QTCinderella and AustinShow officially join the Fear&Wine podcast, blending sports banter with deep dives into Taylor Swift's relationship history and John Mayer's controversial tweets. The hosts dissect their complex religious backgrounds, from Mormon upbringing and "Nephism" creation to critiques of Islam and ISIS comparisons. They reflect on childhood fears driving faith adoption, specific naming traditions like "Buck," and the carbon footprint of frequent travel versus Taylor Swift. Ultimately, the episode merges pop culture nostalgia with personal spiritual evolution, highlighting how past beliefs shape current perspectives on identity and community. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Housewives of Twitch00:03:35
We're live.
Welcome back.
It's Sunday.
The day of the Jets.
J-E-T-S.
Chet Jets Jets.
About to be 5-2.
Let's talk about it, guys.
I don't know.
I don't know how.
New York's defense.
I think it's stifling.
I'm happy you guys beat the Packers last weekend.
That's right.
I want to die.
I want to die because we went out last night.
And I'm like, this is being shot in my house.
And I'm the most like tired, I think.
By the way, Hassan left early.
Hasan went home at 10.30.
I did.
And I'm going to tell you guys a story.
A little story about what happened.
Okay, tell us, tell us, we're going to go right into this.
Yeah, we're going to go right into it.
But first, our co-host, Austin.
Our co-host, Austin, is here.
I'm back.
Back for another episode.
And our bigger guest.
Will Neb.
Damn it.
And we got a girl.
A girl.
We got a lady.
A lady.
Co-host of the recently.
Hiatus.
Oh, wow.
Whine about it.
It's dead.
Whine about it.
We'll say hiatus.
Yeah, who knows?
Who knows?
Hasana extended hiatus.
We made it.
Like, Austin and I literally made that show, which is kind of crazy.
Run it down mid.
Yeah, that's it.
That's all.
So now I host nothing.
I guess I host the streamer awards.
That's it.
You can come host this show.
That's what everyone keeps saying, but I don't know if you guys want that.
Have you seen the meme I posted?
What?
It's of the Grim Reaper knocking on the door of, you know, eager rejects, killing it.
Housewives of Twitch, killing it.
Whine about it, killing it.
And now fear, fear and.
Yeah.
I'm knocking.
Well, it's like you have a gun to Marsh's head when you do that.
I can't keep a podcast live.
Yes.
If you kill this podcast, you directly kill Marsh.
Just think about it like you're slowly choking him.
Yeah.
Well, there it is.
Right there.
Oh, no.
That's me, baby.
Okay, well.
Well, anyway, okay.
So.
Tell us about your night.
I haven't seen a paycheck yet from this.
And you will never see it.
All right, whatever.
Yeah, speaking of killing franchises, Austin and G4.
Oh.
Will is here too, okay?
Yeah.
But everybody knows that.
Yeah, everyone was like, Donna's pretty.
I was the shiny.
People were like, G4, I don't know, but Donna, goddamn, it's so great.
I'm actually shocked how many streamers watch.
Yeah.
I did not expect that.
I was approached.
Apparently there was a viewing group led by five of them who would watch who would watch Donna.
And I was like, really?
I would sit down and watch Donna with my family.
Literally.
I'm serious.
Like, I sat down.
What are you talking about?
You were producing.
Well, no, no.
And you were in the room while it was being shot.
Well, Hassan, I know you're not familiar, but there's this thing called video on demand where you can watch things back.
And that's what we did.
You watched the VOD.
So we watched the VOD.
Yeah.
Watched the VOD, sat my family down in the living room, and we had a great family time watching Hey Donna.
Yeah.
Truly, what am I...
Watching Donna at Home00:07:44
His family's like, they're getting progressively gayer.
What's going on right there?
It was my favorite show.
My conservative uncle.
Remember the one I told you?
Yeah.
One that loves me for saying things I say about.
My conservative family loves Hassan because they both because of his hatred for Nancy Pelosi.
Wow.
Wow.
You know, one time I had to text, I had an ex-boyfriend that was very politically savvy.
And I had to text him and I was like, do I like Nancy Pelosi?
I had to find out through him.
I didn't know.
That's why we brought her because women ask their boyfriends to kill yourself.
Can I say that on the podcast?
Yeah.
That was a joke, by the way.
Of course.
No, that's fair.
Of course.
Slash.
Okay.
Tell us about your night.
Last night there was a birthday party.
But turns out.
Let's just.
If it's in the month of October.
Let me just set the stage a little bit.
It was a lovely party.
Lovely.
It was wonderful.
It was fantastic.
From the Beverly Center.
They basically rented out the full first floor of a location.
Yeah.
There was food, beverage, dancing.
There was food in bed.
Lovely.
Great cake.
I did not see the cake.
I didn't see the cake at all.
You guys do nothing for me.
Did you make off?
Yeah, I made the cake.
I made the cake.
Oh, shit.
Beautiful outfit.
I will say that.
Oh, no.
I don't like cake.
That's crazy.
You're wild.
We're going to talk about that in a moment.
I did text you on your birthday and I was like, what kind of cake do you want?
And you didn't reply to me.
I like it.
No, I think I replied.
No, you didn't.
You did not reply to me, Will Neff.
He said one with an anvil in it.
I was trying to say that you've never made me a cake for my birthday.
It's because you're gay.
And she is the famous case of the baker who won't cook the gay the gay cake.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That was her.
It went to the Supreme Court and the Supreme Court said, and they ruled that you can be homophobic.
Yeah.
I've been trying to do it.
Big win.
Big win, cutie.
Thank you.
Gays don't deserve cake.
If I made Austin a cake, you know what he'd do?
It's a little too chocolatey.
Yeah.
Do you have any milk for this?
I am not that way.
Although I will say this coffee is a little strong.
You are that way.
Am I?
You are so that way.
I'm starting to get that way.
There's starting.
Starting.
You're so far down the road.
Yeah.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I'm like.
You're at the finish line.
All right.
Yeah.
I like Austin.
For me, the destination was when we were at that camp, and you in front of the camp counselor took two like rigatoni or whatever they were, dipped them in the sauce and went and discarded the ends of the noodles.
I did.
I did that.
That is actually sociopathic.
That's insane.
Like Jeffrey Dahmer would look at that and go, that's a bridge too far.
We're going to watch some videotapes.
Yeah.
Dog, that's crazy.
Okay.
What happened to you at the party?
Anyway, what happened to me at the party is I'm 31 years old.
That's what happened.
The reason why I'm super tired right now this morning is not because I partied Hardy'd.
Even though we did, we fucked.
Did you actually just say parties hardy?
Yes, I did.
That's the most 31-year-old.
Yes, I did.
I am an old man.
I'm white, and I'm fucking, I'm leaning into it.
Okay.
Listen, champ.
Listen, buddy.
Okay.
That guy, pal.
I'm leaning into it, pal.
We crushed Buddha and Anthony on the record.
On the record.
We were.
First game, I carried.
Second game, he carried.
Great balance.
Destroyed him.
That was awesome.
Then 10.30 comes rolling around.
I say to myself, I'm an old man.
I got to go home.
But because I was so fucking tired after the stream, after that nine-hour stream, where I was like, you know, trying on different costumes and shit, I drank two energy beverages before we went to that party.
Yeah, you drank a high ball.
I drank a high ball, which is crack cocaine.
For those of you who don't know, it's probably like it's pretty smooth, but it definitely has like way more.
Yeah, it's not, but I like it.
It's like 300 milligrams of caffeine, though.
And then I cracked a Red Bull.
That's insane.
But it didn't kick in until 10.30 after I had left the party.
So I leave the parties.
I'm like, I'm fucking dying.
I go home wide awake.
I'm wide awake.
Wide awake.
So what does any American citizen that's wide awake on a Saturday night do?
The hell out of their meat.
That's what I was going to do.
But I was too riled up.
That's so I played Valorant.
I knew it.
I played Valorant with Kai Sanat and Your Rage Gaming.
Did not text me.
So you're like, oh, I got this crazy story about how I didn't include you in gaming again today when I was like, you don't include me in gaming.
So there was beating the hell out of his meat because he was awake.
Just throttling me.
No, I yeah, I played with Kai and your rage until like 3 a.m.
Sure.
Oh my gosh.
Your rage is very good.
Kai is not at all.
He's not good at all.
But I mean, Kai's very funny.
They're very entertaining.
Yeah, that you never care when I'm funny in Valorant.
Yes, because you need to be carrying.
Quit with the jokes, funny man.
All right.
Quit with the jokes.
I want to see some smokes.
Okay.
Thank you.
But yeah, no, I'm deeply addicted to that.
And then I got a call and I'm thinking I'm going to hit my REM sleep.
At 3 a.m.
No.
At like 5 a.m.
To Austin?
Cutie.
I'm not that.
A FaceTime from the one and only Mr. Brother Banks.
5 a.m. FaceTime.
You have to answer that.
No, I didn't.
I was like, what the?
He said, where?
Phone's ringing from Brother Banks.
5.07.
The helicopter might be outside, Hassan.
5.07.
Where are you?
I'm like, he's trying to fuck.
What's happening?
He's trying to fucking forward.
Just sit on that sweet Turkish ass all day.
I'm about to put it to work.
I said, in bed sleeping, lol.
What's up?
Which is like not a 5 a.m. response.
Yeah.
Normally, but it's Brother Banks.
So, you know, you got to be nice.
He said, I don't know.
I just went deep rabbit hole.
I consumed 200 hours of your content in the last 20 days.
I just want to tap in, watch Tate Pierce, Kanye Pierce.
I feel like I have the answers, lol.
My bad.
Wow.
What?
He's just Brother Banks on here.
He's just canceled this episode.
Yeah, honestly, I'll leave.
5 a.m.
He wanted to have a discussion with me about politics.
And I was like, dude, I just left him on red, unfortunately.
I get that, though.
Sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, that's when the scary thoughts come.
Yes.
That's when those tumblers come.
I do text Hassan is where I've, when I have a political fear or like geopolitical fear, I text it to Hassan.
Like, just like, I just shoot it randomly at all hours of the day, all hours of the night.
Like, I'll just text him and be like, oh my God, there was a nuclear, the Russians are seen moving nuclear weapons.
What's going on?
Can I be honest?
I don't have geopolitical fears anymore.
Because he's in fucking YOLO mode.
Well, I told Caroline something last night, and I think it disturbed her deeply.
Scary Thoughts in the Morning00:14:36
I'm convinced I'll be dead.
God damn, Willie.
Well, I've not been very kind.
Wait, hold on.
You're not.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why is this?
This could not have been a new information, new piece of information that you delivered to Caroline.
I know.
In our wonderful friendship that has spanned over a decade plus now, I think I've heard Will say that approximately 1,000 times.
I'm not long for this.
Will, you know, Brian's twice as bright, Burns half as long.
There have been people like old rock stars.
Yeah, and Ozzy Osborne can do it.
I think you can.
And for every one of them, there's Ted Dead rock stars.
Yeah, but like.
Just don't get on an airplane.
Yeah, you haven't abused your body like fucking who's the guy from the Rolling Stones?
Tyler Perry.
Not McJagger.
Keith Richards.
Taylor Swift.
Whoa, Don't mention her name.
We're going to mention it.
You mailer.
Okay.
Over there.
We do have resident Taylor Swift expert on PPSK Cinderella.
Thank you.
How do you feel about the new album?
Okay, okay, okay.
No, I can't even jump into it because the night of the release, this motherfucker is hanging out with John Mayer.
That's true.
I would like you to know, I made you a slideshow about why we hate John Mayer.
Okay.
I just want to let you know I do know him.
Like first.
We hate him.
And I need you to know that.
Well, I'm going to take Austin on our side immediately.
I showed John Mayer our flight video.
No, don't get excited, Austin.
What?
Yeah.
So because we were hanging out, and my friends, my friends.
John Mayer knows who I am.
So one of my body is Wonderland.
He wants that about you.
Oh, my God.
Wait, what did you say?
What do you say?
So first of all, like, I've hung out with him before.
Like, we're, he's very good friends with one of my very good friends.
It's his birthday.
I'm at his birthday.
And he comes up to me.
He said, hey, San, what's up?
I was very surprised.
I'm always surprised when he says hi to me.
Did you check out this video with Austin Show?
No, we were talking.
We were talking about my PC and I was talking about having a 49.
He's like, oh, I have one too.
And I was like, no, you don't.
And he's like, I don't know.
And then he pulls up the specs and he only has a 3080 because he's a broke boy.
I was like, okay, bro.
Chill.
Okay.
And I was like, so what do you play?
He's like, I play airplane.
I play Microsoft Flight Simulator.
Austin.
So I said, hey, man, you got to get on this thing.
I said, my friend.
I said, my friend Austin Show and I went to England.
My body is a wonderland.
I said, went to England for one of these like $30 million flight simulators.
And there's one in Vegas as well.
You got to check this shit out.
It's fire.
And then I pulled the clip of us flying it.
Hassan.
Do you want to come back on the show with John Mayer?
I mean, December 1st.
Why are you acting like you're doing me a favor there?
Oh, thanks, man.
Hassan, who's on every show Austin's ever done for you?
He's like multiple times.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
I can't wait to do flight again.
Opportunity to bring Hassan Biker back on the show.
That was a fun stream.
This will be big for you.
You can only imagine John Mayer and Hassan on the show.
Austin is just completely ignoring Hassan.
Yeah.
He makes him the flight attendant.
Get us peanuts.
Yeah.
So anyway, now that I have, you know, now that I have a little bit more support, go ahead.
Talk about, talk about Taylor Swift.
Taylor likes flying, but only polluting the fucking air.
Oh, dude, he's so sassy.
Wow.
John, at least when John flies, he does it virtually.
He doesn't harm the environment.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Where did that even come from?
I don't know.
I'm surprised John has time to talk to you since you're not a teenager.
That's crazy.
That's not how it is.
That's not.
That's not how it is.
No, it is.
When was the last time he dated anyone above the age of like 25?
I don't think he, I don't think he dates anyone.
He's not like that.
He's given me a shut up.
He has given his body to the cause.
He's given his body to the cause.
And he's different.
He's just a guitarist.
He's just a pure guitarist.
And he only cares about slapping the guitar.
In 2019, in November, the lover out.
Wait, wait.
You are a stan, so like we are entering territory.
Taylor Swift and John Mayer in a thing.
Sir, they dated.
You broke her brain.
They dated.
Taylor Swift wrote a song.
Even I know that.
Taylor Swift wrote a song by John May.
He was 19.
Or no, she was 19.
He was 32.
Okay.
Hassan dated Andrea Botez right now.
She's like problematic age gap.
That's what she's going to do.
Yeah.
Problematic age gap.
Also, ew.
I would never date someone who plays chess.
I take offense to that.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
What were you saying?
What year?
This was, I believe, 2009.
She asserted.
Oh, 2009 was a different time.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let's go.
Let's go.
I have to double.
Did she assert that it was problematic?
Yes.
She made music about it.
She made like a lot of songs about it.
He surprised her.
Actually, just like one, and she just came out with her second one, Hassan.
That's not a lot.
Body is a wonderful.
No, that's a problem.
So he surprised her in the fearless score.
I believe I got to check my...
Give me five seconds because I want to make sure I'm checking dates.
Body is a wonderland.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
We are so fucking.
For the record, I do love Taylor Sharif.
We might need to delete this part.
What?
What?
Why?
I haven't said anything.
No, you don't understand.
She is oblivious right now, but Swifties will fucking dock somewhere.
For the record, Swifties, I love Taylor Swift.
Swifties.
I don't think her carbon footprint is even problematic.
Like, you know, I'm afraid of the Barbs, right?
I'm going to be honest.
I'm afraid of the Barbs.
I'm learning about all this for the first time because neither of these people exist to me.
Here we go.
Here's my slideshow.
I'm going to be honest.
Your Body is a Wonderland is the only song I know about by either of those artists.
What?
Either?
What?
Taylor Swift is not part of Ronnie Regina.
You don't know Love Story.
No.
You teardrop.
You don't know.
Ooh, look what you made me do.
Look what you made me do.
That's like the poppiest one.
She's pretty poppy.
That was kind of like her little rock album.
Lover was very poppy.
I'll just come out and say it.
I like Taylor Swift.
I like her music.
I think she seems like a very fine lady.
Doesn't she have a song about shaking?
Shake it off.
Shake it.
I know that one.
Yeah, I know that one too.
I love Taylor Swift.
It's actually one of her worst songs.
But it's true.
I'd love to have Taylor Swift on flight.
I would.
Yeah.
I really would.
What is going on in your mind?
Yeah, it's like me shot into this colour.
It's like me saying, like, hey, guys, you know, if Barack Obama asks, sure, I will have him on the rock ass.
Don't make a big thing about it.
Barack Obama.
I think he was the best president in the last 20 years.
Oh, my God.
We're not doing politics on fair end.
Okay, show.
Even though this is way worse than politics.
May 2009.
Show.
No, no, send it.
Send it to me on Discord and Marshall will be able to play it.
Great.
Perfect.
Holy shit, Marshall.
No, we're not.
How dare you say we should move on?
Remember that?
Oh, my God.
She's doing it.
She kills podcasts.
She's doing it.
Oh, my God.
I just realized.
Oh, my God.
The Grim Reaper.
Oh, my God.
No, they're going to like it.
I promise.
Literally, no one is going to be able to do it.
No, right now you're very one-sided.
This is very, no, I'm not.
No shot.
No, I am not.
You don't even know.
I'm fucking around.
Anytime I talk about pop culture in terms that are like even remotely serious.
Did you make this for the pod?
Yeah.
I know it would come up.
Oh, my God.
You're a genius.
Thank you.
Okay.
Can I just before we get started on this?
I just need to explain something here.
Okay.
Whenever there's like some petty stand beef or some shit, petty.
Not petty, serious, whatever.
Thank you.
If it's pop culture shit, Will and I will assume a position on it.
We'll act like we're super serious about that position.
We're not actually serious about it.
I don't know anything.
I don't know anything about this.
I'm serious.
I know.
I know.
Let's.
You tried three shots of expression.
Oh, my God.
I'm having heart palpitations.
Yeah, I'll give you a quick run through.
Otherwise, this could take hours.
Your body is a woman.
Why we need John Mayer?
A guide to understanding by Keith Cinrella.
Your body is a wonder.
I'm just singing like a soundtrack to it.
Yeah.
So the year was 2009.
Pictured John Mayer with wrinkles at 32 and young Hot Taylor at 18.
Okay, first of all, John Mayer looks pretty fucking hot.
By the way, Kitty, this is a shitty sideshow.
You literally crumpled.
What the fuck?
The slideshow looks like it was from 2009.
Face is down.
Please, for audio listeners, John Mayer looks super hot there.
Okay, he looks like he looks lame.
Okay, I'm just going to say it.
Let me know when to go next.
You're talking about literally one of the best guitarists at the moment at the present moment.
Okay, let's go on.
Next slide.
Next slide.
It was May 2009.
Homeboy tweeted.
Who's homeboy?
I think Homeboy is.
That's African-American vernacular English.
That's a point.
Minus one.
Minus one for the stand community right there.
Typical Swifty using Homeboy.
I'm going to let you finish.
Go on.
Yeah.
I don't think there's any excuse for that.
Yeah.
He tweeted at her.
He tweeted at her.
He's like, OMG, I have this new song.
You would sound so good on it because you're a teenager.
Blah, blah, blah.
And that's all we hear.
And then next slide.
You would sound good on it because you're a teenage.
That's what he said.
That's so crazy that he said that.
This doesn't seem one-sided at all.
You don't need to play any of the videos.
He surprises her in her fearless tour, 2019, and they sing Your Body is a Wonderland together in Whitehorse.
But it's a little weird because if you've ever read the lyrics of Your Body is a Wonderland, they are very explicit.
And if you want, the song is Your Body is a Wonderland.
Yeah.
He's using her body like a fucking theme park.
Yeah, he said, and if you want love, we'll make it.
Swim in a deep sea of blankets.
Yeah.
Lucky sex, not okay.
Also, he wrote this.
It's a love song.
Yucky.
Wait, it's about it.
You cannot be.
I can't tell if she's being serious or not.
Oh, no.
Dude, the Reaper's here.
He invited the Reaper to take.
We're so fucked.
All right, next.
June 2009, they come out with their song together.
It's called Half of My Heart.
They perform it together in December 2009.
Seems like a wonderful love story that is not going to go anywhere.
Devastating.
It is going to go somewhere.
Devastating.
Stop.
Have your heart is essentially about how he's such a broken man, but she's going to fix him because he is so edgy and he just needs love.
Next.
Wait, but like, was he a broken man?
From him.
Yeah, he was a broken man.
Yeah.
Okay.
He was a womanizer.
God.
Back on my side.
You're right.
I agree.
A year later, plus a few days, Speak Now comes out on that track.
Next slide.
One year plus a few days.
Like, why'd you put plus a few days in this?
So, because someone would be mad at me.
It wasn't exactly a year.
It didn't come out in December.
Did you rehearse this?
Oh, my God.
Anyway.
That could be.
His stands are terrifying.
Dear John comes out, and it's a song all about John, obviously.
Probably.
In an interview.
What?
Why are you making this noise?
What if it's about John?
He's so stupid.
Dude, you were, it's so funny that he's going to get canceled way harder.
At least I'm taking this seriously.
No, no, no, because listen, I'm not going to get canceled because I'm not taking a side.
Okay.
But this is dumb.
Why?
This is stupid.
It's so nice.
Okay.
Okay.
Dear John, there's lines like, you're an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry.
Never impressed by me acing your tests.
All the girls that you ran dry with tired, lifeless eyes.
Like, this is sad.
Do you not hear the sadness in this?
He used.
Wow.
Cutie, he's a man who just doesn't understand.
Thank you.
All right.
Next, dear John comes out.
John replies.
Okay, you're doing the thing that Stan Twitter does when you found the ugliest photo you could.
That's just what came up.
This is like, this is like what Amber Heard stands.
We'll have like Johnny.
Well, technically all photos of Johnny Depp are ugly.
It's not very hard to find.
That is actually pretty funny.
Have you ever seen that?
When they're like, he's so pretty.
Look at how happy he is.
And it's just like Johnny Depp looking like absolute garbage.
He's like, okay, let's continue.
John replies, you don't need to open it.
He just says that she humiliated me.
Can you find like a sexier photo of John Mayer?
There isn't one.
I'm going to go over this because it's important.
That's the only one that comes up.
That's like it.
That's all I got.
That's definitely not.
No, it's it.
Well, I was hanging out with him with my close and personal best friend.
Take a picture of him.
John Mayer.
That's all he's got.
And he was looking pretty good.
God, I can't believe you should be.
He's humiliated.
He's like, she never called me.
That's so cringe.
And then he critiques the songwriting.
He's like, also, it's bad songwriting.
Ooh.
Well, at least he's dissing her on like, you know, artiste lines.
Yeah, I guess.
I suppose.
Next.
Like, he's not, he's not keeping it personal.
He's just like, this is just business now.
No, he makes it personal because then, I mean, he replies.
John replies again.
No one asked, by the way.
June 8th, 2013.
In 2013.
It's been years.
It's been years.
Four years.
He comes out with paper dolls.
And there's like one of the lines is like, you're 22 personalities rolled into one.
Cut the cord and pull some strings.
Make yourself some angel wings.
Is that how that goes?
I don't know.
It sounds just like that.
No, no shock.
No, it doesn't.
No.
Anyway, he's not.
And if those angel wings don't fly, someone's going to paint you another sky.
Okay, these are beautiful lines.
Religion Hopping and Critiques00:15:26
No, no.
These are bars.
If your angels, someone's got it.
He's saying that he's like, that men are the only thing that bring her happiness.
Are you serious?
Do you not?
I feel like that's his own personal truth, Bestie.
He's talking about Taylor.
I think that's his perspective is what I'm saying.
And he might be right.
I'm not replying, by the way, during all of this.
I'm going to let you finish.
I'm going to let you finish.
Okay.
Taylor has moved on.
Next.
He tweets out on her birthday, Tuesday, December 13th, maybe the lamest day of the year conceptually.
This is 2016.
Why is she living rent-free?
Here's what I have to say about this.
God, 503 likes?
Jesus.
Give it up.
Give it up, dog.
At this point, yes.
No, no, no.
If this is a real tweet, it's pretty late.
Thank you.
I will.
You're on my side.
No, no, no.
But like, but like everything behind, everything up to that point, like.
Why is he saying December 13 is lame?
Apparently it's her birthday.
He just is, it's just her birthday.
This is.
Are we to assume that John Mayer is aware what day her birthday is?
Yes, absolutely.
I'm not going to lie.
I don't know when anyone's birthday.
Well, she has like the number one followers on Twitter at this point.
Everyone is tweeting it.
I did not know Caroline's birthday till like this year.
You're a bad person.
No, no, no.
I just don't know dates.
Yeah, I agree with him.
I'm bad at it too.
He's a celebrity.
You're on Twitter.
No, no, no.
But I think I think it's not.
And he tweets it at 10.45 p.m.
I think it's not.
Saying someone has a lame birthday is dumb.
Yeah.
By the way, by the way, he waited the entire day.
Yeah.
And at night, he was like, I've decided this is the way Mr. So at least he didn't tweet it in the morning.
What is conceptually lame about December 13th?
Nothing.
It's just, okay, okay.
So December 13th.
So this is one mark for you, I will admit.
Okay.
You know, you've not said anything about him, by the way.
Okay, but you can't say that and then be like, but wrote an entire song about him.
It seems a little inconsistent.
Am I wrong?
It seems a little inconsistent.
No, because he's written a song about her too, but she's just been quiet.
At one point, there was an interview there where they're like, like, John's upset about this song.
What do you think?
And she was like, oh, that's pretty egotistical if he thinks it's about him, which is kind of funny because it says Dear John.
It's a funny response.
Oh, okay.
So, but then back.
So you do recognize him.
Yes, but this was back in like 2011 or something like that.
But she hadn't dropped his name since then.
And Homeboy is tweeting on her birthday that it's lame.
So, you know, you know, anyway, next slide.
How many slides did you make?
This is, there's two more.
2019?
2019.
She has again not talked about him.
Her lover album comes out and he goes live on his thing with Sean Mendez.
And he talks about how the fucking.
He talks about how the song is bad again.
I love Sean Mendez.
Dear John?
No, Lover, her new song in 2019.
Have we moved on at this point?
Do you think he's just like making an honest assessment of Lover?
Is Lover about John Mayer?
No, I think he's a petty little bitch.
No, it's not about John Mayer at all.
I would marry Sean Mendez.
Thank you.
All right, next.
So hot.
Midnight drops.
Literally two days ago when you were hanging out with Chuckle Fuck.
How do you feel about that?
I feel pretty good.
Am I supposed to feel?
Should I feel shame about this?
You will, because next.
Because I didn't know.
She comes out with a song, would have, could have, should have.
It's part of her 3 a.m. edition.
It's a bonus song.
And it's all about how she regrets being in a relationship with older men because they where, let me find, let me, I would have stayed on my knees.
I would have stayed on my knees and I damn sure would have never danced with the devil at 19.
And God's honest truth is the pain was heaven.
And now I'm grown.
I'm scared of ghosts.
Essentially alluding to the idea.
She said John Mayer's the devil?
Yeah.
God damn.
No, that's not cool, Hassan.
No, I didn't say it was cool.
I said that's a lot.
There's, there's, in, if clarity in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I, living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts.
Give me back my girlhood.
It was mine first.
So I have a question for you.
That's a beautiful line.
What is going to happen when they get back together?
Are you going to become a John?
They are never getting back together.
Like if they were to, in a hypothetical scenario.
They won't.
Where Taylor's like, I can fix him now.
Like, I'm a grown woman.
Never, ever, ever.
Wait, was that about him too?
Technically, no, but also.
Was that about another lover?
Has she written songs about other lovers?
She has.
Do you hate the other lovers as well?
Yeah.
Who are the other lovers?
Harry Style.
Well, no, Taylor Lautner, actually, I don't hate him.
Hell no.
Or Joe Jonas.
I love Harry Styles.
I think they're like on okay terms.
I don't know.
But her and Taylor Lautner are fine.
Her and Joe Jonas are fine.
But Jake Gyllenhal, ew, yuck, hate him.
And John Mayer.
Gyllenhaal?
Yeah.
Jake Gyllenhaal fucking rules.
No.
Wait, why do you hate Jake Gyllenhaal?
What is a great action?
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing.
He took her scarf.
Probably her virginity.
I don't know.
No, no, no, no.
I don't think he took her virginity.
I think John Mayer took her virginity.
It's a long thing.
He took her virginity.
Maybe.
I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
We don't need to talk about that because that's inappropriate, obviously.
You're the one that brought it up.
I know, but like, maybe he did.
And that's why, you know, he took her girlhood and that thing.
And then he dumped her.
He used her to, you know, that's it.
It's like not amazing.
Can we just get back to what you just said about Jake Gyllenhal?
We hate him.
Jake Gyllenhal took her scarf, you said.
No, it's more than that.
The scarf represents a lot of things.
Like her innocence.
I'm going to talk about the Jets for an hour.
What is going on?
I'm going to, I'm going to.
I'll prepare that slideshow for another day, but I'm glad I brought you up to speed on this.
I talk about mass murders every day.
And I think this gave me more psychic damage than any number of like structural violence in the form of poverty that I could become.
I mean, Taylor would never want us to hate someone for her, but like you just rolled your eyes because you're like.
Also, I don't know if that's true.
We hate him.
Ask me a question.
Yeah.
I am aware that I am obsessed with the Jets because the men in my family have an inability to communicate with each other, right?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
So we use football as a way to stay connected.
It is a means of communication, right?
That's the place it takes to my life.
Why has Taylor Swift taken such a toll on my life?
Such a large and port.
My lovely dog, who's the love of my life, who's 11, is named Swift after Taylor.
That's how long.
Yeah, but that's not why.
You're not answering the question, though, because I want to know as well.
I will tell you, this is why most women like Taylor Swift, because we've grown up with her and the things that she's gone through in life, she puts to words in a way that is like, oh my God, someone else went through that too.
And they recorded it so beautifully.
Got it.
Like, oh, there's almost every single song that she's written that I can find a similarity along with my life.
And she's just found a way to speak it.
So when you are angry at John Mayer on behalf of Taylor Swift, you're not actually angry at John Mayer.
No, I have my own John.
Yeah, you have, you're angry at your own John.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
That makes more sense than his Jets fandom, to be honest.
What?
Because he's just angry at himself.
That's why he's a Jets fan.
We're winning, cocksucker.
The first time in a very long time.
Football teaches you a lot.
Okay.
I've heard this spiel for himself.
I love this.
Go on.
No, let me tell you something.
Football has taught me so many life lessons.
It has taught me when my team loses.
When the Vikings lose on a Sunday, it devastates me.
It's like I lose.
It's like losing a loved one when they lose a big game.
It really is.
This man, entire family murdered, by the way.
Because they lose a lot.
Emotionally distraught.
But you know what?
I've learned that you can only allow yourself just a brief period of time to mourn a tragedy, and then you must pick yourself up by your bootstraps.
That's insane.
And football has taught me that.
You took your scarf, kitty.
Okay.
This is actually, you know what's crazy?
The Latter-day Saints.
No, we'll get there.
Ooh, I love Tommy.
Yeah.
So I was raised Mormon, so I didn't lose my virginity until I was about 21, 20, I think.
It was, shut up.
It was at a time where I was like trying to look like Taylor Swift because I was like obsessed with her and like, you know, and when did that stop?
It has not.
It has literally not.
I literally had a lot of time.
You did the lighter thing like recently.
Okay.
Anyway, regardless.
She loves it too.
She's like, yeah, I did, and it was great.
Well, it wasn't.
He was literally my, like, John Mayer.
Like, he put half of your heart, the song with the two of them.
He made it the ringtone when I called him.
And like, he was like, seriously, like, he was like a bad boy.
He was covered in tattoos.
Why did he come out of the closet?
Sometimes I think, sometimes I think he's just like...
Sounds familiar.
We have no way of medicalizing this, but it's just, it is a little mental illness.
You know what I mean?
Sorry.
No, I mean, they have it too.
Yeah, for fun.
Yeah.
No.
No, but you're passionate about something.
We're just passionate fans.
But he was a fan of any of it.
He was my boss at Old Navy.
And his body was Mormon.
He was my boss at Old Navy.
And he, like, you know, we kind of dated for like three-ish months.
And one day he was folding fleeces a little sassy.
One day I'm at his house.
And finally, I'm like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Like, it was the first time I drank was with him.
Like, the first time I smoked weed, I was like, it was like, I was finally no longer Mormon.
And we, we had sex.
And then the next day, he ghosted me.
What?
That's insane.
The saddest part about it is he, my Nintendo 64 was at his house and I never got back.
He could have been.
Oh, that's.
That's criminal.
That was my scarf.
Can I ask you a question?
What?
When did you decide to no longer be Mormon?
That's a great question.
I don't know.
What was it?
What was the, do you have like a coming to God moment?
No pun intended.
No, I think, really, I think the first time I questioned it was when I was eight years old.
It was like right after I got baptized and Gordon B. Hinkley was the prophet and he came out with this message about how you can't wear flip-flops to church.
Right.
And you're like, I fucking love that.
But to be fair, I used to go to church and my parents would never have let me wear flip-flops.
Yeah.
So he says you can't wear flip-flops to church.
And we're like, okay, I grew up very, very poor.
Sure.
So I don't have freaking other shoes.
And, you know, so we have to go to Payless and we get some clearance shoes and blah, blah, blah, blah.
All right, I go to church and I go to church and there are some girls in flip-flops and I judge them immediately because that's what you're trained to do as a Mormon.
And I remember feeling this weird guilt of like, well, they're not doing the right thing, but also why am I thinking that?
And that was the very first time that like, can I be honest?
In the wide world of answers, I never thought that you leaving the faith would be fucking related.
No, but that's when I first questioned it.
No, I think that's it.
It's always like that.
It's like small things that cause you to recognize like, wait a minute, there's like, there's so much unnecessary hatred, I feel.
It's the first time I saw judgment.
That's the first time you doubt.
The reason I left left when I told my family.
Yeah, what's the first time you channeled?
The time I told my family was when they decided that children of gay parents could not be baptized.
That's when I told my family.
Yeah.
I was like, I am not.
Really?
I can't do this.
You know, I was a Mormon for a brief period of time.
Really?
What?
I have Mormon, half my family's Mormon.
And my mom decided to be Mormon for like, we went for like a couple weeks.
Your mom decided to be Mormon?
No, she kind of religion hopped for a little bit.
And one.
What?
I feel like you don't just, I don't, I feel like you don't just like join Mormonism.
No, no, no.
We hopped in.
Anyone could go to church.
Yeah, we hopped in and the missionary, by the way, when you, when you go to church and you're in their list, the missionaries came to our house.
You can put a Gaussian blur on that.
There's no way.
There's no fucking way that lady.
When you go to the Mormon church one time, I think we went like one or two services.
The Mormon missionaries came to our house for years afterwards.
When you're on the list, you're on the list.
Yeah.
They probably still show up.
The list.
No, they are.
No, it is like that.
I had an ex-Mormon friend when I first moved out here and they would hunt him down.
I still get crazy.
What do the techs say?
They'll just be like, hey, I'm the Religious Society president of your area.
I heard you moved to California, blah, blah, blah.
You change your phone number.
They'll find your new phone number and they'll text you from it.
They'll come if they love to invite you.
They'll sometimes like come to your house.
They'll help you.
They'll do yard work.
I will say.
What?
Yeah, no.
Like one time I was like, hey, could you guys help me with these boxes?
And they moved a bunch of to get on the calling list and just have them, you know, keep my shit watered.
And well, yeah, just be like, you're going to run your stream.
Hey, can you produce this?
There's a lot of good stuff.
Just a guy with a tie with a boom mic in the back.
We're firing Marsh and we're joining the Mormon church.
They'll help.
They're great.
They're very helpful.
Listen, listen.
Brother Smith, you're really nailing it.
Hold that boom up.
Yeah, I'm feeling the love of Joseph Smith in my heart.
I will say, Mormon missionaries can be really hot.
You know, there's a whole porn.
Yes.
Oh, trust me.
I know.
I have seen that.
It's kind of mid.
It's kind of mid.
No, not the gay porn.
There's gay porn about two missionaries on a mission.
There's gay porn.
And like they like co-ergency.
Don't happen to be able to do it.
No, the only thing I've ever seen was like the LDS guy when it's like a church elder fucking like fucking like young Mormon ladies.
No, there's a there's a whole porn company dedicated to Mormon gay porn.
But it's not.
They don't send women ever.
No, that's not.
No, you can go on a mission as a woman.
Yeah.
Oh.
It was only in the past, I want to say in the past 10 years, they lowered the age too.
They are going on.
Oh, Mormon, a lot of patch notes.
We've talked about this before.
I've talked about this a lot.
When the religion first dropped, black people, evil.
Everyone else can be baptized, not black people.
They literally were like, if you're black, you have the mark of Cain, which means you are a demon.
Straight up.
That's what they used to say.
But then they were like, we got to improve our numbers.
Yeah.
They're like, never mind.
You can have the priesthood.
Mormon, whitest Jesus in all of blonde blue eyes.
Can you show, can you pull up Mormon Jesus?
Just Google Mormon Jesus.
The whitest Jesus you've ever seen.
It's great because it also centers America in the religion, which I love a lot.
Yeah.
I love Mormon Jesus.
Look at Mormon.
No, I love that.
I love that it like it straight up says the jack one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Click that one.
Click the bubbles.
No, the one above.
The one above.
That is.
Oh my God.
Look at Jack Jesus on the cross.
The Whitest Jesus Ever00:10:59
Oh, he's taking the cruciform to shreds.
Oh, he broke it.
He broke that shit.
Dude, I'm not going to lie.
I would probably be Christian if that was the story.
Yeah.
If Jesus was on the cross, he rips it.
And he's like, he's like, no.
Are you familiar with the church groups that go and perform like physical, impressive feats of strength?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
I never heard of that.
They're called like Lions of the Lord.
And they're like, with the power of Christ, I can lift this 300-pound builder.
There's a strongman group that is.
I think it's called Lions of the Lord.
I don't think it's Lions of the Lord.
Well, it's not.
It's not.
Just look up like Strongman, Christian Strongman group.
And they go to schools and they'll rip, like, they'll do, they'll bend Teflon pens and they'll rip telephone phone books.
Yeah.
The power team.
Yes, that is precisely what it is.
I love these guys.
Oh, hell yeah.
Will would have been.
Oh, my God.
I would have been in this group.
Look at the strength of their faith, cutie.
Wow.
Do you ever wish you could get back into the church?
You know, I said to Ludwig the other day, I was like, what would you do if I became Mormon again?
And he was like, I don't know.
Oh, my God.
You couldn't have done that without Christ.
Okay, can I just say something?
That's not true because ISIS does that shit all the time.
Have you guys ever seen ISIS videos?
No, we haven't.
No, we haven't.
Okay, all I'm saying is, all I'm saying is...
Well, they do your yard work.
Is that who's been doing your yard work?
Zahn's flirting with ISIS to get them to water a school.
Now I'm scared of the mission.
Ahmed is very good with the leaf blower.
Listen, Ahmed, I hate the infidel as well, but my roses are looking really shoddy.
No, but like, it's just funny because they do like, or like the Iranian Royal Guard training videos.
You guys have never seen that where they like jump through fire, like tires on fire and shit.
They do similar things.
They break stuff too with their heads.
So there's the North Korean military.
What are you looking at?
I was just waiting for you.
The American military, on the other hand, suspiciously, does not.
Not very Christ-like, does not have the power of Allah on their side.
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
That's why they lost in Afghanistan.
Speaking of Allah, we didn't lose.
We backed out.
You told me something that fragile rocked my mind.
What?
No Halloween in Turkey.
Oh, yeah.
I've talked about this before, but like Islam, unfortunately, not a very good religion for partying and fun.
Like the most unifying thing in the entire faith is Ramadan.
And that is not necessarily a celebration, but more so 30 days of fasting from sundown to sun.
That was really hard for you, wasn't it?
I did it like three times and I was like, I'm out.
Oh, I do enjoy the camaraderie.
Like, I get it because you do iftar, which is at night when the sun goes down.
That's when you can eat and drink water.
You can't even drink water, by the way.
Oh.
Full fasting for an entire month.
And because it's not on like the regular calendar, it moves throughout the year.
So when you're doing it in the summer, it's vicious.
Now, there is a sense of camaraderie, though.
There's aid, but overall, we have no Halloween.
So no candy.
We have no, like, none of the hyper-capitalistic, like, consumer-first holidays.
Don't fucking capitalize.
No, no, but I like it.
No, you, you're misunderstanding me.
None of those consumer hotspots.
No, but it's for kids.
No, no.
First of all, they are consumer holidays.
I know.
I'm just fucking.
But it is a good thing.
I like that.
I want that.
And we don't have that.
We don't have any of that.
It's very like, it's just very straightforward.
Okay.
The love of Allah is what guides you through everything.
You submit to the power of Islam.
When did you lose your faith?
Third question.
Third grade.
Okay.
We had a religion class and I went through my R slash Atheism arc, my Reddit atheist arc.
In third grade.
In third grade.
Were you on Reddit?
Is that no?
Okay.
I'm just saying like that's a type of, no, there's just a type of person like that's like very like, well, actually, logically speaking, God, can you prove he's real?
I had a religion class and it was just Islam.
And I, and I remember asking my teacher, like, why the fuck aren't we learning about any other religion?
It's religion class.
We're only learning about Islam.
And he was kind of a dickhead.
Yeah.
So I just, I hated him.
And that's when I was like, that's when I first was like, something is weird about this.
Do you know what?
But also, I never really, I don't think I ever believed that there was a God.
I'm not an atheist.
Really?
I refuse to give up that.
No.
You just want to wear the cross because you think it's hot.
I mean, as a game.
I'm going to get a little bit of a cross kink.
But I don't want to give up the idea that there's a God because what if there is one?
And I die and I'm like, we're the same.
I'm just like, I don't want to be at the gates of heaven and be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
This is a huge mistake.
I thought I didn't, you know.
I'm going to give you guys my religious journey and I've never shared this before.
Wow.
My dad is brilliant.
And so God was never really a thing for him.
Right.
And so I didn't really have God in my household growing up.
It wasn't.
You went to church.
No.
I didn't know.
I thought you said you went to church.
I'll tell you.
I didn't tell the story.
So I kind of asked my parents to be baptized when I was like 10 years old because I had this incredible fear of death.
I couldn't sleep.
I thought you'd want to party.
You're like, I want to party.
No, yeah, the church is crazy.
No, I had this incredible fear of death that would keep me up at night.
And it was like consuming.
And I couldn't sleep.
I was basically an insomniac.
I joined the church.
And then when I made it to high school, I was like, you, I wanted to learn about other faiths.
I wanted to really like buttress my effort here.
You know, I wanted to make sure wherever the Graceland was, I was going there.
So I took every religion course that Blair Academy had to offer, which was many.
So I took world religions.
I took Old Testament and studied everything.
And then I wrote my own religion in high school.
I sat down in a fever dream and I wrote my own religion.
I was so close to being a school shooter.
Well, can I tell you, I got in trouble because I started converting people and I converted like 20 or 30 people at my school to my faith.
And then you're going to be like Athene.
They pulled me aside.
That's the most insane thing I've ever heard.
They were like, you got to stop this.
You're converting good Christian and Catholic boys and girls to life.
What was your religion called?
Nephism.
Oh my God.
You were so close to not just a school shooter, but also a cult leader.
Yeah.
There's that one streamer that became a cult leader.
That could be new.
Things go wrong for me.
Yeah, that's exciting.
I'm Charles Manson.
Oh, not as exciting.
I'm a whole blue in a boxcar.
Okay, okay, go on.
What do you mean?
That's it.
That's it.
He wants you to convert it.
I get disgusting.
I'm out of reaction at my high school.
That's crazy.
You are one of the most, like, you're, you have so much depth to your character.
There's so much.
You are one of the most fascinating human beings I think I've ever met.
Because you've only met streamers.
And most streamers have no lived experience other than being online.
I have a lot of lived experience.
I think I do.
You do, yes.
Yeah, I'm very interesting.
I think I'm an interesting person.
You're not.
I think a lot of.
Tell me why I'm not an interesting person.
You are the most Middle America man.
I'm not even from Middle America.
It doesn't matter.
Vibes are Middle America to the core.
I grew up.
I mean, my, my, I mean, I was upper middle class lifestyle, college.
Uh-huh.
You know, you know, lived in a low crime rate area.
We would play, when I was a kid, we'd play night games and part of the night games would be avoiding drive-by shootings.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Your life was.
I was in a bad area.
That's fun.
I used to.
But it was a fun game.
It was great.
We only lost once.
What?
Can I draw you another three-shot latte?
Woo-hoo!
There you go.
Holy shit.
Is that a lucky me?
Is it, wait, is it, is it, um, is it have what kind of milk does it have in it?
Oh.
Are we taking a break?
Audio listeners, we're rolling, but there is now more coffee.
I think my heart will explode if I drink that.
I wouldn't drink that, actually.
You'll probably die.
Oh, oh, okay.
Oh, he's doing it.
Oh, no.
I, uh, we had to force, we had to fast as Mormons, too.
We have, you have one Sunday.
The beginning, the first Sunday of every month is called Fast Sunday, where you don't eat all day and until dinner, but you also have you at fast on Fast Sunday during, oh my gosh, I'm forgetting it.
During essentially your meeting or whatever.
No, that's class.
Oh.
To sacrament meeting.
During sacrament meeting, instead of having speakers, you can bear your testimony.
And so anybody at church can go up there and talk.
And it's crazy because like you'll have like eight-year-olds wander up there because they just want attention for a second.
And everybody has like verbatim, like, I like to bear my testimony.
I know this church is true.
I love my family.
I love Joseph Smith.
That's crazy.
I love.
Yeah.
And it's like literally any Mormons or ex-Mormons listening right now, I just gave you verbatim of what you say as an eight-year-old.
I love my family.
I love Joseph Smith.
I know the church is true.
I love Gordon B. Hinkley.
He's the true prophet.
It's not Gordon B. Hinkley anymore.
I actually don't know who it is.
What if like an eight-year-old went up and was like, I love Satan.
I love fucking mega death.
So I heard, conversion therapy.
Tell me that this is true.
I heard Mormonism.
You mentioned patch notes about Mormonism.
Heard that they have now changed to they.
You can be gay and be Mormon, now you just can't have sex.
I believe that's true.
Yeah, that's that's like.
That's like pretty much the most like.
No, that's most most modern religions now realize like okay, I guess everyone's gay.
Now I guess we have to be gay.
What a compromise they are.
They are super.
Uh, that was another like realization that I had when I was like nine was the racist thing.
Because we're in, we're in class, we're sitting around primary school blah blah blah um, and The teacher is going on, he's talking about Nephites and Lamanites, and he points at this Native American child in our class and he goes, You're a Lamanite.
And the whole class like looks at him because the rest of us are like white.
There's like five of us.
And he's like, he's like, you have the mark of Cain, blah, blah, blah.
But since you're here, you're like making up for your ancestors' issues.
And all of us are like, that sucks to be a lamanite.
You know, like, shit.
You're like, that's awkward.
Yeah, that's awkward.
Like, I was a Nephite.
God damn, that's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Naming Daughters Male Names00:03:36
Lots of little things like that.
There's a lot of little things.
Lots of little racism and stuff like that.
Trafficking children.
Sax calls.
I didn't get that deep in the Mormon church.
One thing I remember as a kid going to church at the Mormon church was the white bread that we got.
Ooh, so lovely.
In the water.
Yeah, during sacrament meeting.
That was my favorite.
It was great.
White bread.
Yeah, it was like little white bread.
I was so hungry.
Yeah, during sacrament meeting, you have to take the sacrament.
Are you talking about communion wafers?
Yeah, no, it's bread.
It was bread there.
It was so delicious.
It's really yummy.
They upgraded it.
It's so damn good.
And that's how they get you.
I think it's the prayer.
I remember I'd go home and I'd like try to recreate it because you had to fold your arms.
Yeah, that's how you pray.
We fold your arms.
You fold your arms and bow your head.
We also, I'd go to girls' camp every summer, multiple girls' camps, because they try to like keep you as busy as possible.
So the church is your only hobby.
And at girls' camp, you learn how to sew, you learn how to be a wife, you learn.
We had this thing where we picked the names of our future kids.
We wrote a letter to our future husbands.
Who were your future kids?
Who are the names of your future kids?
Brayden.
Jebediah.
Pen.
I love the name Penn.
Penn, Poppy, and Peter.
Hell no.
Poppy?
Poppy for a girl?
So cute.
Don't steal those, everybody.
I don't want to.
Oh, oh, don't worry.
I'm not rushing the name of future daughter, Poppy.
Yeah.
What would you name your kids?
She's going to have low credit score if her name is Poppy.
Listen.
I have a name.
Kaya.
Kaya?
Yeah.
It means rock.
It's Turkish.
It's a Turkish name.
I like it.
It means rook.
I like it.
If we have a kib, her name is Kwan.
Cute.
I want to name my kid Genghis Kwan Neff.
Oh, you're one of those guys.
Gangus Kwan?
Like, like fucking.
That shit is hard.
Jank did that too.
Prometheus Maximus.
That's Prometheus Maximus is not the same as Genghis Kwan.
I got a name for I want all boys.
My Turanist side is flaring up right now.
You're bastardizing the Panturanic name with Kwan.
It's supposed to be Han.
Play the Mongolian throat singing right now.
I would name my son Kincaid.
How do you spell that?
K-I-N-C-A-I-D.
I don't know.
Like a pharmaceutical company?
That feels like a word you made up.
No, it's a name of some person in high school or whatever was named Kincaid, and I was like, I like that name.
I'm going to name myself.
Your first crush?
No, he was.
No, he was not my first crush.
You know, it's a family name in my name that I fucking love.
Buck.
Oh, I thought you were going to say Gaylord.
I could see you having a kid named Buck.
Buck Neff?
Yeah, Buck.
A girl named Buck Neff.
That's actually so cool.
Dude, that is the whitest thing you could have said, dude.
Dude, that is literally the whitest tradition is like naming your daughter a male name straight up.
I'm going to tell you this.
I know a lot of really hot Southern girls with guys' names.
Oh, for sure.
I love one.
I mean, I dated.
Mo?
I dated one.
Mo or like Joe or something like that.
Joe?
What was the name of who you dated?
I'm not going to say it.
Oh.
But I did do that.
Yes.
You have one of those names, though, Will.
You have one of those, like, isn't your middle name like Hercules?
No, it's Can we bleep this part?
What?
I say it all the time on stream.
Hercules as a Middle Name00:02:54
Yeah, but frequently get it very wrong.
Wait, what?
I said it right.
What's your actual name?
That's what I thought it was Hercules.
Insane.
To like name a you.
It's my German family name.
Oh, y'all.
Oh, y'all.
Okay.
I wish I had like an Arabic name.
Yeah.
So then you could speak in an accent and get away with it.
Okay, first of all, that was not even the right part of the world.
Swifty is coming for you with receipts.
You should have never aligned with John Mayer.
No, I'm on Taylor's side.
In fact, I get compared to Taylor Swift for how often I fly in an airplane.
True, who are you to talk?
Yeah, I fly every single week and people, like I got attacked by like one of Hassan's stands and my Instagram DMs because I always post videos of me landing in Los Angeles and they're like, it's time.
Your carbon footprint is bigger than Taylor Swift's.
It's time for you to get a house here.
Yeah, it is.
Or an apartment.
Rent in Los Angeles.
But this is an intervention.
This is an intervention.
Okay.
Austin, it's been three years.
You're our co-host.
And you're never around.
Los Angeles is expensive.
Shut the fuck up.
Oh.
No, you did not go there.
You did not go there right now.
Los Angeles is expensive.
Yes, for the average citizen, you are correct.
You, on the other hand, are not the average citizen.
I will expose you.
You literally fly twice a week sometimes.
We're going to further expose Austin on the paywalled side, by the way.
But thank you so much.
We're going to be talking about G4 and so much more on the Paywalled episode.
This is the end of the free content.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Special thanks to both of our guests today, Austin Show and Cutie Cinderella.
Please go out of your way to follow and consume their content.
They're incredible content creators.
That's it.
Like and comment if you want Cutie or Austin to be a permanent host.
Oh, my God.
Oh, we should do a bachelor.
We should give one of them a rose.
Yeah.
We will be giving one of them a rose.
Wait, we just, we have the rose right now.
Unless Austin can host it on his own.
The third host of Fear Ant is John Mayer.
Put me on the bonus.
Yeah, buddy.
Yeah, we're about to do the bonus after this.
Guys, I will tell you.
I'm going to take a first one-night stand on the bonus.
SPICY!
Where can people find you, Cutie Cinderella?
Mostly on Twitch.
I would appreciate more viewers.
I know I'm kind of hard to watch, but I need like five more.
No, you're not.
Austin, where can people find you?
On Hassan's stream.
Giving Roses on the Bonus00:01:00
That's true.
No, Twitter.
One of my two Twitter accounts, Mr. Austin Show, which is my alt Twitter account, or Austin on Twitter on Twitter.
Also, I'm on Twitch at twitch.tv slash Austin show.
Wow.
Yeah, that's where I'm at.
Patreon.com slash FearN.
To see the Paywalled episode.
We'll see you on the LSL.
The first time I ever had Roadhead was me going like I ended up like going on like a country road and I couldn't like the car was like wide too wide and so like the guy couldn't reach over like far enough and I couldn't and so I was going like five miles an hour hitting like the side Ludwig is like the first jock I've ever dated.
She said jock That man wears fucking Crocs, bro.
Dude, he said Ludwig is a jock, dude.
I mean like jock.
What do you think Smash is an athletic competition?