| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Why Filters Matter
00:02:56
|
|
| You don't have a face that looks like you have a filter on it. | |
| That's why you put a filter on it. | |
| To look different. | |
| No, but don't sell the dream to others. | |
| Don't send Andrew pictures. | |
| I don't want to say you took filters. | |
| Do not take photos of filters. | |
| If I took pictures of my dick and made it three times longer, it's like, oh no, it's actually, it's almost real. | |
| I just used a stretcher filter. | |
| And then the girls had to look at my tiny little wiener. | |
| Right. | |
| And be disappointed. | |
| That wouldn't be fair, would it? | |
| But there's no penis stretching filter on Snatch. | |
| Oh, you haven't got it. | |
| Believe me, Howard. | |
| That's what you look like. | |
| The photons, instead of entering my eyes, enter these lenses and capture the moment with perfection. | |
| That is what you look like. | |
| I just saw a photo. | |
| I was looking at the photo. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Could you see I was ugly? | |
| You want me to say it again? | |
| You're trying to call my bluff, bitch? | |
| You look exactly like that photo and you think you're fucking ugly. | |
| That's why I tried to put filter on it. | |
| The fog? | |
| What are you wearing? | |
| Fishing robe. | |
| As you know, with nature, it's all about the spiritual. | |
| I have to dress like this and reach a higher plane of enlightenment to call the fish to me before I cast the rod. | |
| It's an advanced technique. | |
| I wouldn't expect a simpleton like you to understand it. | |
| I actually caught some. | |
| Yeah, you caught some fish. | |
| Alex, hold on, you caught some fish. | |
| I have one other one. | |
| As you know, Tristan Tate, who works for Just Stop Oil, is also pro-animal liberation. | |
| I don't think he's out of food, yeah? | |
| Free Willie. | |
| The key to catching fish is to use a rod in the lake. | |
| Not many people know this, so I'm actually an expert on fishing. | |
| You never catch fish outside of the water. | |
| You have to actually go inside the water to get the fish. | |
| And because you don't want to go in the water yourself, you get wet, you use a piece of string on a stick called a rod. | |
| And then you reel the rod after the fish bite the bait and then you bring them aboard. | |
| Not many people think about these things or know these things, but that's basically how I invented the way to fish. | |
| Some people said it was quite cruel because if you tried to catch a land animal that way, imagine I wanted to kill a deer like Bambi and I had a hook with some bait and Bambi tried to eat the bait and then got snared on my hook. | |
| And then I just dragged Bambi from the back of my pickup truck along the ground to dying. | |
| You know, I mean, that'd be a pretty cruel thing to do, but for some reason it's allowed to happen to fish because nobody cares about fish. | |
| So Tristan Tate of Just Stop Oil, aka the Animal Liberation Front, has come here to put a stop to your crime against fish. | |
| How do you feel? | |
| How many fish have you caught, Smalix? | |
| Eight, nine. | |
| How many are in the bucket right now? | |
| Ah, now zero. | |
| Loser. | |
| Back in the future. | |
| Loser. | |
| Loser. | |
| So you have zero fish. | |
| Loser. | |
| I'm done here. | |