| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Why The Cybertruck Matters
00:09:21
|
|
| This is my human rights! | |
| Do you have the human rights in this house? | |
| It's the human trafficking truck. | |
| Move fat Romanian. | |
| Brokey, Brokey, Brokey. | |
| Everyone clap! | |
| Let's go! | |
| You will have the occasion to know them better, but they are real, real great men. | |
| And thank you that you came to celebrate my birthdays. | |
| You can't miss Jail. | |
| You can't miss Jail. | |
| You've never been, you wouldn't know. | |
| Jail's not good. | |
| You don't understand. | |
| You don't know how good it is. | |
| There's no way Jail's good. | |
| No, it's super good. | |
| No! You ever been? | |
| I've never been. | |
| It's super fun! | |
| You guys look like the jail type to you. | |
| You're just chilling with the guys, you know? | |
| I don't understand. | |
| Why? No, guys, I genuinely, I promise you, have no fucking idea why this is here or what it is. | |
| We thought Tristan bought it, but he thought you bought it, so now we're all confused. | |
| What is it? | |
| I did not buy it. | |
| It's a Cybertruck, right? | |
| Yeah. I didn't buy it. | |
| I didn't buy it. | |
| I got Jesco yesterday. | |
| I don't like electric cars, even though I have a Rimac Navarra. | |
| I did not buy this. | |
| I've never seen one before. | |
| I've never placed an order for one. | |
| I have no fucking idea what this is or why it was delivered here. | |
| Well, your name's on it. | |
| Your name's on it. | |
| Look on the inside. | |
| Go inside. | |
| No, I'm not trying to get you. | |
| Has someone bought me a Cybertruck? | |
| I'm genuinely telling you the truth. | |
| Your name is on it. | |
| What's the button on the side? | |
| Okay, you have enough cars to know how to open a Cybertruck. | |
| I don't know how to open a fucking Cybertruck, do you? | |
| Where's the key? | |
| Ha-ha. | |
| It's like a security badge. | |
| That's badass. | |
| Try the top one. | |
| Someone bought me a Cybertruck. | |
| What did I say? | |
| Your name is on it. | |
| This is your truck. | |
| Look at the headrest, Bert. | |
| Look at the headrest. | |
| And why's it got Albanian plates? | |
| Okay, that's kind of cool. | |
| These are the London guys. | |
| Too much fucking money. | |
| Why have I got a Cybertruck with Tate on it? | |
| Okay, I actually didn't see the headrest. | |
| I'm going to zoom in on that. | |
| Look, it says Tate. | |
| It says Tate. | |
| I didn't buy this. | |
| Bro, I swear to God. | |
| I had no idea what this is. | |
| I didn't even think Cybertrucks were legal in Europe because they have pointy edges or something. | |
| Yeah, yeah, that's right. | |
| But in Albania, everything's legal for money. | |
| And so they just delivered it here. | |
| Albanians must have done it. | |
| The only Albanians I know are London. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| It's so long. | |
| Get in the back, bitch. | |
| Is that how you do it? | |
| You know more than me. | |
| I don't know how to fucking do any of this. | |
| It is called a Cybertruck. | |
| Get in. | |
| Get in. | |
| Get in the back. | |
| Ready? It's the human trafficking truck. | |
| Doc! Doc! | |
| Oh my god! | |
| Decor! Right, you have to let me out! | |
| No, no, there's no coming out! | |
| There's no coming out! | |
| There's no coming out! | |
| Hey! Who's the man? | |
| Hey! Who's the man? | |
| I don't know! | |
| Beg! Why? | |
| Because I said so! | |
| This is my human rights! | |
| Do you have the human rights in this house? | |
| Free me! | |
| Say please. | |
| Free me, please! | |
| They're so ridiculous. | |
| Let me out. | |
| Alright, so now we gotta go drive in the Cybertruck. | |
| Let me go ask Tristan if he knows anything about this. | |
| Which of the Albanians we know sent us the Cybertruck? | |
| No idea. | |
| There's the key in the security. | |
| I have no clue. | |
| You don't know anything about the truck? | |
| I have nothing. | |
| I have no clue. | |
| It has our name stitched into it everywhere. | |
| There's a key in the security. | |
| That's all I know. | |
| So I have the truck turned off. | |
| You weren't here. | |
| I assume it was you. | |
| So we're all confused. | |
| We thought it was you, you thought it was us. | |
| Let me get security to make sure there's not a bomb. | |
| Are you trying to famoose us? | |
| Is this one big famoose? | |
| One Tristan famoose? | |
| Something to do with me? | |
| Is there some secret Oreo that never got eaten, and you've changed this whole timeline? | |
| Ah, wait, wait, wait, wait! | |
| If you eat that Oreo, that's a different future than if you don't. | |
| Be careful! | |
| Could be Luke's fault. | |
| Alright, road trip with the boys? | |
| Looks like it. | |
| Let's go! | |
| How do I, uh, heat and steering? | |
| Arcade. I've got arcade. | |
| You've got Netflix. | |
| Hi, hi. | |
| I've got Netflix. | |
| Alright, I'm getting in. | |
| I'm getting in. | |
| Tap keycard to drive. | |
| Tap keycard to drive. | |
| I have never driven one of these. | |
| I don't even have a fucking clue how these work. | |
| Jesus. Ride height low. | |
| Sentries available. | |
| Car wash. | |
| Mirrors. Child lock. | |
| Glovebox. This is confusing. | |
| Dynamics. Beast mode. | |
| You've got to go beast mode. | |
| Okay. What a weird day. | |
| Very weird day. | |
| It's weird because other things have happened that the audience doesn't know about, but we know. | |
| Super weird day. | |
| Super weird day. | |
| Alright, so that's that. | |
| How do I put it in gear? | |
| Does it have gear? | |
| Does it have gear? | |
| Yeah, but it has drive. | |
| There. That's drive. | |
| Park. Keep her there. | |
| It's really directional. | |
| It changes. | |
| The turning circle is super tight. | |
| What if the i8 guy is some... | |
| Like, scout to let them know that we're finally in the Cybertruck. | |
| No, something's weird. | |
| I don't like this. | |
| Something's weird. | |
| Hey, G. G, what's up? | |
| I stay here because I want to thank you for everything, man. | |
| Good to meet you, bro. | |
| I put the T8, CXI, like you're McLaren. | |
| First, I think. | |
| Big thank you for everything, man. | |
| No problem, G. Send me an email, yeah? | |
| We'll talk on email. | |
| You have my email address? | |
| Yeah, of course. | |
| Thank you, bro. | |
| So he's not related to the Cybertruck? | |
| Or at least we think. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| Oh my gosh. | |
| That was roller coaster. | |
| Yeah, it's quick. | |
| No, that's actually really fun. | |
| It's too big to do that. | |
| Okay, that floored me. | |
| I'm not gonna lie. | |
| It's supposed to be mad quick. | |
| What? Okay, this is weird. | |
| This is weird. | |
| Move, fat Romanian. | |
| Before you get run over. | |
| This shit's cool. | |
| See all the cars, it's scanning all the cars. | |
| See the cars coming even ahead of these cars, it's detecting them all. | |
| And I bet if you go through these settings and shit, it's full of super cool stuff. | |
| It's very directional. | |
| It's very pointy. | |
| I'm surprised by how pointy it is. | |
| I didn't expect it to move like that. | |
| Look, everyone's running to get out of the way of you driving. | |
| It kind of scans all the cars, the traffic of that as well. | |
| And it shows people too. | |
| Yeah. Look, there's a kid. | |
| Romanian Brokey. | |
| He's really right there. | |
| Brokey, Brokey, Brokey. | |
| First impression? | |
| You know what? | |
| It's annoying because I can already see myself getting used to driving this. | |
| Yeah. It's so easy. | |
| Before we go to ****, we have time for one car review. | |
| Do you want to do this or the Jessica? | |
| What do people want to see? | |
| Do people want to see me ragging a Kernese Jesco around the Romanian mountains? | |
| Or me driving a Cybertruck and critiquing Elon's creation? | |
| I know everyone wants to see the Jesco because no Jesco review has been done the way I would do a Jesco review. | |
| We all know that my car reviews are the best. | |
| I know everyone wants to see the Jesco, but maybe, you know, maybe we should do the Cybertruck. | |
| Mix it up a little bit. | |
| Now I'm excited for my Navara, because I thought my electric Navara, which I bought for four million dollars, would be boring to drive. | |
| But now I realize it might actually be fun, and that's quicker than this. | |
| The fastest car in the world, actually. | |
| It's Romania in a fucking nutshell. | |
| I wonder if it detected it as a horse and carriage on here. | |
| That would have been cool. | |
| I doubt it. | |
| I finally made the mantra come true. | |
| What's the mantra? | |
| Say it. | |
| The mantra is fuck gas. | |
| Luke and I were champions of fuck gas. | |
| I'm just a champion of gas. | |
| No, we ran out of gas in France. | |
| Fuck gas! | |
| You know what this means, Luke? | |
| Looks like we're in our gas. | |
| We said that gas was for faggots. | |
| No matter how low the gas gets, first person to stop the loser. | |
| It was fuck gas. | |
| What are you putting in your car? | |
| That's what I'm talking about. | |
| What are you putting in your car? | |
| Can you admit that I have made the mantra finally come fully true? | |
| I was the fuck gas champion and now it's better. | |
| Watch out. | |
| Supercom. Sorry. | |
| Okay. We don't want to go to jail again, but I'm the fuck gas champion. | |
| Can you admit that? | |
| Tristan, that's your mate, sir. | |
| That's your mate. | |
| You know why he's coming and you know why he's mad? | |
| Because I'm the fuck gas champion and you're not. | |
| That's why he's pissed. | |
| Because he works for Big Gas. | |
| He works for Big Gas and I've been saying fuck gas and that's why he's mad. | |
| Because I no longer need gas ever again. | |
| Yeah, and you're exposing it to him. | |
| I'm exposing it to the world, so I win. | |
| Basically, I'm doing God's work. | |
| Basically, I super win, and you mega lose. | |
| And you and your entire family are fucking losers. | |
| You and your entire bloodline. | |
| A dynasty of cowards. | |
| The coward dynasty. | |
| Admit it. | |
| Admit it, or I won't buy you a chocolate bar. | |
| Fucking loser. | |
| Fucking loser. | |
| I bet they have gas. | |
| Look at her. | |
| Look at them. | |
| Gas, gas. | |
| Fuck. You want me, you want the car? | |
| Where are we? | |
| Tell me about this place. | |
|
Snow White Problems
00:10:31
|
|
| I'm not gonna do as you say. | |
| 'Cause it's not my boss. | |
| We're at home. | |
| We're at home. | |
| I try to prompt for Take Confidential sometimes. | |
| I try to prompt Andrew and Tristan for action. | |
| And now they're back talking and refusing to give contact. | |
| We're at home. | |
| AI. We're saving money for Take Confidential. | |
| This is AI. | |
| We're saving money and you're fired. | |
| This is not AI. | |
| You're fired. | |
| I miss Luke. | |
| And I know you do too. | |
| Luke doesn't miss you. | |
| I guarantee you doesn't give a fuck on you. | |
| Luke is also fire. | |
| Luke would really enjoy this place. | |
| I know he would. | |
| Luke is a party animal. | |
| He loves going out. | |
| Put down the knife, Andrew. | |
| It's not worth it. | |
| It's not worth it. | |
| Kristen. Kristen. | |
| Kristen. Kristen, for real. | |
| Kristen. Kristen, look at the camera. | |
| Kristen, I'm taking your photo. | |
| Look at the camera. | |
| Kristen, it's a boring episode of Take Confidential. | |
| All you're doing is ignoring the camera. | |
| So is Andrew. | |
| Andrew's not saying anything. | |
| Ignore the camera for all of Tate Confidential. | |
| We have black and brown friends. | |
| The brown man holding the camera. | |
| We do activities that include racially sensitive content. | |
| And this movie is groundbreaking because there's no white. | |
| It was named that because her skin is white as snow. | |
| It's now brown. | |
| And I need to make my ethnic friends feel better. | |
| Imagine if I'm brown skin. | |
| This is brown. | |
| Ali's moving. | |
| Why don't you tell us you're a movie star? | |
| We're streaming a Peter Pan peanut butter alert of us watching Snow White live because I said on 5,000 retweets I would do it. | |
| So now I'm going to sit there and ignore the movie on my phone. | |
| But I can't really do that because I'm not sticking to my promise. | |
| So I'm going to have to actually watch it at E-Pump Mart. | |
| I'm suffering. | |
| So we're watching Snow White. | |
| Yeah. Tristan's favorite movie. | |
| It's Suicide by Snow White. | |
| What kind of trick is that? | |
| I bet it's that. | |
| I bet it's that. | |
| What? I bet it's that. | |
| You didn't give me as much as you think you did. | |
| You'll never financially recover. | |
| What just happened to you? | |
| There's probably a poor loser. | |
| If anyone here is a poor loser, you can all agree it's Alex. | |
| I want to see Alex's movie. | |
| You want to see Alex's movie? | |
| What's your movie about? | |
| Your movie. | |
| My movie. | |
| Yeah, the one where you're an actor. | |
| That's my movie. | |
| It is. | |
| You're the star. | |
| You're in the middle on the poster. | |
| Let me just flex for five seconds. | |
| You're running an entire cinema. | |
| When you go see a movie, you sit amongst peasants. | |
| When I go see a movie, I call the cinemas, they give me every fucking ticket, all of it. | |
| They give me staff to bring me popcorn and nachos and things. | |
| Why I would do that to watch Snow White? | |
| Well, I know that motivation seems strange, but considering I've had the living room, | |
| This is my cinema! | |
| This dickhead! | |
| I've basically become suicidal and decided to commit suicide by a Snow White. | |
| So I'm gonna watch Rachel, the most insufferable person in the world, dance around pretending she's Snow White when she's as brown as I am. | |
| I'm not Snow White. | |
| I am a N. I am an N. And she's Michael. | |
| So... Snow N? | |
| Can I say the word? | |
| Snow... Hey! | |
| You're gonna be sick, guys! | |
| Wait, are you excited? | |
| Fuck yes! | |
| Yes! Fucking yes! | |
| Tristan, are you excited? | |
| Yes! And it's set in medieval Germany. | |
| I bet all the other characters are black as well. | |
| Medieval Germany, full fucking black. | |
| Nigel. Where's Nigel? | |
| So you rented out the whole theater, so we're the only ones in here. | |
| People say money isn't happiness. | |
| I've got a whole cinema here to watch Snow White. | |
| Snow White with the boys. | |
| Snow White with the mandem. | |
| Snow White with the seven dorks. | |
| You do realize that because all these seats in this private cinema are expensive and we booked the entire cinema... | |
| We're responsible for about 30% of this movie's box office turnover. | |
| The first fully booked cinema to see Snow White anywhere in the world is this one. | |
| Every seat's paid for. | |
| Although we could have just bought our own seats and showed up and no one else would be here probably. | |
| So we could have saved somebody. | |
| Are you gonna get sued? | |
| Yeah. Okay, I'll let you know when it's time for you to make your sexy grand entrance. | |
| It's actually my hobby. | |
| I love getting sued. | |
| Right. My favorite thing to do is be sued. | |
| I love that every day I wake up to new lawsuits. | |
| So if everyone's wondering what I'm talking about, we're live streaming Snow White. | |
| If they text me and tell me not to, I won't. | |
| But if they don't text me, then I have permission. | |
| As far as I'm concerned. | |
| Yeah, it's their fault. | |
| They should have texted you. | |
| They should have texted you. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Cinema didn't tell me to stop. | |
| Disney didn't tell me to stop. | |
| So how the fuck am I supposed to know? | |
| Am I psychic? | |
| No, they should be paying us. | |
| Free promotion. | |
| Well, no one's gonna watch this shit anyway. | |
| So at least someone's gonna fucking see it. | |
| No one's going to watch it otherwise. | |
| Yeah, why aren't they sending us money? | |
| Whoever! They don't pay me! | |
| I'm famous! | |
| I'm famous! | |
| They don't pay me! | |
| I'm more famous than that bitch! | |
| What's her name? | |
| That bitch! | |
| Rachel Black Power. | |
| Fuck these hunky-ass, cracker-ass who come to your countries and take your acting roles to black people only. | |
| Only Blast! | |
| Once upon a time, there was a... | |
| Peaceful kingdom ruled by a virtuous queen and king. | |
| Kristen, the movie just started. | |
| We can't go home. | |
| Kristen, the movie just started. | |
| I'm having the best time of my life. | |
| This is great! | |
| Oh look! | |
| Look! There's blacks everywhere! | |
| Just like now! | |
| You're black too! | |
| Blacks are an idol black! | |
| I'm black! | |
| Everyone's black! | |
| So basically one of the palace assistants was a dirty Algerian like you saw. | |
| And was banging the queen. | |
| Bogey, you said, have you been having sex with the queen of Snow White Land? | |
| No. I caught you. | |
| Brown hands. | |
| Snow White pickpockets, thieves, everywhere. | |
| Watch out! | |
| They're gonna stab you and steal your stuff. | |
| Watch out, princess! | |
| Syphilis, slut. | |
| Algerian Ebola. | |
| So it took Anderola five minutes to get on his phone. | |
| Shit, Gal Gadot? | |
| We all know what kind of enchanting woman she is. | |
| I'm not gonna say what kind of enchanting lady she is. | |
| Chris is still all in on the movie. | |
| It was a Jewish enchanting lady. | |
| I'd fucking lock you up if you stop fucking singing. | |
| You're annoying. | |
| Non-stop singing. | |
| Yusuf, you are brown, and if you were singing my house every day, being brown, singing, like, Indian songs and shit, I'd lock you up in jail. | |
| I've seen her sing another video. | |
| She can actually sing. | |
| I'll give it to her. | |
| She can sing. | |
| This movie sucks. | |
| You can't sing in a fully empty cinema that we've reputed for just us and watch a single movie without complaining. | |
| That sounds a lot like Princess Problems. | |
| Just this. | |
| You can. | |
| It sounds to me like Princess Problems. | |
| We have to finish the movie. | |
| No way. | |
| No? I can't do it. | |
| Tristan, we're all in this together. | |
| No, you're already not alone. | |
| No, no, no, no. | |
| I'm not interested. | |
| I can't do it. | |
| These will not help me. | |
| They will. | |
| I can't go. | |
| I can't watch them. | |
| I brought those for when you reach your tipping point. | |
| Really? And you hit your tipping point. | |
| I can't do it. | |
| So I brought reinforcements. | |
| Let's continue the attack. | |
| Guys, he's back. | |
| Oh, he's black. | |
| They're all black. | |
| Those afros. | |
| I can't. | |
| They're all black. | |
| Oh, sorry, baby. | |
| They had their chance and they fucking got me with the blacks. | |
| Tristan left. | |
| He left, didn't he? | |
| He left us here to suffer by ourselves. | |
| He said he couldn't do it because of the blacks. | |
| He did, yeah. | |
| Are we leaving or are we staying? | |
| I even gave him zins to get him through the rest of the movie. | |
| We have to stick it out. | |
| We have to soldier it. | |
| Is your motivation dropping off your willpower to endure Snow White? | |
| Nigel, I can't see you at all. | |
| It's time to leave. | |
| So I'm not here. | |
| Alright, I vote. | |
| We... Let's do a vote. | |
| Yusuf. Yusuf, are we staying or are we leaving? | |
| Stay. Stay? | |
| Stay. Leave. | |
| Alex. Leave. | |
| Leave, leave. | |
| Alex. Leave, of course. | |
| See you, Yusuf. | |
| I win. | |
| I win. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. | |
| This is bullshit. | |
| I need light on him. | |
| This is the best day of my life. | |
| Wow, I was going to fall in love with a mouthy brown, girl. | |
| Wow, a mouthy brown. | |
| I mean, great. | |
| Snow White. | |
| It's so nice to meet you. | |
| So Tristan left. | |
| He took the Mercedes. | |
| I'm not kidding. | |
| He took the car. | |
| So Tristan took the car. | |
| We're stranded. | |
| Tristan actually took the car. | |
| Tristan's taking the car. | |
| Tristan needs to come back. | |
| He's cheating. | |
| He's cheating. | |
| No, it's fine. | |
| Everything is fine because we watched Snow White and we all have the power of friendship now. | |
| Snow needs. | |
| Uber? Uber. | |
| How sick. | |
| I found the next movie for us all, guys. | |
| We're going to rent the whole cinema again. | |
| We're going to rent the entire cinema again and we are going to watch... | |
| Bambi! Bambi tonight! | |
| I fancy a bit of Bambi. | |
| Why are we leaving though? | |
| We can just stay here forever and watch Disney movies. | |
| I know he's got a beard, but he's actually eight years old. | |
| That's why he's so small. | |
| I'm 100% undefeated SkyChank! | |
| Let's go SkyChank! | |
| Oh yeah, I'm full of shit! | |
| I mean, no, I should've fucking made it! | |
| Fuck you! | |
| But that's also why we go to jail. | |
| Black genetic. | |
|
Content Creation Goldmine
00:01:09
|
|
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