June 8, 2023 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:31:11
REFUTING Bigots with LGBTQ+ Ally Dave Landau
Don't be a bigot! Today we celebrate Dylan Mulvaney and all the brave women who make this month the most important religious Holiday in America. We are also discussing Elliot Page's latest hoax, gay fish, and so much more!
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The Idea Of A Free Society...For Kids!
Head to https://bit.ly/teach-freedom for a unique book series that introduces the important ideas that schools no longer teach. Show less
When I talk about Pride Month, it hurts my heart to remember that there was a time when I grew up when we walked back to school uphill both ways.
A time of tradition when gays were just gays.
And we had a simple flag with six stripes on it.
And we could celebrate our president.
And now we have all this insanity.
We got transgenders and we have bisexuals, which are college girls after six shots of vodka.
And it's just too much.
Can we get back to the good old days where everyone was just kind of gay after eight shots of vodka?
My guest today is celebrating the past with me.
He's comedian Dave Landau.
It is approximately sometime p.m. Eastern time in the United States.
Let's get down
My name is Elijah Schaefer I'm your top 17 host on Knightly Offensive.
We are having a great show for you.
We are so excited to be here.
I am joined in the studio remotely by comedian and the host of the new world, Dave Lando.
Hello.
Ahoy.
Normal world, but people think it's the new world.
Oh, well, that's not, that's embarrassing.
It's the normal world.
It's okay, but it hasn't even been released, right, fully yet.
So it's not fully released.
So it's the new world for us, but then it'll become the normal world after episode one.
Correct.
I mean, I just go with you on that.
We'll just go.
I hate correcting someone because it makes you seem like an ass.
And I just want to be like, no, no, it's just called normal world, though, if you are searching for it.
And yeah, it's a sketch show, talk show, that sort of thing.
And it's supposed to be funny, but that's really up to you and quarter black Garrett to try.
And the sad thing is, is for me, is like, while I do have faith in you, the fact that you're doing it with quarter black Garrett, you have to carry 90% of the load.
I understand that.
We both know.
It's why I feel I should be bigger on the poster.
But, you know, it's fine.
He's got, there's some nerdy people.
He's got some nerd trots watching.
Is it sort of like China, where instead of making like, because he's quarter black, so instead of making him like 50% of the size like they normally do with most black characters, he's just 25% smaller?
Yeah, he's just a wee bit.
He actually is shorter and smaller.
Like, I don't.
Yeah, I don't think he, I think he's probably closer to 18%.
He probably 18%.
And we push it for ratings.
Yeah, but honestly, you have to have a little diversity today, Dave.
And that's why I'm really glad.
Like, you've left.
I've seen people were upset at your comedy shows, the fascists and the Nazis, and you've sort of like left the swastika era behind.
No more SS, no more Holocaust revivals.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm really happy that you sort of left that neo-Nazi movement and you sort of have incorporated people that are quarter black.
That's what the whole idea was, was kind of just saying, hey, look, I think that whole Third Reich is past me now.
Now that I just I've served a little bit of time for a curb stomp and a black man made me laugh in the laundry room and I've changed who I am.
It's really deep too.
And to think about the fact that I saw a clip of you and quarter black in the changing rooms in Blaze TV going deep into each other's humor.
You know, who knows what happens off camera?
That's what I would pay for.
I don't know if that's what we get when we get the Blaze TV subscription.
Do we get what happens in the changing room after the cameras turn off?
That will be on a site, not that site.
It's going to be more like that.
Yes, the flag you just saw.
It just, you know, we want to make sure we incorporate everything that's needed today.
And no matter what television contract you're in, I know you're getting at least 3% gay sex during an episode.
And I think that's fine.
I think it's fine.
It's Pride Month.
So just a little bit.
You can dig around, get your mouth full, whatever it is, just to make sure that three minutes are dedicated to the Pride.
Yeah, isn't that great, though?
The fact that there was a time where we had to seek out gay porn, but now it's just provided for us also by our right-wing counterparts.
I was going to bring this up, man, because you've been emotional recently.
You've been talking about the need for more gay stuff.
You know, that's been on the top of your, on top of your radar.
it's unironic top of the radar you are the gaydar but yeah yeah top of the gaydar We know Garrett's the bottom.
But when you see pictures like this, right?
Doesn't this bring back, like, what is this striking you emotionally when you're like, when you see an era, like this era is gone, man.
We don't have anything traditional like this left.
I don't think even in our movement, we sailed past it.
We have Lady MAGA now, right?
And so it's like, when you see an old picture, what does this do to you?
Well, I think, well, if this happened today, I think it would be like, hey, mom and dad, I'm gay, but now I'm going to have to have you sit down because I have some other news.
And they would just be upset with your politics.
I really just, yeah, it doesn't strike me.
Is this old?
How old is this picture?
No, this is.
Is that back when Trump first ran?
This is an old era.
This is the tradition I'm trying to get us back to was when we could just be gay Trump supporters together.
You know what I mean?
And we didn't have to create OnlyFans content on Blaze TV with a guy that's a quarter black.
Like people want more now, right?
It's kind of like porn where people, you know, like you can't just watch two people having sex anymore.
You got to have the threesomes.
You've got to have the orgies.
You've got to have black.com.
And so it's like, we used to have simple gayness, and now we just have normal world, which takes it a step further.
That's what's crazy.
That's what we do with normal world is we try to expose how it's not normal and how everything is way over the top, but it is completely normal now in the way that we live.
And yeah, with this, I don't even, I don't know.
Are there still gays for Trump?
I don't think you're supposed to believe that.
Yeah, I don't think they're, I think they're all gay for DeSantis now.
That's the weird part too.
Yeah.
Because that's kind of gay.
I got to say this, though.
It is pretty gay.
Like, like, I understand if you want to vote for DeSantis.
I understand if, like, you like him.
But, like, you know, when you have more energy for a politician than they have for themselves, I get a lot of Jeb Bush energy.
Like, Jeb Bush has very semi-erection energy.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's not, he doesn't, he's not hard enough to get the job done, but he's enough to just excite a little bit.
Yeah, he's, I mean, he's not even going to get to the point where you can slip on a condom, but it's please clap.
I don't know.
I do like DeSantis, and I definitely like him more than, you know, other people.
But if we, I don't know, if it depends on who we get in there, because if we just have more of the same, I have no idea what's going to end up happening.
It's dangerous.
We're living in a time where the next four years is dangerous.
But then part of me goes, does it even matter?
I mean, everything seems part of a really convoluted plot.
Or it's just the world is shit.
That's what I'm trying to say.
And I don't think there's any hope.
No, there's not any hope.
But if you guys want to join, by the way, into our live chat, we got going on our uncensored live chat.
I got this comment here that said, one year ago, I tuned into a show called Slightly Offensive because I heard Dave Landau was going to be guesting on it.
Fast forward to today where I'm leaving up paid comments on Elijah's OnlyFans.
And Elijah and Dave, thank you for bringing so much knowledge and laughter into the world.
And may God bless you and your families.
And that shows how possibly retarded our audiences are.
Because if they think we bring knowledge, that's not saying much for any of us involved in this situation.
No, I haven't brought up anything that you should use.
But no, I appreciate that you enjoy what I do, but I don't know how it's helpful advice for me to tell you that everything is hopeless.
So thank you.
God bless you.
God bless you involves hope.
I did want to say this.
So speaking of that, as this episode is called, you know, the greatest LGBTQ ally, Dave Landau, which of course has been great.
I hear our homicidal, homicidal transgender interactions have ceased.
They have, they are no longer.
Is that true?
Have you stopped that stuff?
Yeah, yeah.
It turned out it was a joke.
And people thought they were murdering children.
That was easily the stupidest article I've ever seen in of just saying, they said that they had a toll tag that they paid for with dead trans kids.
And you're like, I don't think you caught the fact that we were saying that you shouldn't hurt people, but all right, let's go with that.
Oh, believe me, it's been a fun year, Dave.
There's been a lot of articles written about a lot of things.
And I've had my fair share of fun.
And that's why I feel sad because can we get back to the day where we're joking about trans kids and we can just hold up our gay flag and we can just have a good time and you can just get sued for being five minutes late to a show, right?
Like, can't we get back to those days?
Can't we just get back to those good old days?
Yeah, I had, this reminds me, like, I had a friend, this was 20 years ago, and it was before you would call it a tramp stamp, but it was a lower back tattoo.
And he was a kid who used to ride crotch rockets.
And he showed up to this party we were at, and we're in Detroit.
So it's like half black, half white.
And he's like, check out what I got.
And he lifts up his shirt and he had a tram stamp, no job, that said end racism.
And I have never heard black people laugh harder at a white person in my entire life than when he pulled out that tattoo.
Beautiful.
And I saw him like a couple years later.
This is years ago.
I was like, oh, you still got that end racism tram stamp?
Because the one guy's just like ripping on him.
And he's like, he's like, what are you going to do?
Like, let us all come on it.
And so I saw him like a few years later and he's like, yeah, I don't have that anymore.
I'm like, oh, that sucks.
So you're totally for racism now?
Like, you no longer want to end it?
He's like, you know why I got rid of it?
I'm like, it's just a shame.
You're such a racist.
That's true.
Because, I mean, like, if you think about it, is it good to come on end racism tattoos?
Or is that a bad?
Like, is that a, is it, is that a, is that disrespectful or is it sort of like.
Not if you're interracial.
But pouring one out for the homies, but this one, you're not pouring one out for the homies.
You're pouring out the homies.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
You're literally pouring the homies out.
You're pouring the homies out.
Yeah.
It's not a bad.
I think it's the bravest thing you can do.
I don't know if you heard that.
Well, guys.
I mean, I want to say this.
I don't know if you heard about this, though.
Speaking of bravery.
By the way, the show's changed.
If you watch the show, before we get to the Matrix and the other segments, we'd have like this opening segment with the opening story.
And today's opening story is nothing because Dave Landau's on.
So it's just us talking about nothing probably for 20 minutes straight, which should be our episodes.
It should be called 60 Minutes of Nothing with Dave Landau and Elijah.
I don't know if you saw this, but one of the recent aquariums in the United States is celebrating pride with gay fish.
They stuck.
This is the same question.
Is this respectful to be putting gay flags in water?
Kind of the West?
If you like fish dicks, are you a gay fish?
But also, is this respectful because of, because does this also include seahorses, which my understanding are hermaphroditic and self-inseminating?
But I'm not a zoologist, so don't take my word for it.
Well, you sound more educated than me.
And I think if you're just going to go ahead and walk around assuming a seahorse's identity or gender, you're part of the problem.
So I hope you feel good about that, that you want to go now into the ocean and hurt the feelings of others.
Yeah.
And I also find this to be too.
Like, one of my favorite parts of the world.
They like staple the flags.
How are they getting flags on them?
What is this?
They're zip-tied to a sea star or something.
Really?
Why would you do this?
Well, Patrick didn't just come out of the closet.
He came out of the rock, right?
This is my point about the pride stuff.
And that's why I brought you on.
You disrespect me on my own show by you're the ally.
And I brought you on to explain to me.
Like, you go, oh, what is this?
What am I supposed to take from that if the ally can't explain to me why there's gay flags?
I think these are intersectional flags, by the way, but intersectional flags to gay stars.
Well, I didn't want to correct you.
They are the trans flag, the intersectional.
It encompasses everybody except heterosexuals who should all die, even though it's for procreation.
But we just, there's really no place for us anymore in our society.
It's just best that everybody have the kind of sex that doesn't allow breeding.
I've always said that.
What I don't like is when clownfish are also gay, because I feel that it's one thing if you want to be a clownfish, but being a gay clown is silly.
But if you do attach the rainbow flag to a clownfish, it just gives it makes them a little braver, takes the clowniness away, and you realize it's not so silly anymore.
That's a very, it's a very noble fish.
Right.
And like it could be, that's why everyone knows finding Nemo.
Nemo didn't get lost.
Nemo had his personal experience to find himself after being rejected from his father after telling him he was into other clownfish, if you know what I'm trying to say.
So I feel like we lost the plot because it was too premature.
Like, Disney wasn't gay enough yet when that movie dropped.
Oh, yeah.
If they made it now, it would just be clownfish in a human centipede line, or it would be just Ellen berating all the other clownfish and hurting everyone's feelings until she was asked not to be in the movie anymore.
Which, by the way, also one of our great gays in our country, Ellen DeGeneres, the horrifically abusive boss.
I kind of, is it weird if I kind of want to be abused by Ellen?
No, there's something to it.
There's always, I think, a slight attraction you have to a lesbian.
I mean, like, you're not all of them, not the ones, you know, that look like Johnny Wadd, but like, you know, the ones that are sort of, you know, I don't know, the little feminine, you're kind of into it a little bit because you're like, I wonder if I could make this turn.
Right.
Well, it's also too, think about this.
Having an inner essential interaction with Ellen DeGeneres is a straight way to hook up with Justin Bieber.
Yeah, or Zach Morris in his prime.
I have no idea what that means.
A save by the bell when it was with Haley Mills, Mark Paul Gosler.
Speaking of clownfish, I want to bring this up.
Speaking of clownfish, the thumbnail of the show says trans women are women because it's a statement that I would think no better defines this show.
Like, I could think of a few statements, but I've always said that this show is one of the greatest defenders.
I see a lot of shows, right?
I've seen you on Crowder, I've seen people, and I've never understood the obsession with pointing out that trans women are different.
Because when I see, like, you know, just a couple ladies hanging out, it's really hard to spot which one of them is trans.
You know, just downtown LA experience with the lovely ladies, Saturday, transgender, just a couple ladies hanging out.
And I go, I look at this, I look at this image, and I just go, I couldn't tell who's trans and who's not.
I couldn't tell if they were all trans.
Well, I think the one right there is, I think that I don't know if I'm listening.
I realize that I'm quite a detective, but I do think the one that has the Popeye forearms very well could be a born male.
And I mean that as a compliment.
Obviously, a very gorgeous woman.
I'm not taking anything away from her or her penis.
But is this all trans women that are at the table?
Well, that's what I brought you on for because I'll be completely honest.
I'm beginning to think, well, I never really looked at it long enough because I was heavily distracted by the girl who had one of Mark Loebliner's legs amputated and reattached to her waist.
IFBB Pro bodybuilder.
But the more I look at this, the question is: is there anyone that you would?
And is like, let's start with would like would or wouldn't.
Let's start.
I can't show the cursor on the screen for some reason.
Wait, can I let me see if I can get that?
I think I can.
Why?
I don't know.
If any, well, that's the problem: I think many are filled with trickery these days.
So if you are single and on the market, you might end up, you know, dipping.
Well, let's start.
Okay, so I was able to bring the clicker up.
So let's start here with Hagatha.
Is this the oh, we're going on would or wouldn't?
Starting.
Is it the leopard?
Yes, I'm the I can't see her.
I can't see her face, so it's very hard for me to.
Oh dear.
Um, what am I on?
Let's rank them.
How many do we have?
We have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Now we have nine one through nine.
All right, where are we at here?
One through nine.
I see, I see.
Okay, no, I'm not gonna pass on that just because that could be a woman, but she also looks like a gypsy, and that bothers me too.
Like, she looks like she sells turquoise jewelry at a state fair and would put a curse on you.
So, like, that would even be worse than just a penis.
What if she's both?
That's true.
And also, you don't know if she's a woman and if, like, all gypsies, she just grew an extra appendage because you know, they're grown in the ground like potatoes.
Gypsies aren't even human.
They're actually, they're actually uh, they bury seeds.
And three years later, once they uh, the town pushes the curse of their sins every year in a ritual, and ten gypsies are born from the combination of dirt and cursing of sin.
Oh, that's amazing.
She looks like it.
All right, that's a dude.
That's a dude.
That's that one's a dude.
Oh, thank god.
I said no, no, but that one's a dude right there next to him.
That one's from let me see.
Okay, so I gotta move my face a little.
Um, that's a dude, yeah.
Well, it's the chin, it's the chin that is a certain amount of estrogen has sort of uh welted or withered it away.
Like if Jay Leno always made an engine blow up, all right.
We'll skip to skip them, we'll skip them here.
Wait, hold up, because one of them might be a one.
Let's just end here with uh, let's go right here.
Well, because the black one with the pink, the one behind her seems, I don't know if it's blurry, but I would say hello to her.
I might ask her to dance and see if I felt a poke.
Uh, the one with the curly hair that it does look like a woman, but now I'm gonna bet it's not because I said that.
That's a lady.
We could just, you know, what that's what we'll define as we'll hereby define a lady boy is someone who looks like a lady, but is actually a boy.
Okay, so I would say that that's a lady.
I hope I'm not wrong, but next to her with the five o'clock shadow who looks like Dolph Lundgren with Duff's head from Guns N' Roses.
There's no way that's a woman.
And if it is, she is.
Uh, I don't understand.
I don't understand why you would make this choice for yourself.
Like, you're clearly six, eight, and you're like, I'm a lady.
It's like nobody, nobody believes you.
Is she a swimmer?
But you, but you could, you, well, she's got swimmers, and they you don't want those swimmers near you.
I'll tell you that.
I feel like you've seen this guy.
He was 35.
He had two kids.
He's wearing, you know, Levi 5'11s.
He's wearing a pretty decent t-shirt.
He drinks beer.
He's got a little bit of some pecs, but he's got that gut.
No shame in that, right?
No shame.
And he's got a small head.
And I feel like that's the indicator of when, like, that's where the delusion came in.
Was like, oh, I have a small face.
I'm feminine.
And it was like, yo, I think it's pretty face, small waist, not small face, pretty large waist.
That is, that is a unique individual.
And that's an unfortunate physiogamy to have both as male and female.
So I'm going to say this person gets to be trans.
This is the only person.
I give a trans pass because they have a woman's head and a man's body.
That's true.
There's no tomfoolery going about.
I get what you're saying.
Like when you, from the first firm handshake from that feels like a guy selling you a car in the 70s, just a rock, hard, firm handshake.
You go, you know what?
If I end up inside that, it's my fault.
There's no magic around that.
That's a dude.
That is a dude.
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Okay, let's get back into this.
So, you know, it is really funny.
This is kind of where we're at, right?
I think we have this video here.
This has got to be one of my favorite videos.
It's from Rebel News.
This guy ends up interviewing these individuals who get mad at him misgendering them.
But this has got to be one of my favorite videos I've seen in recent times.
I guess we now have a clicker on screen because I turned it on.
So now we're here.
Em or sir?
I'm not sure.
I didn't misgender you, did I?
Oh, please go fuck yourself.
Oh, that's not very ladylike.
Oh, oh, now you're misgendering me.
Ladylike.
Oh, well, what are you exactly?
No, no, you're fucking business.
What are you?
But you said I misgendered you.
If I don't know what you are, how can I not misgender you?
It's a solid point.
You can't just make it all a mystery.
I mean, I got to take the counterpart, though.
I got to be like, listen, that's none of his business what her gender is.
She could be a boy or a girl.
It also depends on your mood.
It's fluid.
Gender is fluid.
Write that down at home.
Yeah, that's the point.
But you know what?
I got to say this, though, but it's, but see, I don't like, I don't like the phrase gender is fluid because fluid can be a good or a bad thing.
Like, I don't need to get descriptive here on YouTube, but if I were to say a fluid squirt on Dave Landau's face, depending on the fluid, this could either be a non-situation or a lawsuit or a pleasure, a moment of pleasure.
I mean, it could be really enjoyable, that's for sure.
But yeah, it could be oil.
It could be all sorts of things.
It could be a geyser.
You never know.
But yeah, the word of fluid squirting on me, it could be a good or a bad thing.
I don't like the gender fluid either, though.
Like, it just doesn't feel like a real term.
It sounds like something's leaking in you and you don't like, oh, it's a gender fluid.
Like it sounds like it sounds like you've walked into a horrific murder and you're like, now make sure we scan everything for gender fluids and get them all checked.
We need to figure out we have to find this man who's been cutting off his fingertips.
Dude, there's a skit for you.
You got to change the car and be like, oh, you're out of gender fluids.
And it's like, which one's the gender fluid?
And it's just like the rainbow.
You know, it's like the rainbow stick.
Or it's like, it's like a dildo, you know, out of the rainbow stick or whatever.
It's like, these are the gender fluids.
You pull up to the pump.
There's 72 different handles.
You know, trying to figure out which one goes in your car.
Yeah.
I don't know what to fill this with.
Pride?
Or just take diesel?
Gender fluids are when you get pumped, not your car, right?
Like, wow, what happened there?
That's called getting filled up with gender fluids, my friend.
It used to be called an ideology regret.
It's called that one.
Sorry.
I just had the visual of an old-timey car wash, and you just pull up and you just put your ass out.
You're like, fill it up, please.
Gender fluid.
Make sure to check the wipers.
Do you want HIV?
Do you want HIV infused?
Do you want genders?
Do you want 91 genders?
93 genders?
Do you want high octane?
It's like, sir, I'll just about 1981 to 1988.
Gasoline was extremely dangerous when you pulled up to those places.
You never knew.
They were not checking it for everything.
Magic Johnson had three cars that died, but he's fine.
Dude, I honestly, I am so glad.
I'm like one of the few people I know that made it out of LA without an STD.
And I feel like I missed out in some ways, though, because everyone says that, you know, like a lot of things are finite, right?
Things have gotten more expensive.
Things cost more.
And so theoretically, you know, to contract an STD probably involves experiences.
So STDs were a lot cheaper back then.
You know, they take more effort, more time.
Food's higher.
You go out to dinner, you make bad decisions or good decisions, depending on, as I found out, there's something called bug people who intentionally get infected with HIV.
Found that out last episode.
Yeah, yeah, no, that's a real thing.
Is that real?
Yeah, it's a real thing.
Yeah.
I'm a collector.
You know what else is a really disgusting thing?
You think if you'd have AIDS, you should have sex with people with AIDS, but it can actually make your AIDS worse.
Really?
I don't know.
I'm laughing.
It just feels so bad when you find that out and they're like, so should I just look for a partner with AIDS?
Like, no, just trick somebody who doesn't have it and always wear a condom.
That would be the safe thing to do.
What I think is weird about that, too, is why do we not hear about anybody dying from HIV anymore?
Like, we don't really hear about that.
Is that because there's more gay, but there's more gay people and there's less gay deaths.
So I don't, it's oh, so you seem you are really are an ally, Dave.
You're really, you really get this.
You're like, you knew.
I didn't have to guess.
I said, why less gay people die?
Prep.
Oh, no, because I have, I have gay friends who use prep.
Because when you, you, you prep, it means prepare for the evening out of anonymous gay sex.
You take a pill to prevent you from getting a horrible fatal disease.
Yeah, do you know one of my favorite experiences from living back in LA was I remember bath salt.
He was, yeah, back there.
You could never get.
I ate a guy's face on the 101.
But no, I was like, I went to a Denny's and I went outside and I went to sit down and I was like, what's the worst that could happen?
And like I sat down and I thought, well, it's just a little bit of trash on the wall.
And I stuck my hand down on the wall and I sat there.
And I looked over and it was an HIV testing kit.
And I went, oh, oh, no.
What was in it?
Well, it's just the trash.
But I was like, you know, you see a little cardboard box.
You're like, what's the worst that this could be?
And you just sit on the wall.
Like, there's no feces.
There's no syringes.
But I sat next to you.
But yeah, you just pull it out and it's just like three needles in your hand.
Well, check out this.
Check out this.
This is a really good.
I don't know if you saw about this, but Elliot Page.
This is kind of old news.
Let me see if I can find a better, a better version of this.
Elliot Page had a Jussie Smollett hoax.
I don't know if you saw that.
The esteemed actor, Jussie Smollett, talked about the fact that there was a hate crime against him.
And I'm using the correct pronouns because you're on the show.
I know that's important to you.
Yes, it is.
He's a man.
And it reminded me.
Regardless of how it looks.
Regardless of how it looks, it reminded me of this clip from last year from Justin Trudeau, who was so woke and so in support of the gays.
I'll have to play this before we talk about a hate crime.
It's kind of the mix, right?
Hate crime, but first support.
When he couldn't even remember.
He's not in blackface.
You sure this is him?
Yes, because he's clenching his cheeks, if you know what I'm saying.
He just got thrilled some gender fluids and he's got his topper off.
Listen to this.
He was testing the market.
Yeah.
I will never apologize for standing up for an LGDP, LGT, LBG, LGBTQ2 plus kids' rights.
Isn't it just proof it's meant to be confusing?
Let's be honest.
It's just a lot of letters.
LGTQ plus 2.
It's great.
I'm glad you won't back down from that.
I'm not into math.
I'm not into math.
When they added the numbers, it was too confusing.
You know what I mean?
Like, you go there, now we're into algebra.
Well, plus doesn't even make any sense.
Like, what's the plus?
I mean, I guess it includes other stuff.
Me, the ally.
This should be LGBTQ plus ally.
Well, I, so I have this theory.
I have this theory, which is like, which is where I think conservatives, which, which I know that you're not really a conservative.
I'm not, I'm not conservative myself, and I like conservatives, and I think they have a lot of good ideas, but I think they take the bait a lot on things.
And one of the things I think they take the bait a lot is like they write a lot of stuff, and it's really funny to me.
Like, they just go like, like, they're just like, well, it'll be like two in the afternoon.
And someone I respect will just like tweet something.
Like, sticking your penis in a butthole is not normal.
And I just go, that's insane.
It's 2 p.m.
And I'm thinking about lunch.
And you're sitting there and you're just like, penises and buttholes are not normal.
And like, that's, I really am, I respect that because I can't believe that's what you were thinking about at two in the afternoon.
Like, I literally was, I was thinking about getting a glizzy.
That's a little gay, but I, but I, but I, that's what was going through your head.
And then everyone starts arguing like, anal sex is wrong.
And I go, okay, sure.
But also you forget the LGBTQ community is almost all straight people.
Like, I'm not joking.
Who occasionally look at transgender porn, maybe?
But like, like, you're focused on butt sex, which is, which is really, really respectable at two o'clock.
I don't know why you're writing about that in the afternoon.
Like, go, your kid's crying in the crib and you're like, one second, honey, I got to write another tweet about anal sex, you know?
I have to let the world know that anal sex is bad.
I was like, listen, guys, you're making God cry.
Now I have to go get my baby.
Yeah, it is odd that you just jump on that in the middle of the day.
You're like, what do I have to do today?
Oh, yeah, remind everybody that Booty Play is dirty and then go about.
That's, I just don't care.
Like, here's personally why I'm not into anal sex, other than the fact that it hurts.
But it's just there's a whole better hole right over on the other side.
It's my slogan.
A whole better hole.
I just, I'm not a guy who feels like, hey, this is going well.
How about I hurt you?
I've never been into like that.
It's just not been my thing.
And I, and don't get me wrong.
Women are gorgeous.
I enjoy a good ass.
But I mean, you can touch it while using other holes.
I was to put that.
But if you touch this ass for me, if you touch this anywhere, you technically are touching an asshole no matter where.
Well, that's an entire asshole.
If you kiss him, you're eating an ass.
We gotta watch that one more time.
I will never apologize for standing up for an LGBT LBG LGBTQ2.
I want his job.
I want this job.
I want that because that's so cool.
You're like installed by lizards and you live in, and you just say stuff.
You don't even have to write your script.
It's written for you and it's pre-programmed.
And you just go about and do what you want.
You can commit crimes.
You can like commit crimes against your own nation and you'll still get re-elected.
And like, you get what I'm saying?
And then even if you don't get elected, you get a job at Yale next year and an executive board ship that you somehow get $500,000 deposited every year from a WEF slush fund.
Like it's selling your soul is not as bad as people think.
Well, no, there's certainly an upside.
I mean, you do get the power and you get the silly accent.
So, I mean, there's a win-win really all around to be like, oh, I like the LD, the old big LDs, D's.
I love them.
Yeah, this is a guy who shuts on an entire country and then had people gather around to watch him lay across a piano like a 1950s female lounge singer.
There's really nobody like him.
I've never seen a worse leader.
Well, there's been a few, I guess, Hitler, but you know, this guy.
But at least Hitler had good art.
I think that's what people discount, right?
Yeah.
Like, that's what Kanye West was trying to say: was like, look, okay, Hitler.
Yes.
Well, like, the whole like, hey, there are some bad things about this.
But like, think about this.
People still watch Martin Scorsese films, right?
People still watch those films.
Are they good movies?
Correct.
Is Martin Scorsese a good person?
Maybe not.
Jeffrey Epstein.
Is his island ugly?
Are you against islands?
Because he used one for things that maybe you wouldn't do.
I thought this is a free country.
I thought this is a free planet.
Yeah, I mean, that's how I always felt when I went to Epstein Island.
I was like, look, I know what you guys are here for, but I'm here for the beaches.
And I got to say, it was a good swim.
Yeah, it's like, oh, someone's you went to Epstein Island.
It's beautiful.
Do you think that doesn't mean I did those things?
It's like, oh, Jimmy Kimmel went to Epstein Island.
Okay, if you go to Haiti, does that mean that you sponsored the massacre recently of 300 gang members through machete chopping off their heads?
Do you support the child sex slave industry?
No, Haiti has some pretty nice speeches.
Financially, yes.
morally now I do love it the way That's what I'm trying to say, though.
Is that there's.
It's not a bad.
Like people don't understand what's selling your soul like, and I have to say this genuine genuinely, you know, with having a demonetized YouTube reminding you guys that it you guys can uh, you know, really can support the show at elitashaf.locals.com.
We've been fully demonetized.
It's been really, really bad.
They've hit the channel recently with a with a discrimination and hate speech clause, which is shocking to me, because this channel, to me, I feel like, is we have an ally on the show, I feel like we're well, I feel like this channel is the opposite of what we get labeled and I just don't like the fact that we're told, oh, you guys are derogatory or demeaning towards certain groups.
When I feel like, when I feel like at this moment, there are three gay people on the screen now, which is like, how many more do you need?
You need none more.
Uh, I think that that's a good reason to be funded extra by YouTube.
There's actually should be a plus section which gives you more money for the amount of gays you have on a screen during pride month.
I've always said that and uh, I'm just glad it's a whole month now.
Yeah no, there's.
We looked at the last show.
There's this more.
There's more holidays.
Actually, there's like 61 holidays now throughout the year for gays, oh really yeah, there's even a pansexual parenting awareness, dick, Miss And Keister I don't know what the Thanksgiving's like I want.
Are you the turkey and you get stuffed.
Is that what happens?
That's what it is.
Yeah, you just dress up as the bird and you're like, oh, you better fill me up, all right?
Well, we have to talk about this because there's actually some very alarming things that go along with this, which I think are really, really helpful for the community.
As you know um, you know, things are not restricted enough when it comes to uh, protecting the gay community.
So if you thought things were weird, let's look at the Matrix and see where we're at.
Well, this is going to get really, really, really interesting here because I know that a lot...
What a lot of people have told me uh, recently was that they really wanted um, more protections for gay people, and that's what we fight for on the show right, is gay protections, because gay people aren't wearing the protection themselves.
So we have to be the condom for the community.
You, that was your standard, wasn't that?
Wasn't that your, that was normal world.
Your new show on blaze tv, the condom for the community, the condom for the community.
We are the protection.
We are a thin plastic piece of protection that can be easily ripped apart in an anus for the community.
Thank you, thank you all very much.
Wow, all you need is a thin little bit of plastic and you can save the world.
It's just don't throw it in the ocean.
Don't throw it in the ocean.
Except, I saw a fish got stuck in the condom a video and it was like swimming, and they're like bro, he's only been in the sewer for two weeks and he's already breaking out and it looked like the baby was swimming out with a condom anyway.
Uh, speaking of gay community, good news, everybody.
Good news, good news, good news.
Uh, while you could soon be jailed for three years for making an offensive facebook post.
Here's what you need to know.
Uh, before you even get any further, which country do you that is doing this?
I'm gonna go America close, it's even the one that's worse.
Canada uh, we're gonna.
Let's go.
Worse than that, let's go.
Let's go more.
More Mexico, not not, not worse, worse people in in in Iq uh oh no uh, you mean they're equally literate.
Yeah, they're equally literate um, but they are more fascistic probably, than any other country out there.
I gotta go China.
Oh, you're so close.
You basically did Chinese, China with white people.
Australia.
Oh, I should have guessed Australia.
Okay.
I should have guessed Australia.
You should have.
How did you not get Australia when I said like, I'm like, yo, equally literate, fascistic police jail?
No, honestly, I was kind of just trying to figure out what those were in the picture, to be honest with you.
I was just trying to see what the prices were.
Pull up my Amazon wish list.
My birthday's coming.
Dude, I had to turn on ads for this site or they wouldn't let me on here.
But Queensland is looking for all three-year jail sentences for bigotry.
Legal experts fear Hindus may be charged for religious display.
Religious exemptions exist in New South Wales and Victoria.
This story comes from the Daily Mail.
A sweeping law could see Australians jailed for three years for posting what's deemed offensive on Facebook in an attempt to protect minority groups.
Queensland's Labor government has introduced a bill that would dramatically increase the maximum prison sentence for racist, anti-gay, anti-trans, or seriously bigoted statements.
Making such statements already carry a maximum of six-month jail term, but that would be increased to three years under the new bill.
Inflammatory Facebook posts would be criminal offense with the legislation covering any form of communication to the public, including by speaking, writing, printing, displaying notices, broadcasting, telecasting, screening, or playing of tapes or other recorded material or by electronic means.
Posting a Nazi symbol on social media or carrying it around publicly will also prompt jail time.
Good news, right?
I mean, it's like, at least we're finally making progress.
Yeah, I think that's great.
I don't even understand what I just saw.
But isn't it just arbitrary to the point where you can be arrested for really saying anything?
I mean, isn't that just a complete...
I don't understand.
Is religion exempt?
Is that what it said?
Well, are there a lot of Hindus that are like, listen, dildos.
We can't just be getting rid of them willy-nilly.
Some of our gods have six of them for arms.
Yeah.
Well, here's that.
I'm with you on that.
And I got to say that I'm not going to mock this because I think this is good.
Do you know that?
You know who Isaac Butterfield is, the comedian?
Do you know who he is?
I don't.
I like the name, though.
Okay, well, Isaac Butterfield is a very large comedian.
I mean, he has over 2 million subscribers on YouTube.
He's very popular in Australia.
I don't know if you probably haven't met many of these people, but he's actually funny, which is very rare for comedians these days.
In comedy?
Yes.
He's very, very, very, very popular out here.
And he actually has to go to the Human Rights Tribunal in Queensland for one of his jokes for targeted bigotry.
He's a trial.
And I'm going to have him on my show when he's up north.
He's going to come on my show to talk about it.
But he actually has to go to trial because he was targeted for his bigotry.
And this is where I think this is crazy.
Like you said, I know we've been really serious this entire show, but just a small flip of the switch of something that actually does affect people like you and me is we all know if the Xbox chat got leaked, we'd all be in jail in every country.
Of course.
No, I think it's well, you also have to jail seven-year-olds for using racial slurs they shouldn't technically know yet.
I do like that that's actually even more based.
If you're seven, you don't even know what the racial slur is, but you use it.
You throw it out, it's pretty good.
Uh, well, do you know Mike Ward?
No, he was a Canadian comedian friend of mine, and he does his shows in French and in English.
And he had a joke that they had a Canadian's got talent sort of thing there.
And the whole thing was this kid won, and because he was very terminally ill, and like 15 years later, Mike's like, I don't think he should still have the prize because he's not dead yet.
And he had to go in front of also the human rights tribunal, and it ended up costing him a fine of like $40,000 on top of all the legal fees because he just made a joke saying, like, yeah, because everybody knew why he won because it was, you know, the kid who's dying and he's whistling well.
And they're like, this, this guy wins the prize.
It's a simple joke.
And yeah, he's a guy who, and he ended up fighting it and fighting and fighting it.
And I think they reversed it.
But you still, but you lose all the money for the trial, yeah.
Well, and they said for religious exemptions, what's what religion allows you to say the n-word?
That's what I got to figure out.
Because I don't know what the religious exemption for that one is.
Am I Rastafarian?
Is that where I can be like, I can use the N-word of this?
Not with that hard R, though.
I'm not racist.
I'm talking about with just I've seen some Baptists where they do, and they spit.
Yeah, there's a few that there's some little more hardcore.
Do you know, though?
I will say this, though.
I've interviewed people on half black before.
I've never said the N-word, but if I did, it would have been, I've never, I've never said it.
I've yelled it.
Of course, there's no reason to ever say it unless you're making a firm point.
And you're drunk.
Yeah.
And yelling it out of a car window while you're driving.
Then that's perfectly acceptable.
Well, I was going to say, it's all cap.
If people say they never said the N-word, I'll tell you this.
You have my permission as someone who's married to someone from Uganda and Tanzania to go into your pillow, put your face in there.
And if you start saying, oh, Elijah's promoting racism on a show, that's up to you if you thought I meant that racist N-word.
Because of course, I'm not talking about the racist N-word.
I'm talking about a different kind of N-word, which is nice.
Yeah.
Or an income poop, which is also a very classic phrase.
Or nilly.
Silly nilly.
Yeah, that's one.
Well, anybody, it's like the Paula Dean thing where she was just caught in that double-sided, you know.
I shouldn't say double-sided.
It's Pride Month, but she was caught saying it.
And it's like, or it's a claim that she had said it before.
You're sort of damned if you do damned if you don't.
If you've ever listened to a song by Jay-Z or NWA and you're white and you're in your car, probably not even alone.
You've said it.
And anybody who says that they haven't is a liar.
Right.
But the question is, if you apologized to Harambe after you did it, that's where we really figure out.
It matters that you're remote.
Yeah.
The context there would be something you may want to apologize for.
Well, you know what's crazy, dude?
Is somebody was crazy enough to offer me an entirely new show.
Like I'm talking about like they're paying for a proper studio.
I get to build out a proper set and do a whole good for you.
But I have to invent it.
So like every show I've invented, right?
I had slightly offensive, you're on nightly offensive.
This is called the interim show while we figure out our next move.
And then we had you are here, which was you were here, which is now we'll just pretend like you were never here.
And then now we go in that direction.
Now, I have a great idea.
My wife came with this idea.
She goes, you know what?
I go, man, what I really want is I don't want to co-host because that hasn't worked out so well for me.
But what I would like is a sidekick, right?
Like a sidekick.
And she goes, I know exactly what we need to do.
And I go, what?
Because amateur comedy.
I don't know if you know this.
Comedy is real popular in Australia.
They love amateur comedy nights.
It's a real big thing here.
It's very cool.
Almost bigger than the United States.
just been invited to them here.
She's like, we need to start, you need to start inviting amateur.
Am I drunk or are you blurry?
I got blurry and I was trying to hope you didn't notice.
Hold on, what happened?
What kind of camera is it?
It's a Logic movie.
Elogitech.
Am I good here?
Yeah, Elogitech.
That's okay if you're a little blurry.
She was like, we should go to amateur.
I know, put up your hand, watch, do this.
Like, put your hand up to it.
Maybe do this.
Yeah.
How does a webcam go out of focus?
It doesn't make any sense.
Let me see if I can move it and what happens.
Hold on.
Hold on.
We'll try this.
And then I'll move back.
Oh, man.
How retarded are we?
I don't know what happened.
Is it because you're in Australia?
No, I'm getting, I'm in full, I'm getting 100 meg input from your end there.
I'm getting like, it looks fine in the corner, but then in this, it looks all blurry.
Sorry, fans.
What if we are all just drunk?
Yeah, you guys are, you have an alcohol problem, and this is an intervention.
I am fine.
Yeah.
Dave and I have never had alcohol.
Especially she leaned up and that went blurry.
I don't, I'm not a tech guy.
It's okay.
You could be blurry.
I'll just keep you in a small box like this, and then you look clear.
You know what I mean?
Oh, perfect.
Look how clear I am.
No, but I was going to say, she was like, hey, so we have this idea now.
We're like, I have, I need to go to these amateur comedy hours and just start platforming all these amateur comedians as my sidekick on the varying shows.
We'll still have guests on.
We'll still have people on.
And then we'll just bump out the shitty ones.
But the best part is, and we'll keep the ones that are good.
And that can give them a platform.
Because I think that's like, if you're a budding comedian, getting invited on a show like this that has 97 people that watch is like a big break.
You know, I've been a sidekick and I find that it always works out.
It works really well, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
It all goes smoothly.
So it's, yeah, you just got to find the right guy and or Gail, I don't want to at all, or person or zur, and do what you can.
You know, really, but rotate them and then like just have fun.
Like, wouldn't it be great if there was like a disabled Down syndrome sidekick?
Like, wouldn't that make this show so good and like throw really intellectual questions and just see what he thinks?
Moral questions, like arguments.
I feel like that would be so fantastic.
Be like, yo, yo, like, I don't, what's a really Australian name?
Like, crocodile.
Crocodile Dundee.
Yeah, but I think it'd be fun.
So I got to invent that show.
I have four weeks to invent a full show and get a set built.
So I got to work on that.
Yeah, I think if you're going with somebody who's horribly mentally disabled and has a silly Australian name, you're at least halfway there.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
I've worked with a lot of different types of people and that might be the first, might not be the first.
Let me go to this real fast.
It might be the happiest thing in the world.
Didn't mean to interrupt you, but it might make every show good.
Because he's like, what do you think?
And a guy's like chocolate?
And you're like, wow, that's true.
Everyone said Shila, but actually Bruce is like the most common name here for Bruce.
Is Shila?
Okay.
Everyone's.
I didn't even know that was Australian.
I just thought that was a laBeuff.
No, that's true.
Let's look at something funny here For one minute, straight from, I don't know why I cut that off early, straight from the locals chat, you guys brought this up, which I thought was great.
Was your meme of the week?
I'd like, that's me in the green helmet if you're new to the show.
I'd like the porn in my room to be disabled.
And then the woman responds with, you, we only have regular porn.
You sick bastard.
It's pretty good, huh?
I like it.
You're trying to be moral, but they know you're, but they see through your eyes.
They see through your eyes.
I like it.
Is disabled, is that wrong?
What do you think about disabled people being involved in pornography?
There's something called Sex Abled.
There's a group you should look into.
It's called Sex Abled, and they teach people in wheelchairs how to like tie.
Like, it's not just like, hey, here's how you can have sex.
It's like, here's how you can tie up like bondage.
You know what I mean?
In a wheelchair, which to me seems complicated.
I saw a, well, it's not a fisting video, but it was an amputee legs and using a leg to please another.
And I thought, you know, good for them.
Because, you know, a lot of times you're not going to use, a lot of times you might have somebody look at your missing leg and think that's not for me.
And then there's other people that are like, why don't you just slide that up in me?
And I think that it's important because sharing is caring.
Because there you go.
My mic was off.
Because sharing is caring.
All right, guys.
Well, we do have some funny stuff that we're going to be looking at.
We're going to be finishing the show over on Rumble.
If you're watching on YouTube, don't forget that this show completes on Rumble.
And you can also be watching right now on Twitter.
This is the first day we're actually broadcasting on Twitter.
So it's so important that you check it out.
I just threw the link to the Rumble in the chat.
So if you are watching on Rumble, go to rumble.com slash slightly offensive.
We'll see you there in a moment.
Oh, and we're back.
And we're back.
I try to get, I'm in focus though, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, if.
Enough.
There you go.
That's good.
It's good.
It's okay.
It's better that it looks a lot better.
I want to bring this up.
You know, when we're talking about the way that people are honest about things, you have your show coming out.
It's called the normal world.
And you are not just making fun of the woke world.
I don't think there's any way to differentiate actually the difference between the stupidity on the right wing right now in the Republican Party and the Democrat Party and the world as a whole.
Because remember, it's not about fighting against drag queens.
It's not about fighting against transgenderism.
It's just making sure that your transgenders have guns, are into guns, and that your drag queens are MAGA.
Yes, as long as the drag queens are Trump voters, I think it's fine.
We are doing really well.
So like, it reminded me, though.
I just want to make sure we're on fire here.
We're on fire.
So, okay, by the way.
I heard a sizzle.
Well, to remind you of what's going on here, I found this video from The Sun, unironically, it's about heat in the UK.
And I just remember how ridiculous the world's gotten since 2020.
And I think the world hit peak stupidity in 2020.
Am I incorrect on that?
Like 2020 was like the peak of like where you were like, it couldn't get worse.
And then now everything else is just like we've plateaued.
Oh, it's gotten far worse.
Yeah, there's no, yeah, 2020 was the exact moment I think we realize that people are completely insane and easy to manipulate.
Right.
And I remember this.
Well, I saw this video of where they had this heat wave.
I remember where they tried to pretend like they were going through a massive heat wave just to keep people indoors.
And the way that they demonstrated that they were in a heat wave was by putting in a time lapse.
They said it's so hot outside.
Look what the sun's doing.
And they brought ice cream out and showed the sun melting ice.
Wow.
So it works like how all ice cream has ever worked since it was invented.
That's alarming.
I don't know how I re-found this video.
I remember this.
They were like, it's so hot outside.
And they have the little thermometer in the corner.
Look, like going up, right?
It's a sweet, creamy ice cap.
Where's the polar bear just drifting?
That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Like, you know, if you hold ice cream outside for an hour and a half, it'll melt.
I did not know we were in that much danger.
I usually skip to this part in the movies.
You know what I mean?
Right here?
Yeah, that's the part I skipped to.
I'm like, what's the big finish?
What's funny is that I believe that ice cream is called Magnum.
There's like a Magnum ice cream.
Oh, yeah.
And it looks like a condom wrapper.
A white cream.
That's what I thought.
I was like, that's a white creamy stick.
Did Magnum ice cream come out first or Magnum or Magnum other Magnums?
Maybe the same time.
Maybe a guy was like, you know, it could fit in here.
Let me see something real fast.
Oh, we have a well, we have a rumble from Iconer Herna Turner Perd.
I don't know how to read these people's names.
It said here is my favorite book that the good guys have won every single time from some bad guy named Hitler.
I don't know what that means.
Am I retarded?
I am retarded, but am I?
We also have one here that says, Dave, there's a funny comedian named Nick Fuentes I recommend you talk to.
Was that all you guys did saying?
You've heard of him?
I've heard of Nick, yes.
Apparently, he's a comedian on the block.
I've heard.
He was in the Milo Kanye West Tim Pool show, right?
Yeah, what was that?
That show?
What was happening?
Oh, that whole thing?
Yeah.
I don't know what was happening.
What was funny is I was on Tim's show like three days before, and I'm like, why is Kanye West in that chair?
It made no sense to me whatsoever.
Now it turns out it's because he's a lunatic and dating a woman that looks like Pete Davidson.
But at the time, it was over something different.
But let me ask you a question.
Is he a lunatic?
Or is he just more honest?
Because I don't know if anyone's not a lunatic.
And this is what I say, to the EA24 camp.
I agree.
Is anyone not a lunatic that's public figure?
Like, that's my question, though.
It's like, it's kind of like, well, Trump, Trump does bad stuff as opposed to who are you, right?
The person blaming Trump, like, well, Trump's done some naughty things.
And are you a saint?
Like, it's always the people that are like the most like, Kanye West is crazy.
And it's like Rachel Madow, you know, giving me that homoerotic Michael Knowles look.
You know what I mean?
It's again, it's like, if you sleep with Rachel Madow, it's a straight way to have a one-night stand with Michael Knowles, you know?
Yeah, it really is.
It's like a young Twinkie Spangler.
Why does Rachel Monow...
Why...
I love the fact that Rachel Madow was like inspired by Glenn Beck.
And it's a ghost full circle, right?
And then we're all connected.
We're always one person away from everyone else.
And it's like, that's how I just connected you to Rachel Maddow.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's probably my haircut.
Mine's almost as ladylike as hers, I guess.
She's really put on a pair of glasses and be mad out.
This is really graphic.
But do you think her landing strip is really just a little fringe?
Like her hair?
Like, she's like, she's like a repeat of her top hair down there.
And it's like this little perfect bob.
It's probably, no, I bet you it's probably toughed.
It's a little tuft of it, you know?
Almost like it's got some curl to it, but it's not a complete mess.
Like you'd assume it would be.
But it's shaven in a way where it's like a half-landing strip with a with a curl.
Just with a little tiny, a little tiny curl.
Yeah, because she's not going to go full bald because that's like, she's like, that's a man thing, but she also likes to have a clean vagina.
that clean but i mean you know like you just asked if there's articles written You just asked if there are articles written.
New Blaze TV host with former Blaze TV host discusses Rachel Madow's vaginal hairstyle.
Yeah.
I think we ask.
I mean, why not?
Mine is what is called a disaster.
And that happens after years of marriage where you just look down and go, eh, I think I'm just going to let that grow a little bit more.
So it looks like one of the drummers from Fragel Rock.
I heard that I heard actually that your place down there is actually the main set for Tarzan 3.
That's correct.
Yes.
Brendan Fraser as an extremely morbidly obese Tarzan.
It's very sad.
He just dies the whole movie.
He can't swing from trees.
He can really barely hold on and lean on them.
It's a very sad Tarzan.
Brandon Fraser and a family.
It's called Lap Ban, King of the Jungle.
Oh, I love these people so much.
I do want to look at this.
I guess we're going to look at the segment real quick called WTF, which is what's just not funny, but what is real.
Because there's tons of stuff that is going to be in the Matrix and other things.
I'm going to cover those in a future episode.
But this is pretty fantastic.
So these are videos and stories that did not make it into Laugh Out Loud, but I don't have a category for them.
These are the WTF things.
And the graphics are weird because I made them and I'm a weird person.
welcome to the show so i don't know if you saw this uh but like it's it doesn't get more ironic
California Senator Scott Weiner, I love this, the gay senator Scott Weiner gave a speech passing, he passed the statutory rape laws in California.
Do you remember the homo erotic statutory rape laws?
You were really excited about those, which were you won't be prosecuted for having sex with a minor, I think 15 and older, as long as you're gay.
But the problem is this is when no homo becomes dangerous.
Because if you say no homo at the end, then you go to jail.
But if you say yes, homo at the end, you just keep going on with your life.
Yeah, I think it's great.
I mean, to celebrate the minor attracted person whose name is Weiner.
Is the one on the left the problem?
Or is it the one on the what the what is I'm just mad now if you want me to be honest like so you bring up What is what what is that?
Well, let's listen.
So proud of Sister Roma and her work in the community.
And I'm proud of California for standing strong to support LGBTQ people as our community is under assault in the rest of the country.
Sister Roma went on to say it's an incredible honor to have been nominated.
She says being recognized not only means a lot to her, but the LGBTQ community at large.
That's my face too.
Oh.
I don't know if it's the Botox or the reaction to the story, right?
Everyone in California looks like this.
Yeah, or her labyrinth hair, her David Bowie labyrinth hair.
She could be angry.
But it's just, it's a mask that like one of Jack Nicholson's Joker's women wore with a feather.
What is it?
Why is what are you asking?
Hey, guys, we just want to say how proud we are to bring on this silly nun-looking woman and let you know it's okay to bang minors.
Everyone happy?
Good.
Off to lunch.
And then he's in the bathroom tweeting about how anal sex is bad.
Well, tapping the shoe in the stall next to him.
Yeah, it's like that's your, that's, these are your conservative influencers in 2035, right?
Because it's like their cutoff for sex is 15.
And like, like the, like, you know what I mean?
Like, the progressives are trying to make it nine pre-pubescent.
Minor attracted person is now means because minor leagues are young, right?
I think you'd be in the minor leagues at 16 or 15.
I, I think you can go in a little early.
But I think pre-pubescent, these people are, these are conservatives.
2035, they'll be speaking at your major conferences.
You know, I heard Dennis Prager recently say that we are all a little bisexual, which is a great start.
You know what I mean?
Everyone's a little bit bisexual, he said.
And I agree.
I think that's very true.
We all are a little bi and none, you know, we just all were curious.
I'm the kind of person who would like to wear a bunch of feathery bowas in my hair and a white mask and stand between two gentlemen in a suit and say it's cool to bang 15 year olds.
How can you hate movies that were made in the 90s or like the 70s like Animal House that involve statutory and be like, that is homo or that is sexist and wrong and you know, and then now you're actually trying to pass laws where you're like, but what if it's a guy banging a guy?
And they're like, well, that's, that's very noble.
Yeah, what 15 is a fair age.
Milo got canceled for literally making a joke about his own rape.
I don't know if you know that.
Milo.
Yeah, he did.
Milo was literally telling a story.
From my understanding, and I might have the story wrong.
He was, he was, I guess the phrase, this is why I think the left is so inconsistent.
It's like the phrase always says, don't judge how you deal with your own trauma, right?
Don't judge how you deal with your own trauma.
And I think he was making some sort of like just a joke or like, you know, sort of like, like, I hate using the word coping, not in a negative way, but just sort of dealing with like the way he's learned to deal with his past.
And he got completely canceled, completely turned off.
And these guys go into court and are like, actually, we kind of want to like decriminalize statutory rape.
And here's my favorite part about this story.
And I do have a favorite part, which means that don't be the person that's a favorite part of this story because that means you've gone through some shit in your life.
But my favorite part about this story is that the fact checkers were like, no, it didn't legalize, it didn't legalize statutory rape.
It just like changed the criminal conviction from like a felony to like, and like you don't have to register on a sex registry list.
So it's like, you just don't have consequences, but it doesn't make it legal.
And you're like, oh, so it's legal then?
So it's like, yeah, listen, it's going to like, look, it's, listen, guys, it's still a little frowned upon.
It'll be $5 like if you smoked pot in Ann Arbor in 1997.
So he was in the legislature with the drag sisters.
Okay.
Okay.
Now.
Oh, right.
The sisters of habitual.
Sodomy.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, sodomy.
This is my real question.
Sisters of anal terror.
Chat, chat.
Okay, I'm going to need your help, chat.
And this is really, really, really going to be a very difficult question to ask all y'all.
And I think you're going to have problems here.
But let's see.
Oh, MJ put a chat in.
She said, I sent a super chat on Monday just as the link was melting.
Here's another one in case it didn't go through.
By the way, yeah, we are not live streaming on locals today, but we are live chat.
So there's very few people in the chat today because you didn't get the stream live.
It's just the servers were lagging this week from their Australian servers.
So we were unable to get the live up.
As well as, I guess here, Laura Al said, can you please play falsetto, Dave?
The world needs to get his reaction.
I guess we'll play it real quickly for you guys.
We'll just play this real fast.
Got her talking like this in a falsetto.
Talk about an oh boy band.
What, what, what, um.
What was that?
Was that little people or was that kids?
The little people who are kids.
Scott Wiener's dream.
Oh, so they're 15?
They're 15-year-old dwarfs.
I think they're midgi-bidigis.
So they're underage dwarfs.
No, I just think they're just midges.
I think they're just like...
Oh, midges is what they call them.
Um...
Is that even worse than calling him?
I think we can't call them midgets anymore, so I just shorten it to Midgie, Midgie Bidji.
I think Midgi's good.
Is Dwarf is not right either?
Is Silly Bones okay?
Is you know, because you could call them kid bodies, but that's also weird too.
You know what I mean?
Kid bodies.
Yeah, that's not a good thing to say.
Is there, what was the name of the dwarf show?
Wasn't there a TLC show?
I'm sure they're all dead now.
They have the lifespan of a dog, but I'm not sure.
Hooking up with dwarfs.
Hooking up with dwarfs.
That's a different movie.
Hook it up with dwarfs seven and eight.
That's the one you let me borrow.
I was like, honey, I don't think this is a TLC production.
It was a very woke one.
There's Autistic Dwarf on Golf.
But they're the T. You know, you put the golf on their head.
There's a lot of jobs for dwarfs that are real.
Do you know what's even weirder now?
Yeah, there's like Peter Dinklage and like some other stuff.
Well, I just got to say this.
The weirdest thing is, is that my For You feed on a lot of my social media is like disabled people and like dwarfs and stuff.
And it's really challenging to me as a human because there are hot midgets.
I didn't know that.
There's some very, very, very, very, and I don't feel weird saying that even like as a married man or even in front of you since I know you've got a thing for me and you think I've got a thing for you.
Every time I look in the mirror, buddy, I see a hot midget.
I was going to say we got one on the show, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Lando Dave, a hot midget.
Make sure you follow him, by the way, on Twitter.
You can find the link to his show as well below.
I do want to end with this.
This is going to be the ending of our show today.
That's so important here.
This is how we end the show today.
This is what makes it unique.
This is what makes it great.
Is that what is the problem with this picture?
There's one problem.
The biggest problem with this picture.
There is one.
Man in the suit and tie.
That is not even close.
I'm gonna give you five.
I would say it's the.
I'm gonna go suit and tie because he's just a real fish out of water in this picture.
He's a real clownfish out of water and I think well, I guess we're gonna look for the worst then.
Uh, is it the nunnery?
It's?
Does anyone in the chat?
Can you guys figure out what's wrong with this picture here?
What sister act three?
What's wrong with this picture?
They're all men, correct.
You have all these men in uh outfits of nuns.
They've got their outfits on.
What is the issue?
Uh, the issue would be, go last chance the, the one with the apron, who is uh ruining uh the.
You know the standard rules of life, which is, women should cook.
Here we go, we're gonna zoom in, all right.
What's that say on her on his hat?
Is that I cp?
Um, there's actually an eye, it's just cp.
Oh, I thought it said insane clown posse, and then the whole thing would have made sense.
thank you What is what is in Colored Person?
Cp stands for child pornography.
Oh, does it really?
Yeah, cp I mean I know the acronym does, but that's what they're going for, that's what you put.
You put cp for child pornography, so we got cp.
Well, I cp might want to change their name.
Or cheese pizza.
So the chat said cheese.
It could be cheese pizza, which also is not any better.
It could be carny pie, which is what she calls her vagina, instead of a cutie patoot's coochie patootie.
Uh, I don't know.
Look at that.
Do you know what I gotta say, though?
Do you know what's so unfortunate about a lot of these activist gays and i'll say this is as somebody, they're alive.
I mean sorry, what you know, I didn't know, I didn't know how this was gonna work out.
Going digital with you, like I feel like I feel like it's a little bit like this is a little bit like trying bisexual for the first time, like since i've gone digital you know, not in person, like in person was just like a lot of articles written up every day.
But I think me and matters thinks the show is canceled and essentially it is canceled because I haven't even figured out what i'm doing yet is wait.
I I gotta say a huge thank you, by the way, to the locals community, you guys, to keep keeping the show going, and a huge shout out to our sponsor for today, Undertack.com.
Don't forget to check them out, the Boxers because uh, I have a bunch of new sponsors starting next week and and people, people supporting the show.
But this is like one of the most difficult shows to fund ever.
Um, because we we didn't just get hit for our content.
Remember, this channel got demonetized, Youtube did for being inside the capital so, like i've also had like the whole FBI investigations, domestic terrorism stuff, all that stuff.
Um, so it's like you are like like and, and then, of course, you know there's there's the slew.
There's a slew of the constant attacks from every single corner.
I think i've gone full circle, but this show is like you're both rhetoric and terrorism.
It's a.
It's a hard reputation to kick.
You know what I mean.
Like like, it's like oh, you're the hateful domestic terrorist and you don't know which one is like, more damaging to securing sponsors.
Is it domestic terrorism or like killing trans kid, like what's?
What is it that i've said or done that that makes it the most difficult?
And luckily, since i've left blaze, it hasn't been hard to keep sponsors or keep the show going because people have supported it and that's why I say a huge thank you.
Um, in the fact that it's been, you know we're doing really good and and and i'm really really, really thankful.
But it is hard Dave, I don't know what you think.
What's worse?
Domestic terrorism or or hate, hateful person?
Uh, if you can tell me a different.
Because that's uh I think it's the same thing.
Um, yeah.
I guess I guess a domestic terrorist, but aren't they also a hateful person?
Because I believe domestic terrorism is just white.
That's true.
That's actually.
Sorry, it's just funny because every news story is like the Mexican immigrant is probably a link to white supremacy.
And you're like, I bet it's not.
Why are you making me laugh at another mass shooting?
That's what I don't understand.
It's like, I'm trying now.
I'm trying to be a better person.
I'm like, what are you laughing at?
It's like, it's hard to explain.
It's like, well, a bunch of people were murdered.
Children were shot.
And you're like, you're laughing.
It's like, no, no, no, wait till I get to the funny part.
Wait till I get to the funny part.
And you have to explain how there's a funny part to a mass shooting.
It doesn't, it's hard.
It's hard to explain the humor.
well it is i mean you have to it it sucks because it's it is dark humor but when you look at it it's what they blame Like, look at you see this guy's corpse.
He has 30 cartel tattoos on him.
Most likely he's a white supremacist.
Like, oh, good.
How are we the bad guys?
How is that the good guy?
He looks like he hasn't got, like, he looks like he hasn't had his portion of blood.
You know, this looks like the stunt double in the Twilight series, right?
He's the stunt double that they show just this vague side profile, because he has the skill, but nothing else.
Yeah, he has very, very...
I don't know what he is.
He's just there to be like, listen, these are my friends.
I like them for who they are.
I know that I don't dress the same as them, but I'm also into CP.
It looks like they all like in there.
I assume 10 minutes after the photo was taken, like shit all over his chest.
Wow.
And that's actually true.
And that's actually where I think we're going to end the show today.
That's a real deep line.
That's a real deep line.
I want to say, if you're new to the show, or if you haven't been around for a while, I will still hold to this.
This Pride Month, I'd like to bring up a memory of, unfortunately, not the gayest moment that I've ever encountered in my life, but the most disgusting gay moment I've ever encountered was when I was filming at the drag, RuPaul's DragCon in 2019, and I was interviewing somebody, and they had this smell on their breath that I just couldn't pinpoint, but it was like pretty, it smelled like stale putridness.
And I couldn't like pinpoint, where have I smelled this before?
Like, what is this?
After a jog and you go to pee?
Close.
And then they said, oh, yeah, I was just in the bathroom sucking off a bunch of guys and they were sploooging in my mouth, they said, and I just spit it out and came out here.
And I realized that I was wafting in the aroma of several strange, strangers, splooge.
We can saw gender fluids.
Gender fluids.
He had a mouth of gender fluid.
I proceeded to literally physically walk over to a trash can and throw up.
Once the smell went in, up the throat and back out, it was too much gender fluid for this boy.
It's called an air snowball.
You want to end with your moment that was too gay?
The worst gay moment for you?
Oh, God.
I guess his name was Carl.
Are we leaving it there?
We used to go up to, well, this is going to sound really hateful, but it was the 90s, so it doesn't matter.
But on Woodward Avenue in Detroit, there would be hookers that would stand outside.
And not far from where my dad was buried.
So that was cool.
You go leave flowers and then you pull out and it's like, you know, a bunch of hookers.
But we'd always say, hey, show us your pussies.
And it was pretty funny because whenever they would eventually do it, they would pull out their cock and then we would all throw change at them.
That's pretty gay, yeah.
It's pretty gay, but it's pretty funny.
It was also when you had those next telephones, so you could pull up and pretend you were an undercover cop, and then they'd all be running with their dick flopping out from under their dress.
This is the 90s, right?
Is this the 80s or the 90s?
This is the 90s.
This was before it was like where they would just have their own club and everybody would be enjoying them.
This was at a point where you were so broke and you were on the street pretending you were a lady.
You weren't trying to be on RuPaul's drag race.
Back, as we'll end with, this is bringing it full circle, right?
This is where we get full circle here, bringing it back to the good old days when you could just hang out with a couple ladies at the restaurant, nothing to do, nowhere to be, waxed, relaxed, moisturized, and having a good Pride month.
Happy Pride Month, everyone.
If you want to follow Dave Landau, you can follow him in the links below.
And he's going to plug his new show, Normal World, which is a sketch show, which we will watch a trailer of in just a moment after he plugs his stuff.
Yeah, you can check out Normal World.
We have youtube.com/slash normal world.
You can also subscribe to the Blaze using Normal20, Normal20.
And I really appreciate Elijah's support there, too.
And we're putting it out.
I'm really happy with it.
It's a fun sketch show, and I hope you guys enjoy it.
Yeah, and to bring you back to this, this is a commercial for the show that's coming out as well, which we're going to be good and actually show you something.
So let's go ahead and let's watch this amazing clip from the new show, or it's a promotion.
I have no idea.
Let's go ahead and let's wait.
Why are we, why is your thing playing?
Turn this off.
That's your comedy special.
All right, let's go ahead and let's watch this.
What I love about the new show Normal World is that it's a team effort like a football team.
And this was given to me by a football player, the most famous one.
Did you write this?
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah, what do you think, Dave?
Oh, sorry, what?
Oh, what did you think?
What'd you call me?
Who's Dave, Mr. Lando?
Yeah.
This is yours?
Yes, sir.
It's crap.
Eat it.
Eat it and turn it into crap.
Because that's what it is.
Eat it.
Eat it.
Chew it.
Oh, you can fit more in there.
Chew it.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
The steak is yummy.
It's not really about me.
It's just about people working towards a common goal.
You know what I mean?
Is that what you call acting?
Is that.
Is that seriously what you do?
Yeah?
Is that what you do?
Take these.
Take them.
Oh, take them.
Take them.
Go get them.
Go get them.
Does anybody want to play a slice of pizza who's not a fing idiot?
This is a real collaboration, and I want to make sure everybody's voice is heard, you know?
Because I really want everybody to thrive.
I think it's great.
Just crop out him.
Excuse me?
Yeah, just crop out him right there.
Your co-host.
Is he your co-host?
Yeah.
Crop him out.
Hold on.
Take it easy.
Crop him out.
Take it easy.
Yeah, take it easy.
Yeah, you take it easy.
Crop it out.
How's that look?
That's way better.
Don't you like it more?
I love it.
Yeah, you do.
I think we're making a difference.
I really do.
You can check it on Blase TV Normal World.
That's really how he treats his staff until he gets more viewers.
And maybe you can take the stress off to make the show not get canceled.
As it seems like sometimes at that place, shows come and go.
But the key thing is, is in the end, as long as they're always coming, that's what we're going to leave the mess.
Don't leave you today.
As long as you're always coming, then it doesn't matter sometimes if you go.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Landau, you can find him at Landau Dave on Twitter, or you can click the link in the description.
You can find his new show, Normal World, and you can find his comedy specials all around the internet, everywhere you can find them.
Thank you so much for watching.
Thank you to my guest, Dave Landau.
I really appreciate having you on.
We'll have you on again, especially with the new show.
And if you're ever in Australia, we'd love to have you back.
To all of you guys who are watching.
I'd love to.
Oh.
Say it again.
I said, I'd love to, man.
It's been way too long.
Make eye contact with me.
Just say it slower.
I don't know where to look.
Say it slower.
Like you mean it.
I'd love to come back sometime.
It's been too long.
Just before, just stop before the back.
Okay.
I'd love to come.
Thank you.
Dave Landau said it here, folks.
Have a great rest of the week.
Don't forget to check out the sponsors that make this show possible right here, undertack.com.
You can get the best boxers in America.
They're comfortable.
They're amazing and 20% off with promo code Offensive20.
And support the show directly as we are members supported, demonetized everywhere at ElijahSchaefer.locals.com.
My guest, Dave Landau, check him out.
Have a great rest of the night.
We'll see you next time, Friday night, hopefully at 9 p.m. Central.