Trump's Unqualified Cabinet Picks | The Babylon Bee Podcast
The Babylon Bee reacts to some of Trump's early picks for cabinet positions in his administration like Pete Hegseth, Kristi Noem, and Mike Huckabee. Democrats took issue that they are not all qualified experts like their uncontroversial Democrat cabinet picks. Also, former Trump attorney Michael Cohen got gloriously trolled on a livestream. The Bee also talks to Lathan Watts from Alliance Defending Freedom about The Babylon Bee's ongoing lawsuit against the state of California. Prepare for the apocalypse with The Babylon Bee by picking up our new book: https://shop.babylonbee.com/products/the-babylon-bee-guide-to-the-apocalypse (Don't forget to use promocode 'podcast' for a sweet discount) Go to http://ADFLegal.org to support the good work ADF is doing fighting for your freedoms.
Kyle is out today, so that's why we're kind of like covering for him.
But anyway, it's really nice to be here with you.
Kyle is on assignment in Tokyo.
He's on assignment in Tokyo, and it's been one heck of a time over there, let me tell you.
So, you know, pray for trial.
The yen's going up.
The yen's going up.
Yen's going up.
It's a lot of industry in Japan right now.
So anyway, yeah.
There's a lot going on today for the podcast.
We want to get started.
Let's dig in.
All right.
Hey, so Babylon Bee just released a new book.
Did you guys know this?
Babylon Bee, The Guide to the Apocalypse.
I didn't know that.
It's true.
And actually, you know what?
You two both worked on it.
Wait, when?
And I didn't.
You took our secret personal drawings and put them in the book.
I did.
Yeah, that's what happened.
You guys were drawing all these pictures and it was like, you know, these would be a great book about the apocalypse.
So go check it out.
You guys can buy it on Amazon.
Use promo code podcast if you guys really want, if you want to get a significant discount, significant discount.
But it's a secret.
It's a secret.
Don't let anyone know.
Promo code podcast, though, this is a really good book.
It's got all kinds of really funny stuff.
My kids have been reading.
Look at Know Your Enemy.
Zombie Weak Points.
See?
Class.
Yeah.
And a little inside tip.
The original title for this book was The Babylon Bee Guide to the Fall of Western Civilization, but it was too long.
We ran out of stuff.
So we changed it to The Apocalypse.
And not just about the biblical apocalypse, also about all sorts of doomsday scenarios.
Yeah, so it's like apocalypse kind of is a sexier name, though.
It kind of does pop better than the fall of Western Civilization, I gotta say.
I didn't know.
I didn't really think of it as sexy, but yeah, it does pop.
i'm saying you know i guess i don't mean sexy in the traditional sexy sense what i mean is there's a non-traditional You know, it's people use the same.
Oh, the old English.
The old English.
Buy sexy.
Yeah, with like the extra E at the end.
Extra fancy.
So that's great.
Buy this.
It's fantastic.
I love it.
So good.
You threw it on the floor.
Why did you throw our?
Well, I was throwing like all of our supplies are on the floor, too.
There's a lot of important stuff on the floor because we're hunkered down.
What do they say?
Hunkered down in our bunker.
Where's the maid?
I don't know.
We're bunkered down in our hunker.
That's what you call it.
Yeah, where's the maid?
She died in the apocalypse.
Oh, eaten by wombats.
Oh, that was a terrible time of wombats back then.
We also have news of the week.
And later on, we also talked to the ADF.
That is the Alliance Defending Freedom.
Lathan Watts is who we're talking to over there.
And the Babylon Bee is suing big censorship, Gavin Newsom, Governor Gavin Newsom.
We're suing against big censorship by suing California.
We're suing against big censorship by suing California for their recent unlawful and unconstitutional laws that they put in place.
Yeah, although it's downsatur.
Although maybe it would just save time if we did just sue big censorship.
And then there'd be no censorship anymore.
What's in the news this week?
Battleground states that shifted.
This is very interesting.
All the battleground states for the election.
If you guys didn't know this, there was an election last week.
Donald Trump won the election last week in kind of an overwhelming win.
It was like a big, they call it a red tsunami.
That's what they're calling it these days.
Yeah.
I mean, that's kind of.
Like in the shining.
Yeah, like coming out of the elevator.
That's kind of what I picture when I think of a red tsunami, honestly.
It was like, that's the imagery.
So anyway, from 2016 to 2020, there's a really interesting graph.
If you guys go for our blind listeners, we're seeing how all of these states shifted from blue to red.
In Arizona, it went from super, well, it went from blue to red, plus six.
Every single swing state.
North Carolina was more purple or magenta, but they went even further red.
Yeah, chartreuse.
Georgia plus two.
Michigan plus four.
Nevada plus six.
North Carolina was not quite there.
Pennsylvania plus three.
Wisconsin plus one.
Yeah.
That's a big, that's a big movement.
Do you guys see that graph that came out?
They were showing like how many more people voted Democrat in 2020?
Yeah.
So I guess that's not totally accurate because they're still counting.
They were still counting.
And in fact, the popular vote tracker says there's still 8 million votes to be counted.
That's a lot of votes.
Yeah.
And they're all in California, I think.
I think they probably are.
But why don't they, why are these blue states so lazy with their voting?
Right.
They're counting.
You know, I know conspiracy theorists have their ideas, but it's certainly too late to rig the election now.
So I don't know.
I think they just don't really, they never really put that much thought into their processes because they wanted to exploit the way it works.
The blue states were supposed to be the more educated states, so shouldn't they be faster at counting?
You would think.
Maybe.
Maybe what's really going on is California is totally red, and they just didn't want to count all those 8 million votes.
Honestly, that wouldn't surprise me.
Because it's not going to, at this point, it's not going to sway the election, but Gavin Newsom is so self-centered and focused on himself that I could see him being like, I just don't want to admit that we're a red state now.
Yeah.
That's probably what if that happens?
So I guess at the end, the tally is going to be like 157 million.
And it's going to be the same number as 2020.
So we're still waiting on California's results?
Yep.
Yeah, it's like Oregon or Washington, California, a couple of different states that haven't turned in all their numbers yet.
Nevada, maybe?
Yeah, maybe, but they already called Nevada red.
Yeah.
Well, they wouldn't matter.
They called California blue.
Yeah, so there.
They're probably just like, why bother counting?
They just have one person doing it now.
Like, okay, we got to actually finish.
But did you guys see that?
We had an article this week about that.
I did not see it.
Yeah.
It was like Arizona, like breaking news, Arizona finally counts another vote or something like that today.
I don't know what it was, but it was something.
Yeah, I think that was that.
You did it.
Yeah.
It was something close to that.
Did you do the art for that or no?
I think that was just a stock image.
Oh, okay.
What's your favorite art from the week?
Yeah.
From this week?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't done too much.
I've been working on the top secret book.
Shh, the other book.
Oh, there's another book.
I did do some kids in Harrison Waltz t-shirt, and then Joel told me it was like way too much overboard, but I did it anyways because and then they published it.
Breaking.
Arizona announces they have counted another ballot.
Good job, Arizona.
Moving along.
I mean, I know you just didn't remember the image, and that's why you asked her if she did it, but it's funny because it comes up and it's like, that's just a stock image, Jared.
That's not funny.
It's obviously a stock image.
That's right.
Well, if you want to know, actually, Bettina does a lot of our images here at the Babylon Bee.
And if you ever think something's really funny, it's probably because Bettina did it.
Or if it's really horrifying and terrifying.
That's good.
Okay, next part of the news.
So this is really interesting.
Trump is picking his cabinet.
Right.
As you do when you become president.
No, not a China cabinet.
Bettina.
He's at cost plus picking out a new China cabinet.
You know, I don't understand this stuff.
Do you guys remember cost plus?
No.
World market?
Yeah.
Yes.
It's such a great, what happened?
Is it still there?
World market's still around.
I just don't know it by cost plus.
It was cost plus world market.
You could buy like those Indian scimitars there.
Fancy pillows.
I remember.
I got these earrings from there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, but you're right.
Donald Trump is working on his cabinet.
Well, he didn't tweet.
He truthed a statement.
I will not be inviting former Ambassador Nikki Haley or former Secretary of State Mark Pempeo to join the Trump administration, which is currently information.
I very much enjoyed and appreciated working with them previously and would like to thank them for their service to our country.
Make America a great again.
Wait, what did Nikki Haley do?
Why do we not like her?
She was an ambassador.
Oh, she says so, ambassador.
She was an ambassador to the UN.
She actually did a pretty good job, as far as I know.
But she ran against Trump in the primaries.
And Trump is like, no, I don't do that.
You don't know.
It's interesting.
I'm reading The Art of the Deal right now, which is for my devotions in the morning.
Oh, yeah.
As you should.
It's been very encouraging to my soul.
No, but he talks about holding grudges.
You know, he doesn't hold grudges is what he says in the book.
He does, though.
It seems like maybe he does.
I mean, I think if somebody apologizes and comes and grovels, he'll immediately forgive them.
Yeah.
But if they don't, then, you know.
Well, yeah, but the other thing about Nikki Haley, and this is a good point, is that she's sort of a neocon.
Yeah.
A rhino.
A rhino.
Republican in name only.
Rhino.
For the lay people.
That's right.
Who's lying down?
No point.
So basically not an America first personality.
So would run antithetical to his administration.
Why is he not mad at the other ones that were running against him for president, like, you know, DeSantis or well, he was mad at him.
He was not in his cabinet.
Yeah.
He called him Run De Sanctimonious, which is such a weird, weird nickname.
You know, he's always done that.
He's always given people nicknames.
Yeah, yeah.
Ever since.
But some of them are good.
In the 80s.
Oh, in the 80s?
Yeah, he was doing it in the art of the deal.
Oh, wow.
I don't think he does that to like memorize people's names, you know, where you have to like associate some of the things in a word device or something.
Yeah, I think he probably categorizes people too to keep them straight in his head.
This was black.
This was white.
Yeah, that's right.
That's brown Nikki.
That's right.
That wasn't me saying it.
Trump came in here and said it.
That's Black Joe.
Oh, Black Joe, different from White Joe.
White Joe, Black Joe.
Brown Joe.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Hey, this is a big piece of news.
The White House chief of staff is a woman for the first time.
But Trump hates women.
Trump hates women.
Women.
Women?
Trump hates women, but he has selected her name as Susie Wiles.
She's probably pretty Wily.
Yeah, Wiley Susie Wiles.
That's probably what he called her all the time.
Wait, isn't that bad, though, because Wiley Coyote, isn't he the one that's always getting squished by anvils and stuff?
When you put it that way.
The runner.
That's true, but isn't Wiley, doesn't it just mean somebody that's real scrappy?
Yeah, scrappy, clever.
Scrappy.
Wily coyote is scrappy.
He built all those things.
They just don't work.
That's the problem.
So what about feminine wiles?
What are those?
Yeah, Betina, your comments.
Betina, what are they?
That's how we manipulate you guys.
Oh.
So the chief of staff would manipulate people on behalf of Trump.
Yes.
That's good.
You know, that's good.
All right.
She'll use feminine wiles.
Yeah.
That's terrible.
That's good.
What's next?
Let's see.
Department of Government Efficiency.
Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy.
Did I say that right?
Yes.
Does this have a massive potential to downsize government here?
So they're going in and getting rid of everybody.
Government.
Literally.
And it's the Doge.
Doge.
Doge.
Which has made the Dogecoin go up.
Dogecoin.
Yeah, I think it's actually really interesting.
The concept really hasn't been tried.
And so I think it's going to be, maybe it has.
Maybe I'm an idiot.
But I feel like.
Now, government just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
They just made another department to get rid of government.
So they made more government.
That's true, but it's only Vivek and it's just two people, I guess, right?
And they're probably not getting paid for it, I'm guessing.
I don't know about Vivek.
He's not a billionaire.
Isn't he a multi-multi-millionaire though?
I don't know.
Yeah, that was kind of his story is he was a highly successful businessman.
Wait, do people not get paid to be in the cabinet here?
Just say voluntary?
But who needs it?
Technically, the Department of Government Efficiency isn't part of the cabinet, per se.
It's more like a special department that advises the president on how to...
It's like a pantry.
I'm hoping that he cuts the government down so far that there's almost nothing left and all we have is like roads and a military.
That's my hope.
Like pre-FDR government sizes, no new deal.
Let's get rid of all of it.
Yeah, I'm a little skeptical because Trump ran on draining the swamp for his first term and he didn't do that.
But this is promising and maybe he's going to make good on that promise.
I don't feel like his last term, he was just there trying to bout away all the nonsense they were thinking about Russia.
I did get the impression also that he's like, well, in my second term, I'll probably, I need to get re-elected.
And then he didn't.
That's like what Obama said.
Oh, yeah.
He's like, I'll be a lot more free to do whatever I want in the second term.
Yes.
That's good.
All right.
So where does RFK fit in?
I don't know.
I mean, it's still not announced.
I know.
But if given a magic wand, he would fire 600 National Institute of Health employees.
That's what he said.
Maybe he'll be given that magic wand.
Well, the problem is magic isn't real.
What?
I'm sorry.
Prove it.
Alexazam.
See, nothing happened.
But maybe you just don't have a gift.
Oh.
Well, see, when you put it that way, you can justify anything existing.
Did you ever get a letter from Hogwarts?
I never got a letter from Hogwarts.
That's why you couldn't do anything.
You're not American.
I would get a letter to the American school, whatever.
You know, which is, we were just talking about this at home because I'm reading Harry Potter to the boys.
There is no American school in Harry Potter.
There is.
They just don't mention it in the books.
J.K. Rowling mentioned it on a website or something.
Well, that's kind of a deep cut.
You have to be a super fan.
Kind of their, I think, either their mascot or like their, one of their houses is called The Thunderbird.
Ew, that's lame.
Well, it's based in Native American tradition, The Thunderbird.
I think it would be really interesting.
I thought it was clever.
Write a series of books about an American Hogwarts.
We wouldn't be nearly as smart or sound intellectual.
No, it would be so fun.
An American.
It would be like cowboy, you know, like with a whip.
Cowboy warts.
It's almost like when Kingsman came over to the United States.
Do you guys remember that?
Anyway.
I never saw The Kingsman.
You never did?
That's good.
Those are good movies.
Well, there's some bad stuff, but they're good movies.
Yeah.
All right, so RFK.
Yeah, but he is.
Oh, we did publish an article.
RFK announces new plan to make Americans healthier by pointing and laughing at fat kids.
Yeah.
Which, you know.
Just bring back body shaming.
Bring back body shaming, you know.
So helpful.
Yeah.
For everybody.
All right.
I'm sure he's going to have some sort of like there's a isn't uh who admiral rachel levine.
What is she head of?
She's head of he, sorry, I misgendered him.
He's head of like a health department or something.
Yeah, the director of health and human services is what I understand.
I was blanking on that.
So maybe he will do that.
He is the director.
What is it?
We're looking it up right now.
Assistant Secretary for Health.
Assistant Secretary for Health.
Who's the other one that, by the way, also, this is it.
There is a hierarchy.
There's a rank and file within the United States Department of Health and Human Services.
Okay, so he could head of the Department of Health and Human Services.
So you can be an Admiral in that.
There's probably got to be ensigns and lieutenants.
It is, that is kind of weird.
That's like, ah, I'm an admiral.
I'm qualified for this.
I'm like, you're just.
Well, he dressed up.
He worked in the Navy.
I mean, did he come from the Navy?
Well, yeah, he's an admiral.
I know, but no, he's not an admiral in the Navy.
He's an admiral in the Health and Human Services Department.
He wasn't, he didn't come over as an admiral?
No.
Really?
Yeah, no, I don't think so.
Rachel Levine.
Yeah, Rachel Levine was not an admiral in the Navy.
I didn't know you didn't.
So it means literally nothing?
It literally means.
This can't be right.
Fact check, Snopes.
There's a rank and file within the Health and Human Services Department, is my understanding.
That's interesting.
Shouldn't you have to have a six-pack in order to take on that role, though?
You would think.
Six-pack of Corps Banquet beer.
Yeah.
Well, Admiral Rachel.
Am I wrong about that, Dan?
Fact check, Snopes.
So it's one of the branch of the military.
Yeah, it's just a uniformed service branch of the United States Public Health Service and one of eight uniformed services of the United States.
So they're just trying to be like, cool, we're like the Air Force, but they're not.
I could have been in that.
I got my public health.
You could have been an admiral.
That's nicely fair.
What if Trump picks you as Admiral Bettina?
I think it needs to be done.
How do I do it?
Do I tweet?
I think just being on here, like address him, address him right now.
I think you should, well, I don't think it would work with Trump, but if it was still somebody on the left, he could just transition.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to.
Oh, okay.
Well, with that attitude, you're never going to be.
Yeah, you'll never be a man.
Fine.
With that attitude.
Whatever.
And so the Secretary of State going on with more of Trump's picks.
Marco Rubio would be a little surprising for me.
Not because he's not necessarily a good pick, but because of how Trump used to call him Lil Marco.
Well, this is an example of where Trump's not holding a grudge.
I guess, but I don't know if that was ever a grudge.
It was just him giving nicknames during the primaries in 2016.
But there were some fireworks when they were debating, if you remember.
There was some real fireworks.
They were calling each other names.
Well, especially with him and Jeb.
Jeb was like, Donald, no, he didn't.
That he sounds like Donald Trump.
Jeb was like, Donald Trump is a jerk.
Please clap.
He sounded like Travis.
He sounded just like Travis.
You can't do an impersonation of him because he just sounds like me.
Yeah.
Unless he sounded like George W.
He didn't, though.
At all?
No, he sounded like me.
I wasn't all that aware at the time.
So I was still a very small child.
All right.
So who's next?
What?
Department of Homeland Security.
Yeah.
Christy.
How do you say it?
Christy Noum.
Noum.
She's the one that shot her dog.
Yeah.
That's.
Because she's tough.
All right.
So she can shoot her dog.
Then she can shoot her.
She's the bad guy.
Lie about meeting Kim Jong-un.
And she wrote a book about shooting her dog.
I didn't know she lied about meeting Kim Jong-un.
I guess that's the rumor, yeah.
Oh, it's a rumor.
But, like, did she meet him online?
Like, maybe she thought that.
Yeah, maybe it was a dating site.
Yeah.
Catfished or something.
Yeah.
And then they were like, oh, can you be more specific?
And she's like, oh, wait, I don't actually want to tell you.
I have this coffee date across town with this nice young man named Kim Jong-un.
You know, he had a little baby face.
He was adorable.
It was like so.
It's just some random.
Yeah.
So Christy Noam, I guess, will be a good pick because she seems tough on immigration.
Homeland Security is part of that, basically.
So she's going to oversee the border patrol and all that stuff.
Yeah, it'll be interesting.
So U.S. Ambassador is Elise Stefanik with a K at the end.
She's a New York Congresswoman, pro-Israel.
She's the one that was on.
There's probably a lot of viral clips of her going around in the house where she's going after like whose house?
My house?
Yeah.
Oh.
In your house?
I feel like I would have known about that.
No, she's the one standing up against Tomas and against the university presidents.
Oh, right.
She questioned those presidents of colleges who would have condemned campus speakers for calling on genocide of Jews.
Yeah.
She's like, why you?
So you're saying, yeah, it was when they had those three college presidents there.
One of them was a plagiarist.
Oh, right.
Claudian Gay.
Claudian Gay.
And they were all.
She's not what you think.
Actually, she might be.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, she lies, you know.
Well, she does lie.
Yeah.
That's very interesting.
Yeah, you can't condemn the genocide of the Jews.
That's a real problem.
All right.
Who's next?
Well, the U.S. ambassador to Israel, Mike Huckabee.
Yeah.
The media is reporting a quote of his now, which is, there is no such thing as a Palestinian.
Hashtag true.
Yeah, I went there.
Yeah, it's interesting.
In the sense that there's never actually been a country called Palestine.
It's a region which includes Jews.
Well, it's interesting because we look at, I mean, Dan, Dan, and I were talking about it before.
It's true that Palestine has never been a country.
It's true that it was invented by the Romans.
The word is invented by the Romans.
It's true that even before, even back before the formation of Israel and even after people that were Jews, Israelis, Arabs, everybody was called a Palestinian.
And so really, it's kind of a word without a word.
It just means like people without a, you know, anyway, because it means people that live in that region.
So it's not like there's Palestinians and then there's Jews.
Like that's not the way it works, or there's not Palestinians and Israelis either.
Bettina, your thoughts?
Does that make us like how we're inland empire kind of peeps?
Yeah, we're not really thinking we're just in the empire.
We're in the valley.
Are we in the valley?
There's no such thing.
No, it was the valley.
It's in the valley north.
Which way's north?
I thought we were the valley.
That way.
No, that way.
Okay, well, we are the inland empire, as you said.
Yeah, but there's no such thing as an inland empire.
We have cities.
But it's also kind of a jerk thing to say in light of everything going on in the world.
Potentially, yeah.
It's just like, it doesn't help anything.
It just kind of riles people up.
But also, this is a quote from the past.
So I don't know when he said that.
How long ago in the past?
You just said you could.
Probably yesterday.
Yes, tomorrow.
That's a quote.
Yestermor.
The media is focusing on.
This one I'm really excited about.
Okay, the new borders are.
Yes.
And I think everybody's excited about this because we remember that conversation that Tom Homan is his name, Tom Homan.
Is it Homan?
Homan.
He's a real bulldog.
He's a real bulldog.
And he had that conversation with AOC.
Well, there's nothing in the rules that say a dog can't run the border.
He's an actual bulldog.
So he had a conversation with AOC, you're saying.
Yeah, well, he had this.
He had an exchange where AOC was trying to question him, and she was saying, people that are here in this country have not done any crimes, sir.
And he's like, well, actually, according to statute 3475782, you know, these people are here illegally.
And actually, they have done a bunch of crimes.
And this is exactly what we're talking about.
She's like, but they're not asylum seekers.
He's like, if you want to go, if you want asylum, go through a point of entry.
Yeah, which they're not doing.
They're hopping a fence.
Right, which we know this, like all the way up through Mexico, you know, these people are being told, okay, if you really want asylum, go through the point of entry.
If you just want to go in, it'll be easier.
You can go through.
You just walk across.
You know.
Yeah.
You know they know what they're doing.
Yeah.
They're not like stumbling across the border.
There's, there's a.
If you haven't seen it, it's a great conversation.
So look it up on YouTube.
Just Tom Homan roasts AOC.
You'll probably find it or something inappropriate.
But, you know, no, it's a great exchange.
And, you know, he's right because I understand the idea of sympathy for an illegal alien who's come over and like, I just want the America.
I don't know what they're saying.
A lot of Italians going over there.
You know, but you can't just say, oh, well, they're not criminals.
They literally broke a law by being here illegally.
That's in the name.
Illegal aliens.
Illegal aliens, which is why they want to change the name.
That's why they're asylum seekers.
They want to change.
And asylum seekers is true, but there's like a specific list of things that you have to apply for in order to be an asylum seeker.
You have to come from a war-torn nation.
Like there's a lot of things that a lot of these people aren't.
I mean, they could make an argument that, hey, maybe we should revise the asylum qualifications.
Maybe we should streamline things.
Sure, okay.
Talk about that stuff, but don't just allow an open border in the meantime.
It doesn't make any sense.
No, it's stupid.
While we figure this out, come on in.
You're mean.
You guys are mean.
No, you.
Why can't.
I'm actually really pro-immigrant.
Pro-immigrant, pro-immigration.
Usually those people understand the American system better than we do.
And, you know, they come in and they want to be here.
They want to work.
I love all that.
But let's just have a process for Pete's sake.
It's the only country in the world where we don't.
Give me a break.
You know what I'm saying?
What about Ethiopia?
Do they have a process?
I'm sure they do.
You're sure.
You don't know.
He doesn't know.
Nobody's like, let's go to Ethiopia for our new life.
Let's illegally jump the border of Ethiopia.
I bet Ethiopia doesn't have walls because no one.
No, they'd probably kill you.
That's the one thing.
They'd probably kill you.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
We're going to get in.
No offense to our Ethiopian friends.
You know, the Ark of the Covenant's supposed to be in Ethiopia.
I've heard that rumor.
I don't buy it.
Dude, I want it to be there so bad.
Yeah, it's not.
Because it's nowhere else.
That's true.
Where do you think it was?
I think it was destroyed when Babylon tore down the temple the first time.
When did we tear down the temple?
No, we, not we.
The royal we.
I don't know.
This is the word, okay?
Babylon came and wrecked Jerusalem.
Right.
And the ark isn't mentioned again since then, but they have found like, you know, writings where they chronicled this is what was taken and all this stuff.
And the ark isn't mentioned.
Anyway, we have one more person that's been selected that's actually really interesting.
Right.
Who is it?
Who is it, Bettina?
It's the defense secretary, Pete Hegsith.
Man, I'm really good at pronouncing that.
What did he do before?
He's a Fox News anchor and a veteran that served in the Iraq war and Afghanistan and has this word in like German or something.
Deus Volt.
Deus Volt, which means God wills it.
On his bicep, nonetheless.
And he wrote a book on pushing wokeness and DEI out of the military, which he's super passionate about.
Seems like a good thing to do.
Well, it's not helping anybody.
The last great meritocracy, there should be, probably shouldn't be affirmative action in the military.
Yeah.
Is that what you're saying?
Well, yeah, there shouldn't be.
What are you asserting?
Hmm.
You really put me on the spot here.
Yeah.
You're saying that we should value merit?
Yes.
You know what else he has on his right arm or his, yeah, on his right arm is a Cairo, which is a symbol of Jesus.
So this guy is definitely a Christian nationalist.
I mean, we'll put it on the screen.
And for our blind listeners, it looks almost like a chariot wheel with a P on it.
Yes, a chariot wheel with a P on it.
I've never seen that symbol before.
I saw it and I went, I might have, but.
It's a Cairo symbolizing Christ.
Okay, so I saw it and I went, P, is that just like a Hebrew letter?
Early Christian, early Christian Greek.
I think it's Greek, right?
Am I wrong?
What does it say?
It's one of the earliest forms of the Christogram.
Christogram.
Or is it Christogram?
Christogram.
Christogram.
Christogram here.
Christogram.
There you go.
Got a fish for you.
Christogram.
Christogram.
Cairo.
Christogram.
Interesting.
So it is Greek.
Yeah.
It's of the Greek.
Yeah, it's Greek and it means Jesus.
I'm sure I've seen it before, but I just kind of went, ah, symbols.
Yeah.
Now you'll see it around.
A lot of Lutheran churches have the Cairo.
So if you're walking around, you see the Cairo.
It's like a P with an X through it.
Interesting.
I almost got Cairo tattooed on my arm, but my wife was like, no tattoos, Jarrett, other than the one on my finger.
But it's actually a really great tattoo if you get every chance.
I highly recommend this as a tattoo.
What about like on your forehead?
Yeah, I've thought about that too, because of that Bible verse.
Oh.
About getting tattoos on your forehead.
Yeah.
Very good idea, right?
About writing the word of God.
Actually, it looks like he has a really pretty family.
A nice family.
Look at that.
How many kids is that?
Got seven sitting there.
Way more than the normal.
Is he Catholic?
How many do you have?
I only have four.
Merely four.
Way behind.
Merely four children.
Get together, Jarrett.
And I only have two.
I'm also way behind.
Oh, yeah.
You have some kids, right?
Where are they?
Like, I don't claim them.
No.
But he seems cool.
I guess people are complaining.
Like, the media is upset about him because of the DEI stuff, but they're also saying he's a Fox News anchor.
What does he know about this stuff?
And they're ignoring the fact that he was in the military for years.
I think they're going to be upset over anybody.
That is correct.
Like, I don't think they're going to be happy with anyone.
And the weird part is it seems like, it seems like in other presidencies, people would kind of maybe extend an olive branch and be like, yeah, come be part of my cabinet.
I know you're kind of a leftist or whatever, but let's be friends.
He's not doing that.
Yeah.
So we had a banger headline in commemoration of this news.
And it's just a picture of their unqualified candidate pics.
Admiral Rachel Levine, Pete Bujedge, Corrine Jean-Pierre, the press secretary, and then the weird bald Matt Damon Dragon.
Yeah, what's his name?
I don't know his name.
I know his name.
I don't even know what he does.
I know he steals women's clothes out of, but I don't know what else he does.
So my secret about him is that every time I see news about him, they show his picture and I'm always like, ah, get out of here.
And so I never read about him.
I don't know what he does.
I have the same reaction.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like, it's startling.
I have a gut reaction.
I have a, it's almost a gag reflex.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of like an internet gag reflex.
If you have a gag reflex, when you see those guys, write it in the comments below.
We talked to Pete Hegseth about cultural Marxism and education two years ago on the beep.
Let's go back.
They talked to him before and there's some good clips in there.
We're in the culturally Marxist Paideia now.
They've consolidated control of the commanding heights.
They don't have to hide it anymore.
God's long since gone.
Not even just gone, but rejected and scowled at.
And there are alternate religions at the forefront, whether it's climate change, whether it's genderism, whether it's any form of social justice.
We're training raised fist activists who believe the world might end in 10 years and America is inherently racist place.
That didn't come by accident.
It's not like a couple of teachers got together and said, let's do the CRT thing.
Hemingway once said it happened gradually until it happened quickly.
And COVID-19 brought parents into the classroom through their computer screens and they were finally seeing what their kids had been quietly learning and they saw it out loud.
And that's why this moment is more dangerous than any other moment because they've consolidated what we call the commanding heights.
They control every part of the educational pipeline.
And as a result, now they're just open about it.
They're like, you know, drag queen story hour.
You know, pick your pronouns.
Don't tell the parents.
And every white kid over here and every black kid over here and you're all oppressors and you're all oppressed.
Now let's all talk about equity.
I mean, they're just, that's the manifestation of that worldview.
And you could take that to the bank.
To the bank.
Don't look at me like that, Bettina.
So for our blind listeners, Bettina was looking at me like I'm retarded.
And for our retarded listeners.
And our last bit of election news, Michael Cohen, who was Trump's former private lawyer from 2006 to 2018, he actually was fired for stealing $60,000.
Seems like not a lot of money if you are stealing from Donald Trump.
If you're stealing from Trump, it's a lot of money for this.
Honestly, to go to jail for $60,000 is really short-sighted.
Yeah, that's true.
It's like, hey, I'm set for maybe a year, depending on where you live.
Well, I mean, not here.
Not here.
Not here, dude.
That's like three quarters of a year, maybe.
And so anyway, he went to jail for three years.
He pled guilty.
And he also pled guilty in all the Russiagate stuff.
So he was kind of, he kind of got caught up in all the Russiagate stuff, the Steel dossier.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Because he turned on Trump during that time and was a big proponent of the Steel dossier and how Trump was secretly in collusion with Russia.
Yeah, what a jerk.
Wait, so why did they use him to begin with then?
Because he used to work for Trump and then he was just like, hey, I hate Trump.
And they're like, use that guy.
You're the guy.
You're the guy.
They just didn't vet him.
Why don't you steal $60,000 and we'll get talking?
But he got trolled on a live stream recently.
Oh, yeah, this is great.
So he was talking.
And can we show a clip of that live stream?
Yeah, let's show a clip.
No problem.
Wow.
Genius, you are.
Can we stop with that?
I appreciate it.
I don't like the stupid turkeys.
All right.
Let's just, let's just knock that stupid, please.
All right.
I did.
I said I was leaving.
And then the following day, get that through your dumb heads.
The following day, I turned around and I said that there's no chance in the world that I'm leaving my country.
Thank you very much.
All right.
I'm not leaving anywhere.
You leave.
This is my country.
And I have every right, every single right within which to turn around when we stop so we can.
All right, two seconds.
i'm going to end up blocking this idiot i think if you're going to troll someone on a live stream putting a turkey head on them is a pretty good it's a pretty good way of doing it I agree with you.
That wasn't the one where that person liked their head became a potato or something too?
Wasn't that a thing?
Yeah, that one was great.
I'm not actually a cat.
Remember that was my best one, too?
I'm sorry.
I'm not a cat.
That's good.
All right, guys, we're moving on.
Now we're going to go and we're going to have a conversation with ADF lawyer Lathan Watts about the state of our lawsuit, the Babylon B filed, against the state of California.
More like Comifornia.
Oh, solid burn.
All right.
So as we mentioned, we're teaming up with ADF and we've sued Gavin Newsom's California after they passed two laws that limit free speech and censor comedy in the state.
So the two laws are AB2839 and AB2655.
Do you want to tell us a little bit about what these laws say and what they restrict?
Certainly.
So one of them basically turns media platforms into apparatchiks of the state, asking them to crack down on content that could be deemed disinformation or that could potentially harm the electoral prospects of a candidate, what many people refer to as campaigning.
The other one impacts individual citizens.
So if the Babylon Bee shared a post and then I saw it, liked it, and shared it myself and someone else who didn't like it saw that, they could then sue me for sharing the post and recover the screen fees.
So it all started when Governor Newsom saw a parody video that he didn't like about Vice President Kamala Harris and noted that he thought it should be illegal.
And the folks in the legislature picked up on that not so subtle dog whistle and hopped to it and passed these two laws.
But thankfully, there are some federal judges in California who apparently still have a copy of the Constitution lying around and have put a stop to these laws going into effect temporarily while this litigation goes forward.
And we're optimistic that we will prevail ultimately on behalf of you, our client, and everybody who just likes to either tell jokes on the internet or read jokes on the internet.
Now, you're not charging us for this call, right?
Correct.
You get what you pay for.
Oh, you.
Oh, goodness.
I was close.
You're going to have to give them my salary.
I know.
Terrible.
So more importantly, do you have any understanding of why the laws are numbered the way they are?
Why did they sound like droid designations in Star Wars?
For that, I would have to have a much deeper knowledge of the California legislative process and my own mental health is just more important to me.
That's fair.
So I'm certain just based on the typical legislative process, the number of bills that they have to get through, it eventually gets numbered and it comes out a certain way.
But you're right.
It does sound like bad phones from Star Wars.
Oh, yeah.
It's like AB2839.
Do you copy?
Yes, I'm here.
That's how Droid's talk.
Are you a Star Wars sequel guy or a Star Wars prequel guy?
Well, I mean, episodes four, five, and six.
That was a trick question.
For sure.
Okay.
All right.
So we have some Babylon B headlines that we want to show you, and we want to ask how these would potentially be affected by this censorship law.
So Dan, I think we can show him these on our screen here.
Here's the first one.
Tim Waltz asks which button to press in Madden to make players slap each other's butts.
But notice that there's a giant label that says satire.
Yeah.
Right.
Which obviously completely kills the joke.
If you're doing satire, if you have to tell everybody it's satire, it kind of defeats the purpose.
But that is what the law would require you if it was allowed to go into effect.
You would have to have these huge disclaimers to let everybody know this is satire.
And it really kind of demonstrates how little the folks in the California government think of their, that they really think, I guess, that the average Californian would read this headline and think that it's real.
Well, to be fair.
But so like giant satire label, that saves us, though.
So good.
So that's all we have to do.
In your professional legal opinion, it doesn't need an exclamation point.
It's just a satire.
That's good.
I think you're cool with just the disclaimer that is indeed satire.
Okay.
What's our next one here?
AOC joins Hamas.
This is just a joke.
AOC did not really join Hamas.
Yeah, I think same song, different verse.
So that's the headline ruined by lawyers and legislators.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to make a different counterpoint here.
I don't think it ruins the joke.
I think it makes it funny.
It does make it funnier to me, actually.
All right.
What's our next one here?
Newsome issues ban on legal citizen voting.
Satire.
Again, yeah, I think you've got the satire label on there.
You know, it's, you're probably going to be.
You're going to be okay.
Now, what if we didn't have the satire in here?
Would the law is the law fuzzy about something like this?
Or this is where that really vague language in the law is so dangerous because things that it says could potentially harm someone's electoral prospects.
Gavin Newsom under this law could say, well, I think this might hurt my chances of getting re-elected if and when I run or convert me getting elected if I run for higher office at some point.
And so under this law, I can either come after you with legal proceedings or force this to be taken down.
So this is where the language in legislation is, words matter.
And when you use vague terms like that, it just creates the opportunity for censorship on a wide scale.
Yeah, the phrase materially deceitful content always makes me do a double tick.
Like, what?
Yeah, exactly.
Because who decides if it's materially deceptive?
Well, probably the droid AB238.
He is already in power.
He's fluent in over 6 million forms of deceitful content.
Oh, yeah.
Apparently not satire.
Yeah.
So what's your counter argument to the idea that leftists always bring up when there's an issue of freedom of speech and they say, well, it's not legal to yell fire in a theater.
So the answer to speech with which you disagree is always more speech, not to shut down the speech that you don't like.
There have always been laws that deal with things like defamation, like slander, libel, words or speech that incite people to violence, that literally call people to take violent action.
Those are not protected by the First Amendment.
But just because they don't like it does not make it harmful.
And that's really sort of where the state of California is right now.
We don't like this speech.
We can say that it's disinformation or potentially harmful, and therefore it should be not allowed.
It is the unpopular opinion that has always needed the most protection.
Founders understood that when they wrote the First Amendment.
All right.
Well, here's a couple more of Babylon B headlines.
Gavin Newsom, Newsom named UHAP Salesperson of the Year.
Satire.
And we actually, maybe this influences your decision, but we actually have a plaque for him.
But note I saw that on the set.
But notice that the plaque.
I'm surprised that U-Haul has not just officially named their salesperson of the year award to Newsom.
Oh, that's a good idea.
I mean, I live in Texas and there's a popular phrase around here that no one creates more jobs in Texas than Gavin Newsom.
So is the plaque problematic because the plaque itself does not say satire anywhere on it?
Let's see.
Under this law, I think as long as you don't maybe take a picture of that plaque and post it publicly to social media where it could then be misunderstood and or shared and misunderstood, then you're probably okay.
I'm going to do it right now.
All right.
Kyle's a lawbreaker.
Do we have a couple more?
Newsom ensures homeless, they can resume pooping on sidewalks once his boss leaves.
This is political humor, you know, because San Francisco normally has poop in the streets to get, but Newsom cleaned up the streets when Xi Jin came to town.
So the disclaimer maybe saves us.
I think I know what he's going to say.
The disclaimer saves.
Saves us.
You think so?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
Typically, a longer headline than I try to write for my articles, but, you know, you got to do what you got to do.
You give us legal advice.
We'll handle the comedy.
Is that all we got?
Okay.
Yeah.
But do you think the caps lock kind of creates an angry environment that could trigger a true like, oh, no, they're yelling at our thing, though?
Yeah.
But we don't have an HR department.
Oh, then we're safe.
I don't have anything.
All right.
Well, thanks for weighing in and updating.
So the court put a hold on the enforcement of these laws.
What's the next step and how could people support ADF's work in standing up for free speech?
Right.
So the first of the laws, which went into effect immediately when it was signed, has been enjoined by the federal court.
And then the second one, which had a later effective date, there will likely still be more litigation to go on that.
But for the time being, you're free to post jokes on the internet.
For those that want to support us and learn more about this case and others, where we defend free speech and religious liberty and sanctity of life and marriage and parental rights, adflegal.org is our website.
And hopefully you don't ever need our help, but that's also where you can contact us if you do get our help.
And just like with the quality of the legal advice I've been giving here today is free.
Our actual litigators are actually much more better experts, but we don't charge our clients either, even for the good legal advice.
So adflegal.org is where you can find us.
Do you guys charge for like the mints that are on the secretary's desk or are those also free?
As far as I know, those are free.
Oh.
So I could just come in and be like, hey, I'd like to have a meeting, take some mints and then leave and you won't charge me?
I mean, you may have to explain it to building security, but I don't know.
I don't think I've got a say in that.
Worth the risk.
Absolutely.
All right.
Thank you so much for coming on and thanks for being partners with us in this case.
Thank you.
Glad to be here.
That was spectacular.
Wow.
Thanks, Lathan.
Well done, Lathan.
That's great.
All right, moving on.
You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Moving on, we have hate mail now.
So that's really exciting.
It's one of my favorite parts of the week when we get to read the mail that comes in that is hateful.
Yeah.
That hates us.
We love it.
That is trolling us.
This one's from Jimmy Smith.
And he said, What the heck did I screw up to wind up on this page?
You're reading idiots.
Chow.
No, is a wind up on this page, idiots.
Oh, Kyow.
Wind up.
Oh, wind.
Is that how you spell wind?
It's also how you spell wind, isn't it?
Yeah, I think it's no, it's wind up and kyo.
Wind?
Kyoa.
Wind up and kyo.
I spell chow wrong.
He said chow, like peace out.
Like, deuces.
He's heading out.
Yeah.
So I don't know where that comment was pulled from, but it brings me great joy.
It does.
I kind of wish there was some harsher stuff this week.
That wasn't that bad.
No, it just, yeah, we are a page full of idiots.
I agree with that.
But we're okay with it.
I agree with that.
So if you guys have any hate mail, please feel free to send letters, comments, questions for the next podcast.
And buy the book, please.
What's the book called?
Guide to the Apocalypse right here.
It's right in front of the Trump game.
Well, we're not selling the Trump game, though.
No, that's a classic.
Yeah.
That's not going anywhere.
Yeah, go pick up our Guide to the Apocalypse on Hilarious Look at the End of the World.
Written by two of the people in this room.
Well, I wrote some words.
I technically, yeah, when you would draw stuff, we would throw words in there sometimes.
And you know what?
There's kind of a lot of Easter eggs.
If you guys are Travis fans, there's a lot of Easter eggs in there because you have a lot of pictures of drawn pictures in yourself.
A lot of people are fascinated with drawing my face for some reason.
It's a great face.
It's a beautiful face.
Yes.
What a beautiful face.
That exact pose was in the exact pose.
Oh, it was.
You're right.
So, yeah.
Buy the book on Amazon or at shop.babylonb.com where you can use the promo code podcast.