For some reason people seem to think I'm the bad guy.
I don't know why or if they get this impression.
There's negative press surrounding me.
First time this has ever happened.
Interesting.
Seems like we have a lot to talk about.
I'm excited.
Ready?
I'm ready.
Let's roll.
Let's do it.
It's been six years since this man's been in America.
Are you sure they know who I am?
I don't think anyone's heard of me.
Anytime, anyplace, father, son, Royal Rumble, Cole Dana.
Anytime, anyplace, I will get that pastor by his neck.
I will show him a man.
He's taking money from OnlyFans.
Ben does OnlyFence videos?
Ben?
I'm sure for enough money he would.
I did not know that.
Alright, my right's so bad.
I'm gonna conquer it.
Boom!
Luke, did you do this?
Was this you?
No.
But you remember.
I do not.
Cut back.
To the hack that Luke and I discovered last time we were in Florida.
It's midday.
Yeah.
What's Luke's usual bedtime?
5 p.m.?
5 p.m., correct.
5 p.m., because he's a little sleepyhead.
Well, these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered.
I've had four already.
What do you mean?
So if I drink my fifth one, then I'll be up for 25 hours.
It's science, Luke.
America is leading the world in scientific innovations.
If there's only 24 hours a day...
And you drink five of these per day, not only do you never need to sleep again, but you have one hour extra of rest on top of your 24 additional hours of the day, and therefore, you're much more efficient.
It doesn't make sense.
It's bullshit.
Watch Tristy drink five of them.
You still need to sleep.
Watch him not be able to do that.
So you're lying to the audience.
You just got back, and you're already lying to the audience.
Watch him not being able to do that.
For how long?
What?
Bailey, get the camera on him.
Set up the show.
Give five of these a day.
Let's go.
And that's it.
No food.
No food, nothing.
Cool.
One month.
Let's talk about how we go down for space when I catch a case for space aliens.
Space aliens?
I'm catching a case right here on fucking Earth.
You think I'm leaving Earth with no cases?
There's no fucking chance I'm leaving Earth with no cases.
I have a fucking English case that we beat all those years ago.
That's coming back up.
We'll defeat that in remaining cases.
We beat them one after the other.
Now Florida wants us?
Good.
Maximum stress.
Maximum testosterone.
It makes you live in a fucking high blood pressure environment that increases the potency of your Aikido.
The moment we clear all these fucking cases, I'm calling the cops on you and you.
They're going to swat our fucking houses.
I'll plant fucking drugs under your bed and snitch.
I'm keeping you in litigation for the rest of your life.
I'll commit crimes myself and say you accompany me.
At this point, if we go to outer space, we're going to catch an alien case.
Do you have your space suit yet?
No.
We're going to fucking need it because we're going to space jail.
We're getting cases for being cool.
Cool cases, space cases.
Tristan's right.
We need endless litigation for our blood pressure.
Sorry you're space, Honor.
I forced my way into Uranus.
*laughter*
*laughter* Guetta's son's birthday.
Didn't know he had a son.
Didn't know it was his birthday.
You got the lollipop.
How is it?
Give me a rating.
10 out of 10. Whoa!
Tastes like freedom.
So this is a cigarette.
Some serious fun now in Miami.
Oh, here we go.
They're fine.
As if it wasn't already fun.
I already found one smoking.
Smoke a lot of these even in Europe.
Two retarded women who want to try a cigar.
Two of these, and then how many of us are there?
There's one, two, three, four men, right?
Well, three men and then Bailey.
If I move to Miami like I think I will, if you get something really special in, price doesn't matter, you let me know because I like to enjoy those things because there's very few left.
When you get something really special...
You know the night we met Steven Seagal?
Yeah.
He gave us two Cubans, I swear to God, brother, this long.
Yeah, yeah, 1980-something.
Old, old.
And perfectly stored the entire time.
You could tell if they've dried out and been, you know, you could tell.
If you move to Miami, come back.
Oh, no, if I move to Miami, I'm getting a membership here.
What was your name, sir?
Byron.
Byron.
Tristan.
Good to see you again.
Yeah, you don't know me.
You don't do whiskey, dude.
The less it burns, and the smoother it feels, without irritating you, the better it is.
Double espresso.
And a tequila lime for the alcoholic.
You look quite German.
If you saw her in Munich.
Yeah.
You look very German.
Do you know how many Germans do you go to tequila?
Every single member of the Nazi party.
I know, I know.
I know the whole story.
I'm saying she actually looks actually German.
So you're a German?
No, you're a Nazi.
No, Nazi.
Come on.
Do it.
Come on.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, white palette.
You say white palette one time.
First thing is, if you're talking to an American, like, online, and you ask for their phone number, because Americans are so America-centric, they just send you their number without the country code.
715-8190.
And you're like, well, what fucking country are you in, dipshit?
As soon as you do that, you're like, oh, American, plus one.
It's the only country that does it.
Every other country is plus 4-0, plus 4-4.
We tell you where we're from.
America's good.
Other thing is Americans say their things they're not.
Like, I'm Irish!
I'm like, have you been to Ireland?
No.
Have your mom been to Ireland?
No.
Are you idiots?
I'm not making fun of you.
Let me change you.
Let me change you.
I'm Scottish!
Have you ever been to Scotland?
No.
Were you born in Scotland?
No.
Have your family born in Scotland?
No.
But my great-great-great-grandfather who came over to New York City in 1986...
Shut the fuck up!
In 1815?
Shut up.
You're American.
You're American.
I'll message you when I'm done to see if you're still up.
If you're not, if you're going to sleep early, whatever, I'll hit you tomorrow or some day.
So purple is the color of yours, huh?
That lead, I'm getting his help on it.
Good?
Good.
Good to see you.
How's it been?
I know, same old.
Good, man.
Hi, team.
Nice to meet you, man.
What else do you have playing over here?
I know we might go to UFC and power slap.
You gotta know this.
I've heard it before.
Who is it?
You've got to name the title and the artist.
No, no clue.
But I want to be happy, so I'm going to go and sit in the field and take mushrooms.
Well, then my love is completely valueless, because when they call me and say there's a problem, I'm going to say I can't.