| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
New Vans Arrival
00:03:26
|
|
| He who made me turn into the vide, he turned into the vide, he made me turn into the vide, he turned into the vide. | |
| Good night. | |
| What's up? | |
| Well, new vans here. | |
| Come on, one of your purchases is one of your purchases is here. | |
| Let's go see if it's worth the money. | |
| We already have one of these, by the way. - What is it? | |
| It's a Mercedes van thing. | |
| Are you a fan? | |
| A fan of your van? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I bought it. | |
| I bought it because I can't. | |
| Do you want to go fucking see it or not? | |
| I'm tired. | |
| It's a long day. | |
| It's gone. | |
| Listen, I'm the man. | |
| I'm going to sleep. | |
| Tristan, I want to see the van. | |
| If you don't come see it with me, you won't be allowed in because you'll be suffering from a van. | |
| I'll go see it without you. | |
| You're banned! | |
| From the van. | |
| Alright, it's a pretty cool van, not gonna lie. | |
| I'm gonna lie. | |
| Alright, let's go. | |
| Alright, let's let's go. | |
| Wait, where's my seat? | |
| Why are there only two seats? | |
| There aren't two seats. | |
| There's a way of making the seats work. | |
| Ha ha ha. | |
| You worked this out. | |
| Yes, nice. | |
| What? | |
| For you. | |
| I don't know what you're saying. | |
| You're sluggering all over your she-she-pipe. | |
| I am... | |
| I'm Darth... | |
| Darth Top-G. I no longer breathe air. | |
| This is my advanced system. | |
| To be stronger than Arrow 4. | |
| Understand? | |
| Yeah, great, okay. | |
| 300 grand, who cares? | |
| Boring! | |
| You work it out, faggot! | |
| Nice van. | |
| Thanks. | |
| Tristan, I like the old one better. | |
| I don't know how you need this one. | |
| Nice, sir. | |
| Thank you, Austin. | |
| Alright, so no van. | |
|
Toxins and Love Letters
00:03:27
|
|
| I'm out. | |
| Alright, so breaking the fourth wall. | |
| I always film these love letters and I never knew if it was actually a joke or if it was for real. | |
| You actually get loads of love letters every single day. | |
| This is not a joke. | |
| Yeah, these are the ones whose Instagrams I need to check. | |
| These are already disqualified, these ones. | |
| This one is every day. | |
| What's this one? | |
| Please, Andrew. | |
| 24 year old. | |
| I want to speak to you. | |
| Instagram. | |
| Okay, we'll check her Instagram now. | |
| These are on those. | |
| One of those had really good handwriting, by the way. | |
| Yeah, the poem was beautiful, but no Insta. | |
| That's a tragedy. | |
| Yeah, that's true. | |
| This is the trash pile. | |
| I'm going to shut her now. | |
| Also, by the way, you might smoke too much. | |
| What? | |
| All you do, all day, every day, is smoke shisha. | |
| Matter of factly, I think this table is a very accurate depiction of who you are. | |
| You've got your weights, you've got your phone, you've got your laptop to work, you've got your coffee, you've got your water, and you've got your shisha. | |
| This is literally your daily essentials. | |
| Yeah, but I quit smoking and it made me sick. | |
| You have been healthy since you started smoking again. | |
| So now, I've quit smoking. | |
| Say again? | |
| Not smoking has killed anger. | |
| I've never seen Andrew sick a day of my life. | |
| Andrew, you seriously need to consider quitting not smoking. | |
| I need to take my health seriously and make sure that I always smoke for the rest of my life. | |
| Andrew, this is your body finally expelling all of the toxins that you've accumulated over all these years. | |
| I run on toxins. | |
| I'm toxically masculine. | |
| I only breathe smoke now. | |
| Are you refueling your body with the toxins? | |
| Twelve hours a day, I only breathe smoke. | |
| I feel great. | |
| Andrew, this can't be good for you. | |
| Why? | |
| and that's it so so so so so so so so so so | |
| On the side is one. | |
| So you're wasting lots of energy jumping back to not get hit. | |
| And sometimes they still catch you on the air. | |
| You gotta move off at an angle so you don't have to move as much. | |
| And then you're closer to count. | |
| If you step back four or five steps, even if you miss it, you can't hit him. | |
|
Move Off At An Angle
00:04:36
|
|
| Time! | |
| You got to smoke in between rounds. | |
| You got to smoke in between. | |
| Is it not you? | |
| Force out. | |
| Come on. | |
| Come on, set the pace, let's go. let's go. | |
| I'm honking, I ain't got pressure left. | |
| I've got all my breath for the last 30 seconds. | |
| Come on. | |
| Can you hear me? | |
| Yeah. | |
| 30 seconds. | |
| Now we're talking. | |
| We're talking. | |
| Finally. | |
| Finally. | |
| We're talking smooth. | |
| Ashes. | |
| We're talking. | |
| Come on. | |
| We're talking. | |
| Come on, set the pace. | |
| Come on, set the pace. 3, 2, 1, time. 3, 2, 1, time. 3, 2, 1, time. 3, 2, 1, time. 3, 2, 1, time. | |
| Ah. | |
| Yeah, back up. | |
| Go ahead. | |
| Alright. | |
| That's what I'm saying. | |
| It's fucking good. | |
| Ah. | |
| Ooh. | |
| Ooh. | |
| I'm trying to go on it. | |
| Finally, a fight. | |
| Power to your back toes. | |
| That's where you get the power from. | |
| I need a heavy back toe. | |
| Every day. | |
| Luke's jab is sick now. | |
| A little sharp, yeah. | |
| Sick and sharp. | |
| Got a really good jab. | |
| I thought it was shit. | |
| Like I said, I think he fucked his hands. | |
| What have you been doing? | |
| Yeah, so even when I run away from him, I try and keep my feet in condition so that I can still back. | |
| Because I like run, run, back, run, run, back. | |
| And I hit you, but I'm sorry, it stops you coming. | |
| I'll move and I'll cross the shoulder. | |
| I'll move, I'll hook. | |
| And then it slows you down a bit and then I get to rest and fuck around. | |
| Your feet are always in position. | |
| Your feet are never out of balance. | |
| You watch every single video. | |
| Your feet are always in balance. | |
| They're always here, always here. | |
| Even when you change stance, they're always there. | |
| When you cross and change stance, that's hard. | |
| You just do it seamlessly. | |
| It's seamless when you do it. | |
| It's like, you have to kind of think, oh fuck, it's changed stance. | |
| It's like there. | |
| But I think I'll clock that. | |
| Like when you change stance, you give me this shoulder. | |
| So I'm trying to hit that shoulder, but I've got to be careful for the fucking hook that's going to come round here. | |
| You'll cross right, and then you'll hook it to get back to that stance. | |
| It's good. | |
| I tried it, it didn't work. | |
| - Practice, practice. | |
| - All right, then we'll do that one. - Because my left leg was my better kicking leg than my right leg, so I would cross and then body kick. | |
| - Ah. | |
| Can you show me that again? | |
| I would jab, cross, and then left body kick. | |
| To the hip? | |
| Your left kick was crazy. | |
| My left was better than my right. | |
| It was crazy. | |
|
Dumplings and Danger
00:08:43
|
|
| Crazy. | |
| He had to be careful. | |
| He was fucking sharp. | |
| Like mad sharp, man. | |
| Pro Cop style. | |
| How many people did you take out? | |
| I'm sure you took about three people. | |
| Because I remember early days when you came up with it, you said it's like boom, and the guy was like, wow, literally, yeah. | |
| It's always, it's always hard, but you don't see it, it doesn't matter. | |
| If you hit with a tiny jab you don't see, it hurts so much more than the hook you expect. | |
| Your body can... | |
| Chi is real. | |
| - You see it coming? | |
| - You can take it. | |
| - Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| - What was that? | |
| - Heavy matter. | |
| - How many boxes are fucking down with these? | |
| 25 to be specific. | |
| You know what's funny? | |
| We had dumplings for lunch. | |
| And we had dumplings for dinner yesterday. | |
| And we had dumplings for lunch yesterday. | |
| We're dumpling guys now. | |
| We had 25 boxes of dumplings for lunch. | |
| We had 25 boxes of dumplings for dinner last night. | |
| We had 25 boxes of dumplings for lunch yesterday. | |
| We eat too many dumplings. | |
| I don't think dumplings are healthy anyway. | |
| Why not? | |
| There's just no way they're healthy. | |
| It's just a carbicide. | |
| It's bad for your health. | |
| Tell me what to do. | |
| Thanks for the input, T. There, I said it. | |
| Dumplings aren't healthy, but dumplings plus shisha are definitely not healthy. | |
| I feel like I just need to stop saying that you smoke too much because you're not going to listen to me. | |
| Andrew. | |
| So we decided to finally enjoy the patio, but Nigel and Marcel can't handle the cold. | |
| Oh dear. | |
| It is cold. | |
| Why are we here? | |
| It's cold. | |
| I can't take this. | |
| It's draining. | |
| It's draining. | |
| It is cold. | |
| The Atlantic Ocean is cold. | |
| Fine. | |
| And you need to get used to it. | |
| I think what we're trying to do is get used to, because it's going to get colder. | |
| So I think this is climatising the cold. | |
| No boat jokes. | |
| Because I'm starting to not want to go anywhere. | |
| When we get the boat, I'm sailing to the South Pole. | |
| We're not. | |
| I am. | |
| Marcel, I know you want to see the penguins. | |
| The penguins are cold, Marcel. | |
| I'm not going on the boat. | |
| Penguins are sick. | |
| You're going on the boat. | |
| And you've got to get used to the cold because I'm going to sail the icy seas. | |
| And you're coming with it. | |
| No, I'm not coming with it. | |
| Do you know what I can't wait to see? | |
| You walk the plank. | |
| I'm not walking the plank. | |
| You will. | |
| It's either that or you should get stabbed by the swords. | |
| We're all going to have cutlasses. | |
| I mean I might even get a motherfucking eye patch. | |
| Up with this bitch. - Little parrot. - Teach you a lesson, nice. - Take your own his shoulder. - You need a parrot for the boat. | |
| We might need a parrot for the boat. | |
| We do need a parrot for the boat. | |
| Can you train a parrot? | |
| I think we all need some eye patches as well. | |
| Yeah, eye patches. | |
| Okay, I'm not walking on a plank. | |
| We're not getting a plank. | |
| Do you want to put a plank on the boat? | |
| It's either that or we're going to stab you. | |
| Stab me then. | |
| At least I might survive that. | |
| Once I'm in the water, that's it, I'm done. | |
| A few moments later. | |
| *BEEP* *laughs* You can kinda- You can kinda see it on the screen. | |
| This room is smoked out. | |
| I was wondering why the house was so empty. | |
| Keep the door closed. | |
| We're trying to keep our lungs strong. | |
| Bro, this room is smoked out. | |
| Don't let Andrew Shisha smoking rub. | |
| You don't even smoke Shisha. | |
| You smoke Shisha. | |
| You never smoke Shisha. | |
| What am I doing right now? | |
| Well, you are smoking Shisha now. | |
| What I'm saying is don't let Andrew's bad habits rub off on you. | |
| There's four pipes in here, and I see three men smoking and one crying about the smoke. | |
| Why don't you close that door and hit the pipe? | |
| I feel the need to resist temptation. | |
| However, I am kind of tempted to join. | |
| What is it the Bible says about always giving in to temptation? | |
| This is something like that. | |
| Alright, take care of it. | |
| More temptation is in there. | |
| Can't resist any longer. | |
| I can't resist. | |
| Camera inception. | |
| We all have our hoods up like we're in some secret game. . | |
| Everyone knows our power. | |
| The secret society of the smoke. | |
| This is a very smoky room. | |
| I think everyone at home can tell. | |
| This is turbo smoke. | |
| I'm genuinely surprised that you're smoking shisha. | |
| You never smoke shisha. | |
| It's a very new thing. | |
| It's the cause. | |
| It's important. | |
| Why am I smoking? | |
| I don't smoke. | |
| What are you doing right now? | |
| I am smoking. | |
| Andrew, no devices. | |
| Let's enjoy the moment. | |
| You look like a big teddy bear. | |
| Scare? | |
| Smoky bear. | |
| Nice. | |
| Only you can prevent healthy levels. | |
| Doing my best, old mate. | |
| Doing my fucking best. | |
| I've given into temptation You're so dark can't even see in that corner right there Racist! | |
| I just need to bump up the exposure. | |
| I thought we said no devices. | |
| The camera's a device. | |
| It is a device. | |
| Faggot. | |
| I'm documenting our daily conversation. | |
| Alright. | |
| What is it like living in the Tate household? | |
| We just insult each other all day long and smoke an absorbent amount of shisha. | |
| Suck Cracker. | |
| You won't live very long because we're kicking you out. | |
| Thanks. | |
| I don't even have to smoke the shisha. | |
| I can just breathe in the air of the room and I taste shisha smoke. | |
| No air. | |
| No. | |
| I'll eat up our smoke. | |
| Who can breathe in more? | |
| You or me? | |
| I did play the trumpet. | |
| I have very well-trained lungs. | |
| It has nothing to do with smoking. | |
| Can I blow shisha through my trumpet while I play? | |
| That's not a bad idea. | |
| That'd be G. Yeah, it does too. | |
| But you'd have to do it in a smokeless room so the trumpet was smoky. | |
| I'll try that soon. | |
| Alright, Andrew. | |
| Closing statement. | |
| Shisha's pretty bangin'. | |
| Wow, I kinda did. | |
| Closing statement. | |
| White people are going to be extinct soon because you lost control of your women. | |
| That's why. | |
| Your women run your society now and you're like, we have one kid. | |
| Gay. | |
| Those niggers are taking over. | |
| There's going to be shisha everywhere. | |
| Arabs are going to run your cities. | |
| Shisha. | |
| Blacks don't really smoke shisha that much. | |
| Never invented that. | |
| What's busy? | |
| What do blacks smoke? | |
| There's something black people smoke that gets really smoked. | |
| We invented mud huts. | |
| Yeah, we did. | |
| That kept us busy. | |
| We did invent that. | |
| We probably invented the Bell and Arrow. | |
| No. | |
| Well, black people are going to win that. | |
| But we'll win in the end. | |
| You have the clocks. | |
| We have the time. | |
| Just wait it out. | |
| Jha will provide. | |
| Ask a black man. | |
| Jha provides. | |
| White man built society. | |
| Cool. | |
| We end up building one. | |
| Jha will provide. | |
| We'll just get over there. | |
| Let's take theirs. | |
| Jha provides. | |