Hasan Piker and Jeff Wittek dissect Wittek's 254-pound physique, wakeboarding injury, and marijuana legal history while debating cancel culture and performance-enhancing drugs. They reveal a new Patreon model splitting content into free and paywalled sections featuring exclusive anime items, critique Elon Musk as a symptom of systemic failure, and argue that brain development until age 25 dictates appropriate dating dynamics. Ultimately, the episode challenges traditional influencer narratives by exposing broken business deals and redefining authenticity in an era of digital scrutiny. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Jeffrey R. Wittick Intro00:10:45
Sorry for the confusion earlier.
No, no, no.
We're going to address that.
Don't worry.
Okay.
All right.
Folks, we got Jeffrey R. Wittick in the building.
I'm just going to read your Wikipedia.
Go for it.
Jeffrey R. Whitak is an American YouTuber, a comedian, and a podcaster.
He's also a fighter, a lover, a barber, a hairstylist, barber.
Which one is that?
I would say barber.
Barber, okay.
Barber.
That sounds way more masculine and cooler for somebody.
I'm not the best at all.
So you're improv in the Wikipedia, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm adding some stuff in there.
And also, he's well known as being the sole creator of Jeff's barbershop and his podcast, Jeff FM.
Wow.
Thank you.
That was nice.
I'm basically you, but a little stupider and way better looking.
Two good working eyes you got, you know, so you got a couple of things.
And you're like a beefier version of me.
You got more.
Yeah, I mean, I wish I looked like you, Jeff.
No, it's not.
Let's even out.
Let's add each other up and divide.
Bro, you are so shredded.
You have no idea.
Yo, Marsh, pull up.
Pull up how shredded he is.
Pop your shirt off.
I'm not going to.
Come on.
No, no.
Pull up.
What a show is this, man.
But we are going to look at your naked body right now.
Fair enough.
I put it on the internet a couple times.
Not fully naked.
God damn.
No, he's insane.
That was to show progress.
See, I'm not like an asshole.
Yeah, yeah.
That was to show progress for my accident.
What are you eating on a daily basis?
Sparkling water.
That's it.
Ice cubes when I, you know, feel like having a little dessert.
That's what I'm hot.
I'm so hot right now.
No, no.
Honestly, I don't diet at all.
I eat whatever I want.
I'm just, I do a lot of cardio.
I enjoy cardio.
I'm sick in the head.
I love to go out for a nice five-mile run.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
That is crazy.
You box as well.
Yeah, for fun.
Yeah.
Are you good at it?
I like to think so.
Do you think so?
I saw a clip where you were like, yeah, all Jeff does is haircuts and fighting.
That's all he fucking does is mullets and fights.
Yeah.
Is that wrong?
No, you're right.
I have a sound bite that we use a lot.
Haircuts and street fights.
Like I was in Miami and I was just telling people to come get a haircut or have a street fight with one of my honor Kimbo Slice, R.I.P. That's right.
Yeah, R.I.P. Kimbo, Miami Backyard Boxing.
Yeah, that man, that's what he did too.
No haircuts, but a lot of street fighting.
What about you?
Are you getting in the game?
Are you going to fight?
Nah.
Who's even in your weight class?
I'm a fighter.
I'm a lover.
And also, all the motherfuckers in my weight class probably cook me.
You know what I mean?
Bradley Martin.
I'm not fighting that fucking guy.
What are you weigh right now?
What's your weight right now?
I currently am 255, 254.
I'm trying to cut back down to like 230 ultimately so I can like be in tip-top shape.
Bro, you are about...
It's embarrassing to say you're almost 100 pounds heavier than me right now.
It's not embarrassing to say.
I need about 40 pounds from you and I'll take that away, take that off you.
Yeah, that would be perfect.
I don't know what the fuck would happen to me.
I don't know what I would look like if I was 210 though.
Like, I don't think I've ever been 210.
I think last time I was 210, I was like, I was in like eighth grade.
I like the most skinny I've ever gotten.
I think it was like 225.
And you could like, my mom called me.
Yeah, back in like.
That's crazy.
Like first couple of years living in LA, my mom called me and was like, are you okay?
Like, is everything all right?
Like, you look like sick.
Yeah, mom's early boys.
Yeah.
And I was like, no, mom, I look fucking sick.
Moms will do that.
My mom always tells me I'm too skinny, but you hide it well.
250, bro?
Thank you.
It must be all dick.
You're hiding it.
Yeah.
I try.
I try.
I wear baggy clothes, you know.
To hide the dick.
Yeah, to hide my cock.
You got a 50-pound dick in there or something, man.
No, I'm, dude, I'm wide.
I'm a very wide person.
I think that's what it is.
I'm like much, much wider than the average human being.
So that's like, that's most of the reason.
But enough about me and my size.
Are you going to fight someone?
Everyone's fighting.
There's like a boxing crazy.
No, I got eye surgery in two months.
Again, I get another eye surgery.
And if everybody gives me the support for me recovering, and if I just start boxing.
Yeah, not me.
No, fuck that.
I'm like, no, get in there right now.
I know, I know, I know.
But it's just like, it's a spit in the face to everybody that cares about me, you know, to get in there.
I do want to, but I think I'll just wait for everything to be, because I still have metal plates in here and stuff.
Uh-huh.
So you get popped or something.
Not that I would get hit at all.
You know, it'd probably be a flawless victory, but just in case something crazy happens, you would duck immediately, duck dive, and then fucking boom.
It was over.
Actually, no bullshit, especially if you're fighting at 150.
The other people in your weight are like.
That would be.
Yeah, in the creator bracket?
I'm not 150.
I would cut down.
If I was like UFC weight, I was doing like a 15-pound just dehydration cut overnight.
I could get down to that, but I'm like 165.
Oh, still, man.
Yeah.
Who's playing Fortnite that's going to fight you at 160?
You got to get somebody acquired.
Yeah, dude.
Which would be awesome.
Like one by one.
I'm getting pumped up, man.
You don't fuck my eye.
I'm getting in there.
It's like, here's the thing.
If you fuck it up worse, you still have the surgery scheduled.
Yeah.
Just maximize it.
Let's just pop it back in.
Dude, we're going to be able to get it.
We're actually working with Triller.
We're trying to get Trillerilla.
Yeah, we're trying to gas you up, dude.
Yeah, definitely fight.
No, I don't know.
Yeah, we have a big steak.
I don't know anything about that shit, so I don't even fucking.
What's the other one?
The Spanish one, like Dale or something?
Fuck it.
Puebles.
Oh, the one with eBay.
eBay's one.
That one's legit.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, eBay's good people.
I don't know anybody Triller.
I've only heard bad things.
Yeah, I wouldn't be.
I mean, I would probably do a fight wherever.
If you could pick your perfect opponent, who is it?
Perfect opponent, like a YouTuber?
I mean, anyway.
Abraham Lincoln.
Who do you want?
Oh, damn, Abraham Lincoln.
No, I wouldn't.
He's got a new age, dude.
Probably.
Mike would be a good one.
Mike would be a good opponent for me.
Or George Janko has been calling me out.
He's in my weight class, probably.
That dude does not look like in shape in comparison to me.
George, he's actually, I mean, no, I'll destroy him.
You know who I wanted to go after?
Austin McBroom was somebody that I was calling out at the end of the day.
He couldn't be like a Wayne's family guy, right?
Yeah, because he fought before, and I feel like he'd be a good competition for me.
He's an athlete.
And then he could take all of the earnings from the fight and not give it to you.
Yeah, that's the thing.
I wanted to fight for everybody that didn't get paid and I was going to be the hero to save the day, but I don't even think I would be able to get the money, you know?
Yeah, no, he would just be like, sorry, I spent it all.
Isn't that what he did?
You don't know any of this shit.
Neither do I. We're fucking...
Look, I'm 31.
He's 32.
Well, you are as 32.
But you're more in that.
He's 32.
32, yeah.
No, I hate him.
Dude, I hate him.
He's so good.
It's fucked up.
Bro, we look the same.
Botox?
What's going on?
Botox.
Fuck, man.
You hit me with the hard-hitting questions already, huh?
Yeah, I have done.
This is going to get clipped out, bro.
This is going to get clipped out never in my life now.
Oh, we're clipping it.
We're clipping it.
The rest of this is cut.
The part up to, yeah, I have Botox.
So when I smashed my face in, I was on the television.
We're talking about this.
Yeah, we don't know.
Just open slate, blank slate.
We don't know anything.
Another popular YouTuber tried to prank me.
I smashed my head in.
I had a bad injury.
I almost lost my eye.
I almost died.
What was this?
What was the prank?
Dude, we're doing a crazy shovel to the face prank.
You're never going to see it coming.
Dude, what do you mean?
It was going to be big.
Promise you.
It's going to be a challenge.
Yeah, bro.
That's the problem.
Yeah, face-shovel challenge.
I fucked up because I didn't die.
So what fuck is that?
Dude, that really ruined the video.
I can't even explain the setup.
It was like a wake-boarding thing, and one thing led to another.
And next thing you know, I'm swinging parallel with the earth.
That was never planned, but shit happens.
And yeah, I'm still here.
But back to the Botox.
So I'm on the operating table and they're putting me to sleep.
I have anesthesia in my arm.
And the guy has to piece my skull back together.
I had nine plates in my face.
And he's like, you want me to pull some of these wrinkles out?
No, so he says, listen, we have to reconstruct your face with all these plates.
And I was like, do we have to do the plates?
And he's like, oh, you don't have to.
And then you could just look like Mr. Potato Head for the rest of your life.
And I was like, all right, cool, do the plates.
And he goes, listen, I have to ask you this question because it affects the surgery.
Have you ever gotten any Botox?
And I'm on the fucking table now.
My friends are, well, David was in the room with me.
He's like, wait, what do you have the camera on?
What the fuck?
What's the balc, bro?
I'm just used to that.
I was like, what the fuck?
This motherfucker is like, no, no, no.
Be fire.
Jeff, say you have Botox on.
What the thumbs up?
Jeff, say you have Botox on.
It's going to be fucking sick.
So I'm sitting there and I'm like.
He's telling the doctor, reconstruct him like weird.
Wait, wait, can you say that one more time?
Can you say that when we've done the Botox one?
We're going to get it from a different angle.
Yeah.
So I had to own up to it at that time.
You know, Botox goes away after, I think, like three months or something like that.
But, you know, I was on the fucking table and life was on the line.
Have you ever gotten Botox?
That's how I felt right now when you asked me, like, I'm going to fucking die if I don't tell the truth.
That's crazy.
That's insane, bro.
So they reconstructed your face.
Weren't you like, yo, like, make it better?
Yeah.
They're like, come on.
Dude, I need a good shit.
You are a handsome son of a bitch.
Thank you, guys.
I needed this boost of confidence.
I haven't been feeling myself lately.
So this is really nice.
What do you mean, dude?
You're fucking shredded.
Bro, shredded?
Thanks, Hanson.
You know, nobody tells me that.
Oh, yeah.
You don't get it.
You don't get it enough.
I got some bonus content.
Get your cock out.
We're going to suck it.
The double sock pay.
Dude, so yeah, the way it works is like, we're going to have the normal, we're going to have like a one-hour block, and then we're going to do some more bonus content as well as okay, great.
How long are we going for?
Three, four hours?
No.
Strap in, baby.
However long you want.
But yeah, there's whatever.
I mean, I don't know.
And you streamed before this?
Yeah, I did.
I streamed for like fucking what?
Like, I did a short stream today.
I don't know, like, seven hours.
Did you take anybody down?
No.
Any internet super villains?
No, no, no.
Today I had a couple of people.
I mean, Trump stole some launch codes.
That was cool.
Steroids And Surgeries Talk00:14:58
We're not, no politics.
I'm not doing any politics on this project.
Okay, good.
Because I was worried about that.
No.
I didn't tell you this, but I was talking with Mike and I was like, fuck, man.
Hassan wants me to go on.
I love Hassan.
Great guy.
But I don't know shit about politics now.
This is not my field.
I gave up on politics.
I've been a criminal my whole life.
No, I do want to talk to you about that, though.
Because I do love that.
That's fucking sick.
And I don't mean that, like, ironically.
I mean, I sold weed.
I was in a fucking.
No, but it doesn't matter.
It's still fucking.
I've done some terrible things.
Let's get into it.
You're entrepreneurial.
You're entrepreneurial.
What do you mean?
I mean, you're a barber.
Everybody wants weed.
It's easy.
First of all, this shit's literally.
That is brilliant.
Actually?
You cut hair, and then was there like a special?
Like, if you didn't know the guy, would you be like, give me that extra fade?
I mean, no, you just say, give me the weed.
Just give me the weed, motherfucker.
Why is it standing?
I don't know why I want to be weak.
Why the flare?
Yeah, I want to give you that extra.
I want to be cooler, right?
Not like, who are you working for?
You a fucking hop informant?
Bro, he thought you could get the weed as like a happy ending in a massage car.
Come on.
What do you want an eighth?
What the hell's wrong with that?
So, yeah, I mean, that is something I'm genuinely interested in because, like, you, you went to jail.
Yes.
A few times.
No prison, just jail.
Just jail.
I mean, that sort of stuff, because I do talk about that.
It's not super political, but I do talk about like the way the prison system works.
I mean, you are still a great example of someone who has, despite of all the circumstances, an American carceral system, rehabilitated.
Unless you're like, now you're like, nah, man, I'm still doing hell of a lot of extra fades.
I got so much crime right now.
I mean, bro, I would get out of jail for selling weed, and my friend would pick me up with pounds of weed in the car, like boxes ready to go.
Like, we didn't learn our lesson from selling weed, and it's legal now.
So that just pisses me off more because I've done so much time for it on multiple occasions.
You did not have to go to jail at all.
No.
That's the point.
I get it.
Like, there's cash involved.
You're probably evading taxes.
You're not paying, you know, but do I need jail time?
Fine me.
You know, take my shit.
Okay.
But I actually had to sit and get into dangerous situations because of selling weed.
That's crazy.
Exactly.
Shouts out to Joe Brandon for that.
That's a Joe Biden policy straight up.
He was a big advocate of the war on drugs.
But also now you can't make money doing it anymore because it's legal and the government runs it also.
Also, you know, he fucking now I have to go full-time social media influencer.
Which is why actually a lot of people do like from what I understand, people still sell it illegally.
But now they're just like evading taxes.
Weed is a gateway drug to being a social media creator.
It is.
Not even once, dude.
You got to stop that.
That's terrible.
That's way worse for each other.
Look at me now.
My tongue hurts from doing so many podcasts.
Yeah, true.
True.
In my defense, though, I am stacking podcasts because I'm going away next week.
So I have to film for the next three weeks of podcasts.
Are you doing another podcast before this one?
No, not today.
I actually had a date, and that's what I canceled.
You did not cancel your date.
I can't.
You said 7.30.
So, yeah, I went on a hike and then I said, I got to run.
I got to do this podcast.
It's really important.
No way.
I didn't think it was happening today because I thought it got canceled by Mike.
Yeah.
Now, I don't know why you involved Mike in this.
I appreciate it.
I guess I take it as like, you know, put us both here together with a package deal.
No, no.
Well, I wanted to do it with you alone, but then I thought you would be more comfortable if Mike was on, too.
Yes and no.
You know what I mean?
And I can explain.
You know, look, I love Mike.
He was there for me when I had to get all new friends.
Talk your shit.
Talk your shit.
He's a solid guy.
But the guy can talk, man.
Sometimes, I mean, I've even seen Mike repeat himself in situations when nobody even said what or asked him.
He just doubles down to have like a dramatic impact.
Yeah.
Like he'll say something.
Prime is selling more than Gatorade.
And did you hear what I just said?
Prime.
Yep, no, bro.
So he would do that.
We just did a bunch of podcasts together and I just get fucking outshined by him.
I'm just jealous.
You know, he takes those alpha brain pills, those Joe Rogan brain pills, and he just gets supercharged.
It's steroids for your brain.
So it's not fair.
He's got an unfair edge on me.
He's limitless.
He knows about politics.
Exactly.
He is Bradley Cooper.
It's so I need to either get on brain steroids like Mike or just fucking do my own thing, go solo for a little bit.
Well, what I find particularly funny about that situation is that like Mike was the add-on, but I guess he like became a producer of the podcast and chose to reschedule it without telling him.
Yeah, yeah, that's what he does.
That's what he does.
He has a way to change everything.
And like Mike will set up a lot of the trips.
If we're going out, he's making the reservations for dinner.
He'll pick the Airbnb.
I don't even bother booking shit because he can complain.
He likes things the way he likes it.
So I just let, I don't give a fuck.
I'm very easy going.
If he wants to set the Airbnb or dinner reservations or if he wants to change the podcast time, fuck it.
You know, I'll just, it is what it is.
So he had not even communicated that to me.
He told me he texted you.
He did not tell me that the podcast he had rescheduled.
He said he was hungover or something, or he felt like a.
I think he's in San Diego.
No, he was on his way back.
Yeah.
I don't know if he's here or not.
He sent me some voice memo.
I mean, we can listen to it.
Let's see.
Hold up.
Let's listen.
I'm going to play a.
I'm going to play the voice memo for you.
Did you not listen to it at all yet?
Oh, this one I have not listened to.
So this is it, bro.
This was the cancellation.
No, no, no, no.
Let's see if he even after.
That was 5.42.
Let's listen to it.
I had already rescheduled with you at this point, so it doesn't count.
If this doesn't make it into the podcast, bro, I love you.
I texted you just to get locked in.
I cannot do it tonight.
And I think we're going to reschedule and do it together.
First of all, I was never locked in, so I don't feel bad.
You fucked up my shit, bro.
I just can't tonight.
And so I'd be happy to reschedule with you, Seth.
It's still cool with you.
This is after you told me the podcast had been rescheduled by Mike.
He told me, don't worry about it.
I'll handle it.
I'm going to change it to Monday.
Okay.
And then I made plans.
I haven't gone on a date in years.
Since I had my head smashed open.
But you and I had already talked about a podcast being rescheduled by Mike.
I was like, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
I felt terrible.
Look, I'm here.
He was supposed to go to Austin to do to meet fucking Half Tor Beornce.
Yeah, the mountain.
The mountain.
Oh, yeah, he was going to go work out.
So that's done now.
You can't do that anymore?
You will never.
Shit.
The mountains himself.
It's not my dream.
It's all right.
The mountain novels.
Let's go do the podcast there.
I'll go with you over there.
Yeah, let's go.
Is it too late?
Hey, dude, listen.
I'm glad I stayed.
You're doing a great job.
Yeah.
This is the banger.
You're actually killing it.
You're killing it.
You're fucking killing it.
Okay.
But yeah, no, it's over because Half-Tor said you're a pussy.
He was just like, you are a pussy.
He's boxing now, huh?
Yeah.
He's so shredded.
There you go.
There's your weight class.
It's fucking.
Oh, my God.
I would, if, like, he would call it pronouns.
Yeah, he, he would just.
If he punched my fucking head one time, my head would turn into a cloud of like it would be missed.
That 50-pound dick would fall off your body.
Dude, holy fuck.
I mean, god damn, dude.
No.
Oh, he got shredded, huh?
Yeah, he's like 6'10.
He fought Eddie Hall and beat him, right?
Uh, yeah, I think that's the shot right there.
There you go.
Yeah, he's only, what is he, like, 6'10, 6'11?
Oh, my God.
Just 7% body fat.
It's crazy that we're the same species, you know?
Yes.
Yeah, that is...
That is a wild, wild thing.
Marsh, you pulled that up way too.
You pulled away way too quick.
I was still looking.
We were still oggling.
Yeah, we were still admiring.
This is a dude-heavy podcast for sure.
That is.
This is different than the airborne.
Are you sports fan?
Mostly fighting.
I'm more just I used to like baseball and stuff like that, but as I got older and just got more angry, I guess I just watch UFC and boxing now.
Sure.
Yeah.
So why?
You big sports fan?
No.
Well, football.
So what were you getting at?
I just can never talk.
What was that a segue to?
No, you don't like sports me neither.
No, I can never speak about anything vaguely sports related.
What are you trying to fucking find?
No, okay, I'm gonna version of me to be fast.
Mentioned he's looking for new friends with the same age.
What the fuck is this?
He's gonna tell me where to get Botox.
Yeah, moving in.
Get the fuck out of here.
I'm a giant football fan.
Okay.
He's a Jets fan.
Yeah, yeah.
We were talking about it earlier.
He like fucking will randomly duke it out on Twitter with like people with like three followers over Jets.
Where are you from, originally?
Staten Island, New York.
Okay, so you're a Jets fan.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, it's in you.
It's in you.
Yankee fan, I guess.
You know, I'm more of a, but I was a baseball fan growing up.
Sure.
He did not say he was a Jets fan.
You just showed Juju.
I guess you have.
It's like Yankees and they go with the Jets, you know.
Or no, it's Mets and Jets.
Yeah.
He was a fucking Giants.
What do you think about athletes taking steroids?
You think they should bring them back?
I'm all for it.
100%.
Let all the baseball players choose.
I mean, bring it back.
I saw someone that said that, like, a friend of mine who's like, does this, he's an analyst, and he was talking about how, like, sorry.
I keep hitting that damn water.
Set down, dude.
Who rigged this up, man?
You got to get a little, put a little double stick.
That one is like, that one is a wonky.
I had a friend of mine who said that, first of all, I'm a big advocate for PEDs.
I think PEDs are dope.
I think people should do it.
I think there should be more medical technology available to everybody.
And I think that we should just drop the act and because right now...
Get some dangers.
No, right now we act like fucking these motherfuckers aren't taking steroids.
It's so strange.
It's like, yeah, they are.
They're just like, they know how to evade Usada and all these other fucking.
Usada's tough because they can come test you whenever they could wake you up in the middle of the day.
That's the fighting one, right?
That's the fighting one.
But I feel like that one.
Okay, I understand what you're saying.
Let everybody fucking juice up for baseball.
It's a boring sport.
We want more excitement.
Everybody's waiting for the home runs anyway.
Do you feel like Formula One?
Have guidelines for it.
You know what I mean?
Because like Formula One like No, Formula.
What I mean is like the engine, right?
There's like specifications for the type of engine and like aerodynamics that you can like get to.
So I'm pretty sure you can't like go above a certain I don't know if they have like horsepower limitations or not, but like they want to make sure the cars are like relatively even so that you know you can have minor you know performance boosts here and there, but like there's still there's still some level of like you know, it's within the bounds of reason.
So that's what I suggest doing like biohacking or PEDs.
Like you're just like, you can only take this level of anivars.
You can only have so much moose testosterone shot in your body.
When it comes to pH is off limits, you know, that sort of thing.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, that works.
But like I said, for certain sports, if you're getting in the ring or a cage with another human and the only way that that match or whatever ends is when one person's unconscious, you kind of don't want the other person juiced out.
True.
So fair.
Good points.
One of my, I'd say the guy's like a mentor of mine.
I just met him probably a year ago, but Michael Bisping.
He had his eye kicked by Vitor Belfort when he was juiced out of his mind.
What the fuck?
They called him TRT Belfort, and he blasted him with the shin bone, and it gave him the same injury that the crane gave me.
Jesus Christ.
So, I mean, if his leg was, if he wasn't that juiced up, would he have blasted his eye out?
I guess we'll never know.
It was a while that he was able to do that.
Yeah.
TRT, I mean.
Yeah.
Like, I remember that from Joe Rogan's experience, like, old episodes, because they used to talk about it all the fucking time.
I don't really understand, like, if he's going to be able to have that advantage, which technically, in the minds of like people that were regulating it, it's not an advantage, right?
Because he had to get TRT, right?
Wasn't his T levels really low or something?
Yeah, supposedly it was a doctor prescribed.
But he's still probably loading up on the dose.
That's what I'm, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I mean, they still regulate that, but like, I, what I'm saying is it's more fair.
If your opponent is on fucking, on, on juice, like, you should be able to also.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, he would have fucking, if he had the steroids, he could.
The uranium would have been the same.
Yeah, but no, so that...
That shot right there, it didn't pop his eye out.
He wasn't immediately blind after.
It was after all the surgeries that he had done, and one of those surgeries just didn't go right.
And then he had detached his retina, which I had done from a surgery too.
So I was terrified.
And I needed to talk to this guy.
And he's the one who told me, look, if you don't need a fight, don't fucking fight.
You know, you have family members, people that love you.
Don't even get into it.
It's, you know, just enjoy your life.
Go the path you're going now.
But yeah, he has one eye.
He has a glass eye.
Can you tell?
Yeah, you could tell.
Up close, you could tell.
Not on TV.
That's crazy.
And when we did the podcast, my desk, the way my desk is set up, was my bad eye at his bad eye.
And like, just trying to talk to him.
I kept on like.
So you have, like, I don't know anything.
You have less visibility in your eye.
Can you see out of that eye stuff?
I have some vision.
Yeah, it's just it's a little doubled.
Okay.
That's interesting.
That's like, so you're just, you got two, you got double vision all the time.
You got used to it.
Yeah, your brain will train you to get used to it, but I'm trying to fix it.
So it's the placement of my eye.
It's a little off.
One of them is like back, like a tiny little bit.
It's like a millimeter.
And picture if you have like two cameras and you try to match those shots.
And if one is back a little further, then you're going to have, it's going to be a little off.
So there's no way to fix that at this point.
Well, that's why I'm getting the surgeries.
Okay.
It's not aesthetically, I'm not just trying to get better looking by getting these surgeries.
I'm trying to get in function.
For the vision.
Yeah, that's not what I was thinking.
You already got it.
Can you improve?
I had a serious Botox appointment in three months.
I'm hiding it with the surgery.
Queer Baiting Barbershop Story00:09:26
Yeah.
That's wild.
I didn't realize it was like that.
But hey, look, the thing about eye surgeries is ultimately, though, or eye injuries, it's debilitating.
It's awful.
But eye patches look cool as fuck.
So there is that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I was like trying not to wear one because I'm not blind in that eye, you know, and I didn't want to jinx it.
But I've had them before.
I've had eyes.
You could turn that L into a W like real quick.
Yeah.
Because then all of a sudden.
Snake Solid.
Yeah.
Some good eye patches.
Yeah.
Punish Jeff Wittak.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Look, it could have been a lot worse.
So I'm grateful.
I'll do it.
Eye patch.
I'll make it cool.
Whatever.
Whatever you got to do.
So you had the injury.
A lot of people in my community probably don't know about what happened.
Do you mind talking about it a little bit?
Or if you don't want to, we don't have to.
Yeah, sure.
Where should I start?
What do you guys want to know?
Just.
Well, I've known you for like fucking way before you were even in the fucking vlog squad.
Like, I met you in LA Nightlife.
Yeah.
Well, we met at Rayo's, right?
Great Italian restaurant.
Oh, yeah.
It might even be further back.
Yeah, even before then, though, like, I, I, uh, we met because your ex.
Oh, okay.
I, I, I didn't know your ex, but I, like, she was, I think she, like, watched my Young Turks videos or something, like, way back in the fucking day.
And that's how I met you.
Yeah.
But that was like.
Well, she has a type.
What?
Oh, no, not like that.
Did you fuck my ex-girlfriend?
No.
Okay, put this behind the paywall.
Son, you fuck his ex.
Okay, we're putting it.
We're cutting this and we're putting it behind the paywall.
No, no, no, no, of course not.
Yeah, well, when you sent me your number to do this, I already had it saved.
Oh, really?
I spelled your name terribly wrong.
Hassan Pike it.
That's not even close.
It's all good.
But yeah, no, I've known you for like fucking eight years or some shit almost.
It's been a very long time.
And I've seen your.
You've never known me.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
I met.
Yeah, I mean, we weren't like super close friends or anything.
We're just like knew of each other.
So I saw your career blossom, basically.
And I just now got enough clout to for you to reach out to do something with me.
No, but the podcast came back two episodes.
This is the third.
This is the fucking what?
Oh, yeah.
This is a fourth episode of the podcast.
Okay, that makes sense.
Because I looked it up and I was like, do Hassan's podcast.
I've never even seen an episode.
I thought you just do Twitch streams.
I do do two streams and I do a podcast as well.
But the thing is, like, for me, I'm always apprehensive about asking people I know to be on shows and stuff because I know how people view me, kind of.
You know what I mean?
I worry that people are not going to want to come on because they're going to talk about politics or whatever.
What?
Put this behind the paywall.
Hassan, you're bisexual.
What happened at the Italian restaurant?
I was just going after what Tate, what Taylor.
Oh, Angel Tay said, yeah, yeah.
A bisexual Armenian genocide denier.
No, I just, I worry that people are not going to want to talk about politics.
I was a little scared of that.
Yeah, so that's the, and this is not a political podcast, which is.
I was just going to tell you, Hassan, I don't know anything.
I don't give a fuck.
I believe I know morally what's right and wrong.
Yeah.
But we don't have to get into every, you know.
Yeah.
So, but that's part of the reason why I don't reach out to you.
You just sound like an idiot.
So.
Yeah.
But that was like the old podcast was mostly political.
And we wanted to revamp it as like a non-political one, which is why I was like, I'm reaching out to people that I know that I would love to have on to just have like normal conversations with that don't revolve around that.
And now this, so this one's mostly about dicks you talk about.
Yeah, dicks, asses, pussies, all sorts of cool shit.
That's more my speed.
I saw a clip on, I think it was TikTok where it was just you guys talking about your dicks to each other and stuff.
And that's what we do.
That's what my podcast pretty much is.
Perfect.
Well, I can't wait to be on it.
That's great.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought what?
On the podcast.
Yeah.
Oh, no, not on your dick.
On the podcast.
Yeah.
You can do both.
I am not actually bisexual for the record.
I am not actually bisexual.
Because I don't give a shit.
Like, if people think I buy it, who cares, right?
But then people get mad.
They're like, oh, you're queer baiting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I don't want to fucking step up and just.
Yeah.
That's basically.
I think that's the Zoomer version of trying to be like, come on, you got to suck a cock.
Yeah, suck one.
Come on, just one.
Just for us.
You have to get uncanceled.
That's like the new.
Oh, my God.
Remember those old weed ads?
It's like, come on, you're cool, man.
Now it's like, come on.
Just one.
Just once.
Not even once.
Dicks.
Not even once.
It's 2022.
That's a girl God joke from last night.
She's a, they're a trans duo comedian team.
They're really funny.
And they were saying, like, you know, it's the, it's a trade-offer.
You suck one cock, you can say the F-word.
That's it.
Oh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
You suck one cock, you'd be like, I'm a cocksucker.
Yeah.
And then unlocked.
Think about that.
That's a good trade offer, dude.
Oh, yeah.
No more situations.
You receive one suck.
I get one suck cock.
You receive F word.
I wonder if you got in a bad situation if you could suck your cock out of it.
Right?
If you said the F word, could you backtrack?
I actually, I didn't say it fucking Kevin Spacey.
Kevin Spacey's trying to get out of being a child molester.
I'm gay.
By being like, I'm gay, by the way.
He's like, everybody knew, bro.
What the fuck?
I had a situation in a barbershop episode we shot recently, and you know how that show is.
You can't tell what's real and what's not.
I've been doing it for so long, I still don't even know what's real and what's not on it.
So, we asked Vinny Hacker about his sexuality, and that's a zoom audio.
So, what's the deal?
Like, everybody wants to know, are you gay?
And he's like, I'm straight.
And then we were like, You want to answer the question, or are you saying you're straight?
And he was like, What's a big deal?
Even if I was.
And then I got caught in a situation there.
And I was like, Look, I'm just the interviewer here.
You know, I just need to ask you these questions.
I don't even write them.
You know, they're handed to me by a producer.
Yeah, just dump it directly on your producer, which is what we do.
That guy, right there.
Yeah, he did this.
So, I was like, Look, I'm not gay.
All my employees are gay.
I'm even gay.
And then I made out with my co-host.
He literally did it.
Wow, you did it.
Yeah, you kissed your way out of it.
Yeah, that's what he's behind the paywall.
He's going to say the F-word.
Yeah, he got off.
I didn't say the F-word, but I got myself out of that situation.
Still got in trouble because they're like, This is queer baiting.
But look, I did what I had to do when the time came down to it.
And, you know, we're still going.
We're still rocking and rolling.
That stuff is completely fake.
No one, no one fucking.
You don't actually get canceled.
It's not like a real thing.
People are still operating.
It's just the only way you could get canceled is if like people in your genuine fan base are like, yeah, I'm actually pissed off about this.
This is fucked up.
Yeah.
Like, it's not a real thing.
I think.
Dude, I've been canceled more times than like every motherfucker that talks about cancellations 10 times over.
Sure.
I'm still here.
You know what I mean?
Because you're live every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I see some fucking raunchy shit sometimes, you know.
And you go right into the lion's den.
You have enemies you go live with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ballsy shit, man.
Respect, though.
That's pretty gangster how you do that.
I think it's all right.
I mean, it's not like it's not that brave.
It's not like I'm fucking rushing into a burning building or anything.
But in the online age, in the online age, yes, there is definitely in the debate world.
He's the mountain boxing influencers.
Yeah.
I guess.
I don't even like doing it.
I don't like debating that much.
I actually hate it.
Yeah.
Nah, because it turns into blood sport.
I texted you after.
Great movie, by the way.
Yeah.
See, guys, my age.
Yeah, I like this.
Yeah.
You did great.
I texted you.
I was like, bro, you fucking that was entertaining to watch.
You're the new top G. Did I say that?
Yeah.
No, you did.
I think you just said something like that, but it's true.
Yeah.
Once you own the top G, you're the top G, you should do a stream shirtless with a cigar with the fucking glass.
You can come in and just start rubbing your shoulders.
I think you just want to do that.
What?
Come on, man.
It's a good bit.
Yeah.
This is the first time that we're like actually like we have a contract with Patreon.
So we have to do a like a paywalled episode for it.
So this is the first time we've ever done anything with a paywall on it.
So that's why we're constantly talking about it.
Not that okay.
So this whole episode's behind a paywall?
Okay.
No one do that.
That's what we're kind of fucked up to do, right?
Not that I give a fuck.
Like I'll do it for free.
I'll do it when nobody watches it.
We could just save it for when we're dead.
I was thinking about that as well.
I was like, we can't just fucking do the whole episode because what's in this for me?
You know, you get nothing.
Technically, I mean, I don't care.
I would do it behind a paywall, but me like thinking of, I'm going to invite this guest on.
They don't have that much clout, but I want to interview them.
I'll just put them behind the paywall.
But that's just fucked up because everybody's giving you their time.
And the way this business works, I don't know if people at home don't know, but nobody gets paid to do podcasts.
Maybe if you're like, no, apparently.
Jason Momoa Ring Size00:04:43
In fact, you came gifts in hand.
Yeah, you did.
You fucking.
Yeah, you did.
That's it.
This is the nicest.
This is actually like, first of all, bringing a gift to a bunch of people.
Thank you.
That's like a $200 value right there.
That's great.
God damn, dude.
Wait, you really brought two of them.
I did bring two.
Yeah.
I was just fucking around.
I saw you in the TikTok clip where you're talking about each other's dicks.
Shake well, spray on damp or dry hair, style as desired.
Go ahead.
Pop it out right now.
Spray it.
Give it a whiff.
The viewers can't smell from home.
They trust you.
I'm going to describe smell.
Wow.
So what are you using in your hair right now?
I use nothing in my hair.
Oh, that's not true.
So I take Propetia.
Okay.
And also I put Rogane.
Do you think you're thinning?
I think my hairline receded a little bit and then it stopped when I started taking Propetia and did all that shit.
I've been taking Propetia since I was 18.
Really?
Yeah, he's always been on it.
You're wearing a lot of hats.
No, I just wear a hat today because I.
Okay, both guys have good hair.
No grays for you two.
Stress-free life.
I got that.
That comes.
That's not true.
I'm fucking.
I'm graying.
What are you talking about?
Not only am I graying, but I'm also feel like my hairline has receded too, for sure.
I mean, it has.
You know.
It definitely did.
But other than that, what do I do for my hair?
Now that I have long hair, like, this is the first time I've ever had long hair.
Why don't we get rid of that?
How long are you trying to keep it?
I don't know.
I want to keep it going.
Like, I've never had it.
It's a little annoying.
I think I looked better when I had shorter hair, but I just want to see.
I always wanted to know because if you're a white guy and you grow your hair out, it only goes one of two ways.
You either become a school shooter, you look like a fucking school shooter.
You know what I'm talking about?
You look straight.
You look homeless.
You look like you can't be trusted.
That's or you look like Jason Momoa.
And then all of a sudden, you're no longer white.
Which Jason Momoa kind of isn't white, but regardless, like you just look more exotic.
And he has that eyebrow slice that like the TikTokers get put in by their barber, but he just naturally hasn't from whatever he got the scar.
It like landed in a perfect spot.
Is it natural?
I don't know.
You think he had somebody slice him to?
That would be so.
No, I. Wait, oh, he has a slice?
I thought he was just like got a slip.
No, he's got like a perfect slice.
It looks badass and it never grows in.
What have you?
You didn't get, you didn't, you didn't ask for that?
No, no.
The doctors are reconstructing.
They're like, yo, give me the Jason Mamoa.
Come on once I had it for like two months.
I should have just, yeah, there you go.
That's on a, he got lucky, man.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Such a good scar.
The funniest thing I learned about this motherfucker was like, I always thought he was Australian or some shit.
You know what I mean?
Because like, looks like he's got an accent.
Right.
Yes.
Look at him when he was young.
Watch a video.
Okay, bro.
Watch a video of Jason Momoa.
Watch it.
You pull up a video of Jason Momo.
You have to hear his accent.
Because this motherfucker, hear this, grew up in either Idaho or Iowa.
What?
Yes.
It's going to fuck you up.
Watch.
Actors do that.
When you get to a certain level, like Johnny Depp just different accents.
Yeah, what the fuck is that about?
But it's weird.
That's weird.
Like, no normal person is in your life where you're like, bro, I've known you for like 35 years.
Cut up with this shit.
They don't have somebody to check him.
Like, if you started doing that, this guy would be like, bro, what the fuck are you doing?
Yeah.
Looks like Bam Margera here.
That ring is absurd.
Look at the size of that ring.
That's half the jet.
What is that?
The half the fucking turquoise in Arizona.
Bro, this guy don't travel with this shit.
This is all cap.
You don't bring that stuff.
You never know, though.
I'm sorry.
What?
Bullshit.
I don't believe that.
That's cat.
You bring vinyls with you, bro.
With a sealed black sack.
That's what iPhones are for.
iPods were invented so you don't have to travel with 300 records.
That was all.
Why did the actors do this?
I think he's lying.
Because, like, they have to be fucking quirked up.
Like, they can't just be like normal.
You know, you can't just do podcasts seven hours a day, share everything that goes on in your brain.
Exactly.
We are way too accessible in the influencer world.
That's like definitely a thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jason Mamo.
I bet that motherfucker never gets canceled.
Nobody gives a shit.
Like, wait, someone's gonna be like, oh, Jason Momoa, you're lying.
Gym Shoes And TikTok00:15:20
Like, you're actually from Ohio or whatever the fuck.
Okay, he never heard you, so it doesn't matter.
You know what I mean?
You can get a fucking Twitter threat going.
It doesn't mean shit, you know?
Yeah.
I like to see you and him go at it in a debate on Twitch live.
He'll freeze up.
It doesn't mean anything, though.
What am I going to fucking do?
No, bro.
You got a skill, man.
You got a skill.
Just debating about Aquaman being a dog shit movie.
Damn, bro.
Did you watch Aquaman?
No.
Okay.
Yeah, me neither.
I just assume it's not good.
Yeah.
Would you watch it?
He's a movie guy.
I watched it.
Was he good?
Oh, you're a movie guy?
I'm a big-time cinephile.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Is that what you wanted to do initially?
And then just podcasting became.
Then I got broken down.
No, I came out here and I helped start narratives or BuzzFeed's narrative department.
So I was like making stuff for them.
And then after failing a bunch, I found my way to Twitch.
And now I do what he does basically.
Nice.
Yeah.
He hosts like he has a TV show now too, G4.
Hey, Donna.
Name your price.
Name your price.
Hey, Donna.
Attack of the show.
Yeah.
He hosts stuff.
You know, he's killing it.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
And you're on Patreon now.
So this is a new thing for you.
Yeah.
We had a podcast before.
Yeah.
We had a podcast before.
It was actually like the same company that did Impulsive.
Yeah.
And Hassan signed a banger contract.
So I got paid in shoes.
It was so bad.
Bro, they made us do like shoes.
They made us do fucking ad reads all the time.
And we're like, why are we doing this?
Where did the money go from all those ad reads?
To them.
They gave it.
Our payout was like nothing from the pod.
And the worst part was he got one pair of Rothies.
They were very adamant about getting me one too.
I was like, I don't fucking, I don't want this shit.
They're like little camo driving loafers.
What the fuck am I going to do?
I don't wear the shit.
Like, get out of here.
I mean, the shoes are the selling point of the fucking shoes is that you can't wash them in the washing machine.
My dad fucking loves them.
Let me just go on the record, though.
Shouts out to Rothies.
Pay you the first time you're still promoting them for free, these damn shoes.
No, I just, yeah.
Well, they paid.
They just paid us.
Not us.
They probably paid cases.
But so what are you doing on Patreon now?
One extra podcast a week?
So, yeah, we're going to do like somebody with no cloud.
We got something.
We bring on there.
Why do you keep saying that?
We're doing first half second half.
Don't be hot on yourself like that.
You're wonderful.
And this smells like sandalwood, and I love it.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's what we went for with that.
We're doing first half, second half.
So first half of the one-hour podcast is like not behind a paywall.
And then the second half is going to be behind a paywall.
That's nice.
I should have did that with my Patreon.
I agreed to do extra vlogs and live streams.
And I like, I'm very picky with my vlogs, so I'll spend too much time doing that.
And then I have to put them behind a paywall.
And that's kind of what I'm known for.
But, you know, I appreciate them on there.
You know, whatever.
It is what it is.
I could always post them next year.
We're also going to do some weird stuff behind the paywall.
Yeah.
We have like anime body pillows we're working on.
Yeah, we have like other gift shit that we're going to do.
Nearly nude calendars.
Nice.
Yeah.
We got to get you on there on the nearly new calendar, dude.
Yeah, there you go.
Mass distribution.
Let me know.
Just don't have Mike set up the scheduling.
No, Mike is not coming anywhere near the nearly nude calendar.
No.
But, You know, that's the reason why we're like, uh, we're still trying to figure it out.
We're not, we're not super well-versed in the Patreon stuff.
Yeah.
And I've never like paywalled anything before.
I didn't want to paywall anything, but when I was putting out my dock, I had all the blood and stunts and all types of crazy stuff on YouTube.
I was already in hot water because I made a weight loss show with a bunch of overweight comedians.
I called the beefy boys.
And one of the kids' name on the show was Fatty.
That's what he calls himself.
That's why he used to cope.
So I kept saying, like, Fatty, get over here, Fatty.
And I guess people on YouTube are watching my channel.
Is it Airsoft Fatty?
Airsoft Fatty.
Yeah, that's the dude.
Yeah, he's not hilarious.
I got him down.
Actually, he didn't lose weight.
He didn't lose weight.
Dude, okay.
Airsaw.
Airsoft fetal muscle weighs more than fat.
He built up about 20 pounds of lean fucking muscle underneath that fat.
I had him ripped underneath that.
Yeah, airsoft fatty turned into lean beef patty.
Air Fatty singing the national anthem three times in a row and forgetting the lyrics is one of the quintessential internet moments.
Like it, I mean, that was beautiful.
What a legend.
What a legend.
It was a charity.
That was a legend.
That was a great event.
Yeah.
So you got Pop by YouTube for creating eating.
Yeah, well, they called it a racial slur or profanity or something.
Something really aggressive.
Yo, I called him by his nickname that he uses the cope.
That's what he wants to call himself.
That's what he calls himself in all his videos, but he took me down.
But I understand how.
Fatty Arbuckle.
That's like a very typical.
That's just YouTube, though.
I swear to God, every time you have three white dudes sitting down, we immediately, every conversation turns to cancel culture.
What the fuck?
It's just true.
It's true.
Every time dudes get together, do a podcast, it's like we're talking about cancel culture.
No, well, I didn't mean I got canceled.
I couldn't.
Oh, you're canceled this.
Censorship.
Yeah, I got censored, and then I just had to go to Patreon because I wasn't able to reach out.
You can say all the slurs you want.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what we're doing behind the paywall.
I started doing Thirst Traps, and that'll get your Patreon flagged.
So if you're going to do that, you got to go to OnlyFans.
You can't show dudes.
They'll make your account 18 plus and then you're not searchable.
Wow.
I tried it, bro.
I wasn't going full nude, but I, you know, I posted a couple.
I'm going to go the fucking nearly nude calendar.
What is this?
You could go nearly nude.
Yeah, we told him all right.
Well, it's going to be tasteful.
I guess, look, if you guys probably have better connections than I do, so maybe they just didn't want to do it.
Two connections that got us the fucking cast deal.
So shit.
Shouts out to my manager.
Dude, that deal slapped, bro.
My dad loves those shoes.
Never mind.
Thank God.
I paid this motherfucker with shoes for like a year.
It was so funny because at the time, too, I was like, my career was lagging behind, and I've made up some ground.
Obviously, you know, he crushes it.
And the initial podcast was supposed to be like, this is going to help you out, dude.
And after a year, I walk away with one pair of shoes.
We had no control over it.
That's what was annoying.
The worst part was that they never gave us the fucking blue shoes, bro.
We wanted it.
We were like, we'll do dick pills.
Like, that's like, we don't give a shit about any of this other stuff.
Like, oh, Duolingo or whatever the fuck they were trying to get us to do.
I wanted to learn Japanese.
Yeah, okay, whatever.
You never fucking open up a book, okay?
It's an app.
You're dyslexic.
I do my best.
Okay.
Anyway, so you're doing a tinkle?
All right.
Well, anyway, what happened is these motherfuckers wouldn't even give us the erectile dysfunction, whatever.
Like the pill.
It's not even a pill, but like.
So you have to do these ad reads that are not genuine because you're saying, look, if you struggle, they make me say it when I do erectile dysfunction reads.
They'll make me say, do you suffer from erectile dysfunction like I do?
Because I deal with it.
No, they don't.
And then I'll be reading it and I'm like, how the fuck did I end up with dick issues?
Like, for real?
We unlocked Botox, dick issues.
What else is going on?
Bro, I don't have dick issues.
Oh, no.
But it's part of the talking points.
They put it mandatory.
Say you have your own experiences with this.
So I have to read it and I'll be sitting there with my fucking producers in the bathroom.
And I'm like, if you guys got ED like me, the fuck did I end up here with my life?
You know, we made you, we made you cancel your date and now admit that you got dick problems going on.
Hey, I needed the money.
All right.
So what's up?
You're on Raya?
No, no, Raya.
You got off Raya?
No, yeah.
I thought you were on Raya.
No?
No.
Okay.
What do you?
I'm talking to Jeff Wittek.
What the fuck?
No, I don't do dating apps.
You know, you just use Instagram?
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I'm just a scumbag on Instagram.
Hey, this honestly, I haven't really been actively pursuing women that much.
I know people probably don't believe that, but I don't.
Yeah, they come to you.
We got it.
No, no, no.
I've just been in a weird spot in my life with like recovery and everything over this past couple of years.
Look at you.
You got a house, bro.
You have your life set up.
You know, you can welcome a woman into your life.
Actually, no, you Twitch stream all day.
Yeah, I yell into my computer for eight hours a day.
So you're fucked, bro.
You'll never find love.
I mean, probably.
But either of us.
Well, I mean, hey, look, I love it.
I'll be fine.
I'd do the same thing.
I love what I do.
So I'm happy on that front.
Same.
I'm just messing around and breaking your balls.
So you're dating, though, right?
I dabble.
You know, I dabble.
It's tough, though.
Who the fuck is she?
What?
Don't worry about it, Andrew.
It's, it's, I mean, honestly, it's not.
Like, it's fucking not at all.
I just literally Raya or Instagram, like you said, I just, you know, people hit me up in my DMs.
What about real life?
No.
Rarely.
What the fuck is that?
Rarely.
Yeah.
I just, like, when's the last time you met someone organically?
Well, you go to the gym, right?
You go to Equinox.
No, I started training with a trainer now.
Oh, seriously.
I don't even do that.
Yeah.
I could never hit on a girl at the gym.
But that's.
The gym is sacred time.
Okay.
I understand.
For her and myself.
You know who actually I always wanted to do this back when I used to go to the league when I was like, what was her fucking name?
I don't even know what she looks like now, but like Gabby Epstein.
You know who that is?
It's like Australian model.
Oh, I thought it was Jeffrey Epstein's kid.
No, dude.
What the fuck?
No.
She's like an Australian model.
And I like, I just, I was always like, who the fuck is this super hot girl?
Like at the Equinox that I'm working out at.
And this was many years ago.
She probably doesn't go there.
Creepers.
Don't worry.
You know, you're not going to be able to find her there.
And I always wanted to talk to her, but I never was able to get the courage to be like, because the gym is such a weird situation.
I just could never approach.
She sweats.
Would you DM her and be like, hey, saw you at the gym?
And maybe open the door that way.
Fuck, that's a good idea.
I should have done that.
It's too late now.
Many many years.
Hey, hey, remember meeting the gym four years ago.
Yeah, exactly.
Or maybe she posts a story and you respond to the story like, oh shit, I was there earlier.
I work out at 6 a.m. like The Rock.
You know?
That's brilliant.
This guy's brilliant.
Damn, dude.
You got fucking, you got moves, dude.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not on Raya, right?
Whatever the fuck it is.
Yeah, you got to make do with your Instagram, which is probably real life.
I'm a real life guy.
You know, that means so much more to me to meet a girl.
It could even be, I hate to put numbers on it or something, but it could be just a regular girl and meeting her in person is so much cooler to me than a DM or something.
And online, I never know what girls know about me already.
It's weird if somebody knows, like, they've listened to my podcast, and then I haven't.
And they heard you talk about how you have erectile dismotion.
Yeah, my brain's fucked up.
I go on there and I cry about all my problems.
My life, you know, I don't want them knowing anything about me.
I want a fresh start.
I want it to be an even playing field.
I don't know anything about you.
You don't know anything about me.
And we're going to get to know each other.
Yeah, I never go off.
That's probably the reason why I just like meeting people in the real world is quite difficult.
But also, for me, like, I mean, I'm not on any of the dating apps.
Like, there was a time when I used Bumble a little bit.
I quit Tinder a long time ago.
But the reason why I was on Raya was because, like, when you're on Bumble, there's fans.
There's just no other way to go about it.
I had a partnership with Bumble and they made me go do like the virtual dating at the start of the pandemic.
That's crazy.
I had to record my first dates virtually.
It was a great deal.
I loved it.
Because before that, they would send me around to colleges and I would just pop up at the college.
I wouldn't have to do a show or anything.
It was just like show up, do a meet and greet.
And that was part of my bumble deal.
So I did that for a while, but I never actually came from them again.
Yeah.
I would have to go weird for permission.
Have them go a little weird.
Yeah, bro.
With me asking questions, they all went weird immediately.
What would you ask him?
Wait, is this available anywhere?
Can we look at this?
Yeah, it's probably on my TikTok or something.
Bro, we gotta fucking find like Jeff Jeff.
Which one went the worst?
I don't fucking remember.
Whitaker muscles is the first thing that comes up.
Did that pop up?
Because probably a recent search you did.
Oh, yeah.
We just, oh, we just did that.
I think that's just your now.
You've been grooving your SEO for a long time.
Yeah, it's just me casually.
This is how you can get it.
Jeff Widdick's body fat percentage.
Jeff Woodick feet showed up there too.
Have you been looking at it?
You're telling everybody got 0% body fat.
I'd be dead, bro.
I have 1.01%.
Yeah.
I think it came up.
This is how you can date Jeff Woodk is.
I mean, just go to my TikTok.
It's probably from like two years.
I don't post that much on TikTok.
I'm more.
Okay, go down, go down.
Yeah, this guy never shows his fucking body, you know?
Bro, it's not that much.
Look, it's Brad Pitt Fight Club costume.
I had to be shirtless.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Sucks that, yeah.
Sucks that it happened that way.
It's a Halloween costume.
Before the pandemic, well, no, it's start of the pandemic.
So probably up a little more.
You'll see when my eye gets fucked up.
It's before that.
Bro, I think you can tell.
We can't tell.
Actually, yeah, bro.
It's like, yeah, it's like a different type of body dysmorphia that you've developed.
Which is understandable.
But like...
Do I have body dysmorphia?
I guess you're right.
I think you probably, I mean, it's a traumatic thing.
It makes sense.
But yeah, we can't tell.
Well, thanks, guys.
Fuck, man.
I don't know where this shit is.
You know what you look like?
You look like a much better.
Oh, hell yeah.
I like that.
I don't know, bro.
I'll find it and send it to you.
Maybe I archived it because it was cringe.
Yeah.
I mean, but so you were doing, you were doing virtual days with people?
What was the weirdest thing that happened?
Oh, man.
Well, that was in the beginning of the pandemic.
So everybody was like terrified that the world was going to end.
Yeah.
That's weird energy to bring into a date.
It was very weird energy.
And you can't.
You don't know when you can meet up.
Yeah.
Because it was like literally the first month.
I was like, what do you think?
This shit will last a couple more weeks.
It was a weird time.
Oh, my God.
Billionaires Broken System View00:02:33
Two years later.
Remember that original two-week estimation?
Oh, yeah, two weeks inside.
Yeah, we'll just, we'll just, you know, just squeeze it out.
It'll be good.
Yeah.
Dude, I remember hating Elon Musk.
Elon Musk.
I was like, this shit's so real.
Elon Musk was tweeting like, oh, it's going to be fine by April.
It's like, shut the fuck up, motherfucker.
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, okay?
Keep making rockets, Rocket Boy.
Don't put yourself in this business.
What are your thoughts on Elon?
I fucking hate him.
Yeah?
Did you always hate him?
Were you ever an Elon fanboy?
No, I was always, I was always a big hater, but like, mostly he was a billionaire.
And I think that like, I truly, truly believe that, like, billionaires are just, they're a product of a broken system.
I see it in the same vein that I see homeless people.
Like, homeless people should not exist.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like, it's ridiculous.
And I don't mean like fucking zap them with lasers.
Like Matt and Bateman go around at night.
Yeah, no, that's not.
Exactly.
That's not what I mean.
Is that what you do?
American Psycho?
You go knife up the homeless at night?
No, of course not.
Even though it shouldn't exist.
I thought he meant it in a charitable way.
He's jacking up the homeless.
Yeah.
What I meant by that is there are cities all around the world.
Oh, they should get the billionaire's money.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I thought it was mass murdering all of those.
This is what you're saying.
No, no, no.
I have a much better idea.
Meant in like a charitable way less.
No, it's a, it's a.
It's a consequence of the house.
Welcome, though.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying.
I don't know, bro.
I wouldn't want to debate you over here so I'm like, he's a little bold with his ideas.
I'm so against fucking debating over here.
I'm just like, yeah, whatever you say.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, no.
There's going to be no debates.
Sorry, baby.
No, I just, I was saying that, like, you know, it's just, it's just a product of like a broken system.
And there are places where homeless people don't exist.
Not going to talk about politics, though, but, you know, places like Austria, it's called Red Vienna, where Austria has 65% public housing.
This is communist shit, you know?
Government housing.
And it's beautiful.
Yeah.
And homeless people are very hard to find in places like that.
What do you think Elon will be in 10 years prison?
Probably dead.
Do you think so?
I don't know.
I feel like all those fucking guys are insane.
They all want to bottle up their dick or something.
You know what I mean?
They want to put their fucking cock in a vase and preserve it.
They're just crazy.
They're all obsessed with fucking prolonging life endlessly.
They all want to fucking...
Dating Age Gap Debate00:03:31
Which I understand.
If you're a fucking billionaire, you're like, this is pretty sad.
I want to be here forever.
I want to keep doing this.
And I have enough to last me multiple lifetimes, right?
But I don't know.
He's way too narcissistic, which is understandable.
And I think that that'll probably get the best of him eventually.
Yeah.
But we'll see.
Yeah.
Did you put any money in the Dogecoin?
Fuck no.
I don't do any of that crypto shit.
I think crypto is fucking bullshit.
Yeah.
Did you watch the Nelk Boys interview, Elon?
I did not watch that one.
I only watched the Andrew Tay one because Elon Musk is so fucking boring.
Yeah.
He's hard to, he's hard to pay attention to.
I feel he has go-to answers too that are going to be the same shit that he said on Rogan, which was great.
You know, like I watched Rogan and I was like, first time it was fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I don't need to hear him say it again, just slower.
Yeah, he's not exactly a charismatic guy, which is why I like, I always think about that where I'm like, if I had that kind of money, like, I just wouldn't fucking do any of the things that he's doing.
I'd be like Richard Branson, you know, on an island with like naked models, but not like in a Jeffrey Epstein kind of way.
All the models are over the age of 25.
Okay.
Yeah.
Over the age of 25.
They're visibly 25.
They have like a mustard be this tall rod, this roller coaster.
They're all fucking.
He must be 25 to edge this island.
Okay.
Ethical billionaire island shit.
Okay.
Because, you know, they got a bad rap.
Is 25 the cutoff for you?
Is that the age you like to stay above when it comes to dating?
I like to say that if you're a 25-year-old girl, you know what you're doing.
You know what I mean?
There's no like, because you know, the problematic age gap discourse is like huge on the internet.
They love this shit.
And especially like a lot of young people love talking about it.
But it's like, bro, you're fucking 19.
You don't know anything.
Like, why are you talking about whether it's like okay for a 23 year old to date a 25 year old?
You know what I mean?
Shut the fuck up.
You're 19.
Shut up.
But they love talking about it.
And what I say is like your brain starts developing and it doesn't stop developing until you're at least 25.
So once you're 25, if a 25-year-old dates like a fucking 55-year-old, like that 55-year-old's not coercing or grooming the 25-year-old.
You know what I mean?
Unless they're like their boss or some shit, which is different.
So that's why I always say 25.
But, you know, circumstances can change.
Yeah.
It's, I mean, it's like, it's a gray area.
Like, it's not like you know, human, human interaction is difficult to like contextualize and like turn into a clear set of guidelines and boundaries.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also at our age, a lot of the ones, the good ones around our age are taken now with kids, family, you know.
We are getting old.
That's true.
So you either got to overshoot, go way older, like, you know, 50.
Jeff Bezos is ex-wife.
Yeah, there you go.
Mackenzie or something, whatever her name is.
Hit me up.
Yeah.
I'm just kidding.
That's dope.
Hell yeah.
She might be out there watching.
Absolutely not.
It's, but yeah, you're right.
There are, there are, I mean, we're in Hollywood is different.
Yeah.
I feel like there's still plenty of single ladies around our age.
Also, 2022, a lot of those women who are off the market will probably come back on the market.
That's right.
And we're aging backwards over here.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Get a little that fucking Botox, bro.
I haven't had Botox.
Yeah, once we get these weeks, I'm going to get one of these crane treatments.
Hollywood Character Casting00:04:14
I'm going to start looking like the Bogdanov brothers.
Who's that?
The Bogdanon brothers?
You've never seen that?
Yo, can you pull them up?
That sounds like my ancestors.
They've had a Botox treatment or two in their time.
Bogdanov.
Oh, they both died, didn't they?
Yeah, they did from COVID, I think, and not from Botox.
From COVID?
They died.
And they're both.
Yeah, there it is with a V. How old are they?
I don't know.
I think they were in their 50s or 60s when they died.
Yeah, bro.
Yeah, bro.
That's what I'm trying to be.
Damn.
Those guys are ageless.
Bro, these guys could be my parents.
You can't tell.
Or they could be your younger brother.
You just can't tell me.
You just don't know.
Just a little light Botox, you know?
Yeah, just that much.
Once you pop, you can't stop, though.
Damn.
Yeah, they look good, man.
I'm going to bring that.
Have you ever given that cut in your barber shop?
That's what I'm going for.
Look, the guy on the left, I kind of like.
Yeah, what would you call that cut right there?
The Bogdanov.
That's the Bogdanov.
Yeah, the Bogdanov.
Wow.
That's a wild, like, how the fuck do you do that?
I just don't even understand how you do that.
It goes back to like Johnny Depp just getting an accent out of nowhere.
You need friends that are going to check you and be like, bro, why are you talking like that?
But they're twins, so they didn't even check each other.
And they were like, no, this is fucking sweet.
I feel like Johnny picked up the accent way heavier when he did Captain Jack Sparrow.
I feel like he picked that up.
It worked for him.
And he just held on to it.
It's just such a strength.
Having fun with life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's such a fucking strength.
You know what else he picked up?
You know what other affectation he kind of held on to?
Hunter S. Thompson.
That, like, get back in the tub, you pig fucker.
Like, yeah, locked up.
I mean, but locked Johnny.
Yeah.
You son of a bitch.
That's one of my top stab you like, hey.
I kind of get a little fear and loathing right here with you two.
You kind of got the dynamic.
We used to be Benitio.
That was the original.
It was the original name of the podcast was fear and malding.
So we cut the molding and that was just fear and little gonzo journalism coming out.
But we're not doing gospel journalism.
We're just fucking shooting the shit.
We're just getting weird.
But yeah, I think like guys like that, you're playing a character and it probably gets really fun to play the character.
Yeah.
And then eventually you're like, you know, you fucking, you're done playing the character and then you go home and you're like, fuck, man, I'm so boring.
Like, I got to finish it.
I got to figure some shit out.
Yeah.
So you just like pick different parts of it and make it your character.
Just wear one extra piece of jewelry every day.
Yeah.
Dude, someone, dude, that's, it's just like unacceptable.
That is unacceptable.
Like the way half these motherfuckers look is unacceptable.
Like I wear jewelry.
They're almost in chainmail at this point.
They're just like three fingers a ring.
Like people clown on me for this shit, but it's like, this is pretty light, dude.
A lot of accessories, bro.
I think tough guy.
I do love.
I love accessories.
I think it's fine.
I mean, you got a fucking little chain going.
This is my mafia button right here.
Really?
Give it to me after my first kill.
Yeah.
And that's it, bro.
You're made man?
No.
No.
I can't say that on the internet.
No, you say it behind the paywall.
It's very bad.
How many men are you killed?
Oh, we should fucking, we should have already.
Yeah, we should switch over.
All right, let's get into fucking Ethan Klein.
I got a bone to pull.
Let's do it.
Okay, hold off on that, though.
All right, guys.
So this is the first episode that we're doing behind a paywall.
And if you want to watch the rest of this episode, we're getting the juicy fucking details of Jeff's.
We're going to measure this man, okay, in every way.
All right.
We're going to talk about his background, the real juicy shit that he's not able to say that he's a majority of people.
How many man is killed?
Yeah, how many people has he killed?
What's the body count?
All of that.
That will be behind the paywall.
What else should I say about that?
He nailed it.
But like, is there, do I tell people to go with someone?
Watch.
I'm going to do this.
Yeah.
If you want to watch the second part of this, go to the link here.