whatever you can do consistently and it'll drop weight.
I got a soul cycle and then I got sick of all their music and then I found out Taylor Swift has Peloton classes.
So I need a freaking Peloton.
Oh, perfect.
I love Taylor Swift.
So I need a Peloton.
Are you just trying to get a concert ticket?
Yeah.
Everyone keeps being nice to me for this.
Wait, are you getting a box?
I have a box.
I shouldn't get a concert ticket because I'm not being concerned.
It's a waste of space.
No, I shouldn't get a concert ticket because you can't convert me.
I have two boxes.
You can convert me by taking me to Taylor's cross.
I can't convert you.
You can't.
Cutie.
Cutie.
I think I need to be there.
Why?
Name five of her songs.
What she made me do.
Okay.
Not even a good one.
Yeah, I hate it.
Not even a good one.
Are you kidding me?
Notice how I picked it up on that one.
What she made me do.
That's not a good one.
Stop singing it.
It's like trashy pop.
She was doing that because she was forced to.
Look, basically.
No, I mean, it's still a really good story for the record.
The Cinderella story.
They're all great.
Obviously, it's Taylor Swift.
Cinderella Swift.
Well, tell me the Karma Theory then, if you know so much about that.
The Karma Theory?
Yeah.
Shit, I don't know.
I have no idea.
I know the gay one.
I know she's Carly Kloss.
Yeah, I gay one.
Yeah, I know that.
Come on.
That's a point.
Okay, so I told you about it.
I know that I don't retain information, but like.
Look what you made me do.
Yeah, I counted that one.
Okay, but then the...
He was good.
Nobody likes you when you're 22?
No, that's.
Nobody likes you when you're 23.
And that's some 41.
I thought Blink 182.
Too numbers.
The Cinderella story thing.
That one.
You can't come.
Why?
You need to.
Well, fine, Cutie.
You're not going to.
I can go.
I will tell.
Hey, name five.
I'm John Mayor's phone number.
I will text him.
If you give me a ticket, I'll text him that he's a bad guy.
Cutie, is there really that high of a demand for these tickets?
Yeah!
Yes!
He's speaking about it.
You're such a freak.
I will.
How would I do that?
Who offered it?
He's such a nice guy.
He's not a nice guy.
He's such a nice guy.
Are you paying?
I'll pay you for the tickets.
Oh, that's interesting.
How much are the tickets?
It's like per ticket.
It'd be like 20 bucks?
2,500 per ticket.
Per ticket.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
How many tickets?
She's fucking crazy.
20 tickets for 50K.
You are insane.
Yeah, I don't need a new car.
Ludwig pays for the house.
Buying a new car.
What the fuck?
I'd rather go to Taylor Swift.
I don't spend my money on anything.
I just realized it's a fuck shit car.
And instead, you're just spending it on Taylor Swift tickets.
Yeah.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's worthless unless you take me with it.
Oh, my.
Cutie, I'll be honest with you.
If you don't know what's going on, I hate going to concerts, but it's.
Yeah, you won't even like it.
If you don't take me to Taylor Swift, I'm not inviting you to Elton John.
I don't want to go to Elton John.
Wow, what a threat.
Elton John has a banger song that I keep playing when I'm playing League of Legends.
Do you know it?
It's the bank.
I'm going to kill myself.
Really?
Elton John?
Just a bit of suicide.
Yeah, it's my new favorite song.
Wait, he sang that?
Yeah, it's so good.
Is it deep faked?
No.
Elton John talks about killing himself.
Yeah, it's so funny.
Is it really, Marshall?
We pull up the lyrics.
No way.
It's so funny.
Yeah.
Elton John, I'm going to kill myself.
Elton John doesn't write his own songs.
Well, he sang it.
He doesn't write the lyrics at least.
Really?
That's kind of sad.
What year did this come out?
1972?
I'm getting bored.
Being part of mankind.
There's not a lot to do no more.
This race is a waste of time.
Good God.
It's very upbeat, though.
1972.
People rushing everywhere, swarming around like flies.
Think I'll buy a 44.
Give him a.
Oh, surprise.
Jesus.
I think I got a kill.
What the fuck?
This is 1972.
This is like at the beginning.
This is like one of his first albums, if not his first album.
And somehow this one just got swept under the rug and he became a superstar.
Trusting the Pilot00:12:02
Yeah, I just got to say something here.
Like, it seems like cutie knows more about Elton John than you.
You should just give your Elton John tickets the key.
True, actually.
Name five songs.
You can your song, Tiny Dancer, Benny and the Jets, Lee Von, and the one we just said.
And that one, yeah.
Wow.
No, you can't say that.
I can't say that one.
Yeah.
I have a fifth song.
I'm taking away your game.
No, no, no.
Philadelphia Freedom.
There you go.
Okay.
It's hard for me to think of things.
I get it.
It's like hard for me to think.
Like, if you said name five planes, I wouldn't be able to do that.
No, you would.
A330, A320, A319, 737, 747.
There you go.
Boom.
Hit it.
Well, if there was a plane concert, I would take you to it.
Okay.
Oh, by the way, I've got something to talk about here.
What?
Very irritated.
There was an article in the Washington Post that called me out directly.
What?
Why?
It said, I'm going to send you the link, Mark.
You're a problem?
No, let me show you.
It called me out directly.
And it just said nice things.
No, it's about planes.
It's about planes.
I'm going to send it to you right now.
Do you even like Boba?
What?
You like Boba?
Depends on who's asking for what reason.
Literally have a Boba sticker on the back of your phone.
Oh, no.
A fan gave me this sticker and I put it on and I haven't taken it off.
Do you know what's funny?
I've thought about, like, you know, when you're looking for your phone and you see someone else's phone?
Yeah.
I've had this realization before.
I was like, why the fuck?
Who's phone in my house?
Let me get Boba real quick.
And I was like, there's no way this is Austin's, right?
Because it's fucking Boba on it.
Yeah, it's mine.
I have a Boba sticker on the back of it.
Here, let's see if we can show it to the camera.
This is, I got it from a fan at VidCon last year.
They know who they are.
And whose Discord should I send it to?
Very strange that you have a Boba sticker.
I just like, I haven't taken it off.
I like Boba, but I don't like Boba.
Yeah.
No.
Okay.
I have my dog on my phone.
So as you guys know, I have a fantasy, and it's not like a, it's like a hero fantasy.
Oh, yeah.
Check this out.
It's such a problem.
A Washington Post article.
Oh, I thought this was like actually about you.
No, go scroll up.
Scroll up to the top.
Oh, God.
We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to.
No, it's fine.
Think you can land a plane in an emergency platoon.
Explain why you can't.
Because that's literally his dream.
That's not my dream per se, but it's definitely something I am capable of doing.
And I don't appreciate the fact that this article says that I couldn't do it when I know absolutely I can.
No, it doesn't mention me.
It doesn't matter.
The article goes on to explain several different things about.
Oh, it says in the article, it says 0% chance of someone pulling that off.
And he says the clinical name for this type of baseless bravado is the Dunning-Kruger effect.
What does that even mean?
What is that?
That's when you're a dumb person who greatly exaggerates their own or greatly misunderstands their capabilities and thinks that they're much smarter than they actually are.
Yes, but that is not.
But scroll down in Florida.
Here at March.
Scroll down here.
And there's a part of the article that talks about...
Here, scroll down, keep going.
So here, scroll down.
Keep going.
Scroll down.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
For starters, the passenger must gain entry to the cockpit.
Well, forget that.
Wait, what about that teenager?
Wasn't there a teenager who did it recently?
I think they've all been like general aviation planes.
Okay.
This is such a dumb fucking article because you 100% can land.
Yeah, 100%.
I know.
Yeah, you've landed a plane.
I know.
I know I have.
You've landed multiple planes.
But this pisses me off.
Because you know who the dummy is?
It's not about you.
This is literally.
You know who the dummy is?
Is the person writing the article.
Just because they don't know how to fucking fly a plane doesn't mean that you're not going to be able to.
This is for the general audience, not fucking freaks like you and Muhammad Atta who have spent thousands of hours on Microsoft Flight Simulator.
I just had to get that off my chest.
That's pissed me off.
I felt targeted.
You shouldn't have taken that personally.
I took it very personally.
Have because you have literally landed a real commercial plane, which is for the record.
For those of you who don't know, we did this together.
Yep.
I've landed a plane as well, is what I'm saying.
I helped him a lot.
Yeah, I landed it by myself.
Yeah.
Okay.
So the average citizen can do it.
So the article's wrong.
Yeah.
It's true.
Actually, I did.
I was talking to my friend about that and I referenced you.
Yeah.
So I landed a plane by myself.
Yep.
All alone.
No help from others.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
I'm just trying to convince him to do it again with me.
Make them.
Anyway, but yeah, the simulator that we use is a one-to-one direct replica, direct carbon copy of an actual plane flight, so much so that the FAA tracks it as their actual real flight logged hours.
Yep.
You can log.
And then you go from flying that thing into flying with passengers.
Speaking of which, I need to get you in a cockpit of a plane, one of those simulators.
Not a real one, the simulator.
And I think it'll actually help you overcome your fear of flying.
We'll see.
Because let's say we were to travel somewhere, not that far in the near future.
Would you be down as a part of the podcast?
No.
But like, let's say you.
Can I drive there?
No.
No.
Let's say.
No, you can't.
Like, physically impossible.
Yeah, you cannot.
Let's say Austin.
Are you going to Japan?
No.
No.
That's way too far.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's say it's like an eight-hour flight.
First class.
Yep.
Business.
I don't want to go.
Cutie, we can do it.
Guys, I don't want to go.
But like, think about it.
It's not with like, it's not with like Ludwig Yuck.
It's with Austin, who is also just as big of a freak as you are and has been able to slowly, but surely overcome his fear of flying.
And he could possibly help you.
I'm scared.
Cutie, you don't have to be scared.
Austin, we would go down together.
Perfect.
No.
Look, it'd be over quickly.
I'm just kidding.
No, no, but like, but for real, would you, would you be open to that?
Like, maybe Austin could convince you.
Austin, no, he's tried convincing me.
Cutie.
Have you guys flown together before?
No, she won't.
We could vlog it.
No.
That'd be such a good thing.
The thing is, yeah, it would be good.
I flew once with Hassan and it stressed me out so much because he was like live.
You were live and you're like, going to the airport now.
And I was like, you're going to get us killed.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I was so pissed.
He was in Austin.
Yeah, I was so pissed.
I wasn't.
I'm like, get a different plane.
I said, hey, guys, I got to end it.
Like, I'm going to go to the airport later.
And then you were like, well, they're going to track it.
Yeah, there's like two flights.
There's like shooting out of the sky with the RPG.
Yeah.
You and I both have an answer.
They hate you.
The world hates you.
You and I both have anxiety.
What if I, I know people that work in the aviation industry in dispatch.
What if I get a full like report on what's going on?
Like what the we'll fly on the newest of planes.
No, because they're not testing.
No, they have been.
They're even better.
You insane.
You know, my brother builds them, right?
Yeah.
She doesn't have to.
No, if Murat were to check my plane before I got on it, I would trust it.
Wait, really?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think we can probably arrange it.
I don't know.
The problem is I know a lot of the issues That happens when planes have issues is because human error being lazy and not checking all the things off.
Mostly, mostly pilot error.
Yeah, and they stress me out.
In commercial air flight, it's literally the safest thing on the planet.
I know, but it's really stressful.
You have more likelihood of like dying going to the bathroom in this house than you do on a plane.
Literally, not even joking.
Yeah.
No, not serious.
Not like this house in particular.
It's just in any house.
This house happens to be unreasonably large, which is why you could, you know, like slipping and falling when you're like normally walking would be a higher likelihood to damage you than like dying in a.
Do you think you're more likely to die from impaling yourself with the new metal straws than airplanes?
Yes really, because that's like that was a big thing for a while, people kept tripping with their metal straws and what?
Yep, that's definitely more likely.
Where do you get this?
Like hypochondriac freaks.com?
I don't.
I have a lot of irrational fears like this too.
That's why I don't use metal straws anymore.
Yeah, like I definitely have.
Like my, i've got a fear of choking.
Bro, I don't understand how either of your brains operate.
Like how can you live like this?
I don't live, and neither do I. That's so i've overcome.
My driving is like, infinitely more dangerous than flying in a beauty when I can pull over and get out whenever I want.
When I flew in the simulator this in the Uk uh-huh, recently uh-huh, I actually wait.
Are we trying to go to London?
Is that where you want to go?
Maybe I knew it?
Why did you say that?
Because he loves London?
I mean, I did.
It wasn't my idea this time maybe.
I mean, I don't know, i'm not going, can't confirm or deny it.
Cutie, come on, put me on an Ipad.
How about we?
What if we sedate you?
No, like completely.
Oh, didn't you get?
Did you get sedated last time?
No, I have Xanax.
Yeah yeah perfect, doesn't do anything for me really.
Yeah, you're fear.
Next time i'm gonna try drinking that's what Milena said to do but i'm scared because it thins your blood and then you're more likely to like have a thin blood.
Like what if I have a heart attack then because my blood's so thin?
Uh, that would be the opposite of what would happen with our attack.
What happens?
What if I get a small cut while on the plane and I bleed out because my blood's so thin?
You won't be you.
You won't bleed out that.
That your blood isn't thin enough to bleed out.
Why would you think you have a heart attack thinning you?
You would take a blood thinner to avoid a heart attack.
You know that whenever I go on planes, I bring bear, because if you feel like you have a heart attack, you take a bear and it could save your life.
Is aspirin yeah yeah no, I know that's so.
I keep it in my purse, just in case it's good.
Did you know that they have uh fibrillators on there?
Yeah, but what if no one uses it?
Well, they will.
What if you're having a heart attack on a plane?
They're gonna.
No okay, I took my bear, so i'm fine here.
The the.
The general idea is we got to get you think you're gonna have a heart attack and then the fucking people there are not gonna be like let's help her out with the difficulty.
I'll be like, guys, I took my bear.
Would you do it for a Patreon goal?
No, I have an unreasonable fear, just like you do, of the ocean.
Okay, you want to go on a cruise.
You want to fly to Florida and go?
I don't want to go on a cruise because of a matter of principle.
I think it's like a waste of time and boring and also horrible for the environment.
They are actually really bad for that.
But I will course, I will uh go in the ocean, if you.
What do you mean?
On a plane?
How far in the ocean?
I don't fucking know however far you want me to go.
I just like I'm I want you to take a boat to Japan while I fly to Japan.
What?
That's making afraid of being on a boat.
I just don't like to say you are.
No, no, I'm not going to lie to you.
I have what is called Thaciophobia.
What's that?
It is the unrealistic, but I do think it's totally realistic to be afraid of the ocean.
Fucking bullshit.
There's Krakens.
Thank you.
Yeah.
One of many other medical creatures in the water.
Look, my, oh my God, I know.
I'm crazy.
I don't think being afraid of the wide open ocean is an irrational fear.
No.
Thank you.
I think that's very normal.
I am afraid of the sea critters down there.
It's just like I can't see it.
I liken being in the ocean to being in a jungle with a fucking plastic bag over my head because I can't breathe.
I agree.
And I can't see.
And I don't like that.
Yeah, I agree.
I'd rather, I've said this before, I'd rather die in the Amazonian forest, right?
Like to a fucking leopard attack or whatever than die in the ocean where like an octopus pulls me down into the deep, dark crevices of the ocean.
Really?
Because you drowned probably quicker.
Like you drown.
It doesn't matter.
I'd rather be like, it's kind of like, no, it's kind of like your fear of the plane.
High School Fear Stories00:14:25
You can't get out of the plane and deal with the situation with your own two.
Yeah, compared to like, you could probably take a jaguar.
No, I can't, but it doesn't matter.
That's besides the point.
Oh, my point is control, right?
There's an element of control when you're driving, even though it's infinitely more dangerous to drive.
You don't have that element of control when you're on a plane.
True.
Right?
So it's the same exact thing.
I have an element of control when I'm on my feet in a rainforest rather than when I'm in the ocean.
If I was flying the plane, would you trust me?
Really?
Why don't you just get your license?
Well, it takes forever to die.
Or my uncle.
My uncle flies for Delta, and I would love him.
There's literally not flying.
I wonder if you.
Why?
Why?
What do you mean, why?
I would rather fucking fly with a FAA certified like 5,000 trips under his belt ass motherfucker.
You heard what Trump's saying.
They're hiring shitty pilots these days.
They need to be able to get that.
You said that?
I'm in.
Why are you saying that to her?
She's going to be more.
I'm only flying with my uncle.
No, Cutie.
Cutie, hold on.
Wait, what?
Airlines?
Cutie.
Trump is lying.
No, no, he's lying.
Number one.
Trump never lies.
Cutie.
Number two, the planes that you would be flying overseas are the most tenured pilots.
Did you know one of my favorite things that someone said to me is they thought my humor was like April Ludgate, and that made me really happy.
Who's that?
Who's that?
I hate you two.
Wait, this is like you're supposed to teach us as a woman.
We're a couple of shits.
She's from Parks and Rec.
Oh, fucking.
Yeah.
What's her face?
Yeah.
Me and my brother, me and my brother don't like her anymore.
Why?
Aubrey Plaza?
Aubrey Plaza, because she was so devastating on White Lotus.
Oh, I haven't seen it.
I haven't seen it.
Yeah, no spoilerinos for anybody, but like, but like the character's actions and White Lotus made both me and my brother like not like her anymore.
Yeah, that's what, that's like the problem with like Joffrey from Game of Thrones.
He like can't get another job because people just look at him.
They're like, I fucking hate that guy.
Yeah.
It's a shitty thing to be typecast.
Sorry to go back, but he's such a brilliant actor.
Your uncle is a pilot for Delta.
Yeah.
And you, does he fly overseas?
No.
Shit.
Maybe.
I'll ask him.
He is a Delta Omega platform.
If he's a Delta pilot that flies overseas, he guaranteed goes to London probably.
And you could literally find his plane.
I think he's probably flown to London.
Yeah.
Why don't we just get you on, get it, you match you with his schedule and just get on his plane?
Yeah, we could probably do that.
I haven't thought of that.
Would you go then if your uncle was flying?
Yeah, if my uncle was flying, I go.
I don't like that we're setting the most unrealistic boundaries for cutie to fly.
But that's, but that's, that's a pretty.
It's my uncle, though.
Yeah, is he Italian?
Yeah, we're Italian now.
Hey, you can tell from my pale complexion that we're super Italian.
Oh, by the way, so funny.
I was at dinner last night with, and some wonderful woman had a great conversation with her.
She was like, Why do you talk like you're like running for Senate?
Also, who has like this?
Who has this experience?
Well, okay.
I was sitting.
I was 28.
I was sitting at the bar and she tapped me on my shoulder and was like, What are you eating?
And I'm like, Oh, this.
And then we sparked a conversation.
We talked for like two years.
I don't understand how you live this life.
You live a life like a, like a like a salary man in a movie, and you're like, you know, traveling to different destinations.
Or like a vagabond that goes to like the RV meetups.
Wait, what's weird in the middle of Nevada desert?
Why are you eating dinner alone at a fucking bar?
Because I was home.
Because I'm out of town on business.
Oh my God.
It wasn't a hotel.
It was a restaurant.
Why don't you just come over here?
I think it was actually...
What did you hit me up?
I had a decadent experience last night.
Oh, yeah.
Murat texted me.
Yeah.
What did you guys do?
He said, are you in town?
I'm like, yeah.
But then he never responded.
We went to Republique.
I don't know.
That was so good.
Yeah, I saw it.
Damn, I could have been.
It was so fucking good.
The food was incredible.
Well, anyways, I was talking, speaking of Italians, I was talking to this lady, and she's really nice.
Really beautiful.
But she said to me, we were talking about race for some reason.
We got that.
That's weird.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's not a normal.
Well, I was talking about sexuality.
She was talking about race.
It was like a really good discussion.
Go on.
And she said, I'm eating this last.
She's like, my Italian friend says she's white.
And I'm like, oh, yeah.
And she's like, but she's not.
She's Italian.
I said, what?
I said, wait, wait.
What do you mean?
I was like, she's like, she's a person of color.
And I was like, okay.
That's not true, though, right?
Italians are white, aren't they?
I thought Italians are white.
Yeah, that's why it's a meme in my mind.
Cut this out of the podcast.
Uh-oh, Austin's offensive again.
No, I don't know.
No, Italians are 100% white, dude.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Anyway, that was that's literally the joke that I make all the time.
I'm not, I'm not white.
I'm Italian.
Italians are POC.
That's a joke.
Anyway, but Italians do think that they're people of color.
Yeah.
I had a dream last night that I was in high school and I asked Germa to prom and I put a lot of work into asking him.
And I like made a big Lego baseball field because he loves baseball.
And I like wrote prom on it.
And then if you took the pieces apart, you'd find the letter to my name.
So he had a fun puzzle.
And I showed up to school on Monday.
We're in high school.
And I'm like, I'm like, Germa, do you want to go to prom with me?
And he's like, we're too old for prom.
And I was like, what?
And he was like, I'm too old for prom.
And I was like, huh?
He's like, you're too old for prom.
And then I became like aware that you were all too old for prom.
That I was like, too old for prom.
And that, and he was like, why are you in a high school?
And I was like, oh, my God.
And he was like, why are you asking me to prom?
And I was like, oh, my God.
You know, I woke up.
I never went to prom.
I went with a cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't have.
We don't have proms in Turkey, but I'm happy.
Well, both of us are, all of us are really cool then.
I never had a prom date or anything.
I was such a loser in high school.
Such a fucking.
Does anyone from high school like follow you?
I've had a couple people figure it out, but no.
They probably don't understand it.
They don't get it.
Yeah.
And that's okay.
They're like, Austin from high school is like trying to make it.
Why wasn't yet?
He's like flying to LA.
We don't know what he does.
I don't know what you do.
I don't know.
None of us know what you do.
None of us know how you afford it.
Yeah.
I don't know either.
I have no idea.
But anyways, yeah, I was not very popular in high school.
I know it's hard to believe.
I have no idea.
I'm sure people follow me from high school in Turkey.
Yeah, but it's just like so funny to think.
No one follows me.
These are like lawyers and doctors and housewives.
What'd you do to them?
Well, I'm like Hannah Montana.
I didn't have social media before because I hate social media.
So I don't have social.
I did not have social media before this.
I don't have a Facebook.
I don't have anything.
And then I started streaming and then I had to make it all.
And so like no one just like ever followed me because it's not under Blair.
So if they were to search me from high school, it'd be Blair and my last name.
Yep.
They can't find me.
So Blair Cinderella.
Yeah.
Blair Cinderella, my last name.
So yeah, no one knowing from high school has like said anything to me.
One, one time, a hoss frog, actually, he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend and he reached out.
He was like, hey, this is a weird question, but do you know Hassan?
I was like, yeah.
And he was like, he was like, I watch a stream all the time.
Are you cutie Cinderella?
I was like, yeah.
No.
Yeah.
So Hassan docks me.
I'm getting recognized.
Do you get recognized a lot?
No.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
I don't really.
I'm so basic looking.
Me too.
It just, yeah, it just blend in with society.
I noticed one of them with six foot five Hassan.
Well, with his seven-inch heels.
Okay, I do wear platform boots.
You have, like, because you wear platform boots, you have, like, made it seem, you make everybody around you seem short.
On purpose?
People think I'm 5'6 because I stand next to you in heels.
In heels?
Oh, I wear the platform docks, but like, but I don't really wear it that often.
All the pictures that I get them making fun of my height are next to you in heels.
I'm not that, I'm not that short.
Are they, though?
I'm not that short.
I'm 5'9.
In all the photos?
Look, you're on your tippy toes at least.
I don't want to be in the thumbnail.
Can we agree on this now as a team?
Why?
I don't want to be in it.
Why?
Look at my face.
I'm very mad that my hair and makeup and clothes aren't done.
Cutie, we need you.
I don't want to be in it.
I don't want to.
You have no choice.
No.
We'll airbrush Bernie in it.
Why don't we Yasify your face?
Let's Yasify.
Let's Yassify me, please.
I'll do it.
Actually, just download the app, Marsh.
I keep telling you.
It's called FaceApp.
No, it's FaceApp.
FaceApp.
Download FaceApp and Yassify me.
And then everyone in...
Yeah, FaceApp.
Yeah.
And then everyone in the comments, tell me how good I look in the thumbnail, please.
Everybody in the comments, tell Cutie Cinderella how good she looks.
Yeah, because I've been Yasified.
Should all of us be Yasified?
Sure.
I don't mind.
Yeah, that'll be fun.
This is going to be our best thumbnail ever.
You need to make sure that the algorithm takes.
So Hassan's just got to be his bare face.
Yeah, you can't.
Need your face.
We need your clout.
Are you mad?
Will's not here?
No.
Do you like us, to be honest?
Yes.
What kind of question is that?
Who likes us, Austin?
How does it feel that we've taken over your podcast?
I love it.
I'm happy because if Will wasn't here, I would be struggling to find a guest.
Last second, as always.
Yeah.
Well, next week we have a fun guest.
We do.
But we'll talk about it on the paywall episode.
Nice, which is actually a good phrase.
Do we have enough time?
What's normal?
Hour.
What's normal time?
An hour.
An hour?
An hour.
I don't know.
I've been looking at the clock.
I saw the clock over there.
Yeah.
It's actually a great segue because we will be moving on to the paywall proportion of the project manor where we will be watching MILF Manor.
And I'm going to order food.
Yep.
Wait, I'm going to order food.
And same place.
Okay.
Like I said on the Hasanabi broadcast, Hassan starves us for two hours and then gives us a little jolt of food to get us through the same Snickers bar.
It's non-stop eating since you've been in this house.
I have eaten chips, mento, gum, and I always steal your gumbled on.
Literally always.
I have a free game.
It's so awesome.
Yeah, don't pull the wrong gum.
You may get the spin.
I don't get that gum.
Anyway, regardless, this has been a wonderful episode.
We've convinced Cutie Cinderella to come with us to London in the near future.
Call my uncle.
And she said she's super down, so we're going to hold her accountable.
Austin has unplugged his microphone one more time, so it doesn't matter what he has to say in this video.
And now, go ahead.
You just try to tap a sure SSMB.
That doesn't work.
Oh, you have to smack it.
He did one of these little baby touches.
Okay.
It's not going to work.
Have you ever podcast before?
Sorry.
Finish the outro.
No, he has not.
He does not create content, as you know.
I do.
Allegedly.
I'm coming out with a lot of great stuff this year.
Okay.
Well, go ahead.
This is your time to plug whatever you're coming out with.
Almost four months in.
Name your prize season two.
When?
I did that last time.
Season three.
Okay.
I can't tell you the date.
It's coming soon.
Pretty sure you plugged in.
New talent show.
I asked you to do a talent show last year so the winner could play at the Streamer Awards.
Well, we'll do that for this year.
We'll make the winner play at the Streamer Awards this year.
He never does it.
I'll do it.
I'll make the winner play at the Stream Awards this year.
So that's coming up.
Love her host with who?
Episodes.
I can't tell you.
My God.
He's lying.
No, I literally can't tell you.
I will tell you in the paywalled episode.
No, he's lying.
Cutie, what about you?
What kind of fun projects do you want to promote?
April is the month of Beyblade tournament.
That's coming.
Huge, huge.
May, we've got Master Baker coming back.
Austin wants to compete.
Yeah, she doesn't like, she doesn't want me, though, because she liked my post and didn't respond.
Well, I didn't respond to anybody.
Rama.
I didn't respond to anyone.
She said you're not special.
Also, I don't know if you have what it takes.
I definitely am a terrible cook.
It's a nine to five for five days.
I don't think he's ever made comments.
Okay, he's in.
He's in.
He said he wanted to.
When is it?
I don't know yet.
I'll work around your schedule.
I'm very busy.
It's in May.
I actually am busy.
Well, if you get eliminated, then it only takes.
But I will be there for you.
Okay, he'll be there.
Anyway.
I need you on my talent show.
Master Baker.
Well, there are some dates that you should keep open.
Why?
Don't worry about it.
I'm not going to London.
Just don't worry about it.
But that's what we need to figure out.
You are going to London.
I feel bad for the people watching this outro.
Why?
They love us.
Anyway, I don't have anything.
Just check out my streams.
No one watches my streams, and it feels bad.
I love watching your streams.
Thanks.
I come in for attention and leave.
Yeah, but that's what they're doing.
Yeah, Hassan called me the fuck out the other day.
He was pissed.
You were mad, weren't you?
I don't remember.
I was like trying to antagonize you and say something.
Oh, yeah.
And you're like, oh, look, Austin's begging for attention again.
And then just kept scrolling.
Oh, spicy.
I felt like it was, it was, it was like you were actually upset.
I think it's funny because you go to a chat and you resubscribe and you're like, LOL.
And then you like go to another chat and then you like that.
Yeah, I hop around chatting.
No, you're a slut.
100%.
And you probably immediately went back in the Haascore to be like, oh, did you guys like that?
Come on, please.
Disco Mommy Attention00:01:07
They loved it.
Yeah.
So much.
I know what you do.
I know your ways.
I'm very predictable.
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode of Fear And we are going to be watching MILF Manor on the paywalled version of this episode.
Please subscribe to our Patreon where we will be leaking next week's cast of the podcast and a bunch of other fun stuff.
All right.
You're not leaking anything.
Bye, everybody.
I love that about her.
I like that.
Yeah, it stresses me out.
She's perfect for this show.
She's great for the show.
She's perfect in general.
I think she's perfect at life.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
I love her.
Honestly, Disco Mommy's slide.
Well, because, like, because, you know, she's just like a bit of a hoe and she's just having fun.
She's just having fun with it.
Whereas all the other moms are like, I'm here for love.
It's like, dude, none of them are going to fall in love.